


Sa Sekhem Sahu

by GirlWithTheGhostTattoo



Category: Ancient Egyptian Religion, Avatar (Sweden Band), Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Abandonment, Aggressive Use of Energy, Airplane shenanigans, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anger, Angry Sex, Assault, Bath Sex, Betrayal, Brief Discussion of Animal Abuse, Broken Bones, Character Death, Communing with the Divine, Consumption of Blood, Cunnilingus, Deception, Dimension Travel, Dirty Talk, Discussion of Rape, Dom Jonas What More Could We Want, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Familiar Faces, Fivesome - F/M/M/M/M, Fluff, Group Sex, Insomnia, Kissing, Light Dom/sub, Look Can We Please Just Get To The Part Where Tim is Naked Already, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Pool Sex, Rebirth, Ritual Magic, Rough Kissing, Sad Goodbyes, Sad Henrik is Literally Killing Me, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Some Slight Forgetfulness, Suicidal Tendencies, Supernatural Elements, Surprise Encounters, Teleportation, There may be a double stuff in here somewhere, Threats of Violence, Threesome - F/M/M, Unprotected Sex, Upsetting Confessions, Use of restraints, Vaginal Fingering, Visits From Another Dimension, Voyeurism, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Yelling, all that jazz, discussion of child abuse, its not that bad, surprise meetings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2020-11-26 22:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 92
Words: 451,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20937767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlWithTheGhostTattoo/pseuds/GirlWithTheGhostTattoo
Summary: More Avatar, More Ancient Egyptians (is that a life motto, or what?)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I ever wrote, and have been continuously working on it for well over a year.  
Writing and re-writing.  
Accidentally deleting large swaths and screaming into the abyss because it was a really *really* good Henrik chapter. Oops.  
I'm still stitching the bits together, so be patient please!
> 
> More notes to come as my under-rested, over-nicotined brain catches up.

The rhythmic ticking of the fan started to feel like it was imprinting on my consciousness, and my pointer finger tapped the same tempo against the mattress as I stared at the ceiling.

_whir_ tic tic tic tic  
_whir_ tic tic tic tic  
_whir_ tic tic tic tic

The sheep staged a rebellion, refusing to come in from the pasture to be counted, and I kicked off my sheets with a frustrated huff when I realized sleep simply wasn't coming.

"Really? Nothing at all? I don't even get a nap?" I asked aloud to my empty bedroom.

The cliche box-store watercolor on the wall seemed to mock my restlessness and I stuck my tongue out at it.

Finally, I resolved to go do some quiet mediation, slipping on jean shorts over my panties and a long-sleeve cardigan over my tanktop.

I hoped that repetitive prayer would ease my excitement for the coming day and allow me to get some rest, knowing if it didn't, I had an awful lot of caffeine in my immediate future.

I padded to the kitchen and put a mug full of water into the microwave, stopping it a few seconds before zero so the loud beeping wouldn't interrupt the silence of the house and wake the other three people sleeping down the hall.

One cherry blossom chamomile tea bag later, I opened the glass sliding door and stepped out into the fresh night air.

The ocean breeze immediately tugged at the loose strands of hair not pulled into the mass of silver waves piled on top of my head, blowing them across my face as my eyes closed to breathe in the silence and scent of the water before I crossed to the railing and leaned my elbows against the top weather-worn plank.

There was something so consistently calming about the sound of the ocean at night. Everywhere there was coastline, the gentle whooshing sounded the same - over shells, over pink sand, over black sand, over rocks, it didn't matter. The rhythmic lap of the tide always seemed to make my all-consuming stresses seem trivial.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the deep salinity of the ocean air, humming at the way it mingled with the sweet flavors in my tea and starting to feel the pull of relaxation deep in my limbs.

"Sa Sekhem Sahu...Sa Sekhem Sahu..." I whispered, reaching out to the divine energy that animated me, whispering to my goddess, concentrating on turning the chaos of my scattered thoughts into the harmony of restful sleep.

I was made to be near the water - oceans, lakes, rivers, puddles, I didn't care as long as I could get my feet wet.

And I was considering heading down the steps and doing just that when a quiet voice interrupted my thoughts, making me gasp and jump as my silence was shattered.

"Can't sleep either?"

I turned, one hand over my thundering heart, which almost stopped dead when I realized who had spoken to me.

He was so much taller in person than I'd imagined, standing at the opposite end of the deck. His hair was loose, cascading in pitch black strands down his back over his tshirt, which seemed to almost glow white in comparison.

The beach house we were in was a single structure divided into two separate sides, with a low wall partitioning one half of the deck from the other so for all intents and purposes it was two independent halves that shared a roof.

I'd been out all afternoon laying in the sun with May, and no one had made so much as a peep from the other half, so I had just assumed it was empty, not having been rented out for the week.

But now, as I realized I was clearly wrong, I was having a hard time wrangling my inner fangirl into submission.

_GODS BUT HE'S HANDSOME ISN'T HE. LOOK HOW TALL HE IS. _

"Ah, no, not really," I mumbled, pulling my sweater closer around me and setting my mug firmly on the railing before it fell from my shaking hands and shattered across the deck.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he apologized, smiling over at me for a brief moment.

"Oh, no its okay. I just uhm... I didn't realize there was anyone else staying here. Did you get here tonight?"

He nodded, and turned back to the ocean.

_Welp, so much for turning chaos into harmony. We're definitely wide the hell awake now... _

I quietly grumbled at her that that was quite enough of her lip for one night.

"Yeah late though, they wouldn't let me sleep out on the beach. Threat of bodily harm or drowning or something like that," he joked.

I laughed, inhaling a shaky breath and smiling softly, trying to meet myself halfway between shrieking with delight and being overly coy.

"Well at least you _can_ sleep, even if its not on the sand."

"Like a baby, clearly, as I'm out here in the middle of the night, same as you," he scoffed with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh...right..." We both looked out at the waves again, watching the white foam break up the endless blackness, stretching beyond the dark horizon.

"I'm Johannes, by the way," his head turned slightly towards me as the breeze floated his hair across his chest.

_We know. _

"Triste," I smiled, and my hand moved away from the rail, so used to being extended for a handshake that it automatically did it now, and by the time I caught myself, I didn't have any way to play it off.

"Shit. Sorry. Habit," I murmured, wanting to jump over the side of the deck and disappear as he laughed and grinned over at me.

The thought crossed my mind again with more gusto when he crossed to the low partition and extended his hand over it.

"Nice to meet you, Triste," he winked.

I felt like I was floating as my feet padded across the wooden beams of the deck floor. Did I imagine the electric shock that zinged up my arm as my hand touched his?

"I like your name," he said quietly after a moment, letting my hand go when he realized he was still holding onto it, "its...unusual. Sorry, ah, not in a bad way, I mean, not like weird unusual--"

"No, its fine, you just owe me a nickel."

"I what?"

"I've decided that I'm going to start charging five cents every time someone says my name is unusual or weird. Call it a side hustle."

He paused, then grinned, patting his pockets dramatically. "Do you take credit cards?"

"Uh-uh, we're a cash-only operation," I laughed, marveling internally at how comfortable I felt talking to him. My natural social anxiety seemed to melt away. Perhaps my brief moment of meditation had done something after all.

"And how many nickels do you have so far?"

"Once you pay up? One. And about a thousand IOUs."

He threw his head back and laughed, and I wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor at the sound - rich and happy, filling the salty air with warmth.

"Well I'll have to get it to you later," he grinned, "so consider this another official IOU."

"Don't worry, I'll be here all week," I giggled, "and eventually I'll be a very rich woman off this, I promise."

"All week? Are you here on vacation?"

"Kinda sorta? I'm...I..." I paused, wondering if it was going to ruin everything if I revealed that I recognized him, but eventually settled on the truth. If it ruined it, then it did, and I'd always remember meeting him here for a brief moment in the middle of the night.

"I'm working one of the bars at the festival tomorrow. Well both days, actually, for your set and Ghost's..." I tensed as I said it and started fidgeting with a loose thread on my sweater when he didn't immediately respond.

"You're a bartender?"

_Ha! Didn't scare him away yet! _

"Ah, not really. Well, I guess I am for a few days. But normally I'm a teacher."

"What do you teach?" He sat on the low wall, wide enough that I could do the same and cross my legs under me. I trotted back to grab my mug then sat across from him once more and took a sip of my tea.

"Alcohol."

I laughed when his head cocked to the side slightly with confusion and he blinked slowly.

"I definitely missed that class."

I found myself smiling sweetly at him as I laughed, enjoying his company and forgetting that he was famous and I was a silly fangirl.

"No, its not really a public school kind of program," I giggled, "I teach private classes about wine and stuff."

"And stuff?"

He glanced down at my mug and I held it out to him, still laughing.

"Just tea, I swear!"

He leaned down and sniffed it, making a playful narrow-eyed face at me like he was skeptical.

"But I can work magic too."

"Oh you can, can you? So you're a teacher, a professional collector of IOU's _and _you can do magic?" He indulged, leaning back on his hands and smiling at me.

My heart started to beat fractionally faster as the wind blew through his hair again.

"I can. See that door?" I nodded towards the door into the kitchen on my side of the deck.

"I do see that door."

"Its a magic portal. I take this mug full of tea through it, and I come back out with a cocktail!" 

He laughed loudly again, his broad mouth curving up at the corners as he shook his head at me.

"That's quite a trick for someone who doesn't look an awful lot like a witch."

"You don't have to be a witch to do magic, Johannes," I smiled softly at him, wishing for the briefest of moments that he could understand what I meant.

I curved my arm behind my back, touching the tattoo in the center through my sweater, though to him it just looked like I was brushing something away.

I wasn't a witch, but I also wasn't lying to him when I said I could do magic.

Tricks far better than pulling rabbits out of hats or making coins disappear into thin air.

I'd been born into my first life in Upper Egypt thirteen hundred and fifty years before the start of the common era and had entered into the Temple of Sekhmet, training as a novice then living as a Priestess with all the rites and privileges that that lifestyle entailed. When the eventual downfall came, we found that we were reborn each time we perished, as a reward for remaining loyal to our goddess.

Johannes looked curiously at me, a hint of a smile curving one side of his mouth up a little higher than the other.

"What if I tell you I don't believe you?"

I feigned offense, pressing a hand to my chest and dropping my jaw.

"Oh, Johannes I'm wounded! Would I lie to you?!"

"I don't know, would you?" He grinned, immediately liking the way that I teased him playfully and more than liking the way his name sounded leaving my lips.

"Fine, then, I'll prove it to you," I smirked.

I stood, and paused as I looked down at him, the sudden, potent urge to kiss him almost overwhelming, and my fingers twitched against my leg, wanting to card through his hair.

"Why are you looking at me like that," he said, internally fighting the exact same urge as me and equally as surprised by it.

"I'm trying to decipher what kind of cocktail to make...uh, make magically appear, I mean..."

_No you're not. _

He kept his mouth shut and I hummed, stretching up for a moment, lifting myself onto my toes and sighing as the tension further ebbed away.

Damned if he wasn't actually making me relax.

I was glad for the deep steadying breath, because when I glanced back down at him, he was looking up to meet my eyes with a very _very_ interested expression.

I turned for the door with an exaggerated huff, "fine then, don't help. I'm good at surprises anyways!"

A hand on my arm whirled me back as I took another step and I was suddenly face to face with him. Well more face to chest, as I had to tilt my head to actually look him in the eye when he stood to his full height and towered over me.

One of his fingers brushed a stray lock of hair out of my face as he looked down at me, really looking carefully for the first time.

"I like surprises," he said softly, shocking himself too at the boldness of his words as his hand fell back to his side after whispering over my cheek.

"Uhm...b--...be right back then..." I mumbled, mentally bashing my palm into my forehead.

_That was your chance, you idiot. _

I slid the door shut behind me quietly, taking a deep, shaking breath and pinching the bridge of my nose, willing myself to just go with it for the night.

What was the harm in seeing where it went?

At the worst, I got to have a drink with one of my favorite musicians, at the best...

I shivered hard.

_Don't even go there, Triste. _

I pulled down a muddler and a shaker and paused at the fridge door, unsure what to fish out.

I settled on peach, rose, and basil, digging the fruit and herbs out of their drawers and glancing over my shoulder before swirling my wrist and producing a fat, lush apricot colored rose from thin air.

"Witch, my ass," I laughed softly to myself as I plucked off the best petals and dumped them into the glass with the peach slices and basil leaves. I muffled the quiet squelching sounds as much as possible, lifting the glass to my nose to inhale the heady aroma of the macerated petals.

Every time I was reborn, I had the same powers. All of ours were different, but in my first life, as a child in her temple, I'd always brought my goddess offerings of lotus blossoms and papyrus reeds, bound together with little strands of grass from the shallows of the river. She loved them as much as I did, and as a reward for my faithfulness and loyalty when her cult was dissolved, I was given the ability to summon at will the greener elements of nature - plants, shrubs, flowers, vines. It was rare that I had occasion to use my gift in the twenty first century, but instances like this one sent a wave of adoration through me, and as an offering, I closed my eyes, centering for a moment before weaving a perfect blue lotus blossom with my hands, and leaving it on the counter with a whispered prayer.

_*Thank you, my daughter* _

I broke out in sharp goosebumps at the sound of her voice inside my head.

"Mother," I whispered, pressing my forehead to the counter in acknowledgement, feeling her presence, letting it steel me with a quiet confidence.

I spooned my muddled concoction into a shaker, dumping a healthy amount of my favorite gin in too. One of the botanicals in it was the butterfly pea blossom, which made it a lovely royal blue except for when it was mixed with tonic water, when it turned pink.

I turned the shaker end over end quietly until I felt it ice up, opening then straining the drink into two glasses, finishing each with a dash of edible glitter that made the whole thing shimmer like the galaxy, and a floated rose petal on top.

I poured tonic water into two smaller glasses and took a deep breath before carrying all four outside.

Johannes had settled back into one of the couches on my side of the deck, his long arms stretched out over the back, his face tilted up to the sky, eyes closed.

I worried for a moment that he may have fallen asleep, but his head lifted when he heard the quiet whoosh of the sliding door.

I smiled softly, glad that he seemed to feel as relaxed as me, and crossed to sit next to him.

"Wait," I tucked my legs underneath me, facing him and sitting as close as I dared without actually touching him.

I motioned for him to slowly pour the tonic into his cocktail, and he mimicked my movements, laughing when the whole thing turned pink in his hand.

"Ta Da! Told you I can do magic," I grinned, clinking my drink against his and setting our empty tonic glasses on the deck floor.

"I'm sorry I doubted you," he laughed with me, looking approvingly down into his glass and glancing at me over the rim as he sniffed its contents.

I buzzed with anticipation as he took a sip. His eyes were a beautiful clear blue - that kind of bottomless color that you want to drown in - and they closed as he took another sip, humming his approval.

"Damn, that's good. What is this?" He swirled it slower, watching the glitter shimmer and sniffing at it again.

"Oh your basic gin and tonic."

"This is _not_ a basic gin and tonic," he laughed, rolling his eyes at me.

"Hmm, then take a guess." I settled back against the cushions in my corner, letting my sweater fall open slowly, almost casually.

He adjusted his angle too so he could relax and look over at me, watching the moonlight illuminate the swells of my breasts and the way my lips curved up at the corner in a perfect, teasing little smirk.

"Teach me, Triste," he said lowly, countering my comment with a teasing one of his own and making me shiver hard in the process. He cocked an eyebrow at me, seeing the movement for what it was and I buried my face in my glass, taking a big drink.

Somehow, as electrically aware of him as I was, I missed the subtle way his stare traveled up the lengths of my legs, lighting over my waist, my delicate fingers wrapped around my glass, the exposed tops of my breasts, moving with every breath of sea air I took.

When his gaze met mine there was heat in it, and I involuntarily bit my lip, pressing my legs a little tighter together.

"Do you want me to just tell you?"

Johannes shook his head slowly.

"No, I want you to teach me," he let his gaze lock onto mine, keeping my eyes trained on him as he bit his bottom lip a little too.

The breeze off the ocean blew my bangs into my face and made my light floral scent that I'd always naturally had waft towards him. I nearly missed the tiny sharp exhale as it swirled around him, igniting his senses.

"Its only three steps really...the first one is always to look," I said, glancing up from my fingers knotted into the fabric of my sweater.

I was drowning in his stare and somehow also burning from the heat it held.

"I'm looking..." and he was, just not at his glass.

He wasn't smirking, he wasn't grinning, he was simply looking, watching, learning every detail of my face and my voice, unable to stop himself.

"It can tell you all sorts of stuff about...about what to expect."

"Mmhm?"

"And...and then you smell it. N-not like a super deep inhale," I realized I was starting to babble but was powerless to stop it. My nerves were back, and they had returned with a vengeance.

"I-its more like just trying to get familiar with it, you know? Just looking for things that you recognize - flowers, fruits, spices, that kind of thing, and, and..."

He raised both eyebrows at me. "Are you okay?"

"Ahem. Yes. Sorry, yeah. All good," I took another big drink, feeling the gin starting to do its thing and touching a hand to my cheek, trying to figure out if the warmth was from the booze or me blushing.

He smiled, seeing that I was lying and was obviously nervous, and wanting me to go back to being teasing and relaxed.

Johannes sniffed cautiously at his glass, swirling what was left around so the ice clinked against the sides.

"Tell me what you're experiencing," I said softly, watching his mind start to work, running through different scents, trying to pin the familiar one. I instantly loved the little lines that ran between his eyebrows when he was concentrating, staring at the far wall of the house.

He glanced at me again.

"Roses."

"Well, that was the easy one."

He sniffed again, "fruit..."

"What kind of fruit?"

"_Nektarin_...ah..."

"Same in English," I smiled, slightly taken aback by how much I liked the sound of him speaking to me in a language I didn't know.

"Do you speak Swedish?" He asked with both eyebrows raised.

"Uh-uh, its French or English with me, sorry pet," I giggled, feeling tipsy and a little more playful as I relaxed once more.

He gave me another once over, waiting for my answer.

"Oh, no sorry, nectarine isn't right," I teased.

He made a dramatic motion, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead, "I think I need extra help after class," he laughed.

"Give it another try, you were close," I urged, scooting a little closer to him.

The couch was wide, more like a daybed than a couch really, designed to lounge comfortably under the lasting rays of the southern sun.

I loved watching people put real thought into what they were tasting or smelling, picking apart their sensory memory and trying to land on the right thing.

"Peach?" He guessed, without taking his eyes off me, and I nodded with a grin.

"Very good. So roses, peaches...what else? There's one more thing."

"I don't know," he said, "tell me."

I let a sigh full of mock-resignation slide from my lips, "I think that's cheating...guess you'll have to try harder on the next one then."

I stood, reaching a hand out for his now-empty glass with a little smirk.

"Ready for round two?"

He considered me for a moment, not bothering to hide the way his eyes roamed over me again, and he stood slowly, looming over me.

"What was the last step."

My brain was stalling out at how intimidating and domineering and just fucking _tall_ he was.

"S-sorry?"

"The last step." he moved closer towards me, until our bodies were so near one another I could feel his heat, "tell me what it is."

"T-taste," I stuttered on a whisper.

"Taste," he repeated, his voice low and raspy, still a whisper but full of something wild as he tipped one knuckle under my chin, keeping my face turned up to him.

His mouth brushed mine at the exact same moment that my lips opened fractionally in a little gasp, making them settle together in an impossibly delicious way against each other.

Johannes kept it brief, trying to control the sudden overwhelming urge to pick me up and collapse backwards onto the couch with me on top of him as his brain went haywire.

"Hmmm...rosemary?" He breathed into my lips when he pulled back, still keeping his knuckle under my chin, neither of us opening our eyes yet.

"Uh-uh," I whispered, "try again."

Two giant hands cupped my cheeks and he kissed me again, meeting me as readily as I met him, and moving his lips to pull me into his kiss.

I couldn't stop the sigh of pleasure that left me any more than I could stop the changing of the seasons, and my back arched as his tongue gently traced my lower lip, asking permission.

I tangled my fingers into his hair, drowning in the softness, breathing a little gasp as his tongue slid between my opened lips, gliding against mine as his arm hooked low around my waist, pulling me close, still cupping my cheek with the other hand.

I'd never been kissed my a stranger and found the entire experience perfectly intoxicating as I pressed closer, wanting more of the softness of his mouth, tasting faintly like the quinine in his drink.

He pulled back with a soft groan, pressing his forehead down against mine and clenching his jaw tight as he kept his eyes closed and listened to the sound of my ragged breathing as my fingers slipped out of his hair, resting against his chest.

His heart was beating faster than normal.

"Its basil."

I opened my eyes and blinked hard up at him when he said it, reading the telltale smirk that spread across his face as his hand lingered hotly at my waist for another moment, giving it a little squeeze before disappearing.

"Did...did y--did you know that the whole time?"

He threw his head back laughing, "possibly."

Johannes smiled down at me, as I put a hand on my hip and quipped back with a sassy smirk, "if you wanted to kiss me, you just had to ask, Johannes."

I dramatically high-fived my inner fangirl at both my snark and the way I all but purred his name, but we both started to cower at the look that crossed his face and I felt myself clench as I took one step back, then another, each one followed by him as he started to stalk me like prey.

"Triste," he said my name on a soft growl that was so nearly my undoing, taking another step and smirking when I backed myself straight into the wall rather than the door like I'd meant to.

He moved right up against me, daring to be bold, to risk rejection if I didn't want more.

"Will you let me kiss you again," he whispered, his lips hovering over mine as he leaned in. I immediately stood up on my toes to close the distance between our mouths and was greeted by a low moan from him that almost made my knees buckle as his hips pressed forward against mine, pinning me to the wall as his fingers curled against the sideboards of the house, searching for something to grip that wasn't my skin.

Our tongues danced along each other, tangling and fighting for dominance as he started pressing me harder into the wall until I could feel the way his body was reacting.

He finally pulled back with a gasp, fighting himself for control, challenging the inner voice that was telling him to tear my sweater back off my shoulders and run his hands all over my skin.

We breathed for a moment, coming back to reality, getting acquainted with the new side of the line we'd just hurtled ourselves over together.

"You taste nice," he whispered, leaning his head down to me again, gently parting my lips with his tongue, tasting me purposefully, more slowly, making me whimper.

I reached back up for more, hardly able to believe the current situation I was in, but also unable to stop.

"Mmm, sorry, do you want any help with glasses?" He asked between kisses as he pressed me back into the wall gently and the glass cups in my hand clinked against the siding.

The small part of my brain not completely drowning in lust and impossible want was thankful that he didn't make any assumptions about where this was going.

I'd always imagined that he was sweet and reserved, and he was proving to be no different; the cheeky streak was unexpected, but I loved it.

I touched his face softly, loving the shaky little laugh I got in response.

"No, I've got it thank you. Are--are you going back to bed?"

He shook his head maybe a little too quick.

"I--I mean, I don't want to keep you up if you're tired," he backtracked, "if I'm distracting you from meditating or whatever, I'm sorry, I--" I smiled softly as he babbled, finally touching a finger to his lips.

"I think I'm wide awake now."

"Me too," he smiled shyly as he took a step back, letting me make my break for the door, and watching as I opened it with a shaking hand.

"Be right back," I said over my shoulder as even as I could manage.

I disappeared inside and collapsed back against the kitchen wall just as Johannes collapsed backwards into the couch cushions, throwing an arm over his eyes and trying to will the beginnings of his erection away.

He could feel the effects of the first cocktail, but it was only serving to make him more adventurous, to stoke the low fire that he was already feeling for me.

I tasted sweet, like fruit, and my lips...he took a deep breath. They were just as soft as he'd wondered if they would be.

None of those thoughts helped make his half-hard cock anything less, so he just shifted and pulled a pillow over his lap, twining his fingers into the fringe and thinking about tomorrow as he listened to the lapping of the waves.

I immediately shed my sweater and dropped it on the floor, feeling more than hot and bothered by those kisses - damn, but he did know what to do with that tongue.

I shivered hard, rubbing both hands over my face as I realized that in addition to being completely flushed, I was also very _very_ wet.

"Christ," I mumbled, wondering if I should go change but not wanting to take a risk and stay inside too long, lest he think that I was escaping for good.

I tried to pick recognizable flavors again, sticking with gin after a moment's consideration.

We both were going to have a long day tomorrow as it was, and mixing liquors didn't seem like a wise addition to that already daunting prospect.

I quickly washed my used tools, drying them and loading my glass with rosemary leaves, lavender buds, and a splash of gin, dancing around kitchen silently on my toes to the music in my head as I macerated them with a wooden muddler.

I dumped the contents into my clean shaker, giving it a squirt of lavender simple syrup, a splash of grapefruit juice, and a healthy pour of gin before turning it over, end over end, quietly.

One giant square icecube sat in the center of each glass, and I strained the mixture over top, appreciating my handiwork and pausing by the door as I looked at the material on the floor.

Sweater?

I bit my lip as I remembered the way he moaned at the feel of his tongue slipping into my mouth.

No sweater.

For good measure, I set both glasses down and shook my hair out of the bun on top of my head, letting my silver curls fall down over one shoulder, standing out starkly against my black tanktop.

I took a deep breath and stepped back outside, shutting the door with my foot before turning to him. He was watching me with that little smile again, and I felt perfectly drawn towards him, like I was on a leash.

I settled closer to him than before, so my knee touched his thigh when I curled my feet underneath me again and handed him his glass.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Hey...I wasn't sure you were going to come back out," he smiled softly too.

"Yeah? How long were you going to wait?" I clinked the rim of my glass against his.

"All night," he said lowly, making me almost choke as I sipped my drink and caught the flash of desire on his face.

_Gods but there's a lot of gin in this. _

We stared at each other and I could feel the tension ramping up, like one of us was turning a volume dial.

"Are you going to give me honest guesses this time?" I teased, trying to alleviate some of the intense heat of his stare.

He lifted the glass to his nose without looking away from me.

"Grapefruit and Lavender."

I nodded, thoroughly impressed. Clearly he'd been exaggerating his ignorance before, and I got a little thrill at the idea that maybe he'd done it to get to the point where he could make his move.

"And?" I asked with a cocky little smirk, "there's always a third."

He sipped it, grinning at me with a little shake of his head as he laughed.

"Rosemary."

I clapped and he made a mock bow, closing his eyes and humming as he took another, larger sip.

"Woah," he blinked hard, pausing for a moment, "gin...lotta gin...are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me, Miss Triste?"

I settled back against the cushions comfortably, quirking an eyebrow at him over the rim of my glass.

Where was this confidence coming from?

"Do you want me to?"

He snorted a laugh, but didn't reply otherwise, though his brain was screaming one word on repeat.

We sipped in silence for several minutes, and I laid my head back, looking up at the stars. They were hard to come by usually with all the lights from the beach town, and this night sky was no different from the countless others I'd seen - a dull, matte black with just the moon and Venus, everything else too obscured to shine.

Johannes was surveying me as I drifted away with my scattered thoughts, watching me stretch one leg out at a lazy angle, resting my toes on the deck floor, and leaving the other tucked underneath as my hands absentmindedly twirled my glass, tilting it this way and that to make the ice cube melt and water it down.

He moved a little closer, mimicking my position, feeling his want for me growing.

Why?  
I was a perfect stranger.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, drawing my attention as I lifted my head up for a moment, and laid it down against the back of the couch sideways, so I could look at him.

"How strange life is sometimes. You?"

One corner of his mouth twisted up into a little smile as he chuckled, looking down into his glass. It was like he kept volleying back and forth between wanting to push things further and wanting to stay out all night just talking and learning everything about me.

"I won't argue with you on that."

I hummed, looking back up with a sigh.

"So you're going to the festival tomorrow? Did you go today?"

"Mmm, working," I corrected, taking another sip of my drink, "no, I took today to just..." I gestured around us, "be here."

"And you're serving these?" He swirled his glass, receiving a nod from me.

"Well I imagine you'll be very popular."

It wasn't a big festival like the European ones, and there were only three places to get drinks. In order to keep the lines moving, the organizers separated the beer and wine and cocktails.

"We'll see - they're strong, but they're expensive," I laughed, smiling over at him, letting our gazes lock again.

I wondered where he imagined this going, if anywhere. I certainly had no idea, but I'd committed myself to just going with the flow, so I tried not to make plans in my head.

"Its just these two?"

"No," I stretched out both legs, flexing my muscles, and taking a deep breath at the pleasant stretch, "we've got two more. The event staff said they want choices, so choices they're getting. Plus there are strange creatures out there that really _really_ hate gin," I joked.

"We?"

"Hmm? Oh. Yeah...uhm..."

Great.  
Big mouth 1, getting laid 0.

"My friend May is going to help me. Well her and Van. They don't have insomnia though, so they're all probably dead to the world. And I'm sure Mat's reading if he's up...though I doubt he is either."

I didn't miss the way his face shifted into an impassive mask as he hummed noncommittally.

After a moment of not saying anything and me mentally bashing the heel of my hand into my face, he spoke again.

"This is all a lot of work I imagine...getting all the stuff ready, I mean," he shook his glass.

"Ugh," I groaned, "gods, you have no idea. That's probably what I should be doing right now," I said on a laugh, swallowing the rest of my drink as he did the same, "but you're very distracting, do you know that?"

I didn't want him to get the wrong impression about my situation, and I was trying to figure out how to tactfully tell him that Matt was gay as the day was long and Van was an asshole without sounding like I was expecting him to make some sort of move on me again.

I'd meant my comment as a harmless joke, but the look he gave me almost set me on fire as he slowly turned his face towards me, pulling his hair down over one shoulder.

"Am I," he said lowly, setting his glass down on the deck and shifting, suddenly moving closer, looming over me, one hand on the back of the couch behind my head, the other on the armrest, effectively blocking me in.

He dropped his lips closer, not touching me, but speaking lowly, sending a hard shiver through my entire body and drawing a tiny gasp from my lips.

"Perhaps I should let you get back to it, then...so much to do, Triste..."

I tried not to pant for breath, but my brain felt like it wasn't getting enough oxygen and my fingers involuntarily gripped the cushion I was angled against, my back pressed into the pillows as I found myself laying back underneath him.

"Or..." he said just as softly, looking down at me, watching my pupils dilate and my lips part in anticipation.

"Or?" I whispered.

Johannes leaned in further, his lips almost touching mine, the ends of his hair trailing over my breast.

"Something entirely less productive?" he breathed, wanting my consent before he lost control altogether.

"Yes," I gasped, grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him down to me.

His tongue immediately filled my mouth as our lips crashed together and his hair fell around us like a curtain, silky and dark like raven feathers as he shifted and settled between my legs, kissing me deeply, slowly, making me whimper under the intensity of his attentions.

I lost all track of time, of everything really that wasn't him slowly lowering his hips into me, pressing against my core, seeking friction as he got harder with each burning kiss.

My fingers slid through his hair, down his shoulders to his torso, running my palms down his back until they reached the hem of his shirt, already pushed up a few inches by the angle that he was holding himself up on.

I started working it up his back, touching his skin, trying desperately to hold myself back and not give into the familiar burning need just yet.

As temple priestesses, we'd communed with Sekhmet through sex rites, using the sudden endorphin rush that accompanied an orgasm to thrust ourselves into her divine presence. As a result, even in our lives millennia later, we had a sex drive which could politely be called ravenous when triggered.

Johannes' lips left mine as he pushed himself up, tearing his shirt off over his head and tossing it over the back of the couch before looking down at me, breathing heavily but running just the pads of his fingers on his right hand up the outside of my thigh, still spread apart to accommodate his hips.

He growled lowly, breathing through parted lips as his eyes rested on my breasts and those fingers still worked a slow, torturous trail up my side, so soft they almost tickled my skin.

They danced over the side of my breast, just missing my nipple which I was sure was clearly visible, and landing at the strap of my tanktop.

Johannes teasingly hooked one finger underneath and pulled, letting it snap back against my skin.

"Fairs fair," he said lowly.

Everything was on fire, and I was doing my best not to explode into an atomic bomb of an orgasm just from his bare caresses as I sat up to meet him and his hands immediately dropped to the bottom hem, working the material up my torso, running the heated flats of both palms over my skin, exploring, touching the goosebumps that raised under his hands.

Him thumbs worked over the bottoms of my breasts as he lifted the soft cotton further, and a low, sharp exhale left his lips as he finally just gave in and pulled it off over my upstretched arms.

His eyes roamed over my body, my exposed breasts, my skin pale and almost blue in the lingering light of the moon.

But Johannes paused when he saw my tattoo - six symbols in a line a couple inches below my left breast.

Five alchemical and one grucifix.

"I expect he would like knowing you have that if he ever found out," he chuckled, and I was thinking about squeaking something like 'don't you fucking dare' when his lips crashed against mine and he threw himself down on top of me, moaning heavily into my mouth and grinding his hips against my core, drawing a sharp cry from me as I felt his erection.

My fingers dug into the skin of his back, soft and smooth like silk as he started pressing heated open-mouthed kisses down my jaw and my neck, slowly slipping his knees towards the floor the further he went, pulling me so my hips were at the edge of the couch as his tongue swirled around each of my nipples.

I gasped his name as my fingers tangled into his hair and he flicked his tongue over each one, glancing up at me and catching my gaze.

Giving me an idea of what was coming.

My fingers clamped shut over my mouth, trying to keep in mind that there were three other people sleeping just inside as my other hand gripped his hair down to the roots, holding him to me as he got rougher and teethed at each nipple.

"Your skin smells like lavender," he murmured, trailing kisses down my torso, and running his nose in a sensual line back up, chuckling lowly when he watched the goosebumps break out over my skin as he breathed softly across it.

"I-its my--my favorite f-flower," I stammered, and he pulled back with a hint of concern furrowing his forehead.

"You're stuttering...if you don't want to--"

I shook my head with a breathless laugh, "I do, you just make me nervous..."

"Don't be nervous, Triste," he said softly with a reassuring smile as he ran his hands up and down my sides, reaching up to press another kiss to my lips, "we don't have to do anything you don't want to..."

"Gods, I do though," I moaned, sitting up to follow his movement and kiss him hard, pushing his hair back from his face with both hands as he settled on his knees on the deck floor and wrapped his arms around my back, running his hands all over my bare skin and sliding me further to the edge, closer to him, so my legs squeezed both sides of his hips.

He pulled back with a low moan full of desire as his index finger traced my raised tattoo in the center of my back and he gave me a questioning look.

"Is this a brand?"

I shook my head, "tell you later," and I surged forward again, anchoring his lips to mine, tasting every part of his mouth, slowly, carefully until I was crazed with need.

"Ohh, gods, lay back," he groaned into my lips, cupping both breasts and rubbing the pads of his thumbs across my nipples.

I followed his instruction, leaving my hips where they were and settling my shoulders back into the pillows, propped up at an angle so I could watch him.

"You look so good like this," he smiled tenderly at me, running his hands up my shins to my thighs, "you're like a painting..."

My mouth twitched with a smile that quickly devolved into a gasp as his deft fingers smoothly pulled the button of my shorts, slipping the denim over my hips, down my legs, and off over my feet, never dropping my gaze.

Johannes dipped his face, kissing up the top of my thigh, feeling the way my muscles quivered and twitched under his lips and breathing a low laugh as he repeated on the other side, inhaling my scent, smirking up at me when he reached my core.

"Well well well," he purred, smoothing his hands over the navy blue lace band covering my hips, "aren't these pretty..."

The look he shot me was intimidating and his eyes dropped to the base of my throat, watching my pulse hammer.

"Almost too pretty to take off..."

I felt like a lit firework as his tongue slithered from his mouth, sliding forward from that menacing grin as he bowed his head forward, keeping eye contact with me as he ran just the tip of it over my clit, lightly flicking at me and I stifled my shriek into my hair when his whole mouth covered me, running the flat of his tongue over the delicate material, tasting me through the soaked lace, and pressing his forehead hard against my hip when he pulled back, almost as overwhelmed as I was.

"Almost," he growled to himself, not giving me any time to respond before dipping his head and gently taking the lace between his teeth, sitting back and pulling it away from my body.

The way his hair framed his face and his lust reached his eyes sent another surge of wetness between my legs, and I started to feel like I might not survive what was coming as I gasped for air.

He paused halfway down my thighs, looking up at me and silently drinking me in before using his hands to slide my panties down and off my feet.

His heartbeat was thundering in his ears.

Why was he so drawn to me?  
He'd met thousands of Americans just like me.  
But not just like me at all.  
What was it?  
That draw, that connection, the overwhelming need he had to touch me and feel my hands on him.

He wanted my orgasm more than he wanted his own.

"Triste," he moaned lowly, unable to wait any longer as he leaned forward and buried his face in my pussy, not caring if he was putting on enough of a show for me or not, running his tongue through my folds and crying out against me as my flavor exploded across his senses.

I was more intoxicating than the drinks, and Johannes found himself becoming more and more desperate for my release, using every trick he knew to drive my pleasure further, the friction of his cock against his pants almost too much to stand.

He wrapped his arms underneath my legs, tilting my hips up a little and spreading me open with his hands and he rapidly flicked his tongue over my exposed clit, growling as my hips both bucked into his face and shrank from the potent sensation.

"_Johannes_, Johannes Johannes Johannes," I cried out his name over and over again, pulling my hair across my mouth to stifle the sobs of pleasure that I could no longer control.

His mouth was perfect and I pushed harder into his face, chasing my high, sinking into the pleasure that threatened to overwhelm me.

The sound of his name leaving my lips as my eyes screwed shut drove him crazy and he plunged his tongue inside me, growling as my back arched off the cushions, my mouth open in a silent scream, smothering him into my core, needing everything he was giving me.

His mouth covered me, licking and sucking at my folds, my clit, drowning in my taste and my warmth, feeling like he could happily spend the rest of the night between my legs, sleep be damned.

"Ahh, gods _don't stop_," I begged, rapidly approaching the edge, my release so close I could taste it as my fingers dove into his hair, the soft strands spilling over my thighs making everything more erotic.

He slid one long finger into my pussy, effectively shattering me as my body went taut with the potent heat of my orgasm and he all but snarled as he watching my pleasure unfold, blooming through my body like a lily unfolding in the sun, latching his lips around my clit and sucking hard as his finger fucked into me, curling to explore where I was most sensitive.

Black spots danced at the corners of my vision as I gasped for breath and he finally tore his mouth away from me and slowly pulled his finger out, listening to the sounds it created slipping out of my pussy.

My whole body was trembling when he lifted off the floor and gathered me up into his arms, pulling me to stand on my feet against his body as he kissed me slowly, in an almost familiar way now, the taste of me still on his lips, his face wet with my arousal.

I hooked both arms up around his neck, half to hold him closer and half to hold myself up as his hands roamed down over my hips, gripping my ass hard as he pushed his tongue further into my mouth.

"All of you tastes nice," he murmured on a low chuckle and I laughed breathlessly, still shaking with the endorphin rush.

We stayed that way as long as we could, until my body started to flare up again and I met his gaze as I worked his pants down off his hips, biting my lip as I glanced down at his generous arousal.

"Fairs fair," I smirked, pushing him hard until he fell back onto the couch with a surprised look.

I dropped slowly to my knees, mimicking his position just a few minutes earlier, running my hands up his thighs and feeling myself start to drip at the prospect of tasting him too.

To say Johannes was proportionate to his height would have been an understatement, and he watched me bite my lip as his cock twitched.

His breaths were uneven, shallow as my head bent, my hair spilling down over his hips, the soft floral scent of my shampoo overwhelming his senses.

"Triste," he moaned softly, threading his fingers through my hair, throwing his head back and crying out into the early dawn light as I teased my tongue against the head of his cock.

He panted through parted lips, eyes laser focused on every movement I made as I wrapped my lips around him and played with varying degrees of pressure.

"Oh fuck," he gasped, "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck," his hand on my head pressed fractionally harder, and I let him push me down onto his cock, taking him back into my throat and loving the raspy moan I got that was his surprise that I could take all of him.

I closed my eyes and concentrated for a moment, doing my best not to choke as I held him there and then pulled back, moaning softly at his taste and bobbing my head slowly up and down.

He pulsed against my tongue.

"Ahh, please, Triste," he pulled sharply on my hair until I released him, licking my lips slowly with a little grin when I looked up at him and he let go of me.

The look on his face told me everything he wanted.

"Please," he whispered again, sitting up to kiss me hard, letting the taste of each other mingle between our mouths.

His hands gripped both my hips, so large that they wrapped around to my back, and he pulled until I rose and settled down into his lap, one leg on either side of his hips.

His tongue teased against mine and I cupped his face with both hands, angling it up as I dominated our kiss and lowered my hips to slick back against him.

I was all but panting with need, the thought of him inside me sending wave after wave of wetness to my entrance, and I braced my hands back against his knees, keeping up the slow rock of my hips against his as he lavished both my nipples with heated attention and my head fell back with a pleasured gasp.

I tugged hard on his hair and he released my nipple with a wet pop before devouring my mouth, growling lowly into me as I started to slide harder against him.

"So wet," he murmured into my lips, drinking down every sharp gasp and sound of pleasure as he gripped both my hips, setting our rhythm.

"Please," it was my turn to gasp the word into his lips, nearly overcome with pleasure already as one of his hands reached around to squeeze my ass.

"Whenever you're ready, little witch," he breathed.

"Ohh, that mouth is going to get you into trouble," I nipped at his bottom lip, still slicking back and forth against his cock, letting him feel how ready I was for him.

"I didn't hear you complaining when my mouth was getting into you," he growled back, sucking a mark into the base of my neck, moving my hips fractionally faster as I braced one hand against the back of the couch, "I'm sorry, unless those were complaints you were screaming, I was a little distracted."

His smirk was cocky, and I looked down at him with one of my own as I shook my head a little.

"Speaking of," I whispered down into his ear, quickly shifting back and letting him split me open as I slammed my hips back onto him.

His cry of mingled pleasure and surprise was so sharp, his voice almost gave out as his fingers dug into my ass, pushing me down harder as he yelled and gasped at the sudden overwhelming tightness and heat that surrounded him, grinding his forehead into my collarbone.

"Oh fuck, oh you feel so good," he gasped, rolling his hips into me as I fought for breath, feeling almost torn apart.

Our lips crashed together, my fingers tangled into his hair and his in mine, both of us trying to share oxygen and breathe, but unable to stop the movement of our bodies, the desperate search for more friction, more contact, until finally I couldn't take it anymore and lifted off him before taking him back inside me and gasping at the sensation of being filled again.

The sun was barely approaching, turning the black ocean waters gray with the anticipation of dawn.

Our sounds were muffled into each others lips, and I felt like I couldn't stop kissing him, couldn't stop feeling his tongue sliding against mine as he started working my hips on and off his cock.

"So fucking tight," he moaned, rolling his hips up to meet me every time, trying to last longer, to feel me longer, to make me come over and over again, but unable to withstand the overwhelming waves of pleasure wracking his entire body to the point that his toes were curling against the deck floor.

"You...you need to come again," he moaned, slipping one hand between our bodies to rub his middle finger against my clit, "come for me again..."

An exhausted final cry left my lips at I buckled forward against him, my pussy almost suffocating him as I came hard, dragging him with me, forcing my name to fall from his lips as he fought for each gasping breath, moving my hips up and down for me now that I was incapable.

I collapsed against his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck as his snaked around my waist and he held me to him tightly, silently, absorbing my warmth and inhaling my scent as we caught our breath together, processing what just happened.

I kissed his cheek softly, trailing my lips down to his, feeling sated and overwhelmed and exhausted as he kissed me slowly, no longer urgent or filled with a need he didn't understand.

"Hi there," he smiled, meeting my eyes.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"You're shaking...are...are you okay?" His concern touched me, and I couldn't help but kiss him softly again as I nodded.

"Yeah...I am, I think."

"That was _very_ convincing," he teased.

"I am, I promise," I laughed softly, "I just...didn't expect that."

"What, you didn't expect to fuck a perfect stranger in the middle of the night?" his tone was only half joking.

"Well no, I mean...I mean no...I was just planning on coming out and meditating and...ah..."

I glanced down at where we were still joined.

He shifted me off his lap and groaned lowly as he slid out of me.

"If it makes you feel any better," he said, collapsing onto his side and stretching his legs out along the couch with another pleasured groan before beckoning to me, "I'm glad I rudely interrupted your meditations."

I took pause, looking at his outstretched hand for a moment, before glancing back to his face, chewing my lip to hide my smile.

"I see that look for exactly what it is, Miss Triste, get down here."

I settled next to him, letting him adjust us until he was satisfied that enough of my skin was touching his and our bodies were comfortably intertwined.

My brain had a hard time keeping up - I hadn't expected any of what had just happened, and now on top of it all, I was on the receiving end of one of the tenderest looks I'd ever seen one human give another.

Johannes seemed to be studying my face, the soft curve of his lips drawing me in repeatedly, like I couldn't stop myself from kissing him.

"You don't have to stay," I whispered, hoping like hell that he would though, "i-if its weird, or whatever."

"It_ is_ weird," he laughed softly, reaching over to kiss me again and lingering this time, letting his tongue separate my lips slowly until I was pressing closer to him.

"But you know what else is weird?"

"Hmm," I hummed.

"You. And me, also, but mostly you," he teased, chuckling at the blush that flamed my cheeks, and running a reassuring hand down my side.

His skin was softer than I'd ever imagined, and he seemed to radiate warmth as the cool night air wrapped around us.

"But good weird. Interesting weird."

"I think that we're up to a quarter now," I giggled, and he rolled his eyes with a laugh, shaking his head down at me and pausing again with a contented sigh.

"You're so pretty," he murmured, using the tip of one finger to brush my hair back off my face before dropping his hand down the center of my back, spreading his fingers wide to feel as much of my skin as possible, and to pull me closer.

"Will you tell me what this is now," he said between kisses, brushing his fingers over the lines of my tattoo.

"Its a cartouche. A name."

"Whose name?"

I smiled at him, propping my face up on my hand as I leaned up on my elbow and he laid back flat so he was looking up at me.

"You're not going to tell me, are you."

I giggled quietly and shook my head, letting him pull me into his arms as he adjusted us so I was nestled comfortably against his chest and one of my legs slipped through his involuntarily.

"Uh-uh. But if you figure it out, I'll tell you why I have it," I chuckled.

"Such a little tease," he growled with a hot, lingering kiss, a suggestion of more that was only ruined by my gaping yawn.

"Oh my gods. Fuck, I'm so sorry," I covered my face with my hands, pressing them there tighter when I felt his body shaking with a silent laugh.

"I'm, ah, actually kind of thankful, because I'm fucking exhausted," he chuckled.

I took it the wrong way and tried not to sound sad when I shifted and sat up, telling him that I should let him get back to bed anyhow, and it was almost morning.

As soon as I stood, there was a hand on my arm, pulling me back down, yanking me against him, two eyes staring into mine without any reservation or worry about the way his thoughts would sound out loud.

"No no no, don't go...please...stay with me..."

The dawn was announcing itself more fully by the time he pressed his lips to my forehead and drew me closer, wrapping me up in his embrace and thanking all the gods he could think of that insomnia was a real thing.


	2. Chapter 2

I awoke hours later under the sun, slowly coming to consciousness with a thought tickling my brain that I'd just had the most delicious dream.

But as my awareness manifested more fully, I felt the warm body pressed against mine, felt the soft exhales of his even breathing, and my eyes snapped wide open.

_woah. _

Johannes was still fast asleep, one arm around my back holding me to his body, one arm low over my hips, a tiny natural curve at the corner of his lips as he rested.

I watched him sleep for a moment, wondering what language he dreamed in, but my blissful wonderings were rudely cut short by a curt "ah-ahem" just behind my back.

I turned slowly, like I'd been caught, and May was standing, hands on hips with a barely-contained smile, cocking one eyebrow down at me.

"Allo," she said softly, "nuit occupee?"

I pressed one finger to my lips, looking back at Johannes to make sure she hadn't woken him.

She shot me a knowing look and a little wink, scooping up our discarded glasses and bending to drop a tiny kiss to the side of my head before retreating back inside to wrangle the boys for the day.

Johannes inhaled deeply, humming a little as he felt me there still, but keeping his eyes closed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," I apologized softly.

"Did I ruin your escape?"

"Hardly," I giggled, shifting my leg a tiny bit to remind him that it was still thoroughly trapped between his.

"Mmm, good morning," he finally opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at me, leaning forward to touch his lips to mine.

"Hiya," I breathed, chasing his kiss for just a little more, unable to help myself.

"You know," he murmured, not pulling back but rather talking against my lips inbetween kisses, "in my country we say good morning in a different way..."

"I know for a fact that you're lying, but do tell me, Johannes, how do these strange foreign people in your country say good morning," I giggled, loving that he woke up just as playful as I did.

For someone with bad insomnia, I was a morning person through and through. The first chirp of the first bird always made me feel rejuvenated, eager to get up and shake off the darkness.

"Well, first you take off all your clothes. But...oh..." he glanced down with a cheeky smirk, "well I guess we'll skip that part."

"Mmhm?" I smiled indulgently after rolling my eyes, "are we going to skip through the flowers next?"

He snorted a laugh, "no there's no frolicking until the third step. Don't get ahead of me now, Triste."

"Sorry, sorry, and whats step number two?" I asked, gently tugging at his bottom lip with my teeth.

"Mmm...this."

His arm held me against his body like a steel trap as he rolled us over and off the couch. We weren't very high off the ground to begin with, and he largely broke our fall, but didn't seem to mind much, as his entire brain was bent on one thing.

The wood of the deck was warm underneath my back, and the body pressing me hard into it was equally so, making me feel like I was surrounded by fire.

Not that I had a chance to voice that thought, as his tongue immediately parted my lips and stroked against mine, tearing a gasp from me as he growled with pleasure and settled between my legs, pressing his cock against my core so hard I actually whimpered.

His intensity took me by surprise, a part of him knowing we were almost out of time...that I would have to go about my day and he would have to go about his...

_Triste, whats going to happen? _   
_Tell me you'll be here tonight. _   
_I have to see you again. _

But what came out of his mouth was something entirely different.

"You're a fucking goddess in the sunlight..."

I froze, staring up at him for a moment.

_Not a goddess, but a priestess... _

"Oh, and good morning," he growled with that same cheeky smirk as he started pushing into me, going slower than I had last night thankfully, but making my back arch sharply all the same.

"Gods you feel good," he breathed, gritting his teeth, drinking in the image of me stretched out in the sun under him.

"Fuck me, Johannes," I gasped, wrapping my legs around the back of his hips and pushing my fingers into his hair, desperate to have him closer to me, to fill me, to experience the same terrifying emotional need that I was experiencing.

He didn't make me say it twice, starting to thrust against me, into me, nearly knocking the breath from my lungs with the intensity of each one.

Our hands gripped and scrabbled across each others' skin in a frenzied attempt to get more contact, to stop the coming of the moment that was rapidly approaching where our chance meeting would come to an end.

"Oh, fuck, come with me," he cried into my lips, grabbing one of my legs from around his waist and shoving it up over his shoulder, making me tighter around him, and I cried out at the intensity of the new angle.

My whimpers and cries of 'don't stop' felt both too loud and extremely breathless at the same time as he balanced his weight on one palm and reached the other between us to rapidly rub four fingers back and forth across my clit.

I promptly exploded, gushing hard around him as I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the screams I couldn't stop if I'd tried.

The single moment of watching my release again and feeling my fluids gushing across his hips hurtled Johannes over the precipice of his own orgasm, and he lost his posture as his hips still bucked into me so hard that he physically moved my body several inches across the floor, drawing another sharp cry from me.

We were both rendered speechless, staring at each other with wide eyes, gasping for air, but even keeping the same pace with each other in that.

Johannes' hand was shaking when he touched it to mine, gently prying it away from my lips as he still looked down at me like I was the eighth wonder.

I realized with a start that I was shaking too as I pushed his hair back off his face, pushing it around his opposite shoulder so I could lay my hand flat against his face as he gazed down at me. 

We stayed like that for a long moment before he slipped out of me and immediately pulled me up against him into his arms as he leaned back against the couch we'd just tumbled off of.

"Thank you," he murmured, pressing little kisses into my hair, clutching me to him.

"For what?"

A low laugh rumbled through his chest, "calming my frazzled nerves, plying me with drinks, a couple earth-shattering orgasms? Hows that for a list?"

I giggled, pulling back from him enough that I could wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Earth shattering, huh?" I teased, receiving precisely one gigantic eye roll and a hard pinch against my ass.

He tilted his face up to the sun, closing his eyes and relishing the warmth against his skin.

"I have to go," he sighed, frowning down at me.

"I know," I knotted my fingers together before getting to my feet and offering two hands to help him up.

He grabbed me up in one more hug before gathering our scattered clothes from around the couch, handing me mine and stepping into his pants.

Johannes stretched his arms up languidly in the sun, the entire movement somewhat cat-like.

"Gods, but I do think todays gonna be a good day," he sighed, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck.

"I'll say," I chuckled, "can't imagine much of a better way to start it."

I turned in a slow circle after slipping my shorts on and settling my tank over them.

"Ahem?"

"Yes?" He looked down at me with an impassive expression that was far too calculated.

"I seem to be missing something."

"Are you?"

"I am," I propped my hands on my hips and quirked an eyebrow at him.

His tan canvas pants were thin and I could see the blue lace peaking out of his pocket.

"I need those back you know."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll turn up," he grinned.

I was on the verge of making a thoroughly impolite comment about the kind of men who stole panties, when we were interrupted by the sound of the sliding door, and Mat appeared, a sleepy look on his handsome features as he rubbed a hand across his face.

I turned around slowly with a grimace, shooting him an exasperated glance.

I'd told Johannes last night that May and Mat and Van were all staying here with me, but he couldn't stop the intense, sudden wave of possessiveness that nearly knocked him back as he was now face to face with this person who felt like an intruder on the few moments he had left with me as his hand involuntarily pulled me closer.

He glared at Mat over my shoulder, making him take a step back and bump against the glass door as the shock and recognition registered on his face.

"Fuck," I grumbled, running a hand back over my hair and looking up at Johannes, "I--I promise he won't say anything, I'll talk to him. Ah..."

"I...I don't think I care."

"Wha--?"

I was swept into a bruising kiss that was as intense as it was brief as all ten of his fingers pushed into my hair for one fleeting moment, lifting it off my neck and his lips seared mine with a low moan, and my head was left spinning as he turned for his side of the house.

"Hey," I called and he looked back to me.

"Uhm...g-good luck today," I chewed my lip with a shy smile and got one in return before he climbed back over the barrier and disappeared inside.

I watched the space where he'd been for several moments, wondering if I'd just made the whole damn encounter up.

But the slight soreness between my legs when I shifted on my feet told me otherwise, and I didn't bother to hide my grin as I turned to the ocean for a moment, checking in with myself.

I turned back and collapsed into one of the oversize deck chairs when I heard the door slide again and May appeared with Van in tow, and mercifully, two mugs in her hands.

I greedily reached for one and she kissed me on both cheeks, pressing the coffee between my palms before settling in her own chair, both boys following suit.

"Good morning, Tr--"

"So that w--" Mat interrupted her, and I held up my pointer finger to silence him with a brief shake of my head, bringing a disappointed pout to his lips.

With something like perfect timing, Van's phone rang from inside and he got up to answer.

I had invited him in the first place to help with the festival because, as much as it begrudged me to say it, he was a great bartender, and I had very little experience. I could make a thousand different cocktails from memory, but speed was still something I was having trouble with, and I'd been told from the start that the faster the drinks moved, the happier everyone would be.

We'd almost been friends once, and I still wasn't sure what exactly had soured it, but he suddenly became a colossal jerk in that way that was still a little irritatingly charming.

I'd hoped he hadn't taken my invitation as a loaded offer, but the way his fingers brushed against my arm as he moved inside told me otherwise, and I smacked my forehead with a groan when the door slid closed behind him.

Mat jumped right back to the inquisition in his absence.

"Right, so I have some questions for you, missy."

"Ugh, gods, of course you do," I groaned, tilting my face up to the sun after taking a drink from my mug.

"There better be some serious uppers in this or I am _not_ gonna get through this day," I giggled over at May, who made a silly face in response.

"That was who I think it was, right?" Mat wasn't about to be deterred.

"Ah...yeah..."

He waited for a moment for me to shed more light on just how I'd gotten myself into such a situation, but I just kept my eyes closed and tried to absorb as much sunlight as possible.

"And? What did you sneak him up here after dark?"

"No, he's staying over there," I vaguely gestured to the other half of the house.

"Oui? Not empty then," May mused.

"No. He said he got in late though. I don't know. It wasn't on purpose, its not like I hunted him down or something. It was...I don't think accidental is the right word. Serendipitous?" I glanced over at May, "don't your people have words for concepts like this?"

She snorted a laugh but didn't offer any suggestions.

"Hmpf, did you both trip and accidentally fall out of your clothes, kitten?" he teased, nearly as excited as I was.

"Something like that," I shifted in my seat, and was momentarily reminded that I had no underwear on.

"Well when you see him again, tell him to give Tim my number."

"I highly doubt that'll happen honey," I giggled.

Mat had the obnoxious hots for Tim, and I hardly blamed him, though I'd never really found myself attracted to mustaches personally.

"Why not?" The pouting face was back.

"Because I don't think Tim rocks that way, love," I giggled, "besides, I'll probably never see him again."

"See who again?"

In something like _not_ perfect timing, Van reappeared onto the deck with the coffee carafe, refilling everyone's mugs and spending longer than he needed to staring down at me.

"See who again?' He asked once more.

"No one...thanks," I mumbled, pulling my hair around my shoulder to hide the little purple mark at the base of my neck.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, and I realized suddenly that there was quite a lot of noise coming from vacationers gathered down on the beach. The day seemed to be well underway already.

I jumped up with a start, "shit, what time is it?"

"Still early, cherie, not even ten," May said, motioning for me to sit back down and relax.

I ran a hand over my face and yawned, "well I may go get a shower before we start prep, okay? I don't think we have to be there for a while yet but there's no harm in being early."

"Bah, one of these days, you won't worry about everything so much, _pluie_," she smiled.

"But not today," I countered with a smile and a peck on her cheek, whispering in her ear, "thanks babe, _je t'aime_."

She smiled fondly up at me, giving my hand a squeeze, "good. You should."

"Don't be too long washing, I'll put something on for breakfast," Mat followed me inside, "and maybe more coffee...you do look tired, my kitten."

"You're a hero amongst men, Matty," I turned and cupped his cheek, kissing the opposite one before heading for the bathroom, not bothering to even object and lie.

The bathroom door opened only a moment after I closed it and I met the curious gaze of a very interested Frenchwoman in the mirror as I carded the fingers of both hands through my hair and started to undress.

"Fire away," I sighed, flipping on the tap.

"Well...I suppose for starters, how--ahem, where are your panties?"

I froze with one foot in the shower, glancing back at her with a fire engine blush as she looked down at the only two garments on the floor.

"...missing."

"Mmm, _oui_, I see that."

She leaned her shoulders back against the door and grinned at me with a quirked eyebrow.

"_Un souvenir_?"

I sighed and beckoned for her to sit on the counter while I showered so I wouldn't have to shout the details of my midnight tryst loud enough for Mat to hear, as I was sure he would be listening outside the door.

"Look, I couldn't sleep and I honestly was just meditating, and then there he was."

"Mm_hm_..." she emphasized the last syllable like she didn't believe me.

"No really. I couldn't sleep and I was out on the deck talking to Her, and--"

"_Bons dieux_, Triste, did he hear you?!"

"No! Well, actually..." I paused, wondering if he'd heard my murmured recitations before making his presence known.

Even if he had, he'd hardly know what to make of them unless he had a proclivity for ancient ritual practices.

"I don't think so. He asked about the tattoo though."

"...Did you tell him?"

I opened the door wide enough so she could see my exasperated eyeroll.

"No, May, I didn't tell him, I'm not an idiot, nor do I have a desire to be institutionalized at the moment."

Nedjem was a few years older than me when I'd entered the temple, but she was the closest to my age out of all of us and we made fast friends.

In every life since, our goddess brought us together and we were always within a few years of each other still, and best friends to boot.

"Did you tell him I have one too?"

"Nope."

"Ah, but I suppose you were busy doing other things _avec votre bouche_."

I abruptly dropped the shampoo bottle in my hand and made an unnecessary show of picking it up as she giggled.

"Crude. So crude."

She made that particularly French dismissive noise in her throat, "but you did not say that I was wrong, _non_?"

"You...aren't wrong."

She giggled and clapped and I was glad no one could see how hard I blushed at the memory of feeling him pulse against my tongue.

"Come, cherie," she tossed me a towel when I opened the door again after several deep calming breaths, "we have work to do."


	3. Chapter 3

The concert felt like a dream, and the three of us sank into a rhythm of moving around each other, dropping little 'behind you's and calling for shakers and measuring tools.

I found that actually once I got the hang of it, I hardly had to think about what I was doing, and a good thing too, as I was repeatedly finding myself very _very_ distracted by the five men onstage.

"Gods, they're all so pretty, aren't they," I said dreamily to May, resting my chin on her shoulder when we had a moment of downtime and could watch the show.

We were on Henrik's side of the stage, unable to leave our small bar area, but as I said it, even though I knew he couldn't hear me, we locked eyes for one tiny second before I blushed and looked away.

She nodded, laying her cheek against my temple, listening to the music that she wasn't familiar with, but seemed to like just fine.

"The ehm, the..." she made a motion with her hand like she was squeezing something against her palm with the tips of her fingers, "on their _chaussettes_...I don't like them."

I snorted a laugh - I didn't like them either, but I quickly forgot about them anyways, watching Johannes flip his hair and move around the stage.

He was perfectly in his element - lively and getting every reaction from the crowd that he sought, and I found myself absentmindedly touching the smile that was plastered onto my face.

Henrik and John and Tim and Jonas were fabulous too, as they always were - a perfect blend of musical genius and showmanship, moving effortlessly around the stage, interacting with each other to the crowd's delight.

At one point, I nearly dropped the shaker in my hand when I glanced up and Tim was at our side of the stage, still playing perfectly, but staring straight down at me with a knowing smirk as his fingers flew.

His expression changed for the briefest second when our gazes met.

"Look out, bebe," May giggled, waggling her fingers at him and making him chuckle before turning and going back to his mic, "someones got eyes for you."

"Did that just happen?" I was holding a hand to my heart, looking at her with wide eyes but she was still grinning.

"You didn't feel that?"

"Feel what?" She cocked her head to the side, her frown giving way to confusion.

"Nothing, nevermind..."

I was probably over-caffeinated and sleep deprived, but I could have sworn that there was something electric, like an energy current that moved between where he was and where I was, but it only lasted that one second that we held eye contact.

"Losing it. I'm losing it, I swear," I murmured with a shake of my head, going back to my muddling and shaking and straining, making a bigger deal out of checking ingredient stores than I needed to so I had an excuse not to turn around and watch him again.

Their set seemed too short. It was over before I really had a chance to enjoy it, but I could only be so upset, knowing that Ghost would be on after the set change.

The hordes started to move our way and we steeled ourselves for another wave of activity.

\--

"Salut."

"Cheers," Van and I said in unison, the three of us clinking our plastic cups containing a well-earned double shot just as the lights went down.

Papa was a dream, as always. He dripped sex and swagger and seemed to be giving me everything that I needed as his vibrato echoed in my very soul.

May and I danced and sang, twirling around each other as we mixed drinks in a way that made our patrons clap and laugh with glee.

I was so laser focused on him that I nearly missed the subtle way Van repeatedly brushed against me, or bumped into my hip, gauging my interest, looking for someone to play with to alleviate some of the sexual tension that Papa created simply by being Papa.

The heavy guitar intro to Per Aspera Ad Inferi started, and it was the barest caress, but it was perfectly timed and sent fire down my spine, as much as I didn't want it to.

Just as Papa sang about unholy lust and the word blasphemy being insufficient, two fingers gently ran down the center of my back, from between my shoulder blades down to the top of my shorts.

My shirt was all black, attached at the top and at the bottom, but the material was left open and loose inbetween so that my tattoo and most of my back showed while keeping my front completely covered.

I froze, glancing around as Van turned away from me, apparently pretending like it hadn't just happened.

May was too enraptured with what was happening on stage to be paying any attention.

No one saw it but the owner of a sharp ice blue pair of eyes, staring at me from the darkness of sidestage before turning on his heel and disappearing with a frustrated huff.

The lights went down and my heart seemed to jump into my throat as the first notes of Cirice sounded through the night.

May grabbed my hand and held it tightly, both of us reveling in the darkness and the sexy rhythm. It just begged for swaying hips and stolen touches in the dark, though I'd had quite enough of the latter for one night from Van.

Papa sauntered back onstage and started singing about the how I couldn't hide in the darkness, and I believed every word as I went back to making drinks for people eager to return to their places in the crowd.

I couldn't wait to see who got Cirice'd, though we were far enough off to the side that I wasn't sure I'd even be able to see her.

Her? I assume it'll be a her...he doesn't Cirice men, right?

I immediately thought of Mat and how he'd drop dead of an orgasmic overload on the spot if Three even looked straight at him. I giggled as I voiced the thought out loud to May and she heartily agreed.

My back was turned as Alpha and Omega's heavier guitar interlude shattered the evening.

But when the unmistakable sound of ladies shrieking overpowered even that, I turned with a shaker in my hand, not wanting to miss anything.

Papa was making his way through the crowd, something unusual for even his vanity, but my heart stopped beating for moments untold when he looked at me and kept moving forward while there was an extended interlude onstage to fill the time gap.

A group of security personnel far larger than him made sure he had a clear path, but he never broke eye contact with me once he had it.

I felt like cornered prey, and the way he moved like he was prowling hardly helped, carefully stepping one foot in front of the other, looking straight at me, rolling his hips when he walked.

I groped beside me for May's hand, but she was too far away, and in the next moment I was alone looking up to him as two men built like redwoods hoisted him up to the bar effortlessly and he gracefully bent one knee to kneel above me.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

I tuned my subconscious out as she continued to scream the word like a broken record, and Papa began to sing to me.

He gracefully dropped down beside me, inside the bar, and my brain stopped working altogether as his two-toned stare pinned me where I was standing.

I flinched when his gloved hand touched mine, gripping it surprisingly tight as he looked down at our hands before he caught my gaze again and sang that we now saw eye to eye.

Why did all of this feel like it had a double meaning?

"Can you hear the thunder?" His vibrato at the close was so beautiful I wanted to cry, but instead found myself involuntarily nodding my head, panting for breath as he sang, feeling somewhat mesmerized and drowning in the gorgeous sea-foam of his naturally-colored eye.

I'd seen every video that existed on the internet of young girls and mature women being reduced to puddles under his unrelenting two-toned stare, but experiencing it in person was something totally different and I could feel myself getting wet, though we were hardly touching.

He broke from the normal routine and pressed his hand to my chest with mine on top, right over the thundering organ in question as he sang about how there was nothing between us. He wasn't groping me or even touching my breast, but rather letting his fingertips press into the skin just below my collarbone.

I wanted to die happily right in that moment, and partially thought I was going to, but he started to move then, releasing my hand and letting his white glove clad palm travel around my waist in a further departure from his usual routine.

His fingertips played with varying degrees of pressure and I felt like mortal clay in his divine hands.

Papa seemed to move in slow motion as the rest of the world disappeared, trailing his hand along my waist, touching me purposefully through the fabric of my shirt, savoring the warmth of my blood beating hotly beneath the surface of my skin, able to feel it through the spotless cotton gloves.

He sang into my ear, the microphone touching the back of my shoulder, and I had to fight to keep myself upright.

It was like every fantasy I'd ever had about him were coming true all at the same time, and I desperately tried not to turn my head and meet his lips there.

I didn't notice him looking over me at Van as he sang the words, angling his face towards me, and softly running his nose in a sensual line up the side of my neck as his fingers dropped a feather-light caress down the exposed skin of my back.

That same touch twice in one night...what the hell was happening?

Van looked halfway like he wanted to take a swing and halfway like the wanted to be in my place, but he may as well have been invisible for all that I noticed any of it.

The only thing that mattered on the whole planet was Papa standing pressed against me, touching me, breathing over my skin and serenading me in a way that the word 'erotic' simply didn't cover.

I moaned softly - I couldn't help it, being caressed that way by a man I'd literally and figuratively dreamed of for years, but it almost turned into a yelp when his lips were back at my ear as his hand pointed to the stage, turning people's attention away from us.

His opposite hand traveled down my bare skin again, going further than Van had until it slid into my back pocket.

"I'm told that these belong to you," he rasped into my ear, holding the microphone down by his hip and out of range of his voice, making me shiver hard.

He hummed at my reaction and gave my ass a little squeeze before removing his hand and giving Van one more glaring look over my shoulder that made him take a step back.

Papa moved back to my front, resuming his character, and took my hand once more, pressing it to his chest as he finished the song.

I could feel his heartbeat under the suit, and it was all I could do to not tear the material from his body right there, but he seemed to catch an echo of my thoughts and leaned in to press a lingering kiss to my cheek, rather than to my knuckles.

The rubber lips of the mask felt unnatural, but the heat of his breath broke out across my skin and my knees threatened to give way under me once more.

"Papa," I whispered, dying at the sound of his name.

I could swear he smirked as his eyes burned into me and I had to remind myself that the mask was rubber, and didn't move that way.

"Goodbye, for now," he whispered before pulling back.

Papa disappeared with one last lingering look, and I collapsed back to brace myself against the counter as I watched him move back towards the stage with his escort, still feeling very much under his spell.

May descended on me in the next moment as all but a few curious stares turned their attention back to Air as he played the gentle intro to Ghuleh/Zombie Queen under a burning spotlight.

My mind and body were reeling from Papa's touches and the general onslaught of heat as I looked over to her, her face about to crack in half from the grin she wore.

"Oh. Mon. Dieu.," she giggled, pulling me in tight for a hug with a squeal as I started to come back to reality, but was still speechless, gasping for breath.

I pulled back slightly and ran a hand through my hair as I put my other against the back of my hip, but I clapped a hand over my lips to stop the scream as my hand shot into my back pocket.

May cocked her head to the side and looked at me appraisingly, waiting for me to spill.

"Yes?"

I turned my back on Van, whose eyes I could feel wandering over me jealously, and held out my clutched fist to May, the blue lace barely peaking through my fingers.

She puzzled out after a moment that the panties that Johannes had taken that morning had suddenly reappeared in my possession via Papa Emeritus and the beautifully rouged lips moved without making a sound as she looked from the lace up to me, and back down to them with eyes the size of saucers.

"Ah-ahem," someone said at the bar, waiting to order a drink.

May went to attend to her as I ducked away and stuffed the lace into my purse, my mind still reeling.

_What the hell what the hell what the fucking fuck fuck is going on?! _

When Johannes had casually waved off his theft with an "oh I'm sure they'll turn up" that morning, I certainly hadn't anticipated anything like this, and I wanted to bash my palm into my face when the followup thought to that was that now he had no reason to see me again.

Papa didn't pay us any more attention, and all too soon, their set was over too.

I should have known that Mat would be waiting impatiently, and he all but launched himself over the bar at me as people started to trickle out to their cars and the evening came to an end.

"YOU," he pointed accusingly at me, but he couldn't wipe the smile off his face, "you just got fucking Cirice'd!! And then some! Good gods, girl, I do _not_ want to know whats going on between your legs right now."

"No, you probably don't," I giggled.

He wasn't wrong - I was drenched and I could feel it every time I took a step, like a reminder.

"Lets get this shit packed up so we can get going please," another voice grumbled behind me, drawing my attention as Mat turned to May and they proceeded to freak out together.

"Why don't you head back, we'll take care of this," I replied coolly, wanting to say something more along the lines of 'oh, we're talking now, are we?'.

He huffed something unintelligible and I put my hands on my hips, having none of whatever he was grumbling about, still flying high from the entire last 24 hours of madness that had been my life and not about to have it ruined by this grump.

"Go home, Van," I said again, "we're all having a good time and no one wants to be around you if you're going to be like this."

He rounded on me, and in an instant I could see everything that he'd been thinking before he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You only fucking like him because he's famous."

I rolled my eyes both at him and at myself as I suddenly had to figure out which man he was talking about.

"No I like him because he's Papa."

"Whatever," he made a dismissive gesture in my direction and huffed off.

"Whats his problem?" I groaned.

Mat barely moved in time to miss Van's shoulder knocking into his own.

May shook her head, "I told you inviting him was a bad idea, Triste, but you never listen to me. And you did not see the way that Papa looked at him."

"What?"

"Yes, kitten, our little May here is full of advice and suggestions that she wouldn't ever follow herself. Why don't you listen to her?"

May playfully swatted at him, but he jumped back, wagging a finger at her.

"Ooh, I always heard you French girls were feisty! Lets dance, sweetness."

They collapsed into giggles and she said something decidedly sassy about him being one step away from _being_ a French girl so he should know.

"What did she just say!" he laughed at me and I threw my hands up in mock exasperation as I giggled too, knowing that his French was bare at best.

"She said that you're her absolute best friend and she loves you madly, sweetheart."

"You're a little liar! Just for that, I'm not going to help you two with any of this," he gestured dramatically to the disaster that was the bar before crossing to me and pressing a kiss to my cheek, and doing the same to May, "laters, babies."

"Wait! You're really not going to help?!" She called, and he turned after slipping out the side door, shrugging his shoulders as he kept walking backwards, blowing us a dramatic kiss with both hands.

"No kittens, I'll see you at home! Let it be a lesson in telling the truth!" He yelled loudly, winking at us before turning and following the departing crowd.

"Wow...he really isn't going to help..."

I couldn't help but shake my head and shrug as May looked at me with an over-exaggerated angry face.

"Just you and me, I guess." I hoisted a box onto the bar to start packing up.

"_Jusqu'à la fin des temps, bébé_," she laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hello there, Masika..."

I froze as her voice penetrated my reveries and my head cocked slightly to the side as I turned around and stared at her for a moment, standing in the doorway of the bar, waiting like she needed to be invited in.

"No way..."

"Oh, yes way, darling."

I shrieked and ran to her, almost bowling her over with with the force of our collision, and throwing all cares for dignity out the window.

My fingers roamed over her face before I hugged her tightly to me again like she might slip away.

"Na'eemah! Gods its been years!"

She laughed and smoothed my hair back, reaching for May with her other hand.

"Masika. Nedjem. My beautiful girls. Oh I'm so happy to see you, you're exactly what I need right now!"

"What are you doing here? Did you come for the festival? I can't believe its really you!!" May giggled and kissed Na'eemah on both cheeks.

We remained locked together, the three of us clutching each other for what seemed like an eternity before May finally broke away.

"Here, here, let me help," Na'eemah offered, bending to scoop up another empty box from under the bar and clearing plastic cups into it.

Na'eemah was the High Priestess in our goddess' temple in. She'd taught us the stories of our diety, and oversaw our offerings, reassuring us in a motherly way when it came time for our first communion with the divine and we balked, unsure what our bodies were going to go through.

It had been she who had led us through the aftermath of the fall, praying for guidance and becoming effectively our shepherd through the years, through the lifetimes. It fell to her to find us when we returned each rebirth, assuring us that we weren't mad, and re-familiarizing us with our rites and rituals.

Our happy reunion continued as we set to work packing up shakers and strainers, muddlers and spoons. We'd take those and leave the booze locked in the cabinet for the next set tomorrow night when we were to return.

I stopped with a gasp when the thought crossed my mind of getting Cirice'd twice in two days.

No...he wouldn't. The whole thing was clearly Johannes' doing in the first place.

"Girls, tell me what you've been doing since last I saw you! Its been so long, I apologize. Though I assume you're still stuck to each others' sides like glue as you always have been, regardless of my guidance or not," she laughed.

"Well, Triste has found herself a hot new rockstar _copain_," May teased, bringing Na'eemah's attention around to me as she tucked a bar mop into one of the boxes.

"Oh?" She quirked an eyebrow and laughed as I rolled my eyes exasperatedly at May.

"He's _not_ my boyfriend. We slept together one time! Okay, twice," I said with my hands up, "but it was a fluke thing and I'll probably never see him again!"

"Bah," she dismissed me with a wave of her hand, turning back to Na'eemah, "he stole her panties and made Papa Emeritus return them during the concert. It was..." she sighed dramatically.

"If you say romantic, I may actually barf," I warned, my cheeks flushing red again at the memory of Papa touching me.

Na'eemah laughed at our antics, shaking her hair back out of her face.

"Stealing panties, huh, gods what century is this?" She laughed, "who is he then? This new rockstar boyfriend-not-boyfriend?"

At my hesitance to answer, May jumped in again. "Johannes, from Avatar. You know them, _oui_? No? Here, look," she pulled out her phone and searched for a picture of the band, "the tall one with the dark hair. Though _personnellement_ I like the one with _les cheveux blonds_."

"Who, Jonas?" I asked to clarify, looking over her shoulder as she pointed.

"Mmhm, yes...Jonas..." she rolled his name over her lips in a way that I was absolutely sure would undo him if they ever met.

"Gods, sometimes you're just so FRENCH," I giggled, pinching her side as she drifted off with some fantasy in her brain.

"Well you can hardly blame me. Hair like that? It just begs to be pulled," she shrugged, turning back to hoist a box of half-full bottles onto the bar.

We continued filling her in this way on the recent events in our lives, and remembering the events of past lives together, laughing until we all were wiping tears of mirth from our cheeks and gasping for relief.

"Na'eemah, we are going dancing tonight, please come!" May begged, turning to the older woman who somehow never looked her age and giving her the best puppy-dog-eyed smile she could muster.

"We're going where?" I choked, coughing on my drink.

Na'eemah laughed, taking May's hands in her own.

"Oh I wish I could, precious, but I just have so much work to be done!"

"_Non!_ No work can be so important!" May countered, waving off her comment, "not when we are now together again!"

"Well, in fact it can be. My dears," she looked at both of us and dropped her voice so low that we both had to step towards her to hear, and she took our hands once more, "I've been planning something glorious. Something that will change the world as we now know it."

"Ooh, and we are colonizing _quelle planete_?" May giggled in response, moving around behind Na'eemah and starting to weave a braid into her chestnut locks, "I like the gray that is coming in at your roots," she said as her deft fingers worked.

Na'eemah took a quick glance around and lifted her chin proudly, "restoration, my girls."

The moment she said the word, a creeping sense of unease seemed to work its way up my spine. May and I paused and exchanged a frown before looking back at our high priestess.

"Like..._restoration_ restoration or like donating money to have our temples excavated and restored back in the old land..."

Her scoff told me what she thought of my need for clarification and I couldn't help but scrunch my face up into a grimace.

"Na'eemah...have you, have you...consulted with Her? I don't know that we should--"

The flash in her eyes could have melted steel and I took a step back.

May crossed over to me and took my hand when she saw the momentary look of uncertainty cross my features.

"I can hardly see how that is of any concern to either of you, being lower-ranking than myself. Especially you, Masika. A mother's desperate plea, if I remember correctly, is why you ended up coming to serve our Lady in the first place..."

The sudden shift in her demeanor unnerved me, and I found myself almost cowering when I spoke again.

"My apologies, High Priestess, I meant no offense." I was hurt by the bite in her tone and I looked at her sadly as some of the memories of the aftermath of the thing she spoke of flitted through my mind.

"Its just...restoration. Na'eemah, thats...I mean now? After all this time? Its--" I ran a hand back through my hair.

"Insane? Pointless? Dangerous?" May offered, cutting me off, and I winced as she continued, "it would never work. Not now, its been too long. No one even remembers who She is, and those that do think she was _seulement un mythe_, or are like us." She threw her hands up like it was obvious what a terrible idea this was.

Literal heat began to radiate off the woman before us as her she barely kept the lid on her sudden anger, and I wondered just how hard she had been working towards this thing.

"All the more reason to bring her cult into modernity, Nedjem. I need you both to be on my side for this. I cannot do it without you," she said through gritted teeth, and my own anger flared in response.

I hated feeling used.

"That's why you're here, isn't it? After all this time, you only came because you need something?! You're charged with watching us, and keeping us together and making sure we remember and keep Her alive in our perpetual rebirth! Not to hatch some hare-brained scheme that will only end with you in a fucking madhouse, Na'eemah!"

"You will not speak to me so disrespectfully, little girl," she snapped, "I require your gifts for this and I will have them."

"Na'eemah...we need to talk to Her about this before we do anything," May reasoned, placing herself physically between us as we glared at each other, "Triste and I will commune with her tonight. The creator god gave these gifts to our goddess to bestow on us as rewards for remaining faithful. We cannot just..._donnez-les_...let us all speak to her together, how about that? Then we will help you."

"_No. _I forbid you both from speaking to Her of this. The time is not yet right. You will not commune with her without my permission."

I couldn't understand why she was so hostile, and my pulse beat rapidly in my throat, making me flushed and irritable - she'd been a lot of things to us over the centuries - confidant, mother, friend, teacher, but she'd never taken away our permission to speak with our goddess when we needed to.

There was an easy solution to this entire situation, yet Na'eemah was hellbent on avoiding that route, it seemed.

_What is going on?!_

"Then we have nothing more to say to you either, and I think it would be best if you left right now," I said as levelly as I could manage, feeling my energy begin to tumble underneath the surface of my skin, seeking release.

She looked at me and for a moment, nothing about her was familiar. Her aura was dark, her energy turbulent like violent weather.

I took another step back from her, bumping into the counter.

"Na'eemah, we cannot help you in this blindly," May said quietly, placing her hand on the other woman's shoulder, "not without speaking to Her first...and if you forbid it..."

She was roughly shaken off as our high priestess and adoptive mother straightened her blouse and glared back and for between us, her eyes swirling a dangerous, electric green that were not their normal color.

"I will not forget this betrayal from either of you...and I will have what I seek. You'll see."

Before we could respond, she stalked off, disappearing into the last vestiges of the crowd still milling about and slamming the door behind her.

May and I stood frozen to the spot and looked at each other with a mixture of confusion and pain.

"This. This that she wants to do, it ends _très mal_," she whispered, and I nodded after a moment. The entire encounter had been bizarre and unexpected, and we stood motionless for several more minutes until she took my hand.

"Come. Lets go for tonight. We are going to go dance. It will be good to blow off some air, yes?"

I snorted a laugh, "steam. The phrase is 'blow off steam'."

"Yes, yes," she said, already distracted by something else now, "come on, I know what dress we're going to put you in."

\--

She hauled me up the stairs by the hand, announcing our arrival as I turned to shut and lock the front door behind us.

"Bonjour kittens," Mat grinned sitting at the counter, "I thought you two might have gotten dragged onto a tour bus and ravaged or something. What took you so long?"

"Oh, like you don't know," I laughed.

"We bumped into an old friend," May replied smoothly right after, not a single hint of worry on her face, though I knew it was there, just under the surface.

She and I were incapable of hiding anything from each other after this many years together.

"Old friend...or new friend?" He raised an eyebrow at me with my favorite smile.

May and I looked at each other for a moment before we responded in unison.

"Old."

He shook his head, always amused by the two of us together.

"Mat, we are going dancing, will you come?" May asked sweetly as she turned her back to his front and pulled her silk neck scarf around his neck, making him tilt his head down as he grinned.

He kissed her cheek quickly, "you two, I swear your energy comes from a bottomless pit. No, kittens, I'm washed, sorry. Maybe Van...?" he looked around for a moment, failing to find the other man.

I almost groaned -- I'd forgotten about him for a brief hour.

"He's in the shower, I think. But I'm sure he'd go with you two if you need a chaperone, delicate dames as you are."

"Ah, no, I think we're good to go solo," I said quickly, grabbing May's hand and planting a kiss on his cheek before heading for her bedroom.

"And don't think that when you get back, you, me and this bottle of tequila aren't gonna talk more about that thing with Three, Triste!" he called after us just before the door shut and a cacophony of girlish laughter erupted behind it, making him smile as he went back to the email on his phone.

\--

"Here," May said, fussing about the dress that I'd snugged into. She stood behind me in the mirror, a few inches taller, and reached to dip her hands under the material to adjust my breasts as she looked around over my shoulder.

"I can do that, you know," I grumbled, shying away from her indelicate grip.

"_Non_, my dress, my rules about these," she giggled, grabbing both my breasts and giving them one final adjustment.

"I feel like a pillow being fluffed," I complained as she disappeared to find a pair of shoes for me.

As I stepped into them, I looked at myself in the mirror and took pause.

"Are you sure you're just a nurse and not some miracle worker?" I asked, mesmerized by my own figure - the accentuated swells of each breast, the way the line of my waist sank into the natural curve of my hips, the material of the dress clinging down my thighs and stopping just above my knees.

"Are they not the same? You do look _délicieux_, my sweet," she purred in my ear, slicking one perfumed finger down behind each ear before dabbing a drop at the center of my clavicle, "Johannes will think so..."

"Look, I don't want to talk about Johannes any more..."

May's eyes met mine in the mirror silently.

"I feel...I just feel gross about it, you know? Like a groupie. I...I thought we connected but now I think I just...I dunno, convinced myself that something was there when it wasn't."

She scoffed and dismissed my comment, gripping my shoulders and forcing me to face her. Her heels were shorter than mine, but she still stood a few inches taller than me.

"Did you come?"

"What? Come where?"

"Did you come. With Johannes."

I shuffled my feet and looked awkwardly at the floor.

"_Dieux_, don't be so American, _oie_. Being shy about sex is not who you are."

I looked up at her and lifted my chin a little.

She was right - why was I being so precious about it? Sex was wonderful and beautiful when it was done right. It was what had allowed us to bask in our goddess' presence. And after all, wasn't sex the only thing that even allowed our species to progenerate?

She lifted one eyebrow, waiting.

"Yes," I finally sighed, answering her questions.

"Ah-_hah_, and did he?"

"Uhm, yes," I mumbled, remembering the warmth of him spilling inside of me and shivering a little.

"And you enjoyed his company? You did not want him to go away this morning?"

I nodded slowly, also affirming when she asked that he seemed to enjoy my company as well.

"Bah, then why are you being such a sad-bag? You overthink too much, little goose. Perhaps he will stay here one more night...but for now, we are leaving, okay?"

She put one knuckle under my chin and kissed me quickly as I nodded and turned for the door.

"Sack."

She paused with the straps of her dress halfway down her arms and peered over at me.

"_Quoi_?"

"Its sad-sack, not sad-bag."

"Pffft. _Tomate_."

\--

I wandered out onto the deck as May fixed her makeup and changed outfits a dozen more times.

My eyes darted over to Johannes' half of the house, finding it dark and trying to stop the sinking disappointment that I immediately felt. He was probably out having a great time somewhere, and I reminded myself that I was about to be doing the same.

I turned back to the sea, closing my eyes and breathing its heady perfume deep into my lungs as I willed myself not to think any more of him for the night.

No more thoughts of Johannes. No more thoughts of Na'eemah. No more thoughts of Van.

The rest of the night was to celebrate the smashing success that had been my first night of the festival.

"Triste, _allons-y_!" I looked up at the moon one more time before taking a deep breath and lifting my chin, laughing at the absurd state I'd worked myself into.

"Come on, sad-bag," I muttered to myself and turned to head inside, fishing in my clutch for my keys.


	5. Chapter 5

The flashing lights immediately overwhelmed my senses in the best way as May pulled me by the hand towards the bar.

She ordered us each drinks and we downed them before turning to join the throng of pulsing bodies on the dance floor.

May was an unparalleled partner, expertly moving her hips and grinding against me, looking teasingly through her lashes, immediately picking up the rhythm of each new song.

I finally started to unwind, to relax, enjoying the high of the day, giving myself permission to be mindless for a few hours.

I didn't feel the eyes roaming over us at first, but then a sensation like something creeping up my spine made me turn subtly, seeking the source.

At the exact same moment, May pulled me in, turning me so my back was pressed to her front and continuing to move my hips to the thumping bass.

"Mmm, I think I want the one on _la gauche_," she whispered into my ear, letting herself get carried away by the music and the attention from afar.

It didn't matter as it turned out, since he broke for her and pulled her into him anyways as his friend approached me.

He was handsome by conventional standards - tall, clean-shaven, with short naturally blonde hair that was the tiniest bit longer in the front, falling into his face in a tragically handsome way.

"I've been watching you dance," he said lowly, putting his hands on my hips as I continued to sway, feeling unable to stop, almost drunk on the rhythm.

He leaned down to speak into my ear with a voice that made me shiver, "can I buy you a drink?"

I was annoyed that Johannes' face immediately flashed through my brain, and in retaliation against my subconscious for it, I smiled coquettishly at him, closer to a smirk really, pulling one side of my mouth up and leaning into him to respond.

"Absolutely, but you'll have to guess what I drink first."

He grinned and took my hand, leading me towards the bar as I glanced back over my shoulder at May, whose hand was tangled back into the chestnut shock of hair that came with her new partner who had his hands full it seemed.

I laughed to myself, shaking my head.

"I'm Mark," my new companion said, his hand drifting back to my waist under the guise of pulling me forward so someone could squeeze past behind me at the bar.

It lingered there, and I didn't immediately move to shift away. His cologne was pleasant, like moss and sandalwood, and I found myself rather enjoying it as his hazel eyes drifted over my features, lingering at my lips.

"Triste," I smiled.

He considered me for a moment, squinting his eyes and smirking before turning to the bartender and ordering himself a Vesper and me an Aviation.

"Very good!" I clapped, laughing as he took a mock bow in the limited space available to us, which ended up being more of an inclination of his head.

"Everything about you says gin and flowers," he winked, and I looked up at him through my lashes.

"Am I that predictable then, Mark?" I said his name softly, teasingly, thoroughly enjoying the attention after the smashing success of the rest of the day; plus it was keeping my mind off the tall, dark-haired man who had claimed my body in the early morning sun and the entire encounter with Na'eemah earlier.

I just needed enough of a distraction until I could get out of there for the night and crawl into bed.

Mark's voice snapped me out of my train of thought.

"No, I think you're probably quite mysterious. There's more to you than meets the eye..."

There was something unnerving in the way he said it, but just as our drinks came someone grabbed my attention and I turned away.

"Hey weren't you the bartender at the Ghost show?"

The speaker was a small woman, close to my age, I guessed, with flushed cheeks and metallic teal lipstick.

The shade was exquisite, and it made me remember her from earlier. She'd frequented my bar several times during the show and always ordered the same thing. After the third pass, when it seemed still in perfect condition, I'd asked her where she got her lip paint from, and the name of the shade was now on a sticky note somewhere in the dark depths of my purse.

"One of them, yeah," I answered, "I remember you! Gods, is that still the same coat of lipstick?!" 

"Yes!" She almost squealed with excitement, "you _have _to get some, it literally stays on all day. Gods, do you know Papa? I would fucking _kill _to have him touch me that way! What a rush!"

"Ah. No. Uhm, no, I don't. It was kind of a...fluke thing...I was as surprised as everyone else, honestly."

"Uh-_huh_," she winked companionably and I thought in that moment that I really would like her if we got to know each other, "all I'm saying is I would literally drop dead if I ever got Cirice'd!"

She laughed and said goodnight, putting a warm hand on my arm.

A flash of heat rushed through my core remembering the way Papa had traced his gloved hand over my waist, letting the soft cotton run a tantalizing line down the middle of my back.

She had distracted me purposefully, holding my attention long enough for Mark to complete his task behind my back.

I didn't see anything as I answered her question.

The bartender didn't see anything as he stooped to find an open bottle.

His timing truly was almost perfect.

Only the owner of those same ice-blue eyes watching me from the crowd saw his lightning-fast movement over my untouched glass.

The white powder quickly sank into the lavender liquid of my cocktail, and I turned back to Mark with an apology on my lips, having seen none of it.

He scooted my glass towards me over the polished wood of the bar, and raised his own delicate stemware.

"To the Protector of the Kings," he said, staring deeply into my gaze in a way that was positively chilling.

It felt like someone else looking at me through his stare.

I faltered for a moment, almost dropping my drink into my lap as our glasses clinked.

"What did you just say?"

He only grinned at me and took a sip, savoring the sharp bite of the alcohol and licking his lips.

As I raised my glass towards my lips, thinking I maybe hadn't heard him right, a hand clamped down and stayed the movement of my arm.

"Don't drink that."

My head whipped to the side in shock and I looked up to meet the gaze of a very tall, very pissed-off-looking Swede.

"Johannes?! What are you doing here?"

His attention wandered over to my new friend, and he was glaring daggers, making the other man pale and involuntarily shrink towards the bar.

Johannes was sparsely built, but he was huge, looming over the other and topping him by an easy five inches at least.

As my brain processed the only reason why I shouldn't drink a cocktail from a more-or-less complete stranger, I glanced down at the liquid to confirm as the pit of my stomach dropped.

The bartender was too shitty to even put a cherry in the glass, so I could see where the undissolved portion of the drug had sunken into the small depression where the triangular bowl of my martini glass met the stem.

"Oh, You. Fucking. Asshole!" I yelled as the liquid left my glass and doused Mark's lovely blonde hair, leaving him sputtering and sticky as it dripped down the front of his shirt.

I turned to stomp away, intending to find May and get her away from his friend then get the hell out of there.

"Come back here, you stupid cunt!" was all I heard, then a shout accompanied by a dull crunching sound and a commotion at the bar.

When I turned back, Jonas was moving away from the bar towards me, alternately shaking his hand and massaging his knuckles with a scowl.

Johannes grabbed my hand and moved us deeper into the crowd as the club's security team descended on Mark, who was clutching his nose as blood streamed through his fingers.

His eyes desperately searched the room for me, and when they locked onto mine, Johannes stepped between us, moving me behind him and shielding me from view. He glared at Mark until he was taken away, grinning and laughing madly.

"This isn't over!" He shouted, cackling, uncaring that the blood was streaming across his lips.

Johannes turned back around to me as soon as he was out of sight, clutching my face between his palms and looking me over thoroughly.

"Are you okay??"

I looked up at him, the flashing lights around us back lighting his eyes and making them glow. It was so distracting that I didn't answer for a moment, only able to nod my head as I swallowed hard and my brain desperately tried to keep up.

"Th-thank you," I stammered, hardly able to believe he was here and touching me again, "how did you know?"

Everything seemed like it had happened in a flash, and I turned to Jonas when Johannes didn't answer, a white-hot streak of anxiety coursing through my veins as he looked at me, an unreadable expression across his features.

His facial piercings glinted in the lights and I thought for a moment that I was going to fall flat on my face.

I'd watched every video and interview, and I knew every song and stalked his social media like any neurotic fangirl worth her salt would. And now, I was face-to-face with him, and he'd just broken my would-be-assailant's nose.

As I opened my mouth to babble an incoherent statement of gratitude, a cloud of floral perfume enveloped me and May was suddenly turning me around and gripping my shoulders tight.

She touched my cheeks, assuring herself that I was uninjured as she ran her hands down my arms and brushed my bangs back away from my face.

"Are you okay? I just saw security dragging that guy out yelling and bleeding! What happened?" Her English disappeared when she got frazzled, and she spoke so rapidly to me, I had to read her lips and translate in my head for a moment before I could answer.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," I said reassuringly to her in English, "he put something in my drink, but...uhm. Johannes stopped me from drinking it, and then..." I looked back at Jonas, who was still rubbing his knuckles, watching us.

She hadn't even noticed them until then.

The air suddenly felt electric as he and May locked eyes and he stopped rubbing his hand as his lips parted slightly with a gasp, the metal ring catching the light again. They stared at each other without saying anything, and I wasn't really even sure they were still breathing, but I saw the pulse flutter in May's throat, and Johannes and I looked back and forth between our friends.

She crossed to him and took both his hands in her own, rubbing a thumb across his reddened knuckles gently.

"You did this for my Triste?" she said, looking back and forth between Jonas and Johannes, whose arm snaked around my waist, further distracting me as his fingers absentmindedly traced little circles over my hip.

Jonas shrugged, chalking it up to a reflex. "He reached for Triste and said something rude, and...it's not a big deal."

My knees almost buckled hearing him say my name as I realized we hadn't actually been introduced but he still knew who I was.

I gave Johannes my most subtle exasperated glare out of the side of my eye, and I felt him shake with silent laughter as his mouth worked like he was trying to hide a smile and he pulled me closer, but didn't look down at me.

My brain was having a hard time processing everything and I blinked hard and shook my head.

Johannes was here and he was touching me.   
I narrowly escaped being drugged and then who knows what else.   
Jonas knew my name.

I thought for a moment at the house out on the deck that I had dreamed the whole thing. But he was here. He had stopped me from drinking God-knows-what in that cocktail, and now his fingers were pressing into my skin an a way that was both thrilling and subtly familiar.

May was still rubbing her thumb over Jonas' knuckles, searching his face for any sign of discomfort, but he placed his other hand under her much smaller, more delicate one and held her gaze, pulling her fractionally closer.

I knew what she was doing.

May's gift was always healing. She'd learned some during our time in the Temple from Na'eemah, and in every lifetime since, she'd been blessed with the ability to heal through energy.

She managed to use it here and there, working as a nurse, but the farther we got from our origins, the more skeptical humanity became about the existence of real magic, so she had to be exceedingly careful.

Somehow though, I expected Jonas didn't have the slightest clue what was happening to his hand as she let her perfect lilac curls fall into her face a little and smiled up at him through her lashes, mending the small fractures and reducing the swelling under the guise of simply holding onto him.

"Thank you...Jonas," she whispered, saying his name the way she had behind the bar as we were cleaning up. My earlier suspicions were confirmed as I watched his pupils dilate and a slow, curious smile spread across his lips.

"Who are you?"

"May. Like the month," she smiled, feeling immensely thrilled at having him within her grasp.

"Dance with me, May like the month," he said lowly, already moving backwards towards the huddled masses of people who were largely oblivious to what had just happened. though some cast curious glances towards the two men.

May followed, leaving her hand in his, and she never looked back as they disappeared into the crowd.

I froze when Johannes moving through the same path as Jonas, and pulled me with him.

"What, don't you like me anymore?" he teased, sensing my hesitation and pulling harder on my hand.

"Uhm, no, I mean yes, I do, I...ahem...shall we?"

I had to stop myself from physically bashing my palm into my face as I stammered a response that didn't even make sense.

Johannes laughed, the sound lost in the bass that seemed to run from the floor straight up through my bones, but I saw the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and his teeth glowed in the lights before he turned me, applying pressure to my hips to maneuver me back against him.

My shock at finding him here of all places, and then feeling him grind against me must have been evident in my body language, because he pulled me back harder against him and bent his head to nip lightly at my ear.

May, in a stroke of brilliance, had decided that we needed to pin my hair back from my face for the evening, and I mentally gave her a big fat kiss on the cheek as he had unbridled access to the patches of skin he seemed suddenly very interested in.

His touch and his scent and everything about him seemed to intoxicate me as I tangled my hand back into his hair, figuring if he wasn't going to let me get assaulted by a stranger, he probably wouldn't mind this. He returned my affections touch for touch, and I reveled in the fact that somehow the unexpected connection we'd made last night and this morning hadn't seemed to wear off with the passing of the day.

"I've been thinking about you all day, Triste," he growled in my ear, so closed it made me shiver, and his fingers pressed harder into the flesh of my hips.

"Did you get my little gift?"

_YES. YES. YES. _

"Hmm. I did. You know, I hardly find stealing an attractive quality, Johannes. And I just bought those, too. I might even be mad at you," I tried to keep the smile out of my voice, but it was impossible. The slightest tinge of annoyance did creep in though when I continued, "but having Papa Cirice me was a little much. I think I stared like a moron. Ugh, gods everyone fucking saw me basically drooling over him."

He laughed against me, the sound lush and rich and causing the waterworks to start full-force in my nether regions as it vibrated against my back.

"Isn't staring like a moron the entire reason he Cirices women to being with? I think it feeds his ego."

I put my hands over his and pressed his fingers harder against me, reveling in the warmth of his skin and mentally replaying him pulling the garment in question off with his teeth.

A tiny moan escaped my lips as my eyes closed.

"Plus," he continued, not having heard me, "I told you this morning they would show up, didn't I?"

"You did, indeed."

"I had another idea, but roping him into it was kind of a spur of the moment decision when I saw that guy putting his hand on you and--fuck..."

He quickly shut up and I heard my pulse suddenly thundering in my ears as I whipped around and stared up at him, neither of us moving with the music any longer.

"How could you possibly even see that..."

He looked worried for a brief moment and took my hand, leading me out of the dense crowd to a place where we could talk, or at least try and yell over the music until we heard each other.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything...we're not...you're...it isn't any of my business, I'm sorry...forget I said anything."

Johannes watched with a little frown, trying to interpret how I was feeling about what he'd said as I chewed my lip and my eyes darted around the room.

_Triste, I don't want him to touch you because I want you for myself. _   
_I can't get enough of you. _   
_Meeting you was the best accident that's ever happened to me. _   
_You're all I've thought about today. _   
_Please, Triste... _

My brain felt like mush as I looked up at him with a thousand questions in my eyes, but I couldn't make any of them come out of my mouth.

_He cares that someone else wanted me. _   
_I mean okay yes it was kind of fucking obnoxious alpha male posturing nonsense, but... _   
_But maybe we're not just a one night stand, are we? _

"Are you angry with me," he murmured, shuffling his shoe to kick at a piece of trash on the floor.

"Johannes," I pressed one hand to his cheek and he leaned into my palm in a way that made me shiver, "don't worry about him. I tried to be friendly and invite him to help with the bar because he listens to both you all and Ghost, but...but he's not...don't worry about him."

"I'm sorry."

"Please...you don't have to be sorry."

"I just. I saw him touch you and I got jealous and it was a split second decision because I thought of your tattoo, and..."

Before my rational brain could approve of the decision, I grabbed his face, pulling a slightly startled expression to his features as I stood on my toes and pressed my lips up to his, wrapping my arms around his neck.

I felt his low hum more than heard it out loud. He sank into my kiss, immediately pulling me against him with one long arm around my waist, and keeping his head bent just enough that I had to reach a little to chase his tongue back into his mouth.

Johannes' hands were firm and hot as they gripped my hips, both pulling me to him and squeezing me.

The camera flashes around us blended in with the pulsing spotlights, and we didn't pay them any mind. He was used to being recognized after shows now, and he pulled away from me finally with a soft moan.

"Johannes," I sighed, hardly able to stand not kissing him again, "why would you be jealous after what happened last night? I mean he and I were almost friends once but...now he's basically a stranger."

"Because," he growled, breathing against my lips before crushing them under his once more for a brief but impossibly hot kiss, "I'm a stranger too but you were mine for a brief few hours...too brief."

"You have seen a lot more of me and known a lot more about me than anyone in a long, long time, including Van," I countered.

"Really? I...so you and him...I didn't ruin anything? Because I have to admit, that was kind of my intention, and its shitty but true."

"No," I laughed, still holding onto him, glad he was being honest now that the cat was out of the bag, "but no more posturing. If you want something from me, just ask."

"Then we need to get out of here, right now," he growled into my lips, plunging his tongue between then and drawing me even closer to his body until I could feel his physiological reaction to the way he drowned in my kiss.

I looked up at him, slightly startled at his statement.

"What's the matter? What did I say?"

His blue eyes stared down at my steely gray ones and seemed to form a direct line to my pussy, making the sensation burning between my legs more and more potent the longer he breathed through gritted teeth and pinned me.

"Nothing is wrong. But...I wasn't lying when I said I've been thinking about you all day, Triste. Your taste, your body, the way you gasp and bit your lip when you come...I need to have you under my hands again."

His words set me on fire, and I felt like all my limbs were suddenly made of rubber as I clung to him in order to stay upright.

I glanced around for any sign of May and Jonas, seeking blonde dreads and lilac curls in a sea of black hair and dark clothes, but I couldn't find them.

A small part of my brain wondered if they had snuck off somewhere to have each other, but I immediately dismissed it, knowing May better. She was nothing if not dramatic, and everything had to be to her liking and satisfaction. A back room in a sketchy club hardly seemed to play to her tastes.

I turned back to Johannes, leaning up into him as he bowed his head so I could speak into his ear.

"I think they're lost out there somewhere."

He, being many inches taller than me, glanced towards the mass of bodies grinding together under the heat of the spotlights, and groaned a little.

"I don't see them."

"Well keep looking, and give me two minutes to straighten up and I'll meet you at the bar," I said with a little kiss to his cheek then headed off towards the ladies room.

\--

I shut the door behind myself and screwed my eyes shut as my knees wobbled and I leaned heavily against the wood, thankful beyond words that there was no one else with me in the lavish restroom.

_Is Mercury in fucking retrograde or something? _

I stared at my reflection, reaching into my clutch, but then deciding that putting on more lipstick was probably a poor decision after the plans Johannes had just laid out for the rest of our night.

I blotted what was left of my first coat off on a paper towel, pleasantly surprised to find that my lips were still stained enough that no one would really be able to tell in the dark that I didn't have anything on.

_ Stained...or bruised? _

"Probably both," I said aloud, answering her snark with my own before fixing my hair and stepping back outside.

My eyes searched for him for only a few seconds before landing on his back. Six foot four with long black hair was hard to miss.

A sudden wave of intense possessiveness shot through me as I watched the girl slinging drinks let her gaze linger on him for far too long, giving him a teasing smile and brushing his fingers with hers as she slid two drinks forward.

I sidled up next to him, running a soft touch up his side, and he beamed down at me before pressing a cocktail into my hand.

Another Aviation.

I quirked an eyebrow at him before looking carefully down into the liquid and he grinned.

"I didn't think that was necessary to get you to come home with me," he said and I rolled my eyes.

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I looked to the side at the man seated there as he stared at me with a smirk. He had dark brown hair, kept short but combed back, and the way his lips curved naturally accentuated their fullness.

"I hear you have another tattoo that I should see," he said, looking at me still, his eyes becoming over-familiar.

"Fuck off, creep," I muttered, turning back to Johannes and stepping closer. I'd had enough of the weirdos for one day.

"Come on lets get out of here, I have no clue who that guy is," I said, reaching for his hand.

"Are you sure you don't know him?" Johannes asked, and I paused, thoroughly confused when I saw the telltale grin spread across his face.

"Uhm...I'm sure."

The presence at my back ran a soft hand down my spine over the fabric of my dress, just the tips of his fingers, and I turned, ready to give him a truly impolite talking-to.

Once in one day was fiery and a shock, twice in one day was surprising and unexpectedly arousing, but three times? Not the charm in this case, and he was about to know it.

But his eyes caught me off guard somehow as I whirled around.

There was something familiar there.

I'd seen that shade before, but where?

I wracked my brain, trying to come up with an answer as we stared at each other and I knew my head was cocking to the side but I also couldn't stop it.

He leaned in until his lips were almost touching my ear and he rasped, "I think you do know me..."

That voice.   
When he spoke softly, whispering to me it was different from his speaking voice.   
Lower. Raspier.

My immediate reaction was to shriek, and I did my best to swallow it and stifle the residual squeak of surprise with a cough as I backed up hard into Johannes and clamped my eyes shut.

I looked up again, just a peak, with one hand over my lips in case my screams snuck up on me and escaped.

"Papa?"

The sound was muffled by my hand, and I prayed that he hadn't heard as I screwed my eyes shut again.

He reached for the hand at my lips and took it, never dropping my eyes when I opened them as he brushed his lips across my knuckles.

"Hello again, lovely..."

He held my gaze for another moment and one corner of his mouth curved up in a heavenly smirk, "Johannes, would you mind if I ask this beautiful flower to dance with me?" he looked up at the one behind me.

The taller man had the good sense to reach around and pry the drink out of my hand before I dropped it to the floor and he snorted a laugh at the obvious state I'd worked myself into, running a hand down over my hip.

"Fine, but behave yourself! I don't want to have to find you later."

"Oh, don't make me clutch my pearls," he snarked, pulling me by the hand towards the dance floor.

I followed like I was in a dream, hardly able to believe what was happening to me.

The man pulled me close, wrapping one arm around my torso as his other sought my waist, tracing the line of it and moving me against his hips to the rhythm of the music.

I was too starstruck to think of anything to say, so I just pressed back harder against him, savoring the opportunity to touch and be touched by him.

How many nights had I laid in my bed thinking about what his hands would feel like traveling over my skin, gloved or not?

What they would feel like caressing me, squeezing me, pressing those fingers inside me...

The sigh that escaped my lips at the thought didn't go unnoticed.

"You know, Triste--" _oh my god he knows your name!!_ "--that's the second time today that you've made that beautiful sound for me, and a man with less self control than I may get the wrong impression..."

His hands tightened their grip, holding me against his body as he ran his nose in a line up the side of my neck.

I gasped at the contact, immediately overwhelmed with arousal, and carded my fingers back through his dark hair, turning my face away as he pressed one hot, open-mouthed kiss to my neck, feeling unable to stop himself as he swirled his tongue lightly against my skin.

I made the sound for him again without realizing it.

Those lips felt like perfection incarnate, lightly sucking at my neck, breathing hotly across my skin.

My fingers laced through his at my hip; I desperately wanted to just push his hand under my dress in the middle of a very crowded dance floor, but that seemed like a faux pas.

"So about that tattoo..." he said lowly against me as the song changed, the taste of my skin on his tongue and my perfume igniting his senses.

I untangled my fingers from his perfect hair and took his left hand that was pressed against the middle of my abdomen, tracing a heated line with it up my body until his index finger settled just under my left breast.

Following my wordless guidance, he traced one finger over the spot, almost reading the alchemic symbols through my clothes.

He chuckled darkly into my ear, his finger still moving over that spot, flooding me again with an overwhelming need.

The words he started to whisper to me were horribly, deliciously obscene -- asking if it made me wet to have his mark on me, to know I was branded for him and on an intimate, physical level was his already and would be forever;

I was losing focus, absorbed into the rhythm of the song, the heat from his hands, the way his breath raised every goosebump across my skin that I had as he whispered my name against my neck over and over again in between heated kisses to my skin.

I felt eyes on me and looked up to see May, dancing face-to-face with Jonas, whose shirt had managed to become halfway unbuttoned, creating a contrast of glowing white cotton and sun-bronzed tattooed skin. Her eyebrows shot up, seeing my dance partner was not Johannes, and I winked at her, but she continued to stare at me over Jonas' shoulder while his lips worked her neck, almost mimicking those that were working mine.

She grinned suddenly, tangling her fingers in his dreads and pulling. I wanted to laugh out loud, remembering her saying earlier that hair like that was just begging to be pulled, but he raised his head and they turned with the music until they were both perpendicular to me.

I knew she wanted me to watch, and I did, drinking in the scene before me. She licked her lips invitingly at him, leaning back a little, and he crushed her mouth under his, immediately plunging his tongue between her lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands closed around her narrow waist with a bruising grip, pulling her closer into his hips.

It was hot to watch, and I pushed back to grind harder against the owner of the hands that started tracing the lace outline of my panties through my dress, feeling nearly desperate for more.

I was impossibly turned on, knowing the thin material was already drenched between my legs.

"This dress is great on you," he growled into the skin of my neck, just where it met my shoulder, before moving his lips to my ear, "and I like what you're wearing under it...tsk tsk tsk, thinking about you in lace is very distracting, do you know that, Triste?"

"Ohh...thank you...what do I call you?" I gasped, as his hands got closer and closer to where I wanted them, but stopped before they got there.

He didn't respond to my question for a moment, taking the opportunity to gently worry my earlobe between his teeth as I pressed my ass harder into his hips. He turned me quickly, and suddenly I was face to face with those eyes again, glowing under the lights.

"What do you want to call me, Triste?" he asked softly, his eyes lingering at my lips.

I took a page from May's book and licked them slowly, pulling the bottom one between my teeth. I leaned in until we were only a hair's breadth apart, still swaying to the music, and he tilted his head to the side, anticipating my kiss as his eyes fluttered shut.

"Papa," I whispered, my lips barely brushing his as I spoke.

One of his hands moved up and down the line of my back, tracing my spine and feeling my muscles as I moved.

His eyes moved back down to my lips and he leaned in slowly, so slowly, and took my mouth under his own, making me want to scream with arousal and desire as he pulled our bodies closer together and his lips worked mine, moaning softly.

He was deliciously thorough, and my head was already spinning by the time his tongue traced the curve of my bottom lip. I readily opened my lips to him, sinking into the passion of his kiss as his groan vibrated through my entire body when his tongue slid along mine.

His lips were full and lush -- the kind made for kissing and whispering, and I'd never kissed a mouth like his before.

One that created such beautiful music, and whispered such obscene poetry.

He'd spend the last several minutes wondering what my lips must taste like, so he wasted no time in pressing closer, wanting me to feel the reaction of his body to me.

To touching me. Scenting me. Kissing me...

And indeed, I could feel his arousal pressing against my hips. I thought for a moment I was going to drop dead.

"Mmm," he shifted his head so his lips were at my ear, "I would love to hear you screaming that with my face between those beautiful legs."

He felt against his skin more than heard my breathy moan as his lips went back to my neck and I let my face fall to the side to give him better access as they sucked a small mark into the curve where it met my shoulder. "

You like that? Have you imagined that before? Calling my name into the darkness while I devour you, not letting up until you come for me? What a delicious little girl you are, Triste..."

I couldn't respond right away. My brain was too overloaded to try, so I kept pressing into him, grinding against his erection, feeling wave after wave of wetness flooding my entrance.

"Have you touched yourself thinking about me, Triste," he purred, loving the dominance I gave him willingly, "did you make yourself come wishing it was me..."

I pressed my forehead down to his shoulder, his words all but making me buckle.

He pressed his lips to mine again as one hand moved down over my ass and his mouth found mine once more, moaning into me, taking advantage of the limited time we had left together.

The song ended then and he stepped back, taking my hand.

"Come on, lets return you to Johannes before my hands find their way under that dress right here and I make you forget about him completely..."

"Oh, gods, please don't go, not yet," I pulled on his hand and he abruptly turned back to me, anchoring his arm around my waist and almost pulling me off my feet with how hard he held me against him, bending me back and taking my mouth with a feral growl.

"If I don't get you back right this second, I'm going to fuck you, Triste. Right here. In front of all these people."

I made a sound that was something like a gasp and a moan, and he started pulling me back towards the bar once more, but I didn't miss the way he tugged his shirt down to cover his now incredibly-obvious want for me.

He stopped when we reached Johannes, who was wearing a smirk that almost made my heart stop.

"Have fun?" he asked, eyeing the fresh mark on my neck and the way I couldn't catch my breath.

I simply nodded as the blush crept up my throat.

Papa smirked, pressing one more kiss to my cheek before looking up at Johannes and laughing good-naturedly.

"Take this lovely girl home right now and make her scream, or I'm going to beat you to it."

Johannes grinned back at him while pulling me closer to his body, "and here I was thinking I'd told you to behave yourself!"

Papa's eyes were wandering back down the length of my body though, getting distracted once more.

"Mmhm...a difficult task, to be sure," he muttered.

I was so flushed and worked up that I stopped listening to their exchange when they switched to Swedish.

I was beyond flooded with need and hot burning lust, and lost in thinking of everything I wanted to do to Johannes when we got a second alone again.

"Goodbye, for now, beautiful," he growled in my ear, nipping at the sensitive skin of my neck just behind it and making me shiver hard as I turned.

"Goodbye, Papa," I whispered, pressing a hand to his cheek, "and thank you for Cirice'ing me today, I...it was a dream come true..." I said shyly, feeling my blush burning my cheeks as I looked at the floor and chewed my lip.

His smile turned sweet and he brushed his hand across my cheek.

"Oh, my child...it was my pleasure."

I smiled softly, "will you tell me your name?"

Papa gently tipped his fingers under my chin, making me meet those perfectly green eyes again.

Greener than normal.

Wait.

"In another lifetime, perhaps, my ghuleh..."

My head cocked slightly to the side.

_His eyes didn't just...did they? _

I shook my head at him, whispering into his ear as I leaned forward and murmured in the old language.

At worst, he thought I was nuts and we already made out, at best...

"I am the servant of the Mistress of Dread... I will have my answers...Papa," I finished with a sweet little smile at him, and his smirk told me everything I needed to know.

He looked from me to Johannes.

"Don't you ever let this one go because I will be there to sweep her away," he said, and then turned and disappeared into the crowd. I turned back to Johannes and leaned up to kiss him.

His tongue collided with mine instantly as his hands held a punishing grip on my hips.

"Time to go. Now." he growled lowly, jealously, into my lips.

"Mmm, and why is that?" I asked teasingly, not caring that there were people around us watching our lust for each other unfold again.

He dipped his lips to my ear, and his hair brushed against me, enveloping me in his scent again.

"Because I was watching you. And the sooner we leave and get back to the house, the sooner I get you out of that dress, and the sooner those panties come off and the sooner you come around my cock again and forget all about him...does that sound fair?"

My mouth worked soundlessly as I collapsed into him, though we were already standing so close together that it didn't make much of a difference.

When he pulled his face back to look at me, his pupils were dilated, barely showing any iris in the flashing club lights.

Just then, May approached us from behind him with Jonas in tow.

"_Allo_," she chimed, kissing me on the cheek.

Hers were flushed with exertion and something else that I assumed was due to the numerous little marks peppering her neck that hadn't been there before.

We gripped each others' hands for a moment, grounding ourselves and checking in wordlessly.

"_Il vient avec nous_?" I asked, trying not to look at Jonas as I said it.

He was wonderfully attractive with his top buttons undone and his dreads now pulled back into an elastic band that let the blonde ropes of hair cascade down his back. His jeans were tight and the perfect shade of acid-washed blue.

I realized that I was in fact staring at him, despite my best efforts, and he grinned at me, raising one eyebrow.

"_Bien sur, pluie...j'ai besoin de plus_..."

"Uh huh," I giggled, "then lets get going, yes?"

The wetness between my own legs was distracting enough, and thinking about Jonas naked wasn't helping matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, as much as I love our Avatar boys, most days 99% of my entire soul belongs to Tobs.


	6. Chapter 6

I took a considerable gasp of the fresh night air, letting the cool breeze settle the flush under my skin and blow through the tangles in my thoughts.

May led Jonas by the hand towards my Jeep and I clicked the unlock button twice to let them in. His hands wrapped around her waist and lifted her up into the car, and he quickly moved in after, accompanied by a shriek and cacophony of girlish giggles, quickly muffled as he pressed her back down flat onto the seats and devoured her mouth, not even bothering to close to door behind him.

I decided to give them a moment, fishing in my clutch for my phone as I crossed to the driver's side door.

Johannes was already there, and I when I smiled up at him I was unprepared for the guarded look that suddenly held his emotions back from me as his walls went up.

My brow creased and I was about to ask him what was the matter when I was suddenly slammed hard back against the door as his tongue filled my mouth.

I'd hardly seen him move in the first place until his heat was pressing me against the cool metal of the frame.

One of his hands tangled into my hair, tearing the pins out that had kept the mass of wavy curls in place, and the other pinned my arms up against the window, my keys clattering against the glass.

Johannes moaned heavily into my lips, sliding his tongue between them and fighting mine for dominance.

He couldn't kiss me deep enough, get enough of me, tell me what he was feeling in that moment. He could only relish the gasps and sounds of desire that he drew from me as I kissed him back with an equal amount of passion.

It was unexpected and very public, but I wasn't about to complain either.

He broke our kiss, but didn't release me or pull back his hips that had me pinned.

Johannes simply stared down at me as we both tried to regain our breath.

Then, as if trying to clear out cobwebs, he blinked hard twice and shook his head back and forth slowly, staring at the ground as he heaved a sigh.

"Triste...what are you doing to me..."

I was silent for a beat, wondering the same question myself.

I'd never had an experience like this with someone before - meeting by chance and almost immediately feeling what I felt for him now.

But I'd been so careful with him.

Nothing I had done had given him any indication of what I was...tears prickled my eyes and I looked away, pulling on my arms until he let me have control of them again; he looked at me as he released them from his grip and I wrapped them around myself.

"I-I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable. I don't...I don't want you to feel p-pressured or anything, like you need to-to spend time with me or whatever after last night...you don't owe me anything...I didn't mean to get attached to you. I'm sorry."

He looked down at me when I finished murmuring the last word, and I was still staring at the asphalt, focusing on one reflective, glistening speck that was blurring anyways as my tears refused to be reabsorbed.

Everything in his mind was on flatlining, stalling out on one word.

_Attached. _  
_Attached. _  
_She said she's attached. _  
_To me_.

"Triste. Triste look at me."

I couldn't - not with tears in my eyes, and I shook my head.

Johannes physically turned my face up to look at him, holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger, and I tried to blink them away rapidly, but it only made them fall down my cheeks.

"I don't get attached to people, Triste," he said softly.

My heart wanted to fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces, and he saw me screw my eyes shut for the quickest moment before resuming, realizing how I'd taken what he said.

"Not normally. That's why I asked what you're doing to me..."

My eyes opened again, searching his for clarification -- for anything.

"I--I'm not used to...this. Not after just meeting someone. I meet so many people, they all just become kind of a blur. But you...Triste you're burned into my brain. Like you're in my head, and under my skin, and I constantly want more of you...I guess I-I'm...I think I'm attached to you too," he finished with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and I couldn't do anything but stand up on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his shoulders, laying my head against one of them and pulling him close.

His embrace was comforting and at this point his body felt familiar pressed against mine, though still thrilling and indescribably delicious.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Johannes," I whispered, wanting to gather him to me and comfort and reassure him for the rest of the night.

He held onto me like I might disappear and I felt more connected to him than we had even a minute earlier.

"Then maybe we just...maybe we just go with it," his eyes lit up a little as he pulled back to give me a tentative, nervous smile.

"I like that plan," I nodded, laughing at my own state as I wiped my tears from my cheeks, and he leaned down to kiss me again, slowly this time, letting his lips caress mine rather than devour.

"I-if you want to go slower, we can," I murmured into his kiss, "I don't want you to think that I like...expect anything."

He growled lowly in my ear as one huge, heated hand slid over my waist, "but I already told you what to expect tonight, didn't I baby..."

My knees gave, but luckily I was still pinned to the car and his hips held me up. He needed me as badly as I needed him.

The window opened behind me a crack and May's voice floated out of the crack.

"Come on, _oie_, let's go!" I knew she was impatiently waiting, and I didn't blame her for the rush as I remembered watching her dance with Jonas and seeing his tongue pass her lips. A shiver went through me as I looked up at Johannes, unadulterated lust coloring my gaze.

"I hope you know what you're in for," I teased, and he smirked down at me.

"I've known and wanted more all damn day, Triste, now up you go...goose," he said with a wink as he pulled the door open and boosted me into the seat.

My brain caught up and I realized when I buckled my seatbelt that he'd understood her pet name for me.

When he settled in the passenger side, I leaned my head back against the headrest and looked over at him.

"_Parlez-vous_?" I asked softly and he smirked and nodded.

"Damn, how many languages do you speak?"

He held up five fingers and I stared open-mouthed.

"Whats the fifth?"

Johannes smirked at me again and shook his head.

"Not telling."

"Bah, fine, keep your secrets if you think you're so clever."

I turned to look back at May and Jonas. She was halfway in his lap, and his hand had disappeared under the neckline of her dress, palming her breast beneath the material.

"Hey, buckle up, lovebirds. I am _not_ getting a ticket so you two can make out more comfortably in my backseat," I grinned, and his eyes opened to meet mine, making me take pause in the wake of their intensity as he continued to kiss May deeply and stare at me.

I watched his mouth work hers, delving his tongue in and then making her chase him with a soft moan as her fingers tangled themselves in his dreads.

Damn. Well okay, then.

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Buckle."

He smirked at me as he pulled back and they maneuvered their belts across their laps then resumed devouring each other loudly.

I looked over at Johannes and held out my hand to take his as we pulled out and sped down the road, back towards the house.

The sounds coming from Jonas and May were becoming downright distracting though, and I released his hand to push the radio button.

"No, leave it," Johannes chuckled, " I like this song."

I shook my head, liking only a little that he was enjoying watching me squirm as Cirice played over my speakers.

"You're a jerk," I giggled.

"No, I just like playing with my food before I eat it..."

I coughed, trying to not moan out loud into the car, but Johannes' hand wandered into my lap.

"Don't crash, please," he laughed lowly, stroking up my leg and dipping his fingers beneath my dress.

"Y-you m-might want to stop then," I gasped, as one long finger brushed over the soaked lace covering my pussy.

I looked furtively at him, trying to weigh whether or not I was embarrassed at him doing this in front of May and Jonas, who weren't even paying attention anyways.

But his finger kept exploring, kept brushing over my core and I moaned softly.

"Johannes," I whispered, the feel of his fingers mingled with that familiar voice through my speakers now almost too much to bear.

"You know, I should punish you for kissing him when I told you both to behave," he leaned over and breathed in my ear, "as hot as it was to watch. I think a spanking or something is in order, Miss Triste..."

\--

We pulled into the parking spot behind the house then and I looked over at him with heated eyes, ready to take him there in the front seat of my car, and he grinned back at me before glancing into the back seat behind us, where Jonas' hand had disappeared under May's dress between her legs and she was gasping into his mouth.

The sound became incredibly loud as the stereo shut off and the engine died.

"Kungen, let the poor girl breathe," he laughed, as his friend stopped his physical onslaught and May grinned up at him, opening and slipping out of the door after adjusting her dress.

He followed suit and then she led him around the front of the car, disappearing around the corner with a mischievous grin that I knew would get her in as much trouble as that dress had.

Johannes opened his door and got out, and I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and leaning back into my seat for a moment.

I needed to keep a hold on my energy.

My door opened and I looked over softly at him, but his eyes were dark and everything about the way he looked at me made me wetter.

I breathed his name as his hand crossed my lap and unbuckled me. Those beautiful fingers brushed my thighs as the buckle zipped across my waist and back into its holster, and I grabbed them, stopping their movement away from where I desperately needed them.

He looked at me and bit his lip, as they worked forward again and underneath my dress, dipping between my legs, and I whimpered when they brushed over my pussy again, maneuvering the soaked fabric aside as two of them suddenly pressed inside me together down to the last knuckle.

My back arched off the seat as he pushed all the way into me, scissoring his fingers and massaging my inner walls with a soft moan of his own.

"Well, look who's all ready to go..." he murmured, leaning in to kiss me as his thumb brushed over my clit and I clenched hard around him.

I was already so geared up from that interaction with Papa, then Jonas' stare, that I was about to come from his bare caress.

He knew so too, and immediately pulled his fingers from me, coated in my slick.

I whined for more and he smirked at me, admiring the way his fingers glistened with my fluids, and I wrapped my hand around his wrist as he pushed his fingers to my mouth.

"Fuck yes," he whispered, feeling my tongue slide along his fingers, gathering my juices and moaning softly as I reached down to palm his erection over his pants.

He growled and pulled his hand from my lips, lifting me out of the car with a yank and all but throwing me down on the hood, still warm from the drive home.

My feet never touched the ground as he shoved my dress up to my hips and pushed his hair back off his shoulders with a delicious smirk.

"Tell me you want more, Triste."

"Johannes..."

"Tell me that you've been remembering all day how I feel inside you, Triste."

A sharp gasp left my lips.

"Gods, I've been thinking about making you come for hours now," he said desperately, barely getting the words out before burying his face into my pussy, that long tongue immediately filling me.

I arched hard off the metal of the hood and planted my heels so I could press harder into his questing mouth.

He devoured me, moving his tongue in every way I'd thought possible and I was lost in a swirling haze of bliss.

I came almost immediately, reaching down to grab onto his hair as I whined and writhed and he responded likewise into my center, loving my taste and getting lost in the way I pulsed against him as he lapped up my cum.

My fingers pulled hard on his dark locks when it became too much, and yanked his face up so I could kiss him when I sat up. I gasped for breath, cupping his face with both hands and drowning in endorphins and happiness that he was here and wanted to be with me.

He reached between us and straightened my panties and my dress without ever interrupting our kiss, then lifted me off the hood and settled me down on my feet, keeping me close to him, bending me backwards with the force of his mouth against mine.

"Your bed or mine?" He laughed lowly, and I was about to tell him that I didn't fucking care as long as it happened right this second when a cry reached both our ears.

"_Merde_! How did I not know there was a pool?! Triste come here!"


	7. Chapter 7

I grinned at Johannes and took his hand, leading him as I followed her voice.

He let go of me to say something to Jonas as I crossed to May and she pulled me close to her, the obvious happiness written across her features.

"_Tu sais nager?_" She asked with a wicked grin.

"You know I can," I rolled my eyes with a laugh, kicking out of my shoes and groaning at the relief of being flat on the ground again.

"He watches you, you know," she whispered, sweeping my hair back from my cheeks and cupping them, "when you are not looking...you are happy? With Johannes? You are, I see it, _cherie_, the way you look at him."

"I am, but its still...uncertain. Everything feels like it might just slip away if I turn around for a second..." I said, pressing my forehead to hers, "but I do like him."

“Mmm, where is your trust, pêche? Does our goddess not always provide?"

I frowned a little, realizing that she was right. From one lifetime to the next, our goddess provided us with family, lovers, friends, children, work that we reveled in... and underneath it all was the passion for the one we served. 

"For one time, Triste," she murmured to me, gripping my cheeks tightly so my gray eyes would meet her perfect blue ones, "do not try to always have the control, hmm? Just go with the current."

"The flow," I bumped her forehead with mine, "but you're right..._je t'aime_, my dove," I sighed, reveling in the warmth and love that was our relationship. She'd been my partner for millennia - the people changed, society changed, rules changed. The only certain things were Nedjem and our goddess, and the unshakable love I had for both.

I leaned in to kiss her, as we'd done hundreds of times before, getting lost in the softness of her lips and the closeness of our bond.

Kissing women was always different than kissing men - we knew instinctually what to give because we knew what we wanted to receive.

We pulled each other closer without thinking and our kiss deepened, until May's hands came around my back and slid the zipper of my dress down, and I reciprocated, shrugging out of the material as she turned and I untied the fastening at the back of her dress, planting a soft kiss on her neck.

Both men growled lowly as we caught their attention and they watched.

I looked at Johannes and Jonas as I slowly slid the material down off her shoulders, and she stepped out of her heels before letting the dress fall down and off her hips, landing in a pile around her feet that she effortlessly kicked to the side.

Every move she made was expert and calculated, like a spider weaving her web, one strand at a time.

I glanced at the fly she had in mind, but he was too enraptured with staring at her exposed skin to notice that anyone else existed.

I was thankful that she'd insisted on dressing me head to toe as she stood in her slate gray lace, and me in my black, waiting to see who would make the next move.

Jonas took a step closer towards her, but something in her stare stopped him, and he stood rooted to the spot.

"_Patience_..." she breathed, with a saucy little smirk.

May pulled my face gently over her shoulder so she could kiss me again and I knew exactly what she was doing as I heard him growl lowly.

I smirked into her lips and indulged her with a soft moan, running my fingers down the length of her throat for a little extra flare as we let our boys watch our tongues sliding together.

She felt like a drug every time we did this as she turned so we were perpendicular to them.

"Who was that man that you were kissing?” she whispered into my ear, running a hand over my waist to keep Jonas and Johannes from listening too hard when she turned back to me.

I stifled a giggle - everything had been moving so quickly, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t told her and a thrill of excitement ran through me as I grabbed her for a hard kiss, before pressing my lips back to her ear.

“Papa,” I whispered.

Her jaw dropped and I could see the millions of questions zipping through her brain.

"_Non_...h-he's so...ses lèvres..." she bit her lip, stuttering through her English, and sucked in a deep breath.

“Not tonight, my dove,” I laughed softly, "its rude to keep them waiting...and I'm fucking dying over here," I finished quietly with a grin and a wink.

“Mmm, always the manners. And I thought Americans were supposed to be rude and brash! But we talk about this later, you and me."

May flicked her eyes back to Jonas, looking him up and down, but spoke to me still.

“_Tu sais quoi? Je pense que c'est percé_," she giggled, taking my hand to pull me towards the pool.

She crooked one finger at him as we stepped in to the shallow end, the water chilly in the night air.

"It is," Johannes smirked at her, drawing a look that involved both eyebrows moving up her forehead in surprise that he'd understood her.

Her eyes flicked down to Jonas' waist and the erection that we could both see through his jeans, and she licked her lips invitingly at him.

"_Quelle excitation_," she said quietly.

The shorter man shed his shirt, shoes, and jeans, and I had to admit that Jonas was a sight to behold, standing almost naked, the breeze picking up the shorter dreadlocks and blowing them over his shoulder as the lights in the pool sent a water patterns dancing across his skin.

The dark array of tattoos that covered both arms joined his chestpiece just at his shoulders, and I found my eyes tracing every curve and ridge of each muscle, watching them flex and relax as they shifted.

He looked from May over to me, and I felt his heated stare traveling over my body, taking in the swells of my breasts, the curve of my waist, the way my palms floated gently on the surface tension of the pool.

I gave him a cheeky little wave, but when Johannes caught my gaze, I forgot all about him.

His dark hair blew over his shoulders, long enough that it it reached down his chest, as he slowly undid one shirt button at a time, forbidding me from looking anywhere else as he slid the material down off his arms and tossed it carelessly to the side before slipping out of his shoes and slowly pushing his jeans down and off his hips.

He was the kind of pale that made some of the veins visible just under the surface of his skin, and his blue eyes seemed like depthless pits of want and unbending need as he watched me take him in.

The anticipation of his hands on my body again made me bite my lip as he stepped into the water and advanced towards me as I took a step further back, luring him in like we were dancing.

The movement made the water lap at my stomach and I shivered both from the chill and something else.

Jonas grabbed May around the waist, wrapping his hands around her hips as he pulled her into the deeper water, wasting precisely no time, everything he wanted written plainly across his face.

The sounds they made together were delicious and intimate, and I found myself watching them once more. His hands moved down to her ass as his shoulders leaned back and hit the wall with a splash when she wrapped her legs around his waist, moaning softly against his lips before devouring him in a rough kiss that left her grinding against his erection.

The sound of him groaning into her hit me like an electric shock across the pool and I fought the desire to move towards them, though my feet still took a step.

I watched Jonas’ hands reach around her back, but Johannes filled my vision then, looming over me and looking down with black eyes.

“Triste,” he said softly, laying his palms along the curve of my hips and pulling until I stepped closer to him.

He bent his head and kissed me in a way that made me forget we hadn’t been doing it forever, and I could feel the moans vibrating through his chest as his fingers closed around my back and he started pulling me into the deeper end of the pool on our side, keeping me flush against him.

He explored my body, reaching those long arms down to play with my ass, and I was rendered incapable of moving or thinking as he gripped me and moved his hands over the lace.

"Is this all you ever wear?" he murmured with a half-laugh, and I gasped as he palmed my ass harder for a moment before abruptly spinning me so my back was pressed to his chest.

My feet didn’t reach the bottom where we were, so he leaned back against the wall and pulled me up around my middle until I was settled against his erection, and he tipped my chin back to ravage my lips again.

His tongue danced along mine in an intoxicating way, making me shiver and moan with the need that was steadily growing as the wetness gathered once more between my legs.

Johannes laughed softly into my ear before softly pulling at my earlobe.

I thought quietly for a moment, taking the seconds to check in with myself and be present in all the sensations I was experiencing - the hard muscle of his legs holding me up, though they were still thin and lean, the warmth of his chest pressed into my back and how his breaths were slow and even, the ends of his hair, lazily trailing through the water and drifting around to tickle at my skin.

He held my face with his left hand, his thumb just behind my ear and his fingers long enough to wrap down my neck, keeping my head where he wanted it as he kissed a line of fire up the other side.

"Are you watching closely," he murmured into me ear, the other arm shifting to still hold me up, but dropping lower to run his fingers over my pussy again.

I was.

Something made of slate gray lace floated away from the intertwined tangle of limbs at the far end of the pool, and the movement of their bodies sent rhythmic waves across the length of it, making the water gently lap at my half-exposed breasts, chilling them in the cool evening breeze.

"Does it turn you on to watch, Triste..." he rasped in my ear.

"I wonder if she's wet like you are..."

His fingers slid more firmly over my entrance, but stayed decidedly far from my clit, making me writhe against him, trying to get more friction, more contact.

The hand holding my face dropped move like lightning down around my neck.

"What did I tell you in the car, Triste."

"I--I don't--"

"I told you," his words dripped dominance and he pressed one finger against my opening, still over top of the lace, just teasing me, "that you deserved a punishment."

"But--but I-" I wanted to scream at the thought that he wasn't going to let me come, and he chuckled darkly as he watched the understanding unfold across my face.

"Coming is for good girls," he reminded, giving my throat a light squeeze before turning my head back to watch Jonas and May.

She cried out against his mouth as he worked her hips with his hands, grinding his cock against her but not fucking her yet. His hands moved like lightning and undid the clap of her bra so she could shrug out of that too before they dropped back down under the water. 

She made a thoroughly indecent comment _en français_ and I heard Johannes chuckling lowly behind me.

"She's mouthy that one, isn't she?" As he murmured to me, he lifted my hips off of his, pushing my panties down off my hips and doing the same the same to his boxers before pulling me back flush against him, skin on skin.

"I wonder what else that mouth does...hmm..." he mused, licking up the shell of my ear and relishing my shivers as I tangled a wet hand back into his hair to hold myself up while his own started working over my body, up and down my waist, my hips, my legs, but never between them.

"Is the inside of her mouth soft like yours, Triste?" he growled, unable to stop from rolling his hips against me at the memory of watching me take his cock into my throat.

The frenzied movements at the other end of the pool stopped, leaving only breathy gasps and a sudden sharper cry as Jonas shifted her just enough to start pressing into her, stretching her open and leaving her a pliable mass of lilac curls and soft skin in his capable hands.

One quick glance at my face made up Johannes' mind, and he moved my hips to start doing the same. He wanted to tease me and make me beg, but he couldn't stand not being inside me while we witnessed the erotic scene. 

"Oh, god, fuuuuck," he groaned, holding my waist with an iron grip so I couldn't maneuver myself further back onto him as he thoroughly broke my concentration.

"Please, please please please please," I babbled, begging anyways at this point for any even accidental brush against my clit.

"You are still not allowed to come yet," he snarled in my ear, making my back arch.

The waves from the other end started anew, and the sound of Jonas growling very nearly undid me on the spot, making Johannes grind his teeth with how hard I clenched around him.

"Goddamn, baby, you do like to watch don't you," he said darkly, still holding himself bottomed out inside me, rolling his hips.

"Is May tight like you are, Triste," he started again, "I wonder if she tastes good like you do..."

"Johannes," I exhaled, overstimulated and overworked and full and so close to the edge but unable to get there.

"Can I tell you a secret," he growled, not bothering to wait for my answer before he started moving, keeping my face forward so I could watch May tug at Jonas' nipple ring with her teeth, "I like to watch too..." his fingers danced over my clit.

My mouth opened in a scream that was soundless at first, my body writhing, completely under his control.

A breathy groan left Jonas' lips and then May disappeared under the water, settling on her knees on the bottom of the pool and his eyes snapped up to mine as he yelled, his fingers curling into her hair as he panted.

"Fuck fuck fuck," he growled, glancing down to watch the way the water distorted her image, making her movements seem exaggerated but still graceful at the same time.

Johannes' fingers brushed over my clit again, more firmly, finally giving me some of the contact I needed so badly, and Jonas' eyes snapped up to mine, the heat in them promptly hurtling me over the edge of an orgasm so intense, the corners of my vision went black.

It set off something like a chain reaction, and Johannes moaned into my ear as his hips stuttered against my ass, his breaths uneven and shallow as he spilled inside me, growling obscenities and jerking my hips back against him harder.

Jonas came too, throwing his head back and crying his pleasure out into the sky in a way that instantly made me want to go again.

"You," he growled when May resurfaced with a cocky smirk, licking her lips. He grabbed her waist and lifted her out of the pool roughly, but with enough care not to scrape her delicate skin against the rough edge of the concrete as he pulled her legs to the edge and buried his face between them.

The sound of his name filled the air, the words swept out to the ocean by the wind.

But I didn't see anymore when Johannes pulled me off his cock and turned me to face him as he panted.

The unbridled lust was gone, the threat of punishment was gone.

There was only that look.

That same look he'd given me last night.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked quietly after several moments, leaning forward to kiss me softly, cupping one hand around the back of my neck, "because if you want it to be just sex, it can be...I think...maybe..."

I smiled at him, brushing a strand of hair away from his face and watching the drop of water from my fingertip slide down over his skin.

"Its not just sex though," I whispered, "I feel...connected to you."

My heart palpitated at the curve of the happy smiling mouth that collided with mine.

"Are you going to be at the festival tomorrow too?"

"Mmhm, same deal as today," I let my legs float behind me as my arms wrapped around his neck.

"Then what?"

"Then...I'm not sure. Then just vacation I guess."

"Are you staying here?"

I nodded, "for the rest of the week."

"Do you...do you want to come stay with me?"

He shocked both of us with the request, and I honestly hadn't even thought about it until that moment, but I laughed when I recovered after a second of looking surprised.

"Are you asking me to move in with you already, Johannes?" I teased, kissing his nose and he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"I just want you in my bed, Triste. Call it whatever you want."

My response was cut off by a searing kiss, only made hotter by the sound of May's screams of pleasure and the wet sounds of Jonas thrusting his fingers into her, growling 'come for me' over and over again into her core.

"Ohh," I gasped as two of Johannes' fingers found my entrance and I pressed my forehead hard against his cheek.

"Again," he said, but he went slower with me this time, letting his fingers slip gently inside me and rolling the pad of his thumb over my clit.

"Come stay with me," he whispered again, nipping at my earlobe, "wake up with me, baby..."

I whimpered and clenched around his fingers which started fluttering inside me, pressing on that one spot he'd found that was so sensitive.

"Please don't stop that feels so good," I whispered, clinging onto him like he was the only thing keeping me upright as my head dipped below the surface of the sea of pleasure and my whole body stiffened with my release.

"Ohh, that's it," he cooed into my ear, keeping me upright and covering me with soothing touches from his opposite hand, "such a good girl..."

He held my exhausted body against his, murmuring little nothings to me, tipping my chin up to kiss me softly every minute or so.

I shivered in the wind as it picked up off the ocean, just beyond the confines of our little pool area.

"Are you cold?"

"Yes, but I don't want to get out yet."

"You're falling asleep, Triste," he laughed softly, wanting to make a sarcastic joke, but finding rather that he wanted nothing more than to feel me sleeping happily in his arms again.

"Not my fault," I murmured with a slow smile, "someone...someone used up all my energy."

"Well then, I'd say the sooner we get you to bed, the sooner those energy stores are full," he teethed at the back corner of my jaw lightly, "and the sooner we can work on depleting them again..."

"Gods, you're insatiable," I giggled, but kissed him hungrily.

"I've been called worse," he shrugged with a grin, pushing off the wall and drifting slowly towards the stairs.

"Woah, wait!"

He gave me a questioning glance as I searched around the pool, finally spotting black lace at the bottom and diving for it. I resurfaced as I adjusted my panties back up on my hips and he held a hand out to me, "lets go, Ariel."


	8. Chapter 8

Jonas and May had disappeared somewhere without her dress or her shoes, and I scooped up both plus my own as I shivered in the night air.

We made our way up the steps slowly, one at a time, stopping every few for a lingering kiss like we were horny, handsy teenagers.

"Come sneak into my bed," I giggled into his lips, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, unable to even think about stopping though I was exhausted.

"Mmm, I can't," he sighed pressing his forehead against mine, "gotta check in with everyone."

"Everyone?"

"...I didn't rent a house by myself for a week..."

"Right. Of course. Duh."

He cocked his head for a moment, watching me before his mouth curved into a little smirk.

"Come meet them."

"NO. What? I mean. Ahem. I can't i'm...not dressed appropriately."

"Hardly dressed at all, if you ask me, but still wearing too much," he chuckled, swallowing my sarcastic reply as his tongue filled my mouth.

"Are you nervous," he purred, doing that thing where he took a step towards me and I took a step back until I was trapped against the side of the house again, clutching my dress against my mostly naked body but still too wet from the pool to even think of squeezing into it.

"Of-of meeting them? N-no, of course I'm not -- _pfft_. Of course I'm not n-nervous."

"Are you sure?" he licked up the side of my neck, just the tip of his tongue, making my back bow into him, "because you're stuttering, Triste. And you only stutter when you're nervous."

"Johannes..."

"Gods, I want you again," he growled when my only real defense was to curl my fingers against his skin.

Someone called his name from the other side of the deck then, and we both froze as he shifted us to shield me from view.

"That would be my cue, I think," he groaned, halfway looking like he was thinking about ignoring whoever it was.

"Right...well...off you go then..."

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course you will," I nodded, breathing a little sigh before resigning myself to saying goodbye.

"And the day after?"

"I told you, I'm here for the whole week," I smiled, "and you can see me every day, if you want to...since we'll be staying together..." I looked down at my knotted fingers as I mumbled the last part, and he paused for a moment.

"Yeah?"

"I-if you want, I mean...we don't...have to..."

His parting kiss was rough, hungry and my own arousal flared up under the heat of his caress.

"Gods, you should be exhausted," I moaned into his lips, gripping his erection through his pants as he pressed against me, and eliciting a low growl, "how are you not?"

"The thought of doing this again is very much keeping me awake..."

He slammed me back hard against the side of the house, muffling my gasp of surprise with one huge hand as the other tore my dress from my fingers and threw it to the deck floor.

In one quick movement he shoved his fingers underneath the lace of my panties, drawing a wide-eyed but mostly silent gasp from me.

"Gotta be quiet, baby," he grinned menacingly, pressing all his weight against me, "don't wanna wake the neighbors..."

His fingers moved fast, almost impossibly so, plunging in and out of me, fucking me hard and grinding his thumb against my clit as my knees started to buckle, but the hand across my mouth all but silenced my moans.

"Give me one more," he growled lowly, panting in my ear, "gush for me, cover me, Triste."

I was so keyed up from the entire night, that he didn't have to work very long for the desired result.

"That's right," he breathed hotly into my ear as he felt my pussy squeezing his digits and my cum gushing across his palm as my hips bucked wildly, "you fucking love how my fingers feel inside you. Its all you're gonna be able to fucking think about tomorrow. Watch me onstage and know that I'll be thinking of you _just.like.this_."

He slammed his fingers into me one more time, uncovering my mouth so he could swallow my throaty cry and taste me one last time, and then he was gone, slipping his fingers into his mouth as he adjusted himself and crossed the deck, and I barely kept my feet under me as my hands grasped the wall for support.

Tim's face was briefly illuminated orange as he bent his head to light his cigarette and I dashed inside with a squeak when he glanced my way.

\--

I slipped into my room unnoticed thankfully, the rest of the house quiet and asleep in the lateness of the hour.

My sheets were warm and inviting, but I took a moment to stand at my window, staring out across the deck at the ocean, praying silently to Her in my mind, thanking her for such a perfect day and for the returned affections of the man I couldn't seem to get out of my brain.

I wanted to express my concerns about Na'eemah's behavior and her unspecified plans, but the sharpness of her words cut off my attempt.

With one last whispered incantation, I undressed, donning a clean tshirt and shorts and collapsing into the warm embrace of much-needed sleep.

\--

When the bed dipped behind me hours later and partially awakened me, I assumed it was May, finally resurfacing from wherever she'd disappeared to with Jonas.

But it wasn't.

His hair was dark enough that I knew it wasn't her when I caught a sleepy glimpse of it, my eyes flying open with the realization as I jolted awake.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered, but he pressed me back into the pillows, and the breeze from the open window informed me just how he'd gotten past my locked door.

"Maybe I missed you," he chuckled, kissing me again, nudging me back so he could get under the blankets with me, and pulling me immediately into his arms so I was facing him and dropping another kiss to my lips.

"Stealing panties and sneaking in bedroom windows, _tsk tsk tsk_, I think you're escalating, Johannes," I teased, whispering so we wouldn't wake anyone else up, though I was sure they were all dead asleep.

"Well I guess I'll just go then," he moved like he was going to get up.

"No!"

Even in the dark, I could see the smirk curving his mouth as he slowly turned back to me

"Stay with me..." I pulled him back down, laying my arm around his back so he couldn't escape again and he hummed a little laugh, wrapping his own arms around me and dipping his fingers under my tshirt to run lazy lines up and down my back.

"May has the same tattoo as you."

"Mmhm...oh, speaking of--"

"Do _not_ even get me started. Its half the reason I'm here," he chuckled, "that girls got some serious stamina."

I buried my face in his chest to muffle my hysterical laughter.

He wasn't lying - May was like me, but even with the pronounced uptick in my own sex drive, which was currently yelling at me from the back of my mind, I'd never been able to keep up with her.

"Good, well at least I know where she is."

"Oh, I highly doubt they'll be leaving his room any time in the near future," he chuckled in response, and I was glad he didn't say anything more about the tattoo.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he said quietly. The backs of his fingers ran down my face and sent a little thrill through my entire body.

"Yes you did."

"Okay maybe just for a minute," he laughed.

"I'm never going to get any sleep around you, am I?"

"Mmm," he kissed me deeply, relishing the way my lips slowly opened to him, "maybe not...but sleep also sounds nice."

I took a deep breath, feeling the relaxation that seemed to naturally fill me now when we were together.

"Then goodnight," I pressed one more kiss to his lips and settled comfortably against his shoulder, the warmth from his hands seeming to make my very bones glow.

"Goodnight, _älskling_," he whispered.

I wanted to ask what it meant, but I was out like a light before the thought fully formed itself. Johannes found himself staring at the ceiling for several quiet minutes, listening to my even breathing, feeling it across his skin, before sleep pulled him away too.

\--

My bed was empty when I woke up, but my bedroom window was still open and the sunshine was streaming through.

"Ah, you're up!" Mat peaked his head in when I sat up and ran a hand back through my hair with a loud yawn, "well, sorry but you just missed him. Not _that_ sorry though."

My stomach dropped.

"Mat...please tell me you didn't harass him."

"Why would I even look twice at that loser, Triste. You're gonna be a very unhappy girl in a moment, so please don't yell at me. I'm far too hungover for yelling today."

He quirked an eyebrow at me when my head cocked to the side in confusion.

"Sorry, who are you talking about?"

The only thing that changed on his face was the slow, knowing curve of his mouth that turned up at one corner as he glanced at the open window.

"I dont know, Triste, who _are_ we talking about? Also, no offense, kitten, but that's not your sexiest bedroom garb..."

I rolled my eyes and swung my feet over onto the floor.

"Up and at 'em, Abbey Road," he smiled as I stood and stretched, absorbing the morning sun.

Something on my windowsill caught my eye, and I crossed to pick it up.

It was a nickel.

"Clever boy," I smiled to myself before turning back to Mat, "Abbey Road? What happened to kitten? I think I like kitten better."

"Yeah, you know, like the Beatles."

"Yes, Matty, I know who made that album."

"She Came in Through the Bathroom Window? Well...He Came in Through the Bedroom Window is I guess a little less midnight _rendez-vous_ and a little more sexual assault, now that I say it out loud..."

I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying my best not to laugh but doing it anyways.

"Don't tell the others please," I said, the smile in my voice evident, giving away how much I loved that we were sneaking about like kids.

How could I not?

It was thrilling.

"Afraid its just you and me this morning, kitten."

That stopped me cold and I whirled towards him.

"Where's Van?"

"Its telling, darling, that you didn't ask where May is."

"I already know where May is, where's Van?"

"Gone. Just huffed out after a rather...ah..."

"A rather what," I groaned through gritted teeth.

"Shall we call it an exchange?"

"Christ," I muttered, moving past him and bolting for the door, hoping I could catch up with him.

I didn't owe him anything, but I did need his help today - the crowd expected for the final day of the festival was supposed to be significantly larger than the other two.

"Van!" I called, catching sight of him just as he angrily tossed his bag in the back seat of his car.

"Fuck off, Triste."

I dashed down the steps, uncaring that I was in my pajamas.

"What the hell, man? You're leaving?"

"Yes, I'm leaving," he hissed when he turned around.

"Why? If this is about the thing at the show yesterday, I'm not mad at you about that, it wasn't a big deal."

"Its not."

"Well...come on, you can't just leave! What the hell's going on?"

"I fucking can!" he yelled, making me take an involuntary step back as he seethed, "I thought that you invited me here because you wanted to start something, but then you two both just -just..."

He could hardly get the words out, and neither of us noticed the extra presence moving down the stairs quietly, listening and watching.

"Everyone knows that May will fuck anything that moves--"

"Hey, watch it," I snapped right back. What he'd said was both unfair and untrue, but he carried on anyways.

"But you, I never expected you to-to...to _whore yourself out_, Triste," he yelled, advancing a step closer, and I paused as the blood pounded in my ears, everything starting to move in slow motion.

"What did you just say to me?"

He felt the heat of my energy and it was his turn to take a step back.

"Is there a problem here?" someone asked.

I whirled around and my heart rate went through the roof.

"What are you sleeping with her too?" Van growled, thoroughly losing his temper and starting to shake.

Tim was perfectly cool, taking a drag off his cigarette and watching Van with narrowed eyes as he answered, leaning back against one of the support beams holding up the deck.

"Not the last time I checked."

"Get in the fucking car and drive before you say something else you're going to regret," I breathed through bared teeth, my face a snarling mask of disdain as I turned back to Van.

"Done and fucking done," he countered, slamming the door and nearly taking out a group of people walking down to the beach as he whipped out of the parking lot.

I watched his car disappear, the frustration radiating off me as I stood rooted to the spot, trying to be reasonable but unable to think about anything except wanting to grind him into the dust and scream in his ear that he was a stupid jerk.

"Smoke?" A voice broke through my tumbling thoughts and I turned around again.

"What?" In the adrenaline of the moment, I'd completely forgotten that Tim appeared and my pulse crept up again as we were face to face now.

"Do you want a cigarette?" He watched me scrub both hands over my face, already knowing who I was and having seen me yesterday from stage, but surprised at how pretty I was up close.

"Uhm. Sure, thanks..."

He moved closer to me and frowned as my hand shook when I accepted the offered cigarette.

"Hey, forget about that guy, he's a dick."

I snorted a half-amused laugh, "done and fucking done, thank you," I said again when he flicked his lighter and cupped the flame as I bent down to ignite the end, taking a deep drag and sighing as the nicotine swirled through my brain.

"Sorry you had to see that," I muttered, shuffling my feet and kicking at the sand that covered the asphalt as I watched it blow around.

"No worries, Triste," he smiled and I coughed on my next inhale as he said my name, looking over at him with wide eyes.

"Oh yeah," he grinned, "I know who you are."

"Fuck," I muttered, running a hand over my face, and Tim found himself instantly liking the way my cheeks colored when I got embarrassed.

He chuckled, turning his face up to the sun and humming as it warmed his skin.

I mumbled an incoherent afterthought, my brain still stuttering on the sound of my name leaving his lips as I took another pull.

He glanced down, watching the smoke curl from my lips as my eyebrows knitted together and I stared at the ground, trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to get through the hordes of people today with one less set of hands.

"I should go back inside and shower and, sorry you didn't need to know that," I muttered, "I should go back inside."

His laugh was perfect - comical and happy, the way a laugh should always sound, and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"I'm a hopeless mess," I shrugged, and he shook his head with another one of those laughs that made me instantly like him.

"Not from what I've heard."

"Oh..." I blushed again, curling my hair behind my ear and looking away, "well, thanks for intervening before I killed him...and thanks for the..." I held up my cigarette before I took one last drag and extinguished it on the ground.

I turned for the house and caught myself about to say "see you later", quickly swallowing the words.

"Hey," I turned at the sound of his voice as he watched me climb the stairs, "see you later," he smirked, and I grabbed the railing before booking it inside to find Matty, wondering how he'd known exactly what I wanted to say.

\--

"_Bonjour_, darling!" May's face was aglow and she descended on me the minute I walked into the room.

"Welcome back," I grumbled, annoyed that now I had to tell her about Van and all the extra work we were going to have to do.

"Ah?"

"Van's gone."

"Yes, Mat told me."

"Did he say what happened? I didn't let him finish before I ran out of here."

"Something about Van being angry that you are sleeping with Johannes, and Mat telling him it wasn't his business."

"How would he even know that?!" I said exasperatedly. I'd been mad as hell about his whoring myself out comment, but I hadn't really even put two and two together that it meant he knew.

She waved a dismissive hand, "_n'a pas d'importance_."

"Well...just you and me then today, babe."

"Come, Triste, such a sad face, it will be okay," she tipped my chin up and pecked her lips against mine, "fuck that guy, he's just being a...ah..."

"Dick," I finished for her and she snapped her fingers.

"_Oui_. He's just being a dick."

"That's what Tim said," I mumbled almost falling over right after as I shrieked with excitement, "oh my gods, th--May, I just met--" I gestured to the door, taking an excited breath and pumping my fist in the air with a squeal.

"He's _so_ good looking up close, oh my gods," I giggled, "and he came out all 'is there a problem here?', gods, fucking _swoon_," I babbled, and she grinned at me.

"See? Much better now. You had better get used to the swooning if we are staying there, hmm?"

"We?"

"Oh yes, _pluie_," she swept her hair off her neck revealing a series of dark purple marks, "we."

I cracked up, taking her hand and spinning around the kitchen.

She was right. Fuck him.

Rather than telling me he was pissed at feeling like he received mixed signals, he'd just bailed, leaving us with what was a hell of a lot of work for three people, and a near impossible amount for two.

"There's my happy girls," Mat laughed, emerging from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and leaning against the doorframe, "gods I feel like a human again, but I'll be pissing pure tequila for a week, I'm sure."

"Bummer, because I was gonna ask if you wanted to help on bar today," I snickered, and he turned a little green.

"Do not even speak of such atrocities to me, Triste," he said dramatically as he made a face like he wanted to be sick.

"Fine! Triste and I will do it ourselves then," May chimed, twirling me around once before expertly dipping me back, and I threw my leg up in the air for a little added pizzazz.

"As its been for thousands of years!" I yelled, wrapping an arm around her waist as she jumped and whirling her in a circle. It was comical, since she was taller than I was, but it still felt good.

Everything felt good. Like some sort of dark cloud looming on the horizon had departed, and I didn't have to watch what I said or walk on eggshells anymore.

"You two," he chuckled, "make me very _very_ sad that I'll be leaving tonight."

"You're leaving too?" I frowned.

"Yes, kitten, I have an early flight to catch tomorrow so it'll be a long sober drive for me tonight."

I made a sad face at him and he scooped me up, showering my cheeks with kisses and making me squeal with laughter as his towel fell to the floor and he strutted across the length of the house to his room, giving his own ass a smack as he disappeared and yelling, "and you better have told Johannes to give Tim my number!!"

I snorted and collapsed onto a stool, gratefully receiving a mug from May's hand across the counter top as we started to game plan our day.

\--

I unlocked the door to our booth, flipping on the lights inside and was shocked to find a vase on the countertop.

May set down the box in her hands and wiped them on the back of her shorts.

"For you?" I asked, and she shrugged.

"One way to find out, _oie_."

The roses were a beautiful, pitch black, and there were nearly two dozen of them - big, lush things with a heavenly aroma that permeated the air. But interspersed were lavender sprigs, and I immediately let out a tiny gasp, pressing a hand to my heart.

He'd remembered.

Somehow, in the throes of passion, he'd remembered me stuttering and stammering that lavender was my favorite flower.

May cocked an eyebrow at me with a grin.

"_Cherie, regardez la carte_."

I pulled the envelope from the plastic holder and flicked it open with my thumbnail.

"Oh...my...gods..."

I clutched it to my chest.

It was hand-written.

And it wasn't from Johannes.

_To the most delicious little bloom that I have ever had the pleasure of caressing _   
_Thank you for those brief few moments of consummate bliss -- the sound of you whispering my name under the lights rang in my ears for hours _   
_Perhaps we will meet again, in this life or another... _

_Forever yours, _   
_Papa. _

_P.S. continue to think of me when those pretty fingers start to wander, my dear. _

The alchemical symbols were at the bottom, and a tiny series of hieroglyphs were in the bottom corner.

That motherfucker.

I fucking knew it.

I started to hyperventilate as my inner fangirl did that thing where you take a massive breath before you scream at the top of your lungs.

May all but tore the paper from my hands, her eyes scanning quicker than her brain could translate, and she had to read it twice before she looked at me making that same face like she was about to scream too.

Her mouth moved soundlessly though, and she looked back down at the paper, her face immediately changing as the little glyphs caught her eye and she looked like she'd been punched in the gut.

"Ihy?"

"Gotta be," I said breathlessly. My translation skills weren't great anymore, but that had been my guess too. "Music, lust, fertility? Its gotta be him - that's basically Three's epitaph."

"Wow..."

We were both thunderstruck and stared at the roses.

"I didn't know that anyone else did this--" she gestured around vaguely and I assumed she meant 'I didn't know anyone else experienced perpetual rebirth', "how does he know?!"

"The tattoo I guess? He must have known right then, or at least suspected because his eyes changed color last night when we were...saying goodbye..."

"Is that _un euphémisme_?" 

"No, I mean like we were actually parting ways, and his eyes turned this really intense green, like ours do...and I ah...I may have said one or two things about...ah..."

She cocked an unimpressed eyebrow at me.

"About serving the Mistress of Dread and...you know... 'I'll have my answers', and stuff..."

She wagged a finger at me, "you are going to get us in big trouble with your mouth, Katrine Triste."

"Hey, woah with the first name!" I put both hands up and she rolled her eyes but couldn't stop her smile as she picked up the vase and whirled around with it like they were dancing.

\--

We left the roses on the bar, both of us caressing the soft petals every time we walked by them.

As it turned out we hit a solid rhythm, managing the flurries of patrons with more speed than I expected as we twirled and danced, singing at the tops of our lungs when May knew the songs and flipping our hair about when she didn't.

I knew Jonas saw us as his face lit up with a laugh and he shook his head a little back and forth, grinning at May who blew him a kiss dramatically.

I watched Johannes onstage, wondering every time we locked eyes if he was thinking about what he'd said he would be.

He certainly hadn't been wrong about me, and I found myself more than once pressing my legs together hard at the memory of him tearing the last orgasm from me, taking what he wanted, and feeling the way he got off on it almost as much as I had.

The girl with the metallic lip paint appeared halfway through the set as I was loudly singing Henrik's backing vocal line in Bloody Angel, and she failed to hide the shock on her face when I turned and she caught sight of me.

I was surprised too, but quickly replaced the look with something significantly more smug.

"Sorry, love, were you expecting someone else?" I asked sweetly.

I knew what she'd done, and she instantly knew so, turning crimson and glancing around like she wanted to flee.

I made her drink, the same as yesterday though she hadn't had to ask, and I was sure it was going to be dumped as soon as she was out of sight.

I turned to her again.

"Watch that carefully, little girl, no telling what strangers will try to do while you look away..."

I purposefully let some of the green bleed into my steely gray irises as I gripped the cup tight, not letting her take it just yet, "and if I ever find out that you willingly let someone get drugged, I will find you..."

She squeaked and ran away without her drink.

I glanced up and Tim was staring at me from stage with both eyebrows raised.

I tossed my hair back over my shoulder and tipped the cup towards him before taking a sip and turning back to the next person in line.

\--

I got that same thrill all over again when the crowd quieted down just before Ghost's set started, and I hoped Papa would be able to see the flowers still adorning the bar.

In theory he would be, since the whole thing would be shutting down while it was still daylight hours.

He appeared onstage, graceful and practically floating from place to place, and I giggled and shrieked, grasping May's hands hard.

"_Sa boutonnière_!" She squealed over the music! She'd seen it too - a perfect little black rose with a sprig of lavender on each side, pinned to the lapel of his suit.

"I'm gonna pass out. Honestly, I'm going to just fall flat on the fucking ground," I giggled, feeling like I was high, soaring through the clouds.

The feeling lasted the entire time he was onstage, and I felt pure, unadulterated happiness in his presence.

He hummed lowly into the microphone when he caught sight of his gift and his opposite hand traveled to caress the flower pinned against him, inclining his head towards us slightly as we both raised our cups to toast him.

I was dazed and dreamlike as we packed up the bar, leaving most of the half-full bottles for the venue staff if they wanted them.

Mat appeared, and I noticed with a laugh that he was keeping a few feet of distance between himself and the bar.

"Come kiss me goodbye, kittens, I've gotta run," he called, beckoning us out of the booth and wrapping us both up in his arms as we descended on him.

"I'll only be gone for a month, my pet, I promise I'll send pictures," he murmured into my hair.

"You better," I poked him in the side, "and we'll throw you a big party when you come home. Lots and lots of tequila."

He almost gagged and shot me a warning look as I giggled.

"You are a wicked little girl, Triste, and I hope Johannes puts you over his knee and spanks you for it."

I punched my arm against his shoulder as I gasped and blushed hard. "Your modesty would fool the Holy Father, my darling. Kiss kiss."

He pecked us each on both cheeks and we watched him go.

"What now?"

May shrugged, hoisting a box on her hip from the bar counter.

"Now we go home and see _nos garçons_."

I shivered with anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying that I firmly believe that Tobias Forge is Ihy reincarnated, but...he's tiny, he's musical...lust, pleasure, fertility anyone? HEYO.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the French, its been a hot minute since I studied it in any real way.  
More sorry about the Swedish, but when am I not?

The house seemed quiet without Mat or Van, and I winced at the clang when I set the box of equipment down on the counter a little louder than I meant to.

May glanced over at me, pulling her hair into a high pony on top of her head after setting the vase of roses on the counter.

"Wanna meditate for a minute with me?" I asked, reaching for her hand and leading her out to the deck when she rolled her shoulders and relaxed into a smile.

The sun was starting to set, painting the ocean a dizzying array of orange and pink as it disappeared behind us and we both hopped up onto the railing, balancing on the top plank.

I tried to focus and ignore the sudden thrill that shot up my spine when I spotted Johannes standing ankle-deep out in the water, hands in his pockets staring out at the vast expanse of ocean, and I put one finger to my lips when May glanced sideways at me and opened her mouth to make a comment.

She took my right hand in her left and we both closed our eyes, silently reciting and repeating, thanking our goddess, asking for her divine guidance in the coming days, and finally May breathed a deep sigh, giving my hand a little squeeze so I would open mine too as she hopped off the railing, landing gracefully on her feet.

Johannes had noticed our presence sometime during the last quiet minutes and he smiled at me from the water, nodding his head for me to come join him.

I climbed down off my perch, turning to search for May, but she was in the process of disappearing over the wall, no doubt intending to find Jonas and pick up where they left off, so I shrugged to myself and hit the stairs, kicking off my shoes and sinking my toes into the sand that was going cool with the coming of the evening.

"Hey pretty girl," he smiled down at me, "come here often?"

I chuckled and took his offered hand, thinking to myself that he was more beautiful than I'd ever seen him, bathed in the soft glow of the sunset.

It softened his somewhat angular features, and the breeze pulled hair hair up off his shoulders.

The sight made me catch my breath as he took both my hands and took a few steps backwards into the water, until the waves were lapping halfway up his calves.

My feet stopped moving as I tried to still the sudden frantic beating of my heart when he looked down fondly at me, running his thumbs over the backs of both my hands.

"I wish I could take a picture of you right now," I sighed, drinking in the image of his hair blowing around his shoulders and the ocean kissing at his skin.

I tried my best to commit every detail to memory and sealed it with a kiss, leaning up into him and giggling against his lips as the water tickled at my legs.

He pressed his forehead to mine but didn't open his eyes.

"Where the hell did you come from, Triste..." he whispered.

I didn't answer because I wasn't sure what to tell him.

_We could tell him... _

The thought was unbidden, and insane, but as soon as it surfaced, I couldn't make it go away.

A torrent of white-hot anxiety shot through my whole body and I stiffened involuntarily with fear.

But there was something else there too... I searched deep down, chewing on my lip and trying to put a name to this second emotion that was barely peaking its head over the fear.

Exhilaration.

A small shaky laugh left my lips when I realized that was it, and I pulled back fractionally to look up at Johannes.

His blue eyes weren't guarded against me anymore, and I saw in his gaze that he trusted me, even though we really hardly knew each other.

"If you really want to know, I'll tell you, Johannes..."

His head cocked slightly to the side and he opened his mouth to reply when someone called his name and his eyes flicked over my left shoulder briefly before lighting up.

"Come with me, Triste," he smiled and took my hands again.

"Where are we go--" I turned and the words died on my lips.

Henrik was only a little taller than me, dressed casually in shorts and a gray tshirt that looked so soft my fingers fidgeted with the urge to touch it. He bent to remove his shoes before advancing on us.

I took a deep breath to steel myself.

_okay okay okay okay you can do this. Just a person. He's just a person. _

"This is Hen--"

"Hi," Henrik interrupted, with a slightly startled look on his face as he extended his hand to me automatically and I took it without looking away from him out of habit as well.

His palm was warm and soft as his hand held mine, and I was aware that we should probably have let go of each other after a moment, but we continued to stare in silence as the seconds ticked by.

His eyes were a darker blue than Johannes', and everything about him radiated comfort and tenderness, just like I'd always thought it would, and I felt emotionally pulled to him in a way that surprised me.

But after the last few days, I wasn't about to question anything that happened in my life.

"Hi...i-its nice to m-meet you, Henrik," I choked out with one hard mental facepalm.

He squeezed my hand lightly and his lips curled up at one side into a little smile as he finally let it go.

_Gods, he's even more beautiful up close. _

"Likewise...uhm..."

"Hmm? Oh, Triste, I'm Triste. God. Sorry, I'm such a lunatic," I said shaking my head and running my hands over my face.

Henrik snorted a laugh and I peeked up at him through my fingers.

"Triste..." he repeated, his lips curving into that same slow smile as he said my name again and caught my gaze.

I was more than surprised at what _that _did to my insides, and I reached blindly for the hand of the man standing next to me, who seemed to be beyond tickled by the entire interaction.

Johannes laced his fingers through my own automatically now, and I felt grounded by it, taking a moment to smile back over at Henrik before my sanity left me all together and I lost the capability to do anything but stare and babble on about nothing.

His lips parted slightly and we got sucked into each others' stares again.

His hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, but the sunset made the loose tendrils shine like copper, blowing around in the breeze.

"Wow, your hair is so beautiful...oh my g--I'm so sorry, please just ignore me," I said, shaking my head and turning fire engine red as he threw his head back and laughed.

"I promise I'm not usually like this!" I whined into my hands, blushing harder at the sound of his laugh.

"Yeah, he would ignore it, but he gets told that at least twice a day by strangers, and I think he gets off on it," Johannes snickered as he pulled me closer to him, wrapping a hand around my waist as he raised an eyebrow at his friend, who was looking at me once more, his eyes traveling over my own hair as it blew around my face.

He caught Johannes' gaze when he tactfully cleared his throat after several moments of complete silence.

"Huh?"

"Did you need something?"

"Oh right. Uh, John was uhm, John was looking for you."

They switched to Swedish for a moment and I let go of Johannes' hand to wander a little further away into the surf, turning my back to give them a moment to talk.

I didn't feel Henrik's eyes following me, and I didn't notice when Johannes headed back up the sand towards the house.

I watched the sinking sun paint the ocean and closed my eyes to breathe deeply of her rich, life-giving aroma as I wrapped my arms around myself and let my thoughts do the same.

There was no escaping the idea now -- I'd told Johannes that I would answer his question, even though I knew he didn't mean it that way. And I found that I honestly wanted to, but why? I'd never told anyone in all my lifetimes.

_But what happens when he knows? Hmm? Did you even think that far ahead? He's going to run for the fucking hills, Triste._

"Ugh. Shut up for once, would you?" I muttered.

"What? I didn't say anything." My head whipped to the side, where Henrik was standing three feet behind me with his hands in his pockets.

I clamped my lips shut to stop the groan that threatened to embarrass me further.

"Sorry, not you...I mean...just...my brain sometimes doesn't uhm...doesn't stop...chattering...fuck, I'm so sorry, I promise I'm not this weird."

Henrik snorted a laugh but didn't respond otherwise.

When he noticed me hug my arms tighter around myself as the chilly wind picked up, he reached out a hand and hesitated only a moment before putting it on my shoulder.

"Come on, lets go inside, dinners almost ready."

His touch was gentle, but I felt it down to the tips of my toes.

I didn't have to be told twice, and I smiled at him softly before we headed up the beach and climbed the steps to the house, making idle small talk.

The sounds of laughter filled my senses before we even got inside, and I couldn't stop the grin the crossed my lips at the sound as I trotted up the steps.

Henrik pressed his hand to my lower back as we moved up the last stair and I shivered hard involuntarily again at the touch.

He apologized quickly and removed it but I shook my head in dismissal, trying to keep the ear-to-ear grin to an absolute minimum.

"No, it's okay," I turned to look at him and his eyes met mine as I found myself touching his cheek softly, not wanting him to worry. He involuntarily leaned into my touch even as his eyes went fractionally wider, and I now found that I was the one apologizing.

"Sorry I'm touchy, its a southern thing," I shrugged, blushing when I pulled my hand back, feeling the heat from his face stay on my palm as I pulled away and fought not to press it to my own cheek.

"Oh I think you and I are gonna get along just fine," he smiled back, curling a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

"Hey babe, come here," a voice said from just inside the screen door behind me and I winked at Henrik quickly before crossing the deck to the house.

Johannes stepped outside to meet me where I was, quickly grabbing my hand and spinning me around in a circle. A gay laugh bubbled from my lips as my heart felt like it was going to explode from happiness, and I let myself be pulled in to his kiss when his arm encircled my waist.

Henrik chuckled to himself with a shake of his head and slid the door shut behind him, seeing that we were otherwise occupied for the moment as our figures entwined.

My back hit the side of the house as Johannes deepened our kiss, sliding his tongue along my own and pulling soft moans and sighs from my lips as my fingers tangled into the darkness of his hair.

"This is not --_ohh_ \-- not very inconspicuous," I gasped as his lips felt like pure flame whispering down the side of my throat, nipping and sucking at the skin there.

My hips involuntarily pressed forward, seeking his, and his breath was warm as he laughed into the creamy skin of my neck.

"What about us ever is, Triste?"

I knew it was absurd, but hearing the word 'us' leave his lips made my toes curl and I pulled his face up to kiss him passionately, filling his mouth with my tongue and moaning at the way he tasted - perfect and wild.

Johannes groaned into my lips, pinning me harder to the wall and grinding his hips into mine before breaking away and biting his lower lip between his teeth as he stared at me, warring with himself over the propriety of fucking me against the side of the house in clear sight and earshot of everyone else.

"We'll finish this later," I whispered lowly, deciding for him and pressing my fingernails into the soft skin at the side of his neck just hard enough to make him shiver again.

"Just tell me if its too much okay? I don't want you to..." he searched for the words, "just remember we're people okay?"

"Just people," I nodded, promising myself I would relax and just take everything in stride.

He gently butted my forehead with his own and I pushed myself off the wall after one more kiss, heading for the door.

I glanced back over my shoulder at him with a smile as I opened it and took a step, only to run smack into someone's chest.

"Oh, shit, sorry!" I stuttered, looking up at the owner of the warm hands that suddenly gripped my waist to steady me, who turned out to be John.

"Oh...hello..." I said again when I realized who it was.

_Gods, do all these boys have fire in their veins? _

"Are you okay?" he asked, biting back a laugh at my fierce blush and letting go of me, "you must be Triste."

I nodded my head and he reached down for my hand, giving it a little squeeze like I had to Henrik's. His hair was down, covering one of the shaved sides of his head and his smile was nothing but kind, his broad mouth curving in a perfectly friendly, almost dangerously alluring way.

"I'm glad you're here. Henrik just told us _all_ about you," he smirked over his shoulder at his friend inside who yelled something in Swedish that made everyone laugh but me.

I awkwardly fidgeted with my fingers, unsure what to make of that comment, until Johannes pushed me in through the door with a firm pinch against my ass.

I yelped and jumped inside, making everyone laugh again, and bringing another crimson blush to my cheeks as I turned to glare at him.

_Take everything in stride, huh... _

"That just leaves me then, I guess," the last of them said, and I turned to Tim, who shocked the hell out of me by pressing a kiss to my cheek in greeting as his hand warmly pressed against my hip.

"Hi again," he smiled. His whiskers tickled my skin, but I found myself loving the way his eyes twinkled when he smiled, and that same electric rush that I'd experienced the day before happened again.

My hand instinctively went to the spot where his lips had brushed me and my mouth moved soundlessly for a moment as my brain caught up the fact that his lips had just touched my skin.

"I...I...its nice to meet all of you...uhm...ah...t-thanks for having me over...I mean..."

Jonas' shoulders started shaking with silent laughter and I threw him a slightly exasperated glance, which only made the laughter tumble aloud from his lips.

"Sorry!" he shook his head, still laughing and May swatted him on the arm.

"Oh, be nice, _mon cher_! She is a delicate little flower."

He turned and growled playfully before lunging forward and showering her with kisses, making her shriek with delighted laughter.

Everyone else watched and seemed to relax where they were, leaning back against counters or sitting in chairs.

Johannes slid the door shut behind himself and settled his shoulders back against the wooden frame, pulling me against him and wrapping me up in his arms.

The smiles on everyone's faces made the atmosphere feel warm and light, and Henrik pressed a glass of wine into my hand with that smile that reached his eyes before crossing back to the stove to stir something that smelled heavenly.

As I thanked Henrik, Johannes leaned down to whisper into my ear, "doing okay? That wasn't so bad, right?"

"I'm good, its just a little overwhelming to meet everyone at once I think. Only because I know your music and felt like I know you all in a weird way through it, but don't...know you. Does that make any sense?"

I leaned back further into him, and his arms tightened like a haven around me as he hummed agreement.

I was sure it was weird for him that we found ourselves in this situation, me being a fan and all, but he didn't seem outwardly affected by it.

Maybe I was doing a better job than I thought at keeping the fangirling to a minimum...

I instinctively swirled and sniffed at my wine without noticing I was doing it as my eyes traveled around the room, and my brain began subconsciously running through all the elements of my training as I watched everyone laughing and chatting.

White peach, golden apple, limestone, some oak, but it smells French - vanilla, not dill. Not stony enough to be Sancerre, a little more rounded out.

I closed my eyes as I inhaled the heady aroma more purposefully to confirm my suspicions before lowering my glass and humming happily.

"God, I love white Burgundy."

A movement from the corner of my vision caught my eye and I looked over to where Tim was leaning back comfortably against the countertop, his beer frozen halfway to his lips, staring at me with his head cocked to the side.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Did you just guess that without trying it?"

"Erm...its...I just know it because its my favorite..."

"Oh, nonsense, _mon tendre_," May turned her attention from me over to Tim after she said it, "Triste knows French wine better than _les français_. Her palate is...hmm...how in English..._sans precedent_..."

"_Se comportez, vous_!" I giggled, wagging my finger at her.

She made an utterly French sound in her throat and dismissed my own dismissal with a wink, turning to Jonas, who dipped his head to whisper something in her ear that I was sure wasn't appropriate for present company.

She giggled and tugged on his hair till he bent his lips to hers with a little growl.

They didn't pull apart and continued to make out loudly in the middle of the kitchen, but no one seemed to mind, and I tried to stop the heat that bloomed in my core as Tim caught my gaze again.

Henrik was the one who broke the silence, looking over his shoulder and rolling his eyes, "if you two are gonna disappear, do it now, because dinners in fifteen."

May pulled back with a sigh and brushed her thumb across Jonas' lower lip.

"_Pas assez de temps, je pense..._"

He took the tip of her thumb between his teeth and bit down slightly, pulling a breathy sigh from her lips as his eyes bored holed into hers.

I knew his French wasn't great, but he seemed to get her meaning anyways.

I rolled my own eyes towards the ceiling and shook my head at her, unable to help but laugh as I took my first sip of wine.

"Mmm, I definitely was right though, wasn't I?" I smirked at Tim, who shrugged.

John held up the bottle in confirmation and I tipped my glass towards him with a smile.

Henrik was doing a hundred things at once and I was fascinated watching him move, completely in his own world, like everyone else ceased to exist. I moved out of Johannes' grasp and touched his arm softly.

"Can I help?"

"What? Oh, hi," he smiled, confirming what I'd just been thinking, "actually, yeah can you get plates down?"

"I can," I stood on my tip toes to reach into the cabinet and I heard Tim mumble something before clearing his throat and leaving the room. 

"Thanks," Henrik took them from my hands and set them on the other side of the stove, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as he put the finishing touches on dinner and I watched intently. 

We all served ourselves at the stove, and the warmth of both the camaraderie and the wine drove me to press a little kiss to Henrik's cheek as I thanked him for cooking. His entire face lit up and he smiled at me with a tenderness that made my heart melt.

"Eat before it gets cold, _älskling_," he said, squeezing my hand.

"What is that? That word." I remembered Johannes saying it to the night before as I was halfway asleep.

"Its a term of endearment," John said behind my shoulder, nudging me forward just a little with his hip playfully so I would move along, and answering for Henrik when his cheeks turned pink and he couldn't figure out how to tell me that he'd just called me sweetheart.

It was such a beautiful night, we decided to eat out on the deck, and everyone pulled chairs and couches around the firepit, which was soon blazing and radiating warmth to combat the cool breeze.

"Come sit next to me," Tim urged when he reappeared seeming somewhat more collected, pulling me by the hand towards him on the couch.

I glanced over at Johannes who threw his hands up in surrender with a grin and a look that said I'd answer for it later. I looked back with a smile of my own before settling next to Tim, close enough that my knee rested against his thigh when I crossed my legs under me and we all dug into our food.

He asked questions about what I did, and made silly jokes that I couldn't help but giggle at. Every time I laughed, his eyes softened and soon he was resting his hand on my knee, gently stroking his thumb back and forth every so often, reveling in the smoothness of my skin, subconsciously attracted to the energy just underneath the surface.

I glanced at Johannes, who was watching me with a contented smile, loving that his friends seemed to warm up to me just as he had, and not seeming too concerned with Tim touching me that way. He hadn't seemed concerned with Henrik doing so either, and I was glad for it, as I rather enjoyed their little shows of attention and friendly affection once I got over the initial jolt of being around them at all.

Henrik sat on my other side, close as well, and I was enveloped in warmth and happiness and the soft glow of the friendships that had existed for more than a decade.

He leaned over every so often when someone would make a saucy retort in Swedish to another's comment and whispered to me what they'd said, always grinning like we were sharing a secret.

The firelight gleamed off his hair, making it shine, and I found myself more than once clenching my fist around my fork so I wouldn't reach out and touch it.

He pretended not to notice with a little smile.

I set my empty plate on the ground as I shivered in the breeze and wrapped my arms across my torso, thankful for the two bodies on either side of me that seemed to radiate heat, but thinking I might need to go in and find a jacket anyways.

I was about to excuse myself to do so when a cotton zip-up landed in my lap and I looked up to see John smiling over at me from his seat near Johannes.

"Did you just read my mind?"

"Definitely. That and your teeth are almost chattering," he laughed quietly with a wink.

"Thanks," I pulled the material up my arms, still warm from his body heat and rich with his scent. The sleeves were far too long on me and I fussed with them for a moment until my hands finally found the ends, and his broad mouth twitched with a soft smile.

\--

May leaned into the corner of the loveseat on the opposite side of the fire and stretched her legs out over Jonas' lap. She put her plate on the deck floor when she finished eating and leaned back to look up at the sky, a soft contented smile curving her lips slightly as her eyes moved over the vast expanse of blurred darkness.

She sat up after a moment and whispered into Jonas' ear.

A smile twisted his lips as he spoke slowly to her in response.

"Henrik?" she said sweetly, dropping the 'H'.

"Yes?" he answered, glancing away from my hand buried in the sleeve of John's jacket that he'd been watching drift back and forth absently over my leg as I looked up at the moon too.

She leaned forward into Jonas one more time, giggling as he whispered into her ear and she repeated slowly, mimicking his accent to perfection.

"_Det...var...gott...tack..._"

Henrik threw his head back laughing, trying to stifle it with his hand, but it was infectious and we soon were all laughing.

"YOU!" she glared at Jonas, swatting his arm again, "you made me say something _sale_!"

"No, no," Henrik laughed again, the sound making my heart ring, "he didn't. You're very welcome, May..." he continued to chuckle as he finished his food.

I watched her talk animatedly with Jonas, leaning in for a kiss every so often as they melted into each others' company. She shifted to lay her head in his lap and his deft fingers moved through her hair in a repetitive way that was almost hypnotic to watch as the firelight glinted off the ring on his middle finger, smoothing over her lilac curls that settled nearly down to his ankles.

"Are you still cold?" the voice next to me asked, and I slowly nodded, still enraptured in the couple across from me.

"Come here..." Tim settled his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to himself with a smile as I leaned into his side and put my head on his shoulder.

I didn't feel encroached upon - rather the opposite. He felt my draw, as I had felt his, and I instinctually leaned into him further until his hand rested around my shoulder and he looked down at me with a contented smile.

I was quite sure in that moment that literally nothing could make me happier, and rather than sending my pulse fluttering, I felt my entire body relax into his touch - perfectly trusting a stranger again. But he didn't feel like a stranger. He felt familiar in a way I didn't understand, but wasn't going to question as I stole as much of his body heat as I could. 

"I like the color of your hair," he murmured, suddenly wanting nothing more than to lace his fingers through my own and pull me closer.

"Thank you, its been this way since I was sixteen. It was bright red before then if you can believe it - it used to look like John's. But the color just faded," I finished with a little shrug.

Everyone always thought my hair was dyed and I was used to explaining it.

"Excuse me? I don't know what you're talking about, my hair is naturally this gorgeous shade of black," John coughed, trying to get the words out without laughing as he flipped it dramatically with the backs of his fingers.

"Yes, of course, my bad," I answered with an eyeroll as I giggled.

Henrik laid his hand on my calf and I tucked my legs sideways under me, leaning further into Tim, and we all settled in that way, the boys laughing and chatting as I simply listened and enjoyed the mingled sounds, closing my eyes after a few minutes.

Johannes looked over at me and caught my gaze when they opened, nodding his head to the side in an invitation to come sit with him.

"No, don't get up yet," Tim snuggled me closer for a moment.

"Got to, I've been summoned," I giggled, fighting the sudden urge to shift in his arms and plant a kiss on his lips.

Best get up then.

I shifted out from under Henrik and Tim's hands and Johannes caught me around the waist, pulling me into his lap as I laughed, the sound quickly turning into a playful shriek as my feet left the ground and he pulled me down into a possessive kiss.

"I was enjoying that, you know," I teased, tapping my finger against the end of his nose once like I was scolding him.

"I needed to feel you under my hands again," he growled playfully, "just in case you were getting any ideas about letting Tim steal you away from me," he kissing me heartily and tightening his grip on me as I laughed helplessly.

"I don't know, Tim what do you think? Are you plotting to steal me away?" I scoffed, looking over my shoulder at the other man with a grin as I sat sideways on Johannes' knees.

I didn't expect or miss the brief flash in his gaze, but he tactfully made a joke everyone laughed at as we both recovered.

I got up to take the dishes back to the kitchen and dropped a swift kiss on top of Henrik's curls and repeated May's newly-learned phrase in Swedish.

He rubbed my arm fondly in response.

"You're very welcome," he smiled, looking a little surprised at my gesture, but happy, "you don't have to do this, I'll get them."

"Nonsense, you cooked!"

"You helped!"

"Please, getting down the only dishes I can probably reach in that kitchen is _not _helping," I giggled and danced out of his reach before he could take the plates from my hands and his eyes followed me to the door as he wondered if he'd stopped smiling even for a minute since we'd met.

May stood and gathered the dishes I couldn't carry and followed me inside.

As I dropped them in the sink and ran the water, she reached over across me to shut it off, sensing something off in my body language.

"Mmm?" She searched my face, "what is it cherie?"

I tried to turn away, but her thumb and forefinger caught my chin and forced me to turn towards her unrelenting stare.

She searched my eyes for a moment once more.

"Ah..._ma cherie, tu l'aime_..."

"What? _Non...non...je le connais à peine..._"

"Not Tim, _oie_."

"Oh...look I need to do these dishes...ah..."

"Pfft, suit yourself _mon amour, mais je te connais le mieux_."

"I...I just...I can't, not yet...we don't even know each other!"

I was so lost in my denial of the obvious that I didn't hear Johannes slip inside.

Neither of us did.

I ran my hands back through my hair and rolled my shoulders.

"Nedjem..._comment puis-je avoir des milliers d'années et...et_...and he's affecting me like this...its freaking me out...I should know better by now."

She sighed, pressing her forehead to my shoulder and whispered lowly in French still, "because you're not even 30 yet in this life, little goose, you have a lot to learn...we always do this, hmm? We learn these lessons each time."

I nodded and opened my eyes to press my lips to May's cheek.

She pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me, her embrace comforting and familiar.

"Trust, _pêche_," she breathed, "it all works out."

"Come on, they'll wonder what we've gotten into here alone, I'll finish these later," I reached for her hand and laced our fingers together for a brief moment, giving them a squeeze.

When I turned, I saw Johannes standing frozen near the door with several empty glasses in his hands and a puzzled look on his face that made my stomach drop into the pit of the floor and keep going.

May squeezed my hand fractionally tighter, sensing my immediate anxiety and discomfort, and doing her best to smooth over the situation.

"Johannes..._il est impoli d'écouter_..."

She spoke rapidly, testing his French, trying to see what all he may have heard.

"_Je suis desole_..." he mumbled, moving past us to refill everyone's glasses.

I started to shake with panic and I wanted nothing more than to bolt out the door and tear down the beach, but May was having none of it. She frowned at me and shook her head, knowing exactly what I was about to do.

"Would you like any help?" she asked Johannes, physically stepping between us so I could have a moment to collect myself as my eyes darted around the room like I was in immediate danger.

"Uhm. No, I've got it. Thanks," he mumbled, glancing over his shoulder.

His hand shook as he poured the wine, and May pulled me back out onto the deck, leading me over to the couch where I'd been before and depositing me once more between Tim and Henrik.

"Do not let her move from here," May said sternly to them, and Tim raised his eyebrows in response but didn't argue.

He could feel the shift in my mood and glanced warily over at me, chewing my lip so much I was going to wear a hole in it eventually. He gathered me into his side again, and I willingly put my head back down on his shoulder as my thoughts tangled themselves into a Gordian knot that Alexander himself would have been proud of.

"What's got you turned inside out all of a sudden?" Henrik gently asked, leaning over to speak lowly to me with a little frown pulling at his mouth, but I didn't hear him.

All I could think about was the look on Johannes' face and how I'd just blown the only really good thing I had going.

_That's it. Its done. He's going to think you're insane and he won't ever want to see you again, Triste. _

A thumb gently pulled at the skin just beneath my lower lip, and I blinked quickly several times as I came back to my senses and looked up to see Johannes, gently gripping my chin and holding my glass out to me.

His eyes were uncertain, but he took my hand and pulled me up to my feet.

"Come sit with me now," he said, and it didn't sound very much like I had a choice.

My movements were stiff, almost wooden, and I glanced over at May with something between mild concern and abject terror in my gaze. Her almost imperceptible nod didn't instill much confidence and I resigned myself to just getting through the evening until I could make my escape.

I'd pack all my shit and be gone before the sun even had a chance to think about rising.

"Relax, Triste," he whispered into my ear when I was firmly seated next to him, "you're going to give yourself a stroke if you keep clenching your jaw that way."

Enough amusement colored his tone that I looked at him with surprise, not even bothering to hide it.

"You--you're not..."

He gripped my chin again to stop me chewing on my lip so he could lean over and kiss me softly.

"Relax," he repeated.

_Maybe he isn't mad at all. Maybe he didn't understand anything. Fucking hell, Triste, a little more caution moving forward, you idiot._

I did relax, curling up in Johannes' embrace as he drank and laughed with everyone.

I gave May a little shrug when she leaned back into Jonas and looked over at me.

Whatever he'd heard, he obviously didn't understand enough to be upset.

Everything seemed like it was going to be okay, and I promised to myself that I'd be more careful in the future. That was simply too close of a call. I mentally chastised myself for my foolishness, trying to recall the feeling I had been so consumed with earlier on the beach -- the desire to share with Johannes my deepest secret.

It was there when I searched for it, but I simply couldn't tell him now...

Henrik passed by where we were sitting to step inside, and he looked down at me as he patted my knee to get my attention, letting his hands rest there and squeeze when I didn't immediately notice.

"You're a thousand miles away, aren't you," he smiled when I glanced up at him with a start.

"I'm sorry, I'm here, I promise. What's up?"

"Do you want another drink?" I was feeling pretty tipsy at it was, but I moved to get up and help when I accepted his offer.

"Uh-uh," the hand around my waist pulled harder, "you're staying with me," he growled lowly into my ear before pressing his lips to my hair.

I shivered and looked up at Henrik helplessly.

"I think I'm stuck."

"It would seem so," he laughed, taking my glass and grinning at me one more time before disappearing inside.

Johannes shifted me and his fingers started to wander as he kept up with every conversation happening with everyone, flawlessly toggling back and forth between three languages.

I was incapable of doing anything after several minutes except stare into the fire and think about getting him away and back into his bedroom as quickly as possible.

I finally sat up and downed the last sip of wine in my glass before looking over at him. He glanced at me then did a double take when he caught the heat in my stare.

"I think that's my cue," he said to everyone else without taking his eyes off me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The point of no return? This is it.  
Buckle the fuck up, my friends.

I stood from our couch and put one finger up to keep him where he was for a moment. My near-brush with fate was driving me to take advantage of the connections I'd made with everyone over the course of the evening, and I could hardly stop myself once the idea crossed my mind.

"Just let me say goodnight first," I breathed.

Johannes was staring at me like he could make my clothes disappear if he just tried hard enough, and I tried to stifle a smirk as I reached my arms up and stretched, staring up at the night sky.

_*My child, proceed, but with caution...* _

Her call in my head startled and pleasured me and I smiled up at the sky, heeding her words before turning to everyone and starting with the closest one.

"Thank you again for a wonderful dinner, Henrik," I said softly as I cupped my hand to his cheek and leaned down to him. He gasped softly in surprise as I pressed my lips to his in a gentle, chaste kiss that only lasted a moment. The sound of it breaking sent a torrent of heat through me and I brushed my thumbs across his face before I moved over to Tim.

"Goodnight, Tim."

He anticipated my kiss and parted his lips a fraction of an inch to capture mine in an embrace that was somehow deliciously intimate, but kosher at the same time, brief as it was.

An almost silent groan left his lips as his fingers dared to curl my hair behind my ear, shaking only a little when he did so.

When I pulled back and his eyes opened, the irises were alight and the color there seemed to swirl like water, drawing me in and I had to fight not to press my lips right back to his.

I crossed to kiss John next, unzipping the borrowed jacket and pressing it into his hands as his lips curved into a smile under mine.

"That was nice, thank you," he whispered, and my fingers brushed across his cheek.

"Goodnight," I sighed, leaning in to kiss him one more time briefly, aware that Johannes was watching me.

I broke away from him and looked over at Jonas.

"No,_ cherie_, me first," May laughed, as I moved towards their intertwined forms.

She grasped my face with both hands and I chuckled when her tongue passed my lips as she pulled me in, reaffirming that everything was okay.

I kissed her back fervently, my whole body worked up to the point that I felt like I was buzzing with sex energy and consuming need, and the air around us seemed to get thicker the longer our lips remained locked.

"_Ils ne peuvent pas t'embrasser comme je le peux_..."

"_Aucun, mais un_," I whispered as I tipped her on the nose before looking back over at my shoulder over Johannes.

"Triste," he growled, holding the 'i' for just a little longer than usual.

"Just one more," I held his gaze for a moment, daring him to tell me to stop. I knew he wouldn't. I knew he enjoyed it more than he would ever say.

"Come here, you," Jonas growled playfully, pulling me down into his lap and pressing my lips hard to his for only a second.

"I think you both need to come to bed with me tonight," he murmured, his mouth so close to mine that his beard brushed my skin.

"You need to behave, and I hardly think you would survive the two of us," I giggled as his hand stroked over my thigh, his grip firming like maybe he wasn't going to let me say no.

"No fun," he whispered at me with a grin that made the smile lines on his face more pronounced, and I laughed with him, tracing the lines around his eyes with my fingers.

"I like these on you," I said softly.

"Ah, they make me look old," he groaned, patting me to move up and off his lap.

"They make you look happy," I corrected, gently pushing a cord of hair back from his face when I was standing. He reached for May's hand, and I knew he was thinking that he _was_ in fact happy.

My heart skipped a beat at the tenderness in his expression as he regarded the beautiful woman next to him.

I crossed back to Johannes, who stood and pulled me in for a kiss far more intimate than I figured he would want anyone else to see as he swept my hair back off my shoulders and tangled all of his fingers into it, lifting it off my neck.

"Bed," he growled quietly into my lips before nearly dragging me to the door.

Johannes kissed me hard and thew the sliding door shut behind us with a crash; my arms reflexively wrapped around his neck and he lifted me until my feet left the floor, half pulling, half dragging me back towards his bedroom, and a wave of arousal coursed through my whole body at this new rougher side of him I hadn't seen before.

"Mmm, I've been wanting to get you alone all day," I moaned into his lips.

My back hit the wall hard at the same moment my feet hit the floor, and I felt his hand at my throat when the bedroom door slammed behind us.

"_Who are you_," he snarled, his face only an inch from mine. 

What kind of question was that?

"I..." I gasped for air and pulled at his hand, but it wouldn't budge, "what? Johannes..."

"Who. Are. You."

My eyes bored into his as I felt my panic rising and my air continued to be cut off.

"I heard what you said to her. '_Milliers_', Triste? _Thousands??_"

"Johannes," I gasped again, "wh-what are you doing?" 

He paused for a moment and then let go of me and backed away, running a hand back through his hair and looking like he wanted to kick something.

"I'm Triste...Johannes, you know me," I said, rubbing a hand over my throat and trying to stay calm.

_Okay, so maybe he had understood and now we're double fucked because he thinks we're crazy _and _he's pissed..._

"Obviously I don't," he scoffed.

"Hey," I snapped, feeling my own temper flaring unexpectedly at his tone, "you're the one who asked me earlier where I came from, okay? I wasn't even gonna tell you."

His face collapsed into a mask of frustration and anxiety at the cryptic nature of what I'd said.

"Tell me-...what the fuck is going on, _who are you_?!" he repeated, starting to freak out in a very real way now.

"Johannes. Sit down please. I promise I'll tell you, but I need you to be calm, okay? I promise I'm not bad, and I'm not going to hurt you..."

He sat at the edge of the bed and started breathing faster and shallower, beginning to hyperventilate, and I captured his face between my palms and pressed a kiss to his lips, knowing there was no going back now.

This was it. The deep breath before the plunge.

"Do you trust me," I asked as I sat next to him.

He pulled away slightly so we weren't touching.

"I shouldn't, I hardly know you..."

"I think you probably know me better than most other people in my life," I responded honestly. 

"Having sex with someone doesn't mean you know them," he said, his voice sharp and his words barbed, making me wince.

"Was that it then? Just sex?" I tried to keep my disappointment out of my tone and stay patient.

He didn't answer me and I just sighed, closing my eyes, weighing what I had decided to do next.

_Goddess. Please. Let him still want me. _

I took a slow breath in through my nose and exhaled through my lips as I opened my eyes and focused on a knot in the wood of the floor off to the side of the bed.

When I looked up at him several moments later, his jaw dropped and his mouth moved without forming any words.

"H-how? What? How did you do that?" he finally choked out. But to his credit, he didn't get up and leave. He ran a hand back through his hair and tried to stay calm as he scrubbed both hands over his face and I realized we were fighting the same battle. He wanted to understand, and I equally wanted him to.

"Johannes, please look at me," I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes despite my best efforts to remain firm.

"You're scaring me, Triste," he said, his voice shaking.

"No, no no baby, please don't be afraid of me," I reached to touch him and he flinched. It was the last thing on earth I wanted and my heart beat in my throat, choking me, "I won't hurt you...I would never hurt you..."

Johannes' hand tore back through his hair again.

"I don't understand whats happening. Why do your eyes change colors like that? Why are you talking to May about being thousands of years old?!"

"Because I _am_, darling," I said simply, holding my hand out in a silent request for his. He took it and pressed it to his cheek, closing his eyes and huffing a sigh across my wrist.

My heart swelled at his sudden patience and I brushed that same hand down over his hair, curling it behind his ear.

"Can I tell you? You can say no, if you want to, and we'll drop it."

He chewed his lip but nodded, taking my hand and tracing my fingers as I shifted my hips so I was facing him on the bed, straightening my back and lifting my chin.

This was it.

"My name is Triste. I was born in Charleston. I love spicy Thai food and old silent films. I'm fluent in French. I was raised Catholic. When I was 13 I dyed my hair the color of the sky and my mom grounded me for a month."

The smile that pulled one corner of his mouth up drew me in and I leaned forward to kiss him, letting my lips linger there.

"And?" he whispered into them, knowing there was more coming.

"And...my name is Masika. I was born thirteen hundred and fifty years before the birth of Christ, in Lower Egypt. I served as a priestess in the temple of Sekhmet. And since then, every time I've died, I have come back at Her pleasure to continue to serve Her. That's who I am, Johannes. That's where I come from."

It felt like a physical weight was lifted off my shoulders when I finished saying the words, and I sat up a little straighter, waiting for Johannes to say something or bolt from me forever.

"Are...are you crazy?" He asked quietly like it was a legitimate question that I could say yes or not to, and I couldn't help but laugh.

He'd taken that better than I could have dreamed, but we weren't all the way there yet.

"No, I'm not crazy," I said, still chuckling, "do you believe me?"

"I feel like you should be crazy. I mean. People don't come back when they die...I'm dreaming this right? No. No wait. Did Tim put you up to this? Christ, I'm gonna kill him. Okay, very funny Triste, jokes over."

He made to get up and I grabbed his wrist, yanking him back down and receiving a surprised glance.

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"So you don't believe me."

_Alright, maybe not as well as we thought..._

"No, I don't. I don't even understand why you're doing this, its not funny..."

I debated what to do next and there really only seemed to be one option.

"Its not a joke. Hold out your hand, Johannes."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it, please. If you won't take my word, then I have to show you."

He cautiously opened his palm and held it out.

"Good. Now close your eyes and stay still."

"You're not going to stab me or something are you?"

"What?! No...I'm not going to uhm. I'm not going to s-stab you," I said, my face turning red from the effort it took to not burst out laughing. I took a moment to compose myself, thankful for the relative darkness in his bedroom.

"Do you remember what my favorite flower is?"

"Lavender."

My eyes roamed over his face as he chewed his lip, but still kept his eyes closed, hand extended and open to me.

I centered for a moment and envisioned a perfect sprig, fragrant and delicate, weaving it from the air.

His eyes flew open when he felt it in his palm.

Johannes carefully turned the sprig over, studying it for a moment and rubbing the buds between his fingers until the scent of them filled the room.

I couldn't help but inhale deeply and sigh.

"Very elaborate," he said, rolling his eyes and tossing it onto the bed behind us, "are you done making me look like an idiot?"

I was caught off guard by his response, and cocked my head when I looked over at him slowly.

"Really? Still nothing?"

I heaved a sigh, "you're not an idiot, and this isn't a joke. Fine, you know what? Keep your eyes open. Name a flower or a leaf or a shrub, I don't care, just please not a tree and nothing too big."

"Triste, this is absurd."

"Its _not_ absurd," I said forcefully and he raised both eyebrows at my tone.

I'd never yelled at him before.

"You were the one who asked, so just name a fucking flower, Johannes."

_*Easy, child.*_

"This isn't fucking funny, but whatever. Rose."

"What color?"

"...Apricot..."

"Okay. Do _not_ look away from your hand."

He shook his head but looked down anyways as I mentally pictured the biggest, fattest, most lush apricot rose I could summon.

The scent was unmistakable as it appeared in his palm.

"_WHAT THE FUCK_," he yelled and was up and on the other side of the room in less than one second, still holding the bloom clutched in his fist as his back hit the wall.

"That's it. I'm insane. I'm dreaming or I've gone fucking insane. Fuck fuck _FUCK_!"

"Johannes. You're not insane. And I'm not insane. I told you that already."

"None of this is possible!!"

"And yet you just saw it with your own eyes. My goddess gave me this ability Johannes. To bring certain elements of nature forth...we both have been given gifts. Well, everyone like us has."

"We?"

"What? Oh. Fucking hell...yes...we..."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head back and forth, "if you say May I'm going to pass out."

I hadn't intended to say anything about May, but the cat was out of the bag now.

I got up and crossed the room cautiously, slowly, trying to not spook him, and when I reached his side, I ran a gentle hand over his arm.

"Will you look at me?"

He didn't look anywhere but the flower in his hand, which was trembling violently.

"Johannes?"

He shuddered when I said his name and shrank from me.

"Oh. I see. I--I'm sorry. This was too much to put on you, I shouldn't have said anything..."

He took one deep breath, then another, but my emotions were already roiling under the surface of my skin, making me flushed and angry with no one but myself, but I lashed out at him anyways.

"Maybe in the future don't fucking eavesdrop then get upset about what you hear."

I yanked the bedroom door open and stormed out, not bothering to shut the sliding glass door behind me as I stomped out onto the deck.

Everyone looked up at me, slightly startled by my abrupt entrance, and I crooked one finger at May.

"I need to talk to you."

She stared at me silently for a moment and one of her eyes twitched.

"Tim, can I please borrow a cigarette?" she asked, untangling herself from Jonas and getting to her feet.

"She doesn't mean borrow," I grumbled and she gave me an annoyed look.

"Uhm...yeah...is everything okay Triste?"

"Just fucking peachy," I muttered, "thank you."

Henrik gave me a doubtful look, and John simply watched me silently over steepled fingers.

May handed the cigarette to me, and I slipped it between my lips, turning back after taking a step towards the stairs.

"No light," I sighed, tapping my front and back pockets.

"I've got you, come here," Tim said, and I crossed to him, leaning down and lighting the end off the flame he held up to me. Our eyes met for only a second as I exhaled through my nose.

"Thanks," I said before turning and handing it to May, then taking off down the stairs, yelling at myself internally for being such a stupid idiot and telling Johannes.

_You should have just let him think you were bonkers. Then you summoned for him, you moron. Now he knows. You probably just fucking broke his brain. _

May appeared beside me as I ducked under the wooden crossbeams supporting the deck above us.

"I told him," I said after accepting the cigarette she offered back to me and taking a long, slow pull.

"...told him what?"

"I told him _then_ I showed him. And I don't think it went very well."

She looked over at me in shock as she put my meaning together.

"Triste, what??"

"Oh, and to boot, I also accidentally told him what you are too, so I'm on some kind of fucking winning streak. Fuck me, I'm going to have to go home now."

"_Cherie, cherie_, stop. You think too much. What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything except basically it's not possible."

"Oui, but you showed him? What did you do?"

I closed my eyes and laid back onto the cold sand, feeling tears prickling under my eyelids as I held the cigarette out to her and she took it.

"May I asked him what my favorite flower was, and he remembered right away," I sniffled as my tears started to fall, sliding into my hair, "and I made it appear in his palm and he thought it was some elaborate joke, so I told him to watch and I did it again."

She listened silently as I started crying.

"And he was afraid of me," I sobbed quietly, feeling my heart breaking in my chest, "he understood what we said in the kitchen, and knew I said I was thousands of years old. And I imagined this big, lush, apricot-colored rose and it appeared and...and he _ran_ from me. Like I'm some kind of fucking monster!"

"_Non, non, bebe_," she whispered, gathering me against her breast and rocking me back and forth.

"Maybe Johannes just needs time..._tout comprendre._.."

"I'm such an idiot, he won't understand! How could he?!" I gasped, running both hands back through my hair and pulling hard, trying to keep myself together.

"What if I broke his brain? What if I damaged him? Fuck, I have to get out of here."

Someone cleared their throat from next to us, and I almost screamed as I jumped up, riddled with anxiety and nervous energy.

He was standing silently holding one hand out to me, the other rested against the wooden supports of the stairs, holding the rose still.

A sad look pulled one corner of his mouth down.

"Come here, baby," he said softly.

"I...I...I..." my brain refused to form words.

"Go on, _oie_," May said, nudging me towards him.

I reached out one trembling hand and placed it in his, faintly surprised that it didn't burn my skin, and Johannes pulled gently until I followed him and ducked out from under the crossbeams.

"Walk with me?"

I didn't respond, but fell into step beside him as we moved down towards the water.

The moon shone off his hair and my heart palpitated at the sight.

Gods, but he was beautiful.

I wanted to run my hands through his tresses and hold him to me, apologizing a thousand times until he'd forgotten what I'd just showed him.

"Triste...look, I'm sorry I freaked out in there...my brain just refused to process what I saw, but..." he looked down at the bloom clutched in his hand, the heat from his palm making the petals slightly wilt, "its real...I don't understand it, but its real somehow."

I nodded, staring out at the ocean as I stuffed my hands in my pockets and suffered internally for what I was about to say.

"Its my fault. I shouldn't have told you in the first place. I'm sorry, Johannes. I--I'll be gone in the morning. I should go back home anyways."

"What?" he physically turned me towards him and stared down at me, his brow furrowed as the rose fell into the sand, forgotten, "you're leaving?"

Another nod.

"I think its best. Just...I don't know. Try to forget what you saw. Fuck. Johannes, I'm so sorry," I sniffed, turning back towards the house and shaking my head as I reached one hand up to wipe my tears away from my eyes.

He caught my hand with one of his own and stopped me from going any further.

"Please don't go," he whispered, "don't leave..." he pulled me back towards him so hard we physically collided, and he crushed my face against his chest, fingers grasping at my hair.

His heartbeat was thundering under my ear and I closed my eyes tight, trying to process what was happening.

In one quick movement he pulled my face up to look into his eyes.

“Don’t leave me, Triste...please,” he whispered again, and I watched one tear drop down his cheek.

My heart belonged to him in that moment and I started to gasp for breath as my own tears soaked my face, dropping unnoticed as his stare held mine.

He kissed me softly at first, gently, just brushing his lips against mine over and over again.

"Stay," he sniffed, still holding me to him tightly like he would keep me there either way. The ice-blue eyes that stared down at me were swimming with tears and consumed with emotion -- desire, confusion, lust, worry.

"I don't understand," I whined, trying to take a step back, "you should want to be a thousand miles away from me by now, Johannes." The night swallowed his name as I said it, the wind picking up off the black waters lapping at the shore.

He firmed his grip again, "I _don't_ want to be a thousand miles away from you. I _don't_ want you to go home -- I _don't_ want you to be anywhere that I'm not. Christ, Triste, I'm confused as hell and terrified, but that doesn't change how I feel about you, which is fucking terrifying!"

My response never made it past my lips.

He pulled on my hair hard with an iron grip until I stared up at him and there was fire in the look he gave me before crushing my mouth under his own.

We held onto each other as tightly as we could, a passionate embrace born out of a gut-wrenching fear of loss.

His tongue was intoxicating like the sea air itself, swirling along mine and drawing little moans and gasps from me as my need for him grew and I ran my fingers through his hair, tangling them down to the roots and keeping him pressed hard against me.

I whispered his name a thousand times, trying to reach more of him, to touch more of his skin, taste more of his mouth.

"I need you, Triste," he said when he pulled back panting for breath, looking down at me.

I pulled him down hard and kissed him as deeply as I could, wrapping my arms around his neck and trying to desperately let him know with a physical touch that he was in my head too, but also my heart.

May had been right.

We dropped onto the sand together, never breaking our kiss as his fingers roughly pulled at the button of my shorts.

I was freezing but I didn't care, I pushed the material of his pants down his hips just far enough to free his cock as he pulled my shorts down my legs and shoved my panties to the side, our movements frenzied and desperate.

There was no teasing or taunting, no playful touches or quick kisses to drive the other crazy.

His tongue passed my lips again and he immediately thrusted his cock inside me fully with a shout, bottoming out hard and my back arched off the sand in response, not caring that it would be in my hair and down the back of my shirt.

I pulsed around him and we broke away from each other to gasp, but the impact of his lips hitting mine again forced my head back into the sand as our tongues danced together and we gripped each other hard enough to leave bruises, taking everything the other gave and needing more.

He moaned my name over and over again as his hips started to move, pistoning in and out of me, pressing my legs further apart with each thrust.

I'd never taken such a beating, but I couldn't stand for him to stop. His passion was what I loved about him, and being on the receiving end of the unbridled physical onslaught made me respond in kind.

We were all lips and tongue and teeth, biting and sucking and feverishly moving against each other.

"Don't go, Triste, please don't fucking go," he whispered, his tears dropping onto my skin as he pinned one of my hands above my head into the sand and laced our fingers together.

He pushed his weight into it to thrust harder, deeper, and I felt the coil of heat deep down building, rapidly becoming an inferno that was going to explode and set the sky on fire.

My nails dragged across his back underneath his shirt, making him shout as the deep red lines raised into welts.

"I won't," I gasped, the crashing of his hips into mine making my words almost stutter, "I promise. Fuck, Johannes!" I screamed, my body flailing and twitching as I gave him everything I had and came undone, lifting my hips off the sand to meet his final thrusts.

He came in the same moment, and we cried into the night together, heaving for breath and unable to look away from each other as our mutual release wracked our bodies with pleasure.

The roughness of the sand and the chill of the air were forgotten about.

There was only Johannes.

And there was only me.

Our tears didn't stop with our climaxes, and he gasped for breath as he looked down at me through eyes that were blurred.

"I...I can't lose you, Triste..." he whispered as he slipped out of me with a soft groan.

"Ohh," I wiped one sandy hand against my shirt and reached up to brush the tears away from his cheeks.

He was statuesque, like the granite angels in botanical gardens, and I leaned up on my elbows to press a kiss to his mouth.

"Johannes," I spoke in a hushed tone, and our eyes met again.

His bored holes into me, but I pressed one hand to his lips as he made to speak again.

"I'm not going anywhere...if you're sure you w...want me, then I'll stay."

\--

Everyone had gone inside and to bed when we finally righted our clothes and made our way up to the house.

A faint crashing and a guttural growl told me that at least May and Jonas were still up, but the rest of the house was silent and dark.

Johannes never took his hand away from me, keeping it around my shoulders or intertwining his fingers through mine.

"Come on, you're covered in sand," he said quietly, pulling me into the bathroom.

"I...I can do this," I offered.

He looked down at me with one corner of his mouth curved up in something like a smirk.

"My mess. I should clean it up."

I pressed a hand over my lips to stifle my laughter, but I let him do it anyways, throwing my hands up in mock exasperation.

He chuckled lowly, but quickly became absorbed in his task, lifting my shirt off over my head and running his hands over the smooth skin of my shoulders and my arms.

He hummed quietly while he worked, and I closed my eyes, absorbing the notes that resonated quietly in the bathroom, bouncing off the tile walls.

"Can you...can you tell me more?" He finally asked, so softly I almost asked him to repeat his question.

My shorts dropped down my legs and I stepped gingerly out of them, moving them with my foot to the side with my sandy shirt.

I stole a peek up at Johannes. I didn't want him to feel like he needed to ask questions to make me stay.

"Do you really want to know?" I responded, reaching up to touch his face before dropping my fingers to the buttons of his shirt as I stood in nothing but my bra and panties.

"I don't know what I want, Triste. I'm trying not to freak out," he sighed, seeming a little frustrated, but not with me. I couldn't imagine the internal struggle he must have been having, so I vowed to be patient and nodded, trying to focus all my attention on each individual button while I let him gather his thoughts.

"Well," I pushed the material off his shoulders and he let it fall down and off the ends of his long arms, before returning his hands to me, "as I said. I'm not...well I'm not immortal, per se. But I come back as someone else when I die."

"Like reincarnation?"

"Mmm, sort of. Same principle I guess, but I can remember my original life, and a lot of the details of the ones I've lived since then..."

I tried to keep everything I said as general as possible so I wouldn't overwhelm him.

"H-how...ohh," he trailed off as I pushed his pants off his hips again, slowly this time, and he reached a hand behind me to unclasp my bra in one graceful motion.

My panties dropped down my legs as his hands roamed over my skin, gently running the pads of his fingers along my nipples and making me shiver hard and sigh with pleasure.

His soft and slow rivaled his brutal and fast in an almost incomprehensible way, and I leaned up to kiss him, gently, reassuringly.

My inner monologue yelled at me to just answer his questions later and drag him into the shower now, but I was concerned that it wouldn't come up again if we shied away.

I took his hands and kissed the tops of both, then stepped back under the running water, shivering briefly under the warm deluge, but it was only a moment before a feverishly hot body drew me in and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me soundly.

"How does your brain store all of that?" He asked when he broke away, kissing me again before I could answer as his mind tried to do the math on how many times I would have lived by now.

"Mmm, babe you have to let me breathe to tell you," I giggled, pushing his soaked locks back from his face and cupping his cheek, "I have...I guess a system to compartmentalize. I get really bad deja vu once in a while, but that's rare. Mostly it just gets stored in the back of my brain and I don't really remember things until I purposefully access those memories."

I turned my back to the water, letting it run in warm rivulets down my skin and wash the sand away as my eyes closed and I waited for the next question.

"What was your name again?"

My lips twitched with a fleeting smile as I kept my eyes closed and tilted my head back further.

"Triste."

"Not that one," he said, half annoyed.

I snorted, "sorry! Masika. I was called Masika when I was brought into the temple since it was raining."

The scene flashed before my eyes and my knees shook as a bolt of terror cut through me like a knife for the briefest of moments, and my arms wrapped around myself.

_Maybe we'll skip that part..._

"What does rain have to do with it?"

"Its my name. Masika. It means born during the rain."

His lips brushed along my jaw as his hands pulled me closer, spreading out over my skin and tracing the lines of my tattoo again.

"Is that why May calls you _pluie_?" he asked between gentle kisses.

I laid my head against his chest as I nodded, letting the shelter and comfort of his arms envelop and shield me.

"You still can call me Triste though, baby," I smiled softly, "I...I guess its kind of like I live a dual life. I'm Masika, and always have been, but I live my life as Triste. I went to school, and I have likes and dislikes about books and food and movies. I'm way too attached to my cell phone. My cats have an Instagram. That kind of normal 21st century stuff. I don't have crazy superpowers or know the future. I just...live."

He rinsed off in silence as I let him process, then he shut off the water and stepped out, reappearing a moment later with two towels.

He shook his head hard back and forth and I squealed as the water droplets showered over me, though I was still soaked too.

"Ugh _there's_ the downside to being involved with a man who has long hair!" I joked, rolling my eyes, "you know, girls never do that!"

His grin was childlike and he pulled me to him, helping me step over the ledge of the shower before gathering me into his arms.

"So we're involved now, are we?" He smiled, cocking an eyebrow down at me before giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

"What do you want to call it?" I giggled, "I just told you I'm an Egyptian priestess and am thousands of years old, and you_ still_ like me!"

He shook his head, grinning down at me indulgently, "quite a lot to be honest, although the cats having an Instagram almost tipped the scales out of your favor."

I swatted his arm and giggled, and he grabbed me tighter, growling playfully down at me in response and laughing.

The sound made my heart skip a beat, and I leaned up to press a kiss to his jaw.

"Instagram," he muttered, still chuckling, but pressing kisses down the side of my neck, "you're the fucking weirdest, you know that right?"

I burst out laughing, clapping a hand over my lips as the sound rang out through the small bathroom.

"Yeah, I know, babe," I laughed.

His hands moved down over my waist and started pulling my towel away, tossing it carelessly onto the counter as he took my lips in a breathless kiss, continuing to move them down my jaw then the line of my neck.

"Do you care though?" I asked quietly.

"Not presently." He mumbled, moving back up to kiss me thoroughly, gently, pressing his lips against my own in a way that made me forget my name.

"Gods, I love the way you laugh," he murmured into my mouth, nipping at my bottom lip as he turned my back towards the sink and his own towel dropped to the floor.

His skin was warm and soft, pressing against mine.

"I love the way you kiss me," he said as my ass hit the cool countertop, and he pushed me back until I was seated on the edge, opening my legs to make room for his hips.

His thickness slid against me and I gasped a soft moan into his lips.

"I love the way you bite your lip when you're coming," he growled into my ear quietly, carding his fingers through my wet hair, and watching the drops of water slide down my back and down over my ass, "damn..."

I shifted my hips to grind against him, bracing my hands back against the countertop. His lips sought mine again, and he kissed me slowly, thoroughly, tasting every part of my mouth and making me shiver with need.

"I love that you were so brave and so patient, telling me everything," he whispered, his kisses slowing down and his lips lingering at mine for seconds at a time as he remained nestled against my core for several more moments.

"Oh, Triste..." he moaned softly as he moved and pressed the head of his cock inside me; I melted into his embrace, reaching out one hand to run it over his hip.

He rocked into me slowly, stretching me open and drawing moans and tiny gasps out of me until he was bottomed out, unable to go any further.

"Thank you," I gasped, trying to order my thoughts, "for not -- _oh, that feels so good_ \-- f-for not thinking I was crazy."

He chuckled softly, and it made me laugh too. Everything inside me rhythmically tightened with the motion, and he dropped his forehead to mine with a gasp at the sensation.

"Gods, how do you feel better every time I'm inside you," he groaned, slowly starting to pull out of me.

"Just kiss me, Johannes," I gasped, almost undone by the entire situation to begin with, let alone feeling him sliding so slowly against my inner walls.

He hung over me until his hands were pressed to the counter top behind me and I was leaning back on my elbows, wondering vaguely how I hadn't smacked my head on the mirror yet.

But all coherent thoughts slipped away when he started to roll his hips into me, slowly, purposefully, drinking in every sound and expression.

"Everything about you..._fuck, oh move your hips like that again_...everything about you is so beautiful, Triste...oh, gods, please don't ever leave."

His rhythm started to increase as he felt his orgasm building.

\--

In the room next door, someone was still awake.

Tim laid on his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to tune out the soft sounds of pleasure coming through the wall and will his erection away as his fingers absentmindedly moved over the phantom frets, playing music in his mind.

His brain was swirling with thoughts of me.

It had felt so good when I leaned into his arms, trusting him and reveling in the newness of it all.

Gods, but I was soft, and my hair smelled like flowers.

And the way I kissed him gently when saying goodnight.

Even my lips were divine.

He'd barely caught himself when I looked over my shoulder teasingly asking if he was going to steal me away from Johannes.

"Fuck," he sighed, rolling over and trying not to think about what else he'd heard me telling Johannes since then.

But it became too much.

The sound of me moaning still came through the wall, louder now, and all he could imagine was having me naked and under him, making those same sounds.

Crying out into his lips.

He palmed himself, stifling a quiet groan through bitten lips as his hand worked slowly in time with my sounds.

"Triste," he whispered, not aware that he'd even spoken as he pumped himself, "oh, god, _Triste_..."

\--

"Come with me, Johannes," I pleaded, lifting my hips up to angle them against him and wrapping my legs around his hips.

He moaned my name heavily as he tipped over the edge and spilled into me, barely having the presence of mind to reach between us and rub my clit hard, sending me flying even higher.

Our bodies worked each other nearly to the point of exhaustion as I clenched repeatedly around him and he filled me.

We finally stopped coming, and drifted down from the intense high together, a gasping pile of tangled limbs.

He pulled out of me and tugged me off the counter and up to him, holding me against his body so his pounding heart was under my cheek.

I tipped my face up to smile at him, still not used to the acceptance that I felt, but loving it all the same.

"Bed?" he asked softly into my lips, caressing them with his own, not pushing for more.

"Mmm," I hummed, "bed sounds good."

We picked up towels and cleaned up before he peaked his head out of the bathroom, checking to make sure the coast was clear like we were teenagers sneaking out.

I giggled quietly but he took my hand and we slipped into his room for the night.

\--

Tim waited until he heard the quiet click of the bedroom door across the hall before getting out of bed to clean himself up.


	11. Chapter 11

I fell almost immediately into a blissful, dreamless sleep.

That kind where you relax so much you almost feel like you have a nap hangover when you awaken, and for the first time in years, I slept without stirring every hour.

I still couldn't make it through the night, though I felt far more rested than usual when my eyes fluttered open in the darkness.

Our bodies were still bare and our limbs interwoven as I watched Johannes sleep peacefully, his hair spread like dark feathers against the white pillow, and I wondered if I could slip out to the deck without waking him up.

He was so lovely when he slept, it would be a shame to make him stir.

I carefully untangled myself, stretching in the moonlight that was streaming through the window, smiling at the way it illuminated my pale skin.

What a fascinating thing, light.

I fished a sports bra out of my bag and slipped into shorts and an oversize sweater before silently cracking open the door, glancing up and down the hallway to make sure I was alone.

Everything was silent and I hummed softly - apparently even May and Jonas needed sleep too sometimes.

I slipped out onto the deck and took a deep breath of fresh air.

For a moment, I could recall the silty smell of the Nile during the inundation, and could hear the turbulent waters breaking their banks.

But I opened my eyes and I was Triste again.

Not the same Triste I had woken up that morning as, but close.

A fuller, happier version of Triste - more trusting, more willing to feel affection and show it without fear.

I crossed to the railing and hoisted myself up, standing on the lowest rung for a moment, stretching my arms out and closing my eyes like I could take flight if I tried hard enough.

Both feet, to my great dismay, stayed planted and I sighed and swung one leg over the railing, then the other, sitting firmly on the weather-worn top plank and folding both underneath me before turning to face the ocean.

I pulled my sweater off over my head, draping it next to me, and took my hair down, sitting up straight and opening my palms face up on my knees, shivering in the breeze, but soon tuning it out as I sat motionless.

I had felt a need to give thanks ever since Johannes had asked me not to leave, and I gave myself over to the night to do so.

The darkness was full of sounds when I opened my mind enough to hear things that weren't my own thoughts tumbling through my brain.

The rustling of the sea grasses, the crashing of the waves further out in the surf, harmonizing with the gurgling of those lapping at the shore. There were no people sounds, no city, no cars, the only other humans near me were those asleep soundly inside.

I reveled in my solitude, mentally reaching out to my goddess, whispering the prayers I had learned in the temple.

No response resounded in my ears, but that was just as well, and the silence was blissful.

I didn't feel cold, despite the breeze whispering over my exposed palms.

I heard the gentle clanking of the artists' chisels, carving intricate scenes in relief across the temple walls. The symphony of childish laughs from the street, the sounds of the market. Wheels turning. Cattle lowing. Men bartering.

I longed so deeply for my home then -- the smells and the sounds, the family of women in the temple, the fierce nature of my goddess like the heat of the sun itself.

Her mighty statue was the focal point of my formative years and I could see it so clearly in my mind's eye, like I was sitting before her again.

She had always loved when I sang songs that told stories of Her greatness, from the time I was a child until I became a mature young woman.

My voice was quiet and smooth, and it was my greatest pleasure to sing to Her, of Her.

The way she destroyed her enemies and the ungrateful. How she rode with the pharaohs in their chariots, a phantom surging forth into the battle and shielding them from injury.

In every life since, I'd been blessed with a lovely voice.

Music was the gift She always gave me that didn't involve powers or energy manipulation. No matter who I was reborn as, or where on the planet I returned, I always had a deep appreciation for music.

I had fallen head over heels for Bach and Sinatra in my previous years, but in this life, my tastes edged towards the heavier. My heart soared with the screaming guitar chords and gravelly vocals, but the sensation was the same as it had always been.

I hummed Beyond the Sea softly to myself now, my eyes still closed as I centered within myself where I was, weaving a tiny bouquet of lotus blossoms and papyrus reeds, winding a long blade of grass around the stems and bowing my forehead to the offering as I returned to my consciousness and let it slip from my fingers down into the dune grass below.

It was jarring to come back sometimes if it was done improperly, and a temporary fit of madness was the last thing I needed at the moment, so I was slow and careful, letting my thoughts wash over me in gentle waves, smiling as I remembered where I was.

Things with Johannes were going to be okay, and my heart was the fullest it had ever felt in my present life.

For a few days more at least, we would be together by choice. A fleeting thought of the days beyond tried to enter my mind, but I blocked it, unwilling to dwell on what lay ahead, and the interruption of the flow through my consciousness of thoughts and memories made me open my eyes as I blinked.

I didn't want to think of what would happen when we parted ways, and there was no need to burden my heart with those thoughts at the moment. 

As I fully came to, I sensed him.

He was silent, leaning back against the house watching me, an unlit cigarette between his fingers.

My hair dropped down my back, nearly reaching my hips in a tousled mass of waves that he felt an overwhelming urge to brush his fingers through as he watched the wind gently lift and release them, like it was realizing his own want, running invisible fingers through my tresses.

The white of my sports bra seemed almost fluorescent against my skin, pale as it was, reflecting the moonlight, my posture perfect, my entire being serene.

I opened my eyes all the way, remaining still but looking out at the water, taking in my surroundings and waiting for a moment before I spoke.

"Are you just going to stand there all night, Tim?" I asked softly, not looking away from the way the moon reflected off the water in front of me, but smiling when I felt the air stiffen for a moment.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked quietly, slightly embarrassed that he'd been caught staring at me again as he crossed the deck to stand by me.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye when he approached the rail next to me and rested his forearms on it, but I didn't answer.

My eyes closed instead and I stretched my arms over my head, rolling my shoulders back and relishing the pull of relaxed muscles.

A soft groan left my lips as my back arched.

Tim's natural energy was already a little more turbulent than Johannes', Henrik's, Jonas' or John's when he was calm, but as he watched me it spiked suddenly in a way that almost made me tumble backwards off the railing, and I gripped the wood tight to steady myself with a gasp as one of his hands instinctively shot out to catch me from falling and laid flat against the middle of my back over my tattoo.

It lingered for a moment, and what felt like a small shock wave pulsed through me as his fingertips pressed into my skin.

He immediately pulled back from me, muttering an apology, and I reached for my sweater, quickly pulling it on over my head to try and cover my intense blush.

When that didn't suffice, I pulled my hair over my shoulder, creating a curtain between us as I fussed with the ends and chewed my lip.

What the hell was that? First from the stage, then in the kitchen, and now...he'd touched me before, several times as we all sat out under the stars and ate dinner, and he had sank into my kiss in a way the others hadn't when I said goodnight.

But that pulse of energy was something else entirely.

"That's okay. Thank you for catching me," I murmured peaking down at him and curling my hair behind my ear.

What was he even doing up?

"Is that a Ghost tattoo?" he asked, looking over at me as he offered me a cigarette, his brain trying desperately to think of anything to say to keep me here with him and talking.

He gave me a tentative smile, having felt our connection too but unsure what to do.

I touched the spot under my breast, "yeah, it hurt like hell too, so I hope he appreciated it."

"Who?" I paused for a moment, snorting at the memory.

_Ihy._

"Nevermind," I said with a mischievous grin.

He chuckled under his breath, reaching up to light my cigarette.

"Careful," he murmured as I leaned at an angle down to light the end, then pulled back up, inhaling deeply and closing my eyes as the smoke left my lips.

"Mmm, thank you."

"You still didn't answer how you knew it was me," he said, watching me, drinking my movements in, remembering all my sounds coming through the walls, "a-and I wasn't trying to be creepy. I just didn't want to startle you."

I shifted so I was sitting on the railing facing the house, my legs swung over to the deck side. He looked back and forth between my eyes, and I chewed the inside of my lip for a moment, considering what to say.

"You didn't startle me, you just have a pretty heated stare," I said, and he rolled his eyes at me.

"I don't even know what that means."

I reached for his chin with one hand, brushing my thumb over one side of his mustache as his cigarette hung between his fingers, momentarily forgotten.

I sought his eyes, his energy, and when our gazes locked, I let him feel the tiniest, barest hint of me there. If I hadn't been waiting for it, I wouldn't have heard the soft moan that left his lips that so nearly drove me mad.

"A heated stare, Tim," I said softly, quietly so he had to lean in to hear me, "is that way someone looks at you that makes goosebumps break out on your skin, even if you can’t see them looking at you...it makes you feel hot, even in the cold...flushed, even in the dark. Like they're touching you, even if they aren't..."

He swallowed hard as he continued to look up at me, not daring to blink, acutely aware of my fingers touching his face, of my lips forming words that seemed to pass in one ear and out the other.

"Plus your energy is very...unique. Your presence feels different from most people's,” I said, letting go of him and turning my torso so I was perpendicular to the shore, looking back out at the water as I inhaled one more drag, watching the way the smoke swirled away on the breeze and folding one leg underneath me.

He took a long pull on his cigarette as I extinguished mine, and we both looked at the ocean for several minutes without speaking.

The barest suggestion of dawn was approaching and a sea bird's call added to the crashing of the waves.

"Is that a priestess thing then? Being able to feel energy?"

My head whipped back to look at him and the movement threw off my balance, making me actually tumble over the railing this time and fall towards the deck. He caught me halfway through my descent and hauled me to my feet, still keeping both hands firmly planted on me even when I was upright.

I felt thunderstruck as those eyes stared down at me, looking inside me, looking through me.

"What did you just say?!" I finally choked out, gripping his forearms when his hands moved to my elbows.

My fight or flight was kicking in hard, and it was taking a Herculean effort just to wrangle my own energy and keep it in check.

"Tim. what . the fuck . did . you . just . say."

"That's what you are, right? Isn't that what you were telling Johannes?" His expression wasn't worried or afraid of what he was saying, and it only made me more anxious.

"And how would you know that" I asked, fighting to keep my voice level but mentally bashing my head repeatedly into the wooden railing.

He took his hands from my elbows and looked me over for a moment, stepping back.

"Well, my...my room is on the other side of the bathroom wall..." he didn't elaborate further, only shrugged a little and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Oh, Christ, _really Tim_? Fuck me..." I murmured, turning to the rail and burying my face into my arms, feeling mortified and fearful and altogether unsettled by how well he seemed to be doing with all of this information, on top of apparently hearing my cries of pleasure.

I had to admit, part of me enjoyed the knowledge that he'd heard me, and I wondered vaguely if he'd touched himself as he listened.

Tim cleared his throat and a tremor ran up my spine when his hand started rubbing up and down my back.

"Look, its not like I was listening at the keyhole, Triste...you two aren't very quiet in the first place, and the walls are thin and..." he stepped away and ran a hand back through his hair, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut in the first place.

"I'm not...I'm not going to like tell anyone...not that I would really know what to say anyways."

I peeked up at him for a moment before pushing off the rail and straightening up, the surprise I felt plain across my features.

"Wait...you believe me? Don't you think I'm insane or something?"

He laughed and the sound was rich and low and seemed to shatter some of the anxiety I felt, though by rights it should have only made me more cautious.

"Sweetheart, what the hell am I supposed to say to that?"

"I...I mean there are lots of options!" I said exasperatedly, "you're nuts, you crazy bitch, stay as far the fuck away from me as possible?!"

"Oh don't do that," he laughed again, wanting to ask me a thousand questions, but unsure where to start.

I carded a hand back through my hair and pulled it around one shoulder, "damn...I wasn't planning on telling the rest of you. I--I don't even really know you."

"You kissed me like you knew me," he said softly, meeting my eyes with something that looked suspiciously like lust in his gaze as he took a step closer to me.

Everything he did seemed to catch me off guard, and all I could do was shrug my shoulders and chew at the inside of my lip, wondering if I'd gone to far with the kiss then.

If he hadn't liked it, he'd done a very bad job of showing it at the time.

My temper started to flare in response to my anxiety and I knew that I should put a little more effort into staying calm, but I glared at Tim, making him take a step back.

"Does everyone fucking eavesdrop around here? Doesn't anyone ever just fucking mind their own business? And I'm sorry I kissed you goodnight if you didn't like it, I won't do it anymore."

He snapped right back at me, matching my temper with the fire in his own.

"Hey maybe you're just really fucking loud and not very careful for someone with such a big secret, did you every consider that?"

He closed the gap between us, and I rapidly backed up until the railing dug into my lower back as he stared at me, leaning in until his lips were an inch from mine, the material of his shorts brushing against my thighs.

"And I _didn't_ fucking say anything about not enjoying it."

My breaths came in short shallow gasps, and I was almost overwhelmed with the sudden, intense wave of want that I felt. It pulsed between us, around us, matching our heartbeats and the flicker in his gaze.

But Tim knew himself well enough to pull back at that moment, just before hurtling himself past the point of no return. He turned away from me and lit another cigarette, fighting for his self control.

I felt like I needed to go run ten miles and scream into the abyss for a little while, but I stood where I was, only turning to look back out at the ocean, letting myself get lulled into an almost hypnotic calm by the lapping sound of the waves.

He came and stood next to me, leaning forward against the railing on the heels of his hands.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," I said after a couple minutes of silence, chancing a glance over in his direction.

His face remained stoic, his hair lifting off his shoulders with each breath of wind as he stared hard at the water, warring with himself over what he was feeling.

He didn't respond, and I started to worry that maybe my mouth really _had_ gotten me into trouble this time, and that he actually disliked me now.

I stepped closer and touched his hand, using one finger to trace the lines and little veins that ran up the back of it towards his forearm, getting his attention as he stretched out his fingers, letting me continue down the length of each one, flipping it over so I could touch his calloused fingertips.

"You should let someone draw your hands sometime," I said quietly, giving voice to a thought I'd had since the first time I saw a picture of them up close, "they're so beautiful."

"Do you want to?"

I smiled softly, breathing a laugh, "I would, but I'm literally the worst artist in the world, so they wouldn't end up looking like hands."

At first, I didn't see his eyes light over my face, his mouth curving up into a tender smile under his mustache, but after a moment, I looked up at him and did a double take when I saw the look resting across his features.

There wasn't anger or frustration or lust - Tim looked happy and calm, and absolutely sure of what he was doing when he reached up one hand and brushed my hair away from my face, seeming to get lost for a moment as he ran his fingers through the silver strands with a soft, shaky exhale.

"I think I feel drawn to you..." the tips of his fingers barely brushed my cheek, "don't get me wrong, you're beautiful and smart and you're funny..." he continued to touch my hair for a moment as I took more rapid shallow breaths, feeling consumed with heat from his caress, "and I don't know. A thousand other things. But, there's something else. I...you pull me in. Like I have to be near you."

I wasn't sure if he knew which words were leaving his lips or not as he was watching his fingers drift through my hair.

"Tim," I sighed, finally catching his hand and opening it in front of me.

The darkness still obscured the lines on his palm, but I raised it and pressed a kiss to the center.

I didn't know what else to do or say, so I just pulled him to me and held on tight to him around his waist.

His body stiffened at first, surprised at my reaction, but he quickly shifted gears and enveloped me in his arms, wrapping his jacket around us both as my face pressed into his shoulder, angled towards his neck.

"You feel good," I sighed, relief washing over me that he didn't think I was nuts, and wasn't angry with me.

"You too...so good," he whispered, clutching me tighter.

I yawned sleepily, relaxing into his embrace.

"Mmm," I hummed when I finally pulled back several minutes later, my eyelids feeling heavy, "thank you for being understanding, Tim. And for not...I don't know...thinking I'm a fucking freak?" I laughed softly with a shrug.

He smiled tenderly at me, cupping my cheek. "You're not a freak, Triste...I really don't know you very well, and I realize that, but I think you're the most amazing woman I'm ever going to meet..."

I expected him to pull back and second guess himself after he said it, but he didn't.

He just held my gaze and rubbed his thumb over my cheek again.

_Damn, he really meant that... _

"You have a lot of life left to live, don't be too hasty, Tim," I bit my lip and looked at the floor to hide my blush, the smile curving my lips unmistakable as I let his comment sink in.

"Ohh, sweetheart _that_ look will get you in trouble," he muttered, and my eyes shot up to his.

"I mean...good night..." he stared at me wide-eyed like he'd been caught in the act for several moments, until we broke down into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

"Oh, gods," I clutched my sides, giggling, "_you_ are going to get me into trouble, Tim."

He looked at me, "any time you want, you know where to find me. I..." he snorted a laugh and looked at me with a grin that made me laugh harder, "I-I like older w-women..." he could hardly get the words out he was laughing so hard, his face turning red from it.

I rolled my eyes, and couldn't resist when I stepped closer and suddenly fisted my hand into his hair.

"You're a ridiculous human being," I chuckled before slowly pressing my lips to his, and letting them linger as I held eye contact with him.

He didn't drop my gaze as my mouth brushed his one final time, though his hand crept along my waist.

"Goodnight..._älskling_," I whispered, practicing the new word I'd learned then pulled back, a smirk curving my lips when I caught the look on his face.

"Such a tease," he groaned, swatting me on the ass lightly as I turned towards the house, grinning.

"Older women," I muttered, shaking my head and giggling to myself.

I reached the door, about to pull the handle when my heart got the better of my head and I spun around.

He was leaning against the railing, one bare foot crossed lazily over the other ankle, facing away from me. The wind off the ocean danced through the ends of his hair, gathered down around one shoulder.

"Hey Tim?" I said quietly, and he turned, leaning his back to the rail.

"Hold still please," I closed my eyes and centered for a brief moment, and when I opened them a delicate green vine with purple flowers started to wind its way up around his calf, smoothing against his skin, climbing up towards his knee.

He stood, mouth agape, staring at the sensation that I had created; Tim's eyes slowly shifted from it over to me, and I stood with my back to the door, watching.

"Wh-wh-...Triste..."

"Thank you for believing me and being so nice...sweet dreams," I said softly with my best smile before slipping inside and returning to Johannes' room.

He stirred when I slipped under the covers next to him, my chilled skin pressing against his back.

"Mmm. Hey. Where have you been?" he mumbled sleepily.

I leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his jaw, "meditating. Go back to sleep, darling."

And he did, drifting immediately back into his dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

I was up with the virgin sunrise a couple hours later, back out on the deck in the exact same place with a mug of tea, seated on the railing and feeling more rested and happy than I had in years.

Sunrise was my favorite time of the day, when my goddess was reborn and fresh, her divine father starting a new journey across the sky in his barge; but being near the water made everything so much better.

I firmly believed that saltwater could cure all ailments, whether through sweat, tears, or the sea, and I longed to start running, sinking my feet into the sand and breathing in the thick salty air.

I set my mug down and started trying to wrangle my hair into a submissive ponytail, turning when I heard the sliding door open behind me, surprised not to be the only one up.

"Oh, hi..." he said, obviously not expecting anyone else to be awake either.

"Morning," I smiled over my shoulder at Henrik, pulling my hair through one last loop of the elastic.

I glanced down at his attire - running shoes and shorts...it seemed we had the same idea.

"What are you doing up? Usually I'm the only early-riser," he said, crossing to the railing and standing next to me as I twisted to face him.

I held up my wireless earbuds around my neck.

"Great minds."

"Hmm," he hummed, reaching up to tie his hair back. I tried to keep my mind focused on my mental preparation, but I was becoming rather distracted by the way his skin moved over his frame -- he was lean, but still muscular. I tried to tear my eyes away from the darker skin of his birthmark and turn back to the water, but my face wouldn't cooperate.

"Anyways...morning," he grinned, having noticed my wandering gaze and leaning in to kiss me quickly on the cheek.

I scrunched my nose up at him sarcastically, "you call _that_ a greeting? And May tells me Americans are stingy," I giggled, hopping down off the railing and rolling my shoulders.

I wondered vaguely whether we were now supposed to run together or if it was rude to go our original planned ways.

Henrik laughed, shaking his head at me, "sorry, how's this?" he asked before moving like lightning and grabbing me around the waist with one arm and cupping the back of my head with the other, dipping me back far until I was bent backwards into a perfect right angle and slowly pressing his lips down against mine as he braced for both our weights on his front leg.

I gasped against his mouth, my hands instinctively grabbing onto his bare shoulders to hold myself up as my eyes fluttered shut, though he very clearly had no trouble supporting me.

He pulled his lips back after a second, letting them hover over mine, and looked back and forth between my eyes when they slowly slid open.

"Well?"

"B-better," I stuttered, my mind reeling and at the same time not working at all.

Still he held me bent back, staring at me...

"Run with me," he breathed, and I nodded before I knew what the hell I was doing; I hated running with other people - they always wanted to chat and it made me lose focus.

Henrik hauled us both up and let go of me once I was on my feet, though I was left slightly breathless, blinking several times and trying to remember what I'd been doing before. and more than a little concerned that my knees weren't going to hold if I took a step.

He pushed his earphones into his ears and then looked up from his phone, "I hate talking when I run," he said with a shrug and then his mouth twitched and he doubled back, "oh...did you want to talk?"

The grimace in his tone was obvious.

"Of course I don't want to talk to you, Henrik," I giggled, "I don't even like you very much."

He laughed loudly and shook his head at me, but didn't hide the look that told me he very much knew I was lying, quirking one perfect eyebrow at me instead.

And I was. Big time.

I threw my hands up in the air with a wide grin.

"Okay, maybe we _will_ get along just fine," I said, holding the button to turn my own earbuds on, "wanna go to the pier and watch the sun come all the way up?"

He nodded and I turned back to my phone, missing the way his eyes moved over me as I shuffled through my playlists and trotted down the steps.

We took off at a brisk pace down the beach, both getting lost in our music, and I found that I actually didn't mind having Henrik as a running partner, because the more I wanted to stop, the more I kept going only because I wanted to watch the sweat dripping down his bare skin.

_Not the worst motivation in the world... _

We hit the pier and jogged to the end just at the right moment, when the sea turned orange and the contrast of lightness and dark almost brought tears to my eyes.

Neither of us said anything, but we stood shoulder to shoulder, leaning our arms on the weather-worn railing until the sun was up above the ocean and warming our faces.

Henrik turned and nodded his head back towards the beach as he put his earphones back in, laying his hand against the center of my back for a moment before we set off again.

I stopped my music periodically to listen to the sound of his panting, heavier as we went further, until we were only a quarter mile from the house.

I pulled out one earbud and looked over at him, praying I didn't trip over anything while my eyes were off the ground.

"Race you home," I grinned, and he pulled one earphone out.

"What did you say?"

But it was too late, I'd already taken off, half laughing half gasping for breath.

He caught up to me, and we were both sprinting towards the house, getting closer and closer.

I taunted him over my shoulder when he got closer to me, but ultimately I won by a few steps - he was a little taller than I was, but I had longer legs.

"Ha!" I turned, putting my hands on my hips and working to catch my breath, giggling through each jab I made.

"You had a head start, you little cheater!" he teased, indulging me with a grin as he rested his arms on top of his head, lacing his fingers together.

I watched the beads of sweat drip down his chest, glistening in the morning light, and tried not to focus on them, but my stupid sex drive would not be silenced as we both caught our breath.

I couldn't stop the sudden mental image of what it would be like if I pulling him into the sand and rolled on top of him before licking the sweat from his skin and tearing the shorts from his slender hips...

"Shall we?" I said, clearing my throat as I started to climb the steps, not waiting for an answer.

We climbed up to the deck and the enticing scent of his sweating body hit me like a truck as he tugged my ponytail when he walked by me and then reached up and stretched his arms above his head again.

I closed my eyes tight, trying to will my brain to shut up.

"Oh, man that felt good, its been days since I've been able to get out and go," he sighed, grinning at me as he pulled his damp hair out of the elastic and shook it down over his shoulders, "thanks for keeping such a good pace!"

"What? Oh, mmhm, no problem," I mumbled, taking my own hair down and pulling one leg behind me to stretch my quad before propping it up on the railing and groaning at the delicious pull in my hamstring as I bent forward to wrap my hands around my shoe, brushing the sand off.

"Wow, you're really flexible," he mumbled, looking up from my legs to my eyes and shrugging with an adorable little grin when I raised my eyebrows, and I wasn't sure if he meant to say it out loud.

"What the hell am I going to do with you guys," I giggled, pulling my leg off the railing and propping a hand on my hip like I was trying to be hard, or was even capable of being stern with him at all.

He laughed, shaking his head and turning back towards the water, but didn't reply.

"Gods, that was a beautiful sunrise," he said quietly to himself after a few minutes.

The salty air lifted his hair off his neck and dried the sweat on his body as he braced his palms against the rail and rolled his shoulders, closing his eyes in pleasure as his tired muscles stretched.

I watched with silent appreciation, admiring the sleekness of his build, and his beautiful bone structure, feeling lucky that someone like him wanted to be my friend.

"Hey," I said softly, crossing over to where he was and standing next to him. My fingers touched his upper arm and his eyes opened to look over at me, the expression there sweet and tender and somehow so iconically Henrik.

"Want to grab a shower and then get coffee and breakfast for everyone with me?" it seemed like twelve hours ago, I was petrified of even speaking to him, but now I found his presence comforting and I happily extended the offer.

His eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his brain parced out my request, "you need to work on your phrasing, little one," he grinned before kissing my cheek and turning to go inside, "yeah I'll meet you back out here in twenty."

I rolled my eyes with a smirk, turning to catch his attention, "look, honey when I want you in my shower, I'm just going to ask, and/or possibly drag you in with me against your will."

Henrik bit his lip slightly, a smile toying with the corner, and I felt myself clench a little at the thought.

Why was he such an annoyingly enticing combination of hot and adorable?

"I think you have to be unwilling in the first place for it to be against your will, Triste," he said, then turned and disappeared inside, wanting it to be the last word on the matter before he started to think any harder on it.

I stood listening to the waves and the calling of the gulls for several minutes before chuckling to myself and turning to head inside.

The door closed behind me and I stood against it, listening to the silence for a moment.

A shower started up down the hall, but there were no other sounds, and I pulled my shirt off over my head and headed for the bathroom, kicking my shorts off as I went and bending to scoop them up.

A tiny cough caught my attention and a gasp tore through my chest as I stumbled a step and turned towards the seating area with a hand pressed to my thundering heart.

John was so quiet and so still that I hadn't even noticed him reading the book in his lap, leaning back into the corner of the couch, like he was part of the fucking scenery or something.

He half-raised both eyebrows at me as his stare drifted slowly down my body, lingering at my waist where the black cotton of my panties broke up the pale skin of my hips, not bothering with trying to be subtle.

"Morning," he said softly, as I held my shirt close to me, and he flicked his eyes back down to the text.

"Mmhm, m-morning," I dashed to the bathroom and shut myself in with a little gasp and a physical facepalm.

I showered quickly and then dressed in Johannes' room. I was tempted to crawl back into bed with him and really get my day started right, but I was the one who had offered to go get coffee and breakfast, and he looked like he had barely moved since I got up over an hour ago.

I silently closed the door behind me as I pulled my shirt down over my bra and spread lipbalm across both lips with one finger. I leaned back against the wooden frame, smoothing the softness between my lips, staring at the broad strokes in the painting on the opposite wall and listening to the silence of the house, which was suddenly broken up by a very distinct moan, just down the hall from me.

A series of muffled French expletives reached my ears, and I giggled softly to myself - those two were going to wear each other out sooner or later.

I stood and listened for another minute, feeling a bit like an unwelcome voyeur, but it was too hot to stop now, as Jonas' moans joined hers, sending a tremor up my spine as the hair on my arms raised with goosebumps.

My legs pressed closer together with arousal, and I started wondering if I _should_ crawl back into bed with my own Swede and let him do something about it.

I glanced down the hall as I shook my head and saw Henrik standing with his back pressed to his door, same as me. He caught my eyes and we simply stared at each other, listening to what was happening between us.

I didn't realize I was biting my lip at first, but I shifted it when I watched his lips part slightly.

May cried out Jonas' name and I cleared my throat softly and nodded my head sideways to Henrik, motioning towards the door and he followed me.

I glanced over at the living room, but John had disappeared, and I shrugged, continuing towards the deck and pulling my bag across my body. Somehow the sea air was always exactly as good as each time before when I stepped out into it.

"Mmm," I stretched in the stronger sunlight, running both hands back through my wet hair. The scent of my conditioner hit Henrik straight on, and he took an involuntary step closer to me before he knew what he was doing.

I didn't notice though since my back was turned, and I made my way down the steps and around to the parking spots.

With a double click I unlocked both doors and climbed in, letting all the windows down and the throwing the sunroof open after starting up the engine.

"Buckle up buttercup," I grinned at Henrik as he shut the passenger side door, dropping my mirrored aviators down over my eyes as he looked over at me and pulled his shades on too.

The dark tint in them stopped me from seeing the way his eyes moved over the slender curve of my shoulder, down to my hand, resting on the gear shift. We stayed there for a second, looking at each other, and I could feel his stare, even if I couldn't see it, aware that he could probably feel mine too...

I could feel the simple bond we'd formed even in just the last few hours, like we would have become friends no matter where we'd met, and I drank in the beauty of his face, the small rings in his ears glinting in the sunlight, the subtle colors of the tattoos on his arm weaving together to form a larger image.

My heart started beating faster in my chest when I lifted my sunglasses slowly as we continued to watch each other, getting sucked into the moment like we had yesterday, like I couldn't look at anything but Henrik.

"Hey...come here," I said, reaching over to him and slowly curling my fingers into the front of his shirt as he pushed his shades up on top of his head.

I pulled him towards me as he shifted in his seat and we both leaned in.

Our lips met over my center console, a gentle soft kiss. But I felt my core clench, and Henrik took a deep breath through his nose, willing his own body not to react as he inhaled the soft floral scent that surrounded me like a cloud and pushed his fingers into my hair to hold me there longer, hesitant to let me go just yet.

For all intents and purposes, I'd meant it to be a short, chaste kiss just like the others, but something in our dynamic shifted -- the buildup of tension between him dipping me back this morning to kiss me, the sound of his panting as we ran and pushed each other to quicken the pace, and the look on his face as I joked about inviting him into the shower with me. Listening to Jonas and May tumbling through a rather lively round of morning sex seemed to be the proverbial straw, and we gave in, our lips slowly parting.

I sighed softly as Henrik's tongue slid slowly between my lips, even as my whole body seemed to simultaneously stiffen and turn to jelly, and I let go of his shirt to press my hand to his skin, my fingers wrapping around the back of his neck, feeling overwhelmed in the best possible way as I pulled him closer to me and we sank in to the feel of each other.

My tongue met his and I shivered when his hand touched my neck then threaded back into my wet hair, pulling only a little as a soft moan escaped his lips that drove me crazy.

Our lips pulled and caressed at each other, drawing more sounds, and more passion, until I pressed harder into his kiss and he pulled back.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have done that, Triste...I'm sorry..." He looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes, and I laid my head against the seat back, looking over at him, watching him bite his lip, still tasting me there.

"Don't be sorry," I said, trusting this new side of myself that was okay with physical affection and pushing boundaries, of being interested in someone and letting them know so. Plus, what harm was a kiss? 

_More like what the hell is it about these boys that just draws you in like a moth, you crazy bitch? _

"Henrik," I said softly, wanting to stop the the frown that pulled at his lovely face, "stop worrying so much..." I reached over to press my hand to his cheek, just as I'd done the day before when he'd worried about touching me.

His eyes closed when I said his name, and he inhaled a deep breath as he ran a hand back through his hair that was slowly drying under the morning sun, thick as it was, and I put my hand back in my lap, still watching him chew his lip for a moment.

When he looked back over at me, his eyes were so plainly full of want that I almost crawled into his lap, but I tried to look as reassuring as possible and he seemed to relax after several moments, even chancing a smile.

I was glad that I was convincing enough, since that look was going to be burned into my brain for the rest of eternity.

"That was..." he didn't finish the thought for a moment, but a slow blush crept up his throat, "your lips taste like coconut."

It was all I could do not to crush him to me and hug him forever for the sweetness of what he'd said, but I just smiled back at him and lowered my sunglasses.

"Are you always such a worrywart?" I asked, leaning over to give him a quick peck on the cheek with a grin.

"I am _not_, a worrywart," he said firmly, trying to look cross and unconcerned at the same time as he put his glasses back on too.

I giggled, throwing the car into reverse.

"Whatever you say. Okay _now_ are we ready?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and he looked over at me with a mischievous grin, seeming more relaxed now, playful even.

"Don't give me a choice..."

A tiny squeak escaped my lips and I clenched hard around nothing at the thought.

He chuckled lowly to himself at my response before turning his face up to the sun, and I bent all my focus onto making it out of the parking spot, which had suddenly become an incredibly difficult thing to do.

I pulled out onto the main road and we cruised as I let my mind wander and think more about the way Henrik's tongue felt sliding along mine, teasing my lips, the heat from his hand tangled into my hair.

My own hand absently wandered over to turn on the speakers, letting it pick up over the Bluetooth connection whatever was on my playlist.

'Before I Forget' blared loudly over the speakers and I gasped, immediately reaching to turn the volume down as it started on full blast.

"Shit sorry!" I apologized, glancing over at my passenger, who was looking over at me with his head cocked to the side, grinning.

"Don't be, I love this song!" He reached to turn it up and started laughing, "no wonder you beat me home, if this is what was in your ears."

"Henrik, the universe meant for us to find each other or something, I swear," I giggled. We proceeded to sing loudly and jam out until I pulled into the parking lot outside the small coffee shop in town and killed the stereo.

He crossed around the front of the car to meet me before we walked in to the dim little store and ordered coffees and breakfast bites for everyone.

I eyed the dog in the corner, who was curled up in a tight ball, warily glancing back and forth between us and the child that was snuggled into the corner with him, flipping through a picture book upside down and pretending like she was reading to him as she laid back against his haunches

I added an extra little biscuit to the order and asked the girl behind the counter if she minded. 

She shrugged like it was the last thing in the world she cared about, and I gave her a lingering, assessing look that made her squirm a little. 

The little girl couldn't have been more than three or so, but dawdled off as soon as we approached, happily clapping her book open and closed and settling into a patch of sunlight closer to the windows. 

The dog was a massive German shepherd, and he glanced away from the child to me when I approached, seeming to shrink in on himself, not growling but rather whining lowly, afraid of me, trying to make himself small as he scooted back a foot.

"Hey," I looked down at him, holding out the little treat, "don't do that, I'm your friend," I didn't know who could hear me, but I continued, concerned at having any animal shrink from me.

He continued to look at me warily, eyes darting around the room and a low growl rumbling through his throat.

I sat down slowly, cautiously, so I was more at eye level with him and I showed him what I'd brought.

"Such a good boy, " I said quietly, not wanting to spook him with too much movement or speech. 

_*Hi there, don't be afraid of me please...*_

His ears perked up and he cocked his head at me as I inched closer, though still keeping a wary distance.

I was barely aware that Henrik and the shop girl were watching me as I tore a piece of the biscuit and held out my hand flat, the treat free for him to take.

_*Are you okay? You seem...skittish*_

Something on his face changed when he heard me there again, in his mind. 

I rarely used this gift, to the point that I was surprised every lifetime that I still had it. It only worked on cats and dogs - only the animals that had lurked around our temple.

My goddess being leonine herself, it also worked for most big cats, but I never really encountered them anymore, so I was limited to domesticated house pets.

But she was generous, and remembered the way I was with animals from the day I could get out of my sickbed and kneel before her granite likeness.

I'd never met one I didn't like, and they seemed to gravitate towards me as well - dogs, cats, birds, calves, I got on better together with them than I did with most people. 

The dog stretched his neck out and sniffed my fingertips cautiously, his eyes still darting back and forth in a way that made me think he'd been kicked too many times.

He didn't expect anything for free.

_*It's okay, I promise I'm not going to hurt you*_

"Here you go, love," I crooned out loud, holding it out towards him.

He took it from my palm, his teeth barely brushing my fingers as he pulled away and chewed it, still watching Henrik over my shoulder.

"See? Not so bad, right?" I smiled happily at his dark irises, handing him another piece, which he took cautiously, though with a little less hesitation than the first.

Henrik was kneeling beside me in the next moment, his lips curving with that gentle smile that was so impossibly inviting and serene.

I handed him the rest of the biscuit and he tore it into small pieces.

The dog's ears fell back against his head, unsure about this new person and upset that his treat was going away, but Henrik didn't startle; he just mimicked my seated position and held out a hand for him to smell before turning it over slowly and revealing the small bite in his palm.

_*He's okay too.*_

I giggled as the dog's ears perked up and his head turned to the side in a comical expression before he took the piece of bread gingerly.

He looked so much like the dogs that had roamed our cemeteries, and the relief carvings on my temple walls - a thicker version of the black-headed, sharp-featured protector of our dead.

"Christ, he's huge," Henrik whispered to me, "we have wolves this size back home."

I leaned in to rub a hand back over one big ear, the fur like silk under my fingers as I reaching out to him again mentally.

_*What is your name?* _

He looked up at me with those deep intelligent eyes, the dark fur above them almost like raised a little like eyebrows.

_*Khufu* _

I gave him with a tiny smile as I nodded.

_*A worthy name. My goddess knows your Master well.* _

He bowed his head a fraction of an inch before leaning over to accept another bite from Henrik's palm.

I touched his fur again as he chewed, and he shifted to lay his head in my lap, and I heard a little gasp from behind the counter.

_*What are they doing to you here, Khufu* _I asked as my fingers stroked over his face.

"See? Not so mean at all, are you?" Henrik laughed, moving towards me until I could feel he heat from his skin, and reaching out his hand to scratch behind one massive ear, chuckling when Khufu leaned into it and closed his eyes, obviously blissed out at the double attention.

_*The child is under my protection*_

I paused, squeezing him a little tighter, appreciating the way that animals were just so much fucking better than people all the time.

*_Why do they kick you_?_*_

_*Not they. Just one...b__ecause I don't let him pass me to get into her room in the dead of night, priestess_...*

After one more bite from me, he'd finished the whole biscuit, and he looked at me before getting to his feet and stretching. I was again floored at how big he was, far taller than me when I was seated.

Henrik and I sat in quiet appreciation for another moment before he got up and held out two hands to haul me to my feet.

"Here's your uhm. Your food and coffee..." I turned towards the counter, and she took an involuntary step back.

It thrilled me that she felt my power and some of my anger.

"No more kicking," I said with a firm look, pointing a finger at her, "he's a living breathing creature, just like your husband. No one likes to be kicked. Tell him so."

\--

When we walked back out, donning our sunglasses, and Henrik threw his arm around my neck as he fell into step beside me.

I leaned in closer, enjoying the friendly touch and he pressed a kiss to my temple.

"How did you know that about the dog?"

"I...I'm good with animals..."

"No one's _that _good with animals, Triste."

I heard a catcall that took my brain a moment to register as Henrik let me go and I crossed to my side of the Jeep, and we both put the coffee trays and breakfast bags on the hood.

"Hey baby, didn't your mama ever teach you that you're a lot prettier when you smile?"

A cacophony of obnoxious male laughter followed the remark, and I turned my face to the sound of the source, only giving them a glance before fishing in my bag for my keys.

“Hey, princess, didn’t you hear what I said? Come on, smile for me, don't leave daddy waiting, now.”

“Knock it off, please,” I said loud enough for them to hear, still looking for my keys and thinking the world was indeed a sad place if that man had procreated and was _anyone's_ daddy.

I needed a lot more caffeine before I interacted with a lowlife like this, so I ignored him and his friends, seated around a table outside the shop, clearly not partaking in coffee.

"Hey, no need to get upset, we're just having a little bit of fun. You know what fun is, don't you? I'd be happy to give you a lesson if you wanna come on over here and sit on my lap."

He grabbed himself in an obscene gesture and I ground my teeth to bite back my retort. 

_Leave it be. He wont even remember it in an hour. _

“Hey,” snapped Henrik from the other side of the car, drawing their attention, “the lady said knock it off.”

I finally found my keys and unlocked both doors, throwing the bags and trays in behind my seat. I was about to step up into the driver's seat and leave those losers in the dust.

I was so close, but he kept pushing.

“I’m sorry, sunshine, is the sheepdog with you?” he asked, turning his head back to me wearing a smirk.

Another irritating group laugh.

I sighed, looking at Henrik over the hood with my mouth in a flat line before closing the door and giving my own reflection in the window a little shrug.

_We did say please. _

“Oh, I get it!” I said, turning to him with a sweet smile, “it’s a joke because he has long hair, right?” I slapped my knee and fake laughed loudly, "you know, you’re _almost_ as funny as you are charming, you inbred fuck.”

That did it.

He was up and out of his seat, advancing on me in the next second.

I wasn't much of a fighter, and I'd been through thousands of years of catcalls and taunting, but something snapped when he brought Henrik into it.

No one was thoughtful and selfless like Henrik was, and even though it was hardly an insult, I immediately felt defensive of my new friend.

I hadn't really realized how big he was though until he was standing, advancing towards me with rage plain on his face.

_Guess 'inbred' strikes a nerve with him... _

_OKAY NOT HELPFUL RIGHT NOW. _

My hands balled into fists, ready to defend myself as best I could, but Henrik was immediately around the car and in his direct path, and I was reminded briefly of how fast he moved as he grabbed my arm and shoved me behind his body, shielding me.

"I _know_ you're not thinking about hitting a woman, but if you touch her I will break every finger on that hand...” he snarled, one hand behind him gripping my right arm, the other reaching back down to my waist to make me stay where I was.

The man leaned down, quite a bit larger than Henrik, who, to his credit, didn't shrink away for a moment.

"Will you now," he laughed, the smell of liquor on his breath almost overpowering.

Henrik didn't look away, "back off..."

Quick as he was, by the time he saw the punch coming, his hands were still gripping me and it was too late to move as it crashed into his face, making a horrible dull crunching sound against his nose.

Henrik flew sideways against the car, doubled over in pain and clutching his nose which was now streaming blood, a string of curses in at least two languages leaving his lips.

My anger exploded as I rounded on the other.

"Oh, that was a fucking mistake,” I said, so lowly that the words seemed to rumble through the ground rather than leave my lips as my irises swirled, the green bleeding in.

He took a step back from me and one of his eyes twitched for a brief, uncertain second, unsure if what he was seeing in my gaze was because of adrenaline or booze.

But after half a moment's consideration, he realized how much smaller than him I was.

“You ought to keep your pets in check, sweetheart, that was just me defending myself against a mutt, we all saw it, right boys?” he laughed, and reached for me.

I ducked away and he turned, slightly confused, but getting angrier.

"Oh, we gon' dance, are we?" he sneered.

"I dunno, you don't seem like the graceful dancing type," I made a face and he lunged at me, almost catching a fistful of my hair before I ducked.

He circled me, and I moved likewise to keep in in front of me, stupidly turning my back to one of his companions who caught me around the waist.

One got several toes broken as I stomped as hard as I could, and threw my head back into someone else's face, pulling a shout from him.

"_HEY, what did I fucking tell you asshole_," Henrik said from behind the ringleader, who turned only to receive a hard punch to his jaw, sending him staggering back and spitting blood from his lacerated lip.

Henrik shook his hand in pain, yelling something to nobody in particular that was punctuated with "motherfucker" quite a lot but still snarling at the other man.

"I'm gonna kill you, you fuckin' mutt," he spat, "right after you watch me with your little girlfriend," he started towards me once he got his feet under him again, wiping his mouth against his hand, but I was already trying to get to Henrik, everything moving in slow motion.

A hand fisted into my hair and my air was suddenly cut off by the thick fingers around my windpipe as he yanked me back and I was slammed hard against the door of the Jeep, smacking my head back against the window and making stars dance across my vision.

I looked defiantly into his half-lidded eyes. As drunk as he was, he had a lot of weight to throw around, and he kept squeezing the air from my lungs the more pressure he put against me.

The green of my eyes became electric, glowing, daring him to make another move as I did my best to stay calm, not caring if I had to use my gifts in front of Henrik if it meant ending this whole thing.

"That busted lip is really going to improve your good looks," I choked out, feeling the fingers tighten further, and black spots started to dance around the outside corners of my vision.

_Oh HELL NO, we are not going to die at the hands of some trailer prince white trash asshole! _

I shifted my feet just enough that I could slam my knee up and knock his testicles into his throat, but a guttural snarl interrupted my plans, tearing through the air.

Everything happened in a second.

The dog lunged at the man pinning me against the car, sinking his teeth into one beefy forearm and drawing a high pitched scream from the victim as he immediately released me and I gasped for air and coughed violently.

He shook Khufu off with some difficulty, whimpering and clutching his arm, and turned back to look at me and Henrik for a moment, eyes wide with terror as Khufu came to sit at our sides.

Henrik slowly stood up straight, pulling his hands from his face, the bottom half of which was now covered in blood, and there was blazing fire in his gaze as he grinned at my would-be attacker.

"_Woof_..."

He ran for it, his arm dripping blood from the deep bite marks, and I watched as a root lifted at my order from under the pavement and his foot caught, sending him sprawling face first into the pavement several feet further, to the great amusement of his cadre of uninjured friends, who guffawed and ambled drunkenly after him, apparently not worried about anything they'd just seen or the fact that their friend's arm was probably badly broken, in addition to the other two who had received injuries as well.

I looked back at Henrik, the unfamiliar savage grin on his face as he watched them flee deeply and consumingly arousing in my current adrenaline-addled state, and I took a step closer, drawn to the fierceness of his energy, the flame...

"Henrik..." I whispered.

Khufu barked at me and licked the blood from his chops as my attention wandered slowly away from Henrik.

_*Oh, you've got it bad for that one, priestess* _

"You're correct...oh. Thank you," I said breathlessly to the dog, my adrenaline still pumping through my body as I ran both hands back through my hair.

I heard a groan and saw Henrik leaning against the side of my Jeep, tilting his head back as the blood continued to flow down his face.

The scent was coppery and bright, and I was instantly reminded for only one second of a hundred other battlefields, other attacks, other protectors.

"Henrik!” I pulled his hands away to touch his face, and he winced when I touched the right one, where his knuckles were red and starting to bruise already.

“Your nose is broken, and I'm not sure about your hand. Fuck I'm so sorry, that was all my fault! I should have just ignored him...” I said, guiding him to the passengers side and shutting the door once he climbed up into the seat.

Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks in my over-adrenalized state as I dashed back to my side and opened the back door, looking down at Khufu with a sniffle.

“Do you want to get the hell out of here, or what? You know what they'll do to you after that, and I refuse to be responsible for both of you getting hurt."

With a loud bark, he launched himself off the pavement and up onto the seat, immediately turning to Henrik and resting his massive head on his shoulder, reaching up to lick at the blood on his face.

I whipped out of the parking lot just as the shop girl came running out, looking for the dog that I was currently in the process of helping to escape.

My breaths came slowly one after the other eventually as my shaking subsided and Khufu gave the back corner of my jaw a tentative lick, sensing my almost-calm.

"Khufu, that tickles," I said and his tongue lolled out of his mouth as that big dog grin spread across his face.

"How are you doing, love?" I asked, putting a hand on Henrik's thigh and rubbing back and forth soothingly as we sped towards the house.

"I'll live," the muffled reply came from behind a towel that he found in the door panel which was helping to staunch the flow of blood, "what did you just call him?"

There was a smear of blood across the bridge of his nose covering a deep cut, but Henrik's eyes had lost none of their potency in his injured state.

"Khufu," I answered honestly, "its his name. Isn't that right?" I took my hand from his leg and reached back to bop Khufu lightly on the top of the head when I heard him rummaging through the breakfast bags, "hey! You have to wait patiently till we get home, like everyone else!"

As if in agreement to my first question, the creature in question let out a loud bark and then stuck his head out the window.

"What are you not telling me, Triste," Henrik asked, cocking his head and staring hard over at me. 


	13. Chapter 13

Henrik didn't need my help climbing the steps, but I still felt awful so I kept my hand in his the whole way up to the house, rubbing my thumb up and down across the back of his own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

I was so angry at myself.

Why didn't I just fucking let it go? I'd been called every taunt in the book, had every comment made about my body in every century I'd lived, and had accepted a long time ago that it was just something that was going to happen, and giving it airtime only made it worse. So why did I give in? 

Tim was on the couch out on the deck, his head leaned back and angled up towards the sun that glinted off his green-reflective sunglasses as a lit cigarette dangled from his lips.

The fingers of his left hand drifted over the frets of a beautiful amber-colored acoustic guitar, creating a soft disjointed melody that he seemed to feel more than purposefully construct as his right hand brushed across the strings.

I paused to watch him for a moment, listening to the combination of notes that was wondrously nothing and everything, woven together.

Khufu, however, didn't share my silent appreciation for the fine art that was Tim's music, and bounded up the stairs, bursting between me and Henrik and almost knocking us over as he barked loudly and startled the other man, making him bolt upright and look over at us as he put his cigarette out.

I realized he'd probably had his eyes closed, and felt bad for the interruption.

"Who's this handsome devil, huh? Hey, boy," he said, losing himself in the attentions of the dog who barked happily and wagged his tail, and not immediately noticing the towel hiding Henrik's bloodied face.

After properly indulging the panting, grinning canine, Tim looked up at both of us, then lifted his glasses in surprise as he did a double take.

"Fucking hell, what happened to you?!"

"Me and my big mouth did," I groaned, pushing Henrik inside.

Tim was immediately on his feet, laying the guitar against the arm of the couch and following us inside, Khufu hot on his heels.

I shepherded Henrik into the bathroom, mumbling another good morning to John, and pausing for just a moment to kiss Johannes, appreciating the way that his hair was slightly tousled from sleep. I loved the way he looked in his glasses - relaxed and casual.

"Woah, what happened babe?" he made a movement to stop me and I put one hand up to keep them all outside the bathroom door.

"Stay," I said, before closing the door in their faces and moving back towards Henrik.

He leaned back against the counter with a groan and I pried his fingers away from his face, removing the blood-soaked towel.

"Oh, Henrik...its broken."

"Yeah, you said that already," he groaned again, "fuck. I'll have to bail on the radio thing today."

I paused, staring at him wide eyed, feeling the pit of my stomach drop into my feet.

"W-what radio thing?"

He went to push a hand back through his curls, but stopped midway, seeing the dried blood on it.

"We were supposed to go in and do a couple acoustic songs for a local station around here this afternoon. But its filmed, so..." he gestured to his face.

I could see that in addition to the crooked angle, there was a deep cut in the skin across the bridge of his nose.

He gasped in pain and shut his eyes as he tried to flex the fingers on his right hand and couldn't.

"Fuck, Henrik I'm so sorry," I whined, rubbing both my hands over my face as my tears welled up again and started to slip down my cheeks.

He reached over with his left hand to pull both of mine down, and the intensity of his gaze drew me in as I took a step closer and sucked in a shaky breath.

"No, don't be sorry. I wasn't going to let him hit you, and I'd do the exact same thing if it happened again..."

There was something different about his voice when he said the words - it was deeper, but softer, full of something that I couldn't put my finger on.

We silently stared at each other for another minute as he let the words hang in the air between us, meaning them with every fiber of his being, and not shying away from it.

Henrik whispered my name at the exact same moment in time that his own fell from my lips and he stood suddenly, pushing off the counter and wrapping his left arm around my waist to pull me to him, enraptured in the electricity flowing between us and disregarding the pain.

He pushed his uninjured fingers up into my hair and used his hips to rapidly turn us so I was backed against the sink, and he crushed his body to me, both of us breathing heavily and unable to look away from each other as we leaned in and the lights flickered.

Our lips were almost touching and I could feel his physical reaction to our closeness as his hips pressed against me, both of us breathing hard before anything had even happened.

The metallic, unmistakable smell of the dried blood covering his lips and chin drove something primal inside me into high gear and I remembered the savage grin that had twisted his lovely face earlier.

How could someone so tender and soft have such an unbridled feral streak inside them?

Henrik's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Nothing bad will ever happen to you when you're with me, Triste" he whispered, eyes looking back and forth between mine.

I closed my eyes and a soft sound of pleasure left my lips hearing him say my name that intimately as his fingers curled tighter into my hair and his hips pressed harder into mine, neither of us giving our bodies permission to be doing what they were.

"I won't let anything hurt you...I can't..."

The stirring of male voices outside the door seemed to shake us back into the present, and Henrik let go of my hair as he suddenly looked like he'd been caught in the act, realizing how his body was reacting to me and to the way we were pressed together.

I reached up, careful not to touch his nose, and kissed his lips, lingering for a moment too long, driving myself insane as I thought about having to take him to the hospital to get his nose set and thoroughly ruining any relaxation time he'd earned.

But I pulled back as a sudden idea sparked through my brain and I looked up at him sideways as I moved out of his grasp and he collapsed against the sink where I'd just been.

"I actually have an idea. Can...can you stay here for just a sec? Are you okay to stay here by yourself? I won't be long."

Henrik closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, "yeah, I doubt I'll be by myself though so uhm just...give me a second. Sorry..." he rubbed a hand over his forehead, looking slightly embarrassed. The burning arousal left him and he softened as he continued to breathe, trying to think about anything but pulling me back into his arms and finding out if my lips still tasted like coconut.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

He mumbled a response I didn't catch as I opened the bathroom door, biting my bottom lip once more and pausing when I tasted his blood there.

A piece of me screamed at my legs to turn around, to give in, to take him.

But I couldn't. Not now, not while he was like this.

In another life, my sweet Henrik.

\--

I slipped outside the bathroom door and almost ran face first in Johannes, who took a step back, pulling me with him.

"Triste, whats going on?"

I held up one finger, "give me just a second and meet me on the deck, okay?"

I leaned in to press a kiss to Tim's cheek, having forgotten to say good morning in the chaos of our arrival earlier, "hi, sorry we interrupted you...I liked whatever song you were playing...and a third good morning to you," I smiled at John, touching his hand.

He pushed his hair back off his face for a moment before placing his pointer finger under my chin and tilting my head up so he could kiss my lips softly with a little smile.

"Personally, I preferred the first one," he whispered, pulling back only far enough to look down into my eyes.

"Of course you did," I giggled, rolling mine, "you could have announced yourself you know, and saved me some embarrassment."

"But you turn such pretty colors when you're embarrassed," he said softly, brushing the backs of his finger against my cheeks which were now flaming with said pretty colors.

I simply shook my head and smiled at him, "gods, what am I gonna do with you?"

He opened his mouth to respond and I held up a hand, "oh that was so _so _rhetorical, John. So rhetorical...listen, we need to chat about something, " I motioned to Johannes who was still waiting patiently on the deck, "can you two keep an eye on Henrik? He's got a badly broken nose and a pretty deep cut."

"What the hell happened, Triste?" Tim asked, reaching out to grab my hand as I turned away, "we have to go do a studio session today."

"I know, _I know_!" I groaned, "that's why I'm trying to fix this. He...long story short he took a right hook that was meant for me, and I feel like an asshole because it was all avoidable, but I opened my big fat mouth and made it fucking worse."

They both considered me for a moment, then looked at each other.

"That sounds like our Henrik," John said with a soft smile for his friend before turning and knocking on the bathroom door, followed by Tim.

\--

I stopped for a moment and watched Johannes standing outside in the sun, tying his hair up in a loose bun and stretching his long arms back.

His sensitive ears picked up the sound of me sliding the door open, but the almost-silence was again shattered by my new canine friend as Khufu bounded out ahead of me.

"Hey!" I called to the dog and he looked back at me, halfway to Johannes already, "stop doing that, you're gonna knock me on my ass one of these times."

He wagged his tail and barked and I crouched down onto the wooden floorboards as he darted back towards me, tackling me backwards and smothering my face with sloppy kisses.

I screamed in delight and tried to stop the onslaught of wet nose and sandy fur, but I was helplessly trapped, laughing until my sides hurt.

"Okay okay! Message received, Khufu, I got it!" I giggled, and he leapt off me, taking off down the stairs to tear along the beach, happily crashing through the surf.

I took one look down at myself and realized I was covered now in a mixture of dog slobber and blood.

"Gross," I muttered, pulling my shirt over my head and checking my tank top underneath.

No blood, no slobber. Excellent.

"Morning," Johannes smirked from the railing as I crossed over to him, running a hand through my hair.

"Is it still morning? Ugh it feels like its been two days since I woke up and went for a run."

"I know, I woke up to an empty bed for the second time in one night," he teased, pulling me close and savoring the warmth of my body so close to his again.

I was about to tell him my idea but he put one finger over my lips and pulled me closer, "aren't you going to say good morning to me like you say it to everyone else now?" he growled softly, bending his head to kiss me.

It wasn't ravaging, though there was lust and hunger behind it. His tongue slid against mine and I pressed up further into him, wrapping my forearms around his neck and suddenly just so overwhelmingly grateful for him as his arms wrapped around me. We stood there, simply content to just feel each other for a little while, until the door opened and Tim joined us, fishing in his pockets for a lighter.

"Mmm," I pressed one more kiss to Johannes' lips, "that was a nicer way to start the morning, I'll have to remember that next time."

"You do that, maybe it'll keep you in my bed instead of running off on adventures," he grinned and I playfully swatted him on the arm.

"Does it--...are you upset that I kissed them?" I asked honestly, "I didn't mean to upset you...I didn't to it to be--"

He kissed me again, softly, smiling against my lips, "I'm not upset about anything that makes you happy, Triste," he whispered, "I'm not your parent and I'm not your boss, its not my job to tell you what to do and what not to do. If you want to kiss them then kiss them. It doesn't make a difference to me as long as it makes you happy," he pulled me closer and dipped his tongue into my mouth again, rolling his hips against me as his arm wrapped more firmly around my waist. I moaned quietly into his kiss before breaking away and taking a deep steadying breath.

"So, now that that's settled, are you going to tell me who punched our bass player in the face? And why we have a dog that isn't ours in the house?"

"Uhm..." I glanced over at Tim, but he was looking down at his phone, apparently not listening, "s-so we went out this morning to get coffee and breakfast and stuff, which...oh, right. Tim? Hon, can you grab that stuff out of the car? It should be down on the floor behind the driver's seat. You get first pick of breakfast," I tossed him the keys and he whistled loudly for Khufu, who raced to meet him at the bottom of the steps, soaked and covered in sand.

"Come on, you heard the lady, lets go, my dude."

I watched them depart with a little smile.

"So there we were, and we stayed there for a little while and I bought Khufu a biscuit and talked to him and--"

"Khufu?"

"That's his name. Probably not what they call him, but that's what he says his name is anyways."

"Wh--I feel like you're leaving something out here, babe..."

"Oh...yeah...its a thing I can do, but only for like housepets. Well, no nevermind, that's not important right now," I shook my head. 

I looked up at him with a little grimace, "am I freaking you out again?"

To my surprise, he shook his head, cupping my cheek and kissing my forehead briefly.

"Just warn me next time, okay? Its a little jarring."

"Right, yeah, sorry about that," I chewed my lip before continuing, "so we were leaving and there were these stupid drunk rednecks that were being rude and I was going to ignore them but then they said something about Henrik and I got mad and I called the biggest one an inbred fuck, which, of course I did because I can't keep my mouth shut, and anyways he got up and was probably going to kick my ass and Henrik stepped in his way and by the time I think he realized he was actually going to throw a punch it was too late to move and it broke his nose and then I got even more mad and taunted him and his friends grabbed me and Henrik punched him and hurt his hand but he gave the other guy a big split in his lip, but it didn't really matter much because I mean really babe this guy was huge, and he pushed me against the car and had his hand around my throat and I was literally just thinking about making his body reabsorb his testicles when Khufu ran out and bit him and honestly his arm was probably broken I mean you've seen how big he is and well he ended up bolting and I couldn't let Khufu stay there because they shoot dogs who bite people down here and so I brought him with me and uhm...uhm..."

I took a breath as I started to cry, realizing I'd said most of that as one run-on thought, and when I looked up at Johannes, he was turning bright red with the effort it was taking to not burst out laughing.

"You call him a what?" he choked out before he doubled over laughing, grabbing his sides and gasping for air.

I'd never seen him laugh like this, and I stood speechless, watching.

"Johannes, its not funny!" I finally said, swatting his arm, though his laugh was infectious and starting to make me giggle too, even as I cried.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry," he gasped, wiping his own tears away as he still laughed, "oh shh shh shh, come here baby," he said, still shaking with laughter as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Its not funny," I sniffled, "he can't go to the thing today because of me, and I don't even know when he can play again, with his hand like that!"

Johannes pressed my face into his chest, carding his fingers through my hair and murmuring little words to me until I calmed down.

"He'll be okay. We can go without him today, Triste, it won't be that big of a deal. We've played without him on stage before, this won't be any different than that."

"He should have just let me get pummeled," I groaned miserably, shaking my head.

That didn't go over so well.

"Hey," he said sharply, scowling down at me as he gripped my chin and turned it up to face him, "we all have mothers, and sisters, and friends who are women that we would do the exact same for. I'm fully aware that you can take care of yourself, but that doesn't mean any one of us would stand by and watch anything happen to you or May...got it?"

I nodded, and his mention of her reminded me of my purpose in the first place.

Tim opened and slid the screen door shut behind him with his foot, carrying trays and bags.

"So uhm. Remember how I told you last night about what I can do w-with flowers and plants and stuff? That its one of my gifts given to me by my goddess?"

He nodded, and I searched his eyes for discomfort, finding none.

"And you do you remember when I said that we could both do stuff like that? Well, not the plant thing, but stuff."

His nod was slower as he wondered what I was getting at.

"Well...May's thing...her thing is healing. Its why she's a nurse. She can mend broken bones and heal injuries and cuts and scrapes and...stuff."

"...Stuff like setting broken noses and fixing fucked up hands?"

"Uhm, yeah, that stuff," I chewed the inside of my cheek. It was a bad habit I'd had since I was a kid.

"So what, are you asking permission, or...? I don't think I understand what you want from me here, babe."

"I...I just. He'll know. Its not that she can just set the bones, Johannes, I mean she can make it like it never happened. There won't be scars or soreness, or anything. So, we'll have to tell him w-what we are."

"'Who'," he mumbled, and I looked at him confusedly.

"Henrik..."

"No, not as in 'tell who'. You said 'tell him what we are', and I said 'who'. You're not a what, Triste. You're not a creature or an abhorration. You're a beautiful, wonderful, caring woman, who also happens to be a--"

He stopped short as Tim opened the door for Khufu to come in and glanced out at us.

I looked up and saw he was the reason Johannes didn't finish his thought.

"Oh. Tim you can come out, its okay," I looked back up at Johannes and screwed my eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath before mumbling something.

"What did you say?" he leaned his head down to me.

One perfectly heaved sigh later, I repeated myself a little louder.

Johannes looked down at me and backed up a step involuntarily, startled.

_"You told him?!_"

"Uhm. Well, no. Not really. He...overheard..."

The taller man paused and I blushed crimson.

"The...the uhm..."

Tim, who rarely felt embarrassment about anything, pinched my ear softly, adoring the bright red flush that lingered under my skin and the way I buried my face in my hands, mortified.

"Don't be so precious about it, Triste," he teased, "we've all seen Johannes naked before." He turned to the other, "and what she's so adorably avoiding saying is that neither of you are very quiet when you're fucking."

"Oh, _come on_," Johannes groaned, pressing a hand to his forehead as he understood.

"Hey, fuck off! Its not my fault you two go at it like fucking rabbits and don't care that people might hear you talking about one of you being some kind of crazy supernatural being or something..."

"Okay, to be fair, I'm _not_ supernatural," I said exasperatedly at Tim as my blush started to fade. They both looked down at me with the exact same expression, eyebrows raised and all.

"Fine. Maybe a tiny bit...okay whatever! Its beside the point right now! What are we gonna do about Henrik?"

Tim chuckled and shook his head, curling a stray lock of hair back behind my ear before putting his hand on Johannes' shoulder, "sorry I snapped, man."

"Me too," I watched them make up for a moment, feeling my heart swell with appreciation for their friendship, and they turned on me together.

"So what are you going to tell him?" Johannes asked.

My mouth moved without making any sound for a moment, "you're sure you're cool with this? Both of you?"

"Look," said Johannes, "if its a matter of having Henrik or not having him, I'd rather we do what we can and fix him up. But only if you're okay with him knowing. Although, honestly, I can't imagine a person who can keep a secret better than Henrik. He doesn't even spoil movie endings."

"Wait, hang on, I'm missing something," Tim said, looking confusedly back and forth between us, "don't we need to take him to a hospital?"

"Oh. Sorry. Uhm so the flowers thing?" Tim felt his hands start to shake as he remembered, and stuffed them in his pockets to hide the tremors as he nodded at me, his mouth suddenly too dry to speak, "its a gift I have. And May is like me, we serve the same goddess, but she can do healing instead."

I wanted to bring him up to speed as quickly as possible so I could get back to Henrik.

"Are you fucking serious?? Does Jonas know?" his jaw dropped.

I took pause for a moment, "uhm, I don't think so. And he doesn't need to right now, okay?" I said firmly, looking back and forth between them until they nodded that they understood.

"Peachy, okay lets do this." I leaned up to kiss both their cheeks and darted back to the house.

The bathroom door was open and I poked my head in to check on Henrik, who was listening to John with a half-interested expression.

"You doing okay babe?"

He nodded, though he looked a little pale under his blood-smeared visage.

"Whats going on? We need to get him to a doctor," said John, following me out into the hall.

"He'll be fine. I promise I'll explain, but we're in a bit of a time crunch, so just keep an eye on him for one more minute," I responded, heading down the hall to Jonas' room.

\--

I knocked softly on the bedroom door but no one answered, so I opened it and slipped inside.

"May? _Cherie_? Can I borrow you for a minute?"

No one answered again and I advanced towards the tangled pile of limbs on the bed, closing the door behind me and giving my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting.

_Of course they're naked._

I bit my lip and called May's name again to no avail, so I shrugged and climbed into bed with them.

"May? Wake up, love," I said softly, rubbing a hand up and down her shoulder, "I need your help with something."

She groaned softly, not quite awakened by my nudge, and stirred in Jonas' arms.

He responded by pulled her closer, his lips pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, even as they both slept.

The scene made my heart swell, and I pressed a hand over my lips, letting them snuggle closer for a minute.

Finally I couldn't resist and I crawled over behind Jonas, lifting the comforter and slipping in behind him.

His skin was mercifully warm, and I softly traced the lines of the Avatar tattoo that stretched across his shoulders.

The fangirl part of me couldn't believe I was doing this, and I reveled in the body heat and affection of the two other people in the bed, but bit my lip hard to stifle my laughter as one hand snaked down Jonas' side, inching closer to his ass.

I just wanted one quick touch.

My fingers slowly, gently explored the ridges of his abdomen, and the delicious curve of his pelvic muscles that dropped down towards his cock.

"Better be ready to get out of what you have on if those fingers keep going, little one," he mumbled sleepily, and I froze as he turned over onto his back and looked up at me, the deep blue of his eyes glinting as he blinked slowly up at me.

After a moment, I couldn't help the laughter that shook my whole body.

"Good morning," I giggled, pressing a kiss to the side of his cheek, "I need to borrow your ladyfriend."

"Then I think you've got the wrong body," his mustache twitched with a grin as his eyes closed again and he laid his cheek against May's forehead.

I turned his face with one finger and pressed my lips to his as it then wandered in a lazy line down his throat and the muscles of his chest, drawing a soft groan from him.

I pressed my hand flat against the lower part of his sternum, letting my thumb play with his nipple ring.

"I assure you, I don't," I whispered, not lifting my mouth from his, "but I couldn't make her wake up."

"Don't blame you, she sleeps like the dead unless she wants something," he chuckled.

"You both..." I heard a muffled voice say from within his arms, "are _perturbateur_, and interrupting a very nice dream I was having."

A hand brushed over mine and wandered further south, drawing a soft groan from the man under my lips.

"Mmm, perhaps not a dream then," she mumbled, wrapping her hand around him and stroking softly as he hardened. He groaned louder and bucked his hips a little, one arm wrapping tightly around my waist, and the other tipping her face up so he could kiss her soundly.

"Come on, sweetness," I giggled, wriggling out of his grasp, "I need your help."

He reached up and swatted my ass as I crawled out of their bed and he broke their kiss, "or you could both stay put and let me find out if I _can _survive the two of you at once..." his voice sounded full of promise.

I seriously considered it for half a second, a fleeting image running through my mind of both of us pleasuring him.

"I truly can't tell you how honestly appealing that is," I said, crossing back to May's side of the bed, "but I need her to take a look at Henrik for a minute."

May pressed her forehead to his shoulder. I could still see the slow movement of her hand under their covers, caressing him, and I watched her tongue disappear between his lips again and he moved to roll on top of her.

She put her hand on his chest to stop him with a sigh, "continue this later, you and me, yes?"

He paused before resigning himself to the fact that she was actually going to go.

"Count on it."

I held out my hand and she grasped it and got up, beautiful and drowsy, her naked body elongating as she reached her arms above her head and stretched.

"Mmm, _quelle heure est'il_?"

"Early-ish still, ten AM?"

"This better be good, _oie_," she mumbled as she reached for her clothes, "_tu n'as aucune idée ce que cet homme peut faire avec sa langue_..."

"I'm sure," I smirked, opening the door when she was dressed.

We paused in the hallway and she turned to me, "why am I looking at Henrik? Is he sick?"

"Uhm you'll see. I need to ask a favor. Its a big one..."

She raised one eyebrow at me, waiting as she pulled her hair back into a high ponytail.

I opened the bathroom door so she could look in and she gasped.

Henrik was still on the counter where I'd left him, and he glanced up at us with the ghost of a smile when we entered.

I knew his broken nose must have been uncomfortable, and the fingers quite painful, so I tried to move as quickly as possible.

I pulled May back out into the hallway, whispering, "can you fix it?"

"Cherie, you cannot be serious..."

"I am. It was my fault, and they have a thing this afternoon they have to play at, and his fingers are hurt too because for the second time in a week someone has thrown a punch on my behalf, and I feel a lot like an asshole because of it."

She scrubbed both hands over her face, looking at me over the tops after a moment, "_cherie_, you will have to tell him, they won't be broken anymore..."

"I know. But Johannes knows, and as it turns out Tim knows too, whats the harm in one more at this point?"

She froze, hands still over her cheeks as she waited for me to answer her unasked question about how Tim knew.

"Ugh, its a long story... Well. Actually... I guess it isn't. After we came back in last night--"

"From fucking on the beach."

"...yyyyes..."

"Mmhm?"

"Ah, uhm we came inside and showered off and I was answering his questions, and one thing let to another and we--"

"Discussed and fucked loudly in the other bathroom that's right next to my room. Where I was already awake anyways, by the way, and I'd like to clarify that," Tim added, wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing my cheek before moving towards Jonas' room to open the door and yell something in Swedish.

"Tim. Not helping." I groaned, feeling my blush rising again.

"_Comme lapins_," May said quietly with a sigh, unsure what to do about my request.

"Hello? Pot? Its kettle," I said, pursing my lips and settling my hands on my hips at the exact same time Tim responded to her with "that's what I said!"

"Uhm, ladies? Hi, sorry to interrupt," John said, his eyes getting a little wider as we both rounded on him, "I think we need to get him to a doctor, he's looking kind of bad."

I pushed around John as he added "well, worse than the usual, anyways," and Henrik flipped him a middle finger.

"Hey," I said moving closer and running a hand over his thigh. He was fully seated on the counter now, cradling the injured hand in the other and holding it close to his body.

"We're gonna get you all patched up, I promise." I looked up as Johannes leaned against the doorway, speaking over his shoulder to Jonas in Swedish, I assumed filling him in on the lively events of the morning.

Soon all seven of us were crowded into the bathroom, and I was starting to feel extremely claustrophobic, and knew the extra bodies weren't helping Henrik at all as he started to look rather green.

"Okay, if you're not injured or don't have functional nipples, please wait outside," I said, shooing everyone out again and ignoring the protests, questions, and comments about nipples.

Even Khufu had the audacity to look affronted, and I finally caved and nodded my head in towards the tiny bathroom with an eye roll, "in, but be careful. Don't bump his right hand, and no jumping."

He sat dutifully next the Henrik's dangling legs on his left side, and watched silently as he laid his head against his knee.

_*What are you going to do, priestess?*_

"Ahem?" May looked at me with an unimpressed glance, and I realized I'd forgotten to explain to her the sudden presence of our new friend.

"Oh. Yes. Right, again, long story, this is Khufu. May - Khufu, Khufu - May. Great, everyone knows everyone else now? Splendid."

I realized I was wringing my hands and she waited for me to say something else.

"Look, its not my fault, I couldn't leave him there, he bit someone and they were probably going to put him down for it!"

Khufu gave a low whine for added effect, and she shook her head at him, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Of course you would find him in the first place, wouldn't you?" she said with slight exasperation before turning to Henrik, who was somewhere between wanting to ask a million questions and wanting to pitch face first onto the floor.

"Henrik," she said softly, the 'H' dropped in the most charming way, "what happened to you?"

She spoke soothingly as she touched his face, gingerly exploring the broken nose and assessing the damage.

"Nothing," he muttered, not meeting her gaze, wincing every so often.

She tipped his chin up, "you know I will find out from one of you, yes?"

He grumbled something then told her what happened as she ran her fingers over his skin repeatedly.

"Mmm, well I suppose you are owed some thank you then," she smiled softly at him, and the corner of his mouth twitched at her mistake.

"_D'accord_, Triste, are you ready?" She looked at me and I nodded, steeling myself and doing my best to will away the shaking of my hands.

What if he felt differently about me once he knew?

My logical brain countered that that was extremely unlike Henrik, but I couldn't help but worry as I gently pushed his knees apart and cupped his cheeks, standing between his legs.

"Please trust me. And please don't be scared."

He looked warily at me for a moment, "scared of what, pain?"

"Uhm."

"Okay, Henrik, please hold out your hand and try not to move. This might hurt a tiny bit but it will all be better soon, _oui_?"

I wrapped my arms around his torso just under his, half just holding him and half holding him upright. His good arm laid heavily around my waist and his knees squeezed my hips a little as his chin rested on my shoulder, watching May touch his fingers.

Without knowing it, his eyes closed and he nuzzled his cheek into my hair, inhaling the smell of my conditioner and smiling a little.

"You smell nice," he murmured, "like lilacs or something."

"Jasmine," I corrected softly, moving his hair to lay my chin to his neck just where it met his shoulder. I kept him talking for a little while as May felt out the fractures, drawing little gasps and grunts from the patient.

"Just try to relax, Henrik," she smiled at him, and I felt some of the tension leave his body as my fingers brushed through his hair and I hummed softly, still holding on to him, wanting him to know how sorry I was for making all this happen in the first place.

"Is that Tom Petty?" he said quietly as I hummed Wildflowers and May massaged the knuckles of his injured hand.

I knew it took a lot of energy and I was going to owe her big time.

"Yeah. My dad used to play me his albums when I was a kid," I smiled at the memory again gently carding my fingers through his hair and trying to absorb as much of his tension as he'd give up.

"I don't know what you do with all this hair, honestly," I chuckled, loving the soft fullness of it. Gods, but everything about Henrik seemed to be perfect and soft.

"Its a pain in the ass," he mumbled into my own tresses.

"Aaaaand, _fini_! Henrik, please bend your fingers."

I pulled back a little bit to watch his expression as he squeezed his hand into a fist and then wiggled the fingers.

"How did you do that? Holy shit, May, they don't even hurt any more! What did you just do?" His smile melted me a tiny bit, but I knew the real work was coming as she looked at me with pursed lips and a cocked eyebrow.

"We need to fix his nose, its swelling," she said as I chewed my lip for a moment, considering whether what we were doing was wise after all.

"Are you angry with me for asking you to do this?" I said quietly, reaching out my hands to take hers.

She sighed heavily, "no. But you need to tell him. Now, or I won't do it for you."

"I know, I know, I'm just trying to figure out my delivery..."

"Hi, hello, 'he' is sitting right here and can hear you," Henrik said through a little scowl and he looked back and forth between us as we switched to French for a moment and I finally turned back to him, taking a deep breath.

I stepped back between his knees, taking a moment to run my hands up his thighs in a way that made the tiniest groan escape between his lips.

"I'm going to tell you something while May fixes your nose, and I need you to just let me say it and not interrupt, okay?"

He looked suspiciously at me even as he turned his face so May could touch it over my shoulder.

"Henrik...we can kind of...May can heal people. Injuries and sickness, and that kind of thing..."

"Obviously, she totally just fixed my hand. I thought it was broken but I guess just knocked out of place or something, right?"

He looked to her for confirmation.

"Lots of little _os cassés_."

"Broken bones," I translated for him, drawing his gaze back to mine, and knowing he was going to ask a million questions anyways whether I asked him to shut up or not.

"But...then why doesn't it hurt anymore? Why can I move them? No offense, May, they feel way better, and thank you, but if they're broken then I need to go get them set so I can play and not end up with a permanently fucked up hand..."

"They are not broken anymore, Henrik," she said softly.

His eyebrows lifted faintly as he waited for me to explain, and I could see his pulse starting to beat a little more rapidly.

I placed my hands on his cheeks.

"Henrik, do you believe in God?"

"No."

His response was immediate, though he seemed confused that I'd asked in the first place.

"Right, okay...what about other deities? Greek and Roman and such?"

"Or Egyptian," May added, pressing two fingers to the bend in his nose, gently feeling where it needed to be put back straight as her eyes closed and she mapped it in her mind's eye.

"What?" The face he made shifted his nose and May tutted at him as he winced in pain.

"Stay still."

"Sorry. Sorry...why are you asking me that?" He looked back to me.

"I'm gonna take that as a firm 'no'..."

"Of course its a no, its called mythology for a reason...none of its real."

"What if I could change your mind about that?" I asked quietly, using the majority of my brain to pray for guidance so I wouldn't make this whole thing worse.

I glanced at May and could see her watching me out of the side of her eye as she worked.

"What the hell are you talking about? Are you feeling okay? Am I okay? Is this some weird delusion? Oh, Christ, I'm not in a coma am I?"

May and I both bit our lips and I looked at the floor until I regained my composure as I tried not to giggle.

"Ah, no you're not in a coma. And you're not crazy. And you're gonna think we're crazy, too, but I assure you we're not."

"Don't crazy people always say they're not crazy?"

My mouth opened to respond, and then closed.

I had no idea how to counter that point so I just shrugged.

He didn't say anything else, but his breathing was starting to increase, his breaths more shallow, and my concern for him overtook any worry that I had about whether he was going to still like me in five second, or still look at me the way he'd looked at me before, like he wanted to devour me where I stood.

I put my hands back on his thighs and started rhythmically rubbing them back and forth slowly.

"Hey, hey hey, look at me Henrik," his eyes were a tad wider than normal and I could tell he was getting freaked out by my lack of clarity, "breathe, honey, you need to remember to breathe, okay? Everything's okay..."

He did, mimicking my deeper breaths and getting lost in my stare as his fingers found mine and laced through them without knowing it.

"I've never met anyone with gray eyes," he mumbled, breathing fine, but now not blinking, I realized, "they look like the sea when there's a storm..."

"Blink, Henrik."

"Turbulent..."

I sighed softly, and leaned in to kiss him, brushing his lips quickly with my own so his eyes would close and he'd snap out of it, just as May pulled her hands back and took a deep, tired breath, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

Healing always took a lot of energy out of her, but she knew my heart was in the right place on this. She'd watched Henrik watch me last night. May knew the reputation she had - the slutty French girl, willing to take a ride on anything with two feet, but she never let it bother her. She was smart and she was shrewd, and saw a hell of a lot more than people realized.

She watched silently when Henrik didn't let me pull back, squeezing my hips between his knees and threading both hands through my hair, keeping my lips against his.

It didn't surprise her - he had extra energy in his system now, and for a few hours he'd feel a little...more. More energy, more intense reactions, more intense feelings...just more. 

Henrik slid his tongue between my lips and I was suddenly glad that he was gripping me so tightly with his legs, because my own threatened to not hold me up as his tongue danced along my own, filling me with want.

When I didn't pull back he kissed me harder, more intensely, and May simply watched, biting her lip and wondering if she should slip out and go find Jonas.

She cocked an eyebrow down at Khufu and he came to stand at her side, pressing his massive head up under her fingers until they scratched back and forth.

As Henrik's fingers tangled into my hair and cupped the back of my head, he pushed his tongue further into my mouth and grabbed me closer, scooting to the edge of the counter and holding me against him as one hand hooked low around my waist, grabbing at my skin under my shirt and pulling a low moan full of desire from his lips.

His nose pressed against my cheek and he reflexively pulled back with a gasp, leaving us both panting and staring at each other with wide eyes.

I couldn't help it when I tore out of his grasp and turned to face the wall, laying my hands flat against it and taking a deep breath before propping my them on my hips.

"Triste? I'm sorry...I didn't mean to get carried away..."

_Tell him. _

When I finally got control over myself, I turned and he was touching his nose, no longer swollen or broken, and looking back and forth between me and May with unbridled fear in his gaze.

"We're not normal, Henrik." I said plainly, now completely out of time to figure out how to be diplomatic or tactful in my delivery.

"We...fuck..." I looked to May for help and she shook her head. This was my idea, the burden was mine.

I hadn't wanted to tell him the same way I'd told Johannes, but I wasn't exactly drowning in choices, so I looked at him and held his gaze as the green bled into my irises, and I was suddenly filled with a sensation like being high.

It was like breathing the purest oxygen and drinking the finest wine, and my shoulders relaxed as the familiar feeling started to slide through my veins, filling my limbs with warmth and energy.

I stepped towards him and he stiffened, glancing towards the door, eyes freezing on May as she let hers do the same.

Her smile was soft, reassuring, "it's okay, Henrik. You don't have to be afraid of things you don't understand."

"And please don't run," I said quietly, gently touching his knee, and drawing his attention back to me. "I want you to understand...although I wasn't planning on telling you in the first place. If I'd just kept my mouth shut back there none of this would be happening," my eyes dropped to the floor as my brow furrowed and I kept rambling, "and you would just go and live the rest of your life not knowing any of this, but now you have to and I'm sorry that you do because of me, but I didn't want you to have to go to the hospital and get your nose set and then spend the rest of your time off with a broken nose, and--"

Two fingers tipped my chin up and my lips snapped shut as he stood over me, feet on the floor now.

"Breathe, little one," he said quietly, and suddenly he came back to me, "you have to remember to breathe..."

There was no more fear, no more worry, and neither of us noticed when May slipped out the door, taking Khufu with her.

"Henrik, I need to tell you --oof--" I found my face crushed into Henrik's shoulder as he gripped me so tightly, I couldn't breathe, one arm around my middle, one pressing on the back of my head, cupping it with his fingers.

"Henrik," I said again, muffled into his shoulder, "Henrik? I haven't even told you yet, whats wrong?"

_Oh, that's rich. _

"Nothing is wrong. I have no idea whats going on," he said, his lips pressed against the skin of my shoulder, taking deep breaths, inhaling the light floral smell that I'd always had and trying to pull me closer, "I just need this for a second...just...I'm sorry but nothing else matters right now," he whispered as my arms wrapped around his narrow waist and held on tight.

It seemed like the longer we clung to each other, the more calm we felt, the closer we felt. 

For a relative stranger, even if we had passionately kissed twice, I trusted Henrik more than I trusted almost anyone.

"I'm so sorry that asshole almost hurt you. I just...the things he said made me so angry and when he..." Henrik's shudder was almost violent and my brain somehow figured that holding him closer to me would solve everything.

"Thank you for doing that...you didn't have to..."

"Yes I did," he said simply, "I'm sorry if this is a lot...I know that we don't really, you know, like know each other. But you're so nice, and so happy, and you're so good, Triste...I can't stand the idea of something bad happening to you..."

"Shh, shh, shh," I whispered, trying to blink back the tears in my eyes. 

"Why do your eyes do that?" he whispered back, still breathing unevenly, but he'd straightened enough that his cheek rested against the top of my head now and he was petting my hair slowly. 

"Because my goddess made it that way. When I channel my true nature, my eyes turn green. May's do too, like you saw."

"What does that mean?"

I mentally fell to the floor on my knees, prostrated before my goddess, crying my thanks that he was being so gentle and willing to listen. How could I ever have thought he'd be anything else"

"I serve the goddess Sekhmet, Henrik. I was raised as a priestess in Her temple in Egypt."

"I thought you were American."

"I am, baby, that was a long time ago..."

"Are you a lot older than me?"

"Yes...I am a lot older than you, Henrik..."

We took these small baby steps, holding onto each other and evening our breathing until it felt like we were one being, one heartbeat, one big, conjoined system of inhales and exhales. 

"So you're an Egyptian priestess in an American girl's body?" he asked, pulling back a little, and I nodded, "its a little bit more complicated than that, but yes that's basically the idea."

"Do you promise I'm not crazy, and that you're actually telling me this?" He looked uncertain for a moment, glancing around the bathroom like he was trying to spot something familiar to convince himself he hadn't stroked out and died.

"No," I said quietly, "you're not crazy. Johannes and Tim both know also, so you're not alone. Its a long story, but I can tell you the TL;DR version while we get you cleaned up, if that's okay."

Henrik only looked at me.

It wasn't even a stare, he just looked.

"You still seem like you're you. Can I..." he reached a hand to touch my face and paused in midair until I gently pushed it forward to my skin.

I had no clue what he was doing, but his fingers stopped shaking when they swept my hair back out of the way and gently touched the skin around my eyes.

"They're so green, so pretty," he said, almost childlike in his wonder as a tear slid unnoticed down his cheek, cutting a track through the dried blood there, and I was so sure in that moment that there was no one on the planet who had a better heart than Henrik - not my Johannes, not any of the other boys, not me, not May.

No one.

His palm pressed to my cheek and my eyes fluttered shut as I leaned into it.

He continued to look at me, committing to memory every little freckle that peppered my nose, the natural pink that bloomed across my cheeks when I wasn't blushing, the fullness of my lips that seemed to curve into a smile even when I wasn't laughing. The paleness of my skin that disappeared into the silver roots of my hair, interwoven with darker strands.

Henrik's lips pressed to my forehead and a soft whimper left my lips.

I opened my eyes when he finally pulled back, looking up at him with no more walls and my biggest secret out in the open, not surprised in the slightest by the strong feelings for him that seemed to flood all my senses.

"They're gray again," he said, repeating the way he'd traced them before, "can you control that?"

I nodded, "come on, baby, lets get you cleaned up," I said, nudging him back against the sink, and he seemed to snap out of it, blinking several times and reaching up to touch his nose again, but noticing the blood on his hands.

"So--" he said, stopping as he turned to the sink to wash and noticed the blood that ran down the front of his shirt. He reflexively crossed his arms to pull it off and then paused again.

"Are you...do you mind if I..."

"Hmm? Oh, no not at all, mine had blood on it too. Do you uhm," my mouth twitched as I bit the inside of my lip, "do you want me to turn around?"

He froze with his arms crossed, his shirt halfway up his torso and met my eyes in the mirror before we both dissolved into emotionally overloaded, exhausted, hysterical laughter at the thought of modesty now after we'd just kissed that way a few minutes earlier.

Henrik pulled his shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it onto the floor before washing his hands off, stretching and flexing the newly healed joints and bones.

I desperately wished I could stop time as I watched his skin move over his thin frame. He wasn't overly-muscled, but he was solid, and stronger than he looked, I was sure.

"Here, let me," I said, turning him to sit back against the counter top before I grabbed a clean washcloth and a bar of soap.

He shivered when I touched his bare skin, and I playfully knocked one of my knees against the inside of his own, telling him to spread them apart so I could stand between them and clean off his face.

He did and one of his fingers on each hand toyed with the belt loops on my shorts as I moved to press the warm cotton cloth to his face then thought twice.

"This is going to sound like an insane request, but...can I put your hair up? I don't want to drip soap or blood in it."

An amused smile curved his lips on one side as he gave me a knowing look and he silently handed me his hairband as I reached behind him to finger-comb his tresses.

He groaned and laid his face against my collarbone, "that feels so nice," he murmured, the soft repeated touch of my hands doing wonders to calm his frazzled nerves. I kept it up for a while longer, enjoying the texture and healthy thickness of his curls as they passed between my fingers.

"Triste?"

"Yes, Henrik?"

"Why isn't my nose broken anymore?"

I nuzzled my cheek against his hair and pulled it into a ponytail at the nape of his neck before wrapping my arms around his shoulders and just hugging him for a moment.

"May fixed it. Our goddess made her like that," I pulled back to look at him, searching his eyes for discomfort as I had Johannes' not long before, "she's always been a healer. She was in ancient times, when we were in the temple. And when we became...well, like we are, Sekhmet gave us gifts. Abilities, kind of."

"Like super powers?"

I snorted a laugh, and Henrik grinned at me.

"Not really. Well, actually, sort of...in a way I guess. May can heal people, she's always a nurse or a witch or something like that."

His eyebrows shot up.

"Can you do that too?"

"Oh, no, I would have fixed you the second we got in the car if I could heal, honey."

He leaned in and kissed my lips softly. 

"Well then what's yours?"

I pressed the warm washcloth against the bridge of his nose, cleaning the blood off before leaning over to rinse it out and repeating until his face was clean and fresh again and I finally answered him wordlessly, creating a delicate daisy with baby-pink petals, and tucking it behind his ear.

"Oh my good god, that's adorable," I giggled, but Henrik was speechless, his mouth opening and closing like he was going to say something, but no words leaving his lips.

He finally stuttered out a 'wow', and pulled me in close, "I--I'm sorry, I don't know what to say, this is all kind of mind-blowing..."

"I know, and I like I said, I didn't really have any intention of telling you all in the first place, but the ball is rolling now. Henrik you...you know you can't tell anyone this stuff that I'm saying to you, right?"

He put his hands on my hips and turned me so my back was to him as he scooted off the counter and pulled me close, the bare skin of his chest warm against my shoulders. 

"Can you do that again? That was so cool," he whispered, honestly just interested and enraptured in what I had shown him. 

"What do you want to see?"

He paused for a moment, wrapping his arms around my waist and nuzzling into my hair.

"Do you know what a Smörboll is?"

I searched my brain, but couldn't recall ever having heard the term. 

"Describe it to me...and take a deep breath, I don't want you to pass out and crack your head open. I already owe May for this as is," I giggled, and he butted his head sideways against mine softly. 

"They're these yellow flower that grow up in the mountains..."

I closed my eyes.

"Big or small?"

"Mmm..." he considered, "medium."

"Okay. What are the petals like?"

I held my hands out in front of me weaving from thin air as we talked, both our eyes closing as he nuzzled his nose against my hair.

"They're not like a daisy...not like they come out a central point...they wrap, kind of like a tulip or a rose..."

I moved my fingers, creating the physical image reflective of what I pictured in my brain, changing little features here and there as he instructed, all the while his hands held me tight, my head resting back against him, trusting this feeling of security, still so new and fresh.

"That's it," he whispered, the sound almost a whimper, watching the workings of my hands, "that's it."

I opened my eyes and looked at the flower cupped in my palms. 

"Its my favorite," he murmured, "it grows in these big patches in the mountains, stretching up the hillsides."

"What does it smell like?" I wondered aloud, looking back to him to answer me.

"Oh, really _really _bad," he laughed, giving into the moment and letting the sound fill the whole room, "oh my god, they reek, but they're so beautiful. Bees won't go anywhere near them, they have to be pollinated by flies," he almost giggled and it set my heart on fire. 

I took a deep breath, kissing the scentless petals, letting them brush over my lips, committing them to memory so I would always be able to recreate them in the future.

"Are you okay?" I asked, leaning back into his embrace, trusting him to tell me honestly.

"I...actually I think I am...I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I knew you weren't normal, I just didn't know how."

I turned, surprised by what he'd said.

"Why? What do you mean?"

"I..." he blushed, "I just mean...I hardly stopped smiling yesterday when you showed up and...I dunno...I guess I'm just really glad we met."

I sighed softly, looking up at him, "I'm glad we met too, Henrik..."

He flexed the fingers on his right hand, holding them out in front of him so he could watch the bones moving under his tan skin.

"So I can go today? They won't like slip out of place or anything?" he asked, still watching his hand.

"Nope, you're all good, love. Her healing fixes pretty perfectly every time I've seen it."

"Wow," he said softly, "this is all so crazy...can I..." he looked at me shyly, "can I please kiss you again? I know you're with Johannes, but I feel like I can't not..." he pulled me in, cupping my cheek, turning my face up to him.

"Henrik," I breathed, sinking into his lips, letting him hold me up as he pressed his lips down to mine, just letting them linger there for several seconds until I moaned softly and pulled back. 

"You're so wonderful," I breathed, "thank you for listening and trusting me."

"I...I'm sure I'll have more questions when I can think..."

"Ask me and I'll tell you what I can, baby," I whispered and he crumbled a little at the word.

"I like you calling me that," he murmured, kissing me quickly again.

"Come on," I tugged on his hand, pulling him towards the door, "I think everyone is waiting."

"Just...hang on," he pulled me to face him again, standing flush together, pulling my head against his chest and just holding me there, savoring the warmth of my skin, the power of the energy he could feel rolling just beneath it. 

"Your hearts beating really fast," I said softly, the organ in question practically thundering under my cheek.

"Can you blame me?" he smiled into my hair, "you're kind of intense."

"What me?" I giggled, looking up at him, and tracing one cheekbone with my fingertip,"you know my inner fangirl is doing cartwheels right about now, right?"

"Yeah, I can see that," he chuckled, then was silent for a moment, considering me..."don't tell her about this," he said lowly, and suddenly my back was to the wall and my arms were pinned above my head, both wrists held in his left hand as his right tipped my chin up towards him and his knee pressed between my thighs, separating them.

I bit my lip and looked at him head-on, watching his beautiful eyes darken as he took in just how much he appreciated me in this position.

More than he'd thought he would.

"What are you thinking of doing, Henrik," I asked, experimenting with the way I said his name, and almost dying at the result as he leaned in and let his lips hover close to mine while his opposite hand wandered, his fingertips barely whispering against the now-exposed skin of my midriff.

"Lots of things I shouldn't," he growled, leaning forward and gently taking my lower lip between his teeth and pulling a little before letting go.

I was stunned and wet, and almost too overloaded to be sarcastic, but my mouth filled in for me anyways.

"Yeah_ I'm_ the intense one, Henrik, _oh-kay_," I said as I shook my head and he let my arms go.

He reached for the door with a grin and held it open for me to walk out first.

I expecting to be greeted by one dog and five other people, but no one was there and I froze in the doorway.

Henrik pushed on my lower back until I moved out of the small room, and he ducked into his bedroom to find a new shirt.

I yawned and stretched, feeling the toll the morning had taken on my energy stores, going up and down and up and down, and I resolved to go find breakfast and coffee as he rejoined me, seemingly back to normal with a little smile and gentle touch to my waist.

As I entered the living room, I was greeted by two sets of eyes who looked at me with mild surprise, two more who looked flabbergasted, and one set that was full of amusement...

I hadn't realized May was planning on telling Jonas and John, too...

"Oh...hello..."

They both looked back and forth from me to Henrik, and as Tim opened his mouth to say something, I held up one finger.

"Oh no, oh no no _no_, I can _not_ do this again before coffee, honey, spare me please," I turned to flee to the safety of the kitchen, and Johannes got up from the armchair he was in, taking my hands and walking backwards.

As soon as we were out of sight of everyone else around the corner, he crushed me against his body and kissed me hard, delving his tongue into my mouth and grabbing my ass with both hands, my gasp of surprised getting lost into his lips.

"I have no idea why this whole thing turns me on so much, but I'm just going with it at this point," he growled before kissing me again and doing something with his tongue that made my head start to spin as I tangled my fingers into his hair.

"Coffee," I said, "then sex. But first coffee..."

He bent his head to kiss me again, his insistence refusing to be silenced.

I had to admit, even for my own increased sex drive, Johannes' appetite was a handful to keep up with.

"What if we multi-task?" he growled, forcing me back into the corner of the counter and pulling the button on my shorts as he shielded me from view with his body and reached behind me to press the ON button for the coffeepot, which I'd set up the night before.

In truth, I'd forgotten all about it when I offered to go out with Henrik earlier.

Johannes' fingers worked under under the soft cotton of my panties and slid through my folds.

"Oh, my dirty little girl, what have you been up to behind that closed door..." he purred, laughing lowly into my ear and growling as his fingers easily slipped into me as I gasped sharply, " god I love how wet you get when you're worked up..."

His breathing matched the pulses of his fingers, long enough that even at the awkward angle they pressed far enough inside me to make me gasp and buck my hips forward.

He wasn't wrong in his suspicions, and I felt my orgasm building almost immediately as his grip on my pussy physically pulled my hips up until I was bracing my hands back against the counter.

Johannes didn't miss a beat, kissing me breathless and rubbing quick circles around my clit with his thumb as both fingers pushed farther inside me, his whole body moving against me to adjust the angle.

"You know, babygirl, I'll never mind if you kiss anyone else...hell, you can fuck anyone you want to...but I'll always be able to do this..."

"_Oh..._gods, wh-what are you -- oh -- what?"

He dipped his lips to my ear, maneuvering his fingers inside me to find that one particular spot, "you come for me right this second, Triste...fucking come," he ordered lowly, and I buried my face into his gray cotton zip-up and did as he said, clenching around his fingers and feeling the endorphin rush nearly lift me off the ground.

I gasped for breath, loving the way he was so much bigger than I was to the point that he almost loomed over me.

He pulled his fingers from me when I finally stopped clenching hard and slipped them into his mouth with a growl that instantly made me ready to go again.

I fought for each breath as I watched him suck me off his fingers, swirling his tongue to clean them thoroughly with a low moan.

"Bed," I said, not caring in the slightest when the coffee pot behind us pinged loudly, announcing the successful completion of its task as the rich aroma filled the air.

"Coffee," he countered, barely lifting his lips from my own as my face tilted back, wanting more.

I made an exasperated face at him and he laughed, but grabbed my hand and pressed it to his cock, moaning lowly and rolling his hips into me.

"Or..."

"Coffee can wait," I dipped my own hand under his cotton pajama pants, wrapping my fingers around his erection and pumping him.

He pressed his forehead down against my own with a dangerous growl as his hands splayed out flat on the counter behind me, blocking me in, and he screwed his eyes shut as he moved his hips in time with my hand.

"Oh, don't stop, don'tstop_don'tstop_," he moaned into my lips as I tangled my tongue with his and gripped him harder, moving my hand faster until he was gasping for breath, and stopped breathing altogether when he came, coating my hand as his body shook and his fingers curled against the counter top, clawing at the smooth surface for traction that it didn't give.

He finally took a shaky gasping breath against my lips and kissed me as I pulled my hand away, and he anticipated my next move.

"Oh my god, do_ not_ put that hand anywhere near your lips or I'm going to lose the small bit of sanity I have left," he said lowly.

"No fun," I whispered as he pulled back to place a kiss to my forehead.

"Oh, my girl, you're something else, hmm? " he hummed, and I looked up at him with a soft smile, happy that he had decided to accept who I was.

He reached behind me to grab a mug from the cabinet as I shifted out of his grasp towards the sink to wash my hands.

"There," he smacked the mug down loudly against the counter, sloshing hot coffee over the sides but not caring as he looked over at me with a grin, "drink your coffee and stop trying to take advantage of me and make me late, woman!"

"Oh take advantage of you?!" I laughed, but he was already gone, ducking to avoid the dish towel I launched at him and heading to take a shower and actually wash off this time.


	14. Chapter 14

I padded back into the sitting room with my mug clutched between my palms like it was the holy grail and glanced around - there was limited seating available.

May had settled into Jonas' lap in the chair Johannes had been occupying up until recently, John was in the other free armchair, and Tim and Henrik were on the couch, a particularly small-looking space in between them.

Henrik raised one eyebrow at me and softly patted the empty seat.

"Oh hell no," I giggled, "you've gotten me into enough trouble as is."

"What because you just got fucked in the kitchen? We have different definitions of trouble, kiddo."

I choked on the hot liquid, doubling over and trying to recover as the room erupted into laughter at my sudden and very very bright red cheeks.

"Right, so can I ask a question?" John looked genuinely unsettled and I was surprised to see such a face on him. Typically he was calm and cool and thoroughly collected.

"Ask away," I settled on the floor, looking up at him, "and please don't worry about being offensive of whatever. I guess if you're all gonna know, it may as well be out in the open."

"So you're a..." he scrunched up his face like he wasn't sure what to call me.

"Priestess," I added, "well we were. Both of us, and thanks by the way, fucking tattle tale," I turned on May, but she was busy, and I looked back at Henrik, John, and Tim, "we don't have a Temple anymore, so I guess technically-...actually I'm not sure..."

"So you're not human?" John asked warily.

"Ooh, right to the point, I like it," I teased with a little smile, "we're human. Well, call us something like human plus. We can get hurt and bleed and die like regular people, the thing is just that we come back when that happens. Perpetual rebirth. That's all our goddess though, its nothing we do ourselves."

"So you're like a zombie?"

"What? Not at all!"

"I dunno, I think you'd made a pretty zombie," Tim chuckled.

"Not a zombie," I added.

I took a sip of my coffee and John looked like he was trying to think of a which question to ask next when Johannes peaked his head into the room.

"Not to interrupt, Zombie Queen, but we're gonna be late."

"What? Not a zombie!"

Henrik glanced at the clock on his phone and yelled as he jumped up.

"The time to inform us of that shouldn't be ten minutes before we're supposed to be there!" he called, and everyone else followed scrambled to follow suit as Johannes yelled back.

"Look its not _my _fault you two were shacked up in there for so long!"

Jonas lifted May off his lap with one more kiss.

"Gotta go."

"You could stay with me," she said sweetly, gazing up at him through her eyelashes.

"No he can_ not_, these songs will sound like shit with one guitar," John yelled, already halfway down the hall, tearing off his shirt to find something else to wear.

"What do I get if I stay?" he played along with her, and she giggled as she whispered into his ear, and I watched his pupils explode as he shivered, "you can do that?"

She nodded with a cocky smirk.

Tim yelled his name, and Jonas fidgeted with his lip ring, looking like he really was considering staying.

"Perhaps later, mmm?" May kissed him on the cheek softly then danced out of his reach, heading out to the deck with her coffee mug.

The boys all eventually managed to get themselves together enough to grab their gear and get out of the house with record time.

Johannes dropped a kiss on top of my hair, tipping my chin up.

"Promise you'll be here when I get back? No more dangerous adventures today."

"Promise," I smiled, "I told you I'm not going anywhere if you want me to stay."

"I do want you," he breathed, brushing his lips against mine before disappearing out the door.

The house seemed deafeningly quiet with just the two of us, so we threw on bathing suits and decided to spend the day cooking under the sun.

\--

Hours later May and I were out by the pool, singing along with the shuffled songs that played over the wireless speakers between our chairs. I stretched out under the sun, soaking up all the Vitamin D I could, with a contented smile curving my lips as I sang along with everyone from Billie Holiday to the Clash.

Neither of us heard the boys unloading their things into the house, but the plotting commenced when Tim spied us both from up on the deck, defenselessly lounging by the pool.

They snuck down the stairs silently and stood at the edge of the pool area for a moment, watching us splayed out on chairs, all smooth legs and tiny bathing suits.

"I have an idea," John whispered, motioning for Jonas to come closer so he could whisper his plan.

Khufu's head raised up from his paws when the two silently crept around the water. John looked at him, putting one finger to his lips, and the dog seemed to grin at him, readily complying and lolling back over onto his side.

Henrik, Tim, and Johannes pulled out their phones, doing their best to stay quiet as they filmed.

Jonas approached May from the opposite side, tying his hair back and crouching slightly; he help up a hand and counted down from three fingers, signaling to John, who nodded with a wicked grin.

When the last went down, John shoved one arm under my legs and one around my shoulders and I shrieked in surprise as he picked me up and threw me into the pool.

May suffered the same fate, and we resurfaced sputtering and gasping at the sudden temperature change as all five men laughed hysterically, doubled over, and Khufu barked with them then took a running start before leaping into the water behind us, sending fresh waves over us both.

I pushed my sunglasses on top of my head and rounded on the culprit.

"_Fuck you!_ That was so rude, John, I can't believe you just did that!!" I shouted.

He stopped laughing and looked taken aback, his mouth hanging open, "I--I'm sorry, I didn't realize it would make you mad...you're wearing a bathing suit...shit...here let me help you up."

"Well you were fucking wrong, weren't you," my voice was cold steel.

I help up one hand so he could haul me out of the pool, and at the last second I planted my feet against the wall and pulled hard.

"No no no!!" he yelled, but pitched face-first into the pool with me, creating another wave of raucous laughter from everyone, including me.

He came up and gasped for air.

"TRISTE!!"

"Ha! Gotcha!!" I said, high fiving May before she turned to Jonas.

"No, little girl," he said, holding up one long index finger to her and backing away from the edge with a grin as she swam towards him, her hair trailing behind her like a sheet of creamy lilac silk.

Tim, Henrik and Johannes all made their way closer, perching on chairs and laughing, enjoying the sunshine as much as we had.

John grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back against him, whispering in my ear that I was in trouble now and making me shiver hard at the lowness of his voice.

"Well, to be fair, we're even now, technically."

"Uh-_huh_," he said as he put one hand on top of my head and dunked me.

"Buhhh!!" I yelled when I came up again, swimming a few feet away from him.

He threw his head back and laughed, the sound echoing off our concrete surroundings, "don't make me come get you!"

I glanced back at May, who was still waiting patiently for Jonas to make a mistake and come closer.

"You'll have to catch me first," I grinned, disappearing under the water. John went down a second later, throwing his sunglasses over to Henrik, who caught them smoothly.

I looked around under water, and swam quickly down to the deepest end of the pool, taking a moment to pinch May's ass under the water first.

"She swims like _une sirene_, John, you won't catch her," May giggled, yelping as I pinched her, then twisting and shifting to block him from following me as she laughed.

He surfaced and grabbed her around the waist with a playful growl, picking her up and turning, physically moving her out of the way.

"I'm bigger than you, remember?" he grinned, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before searching for me again. My head broke the surface just long enough to suck in a quick breath, then I was down at the very bottom of the deep end, seated on the white bottom of the pool, waiting.

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed watching his even the blurred movement of his hair floating about under the water as he moved. John was built like a swimmer, all arms and legs, and I finally let him reach me there at the bottom after wiggling my fingers cheekily in greeting.

I smirked at him under the water, running a hand through his hair, and he picked me up, setting me against the side wall of the pool and laying a rather intimate kiss to my lips as his hand traced the line of my waist and his body pinned me to the wall.

Kissing was hard under water, but he let his lips linger and pressed his knee between my thighs, holding me there for one more moment before gripping my waist with both hands and launching me towards the surface, following me up in the next second as he kicked hard off the bottom.

I swam to the edge of the pool where I could touch the bottom again and half-lifted out of the water, my palms flat on the warm concrete.

I pushed my sunglasses on, and crooked one finger at Johannes, "come here, I have something to tell you.”

"Bullshit," he laughed, "you are _not_ pulling me in."

"I won't, I promise!"

He emptied his pockets, just to be safe, then crouched down by the pool near me. I kissed him, pushing my tongue between his lips and moaning a little when he returned my caress, running a hand over my wet hair and pulling me a little closer as my legs kicked under the water.

Tim was suddenly thankful for the darkness of his sunglasses as he watched the muscles of my arms flex to hold me up, and the water drops sliding down my skin, my lips opening as Johannes pressed his tongue between them...

Johannes broke away from me with a soft groan, his eyes hidden behind shades, but I knew they would be dark and lust-filled as his fingers danced softly down over the back of my shoulder, inching towards the string that tied the two sides of my bikini top together.

"Mmm, hello. I hope what you wanted to tell me was 'Johannes, I would very much like to go inside and spend the rest of the day naked in your bed with your face between my legs'", he growled lowly, kissing me again.

The thought was extremely enticing, I had to admit, but I loved swimming and wanted to stay out for just a little longer. There wasn't a pool where I lived, let alone a private one that I got to share with my friends.

"Naked in your bed _does_ sound awfully appealing," I said, reaching up to gently bite his lower lip and his hand crept towards the string again, "but, if you pull that, you get nothing for the rest of forever," I added, trying to sound stern and failing horribly.

"Pull it! Pull it!" Henrik and Tim chanted together, laughing.

"What I was going to say in the first place was that uhm, this," I bit my lip trying to force down my laughter, "this shirt is uhm, v-very sexy."

He snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes, standing up and backing cautiously away from the edge, keeping a wary eye on both my hands.

I glanced around and noticed they were all wearing variations of them -- classic tacky tourist Hawaiian floral shirts.

"What...what the fuck are you guys wearing?! Did you play in those?"

"Hey! This is my favorite shirt!" Tim yelled, flipping me the finger. I stuck my tongue out at him in response and he laughed as I lifted myself all the way out of the pool and back-dived off the side, swimming back towards John, who pulled me up to the surface and against him.

"This shirt is _so_ horrible," I giggled, turning and wrapping my hands around the back of his neck and letting my feet float off the bottom as he turned us around in lazy circles like a dance and reached behind his head to tie his hair into a ponytail.

"Oh yeah?" he said quietly, pulling me closer as my sunglasses fell down on my face and I reached to adjust them. He put his hand on my arm at my elbow and guided it up further around his neck, making my face move closer towards his.

"Yeah," I challenged, peeking back at Johannes over my shoulder and giving him a little smile before returning to mock John's shirt some more.

"Maybe its just your taste, sweetheart," Henrik snickered, adjusting the chair's back so he could still watch me in the pool, but get some sun too as he opened the rest of the buttons on his shirt.

He looked at me head on while his fingers slowly slipped each button through the fabric, and I watched with silent appreciation.

For all the reputation Henrik had for being soft and quiet, there was flame under the passive exterior.

"The DJ seemed to think we looked pretty good," he added with a grin.

"Not all of us, just the tall one whose name she couldn't remember," Jonas corrected, smirking over at Johannes and then looking at me, "she ask--" his sentence was interrupted by a shout and a splash as he fell forward into the water.

Jonas had let his guard down for only a moment and May jumped at the opportunity, having been waiting and circling like a shark.

He growled and pulled her back under with him when he surfaced to take a deep breath, and her feet kicked at the surface as he dragged her to the bottom, no doubt getting handsy in the process.

"Oh, is that so?" I cocked an eyebrow at Johannes, who blushed like a delicate flower.

"Where were we?" I asked, turning back to John with a grin, and twirling his ponytail around my fingers as my forearms rested on his shoulders, "ah, yes, the shirt".

"I think you were saying something about how me having all these clothes on offends your delicate sensibilities, and that I should lose them," he laughed.

"Mmm, just the Hawaiian-themed ones."

"Careful, have you seen the pattern on my shorts?"

"Oh, Christ you didn't," I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose and drawing laughter from everyone else. He reached back and untangled my arms from around his neck so he could unbutton the tacky shirt and shrug out of it, but he missed one button at the bottom and I reached down between us to undo it without thinking.

The slightest growl rumbled through his throat as my fingers brushed his torso, and I looked up at him with a little smile, even as I felt myself clench.

His eyes darkened fractionally as I experimentally reached down again to do it, letting my fingers linger a little longer than before, brushing across his skin, dangerously close to his hips.

"Don't start something you won't finish, precious," he whispered before pulling me into him again.

His chest was sparsely covered with hair and I gingerly touched it, letting my fingers explore the texture, "I simply don't know what you're talking about, John," I whispered, looking back and forth between his eyes as he tossed the shirt carelessly behind him and pulled my arms back up around his neck, rolling his eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're _really_ bossy?" He pressed a tiny, quick kiss to my nose with a smile crossing his broad mouth.

"Only a hundred times a day," May called, standing on Jonas' shoulders and flipping backwards off them perfectly when he stood.

"Hey, do that again May," Henrik called, pulling out his phone to record it as Jonas ducked under the water and May climbed back onto his shoulders.

John turned us sideways so we could watch and I pressed my cheek against his as I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and he held onto me too, pulling me closer to his body until my legs wrapped tentatively around his hips and he sighed happily.

"I'm so happy I got to meet all of you," I said quietly, twisting his ponytail around my hand again and watching as everyone laughed and clapped as May held Jonas' hands tight and stayed standing on his shoulders when he surfaced.

He hummed quietly, but didn't say anything as the fingers of one hand traced the lines of my tattoo over the center of my back.

Jonas shuffled his feet for a moment before he went dead still and a scheming grin crossed his lips as he looked straight at the camera on Henrik's phone.

"_Mon cherí_, do not do what you're thi--aahh!!" Another splash as Jonas quickly pulled his hands away and May lost her balance and crashed into the water. She splashed him as she came back up.

"_Insolent!_" 

I chuckled and John put his lips to my ear asking what she'd said. I shivered hard at his voice being so close, and he pulled me fractionally harder against him, my breasts pressing against his chest.

" 'Insolent' means rude," I laughed, "same as in English, just pronounced differently. Rude sort of like when you get thrown into a pool unexpectedly while you're enjoying an afternoon in the sun?"

"I'm sorry about that," he chuckled, shaking his head, "I just couldn't resist...Plus," he growled, lowly, whispering so only I could hear his words as he started turning us in circles again, "I was kind of dying to touch your skin..." his lips started pressing against my ear, moving along my jaw, down my neck as he whispered my name.

I bit my lip and looked at him again, his stare penetrating and hot and his grip on me getting tighter.

I leaned in to kiss him and his tongue traced the bottom curve of my lip; he smirked and laughed lowly when he felt all my muscles tighten in response.

I glanced up as Johannes pulled his shirt back off his arms, saying something to Henrik, who was now completely shirtless and leaning back in my chair again, his hair tied up on top of his head the way I liked it best. Tim yelled something loudly in Swedish from the balcony before disappearing inside and everyone collapsed into laughter.

"Fuck off I know I'm pale!" Johannes yelled back through his own laughter.

I sighed as I watched him interact with his friends; he was so wondrously beautiful when he laughed and I felt impossibly lucky to be in my current situation.

I looked back at John, whose fingers were drifting up and down the center of my back slowly and I traced the sharp outlines of his facial hair, brushing one finger across his lips as I unhooked my legs from around his waist and floated them behind me.

He had such beautiful lips, a mouth that perfectly fit his face and his smile. I wondered to myself if he was a good kisser.

Gotta be with a cocky smirk like that.

"I am."

I glanced up from his lips to his eyes.

"What?"

"I said," he leaned forward, kissing the corner of my mouth, "I am...and you're thinking out loud little one."

I froze solid, all my joints immediately cemented where they were and all my muscles tensing.

"Or at least, I've been told so...but don't you want to find out for yourself?" He was enjoying this far too much. "Come closer, pretty little thing..."

He turned my face towards him and that ridiculously attractive smirk twisted the corner of his mouth up before he bit his lower lip, and I knew he was doing it for me.

I scowled and tried to squirm out of his grasp but he held me tighter, chuckling at my discomfort.

His lips brushed along my cheek and I shivered hard against him, my breath leaving my lips on a sharp exhale as his fingers pressed harder into my skin.

I whispered his name without meaning to as he looked me squarely in the eyes and kissed me, daring me to open my lips to him and find out if my speculations were true.

Even through my dark sunglasses, he stared straight at me, like he was telling me that I couldn't hide.

Just then Johannes stepped into the water and complained loudly about the cold, "fuck, John, I'd be pissed if I got thrown into this, too."

John pulled back and looked at me for a moment, watching my body under the water.

"Guess you're safe...for now, little one..." he growled, watching my pulse beat rapidly at the base of my throat, and I wasn't sure how playfully he meant it, but I clenched hard again.

"Off you go," he said, his entire demeanor shifting to relaxed and carefree as he pushed me slightly towards Johannes with a grin like nothing had happened.

I wasn't done with him though and I swam circles around his legs under the water before stopping behind him and wrapping my arms over his shoulders, clasping them down around the front of his chest.

"The water is pretty cold at first, but you'll get used to it in a minute," I said, looking at Johannes with an innocent smile, "plus, we've already had a chat about being rude, haven't we, John?" I purred, running my index finger over the back corner of his jaw and making him shiver.

Johannes turned to answer something Tim asked from up on the deck, and they yelled questions and answers back and forth for a moment.

I moved my lips closer to John's ear and whispered, "especially because after laying in the sun my skin was so warm, wasn't it," as I brushed the shell of his ear with my nose then pressed a kiss to his neck just below it, gently swirling my tongue over the skin and breathing softly down the back of his neck, half-sighing.

He jumped a little and a groan left his lips as he turned his head, involuntarily seeking my mouth with a smoldering look that almost undid me. He whispered my name, his hands pulling at my arms, trying to move me around to his front.

"Paybacks a bitch, babe," I grinned, dropping back under water and swimming towards the other. John's hand reached out to brush down my leg as I swam towards Johannes, twirling under the water and surfacing to make little splashes at him.

He ducked under the surface to wet his hair and caught my hand, pulling me closer.

"You're so pretty when you swim," he said, keeping us submerged up to the shoulders, and watching as our hair seemed for form a ring around us -- dark and light, yin and yang.

"Thanks," I smiled softly, "you're pretty all the time."

He laughed, butting his forehead against mine, "you too, smartass."

I was feeling a little more than worked up after that interaction with John, and I wrapped my legs around Johannes' waist as he laced our fingers together under the water.

"Kiss me," I whispered.

He smiled softly and pressed his lips to mine, letting go of my hands to lay his flat against my back, holding me to him and letting me take when I needed as my legs tightened and drew him harder against my center.

"Johannes?" I murmured and he groaned softly. He always did when I said his name that way, and it thrilled me the same each time, "I would very much like the spend the rest of the day naked in your bed with your face between my legs."

And I sincerely meant it.

"Ohh, get upstairs then," his tongue slid along mine in response and I could feel him getting hard between my legs as he moaned softly, his hips pressing into mine and drawing me in.

"Mmm, do you like that idea? Eating me over and over again? Making me come for you until I can't scream any more and I can only lay there and feel your tongue inside me?"

"What has gotten into you, dirty girl," he laughed lowly, but I could tell he did. I kissed him again, grinding against his cock.

John watched out of the side of his eye as he and Henrik idly chatted about something from the studio session earlier.

"Fuck, I want you, Triste," Johannes groaned into me, "why can't I ever get enough of you?"

His hands drifted over my ass underwater, his long arms slipping down and underneath my bathing suit until his fingers were sliding through my folds, pressing against my entrance and making me sharply exhale as I pushed back against them.

"Because you're the one thing I'll always want more of," I whispered, using one finger to gently push a wet lock of hair back off his forehead, "...always."

"Triste...I--"

"Triste! Come here, _oie_," May called, swimming over towards us, "do you want to play _poulet_?" I turned to Johannes and he pulled his fingers away from my slit before bending to growl into my ear so only I could hear him.

"Tell her no, and we can go upstairs and finish this. I'm dying to feel those beautiful lips around my cock again..."

I buckled a little at his words and the thought of him filling my mouth, but I also knew that May wouldn't take no for an answer. She'd tell me that we had all night for sex, and only a few hours of daylight left to play.

"Hmm, I promise we'll continue this later, okay?" I said quietly with one more kiss, "come on."

"No no, not Johannes, he is too tall! _C'est tricher_." May said over her shoulder when we moved closer.

Johannes let his jaw drop in mock offense at her, and pressed a hand to his chest like he'd been wounded by her comment, "_mais_ _ce n'est pas ma faute_!"

She clapped her hands and leaned up to wrap her arms around his neck as he spun them both around in fast circles and she laughed like a child at the water splashing around them.

"I like that you speak my language," she purred indulgently, brushing his lips with her index finger before peaking back over her shoulder at me.

I smiled happily, enjoying watching two of my favorite people together, and gave her a little wink as Jonas came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his cheek to mine and enveloping me in the feverish warmth of his body.

May grinned for a moment before turning back to Johannes and leaning up to press a kiss to his mouth. He was surprised for a moment, but opened his eyes to look at me over her shoulder, his lips still pressed against hers.

I was biting my bottom lip, beyond aroused just watching, and he knew it.

Johannes wrapped one arm down low around May's narrow waist, gripping just a little tightly as the other slid into her hair, and he opened his lips to her. She responded in kind, gliding her tongue along his and pressing her breasts against his chest until after a moment it stopped being just for show and they earnestly kissed each other.

As I checked back into reality, I felt lips at my own neck as Jonas brushed my hair out of the way and around my opposite shoulder.

"Sometimes its fun to trade places, isn't it," he whispered lowly as his hands started to wander under the water and his lips returned to my neck. His fingers teased at the waist of my bathing suit, barely dipping beneath to brush across my skin, but not going further.

His tongue swirled against my neck, and I was a single second away from shoving his hand all the way down to give me some of the contact I was increasingly desperate for when Johannes and May broke apart with one more little kiss and May giggled, brushing a hand tenderly against Johannes' cheek.

"Sweet Johannes, you are good for my Triste," she said quietly before swimming over towards me and pulling me from Jonas' grasp.

She held me tight and pressed her lips to my ear, "_bons dieux, sa bite_..." she giggled.

I responded with a tiny smirk that made her roll her eyes and she motioned to John to join us as he pushed off the side of the pool.

"Yes?"

"Let Triste get on your shoulders," she called over her own as she turned back to Jonas, who was unbuttoning his soaked shirt and watching me quietly.

John looked at me as Johannes settled back against the wall, leaning his head back against the ground and tilting his face up to the sun as his long arms spread out on the concrete to hold him up.

"Oh, you're in trouble now, little one," he growled.

"No no no! I'm s-sorry I teased you," I squeaked as he turned darkened eyes on me and pulled my sunglasses slowly off my face.

One big hand brushed from my chin down the length of my throat.

"Such pretty colors," he said softly, his mouth so close to mine, I could feel his breath.

My heart was pounding in my throat as his lips brushed along my jaw, settling at my ear, "up you go now, lets beat these bossy assholes," he laughed with a tiny nip at my earlobe that made me yelp.

Everyone watching laughed as I tossed my sunglasses to Johannes and he set them on the ground behind his head.

"You're all jerks," I huffed as John ducked under the water and took both of my hands, maneuvering me onto his shoulders and then standing slowly.

We let go of each others' hands and I moved mine to the top of his head as he gripped both my thighs, a little harder than was strictly necessary, rubbing his thumbs back and forth over the skin there.

"Behave, John," I lightly flicked the top of his ear as I said it and he tilted his head to look back up at me.

"Or what?" He grinned.

We swam around, playing and teasing for a while longer, everyone simply relaxed and happy and enjoying each others company.

Tim reappeared with a guitar just as I was getting tackled backwards off of John's shoulders by May and settled back into a lounge chair, softly playing a melody that had been bouncing around his head.

Something happened to his music as he watched me - it seemed to require less thought and just flow from his fingers.

Disjointed thoughts passed through his mind, none of them really grabbing his attention as he watched the length of each of my legs kicking gracefully under the water until my face broke the surface.

Khufu whined quietly and laid his head on Tim's knee, drawing his attention for a moment away from me.

He looked down at the dog, who was watching his left hand move over the frets.

"You like this song?" he grinned and received a sloppy dog kiss in response. He laughed and went back to watching me for a moment before laying his head back and turning his face up to the sun, letting the notes write themselves one after the other.

"Are you guys coming in or what?" I asked, turning to Henrik and Tim.

"No, I think I need a drink or five after what all has happened today," Henrik laughed, standing and stretching before turning to go inside, "c'mon Khufu, lets go," he called as an afterthought and the dog raced up the stairs.

Tim stood and rolled his shoulders before following both of them up to the house, guitar in hand.

Jonas lifted May into his arms, their lips pressed together, and climbed the steps out of the pool, whispering something that made her squeal. They headed towards the house without another word, I assumed to finish what they’d started earlier that morning, and John swam to the stairs and got out too, leaving us alone.

“Don’t drown,” he called over his shoulder and Johannes and I uniformly flipped him off with four middle fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known, I fucking LOVE the Hawaiian shirts and Johannes sassing the DJ with the horrible midwestern accent will never not be one of the top ten greatest Avatar moments in my brain.


	15. Chapter 15

I ducked under the water again and swam around his legs, trailing my hands over the skin there before coming back to the surface.

“You’re a good swimmer, like a fish or something,” he said with a smile before taking a deep breath and putting his head under, pushing his hair out of his face when he came back up and wiped the water away from his eyes.

“Come here, you,” I purred, wrapping my arms around his neck like I had John’s and letting him pull us around through the water as we talked.

“Mmm, how did the radio thing go?” I asked between little kisses, "was Henrik's hand okay?"

“It was good overall, other than the DJ trying to pick me up twice on air,” he said with a shake of his head an eye roll.

I snorted a laugh, “Jonas wasn't kidding then. What did you say?”

“Obviously not yes,” he murmured, pulling me a little closer to him and kissing me a little harder than the last time.

“Well that’s good, because you may not know this, but I can get very jealous,” I joked.

“Is that so,” he said quietly, his hands starting to wander over me under the water, touching and squeezing.

“It-_ohh_-it is,” I sighed, closing my eyes and gasping softly as his fingers slipped under the cups of my bathing suit and started pinching and rolling my nipples.

“And what happens when you get jealous, Triste,” he asked lowly, moving towards the stairs.

"Mmm, then I have to remind you why you should stay with me and not run off with the radio DJ who can't remember what your name is," I said, a tiny smirk curving my lips as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

His hands went to my ass and pulled me harder against him, grinding his erection against my core.

"I think I need a reminder, I'm very forgetful," he whispered, laying me back down against the stairs and devouring my mouth as he pressed his palms flat on either side of me.

I moaned up into his lips, consumed with fire and unbearable heat, and pressed harder into his cock.

"Oh you look so good, let me fuck you like this, Triste," he groaned into my ear, pushing my hair out of the way so he could press kisses down the side of my neck.

I could hardly say no to an offer like that, but I did, pulling on his hair until he lifted his head and looked down at me.

"Turn over. Lay on your back."

He didn't ask any questions, just shifted us until he was leaning back against the steps in the shallow water, watching me.

"Up one more."

He scooted back up one step so his hips were out of the water, and I pushed his knees apart, holding eye contact, loving the way he bit his lip in anticipation and groaned when I ran one finger over him through the soaked fabric of his shorts.

I pulled them down his hips slightly, enough to free his cock and pushed myself up onto the steps far enough to kiss him deeply.

He anchored my face to his and tasted every part of my mouth, making me gasp and cry out and his hand dropped down to cup my breast, squeezing and rolling my nipple again.

"Johannes," I sighed, "what the hell did I ever do without you?" I meant to say it more to myself, but I knew he heard me.

My tongue worked its way down his chest, nipping at the skin and swirling down his hairless torso as his fingers pushed into my hair, getting a good grip.

I lived for each sound he made for me as I teased the head of his cock with my tongue, licking tiny circles and more than enjoying the taste of him.

"Triste...baby..." he groaned, dropping his head back and reveling in the sensational sensory combination of the sun on his face and my lips around his cock.

My mouth wrapped around him as my tongue caressed the sensitive groove in the underside of the head, drawing a gasp and a low cry from him as his fingers tightened in my hair, his grip almost painful.

I dropped further down his length, taking him into my throat, mulling over just how much I felt unsettled by the idea of Johannes being approached by another woman. He'd obviously not been interested in her, but now I couldn't shy away from confronting exactly what I felt for him.

I tried to put all thinking aside, and bent my focus to pleasuring him. I wanted it almost as much as he did, and his cock hit the back of my throat as I worked up and down, playing with varying degrees of pressure, hollowing my cheeks and gripping his thighs with my nails when my nose rested against his skin.

His breaths became quicker and more shallow, and I knew he was getting close and his hips started to buck into my face.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck," he moaned, his hand in my hair pressing my head down until he was fucking my mouth.

I sucked him harder and took him to the back of my throat, needing to taste him.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," he yelled and exploded into my mouth when I pulled up slightly, throwing his head back and giving my name up to the ocean air.

I swallowed him eagerly, my nails sinking into his skin and my eyes screwing shut to focus on not choking as he pumped wave after wave of salty warmth against my tongue until he softened between my lips and gasped for relief.

"Oh...my...god...fucking...what...fuck..." he said between gasps for air.

I lifted my head and waited patiently with a little smile, licking my lips when he finally opened his eyes and glanced down at me.

"You," he said, pushing his shorts down his legs and off over his feet before pressing me back into the water, "are...you're..." he looked at me so tenderly, so softly, that it took my breath away.

My brain tried to think of something snarky out of habit, but nothing came to me and Johannes pulled us back into the pool, letting me wrap my legs around his naked waist.

We weren't consumed by lust or want anymore, just beautiful, tender affection as our lips moved together, both of us hesitant to stop kissing the other.

His deft fingers immediately pulled at the strings on my bathing suit, letting the material float away from my body as both halves came undone on the top and bottom and then we were naked, skin on skin.

"You're everything, Triste," he whispered into my lips, looking so deeply into my gaze, I felt like he was looking into my soul, and my eyes filled with tears.

I blinked hard to try and make them go away but they betrayed me and fell instead.

"Why are you crying?" he asked softly, brushing the backs of his fingers down the side of my face. Everything he said was soft and quiet and I clung harder to him, tangling my fingers into his hair, terrified suddenly that in just a few days we might have to say goodbye.

"I'm not. I'm just. I'm a little overwhelmed I think," I sniffled, pressing my forehead to his, "I...I didn't ever expect...this. Whatever this is. I didn't realize that when we met the other night it was going to turn into...well, anything I guess. And now here we are, and you're too good for me, and I don't know how to go back to normal life after this...Johannes, I..." I stuttered, trying to find the words.

I'm terrified of losing you.  
I'm so afraid that I've trusted you and that you'll go back to your life and I'll have to go back to mine and I'll fall apart.   
Johannes.  
I'm so stupid in love with you.

"Hey hey hey," he tipped my chin up to look into his eyes, full of sudden concern, "where's all this coming from?"

I blinked rapidly, looking down into the water.

The sun was starting to sink and the temperature had dropped a few degrees.

"I've never told anyone before. Did I tell you that?"

He shook his head, waiting for me to continue.

"In all my years...I've never told anyone what I am."

" 'Who', Triste."

"Who. Right."

He paused for a moment, pulling us through the water and watching the ends of my hair trail alongside us.

"Well, I'd imagine there was some self-preservation in there somewhere, à la 'burning heretics', right?"

I smiled a little, "there was some of that, yeah. But mostly, its always been about trust. Fear really, I guess, on my part."

My eyes got lost in the light playing off the water, distorting the angles beneath the surface.

"I never wanted to tell someone until I met you all."

He pressed kisses all over my cheeks and my eyes, finally stopping at my forehead and closing his eyes as his lips rested there for a moment.

"And do you trust me, Triste?"

We both pulled back and I looked at him honestly, all my walls down, "completely. Without doubt or reservation..."

When he leaned in to kiss me, he moved slowly, cupping my cheek and tilting his head gently like he had the first time we'd kissed.

His lips caressed mine, softly moving over them repeatedly until his tongue whispered against my bottom lip, just barely touching me, and mine opened slowly to him, granting him entry and wanting to die from hearing the moan that left his lips when his tongue slid against mine.

Johannes was getting hard between my legs again, and his hands gripped my ass, pressing my pussy harder against him so he could rub the tip of his cock over my clit as I cried out his name into his lips, keeping quiet but needing him desperately.

I wanted to tell him right there that I loved him and wanted him forever, but my mouth wouldn't form the words as my breath hitched in my chest.

"I need you," I finally whispered, looking back and forth between his eyes, such a lovely shade of blue, "Johannes, please, I need you."

He didn't say anything or drop my gaze as he shifted us under water slightly so that the tip of his cock pressed against my entrance. It was such an unusual feeling, the duality of the water surrounding him and my own wetness feeling so different.

Every move he made was slow and deliberate, but not overthought. He just barely teased me open, gasping at the tightness of the ring of muscle that was my entrance.

We held each other close, not gripping too tightly, not clawing with passion, just simply holding the other against ourselves.

I used my grip around his waist to sink further onto his cock, little gasps and sighs sounding into the evening air from us both until he filled me and I pulsed around him, feeling stretched and almost overstimulated.

My name drifted from his lips like a song and I closed my eyes when he pressed his forehead to mine and started moving me on and off his cock, never shifting his hips and hardly stirring the water around us.

"Triste, you feel so good," he whispered softly as I took over, gripping his waist with my legs and tilting my hips back and forth, "I'm never going to get enough of you," he gasped as the new angle dragged his cock against my inner walls harder.

Our eyes met as we moved together, gasping quietly for more and pulling each other closer until we came together.

Neither of us cried out or screamed, he wrapped his arms tighter around my back and I pulled his hips closer into mine under the water, feeling the warmth of him as he filled me with his own release.

He held my gaze as he whispered something in Swedish I didn't understand, but he clamped his lips shut after he'd said it, like it wasn't something he'd meant for me to hear, even though he was well aware I had none of the language whatsoever.

"We should go inside and get dried off," I sighed, not making any move to untangle myself from him.

He slipped out of me with a groan and stood up, towering over me as he normally did.

"I don't...I don't think I can be away from you."

"Well that's why you're coming with me," I smiled, taking his hand, "I'm not going to leave you in the pool."

"That's not what I meant."

I stopped breathing and chewed my bottom lip, pinned by the intensity of his stare and unable to think for myself for several moments. I finally brushed one shaking hand over his abdomen, running it up to his chest and over the soaked ends of his hair until I could press it flat against his heart.

"Who says I want you to be away from me?" my lips whispered into his, my hand still pressed against his chest, feeling his heart beat a little faster as he sighed into my kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

The next two days passed without much in the way of eventfulness.

We drank and laughed and relaxed and just got to know each other better, basking in the warm glow of new friendships and the unshakable connections of brothers, spending most of both days lazing around out in the sun.

No one brought up the inevitable end that was coming, and it was just as well because we could hardly stand to think about going back to our normal lives after days like these.

\--

My eyes fluttered open as the sounds started to register and I inhaled a deep breath, waking up from the peaceful nap I'd dozed off to, stretching and sighing happily.

Johannes was humming with a slightly furrowed brow, watching Jonas' fingers move over his guitar and trying to follow the melody.

"One more time," he said, watching more intently, and I turned my head sideways on the pillow in Tim's lap to watch his concentration. His somewhat lean and angular features gave him a hard look when he was focusing intently like that, but I found everything about him marvelously beautiful.

All of them were.

I leaned my head back to watch Jonas play upside down, eyes closed, head moving every once in a while, as if it guided the rhythm of his hands, his hair pulled into a loose tail that spilled down over one shoulder.

"Nice of you to join us," Tim chuckled, running a hand back over my hair, smoothing it off my forehead as I yawned and looked up at him.

"Mmm, how long was I out for?"

"Hour, hour and a half?"

"Christ, sorry, are your legs both completely asleep?"

"Yes," he laughed, stretching them both out once I sat up, "but you looked like you were sleeping well so I didn't want to move you," he shrugged, "and Johannes tells me it would have been rude to just dump you on the floor and call it an accident."

His eyes lit up as me smiled and leaned over to press a quick kiss to my cheek as May appeared on the deck with a piece of paper in her hand.

She silently handed it to me and I glanced down, reading through what appeared to be a list of ingredients.

"Mushrooms?" She gestured broadly to everyone else, slightly exasperated, "they won't eat meat!"

I glanced back down at the list and cocked my head to the side, putting them all together.

"I didn't know you could make _bourguignon_ vegan," I looked up questioningly at her and May sighed, running a hand back through her hair, but her stern face was no match for Jonas' grin and she finally caved.

"Well I promised I would try..._once_," she wagged her finger at him and he dragged her down onto his knees with a laugh.

"You may just be surprised, love."

"Oh," as my brain fully woke up, I realized why she'd handed me the list, and I looked around both boys over at her, "am I going to the store?"

"_Oui_, it is by the bar where Gabriel is, I thought you would...ah...jump by?"

"Pop by. Why?"

"Say hello, _merci_, see you soon, all of that."

Gabriel was someone I knew tangentially through a series of former coworkers, and he'd been a big part of why I got the bar bid in the first place for the festival.

"I was just going to send him a card and something nice..."

May waved her had like it simply wasn't acceptable and I sighed, not terribly in the mood to socialize or leave the house. It had started to feel like a haven in a way, like the real world was lurking out there, but just beyond the safe confines of warm hands and little shows of affection, but couldn't reach me here.

"Do you want some company?" Tim offered, twirling his fingers into the fringe around the edge of the pillow in his lap.

I was halfway into the house, intending to find my keys and make it fast, but nodded, "yeah that sounds great," then paused and looked back over my shoulder with a grin, "let me take you out and buy you a drink like a real lady, Timmy," I giggled, and managed to jump out of the way just as the throw pillow sailed through the open door.

I grabbed my keys and pulled a brush through my hair, figuring a quick coat of mascara couldn't hurt anyone, then slipped into a pair of flip flops and headed back out to gather up my passenger.

"Anyone else wanna go?"

"I think we'll stay if thats okay, babe, we're really close with this new riff," Johannes said, the words slightly mumbled into my hair as his lips found my ear under the thick mass of silver waves, "don't get yourself into too much trouble," he chuckled.

I looked at John and made an exasperated face, "where did we come to the conclusion that _I'm_ the bossy one again?!"

Everyone laughed and Johannes tipped my chin back for a quick kiss that lasted a little longer than he'd originally planned as I sank into the feel of his lips.

It was going to be our last night together, and the discomfort caused by that thought made him pull me in closer, holding me tighter against his body.

"See ya soon, baby," he finally released me with a little kiss on my nose.

"Don't I get one too?" Tim joked, hands on his hips like he was all offended.

Johannes puckered his lips with his eyes screwed shut and crooked a finger at Tim, sending us both retreating down the stairs cackling as Tim wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Let me see the list," he reached for the paper in my hand, squinting at the small circular letters that was May's obscenely perfect handwriting, "oh, nevermind."

The ingredient names were in French, but some of them were close to English and it became a game as we pulled out onto the main road.

"_Champignons_?...Champagne? No, that would just be champagne," he muttered to himself.

"Main ingredient," I hinted.

"Porcini and Cremini? ...oh, mushrooms?"

I thumbs up-ed his guess, "can't have mushroom _bourguignon_ without mushrooms."

"_Ail_...oil?"

"Comes in cloves."

"Garlic."

"Très bien!"

We continued to play our little game until our cheeks were both pink from laughing at his absurd guesses, items that would never be included in a food dish to begin with, and we pulled up in front of the store. I felt the tiniest bit awkward, doing something mundane like grocery shopping with him, but he didn't seem to have any issues and fell into step beside me, grabbing this and that, holding up one in each hand when he had options and waiting for my instruction.

"Why are there so many different kinds of mushrooms, good god..." he surveyed the baskets brimming with soft caps and dried, shriveled slices.

"Different flavors, different uses, you can eat those raw," I pointed, "those are best fresh, but you can just rehydrate these and get basically the same flavor, so they keep longer."

He looked sideways at me with a curious expression.

"Don't worry, we'll make a domestic housewife out of you, yet," I giggled, pointing to the right kind of mushroom and holding up the basket for him to drop the little carton in.

We finished up our shopping, continuing a version of our game where I would point to something and tell him the French name and he'd tell me the Swedish equivalent, always having to say it at least twice and sometimes spell it out for me as I giggled. It was fascinating to learn how many words were similar, and how many were quite different.

I pointed to one last item before we left, and he looked over my shoulder as he scooped up bags.

"_Tuggummi_."

"Tu-what?"

"_Tuggummi_," he said again, slower.

"Bless you," I giggled as we threw the bags into the back seat and he coughed a laugh.

"Why what is it in French?"

I put my hand on the back of his seat and leaned over to kiss his cheek before backing out of the parking spot and looked at him with a little shrug, "...bubble gum."

The bar we sought was only a few blocks away, and I whipped into the parking spot.

"What do you want?" I asked over the loud music, searching for the tall, fair-haired bartender.

"Surprise me," he said, pressing a quick kiss to my fingers before turning to find us a place to sit, or even just somewhere we could squeeze in together between the hordes of people.

I found Gabriel and managed to squeeze up to the bar, giving him a friendly wave when he caught sight of me and did a double take.

"Hey, Miss Triste, you're still here!"

He'd called me Miss Triste from the moment we met, though we were nearly the same age I guessed, him being maybe one or two years younger than myself.

"I'm still here," I confirmed, "I just wanted to stop by and say thank you again. We had a lot of success this weekend and I owe you about a million favors for it."

"I heard you got a little more than you bargained for," he grinned at me, leaning his elbows against the bar like he was waiting for a story, and I chewed my lip with a little shrug and a shy smile.

Somehow, in the wake of everything else happened, it kept slipping my mind that I'd gotten Cirice'd.

_ Ihy...that little devil. _

"So what'll it be, Miss Triste?"

"Uhm, can I have a Ward Eight and a Rosita please?"

"Is May with you?"

"No...different friend," I mumbled, suddenly not sure if he knew who Tim was and not sure if I should tell him anything that would open up the can of questions.

He slid both drinks my way, and I tipped him a little extra with a wink and another thank you before heading off to find wherever Tim had decided to perch.

I wandered around for a moment trying to spot him, looking for neon sunglasses in long brown hair as I took a sip of his drink after trying mine, trying to figure out who was going to get which one.

The ward eight was stronger and I claimed it for myself. Plus the image of Tim sipping pretty tequila drinks made me giggle and I suddenly wished I had asked Gabriel for a tiny umbrella to perch on the side.

When I finally pushed through the crowd and found him he was talking to a woman who I thought looked near our age and was standing rather close to him. Her hair was short and an unnatural shade of yellowish-blonde, curled into tight ringlets that stopped at different lengths above her shoulders rather fashionably.

She leaned one elbow against the bar in a way that made her opposite hip cock out to the side. At first I thought he knew her, or wanted to know her at the very least, but when I caught a glimpse of his face, Tim looked beyond uncomfortable.

I grabbed a place at the bar close to the other side of her, listening to their conversation with a smug look on my face, and smirking at him over her shoulder as I sipped my drink, then took another sip of his.

"I just looove your music," she drawled on, oblivious to how uncomfortable she was making him. To his credit though, he smiled and nodded and thanked her in a gracious way like he always did, but every time he shifted back on his stool, she stepped forward a little, until he had no more room to escape, and he just glared at me over her shoulder.

She turned and propped both her elbows back onto the bar, facing the room and leaning back so her breasts were accentuated, nearly exposed to the entire room.

"So...are you here alone then?" the hopeful tone in her voice was rather obvious.

I covered my mouth, pretending to wipe it with a napkin, but really just needing something to stifle the uncontrollable fit of laughter that threatened to exposed me as I used every fiber of self control I possessed, staring hard at the ceiling for several moments and shaking.

Tim's cheeks turned pink and he shot me a pleading look when I finally glanced back over and our eyes met just over the swells of her breasts.

Absolutely nothing about the entire situation could have been more comical.

"Uhm, well--"

Finally I took some pity on him, feigning surprise, "Tim?! Is that you?!" I picked up both drinks and moved around to wedge myself between them.

I acted as if I hadn't seen her at first as I set the glasses on the bar and turned my back to her for a moment, winking quickly at him so he'd follow my lead.

"Ahem... Excuse me... _Excuse me_," she said a little louder, tapping me on the shoulder and I turned to her finally.

"Yes?"

"We were kinda in the middle of something when you just butted in..."

"I don't think he's interested."

"Well, why don't you let him decide that for himself?"

I was surprised at how irritated I got just by her insistence and I cocked an eyebrow at her, knowing what I was about to do was dickish at best but deciding to do it anyways.

"Okay...well I'll let you two get back to it then."

"Triste," he warned, as I made to grab my drink and depart. 

"Sorry, what was that?" I looked back at him, giving him the best 'come and get me' look I had.

He immediately pulled me closer, both hands around my waist as he shifted slightly so we were perpendicular to her and he made me step closer until I was standing between his legs, having forgotten all about the other woman entirely five seconds ago.

Clear frustration broke out across her store-bought tan features, and I relished her immediate dislike of me as I cocked my head a little to the side and gave her the iciest stare I could muster, aware that I was being a jerk, but feeling too good to stop. 

"I don't think he's interested," I said again, looking at her for another moment until I felt Tim's hands creep up the sides of my legs, drawing my gaze, and I watched his eyes widen as he drew in a sharp breath and his pupils exploded at the look on my face.

He was about to respond with something snarky but I dipped my head and pressed my lips to his, making an unnecessary show of kissing him as my fingers slid back over his cheeks into his hair, curling around the chestnut locks and mentally dying from the softness.

Tim reciprocated immediately, moaning lowly into my lips and I gasped as his hands gripped my waist hard and one slid down over my ass, pushing his luck, but going just far enough that I allowed it as I pressed further into him, standing between his legs but leaning heavily into him and inhaling the smell of tobacco and the salty beach air that clung to his clothes.

I was going to break away right there and make idle dull conversation until our companion got the message if she hadn't already after being told twice, but his tongue teased at my lips and I found myself readily opening them to him instead, wanting to taste his kiss, wanting to know what his tongue felt like sliding against mine.

I used my grip on his hair to angle his face back just a little so I could top and his facial hair brushed against my skin as his mouth opened and he kissed me again, tasting faintly smoky like cigarettes, but also indescribably sweet.

Everything inside me was on fire and all my muscles clenched each time I felt his tongue swirling against mine. Every time he groaned in pleasure into my lips and pulled me closer, squeezing my hips with his knees to keep me right where I was between them, I felt another delicious surge of wetness between my legs.

For all that Johannes knew exactly what to do with that long, dexterous tongue, and Henrik's lips were like a dream come true, I'd never been kissed this way before...

I liked to think that I was a good, practiced balance of lips and tongue and teeth, but I was a shot in the dark compared to Tim. He devoured my mouth, taking what he wanted, but in return delivered searing torrents of pleasure that surged through my body, making all the right sounds and nipping at my lips in exactly the right way, making me feel like I was on fire even as I was almost dripping wet already, and we both knew it.

I wasn't even aware of the other woman anymore, I was too enraptured in the sighs and little noises that Tim seemed to draw from my very soul as his tongue passed my lips and he deepened our kiss again, the hand on my ass now dipping into my back pocket and squeezing, pulling me harder against him, groaning as I pulled his hair reflexively.

I thought it might take an act of the gods to stop us right then, but it turns out it only took one disgruntled blonde, knocking into me as she stormed by us, muttering something like "get a room", and I finally broke our kiss, pressing my forehead to his and gasping for air as I collapsed into him and he leaned back against the bar, gathering me against his body.

His hand moved over my ass and pulled my legs up until I was firmly seated in his lap, my side pressed to his chest as my arm crooked around his neck.

"Good.god._damn_.woman." he breathed, still tilting his head down towards me, seeking more of the softness of my lips.

His index finger turned my face so he could look at me with pupils so blown out, there was hardly any visible iris left.

He licked his lips, tasting our kiss again, trying to breathe.

"Hey, a little thanks are in order, mister! I just saved you from an encounter that would have ended with you naked tied to a bed somewhere in Dollywood," I laughed, still trying to recover, my brain whirling away with a million half-coherent thoughts, most of them involving curiosity as to what his mustache would feel like brushing down my bare skin, over my nipples, between my legs...

We were silent for a moment, just breathing and electrically aware of each other as he shifted me on his lap to look at him more fully.

Tim kept his eyes on mine and pressed his lips to my own softly, carefully, as my legs dangled above the floor, and he let them linger near my mouth as he whispered into my skin, lightly nudging me with his nose.

"Triste..." he said my name softly and in a tone that made me crumble a little further into him.

He felt my reaction and his lips twisted at the corner, not a full smile, but a cocky smirk, "are you listening to me carefully Triste?"

I shivered hard but nodded.

"Good girl. Because if you _ever_ pull my hair like that again... I don't care who we're with. I don't care where we are. I will tear your clothes off, I will throw you against the closest wall, and I will fuck you until you forget what your name is, and that anyone else in the world exists that isn't me."

_PULL IT AGAIN. PULL IT AGAIN. PULL IT AGAIN. _

I was floored, and stammered a few incoherent syllables so the moan behind my lips wouldn't escape, "I...wh-...but you...she...I..."

He stood up, his arm hooked around my waist so I wouldn't fall as I slid off his lap, and he looked down at me, shifting me as my feet hit the floor so I could feel his erection pressed into my hip.

There was passion in his eyes that I felt pulled towards, but I realized it wasn't me moving. His eyes were getting closer and closer, no longer looking into mine, but settling at my lips. They closed and I felt his mustache brushing my mouth as he kissed me again and I sank into it, pressing my hands to his chest so they wouldn't reflexively tangle into his hair and finally moaning quietly into his caress.

A low growl in response vibrated through me and into the floor, like I was the lightening rod and he was the lightening as his hands closed around my waist, gripping tightly and pulling me in.

I was almost desperate for more, but the last non-sex-crazed vestige of my highly-evolved brain at that moment yelled at me loudly enough that I remembered we were in public, and if she had recognized him, others would too.

He pulled back with one more soft brush of his mouth to my cheek and his eyes were dilated once more when they met mine.

We stared at each other for a moment, wondering what we were supposed to do, neither of us making heads or tails of our situation now.

"Finish your drink, Triste," he said finally, maneuvering me to sit on the bar stool next to his before he sat down again.

I was still speechless, and did as I was told without any backtalk for once.

My cocktail sat sweating on the bar and I looked at it sympathetically before picking it up and pressing it to my forehead for a moment, feeling grounded by the frigid condensation as Tim watched with an appreciative eye.

"And just so you know," he said, reaching over to brush the backs of his fingers down my arm and humming when I shivered a little, "being tied up isn't _my_ thing."

I nearly choked and my head turned slowly, the tiny straw still between my lips, frozen for a moment.

" 'Not your thing' as in its someone else's?"

"I'll never tell," he laughed, taking a big drink from his glass.

"Oh come on! Who is it? You know I'll find out, I'm nosy as hell! Is it John? I bet its John, its always the quiet ones that love that stuff. I'll ask, you know I will!"

He grinned, "you let me know when you do find out, I'd love to see the surprise on your face."

"You can't tell me something like that and then not reveal who it is. Come on, everyone has kinks!"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he growled, and I realized he wasn't joking.

"You already showed yours, Tim, you don't have any cards left to play," I smirked after a moment, and he laughed at me.

"The cards I hold are that I know everyone else's kinks and you don't."

"Ugh, fair," I buried my face in my glass again, blaming the flush in my cheeks on the alcohol as it warmed me from the inside out and the ice in my glass rattled as I emptied it, lost in a sudden deluge of images of the boys with their arms and legs tied up in my bed back home.

My legs squeezed tighter together and I sputtered a little as the ice hit my nose.

"Another?" Gabriel asked, reaching for my Collins glass when I set it down on the bar.

"Please."

He disappeared down the bar, returning a minute later with a fresh drink, taking Tim's empty for a refill as well. I moved to pay him and he waved a hand.

"On the house, Miss Triste. Honestly, that girl's been a thorn in my side for the last month, hanging around like that all the time annoying people, so I applaud your clever ruse. Drink up my friends."

I grinned at him before grabbing Tim's hand on the bar next to me dramatically and slapping it down on my knee.

"How do you know its a ruse? Maybe we're madly in love!"

Tim scoffed and Gabriel laughed loudly, neither of which I appreciated as Tim patted my knee twice and removed his hand.

"Look Miss Triste, I know a first real kiss when I see it, and I dare say that one was good enough to almost make me blush."

He winked companionably as I snorted a laugh and he paused to look at Tim, letting his eyes linger on those beautiful lips.

"You sure you're not gay?"

"Last I checked."

A gorgeous, I was sure thoroughly-seasoned smirk crossed Gabriel's lips, "shame. Call me if you ever see the light."

He turned with one last smile for us both and I couldn't help the small laugh that lifted my heart.

I took a sip and blinked hard at the amount of bourbon in my drink.

"Do people ask you that a lot?"

"What?"

"If you're gay."

He cocked his head to the side and stared at me with one eye a little more narrowed than the other, "not that I can recall...why?"

"No reason," I giggled into my drink, thinking of what Matty would say if he could see what had just happened. 

"Where the hell did you learn how to kiss like that?" I asked, swiveling to face Tim as I absentmindedly chewed on the end of my straw.

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye before turning to face me fully again, looking down the lengths of my crossed legs and reaching one finger out to brush up the very front of my shin.

"Lots of...practice," he said lowly, as his tongue darted out of his mouth to catch a stray drop down the side of his glass, and I nearly fell out of my chair when his eyes met mine while he did it.

\--

We climbed back into my Jeep and I took my time rolling all the windows down and opening the sunroof.

"Dollywood," he muttered with a laugh as he pulled his seat belt across his lap and reached over to take my hand, lacing our fingers together.

He pulled my knuckles up and brushed his lips against them with a smile, leaning his head to the opposite side and enjoying his buzz.

"I need that hand to drive you know."

Tim rolled his head back against the seat and shook it back and forth as his eyes closed, "mine for the drive home. Call it your penance, priestess," he laughed and continued to hold onto it, using his opposite hand to trace circles over my knuckles.

I pulled the tangled mess of fingers over towards the gear shift, and rested it on top.

"You can help then," I giggled, "or we can't get home."

He waved a hand and kept his eyes closed, taking a deep breath of the evening air before fishing in his pocked for a lighter and placing a cigarette between his lips, "thats probably something we should do. Best get you back to Johannes before I make you pull over so I can drag you into the back seat and ravage you."

I scoffed, the wind blowing my hair around my shoulders as I pulled up to the intersection to get back onto the main road and checked for oncoming traffic, shifting gears with his hand over top of mine. 

I realized I didn't say no as Tim looked over at me with both eyebrows raised, but I pulled my hand away and cranked the volume on the stereo so he couldn't say anything more about it.

His lips moved to form the word 'penance' one more time as he took my hand again, brushing his lips over my fingers.

I wanted to tell him you needed to repent for your sins first in order to have to do penance, but I figured my mouth had already gotten me into enough trouble for one vacation.


	17. Chapter 17

I pulled into the parking spot outside the house and killed the engine, rolling the windows up and glancing over at Tim with a smile as the silence became almost deafening after a few moments.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, chewing nervously at his lip, concerned that he'd crossed a line with me at the bar. It wasn't that he'd meant to, he just couldn't help himself - not after I'd spend an hour sleeping peacefully in his lap then having the whole afternoon out laughing and smiling so sweetly at him...

"I'm okay," I said, reaching for his hand, "are you?"

"Better than okay," he breathed a sigh of relief, pressing one more kiss to my knuckles and letting his eyes sear into mine, just holding me there, pinned under his stare, hoping I was intuiting from it everything he wanted me to know that was going on inside his head.

I finally sucked in a shaky breath, making a joke to break the silence, "you really aren't going to tell me who likes to be tied up, are you?"

Tim snorted a laugh, the moment thoroughly ruined now, and shook his head as he opened the passenger side door.

"Fine. I bet Henrik will tell me."

"Oh, I highly doubt that babygirl," he chuckled, gathering bags from the backseat and motioning for me to go upstairs first, making a teasing comment about how he hated to see me go.

May was in Jonas' lap, more or less where we'd left her before out on the deck, but the way her hips rocked forwards against his and he gasped quietly into her lips as his hands gripped her waist gave us both some indication as to what was happening under the material of her sundress.

"Do you think they ever sleep?" Tim groaned, nudging me to step inside when my feet froze.

"Doesn't seem like it," Henrik answered for me, taking the bag from my hand and pressing a soft kiss to my lips with a smile before laying out our purchases on the counter.

"She didn't rope you into cooking so she could get laid did she?"

"Me? No, I'm planning on being far too drunk to help cook," he chuckled, "although," he glanced out the door "if they don't hurry it up, I imagine I _will_ be the one making dinner. And then you're all shit out of luck."

"Because you're such an awful cook, right?" I rolled my eyes and went to find Johannes, who was curled up into the corner of the couch, his long legs hanging off the back as he flipped the page in his book.

"Hiya," I curled a leg underneath me, as I sat next to him and pulled his legs down over my lap, "what are you reading?"

He shifted so there was enough room next to him for me to snuggle up into the crook is his shoulder and I nuzzled his cheek with my nose.

"Poems."

"Poems about what?"

"Pretty girls by the sea," he smiled, tilting his head over to lay a kiss to my lips. I sighed softly, threading my fingers into his hair and pulling him back when he broke away.

"Mmm, hey baby," he smiled, kissing me over and over again, just letting his lips brush mine, "how was your outing?"

"It was fun, I learned how to say bubble gum in Swedish," I grinned, "but I can't remember how to say it."

Johannes chuckled softly, shifting so we were pressed together and I was sandwiched between his body and the back of the couch; he laid the open book face down on my hip to keep his place before cupping the side of my face and drowning me in his kiss.

"Tuggummi," he murmured into my lips.

"Bless you," I giggled at the reprisal of my own stupid joke and he shook his head with an eye roll, smiling down at me like I was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.

"Silly girl," he whispered with another kiss, and we were interrupted by a wet-nosed four-legged intruder, who butted his head into Johannes' back with a dramatic whine, making him quickly roll over with an exasperated huff.

"Fine, come on then," he nodded his head to the side and shifted so that I was still laying against the back of the couch, and Khufu was up and in a second curled into a ball at the other end as Johannes again draped his legs over the high back.

"This things gonna collapse," I laughed, feeling squished but not complaining about it.

"One can only hope since such good things seem to happen with you and me on the floor," he growled playfully, nipping at my bottom lip before slipping his tongue between my them and thoroughly making me melt.

"Will you read one of the poems to me?" I breathed into his kiss, running my fingers over his lips softly as they curved into a smile and he nodded, picking up the book where he'd left off and laying his cheek against my forehead.

The poems were all in Swedish, and I didn't have enough sense of the language to intuit any meaning whatsoever, but I fell madly in love with the sound of his voice drifting over my skin, the words soft and barely more than a breath sometimes.

When there was no inherent value associated with sounds as words, I felt that I could appreciate each sound more - the way his lips formed them, how fluid one was into the next, the soft rhythm that they had.

I drifted in and out, checking back into reality every minute or so, pressing closer to the warm body that was holding me tight.

"Triste," he finally murmured, tipping my face up and guiding my mouth over to meet his, shifting his legs off the back of the couch and carelessly booting Khufu off the end so he could comfortably stretch out and wrap me in his arms as he kissed me deeply.

"I can't believe you're real," he murmured into my lips, dancing his tongue along mine, "you're so perfect..."

"I can't believe you didn't run screaming for the hills," I laughed softly.

"Never," he gathered me into his side again and we stayed that way for several more minutes, his fingers tracing the outline of my hand, before lacing ours together.

He wore a ring on the index finger of his left hand, it was simple and black, matte in the middle and polished at the outsides. I'd noticed it before, but I pulled it off his finger to look closely at it, silently appreciating the craftsmanship before slipping it back onto his finger and leaning up to kiss him.

"Come on, I'm gonna help May with dinner."

"Stay here with me," he whispered, pulling me on top of him and yanking me down into a deep kiss, "let me show you how much I don't want to run screaming for the hills."

His laugh vibrated through his body and I giggled at the sensation of it passing up into me.

"You're the best," I smiled, feeling the other words pulling at my lips but keeping them back.

He took a deep breath, lifting me on his chest in the process, and grabbing at me when I squirmed away, making my break for the kitchen.

The aromas drifting from the stove were heavenly, and May was staring down into a pan, waiting patiently for something while she chattered with Henrik, whose face lit up with a smile when he caught sight of me leaning against the doorway watching.

"I thought you were going to be too drunk to help," I teased as he gathered me into his arms and spun us around the kitchen, narrowly missing May's wooden spoon.

"_Non!_ You will mess me up!" She called, but we weren't listening.

"I'm working on it," he laughed, pressing a little kiss to my cheek and lingering like he wanted more.

"Hmm," I hummed, "well I think we should all go watch the sun set."

"Will it make you happy?" he asked softly, running a hand back over my hair and looking down at me like I was the only thing that mattered.

"Yes," I breathed, stretching up to softly kiss his lips.

"Then out, shoo shoo," May waved her hands, sending Henrik backtracking like he was cowering from her, and they both disappeared with a laugh out the door until it was just me in the whole house.

I leaned back against the counter, silently closing my eyes, reaching out to my goddess.

_ *Mother, I don't think 'thank you' is enough. It will never be enough. I am blessed beyond words to be your servant, and I hope you will keep me so for all eternity...*_

John watched through the glass door as I kept my eyes closed and wove a little bouquet of blue lotus flowers and papyrus fans, kissing them before laying them on the counter and opening my eyes with a soft smile.

He was gone before I ever knew he'd been there, leaning back against the side of the house with a hand pressed against his thundering heart, his brain trying to rationalize something it couldn't.

I poured myself a glass of wine and headed out onto the deck, glancing up at the clouds, painted a watercolor array of pinks and blues, fiery oranges and purples.

\--

We ate dinner out on the deck like we had the first night, everyone taking turns teasing May about what a great vegan cook she made, to which she took great offense.

"_You need beurre!_" she said indignantly, "you can't live off of _les plantes!_"

"Hey, I live off plants, missy," Jonas said, laughing.

"Me too!" Henrik added, pinching her side.

"Whats wrong with living off plants?" John chimed in her ear.

"Maybe you should try it some time," Johannes murmured in her other.

She looked at me to rescue her and I bit my lip trying to stifle my grin as a perfect, green crown of leaves suddenly appeared an inch above her head before dropping atop her lilac hair.

"_Traîtresse_!" she howled at me, though she was laughing so hard she could barely get the word out as she pulled the crown off and hurtled it at me playfully, chasing me inside when I got to my feet and dashed through the door.

\--

Hours later we were all sitting in the living room, drinking and talking idly, multiple conversations happening at once, when the lights flickered and everyone paused.

All of our eyes turned towards the ceiling lights and the lamps as they dimmed significantly, then died, and we were cast into pitch blackness as the power went out.

"Fuse?" I asked out loud, and John got up to investigate as he started up the flashlight app on his phone, being the handiest one out of all of us.

He glanced out the window and shook his head, remembering after a moment that we couldn't see him.

“I don’t think so, the powers out all the way down the beach it looks like.”

I felt a pair of hands tightening around me almost immediately and Johannes took advantage of the darkness to curl his arm around my neck, tipping my chin up and guiding my mouth to meet his.

We'd kissed in front of everyone before, but there was just something intimate and different about doing it in the dark. He kissed me heartily, tasting the wine on my lips and pressing his hand to my cheek as I leaned in closer to his body and he palmed my breast through my shirt, stealing a touch and making me gasp as I playfully swatted him away.

"Triste..." he whispered, but I wiggled out of his grasp, laughing when I realized that I would finally get to see the stars as they were meant to be once more.

"Wait, babe where are you going?"

"I'll be back!" I called as I stood and bolted for the door, laughing gaily and reveling in the crisp air when it hit my lungs.

The night wrapped her arms around me as I flew down the steps, guided only by moonlight, and took off down the beach, running and flipping cartwheels over the sand.

"Khufu!" I yelled, calling for the dog to join me, and was answered by a loud bark and an "ouch!" as he stepped on someone in his haste to follow me outside.

I ran down the beach, unconcerned about tripping over anything or getting lost. I was finally flying, enveloped in the night and the wine and the friendships I'd made.

Tomorrow didn't matter. Parting didn't matter. Nothing could touch me when I was under the stars.

I collapsed into the sand and stared at the night sky, calling out to my goddess aloud.

"Mother! Oh, mother, how can I possibly express my gratitude? My heart is so full. He's beyond wonderful, my goddess, my queen! They all are. So thoughtful, and kind, and passionate."

_*Your pleasure gives me great happiness, my daughter. You've spoken well of me to them*_

I arched off the sand, everything about the grains against my skin and in my hair feeling erotic in my current state, and tears of beautiful delight slid down my cheeks.

"I will love you until time itself ends. And I will always be thankful for the gifts which you have bestowed upon me, and I will do anything you ask, Mother."

_*Don't forget that, little Masika, for I shall not...*_

I nodded, but remained silent, wondering if she'd spoken to May as well while we were here.

My head got lost in the beauty of the stars, unadulterated by man's artificial light.

The universe was so much bigger than anyone realized when the lights went out completely, and the wine haze wrapped me in a soft cloud, making me feel like I could reach up a hand and slide the stars around in the sky, rearranging them to my heart's content.

I tentatively reached up a hand to try, giggling when nothing happened and letting it fall back down to my side.

I sensed his energy before I could see him, the feel of it becoming more familiar the longer I spent near him. And after that kiss this afternoon, I figured I'd be able to feel him from quite a distance if I tried hard enough.

I laid absolutely still, waiting for him to come to me, like an angler watching her intended catch.

He was finally within reach and I bolted upright from the sand, grabbing his hand and giggling as he startled and gasped loudly.

"JESUS CHRIST, TRISTE," he yelled, pressing a hand to his heart as I pulled him down into the sand with me.

"Gotcha!" I laughed, laying back down flat and staring up at the stars as I buried my toes into the cool sand, "aren't they wonderful, Tim? Just look at all of them. So far away that some of them are dead by now, but their light is still traveling to reach us."

"So beautiful," he murmured, but wasn't looking at the sky. The moonlight illuminated my skin, casting shadows down the beach in relief behind my legs and my breasts as I laughed softly.

He leaned up on one elbow and put a hand on my hip to get my attention. His face was hidden in shadow when I turned to him, my eyes shining with happiness and an intense sense of wholeness.

"You're radiant when you smile that way, love. Like the sun," he said softly, leaning down to kiss me and pressing his hand a little harder into my skin.

I hummed quietly into his kiss, loving the way his lips moved against mine and the deep affection he held for me that I was beginning to think perfectly matched my own for him.

We both wanted to give in to the night air and the wine, to the physical sensation and emotional connection, but we didn't.

He just laid there, halfway over top of me, brushing his lips against mine over and over again, feeling like he'd never be able to get enough of me and desiring more every time the sound of our kiss breaking drifted up to his ears.

Finally, he lightly nipped at my bottom lip, asking permission to taste me again.

But it didn't come.

"Tim, you have to stop," I finally gasped with a deep sigh.

"Why? I don't want to stop, I want to kiss you forever," he murmured, pressing one last kiss to my cheek before pulling back and looking down at me.

"Because..." I chewed my lip, "because our time isn't right now.."

I had no idea why I'd said it, or what the hell it meant, but I was beginning to think that the words weren't of my own devising as my energy roiled under my skin.

He rolled onto his back and I reached for his hand next to me, the both of us just staring up into the sky.

"I'm sorry," he said softly several minutes later, and I looked over at him.

"For what?"

"For kissing you like that today at the bar. It was inappropriate and I just lost my head a little bit I think. I know you're with Johannes, and I don't want to mess that up because I've never seen him this way with anyone before, Triste...he's--he's so happy with you."

I smiled softly as he turned his face to the side to look at me, the moonlight shining on our cheeks and casting half our faces into shadow.

"Don't apologize. I like kissing you. I love your passion for everything. Its why I'm so attracted to your music, I think. You've got this wonderful gift that I've never seen in anyone else before, and watching you play," I took a deep breath, shaking my head and trying to find the words, "its a privilege, Tim..."

"That's...thank you." His mouth formed the words as his brain stalled.

"I'm happy with Johannes, too. I'm happy with all of you. But--..."

"But what?"

_But I want you so fucking badly._

"Nothing, nevermind."

He cocked one eyebrow at me as he raised a cigarette to his lips and lit it, handing it over to me after a moment.

I took a pull off of it, immediately gasping and sputtering on the smoke.

"_Not_ a cigarette," I coughed, "a little warning would be nice next time."

"My bad," he said innocently, and I nudged him in the ribs and I took a second hit, prepared this time.

"Mmm..."

"You know...you're a really bad liar," he said, leaning up on one elbow over me again and grinning as he pocketed his lighter then laid back down, accepting the joint back from me.

I feigned offense, "I'll have you know that that was an Oscar-worthy performance I put on at the bar today! I even got us free drinks!"

He laughed loudly into the night, "Sorry to break it to you babe, but shoving your tongue down someone's throat isn't lying, you're not disproving my point."

"Come on! We were brilliant! That crazy girl totally believed we were about to fuck right on that bar!"

"Well, to be fair," he rolled over again and was suddenly looming over me.

My head swirled with the high and the saline breeze that whispering across my limbs.

"I believed it too for a minute," he whispered, pressing the paper back between my lips and watching me with darkened eyes.

I held the smoke between my lips as he flicked the roach without looking away from me, then leaned down to my lips.

The fragrant smoke swirled from them, gently parted, and his mouth brushed mine as he inhaled it between his lips, holding it for a moment as we looked at each other.

One of my hands brushed over his hair, wanting so badly to have him and experience his passion on a physical level, but a reminder zinged through my brain -- now is not our time.

I leaned up to kiss him one time, gently brushing my tongue over his lips before breaking away and laying back into the sand.

"You're too much for me sometimes, Tim. Honestly," I giggled, feeling drunk and aroused and happy.

"Join the fucking club," he laughed with me, lighting something else and handing it to me.

I paused.

"Its a cigarette this time, I promise," he said with a smile, sensing my hesitation even though his eyes were closed.

I blew a raspberry at him and accepted it, pressing the filter between my lips.

"You know these things are going to kill us, right?"

He grinned at me, "oh for sure. Smoking is bad, and we're very _very_ dumb to do so. Now give that back," he said with a laugh, "you're disrupting my crippling addiction."

We smoked in silence, reveling in the body high and the obscene sense of happiness that had permeated our existences.

"Tim?"

"Mmhm," he answered, his hands folded across his stomach and his ankles crossed.

"I'm glad you're my friend."

He peeked over at me, cracking one eye, "me too, priestess...me too."

"You don't have to call me that, you know, its not really an accepted title anymore."

"I know, but as nicknames go, its not bad. A lot better than some of mine."

I snickered, remembering one particular interview I'd watched with him and Jonas.

"Mmmmmhm."

"I know exactly what you're thinking, Triste. And if you say it out loud, I will pick you up and throw you into the ocean right now."

I grinned over at him, watching his mustache twitch as he smiled, but he kept his eyes closed.

"Please don't do that. I think I'm too drunk to swim right now," I chuckled.

"Pffft, please, woman, you swim like a mermaid. May said so herself. You'd be fine."

I snorted a laugh, looking up at the fullness of the moon. It seemed to almost glow of its own accord it was so bright.

"Can...can I ask you a couple questions? About you."

"What about me?"

"I mean, about _you_ you..."

"Oh. Sure," I said, a little surprised, "what did you have in mind?"

"Well...can you remember everything? Is every lifetime back to back? Like do you remember dying?"

I sat up and looked down at him with two eyebrows raised as I crossed my legs under me.

"Are you serious?"

Tim looked up at me and paused, "I'm sorry if that was...I didn't mean to offend you."

"No no, honey you didn't, I'm just surprised is all. I expected like 'have you ever been famous', 'how were the pyramids built’, which by the way was _LONG_ before me."

He stayed silent, waiting for me to finish.

"Uhm...ohh, hold on one second." I sighed as I inhaled deeply when the breeze picked up, bringing not only the smell of the ocean, but the flowering trees from further upwind.

The wind stirred both of our hair, and he pressed one hand to his chest, feeling like the breath was knocked from his lungs when he watched my silver tresses blow across my face as my eyes closed in soft sensory pleasure.

_Triste. _  
_Baby, I want you._  
_ I need you. _  
_You're beyond my wildest dream of what any woman could be like. _

"Mmm, sorry," I smiled softly down at him as I apologized.

He could only shake his head, still laying in the sand and wishing desperately that I was on top of him, kissing him the way he needed me to, touching him, pressing closer.

"Anyways," I said, pausing when he held out his arms.

"Please. Just one minute," he asked softly, "I just want to feel you here for a moment."

I considered the fact that there was no 'just for a moment' with me and Tim, and I leaned down to press a slow kiss to his lips, savoring the taste of him and how he felt perfectly satisfying in my current state -- the wild to my calm, the intense to my mellow.

"Mmm, you know, you never told me what exactly 'practice' for this ensued," I said, getting lost in the softness of his lips and the coarse brush of his mustache as I pressed my mouth back down against his, finally just giving in and opening my lips to him.

He gasped as my tongue slid against his, and his hands immediately sank into my hair, moving with me as I shifted my legs between his and leaned down on top of him, pressing close to his chest.

I lost track of time, until he finally broke away, but didn't stop holding me close.

"I can't tell you but god, I want to show you, Triste," he whispered into my lips, hands tracing the lines of my waist then dropping to brush his fingertips up each side of my leg.

I softly kissed him one more time, letting every thought I had about the matter show plainly in my eyes for him to read.

"But our time isn't right now..." he repeated, his voice barely audible above the waves, and I nodded, shifting off of him, though it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.

"There's a reason for it, Tim. I'll be fucked if I know what it is," I sighed, "but Shes always got a reason."

He nodded, accepting my decision, "that's good enough for me..."

Tim pulled me back down against his side and I laid my head on his shoulder.

"Just stay with me like this then, sweetheart, I promise I'll behave," he smiled into my hair as I leaned down and buried my face in his shoulder and settled into his side, lacing my fingers with his across his stomach.

His breathing was even, his chest moving up and down with each inhale and exhale, and I tried to focus on the rhythm of it as I gathered my thoughts.

"I come back at Her pleasure, Tim, so it...its not an exact science, or whatever. When I die its, I assume, like everyone else in that it isn't the same thing every time. I've seen what people talk about with the white light, and I've stared into an abyss that was just...depthless, formless dark. Its always a little different. But usually, when I come back, its within a couple decades, if not immediate."

I raised my head to look up at him, checking if what I was saying was too much for his psyche to handle.

"Don't stop, I'm okay," he whispered, giving my hand a little squeeze.

"Right. Are you sure?"

He kissed my forehead briefly when I laid back down on his chest and his arm that was around me shifted a little so he could brush his fingers through my hair.

"Mmm. That feels so good, I love when people play with my hair...Okay. Its a little bit complicated, I guess, so just stop me if you have questions. We have a High Priestess, Na'eemah, who oversees all of us and tells us what to do, and...gods Tim I wish you could meet her. She's just the fucking best," I tried not to think of her fierce an unexpected anger when May and I had refused her request that was unreasonable in the first place.

"Na...one more time?"

"Na-ee-mah" I repeated, and he mimicked my pronunciation.

"She was our high priestess when our temple was...well, when everything shifted, and now that we're in this circle of death and rebirth, she has stayed in that role. And now, she's like our shepherd I guess. We usually manifest in someone who is about 16 or 17, near sexual maturity--"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why that age? Why not like younger kids or adults?"

"Oh...well...its the right age for us because then you're usually able to understand sex but in theory haven't experienced an awful lot of it yet. You're typically finished going through puberty too. And when we would uhm commune with the divine, when we were still in the temple. We would use...well we used sex," I murmured.

He stiffened a little and I could almost hear the questions bouncing around his brain.

"I-its more about the endorphins and the state of mind that we enter with them flooding our systems. So sex is kind of a tool...means, if you will, not really the end in itself. But it kind of flips a switch in our brains and...fuck, I can't believe I'm telling you this."

"Well you have to now, I'm beyond curious," he growled playfully into my ear.

"Ugh, look, I'm not celibate, okay? But I do have to be...careful, I guess, because once its triggered, my sex drive is a lot higher than most normal people."

We were both silent for a little while, and I felt my blush creeping up to the tips of my ears as the body next to me started shaking with silent laughter that after a moment escaped his lips and sounded into the darkness around us.

"Is it wrong that I'm getting incredibly turned on by all of this?" Tim laughed, the sound rumbling under my cheek and making me smile.

"Well I'm glad, because you're the first person I've ever told this stuff to, and I really didn't know what to expect."

I turned onto my stomach and looked at him as he raised his head and pushed the hood off his hair.

"You didn't tell Johannes?"

I shrugged a little, "he didn't ask. So somehow my brain thinks that instead, I should tell you, a perfect stranger, all about my sex life and the wiring of my brain."

He played like he was horribly offended, "a stranger?! Didn't we talk about this already? Our first kiss, maybe. But definitely not now."

I giggled and pressed my lips up to his, moaning teasingly into his touch before pulling back.

"You basically are still a stranger."

"I am not!"

"Tim, whats my middle name?"

At that moment, we heard someone holler both our names from the deck, as the lights flickered back on all around us, and he was saved.

My forehead fell into his shoulder and I shook it back and forth for a moment before I pulled back and stood, pushing myself off the sand and reaching down to brush it off my bare legs.

"Its Triste, by the way," I smiled.

Jonas whistled for Khufu from the deck, and a sandy mass of fur darted forward from the darkness, racing by us with the speed of the wind.

I hauled Tim up and put an arm around his waist to steady him when he didn't quite catch his balance at first. He turned to me and the darkness hid most of his expression, but nothing hid the laughter in his voice.

"Your parents named you Triste Triste?"

I snorted a laugh and grinned up at him, rolling my eyes.

"No, my middle name is Triste. My first name is Katherine. Or Katrine if you're May and your mouth refuses to pronounce the 'h'."

"Katherine," he said it softly, feeling the way I shivered and wanting more.

"Oh...again," I whispered, leaning into his chest.

"Katherine," he whispered, tilting my face up with his hand until his mouth could brush mine and his tongue slid briefly between my lips, making me melt.

"Where have you been all this time, priestess..." his fingers gently brushed through my hair, starting at the roots and working down to the ends, letting his hand rest at my lower back.

I wrapped my arms around his waist as he pulled his jacket around towards the back of my shoulders, enveloping us both in his warmth and scent.

"I don't want tomorrow to come," I mumbled into his t shirt.

"Then I'll stop time," he smiled into my hair.

\--

He held my hand as we made our way back to the house and I answered his questions, which only made him think of more.

"No, we're never men, always women. Gods, I couldn't even imagine being a dude...are you this curious about everything?" I asked, propping up on the railing as he pressed a cigarette between his lips and ran a hand up and down the top of my thigh.

"No, not really, sorry am I asking too many questions?"

"Not at all," I squeezed his hand, and we fell into silence, staring out at the dark ocean.

I yawned and rolled my shoulders, wishing I could stay up all night but knowing I had a long drive ahead tomorrow.

"I think I'm gonna call it a night, I'm already gonna be a hungover zombie tomorrow as is," I said rubbing a hand over my face.

"Oh, okay, sleep well..."

As I hopped down off the railing and started towards the door, I realized what I was forgetting and turned to look up at Tim with a little frown.

"Last one, I guess" I said quietly, moving closer to him and caressing his cheek with the backs of my fingers.

The thought made me inexplicably sad, and I tried desperately one more time to stop the forward movement of history.

"Don't you say that to me," he whispered into my lips as he leaned in and captured mine in a kiss so beautiful, it nearly stole the breath from my lungs. His arms encircled me, holding me against him as he pulled his mouth from mine and laid his cheek against the top of my head.

"Come home with me," he whispered, lifting my face with his finger to kiss me again after several minutes of silence.

I pulled back with a sigh and a little smile that he returned.

"I can't," I said, not looking away from his eyes.

"You can," he moved closer, pulling me in again and sweeping my hair back off my shoulders so he could gently push his fingers into it on each side of my head, running his thumbs down along my jawline and thoroughly making me melt, "just quit your job and get a passport and learn a new language. You've got a whole," he checked his watch, "twelve hours until we take off. I believe in you. You can do this."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, indulging him with a wide grin.

"Best go get started then, huh," I laughed, "guess I can cross off bubble gum."

He shooed me inside after a soft kiss against my forehead, and he turned back out to the ocean so no one would see the way his face collapsed.


	18. Chapter 18

I laid in bed tossing and turning, a small part of my brain appreciating the symmetry of starting and ending my trip with a restless night.

I was tempted to go back out to the deck and meditate in the night air, but knew that between the weed and the booze I stood a good chance of pitching face-first over the railing into the sand below.

The bedroom door opened and I rolled over to greet who I assumed was Johannes.

"Mmm, not who I expected, but I'm not complaining," I said, lifting the covers so May could crawl into bed with me, "wheres Johannes?"

"I think just making sure everything for them is good for tomorrow's trip," she said, pulling me close to her.

We held onto each other tightly, silently, reconnecting after a whirlwind week of adventure and surprise and romance.

"What are you and Jonas going to do?" I asked quietly, breaking the silence.

"Tonight? More of the same. Tomorrow?" She shrugged a little.

I raised up on one elbow and looked down at her, a little surprised, "you're not going to try at all?"

"Ah, Triste, come now. You feel everything so deeply, _cherie_, sometimes you just leave things where they are and don't try to make them...étiré?"

"Stretched? Oh, long-distance."

"_Oui_, thank you. Sometimes it just makes things more difficult."

"So you're both okay with just letting it go? You seem like you get on well."

"We do, _cherie_. But it is sex and company. Not like you and Johannes where there is more. And if he is at his home and I am with you or back at my home, there is not either one. I am sure we'll see each other again at some point..."

"Right but Sweden to France isn't that far. There isn't an entire ocean to cross there. You're both EU..."

"Yes, but only then if I am home and he is home _dans la même temps_. _Oie_ why do you push at me on this?"

I chewed my lip and turned to look at her, our faces resting on the same pillow and our fingers laced between them.

"I'm scared."

She searched my face with a practiced eye, "because you want to work with Johannes?"

I nodded after a moment, "I don't know what he wants though. I guess its something we have to talk about but...fuck I don't want our last night here to be discussing future plans. What if he doesn't care? What if I'm here head over heels and he has the same attitude you do?"

She frowned at me, "Triste. You are a fool if you really think that."

I chewed my lip and twirled a lock of lilac hair around one of my fingers as I considered... really considered what she'd said.

I remembered our passionate encounter in the sands, and in the kitchen and the pool...but hadn't he said himself that sex doesn't mean you know someone?

Soft lips brushed mine and brought me out of my mental torture chamber.

"Stop that. What you are doing in there. Tonight, you just be thankful that you have time together. You face tomorrow tomorrow, yes?"

I leaned over to kiss her on the nose.

"I love you. Thank you," I smiled, receiving one in return.

"No fear," she whispered as a tall shadow darkened the doorway.

"May, I can't believe I'm actually saying these words, but I'm officially kicking you out of my bed."

"No fun, Johannes!" she chimed teasingly, rolling over to look up at him, "what if its _my_ turn with Triste tonight? I knew her first!" she giggled the last words.

"In that case, you're more than welcome to stay, but you'll have to share her with me," he growled, moving into the bedroom and kicking off his shoes.

"Oh she is _not_ staying in here tonight," Jonas said from the doorway with a half-laugh, holding out one hand, "come, darling, I have plans for you..."

"Mmm...perhaps a rain slip for this then?" She grinned looking back at Johannes as she slid out from under the covers.

"Check," we both corrected at the same time and she threw up her hands in mock exasperation with a dismissive noise.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us, Kungen?" I asked sweetly, pushing myself up to sit against the headboard as Johannes gathered me to him, dropping his lips to my ear and making me shiver as they brushed against my skin.

"No no, little one. I have plans for you as well..." he whispered lowly.

"OH. Nevermind, rain check on that too," I said to the others, smiling into May's kiss when she leaned in.

"_Sans peur_," she whispered to me and then she was leaning over to kiss Johannes softly on the lips before flouncing off to meet Jonas in the doorway.

He looked back over his shoulder at me as Johannes' lips dropped to my neck and our eyes met, burning in the dark.

"Don't think I wouldn't say yes in a heartbeat."

And then they were both gone, closing the door behind them.

In less than a second Johannes rolled me under him and was devouring my mouth, grinding into me and pressing his hands under my clothes.

"Why are you still wearing these?" he asked, shoving his hand under my panties and pressing one long middle finger inside me with a groan as I arched into him and moved my hips against his hand, grinding my clit against the heel of it, loving how fast he was moving, how badly he wanted me.

Johannes growled into my lips, reveling in the way I took my pleasure against him.

"You're still clothed too, to be fair," I gasped as he crooked his finger inside me.

"Then I'd say we both need to get naked right now."

He worked my clothes off, almost tearing them from my body in his haste to return his hands to their previous work, but he stood at the edge of the bed and paused for a moment, looking down at me and drinking in the moonlight against my skin as I stretched my arms above my head and my legs down along the length of the bed.

I smiled up at him, feeling his eyes roaming over me and watching me as I moved to sit up then knelt in front of him, slowly undressing him and never dropping eye contact.

"You're so special, Triste," he whispered, the sound choked like there were tears behind it, "I just don't understand how any of this is happening."

My heart swelled and I pulled him down with me onto the bed until the lengths of our bodies were pressed along each other, our limbs tangling together and our hands starting to wander.

"Where were we?" his hand pressed between my legs, groaning at how wet I was as two of his fingers immediately slipped into me.

"I can't decide how I want to make you come first," he growled into the skin of my breasts as he flicked my nipple with his tongue and my fingers tangled into his hair.

"Just fuck me," I gasped, feeling almost painfully aroused, "Johannes, please."

"Hmm, I do like when you beg," his tone was dark and I clenched hard as he removed his fingers and rolled on top of me, slamming his lips down onto mine hard enough to bruise and I cried out, writhing in the sheets, shifting my hips up to slick along his length.

Every noise that left his lips seemed to make my world turn a little faster.

"Actually, you know what? Its your turn to fuck me," he suddenly said with a wicked grin and rolled us again so I was straddling his hips, still sliding against his cock.

"Fuck, you're so wet. You feel so good," he moaned as his hands gripped my hips, working them back and forth over his length.

I leaned back and braced my palms against his thighs, feeling sexy and wanted and impossibly powerful as I rolled my hips.

"Ride me...Triste, please, I need to be inside you. I need to feel you again..."

I leaned down to his lips, biting at them and teasing him, pressing kisses over his jaw and down the length of his throat. I sucked a small mark into the pale skin there, loving the colors it turned under my attentions, and I gripped his face tightly with one hand, forcing him to look up at me as my eyes shifted and I pressed the head of his cock inside me with a barely stifled cry.

But I stopped there, just teasing him at my entrance and making a show of it.

"More," he gasped, like he was putty in my hands, "fuck, please..."

I took him bit by bit inside me, taking my time and pulling off of him before sinking further.

Ten beautiful, long fingers roamed over my body, pinching and squeezing, caressing and scratching, and when he bottomed out inside me and I remembered May's last words to me.

_Sans peur. _

I lifted off of Johannes and then slammed my hips back down onto his, hard enough to make him shout and grip my ass with both hands.

I did it again and didn't stop, needing to feel like I was in control of _something_ if I couldn't control the coming day.

"YES, yesyesyes," he growled, watching me ride him, feeling too aroused to form any other words.

I felt myself tightening, the heat starting to build, and Johannes caught an echo of my thoughts, pressing his thumb to my clit hard and rubbing rough circles over it, in time with my movements on and off his cock.

I gasped louder and louder, feeling the crescendo building like we were making actual music, and when I opened my eyes to look down at him the look on his face undid me.

I cried out his name as my inner walls gripped him and I gushed across his hips, which were moving off the bed now to thrust harder into me and drive my pleasure further.

Johannes bent all his attention on not coming just from feeling my juices flooding across his skin, and he quickly pulled me off his cock and threw me under him as I gasped for breath.

"I can't. Get enough of you. You're everything. You're just fucking _everything_, Triste. Come for me again, baby," and with no further talk, he covered my pussy with his mouth, roughly shoving his tongue inside me and making me grab at the sheets, my hands desperately scrabbling for anything to hold on to as I screamed.

My flavor consumed his senses and he lost himself, getting drunk on the sensation of me grinding into his face.

I was still riding the wave of pleasure from the first orgasm when Johannes ripped a second from me, gripping and biting at my tortured body until I gave into him.

"I have to fuck you," he moaned, pulling me up to meet him in a rough kiss that made my already-spinning head rotate a little faster. My fingernails sank into his back and I lifted my hips up to him as he threw me back down onto the bed.

He was deliciously rough with me, grabbing my legs and jerking me until my ass was flush with his thighs.

Johannes didn't wait -- couldn't wait -- any longer, and immediately sank into me, roughly shoving his cock home and making me shriek with renewedpleasure as my head thrashed back and forth on the pillow.

"That's right," he growled, "scream for me."

I gasped every time he filled me, walking a fine line between pleasure and pain, an exquisite torture that was driving me further and further towards the waiting arms of a mindblowing, lights-out orgasm.

My hands grabbed at the sheets, balling them in my fists as I soared through the night sky and came beautifully undone, crying my rapturous pleasure into his mouth when he bent to kiss me, his thrusts becoming shorter to compensate, but remaining equally as intense and rough.

"Come with me," I gasped opening my hips just a little more to him until he cried out into me with the force of his own climax, filling me with himself until my body couldn't take anymore and he leaked out over my thighs as I shook in his arms.

Hair the color of raven feathers dropped around us like a curtain, and I whimpered as tears streamed down my face and Johannes kissed them away, tasting the saltiness between his lips and laughing softly as he caught his breath.

He lifted on his arms and looked down at me with a smile, "I've never met anyone else who has every single emotion wired directly to their tear ducts," he teased, joining me when I started laughing at the absurdity of it.

"I can't help it!" I sniffled, "I'm easily overwhelmed! And kind of exhausted. And still a little stoned."

"Look, I'm not judging, if I came that many times in a row, I'd cry too," he chuckled as he leaned down and kissed me again, lingering and opening his lips to me as his cock twitched inside me.

His tongue was slow and thorough as it explored my mouth, dancing along mine and tasting my natural sweetness.

Rather than pulling back and settling beside me, as I expected him to, Johannes stayed where he was, deepening our kiss and carefully stoking the fire he knew never really went out.

"One more?" he murmured quietly into my lips, pressing his hips fractionally harder between my legs as his cock started to stiffen inside me again.

I kissed him back deeply, slowly, simply turning my brain off for this one and letting our passion take over.

Johannes gathered me to him and rolled onto his side, keeping his cock inside me as we laid there face to face, and he snugged my leg a little tighter over his hip.

"You feel so perfect," he sighed into my kiss, gently nipping at my bottom lip as his hand traced down my side, over my ass, and back up to tangle into my hair as I moaned softly into him, arching further against his body, reveling in the warmth of his skin.

We stayed that way for what felt like days, just kissing and gently rocking our hips against each other, sighing and softly moaning for as we gave the other an experience to remember us by, unsure what the morning would bring.

"I have to move, baby," he finally groaned into my lips, the sound nearly a gasp as he pulled out slowly, once inch at a time, then slid back home equally as slow, drawing a breathy sigh from me.

"Don't stop. Gods, please Johannes," I whispered, gripping his hair between my fingers and pressing my forehead hard to his, "don't ever stop."

"Not in this lifetime," he whispered back, making my toes curl.

He kept our pace slow, even as I moaned softly into his lips that I was going to come, as I reached for my ephemeral high. Johannes pulled me closer, until our souls were as intertwined as our bodies, feeling my walls tightening, gripping him as my body burned with an ecstasy of his own making.

He came too, moaning loudly against my skin as he filled me again, dissolving into shivers and tiny gasps as his heart threatened to quit on him altogether.

He kissed me again, desperate for a moment then sweet before he pulled back to admire the beautiful way I shattered for him.

I could hardly open my eyes, and he smiled softly at my effort to stay awake as he cradled me to his chest and hummed softly, knowing he was falling more in love with me with every moment I spent in his arms.

One long finger brushed my damp hair back off my face as he bent his head to kiss me one more time.

I was almost asleep, that kind of partial-awake where sounds register, but no reactions come, and he held me in silence as he watched me, until he couldn't hold back any longer.

The sun would be up in a few short hours and everything would become uncertain again.

His breath was soft across my lips as he whispered to me in the dark, telling me his heart's secret.

"I love you, Triste. I don't know how we've gotten ourselves here, but gods I'm so impossibly in love with you..."

Johannes fell asleep with me curled into his chest, my lips resting against the warmth of his skin, and neither of us stirred until long after the sun had begun to rise.

I watched him sleep for several minutes, drinking in the softness of his face, the little lines and grooves that punctuated the beautiful pale expanse of his skin.

I brushed my lips against his, feeling them curve into a telling smile.

"Good morning," I said softly, untangling myself as his eyelids cracked open and he smiled sleepily at me.

I rolled to the side of the bed until my feel touched the floor, and looked back over my shoulder at him as I hooked my bra behind my back.

His eyes were lighting over my skin, resting on the tattoo in the center of my spine as his index finger absently traced the same lines into the sheets tangled across his hips.

"I'm gonna hate not waking up next to you when I get home," he whispered and I paused midway through pulling my shorts up my legs.

Now that the unavoidable tomorrow had come, we couldn't put off the discussion any longer.

But before I got a chance to respond, he stretched and got up, searching for his own clothes and dropped a kiss on my forehead before moving out of the bedroom.

Had I imagined him saying it? Those words under the cover of darkness?


	19. Chapter 19

Everyone moved around each other all morning, packing bags and making last-minute preparations to leave, double checking passports and playlists.

I found Henrik out on the deck, watching the ocean quietly with his hands on the railing. He glanced at me over his shoulder with a smile when I approached silently, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts that he was obviously neck-deep in.

"I think if I had to spend all my time in one place, it would be at the beach, or near the water somewhere," he said quietly after we stood shoulder by shoulder silently for several minutes.

I nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly, but not saying anything else.

"You're driving home today?"

Another nod from me as I chewed my lip and watched a seagull float effortlessly on the salty breeze.

"Is May going back with you?"

I nodded, and Henrik saw that I was only half listening, obviously a million miles away mentally.

"And you're going to commit that mass murder like we talked about once you get back home?"

I started to silently answer in the affirmative, and caught myself, "wait, what?"

I turned to Henrik, confused and he laughed at the expression on my face.

"There she is. Welcome back, sweetheart," he continued to laugh as he pulled me to him and hugged me close, teasingly pulling on a lock of my hair until I tilted my face up and he pressed his lips down to mine.

"Sorry, I was just...thinking," I sighed into his lips. Somehow they were always softer than the time before.

"Its okay, stop apologizing."

"Can't help it, its what I do best," I giggled.

"There are a _lot_ of things I'd imagine that you do better than apologize," he said, his tone holding the slightest hint of a growl as he kissed me a little harder.

I hummed in response and wrapped my arms back around him as Henrik held onto me tightly, intuiting what I needed and willingly giving it to me.

"You're going to come see me, aren't you?" he whispered in between little brushes of his lips against my cheeks and my forehead as he continued to kiss me, "there are so many places I want to show you back home."

"Make a list and we'll see them all," I smiled into his gentle caress, knowing that somehow Henrik shared my exact same level of appreciation for nature and everything he wanted to show me was probably exquisitely beautiful.

"Good," he grinned and kissed me on the nose before releasing me and moving inside to grab his bag from the living room.

"Hey!" I called to his retreating form, and stood with my hands on my hips when he turned around, "you call that a goodbye?" I smiled at him, halfway laughing.

His eyes darkened for just one moment, and in the next I was literally almost swept off my feet as both of his arms ensnared my waist and he dropped me backwards, dipping me almost to the deck floor in one masterful stoke.

Henrik's eyes rested on my lips, parted and waiting for his kiss.

"How's this?" he breathed, not bothering to wait for my reply before sliding his tongue between them and drawing a soft moan from me at the way he tasted. His fingers dug into my skin a little more with each sound as he possessed me for a brief moment in time and my fingers sank into his curls.

It was over before I knew it, and I found myself upright and staring up into two cerulean-colored eyes.

"Th-that was better," I stuttered and that brilliant smirk that was so attractive on him curved his mouth up on one side.

"Good," he repeated, kissing my nose again just as John and Jonas came out onto the deck to say goodbye to me, both holding bags and instrument cases.

Henrik disappeared inside, closing the door behind him and John caught me first, setting everything down so he could wrap his arms around my waist and hug me close.

"Long drive today?"

"Mmhm."

"Promise you'll be safe?"

I promised I would and his arms tightened around me as I tilted my face up, expecting a goodbye kiss but one didn't come right away. John looked back and forth between my eyes, taking in and trying to memorize every detail of my face.

"You're somehow unbelievably wonderful and surprisingly normal at the same time," he said, with the hint of a smile.

"Its the fine line I have to walk, babes," I laughed, and he finally bent his head and kissed me with a little chuckle. His kisses were always brief, and this one was no different, but his lips brushed over my cheek afterwards in a way that made me shiver and he felt the tremors run down my back into his hands, cocking one eyebrow at me in response.

"That was your fault," I said quickly and his lips pressed into a firm line to contain the laugh that threatened behind them.

He didn't say anything else, he just kissed me a second time and then let me go with another little smile before picking up his bags and heading down the steps.

When I turned from watching him go, Jonas was right behind me and I jumped a little, startled by his sudden closeness.

His hands traced my waist around to my back as my arms encircled his neck and I watched his face closely.

His eyes weren't their usual bright, cheery blue, and there were hints of dark circles under them.

"You look tired love," I said softly, "did she let you get any sleep?"

He laughed lowly and shook his head at me, "no, that ones got some serious insomnia or something," he laughed again.

"Gods, you know I don't actually think I've ever met anyone before who can keep up with her," I said honestly, feeling a little surprised that he was upright after what I was sure was a lively night, "I feel like you should get a ribbon or something..."

"I'll settle for a nap on the plane," he groaned, though he was still smiling at me.

My fingers roamed over the smile lines at the corners of his eyes before drifting back to run over his dreads, taking a moment to experience how each cord of hair felt between my fingers.

"When are you guys coming back?" I asked quietly, my fingers still weaving through his hair.

"I'm not sure, I th--..." Jonas paused and looked at me in that moment like he knew everything about me - every secret, every want, every need.

"Triste, don't make him wait that long to see you again," was all he said before softly kissing me goodbye then butting his forehead against mine.

His hands stayed at my waist for another minute as he kept his eyes closed and savored the feel of me under his skin.

"Goodbye, gorgeous," he murmured, and then he was gone, following the same route John had taken down the stairs and around the side of the house to the van waiting to take them to the airport.

I ran a hand back through my hair and stood at the railing for a moment, donning my sunglasses against the brilliant glare of the sun off the water before turning to step inside to find the last of my boys.

\--

"Shit! _TRISTE_?"

His voice was almost panicked when he heard the door open and close.

"Tim? Whats wrong?!" I rounded the corner and moved towards the sound.

"Oh, nothing, you're still here. Good, I just thought I might have missed you!" Tim said, stepping out of his room with a duffel bag in his hand, which he tossed it into the waning pile in the living room as I pushed my sunglasses up on my head.

"Tim, you know I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to you."

He looked me over once, up and down, and his eyebrows raised fractionally. He'd spent all morning in his room with the door closed.

"What! We're going to be in the car all day, I want to be comfortable."

"Those shorts are just...damn, girl."

I indulged him with a sweet smile and little spin on my toes as he moved toward me, catching me and swaying to music we could only hear in our heads as his arm wrapped around my back and his opposite hand cupped mine.

I loved the way his eyes softened when he smiled -- not a full grin, just a happy curve of his lips.

He hummed a little song as we slow-danced around the kitchen, and I giggled as he finally let me go and spun me once.

"Honestly, I don't know how you guys get anything done with those reptile brains taking up so much space in your heads," I laughed, tapping his forehead with one finger.

"Well we're heading back to the studio when we get home, so hopefully we'll figure it out between here and there," he grinned, "and before you go, I have something for you."

"For me?"

He disappeared back into his room and I heard a piece of paper tearing.

Tim started speaking before he was back out into the living room, mumbling as he looked down at the paper in his hand, "its not really anything, just a stupid little sketch, you don't even have to keep it," he started to ramble more as he handed me the paper, suddenly self-conscious and worried he'd been presumptuous.

I glanced down at the paper and my jaw dropped as I looked over the fine lines, drawn with a common pen I'd use simply to jot down stupid notes or make shapeless doodles with.

It was a naked portrait of me.

My body was stretched out on the beach like we'd been the night before, my arms resting above my head lazily as I looked at the artist. My fingers were at rest, curving naturally, but gracefully in a way I never thought I could make happen in reality.

But as the lines of my waist dropped towards my hips, there were scales instead of skin, fins instead of feet.

He'd sketched water hues into the narrow diamonds, and my eyes were a beautifully piercing green.

I regarded the drawing with nothing even close to a practiced eye, but I realized there was wetness on my cheeks and quickly held the paper back from me before I ruined it.

"Y-you made me into a mermaid?" I sniffled, realizing it was silly to cry but feeling moved to tears anyways by what was in my hands.

"You swim like one," he said, drinking in my expression and the shaking of my hands, knowing he'd done well by me.

"Ohh, Tim. It--its wonderful!" he caught me as I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, gripping the drawing in one hand and burying my face into his hair as he clutched me.

His arms wrapped around my back as his hands traced the curve of my waist, one moving up and down to quiet me.

"Oh, I feel so bad, I don't have anything for you," I said, finally pulling back and wiping my cheeks as I set the sketch down on the counter, unable to take my eyes off of it, and he sat in one of the big armchairs, watching me as I gazed adoringly at something that for him was a work of passion, but a simple effort, nonetheless.

Tim watched the muscles of my legs shifting and moving. The way my tears made my gray irises shine like gunmetal. How I bit my bottom lip without realizing it as I finally tore my eyes away and looked at him.

He just smiled softly, enamored, "you never have to give me anything...but you know what I'll always want, Triste..."

It was only an honest statement on his part, but it rocked me to the core.

My breath caught in my chest when I realized that this was it. I wouldn't wake up anymore and wander out to the deck only to have him find me there in the early hours of the morning because he couldn't sleep either. I wasn't going to see him quickly glance away when I caught him staring at me. We wouldn't wake up in the same space - there would be no more teasing, no more little kisses...

I was overcome by a desperate sadness that he might move on tomorrow and I would become just a pleasant memory.

I found myself moving towards him, standing over him, kneeling into his lap until one of my legs was on either side of his and I hovered over his knees, straddling him as each of my hands settled on the chair back behind his head.

"Tell me what you want, Tim."

He was silent, unable to speak in the wake of my stare — somehow so soft, but steely. Tender and loving, but hard like iron. The stare that was the product of thousands of years of struggle and hardship and love and loss and worship.

One of his hands lifted to run over my hair, touching my silver tresses, remembering the first moment he'd seen me, standing starstruck behind the bar.

"A kiss," he finally whispered, "j-just one last kiss. Please..."

I smiled softly at him as my fingers wandered over his face and combed through his hair in return, drawing a soft groan from him at how good and relaxing it felt, even as all his senses were hyper-aware of everything I did.

Tim turned his face into my hand, breathing softly across my palm in a way that made my toes curl as his whiskers brushed across the tender skin just below my thumb.

"Then take this as my goodbye gift, _älskling_," I said, softly, gently, cupping his face with both hands as his eyes closed and I took a second to run my thumbs over his cheeks, savoring the moment.

"English," he sighed, "I want to remember you saying it to me in English."

"Hmm...darling. My sweet," I pressed a kiss to one cheek, "thoughtful," a kiss to the other, "wonderful--" I watched his mouth open a little, his lips barely moving as he waited for me, "Tim," I barely breathed as I pressed my lips down to his and settled into his lap so we were pressed together.

Calloused fingertips brushed up and down my legs, gripping into the muscle, dragging across my skin as we opened to each other and sank into our goodbye wholeheartedly.

Our lips moved against each other like we'd been doing it forever, a physical manifestation of the beautiful emotional bond we'd formed, and as the kiss got rougher, Tim bit my bottom lip and pulled my hips down harder against him, desperately wanting me as he moaned my name into my lips, gasping and losing himself as our tongues battled for dominance and he held onto me tightly.

Those long, beautiful fingers gripped my waist and touched everywhere he was allowed to as he kissed me like his life depended on it, and finally I broke away with a gasp, knowing my fingers would find their way down to the button of his shorts if we didn't stop.

"Don't forget about me, Tim," I said quietly, another tear dropping down my cheek.

It dripped down off my skin and on to his as we fought to control the impulses we felt so strongly.

I was drawn to Tim in a way that I didn't understand, but I also clearly remembered my goddess' words in my head.

Surely she had some kind of plan.

When I finally met his eyes, they were darkened, the pupils dilated, and I realized then where his color scheme for my mermaid half had come from.

All my boys had beautiful eyes, but Tim's were blue swirled with green, and the colors seemed to move of their own accord when he got worked up.

I brushed my fingertips over the very corners and they closed.

"Not possible, priestess," he whispered, ignoring his own inner voice and reaching up with an open mouth to kiss me again as my fingers pushed back into his hair and I leaned in against him.

Tim's right hand locked against his opposite forearm behind my hips, holding me in his lap with a vice-like grip, crushing me against him, desperate in every way to drink in as much of me as he could in the few moments we had left.

He inhaled deeply as the flower petals rained down on us, swirling in a tornado of softness and saccharine scent. It was every bloom I could think of with the small portion of my brain that wasn't consumed with the way he tasted and how his tongue felt passing my lips over and over again.

Tim kissed me slowly this time, no hint of roughness or lust, just a passionate, deep, thorough goodbye kiss.

"Oh god Triste, why do I have to let go of you," he sighed into my lips, "why won't you just get on the plane and come home with me..."

I didn't open my eyes for a moment, listening to the divine whispers in my head.

_*No my daughter. Do not forget my words. A man with a gentle heart, ready to listen, but your time is not now. Take comfort in knowing that he has sought you for longer than you know...*_

I shifted back further onto his knees, keeping my eyes closed, and brushed one hand over his face, tracing the sharp line of his cheek, the straight bridge of his nose, the soft lips made for smiling, committing them to memory.

Tim's eyes were watery as he regarded me, wondering what was passing through my mind, and he leaned into my touch, feeling like his heart was going to jump from his chest - it hardly mattered if it did because he gave it willingly to me the moment I slowly opened my eyes and the corner of my lips curved up into his favorite smile as I looked at him.

His exhaled laugh was shaky as he drew me back down to him until my forehead rested against his.

_Triste, just say you'll come with me. _   
_Don't make me say goodbye to you. _   
_Please, just give me a chance to give you the world... _

I pressed my lips to his forehead as I got to my feet.

"Tim? When you get home and you find a quiet place outside to play your guitar, do me a favor - look up at the eye of the sun and think of her servant and remember me...just for a moment."

I leaned down to press one more whisper of a kiss to his lips before standing and pushing my sunglasses down over my eyes to hide my tears from him as I headed out to the beach quickly, unable to say the word "goodbye".

Tim watched me go, starting to hyperventilate a little as he remembered the words of a small, frail old woman in a dimly lit shop, tucked into the back corner of a strip of businesses in a town that looked just like all the others.


	20. Chapter 20

My arms were wrapped around myself and I was lost in the movement of the water, staring out at the ocean and wondering what was under her surface. Long dark hair danced on the wind at the corner of my peripheral vision, and I turned to meet Johannes, walking the last few steps towards me.

He didn't say anything, only laced his fingers through mine and rubbed his thumb back and forth over my hand as we turned back towards the water.

I felt a sudden and overwhelming sense of awkwardness as we stood on the beach together, watching the waves roll in and lap at the sand. I had no idea how to say goodbye - it wasn't really something I'd ever expected in the first place and now parting just felt wrong.

How do I say goodbye to someone who I just fell in love with, when neither of us want to go, but we can't stay?   
What do I say -- I can't wait for the next album?  
Gods, this is weird.  
And hard.   
And weird.

The same train of thought was running through Johannes' mind.

How do I make this last?   
How can I tell her that she's changing my life every second that she's in it?  
When can I see her again -- do I go to her or does she come to me?   
Or maybe we meet in the middle?   
I can't let go of you, Triste. I love you too much for that now.   
My darling, everything I am belongs to you.

He watched my eyes narrow and open again, repeating the motion and biting at the inside of my lip as I weighed my options, trying to make each second last as long as possible while I figured out what to say.

Finally I just turned to him and buried my face in his chest, seeking the comfort of his arms around me, of his heartbeat under my ear.

"I don't know how to do this," I whined, the distress I felt bleeding into my tone, "I don't _want_ to do this."

Johannes pressed his cheek against the top of my head, holding me to him with one hand and gently petting my hair with the other.

His heart pounded under my cheek, fear and dread and a sense of loss rendering him speechless.

"Well...it doesn't have to be goodbye," he finally managed to say, and I looked up at him as the first tear dropped down my cheek.

"Hey, none of that now," he said softly, brushing it away with his thumb, "we'll see each other again, Triste. I promise. This...this is too good for us to just let go of it and not try."

It was good enough for me, and I hugged him closer, laying my head back against the cotton of his tshirt.

He started to laugh unexpectedly, shaking his head, and pulling me away from his body.

"You know what I just realized? I was thinking 'no big deal, I'll just call her when our flight lands and we'll do what normal long-distance people do', and then I realized that I don't even have your phone number. After all of this," he motioned generally around us.

It wasn't really that funny, but he snorted another laugh, and it made me giggle too as I held out my hand for his phone.

"Hand it over at your own peril," I grinned, typing my name and number in as a new contact when he placed it in my palm.

I hit save and handed it back, watching it disappear down into his pocket.

"You'll call me when you land though? Just so I know you made it okay. I think I'll beat you home unless we get sidetracked on an adventure or something."

"Of course, baby."

"Good..." I shuffled my feet a little, staring at the sand as it blew across my ankles.

"Johannes, _lets go_!" someone called from around the side of the house, "we're gonna be late!"

"Off you go, don't wanna miss your flight," I sniffled, shooing him in the direction of the stairs back up to the lot.

He took a few steps, then turned and closed the gap between us quickly, picking me off of my feet and whirling me around in circles as my arms wrapped around his neck.

He kissed me breathless, momentarily making me forget how sad I was as his arms crushed me against him until he let go with one hand, holding it up to me.

"Will you keep this?"

I looked down at the ring cradled in his palm -- it was the same one he always wore that I'd been toying with yesterday.

My fingers shook a little as I picked it up, sliding it over my thumb.

It was too big on me, so I reached behind me and pulled the delicate chain up and over my head. His ring slipped to the end next to my locket and I latched it back around my neck, letting it settle at my breasts over my shirt.

He touched it with one finger, sighing.

"Keep it close, love, and I'll always be with you," he smiled so tenderly when he said it, I worried my knees might give and I gave him a tiny smile in return.

"Always," I whispered, leaning up to kiss him goodbye one more time.

He hit the top of the stairs and turned one more time, just as the wind picked up, and blew me a kiss, and then he was gone.

I sat down in the sand hard, laying back and whispering my prayers into the wind as the sun kissed my exposed skin.

May joined me several minutes later, sitting silently then laying on her back next to me.

"What a week," she said after a couple more moments.

"Fucking tell me about it."

\--

I half expected to hear Jonas and Tim ribbing each other as I slid the door open from the deck, but there was only silence.

I stood in the threshold for a full minute, letting my eyes wander around the room as my heart tried to figure out what to feel.

At precisely the sixty-first second, Khufu lost his patience with my ruminations and butted his head hard against my ass until I stumbled inside, turning to glare at him.

"Hey! Oh..."

I hadn't even gotten as far as thinking about what we were going to do with him.

"Are--are you coming home with me?"

Khufu looked at me with the big doggy grin spread across his massive jaws as he shook his head back and forth.

_*My master wishes me to stay with the child*_

His eyes were unmistakably canine, but they seemed to convey emotions like a person, matching the expressiveness of his face.

_*Don't worry for me priestess, my Master has a plan*_

"Well...if you're sure...I'll drop you back there on the way out of town..." I glanced around the room and May was watching me with dark sunglasses covering her eyes.

"You know, I really never do get used to that _cherie_," she laughed, turning to make sure we hadn't left anything throughout the house.

I turned to Khufu and shrugged before sitting cross-legged on the floor and wrapping my arms around him.

"Thank you again, for everything," I said aloud into his fur. He didn't, respond, only flopped down into my lap, resting his head on my leg.

May appeared after doing her last sweep of the house and I looked up with a smile, my heart finally deciding to settle on an absurd sense of happiness.

"I can't believe any of that just happened..."

She paused and pushed her sunglasses up on her head before sitting down next to me and grinning widely.

"I know," she peered down at the ring, still sitting against my shirt, "I am glad that you and Johannes are going to still see each other."

I nodded, "me too. We'll see how it goes...but at least he's willing to try."

May got to her feet, then offered me two hands to haul me up, "lets go or we'll be driving in the dark, _oie_."

I gave the house one more look.

The corner of the kitchen counter where Johannes and I had claimed each other a few mornings ago. The big comfy armchair where Tim and I had said goodbye. I could almost see Henrik doing five things at once over the stove, like he had extra arms. Jonas kissing May as she swung her feet back and forth, seated on a high barstool. John reading silently, tucked into a corner of the couch and completely lost in this own world as his eyes zipped across the page so quickly, I was sure he couldn't be reading every word.

My heart started to feel heavy, and I found myself clutching Johannes' ring, a gentle smile touching my lips as I started to feel better.

_Keep this close and I'll always be with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.  
Take a deep breath.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take another deep breath.

I awoke with a start.

It was that kind of awakening where you're never really sure what caused it.

The last ghostly remnants of a bad dream I couldn't remember slipped through the cracks as consciousness fully settled in my mind, and I stretched in the warm morning sunlight streaming through my bedroom window, reaching my arms up and flexing my leg muscles with a long sigh.

The softness of my sheets was a simple pleasure I loved to wake up to each day, and I was tempted to burrow back under them if only for the sake of my body temperature.

Running a hand through my hair and rolling my shoulders, I finally decided against it, and swung my feet to get out of bed, immediately greeted by a cacophony of chirps and meows from one tiny mouth.

"I know, I know, I hear you. When's the last time I let you starve, you wee beastie?" I asked Babyboy incredulously as he ran towards his food dish mewling loudly.

I could hear the words in his vocalizations.

_ Just incase you forgot...to feed us...like you feed us every morning...just incase though...food... _

Fresh coffee was waiting in the pot for me, programmed the night before to greet my arrival into the new day at 7:30AM prompt, the same time I had risen every morning for the last several months as part of a routine I'd developed to keep me busy for as many hours of the day as possible.

The more exhausted I was when I went to bed, the less time I spent thinking about the festival and everything about the week after that had changed my life.

Despite my best efforts, my mind began to wander as I bent to deposit a fresh can of wet food onto Babyboy's plate.

I nudged gently him with my foot as he lurched forward to dig in, "uh uh, you know the rules, go find your brother first," I said with a nod of my head towards the living room.

He looked up at me with a slightly affronted glare before going to find the other cat, who was born deaf and would sleep the day away without eating if neither of us roused him.

He trotted off to the little bed by the heater and licked Red's forehead until he woke up. They got along like a dream for two male cats who weren't from the same litter, and I watched them socialize briefly with a little smile.

I loved this part of the morning ritual, when everyone was fresh and heading into a new day.

As both boys sauntered back to their food dish and then ravenously partook in their morning meal, I settled onto a stool with a cup of coffee between my hands, basking in the morning sun and watching them, but my thoughts were now far away at the seaside.

It had been a little over six months since that weekend of the festival.

I'd gotten the bar bid partly by luck, and a little by having good connections -- the prime spot the last two days when Avatar would play, followed by Ghost, the double-headliner all weekend.

The thought of Johannes made me draw in a deep breath through my nose, and I tried to will the shaking of my hands away and clasped them more tightly around my mug until the heat radiating from the ceramic started to distract me.

Our intimacy was more than I ever could have dreamed of, and had all started rather serendipitously, but the emotional connection between us was something I had never expected in the aftermath of it.

I closed my eyes and remembered in quick succession the feel of stepping out on the balcony into the night air, the way the wind off the sea blew through my hair and softly across my skin.

How Johannes' lips felt moving everywhere the wind had touched me, his own hair a feather-light caress across my breasts.

I walked the length of my new apartment to open my curtains and watch the traffic pass below.

_ Johannes Johannes Johannes... _

Shaking my head to stop my train of thought, I set my coffee cup down and stretched again in the warm rays and took a deep breath.

I didn't want to let my heart go to that place of hurt on such a beautiful morning, but my mind was still going there anyways, whether or not I gave it permission.

_He never called you. _   
_He never tried to find you. _   
_He didn't care like he said he did... _

I had tried to be as fair to him as I could manage when those thoughts first surfaced after I got home and experienced radio silence.

He was probably far more exhausted than I was and needed some time to recoup, I told myself over and over again.

Plus a cross-continental situation was inherently complicated, maybe he just wanted to avoid a relationship that would probably end in broken hearts all around.

We'd gotten so sucked into each others' company after the three days of the festival and work were over, that I hadn't even thought about what we would do next until we were parting ways.

_ 'Keep this close and I'll always be with you...' _

My hand curled around the ring hidden beneath my shirt - I'd never taken it off.

By the time the first month passed with no word, I tried to make myself realize that I had just gotten swept away in what apparently was a whirlwind romance - an interruption in life. Or at least it seemed that I was an interruption in his, but either way I had to carry on and live my own life.

I finished my coffee and dropped my clothes to the floor in the bathroom before stepping under the hot water and letting it wash away the tainted thoughts of the morning.

"Alexa," I called, hearing the answering chime from my home system, "play Sixx AM Modern Vintage album, please".

The first notes of 'Stars' swirled around my head as I worked shampoo through my hair and continued to let the water relax me.

_Nothing matters ever since the day you pulled the pin in my heart like a hand grenade... _

I heaved a sigh, but took a moment to appreciate all the work I had put into picking up my pieces and moving on from something I'd never expected to happen in the first place.

When my feet hit the terrycloth bathmat fifteen minutes later, I was feeling much more centered and myself. I gave my reflection a soft smile in the mirror after wiping away the condensation with my towel.

_You're doing great, babe. _   
_Keep that chin up. _   
_Just another day. _   
_One foot in front of the other, just like yesterday. _

Babyboy was perched on the sink waiting expectantly and chirped at me.

It was a routine I should never have indulged him with in the first place, but now I couldn't deny his sweet little face.

I bent my knees slightly so he could leap up onto my shoulders, where he settled around my neck, complaining momentarily about how much water on my skin I had missed with the towel, but then quieting down to soft purrs and reaching around to nuzzle his cheek against my own.

We crossed through the doorway into my bedroom and I deposited him on the bed where he promptly curled up and settled in for a post-breakfast nap as I headed for the dresser.

I pulled on a mismatched bra and panties and stood before the mirror, thinking about my coming day.

In the heart wrenching aftermath of everything that happened after our brief dalliance, I gave myself permission to be a workaholic - to move far away for a great job and find the slightly-too-big apartment that had all the amenities I wanted.

The generous salary that came with the new position covered my low-maintenance lifestyle and allowed me to live comfortably with my few needs met.

Coming here had been a hard transition, but I knew that it was the right thing to do, regardless of my motives.

_ It distracted you and made you think you were happy after Johannes didn't find you like he said he would._

"That's enough," I said aloud in an attempt to silence my inner monologue.

It was true to a degree, and I didn't need the reminder that I _wasn't_ happy.

My heart had been broken, and I felt like a foolish groupie fangirl after he failed to contact me and I didn't know how to get a hold of him.

The thought to ask for his phone number in return simply hadn't crossed my mind that day - I trusted him enough and had just assumed he'd reach out to me like he said he would...

_You know what they say about assuming._

"Yeah, yeah...will you put a sock in it already?"

One night after several glasses of wine, I had tossed around the idea of messaging him through social media; I'd never been one for Twitter, but I made an account anyways and opened and closed my DM a dozen times before pushing back from my desk with a frustrated huff.

I told myself that he probably was so flooded with random messages he didn't even bother opening them, and didn't it seem a little desperate on my part?

What would I say to him anyways? 

_'Hey its me, Triste, remember me? We met accidentally in the throes of insomnia and ended up fucking on the deck floor? And the hood of my car? And the pool? And then we accidentally fell for each other and you fucking forgot about me? How have you been? I desperately miss you and I think about you all the time.'_

I passed into a grudging acceptance that he wasn't going to come sweep me off my feet and rescue me, though it felt an awful lot like I was tearing my own heart from my chest to do so, and I closed my laptop with a sigh.

Then I resolved to do what I had always done best - run away.

As I was listening to my Spotify library on shuffle and drunkenly unpacking my dishes into my new kitchen hundreds of miles away from the weathered deck where he kissed me goodbye, I congratulated myself on handling my non-breakup-breakup like an adult, rather than losing my mind and dying my hair the colors of the rainbow.

In something like perfect timing, Fiddler's Farewell started playing through my Bluetooth speaker, accompanied by the crashing of a glass that shattered across the floor.

_There goes the summer   
__There goes the summer _  
There goes the summer  
I'm so cold, I never thought we'd end it like this... 

I collapsed to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter that quickly turned to heaving sobs.

Now, in a pained moment as I stood alone and half naked in my new apartment in a new city, with no idea why I was feeling everything so hard this morning, I met my own reflection in the mirror and heard it replay in my mind.

His voice was low as he whispered to me, thinking me already asleep, wrapped securely in his arms on our last night together.

_I love you, Triste. I don't know how we've gotten ourselves here, but I'm so impossibly in love with you..._

The memory of his words made a sharp sound of despair escape my lips as my hands clenched at my sides.

_Stop it. You know you're not helping anyone by pining this way. You were doing so well. _

Now, the bitter, sad truth of it was that I had managed to build a wall around those memories, and keep my days full enough to distract me.

And on those occasions that he crept into my thoughts, I had almost mastered the art of keeping him mentally at an arm's length, like he was a stranger still.

I brushed my hair and scrunched my mousse through it, watching the curls fall down my shoulders and trying to think only about what I had planned out ahead at the shop -- deliveries, meetings, tastings, paperwork. It was all there.

I snugged into a pair of dark blue, form-fitting jeans that accentuated the gentle curves of my hips, and a starched white button up shirt.

A smart pair of gray tweed pumps and a silver necklace completed the look, and with one last glance in the mirror, I headed out the door, feeling ready to take it all on and leaving all thoughts of Johannes behind in my apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't run away yet.


	22. Chapter 22

Hours later, I was filling an order that had been placed online, lost in my own world thinking about my budget, when they saw me.

The doors were all propped open slightly to let the crisp winter breeze in, and the fresh air made me feel more clear-headed as my natural optimism returned.

In my mindless trotting around the shop, grabbing this bottle and that, I had failed to see them initially pass by the floor-to-ceiling windows that faced the sidewalk...but he had seen me.

Henrik stopped dead in his tracks, staring in disbelief for a moment as his jaw dropped.

He watched as I thoughtfully tapped the pencil against my darkened lips, glancing up over my reading glasses to check the shelf for the bottle of wine that I sought.

"What--Tim!!"

"Huh?" the other man turned in confusion, noticing his friend no longer walking with him, but Henrik was already gone, heading back toward the open front door of the shop.

Mike looked over, thinking it was a customer and reflexively moved to greet him, "hi--oh...oh uh, uh hi there...how...hello..." he stumbled over his words in surprise, recognizing Henrik after a moment from the countless music videos and interviews he'd watched.

Henrik didn't hear him over the pounding heartbeat in his ears, nor did Tim who followed him through the door, eyes fixed on my retreating form heading to the back room to find the last bottle of wine for the order.

My heels clicked gently along the wood floor, and I hummed the tune of some song coming through the stereo I halfway knew.

"Triste?" I heard a half-whispered, almost unbelieving voice utter, and I felt a spike of ice run up my spine that froze me to the floor as my head snapped up and I stared at the back wall for a moment.

_I know that voice... _

I turned slowly, seeing him there, his beautiful curls pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck, his cheeks pink from the wind, making his eyes seem like endless topaz pools, and I took a split second to take him in as my brain caught up to my eyes.

"...Henrik?"

The pad of paper in my hands fell to the floor, and he moved forward, seeing that I was rooted to the spot, and caught me around the waist, spinning me in circles as my feet left the floor until I laughed helplessly and wrapped my arms around his neck, realizing it really was him.

He seemed as surprised as I was that we were in the same place again, but equally as glad.

"Henrik!! What are you doing here? My God, its so good to see you!" I gushed against his chest when he lowered me to the floor, inhaling the smell of the crisp air on him and savoring the way him arms crushed me against his torso as I looked up and brushed my fingers across his face.

He pulled me back from his body and before I could ask any more questions, his blue eyes glittered with a smile and he pressed his lips to mine in a quick, soft kiss.

"Oh _min blomma_, how is this possible? What are_ you_ doing here?"

Mike's jaw dropped when he saw Henrik kiss me, but I wasn't paying any attention to him.

Neither of us were.

"I live here! Only recently though, I moved a few months back and..." I gestured around us and said with a grin "this is my shop now!"

Someone cleared their throat behind me, and I'd been so absorbed in Henrik's sudden arrival that I hadn't noticed anyone else, but I turned to see Tim then.

He was hanging back though there was a look spreading across his face that drew me in as his mouth split into a broad grin.

Henrik's hands lingered warmly at my waist for only a moment as I let go of him and moved away slowly like I was in a dream.

"Tim?" I whispered, my shaking voice betraying my relief at seeing him again as he held his arms out to me and when I reached him, he enveloped me in the way I had learned only he could as I slipped my arms under his unzipped coat, noticing the faint smell of tobacco clinging to him as I buried my face in the collar and something between a gasp and a sob left my lips.

He pressed one hand against the back of my head, keeping me there for a moment and savoring the feel of me in his arms again before pulling my face up gently and pressing his lips against mine, as Henrik had. His thumbs traced the lines of my cheekbones and I melted into him, feeling his mouth twist up at the corners, unable to keep himself from smiling at my reaction as his lips lingered a moment longer and his mustache tickled against my skin.

"I thought I was never going to see you again, priestess," he murmured, pressing his forehead to mine as his hand cupped the back of my head briefly and he fought the tears that stung his eyes.

I did my best too to keep the tears of joy at bay when he released me and I stepped back, holding a hand out to each of them.

"What are you guys doing here? I didn't know you were touring right now, but I haven't really been keeping up... Is J--..." I didn't finish my thought, not wanting to give into my secret hope that Johannes had somehow found me after all.

My cheeks immediately started to burn with a fierce blush as the two men looked at me with an indescribable expression, understanding the remainder of my unasked question.

At seeing the look of glee on my face start to fade, Henrik sighed, and Tim's features quickly shifted to a mask of discomfort.

I looked to Henrik, not understanding, but his eyes were closed and his head was tilted down as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, his opposite hand propped against his hip.

I was thinking they were going to tell me Johannes had fallen off a cliff and was dead by the way they were fidgeting and avoiding my gaze, and after a moment Henrik met my eyes and glanced over at Mike, and I remembered suddenly that we weren't alone.

"Oh...Mike, why don't you take off? I'll comp you the rest of the day."

He didn't acknowledge my words, still enraptured in what had just happened, and he continued to stare unabashedly at our guests.

"Mike ... hello ... ground control to Mike ... _Mikkael._"

He shook his head like he was coming out of a daze and looked at me finally, blinking owlishly. He'd told me when I first started and was reviewing his payroll paperwork that no one ever called him that, but I thought it was a beautiful name.

"What? What did you say? Sorry, I was..."

I held my hands up with a soft smile, understanding better than he knew what was going on in his brain at that moment and nodded my head towards the door as I repeated myself.

"Take off for the day, I've got everything here."

Mike moved like he was in a daze, and pressed a hand to my arm briefly. He didn't usually touch me, nor I him, and I was momentarily surprised, raising one eyebrow at him.

"Hey, call if you need anything..." he stopped, grinning childishly at me, "coolest. boss. ever."

And I couldn't help but laugh as my brief discomfort evaporated and I pressed one hand to his, barely keeping a lid on my emotions, "yeah, definitely, and don't forget it when I magically remember to ask you to do inventory next week," I smiled and shook my head at his retreating form, then glanced back to the two men before me who had so suddenly reappeared in my nearly-put-together life.

"Oh, shit sorry, I'm the rudest person ever. I should have introduced you guys to Mi--..." I started, then immediately stopped when I saw the look still lingering across both their faces.

"Okay somebody just say whatever it is you're both thinking, please, you're freaking me out..." I said, starting to feel anxious as I clasped my hands together.

"Erm...Johannes is here with us. In town, I mean, not _here_ here, obviously..."

The way he said it made me know there was more coming, but I breathed a sigh of relief all the same, pressing a hand to my thundering heart, "Jesus, Henrik, I thought you were going to tell me he was dead or something," I laughed, my mind already starting to run away without me again thinking about seeing Johannes after all these months.

But the troubled frown was still lingering on his lovely features, marring them slightly, "he didn't...call you?"

"About you guys coming back stateside? No, I...I haven't..." I cleared my throat, trying to maintain my dignity and not sound like I had been forcing myself to not think of him for the last several months, "I haven't talked to him since we left the beach. I'm sure he's been busy, and I just moved and..."

A sound left Henrik's lips that I recognized as my heart dropped into my feet.

It was anguish.

I had made the same sound to myself that morning in the mirror thinking about Johannes whispering how he felt about me.

Telling me he loved me for the first time.

Accepting me, even though he knew what I was.

Who I was.

"So he didn't ever tell you...I fucking knew it," it wasn't really a question, more of a statement that Tim left hanging in the air.

When I shook my head slowly he spun on his heel and ran his fingers aggressively through his hair, walking a few steps to cool his frustration before turning back towards Henrik, "that motherfucker..."

I felt panic start to rise in my chest as my eyes darted back and forth between them, and my fingers reached behind me to grip the wooden countertop.

"What...w-what didn't he tell me..."

I looked back to Henrik when he advanced a step towards me and reached a gentle hand to my face to quell my panic. His palm was warm, and his eyes such a wonderful shade of blue, I couldn't help but lean into his touch as I waited for him to answer me as I started to tremble.

When he didn't, I cradled his cheeks in my own palms, and he turned to press a gentle kiss into one wrist before taking both my hands in his own and lowering them between us.

"Henrik, whats going on?"

He sighed deeply, "Triste...Johannes is...he's...he got married...I'm so sorry, I thought you knew..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it possible to give yourself anxiety by writing fanfiction?


	23. Chapter 23

The world swirled around me, a blur of colors and muted sounds, and I felt like the wind was knocked out of my lungs as I struggled to get enough oxygen.

"W-what? _Married_?" I collapsed back against the counter as my knees finally just failed me altogether, and Tim was immediately there, holding me as I dropped to the floor, muttering to himself what I assumed was an intense string of profanities in Swedish.

He looked up to Henrik and they had a brief heated exchange over my head as I stared at the floor, trying to concentrate on the grains of wood in one single plank.

_Don't pass out. Don't pass out. Oh God please don't pass out. _

"When--"

They both looked at me as I interrupted their discussion and my voice cracked as I finished my question when I could speak again, "when did he get married?"

Their expressions clearly said that neither wanted to answer me and they both stayed silent for several more deafening moments.

"Goddammit, somebody just fucking_ tell me_!" I yelled, louder than I meant to, and the emotion in my voice brought Henrik down next to me and Tim on the floor.

He sighed, once again taking the responsibility of the ugly task at hand, "Johannes' phone got broken on the way back home. It just stopped working and wouldn't turn on at all when we landed, and he had to wait for a couple days to get a new one, but while he was without he...disappeared, I guess...we didn't hear much from him for about a month. I mean we were borderline thinking he might have been dead. Then he came back, and there was a ring on his finger, and he was...Triste, he was just..." he ran a distressed hand back through his hair, pulling it loose from the hair tie.

"He was different..." Tim said, to my left. "Johannes wasn't the same person that you met, or the one we've known all these years. Now he's basically stopped writing music, and doesn't want to spend time with anyone but h-..." he trailed off.

The first tear spilled down my cheek when I raised my eyes to meet Tim's, feeling the temporary patch I'd stitched over my heart over the last several months get brutally ripped off.

"Oh, fuck, please don't...I can't handle you crying, sweetheart," he gathered me against his side as I sobbed, unable to do anything but and his heart burned with a dangerous flame, a simmering anger that was quickly blooming into pure hatred.

"I...I thought..." I stammered when I could...but in truth, I couldn't think of anything. How many nights had I spent laying in my bed staring at the ceiling desperately wishing more than anything that he could be there with me, then getting annoyed at myself for wanting that?

I had craved his touch against my skin in a way I couldn't describe. How many times had that been followed by a thought of the first time he kissed me, with the moonlight making his hair glisten like the midnight water of the ocean?

And all that time, or most of it, I had to assume, he had probably been with her...not thinking of me at all.

I looked back down at the floor for a few more moments, letting this information settle inside me, then moved to get up, taking a deep breath to steady myself.

Tim was on his feet first and offered me two hands to pull me up; his palms were soft when I took them, but I could feel the callouses on the fingertips of his left hand against my wrist, hard from being pressed against the strings for years. He didn't let go of me when I was upright, he just pulled me close and I couldn't look at him as I slipped my arms around his waist under his coat once more, savoring the warmth of his body now that I felt like nothing but ice.

I wasn't aware of how long I stood there listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat through his shirt until Henrik pressed a soft kiss to my hair, his hand running down the length of my back. My button-up was thin, and I could feel the heat from his palm through the material, making me involuntarily shiver as Tim pulled me closer.

Finally, I pulled away, steeling myself and stepping out of both mens grasps.

"Thank you f-for telling me. I'm sure that was..." I cleared my throat, "...unpleasant." It wasn't the word I had wanted to use and the anguish in Henrik's stare told me that it was indeed insufficient as my hands ran back through my hair as I sniffed and then smoothed my shirt and stood up straight.

I flipped to my professional voice that I used for customers and other people who I wanted to keep at arms length, and my heart saddened thinking that now these two had to fit into that category, but I couldn't see them and not think of Johannes now, and that just hurt too much.

"Ahem. It was so good to see you both again...I hope you have an awesome show, and--"

Tim cut me off abruptly, "don't do this, Triste."

I looked at him, trying not to let him see in my eyes the deep wound their news had re-opened. It had taken me too long to get over that whole encounter already, and now my brain was flooded with memories and fresh waves of pain.

"Don't do what?" I lifted my chin to remind myself to stand up tall and not crumble to the floor like I wanted to.

"Just pretend you're fine like that to make us go away. Why are you brushing this off like it doesn't matter to you?" Henrik piped up as his brow furrowed.

I was dumbfounded for a moment.

"Doesn't...matter?"

Henrik opened his mouth to say something else, but my steely glare cut him short as I felt the hysteria bubbling to the surface and fought to keep it suppressed when I reached down into my shirt and angrily snatched the chain from my neck, pulling its contents out from underneath and holding it up so they could see.

"Tell me again it doesn't matter to me..." I said lowly, trying not to bare my teeth. It wasn't Henrik's fault.

He wasn't looking at me though as I sought his eyes. His and Tim's gazes were trained on the piece of metal dangling from the delicate chain clutched in my hand.

It was a man's ring, too big to wear on any of my fingers though Johannes' were so beautiful and slender. Made of simple black tungsten, it was polished around the edges and matte around the middle, without any ornamentation.

Both men instantly recognized it and exchanged a brief pained look.

John had remarked on its absence after Johannes returned from what they later learned was some sort of elopement. He'd had it since he was a teenager, since they started the band, and he never took it off. Everywhere he went, he wore it on the index finger of his left hand, even under the gloves on stage.

When he simply said "huh... must have lost it..." without any worry, they knew something was wrong.

But by then he'd gotten a different ring on a different finger and didn't want to talk any more about it.

Tim closed his hands around mine, and pressed the piece of metal to his heart with a deep sigh, "Oh, babe I can't believe you have this. I'm sorry he's done this to you. We know...you of all people do care. It does matter..."

I was trying so hard to stay calm that I started to hyperventilate, the ring dangling from my hand still pressed between Tim's.

Both men embraced me between them as a strangled cry left my lips. I was heartsick and wanted to be alone, but I also never wanted them to let go of me, and between their soothing words and calming touches, eventually I got control over my breathing.

"My calm is only going to last so long, please just tell me," I whined into the fabric of Henrik's coat, sniffling and keeping my eyes shut tight.

"Tell you what?"

"I'm not fucking stupid, Henrik, I saw that look you two just gave each other."

His arms wrapped tighter around me. So tight that I had a hard time breathing, but I didn't care; he was so warm and safe, and worried about me, I thought I could be okay there for now.

But all too soon, Henrik pulled me from his arms again, looking down into my eyes with a piercing blue stare, different from Johannes', but equally mesmerizing.

I couldn't help it when I reached up and ran my hand through his hair, stretching his curls between my fingers. It was thick and soft, and he caught his breath at my tender caress.

"You hair is darker now than I remember it," I mumbled, getting lost in the softness of his locks between my fingertips.

"It gets lighter in the sun," he breathed, leaning down and pressing his forehead to mine before turning and walking away to look out the front window of the shop. Dusk had fallen though it was still early in the day. Come December, it was always dark by 5 here, and January was the worst month - cold and dark and snowy without the excitement of any holidays.

It was Tim's turn to press his hands to my face, and I sighed at his touch, looking up into his eyes - they were concerned for me, but there was something else there too, that I assumed was concern for Johannes.

I remembered being surprised at how different he looked without the dark eye makeup when we first met right after I got done confronting Van.

He was beautiful, as they all were, and I felt a pang of longing in my heart as I absentmindedly brushed a lock of hair out of his face.

_ My boys. _

They weren't my boys, I had to remind myself, but it felt that way now with Tim and Henrik, like it had that week at the beach when we were all free and happy, and giving of ourselves.

"This is too much. I need a cigarette," I muttered after taking a deep breath and looking at the floor.


	24. Chapter 24

"I believe that's something I can help with," Tim took me by the hand, lacing our fingers together, and led me to the door as he pulled a pack of smokes from his coat pocket, "you're gonna want a coat."

"I'm okay," I mumbled. Couldn't get much colder than I already felt.

He wasn't much taller than I was in my heels, but I kicked out of them on the way to the door, and as a last minute thought when I remembered Henrik didn't smoke and wasn't going to follow us outside, I grabbed my keys off the counter to lock up and told him to pick a bottle of something and open it.

I figured we could all probably use a drink.

Tim and I stepped out on the sidewalk into the evening. The street was empty and the shop lights were casting a faint glow onto the sidewalk as I locked the doors, leaving one propped open an inch so we could re-enter before slumping down on the step and leaning back against the painted wood.

I reached to take the cigarette from Tim, but he pushed my hand away and bent to place it between my lips as I opened them for him, holding his gaze. His thumb lingered, brushing slowly against my burgundy lipstick, and I finally closed my eyes with a sigh at the intimate touch.

It was so much for one day - waking up thinking about Johannes, then by pure happenstance having Henrik and Tim walk into my shop, and them telling me he was married now...

"Oh. That makes sense. Of course..." I muttered to myself.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. I just. I was thinking about him this morning and I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so bad, but I guess I sensed you all being here."

Exhaustion started to settle in my body, pulling on me like a physical weight and I kept my eyes shut as Tim sat next to me on the step and I leaned heavily into him, resting my head on his shoulder when he didn't respond.

I heard the click of a lighter, followed by his voice telling me to inhale and I did so, tasting the sweetness of the smoke between my lips as I held it.

We were silent for a minute, basking both in each others' company and the nicotine rush before I opened my eyes and looked up. Stars were hard to come by in the city and the sky remained a featureless expanse of black.

"Remember laying on the beach and staring up at the stars?" I asked him softly, still looking at the night sky. He took a drag and looked over at me, his eyes moving down to my lips, watching the smoke curl as it escaped between them.

"Mmhm. As soon as the power went out you bolted outside and took off down the beach," he said with a low laugh, "I kinda thought you were gone for good."

"In hindsight, I should have said something other than 'I'll be back' probably. But I _did _say I'll be back...the stars without light pollution are so much better than most people think though, and I got excited to see them again. Plus you found me, right? I mean I didn't go _that_ far." I chuckled.

"Yeah only because I almost tripped over you laying on the ground."

I felt his shoulders shake with laughter again. I had taken his hand and pulled him down to me until we were both laying flat on our backs together on the cool sand. He had leaned over to look down at me, and when he kissed me his lips lingered and moved against mine. I remembered leaning up into his kiss and wanting to open my lips to him, to taste his tongue under the night breeze.

Tim had whispered words to me that were lost in the white noise of the ocean just beyond our feet. Something about the water brought us closer and I held onto his hand as we laughed and talked and I answered his questions...we had been perfectly content then, but it felt like a million years had passed as I sat next to the same man on the steps now in a far different place.

"My heart hurts, Tim," I confessed, finally letting the pain enter my voice, "I thought that he had forgotten about me. I didn't consider that he had...found someone instead."

I felt tears stinging my eyes again and sternly reprimanded myself internally.

_Don't you cry. Not for him. Not after what he's done._

I took another deep breath, something I had gotten rather good at doing to calm myself these last few months.

"Okay. Just tell me," I groaned, closing my eyes again, bracing myself and sitting up so I could look at him, "whatever you guys were thinking in there that nobody wanted to say."

There was a pause - it wasn't uncomfortable, only heavy.

"God, I just don't want to," he breathed, finally meeting my gaze, "it was so good to see you smiling when you first saw us, hearing you laugh, it was like...I don't know," he sighed and looked back out at the street as he took another drag from his cigarette, exhaling slowly through his nose, "I don't want you to hate us for this. Johannes has gotten himself into some shit, and its unlike him, but..." his eyes flicked back to mine, "just don't hate me for being the one to tell you...please I won't be able to stand it."

He sounded defeated as he whispered his final words and the hardness in my heart I had worked so hard on in the last few minutes started to crumble as he looked at me with the same pained expression for the second time in an hour.

"Christ, Tim," I moaned as I took another pull on my cigarette, looking away from his intense gaze. The lights from the shop and the street were illuminating half his face in a way that cast the other part of it into shadow.

"How could you think I'd ever hate you? You're...I..." I sighed, preparing myself to just say it.

"After that week getting to know everyone, I think I connected with you all, each in our own ways, and...gods Tim I lov--..." I swallowed hard but couldn't finish my thought and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, unsure whether it was physical or mental, but my hand fisted into my shirt over my heart all the same.

"I know..." Tim said after a moment, scooting closer to me on the step until his leg was pressed against mine, and pulling that hand from my chest.

He pressed a kiss to my fingers, "everyone knew when we saw you both together, Triste... I had never seen Johannes like that with anyone before. That's why we were so surprised when he resurfaced and told us he'd gotten married. I think at first we..." he cleared his throat in a way that made me know he was wishing he'd stopped while he was ahead.

"At first we what..."

He looked at me and I knew he didn't want to say the words.

"Tim...he's already gone from me. Just say it."

He sighed heavily, and I could see he was uncomfortable, "we thought, maybe at first that it was to you...I mean it was sudden, but I think we were all happy when we thought that...and then..."

My tears slipped down my cheeks hearing his words.

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to make you cry again. Fuck. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," I sniffled, giving his fingers a squeeze and leaning back into him until he let go of my hand and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "it wasn't you, I promise...I'm happy you're here. I...I missed you."

He sighed heavily, "I missed you too, love. So so much...but something is wrong Triste. I know you're probably mad as hell at him, and you have every right to be, but this behavior isn't normal for Johannes. He doesn't do things like run off without a word and marry the first crazy bitch he meets," anger seeped into his voice as he spat out the last words, "and that ring around your neck? I've never seen him without it. Ever. The other guys maybe, but he's never taken it off since I've known him, that's for sure. And instead of telling us the truth, he lied. To all of us -- right to our faces. He acted like he hadn't even noticed it was gone when John asked, then told us he must have lost it wherever the hell he'd been with her... And you know how protective of you Henrik is; fuck, you should have seen him yelling at Johannes when she came to the studio with him and he told us who she was. I've never seen him that fired up and honestly I thought he was gonna quit the band right there."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me was viscerally angry at Johannes, and thought I'd kill him if I ever saw him again, but the other part of me longed so deeply for him, even now that I knew all of this.

"You're right, I am mad at him. But at the end of the day, I'm sure he had his reasons to get married and I just want J-...Johannes to be happy..."

It was the first time I'd uttered his name, and it felt good in the way that hitting yourself in the head with a hammer repeatedly feels good when you finally stop.

The other words tasted like ash in my mouth but I did my best to mean them as I stood and flicked my cigarette into the street.

"Jesus, Triste. You were a horrible liar when I met you, and you're still bad," he muttered, getting to his feet.

Despite my heartache, I couldn't help but admire the way his hair blew gently in the breeze, and my head was feeling a little fuzzy with the nicotine rush.

"Damn..." I said softly, mostly to myself as I reached out to touch it, but I immediately clapped my hand over my mouth and murmured an apology behind it, shaking my head back and forth.

He barked a laugh and stepped closer to me grinning, several inches taller now that I was barefoot, and he slipped a hand around my waist to pull me against him and spent several seconds looking down at me. As we had on the sand that night at the beach, he pressed his cigarette to my lips for me to take one last drag. My gaze didn't leave his as the burning ember illuminated our faces, and he flicked the butt away into the street after he pulled it from my mouth, still not looking away from me.

Rather than breathing it in, I let the smoke drift softly from my parted lips and he leaned down to inhale it, his mouth nearly touching mine.

Neither of us said anything for a moment, and I found myself wishing that he would kiss me. As if he'd caught an echo of my thoughts, his eyes flicked down to my lips and he leaned in. He whispered my name and pressed a kiss to the very corner of my mouth before taking my hand.

"Oh, babe, you're shaking," he gasped as he quickly let go of me and shrugged out of his jacket before placing it around my shoulders and leading me quickly back inside as I mumbled a non-committal "am I?".

I hadn't realized how cold it was out until we stepped back into the shop and I heard the heat kick on. I stood shivering under the vent for a few moments, letting the warm airflow bring my temperature back up as Tim held me close until the shaking subsided, leaning his cheek against the top of my head and staring at the wall, lost in thought.


	25. Chapter 25

Henrik was sitting at the counter and smiled at me as I picked up my shoes from the floor and moved further inside, brushing one hand across his shoulder.

I dropped my heels in my back office and slipped on a pair of flats I'd stashed there before killing most of the shop lights and taking one quick moment to write down a reminder for next week on my ever-growing to-do list.

When I went back out to the counter, Henrik and Tim were seated, talking quietly and nodding their heads together. Despite the sad news they had brought me, my heart was glad to see them again, and I walked up behind Henrik and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, resting my chin on one and smiling softly over at Tim.

"I still can't believe you're both here," I murmured, allowing myself to get lost again in his smell and the softness of his hair as I nuzzled my cheek into it. He rubbed my arm in agreement before taking one of my hands and pressing a soft kiss to the knuckles, glad that I was at least seeming a bit more like myself, even if I was sad.

I picked up the bottle he'd chosen and examined it briefly before leaning down and planting a soft, lingering kiss on the very back corner of his jaw.

White Burgundy - my favorite. He'd remembered from the first day we met.

I opened it and poured three glasses before settling down on a stool on the opposite side of the counter from them and raising my glass. I didn't offer a suggestion -- there wasn't anything I wanted to toast at the moment, and truthfully I just wanted to get blind drunk and scream at the top of my lungs into the abyss, but I had company.

I lowered my glass after a moment and Henrik frowned, hating the sadness that I was so clearly feeling.

"Hey," he said, catching my eyes, and not dropping my gaze, "cheers. To the way your smile lights up a room, and for the wonderful, kind woman you are...and to being together again..."

I smiled down into my lap for a moment, feeling the blush creep across my cheeks.

"Skål," I lifted my glass and looked up at him.

We sipped our wine in silence for a moment as I got lost in my own thoughts until it was me who broke it finally.

"How are Jonas and John doing?" I couldn't believe I was making stupid small talk, but the weight of knowing I'd permanently lost Johannes made me want to sit and be silent and alone and wallow in my misery, not have in-depth conversation about anything.

"They're fine..." Henrik eyed me over the rim of his glass as he took another drink, "Triste, look, I'm really sorry you had to hear this from us. When he came back, and of course after the initial shock wore off, we all asked if he'd talked to you before making the decision. None of us knows anything about how it happened or where they met even. And honestly..." he ran a hand back through his hair and I watched how the low lighting shone off his curls, "honestly, its scaring the shit out of me."

"I know, Tim told me about that. And the ring." I found that before I'd even said the word my hand had circled around the metal, exposed now outside my shirt.

"Its worrying all of us," Tim corrected, "he's so angry now, and secretive, and I can't shake this feeling that something is really wrong. Its like when you look at him, he's not totally there."

"That's why we were so surprised when we ran into you here," Henrik said, taking my hand in his own across the counter, "as soon as we found out we were coming back to America, we had all wondered if maybe seeing you again wouldn't... I don't know, like snap him out of it or something...and then there you were today in the window, right at the end. Little one, we've looked everywhere for you, and we thought we were out of time."

I sat and finished my glass of wine without saying anything, and both men started to look nervously at each other until finally I looked up.

"I don't know that that's such a good idea guys, me seeing him," I said quietly, "what good would it do to snap him out of it and break them up if it will only make him more angry? I mean I'm not totally sure how the process works in Sweden, but from what I've seen here, divorce is really really unpleasant for everyone, even if both parties want it, which it doesn't sound like is the case either though. Why would that be better?"

My eyes rested on my hands in my lap, trying to remind myself of what all I had gotten done over the last months without him.

_Don't go crawling ba--_

Henrik slammed his palm down on the wooden countertop then, startling me, and he met my wide-eyed expression with depthless pain in his own, but also anger that I'd only ever seen once before.

"Damnit Triste, because he's our friend, and we love him, and because _you_ love him! Don't fucking sit there and pretend like you don't!"

I immediately felt defensive and angry at him, both for yelling at me and forcing me to confront something I'd tried so hard to suppress.

"OF COURSE I FUCKING LOVE HIM," I yelled back, rising from my stool, "you don't have the slightest idea what the last six months have been like for me. He abandoned me after I told him the truth, told all of you the truth! He wasn't there when I needed him the most, Henrik, when she--..."

The lights flickered as my rage simmered to the surface, but I couldn't say the words.

Not as angry as I was.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose before continuing, "I expected him to at least fucking call. He made a stupid joke about it when we were saying goodbye, and I hadn't even thought that far ahead, but...he had my phone number. He said he'd call..."

I took a shaky breath as another piece of my heart shattered.

"But he didn't, and then everything went to shit and I ran away and ended up here," I gestured around us, "where it gets fucking dark at 4:30 in the winter and snows all the fucking time and, Henrik I don't understand what I did to make him not love me anymore..."

My tears were flowing freely down my cheeks now, but I didn't wipe them away. The force of my anger and my sudden confrontation of emotions I'd wanted to put away in a box under the bed for the rest of forever was powerful and had fueled me to tell them the absolute truth about what I felt for Johannes.

Tears slowly slid down Henrik's cheeks too as his anger dissipated and he flung himself off his stool, reaching me before I could blink. He crushed me against his shoulder, one hand pressing hard on the back of my head as I sobbed uncontrollably, collapsing into his embrace and trusting him to hold me up.

"Shh...shhh..." he whispered soothingly against my hair, "you're okay, you're okay...Triste, don't you see that that's why we're so worried? This isn't like him. This isn't Johannes..."

As my wracking sobs subsided I looked up at Henrik, my eyes red and still brimming with tears, "Henrik, what did I do...why did he forget about me," I whispered.

A pang of nearly-physical pain shot through him, and he couldn't help himself in that moment, seeing me so distraught as he leaned down with a soft "please, don't ever..." and pressed his lips to mine, moving them after a moment to pull me into his kiss. It was the only thing he could think to do to show me how badly he wanted to protect me and give me comfort.

His hands were warm at my waist, and one wrapped around my back as the other cupped my face, holding me to him as his thumb moved to brush away the tracks my tears had left down my cheek. I sank into him, feeling warm and loved and wanted for the first time in months, the familiarity of his kiss resonating in my mind as my lips slowly opened to him.

His tongue softly caressed mine as it slid between my parted lips, drawing a sigh from me as I returned his gentle affection, gliding my own along his, chasing it back between his own lips. Henrik still tasted like a dream after all these months, the lingering hint of French oak from the wine still apparent on his tongue, and I pressed into him, wanting, needing, desiring more of the softness of his mouth, and he gave it to me.

My fingers pushed through his hair, anchoring him to me and I stood up on my toes to get closer, feeling his body react as his arms held me tightly against him and his kiss got more urgent.

He finally pulled away with a soft moan, and when I opened my eyes he looked momentarily unsure about what he'd just done.

Some things never changed, I guess.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I..."

I pressed a soft hand to his mouth to stop his babbling before leaning my head against his chest.

His heart was thundering.

"No no. Don't worry. It's okay." I whispered before leaning up to brush his lips with mine once more to reassure him. He leaned down into my kiss, needing me to feel something he couldn't express and I couldn't help the sad smile that crossed my lips.

"Are you still going to do that every time then? Apologize?"

He pressed his forehead to mine and shook his head, "I didn't mean for that to happen...you just...babe, my goddamn hearts breaking here, and I don't know what to do."

I sniffled, leaning against his chest, "you know, sometimes you're just too good for this horrid world, Henrik..."

His arms wrapped tighter around me for a second, before releasing me as I continued, "I don't know if I can see him again now. I'm afraid...I'm afraid of the pain and," I swallowed hard, "rejection..."

Tim moved around me and ran a soft hand down my back as my arms wrapped protectively across myself.

"We wouldn't want anything that would hurt you, Triste. We had to try, though," he sounded defeated.

"I need...I need some time to think," I managed to say.

My head was still foggy from Henrik's kiss... I'd nearly forgotten what it felt like in my time alone.

"You guys probably need to get going now too, I would guess," I glanced outside at the settled darkness and moved out of their reach, looking back and forth between them, "don't you?"

Henrik looked at the floor, suddenly fidgeting with a loose thread in his jacket, but I watched him bite his bottom lip for a moment, tasting our kiss still.

"Do you still want us to go then? I thought...maybe you were just saying that," he spoke quietly, not looking at me.

"I...I...I don't ever want you to go..." I whispered back, blinking away my tears, "I'm sorry I dismissed you like that before, I was trying not to lose it... I've hated being away from you both this long."

It felt good to tell them the truth, after lying to myself about being fine without Johannes for half a year. I sniffled and straightened my blouse, "but I know that you kind of, uhm, randomly happened upon me here on your way somewhere else today...and you're probably busy with rehearsals and...stuff...and...and..." I was babbling, trying to focus as Tim turned the full force of his eyes on me and caught my gaze like a steel trap.

He closed the gap between us with two strides and grabbed my face between his palms, tilting it up and taking one quick second to look deep into my eyes and make sure he had all of my attention now.

"Stop being so fucking accommodating, Triste," and with a swift bow of his head he crushed his lips to mine and moved one arm to pull me against him roughly as I let out a small gasp of surprise. Tim's mouth was insistent against my own, his tongue seeking entry as I opened for him with a soft cry, and found that my fingers were grabbing onto him, pulling him closer, desiring to feel him pressed harder against me.

My brain went haywire, swirling with thoughts of all our times together. The lingering looks, the lasting touches. The way his lips still sent electrical currents straight down my spine.

His tongue was slick and hot, utterly delicious in my current state, and I forgot that Henrik was standing there watching us as I devoured his kiss, pulling him harder to me, drowning in his touch as his hands roamed over my back and through my hair. He bent my head back slightly so he could let his mouth hover over mine when he pulled back.

"I really can't tell you how badly I've wanted to do that again," he whispered, still lost with me in our own lust-filled world.

"Tim, don't stop," I moaned quietly into his lips, the near-sinful pleasure in my voice evident even to my own ears. He kissed me again and his tongue plundered my mouth as I leaned into him heavily, feeling some of the exhaustion and sadness of the day remediated by his expert kiss, the sound of our lips moving together echoing through the empty expanse of the shop.

I broke away finally with a gasp and looked at him, then to Henrik, who I saw was biting his lip and clutching the counter, watching me with darkened eyes. I looked away and back at Tim, whose eyes seemed to swirl blue and green like the movement of water. I knew that look.

We stood looking at each other for a long time, until my breathing evened out and I cleared my throat, "I-I do need to go through my closing stuff a-and probably get home soon. Where are you staying?"

"Ahh, well, uh..." Tim sighed heavily, "I don't really know. I might have...might have stormed out this morning...It's too much now to stay in the same place as Johannes and...her..." he shrugged sheepishly at me and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"You can say her name out loud, Tim, I'm a big girl..." I rolled my eyes at him.

"No, I won't speak that bitches name, not in front of you." he snarled.

"Okay okay, I'm sorry," I held my hands up and he shook his head as a frown pulled the corners of his mouth down.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap."

"Is she really that bad? And is it normal for...I thought that, ah...partners usually didn't come with...I mean I guess, just on tour, or whatever..." I said quietly, trailing off before I could ask why he had brought her along.

Johannes had seemed happy with me. We were all happy together, but now I was being convinced from Henrik and Tim's behavior that whoever this woman was, she was bad news.

"So, you're not staying with everyone else?" I inquired when he didn't answer me, still unsure of where to find him if I decided to confront Johannes after all.

"I haven't booked a room anywhere yet. I more or less walked out this morning and...well...we explored the city while I cooled down then bumped into you and..." his hand gestured in a vague motion that made me understand that he hadn't exactly been mulling it over since getting here.

"Well...I mean I have a spare bedroom and a really comfortable couch if you want to stay with me. Y-you can both stay if you want...no pressure, of course. If that's too weird, I can drop you off at a hotel or something. I don't want it to be weird," I babbled and Tim and Henrik looked at each other, then back at me.

"Thank you, we'll stay with you if you're sure that's okay" Henrik said with a gentle smile that made me want to crawl into his arms and stay there forever. It warmed a part of my sad heart to see his tenderness towards me.

"Of course its okay. But I have just a couple things to do around here first, if you don't mind waiting a few minutes, or I can pick you up somewhere else later, if you want to go out or whatever. There are a few good bars around here."

"Take your time, we can wait," Tim said as he stepped forward and curled my hair behind my ear. His hand lingered and his index finger brushed the shell of it, making me shudder.

He bit his bottom lip slightly as he smiled at me and the sight made me almost forget my name.

"Won't be but a few minutes," I mumbled, ducking out of his grasp and heading off in the direction of the back storage room before I embarrassed myself.

When the door closed behind me I collapsed to the floor and took several deep breaths. I closed my eyes and centered, trying in that moment to be as honest with myself as possible - both Henrik's and Tim's kisses had awakened in me a hot desire that I thought wouldn't ever resurface, and I was left wanting more. A lot more. And Johannes was in some kind of bad situation with this woman, who sounded like a right terror, that may or may not have been his own fault.

_Ah fuck - this is gonna hurt._

I sighed and answered my internal monologue aloud as my eyes reopened and I stared at the ceiling.

"Affirmative, captain."

But in some way, I felt better being prepared to be hurt rather than having it blindside me again, and I emerged from the storage room with a few bottles to restock the shelves and smiled at my boys, still sitting at the counter sipping.

Henrik watched the way my hips rolled as I crossed the shop floor, his head feeling a little hazy from the strong wine, and his grip on the stem of his glass tightened.

"Hey, put some music on, would you? The acoustics in this place make me feel like everyone can hear me thinking when its quiet," I said over my shoulder, and he picked his phone up off the counter.

"Want to hear one of our new songs? Unless you've heard them already..."

"Ah, no I...I haven't...I'd love to hear one," I said with my back still towards them, biting my lip and preparing myself to hear Johannes' voice. Tim had told me they were going into the studio when they got back home, and I assumed they were here touring for a new album, but I hadn't been able to play any of their music without breaking down since that night in my kitchen.

The song was soft as he turned the volume up and I stood rooted to the floor, waiting for Johannes voice, but it didn't come. The melody was so familiar, but I couldn't place it as the slow, hollow-sounding notes traveled through the floorboards, filling my soul with each ringing pulse, and I walked dazedly back to the storeroom as memories of blue eyes swirled through my brain.

My heart ached for my loss, but I couldn't deny that I was glad to know their music hadn't suffered, and in fact it seemed as good as ever. Apparently Johannes hadn't lost _that_ much of himself to his--

I stopped cold as the brief wave of happiness left me.

His wife.

I snarled like an animal at a can of beer on my storage shelf and watched the seam stretch then burst until it exploded and fizzed onto the floor. As my sudden fit of rage subsided, I picked up the mangled can and slowly made my way out to the sink to get some paper towels.

"What happened?" Tim asked, seeing both my expression and the dripping beverage in my hands.

"I..." I cleared my throat, "maybe something else for music, yeah? I have to clean this up real quick, then I'll be ready to go."

Henrik shot Tim a troubled glance over his shoulder as he tossed the other his phone to change the song then followed me to the back room. He took the wad of paper towels from my hand and started to wipe up the amber liquid on the floor.

"That was thoughtless of me to play that, I'm sorry."

I slumped down on a case of wine and ran my hand through my hair, "no, it...that was beautiful. It sounds familiar, but I don't remember why," I murmured, watching as the paper towels soaked up the mess.

Henrik smiled softly as he knelt down in front of me, tipping my chin up out of my hands.

"Tim wrote it for you."

I blinked slowly,"f-for me?"

"Do you remember that afternoon we were all there at the pool after we had to go do that radio session? Tim brought his guitar down while you were all in the water?"

I nodded, biting my lip as my eyes blurred again.

"He said his fingers just played it as he watched you swimming and laughing. Its called Winter Comes When the King Dreams of Snow."

I didn't know what that meant, but part of my fractured heart mended at the gesture, "Henrik. He...he has...a- a wife," I snarled the last word again, then took a breath in through my nose and exhaled through my mouth, "how did this happen? What am I supposed to do?"

I collapsed forward into him, needing to just be touched and shushed and reassured.

He held me close, whispering quietly to me until he pulled back and pressed a hand over mine in my lap, still kneeling before me, "you just take each second one at a time. And you remember that its okay to be angry and hurt right now."

I sighed and we stood together, "yeah. This has been...a lot..."

His forehead pressed down against my own before he led me back out into the shop and disposed of the soaked paper towels.

"See? No harm done," he smiled at me.

"Yeah, except for my pride and my inventory," I muttered and they both laughed. I couldn't help but chuckle with them as I shook my head and crossed to Tim, still seated on his stool, and pressed a hand to his face.

A tiny smile turned one corner of my lips up as I pressed a kiss to his, and his hands gently touched my cheeks.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?"

"You know what," I kissed him again and he smiled into my lips, understanding as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to stand between his legs then resting his head against my breast and murmuring something I didn't catch.

"What did you say?"

He pulled back to look at me, his heart wrenching at my reddened eyes, the tear tracks down my cheeks, "do you still have the picture?"

I huffed a little laugh as I nodded, and his entire face lit up.

"You do?"

I tilted his head up again, letting my lips linger for another moment, "of course I do. It was my goodbye present, remember?"

His hands tightened around my waist at the memory of what I'd given him, and we stared at each other, standing that way for several more moments until I hummed and kissed the top of his head before pulling away and looking back and forth between them.

"Okay, ready to go?"

They gathered up their coats as I placed our glasses in the sink and shut off the remainder of the lights. In the sudden dark, their eyes seemed to illuminate on me, and I felt my core clench slightly.

It made me feel powerful.

_You are powerful, don't forget what you are_, my subconscious reminded me.

'Who', I corrected before shaking her off and turning to them with my best smile, "Time to go home, boys," I said and they both took a step towards me.

"Shotgun," Tim immediately responded with a broad grin that made us all laugh again.

I climbed into the seat behind the wheel of my Jeep and immediately felt calmer. This was my place. I'd spent hours driving back and forth across the state, trying to clear my head when I moved here.

"Do you mind if we open the windows a little? Will you be too cold?" I asked them both, looking to Tim then up to Henrik in the rear view.

He cocked an eyebrow at me in the mirror, "we're Swedes, sweetheart, I don't think you and us even have the same definition of cold," he smirked.

I snorted at that remark as I pressed the buttons for the windows and the moon roof and cranked the stereo. The cool night air gave me a quiet calm, and driving home was comforting. It was routine. The same route to and from work. Day in and day out.

But something was stirring in me. I could feel the energy in the car from the two men with me. The fire behind the urge to save their friend from this mistake.

But there was something else.


	26. Chapter 26

When I pulled into the street spot out front they both looked up at the building to our right quietly while I killed the engine and shut off the lights, the mechanical whirring of the moonroof automatically closing breaking the silence.

"You live here?" Tim asked quietly.

"Salary, baby," I smirked at him, unbuckling my seat belt and hopping out.

We entered the elevator and I pressed the button for the 8th floor, almost painfully aware of their heated presence right behind me, and wondering what I'd gotten myself into by bringing them home with me.

\--

They hung their coats on the rack behind my front door when we got inside, and I flipped the lights on, a small part of my brain momentarily wanting to leave them off and find out what would happen in the dark, but I gave my inner monologue a good talking to and we decided to meet in the middle. I plugged in my string of fairy lights and turned off the ones overhead so we were bathed in a soft glow.

"The spare room is there," I said, motioning, "I'll make up the bed in a second, and everything else is pretty much self explanatory -- bathroom, kitchen, my room," I pointed to each, "please feel free to make yourselves at home."

"Alexa?" I asked, once again hearing her answering chime, "play Raising Sand album, please".

I thanked her and hummed along as I set my work bag down near my desk and put my sample bottles into my wine cabinet. I pulled out my notebook and started jotting down what I'd tasted with who that day, and a few quick thoughts on each. Following this simple routine seemed imperative to me surviving the rest of the evening.

"Only you would ask an electronic system something and say 'please and thank you' at the end," laughed Tim, and I shot him a smile over my shoulder.

"Do you guys want something to drink?" I asked, "water, tea, wine? I don't have a lot of food, but you're welcome to anything here - it should all be stuff you can eat."

I had to admit that it made me unbelievably happy to have them in my home; it added a vibrancy and warmth that I didn't get often, living alone, though admittedly, I'd gotten used to the silence and solitude.

"Where are your glasses? I'll throw something together while you get changed."

"Top cabinet to the right of the sink, lets use the fancy ones since I never have company," I called to Henrik as I ducked into my bedroom, unbuttoning my blouse and tossing it into my hamper.

He peaked his head around the corner and immediately apologized and looked down at the floor, "sorry! Do you have a preference red or white?" he asked, still looking at the floor.

"Oh Henrik, you don't get to kiss me like that and then go all shy when I take you home with me," I teased, walking over to where he was with a shirt in my hand. He looked cautiously up from the floor at me, standing in front of him in shorts and a bra.

"See? Not so scary," I laughed.

He didn't respond, but his breath seemed to come fractionally quicker, and I pulled the tanktop on over my head and adjusted the material before leaning up to kiss him quickly on the cheek.

"Lets stick with white," I said, taking his hand and pulling him back into the kitchen with me.

I tried not think about Johannes, or the sad news that they had brought, not wanting to waste the limited time I had with them being a mope. There would be plenty of time after their departure to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my misery alone.

\--

Several hours later, I was curled up into the corner of the couch, comfortably tipsy and we were all chatting idly, about nothing really. They asked questions about my job and filled me in on the details of what they had done back in Sweden since the last time I saw them.

I felt a deep sense of contentment settle in me at having them near again, and hearing them laugh and make jabs at each other made me feel like no time at all had passed.

An electronic chiming interrupted us, "that's me, I think."

Tim wandered over to my bookshelf, idly scanning titles and sipping his wine as Henrik rose to go answer his ringing phone, then disappeared into the spare room speaking rapidly in Swedish. I watched Tim select a book and open to a random page, flipping to another after a few moments. His forehead furrowed, and I patiently awaited the question that I knew was coming.

"Can you read this?" he looked over at me.

I nodded and he raised his eyebrows at me, "its still something we know every lifetime without being taught, but my translations kind of slow these days."

He looked back down at the open page at the columns of hieroglyphs, "they don't really make any sense to me. I'm not sure I even know what direction to read in."

I smiled at him, rising to select another bottle of wine from my temperature-controlled cabinet next to him, "you start wherever the faces point. See the kneeling figures and the birds? They all face the beginning of the text. That whole books a collection of creation stories and stuff," I waved my hand, ducking down to read a label on a bottle I selected.

When he didn't respond, I turned and he looked like he might hit the deck if I said "boo". I stood and advanced a step, "shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just overwhelm you, sometimes I forget that its not normal. I-I don't want you to be afraid of me, Tim..."

My hands fell to my sides and he shook his head and put the book back on the shelf before crossing to me and running a warm hand over my cheek, curling my hair behind my ear.

I shuddered under his touch and he knew exactly why.

"I am so not afraid of you," he whispered, kissing my forehead, and I shuddered again.

In the next moment Henrik emerged from the spare room with a giant grin on his face as he held his phone up to me, and I shrieked with surprise and delight when Jonas and John appeared on Facetime together beaming at the camera and I snatched the phone from his hand.

"Hi gorgeous!" Jonas laughed, seeing my expression light up, and John waved from behind him, always the slightly more shy one, "listen, I just talked to Henrik and he sort of...ah...filled us in. And I know you're still unsure, so I don't want to pressure you. But I do want to apologize for Johannes' behavior. He's been a royal asshole to everyone, but you especially never deserved any of this."

I gave him a sad smile and looked away. I didn't want to talk about Johannes anymore.

"Thank you, that's...nice of you. I appreciate it."

"We're gonna swing by and pick up those two in the morning and go check out the city before sound check, but...can we see you? Just for a minute?" John sounded hopeful and I nodded my head as he breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Yeah, I would like that a lot," I smiled back, "gods its so good to see you both!"

John blew me a kiss from behind Jonas' head as we said goodbye and I handed the phone back to Henrik, who disappeared once more, switching back to Swedish.

I sat down and leaned back against Tim, who was sitting angled into the corner of my couch. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me against him as we enjoyed the blessed silence for a few minutes and I idly twirled the ends of his hair around my fingers as he looked down, watching me with a soft contented smile.

"It feels so good to have you here again," he said quietly, pressing a kiss to my temple and squeezing me a little tighter.

I smiled in response, but sat up with a groan when I felt a dull headache start to throb behind my eyes several minutes later. I rolled my shoulders that ached from the stress carried in them throughout in the day.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, my head hurts. Just stress I think."

Tim pulled me back down against him as his fingers started to press gently against my aching muscles before moving up to rub my temples.

"Mmm, that's helping, thank you," I murmured.

Henrik stuck his head around the doorway and saw my eyes closed as Tim tried to soothe my headache. He disappeared into the bathroom and I heard the water running, and ten minutes later he emerged. I'd assumed he had decided to shower, but a puzzled look crossed my face when I looked up and he was still clothed and dry.

"Baths run," he smiled at me, and held a hand up to stop my protest.

"What? You didn't have to..."

The hand that silenced my response reached out to pull me up from the couch and his fingertips moved to my shoulders and in towards my neck, pressing lightly along the muscles but making me inhale sharply at the tension.

"Just trust me," he smiled, stepping towards the doorway to the bathroom, and I smiled back at him, feeling my heart beat tenderly for this man who was so kind to me beyond necessity.

Truly too good for this world.

In the safety and security of my own home, I suddenly felt a silly urge and gave in, swirling my hand, making a delicate pink flower appear in mid air, floating it until it tucked into his curls behind his ear just like I had at the beach.

"Thank you, Henrik," I said, trying to stifle my laughter as he blushed like the bobble-head hula girl he suddenly resembled and his eyes went wide.

"Christ, I'll never get used to that..."

Tim was howling with laughter, leaning back into the couch cushions and I turned to look at him, laughing and raising an eyebrow in his direction, making tiny white flowers appear at each end of his mustache.

He startled, batting them away and Henrik wrapped his hands around my waist from behind, pulling me towards the bathroom, shaking with his own laughter.

"Very funny," he whispered low in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine, "whatever will we do with you..."

When I turned the flower was gone and he was beaming down at me; I pressed a hand to his cheek and leaned up to kiss him softly. His lips pressed back against mine and I felt them curve into an unmistakable smile.

"Well, first, you can let me get undressed and get in the bath."

"That sounds like a good start," he laughed as he backed out the door with a wink and shut me in the bathroom.

I dropped my clothes into the hamper and brushed my fingers through the bubbles before stepping up into the claw-foot tub. The bathtub in my apartment was big and luxurious with a high enough back that I could rest my head without hurting my neck. I'd signed the paperwork right there with the realtor when I saw it the first time.

My movement down into the water made the fragrant steam drift up around my face and I bit my lip to keep from dissolving into exhausted, emotional tears. Henrik had put some combination of oils and salts in the water that made me feel like the bad energy was being sucked out of me, and I sighed and closed my eyes as I let my mind wander.

Johannes. Henrik. Tim. Jonas. John. May. They were all there in my head.

I found myself drifting from one to the other, weaving those lovely yellow flowers that Henrik liked and floating them in the bubbles, or tossing the up into the sink.

A few minutes later, a soft knock at the door pulled me from my reveries.

"Come in," I responded, sinking a little lower into the water.

Both men appeared as they opened the door a crack then more fully and entered, and I looked down to double check that I was shielded by bubbles before beamed at them, visibly relaxed.

"Hows the water?" Henrik asked softly, drinking in my blissful look with that soft smile that was so fitting for him.

"Its perfect, thank you. What did you put in here? Its working some kind of black magic on me."

He laughed but didn't tell me as Tim advanced and pressed a glass of sparkling wine into my hand.

"I found this in the fridge."

"Thank you! Its leftover but still really good if you want to try it. Please, I told you guys my home is your home - you're welcome to anything you can find. Plus, I hide all the really good shit," I toasted him briefly with a wink before taking a sip and leaning back into the water, loving the sound of his laugh.

I handed the glass to him so we could share as Henrik settled behind my head and I felt his fingers gathering my hair up over the back rim of the tub, starting to brush through my curls as Tim and I chatted.

He pressed a little kiss to the top of my head and I leaned to the side so I could look at him.

"I'm glad you remember what the flowers look like," he smiled softly, and I could tell that it genuinely did make him happy that I'd remembered something he loved. He motioned for me to turn back around and stopped combing through my hair briefly as I heard the clink of glass and he pulled a vial from the basket sitting beside one of the clawed feet.

I smelled rose oil as his fingers resumed their work, and he massaged the fragrant oil into my scalp as he finger-combed my hair more and I couldn't help but close my eyes and sigh in pleasure at the sensation as my fingers drifted mindlessly through the bubbles and I sipped my wine before handing it back to Tim so he could finish it.

"Where on earth did you learn to do all this? Do you run a spa I don't know about?" I said, vaguely gesturing with one hand, and I could hear him chuckle as he plaited my hair into one long braid and wound his hairband around the end.

"Growing up with sisters is a wonderful thing...well, sometimes," I could hear the smile in his voice, "speaking of, how is May doing? Is she back in France? I have to admit, I kind of expected her to be sitting in your living room when we got here," he laughed.

I froze, feeling suddenly like the pit of my stomach had dropped out, and I pulled out of his grasp and cleared my throat, trying to shake if off before they noticed something was wrong.

"I-I think I'm ready to get out, if you'll give me a second to get dressed."

But Tim's eyes had seen my face crumble for a moment before I pulled away from Henrik, who frowned in response.

"Triste? What did I say?"

"Ah, ahem. Nothing. It--"

_Oh, May. My poor girl. _

"You're lying," Tim pushed himself off the sink and knelt down next to the tub as he set our wine glass down on the ledge beside it, and I subsequently wrapped my arms around my knees, clutching them to my chest as I felt for the second time in one day like my heart was going to fail me.

He gently gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced me to look at him, "don't lie to us, Triste. Remember when I said earlier that you were a terrible liar when I met you? Its because everything you think immediately shows on your face. So just don't."

He was clearly becoming frustrated with me now, and I whispered an apology as Henrik moved around the side of the tub and knelt next to Tim.

"I'm sorry, I...I...it hits me sideways sometimes. It wasn't anything you did."

They both looked at me, clearly not understanding and I sighed and looked down at the bubbles which were starting to dissipate.

"M-May died a couple months ago...it's part of why I moved here. Part of why I was running from...well from everything I guess," I willed myself not to cry, but a single tear escaped and slipped down my cheek as I took a shaky breath and stared down into the bubbles.

It felt like the air got sucked out of the room and when I looked up they were both staring at me with pained expressions.

"What happened?"

"It was apparently random. A guy with a knife in Reims is kind of all her family were told. She went back to take care of her mom when she got sick, and she was out one night going to _l'epicerie_ and...he just...it was random. Dragged her into an alley and she bled out on the ground there before anyone found her. Ironically, the healing thing doesn't work on herself, never has... The French police called it a robbery gone wrong, but...she was like me. And she--if she'd known he was trying to take her purse or her jewelry or something, she would have stopped him easily, so, I don't think it was a robbery. But that doesn't do much good now..."

"Oh, Triste..." Henrik seemed nearly as upset as me, but it was Tim who got angry.

"That's what you meant earlier when you were saying that when you needed Johannes the most, he wasn't there. He wasn't fucking there. _None of us were_..." he was visibly shaking with rage at the idea that his friend had abandoned me through a trauma like that, and that in some way, Tim not knowing and not being able to be with me was his fault too.

I nodded my head, eyes drifting back down into the bath as Henrik put a calming hand on Tim's arm.

"Does Jonas know?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know that they kept up with each other either, though I think that was on purpose. And unless Johannes saw it on the news, which seems unlikely, there would be no way he'd know either. A-and even if he had, its not like he could come since he's mar--..." I trailed off, unsure why I was suddenly trying to make something I had desperately needed at the time not matter now.

They both threw themselves against me in the next second, disregarding the fact that their shirts were getting soaked or that I was naked. Henrik grasped the back of my head, clutching the braid he had so lovingly woven into my hair, splashing water and flowers out of the tub.

"Oh love, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine..." he didn't say anymore, and the three of us just held each other as I felt my heart being torn by the memories.

After a few moments, they let go of me and I realized the bubbles had more or less gone.

I reflexively pulled my legs up tighter and hid what I could of my body from view, and they both noticed and moved to get up and go before I got uncomfortable.

"Wait," I insisted, suddenly not wanting them to be away from me.

They stopped and turned back, each kneeling next to the tub again, willing themselves to not look down at my body being revealed under the water.

I shifted and sat up, kneeling against the side of the tub, suddenly not caring that my breasts were exposed. I'd lived through all the ages of women hiding their bodies at a man's order, and I realized with these two, there was no pressure or judgment.

I reached up and gripped Henrik's face between my palms, making the lights flare up as the intensity of my eyes trapped his gaze.

"Henrik. My sweet Henrik," the sound of my voice changed and was soft like the wind as my inner nature inched closer to the surface.

"I'm here, darling," he whispered, closing his eyes and turning his face into one of my hands as his breath left his body.

"I've lived dozens of lives Henrik. You know this... And of all the masses of people I've met, you have one of the kindest hearts. You're good and you're selfless and its all without a second thought, and that is an impossibly valuable thing. Don't lose that."

I pressed my lips to his and the water from my hands dripped down his face, running in lines down the length of his throat as he moved into my kiss, his hands spreading over my bare back, desperate to bring me closer to him, and he gasped into my lips when my wave of energy passed through him.

I pulled away and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, sealing him under my protection, unable to stop the breathy little laugh that left my lips as I felt like I was wrapping him up with a neat little bow.

He didn't speak, but stared at me with wide eyes as he sat back on his heels.

I looked at Tim then.

His eyes momentarily dropped to my breasts and watched the water move in small rivulets down my skin as I broke out in goosebumps under his stare.

I could see his pulse racing at his throat as he tried not to stop breathing.

"Tim. Come here."

Henrik moved out of the way as the other man took his place, his eyes now firmly meeting mine.

"Tim," I whispered, placing my hands on his face as I had on Henrik's, my thumbs gently brushing along his jaw, "you're a good man, Tim. You're kind, and thoughtful, and your impulse is to fight for others and give them your protection..."

I pulled him in so my lips brushed his, and felt them open to me, though I didn't lean in any further yet.

"And now you're under mine," I whispered, and as he tried to pull back to look at me, not understanding what I meant, I pulled his lips against mine and refused to let go as I pushed a wave of energy through him also.

He threw his arms around me, fingertips pressing into my skin, crushing my breasts painfully against his chest as my fingers moved to tangle through his hair. The soft cotton of his zip-up was warm from his body heat and I melted into his embrace as my lips opened to him, feeling my core clenching at his insistent kiss as he moaned heavily into my mouth and drew my tongue in against his.

When I pulled back, his eyes were dark with lust and he pressed his fingers more firmly into me, not wanting me to leave his embrace yet, but I sat back on my heels and pressed my palms to my thighs under the water.

I gathered myself into my center and whispered something they couldn't quite understand, unsure whether it was because of the lowness of my voice or the language that I spoke.

One hand absently rubbed my lips as I watched a flower bob along the surface of the water.

"Just trust me," I smiled softly up at them, "let me get dressed and I'll do my best to answer your questions then, okay?"

They stood, and Henrik draped a towel over the sink within my reach before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead and following Tim out the door.

I slumped back into the tub for a moment, running a hand back over my hair and scooping up a scentless bloom.

Now at least if something bad happened to them in the way that it apparently had to Johannes, I would feel it.

Johannes...

My heart beat heavily for him as I stood and let the water drip off of my body before stepping out on the soft bathmat, kicking myself for not performing the same ritual on him before we parted.

I emerged from the bathroom feeling refreshed and calm and ducked into my bedroom to change into pair of cotton shorts and a fresh tanktop.

Henrik was shedding his dampened shirt when I moved back to the doorway and I stood in the darkness and watched as his back was to me and he pulled the garment over his head before draping it over the door to the bathroom to dry. I realized that I was biting my lip and clenching my hands at my sides as he reached back to pull his hair through the tie that was usually around his wrist.

He held his hair with one hand and then the other as he searched his wrists for the band that was now securing the end of my braid, and the muscles of his back flexed and moved under his skin as he switched hands again and reached back with the opposite to touch his wrist.

"Where did I..."

I stepped silently behind him and ran a hand down his back. When I felt the natural heat of his skin under my fingertips, a surge of arousal coursed through me that made me clamp my lips shut.

He took a sharp breath under my hand, and I could feel his lungs expand against his back, which was suddenly covered in goosebumps, before he turned to me. I tried to keep the want from my eyes, but instead found myself biting my bottom lip again as I looked up to him and held up an extra hairtie.

"Spin," I instructed, trying to buy myself time to calm down as he smiled and reached for the elastic band and I held it back.

"Hmm, I forgot you liked this," he hummed and turned his back to me again so I could finger comb his hair softly, listening to him sigh under my attentions.

I imagined his eyes closing in soft pleasure, which didn't help the sudden wetness between my legs at having him under my hands again.

_Get a fucking grip, Triste._

There was something sensual about running my hands through his curls, and I finally gathered them at the nape of his neck and twisted the tie around his ponytail, giving it a playful tug, and before I could stop myself, I pressed my hands against the back of his ribs and smoothed them around his body, under his arms, following the lines of his bones. They settled just below his chest and I gently spread my fingers along his skin, enjoying the softness and warmth that seemed to radiate from him.

I pressed my forehead between his shoulder blades and his head dipped back when I breathed softly against his skin down his back, then pressed my lips to the same spot my forehead had been.

He turned and wrapped his arms around me as I apologized.

"Sorry," I whispered, laying my head against his chest, but I kind of wasn't.

I could feel him suddenly shaking with laughter and I pulled back in surprise, but he wouldn't let go of me. He simply laid his cheek down against my hair and whispered back, "its fine little one...but if you do it again, you're going to get yourself into trouble because I don't think I can hold back from your lips on my skin twice."

I gasped and squeezed my eyes shut as I felt myself clench and he pressed a soft kiss to my hair, still grinning.

I glanced at Tim, who was already fast asleep in the armchair, and I couldn't help but smile - his face looked so peaceful in his sleep, with Babyboy curled up in his lap, and his brother sleeping just above Tim's head on the back of the chair.

Henrik pulled me over to the couch and leaned into the corner of the sectional, moving his legs to one side, and I stood and observed his shirtless form for only a moment before I sat crosslegged facing him and folded my hands in my lap.

I stifled a yawn as best I could, and he smiled tenderly at me, curling a stray lock of hair behind my ear. When I looked down sleepily at him with a soft curve at the corners of my lips, he leaned in to press a kiss to them, unable to help himself.

Even in my exhausted state, I had a hard time not pushing my luck when his lips brushed mine, and I sighed softly into the warmth of his entire being.

"Hmm. No questions tonight, you should get some sleep, little one..."

"Mmhm. I want to make sure you're both settled first," I mumbled with my eyes closed, nearly falling asleep sitting where I was.

_What was in that bath? _

"Just give me a minute and I'll make up the bed in the spare room. Tim will hurt his neck if he sleeps in that chair. Or he can sleep here and we can, I mean you can sleep in the guest room. Sorry. Sleepy."

Henrik hummed softly, stifling a laugh at my drowsy state, and pulled me forward into his arms facing him so I could lay across his chest. I willingly collapsed sideways into him, secretly grateful that I didn't need to go through the tedious process of making up a bed right now, and my arm curled around his torso.

"Tim is fine where he is. And I think you should stay right here with me tonight, sleepy girl," he whispered in a voice that made me melt.

"Do you want a blanket?"

"Uh-uh. You're warm enough," I said with a contented sigh, "and you smell good," I turned my face and pressed a chaste kiss to his skin, just to the right of his sternum, before laying my head back down again and closing my eyes. "I always knew you'd be soft and warm, even before I met you..."

Henrik cradled me to him with one arm and stroked my hair with the other hand, lulling me to sleep as he looked adoringly down at me.

I was out in less than a minute, my breath soft and even across his skin, and he couldn't help but wrap both arms securely around me as he drifted off after pressing one more kiss to my hair.

"Sweet dreams, beautiful," he whispered, resting his head against the back of the sofa as he drifted off, one hand still resting in my hair.

"Better not be talking to me," Tim mumbled from the armchair.


	27. Chapter 27

Several hours later I awoke with a start again, as I had the previous morning, and it took me a moment to realize where I was, and whose arms were wrapped around me.

On the other side of town, Johannes bolted upright in bed too.

"_TRISTE_!!" he yelled, "wh--...Triste?"

A long-nailed hand settled on his bare chest and pulled him back down into bed, and he fell into a troubled sleep.

I couldn't go back to sleep however, and after laying as long as I could against Henrik's sleeping form listening to his breathing and the rhythm of his heartbeat, I gently pulled away from him and stood. The smile that curved my lips lingered as I tucked a pillow under Henrik's head and draped a blanket across him.

I crossed to Tim and did the same, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead and loving that we were in the same place again. In some ways he'd been the hardest to part with. As much as Johannes and I fell for each other, I just connected with Tim in a different way. Not better, just different.

The way his face relaxed in his sleep pulled at something tender inside me and I gently touched his hair, brushing it out of his face. He was the youngest by only a few years, but he carried so much worry for someone his age, even as he tried to play if off like he didn't.

Tim took a deep breath like he was going to wake up, but his head settled to the side against the pillow I tucked there and he was immediately back into his dreams.

I walked to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea and stood at the window, letting my mind wander as I stared down at the street. My clock said it wasn't far past 3 AM, and there wasn't much traffic, but the red tail lights and the scratch of the tires over the pavement every so often lulled me into an almost hypnotic state.

I tried to remember my dream, but Johannes' face was the only thing I could recall.

Why was he screaming? _What _was screaming?

I pressed my forehead to the cool glass, and the longer I stood there the more lost I felt.

Why wouldn't he just call?

What if he was in trouble?

But how often do people meet trouble and then marry it? Johannes was a lot of things, but he wasn't impulsive with big decisions.

"Oh my love, what have you done," I whispered to the darkness as the first tear slid down my cheek. I set my mug down and wrapped my arms around myself like a shield, shivering in the draft.

Henrik woke up and looked down with a smile that quickly faltered when he realized I wasn't sleeping happily curled against his chest anymore, and he looked around and saw me standing motionless by the window, staring into the empty space.

I was so torn - what if Johannes _was_ in trouble? What if he was threatened or somehow blackmailed into it? Or maybe he was punishing himself for something? But what...

Maybe I could help. Maybe Henrik was right and seeing me would snap him out of this fog he was in.

But maybe not.

The cynical part of my brain reminded me that he'd had time to reach out, to find me, that he was really only without a phone for a couple of days, and the very real probability existed that he would see me and still go home to her.

No, not _to_ her. With her. Because he'd brought her with him. 

Another tear dropped down my cheek and a slow terror crept through my veins as I pressed a hand against my mouth to stop a sob from escaping.

_He's never coming back to me._

"Triste?"

I jumped and turned at the sound of his voice though it was barely above a whisper, and his hands went immediately to my shoulders to calm me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, its okay, its just me."

I looked down, trying to collect myself and not wanting to meet his gaze again with tears in my eyes.

"S'okay," I mumbled.

"Are you crying?" he tipped my chin up to look at him, "whats wrong?"

"No, nothing, you just startled me is all," I sniffled.

He pursed his lips and didn't say anything, knowing that I was aware he knew I was lying. I stared at the floor trying to get a grip, but it really only seemed to make the opposite happen.

"Henrik, he's gone," I gasped, feeling like I was circling the drain and I'd never come back, "I don't understand."

"Shh, shh, oh its okay, baby," he pulled me against him and cupped the back of my head with one hand, the other running up and down my back. I shivered against the warmth of his skin and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my hands against his back.

"What am I supposed to do?" I sighed, still trying to collect myself and my thoughts, "what if I do see him, and he doesn't want me and my heart breaks all over again? Or, or what if he _does_ want me? I'm not a homewrecker, a-and he made a promise, even if--"

"Hey," he tipped my chin up, "no one thinks you're a homewrecker. And I...just...this woman is _so_ bad for him, Triste... she's not--she's not you," he finally sighed, and I laid my cheek against his chest again as his arms pulled me harder to him, his frustration with the entire situation palpable.

"Fuck. I'll never forgive him for doing this. Not to you. He should never have let you go in the first place, damn him..."

I looked up at him as my tears finally stopped and there was a moment where our eyes locked and something clicked into place. The last cog, and the wheels started to turn. My pulse began to race, and I could feel him taking shorter, shallower breaths as his heart rate skyrocketed too.

"Henrik," I whispered, and he sharply inhaled at the sound of his name falling from my lips.

_Henrik...love me. _  
_Need me. _  
_Want me right now like I want you... _

I turned my face and pressed a gentle, open-mouthed kiss to his skin, barely grazing it with my tongue and he broke out in sharp goosebumps and sighed softly as I continued my attentions across his chest. My tongue swirled around his nipple lightly, drawing a slightly louder moan from his lips that made me crazy, and I could feel him getting hard against my hips, and finally looked up to meet his gaze.

"Henrik..." I breathed, differently than I had before as I looked back and forth between his eyes, so full of want and unspoken desire. His hand brushed my cheek softly and worked slowly down my neck, stopping at the swells of my breasts as he touched each one, his fingers barely grazing my skin. My eyes reflexively closed and I sighed at his gentle caress.

"I'm here," he whispered in a voice so low and thick with lust that it seemed to rasp through his chest more than leave his lips. He leaned down to kiss me and I didn't hold back, eagerly meeting his lips. I tangled my fingers in his hair and pressed hard against him as our tongues danced together and his hands returned to my waist, gripping me tightly.

When he pulled back, his eyes were dilated and the look on his face made me clench hard as he bit his lip and looked down at what parts of my body he could see, drinking me in.

"Trouble..." he growled, more to himself than to me and grabbed the backs of both my legs, lifting me off the floor. I gasped as I took his mouth again and wrapped both legs around his waist when he turned to walk us into my bedroom.

My feet touched the cool hardwood of the floor as Henrik set me down, not letting his lips leave mine as he closed the door behind us. His hands were warm against my waist, pushing my shirt up so he could touch my bare skin as his tongue stroked mine and he pressed further into me. I leaned up and chased his kiss with a soft moan when he finally pulled back and our gazes locked together as I felt his cock twitch against me and I bit my lip, settling back on my feet.

"I've wanted this since the moment you looked at me, Triste," he whispered after a pause. I smiled softly and touched his hair, cascading in dark ringlets down his shoulders and over his chest, and I let my fingers brush across the expanse of his bared skin, reveling in the way his eyes closed and he relaxed into my touch.

My Henrik.  
Kind, caring, thoughtful.  
Exactly what I wanted.  
Utterly what I needed.

He pressed his hands flat against my skin, and used the movement of caressing them along my torso to push my shirt up until his thumbs were skimming the bottoms of my breasts as his hands followed the lines of my ribcage around my back.

His gaze was dark and I felt drawn in, like he had a gravitational pull.

"Don't stop touching me, Henrik," I sighed, needing more as I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hummed into my lips as his tongue passed them and he got harder still.

"Touching you like this?" I could hear the tease in his voice as his mouth split into a crooked smirk against mine and his thumbs traced the curves of my breasts up to my nipples, pressing the pads across them and drawing a hiss of pleasure from me.

"Ohh..."

His tongue was insistent against mine as he continued to caress me and work my shirt up to my shoulders until I broke away from him so he could lift it over my head and up off my arms.

He caught his breath at the sight of me standing half naked, simply wanting him. Those eyes, like endless pools of rain, stared down at me, roaming over my body, following the path of his hands until they settled at my hips. My cotton shorts dropped down my legs, and he looked me in the eyes when he slipped his thumbs under the band of my panties, waiting for me to tell him no if I didn't want to go further.

When I leaned up into his kiss again, my fingers gently pressed against his hands, guiding him until they pushed the thin material down and they fell to the floor too. I stepped out of both and he stood back and looked me up and down.

My breath seemed trapped in my chest when I caught his gaze and there were tears in his eyes.

"Triste...good god. I can't...I can't even express the way that I want you right now," he whispered, the words almost choked.

I opened my mouth to respond, but he pressed a finger over my lips.

"I've wanted you...been attracted to you...I think needed you, since the moment I saw you...”

My pulse jumped as I exhaled sharply, and a slow smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as his hands roamed over my naked waist, taking in the softness of my skin and the way it broke out into goosebumps under his touch.

"Do you remember, Triste? That moment when we met for the first time? The sun was setting and the ocean and sky behind you were endless and so colorful, and it was like..." he paused, uncertain about finishing his thought.

"Like what," I asked softly, leaning up to kiss him. His lips pressed harder against mine, drawing me to him and savoring the fact that he could kiss me the way he wanted to now...he took his time doing so.

"It was like you were this beautiful force of nature that the sun had to compete with."

"Oh Henrik," I sighed, as my heart jumped again and he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me closer.

I didn't know what to do but lean up and kiss him again, and I deepened it, tasting him and pressing my breasts to his bare chest as I moaned into his mouth and he returned my kiss passionately. He was impossibly close to me as we devoured each other, one arm hooked around my waist, holding me to him, the other grabbing against my skin, wanting to touch me everywhere at once.

He pulled back again after several moments, leaving my mouth with a deep groan and meeting my gaze, "I was drawn to your beauty, Triste..." he started to move around my body, trailing one hand along my torso gently, exploring me, "your laugh..." I moaned quietly and dipped my head back against his shoulder as he moved behind me and drifted his fingers across my nipples. His mouth moved to my neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses up and down the line of it and sucking little marks into my skin as I leaned my head to the side.

"The way your hair fell around your shoulders in just the right way..." He pulled the tie from my braid and unraveled it roughly until my hair hung in waves that dropped down my back. A feral growl vibrated against me. I felt the material of his jeans brush against the backs of my thighs as they dropped to the floor.

He stepped back around the front of my body and his erection pressed against me, rock hard, and I couldn't help but lean in, impressed by the size of him.

"Your charm...Your charisma...Your power, Triste..." as he groaned the words, he reached down between us and cupped me, one finger sliding through my folds, feeling how wet I was for him, and I gasped as my muscles tightened and pressed my head forward into his shoulder as he dropped his lips to my ear.

"Ohh, you're so wet for me, baby," he whispered, fisting his opposite hand into my hair as his middle finger slid repeatedly over my entrance, but never moved up to my clit. My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to focus through my gasping breaths, but the movement of his finger was so distracting.

Henrik pulled his hand from my pussy as the other moved from my hair down to my waist, sensing in my response and the way that I gasped that something wasn't quite right. One knuckle gently tipped my chin up to look at him.

"_Karlek_?"

_This is it. _  
_Here goes nothing, or everything. _

When I looked up at him through my lashes, my gaze was a brilliant, glowing green, and his breath caught as I watched him take pause for a moment, unsure what to do.

My heart dropped. I knew Henrik had seen this once before, when I'd showed him what I was, but mortals always had trouble accepting the unexplainable, no matter how many times they encountered it.

Trouble accepting things like me...

"Shit, I'm so sorry," I pulled from his grasp and moved to get my clothes, looking at the floor and fighting to get myself under control.

I suddenly found my back slammed hard against the wall and his face was an inch from mine as he pinned both my arms above my head.

"_Don't_," he said lowly, pausing for a moment, "not with me..."

"I-I'm trying, I'm sorry," I apologized again, looking away from his piercing stare. He shook his head and sighed for moment before slamming his mouth down to mine and forcing his tongue between my lips. His hips pinned me to the wall as much as his hands did, and I realized with a sharp cry that I had completely misunderstood.

"I mean," he kissed me passionately again, "don't. fight. your nature. I want _you,_" he punctuated his words with sharp bites down my neck and across my breasts that had me gasping and writhing under his touch. He raised his head, and was only a hair's breadth from me when his tongue traced the curve of my bottom lip and I opened them to him with a soft exhale, wanting to taste his kiss again.

"You can let go with me, Triste. I love you as you are m--" I stole his words with a searing kiss, moaning for more when he pulled back again, "I love you as you are, my priestess..." he whispered.

The fire coursing through my veins had me feeling like I was about to drop into sensory overload from just his foreplay, but then he dipped his hand and started sliding it overme, pressing his cock against my hip as his fingers explored me and I started to worry that I might actually spontaneously combust.

_Gods, I may not actually survive this... _

"Henrik, please," I sighed when he pulled his tongue from my mouth and nipped at my bottom lip again.

"I should have fucking done this months ago," he growled as he started to trail kisses down my body, worrying each of my nipples between his teeth until I arched off the wall and into his mouth. I could feel his breath hot across my flushed skin when he dropped down and laughed darkly against my squirming hips, administering quick sharp bites to each before looking up at me, his electric blue irises meeting my green ones.

My eyes roamed down over his form, doing my best to take a mental picture for later.

"Do you like me on my knees in front of you, _älskling_,” he smirked as he tied his hair back out of the way.

"I like you better on your knees in front of me with your hair down," I said, cocking an eyebrow and pulling the tie from his hair with a little more roughness than necessary, making him gasp and then grin up at me.

He parted my lips with one finger, sliding it through my folds and barely pressing inside me before hooking it back towards him, never dropping my gaze. It was only the slightest amount of stimulation, but he was somehow giving me everything I needed as he put his finger to his lips and licked me off of it.

"Oh, fuck you taste good...”

My breathing turned into a gasp at his words. I’d never expected this from Henrik, but now I felt like I couldn’t get enough. I tangled one hand into his hair and braced myself against the wall with the other.

His cock was rock hard and leaking, but he seemed too absorbed in what he was doing to take notice as he pressed his finger into me again, inserting it farther and tearing a cry from my lips. When he pulled it from me, Henrik traced intricate patterns across one of my hips with his fingertip before following with his tongue, licking my essence off of my skin.

“Please...” the word was barely a breath leaving my lips, and I was so turned on, I was surprised I wasn't dripping down my own legs, the anticipation of what his mouth was going to feel like was killing me after the way he'd kissed me.

His hand lifted one of my legs up over his shoulder and Henrik leaned into me, pressing his mouth to my pussy with a soft cry. I choked down my scream into a sharp gasp and used my grip on his hair to push him harder into my core. His tongue was slick and hot and I again found myself surprised at how skilled he was with it as I bucked my hips into his face.

"Triste," he moaned into me, the sound muffled slightly. His mouth caressed me and covered me, alternating between licking and sucking, and I felt a surge of wetness when I realized he was using his mouth on my pussy the way he'd used it on my lips. As if he could hear my thoughts, he looked up at me and grinned before pressing the soft kiss of a lover to my clit and then resuming.

We hit a steady rhythm as he ran his tongue through my folds before sucking my clit and then moving back down. I was getting lost in my ecstasy when two warm hands wrapped around my hips and grabbed my ass, lifting me off the wall and pressing me harder into his mouth until I was smothering him and we couldn't possibly be any closer. He pushed his tongue inside me and I screamed as I clenched hard, one small part of my brain reminding me that there was in fact another sleeping person in the other room, forcing me to quiet down to whimpered moans as my head thrashed back and forth against the wall.

The sound that left Henrik's lips as he felt me clench around his tongue was barely human, and he lost touch with reality. The only thing that mattered was my taste filling his mouth, flooding his senses.

More, more, more.  
Come for me.  
Lose yourself to me, Triste.

I knew I was oversensitive and about to come hard as I was hurtled towards the edge.

"Henrik, oh fuck, please don't stop. don't stop, don't stop, Henrik..." I gasped his name over and over again grabbing harder onto his hair and digging the nails of my free hand into his arm as he squeezed my ass hard and moaned into me deeply.

My orgasm hit me like the force of nature Henrik thought I was and my leg curled around his head, keeping him there and pushing him in harder as I cried out and gasped and he attentively licked me through each shuddering aftershock, wanting to drive my pleasure on forever. I was left shaking and gasping, thankful I had the wall at my back to keep me from collapsing into an overstimulated puddle at his knees.

I couldn't tell if time sped up or Henrik was just extremely quick, but one moment he was looking up at me with wide eyes and an almost innocent expression, and the next my head was slammed back against the wall and his tongue filled my mouth as his cock pressed hard against my hips and he gripped the sides of my face with both hands.

My fingers grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to both pull him closer and make sure my legs would hold me up, and I moaned into his lips, pulling back after a moment to run my tongue lightly along his jaw, still glistening from being pressed between my legs. He hummed in satisfaction as I kissed and licked him, gathering my fluid off his skin.

"Dirty little girl," he laughed lowly, his chest vibrating with the sensation, "do you like the way you taste on my lips, Triste..."

I pulled back and made a point of slowly licking my lips and smiling, making his cock twitch with interest as he stared at my mouth, still chuckling darkly. His laugh abruptly stopped though when I pushed him hard back onto my bed, but he recovered quickly and scooted up to lay his head against my pillows. One hand beckoned to me, but I had other plans.

I climbed up and straddled his legs, running the tip of one finger lightly over his cock, which twitched again under my feather-light caress.

_Perhaps I'm not the only over-sensitive one after all... _

A sudden idea rocketed through my brain, and my lips curved up at one corner into a dark smirk.

_ Don't torture the poor boy... Oh, but its so much fun... _

I leaned my head back and moaned prettily for him, letting one hand tangle itself into my hair while the other slowly traveled down my body, caressing my breast and tracing the line of my waist down to my pussy. I pressed my middle finger between my folds, mirroring Henrik's movements from earlier, and pressed my hips into my own hand. I stole a glance down at him as I sighed again and pushed inside myself with a high pitched moan.

"Oh, fuck, baby," he whispered as his hands gripped my hips, and I wasn't sure he even knew the words left his lips.

His gaze was locked on my hand, watching my finger delve into my drenched heat. I gathered as much of myself as I could when I removed my finger, and caught his gaze with a mischievous grin as I started to trace delicate geometric patterns along his cock. The noises that fell from his lips only spurred me on as he bucked against my soft touch.

"Do you like when I'm on my knees, Henrik," I purred, grinning at him before lowering my head and tracing the same patterns with the tip of my tongue before sucking a mark into the skin of his hip. His answering shout gave me everything I needed to know as one hand threaded into my hair and I gently shook my head to tell him to release me. He didn't, and curled his fingers into my locks harder when I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock and took it between my lips.

"Henrik, stay still," I commanded, looking up and pinning him with my stare.

"Sorry, sorry," he gasped, fisting his hand into the fabric of my comforter as I resumed tasting him. Every noise that he made drove my own pleasure further, and I had to resist touching myself again as I took his cock deeper into my mouth.

"Fucking hell, _TRISTE_," he yelled when his tip hit the back of my throat and I smoothed my hands up over his thighs, flexing and relaxing under my stimulation as his hips bucked and he went farther into my throat. Henrik reflexively grabbed my hair again, and I promptly pulled off, sucking him hard until I released him and making him almost scream with pleasure.

"_Don't_ make me tie that hand down," I said lowly, and I didn't expect or miss the answering spark of interest in his eyes.

A devious laugh bubbled from my lips, "ohh Henrik...so its you then...hmm, as you wish," I purred, not giving him a chance to voice his confusion. I closed my eyes and imagined a tangle of vines, verdant and bursting with blooms, across my headboard, encircling his wrists and holding him there. They materialized just as I had envisioned, and Henrik's eyes held a look that was something like shock when I opened my own and gazed down at him.

"I did warn you, baby," I smirked, before bending my head and taking his length into my mouth again, controlling my gag reflex and closing my throat around him. His taste was intoxicating and I felt him get almost impossibly harder against my tongue. I worked up and down his cock, savoring both the taste of him and the way he cried out for me as his pleasure became my own and another torrent of wetness flooded my entrance, making me drip.

"No, no no no, _stop_," he said urgently and I immediately pulled off him again, concerned that I'd hurt him. He gasped at the loss of stimulation and pulled at his bindings, the movement making his arms and abs flex, and showering him with petals.

"Are they too tight?" I asked, moving up his body to check that they weren't cutting off his circulation. The movement drew my breasts close to his face and he reached up to flick his tongue against one of my nipples before closing his lips and laving over it.

"Ohh," I sighed, letting the hand that was checking his wrists drop to his face, encouraging the way his mouth was suddenly kissing and licking me. Henrik planted his feet and lifted his hips to slide his cock through my folds, drawing a loud cry from us both as he felt my renewed slickness. His tip moved over my clit and I bowed my head involuntarily, almost overcome at the sensation, and nearly begging for more.

"I want to be inside you, Triste," he groaned, pressing against me again, "I want to feel you come around my cock..." His lips worked mine, caressing me before opening and I pressed my tongue against his own. Every thought in my brain since he'd effortlessly picked me up in the kitchen had begun and ended with him inside me, and I caught his gaze to make sure he meant it.

"Are you sure you want this," I whispered, pressing back down against him, and letting him feel again how wet I was for him.

"I need you baby, please," he groaned, leaning up to kiss me again, and not holding back. I equally needed to feel his touch, and as soon as I let the vines release him and they disappeared, one hand was at my hips, and the other was at my breast, scraping his thumb across my nipple. A thin cry of need escaped from my lips into his, and both his hands moved to my hips, securing us in a steady rhythm, grinding against each other.

"Please fuck me," I gasped, moving my hips to impale myself on him as I kissed him hungrily.

The head of his cock pressed against my entrance, slowly parting me as I dropped my face against his chest and cried out at the feeling of being stretched along his length as he lifted his hips and pushed deeper into me. When he bottomed out, he lifted my chin up up until I looked at him, and there were tears in both our eyes.

"Oh, my beautiful girl," he whispered, as he captured my lips in a soft kiss. We stayed like that for several moments, just kissing each other and getting used to this new level of intimacy we'd entered together. But I clenched hard around him when he sucked a mark into my neck and he groaned against my skin.

"I have to move," he moaned.

"_Wait_," I gasped, sitting up; the movement pushed me farther down onto his cock and I yelled as I clenched hard, feeling almost torn apart by him.

"Shit, did I hurt you? I'm sorry," he said, trying to sit up, but I pushed him down, digging my nails into his chest, and staring into his eyes.

There was a place I wanted to share with him as we did this, somewhere I knew he'd love the way I did.

"Henrik, do you trust me," I moaned, moving up and down him, unable to stop.

Fuck but he feels so good.

"Yes," he said, "Triste, oh god, yes I trust you."

I reached down to my hips to take his hands and laced our fingers together and lifted off him one more time.

"Close your eyes," I whispered, pressing myself down onto him until he was absolutely bottomed out, and then I transported us.

He jumped when he felt grass under his back and not my soft bedspread.

"What the fuck!" he gasped sitting up suddenly, but subconsciously one arm hooked around my waist to keep me where I was as I tried to control my breathing, and stopped moving on and off of him.

"Shh, no no, easy baby," I said softly, placing one hand against his chest to calm him, and he met my gaze. His heartbeat thundered under my palm.

"We're still in my bedroom, still in the city. This is a...a memory. My memory. From a different lifetime, but still my own."

"Wh--where are we?" he asked as his head whipped from side to side, taking in our surroundings - the grassy bank, the soft babble of the creek nearby, how the trees cast gentle dappled shadows across our skin, moving with the breeze.

"Henrik. Henrik, darling look at me, eyes here," I said, and his traveled slowly back to my own. I suddenly worried that this might be too much, and reached for his hand to take him back to our own time, "we're in Scotland. Or, I guess whats now Scotland. Up in the highlands..."

He pulled his hand from mine, instinctively knowing it would make us stay.

"Triste..."

I looked down at him, not understanding what he wanted if not to go home.

"I'm sorry, Henrik, I should have thought about how hard this would be for you to take in. Let's go back..."

"No," he pulled his hand from mine again, "why are we here? _When_ are we here?" His lips moved like he wanted to ask more questions, and his heartbeat still roared in his ears. I cupped his face with both hands and gently kissed his lips until he calmed against me.

"We're in the middle of nowhere in the Scottish Highlands, Henrik. This place doesn't exist anymore, and..." I wasn't sure what more I should divulge on that point.

"W-w-...what do you mean it doesn't exist anymore, you _just_ said we're in Scotland!"

"No no, baby, shh, listen," I pressed one finger to his lips to quell the coming hysterics, "this land isn't untouched like this anymore," I motioned around us at the lush, verdant landscape, teaming with life and glowing with a beautiful green virginity.

"Then when are we?!"

"Ahh. Uhm. Well..."

"Look_ you_ brought us here, you can't not answer my questions."

I chewed my lip, "well as far as uhm. As timelines go...I mean...so ah, Jesus hasn't uhm. hasn't..." I gestured around but he shook his head and I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, "Jesus hasn't quite...happened yet?"

I cracked one eye open to gauge his reaction. His jaw dropped for a moment, then a hysterical laughter bubbled up from his lips, and he threw his head back and gave in to it until the sound was ringing off the landscape around us.

_Well, there you go, you've gone and broken his brain now, happy? _

"Henrik, maybe we should go back," I said, suddenly afraid that I in fact had damaged him.

"No. Why are we here?" His question caught me off guard, though I should have known he'd ask.

"Why are we here? If you didn't want to..." he paused and looked down at me, straddling his hips, still holding him inside me.

"Have sex with you?" I asked gently. His hesitance to name the activity we were taking part in almost made me blush.

"Well, yeah...you should have just said something."

I sighed and stared at a flowering tree over his right shoulder. It was one of my favorites from this memory, and I shifted my hips into him, drawing a groan from deep in his chest as his arm around my waist gripped me harder.

"Did I seem unenthusiastic to you?" I asked, looking back down at him, "this is...its a memory, love, like I said. Its. Ah...from quite a while ago...pre-Jesus and all...but, I took a deep breath, "Henrik, twice since you showed up, I've thought that you're too damn good for this stupid cruel world that we live in now, where people just think of themselves and getting ahead."

His gaze was firmly trained on my own.

"And...so...I-I wanted to bring you to a world that no one, other than me and a few others like me have known. Henrik, _no one_ left on this planet but us knows a time like this. The glen we're in has been built up and over as the world has continued to be used and destroyed. But, I guess..." I sighed as a tear dropped down my cheek and his hand reached up to brush it away,"you deserve more than our world has to offer, and I wanted to try and give that to you..."

"Why? Why would you do that for me?"

"Because I love you, Henrik. Because you're sweet and kind and protective and just... just shut up and kiss me," I grabbed his face with both hands and desperately kissed him, like he was going to disappear if I stopped, and he got harder inside me as I did so, now back to focusing all our attention on the unnameable task.

"Will you have me here, baby," he whispered into my lips before moving his down to my neck and pressing open-mouthed, but still sweet kisses to my throat and gently rocking his hips into mine, one hand returning there to gently press me further onto his cock.

"Why do you think we're here in the first place," I gasped as he laved one of my nipples with his tongue, and his grip on my hips got a bit harder.

"Then hold on tight."

"Wh--" He flipped us so fast, I didn't even have time to register the movement until the grass of the bank was under my back and he pressed himself down into me, stretching me further open with a cry as his weight settled between my legs. The movement made me arch my back off the ground, and a growl of approval left his lips as he slowly pulled out of me and dipped his hips to run his cock through my folds.

I knew we could make as much noise here as we wanted, so I closed my eyes and sighed encouragingly, tilting my hips up to meet his slow, deliberate strokes. We were both more than ready for each other, and Henrik's eyes met mine when I opened them as he pressed into me, stretching me again, and we both cried out into each other as I clenched hard around him. He didn't wait before he started to move faster, fucking into me with all the passion that I loved about him.

"You're...so...tight...fuck..." his words left his lips on a growl as it rolled through his chest, and his hips started moving faster, punctuating his words with harder thrusts into me. I tightened again and the coil of heat between my legs was getting so hot, it almost felt dangerous. But Henrik couldn't stop, seeing on my face how close I was getting.

The birds around us never stopped singing and chirping, and the water added a soft babbling undertone to our shouts of pleasure as we gave into our most base instincts and drove each other further and further into the clouds. He shifted to hold his weight on one palm and used his free hand to wrap my right leg around his waist, securing it there before reaching between us and pressing his fingers to my clit, rubbing in hard circles.

"Oh, please come with me," he cried into my lips.

My back arched off the ground and we both came together, gasping and crying out, desperately trying to get closer to each other as we experienced a potent high. He looked down at me as we gasped for breath, and his lips crashed into mine as he felt my clit still pulsing against his fingers.

"Oh my god," he whispered into my lips, unable to say anything else in the wake of such an earth-shattering experience. I held him there, keeping him inside me as we calmed against each other, exchanging soft kisses and gentle looks, as countless lovers in this glen had done over the millennia.

Minutes went by with neither of us moving from the other's grasp, save for me releasing my leg from around his waist, and him laying his head against my panting breast. When he finally raised his face again, his eyes were swimming with tears, though none spilled down his cheeks.

"Thank you," he sighed, kissing the skin just under my collarbone. I ran my fingers through his hair and gasped when he moved his hips and slipped out of me, feeling the warmth of his seed dripping out after him. Henrik pushed himself up on his palms and moved to settle on his back close beside me on the grass, leaning his head to the side to look over in my direction.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Move us like that. Like in the way that we're in your apartment, but also here," he gestured around and I was beyond pleased when he looked up at the cloudless expanse of the sky and smiled as the sunlight warmed his naked body, "which doesn't exist anymore? I have questions about that. Gods the sun feels good, I'm tired of winter already."

I wasn't sure what to tell him, and I thought for a moment as my eyes took in his naked body, peppered with the delicate shadows of the leaves waving around us in the breeze.

"I just...its like having a file cabinet full of memories in my brain. You know I'm...old...and I don't have all the memories of the people I've been in the past, but I do have the really good ones. And the bad ones...but I don't really touch those." I was monitoring his face closely as I told him this - narrowly avoiding breaking his brain bringing him here in the first place was not something I cared to tempt twice.

"I can more or less, umm...I guess just mentally bring your consciousness here with me when I revisit. I honestly wasn't sure it was going to work so, I'm glad it did," I chuckled.

"So what about other people? Are there people here? Can anyone see us?" he suddenly glanced down at his naked body and a crimson blush crept up his throat. I laughed at his modesty and rolled over to run a gentle hand over his hip.

"This memory doesn't have other people, Henrik. That's...I think that's why I like it so much. Its just..." I sat up and pulled my knees against my chest, resting my head on my arms and listening to the quiet solitude of untouched nature,"its just natural, you know? No complications, no technology..."

"No Jesus," he said and I turned to see a smile toying with the corner of his mouth.

"Not yet," I grinned.

He sighed and laced his fingers behind his head, looking up at the sky. I loved the way the motion made his arms flex and elongated his body, still so young and firm. I sighed with happiness at the sight.

"You're so beautiful, Henrik, I know people tell you that all the time, but its so true," I looked over at him with a smile that nearly made his heart stop. He reached for me, needing to feel my skin under his fingertips again, and I laid back down into his arms, resting my head against his shoulder as his lips brushed my forehead.

"I love that you're here with me now. That you're in my arms finally. This is where I've wanted you to be since the second you kissed me that first night," he sighed, staring up into the trees, "do you remember?" One hand traced the line of my waist up from my hips, until his fingers were exploring the curve of my breast, his thumb gently caressing my nipple, feeling it harden under his touch. A small sigh of pleasure left my lips and I watched his eyes slightly darken again.

"How could I not?" I sighed, looking up and drinking in his expression and the way his features changed as his eyes flicked down to my lips momentarily before he lifted his head and took my mouth in a kiss that rivaled the passion of our first real one. I willingly gave myself fully to him, but something tickled at my subconscious and I pulled back.

"Oh, and uhm. I guess before we...you know..go again...I should tell you that we're still...ah...we didn't...I mean mentally I guess...hmm..."

"Babe, spit it out," he grinned at me, as I leaned further into his side, "you can't possibly surprise me now."

_Are you sure about that? _

I paused and looked at him, figuring just getting it out would be best at this point.

"We're still in my bedroom, like I said. We haven't really moved. We're...we're on a different plane of reality now, Henrik, where even though we can talk and, and..."

"Fuck?" He supplied with a cheeky grin when I paused.

"Mmhm, yes, ah, and fuck. But we're still exactly like we were when we left. Like literally, we haven't moved."

The expression that crossed his face told me that I was indeed able to surprise him, and I didn't miss the way he subtly moved his hips to test if what I told him was true.

"Are you serious?! God I can't even believe it. It felt so real...how is that even possible?"

"It is real here, Henrik, reality is...not concrete like we think," I touched him again and leaned up to press my lips gently to his as I let my fingers trail down his body, caressing and stimulating him until they reached his cock. He was hard again, and I wrapped my fingers around his girth, slowly pumping him and drawing a strangled gasp from his lips.

"Oh, fuck, don't stop, that feels so good," he groaned.

"Doesn't this feel like its real," I whispered, trying to keep the obscene confidence out of my voice as his hips bucked up into my hand. His answer was a searing kiss, and his tongue filled my mouth as I moaned softly against him, arching into his body. He laid his forehead against mine when I let him go.

"Is it wrong that I just want to have you over and over again now? I don't feel like I can get enough of you..."

"Why exactly would having me over and over again be wrong, Henrik”, I moaned as I pushed him back into the grass and rolled on top of him, kissing him deeply and pressing my breasts against the muscles of his chest as both hands moved to grip my ass. His cock twitched between my legs and I lowered myself to grind against him encouragingly.

He stopped for a moment, still too full of questions to go again, "wait, but so what if Tim walked into your room right now? I don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you're definitely a screamer, so we might have woken him up. Does time pass the same way here? Like can you still talk to people on the other side or is it like you're asleep? Because I don't need him thinking I fell asleep midway through fuc--"

I had forgotten all about Tim, and grabbed Henrik's wrist with a gasp, immediately sending us back into my bedroom.

"—king you..." I heard the last part of his sentence and I lept off the bed, and all but slid across the living room floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its HENRIK bitches ❤


	28. Chapter 28

Tim was still sleeping soundly under the blanket where I'd left him. I sighed and placed a hand over my thundering heart before walking to him and gently kissing his forehead, intending to make sure he was fine and then sneak back into bed with Henrik. But he stirred and lifted his face to move his mouth up to mine.

"Mmm, hello," he hummed with his eyes still closed, hands appearing from under the blanket to settle at my waist. Feeling my bare skin under his fingertips, his eyes flew open in shock and he pulled back as if I'd burned him.

"Am I dreaming?" His eyes, try as he might, wandered down my body, and I suddenly got the impression from the way that he shifted that he was glad for the blanket draped across his lap.

"Jesus..." he whispered, drinking me in.

Shit. Naked. I'd forgotten about that part in my haste to make sure he was still okay and not panicking trying to get the attention of two people who were otherwise occupied.

"Mmhm, yes, you're dreaming, back you go now," I breathed, leaning in to kiss him again and trying my very best not to collapse into a giggling fit in his lap.

Who cared if I was naked? Hadn't he asked me to come home with him twice the last time we saw each other? After what had just happened with Henrik and how well he'd taken it, I took a leap of faith. 

Because what did I have left to lose.

His answering smile against my lips made me know that he wasn't buying it.

"Such a terrible liar," he whispered, as he pressed the blanket into my hands. I wrapped it around myself as he looked down at the floor, and then glanced up and pulled me down into his lap with a tender kiss to my forehead. I rested my head against the crook of his neck, and his hand settled on the blanket over my thigh, slowly stroking back and forth as his other wrapped around my waist, holding me to him.

"Sorry I fell asleep, long day all around," he said softly into my hair as he turned his head and tipped my chin up to kiss me. I settled into his lips, tracing the line of his jaw with my fingertip, and he gently deepened the kiss, feeling free to do so now, as he curled my hair back behind my ear, touching the loose tendrils with his hand. His tongue moved over mine, caressing it and making me press closer to him.

"What happened to the braid?"

"Henrik did," I giggled, leaning up to kiss him again, loving the way he embraced me and leveled with me when we were like this. He pressed closer, lifting his knees a little so I was tilted further against him and I could feel the curve of his smile.

"Your lips taste just like I remembered from the beach," he whispered, and I smiled at his remark, pulling him harder into my own kiss for just a moment longer, "gods you're fucking intoxicating..."

I raised my head for a moment and looked him in the eyes before pressing a little kiss to his nose. He looked at me with unbridled happiness in his gaze, and my lips twitched as I butted my forehead against his, "you're awfully happy for being rudely awakened in the middle of the night," I teased, making him chuckle.

"I just still can't believe you're here, priestess. Or that we're here, rather...and also why are you naked?" he asked, sounding somewhat hopeful.

I stifled a grin, then looked up as movement caught my eye. Henrik leaned against the doorframe of my bedroom, watching me in nothing but boxer shorts, his form bathed in the blue moonlight in a way that made my heart stop beating. A contented smile curved his lips and he held a hand out to me, looking like someone straight off a romance novel cover.

"Come find out," I nudged Tim's hand and he released me, momentarily confused. I moved up and out of his lap, but kept the blanket wrapped around me as I crossed the living room, meeting Henrik in the doorway. He pulled me into his arms, kissing me soundly, but not aggressively, letting me open my lips to him first as I leaned in. His lips were warm and inviting and I reached up to wrap the blanket around him so it enveloped us both as his mouth continued to caress mine, drawing soft sounds of pleasure and heartfelt contentment from my lips. He pressed kisses to my forehead, eyelids, and both cheeks before gently kissing my lips once more and pulling me in to lay my head against his chest.

One arm moved out from under the blanket and idly ran his fingers through my hair as he looked down at me; the soft touch had me threatening to drift off again as his other hand gently traveled up and down my bare back underneath the warm fleece.

I looked back over at Tim with a drowsy smile, and saw that his knuckles were white with how hard he was gripping the arms of the chair, watching. I kissed Henrik one more time before leaning up to whisper in his ear. He dipped his head to listen, then nodded as I stepped out of his embrace.

"Will you come to bed with us, Tim..." I asked softly. He slowly rose, eyes never leaving mine as he crossed to take my hand when I stretched it out to him. He glanced down at it, tracing the outlines of my fingers, and I could see his hand was shaking as I pulled him into my embrace, wrapping the blanket around the back of his shoulders like I had with Henrik, and his hands enclosed my bare waist. I shivered at the coolness of his touch and he stiffened and apologized quickly.

I pulled back from him slightly and looked into his eyes, frowning a little and unsure why he suddenly seemed so wary of touching me when I knew he'd wanted this before.

"If you don't want to, I can make up the couch or you can sleep in the guest room. I'd never ask you to do something you don't want to do, Tim, you know that right?"

If I was being honest with myself, I could hardly think of anything I wanted more at the moment than to wake up with Henrik and Tim in my bed, all lustful thoughts aside. They were comforting and warm and radiated a sense of acceptance and contentment that I could hardly say get enough of.

"No, no I do. I just...I don't know if I can...control myself," he shook his head slightly and looked at a spot on the wall over my shoulder, chewing on his lip.

"Tim. Hey. Tim, look at me," I physically turned his face back towards me and his eyes were uncertain, guarded.

"But She said...we couldn't..."

"Our time wasn't then, but maybe its now...being brought together by chance has to mean something," I whispered as I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders and pressing my breasts to his chest. He moaned softly against me, remembering the words and sinking into my warm embrace as his hands once more traced the line of my waist, down the side of my hips, touching the lines of each muscle down to my thighs.

I shivered hard, though the inside of our blanket haven was blissfully warm, and I felt that familiar spark of need begin to bloom as I opened my lips to him and he kissed me slowly. Tim was a master kisser and I let him work out whatever concerns he had about self control into my lips before breaking away.

"If I wanted you to fight for self control, I wouldn't invite you into my bed," I whispered into his ear softly.

He pressed his temple to mine and took a deep breath, eyes still closed, "gods I just want you so badly, Triste." And it was true, I could feel the way our kiss had aroused him as well as he pressed forward against my hips.

"Hmm," I hummed into his hair, fully prepared to indulge him, "then come and get me," I kissed his cheek as he yawned deeply, though I could tell he tried to stifle it, "but maybe you need to sleep first," I teased and felt his answering laugh vibrate through his body. I pressed another kiss to his lips before I led him into the bedroom and pulled back the comforter and sheets so I could slide in beneath the blankets.

I smiled as Henrik slid in behind me, resting a soft hand on my hip and I continued to look up at Tim, standing next to my bed.

"Triste, you're shivering," Henrik said with a hint of concern as he pulled me closer to him and I reveled in his body heat as he smothered me and leaned over to press a kiss to my jaw. Tim took off his shoes and his shirt and slipped into bed with us, facing me, still a little unsure. I moved towards him and took his lips in a chaste goodnight kiss, and a contented sigh left him as he wrapped an arm around me and I rested my head against his chest, caressing my hand softly across his skin, running my fingers through the hair that covered his chest.

"See? Not so bad," I whispered as my eyelids felt heavier. Henrik molded his body around mine and Tim leaned his cheek against my head, feeling sleep pulling at him though he desperately wanted to lay awake for the rest of the night so he could simply watch me sleeping where he'd needed me to be so badly for months.

"Not so bad at all," he murmured, the last thought passing through his head that my hair still smelled like roses.

We all drifted off that way, and for the first time in six months, I went to bed with my heart overflowing with something that wasn't hurt.

\--

I dreamed of my glen on a summer day. Butterflies and ladybugs crawled across my naked skin as I stretched languidly on the grass and I felt a sublime sense of contentment settle within me as the sun beat down. The water babbled over the rocks nearby, and the sunlight through the leaves cast a dappled pattern over my pale naked skin. The tiny hair-like feet of the butterflies tickled and I laughed gaily as they landed on me in a plethora of colors. But as they took off once more in flight and their paper-like wings brushed across my bared nipples, my laugh turned to a soft gasp at the sensation.

As I started to awaken, I realized the erotic caress of my dream wasn't the feather-light brush of butterfly wings - it was Tim's mustache as he pressed kisses to my breasts and swirled his tongue lightly around my nipples. When he felt my sharp inhale under his mouth indicating that I was awake and enjoying his attentions, he shifted and pressed his lips up to mine until I opened my mouth to him and he moved, forcing me back into the pillows as he tasted me.

"Mmm. Not tired anymore?" I asked in a low voice, very much hoping he wasn't as I brushed my fingers back through his hair.

"I'm very well-rested," he smirked as he kissed down my neck. The lowness of his voice seemed to vibrate through my body as his fingers drifted across my thighs and I couldn't help but moan softly at the sensation as I yielded my mouth to him again and let him push the covers back off of us. He hummed at the way the chilly air hardened my nipples further as he brushed the pad of his index finger over one then the other, silent for a moment as he stared down at me.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, "like something from a dream...are you sure you want this?"

He asked like either of us were even capable of stopping at that point.  
As if we hadn't wanted to give into these exact impulses so many times before.  
As if we hadn't both secretly laid in bed in the months since we parted ways, touching ourselves and thinking about it.

Tim moved tortuously slow, taking in the softness of my skin, the way my breath caught as he moved his fingers further down my legs, pushing my knees apart.

"Gods, I --_Tim_\-- I d-don't think I can live without it any longer..."

Satisfied with my answer, Tim bent his head down to me and drew my tongue into his mouth, and I reveled in his kiss as he artfully moved his lips against mine. Suddenly his fingers slid up to my center and glided through my folds and he released my mouth to moan softly as I cried out and bucked against him.

"I can feel how ready you are, babe. How badly you need me. Were you wet like this when you would kiss me before, Triste...when you kissed me on the beach...” his tone made me writhe, pressing myself against his exploring fingers.

"Its not my fault, _someone_ interrupted a very nice dream I was having," I groaned, ignoring his last comments, though we both knew the answer was a hard yes. His answering crooked smile pressed against my lips.

"Mmm, tell me what you were dreaming about," his skilled fingers put pressure on my entrance without ever moving inside me as he traced the ring of muscle with slow, torturous circles.

"Please..." I gasped, and he continued to stroke up and down my pussy as I carded my fingers through his hair, soft and smooth like silk.

"Tell me."

I silently laughed to myself in between gasps at his caresses as he played with varying degrees of pressure. His eyes were intense, burning into me even in the dark, and I could tell from his tone that he wanted me to divulge every explicit detail of what he thought I was dreaming about. The corner of my mouth curved up in a smirk as my fingers brushed one side of his mustache.

"Butterflies..."

My hand latched on to the side of his face to pull him down again and he kissed me forcefully as my breasts crushed against his chest until it was almost painful.

The sounds of our soft chatter and pleasure woke Henrik, who had rolled onto his other side in his sleep. When he turned, a soft moan escaped his mouth at seeing my lips locked with Tim's and his hand moving between my legs as my hips bucked for him. He pushed himself to my side as his cock swelled, and I wrapped one arm around his neck, sinking my fingers into his curls when his lips closed around my nipple.

"Will you finally let me taste you, Triste...after all this time. Let me show you how I learned to kiss you like this," Tim whispered against my neck, already working his way down my body, hanging over top of me. The ends of his hair trailed over my breasts, making me groan at the sensation and the memory of the last time he'd made the same offer. I drew one leg up against his as he fell between mine, caressing and encouraging him as he dropped kisses down my torso, sliding his knees down my bed until his face was at my hips.

He kissed one of my hip bones and then the other before he gathered and pulled his hair around to one side and out of the way, and then caught my gaze as he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my clit, nearly making me jump off the bed. The laugh that spilled from his lips was dark and low, and his eyes flicked down to my dripping pussy for a moment and I watched him bite his lip before he looked back at me.

"Are you ready for me?"

"Tim..."

He didn't wait for a different answer and I screamed and arched my back sharply at the feel of his tongue sliding through my folds, tasting me, and when I looked down, his eyes were fixed on me as his tongue danced over and then pressed into my entrance. I couldn't look away as he tongue-fucked me, moving the muscle with masterful strokes, drawing every cry and little gasp out of me just as he wanted them.

Tim groaned into my core over and over again, punctuating each thrust as his pace quickened, feeling his cock throb every time my opening clenched around the questing muscle, gifting him with more of me. He pulled back to spread my lips with his fingers, flicking the tip of his tongue rapidly over my clit and sending electric currents of pure sensation through every nerve ending I had as I shrieked with pleasure.

I looked over at Henrik with hot desire written across my features. He was stroking himself, watching me cry out and writhe for Tim.

"Kiss me, Henrik," my voice was barely above a whisper, but it was all I could choke out now as I reached for him, tangling my fingers in his dark hair. He shifted and took my mouth in a rough kiss as he pulled my hand from his locks and wrapped it around his cock, covering it with his and we stroked him together. He was smooth and hard and so wonderfully, deliciously close to me.

"Oh fuck, just like that," he moaned, letting go of my hand before kissing me again as I continued. His tongue tasted every part of my mouth, and I gripped him harder, ripping a groan from his throat that I drank it down as everything swirled around me and I cried out at the double stimulation, pressing my pussy harder into Tim's face while pulling Henrik closer to my lips as his fingers pinched and rolled one nipple then the other.

Tim covered my pussy with his mouth, doing everything he could think of to pleasure me as he bucked his hips into the mattress, desperate for friction and living for each sound that he tore from my lips.

"Fuck fuck fuck, _TIM_" I yelled as I broke away from Henrik's mouth and my hips snapped against his face as he let out a guttural growl into my core at the way I screamed his name, the vibrations increasing my pleasure. His hands moved like lightning up around my legs until he had a vice-like grip around my thighs, keeping me exactly where he wanted me as he sucked my clit between his lips.

"Give me everything, Triste..." he snarled into me as he pulled one arm away from my thigh. Two of his fingers dipped into me, stretching me a little more, and pumping in and out of me as his mouth latched back onto my clit, swirling his tongue as he sucked to make me come harder.

His thrusting fingers ripped my orgasm from me as my free hand clawed at my sheets and I got wetter and wetter, dripping down his arm and his face as I gushed against him and he kept me coming as long as he could, loving the way I tasted and surrendered to him.

He looked slightly dazed when he finally lifted his face from between my legs, his mouth hanging open as he panted for air and felt my juices dripping down his face.

But it only lasted for a moment before I released Henrik and launched myself up to pull Tim down on top of me, grabbing his shoulders with both hands. I was crazed with pleasure and need, and having both Tim and Henrik there with me was nearly too much.

I slammed my mouth against his, tasting my cum on his lips and his tongue, all but tearing the pants off his hips; he kicked them off down over his feet and responded to my intensity in kind, roughly thrusting all the way into me with one stroke, burying his face into my neck and shouting with pleasure.

He held his weight on his palms on either side of my head, and the position made the muscles of his back flex deliciously as I ran my hands up and down his body. He didn't give me time to adjust to being stretched around him. He dragged his cock along my inner walls and reveled in every noise he brought from my lips as he fucked me the way he'd always wanted to.

"Fuck. Babe. You feel. So. Fucking. Good," we weren't slow or gentle with each other, as Henrik and I had been. We tore and clawed with nails and teeth as his hips slammed into mine hard enough to leave bruises, but still my own lifted to meet each thrust, the sound of flesh against flesh and animal growls filling my bedroom.

He stopped moving suddenly and dropped to take my mouth, hips crushing me into the mattress, his cock bottomed out inside me as my legs wrapped around his waist. Our tongues tangled together, and I closed my teeth around his lower lip when he pulled away, making him shout in a combination of pain and pleasure as I clenched hard when he shifted and I rocked my hips against him.

He looked down at me with an indescribable expression for a moment, keeping almost perfectly still and simply feeling me pulse around him as he sharply inhaled.

"How many times have I wondered what you would look like under me," he said softly as I panted, my breasts moving in the early dawn light coming through my window.

"Please don't stop, Tim, I'm so close," I begged, wanting more of him, needing more now that I finally had him and knowing he'd imagined it probably as many times as I had. He indulged me and I tangled my fingers into his hair as he started thrusting in and out of me again, moving his hips in an intoxicating rhythm that matched his kiss, everything planned, everything perfectly orchestrated to maximize my pleasure.

My inner walls gripped him hard as I writhed under his attentions, making sounds of pleasure that undid him as he drove me higher.

"Triste, _Triste_ I can't last like this, fuck!" he shouted as he started moving faster, and his whole body went taut as he yelled with the force of his climax, every muscle flexed.

"_COME_," he commanded, and reached between us to slap my clit hard once, pressing firmly after. The exquisite intertwining of pain and pleasure hurtled me over the edge of another orgasm, and I closed my eyes and arched off the bed, half-lifting him with me as I gasped simultaneously for more and for relief, my body unsure of which it wanted.

We laid there gasping and twitching in the aftershocks as he pressed his body into mine and leaned in to kiss me, groaning into my lips and breathing for us both.

"Its always been you, hasn't it?" he finally asked quietly as he lifted up on shaking arms, his hips staying flush with mine, keeping his cock inside me. My mind was too overloaded and flooded with endorphins to think of a response, so I just brushed a trembling hand over his cheek and combed his damp hair back off his sweating forehead. We looked at each other for several moments, our eyes searching for answers and trying to read questions until Henrik brought me back to reality, realizing that I wasn't breathing.

"Triste," he whispered in that way that immediately drew my gaze, "look at me, love, right here..."

I looked at him and finally drew in a shaking breath as I calmed down for a moment, my arm falling to my side, and Tim slowly pulled out of me with a groan, shifting back onto his knees to watch his cum drip from me. He mumbled something I didn't quite catch, then moved out from between my legs as Henrik pressed a soft kiss to my swollen lips.

"You have to remember to breathe, little one," he laughed softly, kissing me again and pressing his forehead to mine with a sigh, "somehow, you're just beyond what I'd ever imagined," he whispered before rolling off the bed and disappearing to the bathroom to clean up.

"I'd say that goes for us both, priestess," Tim sighed, gathering me to himself and disregarding for the moment that we both also needed to wash off.

Henrik gave us space, disappearing into the kitchen to clean up our glasses from earlier once he'd cleaned himself off, and I looked up at Tim and couldn't stop myself from kissing him again, drawing him closer to me.

"Worth the wait?" he chuckled into my lips, running his hand back through my hair. I blinked slowly at him with a sleepy smile before nestling back against his chest.

"Definitely," I sighed, catching sight of something that made me take pause. I traced the tattoo on the left side of his chest with one finger, the delicate outlines nearly hidden by the hair that had grown back in the months since he'd gotten it done right over his heart.

I could feel it beating as I touched the small tattoo, the pace more normal now as the intense high faded, giving way to a softer, fuller glow.

"This is new..." I said quietly, and I ran my finger over the lines I'd known by heart for millennia, as his index finger traced the same lines in the middle of my back. He didn't respond, just looked down at me.

"Why?" I whispered, unable to stop the touching it.

"Because it was the only way I had to to get you right where you belong, priestess," as he said it, he pressed my hand down over his heart.

A tear slid down my cheek and I bent to kiss the tiny hieroglyphs, burying my face in his shoulder after and wanting to dissolve into exhausted emotional sobs, but Tim shifted, holding me to his chest and shushing me softly, until the tears I wanted to cry simply went away and I was almost immediately asleep once more.

Henrik stood in the doorway and watched for a moment, one hand pressed to his heart before climbing into bed behind me and pulling a blanket over mine and Tim's sleeping forms. He laid there smiling until he fell asleep, and I rolled over without waking, subconsciously seeking the warmth of his embrace.


	29. Chapter 29

I awoke tangled in Swedes.

Looking from one to the other, I smiled and happily rolled over to press a kiss to each of their foreheads before carefully climbing out of bed. The motion woke Tim, who reached for my hand and caught me as I walked towards the closet. His eyes were soft with sleep as he smiled and pulled me back to him across the cool floorboards and back under the covers so I could lay flush against his body.

"Just stay here with me a few more minutes before you run off again," he breathed into my lips with a kiss and I was content to snuggle against him in the warm haven of blankets. I listened to his heartbeat and smiled softly to myself before I drifted off again to the comforting sound.

An hour later I woke again, looking around, and Henrik was gone.

I blinked slowly in the sun, realizing that the bed was only half full with a slight start, and Tim's hand that was securing me against him pulled tighter around my middle.

"You're not going anywhere, he's just in the living room. Always the first one up," he mumbled, his hair splayed out over the pillow and tousled from sleep. He cracked one eye open at me as his mustache twitched with his slow, sleepy smile that only pulled me in closer as I kissed him softly.

"Couple more of those, and you're not getting out of bed today," he warned playfully as his eyes closed again.

"Oh yeah? And what if I have to go to work?"

He shrugged a little, but his arm pulled me closer to him and shifted me so I was halfway pinned under his body and looked down at me with interest as his hair spilled down around one shoulder.

"Do you still want to get up?"

"Uhm...I'm uhm. I could stay for a little bit."

"Mmhm, how about now?" he brushed his lips in a whisper-soft line over my shoulder as his hand drifted over my skin.

"I could call in sick," I sighed, gasping a tiny bit when his lips brushed over my nipple.

"You do seem a little flushed, sweetheart," he smirked, finally landing at my lips and gently kissing them. His desire for me was at once sated and inflamed by our union only a few hours earlier, and he felt his cock stirring between his legs.

"Tim?" I asked as his lips worked down my neck slowly, his breath warm across my skin, "what did you mean when you said 'its always been you'?"

"Hmm?" his lips continued to caress my skin.

"You said last night after we...well...you said 'its always been you, hasn't it'..."

He froze for a moment pulling back and looking down at me as he shifted away, only keeping one hand on my hip, and even that began to shrink away from me too.

"Oh...it--it isn't a big deal, I was just curious," I said, a little unsettled by how he seemed to pull back from me so quickly, "do you want coffee? I'm going to go make coffee and find Henrik."

I rolled over and swung my feet over the side of the bed, a small part of my brain marveling at the fact that I'd started yesterday this exact same way, and the thought of how much had changed in 24 hours gave me momentary pause as my mind began to drift away from Tim.

"Don't--don't go yet," a voice behind me said, and I turned to see him sitting up, his hair falling around his shoulders, still a little messy, and the sheets covering his hips. He looked at me with an unsure expression for a few seconds before holding his hand out, beckoning to me ans I crawled back towards him, keeping a little distance between us, waiting for him to touch me.

He gathered me forward into his arms and laid back against the pillows in the center of the bed, looking down at me as I propped my chin on the heel of my hand and laid next to him on my stomach. He smiled down at me, relaxing a little, "you're adorable, do you know that?"

"Hmm. So I've been told," I grinned, kicking my legs back and forth childishly for effect as he laughed and brushed his fingers across my cheek, letting them drift down my neck, following the path of his stare.

"You have marks on your neck now, I'm sorry..." he said quietly, simply stating a fact.

"I know. Its okay, I'll cover them up before I go to work, whats going on in there?" I tapped his forehead once.

He chewed his lip for a moment, not responding, and I knew he was trying to figure out how to phrase whatever it was he hadn't wanted to tell me a few minutes earlier.

"Hey, babe look at me," I said softly, drawing his attention again to my eyes as the tips of his fingers rubbed up and down the center of my back, "you don't have to explain anything, its okay."

He smiled softly at the little name took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, you just took me by surprise. I don't remember saying that to you..." he ran a hand back over his hair, lifting his head so he could gather it down around one shoulder.

"I don't remember where we were, now, but we were out wandering before a gig and Kungen convinced me to go into this stupid spiritualist medium whatever kind of shop that we passed. I'm not really into the crystals and card shit, but he basically put me in the chair and thought it'd be funny as hell to get my palm read, and I honestly don't even know what that crazy woman did - she just took my hand and traced the lines on my palm and told me a bunch of general nonsense about my health and money and how I should quit smoking..."

I nodded, waiting for him to continue and loving the feel of his calloused fingertips dancing over my skin as he looked at the ceiling, remembering.

"At one point, she looked up at me and did a double take. We weren't very popular yet over here, but I thought maybe she might have recognized me because she just stared for a while, and it was like I couldn't look away. Like she just pinned me there, you know?"

"Hmm."

"And...she grabbed my hand and wasn't looking at my palm or anything anymore and she just held it and said 'the one you seek serves the eye of the sun'. And that was is. She let me go and I got the hell out of there..."

I stared at him with my mouth hanging open.

"Serves the of the eye of the sun," I repeated, slowly, carefully saying each word, "you're sure?" and he nodded.

"I had no fucking clue what she meant, obviously, and wasn't really looking for anyone in particular at the time. We were just touring and writing and partying and..." he trailed off.

I laid my head down on his chest over his heart, tracing the lines of the bigger tattoo on the opposite side, and I knew we were both thinking about the same moment - a goodbye showered in flower petals with a reminder to look up at the sun while he played.

Tim cleared his throat and looked away, fidgeting with the edge of the flat sheet that covered his hips.

"Tim?"

His eyes shifted around the room, landing on a small figurine in a wall shrine in the corner, and his breath seemed to catch in his chest, making it hard to inhale. I followed his gaze and we wordlessly embraced for several more moments, feeling Her sudden presence. It dissipated and he took a deep breath, pressing a hand to his chest as if he needed to confirm the oxygen in his lungs.

"Woah...Triste, I'm sorry...I- that's why I wasn't sure what to tell you...I feel like we showed up and dropped a bomb on your head last night, and I didn't--"

I rolled over on top of him quickly, moving the sheet so his cock was nestled between my legs, and he gasped my name, his hands flying to my hips reflexively. I fell forward against him, devouring his mouth, thrusting my tongue between his lips and moaning lowly when I felt him hardening between my legs.

"W-what are you doing," Tim gasped as I tilted my hips to grind back against him, "ohh, babe..."

"Should I draw you a picture?" I asked, kissing down his neck and slicking back and forth over his cock.

"Fuck I love how hard you get for me," I moaned into his skin, swirling my tongue across his nipple and feeling his energy roiling beneath the surface of his skin, just like mine. This was it. Proof that I wasn't misunderstanding it all. That the energy between us has happened, it had been real. For whatever reason, he was meant to find me.

He pulled my chin up to kiss me, growling lowly into my lips at my sarcastic remark, "you're one to talk," he moved his hips to press harder into my folds as I kissed him again, "you're fucking dripping already."

"You're such a good kisser, it's not really my fault," I laughed lowly, "mmm, you should have seen me after you kissed me that night at the bar."

"If memory serves, _you_ kissed _me_ first," he replied, slipping his hands between us to cup both of my breasts, dragging his thumbs across my nipples and growling at my gasp of pleasure. He did something with his tongue that made me arch into his body and he moved one hand from my breast down to my ass, touching and squeezing my skin.

"God, I wanted to just take you right there. I was so close to just throwing you to the floor, tearing your shorts off and shoving my cock into you in front of everyone."

"I know, I remember," I gasped as his grip on my ass shifted my hips so his cockhead teased at my entrance and I gripped his hair hard with both hands, easing myself back onto his length with a growl of my own as he sat up against me, wrapping both arms around my waist as I lowered myself down onto his cock.

"Ahh, _fuck_," I groaned, gripping into his beautiful locks hard and closing my eyes at being filled this way as my head tilted back.

He felt so good, like a combination of always too much and never nearly enough.

His snarl was almost feral as he froze, but his chest moved rapidly, betraying just how aroused he was as he watched my pulse beat in my throat, "then you'll remember what I told you about pulling my hair like that," he said lowly, the words deathly serious.

I didn't have time to react - in a flash, he rolled and my back hit the wall a half second after his feet hit the floorboards. His cock bottomed out inside me and his pubic bone ground into my clit as he held me there.

"You'll. Remember," he bit out the words through gritted teeth, punctuating each with thrusts that made me see stars, "that I told you. I would fuck you. _Just. Like. This_."

I gripped his shoulders tight, my fingers still tangled into his mass of hair around them and he grunted with the force of each thrust, using the reverberation of us crashing into the wall to further stimulate me until I was screaming for more from him.

"YES, Triste, fucking scream my name."

I couldn't even hear him anymore - the only thing in the universe I was aware of was his cock scraping against my inner walls, repeatedly filling me to my absolute limit until it was almost painful. My fingernails raked down his back as his hands gripped my thighs and my ass hard enough to leave bruises. He threw his head back and shouted my name as his skin tore, and his hand came up around my throat, his hips pinning me to the wall as I wrapped my legs tightly around him to compensate for the loss of support.

He growled as his hand tightened around my neck, not cutting off my air, but adding enough pressure that I had to work a little harder to draw in each gasping breath as I clenched around him and he pushed me harder into the wall with his hips.

"You're so fucking hot like this," he started to move again, and each thrust almost knocked the breath from my lungs with its intensity. My hips screamed for relief from the physical onslaught that was Tim, but I couldn't stop, not when I was so close.

"Fuck, Tim, I'm gonna--" he drank my last cries down with a kiss that was a thousand degrees Fahrenheit as he crashed me into the wall one more time, so hard that the picture hanging a few feet away clattered to the floor, and I came undone when his pubic bone pressed into my clit hard again, writhing and spasming in his arms, clinging to him for dear life as my entire mind bent almost to the breaking point.

I unknowingly shifted my hips to take him further as he gave into the high, succumbing to the force of my release as it strangled his cock until he couldn't hold back any more, spilling himself into me as I gushed around him, and biting down hard on the skin just above my breast to muffle his cries as he came hard, feeling my grip on his hair tighten as I pulled it.

A string of what I assumed were expletives fell from his lips as he panted and moaned deeply at the feeling of our mingled fluids spilling out of me and across his hips, dripping down his thighs. I leaned off the wall as we both gasped for air, not sure we'd ever catch our breath again, and I kissed him hard, needing to ground myself as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He reciprocated for only a moment before pulling back and searching my eyes.

"Whats your name?"

"No idea," I gasped with a smile, closing my eyes and leaning back against the wall.

"Mmhm, that's my good girl," he smirked into my neck, licking a drop of sweat off the skin there and making me shiver, "and how many people exist in the whole world right now?"

"Just...us..." I gasped again, my limbs shaking with exertion and euphoric overload.

He collapsed backwards to sit on the edge of the bed, keeping me firmly nestled in his lap, one leg on either side of his.

"Very good," he whispered, knowing he'd done well by me as he drank in the way I trembled when I leaned down to kiss him again, softly this time, his mustache brushing my lips. The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled at me as I traced the silver ring that pierced his nose with one finger.

"I didn't...I didn't ever take what she said seriously, so I just kind of forgot about it," he said, drawing my gaze back to his eyes as he picked up where he'd left off minutes earlier, "but I told you that night out on the deck, from the moment I met you I've been drawn to you. Attracted to you, obviously," he glanced down at where we were still joined, "but it was like I needed to be near you, close enough to touch you..."

I brushed my fingers back through his hair as he spoke, gently untangling the knots I'd just made. His eyes closed in soft bliss and I made a mental note to dig out a comb for him later.

"Anyways..." he cleared his throat and looked at me with eyes that were a little misty if I wasn't mistaken.

"And here we are," I said softly.

"Here we are," he repeated, cupping my cheek and kissing me lovingly, trying to convey with a touch everything he couldn't figure out how to put into words.

I finally lifted off of him, my hips protesting in pain, and he caught me when I almost fell as I got my feet under me.

"Woah. Oh, please tell me you can't walk now. Please just say it once," he laughed, more than liking the state I was in now after taking him like that.

"Christ, I thought the fucking apocalypse was about to come through the shower wall," another voice added, and turned to see Henrik standing in my doorway with a smirk on his lips and a towel wrapped around his waist, searching the floor for wherever his clothes had landed last night.

"Sorry," I grinned, though the blush that flushed my cheeks told him I wasn't being totally sarcastic. Tim stood right behind me and stretched, groaning at the pull of muscles that had just been used and abused in a way they hadn't in some time as Henrik stooped to gather his clothes and when he dropped the towel he pulled me into his arms, holding my face to his chest with one hand cupping the back of my head.

"Good morning," I mumbled into the skin there as I wrapped my arms around his waist, "you smell nice."

"Thank you," he chuckled, "I've literally never met someone who has so many kinds of soap."

His chest shook with his laugh and I looked up at him, my heart melting a little at what his smile did to his face.

"It's kind of an addiction."

"Hmm, they have programs for people like you, you know," he laughed, running his hands up and down my back, tracing the lines of each long muscle that ran up and down the length of it.

"Yes, but unfortunately, they're membership programs and I get points that give me more soap so..." I shrugged and Henrik shook his head as we both laughed and he looked down at me with such a loving expression, I couldn't help when I leaned into him, pressing against his chest and absorbing his warm aura.

"Hmm," I smiled and stood on tiptoes to kiss his lips softly, "do you want some coffee?"

"Why don't you jump in the shower and I'll make it, since you have to go to work today, and you can't go in smelling like sex," he said, a cheeky smirk twisting his lips as his eyes glittered.

"Henrik! Are you telling me I smell bad?" I teased, stepping back and putting my hands on my hips and frowning at him. He jerked me forward again until we collided and his lips were immediately at my ear, brushing the shell of it with his nose.

"I didn't say you smelled bad, I said you smell like sex," he growled, his hands starting to wander, "and it wasn't a complaint..."

I heard Tim's laugh from the other room as he cleaned himself up, and Henrik's lips started to work down my neck, tracing little lines with the tip of his tongue that made me gasp as the need that Tim had just sated started to rear its head again.

"Damn, I have _got_ to get you guy out of here or I'm never going to go to work again," I laughed as he pulled away and stepped into his jeans and stuck his arms through his shirt.

"I don't know about 'never'," he retorted, but when he looked at me his blue eyes were charged and I knew if I went any closer I'd get seriously shocked, "but I have enough ideas to keep you busy for at least the next couple of weeks..."

I squeaked and backed away towards the door, feeling the heat from his gaze like it was leaving actual scorch marks across my skin. He followed me, not blinking, almost prowling, and laughed when he broke and turned for the kitchen.

"Off you go," he shooed me towards the bathroom.

"You know, you're making me look like a bad hostess," I said with another frown, "running me a bath last night and making coffee in the morning? I can do that stuff myself you know."

"Not to mention the screaming orgasms," Tim called from around the corner as Henrik pulled the coffee pot from the warmer and flipped on the tap.

"I can do those myself too!" I replied sarcastically and the sound of a spoon clattering across the floor accompanied a mumbled 'goddamnit'. 

"Men," I muttered to myself with a smile as I turned on the hot water in the shower and stepped in.

\--

Tim and Henrik were standing in the kitchen fully dressed and sipping coffee when I emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later wrapped in a towel, finger-combing leave-in conditioner through my hair. They fell silent for a moment and eyed both me and the minuscule sheet of cotton that was my only defense, and I looked up to smile at them, but it died on my lips with a gasp as I watched Henrik approach me, looking every bit the hungry predator again.

_Uh oh._

Moments later, I was flat on my back at the edge of my bed with my towel flung onto the other side of the room, and Henrik was on his knees on the floor, face buried in my pussy with both of my legs draped over his shoulders. His tongue lapped and flicked and covered every inch of me as his fingertips dug into my hips, sending searing torrents of pleasure through my body until I came for him with a delicious cry.

His mouth continued to cover me, moaning into my core and working me through my orgasm until I gasped for relief and pulled sharply on his hair, yanking his face from my pussy and he looked up, his lips and the bottom half of his face glistening with me.

"Fuck, I could do this all day," he muttered, holding my gaze and licking his lips before glancing back down and running his fingers over me, spreading my cum and feeling his own heart beat faster and faster. He slipped my legs off his shoulders and pulled me up till I was seated and I bent down to kiss him, tasting my own sultriness on his lips, sighing happily as his hands moved all over my skin.

"Don't tell me that or I'll be tempted to let you," I smiled, the endorphins pumping through my brain making me feel high. His lips brushed mine again, and his tongue gently asked permission for entry, stroking against my bottom lip.

I pressed both hands to his face and held him to me as we kissed passionately, but still gently, tenderly, that way that only Henrik ever kissed me.

"If I had it my way, you'd never stop coming," he whispered, "your release is so beautiful, I could just watch you forever."

I smiled into his lips and kissed him one more time, "how do you come up with things like that to say? Gods, you're just so wonderful, Henrik."

"I'm not... I just love you," he replied, and my heart felt like it stopped beating altogether. I pulled his face against my chest and wrapped my legs around him as he rested his cheek there, pressing a sweet kiss to Tim's red bite mark that made me sigh.

"I love you too," I said quietly, running one hand over the beautiful curly head nestled between my arms, "always have, I think."

He looked up at me as one tear dropped down his cheek, unable to believe what he'd heard, though I'd said it once before.

"Always will," he sighed into my lips, gathering me to him as he stood, my feet leaving the floor. Henrik held me that way, kissing me over and over again until I asked to be put down and he dropped one more kiss on top of my hair and headed for the door, looking back over his shoulder with a little smile.

"Christ, you're just so beautiful," he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief as I stood naked and smiling at him, my hair uncombed and half-dry, but more gorgeous than he'd ever seen it.

I pulled an outfit from my closet, going casual today, and grabbed clothes to change into for later before I went to hang my towel up in the bathroom.

I walked into the kitchen and Henrik pressed a cup of coffee into my hands with a quick kiss, and I thanked him as I inhaled the strong aroma. We sipped in silence for a few minutes.

"So...I decided I'll do it..."

They both looked at me for a moment.

"Your shows tonight?"

"Yeah..."

"I'll be there...I have to check on tickets and stuff but I-I'll be there," I said again, "I don't know whats gonna happen, and I don't want you to get your hopes up...but...you both seem worried for him and I need to try for the both of you, if not f-for myself..."

"Don't worry about the ticket, we can leave one for you. Triste, are you sure? Nobody wants you to do anything that you aren't comfortable with. If it'll hurt too much to see him, we can find another way..." Tim asked with a serious, worried expression in his eyes.

I sighed heavily and ran a hand back through my hair, making the scent of my conditioner waft through the kitchen as I took another sip of coffee.

"Whats the worst that can happen? He stays married and I come back to my life here alone again? That's the status quo now, babe," I realized what I said was catty, but along with that realization came the acceptance that I was really pissed off at Johannes. And if he _did_ have anything to say to me, he'd get a good solid piece of my mind first.

Tim winced a little as I said "alone", and I watched him chew his lip as he stared down into the dark liquid that only mirrored his expression back up at him.

I sighed and set my cup down on the counter, moving towards him as he did the same. I wrapped my arms around his middle and he held me to him as he kissed my hair.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I said quietly.

"Its okay, I get it," his fingers combed through my hair as he held me there for a few more moments.

"Not alone," I said looking up at him and fighting the urge to kiss him and never stop.

"Not anymore," Henrik's voice sounded from right behind me as he ran a hand over my hip, tilting my chin back to kiss me briefly.

I glanced back and forth between them, wondering how my life had taken this turn, and we all seemed absorbed into one moment together, sucked into the tension and the comfort and the mutual need.

Henrik took a step closer, pressing against my back as Tim pulled me harder against his front, and I wasn't going to complain about the looks either of them were wearing.

Nobody even blinked until Tim's phone rang loudly and we all snapped out of it as he pushed off the counter to go answer, glancing back at me for a moment and looking like he wanted to let it go to voicemail.

"Go," I laughed, heading to the mirror to put on my makeup, and I heard Henrik make a call about leaving a ticket for me.

Tim walked up behind me as he hung up and kissed the top of my head, meeting my reflection's gaze.

"Thank you," was all he said.


	30. Chapter 30

I was putting on a fresh pot of coffee an hour later when Tim appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Jonas and John are here, I'm gonna run downstairs and let them in, okay?"

"No. Absolutely not okay," I tried to give him my most stern frown, but the twitching corners of my mouth gave me away and he rolled his eyes from the other end of the room.

"You know, you're lucky you're as wonderful as you are, because you've got a seriously smart mouth on you..."

I stuck my tongue out at him as a retort and realized immediately it was a mistake when he was suddenly across the kitchen and looming over me, his hand applying pressure against my throat and his hips pressing my ass back into the counter. His other hand pushed between us and settled on my pussy, slipping his middle and ring fingers between my legs and pressing hard against my entrance. I gasped at the sudden pressure as my hands grasped his arms and his eyes burned into mine while he tutted softly at me, in such contrast with the insistence of his fingers.

He knew exactly where I was sore from earlier and he pressed on those spots, making me suck in a sharp breath.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Do we need to have a discussion about not being rude, my darling? If you do that again, you're gonna find yourself on your knees with my cock fucking that beautiful mouth until you learn your lesson," he growled, though I couldn't tell if that would really be a punishment for either of us, "so I'd suggest you keep that tongue behind your lips if you don't plan on using it."

He pressed me back harder and leaned down a little closer so I could feel his heat as he ever so slightly rolled his hips against mine, his cock already half hard at the thought of filling my mouth, and I closed my eyes tight, fighting the urge to push my luck and find out if he meant it.

Tim hummed with something between disappointment and satisfaction when I kept my mouth shut, and pressed his lips to mine, releasing my throat.

"Mmm, suit yourself," he breathed against them, and then was gone.

I took a deep breath when his fingers left me and I heard my apartment door open and close as he disappeared downstairs, shaking my head as my fingers touched my throat.

_Focus. _

I hadn't gotten any time to prepare myself to see Henrik and Tim, as they had just stumbled upon my workplace, but now as I came back to myself I realized I felt quite nervous about seeing Jonas and John again.

Jonas especially...

I had a sudden, very vivid flashback of watching him and May at the other end of the pool as Johannes fucked into me roughly with my back to his chest, whispering horribly dirty things in my ear. I heard the noise that left Jonas' lips as May pulled on his nipple ring with her teeth, felt the way his eyes had burned into me as he watched me come around Johannes' cock while she dropped under the water to attend to him.

The spoon full of coffee grounds dropped from my hand and scattered across the floor tiles.

"Shit," I muttered, now feeling like re-opening the active-sex-drive door with Henrik and Tim last night may not have been my brightest idea after all.

I grabbed a broom to sweep the coffee grounds up and was just putting everything back into the corner when my front door opened and a blonde-dreadlocked Swede stepped in and grinned at me. John was right behind him, smiling too. I couldn't help the laughter that passed my lips as I stood the broom in the corner, smoothed my shirt, and crossed to greet them.

Jonas caught me first, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth as his arms crushed me against him for a few moments before pulling me back and holding me at arms length, looking me up and down.

"Damn, you look good," he laughed low again as he pulled me in to press a kiss to my lips. His metal lip ring was still cold from the air outside, and I pressed both hands to his face and looked at him. The smile lines at the corners of his eyes made him look older than he was, but they were my favorite part about him, and I lightly ran my thumbs over them with a smile of my own.

"You do too," I said quietly, pressing one more kiss to his lips, "you're still so tan! How are you always so tan?!"

I hugged and kissed John hello too, brushing the outline of his beard around his mouth when his lips pressed briefly to my own before he crushed me to him.

"Its so good to see you again," he murmured into my hair as my arms wrapped around his waist and he held me there.

"Hi babes," I said softly into his shoulder, "I missed you."

I was feeling slightly overwhelmed at having them all here with me in my apartment, and I held onto John's hands as I stepped back and looked around the room.

"Do you all need to go now? I mean...do you want to stay for a few minutes?" I asked, trying to not sound too much like I was considering locking them in my linen closet so they could never leave me again, "I just put on coffee," I let go of John's hands but starting to fidget when they didn't answer me.

Everyone just stared.

"Or not, I mean, its really not a big deal, I just thought I'd offer...ahem...ah...nevermind then...t-thanks for stopping by?" I could see Jonas was fighting a smile that pulled at the corner of his mouth before he snorted a laugh and everyone broke character.

"I'm sorry, you're just so damn adorable when you blush and babble on like that. Of course we'll stay for a while," he grinned and I opened my mouth to say something snarky when Tim cleared his throat with one eyebrow cocked at me and I felt myself clench, remembering his threat.

A small part of me wondered if he'd make good on it with all the others here, and I considered taunting him to find out. I settled for flicking my eyes down to his waist, licking my lips at him with a little smile, and I could see his pulse jump in response as his lips parted with a sharp inhale. His fingers brushed mine as I passed by him, asking Jonas how the trip over had been.

"Driving in this city is a fucking nightmare, I don't know how you do it."

They followed me into the kitchen, leaning against the table and counter and sitting on stools. Henrik leaned his shoulder against the refrigerator, watching me silently. I pulled six mugs down and then blinked as I recounted....not six...five.

We only needed five.

_Johannes._

I sighed and felt my shoulders sag a little when I placed one back into my cabinet, and Henrik still watched, his heart feeling heavy too as he watched me sadly replace the extra mug and he moved to my side, running a reassuring hand across my shoulders and pressing a kiss into my hair.

"It's okay baby," he whispered into the silver strands, "we're going to figure this out, I promise. We'll do whatever we can to help."

I looked up at him and nodded, closing my eyes as he kissed my forehead, both of us unaware that Jonas was watching and putting the pieces together as Henrik pulled me close and held onto me for one more moment.

After pouring coffee and shepherding everyone back to the living room, I sat quietly for a moment, listening to the boys chatter amongst themselves in Swedish and some English for my benefit. Tim occasionally glanced over at me staring at the floor, lost in thought as one of my fingers traced the rim of my mug repeatedly.

I had already made the decision to do what I could within reason to help Johannes, or at least see him and feel him out to make sure he was okay. But now I was worried about what that whole interaction would look like. I tried to firmly tell myself that him being with someone like me was probably more complication than he needed in his life.

I wasn't normal, and he needed normal.

_Okay, but what good does lying to yourself do?_

_ I'm not lying..._

But saving Johannes the trouble by not being involved with him was the exact opposite of what I wanted. Difficult or not, I wanted every bit of him, forever.

_So only lying a little. Half lying. White lie? Fuck. _

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and realized that they were all staring at me.

"Hmm? What?" I asked, coming out of my distracted state, "did someone say something?"

"Yeah, I was just asking if you want to come backstage and say hi before the show starts, because they'll need to leave you a pass with your ticket," John said with a worried frown, "are you okay?"

"I'm totally fine... Okay, I'm nervous. But fine, really." I held my hands up to stop him when he moved to get out of his seat. He settled back into the chair, but didn't stop looking at me with that worried frown.

"Triste...if its going to be too much for you to go, please don't worry about upsetting any of us. Its been...Johannes has been a handful for the last six months, and no one wants to see you get hurt."

"I'll be fine. Thank you though. I think I need to go for myself too...and like I said to Tim before you guys got here - the worst that can happen is that things stay the way they are now. And my life's not so bad now," I looked over at Henrik, who smiled down into his coffee for a moment before looking up at me and I could see exactly what he was feeling, it was almost written in words across his face.

_You won't ever be without me._

Tim's face said pretty much the same and I smiled at them both with a little nod.

Jonas and John didn't look convinced about any of what I'd said and I was only feeling halfway there myself, but I had made up my mind to do this. The longer we spent talking about it, the more opportunities I had to give myself an out, and I knew I'd regret not trying if things never changed.

I glanced at my watch and gasped.

"Oh shit, I have to go to work, I'm super late!" I jumped up and set my cup down on the table.

"Wait, you're leaving?"

I dropped a swift kiss on the top of Jonas' head as I passed by his chair at a trot, "yeah, I was supposed to leave like 45 minutes ago. I'm gonna be hellishly late and that means I owe Mike lunch."

Everyone stood and made ready to leave with me.

"No no no, please feel free to stay as long as you want, or leave stuff here or nap or shower or whatever. There is food and beer in the fridge that you're welcome to. My home is your home. There's a spare key in a book on the bookshelf that will get you into the front door and open mine, if you need it. Tim knows which book... And, and I guess I'll see you all tonight?"

"Wait, I know which book?" "The one you can't read, Tim. The green one."

"Oh. There's a key in there?"

"Just flip to the back panel and feel for it, its there," I called over my shoulder as I bent to grab my work bag from behind my desk. I dashed to my room to find shoes and slipped into a pair of black wedges. When I got back to the living room, I did a quick turn to look at myself in the mirror, making sure I was in decent enough shape to go to work.

"Do I look okay?" I asked as I pulled a brush through my hair, trying to make it cover all the little marks on my neck, courtesy of Henrik.

"You look fine, go! You're late, remember?" someone laughed. They got up to say goodbye to me as I made for the door, and Henrik pulled me into a tight embrace, putting a momentary calm on my frantic movement.

"Easy, little one, breathe for a second or you're gonna run someone over..." I followed his advice, taking a deep breath in through my nose and slowly exhaling through my lips.

I whispered into his chest, so that only he could hear me, and the ends of his hair brushed against my cheek as he bent his head to hear my voice, "this is totally your fault, you're too distracting. Can't a girl just get a shower and go to work without ending up on her back in between?"

One soft, short kiss to his chest later, I was grinning up at him as he retorted back, "not you, and by the way, you were gone in under two minutes, and that's like a personal best," and he stuck his tongue out at me. I giggled against him and rolled my eyes.

"Careful, Tim doesn't like when we do that, he thinks its rude," and I turned my head to the other man. Safely in Henrik's grasp, I made a face at him, still laughing, but I didn't miss the way his eyes flashed as he cocked an eyebrow at me again.

Thin ice, his expression said.

I kissed Henrik goodbye and his lips lingered at mine for only a moment longer than usual as his arms encircled me. But I felt the ways his fingertips pressed into my skin and his thoughts were almost loud enough for me to hear.

_Don't make me let you go. Not yet. Stay._

"See you later," I smiled up at him, hoping he knew I didn't want to go.

I crossed to Jonas and John, kissing John quickly as he pulled me in with a smile and a compliment on my choice of shoes. He was always so quick to build other people up, and it was one of the things I loved best about him. I didn't miss the momentary question in Jonas' eyes before he pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me harder than I was used to from him, testing where our boundaries were now, and part of me knew he'd figured out the course of events from last night.

Especially when his thumb stroked across one of the hickeys on my neck and I hissed slightly. His mouth was soft and warm in response and I suddenly doubted if I really needed to go to work after all.

_FUCKING GO, NOW. _

"I'm so happy you're all here," I said, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the torrent of emotion suddenly coursing through me.

"Wouldn't miss seeing you for the world, love," Jonas grinned, kissing my forehead as his hand cupped the back of my head.

I moved to say goodbye to the last of them, and my breath caught in my chest when I was a foot away and saw the look in his eyes, but I was too close to stop. Tim took my hand, pulling hard to crush me against him, and a soft groan that I was sure everyone else heard left his lips as the length of my body was firmly held against his.

"Stop worrying, you look just fine, Triste. Good enough to eat in fact..." he let his eyes linger at my lips for far too long, licking his own before he kissed me, and I had to fight not to open my mouth to him when he looked up and kept our gazes locked as his lips worked mine.

Henrik had let his lips linger for only a second too long. Tim didn't seem to remember that time existed at all. His whiskers tickled my face, making me giggle a little, but all I really wanted right then was to drag him into my bedroom and fuck him senseless for the rest of the day, disregarding all adult responsibilities.

"I'll see you later then," he breathed, his mouth a fraction of an inch from mine, and I had to work to remember how to do that for a moment, hearing the dark promise in his voice.

'Very subtle, nice job Tim', my brain thought. But what came out of my mouth was less clear.

"Oh...Yeah, ah, yes. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Babbling, right, and I'm going now!" My cheeks were on fire when I closed the door behind me and heard their laughter.

"Men," I muttered to myself for the second time in one morning as I headed down the stairs and heard a muffled version of Jonas' voice yell "what the fuck was _that_ Tim?"


	31. Chapter 31

I whipped into my parking spot outside the shop and dashed through the door a minute before my first distributor was scheduled to show up.

Mike looked appraisingly at me in my half-flustered state, "Whats up, boss lady? Good night?" he asked with a grin.

"Ahh, nothing outside...ahem...nothing outside the usual..." I heard Tim's voice in my head telling me what a bad liar I was and tried to shake him off. I needed to be professional right now, but my brain instead supplied me with the memory of locking eyes with him as he ate my pussy, and the way he'd looked with me dripping down his face and soaking his mustache before he fucked me.

I coughed to stifle the gasp that left my lips, and my legs pressed tighter together.

Right on cue, Mike said, "so...you know the guys from Avatar..." and I shot him a slightly exasperated look. Between Mike's questions and my sex-crazed brain I was going to get next to no work done today.

My phone pinged and I grabbed it, thankful for the momentary distraction from Mike's question -- it was my first meeting cancelling on me two minutes after it was supposed to start and I rolled my eyes and tossed the device onto the counter, turning back to him.

"Yeah, I guess I do. I'm sorry I didn't introduce you yesterday, I didn't know they were gonna be here so I was...taken a little by surprise."

"They're playing here tonight, aren't you going? Also, I am the tiniest bit mad at you for not making an intro, but you'll just have to do it tonight," he grinned and I knew that was basically his way of begging for me to take him backstage.

"Mike..."

"What? Are you not going tonight?"

"Well, I am now it seems," I muttered.

"Huh?"

I waved my hand to dismiss my underhanded comment, "yes, I'm going tonight."

"Can I ride with you from here then? It'll be easier to leave my car and then I'll just catch a lift home in a cab or something."

"Wait, you're actually going?"

"Yeah, duh, I wouldn't miss this, those guys are awesome and they almost never make it here on tour! I've never seen them live, but I've watched all the videos and interviews online so I'm pretty pumped. Johannes has this massive stage presence that is supposed to just be unreal in person. Oh, but you probably know that. Sorry, I'm rambling. Didn't you see my request to be off early tonight? I'm almost positive I put it on the schedule..."

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose as he babbled on about leaving early. Everything about Johannes seemed unreal sometimes.

When I glanced out over the side of my hand, Mike was fidgeting and staring at me.

"Okay," I sighed, "you get three questions, and I get to shoot down any of them I don't want to answer".

His face lit up with glee.

"_But_," I said, holding up a hand to stop the inquisition coming like the proverbial flood, "first you have to go get me a cup of coffee..." I barely saw him as he flew past me and out the door. He returned less than five minutes later with a double espresso out of breath like he'd been running, and I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement as I settled on the same stool I'd sat on the night before, on my side of the counter from Henrik and Tim and crossed my legs, doing my best not to wince at the slight soreness between them. I was suddenly thankful that I was the only one with access to the security feed from the cameras - those kisses were not something Mike needed to see.

"Alright, sweetness, hit me," I sighed, steeling myself.

"Okay, where did you meet them? All together or one at a time?"

"At a festival I worked over the summer before I moved here, when they headlined with Ghost. I met...ahem. I met Johannes first by accident, and then everyone else later. Next?"

"And now you're friends with all of them? How does that happen? I mean not that you aren't friendly or anything!"

"Is that two questions, Mike?"

"NO, NO WAIT..."

I giggled and his answering grin was almost child-like and made me feel a friendly affection for this person who worked so hard with me day in and day out to keep the shop running, "yes we're...we're friends now, I guess...and its a long story that takes up more than one question. Next?"

_Yes, but do you remember when Henrik slammed you back into the wall and pinned your arms above your head before making you come all over his face? Very friendly, indeed... _

"Hang on...I...oh, wait, you're just friends? Seriously?"

The look I gave him strongly suggested he avoid that line of questioning.

"Sorry. Its just...they kissed you...Tim and Henrik kissed you...both of them."

"Mike," I warned. I was surprised how much it thrilled me to hear him say both of their names and I mentally facepalmed.

_ Ugh, get it together Triste._

"Its just a way of saying hello."

"Uh-huh...Okay last one -- are you sure only three? okay, okay fine -- hmm...okay, got it. Whats Johannes like? Is he really as tall as he looks in the videos and pictures and stuff? No wait, that was a bad question..."

I stood and turned towards him, with my hands on my hips. Somehow I'd just known he was going to ask me about Johannes. The universe simply wouldn't let it go.

"He's six foot four, Mike. He doesn't magically shrink off camera," I snapped, then took a breath, "but...but I think a lot of times when there are clips and pictures of just him, its hard to tell how tall he is. Six four is...very imposing in person."

I saw Mike suddenly, and in a very obvious way, appraise my own height, and I snapped at him again to stop his train of thought, holding up my hand.

"Do _not_ go there, Mikkael."

I didn't mean to turn on my heel as abruptly as I did, and I stopped halfway to my office door, turning around to look at him again with a frown, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped like that. I didn't sleep well last night, I don't mean to be an ass."

He smiled and shrugged in his good nature, shooing me off to my office so he could accept a delivery that was coming through the door.

"You can make it up to me with a beer later," he called, "oh and you were late with no notice so you owe me lunch! And I have more questions!!"

I shut the door behind me and leaned heavily against it, thoughts of Johannes filling my brain now. Mike wasn't on the wrong track in appraising how tall I was - I'd always had to stand on my tip-toes to kiss Johannes, even as he bent down. What was I going to do if he saw me and suddenly wanted me and not the woman he was married to?

No matter how hard I tried to suppress it, a thrill went through me at the thought of being with him again -- of kissing his lips and laying against his chest, stroking his hair, listening to the way my name fell from his lips when he came, buried deep inside me...

I cleared my throat at the last thought.

_Stop it. Stop Stop Stop_.

Shaking my head again, I sat down at my desk and got what work I could done.

\--

Two hours later, I got up and stretched, cracking my neck and rolling my shoulders, and as I opened my office door I heard a familiar voice.

"Is Triste here?"

I'd know Jonas' voice anywhere and I was sure Mike was about to drop into a fanboy fit at seeing him walk in the front door. I peaked my head around the corner, remaining unseen, and admired him for a moment. His dreads were pulled back with a black elastic band, and his jacket looked thick and soft over his tight jeans and boots. The gold earrings stretched his earlobes down a little, but I couldn't imagine him without them now.

_Damn, he's fucking handsome._

I ducked back into my office and silently latched the door, waiting and grinning to myself.

"Ah. Ahh, yes, she's uh, she's in her office. I can go get her? No. Wait. Yes. No. Just...ah shit..."

Jonas was staring at him with his head slightly cocked to the side, trying to figure out whether he was supposed to wait for me to come out or go find me himself.

"Ohh, you must be Mike..." Jonas tried to stifle the grin that threatened to split his face at Mike's frazzled state.

He extended his hand, "Jonas."

Mike took the offered hand like he was afraid it might burn him, eyes like saucers, and Jonas snorted a laugh, "oh I like you," and he let Mike's hand go after pressing his other over top of it, "so, will you tell me where she is now?" he grinned.

"H-her office is around there," he finally got out, motioning around the corner and shaking his head to himself as another customer came in. I was sitting on the edge of my desk, flipping through a file full of invoices to be paid when he knocked.

"Entrez," I answered, doing my level best to keep my voice casual and seem surprised as I looked up at him when he poked his head in, then entered.

"Hi! What are you doing here?" I breathed with a smile, setting the folder down next to my crossed legs and looking at him over my reading glasses.

"I brought you something," he said, handing me a cup of coffee and pressing a kiss to my cheek. His beard tickled against my skin, and his lips lingered again. His smell was so warm and natural, I felt like it drew me in and I rocked back on my hips, still seated on my desk, to prevent myself from physically leaning into him.

"My savior, thank you!" I curled my hands around the warm cup and took a sip, closing my eyes to savor the rich coffee as he stepped away from me.

"You're welcome. I figured you might need it after such a long night..."

"Hmm," I hummed in agreement before pausing mid-sip and looking up at him. His eyes were twinkling with mirth and he raised one eyebrow as a crooked grin pulled one corner of his mouth up. The beauty of his entire expression nearly took my breath away.

"Oh Jesus Christ, can any of you boys keep your mouths shut?! Honestly, you're worse than schoolgirls, you fucking gossips!"

He threw his head back and laughed as I blushed, "oh like you don't know by now that we don't have secrets," he chuckled, "plus, it was obvious watching Tim kiss you goodbye this morning. Well... that and you look very _very_ fucked."

I ran a hand back through my hair, shaking my head, "that's not very nice," I mumbled, half-wondering what 'very very fucked' looked like, and if everyone I had meetings with today was going to be able to tell.

He laughed quietly, shrugging his shoulders, "its not a bad look on you."

"I didn't plan it, if it makes any difference. Not like I had time to anyways, they just sort of turned up on my doorstep yesterday."

He advanced towards me, taking the coffee from my hands and setting it down on my desk. His hands were warm when he took both of mine and pulled me to my feet, considering me for a moment.

He tapped the bridge of my reading glasses twice with a small grin, "I like you in these."

"Ah, shit," I said, quickly removing the electric frames I'd been unintentionally looking at him over, "I dont. I have to wear them or I can't read some of the numbers on the forms. I swear this job is making me blind. I'm so not cut out for...uhm...f-for p-paperwork..."

His eyes were such a beautiful dark blue that I was losing my concentration. Watching them flick down to my lips and stay there wasn't helping. I could see his mouth fidgeting with his lip ring like he did so often when he was lost in thought, drifting away with the images in his mind.

"Ah, ahem. So. Wait, are you here by yourself? Where's everyone else? Oh, lord they're not out in the shop torturing Mike are they?"

His eyes met mine as he took my hands again, "no, they're finding some place to eat, but I wanted to stop in and check on you. You were being a little bit quiet this morning." I sighed and ran my thumbs over his fingers as he held my hands in his own.

"I'm just nervous. Its stupid," I said shaking my head. A knock on the door interrupted me, and I let go of Jonas' hands.

"Come in."

Mike poked his head in, and his eyes snapped back and forth between the two of us for the briefest of moments before landing on me. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hi, sorry to interrupt, but your 2:00 appointment is here."

I checked the clock on my phone - they were early.

"Super, thank you, I'll be out in a moment."

The door closed behind him, and as soon as the latch clicked loudly, I was crushed into a kiss that startled me. Jonas' eyes closed as his mouth moved against mine with a soft groan, and his arms pulled me back closer to him. Mine closed too as I sighed back into his lips and softly ran my fingertips down his face before wrapping my arms around his neck, seeing that he didn't mean to release me.

"I'm sorry, but good God I can't tell you how long I've wanted to kiss you like that," he whispered against me, laying his forehead to mine.

"Like what, sorry my memory isn't the best," I whispered, pressing my lips back to his, needing more of him. I wanted to drop dead from sudden flaming arousal when his tongue stroked my lower lip, asking permission. I gave it wholeheartedly, and I felt myself being pulled impossibly closer to him as he groaned against my mouth, pressing his tongue through my parted lips and tasting me.

He continued to deepen the kiss, pushing me back the few feet until my legs hit the edge of my desk. His tongue was intoxicating and his kiss was just rough enough to make me start to forget about my waiting appointment as my fingers tangled into his tawny dreadlocks and I tried to keep my vocal responses restrained. Jonas pressed his hips against mine, and after several more brushes of his lips, and a nip at my lower one, he released me with a soft kiss on my nose.

My knees shook, and I held onto him for one more moment, before bracing myself against my desk.

He didn't miss the movement for what it was, and his eyes darkened seeing what his kiss did to me. He stepped back to look me up and down, and I held up my index finger towards him when he took a step closer.

"Don't you dare. Whatever you're thinking, don't you do it, I have a meeting..."

He disregarded me with a grin, knowing part of me didn't want him to stop. Another step, and he bent his head till his lips were at my ear. He brushed the shell with his nose, making me shudder hard as the metal of his septum piercing followed the same line.

"Mmm, I think I like making you shake..."

A soft moan left my lips and my fingers curled into the material of his jacket as I felt almost flooded with need, "I...I have...I have a distributor waiting for me...w-with a South African producer..."

"I hope he's very important," he said lowly, running one finger tantalizingly up and down my neck until I was almost purring under his touch.

"Its a she...and, fuck...I do have to go..." the words were the exact opposite of what I wanted, but I couldn't behave that unprofessionally.

"Well, in that case, I hope you don't get too...distracted," as he said the words, his fingertips ran softly from my knee up my thigh, his pinky finger just barely brushing over my pussy before he pulled his hand away. I almost yelped in surprise, but managed to clear my throat instead and looked up at him as I ran a hand back through my hair.

"So what, you don't care that there might be a room full of strangers on the other side of that wall?" I asked, now too curious not to as he backed towards the door.

"I was just out there, and can tell you that there isn't...but even so, do you remember me being particularly shy, beautiful," he growled lowly, his voice dropping until it was a low vibration between us as he sized me up.

"Fuck," I whispered, "that's your thing?" I was glad I got the words out as I started to combust under his gaze the closer we got until he leaned down and slowly, perfectly, pressed his mouth to mine in a kiss that only promised more. 

"No," he murmured, "but if you keep guessing I'll tell you..."

I couldn't even bear the idea of having a conversation with Jonas about fetishes and kinks - the thought alone made my legs press closer together. 

"You boys and your kinks," I murmured, aware that I was only making a joke to stop myself from throwing him down on my desk and having him, though it did nothing to stop the mental image from playing through my brain, and I found myself absently running my fingers over the wood when he didn't respond. 

"Oh my god," I laughed, "speaking of kinks, did you know Henrik likes to be tied up??"

I laughed again. Sweet, soft, thoughtful Henrik. Who knew?

Jonas raised both eyebrows in my direction, clearly saying that he didn't.

"Okay, so some secrets," I smirked.

"Did you t-- no, nevermind, I don't want to know."

An image flashed through my mind of Henrik's wrists bound above his head, his body stretched out and at my mercy. I took a sharp breath through my nose and looked back to Jonas, who was wearing an expression which could plainly be called lustful.

"Anyways. See you tonight then," I grinned, and I couldn't help the sassy smirk that curved my lips. He pulled me in and kissed me one more time, opening his lips to me and loving the way I sank into his kiss, so new and exciting to both of us as our tongues tangled together once more.

When he broke away with a soft moan, he pressed a feather light kiss to my cheek and squeezed my hand, back to his normal self.

"Have a good rest of your day, I'll see you later."

"That you will," I smiled back. I expected him to turn to leave then, but he slowly drew me in once more.

"Sorry, just one more," he said softly as he pressed his lips to mine, cupping my cheeks with his hands and tenderly kissing me. My arms wrapped around his waist and I willingly sank into him, drowning in his lips and the sensations coursing through my already-overloaded brain.

"I have to go back to work," I sighed inbetween little kisses, and he kissed my forehead once before tilting my face up to look at him.

"Thank you for being open to the idea of talking to Johannes. I can't say I'd do the same if I was in your place."

I nodded and looked at the floor, "I don't know whats going to happen. But...I mean...no, I don't know..."

He pulled me in again, and I pressed my face to his shoulder, giving myself permission for a moment to be vulnerable and seek comfort. Jonas felt my subtle shift and smothered me with his body as best he could, wrapping me in his arms and pressing kisses to my hair.

"We'll be right there with you if you need us, Triste...you don't have to do this by yourself."

I hadn't thought about that, and felt a little better knowing as I pulled back and leaned up to kiss him one more time, nodding, "that's helpful, thank you."

"Okay, I'll share now, I guess, if I have to," he laughed as he tipped me on the nose and headed for the door, leaving it open as I composed myself for a moment before heading out to meet my appointment.


	32. Chapter 32

When I stepped out of my office later, Mike was locking the doors and shutting off the lights. I kept my coat wrapped tightly around my body when he turned and looked more appraisingly at me than one should at their boss.

"Wow..."

I knew he was curious about my relationship with Tim and Henrik, and now doubtless with Jonas, but if I was being honest, I didn't have an answer for him, or myself.

We slid into my Jeep and turned on the heat, heading for downtown as Mike blasted Avatar Country through my stereo. The only song I knew was the one Tim wrote for me, and I patiently waited for it. Bits from other songs stood out to me, and I had little flashbacks to Tim and Jonas sitting on the deck with their guitars trying to suss out a riff back and forth that was bouncing around inside one of their brains. I braked at a red light and thought about all that had happened since last night.

_The one you seek serves the eye of the sun... _

I shivered hard at the memory. It was me he was supposed to find. Damned if I knew why, but Tim ignited in me a fire that I'd never known existed.

I loved Johannes, and I loved Henrik, but I burned for Tim.

_And he worships you. _

"Hmm, that he does," I sighed in response, pressing my legs a little closer together at the thought.

"Who does?"

"What? Oh nothing...What the fuck is with all the 'king' stuff on this album?" I muttered, more to myself than to him but his head turned slowly to me and cocked to the side as a string of holiday lights illuminated his face for a moment.

"...JJJJJJonas...?" he held the 'j' like he wasn't sure he even needed to finish the word, but decided to when I obviously had no clue what he was talking about.

"Wh--because his nickname is Kungen? You know he picked that for himself right?" I said, still not really understanding and shaking my head a little bit at him as a particularly clown-like grin broke out across his face.

"Oh my God, you have no idea what you're in for, do you?"

"No idea about what?"

"Oh I am _not_ spoiling it. Uh-uh. Lips zipped."

"Mike what the hell are you talking about?"

"Mm-mmm," he shook his head, staring straight ahead at the tail lights of the car in front of us and practically bouncing in his seat. I found that somehow listening to Johannes' voice was steeling me to see him in person.

There had to be _something_ he wanted to say to me. I had no idea what I was going to say in response, and I just hoped I wouldn't collapse to the floor in a crying heap. Other than that, I was going to totally wing it.

\--

I asked for my ticket at the box office amidst a sea of black hair and facial piercings and was again on the receiving end of an all-too-appraising look as the young man behind the counter handed me a ticket and a laminated pass on a lanyard. I raised an eyebrow at him, having thoroughly had enough of those looks today, and he quickly averted his eyes.

"Oh..." was all Mike said when he saw both in my hand, "I guess I'll see you later then? We can meet up for a beer or something after." He sounded heartbroken, the poor lamb.

"Wait," we heard, and I turned back to the kid behind the ticket counter, but he wasn't looking at me, "are you with her?"

Mike opened his mouth to answer, and something half-coherent came out about not being with me with me, but we came together and stuff. I checked the smile threatening at my lips.

"Yeah, he's with me, why?"

"I fucked up, somebody called and left a second one of those --he nodded at the pass in my hand-- this afternoon for someone coming with you. I just saw the note, sorry about that."

I thought Mike was going to drop dead at my feet when he took the offered pass, "did you do this??"

“In what time? Between my visitors and all the meetings? You know who left it,” I said softly, remembering one visitor in particular and warming at the thought as I felt a ghost of his kiss brush my lips.

“Jonas?! But wh-why??”

I wasn’t sure, so I shrugged my shoulders and motioned him towards the doors. I suddenly felt like my stomach was in my feet at the idea that Johannes was here, once again in the same space I was.

And, damnit, why did Jonas feel like Mike needed to be a part of this? It was going to be uncomfortable enough for me as it was.

\--

We wound our way through the crowd, and were escorted backstage to the door marked 'Avatar' by one of the venue staff members. The door opened when I knocked softly, starting to feel more and more anxious. My shaking fingers fidgeted with my coat, and I could practically hear Mike's pulse thundering next to me.

I found myself looking at the floor when John appeared in the doorway.

I couldn't breathe.  
What was I going to even say to Johannes?  
What if he rejected me and my heart broke all over again?  
I can't see him with a ring on his finger.  
Run. Run right now.

"Hey you," John said softly, taking my hand and pulling me into the room, dashing any sudden plans I had to bolt. Mike followed and shut the door behind us with a metallic click. I drew in a few rapid, shallow breaths, and he tipped my chin up.

"Deep breaths, little one, you're okay," his gaze held mine, smoldering in its intensity, but full of care still. I took a few steadying breaths, finally getting control over my breathing and feeling my pulse start to level as my brain stopped bouncing back and forth between fight or flight.

"Hi, John" I smiled, suddenly feeling absurdly shy seeing him in his dark eye makeup, with his hair up and sectioned and I felt my cheeks go red. He smiled down at me, and pulled me to him, pressing my head to his chest with one hand and moving it into my hair to keep me where I was.

"Much better," he whispered.

I took another deep breath as my eyes finally scanned the room.

Johannes wasn't there.

"Oh. I thought. Oh..." I couldn't help my sigh of relief, even as my heart sank. John seemed to read my mind - something that he had gotten remarkably, annoyingly good at during our week together.

"He'll be here just before we go on...Johannes doesn't ever stay after soundcheck anymore. Sorry, I should have told you this morning," his voice held a hint of sadness.

Mike cleared his throat and shot me a look that involved both his eyebrows moving up his forehead, clearly saying '_and just what happened this morning?_'

"Oh. Right. Ah, this is Mikkael. Mike. And Mike, this is John, and you remember Henrik and T-Tim?"

_Now he's really gonna hit the deck. _

I moved away from John and touched Mike's arm when he didn't say anything as they all shook hands.

"HI," he finally squeaked out, making all of us laugh. I was glad when Mike joined in, flaming red though he was, and he seemed to relax.

Everyone else crowded around us in attire identical to John's.

"Hang your coat up and stay for a minute," Henrik whispered playfully in my ear from behind me and I looked over my shoulder with a smile. The oil he added to his hair made it hang a little heavier down his shoulders, pulling the curls straighter, but he was still perfect and despite my nerves, there was something so comforting about him, like I was coming home. 

When I undid the buttons and slipped my pea coat down off my arms, a silence descended on the room. I'd given into my own vanity for once, and knew I looked amazing, even hot. The front of my black top dipped just below my collar bone before clinging in a flattering line down my waist, and the reverse scooped far down to expose the creamy skin of my back and shoulders. I couldn't wear anything that would expose the bite mark that was still clearly visible, though Tim hadn't broken the skin. My jeans were the darkest blue I owned, and did the curves of my waist all kinds of favors, accentuating the lines of each leg before clinging to my ankles just above the tops of my most comfortable deep burgundy pumps. I'd even taken the time to perfect a dark, smokey palette of black and purple on my eyes that made my irises look like shining gunmetal.

Everyone's eyes were on me, and I noticed with a small smile to myself that Henrik's hands were shaking as he gripped the gray wool of my coat. My eyes passed from one man to another, settling on Tim's last, feeling the slightest bit nervous about what I would find there because I knew my self control was shit around him.

Everything about his gaze was feral, hungry, and predatory, and his chest moved with rapid, shallow breaths.

_Oh, I know that look. _

I wished desperately that Mike wasn't there, but he was looking at me too, no doubt now definitely confused as to how I was involved with them, dressed like this. But the truth was that it was mostly for the benefit of the only man that wasn’t there.

No, wait. Not the only man.

“Where’s Jonas?”

“Fixing his mustache or something,” replied John, as his eyes traveled down the curves of my thighs. I took a step back from everyone, out of reach of the grasp of six different hands that wanted to do god-knows what to me at that moment.

"So, so ah, uhm, h-have you guys played here before?" I asked, trying to indicate to them that ravaging me in front of my employee was a no-no.

It was Tim who finally answered me, and everyone seemed to snap out of it hearing him speak, "no, not here specifically. But it seems like a decent venue. Good sound, big stage, that kind of thing."

I didn't really care if they'd played there or not, not when Tim was looking at me that way, eyes resting on my hips. I knew from the way he licked his lips that he was imagining my flavor on his tongue again, and it made me squirm as we locked eyes and my pulse jumped when a wicked little grin twisted the his mouth under his waxed mustache.

"Behave," I pointed a finger at him and he grinned wider and turned for the mirror, searching for a comb.

The rest of the boys started to move back into making their final adjustments to their eye makeup and outfits too, and Mike and I fell into conversation about what to order for next week, killing time until we had to leave. Talking about work gave me something to concentrate on that wasn't Tim's stare meeting mine in the mirror or Johannes’ absence.

But still he kept staring, and my brain couldn't stop thinking about exactly what he was remembering.

_Maybe just for a moment or two, things _are_ getting rather calm and quiet in here... _

I tuned Mike out while doing my best to maintain the proper airs of paying attention, punctuating responses with the appropriate amounts of 'ah's and 'mhmm's.

My consciousness reached out to Tim mentally, and once we were linked, I watched him devour me, myy hips thrusting into his face as he shoved his tongue into my pussy. I remembered how he growled against me, drinking me down when he made me gush, and I was frankly a little surprised that the heat of our connection didn't crack the mirror.

Tim's mouth moved but no sound left, and I knew that he felt me there. I hadn't told any of them about his part. It was similar to what I'd done with Henrik, but less involved. More a glimpse of the memory rather than a full re-witnessing of it. 

A crooked smile pulled at my lips, and I let one more thought of him pass between us before I let him go- how he'd looked slamming me into the wall this morning, sinking his teeth into my breast as he came hard, filling me with himself even as my own fluids dripped down his thighs...

"Jesus Christ, _TRISTE_!"

"Hmm? Sorry, one second, Mike. Is everything okay, Tim?" My smile was perfectly innocent as our eyes burned into each other and he kept taking those short shallow breaths.

"Ahh. Uhh, yes. Yeah. Yes...nevermind, I forgot."

I winked and glanced down at my watch -- we needed to get back out there soon or we'd end up at the very back.

Henrik looked at Tim sideways in a curious glance and Tim just shook his head, going back to his reflection with the kohl pencil in hand.

"I think I'm gonna go find a beer," Mike said, interrupting my observations.

"Alright, you okay?" I checked, and he smiled shyly at me and nodded.

"Its just excitement. I'm gonna go outside and smoke for a minute I think, actually. Yes. Nicotine. Then beer. Then so much beer."

"I'll be out in just a minute, grab me a beer too" I responded, pushing a twenty dollar bill into his hand before I shut the door behind him.

When it closed, I pressed my forehead against the cool metal, taking a deep breath before turning around. Henrik patted the spot on the couch next to him, and I gladly crossed to settle there, collapsing down into the worn material and snuggling against him. He put his arm around me, pulling so that I leaned into him before his pointer finger crooked and pulled my chin up, and he kissed my lips, humming softly. I didn't let him pull back for several seconds - I needed something but I wasn't quite sure what it was, though the softness of his mouth seemed to be doing a fine job sating it either way. 

"You look amazing," he said softly, and when I opened my eyes, his weren't lust-filled or appraising, they were simply my kind, loving Henrik, "I’ve missed the way your lips taste..." he kissed me a little harder, teasing his tongue against my own as his hand ran up and down my arm.

"Hmm," I hummed as I kissed him again, "I wasn't really sure what to wear, but I'm glad you like it."

"I definitely do," he whispered lowly, pressing a kiss to the back corner of my jaw.

I sat up and looked around the room as John and Tim watched me.

Another glance at my watch.

"You go on at 9 right? I probably need to go back out and find Mike then, its quarter till."

John crossed the room and pulled me to my feet, leaning down to kiss me briefly, "its fine. Stay another minute," he breathed, pulling me with him as he stepped further away from the couch. His hands started to wander in a way that made me forget about the time, brushing up and down the bare expanse of my back.

"I remember this," his eyes burned holes into mine as he blindly traced my raised hieroglyphic tattoo with one finger, touching the lines and remembering the last time he had gotten to put his hands on my bare skin.

Jonas came up behind me and ran one hand over my hair, touching my waist with the other and I jumped slightly - I hadn't heard him come in from wherever he'd been for the last half hour.

"Well, look at you..." he rasped. The lowness of his voice sent a shiver up my spine, and a gasp left my lips as he swept my hair around one side of my neck and kissed the opposite side. His hands started to travel too, and I looked up at John, who was still standing in front of me. The dark makeup around his eyes seemed to make them glow, even under the fluorescent lights, and the end of his ponytail hung down over his left shoulder.

Still nobody spoke.

John ran his hands over my waist picking up on the other man's rhythm that has just ceased, and Jonas resumed kissing the back and side of my neck, growling a little at the scent of my perfume as he pushed his fingers into my hair.

I couldn't stop the sigh that escaped my lips if I had tried, which I didn't.

"D-don't you have to go on now? Or soon? Is this wise?"

No one responded.

"Somebody say something, please..." I begged, trying to buy time to collect my thoughts and not drop to the floor from sensory overload.

"Mmm," Jonas hummed against my shoulder, pulling the material of my shirt an inch to the side as I felt his tongue lightly caress my skin, "what are we supposed to say? 'You look damn good with a bite mark'?"

I gasped and quickly backed out of their reach, pressing my hand over the spot in question.

"You can't possibly know about that..."

"Oh, please," Jonas laughed, "didn't we talk about this earlier?"

He advanced and curled my hair back around my ear, pressing a sensual, lingering kiss to my lips that made me whimper a little. "thoroughly, deliciously, _fucked_," he looked at me with those beautiful smile lines around his eyes before he leaned in to whisper low and hot into my ear, "I'm still just getting a little distracted still by thinking about whats underneath..." and his fingertips skimmed the outer edges of my breasts before dropping down to my waist.

Jonas loomed over me, powerful and a force to be reckoned with, even slight as he was, and I felt myself bend backwards as he held me to him, leaning further and further as one of my arms wrapped around his neck like a reflex. He had me almost fully dipped by the time he kissed me, and I didn't protest as his lips worked mine and he bit my bottom one softly as he chuckled at my lack of resistance, pulling me back upright. He released me and I backed away from them with a hand pressed to my chest, trying to keep my most vital organ from escaping as I looked back and forth between Jonas and John and Henrik.

I backed straight into Tim and yelped as his arm shot out and held me around my middle with a vice-like grip.

"You," he growled, running his nose in a line up my neck, "are a wicked, wicked woman...tell me how you did that."

"I...I..."

Just then, a knock happened on the outside of the door and I was saved.

"Five minutes, guys," a voice sounded from outside.

Tim turned my face and kissed me hard, sucking all the oxygen out of the room and devouring my mouth as he groaned heavily, no longer caring if anyone saw us or of the world itself burned.

"Its going to be difficult to play when all I can think about is you pouring yourself into my mouth," he whispered into my ear, making me shiver hard with need as his cock pressed against my ass.

I didn't envy him in the slightest, I was worked up to the point that another five minutes would have seen my carefully-chosen outfit in a heap on the floor.

He nudged me to move away and took a few deep breaths as he propped his hands on his hips, trying to will his erection away.

"You're going to be the death of me, woman, I swear," he muttered, and I stifled a laugh and looked back at all of them, pressing my hands to my lips, kissing them and extending them to everyone.

"My boys..." I whispered.

They all smiled at me, but only John spoke, "don’t go too far after the show. We're not finished with you yet, Triste..."

I squeaked and backed out of the room as they laughed together. The door latched behind me and one of the venue staff gestured for me to follow.

As I was being escorted back to the awaiting crowd, I saw him at the other end of the hallway, facing away from me.

His dark hair hung straight down his back, and he was settling his hat on top of his head, the skull-topped cane in his opposite hand.

I froze and heard my heartbeat in my ears.

"Johannes?" My voice was hardly more than a whisper.

He paused, but didn't turn around, and I wasn't sure if I imagined the way his head cocked slightly to the side, but he never turned to see me. Rather he continued forward and disappeared around to side stage.

\--

I left the bar and found Mike, pressing a fresh beer into his hand with a smile.

"Hey! You looked low."

"Yeah, I guess I am. I got you a beer, but I drank it...is everything okay?"

I could see from his eyes that he was feeling a little tipsy already and I nodded, shaken after seeing Johannes, but excited for the show.

When the lights dropped, my pulse jumped and beat rapidly in my throat.

Glory To Our King started over the speakers, and Jonas entered first under a spotlight. My jaw dropped and I couldn't help but giggle at the vision of him in full regalia with a crown on his head, as he moved to center-stage and sat on a golden throne. It was only made funnier by me thinking about him grumbling and still half-hard, trying to tangle himself into mass of chains and velvet as I departed unknowingly down the hall.

I turned to Mike, a little shocked.

"What the fuck," I mouthed, and he cracked up, everything about my reaction exactly what he'd hoped for.

"Kungen," he reminded.

"Yah. Got that."

As the king in question settled in his seat and someone handed him his guitar, his eyes scanned the crowd and after a few passes he found me. The corner of his mouth twitched under the waxed mustache and I smiled back and saluted him with my beer before taking another sip.

One barely perceptible nod later, he strummed a single chord and the room became dead silent. His fingers moved unbelievably fast over the frets then, and I felt absorbed into his music, the sound pulsing through me in waves. Tim, Henrik, and John joined him onstage, and the energy from the crowd livened me.

Watching them play was a privilege, and I cheered loudly, almost forgetting for the moment about Johannes. But the sound of everyone screaming filled the air as he appeared and slowly, deliberately, stalked his way to Jonas' left side, looking extraordinarily wolf-like, and bent to one knee before lifting the microphone to his mouth.

His voice was as good as ever, and my heart palpitated. Here he was, after all this time. I'd imagined that he'd become some dry, shriveled shell of himself from what Henrik and Tim told me, but he was full of energy on stage, as he had been all weekend that first time I'd seen him perform live.

Mike whooped and cheered, throwing horns in the air with his empty hand, nearly spilling his beer, and I couldn't help but laugh and cheer with him. He was such an infectious soul, and my heart suddenly ached for May, who I'd shared this experience with last time.

I watched Johannes carefully, waiting for him to see me so I could feel him out. That was all I intended to do, and we would figure out the rest later.

Mike and I were close enough to the stage that I knew he would be able to see me in certain lighting. I watched him move and scream and work the crowd, and everything started to feel normal again.

He was here. He was okay. Healthy enough, it seemed, and obviously still as talented as ever...

We were only a couple minutes into the show, but I was unable to resist when he glanced at me and I reached out mentally - I'd been planning on waiting until a little later in the show, but I was too close not to, and overwhelmed by memories to boot.

I closed my eyes quickly and connected with him, imagining a soft hand pressed to his cheek months ago as he sang of flames and sorrow now. It was my hand caressing his face. After that night when we had claimed each other for the first time, unexpectedly giving every part of ourselves to a stranger. The sun was filling the sky over top of us as my back pressed into the warm wood of the deck floor. Johannes hung over me, looking down with a smile and telling me I was a goddess in the sunlight.

Not a goddess, but a priestess.

_How little he knew then, but still... _

I could feel his skin underneath my fingertips, and I clamped my lips shut to swallow the cry that threatened to escape them as I relived the memory.

When I looked up again, he was staring at me with a hand pressed to his cheek right where I'd touched him. Our gazes locked, and I gave him a relieved smile.

There he was.   
My Johannes.   
The one who my entire existence pulsed for, day in and day out.   
Why did you ever go away from me, my love...

But something wasn't quite right.

As he looked at me, his head cocked awkwardly in confusion and his hand fell back to his side, though he didn't miss a single word of the song. He looked at me still, and my empty cup fell from my hand when he slightly shrugged and looked away.

The startled realization nearly knocked me down.

He didn't know me.

Everything began to swirl around me, and I thought I was going to pass out as I fought to keep a hold on my energy when every fear and worry and terror tried to surface all at once. I stumbled back a step and met Mike with wild eyes when he reached to catch me. His hand was warm around my waist, and his eyes were full of concern as his other reached to steady me.

I backed out of his grasp, "I have to go. I--I can't. I can't. I'm sorry."

"What? Triste where are you going?"

I looked back at the stage one time and locked eyes with Henrik as I started to back away, panicked, bumping into the people behind me and stepping on toes.

His lips formed my name, but I turned and fled, moving through the crowd and bursting through the front doors, taking a great gasp of the freezing night air.

I ran to my car and locked myself in, trying to swallow the scream at my lips as I sobbed.

How could he not know me.   
After everything.   
Was I really that passive of an experience for him?

I turned my key in the ignition, trying to stay calm and rational as I turned onto the highway.

\--

The show ended and the band took their bows before disappearing backstage.

Mike worked his way through the crowd, trying to get around to the side of the stage, and a firm hand stopped his progress any further when he got there as a man built like a Sequoia wearing a security shirt stepped in his path.

Mike held up his pass to him, frantically trying to move past, "please, I need to talk to them!"

"That's only good for before the show, kid, you're gonna have to wait by the bus like everyone else for an autograph."

"I don't give a shit about autographs, I need to talk to them, its important!"

The look on the larger man's face said in no uncertain terms 'fat fucking chance, but go ahead and try...'

Mike retreated, running a hand through his hair and pushed his way outside, following the crowds towards the bus. He was taller than average, at least six feet, and when Henrik, John, Jonas, Tim, and Johannes made their way outside an hour later, he put a hand up to get their attention.

Henrik was already searching for him the minute he stepped outside, and his sharp eyes caught the movement right away. He nudged Tim, who stepped away to grin for a selfie with a fan, and beelined for Mike.

"Where is she, what happened?"

"I don't know, she just freaked out all of a sudden and bailed. I thought she'd come back but she didn't and she's not answering her phone or her texts. She just kept saying 'I can't I can't I can't'."

Henrik pinched the bridge of his nose as a string of profanities flew from his lips and he turned to motion to Tim and Jonas, who grabbed John and made their way over.

"She didn't come back, something is wrong. We need to go."

Everyone looked at Mike, who repeated what he'd told Henrik.

"I just...I don't know. Like her look was just straight up panic and then she apologized and basically ran away. I texted her four or five times and called."

"Fuck," Tim groaned, "we have to be here for a little bit longer, then we'll check on her."

Mike chewed his lip for a moment, the awkwardness creeping in.

"What," Jonas said, a little more of a snap than he'd meant for.

"Nothing...nothing. Just. What's going on?"

John looked at him wordlessly for a moment, unsure how much he knew already.

"You know what? Nevermind. Just tell her to call me or something when you see her. Shits freaking me out now."

Tim and Jonas got pulled away to sign pieces of fan art, and John sighed and nodded, "I will. Thanks."

He held his hand out to Mike, who paused for a moment then shook it.


	33. Chapter 33

I drove home faster than I should have, and slammed the door behind me when I got into my apartment, finally giving way to the sob that had been building in my chest as I sank down against the sturdy wood and angrily threw my heels across the room.

"Why?!?" I choked out to no one, weeping bitterly into my hands as the wracking sobs overtook my body.

"Why would he forget about me?! He loved me!!"

When the immediate anguish subsided, I rose and made myself a stiff drink before crossing to the bathroom to take off my makeup. Tonight I was going to get good and wasted.

I rarely gave myself the permission, but I felt the urge to commune face-to- face with my goddess, and needed to remove all boundaries. It had been lifetimes since I'd seen Her face to face, and I needed nothing more than Her presence tonight.

Swallowing the rest of the whisky, I headed towards my bedroom and shed my clothes along the way, dropping them carelessly on the floor. I knew that in the morning I would find a way to pick up and carry on, as I had when Johannes had failed to contact me the first time, but now I was going to wallow and fucking enjoy it.

I had one hell of a wall to put back up.

I threw on a long-sleeve shirt over my sports bra and running shorts, and tied my feet into neon tennis shoes.

_Fuck him. This is why you became a priestess in the first place. _   
_Because of men. _   
_That man. _   
_Remember how he beat you when he thought you were barren. _   
_His fists and his feet colliding with your fragile little bones. _   
_Oh yes. All those centuries ago. I know you remember, Masika..._   
_But now you're here and he's less than nothing. You know who you are, so let it out. _   
_Why are you allowing some mortal to affect you, someone who you could so easily bend to your will..._   
_Restoration, Masika... _

"Stop it Na'eemah!" I yelled out loud, again to no one but myself. Her shit was the last fucking thing I couldn't handle tonight and I shook my head and grabbed my keys, forcing my earbuds as far in as they would go and locking the door behind me before heading down the stairs.

The night air hit my lungs like arctic water, but I needed nothing more than a good, jarring shock of reality right now. I put on the angriest music I could find and took off down the sidewalk at a brisk pace, letting the rhythmic pounding of my feet against the pavement lull me into not thinking anymore. I kept one eye out for danger, but there was a huge piece of me that just wanted to get into a fight and release some of my anger and frustration.

\--

When I got back, I was heaving and covered in sweat, but feeling somewhat better with the endorphins running through my system.

Who needed sex for those after all?

_You do. _

"No, I do not," I sternly said aloud, aware that anyone who heard me might think me mad as a hatter.

I headed for the bathroom, tossing my sweaty clothes into the hamper, and then paused when I looked at my reflection. The only thing left was my necklace. I stared at it, feeling another piece of my heart break.

He's gone, it doesn't mean anything now.

I tore it off over my head and flung it onto the bathroom counter, never wanting to see it again and wishing I had just given it to Henrik to give back.

I showered, shaved, and then scrubbed my skin with an abrasive loofah until it was red and fresh, mulling over what I was going to say to Her and trying to tamp down my nerves. When I emerged from the bathroom purified and ready, covered in fragrant oil, I let Babyboy climb onto my shoulders, and walked naked into the living room to pour myself another drink.

I downed it without a fuss and lifted the glass to the feline on my shoulders, who gave the rim a test lick before happily lapping up the last drops. He mewled a tiny thank you at me, rubbing his cheek against mine.

"Can't drink alone, my love...and we're doing this tonight. Tell your brother, he needs to be up and he won't hear Her come." 

He promptly lept off my shoulders and headed to find the other.

I gazed at myself in the mirror, lifting my chin and tracing the faint red teeth marks on my breast, letting my mind linger for a moment on the unbridled passion of last night and this morning as I looked over each line and curve of my reflection.

I was glorious naked. Firm, fit, and in my prime. The water was still beaded on my skin and I shook my head, flinging droplets from my hair across the mirror before I met my own gaze when I re-centered and my crystal tumbler and I went to my bedroom to dig through my closet.

There was one garment in particular that I sought, neat the back, still on the same hanger as when I'd bought it, and I was pretty sure it still had a tag too. 

I slipped into a pair of panties and donned my sheer white gown. It was light and flowy, the kind of material that billowed when you walked in the wind, like people wore for beach weddings, and I buttoned it up my front slowly, one at a time, preparing myself.

I heard her voice in my ears, speaking to me as a pre-teen who thought this strange beautiful woman needed to be committed to an institution somewhere.

She was obviously mad.

_"There will perhaps come a day in this life when you speak to our Divine, and you had best be clad appropriately. She asks little of us, Masika, and gives us much. Always sheer. Always white. Repeat it back to me." _

_"Always sheer. Always white." _

The thought of her further inflamed my anger. Was the entire world just going to shit? Restoration.

I wanted nothing more, but I also knew it was impossible. A hundred generations removed from our temple, no one would know what to make of Her.

"Always sheer. Always white," I murmured to myself as I hooked the last button, watching my eyes change. They were still bloodshot from crying.

_ Red and green, how seasonally appropriate_.

I wandered around my apartment, shutting the lights off and lighting every candle I could find before igniting a stick of incense and settling onto the open hardwood floor of my living room, kneeling.

I tried not to think about the fact that it was right where Henrik had told me I'd get myself into trouble if I kept touching him, but the thought forced itself on me anyways.

_Gods, but he fucks just like I always thought he would. Passionate and slow. Carefully..._

"No. Stop. Focus."

_Is that what we told him? No, we told him don't stop. _   
_We took everything he gave us and wanted more._   
_ Nothing to be ashamed of, little girl... _

"ENOUGH." I put a firm stop to these thoughts, pushing Henrik and Tim and John and Jonas and Johannes out of my mind, and picking up the vial before me. 

Sex wasn't really enough anymore to get me and the other women like me all the way into Her presence. It was close, and a spiritual experience for sure when it was good, but there was that last little edge to fall over that required a chemical nudge these days. 

I didn't ever ask Na'eemah what it was or where she got it, but every time I fully manifested and accepted who I was, she appeared within a few days, a week at the max, wielding this tiny glass vial with a medicine dropper. 

_One drop, darling, that's all it takes. Do not forget about it, do not lose it, do _not_use it frivolously. Our Lady is kind, but do not forget who She is - trivialities are worthless to the one who created the very desert itself, Masika._

Carefully I let one single, glistening amber bead drop into my glass, and gave it a swirl.

Glancing over at Babyboy and Red, I toasted in their direction and nodded my head to them with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Bottoms up..."

In the old days we'd used honey wine, but I figured for the way my evening had gone thus far, whiskey was as good a choice as any, so I tipped the glass back and swallowed, laying down on my back and staring at the ceiling.

Now for the hard part.

I tried to think of nameless, faceless people having sex, watching the way they moved, listening to the sounds they made, but it did nothing for me as I desperately tried to get myself off before I lost my nerve to do this altogether. 

"Fuck," I finally muttered when nothing worked, pulling my hand away and rolling over to get to my feet so I could go dig in my bedside table drawer and find my vibrator. 

I returned to my spot on the living room floor, trying to get comfortable on an uncomfortable surface, squirming and muttering to myself before I paused.

What the fuck was I doing? Going to meet my goddess for the first time in several centuries, grumbling about how uncomfortable my hardwoods were? With a scattered mind and unsure heart? No. 

Several deep breaths saw my focus return. Another saw me working myself open, giving over to sensation and accepting that this needed to happen to get me where I needed to be tonight. Her temple. Luxor. I could see the statues of Her. More than sixty in number. Powerful and strong, like the granite carved into her likeness. 

"Masika," She called me softly, and I burned for the sound of her voice, switching the frequency up higher, letting all the thoughts of Henrik and Tim swirl through my brain, keeping Johannes at arm's length for the moment.

I remembered Henrik telling me to hold on tight before he flipped us over into the grass, giving me everything he had, rolling those perfect hips against me.   
I remembered that one moment where Tim buried himself inside me in one smooth push, stretching me to my limits and bending me to his will.   
I remembered the taste of Jonas' mouth, the course brush of his beard against my skin, the feel of his lips whispering over my shoulder.  
I remembered the way John had purred at me to come closer, to find out if what I wondered about him being a good kisser was true...

I was so close, writhing on the living room floor, moving closer and closer to the edge.

It was all I needed. That last little bit.

_Papa..._

My mind exploded with sensation as my head snapped up towards the ceiling, my eyes wide and unseeing.

I passed through centuries of thought and time, and all the lives I had lived over thousands of years swirled in technicolor before me, their edges blurring together.

I saw my parents, my husbands and wives, my children, my siblings.

A force pinned me down, and I writhed on the floor, feeling the delicious age-old familiar warmth between my legs.

My hips reflexively thrusted upwards, trying to meet the temple boy who wasn't there.

Then I felt the sandstone under my shoulders, the thin material of my gown doing nothing to shield me from the rough kiss of the temple floor.

Gold and lapis-lazuli surrounded me, and the smell of burning offerings filled my nose.

The sounds of my fellow priestesses filled the air - whispering, imploring, praising our goddess.

The whites of my eyes showed as I screamed, deep and raw, letting every sensation run through me.

The pressure and coil of heat in my belly became unbearable and I came undone with a primal scream to match the first.

Or was it one continuous sound?

I didn't know. I didn't care.

My spirit left my body for moments untold, and then with the deep gasp of life being breathed back into me, I bolted upright in my living room and my palms smacked against my hardwood as I was on my knees, kneeling.

A lioness sat before me, massive and majestic. Larger than anything I could ever imagine a real lion taking form as and I instinctively bowed my head and prostrated myself, tossing my sex toy aside and immediately forgetting about it.

"Goddess," I whispered, "I am blessed by your presence".

I began to feel more and more like the temple priestess from millienia before as the seconds ticked by, and less like Triste.

"Little fool..." She hummed.

I sat up and was unabashedly forgetting even my manners now, staring at her, "what?"

"Masika...you forget yourself," She cautioned.

"I apologize, goddess...I am...out of practice with this part."

"By several lifetimes, I'd say. Why have you called to me now? After all this time. How I have missed seeing you, little Masika."

I was suddenly unsure what to say, but I figured honesty was best.

"I went into a situation tonight, mistress, and I got hurt. I knew it was a possibility going into it, but it caused me pain more than I thought possible when it actually happened...forgive me for troubling you with mortal trivialities."

"Hush with your apologies."

I bowed my head, staring at the floor.

Sekhmet's tone softened, "dear child. I remember when you came to me. You were so young, so afraid. Covered in bruises. Your bones broken. They thought you would die...your pain was great then too."

"Yes mother," I choked on a sob, reliving what she spoke of and I looked up with tears in my eyes, wincing, feeling the blows again. She stood and advanced towards me, her paws silent on my floorboards.

Stopping less than a foot away, she pressed her massive forehead to mine, and I felt her fur, soft and so, so familiar.

"I am sorry I've been away so long, Mother," I whispered, trying not to give into my all-consuming impulse to grab onto her and never let go again.

"Tell me more of your troubles, my child," her voice was kind, and I remembered now why I'd devoted my life to her. It wasn't because she had saved me. It wasn't because I cried out with satisfaction as they buried my husband in the sand after he was struck down in the middle of the night by an assassin that was never captured. It was her kindness towards me - how she made me feel both like her cub as a young child and a huntress of her pride as I got older.

"Mother. My heart is broken. I trusted and loved a man who forgot about me. I shared with him what I am, and who you are, and I saw no memory of it in his eyes tonight. He didn't recognize me or know my touch..."

"Why did you do this thing if you knew you could get hurt?"

"I...they asked me to."

"So it was not done for yourself."

"I mean...kind of. I, ahem...I thought Johannes had given up on me. And then Henrik and Tim showed up and were convinced that if he saw me again, everything would go back to normal, but...I think I secretly wanted that too..."

I didn't know how to continue, and I looked up. Her eyes were brown, like the waters of the Nile, and the pupils dark like the fertile earth of its banks.

"Speak, Masika."

I couldn't look away from her.

"I want to run again, goddess. This life...i-it hurts too much," I told her truthfully, "May...Nedjem is gone and now Johannes...well I supposed he was gone long before today, but I didn't know it. Or I didn't believe it."

She scoffed as well as she could with a feline mouth, "and? My child you know Nedjem will come back. Na'eemah will find her, as she's done for centuries. And though you want to run away, you're here somehow. You called on me, rather than slitting your wrists in that bathtub you adore so much."

"How do you know about my bathtub? Sorry! Sorry, not important!"

She looked down at me with an exasperated sigh.

"I...there are still...the rest of them. Henrik and Tim, and John and Jonas. I...I love them too, Mother. They're in my heart too..."

"I should say so, by the thoughts that have been filling your head of late," she chuckled. I blushed deeply.

"Do not be ashamed, daughter. These people now are so uncomfortable with sex, as if it weren't their own beginnings. Do not fall prey to those prejudices, Masika. Do not forget the way you used to come to me, in the throes of passion, a euphoric haze..." she eyed the vibrator that had landed several feet off to the side.

I sat silently, feeling like I could listen to her forever.

"Have I not always provided you with a companion? Or more than one? Have I not always indulged your needs, Masika..."

I reached up to run a hand back through my hair at the suggestion of having more than one companion, and her massive paw pressed my arm gently back to my side as she smirked down at me, holding my eyes right there as the tumblers of my lock started to turn.

Still I stared, completely still, completely silent, with no idea what to do. 

Then four tired-looking, residual-smeared-eyemakeup-wearing Swedes tumbled into my apartment, one after the other. They gasped almost in unison, and it would have been undeniably comical in any other situation as everything they held dropped from their hands at the same time and it all landed on my floor with a thud.

I held up a hand to silence them as they all opened their mouths to speak at once.

"Goddess," I looked back to her as I spoke, before dropping my gaze respectfully to the floor. She nodded her head to me before looking at each man individually.

Look down. Look down. Look down, I mentally implored them.

Tim did, the others simply stared.

I wasn't sure if they'd ever seen a lion before, let alone something like her. Let alone in a living room. In the middle of the city.

_Ah, shit. _

She glanced at me with a sigh.

"Sorry," I said with a shrug and a little smile, having forgotten she could hear my thoughts. I was almost sure she rolled her eyes, but I kept my own eyes on the floor and when her gaze rested on me, I turned my full attention back to Sekhmet, meeting her amber stare with my green one and pressing both hands to my heart.

"Mother, what am I to do? I need help. Guidance. Anything...how can I help him when he doesn't know me? Do I have to try again? I...I don't know if I can."

"You will know what to do when the time is right, as you've known in lifetimes past Masika..." she leaned her face to mine, and pressed her cheek against the side of my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tim turn towards the window, looking for something.

I sighed, tears sliding down my cheeks at the feel of her warmth.

"I'm so afraid," I whispered as I gave in to my impulse and my arms wrapped around her massive neck, feeling like a child clutching her mother.

_After all, are you not? _

She rubbed her cheek to mine once more, then lifted her head and looked into my eyes. Her gaze seemed to pierce me and root me to the floor.

"Do not be, for love is a gift. We love the lost as we love those who are not. And love them well, little Masika...all of them," she breathed, and I bowed my head once more.

"Thank you, Mother."

"And do not go so long without calling on me again." She sat down on her haunches, and was gone in the next moment.


	34. Chapter 34

I blinked several times, and only came back to my senses when Babyboy climbed into my lap, purring loudly.

A gasp left my lips as I remembered the men in my foyer standing behind me.

"Shit!" I rocketed to my feet and spun around to see them all standing exactly where they'd come in, as Babyboy landed on all fours with a disgruntled meow. They were staring at me with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"Ahh...hi...okay, I am seriously not strong enough to drag any of you into the shower, so please sit down before you pass out..."

No one spoke.

"O-or maybe change first. I'm sure you have questions...?" I chewed my lip, trying to keep my laughter from bubbling up as I realized that I was _quite_ drunk.

Apparently, the sheerness of my gown was also distracting, as four sets of eyes rested on my breasts.

"Hello..._hello_??" I was starting to feel like maybe I was destined to break their brains no matter what I tried.

"That...that was...did I just hallucinate that?? I mean that was a lion right?!"

"A lioness, John."

He shook his head and looked at me in a way that said 'does it even matter?'

"It _does_ matter. Guys, seriously. Do something. Say something. You're all just staring at me..."

"Its probably because you didn't have those the last time we saw you," Henrik said, gesturing vaguely towards me. I looked down at myself in my sheer gown and my body was covered in panel after panel of tiny blue hieroglyphs.

"Ahh...okay, right. Those will go away tomorrow, it happens every time I..." I gestured towards where my goddess had stood moments earlier.

"Tim, are you going to fall down? Please don't fall down." He swayed on his feet but shook his head and I reached to touch his hand, just to make sure. His fingers traced mine gently and I smiled at him.

"I'm, ah, a little surprised you're all here, actually, after I uhm. I kind of...ah, fled in a panic..."

"We noticed," they all said almost in unison.

Henrik took a step towards me and placed a hand on my face, running his thumb along my cheekbone, "what happened, Triste? Mike said you just freaked out and ran."

I sighed and shook my head, considering what to say for a moment.

"I think you guys need to change and shower or wash up, then I'll answer all the questions I can. It might...it might take a while."

\--

I moved towards my bedroom to change and Henrik grabbed my hand when I was in the doorway, pulling me back against him as everyone else headed to the spare room to change or the bathroom to wash.

"You're not thinking of changing out of this, I hope," he said into my ear, making me bite my lip and lean into him as he ran one hand down over my waist.

"Well, I was going to p--" my words were cut off with a kiss that made my toes curl and Henrik moaned into my lips as he crushed me to him, letting his hands draw me closer. The residual adrenaline from playing a sold-out show and seeing my body mostly revealed again made him half-hard, and his tongue passed my lips, seeking mine as he got rougher for only a moment.

"I think you should leave it on," the dark promise in his voice made me press harder against him, but he released me after another searing kiss and headed towards the spare room to put on more comfortable clothes, turning halfway and very obviously looking me up and down, "well, for now, at least..."

My breath caught in my chest and my heart started beating triple time when he turned back and disappeared.

I headed to the sideboard to make five drinks and half an hour later, we were all seated in the living room drinking and eating what few bites I had in my fridge that were suitable. Jonas sat closest to me, and I leaned comfortably back into the pillows covering my sofa, legs curled underneath me to the side.

"So I guess we start with the obvious?"

Everyone nodded, and I took a deep breath.

"I need you to tell me if it starts to get overwhelming, please."

Another group nod.

Jonas' hand wandered across the space between us and began brushing his fingers distractingly along my knee.

"Well...I'm...I was...as I said, ahem...communing. Talking, if you like, with my goddess. Sekhmet. She's the one who made me what I am. I needed to talk to her about J-J..." I took a deep breath, "Johannes".

"And your goddess is a lion?" John asked.

"A lioness," Henrik and I said in unison. Our gazes met and I smiled softly at him. He still had faint traces of makeup around his eyes.

"She's anthropomorphic. A woman and a lioness. But its...less jarring now to come just as the latter I think. The further we get from the temple, the more difficult all of this becomes to keep going."

They looked thoughtfully into their drinks and I was surprised at how well they seemed to be taking everything, considering what they'd just walked in on.

Jonas' fingers were slowly traveling further up away from my knee, and my eyes dropped momentarily to my lap to watch their procession, feeling my pulse start to creep up. I looked up and met his eyes, their pupils dilated and the want that he felt plain in his features. A sudden and unbidden thought of the look on his face when I told him earlier about Henrik's kink darted through my mind and I snorted and broke into a fit of laughter, throwing myself back against the pillows and clamping my hand over my lips to stifle the sound, though it only made everything funnier.

John looked over at me with a cocked eyebrow and a grin, "are you drunk?"

"Who? _Me_? No. Ahem. Certainly _not_."

Tim scoffed at me at the same time Jonas suddenly leaned over and captured my lips in a delicious, sensual kiss that pulled a gasp from me. His hand reached around my side and gripped my calf, pulling my leg swiftly out from under me and stretching it across his lap so he could run his hand up my smooth shin, and I followed suit with the other.

"Mmhm, says the girl whose lips taste like whisky," he breathed against my mouth before thrusting his tongue back in and kissing me slowly, thoroughly. His hand started traveling away from my shins, slowly pushing the material of my gown up my legs until he released me, softly trailing his fingers over my thighs, looking down.

My head spun and I tried to remember what we were just saying.

_Damn but he's a good kisser. No, wait, that wasn't it...what were we talking about?_

_Oh, right._

"Okay well to be fair, the whole process works better with alcohol. And...I think...well... I didn't know what else to do. I just bolted and then came home and went for a run and then decided to," I gestured to the floor where they'd walked in on me, "and being drunk does tend to limit your...ah...inhibitions...?"

"What did you talk to her about? Why did you leave, Triste?" Jonas asked quietly as his hand settled warmly on my leg, and his thumb stroked back and forth over my skin, knowing I needed to not be too distracted to answer. I closed my eyes and leaned my face against the back of the couch as I answered.

"So Mike and I were there, and I saw Johannes and I...I...I touched him. Not physically, obviously. More like--..." I looked at Tim for a beat and shrugged my shoulders, and his eyebrows shot up so far I thought they were going to depart from his face.

"Okay well no, not like that either. But, well, actually, I mean. I guess? Same concept," I couldn't help but bite my lip and squeeze my legs tighter together as he looked back at me and we both remembered what happened backstage before the show. His glance dropped to my breasts, and I knew my nipples gave me away, soI crossed my arms in an attempt to keep myself on track and he shot me a lascivious smile.

"I just, I couldn't _not_ touch him. Just his face," I clarified, "and he looked at me. I mean right at me. I thought for a moment you and Henrik were right and that everything was going back to normal. But then..." I dropped Tim's gaze and stared at the flickering flame of one of my candles.

_Can you even say it? _

Shaking my head in response to myself, I moved to get up and find fresh drinks for everyone. Henrik beat me to it, and took my empty glass from my fingers after kissing the top of my head and telling me to stay put. Jonas pulled my legs back into his lap where they were before and I thanked Henrik when he pressed the tumbler back into my hand and got everyone else another round, and I settled back into the cushions once more.

"But then what," he asked, moving back to his seat at the other end of the couch after stooping to kiss my cheek softly.

"He...Johannes didn't...he didn't kn-know me," I finished simply.

After all, what more could I say? The look in his eyes was perfectly clear - confusion and total disconnect.

"Wait, what? Of course he knows you, what are you talking about?" John asked with a questioning look on his face as his brow furrowed.

I shook my head, "he had no idea who I was, John. I can't explain it, I just...I dunno. I guess he forgot. Anyways, that's why I couldn't stay. I was worried that I was going to lose my shit and make a tree grow out of the stage or something."

"I still don't understand," Henrik said when I finished, "how can you touch without actually touching?"

I looked at him and figured I'd demonstrate - he'd understand best after what I'd showed him last night.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and remembered taking his cock in my mouth as he was bound to the wrought iron bars of my headboard- the way his skin tasted, the heat pulsating from his hardened body, the way his tip hit the back of my throat as he bucked his hips.

Something like a yelp resounded in my living room as he felt me there and my drunkenness did nothing to help the situation as I again tumbled back against the cushions giggling.

Tim snorted a laugh too, but everyone else looked confused.

Henrik glanced over at Tim, who was silently shaking, trying to keep himself under wraps, "shit, is _that_ what happened to you earlier backstage?!" Henrik ran a hand back through his hair, "I was wondering why you suddenly yelled her name out of nowhere, but, _fuck_..."

"Well if we're being fair," I said cryptically, drawing Henrik's attention back to me, "it was more the other way around".

I quirked one eyebrow in his direction before looking over at the other man when Henrik didn't seem to understand. Tim did though, and licked his lips as our eyes met, mentally tasting me there once more.

His stare was pure, unadulterated heat.

Gods so much heat. We were gonna tear each other apart if we got another chance.

"Okay, now_ I'm_ confused..."

I smiled at John and explained what I had shown Tim and Henrik, disregarding the explicit details or what we'd actually experienced together, but he still seemed unsure.

"Remember that day when we were at the pool and May insisted that we play chicken? She wouldn't let Johannes carry me because he's so tall and it was an unfair advantage, and I got on your shoulders instead? Even though you're still way taller than Jonas."

"_HEY_."

I giggled and leaned in to kiss Jonas, whispering a horribly insincere apology.

John nodded his head as a little smile pulled at his lips, and it warmed my heart fractionally.

"Remember that..." I closed my eyes for a moment before locking gazes with him, refusing to let him look away. All of a sudden we were there again, and he understood. One hand reached up next to his head, where he could feel my legs draped over his shoulders, hanging down his chest as he gripped my thighs to try and keep me in place when I screamed as May splashed me and then tackled me back into the water.

"Woah...how..."

I let him process at his own speed.

"So you can, what, just like relive memories?"

I glanced at Henrik, whose face broke out into my favorite grin.

"Something like that, yeah," I laughed.

Jonas looked confused and utterly left out, so I took one of his hands from my lap and pressed a kiss to the palm.

"Do you want to know?" I asked, leaving the choice up to him.

He whispered a yes, and looked over at me with a tiny bit of apprehension in his eyes as I sat quietly, trying to think of the best possible memory to share with him.

"Don't look away from me, darling," I said softly, "keep your eyes right here," I brushed my fingers down his face.

We were outside, under the stars the first night I'd met them all together. He and May were sitting on their own loveseat, their limbs tangled together, exchanging soft kisses and touches as we all settled in. May leaned up and whispered in his ear, asking how to thank Henrik for making dinner in Swedish. He murmured the words to her and she repeated them slowly and I could hear Henrik laughing, as if the one sitting in my living room were actually doing it, and Jonas brushed the side of his arm where she had swatted him, accusing him laughingly of making her say something dirty instead of thank you.

The corners of his eyes crinkled with a smile as he continued to hold my gaze and I released him. The tears that filled both our eyes surprised me and he shifted to pull me closer.

I resisted and pulled his face close to mine with both hands instead.

"Don't forget that. Hold on to that memory...promise me you will."

He nodded his head, and looked at me sadly as I leaned in to kiss him, "I promise," he whispered and I brushed my lips across both his cheeks and his eyelids before laying my forehead against his silently for a moment.

I looked down into my lap, remembering what else I needed to say before everything disappeared from my brain altogether.

"And I'm sorry. I owe you guys a huge apology for making a scene like that. Running away wasn't the correct response. I should have just stayed and listened and been suppo--"

"Oh Christ, knock it off, would you?”

I was surprised to hear Tim snap at me that way after the look we'd just exchanged a minute before, and I leaned to the side to peer around Jonas at him, my expression clearly challenging.

"One more time?"

Jonas and Henrik exchanged an uncomfortable glance.

"I said knock it off. God, Triste, you're always so worried about everyone else. Sometimes its okay to be fucking selfish. It's okay to have something shitty happen to you and not immediately have your concern be how you're going to make everyone else comfortable or feel better, even at your own expense!"

My eyebrows shot up, but he was already on his way out the door, shaking his head and reaching into his pocket for his cigarettes as he muttered to himself. Part of me knew he was mad at Johannes and taking it out on me, but that part got snuffed immediately as I rose to go after him, wanting nothing more than to argue with someone. My heart was cold and broken and sad from thinking about Johannes and remembering May, and he was about to learn all the fuck about it.

Henrik caught my hand halfway to the door, "ahh, leave him be, Triste. He shouldn't have spoken to you that way, but he's right. Plus. It's pretty cold out and..." he gestured to my sheer garment, eyes traveling down my body for several moments before suddenly pulling me in towards him as he stood up. One hand wrapped around the small of my back, and he leaned down until his face was an inch from mine.

"You've gotta stop worrying about everyone else, babe," he whispered, but my head was spinning and I stopped listening when his other hand traced the curve of my ass.

"Mmhm, okay," I hummed, wrapping my arms around his neck and he smirked down at me. It was such a wonderful expression on him, where one corner of his mouth curved up, and I found myself staring at his lips.

A laugh vibrated through his body and I gasped when his hand smacked hard against my ass.

"Totally drunk," he laughed, and pressed his mouth to mine. I kissed him hungrily and he pulled me closer into him, immediately sliding his tongue against mine as I tangled my fingers into his lovely hair and he gripped the sheer fabric that covered me in his fist, the motion drawing it several inches up my leg.

I halfway heard John and Jonas softly groan as they watched Henrik devour me, and a deliciously sinful thought filled my head about having them all naked in my bed for the rest of the night. I gasped against Henrik as he rolled his hips against mine, hooking his arm more firmly around the back of my waist so I could feel him when he did it.

_And I thought She was the only one who could hear my thoughts sometimes... _

He took the opportunity of my lips releasing his to press kisses down my jaw and the line of my throat, but he pulled back with a grimace.

"Gah, whats all over you?"

"What? The markings? I told you they'll go away..."

"No," he made a face, "not those, whats on your skin? It tastes bitter."

"Oh...jasmine oil. Its part of the ritual. Sorry, give me two minutes to shower and wash it off." I kissed his lips and could taste the bitterness of the fragrant oil there that covered my entire body. His hands didn't release me though, and he looked like he was considering just throwing me to the floor and dealing with the taste instead.

I placed my hands over his and gently moved them off my hips.

"Two minutes," I whispered. I turned around and ran smack into John's chest. His hand immediately gripped my hair and pulled my head back so I was looking up at him as the other circled low around my waist.

"Don't be too much longer than that, little one, because I do remember someone telling you earlier that we weren't through with you yet..." he growled against my lips before taking them in what was arguably one of the most passionate kisses I'd ever experienced. I didn't expect it from him and I felt myself melting between that and the whisky as his tongue delved into my mouth and I cried out against him, excited by this new side I'd never seen of John.

But if we were going to do this, I didn't want my boys to be making faces and grimacing every time they kissed or licked my skin.

The thought alone of them all touching my body made me clench hard and I quickly stepped out of John's grasp and backed into the bathroom, leaving the door cracked behind me.

I stared at my body in the mirror as I let the sheer garment drop to the floor. The panels of minuscule glyphs ran from the tops of my feet all the way to my hairline behind my ears.

I'd read them over and over again when I entered the temple, committing them to memory, knowing them by heart.

They were what I lived for.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you literally don't know how much time I've spent on this chapter.

The steam rose in the shower, and I stepped in, suddenly flaming mad at Tim. He'd just snapped and then stalked away from me after I tried to apologize!

"Just being an asshole," I muttered under my breath after rubbing a washcloth up and down my body and stewing on it for a few minutes. I wasn't trying to be accommodating at my own expense, I genuinely felt bad for missing their show. I loved watching them play, and it only made me angrier at Johannes for causing me to miss basically the whole thing. 

"Maybe so. Doesn't mean I'm wrong, though," I heard a low voice say and I whipped around, instinctually covering my breasts. Tim was leaning back against the closed door, watching me and idly unbuckling his belt with one hand.

"You don't have to cover yourself, Triste, I haven't forgotten what you look like naked..."

I didn't respond - I was still too angry, and I turned my back on him, pulling my hair around one shoulder and for good measure throwing the finger over the other.

After a few minutes passed I assumed he'd left until I was forcefully spun and slammed against the wall. The irises that scowled at me were a mesmerizing swirl of blue and green, and his hair hung long and straight down his naked back as the water beat down on us. The quickest of glances told me that it wasn't just his shirt he'd lost, and we continued to glare at each other, neither speaking.

"Let go," I finally growled, lowly, dangerously.

Finally he shook his head and let go of my wrists that he'd been pinning above me, mumbling, "I'm sorry for snapping at you out there, I--"

He didn't get a chance to finish because I spun him around rapidly and shoved his back into the wall where I'd just been; his head smacked against the tile and he grunted at the impact.

My pulse was thundering in my ears, drowning everything else out.

"Tim, you don't fucking know what I've done to protect the people I care about all these years, so don't tell me to stop now like its going to matter or make a difference."

"Why are you trying to protect us? Nothing is going to happen and if it does, we're fucking adults, Triste, we can deal with it!"

The more we growled at each other, the harder I felt him get against me, and my brain was flooded with a heady combination of intoxication and anger and want, remembering for the umpteenth time that day what his tongue felt like as he devoured my pussy the night before.

"I'm so fucking mad at you!" I yelled before I slammed my lips against his, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. not giving him a choice whether he wanted to kiss me or not, but he moaned heavily in response and I pressed my breasts into his chest, dragging my nipples over his skin.

Tim groaned again into my kiss, and his hands roamed everywhere he could reach, desperately pulling me tighter to him so I could feel how hard he was, grabbing my ass with an almost painful grip, our bodies slick and easily sliding against each other.

He spun us again, and the cool wall against my back made me arch further into him as he roughly grabbed the back of one of my legs and pulled it up around his waist, dragging his cock through my folds in the process.

I cried out in frustration and arousal and he took my mouth in a deep kiss, snarling against me as our tongues tangled with each other and he pushed all his weight against me until I was pressed flat against the wall as his cock sought my core.

I took his tongue into my mouth and sucked on it hard, pulling a feral growl from his lips as he pulled back. 

"Damnit woman, when will you learn," he snarled into my lips when I released him. I wanted to spit a retort, but I bit his lower lip instead, pulling something between a moan and a yelp from him.

"Not everything is your job to make better," he growled when I released him again.

"You don't care," I said lowly, staring at him with anger in my gaze, "you just stormed off without even listening to me! You didn't even let me finish!"

He became deathly still, and I wasn't sure he was even breathing anymore as I started to crumble under his stare,

The sound of the water hitting the tile floor became deafening, but still he held my leg wrapped around his hip tightly, his fingers pressing hard into the muscle of my calf.

Without looking away, he bared his teeth at me with a low growl, almost more animal than man.

"I. Don't. Care?!"

As he said it, his cock pressed into my entrance and he sheathed himself inside me as I screamed in pleasure and clenched hard, my other leg giving out, but he was holding me against the wall with so much force it didn't matter - I wasn't going anywhere.

"Goddamnit, Triste! How can you say that when you fucking know I'm in love with you!" he yelled forcefully, his face a hair's breadth from my own as he pushed harder against me, his irises burning holes into my own as his hips pinned me.

I couldn't speak. The feel of him stretching me made my head start to spin again.

"_Well??_ Don't you have anything to say now? Or is that smart fucking mouth finally betraying you with silence?" His anger was boiling over now, mingling with his fiery passion as he pulled out and thrusted into me again with enough roughness to make me scream as I was slammed back into the wall once more.

"Fuck you, Tim! Why are you being such a fucking asshole!" I yelled back, mad as hell at his condescending tone but at the same time still desperate to feel him further inside me, and I pushed my hips down onto him and grabbed his shoulders harder.

He went completely still again.

"I think I warned you this morning about what would happen if you mouthed off to me again," his tone wasn't quite even, but it was deadly serious in a way that made me shudder as he scowled at me.

I continued to ignore my verbal filter but couldn't, however, ignore the way he moved inside me, and I shifted to press further onto him as a strangled moan left my lips at the way he filled me.

"No, you said that would happen if I was rude to you again, and you were fucking rude to me first, so you can just go fu--"

"Well I'm changing the rules because you're pissing me off."

Before I could so much as finish my sentence or even blink, he pulled out of me and spun us again so his back was to the wall, and he threw me down so my knees hit the floor hard. I cried out at the impact as it reverberated up through my body, and it only inflamed my anger further until I closed my eyes momentarily and pinned him. 

_Fucking suck on that, dickhead. You have no idea who I am and what I can do._

He gasped and struggled against the invisible ropes that suddenly bound his hands and ankles against the wall as I sat back on my knees and glared up at him, trying to stay mad.

He was a fucking sight to behold, stretched out against the wall of my shower and struggling. The water beat down on us, dripping down the length of his twitching cock, so near my lips...

I turned my bright green gaze up at him and he went still, as I finally calmed too.

"Tell me you love me again, Tim," I said, moving my index finger over the head of his cock, lightly caressing him. My mouth watered in anticipation as my gaze settled back to the normal steely gray.

"Triste..." he, growled, struggling against the invisible bonds holding his wrists to the wall, "Triste, I love you. God_damn_ woman do I love you," he gasped, laying his head back against the wall and closing his eyes as he gave himself over to pure sensation.

I rewarded him with a tiny lick, fluttering my tongue a little, and a strangled yell caught in his throat as he again pulled against the restraints I held him with, glaring down at me.

"Let me go, and you and I will fucking do this right," he growled again, full of threat and promise.

I snapped my eyes up to his biting at my bottom lip as I considered his demand.

"Haven't learned my lesson yet.,," I held his gaze as I watched him pant before pressing the head of his cock between my lips, swirling my tongue and tasting him purposefully as he yelled and bucked his hips as best he could considering he couldn't move any of his limbs.

His cock was impressive to say the least. I'd been so worked up last night and this morning when we'd taken each other that I hadn't paid proper attention, but now I was solely on the giving end, consumed with his taste, my senses maxed out by everything - his flavor, his scent, the delicious noises he was making...

My mouth closed around him and I took him one inch at a time into my throat, then pulled back.

"Tell me again, Tim."

"_TRISTE_," he yelled, desperate to feel the inside of my mouth once more.

"Tell. Me. Again."

I wasn't sure where this desire was coming from to have him speak the words, but after hearing him say it once, I never wanted him to stop.

"Triste. I love you... babe how can you not know that by now, after everything..."

I ran my tongue over his length again before taking him to the back of my throat and humming as my nose pressed against his skin. The noise that left his lips was barely human, and I felt myself start to drip onto the shower floor.

One of my hands wandered down and started to rub my clit, slowly at first, but with increasing intensity as my mouth continued to move up and down him and he moaned louder for me, getting lost in the slide of my tongue over his length, the softness that was the inside of my mouth.

His eyes flicked down and watched one hand move between my legs as my other closed around the base of his cock.

"Ohh, is choking on my cock making you wet, Triste," he almost purred my name, his voice so low it was nearly lost in the din of the water streaming over us and dripping to the floor.

"Mmm," I moaned around him, suddenly very, very intrigued by what else he had to say.

"Answer me, little girl," he barked with a surprising amount of authority considering he was still completely immobile. Desire overruled my sense of self preservation and I released my unseen hold on him, looking up at him with his cock in my mouth as I did so, and I felt him pulse against my tongue as I slid off him.

He moved his hands into my hair and the feeling was pleasure like sin itself.

"Yes," I answered before lowering my head again, running my tongue up his length before pressing my mouth to the skin of his hips, swirling my tongue with each one. I made a show of moaning against him as I continued to touch myself, exploring how wet I was as I pulled back, then took him into my throat again.

He consumed my senses - his velvet skin filling my mouth, the smell of him mingled with the last of the jasmine oil on my body, the way his hands tangled in my hair, pressing me harder onto his cock until I was doing almost none of the work. 

"Fuck, babe...fuck," he growled as he held onto my hair and started moving faster on his own. I moaned encouragingly as I rubbed my clit, giving myself pleasure as I gave him his.

"Are you fingering your pretty little pussy, Triste," he continued, seeing the effect his dirty talk was having on me as I closed my eyes and sucked him harder, humming around him.

"Can you feel how tight you are? You felt so good coming around my cock this morning -- fuck -- if you're a good girl and swallow me, I'll make you squirt all over me again..."

His words were becoming more choked and guttural as I took him all the way into my mouth again and closed my throat. He let me take over and I held him there, glancing up at him so we locked eyes, me on my knees before him with my hand buried in my pussy, his back against the wall of my shower, bucking his hips into my face.

Silence descended for the briefest of moments before I pulled off of him and licked my lips.

"Promise?" I smirked with one eyebrow cocked, and he yelled my name as I took all of him again and he came in my mouth, gripping my hair hard down to the roots. His seed was hot against my tongue and I eagerly drank him down, sinking my nails into his thighs as he spasmed and cried out, filling the small tile room with sound until he softened in my mouth and I pulled off of him as he quieted, releasing him from my lips, and he slowly dropped down to the floor before gathering me to him as he tried to catch his breath.

I leaned against his side, trailing my fingers softly over his middle as we calmed down together. Several minutes passed in silence while our breathing slowed and our heartbeats synced.

"Tim?"

He turned his face and hummed into my hair, watching my pale, slender fingers drift across his skin.

"I love you too."

He tensed momentarily and looked down at me, almost unbelieving, but his mouth spread into a broad grin as he pressed a kiss to my soaked locks, softly asking "what was that now?"

I sat up and turned my face towards him, letting the water run down my flushed skin before I reached up to shut it off.

"I said I love you. More than I can say...I think- I think we connected the first second we met." I laughed softly at the memory as I scooted back into his arms, not willing to get up yet. "Remember? You kissed me on the cheek and I babbled like a moron because I was so surprised, but...but I think I've been looking for you as long as you've been looking for me, but I didn't know it either... Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to get all sappy."

He pulled me in slowly and his mouth brushed mine as he moaned lowly into my lips, his mustache still soaked and his heart pounding out of his chest. I tasted of him, but he didn't seem to mind as his tongue gently parted my lips and he sighed beautifully.

"No, little one, that wasn't the first time we met. It was when I saw you from the stage and you looked at me and something...I don't know."

"Clicked," I finished for him, and he nodded after a second.

"I knew I didn't make that up," I hid my smile by burying my face into his shoulder, absorbing the warmth from his skin and his personality until he pulled me closer and took my lips again. When he broke our kiss he was silent for a beat, and let his fingers wander up and down my arm and over my body, needing to touch me, to confirm that what was happening wasn't a dream.

"Do you want to get up and dry off?" I asked quietly.

"No. I want to stay right here till the world ends," he smiled, cupping my cheek with one hand and letting his fingers slide back into my hair, staring at me for a moment before he kissed me, pulling a small noise of want from my lips again as he didn't hold back.

"Mmm, is it weird that I still like the way you taste now?" he laughed, but kissed me again, his tongue gliding against my own, exploring me purposefully.

"Gods, I can't stop myself around you," he sighed, pushing me back down onto the floor of the shower and moving on top of me. A tiny gasp left my lips as he kissed me deeply and my fingers pressed back into his drenched hair, gathering it over around one shoulder so I could touch the marks on his back that I had left. He hissed as my fingers skimmed over them and I realized that I must have really scratched him quite hard.

My legs spread wider to accommodate his hips, and I relished his weight pressing me into the tile, even as his body was spent and I knew nothing was going to happen. We stayed that way for another minute, each of our kisses adding another ember to the flame that burned in us both.

"There are a lot of places that I want to fuck you in this apartment," he growled into my neck, "and I would like to reiterate the words _a lot_, but the floor of your shower is really not one of them, sweetheart."

"Wha--b-- it's clean I promise!"

He rested his head against the base of my neck, where it met my clavicle and I could feel him fighting his laughter.

Having thoroughly ruined the moment, Tim sat up and hauled me up off my back and into his arms, shaking his head, "knowing you, I'm sure it is, but its still at the bottom of the list," he laughed and pulled me closer, pushing my hair off my shoulder so he could touch the mark he'd left on me earlier, though it was hidden beneath the glyphs covering my skin now. His fingers skimmed across my skin and I closed my eyes.

"Did I hurt you this morning?" he asked quietly, "I'm sorry if I did... I got carried away. I feel like I can't get enough of you. I can't be close enough to you or kiss you enough or be deep enough inside you."

I shook my head, "I'm okay. I mean yes it hurt, but, not in a bad way. That's...ah...that's kind of my thing?...well, one of them, I guess..." I trailed off as his eyes darkened.

"Your thing..."

"Uhm. Yeah. Kind of like how you like to have your hair pulled? And -- fuck _how did I forget!!!_"

Tim blinked at my immediate change in demeanor as I crumbled to the floor laughing hysterically, "oh my gods, its Henrik!"

"What? Whats Henrik?"

"Who likes to be tied up! I was so sure it was John but its fucking _Henrik_," I giggled, completely losing control and collapsing into his lap as he looked down at me grinning and pulled me up until I was cradled to his chest and he bent his knees to support me as I laid there giggling.

"I heard that!" Henrik yelled from somewhere on the other side of the bathroom door.

"I told you you'd be surprised," Tim said, tipping me on the nose and shaking his head.

We simply stared at each other and smiled as my laughing fit subsided, and his hand smoothed down over my hip, "you're so fucking beautiful when you laugh," he said quietly, touching my face, tracing the lines of it, memorizing, though he knew every detail of me now better than he knew himself. 

I sighed happily, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch, kissing the pads of each finger as they rolled gently across my lips.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Is it about the pyramids?"

"No," he chuckled with a roll of his eyes.

"Then fire away babe."

I loved his natural curiosity, especially about me, since I'd never shared with anyone who I was before I'd told Johannes and the rest of them. 

"Why did she call you Masika?"

"She--...I like that you remembered that, thank you, Masika is my name. Well, the name She gave me, not the one I was born with," I said, closing my eyes and leaning comfortably against his chest as his arms closed more snugly around me, keeping me where I was, where I belonged.

"Its pretty. Somehow it seems...fitting. Sounds fitting, I mean," he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the shower wall.

"Thank you."

What he'd said surprised me, but I remembered my goddess telling me he was ready to listen when we were parting ways last time.

"Do you know what it means?" I asked quietly and he shook his head.

"It means born during the rain. She and Na'eemah though it fit since it was raining the night I was brought to the temple and offered to her."

"Hmm," he paused, "is that why I thought I heard rain?"

I watched his eyes shift under the closed lids, the faintest trace of makeup still darkening them slightly at the corners, and remembered him turning in confusion earlier to look back out at the street.

"That's what you were looking for out the window? Rain?"

He nodded once after a moment, and I turned my face to press a kiss to his chest.

"How did you know to look down at the floor when you came in and She was there? Everyone else just...stared. Which, I mean, I'm sure was okay since She seemed okay with you all being there and...sorry I'm babbling."

"I read a lot about Her," he said slowly as he kept his eyes closed and breathed deeply, "after we got back home. I don't think I saw the sun for like a week. I just sat at my desk and read everything I could find online and bought books and...just stayed drunk and tried not to miss you," he waved a hand, "Kungen eventually showed up when I stopped answering my phone and yelled at me and made me shower and get in the car and wouldn't tell me where we were going. He drove out to this place I used to go to all the time, but hadn't been to it in years. You have to walk a ways to get there but its a little clearing in the middle of the woods, and the sun in the afternoon lights up the whole place and...I sat down and looked up and remembered what you said. Not that I had to remember you, obviously, since you were the only fucking thing I could think about anyways," he said with a little smile. 

I stared at him silently, worried that if I responded, he'd stop.

"It was what you said to me right before you left. About finding a quiet place and looking up at the eye of the sun. Everything I told you this morning just kind of...it flooded back I guess right as you were walking out the door. It was the first thing I looked for when we got back. Sekhmet, the Eye of Ra. You, the servant of Sekhmet. You're...you're it, Triste...for me, you're it...no, not it. Everything."

I leaned into him and gripped his face with both of my palms, the tears streaming down my cheeks unnoticed, but I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I didn't have any other way to feel close to you," he said it quietly and looked away for a moment before he crushed me to him, kissing me breathless as my tears continued to stream down my cheeks.

"You're everything," he whispered again, gripping my shoulders and shaking me but not hard, "all that time, I had no idea you were who I was looking for, but then you appeared and were like this answer to everything. But you were with Johannes, and I didn't understand what to do, and I just wanted you so badly Triste. More than I've ever wanted anyone before, and--wait, sorry, offered?"

I shook my head back and forth trying to keep up, "w-what?"

"You just said you were offered to her...offered how?" His body was suddenly stiff and tense and I pressed my fingertips to my lips, trying to mute the laugh there.

"I wasn't a human sacrifice, Tim, calm down," I managed to get out without the smile resounding in my voice too much, "I was...gods it was so long ago..."

He pulled me to lay back down against his chest, both of us leaning against the tile wall in my shower.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked quietly, "take a deep breath and tell me if I'm freaking you out."

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, shaking his head as he breathed a laugh, "don't think that's possible at this point, priestess, but you can try."

"Okay so, I wasn't born into the Temple. No one ever was, we all had to enter in one way or another from normal life. As for me," I blew out a shaky breath, "I was...I was eight when my father married me off to repay a debt. It wasn't all that uncommon, actually, marriage was a political tool mostly, or a way to keep blood within the same family. Anyways, obviously I hadn't hit puberty yet but my husband thought he'd been cheated by my father when I failed to get pregnant, because he told him I was older. And he took it out on me rather than going to him, which he fucking should have. Like I even knew anything about sex in the first place at that age. Well...not sex, I guess. Rape..."

I fell silent.

My mind had forgotten what his face looked like, what his voice sounded like, but the blows from his fists and his feet were something I wouldn't ever be able to completely let go of and I instinctually wrapped my arms around myself like a shield as my legs curled up and a tiny whimper left my lips.

Tim's hand rubbed soothingly up and down my side as he processed what I told him. He touched everywhere he could, simply trying to bring me back to him.

"Its okay, baby, you're here with me now, I won't let anything happen to you, you don't have to say anything else if you don't want to."

I sighed as I came back and leaned further into him with my eyes closed. His heartbeat was strong and steady, a rhythmic white noise.

"Sorry, I haven't talked about this in a long time. He almost killed me I guess is the long-story-short version...he broke an awful lot of my bones, and by some minor miracle, my mother somehow turned up at the exact right moment and found me being beaten to death by him, and just...whisked me away...like fucking magic."

"_WHAT?!_"

My eyes snapped open and Henrik, John, and Jonas were standing in my bathroom, staring at me with eyes the size of saucers.

"Uhm, oh. Hi. Ahh...Tim asked about how I was offered at the temple..."

"No, not that, the fucking bastard who laid a hand on you."

"Oh John, that's sweet, but he's not even dust anymore at this point. That was th--," I stole a glance up at them before I continued, "that was _thousands_ of years ago..."

They were silent.

I was silent.

If I had been reminded of anything over the course of the evening, it was that no matter my mortal life that ran parallel, at my core I was Masika, servant of the goddess Sekhmet, and I wouldn't stray from her divine presence again.

But I wouldn't force that kind of mental gymnastics on anyone unwillingly, so I let them process at their own speed, if they dared to at all.

Henrik reached down a hand and pulled me up, handing me over to Jonas who wrapped me in a thick towel, warmed from having been thrown over the radiator. John offered Tim a hand and hauled him up off the shower floor before offering him a towel too. Tim dried off and then wrapped it around his waist, gathering his wet hair around the front of one shoulder and combing his fingers through it.

I remembered my mental note from earlier and dug under my bathroom sink for a moment, tossing him a comb as I stood.

John turned to me then and kissed me gently before lifting me up to sit on the bathroom counter. Four sets of eyes stared at me, and I realized they were waiting for me to continue.

"Oh," I was surprised, "I don't...we...if this is too much, I can stop..."

Henrik stepped forward and slid my crossed legs to one side so he could stand against the counter, as close to me as our positions would allow. His hand curled my wet hair behind my ear and he pressed his lips to mine, "if you're okay with telling us, I think we all want to know. Only if you're okay though, I already feel like an asshole for pushing you into coming to the show tonight anyways..."

"Why do I get yelled at for being accommodating but he doesn't?" I asked Tim over his shoulder, but Henrik tapped me on the forehead playfully, stealing a kiss.

"Because he loves me less than he loves you," he teased, smiling down at me with my favorite grin.

"Oh...you heard that?"

"I think the whole block did," John laughed, winking quickly at me so I knew he was teasing as I turned back to Henrik, cupping his cheek with one hand and drawing his lips down to mine slowly.

"What happened wasn't your fault," I whispered, and he made a face like he disagreed.

"Hey," I tried again, now more concerned that he was actually beating himself up over this, "I don't believe for a single second that you would ever ask anyone to do something that might go against their own self interest if you knew so beforehand. You couldn't have know he would just f--"

"He didn't forget you, love, he _couldn't _have."

"Baby, I just don't know," I shook my head at him, putting an end to the conversation.

I didn't want to talk about Johannes anymore. He'd obviously made up his mind about our time together, and dwelling on it didn't seem to do anyone any good now.

"What matters now, to me at least," I looked at everyone crowded around me, "is that for another couple hours at least, we are all here and together and..." I wanted to say happy, but it didn't seem quite right, "and we're all okay."

"You're crazy if you think we won't all still be here when that sun comes back up,_ älskling_," Henrik murmured into my lips, dropping a lingering kiss like he wanted more, but wouldn't push for it.

"I..." I took a deep breath and hugged him close, "I really can't tell you how happy that makes me," I whispered, fighting my tears.

Gods, maybe Johannes had been right all those months ago, maybe all my emotions really _were _wired to my tear ducts...

"I'm sorry I interrupted you," John nudged Henrik out of the way and pushed on my hip until I scooted over on the counter enough so he could sit next to me, "are you sure you want to keep going?"

"The bad parts over babes," I smiled at him, butting his shoulder with my forehead, "but thank you for asking." He laced his fingers through mine in response, giving me something to focus on while I continued my story, tracing the lines on his hands and rubbing little circles around each of his knuckles.

"Well, like I said, my mother found me, and...I don't know, I was unconscious for most of this. Na'eemah told me later, but just bits and pieces really. When she saw how broken and damaged my body was, she figured I was going to die, so she took me to Sekhmet's temple as kind of a last ditch effort. The priestesses there were the best healers, so if there was hope for me, that's where it was."

I glanced around the room, meeting everyone's gaze individually, but they seemed to be doing fine.

"My mother offered me to the high priestess as a novice if she would heal me. And basically Na'eemah accepted, and I only ever saw my mother twice after that...Na'eemah nursed life back into me, and from there on out, I pretty much was a temple priestess when I reached the right age. You learn when you're young, then you participate when you get older, like everything else. My husband was murdered some time later, but they never caught whoever did it. Not that I cared, I was glad to know the bastard was thrown into the sand, personally..."

When I came back from my reverie, I looked up again and they were all looking at me with something like awe in their gazes.

"So, ah, yeah, now I guess that explains the lioness in my living room...maybe...I mean...does it?"

Jonas kissed me then, and his hands wrapped around my shoulders, fingers pressing hard into my skin, like he wanted to draw me into himself.

"Not really..." he whispered into my lips and I giggled at him when he pulled away.

"No, he's right, it doesn't," Henrik frowned a little at me, "gods I have like a hundred questions, at least."

"Well," I shrugged my shoulders, "I guess this is as good a time as any."

"Not like this," John interjected before taking my hands and pulling me down off the sink, walking backwards and leading me into the living room without ever looking away from my eyes. With a gentleness that made my heart swell, he turned us and unwrapped the towel from around me, draping a thick blanket around my shoulders in its place so I wouldn't be cold.

I noticed he used his body to shield me from everyone's gaze as he did so, but he still kept his eyes on mine, never looking at my breasts or anything lover without my permission.

My hand reached up to brush against his face, tracing the line of his beard around his wide, passionate mouth.

"Oh John," I whispered.

He didn't reply, but bent down and kissed me, and I had no hesitation when I leaned further into him, completely trusting. His hands wrapped the blanket more securely around me, almost swaddling me in it, and I sighed into his lips as I pulled back, but kept my palm pressed to his cheek.

"Hold still for a second," I closed my eyes and pushed my energy through him, around him, repeating the same ritual I'd done on Henrik and Tim the previous night.

"John..." I kissed him again before he had a chance to remark on the bizarre feeling that crept through his body, though he took an involuntary step back when I released him and turned to look for Jonas.

"Your turn," I stifled a grin as best I could, but it still made me giggle, "your majesty".

Jonas rolled his eyes, but advanced anyways, wrapping his hands back around my waist as John backed off.

"What would you have of me, little smartass," he whispered before taking my lips in a delicate kiss that made me want more. One of my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to me the same way it had earlier in my office. The thought reminded me.

_Shit I need to call Mike._

I refocused on Jonas, running my fingers along his dreads as I closed my eyes, "Jonas. Jonas Jonas Jonas..."

He groaned softly listening to his name pass my lips repeatedly, and I pushed energy around him in the same way I'd done to John, placing him under my eternal protection.

When I opened my eyes, his lips were moving, but no sound escaped his mouth.

"What was that?" he finally choked out, "wha--"

I pressed my mouth back to his before he could finish the next question, and his beard caressed my skin as our lips moved against each other.

I couldn't help but laugh as it tickled me, "mmm, your lip ring feels so...different. Good, just different, I don't think I've kissed anyone with a lip piercing other than you before," I said quietly.

"If you like that ring, you should try out the one on my co--"

I pressed one finger to his lips, "its cute that you think I don't already know about that," I whispered with a grin and he raised an eyebrow. I kissed him softly one more time before stepping out of his grasp.

"Henrik, you said you had questions?" I turned to look for him, finding him seated in the corner of my couch, right where we'd fallen asleep last night, and he pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist and securing me comfortably against him.

"So many," he chuckled, and I leaned back to press my lips to his as everyone else settled in around us.

My sweet, tender Henrik.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look I just really fucking love Tim, okay?


	36. Chapter 36

As I rose to find a bottle of wine, he fired off the first question.

"So, sorry if I missed this earlier, but you were, ah, offered to Sekhmet? Didn't you get a say?"

I loved the way my goddess' name sounded with his accent, and I shivered with need involuntarily.

_Easy, little one,_ her voice sounded in my head, laughing at me if I wasn't mistaken, _tell them of me first_.

I bowed my head in submission, wordlessly answering her before I turned around and looked at him, holding the bottle of wine with one hand and twisting the corkscrew with the other, all while managing to hold the blanket around myself.

"When I was brought to the temple, it was pissing raining which was kind of a freak thing for that time of year," I distributed glasses to everyone and lifted my own. They responded in kind before we all took a sip.

The wine was glorious. A bourgogne rouge with 10 years on it. The earthiness and tang were almost an ethereal experience for me, and I licked my lips with pleasure when it passed them, closing my eyes with a soft sigh as I went to sit back down next to Henrik, curling my legs under me and disappearing into my blanket fortress.

"You're too adorable, I can't handle it sometimes," Henrik chuckled in my ear, knocking his head against mine softly and clinking his glass against the rim of mine.

"Try me decaffeinated and hungry, and I promise you'll change your mind," I giggled.

He scoffed but put his arm around me as I looked up and everyone was patiently waiting for me to continue as they sipped.

"Right, sorry. Uhm, so like I said, my mother didn't really expect me to make it - I'd imagine probably no one did. But she was willing to take a chance, plus it got me away from my husband."

I noticed with the barest hint of a smile that Henrik's grip on me tightened when I said the word, like he was as pissed about it as I was. Jealousy over a marriage dead for three thousand years was somehow still flattering, and I smiled up at him.

"But obviously Na'eemah healed me and put all my broken bones back together, and, that's where I grew up...and a good thing too--"

"Sorry, who is Na'eemah?"

"High Priestess," Tim answered John's question as I swallowed my sip of wine, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly as John cocked his head to the side in response.

"What! I know stuff too...sometimes..."

"He's right," I added, trying not to laugh at Tim's defensiveness, "she was high priestess when I was taken in, and still was when our Temple was sacked. She's stayed in that role for...gods...a long long time," I mumbled, trying to count and giving up.

Suddenly counting things in the Year of Our Lord model kind of threw a wrench into the entire human race's method of tracking time up to that point, what with starting back at 1 and everything.

"You might meet her eventually, I'm not sure. She comes and goes, and just kind of pops up randomly from time to time. But last time we spoke was...rough."

"What happened?"

I made a face at Jonas, "its kind of icky."

"Icky?"

"Well...I wasn't very nice to her. I mean it wasn't really my fault," I tried to sidestep any mention of May, I _really _couldn't handle that tonight, "she came sideways at me with this crazy plan and basically forbade me from--...oh shit."

Four sets of eyebrows simultaneously raised in my direction.

"I wasn't supposed to talk to my goddess. I totally fucking forgot," I smacked my palm against my forehead, "Na'eemah forbade it. Fuck me..."

"What she can control what you do like that?" Tim asked, genuinely curious.

"No, I mean, yes she can, but that wasn't what I meant," he looked like a confused puppy dog and I tried to stop from choking on my laughter as I explained, "control is her gift, like mine is plant stuff and animal stuff and--"

"Animal stuff?"

I looked over at Jonas next to me, "ah, yeah. Animal stuff."

His eyebrows went up again over the rim of his wine glass and I put up one finger to silence him when he made to say something else, and searched the room for Babyboy. He was curled up behind Tim's shoulders, where he'd spent most of last night and I made a noise with my lips to get his attention until his head raised and he blinked sleepily at me. 

"Hiya handsome," I smiled, and he yawned widely and stretched.

"Are you talking to the cat or to me?" Tim teased, reaching back to scratch behind the little cat's ears when he felt him stirring.

I laughed and shook my head before turning my attention back to the cat.

*_Hi baby. Can you come over here and sit in my lap?*_

He hopped down to the floor and stretched again before trotting over to the couch and leaping into my lap.

"Any more questions?" I asked Jonas, teasingly leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Yeah, how the fuck did you do that?"

"How the fuck do you think I did it?"

"No way. You can't."

"In fact, I can!" I smiled, loving the way his face plainly showed his surprise. 

"What ever happened to Khufu?" asked Henrik, "he's not here, I assume."

"No, he went back to the coffee shop to watch over the kiddo," I explained what I could in the briefest possible terms about how I communicated with our four legged furry friends to bring everyone up to speed.

"Wow," John mused, crossing his legs and staring at me as he brushed one finger back and forth across his lips. It was a perfect gesture for him somehow - quiet, thoughtful, but intense as hell.

"Oh, I'm all kinds of fun at parties, just ask me," I giggled, only to be answered almost immediately by a perfectly timed 'we heard' from him and Jonas both.

"You guys, I fucking swear you practice that or something...okay who's up next?"

"Why do you live so long? Are you all that way? I assume there are more of you right? I mean other than May," Jonas asked, drawing my attention again. I willed him not to ask anything more about her - telling him she was dead would be the proverbial straw in my current state. But he stayed quiet after he asked his question, and I lifted my glass to my lips again, thinking.

"Well we don't live longer than average. We just come back, so kind of no, and yes...I grew up in the temple with others, obviously. We worshiped Sekhmet, and sometimes we communed with her through ritual sex if we needed to speak face to face with Her and--" 

I forgot all too late once sex was brought up that I'd in fact used a very hot pink, very clearly visible vibrator, which was now sitting forgotten underneath John's chair. Tim followed my gaze as he watched my eye twitch and choked on his drink, sputtering a cough as he laughed at the expression on my face.

"Not a word," I warned him, "we're going to ignore that."

"But its so pretty," he smirked at me and I felt myself go red. 

"Look its not my fault!"

"I know, I know, I remember, worship by fucking, right?"

"Y-you _what?!_" Henrik stammered.

I waved my hands to stop the sudden wave of chatter and cheeky comments that drowned out my response.

"We worshiped by recitation. Well plus offerings, stories, prayers, that kind of thing. But there were occasions where we needed to speak with our goddess face to face," I gestured towards the floor where She and I had been, "and then it takes...more. It has to do with the endorphins that flood your brain when you experience an orgasm. Like...I don't know. Like kind of being high?"

"Okay, so quick question," Henrik added, still looking a little shocked, "why doesn't that happen every time you come then?"

I was surprised at the flash of heat that shot through my entire body at hearing him talk about me coming like it was a casual dinner table conversation topic.

"It requires a little extra...something, now. I haven't done it in a long long time, but for centuries now, its taken more than sex to meet with Her."

"So why are you...I guess, why are you like you are? What happened?" John asked, and I gave him a thankful little smile for changing topics.

"The same thing that always happened - regime change. Different temples and cults at the king's pleasure took precedence over the rest of us."

I rolled my shoulders - tuning into these memories always made me tense.

"I remember this," someone murmured, and my eyes flashed when they met Tim's, "I read about this, I remember this!" The obvious satisfaction and glee in his voice made my lips twist into an indulgent smile, somewhat morbid, I realized, in the context of our current conversation, and I turned back to John.

"Our temple was sacked by night. The carvings were destroyed, the images of our goddess desecrated, her servants slaughtered. Some of us escaped and when the dust settled, literally and figuratively I guess, the rest of us went into the desert in the West and asked Her to remain with us, and She did."

I glanced around the room and got up to retrieve the bottle for refills.

"In those days, for us, our goddess dwelled in Her temple. When it was destroyed, we weren't sure if She'd still be near to us or up with the rest of the _neteru_, out of reach. Judaism had a similar idea about the house of God being a physical dwelling. But as it turned out, She was still very much within reach. And happy for those that remained, small numbers though we were..."

"So the markings? What are they?"

I kept forgetting about them, and as I handed John back his glass, I let my eyes linger on his, willing him not to forget what I was telling him.

"Everything was destroyed babes - the texts, the carvings, all of it. But any girl who spent her formative years there knew them all by heart anyways. And our high priestess asked that those of us who remained be made into living canvases to carry Her stories on our skin..."

A low growl full of pleasure sounded in the room, almost a rumble.

"Mistress," I sighed, closing my eyes and feeling my face turn into a caress that wasn't there.

Four sets of eyes pinned me as I gave Henrik back his glass and my blanket cocoon started to feel uncomfortably warm.

"I don't meet with Her face to face as regularly as we did then. But when I do, when any of us do, they show up for a day or so. Just a...reminder, I think," I scooted the fabric down a little so my shoulders and neck could breathe for a moment.

Henrik was looking at the skin there, absentmindedly rubbing one finger over his bottom lip, studying the intricate markings.

"What do they say?"

"It would take too long to tell you exactly, but it...its Her. Its Her kindness, Her power, Her divinity and divine lineage. How She rode into battle with the pharaohs and shielded them from harm. How She burned the enemies of her father with fire," I glanced down as one of my legs kicked at the fabric, trying to work its way out.

"Ah, there it is," I stood and exposed my leg all the way up to my hip, showing them the panels, "this one is Her nature as the Eye of Ra," I glanced at Tim, whose gaze burned into mine at the mere mention, "our stories said she took revenge on the ungrateful subjects of her father, and her blood lust was unquenchable. That's obviously the TL;DR version..."

I got distracted, looking down at the markings, remembering them in relief carving, rather than blue ink on skin. They were exactly the same though, down to the last detail and artistic flourish.

"She took me in, and so many others like me over time. And She blessed us with the reward of living again and again for remaining faithful to her. Our bodies die, but we're reborn every time. At first is was just in other towns and villages, then outside the Nile Delta and Egypt, and then on different continents. Now we can really reappear pretty much anywhere, but we always somehow find each other...I mean we have to or else we'd all think we were going mad."

They stared at me again, but only John looked up at my eyes, everyone looked at my skin. I knew they'd heard some of this at the beach, but I wasn't totally sure what May had shared or what they remembered from it.

"They'll be gone tomorrow, but they're sort of a reminder of--" I was cut off as John launched himself up out of his seat and crushed his lips to mine with a growl. He kissed me breathless, tearing the blanket away from my body and tossing it to the floor, his hands roaming over and gripping my skin, pulling me closer to him as I moaned into his lips, reaching up to press my fingers through his hair.

Enough talk.

Someone pressed against my back and Jonas gently pulled my mouth back when I gasped for breath, pressing his own down in the other man's place over my shoulder. John leaned down and took one of my nipples into his mouth as Jonas' tongue plundered me, making me gasp and cry out with arousal and need.

"Will you have us, Triste," he growled against me, one hand traveling down over my ass, "both of us?"

I desperately nodded my head as I heard my goddess tell me I'd done well by her, and John reached back to take my hand from his hair before walking backwards again as he'd done earlier, leading me towards my bedroom.

"Wait..." a low voice said, and we all looked back at Tim, who was still standing in the living room.

"Triste, come here."

I looked up at John, who shrugged, no more clued in than I was, then back to Tim, clearly not understanding. I went to him anyways, and stopped a foot away, the light from the candles making the glyphs on my skin flicker and dance like they were alive.

"You forgot," he rumbled as he closed the gap between us, staring down at me intently with that gaze that so nearly set me on fire.

"Forgot what," I gasped as he fisted his hand in my hair and pulled back, exposing my throat.

"I do believe we had a deal, did we not?" he breathed, running his nose up the line of it, "and its my turn now."

I remembered suddenly what he was talking about.

_If you're a good girl and swallow me, I'll make you squirt all over me again. _

My body tensed in response, and he knew I had figured it out. His breath was hot on my skin as he sucked a mark into my neck, and I dipped my head further back and moaned, my fingers gripping his bare upper arms hard.

"Lay down Triste."

"...what, here? On the floor?"

"Yes," his tone dripped with mingled dominance and lust, and he leaned into me again, speaking quietly, "in front of everyone...that _is_ your other thing, isn't it?"

_You can NOT possibly fucking know that... _

But my jaw dropping was enough of an answer for him, and suddenly Jonas was behind me, gathering me into his arms and lowering me to the floor. The hardwood was cold against my flushed skin and I arched my back at the sensation, making a collective groan fill the room at seeing my body splayed that way, but still nobody spoke for several moments.

I looked up at Tim and we locked eyes as I waited for him to come to me.

"Are you going to keep me waiting now, Tim?" I moved one hand over my breast and slowly traced the line of my waist down to my hip, letting my fingers dance along my skin, playing in the flickering light. He watched me reach down further and touch my pussy, sliding my fingers through my folds, more than ready for him.

"If you keep that up, I'll be sorely tempted to," he muttered. And indeed, he looked like he was thinking about taking a seat, as everyone else had, and watching me touch myself, even as his hand went to his belt.

I moaned quietly as my fingers barely dipped into my center and let my head fall to the side with my eyes closed. Henrik groaned at the way my hair splayed out over the hardwood, gleaming in the low candlelight. The only sound was the rustling of Tim's clothes as he kicked them to the side, and knelt down over me, as naked as I was.

"Open your eyes, priestess."

Tim was hanging over me, the ends of his hair draped over one shoulder and brushing across my naked skin. I ran my hands up his sides, the wetness from my fingers shining on his skin and making him shiver as my fingers passed over each of his ribs and he leaned down and captured my lips.

"I love you," he whispered before his tongue filled my mouth and I moaned heavily into him, arching up to press my skin against his. He trailed kisses down my neck, laving his tongue over the mark he'd left on my breast, and I writhed against the floor for him.

He took my nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue and then sucking on it before switching to lavish the other with the same attention as I pressed the fingers of one hand into his hair, adoring how soft and thick it was. I bit my lip and held one hand out to Henrik, who dropped to the floor behind my head and took it in his own, pressing it to his cheek for a brief moment, grounding me again as he had that morning as my cries grew louder.

Jonas and John sat on my sofa, enamored by what was happening, watching their two friends work me and pleasure me. Jonas palmed his erection through his pants, growling when I gasped sharply as Tim swirled his tongue in delicate, sensual patterns down my torso and my hips bucked, desperately seeking friction.

"God I love your skin covered in these," he said, running his tongue over a line of glyphs down my pelvis, "you're a fucking masterpiece."

I couldn't speak, listening to him talk to me that way, but a growl sounded in my ears at hearing him appreciate Her handiwork, and his head darted up, slightly startled at having heard Her approval in his mind too.

"Triste, open your eyes. Look at me."

I stared down at him, laying between my legs now, his face hovering over my pussy, inhaling me, licking his lips.

"Are you going to come for me like a good girl, Triste?"

"Yes," I breathed, gasping as Henrik pinched my nipple hard.

"Mmm. Are you going to scream for me?"

"Yes," I gasped, as his fingers traced delicately along my folds while he questioned me, not stimulating, but giving me some of the contact I so badly desired.

"Tim please," I moaned, unable to stand it any longer.

"Are you sure, beautiful? There are a lot of eyes on you right now..."

I lifted my hips fractionally and he smirked up at me and unknowingly echoed my own words to Henrik the previous night.

"As you wish..."

I screamed and most of my body left the floor when he buried his face into my pussy and shoved his tongue inside me before pulling it out and running through my folds, moving up to swirl it around my clit.

My entire body was on fire, and I only halfway heard both men on the couch groan as I writhed under Tim's expert touches.

Henrik released my hands and leaned down to capture my mouth for a brief moment. Our tongues swirled together and I had a semi-coherent thought that his lips tasted like wine before he released me and sat back, watching as one of my hands tangled into Tim's hair. I pressed my hips harder into his face as he repeated the torturous pattern, using his lips and tongue and teeth to push me further towards the edge.

The coil of fire inside me was rapidly becoming an inferno, and I screamed Tim's name. He pressed three fingers halfway inside me, teasing me and making my scream louder as he sucked my clit hard.

I was so close, about to lose myself, when he shoved his fingers inside me as far as they would go and began to massage my inner walls, twisting and turning them. When he felt me tighten around him as I started to come with a scream, he pumped his fingers in and out of me hard while his thumb swirled around my clit, rubbing tantalizing circles around it and his teeth bit down hard on the soft flesh of my inner thigh, knowing a little bit of pain made my high more intense.

I gave him everything I had as I squirted hard around his fingers, soaking his face, his hand, and the floor beneath me, as he stopped time itself and kept me coming through the whole thing until I thought I would surely die if he didn't stop. I gasped as the last spasms wracked my body, and he was suddenly hanging over me again.

"I love you, oh fuck do I love you," I gasped, moving my legs to accommodate his hips which pressed against mine.

"I know," he grinned before he kissed me. I swirled my tongue over his skin, tasting my own fluids, and heard various growls emanating from the other men around us.

"Take all of me," Tim whispered as his cock slowly pressed into me and I arched my back and gasped at the sensation, still sensitive from coming so hard, but he felt heavenly as he worked slowly inside me.

He held my gaze before kissing me deeply, pulling out slowly, letting me feel everything he had to give.

He wasn't fucking me, I realized, he was making love to me. On the floor in my living room, like we were love-struck teenagers.

I shifted to pull his body closer to mine as he pressed kisses all over my skin, connecting with me on more than just a physical level.

Tim moaned my name softly against my lips, his mustache tickling me as he kissed the line of my jaw and down my throat, keeping up the rhythmic thrust of his hips, loving the way my heat surrounded him.

"Fuck, promise me you'll do that every time," he whispered into my lips, "that was amazing..."

"Not -oh, fuck babe- not every time, I c-can't control it," I laughed breathlessly, giving myself over to the delicious rocking of his hips against mine, and hoping he understood the magnitude of earth-shattering orgasms he was tearing out of me.

I could feel myself tightening again, and so could he.

"I love the way your body responds to me," he growled lowly into my neck, nipping and kissing the skin there as he moved his hips a little quicker, meeting my center a little bit harder, "how you come for me..."

"_Tim_," I gasped into him, trying to draw his cock further inside me as my fingers gripped the skin of his hips.

"Time to let go now, my love," he whispered as he started to increase his rhythm again, on the edge of coming himself. He locked the fingers of both hands with mine and pressed them to the floor above my head until the lengths of our torsos were pressed together from the hips up.

Our bodies rocked against each other until we came together, crying out and desperately trying to get closer to one another as he kissed me hard, drinking down every noise I made. My body filled with his seed, and I felt him leak out of me as his hips thrust one final time and he lost his posture, pressing his forehead to mine as we gasped together in the aftershocks.

When he kissed me again, it was tender and loving, no longer lust-filled or urgent. It was just Tim, giving all of himself to me, as I had to him. I wasn't sure how long we stayed that way, trembling in each other's arms, but he finally opened his eyes and looked down at me, taking in my reddened lips, my silver hair gleaming in the low candlelight, the beads of sweat across my skin.

"I would do anything for you, Triste," he said quietly, and that was it. In the next moment, he pushed back onto his knees, slipping out of me and reaching up to tie his hair back as he tried to control his breathing.

My eyes roamed around the room at the other men, who I'd nearly forgotten about, and I smiled and looked at John, who I was sure was about to come just at the sight of me in that state - my body covered in tiny blue glyphs, patches of my skin reddened where Tim's stubble had scratched against me...

His eyes roamed down my body with a gaze that could only be called lascivious, and I bit my lip and looked up at him a little more cautiously.

When his stare finally met mine, his breath caught.

"Do _not_ bite your lip like that...”


	37. Chapter 37

I turned to Henrik, still right behind me, and his warm hands worked up my waist and over my torso, moving up to cup both my breasts as his mouth dropped kisses along my neck and he pulled me up until I was leaning back against him.

"Can I add that that was just as hot to watch the second time," he growled into my ear when he pulled me to my feet, tilting my head back and biting at my lips, pulling back after a searing kiss.

John immediately took my hands and pulled me out of Henrik's grasp, leading me into my bedroom and shaking his head when Henrik and Jonas followed. He needed me to himself for at least a couple minutes, and he halfway closed the door behind me.

"Hey babes," I whispered as he pulled me in close, keeping the lengths of our bodies perfectly pressed together while he ran one hand back through my hair, mostly dry now. His fingers were long and gentle, combing through any tangles that they met until he could smoothly run them from my roots down to the ends halfway down my back.

"What are you doing?" my voice was soft and low as he continued for several moments, just repeatedly touching my hair, his other hand holding me to him as my eyes closed with relaxation.

"Relearning you," he said softly, gently touching my cheeks and my eyelids, my lips and chin, tugging on my ear until I opened my eyes with a tiny laugh and touching my lips to silence myself, lest I ruin the flawless moment he had created.

"You're shaking," he said quietly, frowning down at me with concern as his hand brushed over my fingers, pulling them up to his own lips and softly kissing each pad, letting his tongue dance over each fingertip and pulling a hushed sigh from me as he held my gaze and pressed my hand flat to his chest over his heart.

"You're shaking too."

John paused, looking down at his hand holding mine, both trembling, and he breathed a shaky laugh.

"Guess I am," he chuckled, trailing off into silence as he pulled my hand back and touched my palm, running the tip of his index finger over the lines there while I watched.

"Are you afraid of me, John?"

"What?"

"Are you afraid because of all that stuff I told you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, I didn't want to freak you out and--"

He put one finger against my lips, effectively putting a halt to my babbling apologies.

"I'm not afraid of you, little one," he said with a hint of a smile twitching at the corner of his perfect mouth as he shook his head.

"Are you sure? Because we don't have to do this if you don't want to," I mumbled against his finger when he didn't move it.

"Do what," he breathed, drawing me in close once more, making me tilt my head up to keep his gaze, "this?"

His lips brushed mine, almost a whisper of a caress, nothing lingering, nothing lasting and his hair brushed my cheek as he pulled back.

"Or this?" John's hands roamed over my waist and my back, not grabbing or gripping, just letting his palms run across the surface of my skin, making me close my eyes at the intensity of such a soft touch.

"Please don't stop," I whispered, laying my forehead against his shoulder, absorbing the way he needed me in a way the others didn't.

"I don't think I can, Triste," he whispered back, dipping his head and taking my mouth, drinking down my whimper and firming his grip around me when my knees started to give.

The world was a swirl of dark hues behind my eyelids as my head dipped back - grays and blacks, midnight blues and deep, royal purples. His lips sucked at the skin of my neck lightly, more than a kiss, but not enough to leave a mark.

I loved the noises he made - soft little groans and sighs as he drank in the softness of my skin, the scent, the taste of me, running the tip of his tongue up the line of my throat with a low growl that made me tremble as he breathed hotly over the surface of my body.

My fingers still shook as they found the bottom hem of his shirt and I pushed it up his torso, running my hands over his chest, through the sparse hair that covered it, interrupting the attentions of his mouth for less than a second as he lifted it off over his head and it landed somewhere on the floor behind him.

"Easy baby, go slow," he smiled as I pushed the leather of his belt through the worn loop, pulling a little so I could slip it back through the buckle and undo the button of his jeans.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to rush," I whispered, pulling back a little and chewing at my lip, feeling the self consciousness creep in at the periphery even as I tried to shake it off.

John saw everything for what it was, and gently took my hands and held them in his as we worked the rest of his clothes off together while he smiled down at me softly the whole time.

"Don't ever feel like what you want is wrong, I just want to enjoy you alone for as long as I can," he tipped my chin up and softly kissed me as he whispered the words before his kiss turned rougher, hungrier, more demanding, until he was crushing me to him, his hands devouring my bare skin as his tongue repeatedly filled my mouth and he dominated me, growling as I gripped his cock hard, dying to know what he looked like, what he felt like.

"Lay down," he panted, moving me over to the bed and maneuvering my body until I was flat on my back in the middle, staring at him standing at the edge still. His fingers twitched against his leg like he wanted to touch himself, but he didn't.

"What are you waiting for," my voice sounded thick in my own ears and I felt my muscles tense when he met my eyes again with a gaze that could have set the world on fire.

"I'm trying to figure out where I want to start..."

I didn't know how to respond, so I waited, listening to my heart beat heavily in my ears, drinking in the magnificence that was John naked. He was more sparingly built than Jonas or Henrik - leaner, all arms and legs, but he was absolutely perfect in the moment that he climbed up next to me, looking me over and reaching out with one hand that still shook a little to touch the skin at the curve of my shoulder.

"Is this really happening," he whispered, and I touched his cock with one finger, running the pad of it over the sensitive groove on the underside of the head and biting my lip at the pleasured hiss I got in response as his eyes closed and the muscle in his jaw clenched.

"Yes. But only if you want it to...I-I don't want you to feel like you can't say no."

His eyes flashed open to look down at me, laid out naked before him. 

"I promise you, 'no' is _not_ what I was thinking, little girl," he growled into my lips, bending forward to kiss me, "I was more thinking that I want to make you come a hundred times...I want you everywhere, Triste...against the wall, on the floor, in the shower, laid out on the kitchen counter...everywhere..."

He took my hand and pressed it to his cock as he whispered his thoughts to me and it became evident that he'd taken very good stock of all the fuckable places my apartment had to offer.

My hips squirmed with every suggestion as he deepened our kiss, flicking his tongue against mine and moaning until he couldn't hold back anymore and ran his hand in a flat, hot line down my neck, groping one of my breasts before continuing down my torso, spreading his fingers until his hand slid between my legs, cupping me entirely and making me whimper as I felt his heat.

"Fuck, you're so wet," he whispered into my lips, running the tip of his middle finger over my entrance repeatedly.

"I c-I can't help it," I gasped, shifting my hips to try and get more contact, but he wouldn't give it to me.

"I can't tell you how much that wasn't a complaint, Triste," he chuckled, moaning lowly into my lips as he swirled his finger over my pussy again, tracing maddening little circles that made my head start to spin.

"Please, John I just want you..."

"Oh you'll have me, little one," he growled, "but you have to be patient...we've waited six months, whats a couple more minutes?"

"Patience is _not_ my strong suit," I grumbled. What was the insistence these boys had on torturing me first? It simply wasn't fair.

"Maybe that's something we should work on, my darling," he smirked against my lips, pulling back just enough that his tongue could trace the curve of my bottom one, making me clench.

"Ohh, that's my good girl," he praised, feeling the increased wetness at my entrance, rolling his fingers through my folds and softly thumbing at my clit until I was grabbing at his shoulders and trying desperately for just the slightest bit more.

"Please, please please please please," I begged, unable to think about anything but having him inside me, filling me up, putting an end to the aching emptiness that was only made worse with each teasing touch.

"Give me more," he said, dropping kisses over my breasts, rapidly flicking his tongue over the tip of my nipple and growling as he felt me gush again as I cried out and he switched to the other side, receiving the same reaction until my hips were bucking into his hand, creating my own friction as his mouth worked my oversensitive flesh.

"Use me," he moaned, pressing two of his digits to my entrance, but not pushing them inside me, "fuck yourself on my fingers, Triste, I need to feel you..." his tongue slid between my lips, filling my mouth with the vibrations of his voice when I lifted my hips and pushed myself onto his fingers, crying out at the satisfaction of finally being filled, and clenching hard around him.

"Gods, yes, that's it, Triste, you're so fucking wet," he held perfectly still as I rocked my hips back and forth, slipping his fingers in and out of my pussy, holding on as long as he could while I writhed and cried out, but unable to make it much more than a few seconds.

John shifted, keeping his hand pressed against my core but sliding up so his cock was at my lips, his height again working to his advantage.

"Please," he whispered when my eyes opened and our gazes locked, and I eagerly wrapped my lips around him, clenching around his fingers again at the sound that he made as he threw his head back and cried out towards my ceiling. His taste was consuming and perfect in my current state, and he gripped my hair and pushed further into my mouth, sliding hard and smooth against my tongue.

"Fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes, take all of me," he moaned, looking back down to watch his cock disappear between my lips and slamming his fingers inside me hard, almost lifting my hips off the bed with the force he was using and splashing my fluids against my thighs, no longer wanting to feel me taking my own pleasure, but desperate to make me come, to give me a high and cause me to feel pleasure.

I moaned around his cock, squeezing my eyes shut as his thumb repeatedly brushed my clit and the vibrations made him shout as his whole body seemed to hum with the same frequency.

I apparently underestimated the strength contained in his wiry frame, because in one second, his cock was at the back of my throat and in the next he was sitting at the edge of my bed, feet flat on the floor, yanking me around into his lap and growling at me to ride him before he kissed me hard, tasting every part of my mouth as I held on for dear life. He was longer than Tim or Henrik and I had to go slower when I lifted my hips to take him, stretching around him and feeling my breath leave with a hiss so sharp, I wasn't sure I would be able to fully inhale ever again.

"Holy fuck you're so tight," he groaned against my shoulder, pressing his forehead down hard and trying to hold back, "j-just give me a second, fuck."

"Cant," I managed to say as we both gasped for air and my hips finally met his as he bottomed out inside me, helpless to stop the reactions of his body as his hips rolled and I cried out sharply as his tip pressed against my cervix.

"Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry," he gathered me closer to him, the frenzied movements calmer, slower now that I was where he wanted me.

"You feel so perfect, Triste," he breathed into my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist, holding onto me as he slowly rolled his hips into me again, "please tell me if I hurt you, I don't want to hurt you...I-I can't..." John's brain was full of scattered thoughts...me, his friends in the other room, this burning, near insatiable need, but one that was almost its equal, to be quiet and slow with me, to make me glow rather than burn.

None of them seemed to stick, to last, like they were disappearing into this air as soon as they arose.

"What have I done without you all this time, babes," I whispered, capturing his lips with mine, and slowly lifting off him, letting him feel every part of me before sinking back down again with a tiny whimper, loving the sounds that he made too as he pulled me closer.

"T-take me somewhere. Please," he gasped, laying his forehead against mine as his eyes closed and he tried to concentrate, "somewhere we can be alone."

The last vestige of my consciousness not being completely controlled by my reptile brain supplied me with the thought that Henrik had probably told him that I could do that after I'd showed them all relived memories earlier.

"Where do you want to go baby," I whispered, still moving on and off him at the same unhurried pace, "gods you feel good."

"Anywhere, I don't care, just, oh god, just don't stop."

I tangled my fingers into his hair and sank back down against him, taking his cock all the way inside me until he was bottomed out, growling at the pressure of my cervix against his tip as gravity brought us all the way together again and I pressed my forehead down to his.

"Take a deep breath, John."

He jumped when he was flat on his back on the sandstone floor, rather than sitting up on my downy comforter, but he didn't startle the way Henrik had, even as he sat up and wrapped his arms around me again, stretching his legs out and looking around.

"Where are we?"

I could hardly think, he was so far inside me, and I pulled off a little, feeling the hard floor under my knees and gasping as he slid partway out of me.

"Home," I whispered, pressing my hips forward again, not caring that he was almost tearing me apart, and screaming for him as he laved his tongue over one of my nipples, his massive hands wrapping around my waist, holding my skin so tight I was sure I would have bruises. His lips covered my body, nipping and licking and consuming until he couldn't stand it anymore, shouting so that his voice echoed into the temple.

"Fuck me, Triste, oh gods, don't stop," he cried, the sound bouncing off the stone walls as the low lighting from the torches illuminated the carvings, making them lifelike and fluid, their bodies seeming to move like ours.

It was Her temple looming over us in the settled night, Her image watching us with sightless granite eyes as our shadows danced across the floor before Her, our offering one of pleasure rather than goods or sustenance. John looked around for the briefest second as he flipped us over, pressing me into the floor, biting my nipple hard with a growl and forcing me to buck my hips up into him, to take everything he had with each thrust.

"Just like that," I cried, "fuck fuck _fuck_!"

He made an almost inhuman noise as I clenched around him, my inner walls gripping and squeezing his cock until he had no choice but to come with me, slamming his hips down into me, crushing me into the floor, devouring my mouth as we tangled ourselves together, extending the high until tears streamed down my face.

"No no no, shit I'm so sorry!" he gasped as he saw my tears, lifting on his palms and pulling his hips back as he softened and slipped out of me, "I didn't mean to h--"

"Shh," I pressed one finger to his lips and I turned, feeling his seed leaking out of me but not caring in the slightest as I faced Her statue and knelt forward, clasping my hands over my heart and bowing my head towards the floor. I whispered my prayer in the old language, staying silent for several moments after until I turned back to John and knotted my fingers into his hair, pulling him forward to me again and kissing him deeply, the arousal he had just sated already flickering once more now that I was here, in the place of my very origin.

"Give me more," I said lowly, letting my eyes shift until they were acid green, practically glowing in the dim lighting around us.

He chuckled darkly, smirking and throwing me down to the floor again, immediately sinking his fingers into me with a snarl.

"Is this what you want, Triste," he growled as I gasped and arched sharply off the floor, "do you want me to fuck you with my fingers until you come again, until you scream for me again..."

My head thrashed back and forth, my whole body keyed up to the point that I knew I was only seconds away, and the way he bared his teeth and growled only lessened that time.

"Goddamn, you're a sloppy little thing, aren't you," he worked a third finger inside me as he said it, sending me into the clouds with a high pitched scream. John kept his fingers inside me, moaning lowly every time the ring of muscle at my opening clenched hard around him as I gasped for air and came back down, slowly, one gasping breath at a time

"Gods, you're perfect," he whispered, capturing my lips in a kiss so sweet and soft, it shouldn't have been possible right after what he'd just done to me. 

He didn't pull back, rather letting his lips continue to caress me until I was calm and quiet, humming softly as his fingers slipped out of me.

"What now, little one," he asked quietly, brushing the damp hair out of my eyes and laughing softly at the state I'd worked myself into as I leaned up and kissed him again. 

"Now you take another deep breath," I replied with a little smirk. 


	38. Chapter 38

In my room, Jonas stood in the doorway, looking dumbfounded. I still was astride John, who was bottomed out inside me, but we were perfectly motionless, staring into each others eyes, my fingers tangled back into his hair and his hands gripping my hips.

"What the fuck," he whispered as Henrik looked over his shoulder and grinned as he barked a laugh.

"Ohh, so _that's_ what it looks like...they're uhm, gone...kind of..."

Jonas cocked an eyebrow at him, silently requesting more information.

"She'll explain it better than I will, but its what I was telling John before, she said its kind of like a file cabinet of memories that she can go back to. And she can apparently take other people with her, hence the...staring..."

"What??" he said unbelievingly, but before Jonas could ask anymore questions, John and I came back with a sharp gasp.

He moaned heavily at the sudden feeling of being buried inside me again, looking down at his hips with a shocked expression, "how am I still--?! Didn't we both just...Triste?!"

I gasped too at being stretched and filled once more, pressing one calming hand to his face when I felt him shift inside me, "it was all mental, all a memory, we've been here the whole time babes, I promise."

Henrik was next to us then, pushing past Jonas in the doorway and tangling a hand into my hair, pulling my head back so he could press his mouth down over mine as we gave John a moment to digest what I'd told him and he flopped down on his back, his feet still on the floor as he stared at the ceiling listening to the sound of us kissing.

"That was so cool to experience from this side," he mumbled before kissing me heartily again, our mouths automatically opening to each other now. His tongue stroked mine slowly but hungrily, and I let go of John's hand to trace the line of Henrik's hardened cock through his pants with one teasing finger. He moaned into my touch and pressed his free hand not tangled into my hair down hard over mine, closing it over his cock and rolling his hips against my palm.

"Fuck, woman," he groaned, "just the sight of you makes me impossibly hard."

"Mmm," I breathed with a low laugh, "hold that thought for just one more minute baby."

He looked down at me a little surprised, "yeah?"

"Oh yes," I smirked, grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him down to me again.

"Both of us?"

"All of you," I whispered, not caring in the slightest that I was clearly getting myself in over my head. I needed them all to touch me like I needed to breathe.

The combination of feeling Henrik's cock against my palm and John still twitching inside me, though doing his best to keep still, made me sigh in anticipation as I moved my hips.

"Are you more comfortable now baby?" he asked, sitting up and wrapping his arms around me again.

"Yes, thank you," I smiled, trying to figure out how to tell him that I'd just needed time to get used to his size without stroking his ego to the point that it wouldn't fit inside my apartment, "I just needed a minute to--..."

"Adjust?" he growled into my throat, finishing my sentence for me, "stretch?"

I hissed sharply as he rolled his hips, fully seated inside me, grabbing my ass with both hands to press me further down onto him.

"Fuck _ohh_, something like that," I gasped.

"If it makes you feel any better, you're so tight you feel fucking heavenly," he murmured as he licked my nipple, drawing growls from everyone watching and a tiny gasp of pleasure from me.

I wanted them all, needed them all, and thought I would be able to handle it, but I wasn't even close to prepared for the sound of Jonas' voice.

"John. Turn her over," he rasped from my doorway, palming his erection through his pants, unable to stand not participating any longer.

I looked up and over my shoulder and my eyes settled at his lips, separated and panting for breath as I bit my own, waiting...

Tim stood behind him in the doorway, halfway dressed again, his face hidden in shadow as the backlight from the living room washed over him.

Just then, John lifted me halfway off his cock and brought me back down into his lap hard, bringing my wandering attention back to him with a cry before he pulled me down to his lips. The way they moved against mine was like unspoken poetry and I was nearly desperate for more as he nipped at me and sucked my tongue until I collapsed against him, pressing my hips further down onto his length and we groaned together as we were joined deeper still.

"You can't possible feel this good," I whimpered, swirling my hips against him, "gods I want you..."

He smothered me with his mouth, dominating our kiss and pulling every sound he wanted from my lips in perfect time.

"I will _always_ want you, Triste...but for now I guess I have to share," he whispered with one last kiss before pulling my hips off of him until he slid out of me with a wet sound and pushed me up to my feet so he could move further back onto my bed.

Henrik held me up once I got to my feet, tipping my chin back to kiss me as his fingers slid between my legs and played with my clit, tapping his middle finger against it as his others spread me open.

"Uh oh..._tsk tsk tsk_ what have you gotten yourself into, _älskling_," he chuckled, moaning back at me as my hips bucked into his hand and I reached my fingers back to anchor into his luxurious hair.

"Hey, I wasn't done with her yet," John called, but neither of us were listening as Henrik spun me around to face him and rapidly picked me up, holding me against him as my legs wrapped around his waist and he tilted his chin up to kiss me again, devouring my lips, thrusting his tongue between them until I whimpered and collapsed into his embrace, letting him have whatever he wanted from me.

"Gods I want to be inside you right now," he moaned softly, running one of his hands over my skin and silencing my response with a kiss before finally setting me back on the floor and turning me towards the bed, helping me climb up and giving my ass a sharp slap as I moved towards John.

"How are you feeling?" he murmured into my lips, kissing me like I'd been gone for a hundred years. I nipped at his bottom lip and swung my leg over his hips as I devoured his mouth, desperate for anything at this point.

"Empty," I whispered.

"Well, I do believe there are four people in this room who can do something about that, my darling," he grinned, "but not like this. Turn over..."

I followed the pressure of his hands, gently pulling and turning me until I was shifted around, my back against his chest. He moved further back and settled at a seated angle against the pillows and adjusted me so I was seated low on his hips, his cock resting against me, and I leaned back against him comfortably in the middle of my bed, my knees bent but all my weight settled on him.

"Am I hurting you?" I asked shyly over my shoulder.

"No, but even if you were, neither of us are going to be worried about it in about five seconds," he smirked, one finger tilting my face back so he could kiss me once more.

"How do your lips always taste sweet," he whispered before resuming, and the flat of his heated palm traced the curve of my breast, down my hips, and settled between my legs, only applying the most teasing of light touches. I moved my hips to try and take him inside me again as we breathed against each other.

"Ah ah ah," I heard another voice and my eyes snapped open when a hot pair of hands stayed the movement of my squirming hips and Jonas settled between both our sets of legs, hooking mine around John's to expose me further, my pussy glistening in the low light spilling in through the doorway.

"Fucking hell Tim, what did you do to this poor girl?" he laughed, eyeing the bruises and bites left from last night and this morning.

Tim grinned and shrugged, "happy to demonstrate again."

Jonas looked at John over my shoulder, and something unspoken passed between them. He imperceptibly nodded behind me before running his tongue over the shell of my ear and breathing a low laugh at the way it made me shudder.

Henrik and Tim knelt on the bed on either side of us, close enough to touch, the latter rubbing a hand across my torso just under my breasts. I pressed a hand to his cheek and he leaned down to kiss me hotly.

"Do you want us to touch you, Triste?" Henrik breathed as he started running a soft hand over my breast, rubbing the tip of his index finger over my nipple, watching it stiffen under his touch. I relinquished Tim's mouth to turn my head and take Henrik's.

"Yes," I gasped, squirming under their caresses as John continued to run his fingers through my wetness, and Jonas moved his hands over my thighs slowly, up and down, pressing his fingertips into my skin.

"All of us?" John breathed in my ear, making me shudder again.

"Yes. _Please.._."

"All together or one after the other?" the voice between my legs asked.

"A-all together...my boys...please."

Something of an appreciative growl filled the room, drowned out by my loud cry when Tim and Henrik knelt together and each took one of my nipples in their mouths, their tongues working in different patterns but perfectly complementing each other unintentionally. My fingers tangled in their hair - Tim's smooth and straight and Henrik's curls soft and full, pressing them harder into my skin.

John and Jonas locked eyes as mine closed and I drowning in the two men at my breasts, and John lined up at my entrance as Jonas grinned and chuckled. I was stretched open and filled at the exact same moment that Jonas bent his head and latched his lips around my clit, swirling his tongue and sucking.

Everything was an overwhelming deluge of sensation and I came in less than thirty seconds as John slid against my frontal wall, the tip of his cock almost caressing my insides more than fucking them. It only encouraged everyone further, moaning with me and increasing the intensity of their attentions.

Henrik worried one of my nipples between his teeth, moaning softly at the taste of my skin, and I tugged on his hair until he lifted his head, and we looked at each other with searing heat plain across our features as I gasped for breath and felt myself already starting to tighten again as my body was rocked between the four of them and Jonas let go of my clit in favor of kissing up and down my hips and thighs.

My hand left Henrik's hair and he quickly shed his shirt, tossing it the floor behind him.

"Everything," I gasped, eyes dropping down to his waist. He stood to pull his jeans off his hips.

"Your wish, my queen," he chuckled, and I turned my head to Tim then, pulling him up to my lips. His fingers immediately started rolling the nipple he'd just been licking as his tongue filled my mouth, making me buck harder into John with a muffled cry as he rolled his hips into me.

"No jeans," I murmured, too aroused to give any clearer instructions as Jonas returned to my clit, flicking the tip of his tongue against it, tilting his head so he could look up at me watching his tongue. Tim mimicked Henrik's actions, standing and dropping the material down his hips before taking his place next to me again.

"Aren't you tired of me yet, priestess," he teased, and all I could do was shake my head, pulling him back down to my lips before he trailed kisses down to my breast and renewed his attention against my nipple.

John bottomed out inside me again and bit down on my shoulder to muffle his shout.

"Fuck you're so tight," he groaned, as I bucked my hips again, crying out with him. One of my hands pressed Jonas' head harder into my pussy as he ran the flat of his tongue over my clit and met my gaze head on this time as he dug his fingers into the soft skin of my thigh with a groan.

I laid my head back against John's shoulder and closed my eyes, feeling almost overwhelmed by sensation, but knowing I was about to come again, hard. A whispered litany of 'don't stop' resounded in my room as John's hands gripped my hips hard and he picked up his pace, the tempo of Jonas' tongue matching perfectly.

Henrik pressed his lips to mine quickly, "ready for me, love?"

I nodded and opened my mouth as he pressed his cock between my lips, moaning and gasping as my tongue caressed him and his flavor exploded across my senses. He watched as my eyes closed, my lashes fanning across my cheeks, and he gently moved his fingers into my hair as he pushed further into my mouth, holding me there.

"Good god damn, sweetheart," he growled. Tim on my other side took my hand and wrapped my fingers around his cock, and my thumb swirled around the tip reflexively before stroking him hard, his weight feeling almost natural against my skin now.

"You look so good like this, babe," Jonas growled before resuming, redoubling his efforts against my clit, his mustache and septum piercing ticking across my skin, making me buck harder.

"Come for us again, Triste," John groaned in my ear, "I can feel you tightening again, baby, come for me."

The way he tilted his hips up and pressed his cock against my inner walls as he thrusted harder gave attention to a series of erogenous spots inside me that I wasn't sure I even knew I had before that moment. I squeezed Tim hard and my throat closed around Henrik, drawing shouts from them, and I gave myself over to the the rivers of sensation flooding my body as I got licked and fucked into oblivion.

Henrik pulled back just as a strangled scream left my throat and my body arched off of John, being pulled in a thousand different directions as I climaxed. My pussy suffocated him and he came with a shout, spilling inside me as Jonas flicked my clit with his tongue, working me through the high and pumping himself with his hand as he growled a hundred different obscenities into my core.

Henrik gripped his cock and he and Tim painted my breasts when they came, one shortly after the other, and some small part of my endorphin-wracked brain registered the pleasurable warmth as they both growled and cried out before collapsing next to us.

We were left a panting, sweating, drenched pile of tangled limbs and John kissed me through the whole thing, hardly able to stand the idea of stopping as the sound of our lips moving together permeated the eventual silence of everyone's breathing.

Jonas was the first to move, and he shifted out from between our legs after pressing one more gentle kiss to my clit, raising his head from my thigh where he'd been silently coming down from the clouds, wondering how the last 24 hours of his life had taken such an abrupt turn off a path he'd been travelling for years.

Henrik turned me gently by the chin so he could look into my eyes, searching to make sure I was okay.

"Say something love," he whispered, and I could only gasp and shudder against John, making him frown for a moment.

"We need to make sure you have a safe word next time," he breathed, kissing my bruised lips softly, "I'm sorry, I should have made sure you had an out before any of this."

"Next time?" I breathed a laugh and he smiled, relieved at hearing my voice.

"I hardly think we're collectively patient enough to wait and take turns babygirl," he chuckled, dipping the tip of his finger into his cum covering my breast and slipping it between my lips as he watched me clean it off with soft eyes.

Tim brushed my hair away from my cheeks when he turned my face towards him, needing my attention too, "I love you, priestess," he reminded me, his mustache brushing my skin as he kissed my cheek softly, "please don't ever forget that."

"Don't think I can baby," I whispered, lifting my face to press my mouth against his.

Henrik, Tim and Jonas disappeared to the bathroom to clean up, and John tilted my chin back so he could kiss me again.

"That was incredible. You're incredible," he whispered, stroking my cheek with the backs of his fingers, "that was your temple?"

"Mmhm," I hummed, "a long time ago, babes."

"I felt...Her, I think."

I shivered hard against him and he held me tighter, kissing me longer, more deeply this time.

"She's endless, John. Perfect, divine, powerful...She's spanned thousands upon thousands of years, and I exist for Her. As a testament to her power."

He shivered too, "oh, baby, keep talking like that you won't be getting up for the rest of the night."

"What time is it even?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter," he murmured into my ear, pulling my head back down against his shoulder as I turned my face to rest against his cheek.

"I love you babes," I whispered, opening my eyes when someone pressed a warm damp towel to my breasts. John lifted me off of him and settled on my other side, looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite name.

"How are you constantly surprising me, Triste." Henrik breathed, turning me towards him and kissing me tenderly as he cleaned himself and Tim off my skin. I pulled hard on him until he collapsed into my arms and held me tightly.

"Will you stay here with me tonight?" I asked quietly, nuzzling my nose against his until he smiled softly and pulled me closer.

"I already told you I would. That we all would. Where else could I possibly go when the only one that matters is here in my arms finally, you crazy girl," he kissed me, sighing beautifully as he eventually broke away to get up and throw the washcloth in the hamper.

"Do you want anything while I'm up love?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Just bring everyone back here," I said, stretching and languishing in the warm hollow John had left in the sheets next to me, feeling like with all four of them I might be okay with the gaping void Johannes had left in my heart. 


	39. Chapter 39

Henrik discarded the towel in the bathroom hamper and as he went to wash his hands, he caught sight of Jonas frozen, staring at the countertop. His eyes followed his friend's gaze, and watched Jonas reach out one finger to touch the black metal ring that was discarded there.

"No..." he whispered, picking it up and turning it over in his palm, the chain dangling down between his fingers, "it can't be...he-he said he'd lost it... she's had it this whole time?" His eyes blurred with tears as he looked over at Henrik, who sadly nodded his head. But his sadness quickly turned to anger and he switched to Swedish so I wouldn't know.

"Johannes gave it to her and she wears it every day, and I had to be the one to fucking tell her yesterday that he ran off and married some devil-spawn terror and she had no clue. _NO CLUE _Jonas," Henrik fought the tears he could feel stinging his own eyes as the memory of my face falling in despair plagued him again and he turned and punched the doorframe hard, shaking his hand as he brought it away but wanting to do it again.

"What the _fuck_ is going on? How can that woman in there possibly be the most divine, beautiful, thoughtful creature on the planet, and he all of a sudden doesn't have a clue who she is? No one forgets about someone like her. None of this makes sense," Henrik ran a hand back through his hair frustratedly and Jonas reached out a hand to his friend's shoulder to calm him.

"I don't know, but something isn't right. We all know that, so that's where we start. Tomorrow, we talk to him and try to get to the bottom of all this shit," he grasped the ring in his hand as John joined everyone and leaned against the doorway to the bathroom with a glass of water in his hand.

"What are we supposed to say? We'll have to get him away from her first, you know she watches him like a hawk."

"Stone cold bitch," Tim muttered, meeting Jonas' reflection as he looked up in the mirror after splashing water across his face.

They talked quietly amongst themselves and I laid in my bed listening but not understanding beyond the name everyone kept saying. In the sex-crazed rush of the evening, I hadn't really even thought about Johannes anymore. I tried to puzzle it out, but I was too foggy now with booze and sex to make any kind of progress.

It would have to wait until morning.

_Just as well. Why are you thinking of the only one that isn't here? _

_We have to do something - he wouldn't forget, something is wrong. _

Jonas came back to me first, standing in my doorway, the light from the room behind him hiding his front in shadow, but making his hair look more gold than blonde. I saw what was hanging from his fist, and silently held out my hand.

When I had gotten home, it felt like a useless weight. A lump of meaningless metal. But now as Jonas placed it gently in my palm, I had to fight to not dissolve into heartbroken sobs as I looked down at it. Such a little thing. A trinket. A token. My entire world in one little circle.

I reached up to put it over my head and the chain caught a strand of my hair, making me gasp as it pulled it out by the roots.

"Here, let me," he said, gathering my hair to the side and reaching around to latch the clasp behind my neck. He touched it as it settled between my breasts.

"Oh, Triste, I'm so so sorry," he sighed, crawling in next to me and gathering me to his chest, "I don't know whats gotten into him, this is so unlike Johannes."

I nodded my head, but leaned up to kiss him, still feeling irrationally angry at Johannes, even though I was beginning to suspect this wasn't all his fault.

"Whats important is that we're all here together, remember?" I sighed into his lips, letting him kiss me however he wanted to right then, "Johannes waited six months. He can wait until tomorrow."

Jonas pushed his fingers into my hair, keeping me at his lips as he kissed me like he was trying to make me forget until Henrik and John joined us, and we all curled up together, sharing body heat and affection.

Tim sighed as he hung back, shaking his head and trying to will his own anger away. He did love me, and seeing me hurting at the hand of his friend was forming a rift in their relationship. He'd noticed it earlier on stage, whenever Johannes would interact with him or touch his hair, he'd flinch and immediately the anger would simmer to the surface. He'd done his best to keep it under wraps because the fans loved watching Johannes play with him, but...

"I'm gonna go smoke, I'll be back in a minute," he said, stooping to gather his jeans off the floor.

"Can I come?" I asked sitting up, having heard the frustration in his voice. He reached a hand out to me silently as an answer and I climbed off the bed as his fingers closed around mine.

"You don't need that if you don't want it," I motioned to whoever's shirt he was about to pull on over his head, "we can smoke out on my back balcony. I think its supposed to start snowing soon too."

"Stay here for a sec, I'll get you a blanket," he said, kissing my forehead before disappearing for a moment. I looked back at Henrik, John, and Jonas who were pulling on their own clothes too.

"You guys don't need those either. They'll probably just come off again," I giggled, shrieking playfully as Henrik lunged at me and pulled me off my feet, spinning me around in circles like he had at the shop.

"Efficient. I like it," he growled, nipping at my neck and joining in my laughter as he released me to Tim with a sweet kiss.

"We'll be back in a minute, okay?" They all nodded and smiled. John reached behind his head to pull his hair through the elastic around his wrist before turning to talk quietly with Jonas.

Tim stepped towards me with the blanket John had discarded on the living room floor and wrapped me in it, tugging the ends tightly towards him until I moved into his embrace and his lips brushed mine. I laid my head against his chest, wanting him to relax and just be okay, but knowing it was going to take more. In some ways, Tim was the most emotionally complicated of all my boys, and felt things the hardest.

He zipped his jacket over his bare chest as I walked out onto the balcony, smiling as I realized again that my boys were finally here with me, and some of the sexual tension had at least been temporarily relieved to the point where I could enjoy them without wanting to tear them apart.

The wind felt like ice over my flushed skin and I pulled the blanket closer around me as the door slid open again and Tim appeared at my side, his hair pulled over one shoulder so he could put his hood up before he reached into his jeans pocket. I didn't reach to take the cigarette from him this time, and he moved to place it between my lips before thinking twice, pulling his hand back, and pressing his mouth to mine instead.

"Hmm," I hummed into his caress as his lips moved over mine, and when he stopped I looked up at him, seeing his eyes were guarded.

"Oh. Are you still angry with me, Tim?" I asked quietly, dropping my gaze to the floor of the balcony and stepping back. He moved towards me, closing the distance I'd just put between us as he shook his head.

"No. I'm..." he paused and placed a cigarette between my lips and one between his own, and lit both before he resumed, "I just can't understand Johannes doing this, for one. And doing this to you especially, two. And...Christ, Triste, I'm so angry at him." He shook his head and looked away.

I exhaled the smoke through my nose, watching it drift through the frigid night air as the first flakes of snow began to descend lazily around us.

"Me too," I sighed, "but you're right. You all were right. I know that we didn't have a lot of time to, uh, to get to know each other, he and I, but...this seems unlike him, and I can't shake the feeling that something else is happening here. I just...I don't know what to do about it."

He turned towards me and brushed one hand down my cheek softly before hiding it back in his jacket away from the cold.

"I'm so sorry baby," he sighed and I blinked several times and looked out at the swirling white flakes.

"I just don't get it...I'm telling you, Tim, he looked at me and touched his face right where my hand had been and I thought he was remembering, but when he experienced the memory with me...he doesn't remember me...he didn't place it at all." I tried to keep the anguish out of my voice as I felt my heart sink.

"We're going to talk to him tomorrow about all this shit. Its time he answered some questions."

"I don't think that's a good idea yet, babe, not till we know more," I said, staring at the ground below my balcony.

"Why not? He's being an ass."

"Of course he is. But..." I gathered my thoughts for a moment and pulled on my cigarette, rolling the filter between my fingers as I considered what to say.

"So, all the extra old-lady prophecy stuff aside, do you think you would ever forget me? I don't mean to sound cocky, or like I'm super important," I started to babble, "but I mean how many supernatural or immortal-ish people do you meet in one lifetime? Like it can't be that many. Even if he hadn't told me he loved me, that experience isn't just something your brain discards, or even if it isn't what you regularly think about, you wouldn't just not be able to recall it when reminded and-and...yeah..."

Tim was fussing with one end of his mustache, staring into space and when he finally looked at me and his hand dropped to his side, a single tear slipped down his cheek. I'd never seen him cry and I gasped, pulling him into me and wrapping the ends of the blanket back around his shoulders as he buried his face in my neck and wrapped both arms around my waist, shaking with silent tears.

"I'm so sorry. What did I say? Shit, Tim I'm sorry!"

His breaths were shaky and I could feel his tears dripping down my skin as he shook his head back and forth.

"I hate him for this," he muttered, the sound muffled by the blanket.

"You don't," I nuzzled my cheek against the side of his head until he pulled his face up to look at me and sighed.

"No. I don't. But I want to."

"No you don't," I said again, pulling him in to hug him, "you're just angry."

He was silent for a beat, "I didn't know he'd told you. I mean it was obvious from the way he acted when he was around you that he did, but...I didn't know he'd actually said it. I'm sorry."

"Oh. Yeah. I think that's why I didn't...expect this. And why none of it really makes any sense. I--well... unless he didn't mean it, which I guess is," I swallowed hard, but the lump in my throat wouldn't go away, "possible..."

With a sigh, Tim straightened up and stepped back from me, leaning his arms against the balcony railing. He rarely looked or moved away from me now, and I stared at his back for several seconds.

"You're gonna go anyways, aren't you."

"Yup."

I pushed a hand back through my hair, wincing as I hit a tangle, "fine. Well since I can't talk you out of it, I'm coming too."

His head whipped around and he stared at me with a scowl that made me take an involuntary step back.

"No, you aren't."

"What? Why not?!"

He snapped at me, "because I can't fucking see that look from earlier tonight ever cross your face again."

I scowled back at him, "you can't stop me."

He scoffed and turned back to the railing, lighting another cigarette, "good luck finding him without my help, priestess."

"Henrik will tell me...asshole," I muttered, and despite the sudden frustration between us, I saw his shoulders shake with a silent laugh.

"If this is going to end like last time, we need to go inside. I'm not sure there'll be much left down there after standing barefoot outside for this long."

I clapped a hand over my lips as I snorted a laugh and he grinned over his shoulder at me, the tension evaporating.

"You're a big jerk," I giggled as he moved into my reach.

"And you're a hard-headed stubbornass of a woman," he growled as he kissed me deeply, roughly pushing me back into the brick wall of my apartment and leaning all his weight into me.

"Yet you love me anyways," I growled back, pulling the zipper on his jacket down and wrapping my blanket around him, kissing him hard and letting him have every sound he wanted from me as his hand cupped my breast, rolling his thumb across my nipple and pushing his knee between my thighs. Tim pulled back, panting, his fingers dropping to wander up and down my leg from my hip to my thigh.

"From the damn day I met you, priestess. Can't seem to get enough of you even when you drive me insane."

When he kissed me again, it was different. It was slow and purposeful, his tongue dancing against mine, his breath soft against my cheek. He moaned quietly into my kiss as my fingers touched the small tattoo on his chest.

"Did you hear her say 'We love the lost as we love those who are not'," I asked quietly and he sighed, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Triste, baby I _can't _agree to this. When you left earlier--"

"Ran away."

"...when you left earlier, I saw you. The expression on your face almost made my heart stop. You were terrified, Triste. Not heartbroken, not upset. _Terrified_."

I chewed my lip and looked away.

"Please look at me at when I tell you this so you understand how much I mean it."

My gaze slowly traveled back to his, and his eyes were stern again, "that woman doesn't ever leave him alone with anyone. Not even with us. And that doesn't seem to bother him, or at least not enough to tell her to take a hike. She's condescending and irritating and the room just feels bad when she's in it. Like she sucks the air out and everything she touches gets ruined. No, not ruined..." he thought for a moment, silent as his eyes traveled back and forth across one of the bricks behind my head, "_vriden_...Twisted. Corrupted."

"Tim, I--"

"Triste, I don't want you within a hundred feet of her. I don't even want you breathing the same air."

I was surprised to hear him say those things about her - I couldn't imagine anyone being so obviously horrible and still managing to intertwine themselves with someone as wonderful and polar opposite as Johannes. He was quiet and reserved sometimes, but at his core, he was lighthearted and happy.

"I'm a big girl, Tim, I'm not worried about her, this is about Johannes, not his...whatever. I can't just do nothing, not after what happ--"

"_TRISTE_," he yelled, startling me, "for once would you just fucking listen to me! Please!"

I gasped and my lip started to tremble as I screwed my eyes shut. I hated being yelled at, and hated more that my natural reaction was to cry when it happened.

His eyes burned into mine, and I rubbed a hand over my face, scrubbing at it to try and make my eyes reabsorb my tears.

"Shit, come here, I'm sorry I yelled," he whispered, gathering my into his arms and dropping kisses into my hair, "Triste. Babe, I love you too much for anything to happen to you. I would never forgive myself."

He held me back from him to look me in the eyes, and the near-panic in his expression made me take pause before I leaned in to kiss him softly, reassuringly.

"Tim. You know Johannes. You know this is the exact opposite of how he behaves normally. Something isn't right."

He opened his mouth to protest, but I pressed two fingers down over his lips and shook my head, "I am _not_ worried about her..." As I said it, a fire flashed through my veins and I felt a wave of fierce protectiveness wash over me. This woman may have corrupted and twisted everything she touched, but what my goddess gave me the power to do was the exact opposite. It was to create life and color, and beauty and goodness for the sake of it.

I looked back at Tim, realizing my fingers were still smushed against his lips, and quickly removed them.

He didn't say anything at first when he saw the anger and simmering rage in my stare.

"I hope that's not for me," he finally mumbled.

"Its not."

Tim narrowed his eyes at me, "why do I even bother?"

"Tim I'm not going to let Johannes go down this way. I...I can't."

He rubbed both hands up and down over his face before running all his fingers back through his hair.

"What are you going to do?"

I thought about it for a moment, "I'm not sure. Just talk to him I guess. If he really doesn't remember who I am and it doesn't come back seeing me up close without all the flashing lights and stuff, that will be pretty clear from the get-go. Then, I guess I'll go from there."

"Can you do anything about it?" I hadn't heard John come outside and I turned to look at him.

"What do you mean?"

He chewed his lip, and a gust of wind blew snow into his dark hair, hanging down over one side of his face.

"If he doesn't remember you, which I still think seems unlikely, what do you do?"

One of my fingers rubbed over my bottom lip, still the slightest bit swollen.

"Then...then nothing," my heart fell into my feet. "There isn't anything I can do. There are...well I don't know this for a fact, but the possibility exists that there are other people like me. Like us, rather, that serve my goddess. All of this just seems so unlikely, but if there's some sort of darker magic involved, then I-I don't have...there's nothing I can do about that. I'm not powerful enough to counteract magic."

John's face fell and he cursed softly before crossing to me and pulling me into his arms as the crushing weight of my realization settled in me. I knew I was right. That was the only explanation, but I couldn't imagine why anyone would target Johannes. He didn't seem like the type to make enemies, and in fact had even said that most people just sort of became a blur.

_What did you get yourself into, my love. _

"Come on now, my darling. No more tears. We're going to figure this out together, okay? Magic or no magic," he tipped my chin up and wiped my tears away with his thumbs, "I promise."

He bent his head to kiss me softly, lingering at my lips until I believed him.

"He's right," Tim added when John stepped back, moving to go back inside when he started to shiver and the sliding door slid closed behind him.

"Don't worry about this any more tonight," his lips brushed over mine as he held me tightly, "everything else about tonight has been so full of happiness and pleasure, lets just let tomorrow wait until tomorrow, hmm? We'll all go together."

I wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and nodded, pressing a quick kiss to his lips and feeling him react to me like we'd done it all our lives.

"That's my girl," he smiled softly, kissing me again as his hands roamed over my body and he nudged my nose with his, "lets go inside."

\--

I watched with a little smile as Tim moved around my kitchen like it was his own, never asking where anything was or guessing incorrectly about cabinets or drawers. Everyone else sat on stools and leaned against countertops in an almost perfect recreation of that morning, chatting idly, eating, drinking, laughing.

I glanced at the clock on my stove and yawned, rubbing my eyes as they started to feel like sandpaper. When I pulled my fingers away, Tim was standing in front of me smiling softly.

"Bed time?"

I nodded, feeling the exhaustion start to slow my movements, and crossed to say goodnight to everyone else.

"Where do you want us tonight love," Henrik asked quietly, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes with his index finger. 

"As close to me as you all can get baby," I sighed, wrapping the blanket back around his shoulders and burying my face into his hair, shivering at the warmth of his hands as they ran up and down my back. 

"Anything you want," John smiled softly, pulling me over to him and kissing me slowly, chuckling at my sleepy smile before passing me over to Jonas. 

"Goodnight," I sighed, touching his face gently as he pressed his lips against mine briefly, "don't stay up too late."

"Yes, mom," he laughed, kissing me one more time before whispering that they'd be in soon. 

Tim watched with silent appreciation before reaching out to take my hand and shepherding me back to my bedroom, where someone had changed out the damp sheets for fresh ones.

"And housekeeping skills to boot," I laughed, "now I'm _really_ never going to let you guys leave."

He chuckled, watching me as I opened my dresser drawer and slipped into a pair of panties and a tanktop to sleep in before crawling under the blankets and sighing as my muscles relaxed. I rolled over onto my side, facing Tim who was still standing next to the bed, staring down at me and drinking in every expression and sound I made.

"Well?" I asked, lifting the corner of the covers so he could get in with me.

"Uh-uh. You need to sleep, babe," he said as he shook his head but sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. I frowned at him, pulling a low chuckle from his chest.

"Yes, sleep. And you know what you're in for again if I get under there with you," the dark tone in his voice made me shiver.

"Lot of self-control you have..." I mumbled sarcastically as my eyes closed.

Tim shook with a silent laugh and leaned over to press a kiss to my forehead before dropping his lips to my ear, "not ever enough around you it would seem...but then again, its not really my fault that your pussy tastes so good, is it," he whispered, and my eyes shot open as he laughed darkly again, making me squirm. My fingers gripped the cotton of his zip up and he leaned down again with a wicked grin.

"And its_ really_ not my fault that the inside of your mouth feels like velvet when you suck my cock..."

I squirmed some more, feeling renewed wetness between my legs.

"Or that you press against me and scream my name when I make you come..."

"T-that technically is your fault," I said breathlessly as my body felt assaulted by flames for what seemed like the hundredth time in one night, "Tim...please..."

"Nope," he smirked mischievously, lips still at my ear, "if you need something you'll have to do it yourself this time, precious, I think I'm a little worn out..."

I realized what he meant and let go of his jacket at the same time he moved the blankets off of me and I shivered in the chilly air of my bedroom.

"I think that's thoroughly untrue, but tell me what else isn't your fault," I moaned into his lips, seeking his kiss, but he pulled back and shifted me up until there was room for him to sit against the pillows behind me. He pulled me back between his legs to lay against his chest and moved his hair over one shoulder after shrugging out of his jacket so we were skin on skin. The ends brushed against my nipple over my tanktop and I shivered again.

"Touch yourself, Triste... let me watch you," he whispered lowly into my ear, making the muscles of my back tense and arch involuntarily. I let one hand wander between my legs, slipping it under my black panties, and I couldn't stop the satisfied sigh that left my lips.

"What are you thinking about, priestess," he continued to growl low into my ear, "are you thinking about the way my cum tasted when you swallowed me? How good my tongue felt inside you? You were such a good girl, squirting so hard and soaking me in front of everyone..."

He moaned encouragingly into my ear when my eyes closed in pleasure, and half of my brain registered that he was rock hard already and grinding against my back.

"Mmm," I hummed, swirling my fingers through my folds and enjoying how wet just his words were making me.

"I know you liked that, getting off while everyone watched us. You love having an audience, don't you..."

I sighed something like an affirmative reply, but my brain was having a hard time forming coherent thoughts.

"I think you should get out of those panties," he breathed, working the thin straps of my tanktop down and pushing the material away so he could run his fingers over the swells of my breasts. I shimmied the thin material down my hips and felt his approving growl vibrate through his chest at seeing me exposed again.

My fingers returned to run through my wetness, pressing gently against my opening. I did my best to put on a show for him since it was his idea in the first place, as I brought my fingers up to my lips and gave them a slow lick, humming lowly around them.

"Fuck, that's hot," he groaned as he rolled his hips into me again and I offered him a taste too. He took my fingers into his mouth and sucked hard, swirling his tongue and moaning at my flavor. The feeling of his tongue moving against my fingers made me start to whine, and I pulled my hand from his lips, desperate to continue touching myself.

"Do you like the way I taste," I whispered, sighing softly at the end as I pleasured myself. One of his hands traveled over my torso, fingers dancing lightly across my skin as he dipped his head and kissed me hard, swirling his tongue over mine as his cock pressed into my back.

"If I had it my way," he said lowly as he bit and sucked softly on my earlobe, "I'd never stop making you slick yourself all over my face..."

All my muscles tensed again, and I knew that he was aware of every single word he was saying and exactly what they were doing to me. Not one to typically show mercy, he continued.

"I'm going to fuck you and eat your pussy on every surface of this apartment...hmm but where do I start with you?" I slipped one finger inside myself and moaned softly, arching off him again as I teased a second just barely in.

"Would you like that, Triste?" He groaned, drinking in my pleasure and wanting to push me higher, "do you want me to tear your clothes off, bend you over the bathroom sink and fuck you? Do you want to watch your face in the mirror when I make you come all over my cock?"

I could feel myself tightening with every question he asked, and I pressed the second finger all the way inside along the first with a loud moan and started to pump them in and out of myself slowly, taking the time to lavish attention on all my sensitive spots.

"But maybe next time I should blindfold you instead. It heightens all your other senses..."

"Tim, please," I moaned as I moved my fingers up to rub circles around my clit, "I want you inside me..."

"Or should I tie you up," he growled, thoroughly ignoring my request but rolling his hips against my back to keep me going, "I'm hard just thinking about seeing you bound. Maybe you'll get both. Although I do love the way you look so desperately at me and pull my hair when I'm making you come..."

He grabbed a fistful of my own hair and pulled hard, keeping my head locked back against his chest.

"You like having your hair pulled too, don't you, dirty girl," he moaned into my ear before running the tip of his tongue over just the shell of it, "you loved that I tangled my fingers in your hair when you were on your knees letting me fuck that gorgeous mouth..." he rolled his hips again, almost painfully hard now.

"Does that feel good Triste... do your fingers feel good inside you like my cock does," Tim whispered, this time running his tongue in a line up my neck, "you're so fucking wet, I can hear how wet you are, baby. Don't stop...don't stop."

His words took me to the edge, and he waited until I was about to fall over into abject pleasure, then grabbed me around the waist and shifted me to the slightly to the side, filling my mouth with his tongue as he shoved his middle and ring fingers inside me while I still rubbed my clit. I gasped through each wave of my orgasm, not so much falling anymore as being catapulted over the edge, arching off of him and then immediately melting back down against his chest, his fingers still inside me.

"I thought...you said I had...t-to do it m-myself..." I panted into his lips, trying to catch my breath He waited as he worked me through each shivering aftershock, loving the way the ring of muscle at my opening clenched hard around him still.

He finally pulled his fingers from me and smirked before licking me off of them again. My eyes remained trained on his fingers as they disappeared between his lips and I pulled hard on his neck until he bent to kiss me again. The iron and saline flavors of me mingled with the taste of his mouth and I moaned softly into his kiss.

"Mmm. I did say that, didn't I? But you did most of the work...and I'm a sucker for audience participation," he chuckled when he leaned down to kiss me again, seeing that my drowsiness was kicking in once more. He shifted out from behind me and laid me down against the pillows before pulling the covers back up, about to leave me to drift off in my blissed-out post-orgasm haze.

I reached out one hand and pressed hard against his cock, gripping him through the fabric of his jeans and tearing a startled moan of pleasure from him.

"Triste..."

"Don't you want to get off, too?" I whispered, stroking more softly now, and feeling him become fully erect against my palm. He pressed his hand over it for one moment, rolling his hips and groaning before removing my hand and pulling it up to his lips to press a heated kiss to my palm, the whole time keeping his eyes locked with mine.

His thoughts were voiced in a tone so deep I almost felt the sound waves physically rumble through me.

"You beautiful, willful little thing...next time I have you, I want you wide awake and screaming, and prepared to come over and over again until I'm good and fucking ready for you to stop...if I take you now, you're going to blackout."

It sounded an awful lot like a promise.

"Fuck," I whispered, staring up at him and wanting nothing more than to be wide awake, "we_ are_ gonna tear each other apart..."

Tim leaned down, letting his lips hover over mine, almost kissing me but not quite as his tongue slid out and traced the line of my lower lip.

"Without a doubt," he growled.

He stared intently at me, brushing the tips of his fingers over my face before lightly running them back through my hair.

"Sweet dreams my precious girl, I'll be in later," he said into my lips as he kissed me goodnight; all traces of lust were suddenly gone and this was just Tim as I knew him under the snark and the sex. I gripped his hand fractionally tighter as he got up to leave me, and he sat back down on the edge of the bed, searching my weary features.

"Thank you for coming to find me tonight, and I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier...twice." I looked up from the loose thread I was tangling around my finger of the hand that wasn't holding his as I spoke. The softest, warmest look I'd ever seen cross Tim's face was there, and he bent to take my lips in a sensual, sweet kiss that was still in every way very much Tim. His tongue passed my lips but it wasn't eager or demanding, it was just the way he could kiss me now and I pressed into him, drinking in the moment, sliding my tongue back against his.

"All this time, all these years, we were supposed to find each other, love. I'm not going to let anything happen to you now...besides, it turns me on when the claws come out," he grinned.

"I do _not_ have claws."

He smirked silently and I rolled my eyes.

"Get some sleep...I love you, priestess." He looked straight at me as he said it, and tears stung my eyes as I brushed my thumb across his mouth.

"My heart isn't big enough to possibly love you as much as I do, Tim...I-I don't understand."

That pulled him up short, and rather than leaving, he laid down next to me on top of the blankets and pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me and stroking my hair until I quieted. I had no room in my heart for hurt in that moment - it was only a potent, wonderful form of joy and thankfulness.

I drifted off with a smile, and thanked my goddess for bringing my boys back to me, even if it meant losing the piece of my heart that I had given to Johannes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zero apologies.


	40. Chapter 40

My eyes opened slowly and I blinked several time as my brain processed my surroundings.

_Still dark...hot...why is it so stifling in here? _

The following discovery that I had four full grown men crammed into my bed with me informed me as to the source of all the body heat. John had pulled me to his chest at some point as we both slept, and Henrik was pressed to my back, his breath soft and even as he continued to dream about things I wished I knew.

I kissed softly across John's exposed skin, loving the way his broad mouth relaxed when he slept, and softly touching my lips to the corner of it as I leaned up. It took an absurdly long time to untangle myself and slip out of bed without waking anyone else, but my feet finally hit the hardwood silently and I turned back for a moment to take a mental picture of them all before pulling someone's shirt from the scattered clothes on my floor and buttoning myself into it, the bottom hanging halfway down the backs of my thighs over the panties I'd slipped back into.

I padded to the kitchen, running the tap and filling a glass with cold water. The night was filled with a still heaviness, though the snow had started in earnest again at some point hours ago by the looks of it while we were sleeping, insulating us in our own little world full of love and acceptance, where we all hurt the same way but somehow being together made it not feel quite so bad.

A smile curved my lips thinking about the pile of warm bodies still asleep in my bed. Somehow they had managed to all position themselves near me without waking me up, which I appreciated, but I found my heart also longing to return to them, to have all of them within my reach and simply surrender to the fact that I was in love with five very different men.

Five...yet only four are here...only four love me back...

The snow rested on the ground, coating everything in a layer of white that somehow for me softened the city. Stray flakes drifted down and were illuminated by the streetlamp, making me feel like I was in a snowglobe, and my thoughts wandered to Johannes as I ran a hand back through my hair.

I heard Tim and John in my head telling me to leave tomorrow to tomorrow, but I glanced at my clock and shrugged. Tomorrow had come.

Once we'd brought up the idea that magic might be involved, I couldn't make the thought go away, or give it any less credence. What other explanation was there? But on the flip side, that opened up a horribly complicated can of worms that I didn't have any idea how to handle. Where was I even supposed to start approaching that as a plausible explanation? 

_Fucking hell, you know we're going to need her for this. _

"No," I said aloud, "there has to be another way. I can't deal with her on top of all this."

The voice in my head shrugged her shoulders with a 'suit yourself' kind of look.

Ihy's presence as Papa in this world confirmed for me that we weren't the only ones to break the bounds of human normalcy. Maybe there were others like the women of Sekhmet's cult. Maybe in some way Johannes had managed to ensnare himself accidentally in something bigger, some larger plot.

_Yeah, but how? And who? And what the fuck?_

I didn't know. None of it made any sense, and I desperately wished he was here, standing in my kitchen with me so I could ask him. So I could know for sure if he really had forgotten.

I finished my water and the moon peaked briefly through the clouds. My hip rested against the counter and I pulled the shirt closer around my middle when a gust of cold air swirled about my feet from the drafty windows, raising goosebumps over my skin.

_Everything will be different now, Triste, with or without him_, I heard my inner voice say softly, her voice almost like a caress in the darkness. I huffed a mirthless laugh - in the months since her death, that voice had started to sound more and more like May every time she said something.

"I know," I answered quietly. I could hardly believe the abrupt change in my life that I'd willingly thrown myself into. It brought intense complications, but so, so much happiness and joy. They were finally here - my boys.

_Sing me a song of a lass that is gone, say could that lass be I... _

The song lyric tumbled through my brain and I hummed it to myself softly as a fresh wave of snowfall began in the moon's absence and my arms wrapped tightly around myself as I desperately wished for Johannes again and watched each flake drift down and disappear. Seeing him had been so refreshing and I remembered with a heartpang the moment where we had locked eyes, me in the audience and him shining on stage.

"What is that?" he asked behind me and I turned rather suddenly with a gasp.

"Ohh. You guys have _got_ to stop sneaking up on me like that," I said, pressing a hand to my thundering heart and rising from the slightly crouched position that I'd dropped into when he startled me.

Jonas moved closer. He wore only boxer briefs and I half-realized it was his shirt around my shoulders now, but my brain quickly became distracted as my eyes flicked down momentarily to take in his mostly-naked body. He was well-built, and the way the low light from the window fell on him made the muscles of his chest look pronounced and striking. My eyes wandered lower to the chiseled line of his pelvic muscles, forming that perfect V that disappeared beneath the thin material, and I was suddenly thankful that my face was hidden in shadow as I felt my cheeks burn and my mouth started to water.

He closed the gap between us and reached a hand out to tuck a stray curl behind my ear, making me shudder under his touch.

"Sorry, love. What were you humming? I feel like I know that song..."

"You probably do, its a version of the Skye Boat Song, about the Bonnie Prince's escape after Culloden. A billion people have done different renditions of it."

He wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me closer until I leaned against him and his arms encircled me tightly. His body radiated heat and I realized how cold I actually was when I pressed my cheek to his chest and he shivered.

"Will you sing it to me?” he asked quietly. The vibration of his voice hummed through his chest and my cheeks flushed. I still hated singing in front of people after all these years, even know I knew I was good.

"Uhm, m-maybe later," I mumbled, hoping he'd let it go, and he did for the moment, "what are you doing up?"

"You weren't in bed anymore. Tim mentioned you had a habit of...wandering."

I breathed a laugh but didn't respond otherwise.

"You still don't sleep much?"

"No," I sighed. I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept through the night. But on the bright side, I almost never woke up with dishes in my sink. He laid his cheek against the top of my head and rubbed a hand up and down the middle of my back.

"I can hear you thinking, little one."

I pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder before turning my face in towards his and laying it back down as he pulled me closer, his hands feeling blissfully warm through the thin material of my shirt.

"I feel like I'm missing something right in front of my face Jonas, and its killing me. I just don't understand."

He sighed and shook his head sadly, staring out the window behind me, watching the snow fall for several moments before he spoke, "have you spent the last six months doing this every night, Triste..."

My eyes blurred a little with tears but none fell and I answered him honestly, "yes."

"Goddamn him," he muttered, crushing me against him and gripping my hair to the roots as he hugged me tight, like he could put all my pieces together with a physical touch.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he whispered, kissing my hair, holding me tight until I squirmed and pulled back a little.

"I'm sorry too. And I'm sorry I didn't stay and watch your show."

He frowned at me and I knew he was about to echo whatever sentiments Tim had had earlier regarding my obsession with accommodating everyone else's feeling, and I shook my head.

"I mean it. Watching you guys at the festival was so much fun, and I wish I had just stayed, everyone was having such a good time...speaking of, that place was _packed_, how many people were there?"

"Quite a few, I think, since we sold out. It took me a minute to find you, and I was actually looking."

I remembered locking eyes with him, seated on a throne with a gold crown on his head and shook with a laugh as I chewed at the inside of my lip, "yes, you looked very...ahem...regal..."

Jonas tipped my chin up and kissed me softly, answering my smile with one of his own before shaking his head and looking down at me, still wrapped securely in his arms.

"You're just jealous because I get a velvet cape and a fancy chair."

"Yes, that's probably it," I giggled, my lips trembling with my effort to swallow my laughter. He kissed me again as I leaned into him, and he held me there for several moments, moving his lips to pull me into his kiss and I pressed further into him until he broke away.

Our eyes locked and I wondered for a moment if maybe Johannes hadn't actually been able to see me. Maybe he felt me but didn't realize it was me and didn't know what to do so he just ignored it?

_But he looked right at you. _

Jonas watched my thoughts unfolding across my face and tipped my chin up again then touched my forehead with this fingers, unfurrowing my brow, "what are you thinking love?"

"What if he didn't see me?" I barely let him finish before the thought escaped my lips, "maybe he didn't realize it was me? I mean he wouldn't expect me here, and its been six months and..."

My hair was the same. My clothes were the same. My face was the same. It was so obviously me. 

"Baby...the lights kind of make it hard to tell what people look like sometimes, but the rest of us I think were pretty clearly able to recognize you..." I could tell that he didn't want to say it to me, that he wanted me to cling to some kind of hope that I'd been mistaken, "but then again, we knew what you looked like and what you were wearing, and your friend was rather...ah...excited?"

His mustache twitched as he tried to find the proper last word.

"SHIT, I need to call him. Damnit damnit damnit," I all but jumped away from Jonas, spinning to find wherever I'd left my phone after getting home from my run. There were multiple notifications and missed calls and I fired off a quick message after reading the half-dozen texts Mike had sent me since I'd looked at him in a panic and fled.

-You okay?   
-The sets halfway done, where are you?   
-Please at least answer me so I know you're not in a ditch somewhere.  
-I'm picturing a serial killer cutting off your toes as souvenirs, where are you?!   
-I hope you're not dead or I'm gonna feel like a total dick. Please let me know you're okay when you get a second.  
-I think the guys are on their way over, please don't be dead. Sidenote, I think Jonas hates me.

I couldn't help but chuckle; he had a great sense of humor that I thoroughly appreciated and I grinned over at Jonas.

"Do you want to tell me why Mike thinks you hate him?"

"Hmm?" he blinked and looked up, having gotten distracted staring at me wrapped up in his shirt, too big to fit me, but damn I looked good in it, "I don't know. But you should consider wearing nothing but men's shirts and underwear for the rest of your life," he chuckled and I rolled my eyes as I replied to Mike.

-Sorry, I started to have a panic attack and needed to get out of there. Enjoy your day off tomorrow, I'll see you Monday -- don't forget our tasting at 11. And Jonas says he doesn't hate you.

A little extra self-preservation never hurt anyone, though I was doubtful they'd meet again. I was halfway turned back to Jonas when my phone pinged in my hand with his immediate response, and I glanced over at the clock on my stove.

-Yep, on the schedule. Sorry you had a panic attack, I'm sure a metal show isn't calming in that headspace. Also sorry about the serial killer cutting off your toes as souvenirs.   
-Wait, Jonas is with you? What are you doing up at 4 AM?   
-Oh my God. Nevermind. Ignore that. Please don't answer that.

I laughed out loud as my thumbs moved quickly again before I put my phone back on the counter, face down.

-Apparently waking you up, sorry! Go back to bed and for fucks sake turn your ringer off Mikkael. I've got dishes to do and sheep to count! Cheers.

I didn't see the answering messages that came in back-to-back.

-Dishes, huh...do they wear a gold crown and sit on a throne?   
-SORRY sorry sorry, just ignore me, still drunk, sorry! See you on Monday boss lady, glad you're okay.

Jonas looked at me with a questioning expression as I grinned up at him.

"Do you two talk a lot in the middle of the night?"

My head cocked to the side a little as my smile faltered.

"Not really, I mostly talk to the cats if they're up...ugh I didn't just say that. Forget I said that. Ahem...wait, _wait_ a minute. Why?"

"No reason," he said quickly but I noticed he'd moved closer to me. So close in fact, I could see the pulse beating in his throat, a little quicker than normal if I wasn't mistaken.

"Oh. Jonas, no. Its not even close to being like that. He's a good kid but he works for me and he's kind of a spazz..."

"I didn't mean to imply that. John just said he was looking at you...wolfishly, when you were with them..." he looked away, staring out the window.

"...Wolfishly?"

"Well...more or less the way the rest of us look at you, I guess," he shrugged with a crooked smile that made me want to take him to the floor and ruin him, "John said he thought Henrik was going to take a swing at him when you took off your coat, the way his eyes were roaming over you."

I had apparently missed quite a bit, as the only thing I could remember from that moment was Tim's stare setting my insides on fire.

"Its...he's my employee," I said again, trying to keep my mind on what he was saying and not the thought of Jonas flat on his back underneath me on my kitchen floor.

"I know, I just thought for a minute that leaving a pass for him with yours might have given him the wrong idea."

"I KNEW IT!" I laughed, "Oh I knew it was you!"

Jonas rolled his eyes and I quickly checked my laughter, "I appreciate you doing that, really I do. I know he wasn't exactly, ah, eloquent at the shop, and his eyes have a propensity to wander, and he was nervous...but he really does love your music, and I think was extremely excited to meet you. He's a good kid, Jonas."

He made a non-committal noise in his throat, looking at the floor for a moment and shuffling his feet, and I took pause, never having seen him behave this way.

"Ooh, I _like_ you when you're jealous," I purred at him, stepping fractionally closer and looking up at him through my lashes.

"I am _not_ jealous, and you wouldn't like me if I was, I become decidedly unpleasant," he shook his head, but the smile still curved a corner of his mouth slightly, drawing me in like a magnet.

"I can't imagine anything about you that I would find unpleasant," I said softly, staring at the ring that pierced his nipple as I reached to trace it with one finger. The moonlight lit half of my face as the other was hidden in shadow, and the words left my lips before I had a chance to think twice about them, but I acutely noticed the goosebumps that broke out over his skin.

"Is that so," he growled lowly, and an appreciative rumble moved through his chest as I pressed my lips to the base of his throat. He didn't move to stop me as I kissed up the side of his neck, running my tongue lightly back up the line of it when I reached his jaw, loving the way his skin tasted salty from sweating in the heat of our encounter earlier.

The memory of locking eyes with him as he ate at my clit while John fucked me made me moan softly and lean closer and he responded in kind, pressing his hips against mine.

"You taste good," I whispered, wrapping one hand around the back of his neck as his head dropped to the side and he groaned under my attentions. I moved my lips down to the ring I'd been tracing delicately with my index finger, wrapping my lips around it and sucking softly for a moment. The metallic taste was sensationally jarring, but I flicked my tongue over the sensitive skin underneath and was pleased to hear his answering gasp.

I pulled back with the ring in my teeth, tugging his nipple and his hand tangled into my hair as he gasped sharply.

"_Fuck_."

I let go, glancing up at him furtively with an apology on my lips, "did I hurt you?"

"Yes," he answered, but his tone didn't tell me anything even close to 'stop' and I was momentarily floored.

"Ohh...like that, is it?"

Jonas opened his eyes to peer down at me, his lips parted as he tried to even his breathing, his hands still gripping my waist, holding me close and pressing his erection against my hips.

"So...Tim likes having his hair pulled, Henrik likes to be restrained, and you like being hurt a little?"

"Define 'a little'," he growled, leaning forward and devouring my mouth before I had a chance to respond as he shoved his tongue between my lips and his grip on my waist turned punishing, "and don't think I didn't notice how much harder you got off too when Tim bit you, Triste," he said lowly.

But I was only half listening, delivering quick, sharp bites of my own across his chest, finally pulling at his ring once more, harder, but careful not to tear his skin as I skimmed one finger over his cock through his boxers before scratching my nails up the length on one hard, muscular thigh.

Jonas' hand tangled in my hair with a snarl, pulling my mouth from him as he loomed an inch above me, his eyes burning in the dark, his chestpiece seeming almost one solid sweep of black, obscuring the skin beneath.

"Don't start that if you can't keep up, little girl," he growled.

I yanked him towards me, reaching between us to grip his cock hard and whisper into his ear, "you have no idea of the things that I can do to you, Jonas..."

His entire body shivered hard once before he literally tore the shirt from my body, the buttons chattering across my kitchen floor as they were ripped from their thread, and the material whipping over my skin as he shoved it back off my shoulders and threw it to the floor hard, not caring in the slightest that it was his own shirt he'd just ruined.

"Fuck yes," I moaned into his lips as he crushed me into the counter, grabbing my hand and slapping it back down against his cock, grinding it into my palm as his tongue filled my mouth and he kissed me like our very lives depended on it.

"See what you fucking do to me, Triste," he growled, and I pushed the thin material down his narrow hips so he could kick it out of the way and he did the same to my panties as I pumped him hard, gasping and glancing down when I felt the metal ring at the tip. It was a simple curved c-ring, with a little metal ball at each end that I was sure would feel heavenly inside me. The thought along made me shudder with anticipation.

"_Quelle excitation_," I whispered, echoing May's exact sentiment when she'd found out as I touched it with the tip of my finger lightly and his cock jumped.

"Wanna try it out?" he breathed, lifting me back up onto the counter before I even had a chance to say hell yes and bending forward to lap at my nipples, one after the other, biting and sucking and stroking his fingers between my legs until I was nothing more than a puddle of sensation. I braced one hand on the countertop behind me, threading the other through his dreads as I gasped with the searing combination of pain and pleasure when he raked his teeth over my nipple and bit at my skin roughly as he moved down my torso towards my pussy.

His lips were like pure flame and for one single moment I feared what he was going to do when he got to his destination.

Usually I pegged John for the mindreader, but Jonas again echoed my thoughts, for the second time in one night.

"I won't hurt you, babygirl...much," he whispered darkly as he spread me open, watching the way the low light from the streetlamp made me glisten and moaning lowly at the sight as he licked his lips. He breathed hotly over my core, sending repeated waves of wetness to my entrance until I was practically dripping onto the countertop and he finally touched me with one finger, running it through my folds, exploring my readiness for him.

I hissed his name and he froze before staring up at me with blown out pupils.

"Say my name again, Triste."

I didn't respond since my brain stopped working altogether at the look on his face. He was tragically handsome even on a bad day, but the sight of him kneeling on my kitchen floor watching me with wide eyes and running his finger through my wetness was almost incapacitatingly fucking good.

But he was having none of my disobedience, and as he bent his head to suck painfully hard on the skin on my hip just over my core, he thrusted two fingers all the way into me, making me almost buck off the counter as I covered my mouth to stifle my shriek.

"Ohh, gods, _Jonas_," I moaned, pushing my hips harder against his fingers as he twisted them inside me, exploring me, testing my limits.

"Christ, you have no fucking clue how much I love the sound of you saying that," he groaned when he released my skin, intently studying the dark purple mark there, the blood so near the surface of my skin he could almost move it with his fingertips.

Jonas snarled as I clenched around his fingers and he started shoving them into me hard, pulling all the way out to his fingertips before slamming them inside me again, nearly knocking my hips back with each thrust and drawing whimpers and whines of intertwined pleasure and pain.

"You wanted to play rough, darling," he reminded, redoubling his efforts and leaning up to kiss me, swallowing every gasp and cry as I gripped his shoulders, needing something, anything, to ground me as he tore the orgasm from my body.

"Fuck yes," he growled into my lips, tangling his tongue with my own as I gasped for air and sank my nails into his arms when his fingers finally slipped out of me.

"Open," he pressed them to my lips and watched my eyes closely with a low hum as his fingers disappeared into my mouth slowly down to the last knuckle and I blinked once at him.

"D-do you not have a gag reflex?"

My only response was to smirk around his fingers and close my throat, pulling a feral snarl from his lips as he yanked me to the edge of the counter and pressed his cock to my entrance.

"I have to fuck you, and I don't think I can be nice about it."

My legs wrapped around his waist and I stared him down as I tightened my grip and drew him inside me, whispering as he cried out but didn't look away, "don't be."

He wasn't exaggerating, and the sounds of his hips slamming against mine echoed throughout my kitchen as he took me repeatedly, and I was sure we were going to wake everyone in the next room up if he hadn't already.

"Holy fuck, fuck fuck_ fuck_, he growled, watching me receive him and throw my head back with a throaty cry as I felt the coil of heat in my belly tightening again.

"Ohh, make me come, Jonas," I moaned, letting him have total control as he wrapped my legs tighter around his waist and snapped his hips against me faster. His cock piercing felt like a weight behind my skin, and he shifted us slightly so it started pressing against that one particular spot that made me see stars as he flicked my clit hard with his thumb and I nearly passed out from the intensity of my orgasm as it suddenly happened, quicker than I had thought it would.

My high pitched, breathy gasps and cries sent him with me as he watched my pleasure unfold and felt my pussy almost closing around him, and he came with an animal snarl, burying his face in my breasts and sucking my nipple hard to extend my own high until we were nothing more than a shaking, heaving tangle of arms and legs and lips.

We both still panted for breath when he looked up at me and kissed me slowly, deeply, sealing our connection, our bond with each other, before gathering me forward into his arms and sliding down the front of the cabinets with me, uncaring that his release was covering us both.

"Holy shit, woman," he laughed breathlessly, "you weren't kidding."

"Too much?" I asked looking up at him with concern, but relaxing when I saw his blissed out smile.

"No, but you might regret opening that door to me, I have about a thousand ideas now," he chuckled, drawing me closer and falling into a deep, pleasant silence, just cradling me to him, running his hands over my skin and sharing my body heat as his cheek rested against the top of my head.

We stayed that way for several minutes as he gently rocked me and our thoughts wandered away from each other.

"Jonas?" my voice cracked as I whispered his name finally and he pulled my hair back off my face, smoothing his hand over my forehead in a beautifully intimate gesture as he acknowledged my voice.

"May's gone..." My words sounded hollow, like someone else had said them. They felt cheap and not good enough. 'Gone'. Like she'd simply left, rather than being taken.

"She's dead."

He sighed, laying his cheek against my hair again as he watched the heavy snowflakes cast a shadow on my wall in the low light of the streetlamp and stretched one of his legs out across the floor.

"I know, baby."

"Oh...I...I didn't think Henrik was going to say anything...I wanted to be the one to let you know..."

He was quiet for several minutes as he ran his fingers through my tresses over and over again, combing through any little tangles and stretching my curls out.

"He didn't tell me," Jonas finally said, bending to kiss my hair. I listened to his heart beating under his skin, strong and even now as the last of the endorphin rush faded, then lifted my face to look at him just as a tear dropped down his cheek, but he kept staring at the wall. 

"It was in August, right?"

"Yeah," I hadn't realized her murder had made international news, unless maybe they had kept up with each other and I was just too absorbed in my own shit to know. Jonas looked down at me finally as I unknowingly traced the lines of his chestpiece, but my thoughts were across the Atlantic as I stared off. He put a finger under my chin when I didn't snap out of it after he shook me gently.

I finally met his gaze and sniffled a little, realizing my tears had started to fall without my permission as he looked sadly down at me.

"I felt her go," he said simply, pulling me back down against him and holding me tighter than before.

I nodded, a little surprised, but not much - I'd felt her go too.

"I'm so sorry, Triste. It felt like--like a light going out or something, you know? I didn't know how to find you and Johannes wouldn't talk to anyone about you anymore."

My lips whispered over his skin as I simply let his comment go. Johannes was gone from me, and there was no point in getting wounded each time I was reminded of it.

"I miss her all the time, Jonas. Even though I know she'll come back, and we always find each other eventually..."

It was his turn to nod, and I wound one of his dreadlocks around my finger, uncurling it then repeating the motion in a hypnotic pattern as he looked down and watched me.

"I miss her too," he whispered, "when it...when it happened, I had been really sick for a couple days and couldn't get out of bed, and I just woke up from this bizarre nightmare screaming and disoriented and...and she was right there. She was sitting at the edge of my bed and she had this beautiful white dress on. Sort of like yours earlier--"

"Always sheer. Always white," I mumbled and he paused before continuing.

"And she kissed me."

I felt another hot tear drop onto my skin, but I didn't move to wipe it away. She deserved every tear that we could shed for her, and Jonas took a deep, shaky breath, lifting my head against his chest in the process.

"She kissed me and it was like she was really there. Her curls were the same color, her perfume smelled the same. Her lips felt so real..." as he said it he tipped my chin up and pressed his mouth down over mine, lingering, tasting, kissing me as he remembered her and I sank into his warmth and his touch and the only person I had who remembered this part about her that I'd loved so much.

Our tears mingled together as he shifted me with a soft moan and pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him, our centers pressed together as he continued to kiss me in a way that wasn't demanding, just desperate. His tongue was warm, like the rest of his body, almost feverishly so, and I shivered as it stroked against mine, drawing me into him like a moth to a flame.

He moaned into my lips as his fingers pushed into my hair softly, holding me to him as he shifted to sit up straighter against my cabinets so we were pressed more firmly together as he got harder.

"Please," he whispered as his opposite hand roamed over my skin and touched my tattoo in the center of my back, tracing the little raised lines, before dropping to grip my ass, pulling me towards him and lifting my hips so he could sink into me.

He filled me slowly, guiding me down onto his length and returning every gasp I gave with one of his own, though he didn't stop kissing me as his hands lifted my hips again, setting our rhythm and sharing our grief.

"Triste," he cried as he pulled his lips away, tears streaming down his cheeks as his heart broke and he pressed his forehead against my breast.

"Its okay, baby," I whispered back through my own tears, clenching around him and wondering how one moment could possibly be full of so much pain and pleasure.

I pulled his face up until he was looking into my eyes as his hands still moved my hips on and off of him slowly and I whimpered his name as he bottomed out and I held him there, wanting to share one more piece of her with him.

His face froze as he stared into my eyes, breathing heavily, and I felt his hands tighten against my thighs as he saw how the flashing club lights made her lilac curls look silver like mine.

_You did this for my Triste? _

Jonas' lips parted in the same soft gasp as he relived seeing her up close for the first time, and another tear slid unnoticed down his cheek.

The air around us crackled with electricity the same way. His hands jumped to my waist when she took them in hers, rubbing her thumbs over his damaged knuckles.

A soft whimper left his lips when he heard her saying his name, whispering it like it had only been the two of them in the whole world at that moment.

_Dance with me, May like the month. _

I pressed my lips back down to Jonas' and he kissed me fervently, ravenously, grabbing my hips and working me up and down his cock faster as I leaned back to brace my hands against his thighs, swirling my hips as we both gasped with mutual pleasure. The angle made his ring repeatedly rub over my most sensitive spot once more and I almost immediately came undone, pushing myself back up to him to hold onto him as I came hard and my walls closed around him as his arms closed around my body.

He panted for breath and yanked me down so he could kiss me again, and I cried out against him as his tongue filled my mouth and I took him deeper inside me, until we couldn't be any closer, grinding our hips together.

"Triste, don't stop," he gasped as he moved one hand between us to rub my clit and I moved on and off of him faster, taking all of him each time, "fuck me, please don't stop."

He cried out into my lips when his orgasm washed over him, filling his brain with pleasure and satisfaction and happiness as he filled me with himself and I followed him over the edge, drowning in the sesnations of his body and his mouth, the way his arms held me against him.

We didn't move any further until I felt his beard tickling against my neck as he pressed gentle kisses to my skin and I giggled softly as I pulled back, still straddling his hips, holding him inside me.

"I loved her. And I love you," I said quietly, tracing the lines around his eyes when he smiled softly at me.

"Ditto, babe," he said with a little gasp at the end as I moved and he slipped out of me, feeling the warmth of his seed as it dripped from my core. I stood and offered him two hands to pull him up, which he accepted, immediately pulling me into his embrace when he was on his feet.

We did that thing again where we drifted into a comfortable silence for more minutes than either of us were aware of.

"Wh-what happened after she kissed you?" I asked tentatively, glancing up at him.

He looked down at me as he remembered, and for a moment I was awestruck by just how beautiful he was. In the low light from the window, his mustache and beard were so light, they hardly looked darker than his skin, and his hair cast ropes of shadow when he moved to tie them back behind his head, and everything about him was perfect and alluring in that moment.

Jonas watched me watching him for a moment and cocked his head a little to the side, smiling tenderly at me when I came back, blinking several times.

"Nothing. She just...disappeared. That's what I meant when I said I felt her go. She was there and then in the next second I just...I just knew."

I nodded and pulled him down to me, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. We held each other close without saying anything more, and he bent to pick up our scattered clothes before taking my hand.

"Lets get you cleaned up and back to bed, love," he whispered, kissing me one more time.

\--

I moved up to the head of the bed, careful not to disturb any of the other three men scattered across my mattress.

When I was finally laying comfortably against the pillows, I held a hand out to Jonas who followed suit, carefully climbing over arms and legs until he was next to me again. He laid his head against my breast and ran his fingers softly across my naked hips as I traced the lines of his tattoos up and down his arm. In the dark it was hard to tell where one stopped and another began. His breath was soft on my skin and I possessively wrapped both arms around him to pull him closer to me as one of my hands smoothed back the dreadlocks that fell into his face before going back to tracing the lines of his skin.

The strong bridge of his nose and the metal of his septum piercing, warm from his breath.   
The smile lines at the corners of his eyes.   
I traced the thin metal of the ring in his lip, before brushing across the wide, passionate mouth and running my fingers down through his beard.

His lashes fluttered across my skin as he closed his eyes with a soft sigh under my tender caresses.

"Speed, bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing   
'Onward' the sailors cry   
Carry the lad that's born to be king   
Over the sea to Skye..."

I sang quietly, letting the soft vibrato of my voice move through his skin as I pressed my lips to his hair and felt his answering smile against my breast. I wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but when I finished the last verse, he was out cold and I shifted him off my chest onto a pillow as I snuggled deeper under the blankets.

Henrik lifted his head from my other side, leaning up on one elbow to press a kiss to the front of my shoulder. The moonlight coming through my window made his shoulderblade cast a sharp shadow down the rest of his naked back.

"I love that song," he whispered with a sleepy smile.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised, because I love that song too," I breathed, my heart feeling full, "I'm sorry Henrik, I didn't mean to wake you up."

He smiled again, eyes closed as he started to drift off once more, gathering me close to him and tangling his legs with mine.

"I could stay awake and listen to you sing forever..." The last word barely escaped his lips as a whisper before he was asleep again, and I brushed the curls back from his face before pressing a kiss to his forehead and drifting off too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an ode to my low-ass kitchen counter.


	41. Chapter 41

I slept late into the morning and woke up to a mostly-empty bed and the sound of male laughter filling the rest of my apartment. I rolled over with my eyes still shut to learn who owned the hand that was slowly rubbing back and forth over my stomach, and soft, straight hair brushed my face as two full, perfect lips kissed mine.

"Good morning," he smiled into me and I knew from his voice that it was John, but I reached up to touch his face anyways, tracing the close-cut beard around his mouth.

"Morning, babes," I mumbled, nestling closer to him when he shifted me to pull me against his chest. My fingertips danced slowly across his skin, brushing through the light-colored hair there and he traced the lines of my fingers when they stopped, before covering my hand with his own.

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?"

"Mmm, very much so," I turned my head and kissed a spot on his chest.

"Good. I know it can be...intense...we can be intense."

I snorted a laugh, "that would definitely be one of the adjectives I'd use. What time is it? How long have I been asleep?"

"Doesn't matter," he whispered into my forehead, repeating his same answer to my same question from the night before and I couldn't argue as I lifted my face to kiss him again, loving the feeling of waking up next to him.

Henrik's head appeared around the doorframe when he heard us talking, his hair pulled into a low, loose bun at the nape of his neck.

"Morning sleepyhead," he grinned moving towards the bed. He looked at John, whose eyes were closed again, and leaned over him to press a kiss to my forehead.

"Hi," I smiled, lifting my head to press my lips to his, "mmm, I like this kind of morning. Maybe I _should_ lock you guys in my linen closet forever," I giggled.

"Don't do that please, people are finally paying decent money to see us play now," he laughed, tipping my nose with one finger.

I sat up and stretched, letting the quilt fall away as I lifted my arms above my head and rolled my shoulders.

"Damn. You know, I think I might actually be oversexed," I laughed, knowing that I wasn't able to say no to any of these boys anyways, so the slight soreness between my legs hardly mattered. I supposed I had Jonas to thank for that.

"Then we'll be gentle, I promise," Henrik growled playfully, brushing the backs of his fingers down my cheek with a heartfelt smile, "and in continuing our new tradition of making you feel like a bad hostess, breakfast is in twenty so don't go back to sleep."

"Henrik!" I yelled as he narrowly avoided the pillow I launched at him and his wonderful laughter filled the room, "stop doing that! I'm perfectly capable of taking care of you all in my own home!"

He made a saucy retort that I certainly was, based on the events of last night, and made a silly face, ducking quickly to avoid the second pillow, which bounced off Tim as he leaned around the doorframe to say good morning too. I clasped both hands over my lips and crumbled forward laughing at the startled look on his face.

"Sorry! Sorry sorry sorry!"

He chuckled and moved over to my side of the bed, "and good morning to you too," he laughed, cupping my cheek as he kissed me quickly, "no more pillow fights," as he said it his opposite hand shot out and pinched my nipple hard.

"OUCH!" I shielded myself with my arms and all three men laughed loudly, "Tim that hurt!"

"I'll make it up to you later, cupcake," he grinned, kissing me one more time before he and Henrik disappeared back to the kitchen.

John propped himself against the pillows behind us as he pressed the flat of his palm to my skin.

"The markings are gone."

"Oh, yeah, see? I told you they would be," I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and wrapped a hairband around it as I stretched one more time, groaning at the pull of sore muscles. But John's hand didn't stop.

"Henrik said twenty minutes..." I warned. But still there was no sign of stopping and I closed my eyes at his touch, feather light across my over-sensitive skin as it wandered around to the front of my torso, brushing across the bottom of my breast. Suddenly, his whole arm wrapped around me and yanked me hard backwards against him as he started tickling me with both hands. I screamed and burst into a fit of laughter, being horribly, almost offensively ticklish.

My feet kicked against the mattress as I howled and he finally showed me mercy when I was flat on my back, head pressed between two pillows gasping for breath as my arms crossed defensively over my torso. I felt my cheeks flaming red and pulled a pillow over my face to hide my blush as he laughed and his face lit up with a smile, "no, no, no, please don't hide" he pulled the pillow away, "gods that's adorable that you're ticklish".

"Yeah, and you should be careful or you'll get accidentally kicked in the face!" I couldn't help but indulge him and laugh again as I shook my head at him, loving the wide grin I got in reply. He leaned up on an elbow and looked down at me before reaching behind my head to touch the tie I'd just wrapped into my hair.

"Can I?"

I nodded.

"I like your hair down, its such a pretty color and it catches the light," he said as he watched it splay across the empty spot where the pillow had been when he pulled the elastic off the ends and pushed it back onto his wrist.

"Hmm," I hummed, tilting my head back so the sunlight coming through my window could warm my face. My eyelids fluttered shut and after a few moments I lazily reached up to run the backs of my fingers over his face.

But he wasn't there.

I opened my eyes and lifted my head to search for him. He hadn't gone far.

"What--" my response was cut short as he pulled the quilt off of me and pressed his hands down over my hips, moving inbetween my legs.

"How oversexed are you?" His eyes were dark despite the sunlight illuminating my bedroom, and his thumbs started to work maddening little circles over my skin, alternating between pressing hard and lightly caressing, repeatedly touching the tender spot where Jonas had marked me as his own.

"Uhm. Uhm not...not that...uhm," I babbled incoherently under his gaze, as a delicious little smirk crossed his lips and he worked his pants off his hips with one hand then the other, always keeping the opposite on me. His thumb worked over to my clit, drawing a gasp from me as I squirmed on the bed, but I couldn't look away as he started slowly pumping himself with the other.

"Ohh," I whispered, enraptured in the rhythm between his two hands as I involuntarily started moving my hips with him.

_ Fucking drummers._

"Last chance to say no," he rasped, full well knowing that was the last word on my mind.

"Never," I whispered, gasping as his thumb dipped and pressed against me, purposefully pulling at and gently stretching the ring of muscle at my opening without ever entering me as his opposite hand kept moving up and down his cock as he started to breathe heavier, feeling the pleasure of his own touch, though he kept it slow. I was completely enraptured, and couldn't look away as he kept us moving at that pace and I sighed at the gentle stimulation, sinking into his rhythm.

I held out my hand to him, beckoning, as the other dropped to meet his between my legs, rubbing slowly at my clit while he switched to his middle finger, alternately pressing it slightly inside me and pulsing it against my entrance, a gentle tapping that was beyond pleasurable. He groaned as he felt me get wetter, following my gaze to his opposite hand.

"I like to watch, too," he said lowly, quietly, hardly more than a whisper, and I nodded my head. Somehow the intense, personal nature of voyeurism matched John perfectly, and I was hardly surprised to learn that his kink was watching.

I felt body high, every pulse of his finger combined with the stroke of his hand and my circle around myself seemed to absorb all my focus as we moved as one.

"I want to feel you come around my fingers again, Triste," he said in the same voice, matching my tempo perfectly as I moved a little bit faster, and he started to sink his finger into my pussy, "will you do that? Will you come undone for me?"

I whispered his name, his stare pinning me to the bed even as I felt it shooting fire through my veins. He pressed a second finger inside me with the first, and my answering gasp made that crooked smile appear on his face again.

"Such a good girl," he rasped, in perfect control of everything he was doing, "I know you want my cock again, Triste, but you have to wait. You have to learn to be patient."

Our surroundings seemed to disappear. There was only John and the rhythm he was creating with me, the tiny groan that left his lips as he pleasured himself, torn between wanting me to watch him and wanting to fuck me until I couldn't see straight.

"Come," he whispered, waiting for the exact moment, reading my body like a book, "_now_."

I didn't make a sound as my body tightened around his fingers, enveloping them in heat as he made me climax and my mouth opened as my faster breathing added another layer to our tempo.

He knelt down between my legs and the hand that he was using on himself gently pulled my fingers away from my pulsing clit and he pressed a kiss to them, suckling each pad and sighing at my taste.

"So beautiful," he whispered, sliding both of his fingers out of me slowly, "so delicate," he slipped those into his mouth too, closing his eyes and buckling a little at the sensation of my taste filling his mouth.

Neither of us said anything more as he moved on top of me, taking my hand and wrapping it around his cock, letting me stroke him slowly as he moved his hips in perfect time before I guided him against my entrance and he slowly pressed me open, holding my gaze, forbidding me from looking anywhere that wasn't his eyes.

His strokes were slow, and his hips felt like magic as mine lifted automatically to meet them. There was no pain this time, even when he was fully seated inside me, and I surrendered to the tempo of our bodies.

"Keep your eyes on me, love," he said it like I was even capable of looking anywhere else as he rolled his hips into me when they were flush with mine, drawing a short gasp from me as he filled me completely. 

"Can you feel how well we fit together, you and I," he said quietly into my lips, his hair cascading down over one shoulder. It was shorter that everyone else's, but only just, and my fingers tentatively touched it before brushing over the bare side of his head as my other traced the curve of his ass, up his back to his shoulder.

"Yes," I sighed, my body slowly building under his careful movements until I finally closed my eyes and let my fingers brush through his hair as he dropped his face to my neck and pressed open-mouth kisses down the side of it, licking softly at the pulse point in my throat.

"Your heart is pounding," he murmured, glancing up at me.

"John," I gasped, my legs tightening fractionally on either side of his hips, "y-you feel too good, I cant--"

His lips brushed over my ear, and he gently tugged my earlobe between his teeth, moaning softly as his fingers started slowly caressing my clit, alternately swirling and tapping until there were so many different timings happening, I was amazed he could keep all of them going as he was lavished all my sensitive spots with attention, being so gentle and so careful not to hurt me, not to overload my brain or my body.

"Come for me again, my beautiful darling," he whispered, desperate to feel my body release once more, "oh, gods Triste fall apart with me."

His fingers put just a little more pressure on me as his teeth dropped to graze over my nipple, and I was gone, my orgasm more of a glow than a fire. It washed over my entire body like an actual warmth, spreading through my limbs as I felt his release accompany mine, unable to hold back seeing and feeling me react that way to his touches. He hung over me, staring down with wide eyes as even our panting breaths remained perfectly in sync.

John whispered my name over and over again as he rolled onto his side and gathered me to him, not caring that he was dripping out of me and covering us both. Our breathing slowed as he held me to his chest like that, and he was so still I thought he may have fallen back asleep, but he finally broke the silence.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything my love," I smiled.

He paused, then guided my mouth up to his in a sweet, sensual kiss.

"C-call me that again, please" he whispered. I couldn't help but press closer and move my lips over his again as he pulled my leg tighter over his hip.

"My love," I whispered back.

"I-I know I'm usually the last one to get around to...feeling...or, I mean t-to talking about it," he seemed to stumble over his words, unsure how to say what he wanted to, "but...I just...I've never experienced this before. I felt like I was missing out on it, like maybe I wasn't wired like everyone else, like normal people, and I just wasn't ever going to feel this way. But I do....I...Triste I love you."

I pushed him gently on to his back and laid my leg over both his thighs as I curled up into the warm hollow if his shoulder, "there's nothing wrong with you, John, you're perfect. And I love you too, babes."

I felt his heartbeat spike under my palm and wanted to cry from the sweetness of the moment as he tipped my chin up once more and repeated the words into my lips over and over again. Each time, I said them back, sealing it with a kiss.

"I hate that this is what happened to bring us all together," he sighed, frowning a little when he pulled back to look me in the eyes, "but christ I can't make myself say I'm sorry for it."

I shook my head and smiled sadly at him, "good with the bad babes. Good with the bad. What were you going to ask before?"

"Was it why neither of you are dressed and eating?!" Someone who sounded suspiciously like Henrik yelled from the kitchen.

"How do you know we're not dressed!" I shouted back, at the exact same time that John yelled "how do you know we're not eating!".

There was a beat of silence before Jonas, Tim, and Henrik all burst out laughing and I playfully swatted him on the chest for his dirty comment, though the thought of that mouth between my legs made me inhale sharply.

"You're all jerks!" I yelled louder, rolling on top of John and off the other side until my feet hit the floor, and he joined in their laughter. I was digging in my dresser, searching for a pair of jeans, when a presence at my back stayed my movement and two long arms wrapped around me, drawing me backwards.

"I think we should skip breakfast," John growled, running one hand down my hip and sliding his fingers under the band of my panties, pushing them between my legs and through my folds as his teeth closed against my earlobe, gently tugging again and making me moan loudly as electricity shot through my body at the sensation. 

"I love that you're into this," he whispered, pulling at it again. I gasped, leaning my shoulders back into him and bucking into his hand as his fingers played with our combined fluids.

Just then my stomach growled loudly, and his hand stopped as his whole body froze for several seconds and I stared straight ahead, hardly breathing. John started shaking silently, and I spun around, pulling his hand away from me and punching my fist against his chest.

"Not a fucking word!"

He doubled over laughing, grabbing his sides as the hysterics set in.

"John! Stop laughing!"

"I-I'm I'm sorry! Fuck, that was funny, I'm sorry," he snickered, wiping his eyes and glancing back down at me with a grin as he still chuckled. I could see that he was again weighing his options, and I looked at him sternly.

"Breakfast."

"What if I wanted to eat you for breakfast?"

"You are insatiable, and outrageous, and need to get dressed," I giggled, wagging my finger at him as he stepped closer still, looming over me, using his height in that way he knew I loved as his fingers found their way between my legs again.

"So you're saying you don't want me to use my tongue to make you come..."

"John," I breathed, trying to remember what we'd just been talking about as his fingers danced over my clit and he maneuvered me slowly one foot at a time towards my bed, nudging my legs with his to prompt each step.

"I promise I'll be gentle," he whispered, breathing across my lips but not kissing me, even as I tilted my face up, seeking his mouth, taking one more step back as he pushed his fingers inside me with a low moan.

I gasped his name, gripping his arms, lean but hard with muscles that saw repeated use.

"How is it possible that I always want you," I whined, collapsing back onto my bed as his fingers slid out of me, helpless under the intensity of his stare. John didn't respond as he worked my panties off my hips and down my legs, and I briefly started to wondered why I even bothered to wear them in the first place, but my thought remained incomplete as Tim walked by my doorway and then took a step back, slowly turning his head when he caught sight of me.

"Oh hello," he grinned evilly.

"_No_. No no no, no no no," I put one index finger to halt him in his tracks.

"So say your lips," he teased, advancing on me anyways and kneeling behind me on the bed.

"Those ones maybe," John murmured, spreading me open and watching me drip, smirking as Tim barked a laugh at his joke.

"You guys," I tried to sit up and was instantly pinned down by four hands, though Tim took the opportunity to slide behind me so I was angled back against him like we'd been last night, "I was so close to breakfast! _So close!_ Don't make me call Henrik, you know he'll be on my side."

"Hey Henrik," John called over his shoulder as he sank to his knees on my floor, and the other appeared in the doorway a few seconds later, his eyes darkening as he saw me spread open at the edge of my bed, "Triste thinks you're going to save her."

"Hmm, you do seem to like starting the day there, sweetheart, don't you," he smirked before winking at me and disappearing again.

"Henrik!" I yelled, a hint of panic creeping into my voice and I was only answered by his laugh from the other room and a followed comment at John to make it snappy so I could eat too.

"Whats your plan B?" Tim asked, kissing softly just behind my ear as his fingers worked both my nipples.

"Uhh, uhm. To....to uhh," I stuttered through my words, trying to think of anything to say.

"Time's up."

"_FUCK!_" I screamed and arched sharply off of Tim as he laughed deeply, watching John sink his fingers into me as he lapped at my clit, not caring that he'd just come inside me and neither of us had gotten a chance to clean up.

After coming twice already this morning, it hardly took any work on his part, and when Tim moaned encouragingly into my ear, I was a gonner, crying my pleasure out into the room and finally yanking hard on John's hair.

"Ouch! Easy, that's attached to my head you know!"

"Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop," I gasped, staring at my ceiling and reaching up to stay the movement's of Tim's hands over my breasts, but leaving them cupped there as I enjoyed the warmth of his skin.

"Too much?" John asked, moving up off his knees and turning my face to look at him as my eyes closed and I tried to breathe, my whole body going lax.

"Remember how you said you want to make me come a hundred times?" I felt more than heard his breathy laugh against my skin as he pulled me up to my feet and into his arms.

"I remember mentioning something of the sort."

"Well we're nearing the limit," I giggled back, "I literally don't think I can stay conscious through another round."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to push you," he kissed me softly, drawing me closer, and I shushed his apologies with my lips again.

"Love you," I breathed, standing on my tiptoes to butt my forehead against his, and hopelessly falling for the honest smile that I got in return, "but I _will _lock you in my linen closet if you don't let me eat breakfast now."

I turned back to my quest for jeans and was buttoning my shirt when I heard a little 'ahem' behind me. Tim was standing in my doorway again with a plate watching me get dressed.

"Breakfast in bed?" he chuckled, setting it down on my dresser and pulling me to him, just holding onto me, like it had been too many minutes since he'd done so.

"How are you feeling babe?" he asked quietly as I sat back onto my bed and scooted up towards the pillows, tucking my legs under me and holding my hands out for what he'd brought.

"I'm good, a little tired," I smiled, drawing a smirk from him, "but good."

"Well if it makes you feel better, you took everything like a fucking champ sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes and laughed as I shook my head, "I need a fucking safeword around you lot, I swear."

He reached over and brushed my hair away from my neck so he could press one brief, open mouth kiss to the pulse point just below my jaw.

"Probably not a bad idea," he murmured, "see how far I can push you..."

"All pushing must wait until after breakfast," I jabbed him with my fork and he yelped as he pulled back laughing.

Jonas and Henrik both joined us and soon all five of us were crowded onto my bed once more, John and I both eating while we all chatted.

"Shit, I'm sorry, you still didn't ask your question," I patted John's knee to get his attention.

"Huh? Oh, right. No I was just going to ask what you did to us last night."

The room went quiet as I set my empty plate down and blushed quickly.

"Can you uhm, can you be a little more specific?"

He snorted a laugh, pulling me over to lay back against his chest as he leaned into the pillows against my headboard.

"After you got out of the shower, you--"

"Oh, the energy thing? Its like a shield, kind of," I sat back up so I could look at all of them, "it cloaks you in my energy so that I know if you're in danger. I've always been able to do it but I don't really ever use it. I didn't honestly even think to until you guys told me about this woman Johannes is...ahem," I blinked hard down at my hands. How was I supposed to fucking face this woman in person if I couldn't even acknowledge who she was.

Four hands automatically reached for me and I shook my head to clear it before continuing.

"It doesn't physically protect you, but it tells me if something is wrong. Like...like ringing an alarm bell in my head kind of. So wherever you are basically forever, if you're in any kind of danger, I'll immediately know. And I can't do anything about it from far away, well nothing more than any normal person can do, but if you're close to me I can. So in my world, you're under my protection now and it...it bonds us. I probably should have asked first, but there's nothing to be done for that now I guess..."

They all looked silently at me for several moments, wide eyes all around.

"What? What did I say?"

I was immediately tackled backwards with a shriek and smothered, four pairs of hands and four pairs or lips covering me as I immediately wrapped my arms around all of them and we stayed that way, softly kissing and touching, murmuring little words.

"Why would you do that?" Henrik asked as they all sat up to let me breathe, but Jonas pulled me into his lap and possessively wrapped his arms around me, kissing my temple and sinking his fingers into my skin.

"How could I not," I responded honestly. At this point, they were the only thing in my life here that mattered.

"Did you do it for Johannes too?"

I shook my head at Tim, "I didn't even think about it. But now I guess I'm wishing I had..."

He tipped my chin up, searching my face as those little lines appeared between his eyebrows that only happened when he frowned.

"You don't have to do this today if you don't want to."

"I know," I sighed, "but I need to. Somethings not right babe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish Tim would go back to blonde.


	42. Chapter 42

I washed my face then padded to the kitchen in search of coffee, which I was starting to suspect I might need intravenously to get through the coming day.

"For the second time you, go get your brother before you eat, you know the rules," I gave Babyboy my sternest parent frown and nodded my head towards the living room. He meowed up at me and glanced at the can of food in my hand.

"Uh uh, the sooner you go get him, the sooner you get this," I put one hand on my hip and shook the can again until he trotted off to the living room, returning moments later with Red in tow.

After depositing the food onto a clean plate for them, I put the coffee carafe under the kitchen tap to make another pot after pouring the last of it in my cup. Someone leaned down to kiss my temple, and dark curls dancing in my periphery told me who it was. I turned and wrapped my arms around his waist as he swept my hair away from my cheeks with both hands, taking his time to look over every aspect of my face as his thumbs brushed across my skin.

"Don't forget that I'm mad at you for not saving me from John," I giggled and he shook his head down at me with an indulgent smile.

"That's right, I forgot that you hate having your pussy eaten, my bad," he chuckled, loving the little shiver that his words sent down to the tips of my toes as my cheeks turned pink.

"God, you really are so impossibly beautiful," Henrik smiled down at me, back to his normal self as he advanced a step and his hips pressed me back against the counter, "you get more beautiful every morning I wake up next to you."

"I'm an unholy terror in the morning," I laughed, "at least until I've had coffee".

He shook his head again, the smile still lingering across his mouth, turning one side up a little higher than the other and making his eyes crinkle at the corners.

"You're perfect," he whispered into my lips, capturing them in a kiss that was somehow iconically Henrik - soft and sweet, but equally full of tenderness and passion, "mmm, and I have something for you," he said, kissing my lips softly again, "I was going to give it to you yesterday before the show, but I got, ah...distracted..."

I giggled and kissed him again, enjoying the feeling and the sound of our lips breaking apart slowly. 

"Uhm and then I was going to give it to you last night, but, well..."

"Distracted again," I was outright laughing now.

"Okay, so can you really blame me though? You looked so perfect and tasted so good," his thumb brushed across my lower lip and I kissed the pad of it, "here."

Henrik pulled a small paperboard box from his pocket and held it out to me. My breath caught for a moment and I looked up at him shocked, making him take pause.

"What? OH. Oh, no, its not that, I promise. That doesn't come with me standing on two feet," he chuckled, and I pressed a hand to my thundering heart then carefully opened the lid. Inside were a necklace and two small earrings made of lapis lazuli set in thin, intricately woven gold rims. He watched my face carefully, searching for any sign that I was unhappy with his gift.

"Henrik," I whispered, looking up at him as a tear slid down my cheek, "you got these f-for me?"

He beamed down at me, drinking in my surprise, and I was thinking he'd never looked more beautiful when he bent his head and kissed me thoroughly. I gave all of myself to him with that kiss and his thumb gently wiped my tear away.

"I saw them yesterday when we were walking around town and I thought they would look so pretty with the color of your hair and your green eyes."

My arms wrapped around his waist and crushed him to me. He hadn't gotten them to complement my gray eyes I'd been born with as Triste, but the green ones that belonged to who I truly was. "They're wonderful, thank you," I sniffed, unsure what more I could say. I slipped my arms from around his waist and slid the earring posts through my ears, twisting the backs into place before turning around so he could latch the clasp of the necklace as I held my hair out of the way.

His breath caught when I turned around and smiled at him, and he put one hand to his heart, as if he could physically slow down its hammering with a touch. Neither of us said anything, but he pulled me in again and enveloped me in his arms as he bent me back over the counter and kissed me until I had no breath left.

"I love you, Henrik, thank you," I said softly, running one palm down the side of his face and tracing the line of the muscle that ran down the side of his neck as I untangled the other from his hair.

"I love you too," he breathed, and I could feel the way his pulse jumped when he said it. He looked down and touched the delicate stone before moving to brush the chain that held Johannes' ring. He stared at it for several moments, and made a face as he heaved a heavy sigh.

"I just don't know what to do."

"You don't have to know, Henrik. It's okay. We're going to figure this whole thing out, I promise. The first step is just getting us all there in a room together, okay?" I found that the more I talked about it, the less I dreaded the prospect of seeing Johannes again. I could do this. I could be calm and cool and collected.

Henrik's eyes snapped up to mine and for one brief moment, they were blue like the hottest part of the fire.

"Are you going to forget about me when he remembers you?"

My whole body suddenly turned to stone and my ears started to ring with a dull, hollow sound like the residual ring of a gong as everything around the sharp outline of his face started to blur.

"What did you just say to me?"

"I--..." I instantly wanted to scream at him and beat my fists against his chest, and bellow from the top of the world that he was a stupid idiot for even suggesting it, but instead I stood on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, slamming my lips against his, claiming his mouth, forcing him to receive my kiss whether he wanted it in that moment or not.

"How could I forget you when you've had a piece of my heart since the moment we met, you fucking idiot."

He kissed me back deeply, turning the tables and dominating our kiss, crushing my mouth under his, "don't ever forget about me, please...I won't survive it."

I could hear the way the words were choked, and I kissed him again, harder, pulling him down to me, trying to force him to understand.

"Fuck, and Tim says _I'm_ the stubbornass. I told you I love you, and I mean it...I'm not going to let you go. I love you...Henrik... goddamnit I love you."

He kissed me again, driving me into the countertop, drinking down each sound that escaped my lips, letting that thing inside him surface that yelled at him to be dominant and aggressive.

"Come with me some place?" I asked breathlessly when he released me with a desire-filled moan.

"Anywhere," he whispered before kissing me again.

He didn't startle when we shifted this time.

"Would you like to know how I love you, Henrik?"

He nodded and blinked down at me, snugging my body closer to him.

"Look around."

We stood on the edge of a cliff overlooking the turbulent water a hundred feet below, the white caps foaming and spraying as they crashed against the rocks. Cries of seabirds nesting in the sheer, exposed rock filled the air around us, and the salinity of the ocean breeze charged our senses. I put a finger to his lips when he opened them to ask where we were.

We moved again and were in the middle of the most expansive field of wildflowers I could remember ever seeing. The blooms rocked lazily in the breeze as far as the eye could see, a sea of color from horizon to horizon, and I felt Henrik's chest expand as he looked around and took in the beauty of it. He bent to pick one, a dainty purple blossom, and tucked it into my hair behind my ear before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

When he opened his eyes again, the flowers were gone and we stood in the middle of a vast grassy plain. The African sun was sinking low, dipping below the horizon in a watercolor splash of purples and oranges across the sky. A pride of lions lounged nearby under a leafless, shrubby tree that didn't provide much in the way of shelter, and I watched Henrik's face as he processed the scene.

Movement caught his eyes and they both widened when he saw the small child's form amongst the lionesses and their cubs.

"We've always been drawn together..." I said softly.

"Th-that's you?" he asked, without looking away from them.

I laughed quietly and nodded my head, "a long time ago...its more manageable to have house cats now, what with the space restrictions and all, but I used to come to this pride every day. Even the big male tolerated me, which was somewhat unusual. Males will kill rivals' cubs by instinct, but he never seemed to object to my presence, the old grump," I said fondly.

"How? I mean did you know what you were? Do they..." he stopped short.

"They all knew somehow... I don't know, kindred spirits and all that," I dug my toes into the scrub grass under my bare feet, the dusty soil starting to go cool with the approach of the night, "we don't usually learn what we are until we're sixteen or so, not long after puberty. Something clicks, and we remember. I'm not a hundred percent sure how it works, but its got to do with sexual maturity and hormones. And by that time, Na'eemah is always there to explain. Usually we have like a journal or something that we write in when we encounter Her. It lets us remember all the details better, and Na'eemah delivers it to us wherever we come back and we start to relearn. It only takes a few days."

He listened silently as he watched the young girl skip and play with the cubs amidst a cacophony of tiny growls and playful yelps, as the mothers watched, and the corner of his mouth twitched.

"Can she see us?"

I shook my head.

"Its like we're not here...for her at least. She never sees me when I come back."

"There's no way she's...you're even ten here."

"Hmm? Oh, heavens no. Barely five when this memory happened. But like I said. We've always been...drawn together somehow, even when I didn't know what I was."

He looked down at me, but my eyes were far away, thinking of another time with a different lioness, "I wish you could know Her, Henrik," I said suddenly, "I know you saw Her last night, but I really do wish you could experience Her. She's everything..."

He stiffened in my arms and stopped breathing as the pride's oldest mother stood and approached. Her pelt was scarred and worn, but her eyes were depthlessly intelligent and aware.

"Triste..." he whispered, unsure what to do as his feet shifted back and forth.

"Its alright Henrik," I said softly, letting him go and kneeling down into the grass.

"Can she...I mean we're not here right? This isn't real..."

I smiled up at him, wiggling both my eyebrows before bowing my head to look at the ground in respect as she continued to approach then stopped in front of me.

"Hello, mama."

She studied me for a moment and leaned forward to sniff my hair. A beat passed before she rubbed her face to mine hard and gave me a low huff in greeting as I laughed and pressed my cheek back to hers.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to visit in weeks. This is my friend Henrik. Henrik, come here, come say hello."

He knelt at my side slowly, moving like he was in a dream.

"How is this happening," he whispered as she looked appraisingly at him, and I was surprised when I felt him relax, even as she stood and approached him. They stared at each other for what seemed like an hour, until Henrik's face broke into my favorite smile and he laughed.

"Hello..."

My heart palpitated as I watched, then felt a tiny head butting against my thigh and I looked down.

"You! Look at you!"

He chirped in response and leapt onto my chest. I shrieked and played like he was far bigger than me, and had taken me down with one strike, I the prey and he the predator. He was the smallest cub of the litter, who I had watched grow bigger and bigger with time, as I too grew, but for now he let out a high-pitched growl and hummed in victory, perched on my chest, watching Henrik closely.

"He's okay. He's my friend."

Henrik laid down on his back next to me and stared away at the sunset. His dark hair was striking against the grass, a rich brown that at once complemented and stood out against the landscape. He turned back to me and the words froze on his lips and he caught me staring at him.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" he finally laughed.

I quickly swiped at the tear that gathered in the corner of my eye, "fuck me, you're just so beautiful," I laughed too, knowing it was a hopelessly silly complement.

"How do they know you? You don't look like you did when you were here. How long ago was this? I have a lot of questions."

"I know, you always do," I giggled, "it was... a while ago. Before the Germans came and colonized Tanzania -- well, whats now Tanzania... I'm not sure why, but they always have seemed to know me...every time I've come back they come to me and know my face and my scent. I guess you always know your family," I shrugged.

"But this is a memory. Wouldn't they just do the same thing every time?"

"You'd think they would, but every visit is different for this memory...they're all always here but sometimes the old mother comes and sometimes its another of them..." I trailed off, thinking about my other visits to this memory in all the years when I'd been sad and alone and filled with a crushing sense of destitution. I always had my family here.

"I think Sekhmet makes this one a little more...fluid, since I spend a lot of time here when I'm by myself."

"Have you been here a lot recently?" he asked quietly, sadly, and I nodded. 

Henrik reached a hand out and let the cub snuggled against my chest sniff tentatively at him before running a finger over one little ear and drawing a delighted squawk from his tiny mouth. We both laughed and I turned my face back over to him, laying next to me just like he'd done the first time I moved us two nights before.

"Do you still think I'm going to forget about you now?"

"_Ouch_, careful little dude, I need that," he laughed as his finger disappeared between the cub's teeth, and a tiny set of paws gripped his hand to prevent the removal of his new chew toy. Henrik looked over at me, with the sun sinking behind him, and I suddenly understood exactly what he had meant about me being a force of nature the sun had to compete with.

"No," he interrupted my thoughts, "I don't think you will...but if you do, I'm always happy to show up at your workplace and give you a good reminder," he growled, rolling over onto his side so he was pressed against me, and dropping his lips down to mine slowly, sensually, like it was a first kiss, all of his hair hanging down over one shoulder, blocking out the colors of the sun.

My little one, seeing I was otherwise engaged for the moment, scooted off towards his litter, sneak attacking his sister and wrestling with her in the dirt.

Henrik moaned softly into my lips and gathered me closer, letting his tongue slide between my lips when they opened to him, his hands working up and down my body in the way that felt perfectly natural, like we were made to do just this, and he didn't let me go even as we were standing once more in my kitchen.

"How have I made it all this time without you?" he pressed his forehead into mine and I pulled back with a little smile.

"Somehow, we've managed. But it doesn't matter anymore."

His hands were warm as they cupped both my cheeks and he dropped a hundred kisses against my waiting lips, "I'm never going to leave you, Triste," he whispered.

"Good. Because I'm not ever going to let you."

Someone called my name from the living room and I gave Henrik one more peck on the cheek before going to see which one of my boys needed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a wee tiny chapter


	43. Chapter 43

We sat in my living room for the rest of the morning and the early part of the afternoon, sipping coffee and laughing, each of them in turn pulling me into their lap and holding me tight, or grabbing me to pull me in for a kiss.

No one brought up that we had to go today. No one even mentioned Johannes. We all knew though, and it was there, just outside out little bubble, just on the periphery of our consuming happiness. 

I knew it was going to have to be me to do it. Tim didn't want me to go in the first place, and I doubted the other felt differently, so I was going to have to be the one to herd everyone out the door and manage to pull from _someone _some information about where the hell we were even going. 

_You're going to have to meet his wife and play nice. What do you say you are if he doesn't remember you? A friend? An acquaintance? _

I took a deep breath, ignoring her for the moment. There was nothing I could plan for this encounter, and part of me knew that, though I welcomed the abrogation of responsibility. 

"Mmm. Again, how is it that I'm the needy one amongst you bunch again," I sighed as Jonas pulled back from me and kissed my lips once more, softly.

"Maybe its your increased sex drive wearing off on us," Tim laughed, smacking my ass hard as I got up to take dishes to the kitchen and making me jump with a startled yelp.

"Hey! Its not all its chalked up to be! You try keeping up with four adult men, its tiring!" I yelled around the corner.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not," his quick reply made me giggle and I dropped our dishes in the sink before returning and sinking down next to him on the couch with a little smile.

"You can tell us to go away if this is too much," he murmured in my ear, "I don't want you to feel overwhelmed or anything."

I tilted my face to brush my lips against his cheek.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not," I giggled.

\--

I was laying with my head in Tim's lap and my eyes closed as he stroked my hair and one eye opened so I could watch him talk animatedly with Jonas, having long since switched away from English. The way his smile softened his features sent a wave of adoration through me and my hand brushed against his face, not to bring his attention to me, but because I couldn't not touch him seeing him relaxed that way.

He looked down at me with a soft smile before bending to kiss me, his lips lingering and moving against mine, making me lift my head to press closer to him as one of my hands ran through his own locks to keep his mouth there as my lips opened for him. Tim moved both hands under my head to prop me up as he continued to kiss me for several more moments. He tasted like coffee and cigarettes and I sighed happily.

Jonas pulled my legs across his lap and settled his hands over my shins, his thumbs absentmindedly rubbing circles over my jeans as he watched thoughtfully. Tim finally released me with one more soft brush of his lips against my forehead.

"Hey baby," he smiled, "I thought you were sleeping."

"No, just listening," I replied eyes closing again, vaguely wondering what time it was.

He hummed, "hey can you show me how to read the book I was looking at before? The green one where your key is hidden? Oh right, I forgot, I have your key too." He moved to get up and retrieve it and I waved a hand.

"Keep it. I can get another spare and I like the idea of at least one of you having a key to my place. You know, for emergencies..." I opened my eyes and winked at him before sitting up between him and Jonas, answering his smile with one of my own as I pulled my hair around one shoulder.

"What counts as an emergency," Jonas growled and pulled me backwards into his lap for a kiss as I giggled against him.

"Mmm we'll talk about that later," I smirked, wrapping my arms around his neck as his own secured me against him, "as for the book, Tim, I can show you a little, but its complicated and I'm afraid I'm a little out of practice teaching novices by a few thousand years."

Tim rolled his eyes and reached over to brush his thumb across my bottom lip, shaking his head as he muttered something about my smart mouth getting me into trouble again. I ran my tongue lightly over the pad of his thumb, meeting his eyes and watching them darken slightly.

"Oh, you. Tim, you're just too much fun to play with sometimes," I grinned, leaning over to kiss him briefly before moving off of Jonas' lap.

"Henrik, love, would you grab that green book from the shelf? Up, to your right, yep, over two more, that's the one."

He flipped it open and shot me a questioning glance. I laughed holding up one hand to stop his question as I sank to the floor and scooted over.

"Before you ask, the answer is yes."

He handed the volume to me and kissed my forehead.

"Full of surprises, aren't you?"

Everyone crowded around behind me as I sat on the floor between Tim's knees. He gathered my hair up and started to twist the mass of waves clockwise then counterclockwise around his hand as he listened, loving the sound of my voice and how I started from the beginning, not talking down to them like they were stupid for not understanding when they paused me to ask questions.

I read to them brief passages from various pages they inquired about, warning them in advance that much of it wasn't going to make sense, but doing my best to explain anyways as we walked through creation stories full of primordial waters and magic. I told them stories about the gods, and their adventures walking amongst humans, tricking them into performing wicked acts, or teaching them lessons about morality and truth. 

Tim reached down over my shoulder, pressing his lips to my ear as he did so, and touching a picture on the page. A kneeling goddess with outstretched wings along the length of each arm, beautiful in her simplicity. 

"Why do I know her?" he murmured?

"She's Ma'at," I turned to press my cheek to his, "she's truth and justice and harmony and balance."

Henrik sat next to me on the floor so he could see better. 

"My goddess is her protector. Well one of them. She's the most important part of our world - all the good things, wrapped up into one divine concept," I smiled, "I haven't met her though."

John inhaled sharply and I looked over in his direction as I leaned my face against Tim's knee.

"Whats up babes?"

"Nothing, I'm sorry, I think I just keep forgetting who you are."

"That's okay, I know this is all weird, and kind of a lot to take in."

"It's fine sweetheart, I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you. Why don't you get to meet her?" he asked, trying to still the erratic, excited beating of his heart, the organ threatening to jump from his chest. 

"She oversees the judgment of the dead in Osiris' realm, in Duat," I fanned through the pages until I found a picture of the scene I described, "when you die, Anubis weighs your heart against her ostrich feather. If its heavier and you've lived a wicked life then your heart gets eaten by Ammit, who is _not _a bitch to be fucked with," I laughed.

"Thats...kind of gross," Jonas grimaced and I looked up backwards at him.

"What if I told you she's part lion, part hippo, and part crocodile?"

"Still gross," he laughed, tapping me on the nose with one finger as he smiled, "how would it ever not be heavier than a feather?"

"Its all about morality," I continued, "living by the absolutes that Ma'at embodies. Basically if you're good, you pass into immortality, and if you're not good, you become kind of restless forever. Just wandering and never finding peace, we called it a second death."

"But you die right?" Tim's fingers still combed through my hair as I talked, lulling me into an almost hypnotic calm. I fucking loved talking about this stuff, and I never had anyone to do it with.

"Yep, just like everyone else. But I come back instead of passing into any kind of afterlife. I mean I assume I will eventually, but I've never actually asked..." I tilted my head back after a few moments of quiet and looked at all four men.

"Did I break your brains yet?"

They shook their heads and Tim leaned down to kiss my forehead softly, "I want to know everything."

"I'll tell you what I know," I smiled upside down at him, stretching my neck back to kiss his lips, "but...we need to go do that thing."

He sighed heavily, laying his forehead against mine, "Triste..."

Suddenly all my hair stood on end and I shot up from the floor with a gasp, my hackles up in every sense as the book fell from my hands to the floor.

All the alarm bells in my head were ringing.

_Danger. They're in danger._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christianity is a mishmash religion that steals iconography and mythology from other cultures.  
Change my mind. 
> 
> Just kidding, you can't. ✌


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that part of a roller coaster where you're at the top and you're supposed to hold the fuck on as you descend?
> 
> This is that part.

Everyone started and looked up at me, every muscle in my body taut, my breathing shallow and rapid and I looked around.

"What is it? Whats wrong?" Henrik asked, up off the floor and at my side in less than a second, his body instinctively positioned to protect me. I couldn't form it into words, but when I looked at him my eyes were swirling green and aglow and I was shaking. He took a step forward and ran a hand across my cheek as the concern started to show on his face.

"Whats happening babe? Talk to me."

"Somethings wrong. Go to the bedroom and lock the door. Don't come out until I come get you, and be absolutely silent."

My eyes shifted around, every fiber of my body on high alert.

"NOW," I said louder when they sat staring at me. I was terrified that they were in some kind of danger I couldn't see or hear.

What was happening? What was threatening my shield around them?

Jonas, John and Henrik moved towards my bedroom, looking at me with obvious questions in their eyes, but there was no time.

"And lock the door," I told Tim as he followed everyone into the other room, looking over his shoulder and trying to understand what was happening. I locked gazes with him and he froze for a moment, one hand moving away from his side like he wanted to reach out to me.

"Triste..."

"Go. Please. And don't come out, I fucking mean it." I hated that I sounded so harsh but whatever this was wasn't something I needed them present for if they were actually in trouble.

This had never happened before. In the moment thinking about seeing Johannes I had suddenly felt full of a wicked, dark energy. It pulsed through my veins like black lightning and set my hair on end.

But now as the initial jolt wore off, I paused.

Did I make it up?

Then there was a knock at my door. I glared at the wood, staying completely silent and still, but when the second set of knocks came I took a deep breath, crossing my living room to face whatever was on the other side.

\--

She was beautiful, standing in her fitted black suit and Louboutin pumps. Her matching red lacquered smile smirked at me.

"Hello again dear," her voice was sing-song and happy and I couldn't wipe away the shock that was clearly written across my face at seeing her.

"What are you doing here, Na'eemah?"

"Darling, you moved and didn't tell me! Terribly rude, don't you think? We had plans to make and suddenly you were gone," there was something sneering in her voice that I didn't like, that sent a chill down my spine.

"I told you that I wouldn't help you with that, and if that's what you're here for, then I have nothing more to say," I moved to slam the door, but her foot was planted firmly in its path and her lip curled up.

It was almost a smile. It was so close. But it was dead.

"YOU!"

I whirled around as I heard a feral snarl that was unmistakably Tim as he yelled the word.

"Who the _fuck_ do you think you are, coming here?" His face was a mask of undiluted anger that terrified me. I'd never seen such an expression of hate cross his lovely face before and I automatically backed up.

All four men were there, standing behind me, wearing similar expressions.

"You guys, what the fuck! I told you to go and lock the door! Why does no one fucking lis--..."

My brain suddenly caught up and I stood rigid, looking back and forth between her and them with a puzzled expression.

"Wait, do you know each other? Since when? What did I miss?"

Tim opened his mouth to respond, but a wicked laugh spilled from her lips first, "I wouldn't say a 'what' so much as a 'who', dear."

She snapped her fingers, the sound like the crack of a whip and it made all of us flinch where we stood and I was still looking at Tim with a furrowed brow when movement at the corner of my vision drew my attention back. Johannes moved in from the hallway, from beside the entryway to my apartment where he'd been standing through the entire exchange.

I had been so shocked by her arrival, and then enraptured in making her go away that I hadn't even noticed him off to the side.

The breath felt knocked from my lungs seeing him again after our interaction last night, but as I put the pieces together I wanted to scream.

"_No_... no no no, no..." I whispered, but she wouldn't drop my gaze. She smirked as my face crumbled and I couldn't move to stop her advancing into my home. I couldn't move at all and stood rooted to the spot, my hand still on the doorknob.

Johannes walked behind her like he had a collar around his neck and didn't look at me.

"Johannes, what is wrong with you, bringing her here??" Henrik demanded, his hands balled into fists at his sides that I knew wanted to crash into his friend's face, to hurt him like he was hurting me. None of them had yet put the pieces together that Johannes didn't know where I lived, and none of them told him last night that they'd be staying with me anyways.

But she knew.

We always found each other.

There was no place on this planet I could hide from the high priestess.

"Hush, pet," she snarked at Henrik with a venomous smile, "that's no way to talk about your best friend's wife, is it?"

"EVERYBODY FUCKING STOP" I shouted, probably louder than I'd ever spoken in my life, as I threw the door shut and rounded on the room, my home suddenly starting to feel cramped and full. Her last words threw me over the edge and the sudden outburst made everyone jump and look at me, even Johannes, and I felt a piece of my heart crumble to ash at the look on his face. His eyes seemed clouded and dull, like there was no fire or warmth at all inside him anymore.

This was her doing. My Johannes would never have looked at me like that.

I turned my rage on the woman who had been my voice of guidance for millennia.

"What. Have. You. Done," I spoke, my voice so low and dangerous that it made everyone except her take another step away. But Johannes still looked at me with that dead expression, and I fought to keep my eyes averted.

"I really did think you'd come around sooner, but I suppose I underestimated how far in the sand you were able to bury your head..." she held her left hand out as she spoke, palm facing me as if admiring her nails, but I knew she was taunting me, staring at the ring on her long-nailed finger.

"Speak plainly, I'm not interested in playing your games, Na'eemah," I snarled.

"_You're Na'eemah?!?_" Tim asked incredulously at her, but she ignored him like he wasn't even there.

"Our one window, our chance for glory has passed. You stole my dream, Masika. And now, I think you understand the deep wound of betrayal, that bitter knife in my back..."

My own hand reflexively went to the chain at my neck as she touched her wedding ring.

"A-ha, oh, and what do we have here?" Her sharp eyes had caught my movement and before I could counter her, she tilted her chin and threw me up and back against the wall, though she'd not moved a step. I screamed as my hand clutched around the ring at the base of the chain, but her assault made it rip from my neck and the fragments of the metal hung from my fingers that I couldn't open now as both arms were outstretched and pinned and a hand I couldn't see started to close around my throat slightly as she bared her teeth for a moment.

"TRISTE!!" Jonas yelled, and all four men tried to rush and help me. Her opposite hand stretched out to them and froze their movements, their eyes darting back and forth in terror as they found themselves completely immobilized.

"Tsk tsk tsk," she chastised them before her focus turned back to me. The picture frame she threw me against had shattered on impact, and I felt a hot wetness slowly spread across my shoulder, quickly turning cold as my blood leaked across my skin.

"Now, I believe I asked what that is in your hand?" She advanced to me, looking up at my pinioned body, stretched against the wall, unable to move.

"Ahh, you idiotic little creature..." she whispered, "if you only had some sense, we would never have had to come to this point," she spat the words and glared up at me. Her eyes, like mine, were a brilliant, almost bioluminescent shade of green.

"No no no, _please_!!" I screamed, raw and furious, as she pulled the chain from my frozen fingers and the ring dropped to the end of its length with a slight bounce. She held it up before her face, examining the small bit of jewelry, spending far too long eyeing it.

"Oh husband" she sneered, turning back to Johannes, who topped her by an easy eight inches, but made no effort to free me or his friends. He simply stared that blank, empty stare.

"You have indeed been so naughty, giving other women trinkets..." she held it up in front of his eyes.

A bit of the fog cleared from his mind, but he was still lost.

I knew he was under her control the moment he'd stepped into my home and looked at me that way, like I wasn't even human, like my very existence didn't register with him at all. But my frazzled brain couldn't put any of the other pieces together.

She'd used him to get to me, and at the moment, that was fucking enough.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I snarled at her, and let my hatred consume me.

"Don't you touch him, don't you fucking go near him. I'll kill you where you stand!"

She had never looked more cat-like to me than in that moment, as her head turned slightly, like her ear had caught a sound, before the rest of her body turned to face me.

"Kill me?" she laughed aloud in my face, "I would fucking erase you before the energy left your body...its a shame really, that you and Nedjem refused me that night. Once again, all of this -" she gestured around us, "-could have been so easily avoided."

Her anger was moving closer to the surface now as she stalked in a slow circle around Johannes, running a finger along the line of his shoulders, and I watched him shiver, though his face remained impassive.

"You fucking know its not that simple!" I screamed, hating her in that moment as much as I had loved her forever, "I can't just blindly help you with a batshit plan like restoration!"

"I was willing to teach you both everything I know, in order to rule and control, so we could do so together, just us three, as a family the way it used to be. But you shirked me, thinking you knew better...you always did love mortals more than your own kind," she carried on like I hadn't spoken.

"Wh..._mortals?!_ Na'eemah w-we're human," I stuttered, "we weren't given these gifts to rule with as some kind of superior race, our goddess would never approve of that! Just stop. Please. You didn't have to bring Johannes into this to get my attention!"

She rolled her eyes.

"But obviously I did. You've been a hard little girl to track down, and I honestly did think you would come to me first, but the years have made you stubborn, little Masika. And stupid..."

I stared at her, shaking my head a little as I started to struggle for air.

"Come come dear, at least_ try_ to put the pieces together."

I didn't understand what conclusion she wanted me to arrive at, and her condescension was only irritating me further. She tapped her foot and smirked at me, watching me struggle against her hold.

"Fine. A hint then. Your fucking boytoy here was never part of the plan to begin with. That's really something you have yourself to blame for again, dear. Falling for strangers, _tsk_, quite unwise. If he'd not gotten in the way when I was having you brought to me, he wouldn't be here now as a substitute. The darling little sacrificial lamb..."

"Brought to you? When? What are you talking about?!"

She paused, waiting to see if I was going to puzzle the vagaries together, then continued when it was clear that I was still lost. Na'eemah crossed to me, tilting her head up, watching me struggle violently to no avail and the blood started to drip down my side, soaking the cotton of my buttonup, becoming visible to John, Tim, Henrik, and Jonas, who all struggled harder.

"You should watch your drinks more carefully next time," she whispered, never dropping my gaze as her eyes narrowed a fraction when she smiled. The entire room dropped into a still, deafening silence as we arrive to the same conclusion as one.

"The guy who tried to drug her was working for you?" Jonas asked, shocked. His voice didn't even raise like he was yelling, the words just fell from his lips as soon as he pieced it together.

"Very good!" Her response dripped with mockery, like she was praising a housepet, as she sauntered over to Jonas, who was still unable to move, and her heels clicked annoyingly across the hardwood floor. She ran one long-nailed finger down his chest, feeling the hard muscle underneath.

"Hmm, you are such a pretty little plaything, I did wish for a bit that it had been you instead," she purred, "but alas, our Nedjem hasn't ever been the mouthy one..."

He struggled to no avail at the mention of May.

"Stop it," I growled, "they're under my protection, you keep your hands off of them!"

She looked at me with one perfectly-shaped eyebrow arched and without dropping my gaze she flicked the ring that pierced his nipple through his shirt, making Jonas growl and struggle harder. I struggled too, my face red and sweat pouring down my body with the effort.

"You don't seem to be doing a very good job of protecting anyone, darling."

"This is between you and me, let Johannes go and leave them out of it, you psychotic bitch!"

Hearing my voice say his name made him blink, but I didn't see it.

"Oh on the contrary, precious, this one here involved himself unnecessarily also," she brushed a dreadlock back from his face with the tip of her fingernail and said the words as if she were offering me choices of tea. She leaned in and brushed her lips down the side of his jaw, and his eyes met mine, full of a frantic terror, like a cornered animal.

I desperately tried to bring her attention back to me, "and what if he hadn't? What if I drank the drugged cocktail? What then, hmm? He'd bring my unconscious body to you? To what end? I'll never help you with Restoration, ever, not unless our goddess wills it and you wouldn't even let me talk to Her! We had our time, and its passed now, Na'eemah, you know the way history works because we've fucking lived through most of it."

"Well to be fair, I did tell him he could have you to himself for an hour beforehand as payment," she shrugged like it would just have been an inconvenient little delay to have him do so and my jaw dropped, "and as for the rest," she waved a hand in something like dismissal, "I have my methods that can get me nearly anything I want. You know that. And the powerful, the victors, are the writers of history. You know that too, so don't try to get wise with me now, you stupid little chit."

The suggestion that she would let a stranger rape me without a care made another piece of the fog lift from Johannes' brain. Everyone else spat curses and hurled profane names at her, but she hardly seemed to notice.

"I. Will. Never. Help. You." I said, gritting my teeth against the primal scream rising in my throat, and against the pain, "no one is even supposed to know we exist!"

She sighed and shook her head, taking one single deep breath before pausing. The temperature in the room instantly dropped to near freezing, making a vase of flowers on my mantle shatter in the sudden cold and tearing a gasp from my lips.

She bent to retrieve the book from the floor that I'd dropped earlier, and her face was a grimace, staring at me as she rose.

"And yet, they," she gestured to Henrik, Tim, John, and Jonas, "seem to be worthy of enlightenment, hmm? Telling them our stories?" She snapped the book shut with a loud crack and set it on the mantle behind her.

"They're different, I trust them. They wouldn't ever tell anyone."

"No one is ever that different, you stubborn, foolish child..." A shriek filled the room and my mind was overtaken by the pain when she lashed out, losing her grip on her anger and frustration.

"NO!" John roared, potent fury coursing through him as he pulled and twisted, trying to free his arms and legs from bonds he couldn't see in the first place, but they may as well have been iron chains for all the slack they gave.

When I blacked out and hung limp on the wall, my subconscious supplied a memory to push me back and keep me from suffocating crucifixion style.

_ I walked out onto the deck and took a breath of the salty air. I couldn't remember ever feeling so content with life. Everything felt like it was going perfectly, and I was walking on air._   
_ Johannes turned, hearing the sliding door, and watched my eyes look up and rest on the clouds. They were a masterpiece in the sunset that would have made Michelangelo himself weep. _   
_My spirit had witnessed hundreds of thousands of sunsets over its years in various bodies, but I knew that in centuries to come this one would stand out. _   
_My heart swelled to think that I was spending it with the people that I had come to love the most._   
_ Johannes smiled to himself, a lot more making sense about my behaviors now that he knew who I was. He beckoned me over to him with that same smile, the book of poems still in his hand._   
_ I pressed myself into his arms, long and sturdy, that secured me against his body for a moment as he lifted my chin softly and pressed his lips down to my own. He breathed my name and my eyes slowly opened to meet his, the fresh smile that crossed his features completely undoing me until I stood up on my toes to kiss him again, wanting to give him every piece of me. _   
_He pulled me down onto the spacious couch, settling an arm securely around my shoulders as Henrik looked over at me and smiled from the chair pulled around to the side. _   
_May leaned sideways, resting her head against my breast, feeling my contentment and reveling in it as she felt her own. _   
_"How long have you waited for this feeling again, cherie, hmm? Once in a lifetime, je pense..." _   
_She looked up at me and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before whispering, "think of us in a hundred years, traveling back to watch this sunset together..."_   
_ I couldn't imagine a more beautiful one to visit and I kissed her once more before leaning back against Johannes. _   
_Tim sat on the deck floor between my legs, pulling one over his shoulder and idly stroking his fingers up and down my shin as he watched the sun sink into the ocean. _   
_His lips pressed briefly to the inside of my knee, a whisper of a touch but enough to make my toes curl and I felt his silent laugh vibrate up through my leg. _   
_Jonas pulled May back against himself to kiss her and I smiled at the way she relaxed into his side, giggling girlishly at something he whispered into her ear. _   
_His eyes met mine with a smile that made them crinkle at the corners and I blew him a kiss with a little laugh. _   
_John leaned over the back of the couch and placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head with a smile before leaning his hands against the wicker and closing his eyes in the evening breeze. _

When I resurfaced, a gasp left my lips. My fingers were blue, and I was still pinned to the wall.

"Oh lovely, you're back! Can't have you going the way of our Lord and Savior," her breath was visible when she spoke. I fought to stay calm as I glanced over to my left at John, Henrik, Tim, and Jonas, who were all now seated together on the couch, shivering. The way they jerked and twitched made me realize she was still holding them.

When he heard her speak, Tim's head snapped up and he tried again to get up and go to me.

"Ah ah ah," she smirked as he struggled against the same invisible bonds that held me. He snarled something utterly profane at her, but it didn't make a difference.

"You know, you have been a mouthy little shit since the moment I met you, Tim, and it does grate on the nerves."

"Yeah? You haven't even heard half of what I have to say to you, bitch. Let her go."

She grinned at him wickedly, "perhaps you can tell me later, dear, I'm busy at the moment."

Her condescension made him struggle harder and he yelled his frustration in that way that made me shiver with fear again.

"T-Tim," I said through chattering teeth immediately drawing his gaze as he panted, "its o-okay. Everything is going to b-be okay."

He looked up at me and I watched his face crumble. Part of me knew that the look he'd so badly wanted to avoid ever seeing again was plainly painted across my features now. He wasn't wrong. I was terrified, but not of him.

"Triste--"

"Be quiet, Tim," she snapped before turning back to me, "now, this whole 'everything is going to be okay' business, I'd say that's entirely up to you, darling."

I hated the way she said the word, never pronouncing the 'r' in the middle. I didn't speak, only glared at her as I continued to shiver and feel the blood leak from the cut on my back until I realized it was no good, and took a deep, calming breath that felt like ice in my lungs.

Yelling was getting me nowhere, and in fact I realized it was putting everyone in more danger.

"Na'eemah," I said calmly, evenly, letting my energy bleed away until my eyes shifted back to their steely gray, "you know She can hear you. She can hear both of us. Please let me go and we can talk about this."

She didn't say anything for a moment, simply looking at me, though her own energy still manifested.

"Actually, dear, you're wrong."

"What?"

"She can't hear me."

"Wh-how?"

"Did I not just tell you that I have methods to get me anything I want? But consequently, dear, She can't hear you either. I won't have you ruining this for me a second time by blathering everything to Her before I've finished my work."

I could only blink at her, unsure what she meant, but the more I focused on it, the more there was that feeling like cotton balls stuffed into my head, in my ears, and I shook my head to try and make it go away, making her chuckle.

"Can you feel it, Masika? And you never would have known had I not told you. I've learned to perform magic and wonders that you would never have even dreamed of in the Temple. All for Her. All for our Mistress, who you refused to see reinstated to her former glory." She took another step towards me until she was looking straight up into my eyes.

"Let them go," I finally spoke, exhausted and heartbroken that this is what she had become, "please, High Priestess."

"Why should I do that?"

"Because this isn't about them. It never was, and you know it. And even you aren't that cold--"

My words were cut short as she struck me across the face hard enough to make me see stars as my head whipped sideways and bounced hard off the wall. My vision blurred and the sound faded from my ears as I watched all four men struggle to get to me, their mouths open and teeth bared in snarls and growls I couldn't hear.

What ultimately restored my senses was the feeling of crashing to the floor as she released her hold on me. My blood flow was so stunted that I had no control of my arms or legs, the latter refusing to hold me up, and the bones in my arm broke on impact as I landed on them, and I screamed in pain.

The stone in her wedding ring had opened a deep gash in my forehead and blood trickled down my face when I raised my head a fraction of an inch to look up at her as I sobbed.

Johannes looked down at me from off to the side, and the motion caught my eye. Our gazes met as I gasped in pain, and his brow seemed to furrow for an instant.

_Know me. See me. Remember me. Fight her hold, Johannes..._

"Johannes, do something!" John yelled from the couch, still trying to move, not understanding why his friend was just staring down at me that way and not helping.

Nothing happened though, we just continued to stare at each other as another bit of the fog cleared and he blinked again.

"Restoration is madness," I tried to reason with her through my pained whimpers, struggling to rise until I was on my knees, cradling my broken arm, "I can't blindly help you this time either. Na'eemah, you have to let this go!"

"If you will not give me your aid willingly, then I will take it from you. I will go through every woman of our temple one by fucking one if I have to, Masika...or, I'm sorry, what do they call you now? Triste? Yes, Johannes told me _all_ about you the first night we met. Quite a little smitten kitten. Did you know he wakes up in the dead of night screaming your name sometimes? Then wonders in the morning why he was so restless...just can't quite seem to put his finger on it..."

I paused.

My dream. His face in my dream.

He'd been screaming.

Yelling for me.

So he knows me.

Then wonders in the morning why he was so restless...just can't quite seem to put his finger on it...

And suddenly I knew what she'd done.

Everything went red and in the next moment she was hanging in midair, her back arched at an impossible angle, almost to the snapping point, as the red bottoms of her shoes kicked and jerked under the crushing force of my anger. I wanted to push her until her spine cracked in half as a bloodcurdling, primal scream left my throat.

I got to my feet and wiped the blood from my face, disregarding my pain now.

None of that mattered.

She could beat me and throw me around and cut my face, but she would never get away from me now.

My shirt felt sticky across my back, but the temperature began to return to normal as she momentarily lost her control and we all stopped being able to see our breath. My face contorted into a hideous mask of rage as I shrieked at her.

"How could you?? You of all people?! Release him," I growled, "release all of them and you and I will finish this for good, you fucking snake."

Her laugh started lowly, softly, like she'd read an amusing joke in a newspaper, but it grew until the sound filled the room, resounding off the walls with a sickening echo as her head snapped up and an invisible hand begin to close around my throat again. Even contorted like the was, she still held vastly more power than I did.

"You will help me with this, Masika. Give me your word that you will, and they all go free," she growled back when the hold I had on her slackened as I fought for oxygen.

"I will take your spirit by force Masika, do not be a fool!"

"No," I choked, "no! You can't do this, it will never work, you'll make a fool of Her!" my last words barely escaped as my throat closed. Her hand released me and we both collapsed onto the hardwood.

I gasped for air, the movement sending searing torrents of pain through my body as my broken arm was jostled in my fall and I screamed as red pain exploded across my vision.

"I have asked. And I have demanded. And you now have left me no choice," she said, glaring at me with her hair falling about her face.

"Johannes!" I yelled, knowing that she was going to kill me as she got to her feet and shook her hair back; the green glow of her eyes did nothing to mask the murderous rage there and I only saw them for the briefest of moments as I turned my face to look at everyone else. I wasn't aware that my body had even left the floor until my back crashed against the wall again and slid down into a motionless heap, the repeated jolting of my broken bones sending a blackout-level of pain coursing through my body and I struggled to stay conscious as I watched Tim's mouth screaming my name and tears coursing down Henrik's cheeks as he yelled too.

She stalked towards me like I was prey.

"Triste!! NO!!" A combination of voices yelled my name, but everything was too becoming too faint and the sounds too tangled to make sense anyways.

Tim struggled desperately, squished between Jonas and Henrik who were writhing equally as hard, snarling and yelling at her to stop.

He'd never been much for prayer, but he closed his eyes for only a second and bent his entire mind on one single thought as he pictured the lines and tiny shapes tattooed on his chest.

_*Goddess I don't know if you can hear me, but please please please help her!! Theres nothing I can do!! She's going to die!* _

Her perfume hit me as she knelt to brush a hand over my face. It was sickening and gawdy.

"I'm sorry for this, Masika, you know you were like my daughter...but you always have to do everything the hard way, dear. And Nedjem became just like you. She knew what was happening right away and fought me too..." She sighed as she brushed my hair away from my face in a gesture so maternal, it made me want to be sick, "but now, she's gone, and you and all your lovely little companions here are going to die. Just like her. Its a shame really, they are terribly handsome..."

A whimper left my lips as I tried to draw breath and couldn't make my lungs expand more than tiny gasps.

It wasn't a robbery gone wrong.

It wasn't a stranger with a knife.

It was the face of a friend, a companion for centuries upon centuries, demanding what wasn't hers to possess, and doing anything to have it.

"You killed May. How could you," I sobbed, feeling her betrayal like a knife through my heart, "please don't hurt them, you don't have to..."

"It wasn't so much killing as...absorbing. Assimilating her energy within my own."

My consciousness shattered in the moment that I understood that Nedjem was permanently gone. There would be no rebirth for her. I opened my mouth to cry something else at her, but she was already back on her feet, stepping away from me, closing her eyes.

I looked once more at Johannes, who was staring down at the black ring cradled in his palm. She'd latched the chain around his neck while I was unconscious to taunt me upon my return.

"I'm sorry, I love you," I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks, and his eyes met mine. The last of the clouds cleared and he blinked several times like he was waking up.

"Triste?"

She struck then, renewing her hold on him so he could yell and struggle like the others, but ultimately it did no good. I fought her as hard as I could, but she was older and far stronger than I was, and an inhuman cry left my lips as my body went taut again.

My face dropped against the hardwood with a strangled scream as I felt the beginning pull of my spirit leaving me, like I was being flayed alive. The pain was unreal, like fire and ice of the most extreme temperatures possible, but it stopped suddenly as an earth-shattering roar filled the room and I dropped into unconsciousness.

She fell to her knees as our goddess, the one we spent centuries upon centuries serving, positioned herself between us, crouched to protect my body.

"NA'EEMAH," she growled through bared teeth, "what have you done."

"My goddess, I am blessed by your presence," she gasped.

As she focused all her attention on the floor, prostrating herself before the lioness, she lost her grip on everyone else and they were immediately up and rushing towards me. Sekhmet's tail flicked as she looked to Johannes, who was staring with wide eyes, able to move now though he hadn't taken a step, barely breathing, his hand frozen holding his ring. She nodded her head to the side in my direction without dropping his gaze, and his eyes shifted to my unconscious form, now draped in Henrik's arms.

Jonas and John were stroking my face, trying to wake me up, and panic was written across their features. Tim simply watched her with wide eyes, as he placed a shaking hand on my knee.

"Careful, her arm is broken," John said to Henrik in a shaking voice, "the bones probably all got knocked out of place with that last hit."

"Triste..." Johannes whispered, advancing a step.

"That is _not_ her name," Na'eemah spat at him from the floor, all pretense of marital bliss dropped now.

"Silence," the lioness commanded her, "you would hurt this child, my child. Who you took into my temple, into whose body you nursed back life. Explain yourself."

"My goddess, she does not wish to see your glory restored as I do! Why do we continue to live life after meaningless life amongst mortals who worship their televisions and refuse to think for themselves? We could see you exalted once more, mistress, with the mere flick of a wrist! The restoration of your temples!"

She roared again, deafeningly, and Na'eemah was slammed back flat against the floor with a terrified shriek.

"Your heart is rotten, Na'eemah," she stalked closer, her shoulders rolling under the thick tawny pelt.

"No, Mistress! My very existence beats for you!"

"As it always has, but you have changed. You are wicked and deceitful, seeking to hide yourself from me while you plotted to take from my servants what does not belong to you. I called you 'Na'eemah' as my high priestess because of your care and your compassion, because you treated my children as your own. I remember you coming to me in the night, confessing that you had slit the throat of the young novice's wicked husband. And I told you well done, because you had done it for the love of her, not hatred of him. You acted as guide to so many young girls who were lost, but your heart has blackened with time, and it saddens me."

"Mother, please..."

"And now, you would take her spirit by force. Abuse your sacred power which I bestowed upon you to keep our pride in check. You sought more. More wisdom, more power, more strength than you were ever intended to have. The power I gave you to alter human memory, to keep yourself and my priestesses shielded...Na'eemah you have abused it and I feel Nedjem's energy within you. You have harmed one of my children permanently, erased her lifeforce, and you would use another of those close to Masika to lure her in and harm her too... The world changes, Na'eemah, and things which were once exalted pass into obscurity. So it is with me to those who do not know the old ways. Your spirits live, and my memory in them, as I wished it to be. But that is not enough for you. And you would see things done your own way, and it has corrupted you. My child, you've left me no choice."

Na'eemah's terror exploded and she tried one more desperate time to take my life too, knowing hers was about to end as she flung a razor of energy towards me.

The pain brought me back as a deep cut opened across my breast, my skin splitting down to the muscle and I screamed as my body jerked, dissolving into sobs, not even knowing where I was or whose arms were holding onto me desperately.

A strangled cry left Johannes' lips as he watched me writhe in pain and I buried my face into Henrik's chest, gasping between my cries. He cradled my head to his body, holding me as if he could absorb my pain if we got close enough, willing to take all of it.

Henrik, John, Tim, Jonas, and Johannes watched my goddess leap across the room, her impossibly massive, powerful jaws clamping around the woman who was once my mother and protector, and now was my aggressor. Na'eemah shrieked as fangs pierced her flesh before her body dropped to the floor and she looked up in terror.

"No," she whispered.

"Na'eemah, I take your name from you."

"_NOOO!!"_ She screamed as her body seemed to crumble, thinning and collapsing, bending in on itself, then vanishing.

Not even dust was left of her.

She was simply gone.

\--

The room was silent, and my vision went black again as Johannes knelt at my side. Henrik glared at him and pulled me closer to his body, away from the shaking hand of his friend that reached out to touch me. He didn't care that my blood covered us both.

"Don't you fucking touch her," he snapped.

"Henrik..." Everyone looked up in unison as she spoke and approached. Even seated, my goddess towered over them.

"She's not breathing!" Tim cried, eyes fixed on hers, as he gasped a sob, "please help her!"

She looked from one man to another, eyes landing finally on Henrik, clutching me still and he shivered under Her stare.

"Henrik, lay her down."

"How do you kn--..." He looked for a moment like he was going to ignore her command, but finally placed me gently on the hardwood floor, using one finger to move my hair back away from my face.

"Wait wait wait," John said as he pulled his shirt off and bundled it into a pillow under my head.

Sehkmet closed her eyes and a moment later my breath returned, though I remained unconscious.

Hideous cuts and bruises, black and blue, suddenly covered nearly every bit of my exposed skin and Henrik yelled in anguish, pressing his forehead to my breast as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"No! Triste! Whats happening?!"

She looked back and forth between all five of them, and her eyes finally rested on me, my face impassive, eyes closed, feeling no pain from anything now.

"When she was brought to me for the first time, offered by her mother, this is the damage that was done to her body. She was only a child, the most fragile form of life. The one she challenged today to protect you was she who healed these wounds...do not discount the pain today's betrayal will cause her because of your own disdain for the dead."

She looked at Johannes, as one tear silently fell down his cheek, "and do _not_ betray her now."

Her words were forceful and a tremor went through his body.

"Ahh," he gasped and looked down as the silver wedding band disintegrated from his finger.

"It is as if it never was, Johannes," she said, eyes burning into him.

He heard Her voice in his head as she continued to look deeply into his eyes.

_You were but a pawn. I am sorry for what has been done to you in my name._

"H-how do you know who I am," he whispered.

"The tenderest of all my children," she said, looking back down at me lovingly, "called on me last night after fleeing from your presence. Do you remember, Johannes? The gentle touch by the sea. The familiar caress of someone still very much a stranger..."

A sob rose in his throat as he buried his face in his hands, grinding the heels of his palms against his eyes with his frustration.

"What are you talking about?! What don't I remember??"

He cried as he met her eyes again, tearful and afraid.

She sighed, "come to me, child. Kneel."

He didn't move for a beat, then got up and sat back down on his heels before her. He was used to having to look down when he spoke to people, but his head tilted up to meet her eyes.

"I don't understand any of this," he whispered, searching her gaze, ancient and full of unspoken wisdom, "whats happened to me? To her?"

She lifted one massive paw and gently touched the pad to his own hands, placed in his lap, his fingers knotted together, like the harder they gripped each other the less tangled his thoughts would become.

"You will, in time."

Henrik and John exchanged an uneasy glance at her words and Johannes gasped at the simultaneous experiences of her touch and a memory flooding back to him.

_Spread your wings of flames and sorrow... _  
_There she is. I can't believe she's here. God she's so beautiful, just like I remember her._   
Look away.  
_Triste. I love you. I've missed you. I have so much I want to tell you._   
You don't know who she it.  
_Ohh, I remember this moment. Your hand was so warm, like the sun._   
This memory doesn't exist.   
_I can feel it, pressed right to my skin._   
You've never met.   
_Don't ever stop touching me, Triste. Please, I never want to be away from you._   
Just another faceless body in another faceless crowd.   
_No, don't go. Please don't go, don't run away from me, you promised you wouldn't leave me! Triste come back!!_   
How strange, she looked so familiar for a moment...

The look that crossed his face was pure anguish, and he leaned down to press his forehead to my own. He stayed motionless that way, shaking with silent sobs as his tears dropped into my hair and he whispered an unending litany of "I'm so sorry".

She looked at the others then, and didn't speak as her gaze rested on Tim and she stood, advancing towards him, an imposing figure who radiated power, but also compassion.

Tim instinctively dropped his eyes to the floor and lowered his head slightly, his hair spilling forward down his shoulders.

"You were the one that surprised me the most," she said softly, the hint of a smile on her face resounding in her voice. He sat where he was, too thunderstruck to speak, and just nodded his head as he tried to remember how to breathe.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"T-thank you," he finally choked out, chancing a quick peak up at her. A bigger smile made her whiskers twitch on one side.

"I see the gentle heart in you, Tim," she said, drawing his eyes up to her own, "so ask me."

"W-will you help her? Her arm is broken, a-and I don't want her to be in pain. Please...I know you saved her, but...she's hurt too much already..." his tears rolled unnoticed down his cheeks as he spoke to her, feeling no fear, just a deep reverence and respect, but also a fondness and familiarity.

Sekhmet watched him for several more moments, not moving, not speaking, only observing before nudging Johannes' shoulder with her head until he moved back to give her room, watching the whole thing like he was in a dream.

_How does She know them? How did she know me? Oh gods what have I done? _

She spoke to me in the old tongue and it filled my living room, each syllable alive and vibrant, a symphony of sound, "Masika, my child. Its time to come back now. Your sunset is not today, daughter."

She leaned down and opened her mouth, breathing against my face until my eyelids fluttered. She who breathed the desert into being, who destroyed her enemies with fire, sent gentle life back into me. Everyone let out a collective breath they didn't realize they were holding as I stirred, my head leaning to the side as my eyes opened slowly, like I was coming out of a dream.

"Mother..." I whispered as my eyes regained focus.

She smiled tenderly down at me and lowered her face as my fingertips traced one soft, furry ear.

"I am blessed by your presence," I continued, still speaking to her in the language no one else knew, as I wasn't even aware of their presence, "thank you for saving me and..." I choked a little as I glanced around and saw that the other was no longer with us. I couldn't feel her anymore, "I am sorry for Na'eemah."

"As am I. She hid the both of you from me, and I would have known nothing if not for another who called upon me..." her gaze flicked over to Tim and back to me so quickly, he didn't catch it, but I did.

"Heal, Masika. And remember what I told you..."

I thought for a moment, my brain still a little bit foggy.

"Love them well..." I whispered in English, and she nodded once, raising her head.

"All of them," she reminded.

Before anyone had a chance to stop him, Tim flung his arms around her neck. She didn't startle, but I thought I saw the muscle above one eye raise in something like amusement, and she smiled down at me on the floor before turning her attention to the man gripping her tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered into her fur, "I-I wasn't sure if you could hear me, but...thank you."

An indulgently maternal smile curved one side of her feline mouth, and she dipped her face to rub against his hair with a low growl.

"Hmm...gentle heart, indeed."

He pulled back and looked at the floor, wondering if he'd crossed a line until he heard her chuckling lowly and his eyes met hers. Sekhmet's gaze flicked down to his chest, where the little tattoo was hiding beneath the cotton of his tshirt.

"You know that you've bound a piece of yourself to me for the rest of your life."

She glanced over at me, then back to Tim, who was statuesque -- kneeling, sitting back on his ankles, one palm facedown on his thigh, the other crossing to touch the small tattoo with just his fingertips.

"I know," he nodded after a moment, surprising the hell out of me, but it didn't seem to phase her in the slightest.

"I accept your offering...thank you my son," she rose, turning away, but speaking to me over her shoulder before disappearing with the next step.

"You will come to speak with me soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the what?


	45. Chapter 45

"Triste..." It was Johannes who broke the silence after several minutes of us all watching the space where she disappeared.

"S-someone help me to the shower, please," I didn't know what to say to Johannes, so I squarely ignored him for the moment.

"Careful baby," Henrik said, moving to help me, but then he looked down at my arm and gasped, "t-this was broken, I swear..." he touched it gently, but I didn't recoil.

The pain was gone, and I looked at him but didn't say anything.

I struggled to sit up and he lifted me almost effortlessly, pausing once up on his feet so I could wrap my arms around his neck, then carrying me bridal-style into the bathroom and depositing me against the counter, gently as if I might break.

There were silent tears streaking down his face when he stepped closer and carefully unbuttoned my shirt as I leaned heavily against the counter, my feet resting flat on the floor.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, staring down, "I didn't know that she was...she could have killed all of you..." I sniffled as I touched the crimson stain on Henrik's shirt where my blood had absorbed into the soft fabric.

"Everyone's okay, babygirl," Tim whispered as he took over for Henrik, peeling the blood-soaked garment away from my skin and pushing it back off my shoulders and down my arms, as Henrik pulled his own shirt off over his head. He looked at me questioningly over Tim's shoulder.

"Just drop it on the floor." I said flatly.

Tim gasped as he looked at my back in the mirror then shifted to look at my front, "gods, babe there isn't even a scar. This cut was almost down to the bone..."

He touched the spot on my breast where the second cut had been, taking in a shaky breath.

My goddess had healed me. She'd saved and healed me, and freed everyone else. My heart swelled with gratitude, and I mentally thanked her, wanting to cry out with joy when a low growl sounded in my ears in response, but I was too exhausted and weak to do much more than smile dully. 

Tim gently lifted one of my hands off the counter behind me, slipping the material off my arm before repeating with the other. He left his arms wrapped around me and simply held me to him for a moment, shivering when I tried to wrap my arms around him but they just rested heavily on his hips. He brushed his lips along my jaw as he pulled back and kissed me softly, then took my blood-stained shirt and stepped back to put it with Henrik's on the floor.

John knelt down in front of me, looking up at my face with a worried expression and tear stains on his cheeks, before pressing his forehead to my stomach.

I ran a hand down over his hair,"s'okay, babes..." After a moment he lifted his face to press a gentle kiss to my skin as his fingers undid the button on my jeans and pulled the zipper down slowly. In any other situation, it would have been unbelievably erotic, but I was too exhausted, heartsick, and confused to feel anything.

He placed one hand on either side of my hips, gently pulling me forward from the counter so he could pull the denim down off my legs as I braced my hands against his bare shoulders. My fingers absentmindedly drew patterns into his skin.

"Where is your shirt?" I mumbled, "didn't you have a shirt on earlier?" It didn't really matter, but I asked anyways, trying to keep myself conscious as I blinked heavily.

"You were laying on it out there," he nodded his head in the direction of the living room, "she asked Henrik to put you down...I didn't want your head on the floor, bleeding like that."

"Thank you, John," I sighed quietly as my eyes closed and I swayed on my feet. His hands tightened their grip around my hips.

"Woah, easy, baby," he said, holding me upright, "do you want to sit down for a couple minutes?" John's voice was soft and soothing but I shook my head and lifted one leg then the other as he removed my jeans and tossed them to the side to be thrown away with everything else. He stood and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead and Jonas took his place.

He ran his fingertips over my face, moving the blood-matted hair away from my eyes as his lips brushed mine before he pulled me away from the counter and into his arms, cupping the back of my head and laying it to his chest. I swayed again and gasped as I lost my balance momentarily until the strong arms that remained wrapped around me stayed my movement.

"It's okay, I won't let you fall..." Jonas was shivering with residual adrenaline but I didn't try to console him. I was too tired.

His hand still cupped the back of my head tightly, and I took a deep breath against him, relaxing into the heat of his touch and the sound of his strong heartbeat. He smiled into my hair before moving his hands to my shoulders and pressing me back against the counter with his hips, until he was sure I was supporting myself.

"Just stay upright for a minute baby, I don't want this to get broken."

Henrik stepped forward and pulled my hair up and off my neck as Jonas unhooked the necklace I'd been given that morning and handed it over his shoulder to John without looking away from my face. My eyes were still closed as I did my best to keep myself vertical.

My hair settled back down my shoulders and Henrik stepped back once more as Jonas reached around me, placing one hand on the clasp of my bra and tipping my chin up a fraction of an inch.

"You're doing such a good job, Triste, just one more minute," he encouraged, gently kissing my forehead, "can I help you with this?"

I smiled at the tenderness in his voice and nodded my head once before pressing it forward to lay against his chest.

Whatever he didn't take off was coming into the shower with me.

He wrapped both arms around me again and undid the hook, lingering for a moment to rub his hands up and down my back as I shivered. He watched the scene reflecting in the mirror - the line that my spine made curving down my back, his more bronze-colored skin moving across the pale expanse of mine, marred with big patches of red and copper and the dark ink of his tattoos.

He traced the lines of my cartouche slowly, considering everything he'd just witnessed, his heart feeling a renewed sense of heaviness with the knowledge that May was gone forever.

"Mm-mm, you'll get blood on you," I whined, trying to squirm out from under his hands, though they were gloriously warm.

"Hush, little one," he commanded, and I had a fleeting thought that maybe everyone treating him like he was the king was going to his head. Jonas continued moving his hands over me until I started to warm up and my shaking largely subsided.

He stepped back and I let the blood-stained cups fall down my arms and drop to the floor as he knelt down in front of me, tossing my bra into the pile of wasted material that was steadily growing on my bathroom floor before placing his hands on my hips and asking permission again. I nodded and his gentle fingers worked my panties down my legs as I braced my palms against his shoulders, feeling the muscles work underneath the soft cotton of his tshirt.

He rubbed his hands up the sides of both legs too, trying to get the blood I had left warmed up and moving. Everything seemed to be covered in an impossible amount of crimson stains, turning black as they dried.

I collapsed heavily against him when he stood and Tim instinctively moved a step closer.

"Jonas, I'm so tired." I whimpered, on the verge of tears.

"Maybe you should come lay down for a couple minutes with me," he whispered, kissing the top of my head, "just rest for a little bit then I'll help you shower. We can wrap you in a big blanket and get you all warmed up."

"I c-can't. Need to wash it off. Too much blood."

I stood there naked, covered in my own blood, and looked over at John, Tim and Henrik.

Johannes hung back behind them beyond the doorway of the bathroom, a sad look marring his features as he watched his friends so tenderly care for me. I didn't look at him.

"T-told you it'd be okay," I mumbled at Tim, watching him move in slow motion as he flipped on the hot water and put his hand under the tap until he was satisfied with the temperature.

"Yes, you did, my love," he said reassuringly, "the water's hot whenever you're ready, no rush," he sighed into my lips, softly kissing me and lingering in it for a moment as he passed back towards the door and murmured into Henrik's ear, "don't let her stay in too long, she needs to sleep."

Even in my exhausted state, I didn't miss the defiant look he shot Johannes after his lips left mine. Henrik saw it too and put a hand on Tim's arm and shook his head.

My sweet Henrik, always the peacekeeper. It didn't do much good.

"You. You and I are going to have a talk right now," Tim growled at Johannes, who didn't seem to disagree after what he'd just seen and turned towards the other room without another word.

My boys turned to leave, halfway so I could wash and halfway to make sure Johannes and Tim didn't kill each other in my living room, but one hung back.

Henrik put both hands on my waist to keep me upright as I stepped into the shower and groaned under the deluge of steaming water. He moved to step in after me, standing back out of the spray, but I shook my head.

"You've lost a lot of blood, sweetheart, you can barely stand..." he replied with worry evident in his voice, not taking his hands away from me. His metal bracelet was warm from his skin where it touched my hip.

"I just n-need to warm up for a couple minutes, then you can come back and help, if that's alright. This is gross, I-I don't want you to see it..."

"Why would it ever bother me, when you've done the exact same for me, love...I'll leave the door open and be right outside. Call if you need anything, and I'll be here, okay?"

He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I couldn't tell if I imagined it or not when I heard him whisper, "I'll always be here".

I smiled at him with half-closed eyes, blinking slowly, and softly kissed his lips when he leaned in. He lingered for a moment there, pressing his lips right back to mine every time he pulled away.

"You were so brave today, my beautiful girl."

"I'm just glad she didn't hurt you. I would die if anything ever happened to you because of me, Henrik," I whispered, feeling again like I was about to dissolve into uncontrollable sobs.

"I love you," he breathed. With one more kiss, he turned and stepped out of the bathroom.

\--

I should have let him stay. After minutes of standing shivering and motionless under the showerhead, watching the red water swirl around my feet, the blackness started to creep in at the corners of my vision.

"Henrik," I whispered as I passed out from a combination of exhaustion and blood-loss. Everyone heard the crash as my body hit the floor, but it was Johannes who was up before anyone else, pushing past Henrik.

Without bothering to kick his shoes off, he dropped to the floor of the shower and pulled my limp body against him, disregarding the stream of water soaking his clothes.

"Triste! No...Triste, Triste, Triste... wake up..." he rocked me back and forth and I slowly came to as his fingers traveled over my head, checking for any lumps indicating I'd bashed it on the floor. I tried to open my eyes but the lids felt made of lead.

"J-Johannes?"

He nodded his head and pressed his forehead to mine. I had so much I wanted to say to him now, but my lips wouldn't move any more. He clutched me to his chest, and I could feel him shaking with sobs as he continued to rock me back and forth under the hot water.

"I'm here, Triste. I'm here. I'm so sorry. Oh, baby I'm so so sorry..."

I fell asleep against him, curled into his lap as he moved me back and forth, and didn't wake up until something pulled my hair and my head jerked back sharply.

"Ouch," I jumped.

"Sorry! Sorry sorry, that was my fault. Stay still, sweetheart, I'm almost done."

"Henrik?"

A soft touch ran down the side of my head in response, gathering my hair back so he could continue to comb out the tangles.

"Mmhm, I'm right here, baby, its okay. Johannes, lean her head back further."

My head leaned back and for the first time since I thought I was going to die, I looked Johannes squarely in the eyes. Neither of us said anything, but his were bloodshot in a way that made the blue irises look like crystal pools.

Henrik combed through my hair, trying to untangle it as gently as possible.

"You should have called for me, love," he gently chastised as he rubbed shampoo through my tresses, washing away the last of the evidence.

"I did, I think..." I reached one shaky hand up and brushed Johannes' soaked hair away from his face. He closed his eyes at the touch, leaning into my palm, and I knew there were tears rolling down his cheeks mixed with water from the shower.

"I'm so sor--"

I pressed that hand to his lips to stop him, "please don't. Henrik, can you stop for a minute? I need to sit up."

The comb moving through my hair stopped, and the last of the shampoo swirled down the drain. Johannes guided me into a seated position, so my back was to the wall of the shower, and I looked back to Henrik, who was sitting back on his knees with a thin comb in his hand. His jeans were soaked, but the blood had washed off of his arms and his chest.

"I'm sorry I got blood all over you, Henrik," I sighed, touching the spot on my breast where Na'eemah had cut me. He smiled sadly at me and put a finger under my chin until I looked up at him.

"Everything is okay, little one, you don't have to apologize..." He disregarded Johannes' presence, still feeling a deep resentment towards him, and leaned in to kiss me.

"You're safe now, my love," he sighed, kissing me again. He radiated comfort, the same way he had when we'd met that first time on the beach, and I leaned into him, kissing him back tenderly but not deeply. My temple pressed into his when our lips broke apart, and all I wanted to do in that moment was curl up in his arms and sleep for the next century as I whimpered and sniffled.

When he pulled away Johannes cleared his throat and Henrik glared at him, the same challenging look in his eyes that had been in Tim's.

"Do _not_," he growled.

"Please, Henrik," I sighed, opening my eyes and pressing a hand to his cheek, "he doesn't understand yet."

He looked back down at me with a little frown, then kissed me one more time, letting his lips linger as one hand curled my hair back behind my ear. I reached one hand to my forehead and felt where there should have been a deep cut from her ring.

"Ugh," I said, remembering the blow and pressing my hand to the spot. There wasn't so much as a hairline scar. I pulled my legs against my chest and hugged them tight, letting the hot water cascade down over me as I stared at the floor.

Tim whispered something in Swedish from over Henrik's shoulder, just outside the open shower door, and I looked up at him before resting my chin back down on my knees.

"My goddess wouldn't me leave a scar just so I could look at it and remember what happened," I muttered, somehow understanding the general gist of what he'd said. Johannes' head hung fractionally lower as he stared at his hands in his lap, twisting his fingers around each other.

I glanced over at him, but he didn't look up. The ends of his soaked hair trailed over the floor and he instinctively reached up to curl it around his ear. I'd seen him do it dozens of times, and it touched something tender inside me.

"It was never about you, you know...I don't -- I don't know how much you remember. Or what Na'eemah told you. But you never did anything wrong."

"Katrine," Henrik murmured and I looked up at him as my brow creased and I froze for several moments.

"What did you just call me?"

"Not you, her," Tim interjected, "that's what she said her name was."

My lips trembled and my face fell as I looked at him, and he suddenly remembered.

_Your parents named you Triste Triste? _

_No, my middle name is Triste. My first name is Katherine. Or Katrine if you're May and your mouth refuses to pronounce the 'h'._

"NO. Oh fuck, babe no."

"Katrine," I murmured, watching the water swirl over the floor.

"Well I'm glad shes fucking dead...cruel bitch," he said defiantly, angrily.

"Tim," I said on a sharp exhale, my hands covering my heart that ached for the loss of my adoptive mother as fresh sobs wracked my body. Even if it had been thousands of years. I'd never forgotten her kindness.

My goddess' words suddenly echoed in his head, "shit. I'm sorry. Fuck!" He got up and left, running a frustrated hand back through his hair, feeling like he kept fucking things up.

"Everything..." Johannes said it so softly, I wasn't sure he'd spoken at all.

"What?" I tore my eyes away from Tim's retreating form and looked over at him.

"I did _everything_ wrong," his gaze flicked up to mine and he seemed suddenly angry. Henrik stood and left us, knowing whatever was about to happen needed to occur uninterrupted, and he shut the bathroom door softly behind him and went to find dry clothes. I wasn't even aware he'd gone.

"Johannes...you were bait." I shrugged my shoulders, "there's nothing you could have done. It was always going to be about her getting to me in the end. That's...ahem...that's why she picked you."

He shook his head, angrily staring at the wall as tears rolled down his face.

"I didn't remember before, when the...lion..."

"Lioness," I corrected reflexively, staring at a spot on the floor.

"Lioness. She asked if I remembered something about a touch at the seaside. I didn't really know what she was talking about. I mean by that point today obviously I could remember being there with you in the summer...but then somehow all the gaps from the last months started filling in one by one. And I remember now. Every touch, and every horrible thing Katrine said...seeing you run away last night after I was so happy to see you in the first place, then not having a clue who you were...I'm so sorry..." and his shudder was almost violent as he sobbed.

I got angry all over again thinking about her touching him, and my hand instinctively went to my neck and I gasped, panicking suddenly.

"Where is it?? What did she do with it? I have to find it, I have to --"

I moved to get up and two huge hands pulled me back down. "Triste, stop. Please."

He reached behind his neck and pulled the chain up and over his head, holding it out to me. His ring hung at the end, an unspoken weight emotionally and physically between us now.

I looked at it, then back at him.

"If you...still want it. I understand if you don't."

I reached to take it, my hand shaking violently, and my fingers brushed his when he placed it in my palm. Rather than pulling back, I left my hand there and we looked at each other again for several seconds.

I watched his lips open as he exhaled at the sensation of contact with me again.

What I felt was too confusing for the moment, so I removed my hand from underneath his and placed the chain over my head.

"Thank you," I murmured, looking away from him.

"Triste...oh, my love..." he whispered, reaching out a hand to brush my soaked hair back. I shuddered under his touch and a soft whimper left my lips as I felt my internal torture surfacing and I stood quickly on legs that were still trembling a little.

He followed suit and looked down at me as I stared at the floor, shielding myself with my arms as best as I could, backed against the wall of the shower.

He'd only said it once before._ I love you._ But listening to the little name spill from his lips threatened to tear apart the fragile seams that kept my sanity in place.

I turned from him slightly, hiding myself, though I couldn't quite figure out why.

Wasn't he the first one of them all to see me this way?

Was I afraid of his judgment? Ridicule? Of looking at his eyes and seeing a stranger once more?

"Can you uhm. Can you ask John to come in, please?" I asked quietly.

"Oh...okay...yeah, of course," he stopped as he stepped outside the shower and reached down to take off his soaked shoes so he didn't trail water across my apartment, "I don't want you to feel like you need to cover yourself. I'm not...I won't do anything..." and indeed he didn't, even as his eyes lingered at the teeth imprints on my breast.

"Mmhm," I mumbled, lost in my own thoughts as I stared at the floor, "your hoodie is in my closet, if you want to change. I'm sorry you got all wet."

I didn't look up at him, but I sensed him taking pause.

"The gray one? You have it?"

"Yeah. I...it was in my bag when I got home. I think I accidentally grabbed it thinking it was mine. But, you said it was your favorite, and when you didn't--...I didn't know how to get it back to you."

A heartbroken sob left his throat, and he moved towards me, wanting to wrap me in his embrace and kiss me and tell me he was so so sorry until time ended, but I gently shook my head, still staring at the floor and he stopped, taking another step back.

"I...I'm sorry, Triste. Whether it makes a difference now, or not, I really am."

I nodded, still staring down, afraid that if I met his eyes I would tell him everything right there.

"I know, Johannes."

You do know.  
You know why he didn't know you.   
You know what she did.

He shed his shirt and dropped it to the floor, then left the bathroom.

"She wants you," I heard him say quietly, in a tone that broke the tiny piece of my heart that was left whole.

John moved into the doorway.

"Hey, angel. How are you feeling?"

"C-can you get me a towel, please?" I asked as my tears started to fall and I wiped them away, "they're in the closet in the hall, uhm, j-just to the left. The big white f-fluffy one, please."

He didn't leave though, he quickly closed the gap between us and gathered me into his arms instead, lifting me off my feet for a brief moment and crushing me to him.

"Oh, my darling," he whispered, tears stinging his eyes too, "everything is okay. Please don't cry."

"You don't understand," I moaned, sobbing into his chest when he put me down, "you don't understand!" I grasped the fabric of his clean shirt, not caring that I was soaking it.

"Then help me. Tell me. Tell me what I can do to make this better," he held me to him and buried his face in my wet hair as I clung to him desperately, terrified of what was coming.

"I'm so afraid, John...please, can you get me a towel? I...I have some things I need to tell Johannes. And you all probably need to hear them too."

He released me with a sigh and turned to leave, but he only made it a few steps.

"John, wait," I gasped as a fresh wave of anguish washed over me, and I felt like I was going to collapse again. I gripped the door of the shower to try to keep from falling to the floor as I tipped forward and he was back at my side in a second, arms wrapped around me with a vice-like grip, stopping my fall and holding me up.

"Shh shh shh, I've got you, Triste."

"Please promise you won't hate me. Please," I cried, almost hysterical.

He looked shocked, and tangled one hand in my hair, pulling my head up as his face contorted with a frustrated expression.

"Hate you? How could I? Triste. Damnit, please think about who you're talking to before you say things like that. Or don't you believe now after all that's happened that we do actually love you...that I love you..."

He turned on his heel without waiting for a response, and returned a moment later with a towel. He pressed it into my hands without looking at me and left, shaking his head and pulling the door shut behind him.

I sobbed into my towel before wrapping it around myself and standing for several minutes, looking at my face in the mirror.

They needed to know.


	46. Chapter 46

I moved wordlessly into my bedroom and put on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt, combing my fingers through my hair after towel-drying it and then laying down on my bed to gather my thoughts.

I was fast asleep before I even had a chance to begin.

\--

An hour later, Jonas knocked softly before entering and found me laying on my bed facing the opposite wall, fast asleep curled up in a ball. He watched me silently for a moment, feeling a heaviness in his heart at the way I shielded myself, curled up like a child, and he laid down and wrapped one arm low around my waist, the other curving over my head like a barrier as he kissed my hair softly.

I stirred under his touch and pressed back closer to him, knowing right away who it was from the feverish warmth of his body.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. What are you doing in here all alone silly girl? Come out and sit with us, you can sleep in my lap."

I sniffed, blinking a few times then screwing my eyes shut as reality faced me again and curling up tighter into my little ball. Jonas felt my muscles tense and tucked in closer around me, puzzled at my reaction.

"This is my fault, Jonas. Everything that happened - its all my fault," I whispered.

He leaned up on one elbow and pulled me over until I was laying on my back looking up at him in the half-dark, meeting his skeptical gaze.

"Nobody thinks that but you, Triste."

"You should, because its true."

"No its not baby, how could it be when you had no clue? None of us knew that's who she was...listen to me, you didn't do anything to make this happen. Now, I get that I probably don't know everything she was saying about Restoration, but I do know _you_," he cupped my cheek softly, "and I know that you wouldn't ever do anything to purposefully hurt someone. Anyone, not Johannes, not any of us..."

"Jonas, I--"

"Please don't hide in here, no one is angry at you. How could we be after what has happened in the last few days?" he turned my head with one finger under my chin and kissed me softly, stroking my cheek with that warm hand again when it drifted back.

He hadn't intended to let his lips linger, but they did and I felt my breath hitch as he instinctually deepened the kiss, letting it go on and on, not terribly worried that Johannes was just in the other room. Not terribly worried about anything that wasn't me.

My lips opened slowly to him with a small sigh and he moaned softly into my caress when our tongues slid against each other slowly, cautiously, like a dance and he automatically drew me nearer to his body, the entire interaction so close to second nature for him now that he didn't think twice.

I'd been so afraid of losing him, of losing all of them, that I immediately latched onto this wonderful, sensual show of affection that was so real and so tender and so here. Somehow even after touching them all and seeing them and hearing them tell me a hundred times that everyone was alright, I still needed to convince my brain that he was here and he was okay.

Jonas secured his hand against the side of my face to keep me there, anchored to him as we kissed, trying to make his brain comprehend the same thing, and I knew that he'd been afraid of losing me too from the way his lips lingered against mine with each kiss, like he was afraid to let go. His palm was hot like fire now, and the strong fingers stretched out to hold onto as much of me as possible, gripping my hair and pulling me harder into his lips.

"I thought I was going to lose you like I lost her," he whispered against my lips, almost choking on the words, "I couldn't bear it if something happened to you, Triste...it was like everything happened in slow motion...gods you were just hanging there, and there was nothing I could do," he whimpered.

"I would be dead i-if She hadn't--..." I couldn't finish the words, and I reached up to his lips again with a low sob.

I found myself leaning back down into the bed, desperately clinging to him as he smoothly moved over and on top of me in one fluid motion, holding himself up on his forearms and settling between my legs as his hair fell around us. His weight pressed me back into the pillows, like he could physically use his body to shield me from ever experiencing pain again.

Jonas never left my lips as he tried to kiss away my worry and anxiety, his tongue no longer caressing, but colliding with mine now, getting rougher, tasting my kiss, relishing my touch until my hands tangled in his dreads and pulled as my legs tightened on either side of his hips, drawing him down against me.

"Ahh, don't do that if you're not going to let me get you out of those clothes, because you're making me hard now," he groaned against my lips.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm sorry I'm sorry..." I needed to stop or I'd pull his jeans off and have him right there, and a part of me knew it, but my hips wouldn't listen to my brain I pressed myself harder into his cock with a soft moan, needing so much more of the blissful emptiness that his kiss gave my mind.

"Oh, god, I could kiss you forever and die happy," he moaned as he pressed his mouth back to mine and reached down between us to cup me through my leggings as his tongue filled my mouth again, swirling against mine, and making me chase him back between his own lips as our mingled sounds broke the heavy silence of my bedroom.

His beard brushed against the skin of my chin and neck and his septum piercing caressed my cheek every time he dipped his head to dominate our kiss, and I cried out softly and ran my hand up the flexed muscle of his arm holding all his weight now, feeling the curves and ridges of its definition and moaning at the sensation as his hips rolled into the back of his own hand, desperate for friction, the movement pressing it harder against my core.

"I love you," his words were half moaned, half gasped and Jonas eagerly drank down my noises as my hips lifted into his hand, grinding my clit against the heel of it as his kiss got rougher again and he worked my bottom lip between his teeth.

His middle finger put pressure on my opening and I tore my mouth from his as he growled at being able to feel my wetness already through the thin fabric.

"_No_, no, not now, I'm sorry," I gasped finally, "_I'm sorry_ I'm sorry I'm sorry," and he instantly removed his hand and a few seconds later moved off of me, struggling to even his breathing.

"It's okay, baby, its okay," he kissed me softly, soothing my immediate frantic apologies, "stop worrying," he whispered, laying a lingering, tender kiss to my forehead as he got to his feet, "I'll always be here when you want me."

I could see his cock through his jeans and I took a sharp breath in through my nose as I put my head back down and closed my eyes, trying to get control over my breathing as I scrubbed both hands over my face and fought my inner voice which was yelling at me to tear the denim from his hips and find out what noises he would make when he hit the back of my throat.

"I know what you're thinking, and for the record I wouldn't stop you," he chuckled, and I couldn't help but breathe a tiny laugh too as I shook my head.

"There's my girl," he smiled, leaning down for one more lingering, heated kiss that made me whimper, but he didn't push it any further.

"C-can you bring everyone else in? I think I'm ready to talk. And maybe switch the light on? This probably shouldn't happen in the dark."

He looked down at me and took a deep, steeling breath before walking back to the living room to call everyone else in, flipping the light switch as he did so.

I sat up and scooted back against my pillows, crossing my legs under me before closing my eyes again and summoning every kind of rich, fragrant bloom I could imagine. They dropped on vines from my ceiling and curled around the head and footboard of my bed, swaddling me in the comfort I'd always taken from every kind of flora I'd ever encountered.

I deeply breathed in their perfume and opened my eyes when I heard various gasps as the rest of my boys followed Jonas back to me.

Tim was immediately at my side, and I barely stayed upright as he crushed his arms around me, threading his fingers into my hair and exhaling a shaky breath against my neck.

"Sorry, I just need a second to make sure you're okay," he murmured, holding me close and ignoring the curious, but sad stare at his back, "I feel like I've been sitting in that living room fidgeting for a goddamn year trying to let you sleep."

"I'm okay baby," I whispered back to him, pressing my forehead against his shoulder and praying that it wouldn't be the last time he held me this way.

He released me with a soft kiss to my cheek before moving back, and I watched them silently until they were all seated and still, waiting, eyes on me like we'd been that morning, my bed starting to feel crowded but not uncomfortably so.

Gods but so much had changed. Life as I even knew it was different.

John sat farthest and I looked over at him with a pleading look.

"Will you come sit with me, John," I asked softly, sadly accepting that he might say no as I looked down at my blankets, touching the little sewn patterns in the fabric. He sighed and moved around Henrik until he was close enough that I could touch him.

I was aware that Johannes was watching me, but I kissed John anyways, pressing both of my hands to his cheeks as he moaned softly into me, and I felt him physically relax into my touch as our lips locked in that unique was that was only us.

"You make me goddamn crazy, woman," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine when I released him. I smiled softly, eyes still closed.

"Sorry about that, babes," I whispered back, kissing him once more before gently butting his forehead with my own, "and for the record, I do believe you. And I love you too."

"Good. Don't forget it again," he laughed low shaking his head, and smiled at me before moving back to his original seat so I could address everyone.

I drew in a deep breath and finally looked Johannes in the eyes, unsure what I would find there, but all out of time now to avoid it. It seemed for a moment like every emotion he was capable of feeling was trapped there, just behind his eyes - anger, fear, confusion, worry, jealousy, love, want. Everything was there for the briefest moment.

"Hi," I said, my voice cracking.

He didn't respond, only chewed at his lip.

"Do you remember everything now?" I asked to fill the silence, knowing that we were in for a long, hellish conversation and just wanting to get it over with.

He chewed his lip some more and still didn't respond.

"This only works if we're honest, Johannes," I sighed.

I wanted to say his name a thousand times. To draw him to me and hold him and whisper to him how sorry I was. To press gentle kisses to his lips until he understood.

But I simply waited.

"Yes," he said, "I think everything is there now, its just all still confusing...Triste, I'm so sorry."

I held a hand up to stop him, "I don't want to hear you say that again when you're not the one who should be sorry."

"Pardon?" Henrik looked at me with a bewildered expression as his head cocked to the side, "I hope you don't mean y-"

"Henrik," I cut him off, "please darling just let me get this out while I'm not a frazzled wreck for a minute."

He frowned before leaning into me.

"Sorry," he whispered and I reached up to brush his curls back from his face with a tiny reassuring smile.

"I just need to say a couple things, love. And I know you're gonna have questions but please just hang on to them okay?"

He nodded and I looked at everyone one at a time, finally settling back on Johannes, who was looking more and more confused by the moment, his eyes shifting around uncertainly like we were predators rather than lovers and friends.

"Are you listening?" I drew his attention again and he nodded once, stiff and unsure.

"Na'eemah's gift was control, like mine is this stuff," I motioned to the flowers smothering us on every side, "I think I might have told you that before. Her ability to kind of...alter the way people remember events has kept us below the radar for a long long time."

His face was dead as I struggled through my sentences, her very name tasting like ash and bitter sorrow.

"But what you experienced was more than that. It doesn't have a name, but I suppose you could call it 'disremembrance' if you need to put a title to it...b-basically it stops your brain from being able to fully process anything in regards to whatever subject its invoked against. Like a roadblock. You see and perceive and experience the same way, but...that information just stops. Well more than stops, I guess... for all intents and purposes, it disappears," my breath was shaky as I inhaled and met his eyes again, "does that sound familiar?"

He blinked once and furrowed his brow at me, feeling his heart rate start to increase, filling his ears with the low pulsing, "how could you possibly know that..."

_This is it. Goodbye, my loves. I'm so so sorry... _

"Because, Johannes," I took a deep breath and cleared my throat, "I created it."


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are not always as they seem.

No one spoke for a moment, and I looked down at my hands, waiting.

"Created it? I don't understand," Henrik said, drawing my sad gaze up to his face as he reached over and took my hand. I didn't get a chance to respond before Johannes was up and off the bed, running a hand back through his dark hair as he wordlessly turned for the living room.

"_Johannes_," I said sharply, not moving my head but following him with my eyes, "_sit.down._"

He froze and turned slowly back towards me, and when his eyes met mine, I held out my hand. 

"Please," I added, more softly, "you deserve an explanation, and that's what I'm trying to give you...just let me explain," I hadn't meant to yell, but I had some very difficult things to say and I was going to get them out, come hell or high water.

He sat back down farther away from me than before and ignored my hand that was still outstretched, laying open like a proverbial olive branch. 

Tim watched me wince slightly as I placed it slowly back in my lap.

"Hey," he snapped at Johannes, feeling protective over me but as equally confused as everyone, "you don't get to be an asshole right now."

Johannes scowled at him and still didn't touch me.

"Tim, its okay," I said, holding up that hand to stop him from saying anything else, "he has a right to be angry."

I opened my mouth to continue and was cut off abruptly.

"What. Is wrong. With you." Johannes said, his voice low, but still like piercing daggers of ice.

I closed my eyes briefly and waited for him to finish as Henrik gripped my hand tighter, his other pressed against his thigh until his knuckles were white.

"Just let him get it out," I whispered, looking over at him, "its okay."

Johannes didn't hear me and continued.

"Do you have _any_ idea what the inside of my head has been like for the last six months? I thought I was going insane! Constantly thinking about you then fucking forgetting. Like I was fucking losing huge chunks of time, Triste!"

"Johannes," Jonas cut in, trying to calm him down, but he was ignored.

"Every time someone said something about you, I was literally unable to say what I was thinking and then I immediately forgot about it and brushed it off with some nonsensical response. Every time I thought about calling you, I ended up staring blankly at my phone screen, trying to remember why I'd picked it up, then setting it back down. Triste, for fuck's sake, _what do you mean you created it?!?_"

"Well if you'd shut the fuck up for a minute, she was about to tell you, Johannes!" John yelled, silencing everyone. It was unlike him to raise his voice at all, even when he was frustrated.

They all looked back at me except for Johannes, who looked angrily at his hands and twisted a loose thread from my bedspread around his fingers, yanking on it so the pull cinched further.

A lilac-colored flower petal drifted in a lazy arc back on forth down from my ceiling and settled in his hair unnoticed, and I watched him sadly for a moment then looked away to Tim, searching his eyes.

He and Henrik would be the last to ever leave me, and I knew it, but I was still surprised to find nothing different in the way he looked back at me. He was confused, sure, but there wasn't disdain or fear, or anything other than a lack of clarity that he was obviously willing to wait for me to help with whenever I was ready. 

_I love you_, I mouthed silently at him and he touched his heart briefly in response with an encouraging nod. 

"Tim, do you remember what I told you in the shower last night about why I was taken to the Temple?"

"What being an offering?"

"Uh-uh, before that."

He thought for a moment then nodded at me and looked at Johannes out of the corner of his eye when his head lifted fractionally as his brain caught up to where this conversation had taken place. 

My eyes dropped back to my hands, still holding one of Henrik's and I was thinking about exactly what to say next, where to start apologizing, when Tim continued.

"Yeah. She...Sekhmet...showed us the bruises."

My head snapped up and cocked slightly to the side, "She did? When?" 

"You were still unconscious, babe," Jonas continued for him, "but...there were bruises and cuts everywhere. All over you."

I winced again as the sandaled feet shattered my bones and a small child's screams pierced the peace of the night, drifting away as an echo into the far off cliffs and the sands beyond them to the West. 

I sat quietly for a moment, wondering if I should just tell all of them the whole thing from the beginning, repeating the parts the four of them already knew. 

Henrik took his hand from mine and brought my chin up to look at him, "She did it to make a point about your...connection...with Katr--Na'eemah."

"I see..."

_Trust me, my child._

"Yes, goddess," I said, my back arching involuntary at the sound of Her voice in my head, like someone speaking lowly down the back of my neck, and I bowed my head in submission.

Johannes looked at me briefly like I might be the one who was going mad before staring right back down before I could catch his gaze.

"Right. Johannes...Johannes, look at me," my voice was soft and as even as I could manage, and when I reached for him, I noticed faintly that my hand was shaking, but he winced when my fingers brushed over his hair, drawing back, ducking from my touch.

_So he is gone from me then._

Tears stung my eyes as I pulled my hand away slowly. 

"Johannes. Please look at me, my love," I whispered as one dropped down my cheek. He slowly raised his head and met my eyes, and a bit of the ice in his gaze melted at the sight of my tears, but not much. Not enough.

"This was a mistake," he muttered as he again got up, and left the room shaking his head.

I exhaled an anguished sigh and my breathing increased to sharp gasps as both hands fisted over my heart and my head bowed forward until it pressed against my bed and I sobbed quietly into the fabric.

"_JOHANNES_!" Henrik roared over my head, on his feet and following the other in a second.

I could hear only halfway hear them arguing between the sounds of my gasps and my heart crumbling to nothing under my clutched fists.

"_Henrik, don't fucking touch me, you don't kn---_"

"_\---can you fucking do this to her---fought so hard to help you—almost fucking died--_"

"_\--watching myself go insane----isolated from everyone---_"

"_\---loves you, you dense motherfucker!---your life more than her own--_"

Jonas, Tim, and John moved closer around me in the next second, covering my body with theirs, trying to protect me from the emotional pain that threatened to tear my heart from my chest. 

They pressed kisses and soft touches to me wherever they could reach, murmuring that he just needed time, he would come around and let me explain, everything was going to be okay...

"Do _not_ let me leave her side or I'm going to kill him, I fucking swear," Tim said in a biting tone to John, who just shook his head and laid his cheek back down against my hair, softly shushing me. 

The anger that flared up inside me with the pain was red-hot and as unexpected as it was potent.

He wouldn't even give me a chance to explain?

_Oh, he will listen, my daughter._

My low growl matched that of the one I served, and I bolted upright and looked from Tim to Jonas to John with an acid green stare, my irises swirling like poison.

"Excuse me for a moment, please," I said through gritted teeth, moving off the bed and stalking towards the living room. John reached out and brushed my fingers with his own, but didn't try to stop me, though he did put a quick hand on Tim's chest when he moved to get up and follow.

"Henrik," I said, not looking at him, but at Johannes, drinking in the way he swallowed hard and one of his eyes twitched a little under the intensity of my stare, "would you please give us the room." 

I could feel the rage and frustration emanating from my usually-mellow Henrik, and it seemed to mirror my own as he sighed and glared back at Johannes one more time and then did something thoroughly out of character.

Henrik grabbed my hand and yanked me hard, turning and pulling me until I was pressed flush against him. He bent me back quickly until I was curved into the length of his body as he kissed me and I gasped as he pushed his tongue into my mouth slowly, purposefully, letting me feel all of him, swirling it against my own and tasting every part of me with a low, almost guttural growl rolling though his chest. His hand fisted into my hair and gripped me hard as he kissed me breathless and I let out a tiny mewl of desire. 

When he released me, my head spun, and I grabbed onto him as he looked down at me and licked at my bottom lip once.

"Henrik...what the hell was that?"

"That is what I wanted to do and should have done the second I met you. Now don’t kill each other, please as we all happen to quite like you both."

He left, retreating back to my bedroom and reaching back to pull his hair up through the elastic band around his wrist. 

Johannes looked at me with wide eyes, then scowled.

"I don't have anything to say to you right now, Triste," he said, turning his back to me to stare out the window.

"Then. You. Will. Listen."

The lights dimmed and then flared with the force of my emotions and he turned on me, equally forceful in his reaction.

"Or what? What are you going to do?! Fucking brainwash me? Make me unable to talk about you? To you?! Run away from me like you did last night?! Triste do you have any idea how badly I wanted to call you and hear your voice telling me I wasn't going fucking crazy?? And I couldn't!"

"Johannes, STOP," I yelled, silencing him.

He glared at me again and before I could stop myself, I crossed the room and grabbed his hand.

\--

He looked around at the smooth mud-brick walls and turned in a half-circle, jerking on his hand, but I wouldn't let him loose.

"What the fuck? What did you do? Let me go," he pulled again.

"Johannes," I repeated, more calm now.

He continued to turn back and forth and I saw angry tears leak down his cheeks, as his anger mingled with a deeper confusion and a shift that his brain didn't know what to do with, "just stop, Triste. Just leave me alone."

I ignored his request, "shut up, and listen."

His eyebrows both shot up as he regarded me, almost shaking with frustration and anger.

"Excuse me?"

"Shut up. And listen." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and centering, trying to get my own anger and frustration under control before I did something I would really regret. 

"This was my home once," I said, looking up at him with my eyes back to gray, "well, I guess rather it was where I lived for a short period of time. It was never 'home' in the warm and cozy sense."

His eyes still traveled around the sparsely filled domicile. Not a wealthy owner, to be sure, but someone who lived comfortably, and always had enough to fill their basic needs...

"I was eight when I lived here, married to a man nearly sixty years old."

Johannes eyes flashed down at me when he grimaced involuntarily. 

"My father was..." I blinked, trying to remember his face, but he was gone with the sands of time in my memory now, though I'd never really truly forget about him, "he was in quite a bit of debt," something sad curved my lips as I stared at the floor, "the booze and senet were big draws for him, and he wasn't terribly good at either one.

"I was the oldest of his daughters, and the gods never gave him sons, so he married me off as partial restitution when he couldn't pay up. Partial," I scoffed angrily, like the guaranteed rape of a child wasn't enough for someone...

"He brought me to this place," I gestured around, though I could hardly look myself without feeling ill, "and he raped me repeatedly. Every day. Multiple times a day. And then when I didn't get pregnant after a few months, he beat me. He used his fists and his feet and anything solid that happened to be at hand to punish me for something my body wasn't even capable of yet."

My own angry tears flooded my eyes and dropped down my face as I finally looked up at Johannes once more.

"That's where all those bruises that She showed you came from - when he was done with me I was fucking _mangled _Johannes. And if the gods hadn't sent my mother such a distressing dream that drove her to sneak away from my father's house to check on me, then I would have died, and he would have discarded me like fucking garbage."

I closed my eyes and took several deep, steadying breaths when I felt my energy pooling in my hands like I needed to strike at something. 

"She took me to Sekhmet's temple because she knew I was dying."

Johannes stared at me with indescribable pain on his face but kept his mouth shut as he continued to look at me with tears tracking down his cheeks.

"She offered me to Na'eemah, to the high priestess, as a novice or a servant, or anything she could use me for, if only she would heal me, and let me live...the woman who called herself Katrine to you...she set every broken bone, which was most of them, and poulticed every cut he opened...when I woke up screaming with pain and nightmares, I was brought to her bed and she held me until I slept again."

Johannes wept bitterly into his hands, but I couldn't make myself move to comfort him. 

"I don't understand, Triste," he sobbed, and I sat down hard on the floor, trying to keep my own tears in check.

"Na'eemah accepted me as a novice and when I relearned how to walk and was able to move about on my own, she started my training, teaching me to read and write, singing me sings about the fierce nature of our goddess...

"When I grew older in the Temple, several years later, word spread that my father was entering negotiations to do it again. My little sister, Nawwar," I smiled and blinked several times as the memory of her face flooded back to me. 

"My mother came to make an offering one day and asked...well, pleaded, with Na'eemah to see me. We were separated from our old lives when we entered the temple, and she knew that, but I think she was desperate. 

"My mother...gods, she was so beautiful. She used to sing to us, when we were children. She taught us the stories of the gods through songs, and her voice I think was the most wonderful thing I'd ever heard in the entire world. She'd be famous these days, up on a stage somewhere bringing people to tears and raking in cash," I scoffed and shook my head at the image, hardly even able to imagine her in modernity.

I smiled a bittersweet smile and rose to my feet, pressing my forehead to the cool, damp surface of the wall, humming softly. It was the song she used to sing to me when I awoke with nightmares as little one, and it was the song I'd hummed to every child I'd borne in the three and a half millennia since.

A soft hand touched my hair and brought me back with a shudder. I turned to him and didn't try to hide anything. Every emotion, every horrible memory, every fear was there for him to see.

"Triste," he whispered on a low sob, "forgive me for being so angry, I just don't understand any of this and I'm...I'm afraid."

"Afraid of me?" I asked sadly, though I wasn't all that surprised.

"No, I don't...I don't think so. Afraid of not understanding."

"You will in a moment, I think," I looked up at him sadly, "just let me finish. You need to know all of it."

He didn't say anything but held out his hand to me, the fingers shaking, but the offer there, and I gently took it as we sat down with our backs to the wall. 

"She -my mother- asked me to help. To implore my goddess, or do something. Anything really, that would spare Nawwar. She couldn't bear to watch another child suffer as I had and she was all out of options with trying to reason with my father, I think. I kissed her and took her hands and promised I would do what I could to stop him. And I did."

I stared sightlessly at the floor, my mind centuries away.

"I consulted with Na'eemah and my goddess together, seeking a solution of some kind, and when the time came, they allowed me to leave the temple alone under the cover of night. I stole away across the market and the quiet streets and into my father's home. I could hardly stand being there, but it was just the once, and I crept up to his bed and whispered the words to him as he slept," I shook my head as my eyes remained wide open, my tears dropping freely from them now, "such a simple, little set of words, but the bastard never even stirred as I changed his entire fate...and that was it.

"As I was leaving, I saw my mother hiding in the shadows, afraid that I was a robber I think, but when I turned she knew me and I told her what I'd done and what was going to happen so she would understand when it did. And...fuck," I swiped at my cheeks, "when she stepped forward to embrace me, I saw the bruises on her face, and...and I don't know that I'd ever felt rage like that. Just...like when people say they see red? It was like that but potent and black and so immediate that it just filled me up head to toe. 

"I turned and was about to go back to where he slept so I could slit his throat, but Nawwar was there in the next second and stopped me. My sweet baby sister, who didn't want to be married in the first place, let alone to such a fucking monster...not that anyone wants to marry a monster," I trailed off and winced as I watched Johannes hang his head out of the corner of my eye. 

"She held onto me tight and kissed my lips and whispered that she'd bring offerings to the temple daily as thanks, and I don't know how she knew what she knew at that moment, but I think she understood everything I'd done."

I smiled at the memory -- it had been ages since I'd thought of Nawwar.

"I left the house and stole back to the temple before the sun rose and never saw either of them again, but the talk reached me eventually once I started listening for it. Every time anyone approached my father about the marriage of his youngest, fairest daughter, he--..."

I looked up at Johannes, and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"He never was able to talk about it. He'd give non-committal answers, or excuse himself from the conversation. But he never ever married her off, never even said a single thing about it, from what I was led to believe. And eventually...ahem. I don't know this for sure, but I think Nawwar killed him for what he'd let happen to me. And what he did to our mother."

He looked heartbroken when I met his gaze again before getting lost in the floor, still holding his hand. My tears dropped down into the dust as I felt crushed my memories and guilt now that he had all the pieces and was free to still run away from me. 

"I'm so sorry, Johannes," I cried, and he gently shushed me as he pulled my head against his chest, the heartbeat under my cheek racing. 

"Shh, _älskling_, its okay. Its okay..."

He held me as I cried, letting all the emotions of my past and my present out, and he cried too, rocking me, clutching me, trying to keep his head above water, and we stayed that way until we were both cried out and exhausted. 

"What happened to your little sister?" he asked quietly.

I sniffled and pulled back out of his grasp until we weren't touching, wiping my eyes and smoothing my hair back before wrapping my arms around my knees, hugging them to my chest. 

"I-I don't know...after he died she left and I never heard anything else. She kept her word though. There were always offerings up till then."

We sat in silence, and I knew he needed to speak first. After everything I'd just told him, he needed to ask his questions.

"I still don't understand how Katrine...Na'eemah...goddamnit..."

"Its okay," I said soothingly, closing the gap between us and pushing his hair back off his face. His eyes met mine and I watched his pupils dilate a little as he exhaled sharply at the feeling of my hand against his face.

"It's okay, baby," I whispered softly, "try again."

Johannes wanted to kiss me, and I knew it, but he didn't. He held himself back like any kind of stronger, more lasting touch would break this fragile ceasefire we'd found ourselves in now. 

"I don't understand how I could just...forget everything. I...all I remember is getting home and going out for a drink, which is bizzarre because I never go out by myself like that and--"

"You probably didn't," I winced.

"Didn't what?"

"She probably just knocked right on your front door and was in your home, and altered your memory of how everything happened. Trust that if something you remember seems out of character, it didn't happen that way..."

He started to hyperventilate, staring at me as his mouth worked soundlessly and his mind worked through the inserted memory like clearing a blockage.

_The knock on the door was short and curt, not like someone was using their fist, more polite.   
_ _"Look no offense, dude, but I just spent two months with you, and I need to not see your face for--oh...sorry I thought you were someone else."  
_ _She stood smiling in his doorway, her dark hair pulled back into a high pony, showing the little bit of gray that was coming in at her temples.  
_ _"Sorry, I don't mean to bother, but are you Johannes by any chance? Or is he here?"  
_ _"Uhm, that's me," he shuffled awkwardly on his feet and she laughed and breathed a sigh of relief but didn't say anything else, "can I help you?"  
She smiled sweetly, extending her hand, "Sorry, my name is Katrine, I'm a friend of Triste's!"  
He didn't even think twice about the fact that I didn't know where he lived, and hadn't even mentioned to anyone that we had met as he automatically shook the offered hand with his and gave her a smile in return.  
_ _"Oh my," she sighed, blinking twice, "you are rather taken with her aren't you...perfect."_

"FUCK!" he yelled, up and on his feet in a second, pacing and tearing his hands through his hair, "that fucking bitch! Why!!"

His voice was choked with tears, and my own resumed down my cheeks as I ground my forehead against my knee, wracking sobs shaking my frame. 

"Johannes, I'm so sorry. I never thought she'd use it. I don't know how she remembered what to even say!"

He turned on his heel and collapsed into me, sobbing too as his arms wrapped around my body and yanked me closer. 

"I was so happy she was there at first because she could tell you that I wasn't just ghosting you, and that I would be able to call you in a couple days," he cried, "but then...just nothing. For so many months it was just _nothing!!"_

"Johannes. I'm so so sorry. You never should have been involved, it was never about you. She...she wanted something from me that I couldn't give her and..." I gasped in one shaky breath and did it again until I could breathe without hyperventilating.

"What did she want from you..." he said, finally sitting up and looking at me, his eyes guarded again, part of him knowing that what she'd done had been a reaction to me and my choices.

"She wanted restoration, Johannes."

"Of what."

"Of everything, of us, our temple, our cult, our goddess...she found us, me and May, after the festival that first night we went. Remember I told you we always find each other? She told us what she wanted, and it was..." I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, "fucking nuts. This insane want that would never work no matter how many times she tried. But she was convinced that we'd just agree I guess, and when we said no, she...she freaked out. I'd never seen her so angry.

"And when May and I went dancing after, she knew and had that guy try to drug me so he could take me to her, and I don't know what she promised him, other than he could--..." I swallowed hard and found that in this place, I couldn't say the words 'rape me' again and I shuddered as I tried again.

Johannes got up and pulled me to my feet, running his hands over my shoulders.

"You don't have to say it," he said softly, reading my thoughts.

I cleared my throat and did my best to keep my voice even as I continued, "anyways. When you...appeared...and I didn't drink it, her plan got interrupted. So she improvised and..."

I looked up at him.

My Johannes.

His eyes were sad, but no longer held coldness towards me.

I could see he was still guarded though, still afraid of something.

"She picked you rather than directly going after me again. Not because you'd ever done anything wrong," I cried quietly, wrapping my arms around myself to hold my shattered pieces together, "because she wanted me, and knew taking you would be the quickest way to bring me in and ultimately get what she wanted. I don't know how long she watched us afterwards, or if she made the choice that night, but...she just banked on me finding out and still caring enough to try to see you and make sure you were okay."

His chest moved with shallow breaths and I closed my eyes and lowered my head as my tears fell and he stayed silent.

"Johannes...I'm sorry."

He still didn't speak, and when I looked up at him, he was looking through me rather than at me. I touched his hand and told him we were going to go back to my apartment, and when the soft light of my living room lamp filled his vision, he blinked several times and shook his head like he was trying to wake up.

I let go of him and called for everyone else.

I was tired and heartsick and needed reassurance.

Henrik was at my side first, as he always was, and took a moment to look me over, making sure I hadn't been torn to pieces. 

"Come here little one," he murmured, the heaviness of his own heart evident in his voice as he pulled me to him and pressed my head to his chest, gently stroking my hair, "tell me what you need..."

I shook my head back and forth, not knowing any better than he did. 

John ran a soft hand down my back when Henrik let go of me and he led me over to the couch, where I sat down between Tim and Jonas, and John knelt in front of me, bringing both of my hands to his lips and searching my eyes.

Tim pulled me against him with a gentle kiss to my forehead when John got up.

"Hey babygirl," he whispered, pulling me closer, and I nestled my face into his shoulder for another moment, absorbing his warmth and grounding myself with his scent and his touch.

He put one knuckle under my chin and lifted my face, narrowing his eyes a little as he searched my features before leaning down to press one soft, lingering kiss to my lips.

"Please tell me what to do so you won't cry anymore," he sighed, "I can't take it, love, it breaks my heart."

Johannes simply watched, before sitting and looking down at his hands and then staring at the floor as we sat in a heavy silence.

We all knew he needed to speak first and waited for him to do so.

"I...I thought I was going crazy," he whispered after a while, glancing over at me, "it was like I could feel myself losing my mind slowly, one bit at a time. There were these really clear, lucid moments where I was aware that something wasn't right, that I was losing second and minutes of time, but didn't know why, and it scared the shit out of me."

The guilt of knowing I had created something that made the entire situation possible ate at me, and felt like a physical weight on my shoulders.

"Why...ah, why would she be able to make him...I mean was that part of the..."

I looked over at John with my brows furrowed a little bit. He was normally so articulate, but I was having a difficult time understanding his question and I shook my head to tell him I didn't know what he was saying, then followed the path of his gaze back to Johannes' right hand, which was absentmindedly rubbing at the ring finger of the left.

"Oh. That was probably...best guess, it was another replaced memory. The whole point of all of this was to make changes in his personality and his life that were concerning enough that I would find him and then she would...make her offer I guess...but again that's just a-a guess, and I mean...well...it could have...could have been...voluntary..."

I was suddenly overcome by a chilling terror, as irrational as I knew it was, that Na'eemah hadn't been using control over him at all after the beginning, and that he'd fallen in love with her and now because of me she was gone.

Tim by now was so finely attuned to my subtle shifts and changes, he felt my heart rate skyrocket before I started to shiver and hyperventilate, and he immediately shifted me so that my back was to Jonas, who moved to accommodate me, wrapping an arm loosely around my waist to keep me from crumbling forward and further restricting my oxygen intake.

"Triste, hey hey hey, look at me. Look at me. Eyes here, precious," Tim made me look at him, placing one hand firmly under my chin, and he felt searing anger towards Johannes when he saw the wild terror in my eyes, like those of a trapped animal. He didn't say anything else, just held my gaze with his until I mimicked his breathing, drawing in one breath after another and watching his lips softly part with each exhale.

"Good girl," Jonas murmured into my ear, "deep breaths, that's good..."

I blinked twice as the lightheadedness passed and looked down to see Henrik, who was kneeling on the floor at the edge of the couch, grasping my hand. John was right next to him with his hand on my knee.

"You're okay," Henrik said softly, "you're okay, deep breaths..." his lips pressed to my palm and he got up to take his seat again once he was sufficiently convinced that I was breathing steadily on my own.

After one more minute, I turned in Jonas' arms and looked back at Johannes.

"I hated her, Triste," he said quietly, understanding now the train of thought that send me spiraling and swallowing hard, "every second...she...she promised at first that everything would be fine, but then I think I stopped caring. I felt...sedated. Like nothing was worth giving a shit about, and...I...I just woke up one morning and," he looked down at his finger, "it was just...there. And I remember her changing my memory of it. Fuck, I'm sorry," he whispered as his own tears started swelling in his eyes, "I remember everything now...like looking through a window at someone else experiencing your life. And I thought I was losing it, and I just isolated and wanted everyone to go away."

"Johannes, it wasn't your fault," I said, wanting desperately for him to believe me, "that was the final straw. The one thing that would make me find you because it was so out of character."

"I watched her hurt you. I stood there and watched her cut your face and break your arm and throw you around and I didn't fucking do anything about it, Triste, so don't tell me it isn't my goddamn fault!"

Tim shifted like he wanted to put himself physically between us, but I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I don't think you could have even if what was happening was registering with your mind, Johannes...can I ask what you remember from that moment?"

My question seemed to catch him off guard and he paused with one hand halfway back through his hair.

"What moment?"

"From that second where she was about to...to kill me. Tell me what you remember."

"It. I. I don't know. My brain was trying to process something I was so close to knowing, but my body couldn't move. Like one second you looked so familiar and the next you were a complete stranger but not really," he started to babble, "I knew you and then you were no one and my brain felt like it was shorting out and I couldn't even move and I knew you again then didn't know who you were and didn't remember knowing you for that half second. And then I looked down and my ring was around my neck and it was like...everything started flooding back all at once...and then you s-said that you loved me and something just...snapped. I remembered. And I remembered forgetting and being so confused. But, I couldn't do anything."

He wasn't looking at me. He wasn't looking at anyone. Johannes just continued to stare at the floor as he confirmed for me that she'd been physically restraining him like everyone else. 

"Johannes. If this is too much for one night I can call you all a cab back to your hotel or something, but...we need to talk about it eventually."

He didn't respond.

"Triste, we're not leaving you, baby," Henrik said softly, looking over at me with a frown like I should have known better. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to focus. I was still so tired that my brain was having a hard time keeping up, and there was a nagging flame behind my eyes starting to make me feel uncomfortably hot.

My eyelids fluttered and I leaned heavily against Jonas' shoulder, unable to stay upright any longer.

"Okay, time to lay down, babe," he said softly as Tim helped shift me until my head was resting in Jonas' lap and my legs were draped across his, and I was looking at Johannes, attempting to make my eyes focus, but two images of him were swimming in my vision.

I tried to remember what I was saying, but I couldn't fight the drowsiness any longer and I was almost instantly asleep.

"Triste..."

"Johannes, let her rest. She's exhausted and lost a lot of blood," Henrik said, standing up and putting himself between us when Johannes got up to go to me. He was several inches shorter than Johannes, but pulled him down into a tight embrace when he saw the heartbroken look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier, my friend," he said more softly, as Johannes hugged him back, clinging to him and burying his face in Henrik's shoulder as he shook with silent sobs.

"I should be the one apologizing," he murmured after several moments, pulling away and looking down at the floor as he shuffled his feet.

"I...I remember now what I said to you...to all of you..." he sat down and looked around the room at John, Tim, Henrik, and Jonas with me cradled against him. "Christ, I just...I flat out lied to you all, even though I didn't know it was a lie. I kept secrets from you and--..." he heaved a sigh and ran both hands back through his hair, propping his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor.

"Johannes, I don't think anyone thinks now that you did any of that shit under your own free will," John reminded him,"it was," he glanced at me to make sure I was sleeping, "it was Katrine. Or Na'eemah, or whatever you want to call her. We know you better than that, and that's how we knew something was wrong."

"I know...but I don't...I just," he heaved another sigh and everyone was silent, watching my even breathing as Jonas' hand rested on my shoulder and Tim's rested on my hip.

"Where did she take you just now?" Henrik asked quietly, settling in the chair opposite Johannes, whose head whipped up as he looked at Henrik with a bewildered expression.

"How did you know--?"

Henrik didn't respond, he just pursed his lips and waited.

"I don't really know where exactly we were. I can't process anymore today, my brain is fried."

Henrik sighed and stood, going to Johannes and kneeling next to him.

"Hey," he said quietly, "how long have we known each other?"

Johannes glanced at him out of the side of his hands as John repeated Henrik's motion on the other side.

"Long time," he mumbled.

"Mmhm. And all that time, have we ever abandoned you, or let you go through shit on your own?" A tear dropped down his face as he continued and took one hand as John took the other, pulling them away from his face. 

"No, we fucking haven't. And we aren't going to start now, brother."

"I fucked everything up," Johannes whispered through his tears, gasping a sob.

"Everything is fixable," John said quietly, "and it wasn't you. We all knew that, but didn't know why. Nothing about your behavior in the last six months was normal. Why do you think we wanted Triste to come last night and see you in the first place?"

Johannes gasped and squeezed his eyes shut as his forehead bent forward to press against his knees when he remembered.

"Oh, god, I heard her. She saw me and said my name right before we went on. Fuck fuck fuck fuck," he sobbed.

Henrik and John looked at each other and together leaned in to embrace their friend, wrapping their arms around him until he was quiet.

They stayed that way for hours, until night was settled and they were finally all calm.

"Can you finish what she was telling us earlier? I think we're all a little but confused."

Johannes chewed at his lip for a moment but eventually sat up and started explaining everything I'd told him, weathering the intense bouts of shaking anger from everyone and the mind-bending moments where he remembered that what animated my sleeping form, curled up in his friend's lap, was almost four thousand years old.

They talked as I slept, reaffirming their friendship and bonds with one another. They cried and were brutally honest, and when everyone calmed down once more and were silent for several minutes, Jonas reached a hand down to lovingly brush my hair away from my face, feeling even more strongly for me than he had before. 

He gasped loudly and startled everyone when he jumped.

"Christ, she's burning up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ANOTHER* cliffhanger?!!?  
You betcha!  
sorry sorry SORRY sorry sorry!!


	48. Chapter 48

Jonas placed a hand over my forehead and then removed it, panicked, "fucking hell, help me get her up".

With a startled look, Tim took both my hands to pull me up and my body went stiff as a board. 

"Oh, shit. _Triste_? Baby talk to me. Whats happening?!"

My head lolled to the side as my eyes rolled back and showed the whites.

Johannes was immediately there, moving with more speed than someone his size should rightfully have had, touching me and slapping the backs of his fingers against my face, trying to wake me up.

"Triste? TRISTE. Wake up, come on, don't do this..." 

Everyone look panicked when I didn't respond, and then I started to seize. 

Johannes pulled me to the floor as gently as he could manage and stuffed a pillow under my head as my limbs beat with a dull thudding sound against the hardwoods.

"No, no don't touch her!" He grabbed John's arm when he dropped to my side and pulled him away, "give her space. Tim don't let her hit the corner of that table."

"Don't touch her?!? Johannes she's having a fucking seizure!"

"John you can't hold her down or you'll hurt her!"

My body went limp again for several moments and everyone watched to see if I was going to start flailing again. When I remained still, Johannes moved behind me and pulled my head into his lap, tossing the pillow back to Tim on the couch. He pressed a cool touch to my face and shook his head.

"Damnit, she's too warm, we need to cool her down _now_. Henrik call an ambulance."

"And say what?? She spiked a fever and had a seizure and lost a ton of blood today even though there aren't actually any marks on her anymore?!?" he was almost hysterical, and Johannes opened his mouth to reply with something less sarcastic when a mumbled sound from the floor interrupted his response.

"M'okay..."

A collective gasp filled the room before a deafening silence descended as everyone's eyes shot towards me on the floor.

"Triste? Can you hear me?" Johannes looked down and gently shook me until my eyes cracked open.

"M'okay," I mumbled again. It was the only sound my consciousness would allow me to make at that moment as I barely resurfaced. 

Everything swirled in technicolor, and I saw all five of my boys with me, both standing and kneeling around my body, looking terrified. I tried to lift my hand to touch John, who was hovering over me, but it was shaking too much and full of lead anyways.

I whimpered and tried to move as my body felt consumed by fire, "too hot. Too hot." My head thrashed back and forth in Johannes' lap, trying desperately to escape the flames that licked at my face, stretching my neck to get away from the heat of their tongues.

"Triste, shh shh, Triste, baby you're okay, we're going to put you into a cold bath okay?"

"Johannes, help," I moaned in my half-conscious state as tears streamed down my face and I tried to get up, "too hot..." I couldn't open my eyes anymore and was delirious with fever, and the last thing I felt before dropping into the darkness was Jonas grabbing my hand tight and pressing his lips to my knuckles, whispering that everything was going to be okay.

_*Oh, but everything will be different now for her, little pretend king...*_

Jonas looked around startled, but no one else had heard Her voice.

Before anyone had any time to process what had happened, Tim was up and out of the room, flipping both switches on the tap. 

Johannes stood and carried me into the bathroom, still cradling me to his chest when he set me down on the cool tile in case another seizure set in.

"Hurry, I'm not comfortable with her being on this floor."

When the bath was full he checked the temperature and automatically moved to pull my clothes off, but suddenly second guessed himself and looked up at his friends, surrounding both of us.

"It's okay, we can do this part," Henrik said, reading his expression, and placing a hand against Johannes' shoulder.

"I just...I don't know if she'd want...I don't--...but earlier she let you..."

Henrik sighed and shook his head sadly, "Johannes, you still just don't see how deeply she loves you, do you? I'll call you in a minute if you want to step out till she's in the water." 

Johannes got up and left, running a hand through his hair and trying to keep the panic at bay. 

My fever was so high, and I'd cried for his help and he couldn't do anything. Twice in one day.

It was too much.

John's head snapped up when he heard my front door open and close, and he got up to investigate.

"Please tell me he didn't," Tim growled, but when John returned he scrubbed both hands over his face and didn't respond.

"Don't worry about him, he'll be fine. He's probably walking it off. But we need to get her in right now," Henrik reminded them. 

Jonas gently pulled my sweatshirt off over my arms, gathering my hair into a bun on the top of my head. My legs jerked and kicked and I wailed loudly when John pulled my leggings carefully down and off over my feet.

"Shh shh, love its just me, its John, you're okay," he whispered, the panic creeping into his voice as I started to shiver violently against the cool tile floor. Tim stood and quickly shed his shirt and pants.

"Tim maybe we shouldn't crowd her for this, we can hold her up from out here..."

He stepped into the lukewarm bath, still much cooler than my body temperature, and looked down at Henrik, who shut his mouth abruptly.

"No, fuck that. We're not putting her into a tub full of water by herself when she can't even lift her head up. And since I'm now the only other one without clothes on," he gestured before kneeling into the bath and holding out his arms. 

Henrik, Jonas, and John lifted and carefully handed me over to Tim once he was settled in the water, and I awoke with a sharp gasp and a cry at the temperature change. My body trembled violently as my temperature tried to even out and my teeth chattered together as he held me close.

"Tim if she has another seizure, you need to keep her head above water, but don't try to hold her arms and legs down. She might kick you but you have to keep her above water..."

"I obviously know that, or I wouldn't be the one volunteering to sit in a tub of fucking lukewarm water," he snapped at Jonas, before apologizing quickly. 

Jonas waved the comment off, no harm done, but looked seriously at Tim, "you need to be calm if you're going to insist on being the one to do this..."

Tim nodded and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and physically relaxing a bit for a moment before adjusting me. My breathing was rapid and shallow and my eyelids fluttered; Tim leaned against the high back of my tub, gathering me back against his chest, but keeping as much of me submerged as possible.

He supported me between his legs, with his arms wrapped around my waist, keeping me mostly below the water line as they desperately tried to lower my temperature and he shifted me again so I was facing everyone as John dampened a washcloth under the sink and half-wrung it out before sponging it across my forehead. The water was mercifully cold and ran in rivulets down my flushed cheeks.

They repeated that over and over again and Tim held me close, running his hands gently over my skin under the water, never taking his eyes from my face as the minutes ticked by. He hummed quietly into my ear, a tune that had been bouncing around in his head since he'd dreamed it months ago.

The vibrations finally woke me and I inhaled a deep breath.

"Johannes?" I mumbled. The warm body under me breathed a sigh of relief and I felt the motion lift my breasts slightly out of the water before dropping me back down. The air felt cool on my wet skin, and I sank further into the water, further into the warm body.

"No, love, its Tim. Can you hear me?"

"Mhm," I mumbled again.

"Johannes went for a walk, he'll be back soon," Tim said softly, smoothing my hair away from my face and feeling my temperature.

_Go find him_, he mouthed at John, who was still kneeling next to the tub, as he motioned with his head towards the entryway of my apartment.

John nodded his head.

"Triste?"

"Mmm," I was too tired to open my eyes.

"Its John, I'm gonna leave for a second, but I'll be back soon, I promise."

"Mmk, love you," I mumbled, not thinking twice. 

My face dropped to the side, leaning back against Tim's chest and his shoulder moved forward to keep my face from dipping into the water.

A tear dropped down John's cheek and he pressed his lips to my forehead, whispering something my brain didn't have enough power to process before he stood to go find Johannes.

Henrik looked up at him as he was leaving, "call if you need anything."

"Yeah, will do."

Jonas and Henrik moved closer to the tub, Henrik resuming John's task with the washcloth. 

The minutes passed and the flush just under the surface of my skin receded bit by bit as my fever finally broke. 

Henrik pressed a hand to my forehead, "her temperatures almost down to normal," he said, nearly crumbling to the floor with relief as he rested his forearms against the edge of the bathtub.

Tim shifted and squirmed under me, "I don't want to move her yet, let her rest...but...ah, shit. Can someone put my hair up? I don't want to let go of her, and its half wet and sticking to my arms," he squirmed some more, clearly uncomfortable.

"Henrik makes my hair pretty," I said quietly with my eyes still closed and my face turned towards the wall. 

A deafening silence descended on the small room, and my eyes cracked open for a second before closing again against the harsh fluorescent light.

I squirmed and rolled over until Tim shifted me to lay sideways against his chest, facing everyone, as he sat up further against the back of my tub to accommodate me and my face rested against his neck. 

His chest was warm and my fingers ran over the hair that covered it before pressing the flat of my palm over his heart.

"Your hair would be pretty in a braid, baby," I mumbled. 

My brain registered Tim's chest shaking underneath me with a laugh enough to send a tiny smile to my lips in response.

"But have to ask nice," I continued half-coherently, my words slightly slurred with exhaustion, "cause Henriks nice and has be asked nicely."

The soundless shaking continued as Henrik cocked an eyebrow at Tim with an ear-to-ear grin, silently checking if he _would_ ask nicely.

I kept my eyes closed, but suddenly pinched my fingers hard against Tim's chest.

"_OUCH_. Not nice!"

"Have to ask nice," I repeated on a mumble.

"Are you awake and just fucking with me now?" Tim asked, looking down at me and pressing a kiss into my hair.

When I didn't respond, he rolled his eyes with a sigh and looked up at Henrik.

_"Henrik. Sweet, beautiful, precious little Henrik, who just has the most divine_ curls," -- Henrik flipped him the finger, but moved around the back of the tub anyhow -- "would you please put my hair up so its out of my way and I can continue to make sure our lovely girl doesn't drown in her own bathtub?"

As my consciousness returned more fully with the chatter and the sound of his voice, I giggled against his neck and cracked my eyes open.

Jonas was the first one I saw, and a warm smile spread across his face.

"Hi gorgeous," he laughed softly, reaching over and tipping my chin up to look at him, "you gave us a pretty good scare there. How are you feeling?"

"Mtired," I mumbled, blinking slowly and trying to make my eyes focus on him. 

His septum piercing.

The metal ring through his lip. 

The smile lines.

I reached a wet hand up to trace the crinkles at the corner of his eye, though it felt like I expended an impossible about of energy to do so, "these make you look happy. I love you when you're happy..." 

I dissolved into exhausted, delirious giggles against Tim's chest and settled there, falling back asleep almost instantly as he gathered me closer, moving his arms as I shifted so he could cradled my face to his chest, letting me sleep against him and relishing how I fit there, like we'd been cut from the same cloth.

Everyone was quiet for several minutes watching me, glad that I was able to rest now.

"Henrik, I swear to God if you just French-braided my hair," Tim said lowly so he wouldn't wake me.

"You're my pretty pretty princess now, Timmy," Henrik grinned as he moved back to the side of the tub, raising one eyebrow. He and Jonas laughed as quietly as they could manage at the startled look on Tim's face when he reached one hand back to touch the intricate braid. 

When the laughter died down, they both sat for several more minutes with us to see if I would wake again, but eventually Tim waved them off. 

"Go see if there's anything to warm up in the fridge," he urged, "she'll need food when she wakes up. And what time is it? Have either of you heard from John? He's been gone for a while..."

They both checked their phones then shook their heads.

"Just make sure he isn't outside freezing his balls off, because I have I think the only spare key to her place in my bag. Its zipped in the outside pocket, if you want to grab it."

Henrik ducked back in to set a glass of water by the tub and pressed a soft kiss to the top of my head before zipping his jacket, grabbing the key, and stepping out the door. 

Tim tightened his arms and shook me gently, before running the backs of his fingers down my cheek until I woke up.

"You need to drink some water, sweetheart."

"Mmk," I sighed with my eyes still closed, letting him press the edge of the glass to my lips. I realized I was actually quite thirsty and drank half of it then fell immediately back asleep and nobody disturbed us for nearly an hour.

Tim murmured quietly to me as I slept against him, the water lapping at my skin when his hands rubbed up and down and created little waves. 

"My perfect girl," he whispered, "beautiful and powerful and smart..." 

I stirred again as he softly petted me, drawing me closer when I shivered.

"Time for bed," I said sleepily, reaching up with one hand to rub my face.

"Are you sure? You can sleep here for another minute if you want to, baby, I'm happy staying with you."

I tipped my chin up further so I could press my lips to Tim's and he leaned down to me and pulled me closer, letting me control the kiss as he sighed against my mouth. I didn't deepen it, only let my lips linger there.

"How long have we been here?"

"A while, your fever was pretty high, Triste. Come on lets get you out...do you think you can stand?" Tim asked gently and I shrugged, unsure whether my legs would support me at this point or not. 

He flipped the lever with his foot to drain the water and shifted me forward, careful not to let me pitch facefirst onto the floor of the tub.

"Kungen," Tim called, and Jonas was there in an instant, taking my hands and helping to pull me up until I was standing. He tentatively let go, keeping his hands close enough to catch me if I fell over, hovering on either side of my waist, but my legs held and I blinked slowly at him before reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck as I leaned in to hug him.

He drew in a shaky breath and I knew there would be tears dropping down his cheeks.

"You scared me, Triste," he whispered into my ear as he buried his face in my neck, wrapping his arms tightly around my naked waist and lifting me over the high edge of the tub.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, pulling back and sniffling as I looked at the floor, "but thank you for taking care of me..." 

Tim wrapped me in a thick towel and my eyelids felt unbearably heavy again under the warm, dry cotton. He watched me sway slightly on my feet and both men automatically took a step closer and held me up between them.

"You need to eat something before you go back to sleep, love, you haven't had anything since this morning" Jonas said quietly, "and your body burned a lot of energy today."

"Mmk, I need to sit down first," I mumbled at him, staring at a spot on the floor that suddenly seemed to absorb all my focus. 

"No, I was going to have you stand," he rolled his eyes, and picked me up, one arm under my legs, one behind my shoulders as he moved me into the living room and set my feet on the floor next to the couch, keeping me upright long enough for Tim to remove the towel and wrap a blanket around me.

They propped me into the corner of my couch like a ragdoll and stepped back. Tim and Jonas looked down at me with concern plain on their faces, and it made me squirm a little, tired as I was.

Henrik appeared a moment later and pressed a mug of warm broth between my hands.

"I promise we'll let you sleep after this," he smiled softly and kissed my forehead.

I sipped silently for several minutes, surprised at how much better I felt with some sustenance.

_We need to tell them what just happened._

_Shut up, I'm too tired to do that in any kind of coherent way right now._

I moved mechanically, eating and drinking under their careful watch, until my eyes started to close on their own and my head began to nod. 

Jonas picked me up again and laid me against the back of the couch, stripping off his shirt before laying down facing me, shifting the blanket back over himself too so he could feel my skin against his own. 

He needed to touch me like he needed to breathe.

Tim put on an old black and white movie for background noise and pulled out his phone as he settled into a chair.

"And now I guess we wait," Henrik said with a worried frown, glancing at the door.

"You didn't find either of them?" Tim asked with surprise. 

Henrik shook his head, "it's fine, John will call if he needs something, and Johannes has had a...trying day."

"Fucking understatement of the year," Jonas mumbled against my hair as his eyes closed.


	49. Chapter 49

Jonas and I were fast asleep tangled together, my head cradled to his chest and his lips resting against my hair, his arms holding me close.

Neither of us woke when Henrik's phone buzzed and he disappeared to open the door downstairs with a murmured excuse. 

Tim turned back to the movie he'd half been paying attention to, then looked down at the book in his lap. 

He looked at the kneeling figures and the birds and moved to the top corner of the opposite side of page, where they all faced. One long finger ran down a line of glyphs, and he took a moment to admire the minute artistry before turning to his sketchbook. Somehow, they made sense to him as he drew, forming words in his mind that he couldn't fathom from staring at the page.

Something about the encounter with Sekhmet had shifted his understanding, but he didn't try to examine it too closely, for fear of losing the tenuous grasp he had.

The latch on my door clicked, and Johannes followed John and Henrik back in, still looking unsure, but he paused when he saw me sleeping against Jonas. The blanket around our us had shifted and I'd kicked the majority of it off, but Jonas' arms and legs shielded most of my body, and I was sound asleep.

"Oh..." was all he said, admiring for a moment the way Jonas' dark tattoos stood out so starkly against my paler skin, "she's okay?"

"She's fine. Come on, just let her rest Johannes," John said, nudging his shoulder to keep him moving, "there's a spare room if you want to get some sleep too. No offense, but you look like you could use it."

Johannes sat on the bed after flipping the light on and ran his hands back through his hair, and John leaned against the doorway, watching silently, musing over everything he'd learned.

Having enough awareness to watch yourself go insane and know that thats whats happening.

Madness taking hold.

"It's gonna be okay," he sighed, his own heart distressed at his friend's obvious state of dispair, "Johannes. That woman has loved you since the second she saw you, and you know it. She'll understand...don't push her away now because you feel like shit and like you don't deserve it."

Johannes nodded, still feeling so unsure about everything, and looked up as Tim and Henrik joined John, distributing beers to everyone.

"Not just me apparently..." Johannes mumbled, accepting the beverage and remembering the way Henrik had kissed me so breathless in the living room. 

He'd seen me kiss them all before, and had marveled at the way such little gestures from relative strangers could make me light up they way they did. But he never questioned it, seeing the effect each little touch had on me, seeing the way they all made me so happy.

Tim and Henrik exchanged a quick glance and shrugged. There wasn't any point in hiding it.

"Johannes, you're an idiot if you think you're the only one who has cared for this girl from the start," Jonas said quietly from behind them all, carrying my sleeping form. Henrik turned and followed as we disappeared into my dark bedroom.

"What...all of you?" Johannes' voice held a hint of surprise only for a moment, but as he sat and thought about it, taking another sip of his beer, he accepted it. 

How could they not care for and love me? 

And how could he begrudge them for it when they were the only ones who had looked out for me? 

If there was anyone who didn't deserve to love me and be loved in return, it was himself...

Tim and John turned to each other for a brief moment, and then looked back to Johannes with another indentical shrug.

"All of us," they said at the same time.

\--

Henrik pulled the comforter and sheets back before Jonas set me carefully down, removing the rest of the blanket from around me. I mumbled something as my eyelids fluttered several times.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep, little one."

"PJ's."

"What?"

"I need pajamas."

"Oh. No no don't get up. Tell me what you want and I'll get them."

"Boyshorts and a tanktop. Thank you, Henrik," I mumbled, halfway asleep again.

He looked at Jonas with his mouth pressed into a firm line.

"What the fuck are boyshorts," he whispered and Jonas broke into a fit of silent laughter, clapping both hands over his mouth to stifle the sound as his shoulders shook and he doubled over.

I giggled too.

"Top drawer, left side."

"Hey, I would have figured it out!" Henrik said defensively as Jonas and I laughed louder and Henrik moved to my dresser, holding up a pair and grinning when I nodded my head. He unzipped his jacket and handed both to me.

"Just a tshirt will be okay, you don't have to give me your coat," I said, smiling up at him in the dark.

"Maybe I like the way you look in it," he grinned, pressing the items into my hands.

I shimmied into the black cotton underneath the covers and wrapped his jacket around my shoulders, burying my nose into the fabric and relishing his residual body heat it still held.

Henrik reached down and hooked the zipper before slowly pulling it up until it reached the top. He leaned forward and kissed me and I wrapped my arms around his neck as we got lost in the physical sensation of having each other close again.

He broke away finally and pulled back to search my eyes.

"How do you feel about everything, little one? Honestly."

I chewed my lip for a moment, trying to form my thoughts into words as I scooted over so Jonas could sit on the edge of the bed next to me.

"I think...its going to take time for him to figure out where he sits with all this...its...its a lot. You all need to figure out how you feel about this too I suppose, with uhm...with all of us being...you know. But I don't know what else I can say to Johannes. Other than 'I'm sorry' another hundred times, I'm sure."

_There is a lot more you need to tell them, child._

Jonas curled a loose tendril of hair behind my ear, "well we can figure that out tomorrow. For tonight, you need to go back to sleep and stop apologizing."

I moved to get up so I could say goodnight to everyone.

"No, you stay put. I'll send John and Tim in."

"And Johannes."

He looked at me and didn't say anything.

"Don't exclude him, Henrik. He didn't understand what was happening to him and was scared..."

He sighed a little and his shoulders sagged, "yeah..."

"Nevermind. I'll just get up," I said, feeling a little bit annoyed that no one seemed to be cutting Johannes the slack I was willing to. I threw off the covers and walked out to the living room, ignoring him when he called my name.

Tim and John were sitting in the living room finishing their beers and both looked up when I moved towards them, pausing after a few steps and looking around.

"He's sleeping," John said, nodding towards the spare room and once again reading my mind, "I don't think he's slept in a few days from what he said..."

I nodded after glancing at the room in question. My heart broke for him in a different way now, and I sighed deeply as I crossed to my own front door and threw the deadbolt for the night.

"If you're gonna go smoke out back, just remember to lock the sliding door, okay?" I had no clue why I told Tim that, like he wasn't an adult who had been remembering to lock doors as long as I had, but he promised he would and pulled me down into his lap, cradling me to his chest for a moment and humming softly.

"Can't stand not having you here, sorry," he murmured, kissing my forehead as he turned his face to speak lowly to me, "and speaking of people who need sleep, why are you up?"

"I just wanted to say goodnight and thank you again," I said softly, pressing my lips up against his. The hops in the beer left the slightest suggestion of bitterness there, but he exhaled softly against my cheek and threaded his fingers into my hair under the bun on top of my head as I snuggled closer, tempted to just fall asleep there in his lap, and I knew he'd let me, but I wanted to say goodnight to John too before I went back to my dreams and figured out how the hell we were all supposed to face tomorrow.

"I love you, priestess," he whispered with one last soft kiss, patting my ass until I moved up and off his lap. I glanced down at his phone resting on the arm of the chair and saw Her image on the screen. Tim saw my eyebrows lift wordlessly and quickly pressed the home button, removing the webpage he'd been browsing.

"Just...reading."

"That website doesn't have very much accurate information, try this." I crossed to my bookshelf and skimmed titles, narrowing my eyes to read the letters.

Fucking reading glasses.

"Ah, here." I selected a book and held it out to him, "you can keep this, I've read it a dozen times."

He took it wordlessly, brushing my fingers with his as I handed it over and glancing at the cover, chewing his lip.

"No?"

"I...I uhm... I have this one. I already read it."

I couldn't help but smile and turn back to my books, replacing that one and choosing another.

"Then try this one. No one has this one."

He peaked under the cover and narrowed his eyes for a moment, running a finger over the lines.

"Is this hand written?" he looked up at me for a second before dropping his eyes back down the page as John held out a hand to me and I crossed the room to where he was sitting with his laptop open in his lap.

He set it down on the table next to his chair and I leaned down to press my lips to his too, relishing their fullness and the way his short beard brushed the skin around my mouth when he smiled into my kiss.

"I was right, you know," I sighed happily, brushing his hair back off his forehead.

"Right about what?" he hummed as his eyes closed under my soft touch.

"You are a good kisser," I whispered, biting my lip to keep from giggling.

"I told you I was," he laughed, giving in to the impulse first, "its not my fault you took so long to find out for yourself." 

And as if to act as a reminder, he gathered me into his arms, pulling me down into his lap and cradling my head against his shoulder. He held my eyes with his own, though they weren't burning or intense like they'd been this morning. In the low yellow light from the lamp mingled with the glaring white of his laptop, the color seemed lighter than it naturally was, a paler, icier blue, but no less kind.

He breathed across my lips when he bent his face down to mine, and my eyes fluttered shut.

"I love you."

Calling the words a whisper would have been too strong, it was almost an echo of a thought that passed between us more than anything spoken out loud, and his lips captured mine. 

He kissed me a thousand times, gently pressing his tongue between my parted lips and sliding it along my own, back and forth. John didn't kiss me lustfully, even as I pressed closer and his hands encircled me, drawing me in, holding me closer to himself, letting us both sink together into the simplicity of surrender.

I wanted to drown in the myriad of sensations that cloaked us in that moment, unable to tell up from down, light from dark. John finally pulled away with a soft sigh, still breathing across my lips.

"You're not so bad yourself, my little one," he said, his eyes twinkling when they opened to meet mine.

"You guys are all so overwhelming, I don't even know what I'm going to do," I laughed breathlessly, feeling hazy but appreciating the calm that John had instilled in me.

"We'll figure it out. We're experts on trial and error, cupcake," Tim muttered, flashing me my favorite smile before going back to his book.

I shifted out of John's lap but stood over him still as he pulled his computer back over his lap.

"Goodnight babes," I sighed as he ran his hands gently down my bare legs. Henrik's jacket was long on me, but the warm pads of his fingers traced little patterns up until they hit the cotton of my underwear, then moved back down. I shivered a little and he looked up at me.

"Sleep tight," he smiled, "do you want company later or would you rather we stay out here tonight?"

"I don't think I can sleep alone when you're all here now...I'd miss you too much," I said, tracing the sharp lines of his facial hair along his cheeks before brushing my fingertips across his lips. He captured my hand in his much larger one and pressed kisses to the pad of each finger.

"I love your hands," he murmured, still laying soft, open-mouthed kisses against my fingertips, "they're so small and delicate...we'll be in soon babygirl," he said, releasing me with a smile that made my heart melt.

I turned back to Tim and he closed the book, keeping his finger on the page as he looked up at me, laying his head against the back of the chair.

"When did you write this," he asked softly.

I should have known he'd figure it out, but I was sure he'd never seen my handwriting before.

"A very long time ago. Its all my encounters with Her. It teaches me what She's like, how She is. I thought you could add the next one..."

He looked at the ceiling as he inhaled sharply and blinked rapidly, and I realized he was trying to get rid of the tears that had suddenly welled up. He put the book down and wiped his eyes as he shook his head.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," he groaned.

I put one leg on either side of his and sat squarely in his lap, pulling his hands from his face and meeting his reddened eyes.

"Whats the matter love?"

"Nothing. Its nothing."

"Liar," I pursed my lips and scowled at him, waiting for him to tell me the truth, "I'll sit here all night, and you know it, Tim."

"Look, I'll never say no to you being right where you are," he scoffed lowly, wiping his eyes again and taking a deep breath, staring at the cieling still for another moment.

"Gods, babe, after everything I read and stuff, just...experiencing Her and having her speak to me, to accept this little piece of me that shouldn't ever be even close to enough for something like Her..."

I exhaled sharply, almost a sound of disbelief before I leaned forward and kissed him slowly, deeply, consumingly, sharing this feeling of overwhelming devotion with the other other person I had now who understood. 

"She was..." he struggled to find the words between brushes of his lips against mine.

"Majestic? Spectacular? Unbelievable?"

"All of the above, priestess," he said, finally tilting his head back and closing his eyes as his fingertips brushed up the sides of my legs.

I leaned forward and pressed gentle kisses to both his eyelids and his forehead before kissing his lips one more time.

"Goodnight, don't stay up too late," I whispered as he kissed me back softly and nodded.

\--

Jonas was standing in the doorway of my room, leaning against the frame and blocking my entry. He held a hand out to me, and I glanced over my shoulder at the door to the spare bedroom then held up one finger to Jonas to keep him where he was.

"Give me one minute, then I promise I'll go back to bed."

I twisted the doorknob and silently peaked my head into the dark room. 

Johannes was curled into a ball on one side of the bed on top of the covers, wearing the gray hoodie. He looked so vulnerable and child-like that a tiny gasp left my lips and I didn't think twice about moving into the room, leaving the door open a bit behind me to let in a little bit of light.

He was dead asleep and didn't wake when I crawled onto the bed behind him and crossed my legs under me. I hummed my little song softly as I reached out a hand to stroke his hair, and my eyes started to sting with uncried tears as he physically relaxed under my touch. 

He was still asleep, and his breath stayed soft and even, but he uncurled his long limbs and rolled over to face me, moving until his forehead was pressed to my knee and his arms curled around my leg like I was something he could anchor onto.

"Johannes?" I said softly, wondering if I'd accidently woken him. He didn't respond, and his fluttering eyelids told me he was still deeply asleep as his breath tickled across my knee.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, softly touching his hair, stroking my hand back over it repeatedly, "I should have told you I loved you that last night we were at the ocean together...you were so brave and said it, and I heard you. And I didn't say anything because I was afraid of being in love with you, even though I so clearly was," I whispered, sniffling through my tears.

We stayed that way until my back ached and my legs lost feeling from being tucked under me for so long, restricting the bloodflow. 

I rolled my shoulders back and stretched my neck side to side, the movement making me catch sight of Henrik out of the side of my eye, motionlessly standing in the doorway watcing me.

The light spilled in from behind him, so his face was hidden, but he held out a hand silently to me, and I untangled myself from Johannes before covering him with a thick blanket and turned to look at Henrik. He was so lovely with his curls gently backlit, and I crossed to him willingly, needing to feel his soft lips against mine and equally needing to apologize for being so sharp with him.

"Hey baby," I whispered and Henrik leaned his forehead against my own for a moment before wrapping me up in his arms and pulling me flush against his body, just holding onto me.

"I'm sorry," he said, moving us out of the spare room and closing the door quietly behind him, "you're right. It's going to take a while for all of this to get worked out I think. For all of us..."

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that," I rubbed a tired hand over my face, "you need to forgive him eventually, Henrik. He didn't choose any of those things for himself. He was completely under her control."

"I know, I just...I'm never going to forget the look on your face when I told you. And I still blame him for that right now. Jesus, Triste, it just. It broke my heart."

I was surprised to see tears glistening in his eyes when I looked up at him.

"Henrik," I sighed, reaching my hands up to cup his cheeks, "oh my own love. I'm so sorry..." 

He crushed me to him and mumbled something into my hair about it being absurd that I was apologizing.

"I should never have left your side from the moment you knew something was wrong...I told you before that nothing bad would happen to you when you were with me. And I failed. Again."

"No, hush please, don't blame yourself. Henrik," I pulled back to look at him, needing him to believe me, "you have no idea the immense power that she had. She was stronger than the rest of us to begin with, and...and...I don't think she would have hesitated a moment to kill you if you'd spoken up. So I'm thankful that you didn't."

"I wanted to die when she hurt you," he cried into my hair, crushing me to him again, "when you were just hanging on the wall, I thought you were gone and..." he took my hand and pressed it to his chest, "oh, babe my heart was going to give."

"Everyone is okay, my love," my arms snaked around his neck and he kissed me soundly.

I took both his hands and stepped towards my room, feeling an overwhelming need to be enveloped by him, to feel his skin pressing against mine, but I took pause for a moment, wondering if I was being too pushy.

"Only...only if you want to. I mean. We're running short on sleeping spaces but th--" the rest of my words were stolen with a passionate kiss as the heat from his hands warmed my face.

"I don't think I can stand to be away from you now, Triste...or ever," he whispered into my lips before taking them again. 

My mind swirled with a heady combination of love and lust and need and I broke away to look at my other boys, seated in the living room silently watching us.

"Bed time," I whispered, and they were all immediately up and sweeping me off my feet backwards, shedding clothes and shutting the door behind us with a soft click, leaving my empty apartment and the traumas of the day in the dark, and Johannes asleep in the spare room, dead to everything but his dreams.

I climbed into bed and they all settled around me, Henrik on one side and Tim on the other, while Jonas and John each rested their heads on my hips and legs. 

Henrik tipped my chin towards him and captured my lips in a kiss that made my mind spin and my hips started to squirm under John's head. His tongue dominated mine and he tasted like everything good in the world as his curls brushed my cheeks and wrapped me in a warm cloud of his scent and taste and touch.

"Henrik," I sighed into his lips, trying to move closer to him as everyone else simply looked up and watched us with contented smiles.

"Sorry baby, but I don't think we all should do this after what you've been through today," he whispered, though his hips rolled against me as I kissed him again and I could feel how hard he was getting. "I just feel like I can't be this close to you and not kiss you now that I can, you know?" 

His words were soft, almost a low growl and he pulled me closer still.

I knew he was probably right, and after the day we'd all had, maybe rough group sex would be the proverbial straw for everyone.

"Then just don't ever stop kissing me," I pleaded, feeling better and more whole by the second with them all so close again. 

"My boys...I was so afraid she would hurt you all after I was gone," I turned to Tim and brushed a long strand of hair away from his eyes, letting my fingers trail through it as he moved closer and pressed his mouth against my cheek, kissing down my cheekbone, the tip of my nose, and finally settling at my lips.

"No one is going to take us away from you, priestess."

I wrapped one arm around his neck and kissed him deeply, until he was groaning into my lips and pressing hard against me as his tongue filled my mouth and we breathed together.

"What did Henrik _just _say...gods you don't listen to anyone, do you," he whispered, though the smile there was evident as he teased me like it was his favorite game.

"Mmm, too old to listen to anyone else," I giggled, seeking his lips again as Henrik brushed his fingertips gently in circles under the material of his jacket that I had on.

"Too fucking stubborn is more like it," Tim groaned, tracing my lower lip with his tongue before kissing me once more until we were grabbing onto each other, needing a hundred times more than what we were getting. 

Nobody on the planet kissed me like Tim could, the slightest touch of his lips sending dazzling electrical currents coursing through my body to the point that I was surprised I didn't glow in the dark sometimes. 

I looked up backwards out my window when he released me and tried to gauge the time by where the moon hung in the sky. The yawn that seemed to relax my entire body was the only answer I got.

"Time to sleep now, sweet girl," John laughed softly, lifting his head and pressing a kiss to my thigh.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss?" I yawned again.

"You already got one before, remember?"

"One more," I smiled down at him as I ran a hand over his hair. I loved when he wore it down - he looked much more his age when it spilled down his shoulders. The answering smile curved his lips and he moved up my body until he hung over me, one leg on either side of mine that he'd been cuddled up to.

"Then ask me again," he said lowly, his lips so close to my own that I could feel the heat from them.

I looked up at him and brushed my fingertips over one of the bare sides of his head.

"Kiss me, John," I whispered, opening my lips a little before biting the bottom one, "please..."

"You know that gets you into trouble, little girl, don't make me spank you in front of everyone," he growled before pressing his lips down to mine. His beard was scratchy against my face but his tongue slid between my lips, pulling a soft moan from me as I involuntarily arched up into his body. 

He kissed me deeply, almost endlessly, and when he lifted up, his eyes were dark.

"You taste like the night," he whispered, "like a cold night where you can see all the stars across the whole sky and the wind sings through the trees."

He swallowed my soft gasp and my fingers carded through his hair as I held him to me, savoring his touch. 

"Thank you. No one's ever said anything like that to me before," I said, feeling my heart beat rapidly for him. 

"You've never met anyone like me before, sweetheart," he teased, kissing me softly on the nose and then once on the forehead before moving back down to where he'd been before and laying his head against my thigh, drifting off with his own thoughts as his fingers carefully stroked back and forth over the smooth expanse of my skin.

"I wish I had more arms to hold all of you at one time," I said, looking lovingly back and forth between them and settling on Jonas.

"You," I crooked my finger at him and in the next second he was hanging over me, his thigh pressing hard against my pussy and making me arch into him with a surprised gasp.

"Me...I told you earlier I could kiss you forever, Triste," he whispered, pressing his mouth to mine hard and letting his tongue explore me freely. He moaned into my lips and the sound made me almost crazy with need, "just say that you'll let me..."

How could I possibly ever sleep with them around? Everything they did made me want them to the ends of the possible earth. And even then, they surprised me.

"Kiss me forever, Jonas," I breathed, rolling my hips against his leg.

"Damn, John you know I think you're right about her," he groaned into me, pressing his thigh harder against my center.

"Ohh..."

He growled a laugh against me and did it even harder for a moment before relieving some of the pressure.

"Whats the matter, babe? Oh, I'm sorry, is this making you wet?"

I kissed him again, deeper, harder, wordlessly answering his question.

"It is, isnt it," he laughed darkly, "tell me you're aching to have all of us again...filling you and making you come over and over, one of us in your pussy, one in that beautiful ass...fucking your mouth, coming all over your tits..."

"Yes," I whispered on a gasp, no longer concerned about the implications of having all of them at the same time and wishing he would just tear my clothes off and fuck me already, recovery and soreness be damned.

"And you know we'll always give you what you want, precious," John's voice was husky as he nipped at my thigh. I untangled a hand from Jonas' dreads and reached down blindly to touch his face. He teethed lightly at my fingers, brushing his lips from my palm outwards and nipping at the pads before sliding one into his mouth, lightly sucking and humming a soft moan at the taste of my skin as I pressed against his tongue.

Henrik tipped my chin up to him again as Tim pressed slow, loving kisses to my neck and started gently pulling my hair out of the messy bun on top of my head, whispering lowly to me as his tongue traced the shell of my ear. 

"I want your ass first..." he bit down hard on my earlobe, making me gasp sharply and buck my hips off the bed, eliciting low laughs from everyone, including him. 

Jonas trailed kisses like fire down my neck as he moved back down to where he'd been originally, but I didn't miss the way he pressed his erection against my thigh, and I shifted my leg to stimulate him as he rolled his hips into me with a low moan.

"Damnit woman," he groaned, still kissing at my hips and pushing my jacket up to reach more skin, "how does just the slightest touch from you make me want to give you the entire world..."

Henrik searched my eyes and I couldn't find the words to answer Jonas' question under the intensity of his stare.

"I...I feel like I just want to throw you around and make you scream, but I'm afraid that we're going to hurt you," he whispered into me, pressing his forehead down to mine before pulling back, a worried frown across his face.

Jonas, John, and Tim all heard the tone in their friend's voice and backed away a few inches, giving us space.

"Then be gentle with me this time, Henrik," I whispered, lifting my head. His lips were like velvet as they caressed mine, and when I felt everyone else move further away, I shifted so we were pressed against each other. Henrik wrapped his arms around me possesively and pulled me impossibly close, wanting to just absorb me as the lengths of our bodies moved together.

"Oh, Triste," he whispered, "then let me make love to you...please..."

I wordlessly moved one of his hands down to my hip, and he pushed my panties down my legs. John and Jonas both helped pull them down and off my feet, taking an extra moment to rub their hands up and down the softness of my skin.

Henrik stripped his shirt and I pushed his pants down off his hips, groaning when I saw how hard he was and clenching hard at the memory of what he felt like inside me.

I sat up to pull off the jacket that was quickly becoming tangled around me. and Tim was immediately behind me, slowing down my hurried movements and running his hands down the lines of my body.

"Easy, baby, take it slow, no one is rushing," he groaned into my ear, as he pulled the zipper at an undemanding pace, kissing my neck and the back corner of my jaw as his opposite hand palmed my breast under the fabric before he slid it back off my shoulders, leaving it halfway down my arms and drawing groans from all the other men at the sight as his hand snaked around my waist and started rubbing my clit while he kissed me.

I melted under his hands, leaning back into him and not caring in the slightest who did what to me in that moment, as long as they were all there with me, safe and okay.

"Go on, now," he whispered giving my lip one last nip as he pulled Henrik's jacket off my arms and tossed it away, off the bed, "we'll do this later, just you and me."

I fell back down against Henrik, draped over his naked body and we kissed and adored each other as everyone watched, unconcerned about social norms or constructs or what anyone else might think. 

We were thoroughly consumed in the bonds of love and friendship that we'd all forged together.

His hand tangled in my hair, curling it back away from my face as he kissed me thoroughly and I moaned into him, moving closer, feeling his cock pressing hard against my hips as his free hand drifted down the length of my body.

"My love, my darling, my precious girl," he whispered into my lips as he pressed me back into the pillows and moved on top of me, settling his hips between my legs as I ran my hands over his ass, "take me. Take all of me forever. I love you. I need you..."

I lifted my hips up to press his cock through my folds and a soft moan left his lips as he buckled slightly at the sensation.

"Forever," I said softly, ending on a tiny gasp as he pushed into me slowly, gently, taking his time as everyone shifted to see better, palming themselves and not caring in the slightest that the bed was crowded and we were all literally and figuratively bumping elbows. 

I did my best to open my hips to him, feeling stretched apart to my limits, and he pressed his forehead to mine and groaned softly when he felt me shift to take more of him.

"Oh, baby, you feel so good," I moaned, seeking his lips and kissing him desperately, feeling like I was on the verge of tears with how badly I needed him. 

He continued to stretch me open until he was bottomed out and I wrapped my legs around him as we deepened our kiss together and held onto each other for dear life.

"I love you, Henrik, please don't ever stop," I gasped as he started gently rocking his hips into me, only pulling out an inch at a time and then sheathing himself back inside me slowly

"I'm not going anywhere, Triste. We're not going to leave you..."

We hit a steady rhythm and I lifted my hips up to his each time he started sliding his cock back into me, never dropping my gaze as he worked my body. 

He was slow and gentle with me, and I with him; everyone simply laid around us watching, as enraptured by us together as we were with each other.

He pulled on one of my legs until it was up over his shoulder and the angle made me that much tighter around him as his cock pressed against my most sensitive spot over and over again and I cried out.

"You look so perfect like this," he growled softly, "moving with me...taking all of my cock."

My head fell to the side against the pillow as Henrik increased his pace. We were both happy to simply feel each other as long as possible, neither desperately seeking release because we didn't want the moment to be over, but when Tim pressed his thumb to my clit and started rubbing it in slow circles, keeping pace with the movement of our bodies, I felt my orgasm building and Henrik's hand tightened its grip on my thigh, feeling my inner muscles quiver and tighten around him.

Rather than a raging inferno, it built as a steady flame, burning brighter and brighter, and I pulled Henrik down to me as Tim moved his hand away, letting us do the rest but slipping it into his mouth.

"Ohh," I gasped into Henrik's lips as we moved together, never dropping our rhythm, but the angle of my leg over his shoulder made everything more intense still as he dipped his head to kiss me, putting more weight on me and stretching my muscle, making me tighter around him.

"Triste," he moaned quietly, "oh, Triste you're too much. You feel too good. Fuck, I'm gonna come..."

"Take me with you," I gasped.

I planted my opposite foot against the bed and lifted my ass up to meet his harder strokes until we came at the exact same moment, soaring over the edge into the sky together, intertwined and clinging to one another for the end of the world as we knew it. 

The more Henrik moved his hips against me, filling me with himself, the harder I gushed around him, a waterfall soaking both of us and making him cry out heavily as my fluids flooded down the skin of his hips and his thighs.

We slipped into an ocean of pleasure together, softly moaning into each other, not daring to make too much noise as everyone crowded around us again, murmuring praises and running hands over glistening skin as we came down.

He wrapped one arm underneath me and rolled onto his back so that I was straddling him as he desperately kissed me again, and we gave each other every part of ourselves.

"I love you, I love you I love you I love you, please don't forget that, I should have told you the moment I met you, and every day since," he moaned into my lips as he slipped out of me.

"How could I ever forget that, Henrik I promised you I wouldn't" I whispered, tears filling my eyes as I laid against his chest and his lips whispered across my forehead, his fingers gently brushing through my hair.

Tim leaned over and pressed a kiss between my shoulder blades.

"Come on, lets get you cleaned up."

I was tempted to say no, and dreaded having to leave the warm embrace that held me, but Henrik's hand drifted down my back, his fingers dancing over the curve of my ass, dipping down to touch where our mingled fluids were still dripping out of me and running his fingers along my slit as his other hand whispered over my back.

"He's right. You should go get cleaned up or I'm just going to take you again in a minute...and I don't think I can do nice and slow twice when you're dripping like that," he groaned, feeling the beginnings of arousal already burning in his belly.

I lifted my face from his chest, my hair cascading down over one shoulder, and looked up at him with a tender smile, the moonlight making my pale skin blue and my irises look almost white.

"Ohh," he gasped, "but just...just stay like that for a second."

Everyone watched as we stared at each other, and the tension in the room amped up a little bit higher as he pressed his fingers to my lips and I cleaned them of both of us.

"I think I could watch you do this all night," he sighed, brushing the opposite hand over my hair when I released his fingers with a little hum, "gods, woman, you're just too much for me sometimes...but I love it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At what point in time did we as a fandom collectively decide that Henrik is the soft squishy one?  
That man can throw the hell down under the covers and we all know it. 
> 
> Hi, sorry, what?


	50. Chapter 50

I stared at my reflection, frowning slightly.

I didn't look any different. 

My heart still beat the same I confirmed, placing a hand over my breast. 

My hair still fell in silver waves the same way down my shoulders. I touched them too, like I needed to be sure they were real and not some sort of mirage of normalcy.

_But everything is different now._

Tim was right behind me, grabbing a clean washcloth from my linen closet and closing the bathroom door with a soft click. He stripped his shirt and jeans as soon as we were alone and pressed against my back, wrapping both his arms low around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, meeting my reflection's gaze.

"What's going on in there?" he asked quietly, turning his face to kiss the shell of my ear lightly, just a brush of his lips across my skin.

"Hmm? What? Sorry, nothing."

He turned me by the shoulders and settled me back against the counter, searching my eyes with a furrowed brow.

"If its too much to have all of us in the same room like that, you can say so, you know that right?"

"I can't imagine a world where I don't want you all with me all the time, clothed or no," I smiled, brushing a stray lock of hair away from his high forehead with the tip of my finger. His eyes closed and he automatically leaned into my touch now, trusting me without question.

"Good," he murmured, catching my hand in his and tilting it so he could kiss the inside of my wrist, letting his lips linger to feel my pulse as he exhaled warmly and I shivered, bringing a slow, casual smile to his lips. 

When he looked up at me, part of me knew that he understood, even if he wasn't aware of it, but I still wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to threaten the beautiful stability or tenderness of this moment, so I stayed silent, holding out my hand for the washcloth when he flipped on the tap behind me and soaked it with warm water. 

I was brushed away with a low "let me...please."

"Tim you don't have to, I can clean myself off."

He still didn't relinquish the cloth, and settled on his knees on the floor, nudging my legs apart a little and pressing a soft kiss to my hip.

"Maybe I enjoy watching your pussy drip," he chuckled darkly, grinning up at me for one brief moment before settling into his task, loving the way my breath hitched under every touch he gave. 

I closed my eyes and let my fingers trace the curves and lines of his face, trying to imagine how my pen would move to draw him if I'd been blessed with any artistic ability whatsoever. 

He didn't need his eyesight for what he was doing, and they fluttered shut like mine as I touched the long, straight nose with the small silver ring, his mustache that I couldn't imagine him without now, though I'd seen picture of him before he grew it, the gauged ears that sometimes held second rings, but didn't right now, the slightly haphazard cut of his beard down his jaw...

"Are you ever going to shave your mustache?" I finally murmured, sure that I was clean by now even though he continued to run the cloth over my skin, and my fingers moved into his hair, pulling it slowly out of the low ponytail at the nape of his neck and gently scratching my nails over his scalp.

I lived for the little pleasured groan I got in return as he paused his work for a moment, laying his forehead against my hip and enjoying the feeling of what I was doing.

"Maybe. Its crossed my mind...gods you smell good..."

I blushed faintly at his comment, but neither of us spoke beyond that, and Tim started humming softly to himself, one note carrying into another without thought as he kissed across my skin, letting the sound waves vibrate across the surface of my body. 

He stood and tossed the washcloth into the sink next to us, taking in a moment to drink in the beautiful curves of my body, so used but so brilliant in the afterglow. 

I nuzzled my cheek against his as he drifted the flats of his palms across my skin like he was exploring, like he didn't already know every inch of me, and laid my head against his shoulder as he watched his fingers trace the tattoo in the center of my back in the mirror.

"Do you get this every lifetime?" he asked quietly, almost slipping into a trance with the slow, rhythmic slide of his hand, the precise tracing of his fingers. 

"Every one," I answered, letting my lips drift across his shoulder, tasting his skin, inhaling his scent, "call it an act of devotion..."

He shivered a little under my touch, and I slid my lips up the line of his neck, feeling the heat between us building at that rapid pace that just seemed to match the strength of our connection as his hands started to wander...touching, testing, feeling.

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes," I responded honestly as my hands moved over his body too.

"She takes my pain as an offering," I said lowly before sucking a little mark into the base of his neck, moaning softly as he pressed his hips against mine.

"A piece of you belongs to Her now, too, Tim," I continued, "we're bound together for all eternity in Her divine presence."

He pulled my lips from his skin with a sharp yank on my hair as he pressed me harder against the sink and looked down into my eyes with blown out pupils.

"Eternity isn't fucking long enough for me, priestess."

He lifted me to sit on the counter, stepping forward to stand between my legs as they spread around his hips and his tongue filled my mouth, not demanding or dominating, but meeting me as an equal, as exposed and vulnerable to me as I was to him. 

We couldn't press close enough together or make enough sounds of pleasure to tell each other how we felt as the very fabric of our existences intertwined and our souls melded together until we couldn't tell where one of us ended and the other began, our hands caressing, touching, exploring a body that by now we knew better than our own.

"Let me taste you again," he whispered, his voice low and raspy, "please..."

"But... you don't have to, not after Henrik--"

I didn't get a chance to finish my thought as he took my lips again, letting his fingertips dance down each side of my breasts.

"I don't care," he breathed into my kiss, as he dropped to his knees again, "I don't care about anything but you..."

I braced one hand behind me on the countertop and rested the other against the back of his head as he kissed a heated line up the inside of my thigh, murmuring words into my core in a language he shouldn't have known. 

I gave his name up to the confined walls of my bathroom, letting the sound reverberate off the tile as he slowly ran the flat of his tongue up my slit, swirling it in circles around my clit, not seeking to draw it out or tease, only to send me into the waiting arms of pleasure. 

Every brush of his lips across my most sensitive parts tensed my muscles further, making my head drop back until the end of my hair were brushing across the inside of my wrist, enhancing the eroticism of every kiss, like the two spots were at opposite ends of the same nerve.

"Tim," I whispered on a sigh, rolling my hips into his tongue, never pressing inside me or pushing, but keeping up the same pace of licking and swirling, pressing wet, open mouth kisses to my folds until I was standing on the edge of bliss alone.

"NO!" I gasped, finally grabbing his hair hard and pulling him away, drawing a confused look across his glistening face. 

"Did I hurt you? Whats wrong?" he immediately stood and gripped my face with both hands, searching hard to interpret why I'd stopped him when I was obviously so close. 

I couldn't put it into words, the wrongness I'd felt in that moment, about to be hurtled up into the stars alone, leaving him behind...

"You have to come with me."

It was that same feeling on the beach I'd had from all those months ago, like I spoke words that weren't of my own devising.

"Take me anywhere, Triste," he murmured, pressing his lips to mine, letting me taste both myself and Henrik on his tongue as I collapsed into his embrace, slipping my arms around his body and running my hands down over his ass. 

"Anywhere?"

"I trust you," he whispered, pulling back and grabbing a towel from the hanger on the back of my door and spreading it out on the floor next to the heater. He knelt and held a hand out to me, his other resting at the front of his hip like he wanted to touch himself but wasn't giving in.

I slipped down to the floor, kneeling on the towel in front of him and lacing the fingers of both our hands together with no idea where to go.

With the others, it had seemed so obvious.

Henrik was essentially the human personification of the landscape I'd shown him.

John had the quiet contemplative side that seemed fitting for Her temple in the middle of the night. 

I'd hardly had a choice in taking Jonas back to the memory with May.

But as I stared at Tim I drew a blank for several seconds, and he simply looked back at me waiting, rubbing his thumbs in slow circles along my hands.

I didn't choose where we went, and in fact startled more than he did when we suddenly found ourselves pressed together in the sand underneath a sky of nearly endless stars overhead. 

"Woah," he breathed, looking up and pulling me closer under the chill of the wind until my breasts were flush with his chest and his cock pressed against my hips.

"What th--" I started, stopping cold as I glanced around and caught sight of the other people. 

But 'people' felt like too impersonal of a term as I watched my own body and Tim's next to each other on the beach, yards away.

_Uhm...ohh, hold on one second..._

The sound of my voice coming from elsewhere made Tim's head whip to the side, and I watched his face carefully as his eyes moved over my form, before I turned to watch the reaction he'd had to me that I couldn't see at the time with closed eyes.

His cock twitched between us as he watched me lean down to kiss him after he'd asked for me to lay in his arms for just a minute, just one fleeting moment in time for him to remember forever. 

"Oh god, baby," he whispered, throwing me down into the sand and falling on top of me as the other version of ourselves took reverse positions, me pressing Tim down into the cool ground, kissing him as deeply as my Tim kissed me now.

"I can't remember ever wanting anyone as badly as I wanted you right then," he whimpered into my lips, shifting forward to press his cock through my folds, grinding against me and pausing with my strangled gasp.

"Goddamnit, I don't want to hurt you," his voice was strained, like he was trying to hold himself back, but his hips gave him away, rolling against mine again, a slow, deep slide that touched all my most sensitive parts and made me cry out sharply.

_I can't tell you, but god I want to show you Triste._

"Don't move," he whispered, starting to drop down my body again, kissing and nipping at my skin, flicking his tongue over my nipples before sucking them hard until I was threading my fingers through his hair and pulling.

"Christ, don't stop baby," I whimpered, watching the stars overhead as they seemed to wheel through the sky, the vast expanse of Nut's divinity shining like diamonds. 

I listened to Tim tell me that now wasn't our time six months ago as the one between my legs started that maddening pattern of licking and swirling and breathing hotly over my pussy, lapping up my wetness and growling as my flavor filled his senses again. 

"This is what you wanted then, priestess," he growled as his fingers slid through my folds in the absence of his mouth, "you wanted to know how I learned to kiss you like I do..."

I didn't ever know a human mouth could create the sensations that his did. It felt like he had five tongues and a hundred fingers, all pressing and sliding and sucking against my skin until I was a single second away from an orgasm so explosive, I wasn't sure what would happen to me on the other side. 

"TIM," I gasped sharply, trying to get a hold on myself, trying to wrangle the thousands of images that seemed to pour across my consciousness of dozens of lifetimes, some of them mine, some of them not. 

I watched myself kneeling next to my father's bed, intoning memorized words lowly into his ear, smiling bitterly as I freed my sister. I watched Tim scrub both hands over his face, growling his frustration and hurling an empty whisky bottle into the trash can before turning back to the book in his lap. I watched a teenage girl shiver with fear as she beheld the dark-haired woman before her, the gray of her roots coming in just at the temples...

Tim pressed the flat of his tongue against my pussy, covering my clit and shook his head back and forth, triggering an orgasm so intense that my vision went completely white.

I continued to watch with sightless eyes as the lives of every woman from my temple unfolded before me like the petals of a lily. Thousands of years of struggle and luxury, years of secret dalliances in the blindspots of political marriages, their faces all distinct and different, hundreds of likenesses over the years, but all recognizable when I saw them for who they were. 

_Where have you been all this time, priestess..._

My scream was raw and primal and I found myself suspended in the air like a puppet, five meters off the ground at least, my limbs seemingly held aloft by lengths of invisible cord.

"Triste!!" Tim yelled, suddenly alone on the ground, staring up flabbergasted at my floating body as I writhed in the air above him, still riding the last aftershocks of my orgasm. 

"Don't fret, dear," a voice said next to him, and he turned confusedly, watching our forms walk down the beach towards the house, hands clasped, fingers intertwined. 

But it hadn't been me that had spoken to him.

The voice was softer, like the air itself, the way he imagined a breath of wind would sound if it could speak. 

"I know you," he whispered when he turned, watching the feathers of her wings ripple in the ocean breeze, hardly able to know whether he was supposed to look over at her or up at me, feeling drawn to both. 

"You do. You have seen me before, but the high priestess of my sister showed you my image again today, child...however I must say, those 2D images aren't the most flattering," she laughed softly, a hint of tease in her voice. 

She wasn't lying. The photos he'd seen of the temple carvings and protective amulets showed Ma'at as a sharp, angular woman, with girlish, pointed breasts and feathered wings on each arm that looked hard and unforgiving, like blades.

But here, in reality, or in this dream, or this flashback, or whatever it was, she was rather different - tall and mature with thick rounded hips and voluptuous breasts, broad shoulders that dropped into long arms with feathers that looked made of fibers hardly thicker than strands of silk. Her white gown clung to the line of her waist, hugging her curves in a way that made his mouth water as he looked over every bit of her and swallowed hard. 

"H-high priestess...Na'eemah? She's dead," he shook his head in confusion.

She hadn't said anything about Ma'at, that had been me. I'd been the one who explained to him and Jonas and Henrik and John that she weighed the hearts of the departed in the halls of Osiris. 

The soft smile that curved her lips never changed as she watched him piece it together and his eyes lifted slowly to gaze at my suspended form, now draped in the arms of a woman with the head of a lioness who was breathing across my face, my eyes closed, my features impassive.

"Fuck," he whispered, feeling unapologetically, unabashedly turned on by the entire scene. 

"Rather exciting, is it not," the soft voice said from behind him.

"Whats happening?" he spoke like he was in a trance, still watching me and my goddess.

"The transfer of wisdom, Tim," she breathed into his ear, pressing against his back, drawing a breathy moan from him, "thousands of years of knowledge...of understanding...of answers to questions your kind hasn't even begun to understand how to ask..."

He gasped a sharp breath as the softness of her wing brushed over his cock. 

"My sister must always have a high priestess."

"I understand."

"Your love is her chosen one."

"Yes."

"She will be so for thousands of years..."

"Yes," he moaned softly, his eyes still trained upward as my body started to curve and writhe gracefully, like I was underwater, floating and moving through the air. 

"Her whole existence will be different now. Every spring must see new leaves turned, child," she said quietly, the infinite wisdom and justice that she embodied somehow showing through her tone, and he gasped another sharp breath, vaguely wondering how he was on the precipice of an orgasm without being touched. 

Sekhmet looked down from me to Tim as my body lowered slowly, descending in a straight, slow line like I was sinking slowly towards him. 

"Love her as she is," She commanded, and his throat felt like it was closing at the sensation of being addressed once more.

"A-always," he stuttered, hardly able to even remember the time before he'd felt like this, though it was only months before, "...it was you back then wasn't it. The medium. The woman in the shop."

She didn't respond, but Tim swore one side of her feline mouth curved up in a telling smirk. 

He stopped watching Her and reached his arms out to catch me as I drifted down the last few inches, my eyes finally fluttering open with the feeling of solid support underneath me, and when he glanced back around we were alone again, Ma'at and Sekhmet gone like they'd never been there in the first place.

"H-hi," he stuttered, setting me down on the cool sand.

I reached up to kiss him, knowing he knew, but not knowing how, and it was just as well since he was too speechless to say anything else anyways. 

His tongue slid against mine as our kiss deepened, each of us seeking to taste, and touch, to explore and possess until the heat was too unbearable and he lined up at my entrance, filling me smoothly with a growl. 

I arched off the sand and into his body, giving him everything he wanted as my body pulsed around him like the rhythmic lapping of the waves, my lips crying out into his, my nails scraping across the surface of his body.

Tim found himself caught between not wanting to push me over the limits of how much I could take by being rough after what had happened to me, and wanting to fuck me so hard I wouldn't be able to move for days, hardly able to find a middle road. 

But he didn't have time to think about it, as he came almost immediately, buried inside me, bottomed out, but still rolling his hips into my core, creating more friction in a space where there should have been none.

My fingers tangled into his hair and I swallowed his cries when I felt the warmth of him filling me, our bodies physically, emotionally, existentially intertwined forever. 

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to--"

He stopped as my finger pressed against his lips and I kissed one side of his mouth, licking at the seam of his lips and eliciting a low groan, even as he was still softening inside me. 

"Wanna know a secret?"

He cocked his head to the side, and I winked with my best saucy smirk as I sent us home and suddenly we were kneeling once more, our fingers intertwined and his cock pressing into my hips. 

I watched the realization dawn on his face before he even glanced down between us, looking back up at me quickly when he confirmed that he was still hard. 

"That's...not normal."

I giggled, muffling the sound with my hand as I let go of him and laid back on the cotton, warmed from the heater now.

"You want some help with that, handsome?" I purred, reaching to pull him down on top of me. 

"Mmm, actually...no," he growled, kissing me heartily before getting to his knees again and pulling one of my legs up against his chest, laying his cheek against my calf as his other hand wrapped around his cock and he slowly started pumping himself, his pace unhurried, his pleasure obvious. 

"Ohh, fuck yes," he whispered, starting to move faster as his eyes traveled over my body, splayed out on the floor, completely naked before him, exactly where he wanted me.

I was more than surprised how much I enjoyed watching him pleasure himself, and whispered little encouragements and comments as he continued.

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck," he pressed his forehead hard against my leg, only turning back with a low cry as the pleasure wracked his body and he watched his cum cover me, shooting across my torso, covering my breasts, and I arched off the floor at the warmth.

He collapsed on top of me, kissing me deeply, slowly, waiting for the end of the world to come because surely that had been the only thing he needed to experience in this life...

"I can't ever be away from you again, priestess," he whispered as I brushed the damp hair back off his forehead and nudged my nose against his, "not without knowing I'll see you again..."

"My life is going to be very different now, Tim," I said quietly, needing to speak my truth now that I knew he understood, "but my goddess is kind and wise, and she wouldn't bring us together now just to tear us apart..."

I touched the small tattoo on his chest.

"Have faith baby."

He pulled my fingers up to his lips and kissed them as his eyes burned into mine for several seconds, the colors swirling like water. 

Finally he got to his knees and reached for the washcloth discarded in the sink, rinsing and warming it before cleaning himself off my skin, taking time to press kisses everywhere he could reach.

"Come on, lets put you back to bed," he chuckled, watching my eyes close with more than soft pleasure. 

"We could just sleep here," I mumbled, smiling a little at his low hum as it rumbled against my lips.

"I'll put you over my shoulder, and you know I will, priestess," he stood offering me two hands, "up."

He hauled me to my feet and pulled me back into my bedroom, leaving my door cracked and taking a moment to check what space was free for him to crawl into and still be able to reach me. 

"Christ, I fucking swear you two need a chaperone or something," Henrik murmured, reaching his arms out and pulling me roughly down into bed, half on top of him, and wrapping me tightly in his arms before readjusting us. 

"There," he hummed, tucking the blankets up over us both, "much better."

Tim reached down to kiss my hair, whispering lowly in my ear before finding his own spot on the bed, "goodnight, high priestess."


	51. Chapter 51

_"NO, TRISTE!"_

The screams shattered the silence of the night, startling all of us awake and four sets of hands immediately reached for me as Henrik and I narrowly avoided bashing our heads together as we both bolted upright. 

Before my brain could register that my body was moving, I was up, stepping into panties and throwing on someone else's tshirt before racing towards the sound, yanking open my bedroom door and dashing down the hall. 

_Somethings wrong, why is he screaming?!_

I paused for only a split second in the doorway to assess, watching the figure on the bed thrashing and writhing, tangled in the blanket I'd draped over him earlier, desperately fighting someone that wasn't there as he screamed and his black hair whipped side to side.

"No!" he yelled again, and in the next moment I was on the bed, grabbing his wrists and pulling him up against me, wrapping my arms around him as he awoke with great gasps for air, his heartrate still through the roof.

"Johannes, shh shh, its okay, you're okay, its just a dream, you're okay..."

I found myself suddenly thrown down under him and pinned as he looked around the room, shaking his hair back from his face, trying to shield me from the danger his subconscious still perceived. 

It was seconds before he blinked twice, glancing around slower, from side to side like he was sure there had been someone there a moment ago, then looking down at me.

"I--she...Triste? You're okay?"

My hand shook violently, trembling with adrenaline as I brushed his hair back from his face and whispered, "its okay...just a bad dream...everyone's okay..."

"She was here...I swear it was her," he rolled off me and moved to the edge of the bed scrubbing both of his hands over his face before running them back through his hair, leaving them tangled down to the roots as he tried to just breathe. 

I sat up too, watching quietly before touching his shoulder gently, saying the words silently in my mind as I cloaked him in my protective energy, stronger now that I had ascended. 

"Whats happening to me," he murmured, and I felt the muscles down his back shiver once before they relaxed. 

"No one is ever going to do anything bad to you again without me knowing," I said softly, willing to explain if he needed more, but not volunteering any further details. 

He didn't say anything either as he turned to look at me, still keeping a healthy distance between us, but watching me closely, his eyes occasionally shifting to the door like he was expecting someone else. 

"She's gone, Johannes," I said softly, holding out my hand to him, "you don't come back when your name gets taken."

"That makes you sad."

"What? I--no, I just--"

"Please don't pretend like I don't know you better than I know myself, Triste," he interrupted my excuse sharply, "there's no fucking point."

I thought about it for a moment, trying not to sound like I was taking her side or that I wished she was still here after what she'd done.

"I guess it...it still doesn't feel real. I don't understand how she could just change like that. I know that you hate her, and you have every right to, but for so long she was good."

Johannes shrugged, though I could see he was tense and his fingers knotted together the way they always did when he was anxious.

"I'm sorry, we don't have to talk about th--"

"I'm sorry about May...she...she told me about...she told me."

I sighed and pressed my fingers to my temples, rubbing circles and trying to do whatever Tim had done for me that first night to make the sudden throbbing behind them less painful.

"Fuck," he groaned, getting to his feet, "maybe I should just go, I-I only keep upsetting you."

My hand shot out and grabbed his as the wild panic suddenly wrote itself all over my face at the idea that he was about to disappear from me again.

"PLEASE DON'T GO!" I cried, pulling hard until he came closer to me, losing his balance and collapsing to the side, but taking me with him as his arms wrapped tightly around me and he enveloped me like I was half his size. 

"Please don't cry, I'm right here, okay? I wont go."

"I can't lose you again," I sobbed, helpless to stop the wracking, heaving cries that felt like they would tear me apart if it weren't for his embrace holding all my pieces together. 

He crushed me against him until I could hardly breathe, but he received no complaints from me on that front as I clutched the fabric of his jacket, holding it like he would float away if I let go.

But he forced me to after I spoke, sitting up and tearing the material over his head before turning angrily towards me and grabbing both of my hands, slapping them hard against the left side of his chest.

"_THIS,_" he shook my wrists until he was sure I could feel the beating heart under his ribs, "has belonged to you since the first fucking second we met. No. Before we even met. Since the first second I saw you."

His eyebrows were angled down in the middle like he was scowling, like he wasn't angry at me for not knowing. 

"You fucking crazy woman, how can you not know," he whispered, not giving me any chance to counter before he roughly pulled me to him and kissed me deeply, swallowing my gasp of surprise and immediately plunging his tongue between my lips, all but yelling as he tasted me again and was instantly overwhelmed. 

l didn't mean for his name to fall from my lips the way it did, but there was that one moment he kissed me that seemed to put a seal on the last six months. Like they were over and finished, wrapped up in a nice little bow to put away under the bed and never have to dig back out again.

That was it.

It was over.

She was gone, and he was here. 

And he loved me. And I loved him. 

"I need you, Johannes," I moaned, tangling my hands back into his hair, "oh gods, I should have told you I loved you from the second you said it that last night we were there together. I love you, I love you I love you."

"I don't ever want to be away from you again," he breathed, desperately pushing me back down into the pillows and pushing his hands under my clothes, barely having the self control to not rip them off me as a piece of his brain recognized that the shirt I was wearing was Tim's. 

Our combined litany of 'please' and 'don't stop' filled the room like music as we found ourselves skin on skin and perfectly intertwined, like we had always been destined to end up this way because all of our broken pieces simply fit. 

Non-verbal apologies seemed like the only things we had left to give each other at that point, and we both willing did so, touching and kissing and leaving lingering, heated imprints of lips and hands across each others' skin, like the more we showered each other with physical affection, the more the gaping wounds in our insides seemed to heal. 

"Tell me no right now if you don't want this, because I won't be able to stop if you wait any longer," he gasped, pulling back only long enough to search my face for any sign of discomfort of unwillingness.

"Fix me," I whimpered, drawing him back down and shifting to accommodate as he moved on top of me, rolling his hips against my core and growling as he felt my readiness for him. 

"Everything you are completes me," he said, the words losing breath at the end as he pressed inside me, not going fast or being rough, simply settling his weight and letting our bodies take care of the rest.

But even as natural as our reunion felt, nothing could stop the tears that fell from both of our eyes or our gasping sobs, stifled by our endless kiss. 

Johannes didn't wait for me to adjust to him before he started rolling his hips against me, nothing more than a helpless slave to the impulses of his body, to the need he had for me that had been insatiable when we were together, and now seemed monumental after the months away. 

"You feel too good, I-fuck, I cant," he whimpered, pulling out to the tip and slamming back into me, the sound of flesh on flesh echoing through the room with my sharp cry as he did it again and again, incapable of stopping, incapable of thinking.

It was over almost as suddenly as it began, both of us crying out into each other and gripping tightly as we experienced the high together, feeling like we were floating away on the clouds, never to be bothered with anything again. 

Neither of us spoke as we gasped for air, our gazes locked, our bodies intertwined, tangled almost, just a euphoric pile of sweating limbs. He didn't look away as he pulled out of me and laid at my side, turning me so we were face-to-face again and leaning forward to capture my lips as I shivered. 

"Cold?" he finally murmured, and I nodded.

"I hate the winter," I whispered, gratefully snuggling under the blankets as he reached over and pulled them up around our shoulders, drawing me in once more as we hid from everything else. 

"I think you moved to the wrong part of the world," he whispered back, nuzzling his nose against mine and smiling softly as my eyes suddenly blurred with tears again.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" I asked softly, hardly able to put enough sound into my voice to be heard. 

"We're gonna be okay," he breathed, pulling me closer still and laying a perfect, lasting, intimate kiss to my lips as his hand spread across my back warmly. 

He kissed me for a hundred years, softly moving his lips over mine and snuggling me closer until we had nowhere else to go.

"Do you...do you want to go back to everyone else? I...I know they all were...uhm...happy to see you..."

I met his gaze and chewed my lip, trying to hold back my obnoxious laughter at his mild turn of phrase, but I shook my head.

"I can't be anywhere else but right here," I leaned up to kiss him again, finally settling my head against his chest as his fingers combed back through my hair and we both drifted off into a blissful silence. 

I knew there was so much to talk about. Traumas and internal battles and fears that would all become ugly, twisted, monstrous things if they were left unattended to, but I simply couldn't bring myself to start that tonight, and he was just as well leaving it be. 

Sleep came within minutes of our silence, easy and dreamless, restorative in all the ways that we needed, and we awoke every couple of hours to gently kiss and touch, never taking each other fully, stopping once we were sufficiently convinced that it hadn't all been a dream. 

"I love you," he breathed into my lips the last time as the sun was barely starting to turn the world shades of gray. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my beautiful friends, our saga is coming to a close!   
Just a few more chapters and we'll be kissing this thing goodbye 💋


	52. Chapter 52

The sun was already up when my eyelids fluttered open, my body smothered by another who was afraid to let me go, even in sleep. I stayed as long as I could, relishing the warmth and rekindled trust, the mutual need that was no longer rushed and primal.

But eventually my mind started to wander to the other four fifths of my heart, my existence, my loves, wondering if they thought had peacefully drifted back to sleep and rested as well as I had. 

I doubted it and rose, gently untangling myself from Johannes, who didn't move a muscle, exhausted as he was, and I watched him with a soft smile as I got back into the clothes I'd managed to scramble into before bolting to him in the dead of night. 

The shower was running behind the closed bathroom door and I knocked quietly, intending to join whoever was in there, trying not to wake Tim and Jonas, who had moved out to the living room at some point after we all woke up together to the sounds of Johannes' nightmare.

"What do you need?"

I paused for a moment, picking out the voice. 

"John?"

The door opened and John poked his head out. The shower was running behind him and he'd folded his clothes in a neat pile on the sink next to it.

"Oh. Sorry, I thought you were Kungen..."

"No...hi..."

"Hi," he said somewhat awkwardly, "do you need to come in? I was just gonna shower..."

"Erm, no," I lied, "I just wanted to say good morning..."

I suddenly felt unbelievably awkward as he stood there naked, staring at me and I turned to go to the kitchen and make coffee, but backtracked once I'd taken a few steps.

"Good morning, love," I said softly, leaning up to kiss him and carding my fingers through his hair for a moment to keep him at my lips. 

John looked somewhat startled when I let him go and he pulled me into the bathroom before pushing the door shut.

"What was that?"

"...what was what?"

"You just kissed me..."

I stared at him with my head cocked slightly to the side in confusion, "uhm...yes? Did I miss something? Is that not okay?"

It was his turn to look awkward again and he shuffled his feet as a slow blush crept up his neck and his voice was barely a murmur when he responded, refusing to meet my confused gaze, "I just assumed that...you know...you and...him, were. I don't know. Like back together or something now..."

I was undeniably surprised at his answer, and stared at him for several seconds before I could figure out what to say.

I'd never thought Johannes would come back into my life, and I hadn't really thought about how my other boys would react if he did...Henrik of course had voiced his concern, but I'd simply never considered that the others would think I'd jump ship on this complicated but wonderful thing we'd created together over the last several days. 

"John," I said softly, coaxing him into looking at me eventually as I stepped closer and touched his arm lightly, "please kiss me."

"What?"

"Kiss me. Right now."

"I...I don't understand," his blush was taking a turn for the worse now, and I smiled indulgently as I stretched up and pulled his face down to meet mine, our lips just barely brushing against each other at first before melting into a kiss that made my toes curl as he moaned lowly into my mouth.

"Wow...hi," he breathed, his lips curving into a toothy smile under mine as I kissed the corner of his mouth then settled back onto flat feet.

"Hi babes," I giggled.

He tentatively stepped towards me, wanting more of what I'd started, but a little unsure still as he reached one hand to slowly cup my cheek, and a soft sigh left my lips without my permission as I turned into his touch.

"How are you always so gentle?" I asked, eyes closed as I pressed my hand over his and relished the warmth from his cheek.

"I...I'm bigger than you...I don't want to hurt you..."

I remembered the moment in my goddess' temple where he was very thoroughly _not _gentle, but didn't rephrase my thought. 

"I don't think you ever could, babes..." I looked up at him, seeking his stare and holding it once it was mine, "and I won't hurt you either..."

He understood the deeper meaning behind my words after a few seconds, and furrowed his eyebrows a little as he continued to stare down at me, unwilling to be the first one to look away. 

"What you want gets complicated, little one," he warned.

"Of course it does. Of fucking _course _it does, John," I shook my head with a half laugh, "but I can't stand to be away from any of you, so we're just going to have to figure it out together...plus you guys didn't seem to have any issues with...ehm, sharing..."

His other hand pressed gently against my other cheek and he tilted my face up to look at him, the laugh just behind his lips.

"Are you sure?"

"I promise, John," I whispered, feeling in that moment like I needed his kiss like I needed air.

Ever so slowly, he tilted his head down until his lips barely brushed mine once. But he didn't let go, and the soft sigh that left me seemed to give him more confidence as his lips sought mine again, harder this time.

I tangled my fingers through his dark hair as his hands left my face in favor of gripping my waist, slipping under my t-shirt and pulling me against him. 

His tongue pressed between my lips and danced along my own, caressing and stroking me, making me chase him for more every time he pulled back. 

"Please don't ever think I don't want you anymore," I moaned softly into his lips, standing on my tiptoes to press as close to him as I could as my arms snaked around his neck and his hands pulled tighter on my waist, enveloping me in his scent and his warmth and the feel of his skin. 

We were both breathing heavily when he pulled away, and I pressed one hand over my heart, trying to slow down its erratic beating as I chewed my lower lip. 

John's eyes darkened fractionally when he stepped back and my stare wandered down his body, drinking in his physical reaction to our kiss as I watched his hard cock twitch.

"Don't you look at me like that, or I'm going to drag you into this shower with me and give you a better reason to bite that lip," he growled, pulling me towards him again and crushing his mouth down against my lips. He backed me into the sink and one hand moved behind me to brace himself against the mirror as the sound of our lips moving together was lost in the din of the running shower.

He was grinding his hips against me, but I pushed him back a step and dropped to my knees, looking up at him through my lashes after dragging the very tip of my tongue up his length.

His shout was abruptly muffled as he clasped one hand over his mouth, the other seeking my hair, gently combing through my tresses before curling the mass of waves around hand and pushing me further down onto him.

I let him fuck my mouth, taking him into my throat and doing my best to control my gag reflex, though he was the only one I couldn't take all of even doing that.

Even with my eyes closed, I could feel his stare, the green eyes moving over me like lasers as he quickened. 

The string of commentary peppered with expletives came out of his lips in half-broken English as he tried to focus until his brain gave up and switched to Swedish, letting his opposite hand move from the mirror to the other side of my head, both moving me and rolling his hips. 

I hummed and moaned around his cock until he gasped and let go of my hair, letting me take over and finish him so I wouldn't choke, which I thoroughly appreciated. 

"Oh my god, Triste please d-don't--don't st--_fuck!"_

He exploded into my mouth, and my fingers gripped the hard muscle of his thighs as I swallowed him, using my tongue to massage and stroke him until he gasped for relief and I pulled back, wiping the corners of my mouth with the heel of my hand. 

John reached down to pull me up and kissed me slowly but deeply, not terribly bothered by the fact that he'd just been in my mouth or that I still tasted of him and he readjusted his stance as I melted forward into his embrace, chuckling against my lips as it became clear that I was already exhausted and the day was only just getting started. 

"Gods, no one told me how much energy it would take to keep up with you guys for so many days...we're going to need to schedule appointments or something," I laughed when he nuzzled my neck playfully and nipped at my ear.

"Uh huh, yeah, you're not holding your own or anything," he snarked.

I stuck my tongue out, still giggling as I backed away and playfully raised my fist at him.

"Ooh, so sassy!"

"Shower! Now! Off you go, don't make me come in there," I shooed him backwards with one more kiss, and he turned, catching my hand as I made to grab my toothbrush.

"Hey, you're welcome to get in here and let me return the favor. It's your house, after all, you're the boss."

I grinned at him, "yeah and don't you forget it, Alfredsson!"

He laughed, the sound quickly turning into a groan as he stepped under the hot water and shut the shower door. 

I brushed my teeth quickly, and before my primal side could force me under the hot water and into his hungry embrace, I left the bathroom, turning for my bedroom to find the softest of my boys. 

I cracked open the door a few inches to see if he was still sleeping, and the mass of curls splayed across my pillow didn't move with the slight creak of the hinge. 

He was huddled under a pile of blankets on his side facing away from me and I crept into my closet to fish the necklace he'd given me out of my jewelry box where John had put it for safekeeping yesterday and latched it around the back of my neck before climbing into bed with him.

The warmth from his naked body and the blankets made me press closer to his back, molding my form around his and pressing soft kisses to his neck and shoulders as I gently pulled the curls back from his face, brushing my fingers through them and enjoying the soft fullness of each one. 

"Wake up," I whispered, smiling as I kissed the back corner of his jaw and felt him stirring.

Henrik slowly came to, inhaling deeply, but he didn't open his eyes, only hummed and pulled my arm tighter around him as I draped one leg over around his hips and pressed closer to his back. 

"Good morning," I breathed softly against his neck, just below his ear, making him shiver a little.

"Oops, sorry," I giggled, kissing the spot. He turned his head to look at me as he rolled onto his back, his eyes soft with sleep, the smile that curved his lips so natural and wonderful.

"Hey pretty girl," he whispered as his eyes closed again, wrapping an arm around my neck and pulling down to kiss me slowly as he hummed, shifting onto his side so he could pull me against him, right where he always wanted me. 

"Mmm, what time did you come back in?" he yawned, still only half awake as I snuggled closer, cuddling into the warm hollow he'd left in my sheets as he moved over a few inches to make room for me and pulled me back down to lay against his chest.

"Not till right now," I nudged my nose against his.

"Hmm...how is he?"

"Sleeping like a rock, but he's gonna be okay, I think, with time," I traced the outline of his birthmark on the opposite side of his torso, giggling when he twitched as my light touch tickled him. 

"How are you?" he asked softly, tipping one finger under my chin to get my attention when I didn't answer at first. 

"Whole," I answered simply. 

I heard his smile in the way he breathed, and felt the telltale curve of his lips when he pressed them to my forehead, holding me there for several minutes, committing every detail of the entire moment to memory so he could always look back on it. 

We drifted back to sleep that way, clinging to each other, his lips still resting against my forehead as my soft, even breaths drifted over his bare chest. 

John pulled his phone out for a moment, knowing that neither of us would be upset about him taking a picture, and Tim stood next to him, rubbing his eyes and stretching as he watched us too for a moment. 

"She's good for him," John murmured and Tim nodded silently. 

"What happens now," Jonas asked quietly from his other side, speaking lowly so as not to wake either of us.

"Dunno," John sighed, "she doesn't seem to have a problem with...everyone."

"No, I meant we have to go home tomorrow. Tours over...she can't just pick up and go with us..."

The silence that descended as they all stood at the foot of my bed watching seemed to get heavier with each passing second. 

It had crossed all their minds before that moment, but no one wanted to be the one to bring it up. 

They'd have to do it all over again.

Leave without being sure when we'd see each other. 

Someone cleared their throat from the doorway, and my eyes fluttered open as I blinked slowly, involuntarily snuggling closer to the warm body at my side. 

"Why are you all just standing there," I murmured, pausing when I saw Johannes looking unsure in the doorway, his arms crossing over his torso like he was cold. This apartment had a hard time holding onto heat and our eyes met for a moment as he looked back and forth between me and Henrik. 

"Come here," I said softly, turning back into Henrik's side and beckoning everyone else to join us. They did, one by one, crawling over the covers to say good morning and softly touch and kiss me. 

John's hair smelled like shampoo as it brushed across my cheeks and his mouth covered mine, "hi again," he whispered, butting his forehead against mine before lifting back up on his arms and settling elsewhere on the bed, making room for Jonas who dropped a quick kiss against my forehead. 

"I'm sorry you had to sleep in the living room," I murmured into Tim's lips as he kissed me good morning after Jonas and pressed a warm hand to my cheek to hold me there longer, "its okay if you sleep in my bed without me, you know, I don't mind."

"I know, but waking up to someone naked is a lot less charming when you realize its Henrik," he chuckled into my lips, yelping as the other pulled his hair hard in retaliation like they were kids. 

"Hey you were the one spooning _me!_" Henrik added, rolling his eyes as he got up to find his clothes on the floor wherever they'd landed last night. 

"I have to disagree with you," I giggled, kissing Tim one more time before watching Henrik shake his head and laugh as he stepped into his pants and pulled on a shirt before zipping himself into his jacket.

I rolled over onto my other side and looked at Johannes for several moments, trying to gauge how he felt, where he was at with everything. 

"Morning," he whispered, pulling me in close and hesitating only a second before leaning over me and kissing my lips in a way that made all the tiny hairs all over my body stand on end. 

"How is this supposed to work?" he murmured into me, not letting me answer before kissing me again, slowly, thoroughly, letting his body react to me without worry, trusting that I would tell him when enough was enough.

I was about to tell him that we all just sort of went with it, but was interrupted.

"Sounds to me like he needs a demonstration," a voice growled, and I peaked my head out of the covers to see Tim standing next the bed, holding out one hand to me and wearing that expression he knew I couldn't say no to if I'd tried for a million years. 


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't say I never did anything for ya.

I thought I knew what to expect from Tim at this point, as ravenous as we always seemed to be for each other but when I climbed over everyone and my feet hit the floor he was gentle and slow, and softly pulled me away, still in full view of everybody else. 

I wasn't sure what to do - I had no inkling as to what he was planning, and I just stared at him for a moment, waiting. 

Tim returned my stare as he pulled me in slowly, until we were pressed together and he leaned in, tangling his fingers passionately into my hair but kissing me slowly, deeply, doing that thing with his tongue that always made my head start to spin.

"Somehow, my love," he whispered with the slightest suggestion of laughter, "every time I've had you, you've already been naked." 

He kissed me again, caressing my tongue with his, and holding me firm when I moved to pull back and make a saucy retort about his level of complaint at the time regarding that particular fact.

"No no, my darling, that wasn't judgement," he pressed his forehead to mine and we both kept our eyes closed as I felt that familiar pull, that sensation of being in Tim's orbit that made me feel so alive, so wanted on a primal level, but also needed on an emotional one. 

"I was only asking if you'll let me do this..." he reached down and tentatively touched the waistline of my panties along the sides of my hips as he kissed me again and I nodded after a moment.

"Gods, Triste, I love you. More than that. I don't know what it is...I...I worship you. I want you. You complete me. I want everything I do for the rest of fucking forever to be only what makes you happy..."

"Tim, _you_ make me happy," I melted into him as much from his words as the soft touch of his hands, "and thank you for asking first," I whispered into his lips as my arms wrapped around his neck and I stood on my tiptoes against him.

I pulled back and looked up at him through my lashes and his lips parted in the slightest suggestion of a gasp while those beautiful fingers that made such wondrous music slowly approached the bottom hem of my tshirt.

"I appreciate the permission, although I think I get some kind of leeway, as this is actually_ my_ shirt," he chuckled, taking his time to slowly lift it up my torso, keeping his hands flat against my skin as the material lifted bit by bit.

"Arms up, darling," he said softly into my lips, and I followed his direction, lifting my arms above my head and letting his hands work the soft cotton the rest of the way over my head and up my arms until it landed on the floor next to us, and he gathered me to him, my skin against his.

When he pushed me back against my bedroom wall, it was slow, and one step backwards at a time. The cool plaster made me arch into his chest, and I could feel the softness of his hair, gathered over one shoulder, pressed against my breast, tickling across the sensitive surface of my nipple. 

"Please don't ever leave me," I whispered again into his lips when he pulled back to breathe.

My fears were stopped cold by his immediate response.

"Look at me, priestess. Right here."

I did, meeting his fiery gaze.

"You are my life now."

He didn't say anything else, and I didn't get a chance to as he crushed his lips down against mine, pressing me harder into the solid surface at my back, and letting his hands explore my body in front of everyone.

A series of soft groans and exclamations sounded in the background as Tim suddenly pulled me forward off the wall and moved behind me when I looked at him with a puzzled expression. 

His back rested against the surface, now warm from my body, and he pulled me backwards against him until I could feel his cock pressing into my lower back.

"You're going to be good for them, right?" he whispered into my skin, rolling his hips against me. "You're going to come for them like you come for me? Show Johannes how we share? Remember how it felt when we all watched Henrik take you last night? Let Johannes see how wonderful it is to watch you being ravaged..."

As he growled the words into my neck, making me shiver hard, he slowly worked my body with his hands, gripping my breasts, then sliding my panties down my legs, until I was exposed to four more sets of burning eyes.

"That's my good girl," Tim whispered as I turned my face to kiss him, resting my shoulders back against him, letting him work my body in front of everyone, and moaning softly when his fingers dipped between my legs, exploring how wet I was already.

"Oh you dirty little girl, I almost forgot that you love having an audience..."

"No you didn't," I laughed into his kiss, bucking my hips at the continued exploration of his fingers as they slipped through my folds.

"So wet...so perfect...come now, my love, show them how delicious you are..." he breathed.

Tim pulled his fingers from me and lifted them to my lips.

John caught my gaze as they slipped into my mouth and my tongue cleaned all my juices from his digits with a soft moan from me. I'd never been well acquainted with my own flavor before being involved with men who enjoyed watching me partake, but I had to admit, the experience was pleasurable under my current circumstances, and I loved the reactions it drew from them all. 

John held my gaze as I stepped one foot then the other out of my panties.

"Come to me, Triste," he whispered, and Tim slowly pulled his fingers out of my mouth, tipping my chin up and over to take one last taste of me.

"Off you go, love," he whispered into my ear as I moved to take John's outstretched hand, knowing that I was in for quite a morning.

John immediately drew me in, his arms encircling me as he pulled me back onto my bed, holding me to his body.

"You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen," he whispered between heated kisses, and I knew he didn't mean creature in a derogatory sense, "please, let me taste you too, properly this time..." 

I nodded as he kissed me again, giving me a hint of what was to come as his tongue swirled across mine, and I gasped with anticipation.

I shifted to lay down on my back, but he held me where I was, one leg on either side of his body and I looked at him with a slightly confused expression.

"What--oh--" my reply was cut short by Jonas' mouth as it slammed against mine and he tilted my head back with a firm grasp on my hair, wound around his fist. I could feel John sliding down my bed until my pussy hovered just over his lips, and he let his hands roam up and down my body, breathing hotly over my core. 

"Let her go, Kungen...I want to hear her scream."

And with no further ceremony, his hands changed their grip on my waist and he drew me down until I was smothering him, immediately running the flat of his tongue up my slit. The surprised gasp that tore its way from my chest only made everyone else growl louder and further encourage John, though he hardly needed it. 

He laced his fingers through mine and rested his elbows against my mattress, supporting me as my legs started to shake.

For all that I loved the sweet and gentle way that John had always kissed me, and his lips were like a work of art, I was unprepared at best for the way they felt pressing against my folds, gently sucking at my clit as his eyes fluttered shut and he focused on his work.

When he'd had me this way yesterday morning, the whole thing was over nearly as soon as it had begun, and I hadn't had even close to enough time to appreciate how skilled he was, but now...

He kissed every bit of me he could reach, stroking his tongue over my entrance and swirling it up around my clit, moaning deeply at my taste, pushing and shifting my hips so he could get more, so he could taste all of me.

"Oh my gods, babe," I gasped, sinking into him, losing myself in the course brush of his sideburns against the soft skin of my inner thighs. My hips started to move without my permission, but I couldn't stop them anymore than I could stop the freight train of an orgasm that was tearing towards me as he doubled his efforts.

John stiffened his tongue and shoved it inside me with a low, vibrating moan as my hips started to lift on and off of him, grinding against his mouth until I was fucking myself on his tongue. 

A chorus of groans and growls joined those from the man under me, and the moment I looked down and caught his gaze, I was done for. 

He nudged my clit with his nose as he swirled his tongue over me, laughing darkly into my core with a sound like sin itself that I'd never heard come from him before, and I came hard, halfway collapsing forwards and bracing my hands against my bedroom wall as I panted for air.

He kissed and licked me through each shivering aftershock as they rolled through my core, never dropping my gaze once he had it, gripping my ass with both hands before running them up and down my thighs, calming me as my breaths slowed and he finally scooted out from between my legs.

John wrapped his arms around me as I collapsed and drew me in to him, tangling his body around mine and kissing me thoroughly as those long fingers kneeded my breasts.

"You taste like me," I murmured, kissing him deeper, loving how our flavors intertwined together as his tongue danced along mine and my wetness spread across his cheeks. 

" 'You' tastes divine, my love," he chuckled, taking my bottom lip between his teeth and tugging a little, "think I could spend all day with my face between those pretty legs."

"That's what I said!" Henrik laughed and I shook my head with a breathy giggle, looking back and forth between them as John dropped his face to tongue at my nipples for a moment. 

"I highly doubt I would --_ohh_\-- survive that from either of you," I pressed my palm to John's face and he turned slightly to kiss it. 

"Thank you babes, I love you," I nuzzled his nose with mine as our foreheads pressed together and I still held his face. His eyes softened and he kissed me again.

"I love you too, Triste..." with one more soft brush of his lips against mine and a quick, sharp smack against my ass, I was pulled away and into another set of arms.

Johannes looked down at me as he pulled me up to my knees and back against him so I could feel his cock pressing into my lower back.

"That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen," he growled, the sound more animal than man, "I thought I would be jealous, but...I'm not. I'm...I don't even know what I feel right now...gods I just want you."

"Just relax and go with it then," I smiled into his lips, glad that he was finally here and he was finally okay, and he was finally mine again, "its kind of the only way this all works baby."

He hummed in agreement, "think I can do that...but for now, while we're collectively on the subject of eating your pussy..."

I shrieked with surprise as he flipped me, throwing me hard into the empty space against the pillows before snatching me by the hips and lifting me with more strength than I would have credited him with until my ass was pressed against his chest and my weight was resting on my shoulders as my thighs settled on either side of his neck, my legs draped down his back.

"Better hang on to something," he grinned wickedly before slamming his face into me so hard that I sank deeper into the bed. I didn't have anything to hold onto, and my fingers scrabbled across my sheets as I screamed, my bedding already starting to get tangled from the frenzy of activity.

"Always knew that tongue was good for something other than talking our ears off," Henrik snickered, drawing chuckles and snorts of laughter from everyone except me. Even Johannes growled a laugh into my core as he shoved his tongue inside me as far as he could, unable to wait. 

"Oh, sweetheart, I do really wish you could see this," Tim groaned, watching Johannes swirl the tip of his tongue over me, lapping up my cum and pressing against my opening, making a series of noises as my flavor exploded across his senses again, more intense after all the months away.

He suddenly went wide-eyed and snapped his fingers, pointing at John, who immediately understood.

"You know, you're a brilliant motherfucker sometimes when you're sober, Timmy," John rolled off the bed, and reaching over onto my dresser, returning a moment later with his phone.

"Don't you dare fucking share this on the internet, John Alfredsson, I will hunt you down!" I managed to say when I watched everyone gather around the screen.

"Personal use only, _liten blomma_, scouts honor," he chuckled.

Johannes moaned loudly into me, covering my pussy with his mouth, drinking me down every time I clenched and more wetness gushed out of my entrance. 

"Fucking hell, I forgot how good you taste," he rasped, pulling back before looking straight at the camera and wiggling his tongue that was dripping with me in a way that made me smack both hands over my face to cover my blush.

"Ah, ah, ah," he chastised, turning back, "how are we supposed to hear you screaming if you cover your face? Don't make me have someone hold you down..."

I opened my mouth to make a sassy retort, but he spoke first.

"Actually, too late. Would someone not filming like to hold her arms so I can go back to doing what I do best?"

I squeaked and tried to hide my hands behind my back, but Jonas and Henrik were stronger than me, and pinned them behind my head, each taking hold of one.

"Thank you, my friends," he murmured before shoving his tongue back inside me and making me pull hard on the hands that held my wrists tightly as my screams renewed.

"Stronger than she looks, isn't she," Jonas joked behind me.

"Try having her legs around your head, I was in fear for my life," Henrik retorted, chuckling when I made a rude gesture with the hand he was holding.

"Mmm, that's it, darling," John pocketed his phone, dropping a kiss to my sweating forehead, as I moaned deeply, sinking into a rhythm with Johannes. He knelt down next to me on the bed, whispering into my ear, "maybe I'll fuck you later while you watch how beautiful you look getting your cunt eaten...would you like that? Do you want to sit in my lap, and fuck yourself on my cock while you watch Johannes work you?" he kissed me hard, moaning lowly, hardly even able to pull back as his eyes burned over me, "good goddamn your screams taste good..."

I started to gasp for air, the position and the crowd and the dirty talk all marvelously overwhelming. 

Johannes sank two fingers into me, pulling his mouth back, his face glistening with my juices.

"Look at me, Triste."

I glanced up, bucking my hips in time with each pump of his fingers, my lips open and gasping for breath, my body starting to sweat. He kept me hovering right at the edge, relearning every sign, remembering exactly what I liked, but pulling back a little each time I though he'd finally let me come, and his eyes bored holes into mine, searing me with a stare that was ice blue and smirking down at me as I remained pinned.

"You're a fucking asshole," I grumbled as he shifted his fingers just enough so my pleasure started to fade.

Five male laughs told me just how seriously my complaints were taken.

"Such a mouth on you this morning," he teased, flicking the tip of his tongue rapidly over my clit enough to make me scream and writhe, then pulling back again, drawing a wail of protest from me, "I look forward to fucking it..."

As my smart mouth opened to say something decidedly rude, he lowered his head, pausing just over my clit, blowing cool air over me and he cocked one eyebrow, glancing down at my open lips with a look that said something like 'tread carefully'.

"You're gonna want to get this too John," he grinned never looking away from me when the other's phone made a repeat appearance.

"Hold her tight," he glanced at Jonas and Henrik, who both firmed their grip on my wrists, and I started to panic, wondering what the hell I was in for, when Johannes shoved a third finger into me and bit down on my clit, taking it between his teeth as his tongue flicked rapidly over the tip of it, faster than I thought a human tongue could move.

I screamed hard as the pain seared all my nerve endings and my voice gave out almost immediately as I arched off the bed, almost perfectly vertical, my eyes rolling back into my head. I gushed all over him, the rivulets running down my body, over my ass and my back, dripping down my hips, along my sides, soaking the front of his jacket.

He licked and fingered me until a ragged sob left my throat, and he was suddenly there, looming over me as I dropped down flat onto my back, my legs laying limp on either side of him, my hands released from Jonas' and Henrik's grips.

He took my chin between his thumb and forefinger, holding my lips open as he pressed his mouth down and let my cum spill down from between his lips into mine as he moaned and delved his tongue in, holding me closer as he let go of my face to tangle his hand into my hair. 

All I could do was hold on to him with weak arms and legs and gasp for air.

"I'm never letting you out of my sight. Ever again," he rasped, his clothed hips rolling into me before crashing his mouth against mine once more, shoving his tongue between my lips and making my cry out from the roughness of his dominance.

"Don't," I whispered, "don't ever go where I can't follow you..."

"No fucking topping that," Tim murmured to John as he stopped his recording and shook his head.

Everyone watched, enraptured in our kiss, the strength of our connection.

Johannes touched the chain around my neck that was holding his ring, tracing his finger along the black circle before pressing it to his lips. 

"Let me get these off you, I don't want you to choke," he murmured, flashing me cheeky smirk afterwards, "unless you're into that sort of thing..." he teased.

"She is," Tim chuckled, reaching behind me as I lifted my head to unclasp both necklaces and looking down at me with a little shake of his head, "she's full of surprises, this one..." the backs of his fingers brushed my cheek as he pulled both pieces away and he stepped back after a soft, lingering kiss.

I looked back and forth between all five of my boys and swallowed hard at the looks they were all wearing - predatory would have been too mild of a descriptor.

"How are you feeling?" Jonas teased, seeing my obvious state of stimulation overload.

"I...I think I'm floating...did you bite me?!" I looked down at Johannes, who was running his fingers over my skin, spreading my juices.

"Maybe...that depends, did you like it?" He grinned down at me before devouring my neck and my breasts, licking my essence from my skin and making me sigh with pleasure.

"See now why we say we could spend all day between your legs?" Henrik chuckled, smoothing a hand across my forehead and back over my hair as I looked back to him, gasping as I arched into Johannes' mouth with a low laugh, pressing my fingers through his luxurious dark hair.

"Gods, you guys are fucking exhausting, and I'm not even the one doing most of the work!" I laughed, riding high on the endorphin rush and suddenly finding them all more beautiful and irresistable than usual as I looked around the room once more, drinking in the hungry gazes, the wandering hands, palming at erections, pulling at restrictive fabric.

I pushed myself up so I was on my knees and yanked Johannes forward until his body collided with mine, my hands wrapping around his back, gripping him with my nails.

"I think we had a rule about clothes in bed, Johannes," I purred his name exactly the way I knew he loved and he moaned softly, closing his eyes as I brushed my lips over his own and pulled on the zipper of his jacket, separating the two sides with a sharp metallic sound. 

He stood to quickly shed the other clothing he had on, and I got pulled away by a set of hands that felt like pure fire in his absence.

"I figured out," he rasped into my ear, his dreads spilling down over my shoulder, "_exactly_ what I'm going to do to you..." 

Both of Jonas' hands moved down my torso, firmly gripping my breasts and rolling my nipples between his fingers before sliding down my sides, watching the way my back arched when he moaned encouragingly into my ear, a low growl that made all my hair stand up.

"Just do it then," I gasped, feeling myself starting to drip, "please..."

I wasn't sure I'd ever felt arousal like this - I was relatively new to the experience of group sex as it was, and being wanted like this, needed, desired by all five of them at the same time nearly overloaded my brain just on principle alone. 

"Patience, my love," he cooed down at me, "I think you need to thank Johannes for making you come so hard, first...gods I've never seen anyone gush like that before..."

Tim turned my face to the other side and kissed me hard, as Jonas' hand wandered between my legs, dipping just his middle finger into me and drawing a sharp gasp from my lips into Tim's.

"And I'm assuming that clothing rule also applies to the rest of us?" Jonas growled, cupping me with his hand and letting me feel the pleasurable warmth of his palm as his lips worked across my shoulder.

I pulled back from Tim only long enough to laugh dryly, and Jonas growled at the way everything tightened around his finger inside me when I did. 

"You two aren't even allowed to wear clothes in my house period."

I turned my face and kissed him, sliding my tongue between his lips and bucking my hips when he growled into me once more, pushing the pad of his finger forward hard against my frontal wall.

"Done."

As he kissed a line down the back of my jaw and my neck, across my shoulder again, I watched Johannes slowly move his hand back and forth, pumping himself, watching me closely with eyes that were nothing but fire.

I broke away from Jonas and crawled towards him on all fours, slow and cat-like, living for each low moan and whispered curse as all my boys watched me hunt, reaching out to run their hands over my skin.

I stopped right in front of him, touching his cockhead with one finger, making him hiss. 

"Hey there," I purred, looking up as my fingers wandered up and down his shaft, just dancing over the surface, relishing the smoothness of his skin.

"Hi," he whispered, the single syllable choked.

"Our king thinks you need a reward for making me come so hard."

He swallowed hard.

"Do you need a reward, Johannes?"

I wasn't sure where this sense of dominance and control were coming from, but I loved the way he was melting under my touch as he nodded his head, his throat working like he wanted to say something, but was unable to.

I lowered my head and gave him a lick, long and slow, from base to tip, flicking my tongue against him and shivering at the growled sound I knew was Henrik.

"Was that enough?" I smiled sweetly and Johannes' headshake was almost violent.

"Do you want more?"

"Y-yes."

The sound of clothes rustled behind me - belts clanking as they hit the hardwood, the whooshing of fabric being rapidly pulled over heads, the distinctive sound as it all dropped to the floor. 

The only one left clothed was John and I paused, cocking an eyebrow at him, silently asking.

"Well...I already...before I got in the shower...?"

"Does that somehow make you exempt?" I stared straight at him and could practically see his pulse spike, and within seconds his clothes were on the floor too. 

With a wicked little grin I nodded my head over my shoulder as I leaned down to take Johannes between my lips more purposefully, moaning at his taste.

"Gods I feel like its been a hundred years since I had you like this," I whispered, gasping sharply as John nudged my knees apart, tossing Henrik his phone with a grin.

I pulled off Johannes and glanced over at him off to the side, making him chuckle lowly and shoo me back to what I'd been doing.

"Relax, little love, gotta have _something_ to watch on the plane, do you have any idea how many hours it takes to get home?"

Jonas and Tim laughed with him, and John huffed a laugh that quickly turned into a deep groan as he slid his fingers over my pussy.

"Fucking hell, babygirl, you're dripping..."

I pressed my hips back against him, seeking more, as Johannes slid further into my mouth, his fingers tentatively gripping my hair as he exhaled a breathy moan.

Soft groans and the sounds of Jonas and Tim and Henrik touching themselves as they watched only spurred me on as I took him into my throat, moaning lowly.

"You look so good like this," John cooed, stroking one hand up and down my back and the other positioned himself at my entrance, rubbing his tip through my folds and groaning as my slick covered him. 

I breathed through my nose, trying to keep my head above the flood of energy that threatened to drown me as he barely opened me, only just starting to stretch the ring of muscle at my opening like he'd done yesterday morning.

"Ready when you are, baby," he whispered, pulling a little at my hips until I followed his direction, impaling myself gradually with a muffled cry until he was bottomed out inside me, and I took Johannes to the back of my throat.

A litany of moans and growls and profanity in multiple languages filled my bedroom as they both held me there for a moment.

Henrik was only at my side for a second, snapping a picture before setting John's phone down on my dresser and turning his attention back to me as he slid underneath me on his back for a moment, tonguing at my nipples and making me cry out and clench hard before he disappeared. 

John moved first, grinding his hips into me and moving his cock against my inner walls in a way that made me shriek at his length, the vibrations pulling a sharp yell from Johannes.

"Fuck make her do that again, that felt good," he panted, starting to thrust slowly in and out of my mouth as I bobbed my head to match his pace, sliding my tongue all over him. 

John kept his strokes slow, purposeful like everything else he did, taking time to rub his hands all over my skin and make sure he didn't push too far or hurt me. 

I clenched hard around him when Johannes gripped my hair, clutching it between his fingers, using it for leverage. 

"_Fuck_. Damn I see why you and Tim get along so well now," John chuckled, giving my ass a sharp slap and thrusting harder as Johannes gathered my hair into a ponytail and wound it around his hand.

They both picked up the pace, moving in perfect sync, finely attuned to rhythms and body language after spending so many years around each other, and Johannes bent one knee onto my bed to push further into my mouth as his other stayed planted on the floor. 

My breathing got more ragged the harder John fucked me, and I cried out around Johannes, who finally pulled back to let me breathe, dropping down briefly to taste my panting kiss. 

"You look so good getting fucked, Triste," he growled, "be a good girl and wrap those pretty lips around my cock again..." he stood and pushed my mouth back down over his length with a deep groan.

"So fucking good. That's it, babe, fuck, just like that," John encouraged as I started moving my hips back against him, meeting each stroke, taking him further inside me, squeezing him. 

I held out as long as I could, but he reached out and sharply pushed my head back down until Johannes' cock hit the back of my throat, and I felt myself start to spiral.

"That's it, take both of us," Johannes growled, tilting his hips forward and leaning back a little so he could watch me suck him off. 

John reached down around my hip, never dropping his rhythm, and rolled his fingers over my clit, once, twice, and I exploded, my body wanting to collapse but being help up by both of them instead.

My whole mind bent on not choking as Johannes came down my throat, and John was only a moment behind, snarling as he felt me closing around him, squeezing him tight, beckoning him to join me in the sky as I cried out my own pleasure and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Fuck!" Johannes' knees buckled and he collapsed sideways onto my bed when I released him with a shuddering gasp and moved to shift also. 

"No no no, don't move yet, sweetheart," John corrected me, hands firm on my hips, and I blushed when the bed shifted and everyone moved behind me as he slowly pulled out, letting his cum drip down my legs as it leaked out of me.

"Holy shit," someone murmured, "how does that get hotter every fucking time?"

I was starting to feel high just from the want that palpitated around us.

The need.

All the eyes that were feasting on my body, on the way it reacted to them, on the way it took them and pleasured them.

I flipped onto my back facing them, looking around, arching my foot and running it teasingly over Jonas' side as I dipped my fingers between my legs, moaning at the feeling of my fluids mixed with John's, then pulling them up to my lips to taste us together, slowly licking at my fingers and closing my eyes.

"I'm going to fucking die if you don't stop, I swear to god, Triste," Tim groaned.

"Oh, don't do that," I teased, grinning over at him, tracing the line of Jonas' hip still with the arch of my foot, "then we don't get to play."

"You want to play?" Jonas' growl sounded dangerous as he drew my attention, his cock stiff between his legs, "because I know lots of games, little girl and I'm an excellent teacher..."

I paused, unsure what to do now, but he moved first, slipping between my legs and moving up my body.

"So what are we going to play, Triste? Hmm?" he hummed, sliding his tongue over one of my nipples before suckling it as I gasped and my fingers moved through his hair, the cords feeling silky between them.

"Doctor?" he chuckled, running a hand down my side, tracing the line of my waist, "or maybe we'll play a manners game, since you seem to be feeling so damn mouthy this morning..."

"M-manners? What do you--..."

He shushed me with a kiss that was slow and deep, calculated and perfectly executed to make me relax into his control. 

"Let me do this," he whispered, breaking his hard approach for a moment, "let me dominate you." 

I shivered with pleasure at just his words, and he leaned down to press the length of his body against mine as he continued to speak to me, growling each word so lowly that I could barely understand them. 

"Let me explore what your body can take and then fuck you until you see the stars, little one."

I quickly nodded my head as I inhaled sharply at the mental image, unsure what he had in mind but willing to take a chance. 

"Safeword, Jonas," Henrik reminded, breaking the trance between us, though we didn't look away from each other. 

"Pick one. Now," he said lowly, breathing across my lips, but never kissing me. 

"Can I pick antidisestablishmentarianism?" my deeply-ingrained sarcasm as self-defense made him cock an unimpressed eyebrow as he hung over me and I froze again, hardly breathing. 

"That depends. Are you going to be able to remember that when my cock is fucking your cunt and Tim's cock is fucking your ass?" 

The world spun upside down for a moment as my eyes went wide and I tried to breathe, glancing at Tim who was wearing a perfect little smirk, waiting. 

"C-cupcake?" I asked, remembering his newest nickname for me. 

He grinned and winked quickly as I breathed a nervous laugh, still looking at him, "cupcake it is, priestess".

"Very well. Eyes here," Jonas was in his element now, controlling and dominating and I glanced back up at his hard stare.

"W-why do I need a safeword?" I whispered, cold fear shooting through me at the dark look I received in return as his lips remained sealed and Tim answered for him.

"Because we're going to push you to your limits, Katherine Triste."

Pure satisfaction crossed Tim's face as he heard me moan softly at the way my name sounded leaving his beautiful mouth. It had been so many months since he'd said it. 

I felt so achingly empty as I turned back to Jonas, who lifted off of me, pulling me up to my knees until I leaned forward against him, pressing my hands against his abs, "please...I just want you inside me..."

"Which one of us?" Tim growled from behind me now, gathering my hair back and pulling it through his hands.

A hand clamped forward over my mouth, not hard, but enough to silence me as I shrank under the steely gaze. 

"Hush. The rules of this game are very simple, Triste. I tell you to do something, and you do it and then say thank you...got it?"

I stared at him wide-eyed.

"Now. Henrik and I are being courteous by telling you to choose a safeword because we love you, and I don't want to hurt you. Isn't that right, Henrik," he said, never looking away from me. 

"That's right."

"Say 'thank you Henrik'."

"Th-thank you Henrik," I whispered, the words still muffled against his palm as I glanced at the other fleetingly and he gifted me with that perfect slow smirk that made my core clench hard.

"Very good," Jonas drew my attention back, growling lowly, his lips just on the other side of his hand from mine, brushing against the backs of his fingers , "now say 'thank you, my king'."

My brain was too overloaded with endorphins and arousal to even remotely remember how to speak in that moment and all I could do was pant and stare.

"_Tsk tsk tsk_..." he waited impatiently, scowling a little, "time's up, Triste."

Tim suddenly pinned one arm around my waist as he held me flush against him, breathing hotly into my ear.

"Not very good at this game is she, my king?" he laughed lowly, sending a shiver down my spine. I could tell that Jonas was getting off on us addressing him by the English version of what they all called him anyways.

"I--I..." I tried to concentrate, to focus, but nothing would work.

Tim's hand smacked against my breast, sending a searing sting through my nipple at the exact same moment that Jonas' hand cracked upwards against my pussy, the perfect angle to make the sound seem more painful than the impact, though it still hurt like hell.

I screamed, trying to shrink from the abuse of both men, and Tim's hand fisted into my hair, yanking my head back against his shoulder as I regarded Jonas with wide eyes, looming over me, looking a little angry and a lot terrifying.

"I believe my request was rather simple."

"Th-thank, thank you, m-my king," I stuttered.

His lips pursed ever so slightly with satisfaction as his cock twitched.

"Should we try that again, Triste?" he leaned in whispering, "make me believe it."

Tim wasn't wrong, I was shit at this game, and was too busy drowning in the color of his eyes to even process what he'd said to me, drawing another scowl and a glance at the man behind me. 

Tim bent me forward in the same second that Jonas leaned back, reading his friend's wants perfectly, and his cock suddenly hit the back of my throat before I had time to register that it was in my mouth at all.

"Oh, you look good with that mouth too full to be sarcastic girl," he growled as he fucked my throat roughly, gripping my hair so hair so hard I though it might come loose and I tried not to choke on him

He pulled out after holding me down on his cock, and tipped my chin up.

"Speak."

"Th-thank you," I whispered, pinned by his stare, knowing I was dripping down my legs by this point. 

He waited for a moment, and by the time I realized what I'd forgotten at the end and tried to stammer out the words, it was too late.

A hand in my hair, pulling me up off my hands, my body crashing against Tim's, both sharp smacks making me scream once more.

There was more pain than pleasure, but I was desperate for them to continue.

"Thank you, my king," I gasped, my hips writhing, and the room filling with appreciative growls as a red impression of Tim's hand glowed against the pale skin of my breast and he faintly traced the outline of the teeth marks still there as Jonas touched the angry purple mark on my hip that he'd left two nights ago.

Jonas sat back, throwing all the pillows except one carelessly to the floor so the wrought iron bars of my headboard wouldn't dig into his skin and I frowned at him, forgetting myself, "hey careful, I just got those, they'll get dirty!"

The way his eyes snapped up and exploded with flame was like something out of a movie, and I felt like I couldn't move if I wanted to, completely under his control.

"Did I fucking tell you that you could speak."

It was hardly a question, and his tone didn't indicate that I was free to answer, but my brain refused to cooperate, "I--I just--"

Wrong answer.

I couldn't believe how fast he moved, but suddenly he was back up and I was turned so my shoulders were pressed to his chest, and his hand circled my throat as his other wrapped around my waist to hold me up as I was suddenly at an angle that didn't let my own legs support me, leaned to the side and completely reliant upon him to not let me pitch face-first into my mattress.

"Did I tell you that you could speak? Answer me," he commanded.

"...I...no..."

"No, I did not." Another sharp slap against my opposite breast, another cry from me.

"You may scream for me, and you may thank me, but you may not speak otherwise unless I ask you to, Triste."

I nodded quickly, shrinking.

"Now..." he shifted again then settled back against the pillows, one leg crooked at a comfortable angle, one resting against the side of my bent leg, eyes still burning into me as Tim was again at my back, "John tells me that you like to watch."

My blush was immediate and bright, and my mouth automatically opened to speak a saucy comment about John being one to throw stones, but I was cut off by the steely flash of blue as Jonas glared at me, his left eye twitching once, and my mouth closed again.

"Good girl," he praised after a moment when it didn't re-open, "reward her, Tim."

Fingers brushed over my clit briefly as a hot, open-mouthed, moaning kiss was pressed to my neck and his cock dug into my back as my brain finally caught up with the rules, a positive reinforcement loop apparently necessary to get me onboard. 

"Thank you, my king," I gasped, eyes closing as my face lifted towards the ceiling, my head settling back against Tim's shoulder. My brain was overloaded with want, need, potent consuming desire, and I knew Tim's hand came away drenched with me. 

"Goddamn, little girl," he said softly into my ear, slicking his hand over his cock and nipping at the outside of my ear.

"Look at me, Triste."

My eyes snapped open at his demand and I looked down to him, meeting his stare, just feet away, so close...

I was so laser focused on Jonas that I didn't noticed Henrik searching quietly through my bedside table drawer. He moved behind Tim, discreetly pressing a small bottle into his hand before going back to his original seat to resume watching Jonas toy with my sanity.

Jonas' hand started teasingly touching himself, brushing his fingers against his cock, closing his eyes in soft pleasure and leaning his head back with a low moan as he started to work himself, moving slowly, unhurried in each stroke, moving his hips and arching his back a little.

A tiny whine left my lips, and my mind was at once intently focused and full of cotton balls as my own hand wandered slowly between my legs, my clit throbbing and aching to be touched, echoing the sentiments of the rest of my body save for the one, hot hand that held my torso upright.

"Tim," Jonas hummed when his eyes opened and he saw me touching myself.

Both arms were suddenly pulled back, my fingers yanked from my core, as his forearm crooked through the bends of both my elbows, effectively immobilizing me as he pulled them back against him.

"I think he said watch, sweetheart, not participate...yet," he growled lowly into my ear, sending a hard tremor through me as he drifted his fingers of the opposite hand softly up the outside of my thigh. 

Jonas continued to stroke himself as Tim moved me closer, nudging me one inch at a time until we were right next to him, my arms still locked behind my back.

"Do you like watching me touch my cock, Triste," Jonas purred, still in perfect control of me. I could feel his stare wandering down my body, lingering between my legs as he bit his bottom lip, toying with the silver ring there.

I nodded.

A sharp smack against my ass from behind. A yelp from me.

"Y-yes my king."

"Are you remembering what I feel like inside you, Triste."

"Yes, my king," I whispered, barely even able to do that much as my hips bucked and I watched his hand move over himself, meeting every need as soon as it surfaced.

"On the countertop and the kitchen floor?"

A nod.

"Between your legs while John fucked you?"

Another one.

He drank down my whimpers and cries, my resolve crumbling to ash as he moaned loudly, gripping himself harder, making every sound that would undo me as he hissed sharply through his teeth.

But I snapped out of it and jumped when Tim opened the small bottle with his teeth and I felt the cool lubricant slide down over my ass.

"Do_ not_ move," he snapped into my ear, holding my arms tighter, making me push my breasts out and spread my knees further apart so I wouldn't fall forward. 

He murmured more softly as he slid his fingers down over me, "I won't hurt you like this, I promise..."

I panted for breath, watching Jonas pleasure himself, feeling like his eyes were boring actual holes in my skin as Tim touched me and teased his fingers against my ass.

"Please, Jonas," I gasped, and he shook his head, careful not to take himself too far, but certainly not done with my torture just yet.

"I cant wait to fill your ass with my cock," Tim growled, filling the other's absence of speech and sliding his fingers over my ass still, gently pressing, unhurried in all his movements, though it was taking all his self control to not just slam into me and stretch me wide, "you're gonna look so good with both of us fucking you..."

There wasn't enough oxygen in the room.

I needed more as I gasped and Henrik shifted closer, automatically concerned but not calling it all off just yet.

Jonas moaned my name as his strokes getting harder, faster, as Tim worked me open. I yelped a little at the feeling of his exploring fingers, gently pushing one into me up to the first knuckle, and rasping a breath into my ear.

"Let me open you up, priestess, I want you screaming with pleasure, not pain...trust that I know how to make you feel good by now...trust me..."

A second knuckle.

"Christ you're so fucking tight," he growled, pressing his forehead against my shoulder. 

My breaths were starting to become gasps - I was rapidly approaching more than I could take, the throbbing in my clit becoming more insistent to the point that it was almost painful as Tim's finger pressed deeper into me, no longer uncomfortable or awkwardly intrusive feeling, but wonderfully, sinfully pleasurable.

"Can I tell you a secret babygirl," Tim breathed into my ear, pushing his finger still farther into my ass, moving his other arm now so it was wrapped around the front of my shoulders, still holding my arms at my sides, but not restraining me as I watched Jonas' hand move up and down his cock, swirling his thumb over the head, moaning with pleasure, filling my room with sound as his eyes remained locked on me, "I used to lay in bed at night when I couldn't sleep, completely alone in my apartment, thinking about sinking my cock into you, touching myself, feeling how hard I got just at the idea of fucking your pussy until you were dripping wet for me..."

He started pressing a second finger inside me, moaning lowly and shivering as he felt me relax for him.

"Thats my good girl. You love how my fingers feel inside you. Does knowing that make you wet, Triste? Hmm? Does that make you desperate with need? Still so empty, my poor girl..."

I whined, trying to fight the overwhelming energy that was sliding through my veins, closing my eyes tight and shaking my head slightly.

"Don't fight it, Triste. Oh, my perfect little girl...so many nights," both fingers bottomed out inside me and I gasped as he started pressing against my walls, moving them, exploring where he'd never been, "gods so many nights I touched myself thinking about you. Wondering what your beautiful lips would feel like around my cock," he pumped his fingers slowly, making me cry out, "what my cum would look like dripping down your face, how it would feel to have you gushing all over me, screaming my name, waking you up every morning with my face between those perfect little legs..." he finished his thought with a low growl right into my ear that made me positively shake against him until I couldn't take it.

"Cupcake cupcake _CUPCAKE!!" _I screamed, unable to take any more as I was on the verge of sobs. I had thought that Jonas was planning on using my safeword as a mechanism to stop pain when it became too much, but he'd gone a different direction, giving me a chance to explore how much burning need I could stand before it broke my brain.

"Give her to me," Jonas said immediately, sitting up, and Tim's fingers slipped out of my ass as he pressed me forward into Jonas' arms, easing my stiff legs out of a kneeling position as I whimpered into the lips that met mine.

Jonas immediately laid down and rolled me under him, sinking his cock deeply into my pussy until he was bottomed out, and cursing loudly as he kissed me, thrusting his tongue between my lips and drinking down my screams like he could get actual sustenance from them.

"That's my beautiful girl, let go for me, Triste," he moaned, rolling his hips into me and making me come in less than thirty seconds, all my pent up need and aching given up to the careful movements of his body.

"You're so good for me, for all of us," he growled, feeling me squeeze him as I finally found the relief my body had needed so badly, and he started thrusting harder, moaning into my ear how good I felt, how hard it made him watching me get my ass played with.

"I can't wait to hear you scream when we're both filling you up," he groaned before going silent and pulling out after a moment.

A loud noise of objection left my lips as I was suddenly empty again, even as I was still coming down from my orgasm, but I was silenced by his lips, soft and tender, no longer dominating and commanding.

"You did such a good job babygirl," he said sweetly, and I snickered a laugh in response.

"I suck at that game."

"As long as you trust me to always bring you more pleasure than pain, it doesn't matter, Triste...I'll always take care of you like that if you let me."

"I love you, my king," I smiled, and arched sharply into the low growl I got in response. 

"Roll over," he said lowly, licking my lower lip once before lifting off me and maneuvering me to turn over and face John, Johannes, and Henrik. 

The last of them pressed a pillow down and pulled me forward until I was laying on it, elevated and propped up a little as my breasts pressed against the soft pillowcase and I wrapped my arms underneath it. 

"I still find it amazing how much you can take, my beautiful girl," he whispered into my lips before kissing me deeply, pulling back when Jonas slowly moved my legs a little to each side, crooking one at a sharper angle until my knee bent and my foot angled back towards him and he had enough room.

Everyone shifted slightly so they could see better, touching themselves, moaning softly, reforging their bonds with each other as they did with me too, everyone exposed, everyone trusting. 

The heat of Jonas' skin against me was enough to make me melt, and I arched up into his chest as his cock slid smoothly into me again and he laid overtop of me, kissing the back corner of my jaw and breathing down into my ear as my fingers tightened into the edge of the pillow and my arms circled harder together underneath, feeling the other end of it go flat now under the combined weight of both our bodies.

"You're so divinely perfect," he whispered to me, stroking slowly, moaning at the way my ass pressed back against him, meeting each movement of his hips, "I love the way you take my cock."

His lips showered kisses across the back of my shoulders, pressing as much of his skin to mine as he could.

"I love you, Triste...oh god, I fucking love you so much," he murmured, moving a little faster, whispering into my ear all the delicious, horrible things he couldn't wait to do to me, but just where would we find the time. So many places he wanted to fuck me in my apartment, in his, so many positions he wanted to watch me come undone in.

"Fuck, yes, thats it, love," he growled, nudging my leg further out so he could slide deeper into me, and I cried out for only a moment before someone tipped my chin up and Henrik pressed his cock between my lips, growling his need. 

He moaned, gripping my hair and shouting his pleasure at the feeling of my tongue sliding over him before pulling back after just a few seconds and gripping his cock hard.

"Don't tire her out too much," he chuckled at his friend, who was now bottomed out and grinding into me, making me press my forehead hard against the pillow as I moaned loudly.

"Frankly, I don't think that thats even possible," Jonas growled behind me before dragging to tip of his tongue in a hot line up the curve of my shoulderblade, "is it Triste? Can we fuck you too much? Can you come around our cocks too many times baby?"

"I-I-I don't kn-I ca--," I babbled, trying to make my words work, but unable to remember how to speak under the weight of his cock piercing, pressing against my walls.

"Darling. the sooner you come the sooner you get both me and Tim," he growled lowly, right into my ear, and I shivered and exploded on the spot, clenching hard around him as my hips bucked forward and he pulled out immediately, shoving three of his fingers inside me to compensate.

"_Fuck_!" he yelled, frustrated at not getting to feel my walls closing around him again, not getting to lose himself in my tight heat, but also desperately wanting the experience of taking me with someone else. 

His nails sank into his palm to keep from gripping his cock and pumping himself until he could watch his cum cover my ass as all his muscles went taut at the feeling of my walls clamping around his digits.

I gasped in the aftershocks of my orgasm and the fingers slipped out from between my legs, moving to my hips to pull me up. When I didn't move they tugged harder after a moment, pulling at my limp, gasping form.

"You need to help here, precious," he chuckled, leaning over to lick the shell of my ear.

"I don't think I can," I mumbled, pressing my face into the fabric and smiling as all my boys laughed lowly.

"Sorry, what were you just saying, your highness?" Henrik joked mockingly.

"You've got a long day ahead of you then, sweetheart," Tim chuckled behind me as I finally pushed to my knees, shaking slightly still. 

Henrik moved and was behind me, holding me and reaching down to help me lift one of my legs up so Jonas could slip between them on his back.

"Come down here and kiss me, woman," he teased, crooking one finger at me, and I breathed a laugh.

"Missing me already, my king?"

He gathered me close as he pulled me down, his lips trailing fire along my skin as his hands touched me everywhere, finally settling on my breasts, cupping them and rolling his thumbs gently over my nipples.

"Every second you're not in my arms," he whispered before his lips captured mine in a kiss that made me forget about the rest of them, his tongue dancing against mine, making me chase him, playing more games with me, but ones that I was better at than him this time. 

He kept us slow, reaching down and pressing the head of his cock against my pussy as he kissed me gently, whispering little lovers words into my lips and smiling up at me in that way that made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

"Take me, Jonas," I whispered, needing to feel him inside me like it was going to keep me alive and breathing.

"Then tell me you'll always be mine, Triste," he lifted his head to meet my lips as I sighed softly into him, and he wrapped an arm around the back of my waist, holding me still as he entered me and I moaned loudly against him as my legs started to shake once more.

"Always," I breathed, gasping for air as he bottomed out and rolled his hips against me, "oh god, Jonas I'll always be yours."

"Good. Remember your word," he said quietly, looking up at me with such adoration, I felt a little absurdly like the Virgin Mother and laughed softly, more a breathy exhale than anything else.

"Antidisestablishmentarianism or cupcake?"

"Either one," he grinned, "although I still don't think you'll be able to remember the first. But I owe you a beer if I'm wrong I guess."

Another warm body pressed against my back as Jonas kissed me thoroughly, and Tim's fingers started spreading more of the cool slick liquid over me, watching carefully and matching his friend's tempo as he started to growl into my lips and nip at my skin, his tenderness giving way to his insatiable lust, the release he'd been denied.

Tim worked me open again with one, then two fingers, pumping them and shivering at my cries of pleasure at feeling so full.

"You're gonna feel so good...can't wait to sink my cock into your pretty little ass..." he murmured half to himself and half to me, continuing a litany of dirty narration until he could easily move three fingers in and out and was satisfied that he wasn't going to hurt me.

"Hold still my love," Jonas whispered into my lips, tilting his hips up so he was all the way bottomed out inside me, and drawing a strangled gasp from my lips as he pressed hard against my frontal wall, "let us make you feel good, let us fill you up and make you scream..."

Tim pressed his cock against my ass then started pushing into me, splitting me open, and my face dropped against Jonas' shoulder, heavily crying my pleasure into the echo chamber formed by our overheated bodies.

But I wasn't the only one who did.

Tim yelled my name like I'd never heard him say it before as he started sinking further into me, stretching me in a way that made me writhe with pleasure and turn to complete jello between them.

It felt like it was only seconds until they were both fully seated inside me, though I was sure it took longer, and I whimpered into Jonas' shoulder, being filled and stretched like that taking me from 0 to 100 without bothering to stop anywhere inbetween.

Tim's hand pressed flat against the center of my back and his other gripped my hip as they both growled and cursed and I clenched hard, unable to move or speak or do much of anything, pinned as I was between them.

"_No_, fuck fuck _fuck_, get out of her for a second," Tim moaned suddenly, almost too overwhelmed to speak as he gasped for air.

"What? Now?" The man under me looked up at his friend with a confused expression.

"Yes, j-just fucking do it," Tim gasped, almost panicking with the sudden raging torrent of emotion rocketing through him as he started to tremble.

I whined when Jonas quickly pulled out of me, shifting out from between my legs and moving back a bit as Tim pulled me up onto my knees against him, until my shoulders were flush with his chest.

"I'm sorry, too much. Too much too much too much," he mumbled into my shoulder, breathing deeply, in and out, over and over again, "I just need it to be you and me for a second," he whispered through a shuddering breath, wrapping his arms around my body and settling me against him, simply holding onto me.

I shifted my shoulders slightly so I could turn and look back at him, not used to this behavior in the slightest.

"Are...hey, oh baby, oh are you okay?" 

There were tears dropping down his cheeks as he tried to hide his face in my hair but I squirmed until he pulled out of me with a low moan, and I could turn to look at him, sitting back on my heels and gathering him forward against me.

"Whats wrong love? What just happened?"

We collapsed sideways and he buried his face in my chest, wrapping me in his arms and holding me close, tangling his legs with mine as he tried to even his breathing, inhaling my scent, drowning in my touch.

"I love you too much," he whispered, tilting his face up to kiss me as everyone else backed off to give us space, "everything you do just fucking overwhelms me. I can't handle you, Triste. I'm not good enough for you."

I hushed him and dropped little kisses all over his skin, pressing my lips to his.

"Don't you talk like that, baby. You're perfect."

He kissed me hard, whimpering into my lips, his tears still soaking his cheeks, "you shouldn't, I'm a special brand of fucked up, Triste."

"Shut up, Tim, everyone is their own special brand of fucked up, and you know we were destined to find one another, so don't even try to convince me otherwise."

Johannes' head cocked slightly to the side as he froze and looked over at Henrik, but received nothing more than a silent shrug in return.

"Can I tell you my own secret baby?" I kissed him softly, wrapping him up in my embrace and feeling like rushing was the last thing in the world I\we needed to do as our hearts intertwined.

"When I was moving here, driving all that way by myself, there were times when I got really nervous, worried about both the immediate and the future, what was going to happen to me..."

He nodded, pulling me close and interrupting me with a soft brush of his lips against mine, wishing he could tell me that he never should have left my side.

"And I could hear your voice in my head."

"Wh--_my_ voice?" His face softened and I watched his eyes blur with tears again.

"You would tell me everything was okay, and that I was silly for being so nervous about nothing. And I could feel you kiss me and say 'everything's fine, priestess, just keep going,' and it made it all better. Gods, Tim, you don't know how many times I wished you were here with me, but in those moments I always felt you. Like you weren't actually here, but in a way you were...does that make any sense?"

"Oh, my love, " he whispered, "everything _is_ fine, priestess...I'm right here...we're together now. Everything's always gonna be okay as long as we're together."

I got lost in his kiss, in the perfect way our bodies seemed to fit together, the softness of his skin as he rolled me onto my back and the lubricant still coating him slicked over my hips.

"I'm right here too, my love," I whispered as his hair fell around us like a curtain, shutting us away from the world's prying eyes, "its just you and me."

"Promise?"

"I swear," I pressed one finger to the small tattoo on his chest, "my pieces and your pieces for all eternity. She willed it to be so."

We quieted for a moment together and he pressed his forehead to mine silently.

"Can I...can I have you, just you and me for a second?" he asked almost sheepishly, shy, so unlike the way I was used to Tim in bed at this point.

"Of course," I smiled, "where do you want me, baby?" I softly kissed him on the nose once as I rolled him back over, leaning sideways over him and adoring the way his smile curved his lips, the happy grin making his whole face light up.

He pulled my lips down to his, pushing his fingers back into my hair and knotting them down to the roots as he kissed me, brushing his lips against mine repeatedly until I was running my own hands through his hair, pressing closer, opening my lips to him, needing to taste him.

"Just like you were, my girl," his voice dropped a little lower as his lust started to resurface, and his lips dropped down to my nipples, flicking the tip of his tongue over the sensitive flesh in a teasing little way, "pressing that gorgeous, perfect ass back into me..."

I couldn't bring myself to move yet and just pressed closer, moaning softly against him, feeling complete and wanted.

"I don't understand the way I need you," I whispered, clinging to him.

"Don't try to, just go with it," he smiled, "and know that I'll always need you the exact same way. My pieces and your pieces, priestess..."

Tim moved and pulled me up so I was on my knees again and positioned himself behind me as I looked around the room at hungry stares - bodies that were spent now aroused once more, hands starting to wander, to touch.

"Ready for me?" he murmured lowly into my ear before kissing down my neck, biting at my skin, breathing hotly against me as his fingers slid down my ass, pressing two of them into me and making me cry out as my nails dug into his thighs.

"Fuck yes, there's my good girl," he purred, wrapping his arm around my front to keep me flush against him as he maneuvered his cock and then sank into me once more, stretching me open to my absolute limits and making me cry out helplessly against the sensation.

"Gods, _FUCK_," he growled, panting for breath and loving the way everything in me tightened when I screamed for him.

One hand fisted into my hair, keeping my head pulled back against his shoulder as the other wandered down my body, caressing my breasts and pinching at my nipples before sliding between my legs as his hips slowly started to move, just shifting an inch at a time so as not to hurt me. 

But I was barely even conscious - there was so much pleasure in what he was doing, half because of what he did, and half just because it was Tim. The primal need and want manifested as writhing bodies as we took out pleasure together.

"I c--shit I can't even fucking think," he growled, rolling his hips into me and making me cry out sharply, "fuck it, baby just come for me..." his fingers slipped inside me as his forehead pressed against my shoulder, doing his best not to come just from the feeling of being enveloped by my tight heat.

He whispered it over and over again - _come for me, come for me, come for me_ \- thrusting hard into my ass, his arm around my torso the only thing keeping me upright as I reached back to grip his thighs hard and arched off him. 

My continuous scream was only broken by my need to breathe as he started fucking into me harder, thrusting as many of his fingers into my pussy as he could and working me to the edge, expertly finding all my sensitive spots like he had a map.

He shouted my name and bit down hard on his lip, almost breaking the skin, trying to bring enough pain to the surface to stop himself from coming right then as I shattered in his arms.

Tears streamed down my face, and the only thing I could do was collapse forward against Jonas, who was right there to hold me up, propping me upright between his body and Tim's.

"Whats your word babygirl," he whispered, refusing to push me any further until he was sure that I was in a right enough frame of mind to tell him if I was too far gone. I didn't say anything for several moments, just clinging to him, trusting him to hold up my exhausted tortured body.

"What. Was. Your. Word." Jonas gripped my chin between his fingers, forcing me to look at him.

"C-cupcake," I stammered, my heart racing at the feeling of being pressed between them again, upright this time, being completely supported between two beautiful bodies who needed me as badly as I needed them.

"Look at me, Triste," he commanded, like I was even able to look away in the first place, "I'm going to fuck you now, darling, I can't wait any longer after watching you come like that."

He kissed me hard, filling my mouth with his tongue, moaning lowly and letting it echo through my body as dipped his hips, positioning himself at my entrance and then splitting me open, not being careful, not being slow.

The feeling of having them both inside me was indescribable - it was like every single upper and downer I'd ever experienced all combined into one potent sensation. I didn't scream - I couldn't, all I could do was touch and gasp and trust them to hold me up between them.

"Oh my god, fuck fuck fuck, give me a second, good fucking hell," Jonas moaned, trying to stay the movements of our three bodies combined together, but no act of the gods could have made us stop.

He gripped my hip with one hand, the other moving further and latching onto Tim's.

"T-that's me," Tim groaned.

"Don't care," Jonas replied on a gasp, pressing his forehead down half against my shoulder and half against Tim's.

Tim's hand snaked out and gripped the back of the other man's hip, pulling him forward, the three of of caught in an unbreakable rhythm, impossibly close but needing to be closer yet.

"Let go for us, Triste," Tim whispered in one ear as Jonas spoke lowly into my other, asking if I liked the way their cocks filled me, if I could feel how I had to stretch around them, how he couldn't wait to watch my pussy and my ass both dripping with their cum.

I was only half aware at best of the particulars of what was happening between our combines sets of legs.

"C-cant, can't can't can't, more," I started whining, trying to both draw Jonas deeper into me and push back farther onto Tim, receiving harder thrusts from both.

I squeezed them both tightly when I came, Jonas thrusting harder into my pussy as he felt my walls closing around him, both of them managing to slide their hands between our writhing bodies and rub my clit together, their fingers eventually finding each other and holding on tight for the apocalypse.

"You shatter so perfectly for us, Triste," Jonas moaned into the skin of my throat, biting down hard as his own orgasm washed over him, leaving him a panting wreck.

Tim was less than a second behind us, screaming his pleasure into the room with a tone that made goosebumps raise up all over my skin, even as far gone as I was.

The three of us collapsed sideways together, panting, groaning, still unable to stop the movement of our bodies, the rhythm that seemed to be our collective heartbeat for all eternity.

They both slipped out of me eventually when they softened, moving my legs this way and that, filling the air with waves of animal growls as they all gathered around and watched me gush.

I laid facefirst on my bed, sobbing into the comforter at the overstimulation, needing to stop but needing to keep going at the same time. Every nerve ending in my body was inflamed and raw, and a hundred pairs of hands touched my skin, murmuring soft praise and petting my hair. They all blended together after a few moments, until one set pulled a little harder.

It was the last of my boys, needing my attention, needing to reaffirm our connection. 

Henrik pulled me up, flipping me over and showering me with kisses and little touches as he pulled me into his arms. 

"You're so wonderfully beautiful when you've been fucked silly," he laughed lowly, repositioning himself so he was seated with his legs crossed in front of him and coaxing me into his lap.

I should have known from the start that he wasn't going to play rough like everyone else -- Henrik wasn't ever rough with me.

He didn't say anything else as he pulled me close, drinking in my bite marks and my bruises, my messy hair and bright gray eyes, the flurry of red marks along the surface of my skin where overzealous lips had drank their fill.

Henrik pulled me into his lap, guiding me to face him until I intuited how he wanted me. I paused, watching him watch me before I kissed him and slowly took him inside me until I could wrap my legs around the back of his hips comfortably.

"Oh, gods you feel so good," he sighed into my neck, running the heated flats of both palms up and down my back as everyone gathered around to watch, still blissful in the aftermath of their own orgasms, Tim's head laying back against Jonas' shoulder as the other wrapped a comforting arm around the front of his chest.

Henrik was everything I needed right at that moment in time and I collapsed into silent, shaking sobs, full of gratitude and unshakable love for all of them. We couldn't move in any real way, so he gently rocked me back and forth against his hips, shifting his cock inside me and moaning softly.

"Don't cry babygirl," he whispered, kissing my tears away and holding me close until I quieted, still shifting over him, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck.

"I love you," I whispered into his lips, pushing my fingers gently into his hair, "oh god Henrik I love you so much."

"Don't ever stop telling me," he said softly, tilting his hips up and leaning into my kiss. His tongue slid against mine, slowly, thoroughly, kissing me in that consuming, passionate way that was just specifically Henrik and I dissolved into the dream that was the taste of his mouth.

He was hardly moving inside me, but when his lips dropped to my breast and his tongue laved over my nipples, I felt myself starting to tighten. His hands gripped me harder and he rocked me against his hips a little more firmly, pressing my center closer to his.

"Just let go for me, baby," he whispered as he kissed up my neck, landing at my lips again and claiming them in a soft, but feverish embrace. I gasped faintly for breath as I felt enveloped in a wave of warmth and security, and I did let go as he whispered little lovers' words into the base of my throat.

"Ohh," he cried out quietly, lifting his lips to mine as he felt me release, my inner walls gripping him as my fingers pulled a little harder at his hair, "you're perfect, coming for me like this," he whispered as I continued to move in his lap, unable to stop, lost in the rhythm of our bodies. 

I cupped his cheeks and held his face against mine, kissing his lips a thousand times.

"Oh, please don't stop, Triste gods don't stop, I'm so close," he whispered, closing his eyes at the intensity of the stimulation, even as gentle as it was.

He buried his face into my shoulder, pressing his forehead hard to my collarbone, and I softly bit at his ear, right in the same spot that I liked having it done to me. 

"Come for me, Henrik, make me yours..." I whispered back, kissing down the side of his neck as his muscles tightened and I knew he was there.

Henrik whimpered into my skin as he pumped wave after wave of his release into me, securing me against him and falling more helplessly in love with me with each passing second that lasted a lifetime.

"Mine," he sighed, trying to control his breathing, "gods, you're mine."

I pressed my face into his curls and nodded my head slowly. 

He was mine as much as I was his, as much as I was Jonas', as much as I was everyone else's.

Nobody touched us for several moments, and we hardly moved, ourselves, holding each other up, his strong legs supporting me in hips lap until I thought I could so happily fall asleep nestled into him that way, but the curve of lips against my shoulder brought me back to reality.

"Here we go, baby, up you come," the voice said softly, kissing my hair, gently pulling me out of Henrik's lap, standing up my exhausted, used body until we were padding together into the bathroom and I heard the shower flip on as my eyes fluttered shut and I leaned heavily against the wall, wishing I was still in bed, smothered by five warm bodies. 


	54. Chapter 54

Johannes gathered me off the wall, pressing amused kisses to my cheeks and forehead and finally settling on just picking me up once it became clear that walking wasn't going to be my specialty for a while. 

"Wrap your legs around me," he whispered softly, gathering me up and turning to step into the shower, standing so we were both under the heated spray and chuckling when he felt all my muscles relax further and he adjusted his grip under my thighs to compensate.

"You go anymore lax and I'm gonna need to get a mop to get you out of here," he teased, kissing my soaked skin and adoring the soft breathy laugh he got in response. 

"I can't believe you're here," I whispered, my tears falling partly from being overwhelmed and partly from being exhausted and partly from just being so relieved that he _was _here.

"Nothing and no one is ever going to take me away from you again, Triste," he murmured, finally setting me down when I started to squirm, but keeping me flush against him when I was on my feet, "I can't stand to be away from you now that lifes finally back to normal."

Johannes paused when he felt me stiffen a little. 

"Back to normal," he said again, looking for my reaction this time, and he felt my face pressed against his chest shift a little as I chewed at the inside of my lip.

"Okay...out with it, woman," he said, tipping my chin up and looking down intently at me, waiting. I still chewed at my lip, trying to get my thoughts in order, suddenly afraid that he was going to go away from me again if he knew I was like her now and had the same power.

"Ehm...its just...yesterday when I...the fever and stuff..."

"No use not telling him straight, priestess," the body on the other side of the frosted glass said, and I tried to wrap my arms around myself but Johannes didn't let me pull them away from him. 

"Look, you don't even know what you're talking about Tim," I grumbled, "its not that easy."

They both answered me at the same time, Johannes asking what the hell was going on, and Tim muttering something about the transfer of wisdom and answers to questions we hadn't even begun to know how to ask. 

"Look, if I'm wrong, take it up with Her."

"Take it up with who," my eyes rolled to the ceiling, trying to answer both men at once but Johannes' explanation would take longer so it would have to wait for another moment.

"Ma'at. The lady with the feathers."

I yanked open the shower door so fast, I scared him. 

"What?!"

"Jesus, don't do that!" he pressed a hand over his heart and took a steadying breath, "Ma'at. Thats... am I saying it right?"

"Yes, but what do you mean take it up with Her."

"She...oh...you didn't see her?"

"See her where? Tim, spit it out."

"On the beach last night...no?" he ran a hand back over his hair, tossing the washcloth into the sink as everyone else stood in the doorway, drawn by the sound of our voices. 

Johannes started rubbing shampoo through my hair, smoothing the long strands between his fingers and dropping his lips to my ear, "please start from the beginning...I...I know I kind of missed some stuff..."

I leaned back against him for a moment as Tim watched me, and I turned my head to answer him, "can I give you the abridged version?"

He nodded, turning my head physically back to everyone else so he could continue his work. 

"We've been kind of...not stuck, but...perpetuated in this cycle of death and rebirth and stuff for thousands of years, do you remember that?" 

One hand came around my hip, pulling me back closer to him until I could feel his cock pressing into my lower back. 

"Ignore that," he murmured, "can't help it, just wanted you closer."

I chewed my lip as I shook with a silent laugh and turned my face to kiss him once as he took my showerhead out of its mooring and started rinsing the soap from my tresses. 

"I remember that," he finally answered.

"And...the fever and the seizure and stuff yesterday? It was part of an ascension rite. I'm not sure sure about the fever actually, but being unconscious and sometimes having fits is normal. The fever might just be for the dreams. Or thats what Na'eemah said anyways..."

I turned as he stiffened at the name, wrapping my arms up around his neck and my feet left the floor as he crushed me against him, his arms hooking low around my waist. 

"Sorry, sorry sorry sorry," he whispered, "I don't mean to interrupt."

"Hush," I answered, kissing him hard, "I know its difficult. We'll go one step at a time, okay?"

He looked down at me when he set my feet down, and his head tilted to the side a little as his brain started to work and suddenly his eyes went wide.

"Oh my god. Are you high priestess now?"

"Wh--" I looked at him wide eyed, completely taken aback, "where did you just pull that from?"

I had expected to have to hold him by the hand to the very edge before dropping the entire bomb on his head. 

"I dunno, are you?"

"Ah..." I turned to look over at everyone else, all of whom were wearing surprised expressions, except Tim of course who was biting his lip and looking at me like he wanted to tear me apart. 

"Yes," he answered for me, unable to stop his eyes from wandering over me when he dropped my gaze, "she is."

"Fuck, are you really?" John asked, completely shocked. 

"Are we supposed to genuflect or something?" Jonas laughed, taking it in stride after all the events of the last few days. He was honestly starting to feel like nothing could surprise him around me anymore. 

"No," I rolled my eyes, "but I won't not answer to Her Most Eminent Highness," I giggled back. 

"Sorry, that ones mine," he winked, crossing over to the open shower door and cupping my cheek, shaking his head back and forth a little but not saying anything else.

Johannes still hadn't spoken and I turned to look at him as he shut off the water. 

"Are you okay?" I put up one finger to everyone else to keep them where they were, then closed the shower door again so we at least had a little bit of space to ourselves. 

"Wow," he whispered, and the tears started in earnest when I met his gaze and there was no fear or worry or judgment.

"I thought you would be upset because of N--..."

"Because of someone who was hateful and wicked and nothing at all like you?"

I shrugged and shuffled my feet, stumbling forward as he grabbed both hands and yanked me against him.

"I don't know what to say. Congratulations feels weird," he chuckled after a moment, holding my head against his chest and bending to press a soft kiss to my hair, "I guess...I love you and tell me what you need."

I shook my head with disbelief as I looked up at him, pressing my hands flat to his chest, feeling the beating heart on one side, "I love you too. But back to normal means something a little but different now, Johannes."

"Well...thats okay. Different is okay. Different is good sometimes."

"No, I mean like I have to disappear regularly to anywhere in the world when someone comes back. I have to go find them and teach them, and basically stay until they remember who they are."

"...So what you're telling me is that you get to go on adventures and travel the world."

"Wh--...I mean...I guess when you put it like that..."

"Well can I come with you?"

I paused and cocked my head to the side.

"Do you want to?"

He barked a laugh, "nothing about what you just outlined sounds bad, Triste," he pulled me forward again and the rush of cold air told me the shower door was open again. 

"Can we all go?"

"You guys--"

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"We can explore and have big trips together, like a real family," John teased and I turned, touching the smile on my lips.

"I don't have any say where this happens..."

"There are lots of places we've never been, priestess, it'll be an adventure."

"...Okay, but," I turned to Jonas and Tim, and pointed a finger, "I am _not _bailing you guys out of jail in any foreign countries, do you hear me?"

They both made the exact same affronted expression before Tim grabbed me around the waist and pulled me out of the shower.

"Why do you assumewe'll be the ones in jail! Maybe it'll be Henrik!"

Henrik and I sputtered a laugh together and Tim growled lowly and silenced me with a kiss.

"Can we adjust that to you'll only bail me out once?"

"No," I giggled, "I have a hard no jail time policy."

"Yes, Your Most Eminent Highness," Jonas laughed, wrapping a towel around me before herding everyone out, and Tim turned to follow.

"Wh-- _oi! _Where do you think you're going?" I demanded and he turned slowly and cocked his head.

"Ready to go again so soon?" he chuckled and lifted me onto the counter top with a kiss.

"You met Ma'at?" I asked softly, pushing his hair back out of his face and wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he scooted me closer to the edge and stood between my legs. 

"Briefly. You were busy...floating...learning everything I guess."

I nodded. I'd had no idea that was going to happen, but I also hadn't chosen that memory to move us to, so the whole thing was clearly orchestrated from the get-go. 

"Tell me about her," I whispered, kissing his lips softly, trying to fight that overwhelming sense of want that seemed to naturally bloom when we were within touching distance.

"The only thing I can really say is that your Temple reliefs do _not _do her justice," he chuckled, "she's crazy hot."

I pulled back with surprise and my mouth worked wordlessly for a moment before I started laughing hysterically, the kind of deep, relieving laugh that seems to come from the very fabric of your soul.

He smiled before joining me, sweeping my drenched hair back off my shoulders before laying a perfect kiss to my giggling mouth.

"Are we really gonna do this?" he asked softly, barely pulling his lips back far enough from mine to speak.

"I think so baby."

"Where do you start?"

"I...I dunno. I guess I'll find out when she tells me. There weren't a lot of us, so it isnt like I'll constantly be doing it. But I'll have to speak with Her more often now, and...I don't really know. Other than that, I'm still me. Still Triste."

"Still Masika," he offered softly, and I shivered but nodded.

"Still Masika."

"Gods I love you, priestess," he whispered, wrapping his hand around the back of my head and kissing me deeply.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst at writing endings, so I'm sorry!!

Tim took me by both hands and paused outside my bedroom door, reaching for the handle to shut me in and I turned to look at him. 

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, but you haven't had a second to yourself in like three days. Take some time, babe," he urged, blowing me a quick kiss and shutting the door.

He wasn't wrong - I'd been constantly with them or at work for days, and I took the time he offered to check in with myself as I pulled on fresh clothes and latched my necklaces around the back of my neck. 

*_He is a good match for you, my daughter, it brings me joy to see you connect so deeply*_

"He is," I smiled, speaking softly to answer Her, "I never imagined that they would want to come with me...but I suppose it doesn't hurt because they already know everything..."

*_Not everything*_

I frowned for a moment, "what did I miss? Sorry, Mother, I didn't mean to leave anything out."

A low leonine chuckle sounded between my ears and my vision went white again. 

I found myself seated on my living room floor when I came to, being watched by five half-concerned, half-intrigued pairs of eyes. 

"Woah...hi..."

"Hiya," Henrik raised both eyebrows, "you okay?"

"Ah..." I blinked hard as my brain caught all the way up and I jumped to my feet with a squeal. Jonas caught me around the waist like a reflex as my feet left the ground and I jumped into his arms.

"Whats this for?" he laughed, spinning me around twice then setting me down.

"She's back," I laughed through my urge to break down into tears, "Nedjem is back."

He looked at me unbelievingly.

"I--I don't even know what to say--I thought she didn't get to anymore!"

"Me too, but when She took Na'eemah's animating energy, I think she was able to just like separate Nedjem from her and send her back! All She said is that she's somewhere in Abisko. I don't even know where that is, but I have to find her."

I was so excited I was trembling.

"Where did you say she was?" Henrik asked as I took a deep shaky breath, hardly able to stand still. 

"Abisko. I can google it, I'm sure there can't be many. She didn't tell me anything else so I have to try all of them I guess."

All five men looked at each other and started hysterically laughing, yelling in Swedish and hugging one another as they wiped away tears of mirth and I stood there dumbfounded, wondering what I had missed. I knew they'd liked May but this seemed like an unwarranted reaction.

"Your goddess has kind of a fucked up sense of humor," Tim laughed, coughing from the force of it as his face reddened and he heard that same low, leonine chuckle in his head that I'd heard in mine.

*_I'm glad you approve, my son.*_

"What did I miss?! You guy whats going on?"

Henrik grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, wrapping one arm down around my waist and cupping the other hand around with his as he waltzed us in a little circle.

"We know where Abisko is."

My jaw dropped, "you do?!"

"Uh huh," he smirked, "take a guess."

He passed me off to John as I froze and he coaxed me into following his careful steps as he kept up the rhythm Henrik had started.

"_It's in Sweden?!_ No fucking way," I gasped, "how far is it from Gothenburg?"

John grinned at me, but I could tell it was colored with too much amusement to just be happiness.

"Oh, its a ways..."

He twirled me around his finger twice and kissed my lips before Tim took over, holding me a little closer, keeping my face just inches from his own as he moved us together and my favorite smile curved his lips.

"Oh no...how far is 'a ways'?" I asked, almost dreading the answer and I felt him shake with a laugh before it left his lips.

"Its...its up there, babe. North of the Arctic Circle I think."

My string of expletives only made everyone laugh harder as Jonas pulled me away, keeping up the same rhythm everyone else had.

"Less than a couple hundred people live there I think, but it is still technically Sweden," he grinned. I leaned my forehead against his and willingly sank into Johannes when he cut in after several more moments.

"You'll need a heavier coat too," he chuckled, "I don't think the sun comes back for another month or so this time of year. 

I whined against his chest, unable to not laugh at the entire situation as I looked up and met his gaze.

"Well you guys will be coming with me right?"

"Up there?" he laughed, "hell no, we're going home and you can come find us when you're done. Do I look like I'm built to survive cold like that?!"

I beat my fist playfully against his chest and he kissed me hard, "of course we're coming with you..."

I giggled as everyone crowded around and I was enveloped in love and friendship and happiness as warm hands touched my skin everywhere.

When Johannes finally bent his head down to me, he whispered into my lips.

"We wouldn't have it any other way, my love."

His kiss was soft and slow, like our first, and I was suddenly full of an unshakable certainty that everything would be okay. 

All six of us would be together and happy, and honestly, I couldn't make myself give a damn about anything else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a crazy journey this has been, writing this thing.   
Its been put to (electronic) paper on two different computers in five different states over more than a year and a half.   
Its been talked about in therapy, its kept me company on nights alone, its kept me up at night too not gonna lie.  
Honestly yall, this fandom and the community these boys have built just by being who they are and making their music, is one of the best things that's ever happened to me.   
As far as good, genuinely nice people go, you won't find better than Jonas and Tim and John and Henrik and Johannes.   
Thanks for coming along on this bonkers ass roller coaster with me and my cats, I love you all ✌


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back on my avatar bullshit ✌

My entire apartment felt like it was full, literally thick with testosterone and sex and need and unending, insatiable, dirty, hungry _lust. _Hands constantly reaching, lips constantly brushing over exposed skin, breath constantly hitching.

I tried to gently remind myself that if I was about to be involved with five men for an undetermined amount of time, I needed to get used to it, but I was secretly grateful to be the first one awake the morning of our departure, so I could slip out of bed and into the shower, blissfully, beautifully alone. 

I stood in the doorway, turning and looking back for a moment, watching them all. 

In their sleep, they all looked younger, and I would never have guessed that they were all 30...or nearly so. 

My eyes rested on the one who wasn't yet, and I found myself touching the soft smile at my lips as I watched him finally getting some rest, thinking about the moment just a few hours earlier when I had sleepily padded to my kitchen for water in the middle of the night, only to get the shit scared out of me by catching him sitting up in my living room, still awake.

_"Jesus Christ, Tim," I groaned, pressing a hand to my heart and taking a deep breath._

_"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" he was up and out of his chair instantly, crossing to me and trying not to laugh as I peeled myself off the wall and scrubbed both hands over my face._

_"What are you doing up?" _

_"Nothing," he responded quickly. Too quickly. I narrowed my eyes at him._

_"Nothing," he said again, "what are _you _doing up?"_

_"Water. I think I'm officially dehydrated," I chuckled, turning for the kitchen and filling a glass under the tap._

_"Well, you did come a hundred and fifty times today," he said solemnly and I narrowly avoided choking as I sputtered a laugh._

_"Think it was seventeen," I rolled my eyes at him but couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried. _

_"Seventeen? Was that it?"_

_"Was that it?!" I threw my hands up with mock exasperation, "was that it??"_

_He stepped closer, laying both hands flat on the countertop behind me as he leaned in, a wicked little smirk curving the corner of his open mouth as his eyes rested at my lips and he absentmindedly ran the tip of his tongue over his canine._

_"You counted though," he whispered, cocking an eyebrow at me,"tell me how many times you came for me."_

_"I..I don't remember."_

_"Liar," he stepped closer, physically moving my hips back against the countertop, "you remember every single orgasm I take from you. I know you do."_

_"F-five," I stammered as my kitchen started to feel a tad warmer than it had a moment ago. _

_He hummed lowly, brushing his lips back over the line of my jaw as my fingers moved over his bare skin, inching towards his hips. He'd gotten back into his sleep pants before disappearing from the bedroom it seemed, but nothing else, and I briefly wondered how he hadn't been freezing to death sitting by the window. _

_"Five...wanna round it out?" he growled, setting my empty glass out of the way down in the sink so it wouldn't get broken. _

_"Tim," I warned, giving him a stern look._

_"You can't hide from me, priestess," he breathed, seeing right through my feeble attempt at self preservation and finally leaning in to kiss me as his fingers found their way underneath my panties._

_"This doesn't feel like no..." his fingers slid expertly through my wetness, being gentle though, knowing I was overused and sore, "but say the word and I'll stop," he breathed into my lips, his own body already starting to tremble at having me under his hands again. _

_I exhaled sharply, pressing my forehead down against his shoulder with a whine, "gods you're gonna be the death of me."_

_He pulled his fingers from me and pushed my panties to the floor before he wrapped both hands around my waist, lifting me up to sit on the counter. _

_"Can I try something?" he whispered, meeting my gaze until I nodded, too tired to say no and uninterested in it anyways. I couldn't imagine a scenario between us where I would even taste the word. _

_He bent down and started tonguing at me, sliding through my folds, moaning lowly at my readiness for him and hooking one leg over his shoulder as he pulled me forward until I was at the very edge of the counter, having to brace myself back on my palms to stay upright._

_Slowly, with a carefulness that made me exhale with a soft sigh, he started to stand, keeping my leg angled up over his shoulder, stretching my muscle slowly so he wouldn't pull it, but letting it give at its own pace, exploring the tightness of the angle as he slipped one finger inside me. _

_Finally, he was standing upright, and I was groaning at the pleasure of both his finger and the deep stretch in my hamstring as my calf rested against the top of his shoulder. He experimentally pushed further when he didn't receive any kind of noise of protest from me and cocked an eyebrow as he started to push my leg even farther upright._

_"Flexible...you've been holding out on me, priestess," he growled, running a hand up the length of my leg as I stretched it straight up on my own and gave him a tiny smirk. _

_"You watched me and Henrik this way the other night," I countered._

_"Flat on your back with someone laying on top of you putting weight on it is different and you know it."_

_The hand not securing my leg against him slid away from my core and he started working his pants off slowly, one side then the other. _

_"The things I'm gonna do to you now that I know," he murmured into my lips, lowly, dangerously, and the momentary look of apprehension on my face made him chuckle as he started rubbing the tip of his cock through my folds, licking his lips._

_"Are you worried, love," he asked in that same voice, "tsk tsk tsk. Let me show you something you aren't ever going to forget."_

_His lips found mine, but his kiss was stuttered and groaning as he started pushing into me, the tightness of my leg over his shoulder almost too much to bear, almost too pleasurable for both of us as I gasped and cried out, trying to balance myself and touch his skin and tangle my fingers into his hair all at the same time. _

_It felt like years until he was finally bottomed out, our bodies pressed together, our mouths gasping for breath, our fingertips searching for anything to ground us. _

_"Give me your hand," he whispered, taking it from the back of his neck, gently pulling my fingers out of his hair and running it in a slow line down his body as my other braced back against the counter top._

_He didn't move inside me as he held my gaze, his eyes searing into mine, forbidding me from looking anywhere as he brushed my fingertips down his chest, letting me press them through the hair there, before moving them further down his torso,_ _ his hips, and they moved more slowly over where we were joined, but he still didn't let go, even as I explored how he fit inside me, the firm press of his hips into mine. _

_"Keep going," he murmured, his stare still pinning me, but the slow curve of his lips starting at the corner as he pressed my fingertips over my clit and his opposite hand started pushing me back until I leaned back on my elbows, following the pressure of his grip, his wordless guidance, trusting him to lead me to whatever experience he wanted me to have._

_"Further, flat on your back, priestess," he instructed, and I laid back against the chilly countertop until I was staring at my ceiling, his hand still holding mine, moving it over my skin. _

_"Right...there," he lowered my leg from over his shoulder, preferring to wrap it around his waist as he pulled my ass a little further down the counter until he had to hold me up to keep me from sliding down to the floor. I left my hand right where he stopped it, wondering what I was supposed to be doing with it as it rested in the middle of my hips, across my pelvis._

_"Press down," he said lowly as he tilted his hips upwards, and I gasped when I felt it._

_It was slight but it was there, a thickness, a shifting heaviness behind my skin that I could tell wasn't me. _

_"Tim," I whispered when he did it again, moving slower this time, pulling out to the tip before sliding back inside me, letting me feel his cock moving under my skin, pressing against my frontal wall just underneath my fingertips as he stared me down._

_"Does it obsess you, Triste," he breathed lowly, panting as he watched me, "feeling me inside you, feeling how I can possess you, even just for a few moments..."_

_"Yes," my response was hardly even a breath as he did it again, harder, spreading my legs wider around his waist so he could push further inside me as my back arched sharply off the countertop. _

_My fingers drifted down, away from the intoxicating press, back towards where his cock was still moving in and out of me, and I pushed him between my middle and ring fingers, squeezing lightly each time he pulled back. _

_I lived for the way he moaned my name, for the way each gasping breath filled my kitchen with sound as we created our own heat, sharing it between our bodies, and I pushed myself up as he pulled my leg back up over his shoulder._

_"Possess me, Tim," I moaned as his lips crashed into mine and his tongue filled my mouth as he pulled me somehow impossibly closer and fucked harder into me._

_My tightness was overwhelming, but it hardly mattered if he wasn't going to last, since the way his cock filled me at that angle sent me shooting straight into the stars, making me cry out my rapturous pleasure into his lips, thanking my goddess for the gift that was the way we could tear each other apart while somehow creating a more complete version of ourselves. _

_"Triste, gods, fuck, I'm gonna, fuuuuck," he groaned, pumping his release into me, snapping his hips against mine with an obscene slapping sound as the fingers of his left hand dug into my calf, pulling it tighter against him._

_We were left a panting, entangled mess of overheated limbs and overstretched sanity as he leaned forward again to take my lips, more softly this time, the flame quenched for now as he softened inside me and gently brushed his fingertips in a line up and down my shin, over and over again as we kissed and caught our breath._

_"Stop me if I hurt you," he breathed, catching my gaze and biting his lip in anticipation as he gently slid my leg off his shoulder and took my other in his opposite hand, pushing them out further and further until I was nearly in a perfect split, my legs hanging off either side of the island, my hips at the very edge, and he huffed a low sound as he slowly pulled out of me and took a step back. _

_He growled lowly, watching his cum slowly drip from me down to my kitchen floor. Even in the dark, it was impossibly erotic, and I slid my fingers over my pussy, gathering some of our mingled fluids before lifting them to my lips and humming lowly, arching my back for a little added effect. I'd never been part of the cohort that enjoyed the taste per se, but the intense pleasure I got from his reaction always spurred me to partake, and this time was no different._

_"I don't ever want to fucking hear you complain about coming seventeen times in one day ever again," he said seriously, "because if I could possibly fuck you again right now, you'd be in serious trouble..."_

_I bit my lip and looked at him silently as I felt myself continue to leak and he watched me drip for several more moments before meeting my eyes and moving back towards me, pausing halfway and turning to grab a papertowel to clean up the mess we'd made._

_"Are we really gonna do this?" he asked softly, settling his pants around his hips and slipping my panties on over my feet._

_"Think so, baby," I murmured, lifting on my hands so he could pull them up over my ass. His hands wrapped my legs back around his waist as my fingers combed back through his hair. _

_"What is this," he looked loving up at me before planting a soft kiss against my neck, "this thing that I feel for you...I...I can't remember ever feeling like this for anyone before."_

_"Love is different each time, babe," I smiled, brushing my lips against the corner of his mouth, "its not better or worse, its just different. The way I love you is different from how I love Johannes. And the way I love him isn't the same way I love John. Its always different," I repeated, finally kissing his lips, sealing our connection again._

_Tim wrapped my legs around his hips more firmly and lifted me off the counter to carry me back to my bedroom and we both collapsed onto the mattress amongst the sleeping bodies..._

I shook myself out of it, taking a deep breath and turning for the bathroom, pulling the door to my room mostly shut so the water wouldn't wake them up, and pausing when I caught sight of something on my side table by the chair near the window.

It was my book. My journal, of sorts, where I wrote everything about every encounter I had with Her, every lifetime. The one I'd given Tim to read. I paused for just a moment as I remembered my follow up offer before I flipped to my last entry, then to the next page, but it was still blank. 

I set it back down with a shrug then padded to the bathroom silently, practically tip-toeing, hesitant to do anything that would wake any of them, partially because they needed to sleep and partially because I needed to be alone. It wasn't that I was complaining about being fucked on literally every surface of my apartment by one or more of them at a time, which had been a majority of my last two days, but sometimes, silence was golden. 

And indeed, I found myself not even wanting to break it by humming as I flipped on the hot water tap and grabbed a clean towel. My clothes had disappeared like magic not long after Tim and I finally got back to sleep when I was awakened with two mouths at my breasts and one between my legs, and I'd been too exhausted to try and find them in the aftermath, even if Jonas would have let me get up, which I doubted.

The steam rose in the shower as I finally stepped in, my shoulders sagging with relief at the warmth, and I vowed to make more time for myself moving forward, lest I forget the true purpose of my existence and get tangled up in my obsession with my boys. I hissed and grimaced a little as the hot water stung my bites and scratches, but felt undeniably better and ready to face this monumental task - undoubtedly the largest of my entire existence. 

Sekhmet had demonstrated Her divine mercy by restoring Nedjem's energy, reanimating her from the very desert sands we came from, weaving a mortal body with an immortal life force, and gently breathing her life into someone somewhere in the bumfuck nowhere north of Sweden. I shivered at the thought. We were gonna need a lot more warm clothing than I had, even cold as it got here. 

But I found that even in my quiet moments of solitude, I wished for the soft touch of Henrik's hands, whispering over my body, for the firm press of Johannes washing shampoo through my hair, dragging his fingers down through the strands to wash out the soap. For the way John held me back firmly against his body, his own back to the wall, as he gently moved my mesh scrubbie over my breasts, watching the suds course down over my skin.

And Jonas. Gods I could hardly stand the thought of him, alone as I was now, idly standing under the hot water. I tried not to think the way he'd taken me yesterday, crushing my breasts against the tile as his hand wrapped around my hip and his fingers slammed into my pussy, his growls reverberating off the shower walls and into my very bones as he sank his cock into my ass. 

I shivered at the thought anyways and slapped both hands against my face, scrubbing them up and down several times. 

Alone time and meditation time were going to be necessary, and I had to show more self control than this. I stretched both arms up above my head, standing on my tiptoes and staying there until I started to wobble, coming down with a deep sigh and continuing to bend forward until my hands were flat against the tops of my feet, my elbows slightly bent. 

"Damn, Tim wasn't kidding, was he," an amused voice said from the other side of the door and I held up one hand silently, willing him not to say anything else until I was done. Who knew when I would get another opportunity for this. 

The hot water beat down the length of my spine as I raised my head and started my inhale, restoring my body's upright posture and breathing a quiet calm into all my limbs, eyes closed, asking my goddess for strength and guidance, for the ability to listen and not speak, to speak without overthinking, and the wisdom to know which times required which. 

Finally I was ready, and I turned off the water, taking another deep breath before opening the shower door. I was immediately greeted by a warm towel and a soft smile as I stepped out onto the bathmat and Henrik hopped down off his perch on the counter. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," he mumbled around his toothbrush, and I giggled as he turned back to the sink for a moment and I managed to drag a comb through my hair.

"Morning," he smiled, now toothpaste free, pulling me against him and laying my head to his chest, taking the comb from my hand and pulling it back through my hair. 

"Can you braid it?" I mumbled, almost lulled to sleep by the hypnotic pull and release, "it'll be easier if its out of my way today."

"Mmhm, do you want to get dressed first?"

"Uh uh," I shook my face back and forth twice against his chest, hesitant to have him let go of me. 

"Then come here," he hopped back up on the counter and turned me so I was standing between his knees, my back to him as my towel dropped to the floor and he started sectioning my hair, sighing as he took in all the abnormal patches of color across my skin.

"Christ, you're all marked up," he sighed, shaking his head as he touched the spot on my shoulder where he'd sucked a mark into my skin as he was holding me back against him yesterday morning, letting Johannes work me with his mouth, "I'm sorry if we've been too rough with you, love..."

"Its okay," I smiled, turning my face to receive a little kiss to my cheek, "I'll tell you guys if I'm ever not okay."

His fingers started working like magic, weaving each strand over and under the others, twisting and turning until the last loop of my hairband snapped into place and he gave it a gentle tug.

"Okay, Lara Croft, you're finished," he teased and I immediately turned so he could wrap me back up in his warm embrace.

"I feel like I should tip you or something since I keep asking you to do my hair." 

I giggled as he playfully nipped at my ear, murmuring lowly, "funny, I was just thinking the same about you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going on an adventure!  
Also, I'm working on another piece, because I literally can't stop, so stay tuned.  
Another also, life is busy (I'm going to graduate school...again!) so please be patient ❤ wanna make sure I give the boys their rightful effort and not just throw this thing together.


	57. Chapter 57

It probably looked like something out of an absurd movie, the six of us strutting into the airport like we owned the place. I glanced around and pushed my sunglasses up on top of my head, fishing in my purse for my ticket.

We'd had to cancel their return flights home and book new tickets altogether, but no one had complained in any real way as they forked over credit cards and thanked me for setting everything up. 

Jonas had gathered my hair on top of my head and rubbed my shoulders as I sat between his knees on the floor with my laptop and booked six seats to Stockholm, then from there to Kiruna, then onward, to our destination.

Abisko.

Nedjem. 

_I tilted my head back to receive his kiss as his fingers skimmed sensually up the length of my throat. _

_"She won't be May," I reminded him when his kiss got deeper, his excitement bleeding through to make his already heated passion something even more fiery, "but she will remember you, eventually..."_

_"Will she...you know..."_

_"Want to fuck you?"_

_"Well...yeah," he said a little sheepishly, "I mean not that I'm expecting it! just...I don't know...I don't know what to expect. How old will she be?"_

_"Probably too young for you, love. 12-15 is my best guess, but we're going to find out together..."_

Jonas watched my face as I stared sightlessly down at the tickets in my hand.

"First steps always the hardest, Triste," he mumbled, kissing the shell of my ear, then pulling back, "oops, sorry."

"Whats wrong?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"Its just a habit now," he corrected, taking a step back so we were a polite distance apart, and my furrowed eyebrows turned into a frown.

"Are you...oh...I'm sorry, I didn't think that us all together would...are you worried about being..." I swallowed hard, "seen? With me?"

I hadn't thought about the fact that outside of the confines of my apartment, there was a rather vicious stigma attached to situations like ours. 

Or that he would be nervous about being seen kissing me in public? But I guess they had fans everywhere and it was something I should have anticipated. 

But I couldn't ignore the slight sting from it, even as I blushed and stuffed my sunglasses in my bag, pulling my braid around my shoulder as Henrik stepped closer, sensing my discomfort as I hiked my bag up further on my shoulder.

"Uhm, I think we can check these over--"

"Triste," Jonas rasped lowly, making me turn back towards him. 

I knew that tone too well at this point.

"Can I kiss you."

"Wh--whens the last time you had to ask if--"

He stepped forward and his arm snared around my waist, gripping me like we were about to part ways for the next hundred years as my face bent back to look up at him.

"I said. Can I kiss you."

"Y-yes," I stammered, watching his lip ring catch the light as he all but bared his teeth at me.

He paused when his lips were only a hair's breadth from mine.

"Don't you ever think for a second that I don't want every single person on this earth to watch me make you mine," he growled before kissing me so forcefully, I was sure every person on the earth _was _watching.

"I just didn't ask you if _you _were okay with it first, and I should have," he explained when he pulled back for a moment, leaving my head spinning and my lips tingling. 

Johannes chuckled when I was hauled upright and set firmly on my feet, "come on sweetcheeks."

But I bristled for a moment, my shoulders almost touching my ears as I glanced around warily.

"Come on, look you made her uncomfortable," he complained in Jonas' direction. 

"No, no. Stop, shush for a second," I closed my eyes tight and tried to pinpoint where it was coming from, that feeling like eyes on the back of my head that made the tiny hairs all over my body stand up. 

I glanced around again, finally starting to walk towards security.

"Hey, baby, wait we have to ch--"

I turned and pulled Tim towards me into a bruising kiss, pulling a startled but pleasured groan from him as I murmured into his lips.

"We're being followed, don't turn around. We'll check our bags at the gate."

His eyes met mine without fear or worry, but they hardened slightly.

"Walk, I'm right behind you, priestess."

And he was, casually telling the others like he was telling a joke, switching to Swedish, the entire time keeping his eyes on me. 

"Hey, wait up," Henrik called, bending to tie his shoe and taking a quick look around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, no one seemed immediately suspicious, but it was hard to tell with the hundreds of people milling about.

He caught up to us just at the back of the security line, pushing past the others and slinging an arm around my neck, pressing a lingering kiss to my temple that I leaned into enough to make the woman next to us glance away. 

"Talk to me babygirl, whats happening?"

"Dunno," I mumbled, still unable to shake that creeping sense of unease, "it doesn't feel like nerves though. Can't figure out where its coming from. Actually," I pulled my bag off and set it down, "can you watch this for a second? I'm just gonna go to the ladies room and splash some water on my face."

He smiled down softly at me, turning my chin to kiss my lips, not caring who saw, or that half the people who did had also just seen me kiss both Tim and Jonas. 

"Let them stare," he chuckled, doing it again and teasing his tongue against the seam of my lips, holding me tighter when he felt me react, instinctually pressing closer.

"Damn, its gonna be a long flight," he groaned, letting me go finally and taking another look around, "but a damn good night on the other side, I think."

"Count in it, love."

John walked with me, keeping a wary eye out too as he kept one hand at the small of my back, not really one for public affection. 

"Are you sure someones following?"

"Positive. I just don't know who or where or why...I'll just be a second," I mumbled, stepping into the bathroom and heading for the sink. 

It was really the absence of noise that got my attention ultimately.

Airports had that dizzying hum about them, thousands of conversations happening at once, people hassling the gate attendants, the rustle of clothes getting patted down at security, crying babies. It all formed a thick cloud of sound that wrapped around you everywhere you went. 

But as I stood in front of the sink, once again splashing cold water over my dripping face, trying to wrangle my unruly thoughts into submission, it all faded away until only a hollow ringing was left in its absence, reverberating back off the tile walls until I felt like there was a tuning fork in my head. 

It took a couple moments for me to notice, that I was alone, but once I did it was too late, and I wasn't alone anymore.

I squeezed the water away from my eyes, wicking away the excess with my hands and opened them, staring at him reflection, smirking at me in the mirror as he casually leaned one shoulder back against the wall. 

"...Papa?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she said what now?!


	58. Chapter 58

"Hello again, lovely..."

I stared at him, unable to think or speak as I straightened, and we continued to watch each others' reflections until I turned, and in the split second it took me to do so he was suddenly standing right in front of me. 

I jumped, startled at his closeness as I was suddenly face to face with that perfect smirk again, wrapped in his scent, drawn to his heat.

"Gods it is you...w-what are you doing here?"

"Maybe I missed you," he played like he was slightly offended.

My entire body had pins and needles, and I was feeling somehow both electrically aware of him and like all my senses were dulled and stuffed full of cotton balls. 

I didn't know what to say, and chewed my lip nervously until his thumb touched just below it, gently pulling it from between my teeth.

"Didn't you miss me too?" he whispered teasingly, "or do I still just make you nervous, Triste," he purred each word, looking perfectly, dangerously inviting, dressed causally like it didn't take him any effort at all to look so good. 

My hands shook as I wiped them against my jeans and all I could think of was the last time we'd been this close as I squeezed my eyes closed and inhaled a breath that shook equally as much, trying to get a grip on myself and not act like a total idiot.

He took both of my hands in one of his own, and tipped my chin up with the other, until I was forced to meet that stare.

Those eyes. Like depthless green waters.

Too green again.

"Do you remember this," he whispered, all but hypnotizing me.

I nodded.

"This connection...we came awfully close to fucking right on that dance floor, didn't we, Triste..."

I nodded again.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have let you go back to Johannes...perhaps I should have taken you right there...we could rectify that now, my sweet," he purred, nudging his nose against mine as I sharply exhaled at his offer.

"Think you might find that there are a couple people who take issue with that and are about to miss their flight as it is," a voice called from over his shoulder, and my eyes snapped open to see John wearing an amused smirk, arms crossed over his chest.

I shook my head like I needed to clear out the cobwebs and glanced back at the man before me, smirking back at John in the mirror over my shoulder.

"Rats. Caught in the act," he chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before turning to shake hands with the other man.

"Why are you following me? And I do have to go. And John why are you in the ladies room? Why are either of you here actually?" 

"Questions, questions, precious," he teased and I tried to ignore the way his eyes wandered over me, and John shuffling from one foot to the other told me he was just as aware of it as I was.

I made a shooing motion with my hands so we all could leave the bathroom before someone came in and made a fuss about catching them in the little girls' room.

"Why are you following us," I demanded again, searching for Johannes in the long security line and finding him after a moment, standing a head above everyone else. They were all too far in now for John and I to politely squeeze through the line.

I groaned. We'd just have to meet at the gate then.

"How did you know I was following you?"

"I...my hackles were up, I dunno," I said, still not looking at him, willing Henrik to turn around so I could motion to him that we were just going to wait at the back of the line.

Papa watched me chewing my lip, staring hard at the back of Henrik's head.

"Tsk, honestly my pet its like you're not even trying."

There was this one peculiar moment where it felt like the air got sucked out of the room and I could see Henrik suddenly stiffen before his head started turning, instinctively looking for me. 

Our eyes locked and I was about to tell him that we'd meet them all on the other side of security, but his eyebrows knitted together as he caught sight of my companion, who gave him a cheeky smirk and crooked a finger at him to join us.

"No, Papa, really, that's not necessary."

"I think you'll find that it is," he responded cryptically. 

Moments later, after struggling past several grumbling people waiting in line, Henrik, Johannes, Jonas and Tim all squeezed out into the relative open of the airport lobby, taking a collectively relieved, but slightly annoyed breath as they all checked their watches or cell phone clocks. 

Johannes was immediately there, checking in with me, making sure everything was fine as he ran a hand back over my hair. 

I turned to address Papa, "look this has been a nice surprise meeting, but we really are gonna be cutting it close, and now we all have to go back thr--"

"I cancelled your flight this morning."

We all exchanged a brief troubled glance, and they moved slightly closer to me, Tim slipping his hand through mine and giving it a little squeeze. 

Those eyes met mine again, soft, but appraising after glancing back up from our joined hands.

"Cast a wider net, then, did we," Papa smiled, not judging, but still mercilessly teasing until I blushed. 

"Whats your problem? What are you even doing here?" Jonas grumbled.

"Its no problem, my friend. Triste can tell you, I'm hardly the one to take issue with anything about this...situation..." he smirked at me and my lips formed a thin line.

"What are you playing at Ihy...what do you mean you cancelled my flight?"

Papa threw his head back and laughed, clapping his hands together, "so you did figure it out! Very good, darling, I thought you might! You and that delicious little French thing," he licked his lips and I swallowed hard again, my hand starting to sweat in Tim's.

"As far as the flight goes--"

"That was overstepping," Johannes interrupted, scowling down at Papa, a warning in his eyes, "she's not going anywhere with you."

"Son, if my intention was to draw her away from you, you would never have seen her again after that night," Papa rolled his eyes, "and if you had let me finish, you would have learned that in fact _your _ticket is cancelled as well."

He turned back to me, cupping my cheek fondly as he smiled.

"Your mistress is extremely pleased with your obedience, dear, so there's been a slight change in plans. Good timing, too, I must say. But then again, She's always had that knack," he chuckled, shaking his head and ignoring the five flabbergasted faces staring at us.

"Wh-a-She didn't mention a change in plans to me!"

"She is right now, consider me a messenger today, pet. Shall we call all this a little test? Not that She doubted your devotion, I am sure, but, well, who can guess at the intentions of the Mistress of Dread, hmm?"

"Woah, okay, timeout," Tim finally stammered, voicing the surprise that was written across everyone's faces plainly as he turned me by the shoulders to face him, "he knows too?!"

"Ah...yeah..." I scrubbed a hand over my forehead, "he knows."

Everyone made to speak at the same time, but five sets of lips snapped shut as Papa raised one hand.

"I know, because we're rather alike, Triste and I," Papa chuckled, turning to Tim and letting that slow, perfect smirk curve his beautiful mouth as the green swirled into his irises.

"Woah. Fuck me," Tim whispered, his own eyes going wide.

"Maybe later," Papa teased with a saucy wink, making Tim's cheeks turn the most endearing shade of crimson.

"Well...okay, whats the new plan?" I finally shook my head, confused at best.

Papa slung an arm around my neck, walking me with him as everyone else remained crowded around us, falling into step as they hiked bags over their shoulders. I turned and ducked out of his grasp to hold my hand out to Henrik for my bag.

"S'okay, I've got it," he mumbled, looking away and adjusting his own bag on his shoulder as he carried mine by the straps. 

I frowned, stopping right in front of him and halting our mini procession.

"Whats wrong babe?"

"This feels weird," he made a face, "something feels off."

I nodded, "I agree. But...well...lets at least hear what he has to say, alright? If it still feels hinky, we'll go back home. Promise."

His thumb brushed across my cheekbone as he studied my face, that smile I loved best on him starting to pull at the corner of his mouth even as he tried to stay stern.

"Okay," he finally agreed, bending to drop a quick kiss to my lips before handing my bag over, "christ what did you pack in here? Rocks?" 

"Yes, my love, lots of rocks," I nodded enthusiastically, receiving precisely one hard pinch to my ass that made me yelp as I turned back to Papa and we all started walking again, towards the exit I noted. 

A low laugh rumbled through his chest.

"Goodness me, all five or just the three?" he chuckled, and I turned fire engine red on the spot.

"Perhaps I underestimated you, my dear," he took my hand and brushed his lips across my knuckles, sending a lightning bolt straight up my arm as we continued to walk.

"There _is_ another part of this plan right? Its not just you cancel my flight and we all go home?" I tried to change to subject tactfully. 

He rolled his eyes and grinned over in my direction.

"Paris," he said dreamily, dropping his sunglasses over his eyes and waving a hand dramatically against the horizon.

"Wh-Paris?? As in we're _going _to Paris?? But what about Nedjem?"

"Paris," he smirked again, leading us out of the automatic doors out onto the sidewalk under the cold January sun.


	59. Chapter 59

We all piled into an admittedly suspicious-looking black SUV after stashing our bags in the trunk, and took off for our mystery destination, which I could only assume would be an airfield.

"Why aren't we taking a flight from the airport we were _just _at? And where are we staying?"

"Do you always ask so many questions?" Papa raised an incredulous eyebrow up at me, seated on Johannes' lap since we were one seat short. His hand rubbed over my thigh rhythmically back and forth as his lips curved into a smile against my shoulder.

Everyone simultaneously answered in some form of affirmative for me and I tried not to pout about it. 

"Look, I'm just trying to figure out the plan!"

"Trust the gods, pet," Papa smiled, reaching over to squeeze my hand once and laying his head back against the headrest.

I was right about the airfield, and we all piled out onto the tarmac with our bags, squinting against the cold winter sun, bouncing off the whitewashed runway.

I was surprised that Papa stayed with us, ducking his head into the passenger side window to say something to the driver and handing him what I assumed was cash, though it looked like an awful lot of money for a relatively short ride. 

"What, are you coming with us?" I asked when he turned on his heel and practically sauntered back to our waiting group.

He threw his head back and laughed like I had made some kind of absurd joke, and I tried to ignore the way the sound completely melted my insides.

"Oh, my darling, _of course _I'm coming with you!"

I chewed my lip as I turned to look at the plane - it was small, definitely private, but seemed like it would be far more comfortable than a commercial airliner, especially for a six hour flight, although I still wasn't thrilled about having the metaphorical rug whipped right out out from under me. 

Papa pulled me away by the hand as the boys lapsed into their own conversation, dragging me towards the jet and out of earshot.

"Are you going to tell me why there's suddenly been a change of plans, my lord?"

He exhaled sharply, rubbing his lips with his fingers, and I could feel his eyes burning into me even behind his sunglasses.

"Why the change in title?"

"Because...its your title...do you not want me to call you that?"

"On the contrary, my dear, you truly don't know what it does to me. However, for now, lets stick with Papa, hmm? You know," he grinned, "for appearances."

I rolled my eyes and found myself rudely yanked closer until his face was suddenly an inch from mine, and I thought for a split second that he was going to kiss me.

"We are going to Paris because your girl has re-manifested in a different body."

"Well I gathered that. But why Paris? We never come back in the same place twice. Its too complicated with surviving family."

"What if it was something like...waking up? Not really being re-born so to speak, more like...resurfacing."

"Wh-but that would-it doesn't ever--" I stared hard at him, almost forgetting to breathe, "Ihy...is May alive?"

"Your mistress, my revered aunt, seems to believe that this is a proper reward. Plus, I think She's got a soft spot for that little French filly. Can't say I blame Her, some of Her finest work if you ask me...well...second finest," he wagged his tongue companionably at me with a grin.

My brain was still stalling out as Johannes appeared at my side, wrapping an arm around my neck and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"Everything okay?"

"We'll continue this later, pet," Papa, breathed, pushing his sunglasses back over his hair as he ascended the steps and ducked into the cockpit.

"What was that about?" Johannes asked, sensing the tension written across every line of my body.

"I...I think May's back," I said dazedly, and he turned me by the shoulders to face him.

"Come again?"

"Yeah...that's what he...well didn't _say_ explicitly, but...hinted at. Wow. This hasn't ever happened before..."

He glanced over his shoulder at Jonas before turning back to me with an infectious grin.

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"I...I think I have to. He'll drop dead if I keep it a secret. Gods...I can't even believe it," I sniffled, wiping quickly under my eyes as my tears started to slide down my cheeks and willingly burying my face into his chest as his arms wrapped around me. 

I could feel his body vibrating with his silent laughter and I knew he was thinking that all my emotions were wired to my tear ducts.

"Don't even say it," I murmured into the fabric of his coat, and he snorted a laugh before pulling back and tipping my chin up for a kiss. 

"I'm happy that you're happy. Love you," he whispered, and I stood on my tiptoes to press my lips to his again when he stood up straight.

"Back atcha," I smiled, tugging on a lock of his hair playfully.

"Off we go children," Papa called from the top of the stairs, reappearing to clap his hands patronizingly at us twice.

"I don't think I like him as much now," Johannes grumbled, herding me towards the narrow staircase and ushering me upwards before following, ducking his head so it wouldn't smack against the low doorway, "whats he the god of again?"

"That would be fertility, music," Papa took his time looking Johannes up and down until the taller man was positively squirming, "and lust, my son."

"That was creepy as hell, don't do that again."

"Easy gents," I laughed, moving towards a row of three seats and collapsing down in the middle, "plenty of time for all that later!"

Papa's eyes snapped up to mine so fast, they made my heart skip like he'd startled me.

"My delicious little rose, I will remember that you said that."

"Don't worry, Triste," Jonas laughed at our antics, moving past me and taking the window seat on my left, "we'll protect you."

"Yeah," joined Henrik, taking the one on my right, "nothing gets past us!"

"My shining knights," I teased, taking both their hands and giggling as we settled in for take off. 

Everyone chose seats around the plane, stretching out their legs in the ample room between rows and closing their eyes as we climbed through the skies. I leaned over to plant a quick kiss on Henrik's cheek before turning to do the same to Jonas, settling back comfortably between my own armrests and letting my mind wander in time with the slow, rhythmic circles Henrik's thumb rubbed over the back of my hand. 


	60. Chapter 60

I didn't even know I had drifted off against Jonas' shoulder until a set of fingertips gently turned my face up and soft lips brushed my own.

"Sorry, can't help myself," he whispered.

I hummed softly, feeling content and whole and happy to have all my boys with me, knowing him by his scent and his taste, the heat of his touch that was so iconically him, it may as well have been a signature.

His kiss deepened when I whispered his name, seeing that he didn't mean to pull back from me, and his fingers reached across his body and gently touched my throat, exploring the surface of my skin, drawing a mental picture of it until they wrapped around the back of my neck and held me to him as he moaned lowly into me.

"Gods, I love that sound," I whispered, and a wicked little grin twisted his lips up as he turned my face and started kissing down the side of my neck, working my skin with his lips, nipping and lightly sucking, until he moved back up and reached my ear, pulling me even closer and making that sound again as he tugged my earlobe between his teeth.

That perfect sound that instantly reduced me and all my hard-won fortitude into a melted puddle of sensation and want at his feet.

It was louder and more purposeful, but somehow also just for me. Designed to stoke the flame that always burned between us, even in the moments where we collapsed together, covered in each other and gasping for breath, drowning in the sweet rush of endorphins that was our gift to one another.

His name fell from my lips again.

Jonas. The word that forced a smile to my lips every time I said it just from the way it was made. That sounded as good to him as it felt to me each time I whispered it in the dark like a prayer.

It _was_ a whisper, but it may as well have been an impassioned cry from the way his pupils exploded when he pulled back and looked at me, his chest already giving away the need he felt with each panting breath.

He leaned in once more, slowly this time, his eyes flicking down to my lips, savoring every tiny piece of time that we were claiming for ourselves in that moment, until his parted lips touched mine again, a feather light caress, almost keeping his distance as the tip of his tongue traced the line of my bottom lip.

"I need you under my hands, Triste," he whispered back, "I need to touch you."

"As soon as we get there, I promise," I kissed him lightly.

"I can't wait that long," he pleaded, almost whimpering into my kiss, throwing the armrest up between us so he could gather me against him, until I was laying sideways against his chest, still covered by the blanket John had draped over me as I slept.

My hand wrapped around the back of his neck as my lips opened to him again and we drowned together in touch and taste, each kiss strengthening our bond as I relaxed into his embrace and his hand slipped beneath my shirt and under the cup of my bra, palming my breast and running his thumb across my nipple in slow repeated strokes until I was trembling.

"Touch me forever," I whispered.

His didn't respond, but the hand not cradling me to him left my breast and drifted down my body, absorbing my warmth and making it his own to give right back to me as it traced the curve of my waist, the hard ridge of my hip bone.

"I love you," he murmured as he unhooked the button on my jeans and slowly pushed the fabric open after pulling at the zipper.

I lifted my ass as best I could so he could push them down, but he didn't, instead shaking his head and smiling into my lips as his fingers just slipped beneath my panties and his whole hand cupped me until I was nestled against his palm, arching from the warmth of it as a small strangled cry escaped my lips.

"Sorry, always have run hot," he chuckled, rubbing the tip of his middle finger over my entrance repeatedly.

"Jesus, it makes me crazy how wet you get for me," he growled quietly several moments later, breathing a little heavier, kissing me more deeply until I was rolling my hips into his hand and clinging to him as he explored me.

I stopped breathing all together when he pressed two fingers against my entrance, slowly stretching me open, and gazing down at me while he did so, watching my lips open and close soundlessly as my entire body reacted to his touch.

His opposite arm lifted me closer, settling me more firmly against his chest as he turned his face and watched the outline of his arm shifting and moving underneath the blanket, settling his fingers inside me, seeking that one particular spot as his thumb started working my clit slowly.

"Thats my good girl," he praised softly when I tugged on his neck until he dropped his head to press another kiss to my panting mouth, dipping his tongue in and tasting my need, "I love the way you squeeze my fingers."

I did it again when he twisted them inside me, using the restricted amount of room that we were working with to the fullest, trying to make as little noise as possible, lest we wake everyone else up.

Jonas pressed his forehead against mine when I whispered his name more urgently, trying to stay the bucking of my hips as we breathed against each other, sharing oxygen.

"Let go for me, love," he whispered, moving his thumb faster over my clit but only fractionally so as he rocked his hand against me and I gripped his forearm, tracing the hard, lean lines of muscle down to his hand.

"Kiss me, Jonas," I pleaded, and his lips crashed into mine, no longer delivering sweet, pleasant kisses, but devouring and biting, pushing his tongue further into my mouth and growling lowly as he felt me clench harder around his fingers.

"Ohh, gods, I'm gonna come," I gasped, pressing closer until we were almost one being as my release flooded my entire body with sensation and I arched sharply off of him before collapsing against his chest, gasping for breath, still unwilling to let go of his mouth as the high sent me soaring through the clouds and he breathed a soft moan as the ring of muscle inside me repeatedly tightened around his fingers with each shivering aftershock.

"That was perfect," he smiled softly, still leaving his fingers right where they were, buried inside me as his hand stretched out to cup me again and he gazed tenderly down at me with those smile lines that were my favorite thing about him.

"You're perfect," I sighed, nestling against his chest and pulling the blanket up around my shoulder as I shifted sideways onto my hip and held him gently between my legs, still brushing my fingers over his forearm and squeezing my thighs lightly together.

Fingers brushed over my hair as he dropped a kiss to the top of my head.

"I'm not, but you make me better," he whispered, running his fingers over the ridges and tucked strands of my braid, kissing the shell of my ear, murmuring little Swedish phrases to me that made me giggle.

"What did you just say?" I asked quietly, shifting to look up at him again as we remained tangled together and he finally pulled his fingers from me, coated with my slick, and pressed them to my lips.

"Something that wouldn't come out the right way in English," he murmured, making that sound I loved so much again as he watched his fingers disappear between my lips and my tongue slid over them, sucking lightly as I caught his gaze.

Jonas bit his lip as he watched me slowly pull away from his fingers, until just the tips of both were at my lips, and my eyes fluttered shut as I took them again, down to the last knuckle, stroking them with my tongue and doing my best to make a show out of it for him.

He tore them from my mouth, preferring to slide his tongue in as deeply as he could, gripping my face with one palm, and using the other to shove my hand between our bodies so I could feel his erection.

"Get on your knees," he growled, shifting me off his lap.

He didn't need to tell me twice, and he stood briefly as my fingers silently undid his belt and jeans, shifting the material until until his cock was free and I immediately wrapped my lips around him when he collapsed back into his chair, threading his fingers under my braid and biting his lip to stifle his guttural moan at the heat from my tongue as he threw his head back.

My eyes closed of their own accord as my fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, touching and stroking him as my tongue played with his piercing until he was almost screaming with the effort to keep his pleasure quiet, nearly begging me for more.

It took me a moment to register the breaths rolling down the back of my neck as two arms wrapped around my torso and someone started whispering filthy praises into my ear, slipping their fingers into my still-unbuttoned jeans.

"That's it, love, just like that, does he taste good? Does his cock taste good like mine does, _älskling_," he continued to whisper as his middle finger found my clit and he covered me with his body while his hands played with me, working as best they could around the tight material of my jeans.

"Couldn't pick today to wear a sundress, hmm?" Henrik chuckled in my ear, pushing my braid aside so he could kiss down my neck and across the sensitive skin where it met my shoulder as my head continued to bob up and down in Jonas' lap.

"Its twenty degrees out!" I countered when I pulled back and looked incredulously at him before returning to the other man.

"Ohh, if you're gonna -_fuck_\- chatter on like that, can you give us a minute please?" Jonas groaned, watching my lips wrap around the head of his cock as I flicked my tongue over his piercing again, and he growled lowly when I couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't you like having company, my king?" I teased, cocking an eyebrow up at him.

"Not as much as you're about to," Henrik breathed into my ear on another laugh as he pushed one finger inside me and I moaned around Jonas.

"Christ you're drenched already, how long was I asleep for?"

"She only came once, promise," Jonas half-laughed between gritted teeth, "now shut the fuck up."

His hands gripped my head and he leaned comfortably back so he could watch his cock slide down my throat as my nose rested against his skin and I held him there for a moment.

"You have no idea how fucking hot this is," he growled again, "oh god, fuck, fuckfuckfuck just like that," his words were a gasp that dissolved into a muffled shout as he ground his forehead against the window and exploded into my mouth with a sharp snap of his hips.

With each stuttered, gasping breath, he pumped another wave of his release against my tongue, and I swallowed him readily enough, using my fingers to massage him until he pushed my head back when he finally softened.

"Hey, I wasn't done with her!" Henrik said half-seriously with a grin as Jonas stared at me with wide eyes and pulled me up into his lap, forcing Henrik to pull his hands back from my core.

"Just...just give me one more second with her, please," Jonas responded, not even registering the teasing tone in his friend's voice, too wrapped up in a single moment with me as we stared at each other.

"Are you okay?" I brushed a cord of hair back off of his face, falling helplessly in love with the shade of blue that was his eyes. I'd never seen anything their color before, like it was created by the universe just for him and his fingertips brushed over my lips as they curved into a smile

"Triste, what did I ever do without you," he murmured, like it was a question he honestly couldn't think of an answer to, "gods, its like you're here and everything is...brighter now. More clear and better, and just--..."

"Happier," I smiled, kissing the tip of his nose softly once.

"Happier," he confirmed, gripping my chin with his thumb and forefinger, and tilting my face down to receive his kiss, tentatively parting my lips with his tongue like he was curious what I tasted like now.

He hummed and kissed me again, keeping it brief as we both adjusted our clothing.

"I have a really good secret," I whispered into his ear once we were both decent again.

"Oh do you?" he smiled indulgently.

"I'm gonna go get cleaned up first, and then I'll tell you," I giggled with one more kiss, standing and glancing around at everyone else on the plane who still seemed to be sleeping peacefully, as Jonas swatted my ass and called me a tease and Henrik's gaze drifted over my thighs.

My fingertips slipped through Johannes' hair as I passed him, and I only just resisted bending to wake John with a kiss to his perfect, broad mouth on the other side of the plane as I made my way to the bathroom at the rear.

I stared at myself in the mirror for several moments, thankful that the bathroom on this plane wasn't the closet-sized disinfectant-smelling tin can nightmare of its commercial airline counterpart. It wasn't roomy by any standard, but it was comfortable enough.

"You can do this. You can do this. You can do this."

I repeated it like a mantra. Like the more I said it the more I would believe it.

She'd be there again. Nedjem. My soul's mate, my partner. 

What was I so worried about?

Maybe it hadn't hit me until right at that moment that she'd really be back, but I suddenly couldn't stop the infectious giggles that vibrated through me as I thought about finally seeing her again. Finally having someone to share my dark and twisty secrets and thoughts with that I just couldn't tell my boys.

He didn't bother waiting a polite amount of time after knocking twice before cracking the door open and slipping inside, leaning back against it and watching me with a soft smile on his lips as I composed myself.

I cocked an eyebrow at him as I dried my hands off and he locked the door in response.

His eyes were dark, and I was more than familiar with the look that he was wearing as my gaze flicked down to his waist and the erection he had, clearly visible through his jeans as he dropped his small carry on bag to the floor at his feet.

"I did say I wasn't done with you yet," Henrik growled grabbing at me and turning me rapidly so he could kiss me hard, immediately filling my mouth with his tongue and moaning lowly into me as my body bent to curve against the length of his and my fingers tangled back into his hair, tearing it out of the low ponytail he always wore it in when he was out and about.

"You guys really are insatiable, do you know that?" I teased, ignoring my own inner voice clearing her throat with raised eyebrows at the sudden wetness between my legs again.

"Call it the downside of having five boyfriends," he snarked, backing me into the wall, "plus I brought something fun."

"Does it bite?" I giggled and he smirked down at me with that heavenly expression before turning me so my back was to him and devouring my neck, whispering hotly into my skin between kisses.

"No, but it buzzes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It does what now?


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we say to posting three chapters in a row within five minutes?
> 
> We say yes.  
Obviously.

As I stared wordlessly at him in the mirror, his hand traced the line of my waist, working towards my jeans as his mouth covered my neck with heated, open-mouthed kisses that filled the room with sound. It was impossibly erotic to watch his expression change as he bit and licked at my skin, glancing down every once in a while to watch his hand pushing my clothing away from my body as his other cupped my face, holding a firmer grip under my chin and over my neck to keep me right where he wanted me.

"Henrik," I breathed, the sound of his name leaving my lips with a pleasure so sharp, it was almost sinful.

"Again," he moaned into my ear, placing a hand against the front of my pelvis and using it to pull my body back as he rolled his clothed hips against me, drawing the sound of his name from me once more.

He shoved my jeans down my legs and I didn't make any kind of attempt to stop him as my clit started to throb, and Henrik started to pant when I stepped out of them and kicked the pile of material to the side. The heat from our bodies made the tiny room stifling, but I lifted my arms all the same so he could pull my shirt over my head, quickly snapping the clasp on my bra and immediately cupping both my breasts hard as he rolled his hips into me again and I tangled my hand back through his curls when he turned my face to kiss me over my shoulder. 

"Fucking hell, I feel like I should be used to seeing you naked by now, but you're just as unbelievable every time," he whispered, interrupting his devouring kisses to press a soft one to the corner of my mouth. 

"Why do you still have clothes on," was the only thing that I could gasp, uncaring that there were five other people just outside the door who could easily hear what we were doing if they listened close enough. 

He ducked out from behind me to fish something out of his bag on the floor and I found myself following and instantly kneeling behind him, pressing my hands under his shirt, running them over his skin, loving the soft familiarity of it as his head fell back against my shoulder involuntarily and I worked the thin material up his body and off over his arms. 

"Gods it feels so good when you touch me," he sighed, the words devolving into something between a gasping moan and a growl as I dragged my lips over the back corner of his jaw and continued running the flats of my palms all over his skin. 

"Forget about whats in the bag for right now," I whispered, "just get out of these clothes and take me yourself....please, Henrik I need you."

My fingers popped the button on his jeans, pushing the material away from his slender hips so that when he stood suddenly and pulled me to my feet, they fell halfway down his thighs. 

There was something feral in his gaze that I'd only seen once before as my back hit the bathroom wall again and my arms were lifted above my head, pinned by one of his hands as his jeans joined mine on the floor, kicked to the side, and his knee separated my thighs.

We both remembered together being in the exact same positon against a different wall in a different bathroom months before, the restrictions of our then-newfound attraction rather different than they were at the moment. 

"What are you thinking of doing, Henrik," I breathed, knowing he remembered too when a slow grin spread across his face and he leaned in, his lips almost touching mine.

"Lots of things I shouldn't..."

He kissed me like he was trying to drive me into the wall, like if he put enough weight against me, our bodies would join together and we would finally be close enough. 

"Wrap your legs around me," he gasped as his hands gripped the backs of my thighs and he lifted me off the ground, sliding the tip of his cock over my clit repeatedly as I locked my ankles around the back of his waist. 

Our tongues battled for dominance as he shifted enough to start pushing inside me, stretching me open but unable to be patient about it as I buried my face in his hair and cried out my pleasure, holding on around his shoulders as tightly as I could.

"You feel so fucking good," he panted, pushing further until his grip under my ass suddenly became punishing to the point that I started to wince with pain.

"Ouch, let go a little," I tried to move to hold myself up so he wouldn't have to grip me so tightly, but he started slamming me into the wall with a ruthlessness that was bordering on brutality, making my head smack back against it repeatedly.

"Henrik!" I gasped, "Henrik, babe, calm down, slow slow slow," but he didn't stop. 

He didn't even act like my comment registered.

"I know you like it rough, little whore," he growled, "this thirsty cunts never satisfied, even when all five of us are fucking you."

I had a lot of what people might politely call dirty kinks, but degradation had never been one of them. 

"Woah, uh-uh," I tried to pull back, my words coming out stuttered from each crashing impact that I was sure everyone could hear, "Henrik _stop._"

But he ignored me again, baring his teeth at me, his eyes going even darker than they were before. 

Too dark. 

"Whore," he breathed again, a twisted smile curving his mouth through his panting breaths, "never happy with just one, always has to have more. Always needs more."

He finally stopped and held me pinned to the wall, pressing me against it so hard, I could feel my shoulderblades painfully grinding against my skin.

"You're hurting me, Henrik, stop!"

"You're hurting me, Henrik, stop," he cooed back at me, his tone dripping with mockery.

What the fuck was his problem? 

"This isn't fun anymore, let me down," I struggled out of his grasp until my feet hit the floor, but he wasn't finished yet and his hand wrapped around my throat when it left my thigh. 

The twisted realization hit me that it was the only thing holding me up, as my legs were completely numb.

"Whats the matter, Triste, don't you want to play with me anymore? Don't you want to suck my cock too, Triste? Aren't you fucking thirsty anymore, little whore."

"Knock it off," I snapped, trying to push him away, "there are rules we have to discuss before we do stuff like this."

Why wouldn't he listen? 

His hand only closed around my throat tighter until I found that I was actually struggling to breathe. 

"Fuck off, Henrik!" I yelled, actually getting angry now. 

I hadn't thought I'd ever need to use my safeword with him. He so rarely was rough with me at all, and even in those twisted moments of insatiable need, he always listened to me. Always. Backing off if it was too much, giving me exactly what I asked for, seeking to satisfy every need as soon as it surfaced.

The thought bubbled to the surface of my brain that maybe he thought I was just playing along because I _hadn't _used my word.

Some kind of fantasy where he just took what he wanted, regardless of what I said.

I blinked back my tears that suddenly surfaced as it dawned on me how upsetting this was, how unsettled and actually frightened I felt.

"C-cupcake," I said sadly, looking at him with a frown, watching his face, waiting for that moment of realization to dawn on him. Waiting for his snarl to crumble and for him to jerk me forward into his arms and apologize for going too far.

But it never came. 

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," he chuckled darkly, doubling his grip until black spots were dancing at the edge of my vision as my eyes went wide and my limbs beat against the wall, trying to lift, to smack him away, but too full of lead to be useful.

My last resort was using my gifts, and I tried desperately to shut my brain up long enough to channel them. 

_Not Henrik. No. Not him. He's not like this. Not, Henrik, please!!_

No vines appeared when I imagined them wrapping around his limbs, forcing him away from me.

No pulse of energy sent him crashing back into the sink. 

A strangled scream left my blue-tinged lips as the darkness started pushing in from the corners of my vision, and I couldn't tell if the blackness in his eyes was really there or not as I crumbled to the floor, my body finally giving up from lack of oxygen and dropping from his grasp.

The unmistakable thud of deadweight hitting the floor made everyone look up at once, and Tim was up and out of his seat first, banging his fist against the door twice when it proved to be locked.

"Hey, what was that?" he called through the door when there was no answer, "Triste? Are you guys okay?"

Henrik glanced sideways at the door unconcerned, touching the tips of his fingers to the pulse point at my throat, then checking the one at my wrist.

"Goodbye, priestess," he whispered, his mouth a thin line as he blinked hard once.

His eyes opened again and he blinked twice down at me, his head cocking to the side in confusion.

"...Triste?"

It was ultimately the bloodcurdling screams that forced everyone into action.

Papa was up and out of his seat, at the bathroom door in less than a second, all but shoving Tim out of the way. 

"Move!" he barked, waving a hand over the lock and wrenching the door open. 

Henrik's screams were louder as they poured out into the plane and he shook my lifeless body, trying to wake me up as he sobbed. 

Everyone stood frozen, rooted in place, blinking, staring at the horror unfolding.

"What happened," Papa was in first, holding up a hand to everyone else as they all tried to get into the tiny room at the same time, four faces jammed into the doorway.

Nothing made him stop screaming, like his sanity had slipped and Papa's head cocked slightly to the side as he stared at Henrik, reading the energy around him and going wide-eyed for a moment.

"What. Happened." he said again, his voice changing, rumbling through the floor like an earthquake as he snatched my lifeless form from Henrik, which only made him scream more as his fingers started tearing at his hair.

"Masika," he shook me, watching my head loll back over his arm, revealing the red handprint that covered my neck. 

He shook me again. 

Said my name again.

Shook me harder. 

Papa stared at me like if he tried hard enough, I'd wake up with a gasp at the very last second like they did in the movies. 

Finally, he breathed a heavy sigh and looked up at the four men crowded in the doorway, hardly breathing, hardly functioning at all, just staring as a single tear slid down his cheek and he shook his head.

"She's gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fucking FUCK fuck you guys.


	62. Chapter 62

That hollow ear-popping, recycled air ringing sound that airplanes always have became deafening. The silence of everything became deafening, really, making Henrik's pained whimpers sound like heart wrenching, despairing cries. 

No one moved or spoke or even breathed, unbelieving as they stared, watching my expressionless features, my lips that were too blue around the edges, my eyes that stared a little too widely.

Henrik's wordless sobs turned into a wailed repetition of 'what did I do, what did I do, what did I do'.

Tim moved first, walking like he was in a dream, though he only had to take two steps, so sure that if he just touched me, I'd wake up with that soft, sleepy smile he loved best, turning my head with a deep inhale to meet his lips like I did every morning now. 

"Give her to me."

Papa started to respond, but the instant steely flash in Tim's stare made his mouth quickly snap shut as he felt himself shrink ever so slightly. 

"I said. Give her. To me," he said just as lowly, glancing over at Henrik, trying to stay calm and control the overwhelming urge to bash his friend's head into the wall, even as his heart pounded in his ears and the rush of blood threatened to make him pass out. 

"If you did this, I will kill you."

"Tim," John admonished sharply as his eyebrows furrowed, but Henrik only buried his face in his hands, scrubbing them hard over back over his hair. 

"I don't know what happened!! I can't remember anything!"

Johannes visibly winced, meeting Papa's eyes after a moment with terror plain across his face.

_No. Not this. Not again._

"You," Papa took a deep breath then jabbed a finger in Henrik's direction, "get up. Get dressed. I will deal with you outside, I can't think with you all right here. Johannes, get him out and calm him down."

Henrik couldn't get up though, the adrenaline pumping through his system only making him shake as he carded both hands back through his hair and hyperventilated, curled up naked against the wall as far away as he could get from me, whispering 'no no no' over and over again like a mantra.

Johannes pushed past everyone, taking shaky breaths, trying to quell the waves of nauseating panic that threatened to swamp him as he crouched down to be at eye level with Henrik.

"Hey, come on, get up now," he said softly, though there was a distinct tremor in his voice.

Henrik only could gasp and babble incoherently in response, his brain on the verge of shattering with confusion and the overwhelming, instant wave of extreme heartbreak that had washed over him as soon as he resurfaced.

Johannes took both of Henrik's hands, gently pulling them away from his head, frowning at the locks of hair that he'd pulled out, the strands now tangled and knotted around his fingers, and hauled his friend to his feet.

"Come on, come on, lets go, one step at a time, come on, thats it," he urged softly, looking anywhere but at me as Papa handed my limp body over to Tim when he collapsed onto his knees. 

Johannes pulled Henrik out of the cramped bathroom, motioning over his shoulder at Jonas to gather his scattered clothes and follow. He obeyed, even as his chest seemed to collapse, and the tears streaked down his cheeks, turning and shaking his head with disbelief. 

It had only been minutes.   
I'd only been gone away from him for minutes.   
How could it just all be over now?

"We're landing soon, you need to be in a seat," Papa touched Tim's arm softly, "let me help you get her dressed."

"No."

"Tim, you have to--"

"Just...just go," he whispered, too choked with uncried tears to say anything more as he stared down at me, cradled against him, held between his legs, soft now like I was asleep as he closed my eyelids.

"Tim, we can't take her off the plane without clothes on, you know that..."

Papa sighed and nodded up at John before pushing him out of the bathroom, leaving Tim on the floor with me, and turning back just as he was about to shut the door and leave us alone.

"I'm sure you know this already, but if he did this, it was an accident."

Tim scoffed and angrily shook his head, "_if _he did it. He was the only one here. He ki--..."

Papa knelt down again, gripping Tim by the chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

"I understand that we're not close, you and I, but we've all run in the same circles for many years now. And even I cannot see him doing something like this. Not on purpose. Not by accident."

"I don't--I can't--...just go," Tim whispered, his tears spilling down his cheeks as his heart crumbled to bitter ash, and he could only pull me closer as Papa sighed and leaned down to plant a kiss on top of my hair. 

"You know she comes back," he said softly, shutting the door, leaving Tim alone with my body and the hollow air, empty of Henrik's screams now, empty of my cries of passion and silly giggles. 

Just empty.

"Please wake up," he whispered, his face crumbling with his tears as they turned into gasping sobs and he shook me again like a child, "baby please, wake up."

Nothing happened, and he clutched me closer.

"You can't be gone. Not now. You finally just found me, please don't go," he sobbed, crushing my face to his chest and leaning down to press his cheek against my forehead.

He stayed that way, rocking me back and forth, crying until he had nothing left, barely noticing the sharp jolt as the wheels touched the ground. 

"I'll find her. Nedjem. I promise I'll find her for you," he vowed, reaching behind me to unravel my braid, pressing his nose to my hair , the innermost locks still damp and fragrant with my shampoo. 

"And I'll find you again. Even if you're on the other side of the world. I'll always find you. Triste, or Katherine, or Masika, or whoever you are. My pieces and your pieces," he sniffled, a fresh wave of anguish dulling his senses at the memory of me whispering those very words to him, tangled up in full view of everyone, but very much alone together.

He continued to rock me back and forth, softly, slowly, hypnotized by the movement, almost falling into a trance, trying to ignore that gnawing in his insides that felt different from the potent, gripping pain of loss. 

But something else was wrong. 

Tim felt it, Papa felt it.

Jonas felt it too.

I was gone, but I wasn't absent. It wasn't that feeling like when May had died, where he'd felt the very exsanguination of her spirit. With me, it felt like I was on the periphery of his vision, like he'd see me if he turned his head, but when he did I wasn't there. 

Jonas was up and unbuckled as soon as the wheels touched down, grabbing the backs of chairs with a hard grip to prevent himself from being thrown around as he paced up and down the aisle, unable to sit still. 

"Not right. Something's not right," he shook his head hard, squeezing his eyes shut and growling when it didn't make the sense of discomfort beyond the immediate sense of loss dissipate. 

The whole situation seemed not right. Wrong. Impossible.

I couldn't be dead. 

Barely half an hour before, I'd been clinging to him, trying to kiss him more deeply, roll my hips more firmly against his hand, press closer to him as the warmth of my body, my core, resonated into the very fibers of his being until he glowed with the electricity that kept my heart beating.

"Goddamnit," he finally growled, rounding on Henrik, "what did you fucking do!"

All Henrik could do was tear his fingers back through his hair, tangling them down to the roots again, and shake his head, staring at the carpeted floor as each tear dropped unnoticed. 

"Answer me!" Jonas shouted again, advancing on the other man, but stopping in his tracks when Papa stepped into his path. 

"Get out of my way, Forge," he said lowly, everything about his voice a threat, "he has to answer for this. For her."

"I don't think that he can, Jonas, he doesn't remember," Papa said softly, placing a gentle, calming hand against his shoulder, realizing with a pang that I hadn't ever actually learned his human name. Perhaps he shouldn't have played so coy.

"I'll make him remember," Jonas grabbed Papa by both upper arms, intending to physically move him out of the way so he could get to Henrik, who hardly seemed to notice the scuffle as Jonas suddenly was thrown back onto the floor. 

"You will _not _raise your hand to me or forget what I am," the words came from Papa's mouth, but they weren't his voice. At least, they weren't the voice that they knew him to have, and he stared hard with a scowl at the man on the floor before sighing and leaning down to haul him up. 

"I'm sorry my friend, I should not have snapped at you."

"No don't fucking touch me," Jonas spat, getting to his feet by himself and stalking to the front of the plane, all but running down the steps as soon as the plane's door was open and the staircase was lowered. 

John followed silently, still unable to process anything more than the haunting last look on my face, frozen there, like I had died terrified of the one I'd trusted the most. 

Johannes still sat next to Henrik near the back, the only one not ignoring him, but in some ways the one hurt the most.

"Come on, brother, lets go," he held out a hand as he stood, hauling the other to his feet when he didn't seem to hear him the first time, "we'll figure this out. I know it was an accident."

"Don't remember," Henrik mumbled, stumbling over his own feet until Johannes thought he might just have to pick him up and shoulder him, "just...darkness. Nothing."

Papa watched, one eye twitching slightly, and Johannes turned to him.

"Are you coming with us?"

"Yes...give me a moment," he nodded his head towards the closed bathroom door.

Johannes froze, his face falling and his breath hitching in his chest, like breathing without me shouldn't have been possible. It wasn't that he'd forgotten, but knowing my body was behind the door chipped away at the numbness and the ache started to seep back in.

"Does she come back if--..."

"Yes, son," Papa answered after a moment, trying to sound convincing, "there will be a car outside waiting to take you to the house in Reims. Please get in and tell them I will follow shortly. Nedjem will be there when you arrive. She'll be...well, rather familiar, I believe."

"May," Johannes nodded his understanding, his movements feeling thick and sludgy, like only every other word was really sticking in his brain, and his joints were full of lead, "is Tim going with you?"

"May's dead," Henrik murmured dazedly, and Papa ignored him for the time being.

"I think its probably best that Tim and Henrik travel separately at the moment. Please separate Jonas and Henrik as well."

Johannes nodded again, blinking away his tears as he hoisted Henrik up again, the smaller man's knees threatening to give out under him.

"Please just tell me what to do," he whispered, staring at Papa numbly. He was always the leader out of the five of them. His English was the best, his wit the smoothest, his goofiness just accepted as part of his persona, with or without the makeup.

But now, he felt lost. Like he was stumbling around blindly in the dark, as equally unsure which way was up as he was about what to do next. 

Papa walked down the aisle of the plane, each step purposeful, until he was standing right in front of Henrik, taking his face with both hands and forcing his head up.

"Henrik, can you hear me, son? Are you listening?"

His doe eyes blinked once, like an acknowledgement as he stared silently.

"Please try to remember as much as you can and tell Johannes. He will then tell me and we will get to the bottom of this...I know it wasn't...purposeful."

Henrik's attention started to wander as his gaze shifted to the seat on his left, his eyes tracing each stitch in the leather, the patterns across the surface. 

"Henrik," Papa said more sharply, pulling him back, "_anything_ you can remember. Any detail at all will be important, even if it doesn't seem so to you."

"I didn't mean to," Henrik breathed, his voice cracking in the middle, "I wouldn't ever hurt her. I-I don't know what happened..."

Papa sighed heavily, frowning, "son, I can't imagine that anyone who witnessed you with her for even the briefest second would think differently. We will find the answer to this, I swear to you."

His eyes flicked back up to Johannes, willing him to understand. 

"That is why you need to search for every detail you can grasp, Henrik...every second of memory you have needs to be shared."

With nothing further, he turned on his heel and strode towards the back of the plane, waving a hand over the lock again to unlatch it. 

"Wait. If you're...you know...a god and stuff...what, uhm, what do we call you now?" Johannes asked, and Papa turned, slightly surprised at the question as his hand settled on the doorknob to the bathroom.

"You won't need to call me by that name - maintain casual familiarity for right now, Johannes...though, I've taken quite the liking to answering to Papa if you're feeling indulgent," he smiled with slight amusement.

Johannes shook his head and put his hands on Henrik's shoulders, guiding him down the steps one at a time, murmuring encouragement.

Papa was right, and he'd never seen Henrik behave violently towards anyone, let alone a partner...let alone me. Johannes searched his frazzled brain for something, anything, to explain what had just happened, but the pieces wouldn't come together. 

Maybe he just snapped? Had I said something that touched a nerve? I wouldn't be so careless, and Henrik wouldn't be so brutal. Or was there something that had been dormant for all they years they'd known him? Some kind of violent, feral streak?

Johannes shook his head again, lifting Henrik and hauling him down the last step when one foot slipped off the metal platform. 

Not possible. Not their Henrik. 

Papa watched the two of them go before turning the doorknob and pulling the bathroom door open again. Tim was exactly where they'd all left him, cradling me to his chest, rocking me back and forth, humming softly. 

He listened for a moment, the sad, low tone if his voice filling the air, cloaking me like a funeral shroud, but sounding so lovely at the same time. There was something so familiar about the song, but he banished the thought when he couldn't immediately place it. 

"Tim," Papa sighed, kneeling next to us, and brushing a hand back over his hair when he didn't respond, "its time to get up. We need to dress her and get her ready to go, the car is waiting."

Tim didn't move, and Papa huffed a sigh and worked around him, gathering my clothing, untangling my panties from my jeans and slipping them on over my feet.

"I am not the one who should be doing this...I'm not the one she trusted this way," he chastised, keeping his tone gentle but when Tim finally looked up at him, the expression he wore nearly knocked Papa back.

"Oh, child, who was this girl to you? More than a casual interest," he sighed, floored by the severity of the anguish in a face he was so used to seeing with a smile.

There was so much sadness in Tim's gaze, like it wasn't me that had died but a part of him, a piece of his own soul, and as he watched Papa wince slightly Tim wordlessly unbuttoned the top of his shirt, pulling the open material to the side to reveal the small cartouche tattoo, barely visible in the low lighting under his chest hair.

"She was everything, Papa," he said softly, sadly, forgetting to use his name, "everything good in my entire life was her. Everyone else loves her too, but...we were different. We weren't...we weren't by chance."

Papa's breath left on a huffed sigh.

She'd always had a way with things like that. Outwardly, she was hard, vicious even - a woman whose weapons were fire and pestilence. But the tenderness underneath flowed thick like rich blood in her veins. 

"I am sorry, my friend. She was quite a remarkable woman...even as, ahem, briefly as we knew each other, I can still attest to as much."

"I feel like I'm going to die too," Tim said in that same soft, flat tone, still looking down at me, hesitant to let go and accept that I was really gone. 

"Why wouldn't She do something?" he finally whispered, coming more to his senses then enough to stop Papa from what he was doing as he resumed moving my panties back up my legs.

"Stop...please. I'm sorry...you're right, I should be the one doing this."

Papa traded places with him, finding himself pressing his nose into my hair, inhaling the smell of jasmine and lily, peony and soft riverbank blossoms that seemed to exude from my very skin. 

"Flowers," Tim murmured, the sound of Papa inhaling registering with him as he was blinking back the tears that blurred his vision while he settled the lace band around my hips, softly touching the skin there, the marks and bruises that littered my body, "she always smells like flowers."

"Who were you talking about just now Tim?" Papa asked with his head slightly cocked, resisting the urge to run his hands over me and touch me, the powerful wish to almost feeling second nature to him now.

So many centuries he'd known it.

"Uhm, T-Triste," Tim choked out after a moment, finding that he wanted to scream my name as loud as he could, but his mouth could hardly form the word. 

"No, I'm sorry," Papa chuckled softly, feeling strange for doing so, but the other man's delicate confusion was so endearing. 

Papa watched Tim tracing the line of a bite mark on my thigh, his fingers drifting over the myriad marks that he'd left on me - evidence of a consuming passion and driven obsession.

The briefest of curiosities crossed his mind as he wondered what sounds Tim made while he left such marks on his partners, and Papa shivered just once as he watched his fingertips moving over me before he continued.

"No, son, I apologize for my vagaries, what you said before about 'why wouldn't she do something'?"

"Oh..." Tim shimmied my jeans up over my hips, carefully zipping and buttoning them before smoothing his hands over my skin again. He didn't answer at first, turning to find the rest of my clothes and slipping my bra on over both arms as Papa leaned me forward into a seated position.

Tim held me up as Papa hooked the clasp behind my back, holding his arms out once more to receive me and nuzzling his nose against my hair as he finally allowed his fingers to skim across the tattoo just below my breast now that I was covered, feeling the symbols standing out on my skin like they were made of raised scar tissue.

He breathed a sharp sigh as the tears pricked behind his eyelids. Honest devotion, it seemed, just came naturally to me. 

"I meant Sekhmet," Tim said quietly, watching the other man obviously taking my death hard too, "her...her goddess..."

Tim shivered as he said Her name, but his confusion and grief gave way to anger as he shook his head back and forth, refusing to accept that I was gone.

"Why wouldn't She do something? Triste has devoted lifetime after lifetime to Her, and She, what, just lets her die?! Lets her get fucking murdered just like May?!? By someone she loved and trusted?! She should have done something, its not fair!"

He was becoming hysterical despite his best efforts to stay calm, but the cold snap in Papa's gaze when his eyes flashed up to his instantly silenced him. 

"You will not speak of Her so disrespectfully, Tim John Alexander Öhrström," he snarled, "you don't know what you're talking about, so don't you dare lay the blame at Her feet."

"Don't use my name like you're my fucking mother," Tim snapped back, his tone so at odds with the gentle touch he still used to finish dressing me, his tears starting to leak from his eyes again as he fought for each breath, his lungs refusing the oxygen. 

_*Come to me, my son, I must speak with you.*_

Tim jumped at the sound of Her voice in his ears, filling his head with low vibrations like the residual ring of a gong, just as Papa closed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. Everyone handled death and immediate, extremely traumatizing loss differently, he reminded himself. 

He looked at Tim again as he handed me over to him, gently placing me in his arms and brushing my hair away from my face, letting the tips of his fingers roam over my features, smoothing over one eyebrow, down the ridge of my cheek, across my lips. 

"Henrik didn't do this. This little girl's goddess didn't will this, and unless I am mistaken, She didn't even know until the deed was done..."

"How? She seems like She always knows everything. She told me--" Tim stopped short, blushing and looking away. 

Papa's eyebrows shot up. 

_Surely She wouldn't speak to a human directly?_

"Told you what, son."

He heaved a sigh, pressing his lips to my temple, "why do you keep calling me son, its unnerving."

Papa reached over and ran a hand back over Tim's hair, unable to stop himself and only just managing to stifle the soft sound of pleasure at how soft and thick it felt running between his fingers. 

"Because," his irises swirled green, like mine, "while I am not as old as time itself, I am close," he smiled softly.

"Wh-who are you?"

"My name is Ihy. I am a son of Hathor, whose divine sister is Sekhmet...who apparently has some interest in you."

"She...She told me that the one I sought served the eye of the sun. Years before I ever met Triste, before I was even interested in looking for someone again. That's what I meant before, when I said we weren't by chance. We were supposed to find each other," he gasped a low sob, burying his face into my hair, "and now she's gone..."

Papa watched Tim weep into my tresses, clutching me tightly, rocking me again as his eyes squeezed shut.

"Tim...perhaps I am overstepping my bounds by telling you this. But there was a...an energy, if you will, an aura perhaps, around your friend Henrik immediately after we found him with her, one that wasn't his own."

Tim lifted his tear-stained face, "an energy?"

"Yes, an energy. Each person has their own - its what animates you, what drives you, essentially what makes you _you. _What differentiates you from being exactly the same as Henrik or Jonas or John, aside from physical characteristics and genetic determinations."

"Okay..."

Papa waited for him to give any kind of indication of how much he knew, of what he understood of my and my world. 

"So...not his energy...what, he was like possessed or something?"

"Perhaps not so much possessed as...temporarily occupied?"

"Whats the difference," Tim raised a confused eyebrow as he shook his head.

"Nevermind. Come on, we'll finish this later. Lets get her up, the car is outside and everyone else has already gone."

"Oh...they left without me?"

"My suggestion, son, I thought you would want to stay with her. I must admit, when I first encountered her with Johannes, I was sure their connection was extraordinary, but..." he blinked hard and looked at Tim with a curious but sad expression, "I didn't ever anticipate any of you."

Tim winced at his comment, sighing and hugging me close again.

"I don't think any of us did either. But then there she was and..." he gestured with his hands like the rest needed no explanation, "did...did Henrik not do this?"

"No, Tim," Papa sighed, "I don't think he did. Perhaps is was his own hands, but not his will certainly."

"Well...then whose energy was it then? Who would...why...oh...I thought--I thought Na'eemah was dead..."

The other man found himself blinking hard once more, his surprise obviously showing on his features as Tim seemed to shrink in on himself, wondering if he'd said something ignorant.

_Then he does know. _ _He understands._

"Come on, time to go," Papa said softly, getting to his knees and placing one knuckle under Tim's chin to nudge it up, surprising both of them when he leaned in and laid a gentle, brief kiss there.

Tim didn't bat him away or startle, he just opened his eyes and stared sadly at the other who pulled back with no apology on his lips though he thought perhaps there should have been.

He got to one knee and slid his arms under my legs and behind my shoulders, holding me bridal style like I was just sleeping, but shifting uncomfortably under the literal dead weight. 

"The car is just outside, come."

Papa shouldered both my bag and Tim's like they weighed nothing as Tim followed him towards the front of the plane, trying not to bump or move me too much once he finally got me into a position comfortable for him.

The driver raised both eyebrows behind dark sunglasses as they approached the car.

"Too much to drink on an empty stomach and passed out cold, poor lass," Papa chuckled, dismissing his own comment with a waved hand, "but what a welcome to Paris, hmm? Tim, why don't you and our precious cargo sit in the back. She'll be more...comfortable if she wakes up to you," he swallowed hard and Tim nodded once, glad that his own sunglasses were dark enough that no one could see his eyes blurring with tears. 

He climbed in immediately after setting me down, and adjusted me so I was leaning against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist, cradling my face into his shoulder so he could pet my hair.

"You perhaps want to rethink that, monsieur," the driver advised, lifting his glasses and meeting Tim's stare in the rear view, "likely to get sick all over you the second she wakes."

Tim's mouth formed a hard line as he dropped his glasses back down over his eyes.

"I'll take my chances."

The driver shrugged like he'd done his due diligence in trying, and Papa settled into the front, casually dropping into French with the driver, gesturing like he was in a perfectly gay mood and nothing in the world was the matter. 

"Its okay, priestess," Tim murmured into my hair, "I've got you now."

They sped down the road, and time seemed to blur as Tim petted me softly, murmuring little lovers' words, kissing my forehead over and over again as I steadily went cold, all the while seated on his left, waving my arms and screaming at him, panicking that no one apparently could see or hear me at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a merry christmas!!


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone make me stop writing sad Henrik, its tearing me apart.

I shook my head as I sat up on the bathroom floor, trying to clear out the cobwebs and blinking against the sudden light, even low and dim as the bulbs over the sink were.

"Woah, what the hell just happened?" I mumbled, scrubbing both hands over my face, nearly jumping out of my skin when Henrik started screaming at the top of his lungs. I was still disoriented enough that I didn't immediately remember him choking the life out of me, staring menacingly, watching the light fade behind my eyes. 

"Henrik!!" I yelled, scrambling to my knees and moving across the floor to his side, ignoring the fear gripping my insides like a vice as it all came flooding back in a sickening wave.

_He just tried to kill you._

_Little whore, he called you._

_What good is a safe word if it doesn't keep you safe?_

I moved to grab him by the shoulders, but the petrified look on his face stopped me cold as I watched him stare down at...

Me?

"What the fuck," I whispered, barely breathing, staring at the red handprint on my throat, my eyes open wide, my blue lips, and he grabbed my body, shaking me roughly, still screaming like he was the one dying.

"Johannes!" I yelled, "get in here!"

Each second lasted a lifetime, and I kept wondering why they weren't all knocking the door in, trying to get to their panicking friend. But the more I watched Henrik, the slower he seemed to move, his eyes wide, his mouth open in an endless scream, his arm muscles flexing and relaxing in the movement of shaking me, trying to make me wake up.

_Of course they can't get in, Henrik locked the door from inside, you idiot._

He'd met my stare in the mirror as I dried my hands and shut everyone else away from us for just a few minutes, reminding me that he wasn't done with me yet.

I supposed that I had misunderstood his meaning.

I jumped up and dashed for the door, stepping over my own body, refusing to look anymore lest my mind completely shatter, and I barely heard Papa on the other side of the door, yelling at someone to move as Henrik continued to scream.

I reached to flip the bolt, feeling like each movement I made was slow and hazy, like the way you move in a dream, where everything feels half-speed - you're not moving fast enough, but somehow you're still out-pacing everyone else. 

The click sounded like a gunshot between my ears, but I was sure it was hardly audible inside the tiny room.

"Papa--" I started, pulling on the door handle, but it didn't move. When I checked, it was locked again.

"What the--"

As I reached for it once more, my fingers only inches away, it flicked back of its own accord, suddenly unlocked, and the door was wrenched open. I was flattened back against the wall as Papa stepped in, his movements quicker now, normal speed as he stared hard at Henrik.

"What happened," he barked, holding a hand up to halt everyone else as they stared in at the macabre scene unfolding.

"I don't know, he just...we were...you know, and he just got too rough, and and, and he wouldn't listen to me," I trembled as the recent memory flooded back in high def. 

_No thanks, I'm not hungry._

"Papa, he completely ignored my safe word, somethings not right!"

But Papa didn't look at me or even act like he'd heard me as he stared at Henrik, his eyes widening slightly like there was possibly something more surprising than a screaming, naked man shaking a dead, naked girl.

"What. Happened." he growled again, his voice changing, rumbling to the point that I found myself lifting my feet off the floor one at a time as I felt the sound waves pass through the linoleum. 

"I just told you..."

He snatched my body from Henrik, resuming the shaking, but more lightly as the other scrambled back against the wall, getting as far away from me as possible and hunching into a tight ball as his fingers tore back through his hair. 

"Masika."

"Papa, I'm here," I waved a hand to get his attention. Maybe he'd missed me in the chaos of it all, "please look at me...I don't understand whats happening!"

He ignored me again, and I screamed with frustration, turning and slamming the side of my fist against the bathroom wall, and whirling back around as I shook it out, cursing at the pain.

Papa said my name again, and shook me once more, looking up at Jonas and Johannes, John and Tim, all still crowded at the doorway, staring in disbelief, like we were sharing the same fucked up dream.

"She's gone," he whispered.

"I'm right fucking here you moron!" I yelled, kneeling in front of him and gripping his face between my hands, immediately drawing back from the sheer peculiarity of what happened.

I could touch him in the sense that the surface of my skin could lay flat against the surface of his, but I felt nothing, like I was only touching air that gave resistance rather than warm, living flesh. 

"What the fucking fuck, okay Triste, time to wake up, this is way fucked even for your brain," I said out loud, slapping my palms against my own cheeks and wincing at the sting.

"Give her to me," Tim said lowly, his voice breaking the silence that had descended without my notice as I dropped into my own panicked spiral. But his tone immediately silenced me, and Papa too as he opened his mouth to deny his request, but thought better of it when he caught his gaze.

"No, oh gods, please don't give me to him," I winced, knowing that even if by some minor miracle or mix up, I _wasn't _actually dead, what I was about to see would in fact tear me apart piece by piece. 

_No, not Tim. Please not Tim. _

He turned to Henrik as he knelt next to me, holding out his arms, "if you did this, I will kill you."

John and I both sharply said his name in unison. 

"I don't know what happened!! I can't remember anything!!"

"What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck," I couldn't stop the panicked tears from rolling down my cheeks as I ran out into the plane, squeezing past Johannes and John and finally releasing the pent up sobs as I collapsed into a chair. 

"My goddess, whats happening??"

I had died hundreds of times. Each variation was slightly different in its origins - lights and sounds and colors, but ultimately they were always at the final moment exactly the same.

I would open my eyes to see Her shining face.

Her regality, Her majesty. 

Laughing lowly at my sigh of relief, like by now I should start expecting this, then gathering me to Her like a child. 

And then that was it - I'd manifest elsewhere, wherever She desired, and would have no memory of the goings on inbetween save for the image of her feline mouth curved up at one corner, giving me that smirk that made Her whiskers twitch on one side. 

My life always ended and began in Her presence. 

"Please, Mother," I begged, starting to hyperventilate again, "bring me home. Start me over, I'll find them again, I promise!"

But there was nothing. No low humming in my ears, no pull to bring me back to Her, just the hushed murmuring of Johannes' voice trying to calm Henrik down as he dressed himself with shaking fingers and Jonas stood with his hands on his hips watching silently. 

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, _SEKHMET_," I yelled, standing and beating my fists against the seat in front of me, daring to use Her name without Her permission, "_where are you!?_"

Papa closed the door to the bathroom softly behind him, leaning back against it for a moment and staring at the ceiling, taking deep breaths in through his nose and exhaling through his mouth. 

He stood that way for a long time and I watched his eyes remain fixed on the ceiling, unblinking, his mind obviously working. They did blink as we finally hit the ground, and everyone else bounced in their seats.

Jonas was immediately up, throwing the two sides of his seatbelt off his lap and running his hands over his hair, pulled back into a thick ponytail to keep it out of his way. He gripped the seat backs as he started to pace, and I realized with a start that he kept looking over in my direction. Almost right at me, but more like he was looking past me, over my shoulder.

It was good enough for me. 

I waved a hand as a relieved sob clawed its way up from my throat and I ran to him.

"Jonas. Please tell me you can see me. Please please please," I reached for him, trying to lay my hands flat against his chest, but only feeling that hollow sensation of touching air like I had with Papa. 

He growled his frustration but didn't answer me otherwise. 

I tried to stop him as he rounded on Henrik, cursing and demanding answers, and I couldn't bear to watch the other, his tears still dropping down his face, but unnoticed now like he was retreating into his own head, curling back into his shell, shutting out everything.

"Jonas, don't--" I yelled, trying to remind him that Ihy may have been small as a human, but he was still a god, and exponentially, in fact infinitely, more powerful that any of us, but he went flying backwards, landing several feet away as Papa did the reminding for both of us. 

Part of me by now knew that they couldn't hear me or see me, but I couldn't stop myself from talking to them, and I cried out loudly as Johannes hauled Henrik to his feet, holding him up when it became clear that his knees were going to give.

"Don't remember. Just...darkness. Nothing..."

I heard Henrik's words as I watched John's retreating form following Jonas, who was yelling at no one in Swedish when his feet hit the pavement.

"Henrik, I promise this wasn't you," I ran to his side but didn't touch him, knowing the combination of being unable to feel his skin against mine and watching him slowly fade away would put me over the edge.

"Does she come back if--"

"Yes, son."

"No, Papa I don't think I'm going to!!!" I yelled hysterically, tearing my fingers back through my hair, cursing loudly when they got stuck in my braid and pulled several strands out, "She won't answer me! I think I'm dead!"

"Please get in and tell them I will follow shortly. Nedjem will be there when you arrive. She'll be...well, rather familiar, I believe," Papa said, standing quietly as he waited for Johannes to respond, his eyes traveling over Henrik, reading the air just around him, like his outline. 

_Oh fuck._

"Oh, shit, Johannes you have go tell Jonas about--" I started.

"May," he nodded to Papa, neither of them acknowledging me. 

Shit. Fucking fuck fuck. I had intended to tell him myself. I was going to go to the bathroom and clean myself up then snuggle back into his arms and watch the joy unfold on his lovely face when I told him that not only was she back, as he already knew, but she would be our May again. She'd be exactly the same as before. 

It had all been some kind of test. 

I understood, and didn't begrudge my goddess anything. She'd had the same high priestess for thousands of years, and even though I'd been there too, always faithful, always loyal, this was a new level of responsibility and obedience that She needed to confirm. 

I wondered if the girl is Abisko had been real at all. 

Could she withdraw our spirits from our bodies and replace them elsewhere? 

I didn't see why not.

But the more I thought about Her, the more I found myself shaking my head this way and that, trying to dislodge the feeling that there were cotton balls in my ears. Once I discovered the sensation, I couldn't shake it, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stay calm as I remembered my final moments, trying to use my gifts, trying to force Henrik away from me as his hand closed tighter around my throat.

They had never failed me like that before in any lifetime.

The sound of Papa telling Henrik he knew it wasn't purposeful made my stomach turn, and I fell to my knees dry-heaving, my body revolting against the very idea that my Henrik would raise a finger against me. 

As Johannes helped Henrik down the stairs and Papa turned back to open the bathroom door, I tried desperately to contact him, screaming and flailing my arms, but he clearly didn't know I was there. 

I tried to weave from thin air, picturing a sistrum made of thick, braided grasses, but nothing appeared and I threw my head back and screamed in anguish towards the ceiling, crying hysterically and finally getting to my feet and tearing towards the front of the plane and down the steps.

I hit the pavement just in time to watch Johannes yelling at Jonas before slamming the car door shut in his face.

"You sit here and shut the fuck up if you're not going to try to help, Jonas, because you're not the only one being fucking torn apart by this, and fuck you for behaving like you are."

I ran for the car, reaching my hands out, pleading for him not to shut the door yet.

_No, please wait. I need to come with you. Please don't leave me here. Johannes. Please, you said you wouldn't ever let me out of your sight again._

But the car door slammed shut all the same and they sped off, leaving me gasping for air once more as the second car, another black SUV, remained parked, the driver getting out and opening the door.

I froze for a moment.

"Hello? Can you see me?"

There was no response, and he only crossed his hands over his hips and stood by the open door, obviously waiting for the remaining passengers to deplane.

I wasn't sure if I could open doors or not, since I apparently couldn't unlock them, and dove into the backseat as Papa trotted down the steps, followed by Tim who was holding me bridal style, cradled to his chest, moving slower.

The driver shifted back and forth on his feet and I watched his eyebrows raise over the tops of his dark sunglasses, obviously not expecting one of us to be carried.

"Too much to drink on an empty stomach and passed out cold, poor lass..."

I shrank away as Tim laid my body in the car and got in afterwards, gathering me back against him, glaring at the driver when he suggested that it was unwise. One of them had fished a silk scarf out of my bag and tied it neatly around my neck, hiding the handprint, and the driver only shrugged, none the wiser, and listened politely as Papa dropped into French and chattered on about nothing.

"Its okay, priestess, I've got you now..." the other whispered into my hair, dropping kiss after kiss against my forehead.

"Tim...oh gods, please look at me, please tell me you can hear me," I whined, the hysterics starting to set in again as I felt myself fading from him, "no, no no no whats happening!! Tim please help me!!"

The last thing I saw was Tim glancing over towards me, wearing a puzzled look that I knew like the back of my hand, even behind his sunglasses, then nuzzling his nose back into my hair as a tear dropped down his cheek below the frames. 

Then I was standing on the pavement, watching them all speed off towards Reims. Towards the other four pieces of my heart and the one who had kept all my chaos held together for thousands of years. 

"No!! What the fuck is happening!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, the entire thing not even feeling cathartic at this point, but I closed my eyes and did it again, wailing and crying, sobbing until I finally crumbled to the ground, my body heaving with wracking sobs.

I was so stuck in my own head and my own twisted grief as I wept into my hands that I hardly noticed the smell at first, but as I breathed more deeply, more rhythmically, trying to force a state of calm upon myself, it started to register.

Water.

Silty, turbulent water.

The kind that broke its banks each year, gifting the soil with nutrients that started their journey all the way in the highlands of Ethiopia.

_Iteru. _

I could smell it but I couldn't hear it, and I was afraid to open my eyes, wanting to be here, in the place that I knew was my home, but equally wanting to be back with my boys. 

"Is this hell?" I wondered aloud, asking the presence that I sensed kneeling before me, not caring who they were, not caring about anything, really.

"No, Masika," Na'eemah said softly, the tears streaking down her cheeks as she died all over again, realizing it really was me when she pulled my hands from my face, "but when you open your eyes, you may feel differently."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna know something fun?
> 
> In both my 2019 reflection spread and my 2020 projection spread, the goddess Sesheta's oracle card came up. She's been on my mind a lot, as I've been experiencing some real blocks with trying to make this story take shape. But in the last few days, I've been a writing machine - literally one chapter after the next just coming together.
> 
> The only problem is they're all out of order 🙃  
So remain patient my children.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello sorry I've been away for a thousand years.

Johannes stared blankly out the window at the scenery passing. It was gray, the rows of vines all cut back and pruned of their fresh growth to lie dormant through the winter, seemingly endless trellises of identical, thick woody stalks protruding from chalky white soil.

It was all so tragically fitting.

The land was dead and so was I. 

Not really dead though, he supposed, finally letting himself dwell longer on the question he'd posed on the plane.

I would be back. Somewhere. At some time.

Was this all just the punishment for what had happened with Na'eemah? For him not being stronger and fighting her influence? For letting her hurt me and very nearly kill me like she'd killed May?

He shuddered as he remembered it all. Gods but it had been easy to block out when he was finally with me again. 

She'd so often left him be, trusting that her hold over him was enough to keep him from breaking free. But when he was with the others, she was there - waiting, now he realized, for me to come find him. Knowing that I loved him enough to not give up on the unexpected but beautiful bond we'd forged in such a short time.

But she lost her patience eventually.

No one spoke at first - they hardly knew what to say. They didn't stare at their phones or make jokes about each others' expenses. There was no music coming through the stereo or excited chattering about a new song they'd found in the seemingly endless hours of airtravel. 

There were just cold dormant vines, and cold dormant silence. 

Finally, Jonas couldn't take it anymore and turned in his seat, staring back at John looking out one window, Johannes looking out the other, and Henrik in the row behind them by himself, staring at the floor. 

"Say something for yourself," he barked, making everyone look up at him. 

Johannes cast a wary glance at the driver, who jumped slightly at both Jonas breaking the deafening silence and the tone he'd used to do so. 

The tires scratched against the road, filling the empty airspace as everyone simply watched the stormclouds gather on Jonas' face, betraying the sickening anger he felt towards one of his oldest friends for taking away one of his newest. 

"Maybe this can wait..." Johannes leaned forward, subtly nodding towards the silent man behind the wheel.

Jonas rolled his eyes and turned to the driver, switching to Swedish and speaking quickly.

_"Pratar du svenska?"_

The driver glanced over once he realized he was being address, "Hmm? _Je regret, monsieur_, perhaps in English? Or French?"

"No, nevermind, thank you," he glanced out the window, watching the stones and the vines pass with a hypnotic pace. They were heading into wine country, to be sure, "where are we going? I thought he said Paris."

The other's face changed for a moment like he was becoming concerned that his passengers didn't know the answer to that question. 

"You landed in a private airfield just outside Paris, _monsieur, _now we are going to the _Château Deschamps..._don't you--_ah!_ I see, it is a surprise yes? Tsk, very clever, but you'll not get another answer from me!" he laughed victoriously, still grinning and chuckling to himself as his concentration shifted back to the road, thinking he'd thoroughly outwitted his passengers by not revealing more about the location of their weekend getaway which was surely a planned surprise by the little man who had paid cash up front no questions asked for the transport of seven passengers.

Jonas didn't press it. He didn't particularly care where they were going. Deschamps meant nothing to him anyways. Just another occasion for that little bastard to show everyone how much smarter he was than everyone else. 

"Oh. Fuck, there's something you should know too," Johannes groaned, switching to Swedish for the sake of privacy and not shattering the driver's sanity with discussion of murder and rebirth. 

"Don't bother, I don't care," Jonas shook his head, again looking back at Henrik, repeating in Swedish what he'd growled minutes earlier, "you owe us answers. Now."

"What do you want me to say!" Henrik yelled, the immediate, terrifying shock of surfacing to find me dead finally giving way to something less hysterical but a lot more angry as he gripped the seatback in front of him and glared at the other, "that I did it on purpose? That I perfectly remember murdering her while I was fucking her?!"

"HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY KILL SOMEONE HENRIK, how do you take away the one good person who bent over fucking backwards to help us," Jonas roared from the front, looking like he too was considering launching himself over the middle row and settling this with his fists. 

Jonas' retort was immediate, and loud enough that Johannes put a hand up to both his friends, trying to at least lower the volume if this confrontation was about to happen right now. 

He supposed Jonas wasn't wrong in looking for answers - they all wanted them, but he knew that Henrik would never do such a thing. Not to me.

Henrik wasn't aware that Johannes knew, but he did. From the very first second that he'd introduced us, he saw how smitten his friend was, how helplessly he'd tumbled head over heels in love with me, for once not second guessing or being wary of such an emotion. The quiet, reserved nature melted away into something a lot more confident, protective, and devoted. 

Music was the only thing he'd ever seen Henrik treat the way he'd treated me, equally careful and passionate. Giving everything in every moment. 

"I don't remember _anything_," Henrik buried his face in his hands again, the silent sobs shaking his shoulders, but his tear ducts were overworked and empty now after such a traumatizing bout of gutwrenching despair as he'd already endured. He stayed that way as everyone waited, then realized he was too overwhelmed to continue, and turned back to their staring out the windows. 

Henrik so rarely yelled, and John sightlessly watched the passing scenery, monotonous in its repetition, his mind running back over the last time he'd seen his friend this worked up over me. 

_They were in the studio, planning on shutting themselves away for as many days as it took to get this album down into something tangible, everyone coming back from their breaks alone, taking their time away from each other so their music would be stronger when they regrouped, the way it always was.   
It had been something of a breeze to write, this album revolving around an inside joke. Calling Jonas the king. _

_Johannes has walked in, following slightly behind her, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He'd told them who she was, and John had learned the truth in that old turn of phrase about being able to hear a pin drop. The silence almost seemed to turn the room inside out. _

_I'm sorry, your what?  
My wife, Henrik.  
Look, no offense, lady, but Johannes what about Triste...you do realize that all this time we've all thought that you were talking about Triste when you said you ran off and got fucking hitched, right?!  
Tr--...come on, lets get this thing done. I'll see you later Katrine._

_Everyone had pretended not to notice that he visibly winced when her lips brushed his cheek._

_When the door shut behind her, Henrik threw his bass down, nearly snapping the neck from the body, but he didn't care._

_"You motherfucker, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DO THIS TO HER. Tell me you didn't just let her go for some new novelty piece of ass that came along. I swear to god I will fucking book a flight and leave."_

_When Johannes remained silent, he and Tim had both had to physically hold Henrik back, exchanging a surprised glance at how strong he was as he struggled against their hold. _

_Finally he huffed off with a frustrated yell, refusing to lay down any of his tracks if Johannes was even in the same building for the rest of their time there._

"It was like..." they all turned again in unison like something out of a movie when Henrik's voice sounded from the backseat again, even drawing the driver's quick glance in the rear view mirror, "...like...like a switch got flipped or something. One second everything was fine and we were...you know..."

"Were you choking her?" Jonas demanded, and despite having shared almost every aspect of his private life with them for all their years together, Henrik's cheeks flushed red and he shifted in his seat.

"No...come on, you know I'm not into that stuff."

"Then explain why she had a fucking handprint around her throat!"

"Jonas, shut the fuck up for a minute and let him finish," John snapped, offering his first voiced thought in a clipped and tired tone as he gave the other an exasperated look. 

Henrik continued after a moment's pause, "I can't explain it...Jonas you know I wouldn't do something like that without any kind of rules in place..."

"She had a safeword, Henrik," Jonas whispered as he squeezed his eyes closed and tried to take a deep breath to stop the tears that leaked from the corners.

"Don't you think I fucking know that?! I was the one who reminded you that she fucking needed one in the first place! And the last thing I remember is telling her to wrap her legs around me, and then nothing. Its like...I don't know, like I blinked and then--" his voice cracked and he swallowed hard, barely able to keep it together as the car started to feel like it was closing in around him. 

_Cupcake. Cupcake. Cupcake.   
Why hadn't I said it?!   
Why hadn't he heard me say it before things went too far?!_

"I can't breathe, I have to get out of here," he started to hyperventilate, putting a hand against the window, and rapidly turning like he was thinking about just opening the trunk and jumping out onto the road. 

"You are feeling unwell, _monsieur?" _the driver glanced up, his gaze drawn by Henrik's sudden and frantic movements, "we are there soon. Here," he handed a bottle of water and a small peppermint over his shoulder to Johannes, who took it with a murmured 'thank you' and turned to Henrik.

"Get a fucking grip on yourself, man," he hissed.

"I can't," he gasped, his fingers going back through his hair again, making it messy and wild. 

"You don't have a choice, Henrik."

"Good Christ, if I didn't know your mother, I'd guess you were raised by fucking wolves you asshole," John snapped at Johannes, snatching the water and the little candy from his hand, "what the fuck is wrong with you? This is HENRIK, not some fucking stranger. Pretend like you have some fucking compassion."

He left Johannes looking guilty and turned around in his seat to face Henrik, pushing his glasses up on top of his head as he did so, so they could look at each other eye to eye.

"No one thinks you did this on purpose," he said softly, his tone calming, reassuring, as he twisted the top of the bottle of water and unwrapped the peppermint disc, holding out both to his friend, and leaving his empty hand there as an offer, "just take a deep breath. We didn't abandon Johannes through his shit, and we're not gonna abandon you."

Henrik followed his friend's prompts, hanging on to his offered hand like it was a lifeline, inhaling and exhaling repeatedly until the final one had almost no shaking to it at all. 

"John, what did I do," he whispered, now calm, but still feeling the loss like a knife through his heart, "I swear I don't remember anything...I would never hurt her..."

"I don't know, my friend. But we're gonna figure this out okay? We're going to get wherever the hell we're going, then we're going to stuff you in a hot shower and get some food in you and then we'll talk more okay?"

Henrik nodded gratefully, sighing and grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes. His eyelids felt like sandpaper as they pulled up to the house, grating and irritating.

"Oh, goddamnit, I still haven't even told you--" Johannes started, jolted back into reality as the brakes led the car to a smooth stop and Jonas unbuckled his seatbelt, letting it zip back into its holster and clank loudly against the plastic siding of the interior car frame.

But it was too late, he was already out of the car as Johannes started, shutting the door behind him and freezing in place as she dashed out of the house, barefoot and without a coat, running for him. 

"What the--"

"Where is my Triste??" she screamed, throwing herself against him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she wept, barely even noticing his shock, "Jonas tell me where she is!"

Henrik and John looked back and forth at each other in shock, and Johannes just heaved a sigh of resignation and helped the driver unload everyone's bags, forming a pile on the gravel drive and thanking him. 

May's bitter sobs made Henrik's stomach turn, and he grabbed the driver's sleeve, murmuring lowly into his ear as John moved to the other side of the car, speaking to Johannes, looking for yet more answers no one seemed to have.

"Can you wait here for a moment please?"

"_Monsieur_," the driver nodded in acknowledgement, taking his place behind the wheel but letting the car idle. 

Jonas' fingers threaded through May's hair as he wept too, both at the surprise of seeing her again, and at the abject emptiness he felt.

"How are you here? She said you wouldn't be you again."

"Jonas I can't feel her anymore, where is she?!"

"She's gone, May," he breathed into her skin, burying his face into her shoulder as she crumbled into him, her gasps for breath making her whole body shake with tremors until he had to physically hold her upright, "there was an accident on the plane and...she's gone..." 

He'd almost forgotten in the last six months how perfectly she fit in his arms, and he felt a twisted sense of longing, of want, of needing to be physically close to another person to make any kind sense out of the unexpected tragedy unfolding in place of what should have been an adventure. She pressed closer to him, letting him envelope her, re familiarizing herself with his scent and his touch, focusing on these small things to keep the rest of her world from crashing to the ground around her.

After several quiet minutes spent pushing all her awareness into the feeling of each tear dropping down her cheeks, she pulled back, cupping his face in her palms, her irises almost glowing against the reddened whites, "why can't I feel her, Jonas. I can always feel her."

Henrik shook his head as his own tears dropped down his cheeks, and all he wanted to do was shrink in on himself and disappear into nothing.

"Come on, lets go inside," Johannes touched Jonas' shoulder, drawing May's attention away and up to his gaze.

"Hey pretty girl," he said sadly, holding out his arms and drawing her into him, cupping the back of her head to hold her face to his chest, "welcome back."

She stood on her toes and touched the corners of his eyes when she finally pulled back, making a face like she didn't understand, but she didn't say anything more as her heart simply fell apart in her chest. 

"What happened to you, Johannes. Where did you go."

"Its a long story."

She shook her head and settled back on her feet, stepping away from him and holding out her hands to John and Henrik.

"_Allo_," she gave them a sad smile that didn't reach any further than her lips, "please come inside. _Il fail froid."_

John touched his lips to both of her cheeks, taking one of her hands and letting her lead the way inside. He stopped when she did and turned as she looked back to Henrik, who remained rooted exactly where he'd been the whole time since he got out of the car. 

"Go inside, John," she said quietly, still staring at Henrik.

The door closed behind him, and neither of them moved as she looked at him like she knew. And maybe she did, how was he supposed to know what kinds of gifts she had now? Maybe she could read minds or expression or _something. _

"I didn't mean to, I swear," he whispered.

"You hurt my Triste."

"May, I promise it wasn't me, I--I don't know what happened," he had said it so many times, it was starting to sound like a hollow excuse even to his own ears, and she sighed and shook her head like it simply wasn't a good enough explanation. 

"Come inside and sit down and tell me what happened, please," she turned without another word, knowing in her heart that Henrik would never even purposefully displace a hair on my head, let alone cause me physical harm.

But he was here, and I wasn't, and right now, she couldn't even bear to look at the distress etched into his lovely face for fear that she would immediately forgive him.

"I just need a second, I think..." he murmured noncommittally, just willing her to leave him alone, "I'll be right in."

She said nothing, not even acknowledging that she heard him as she shut the door behind her, trying to quell the urge to flip the lock and leave him to freeze. Jonas was there, waiting patiently, still unbelieving that it was her, and she stared sadly at him as everyone else waited further inside the entryway.

"Gods I can't believe its really you," he whispered, curling her hair behind her ear, breathing a tiny shaking laugh that felt incongruous with the entire situation.

"My goddess is kind, as She is powerful," she responded simply, wanting nothing more than to throw herself at him and lose all sense of time and memory under the perfect touch of his hands, his lips, but she only placed a hand against his cheek and let her eyelids flutter closed as he pressed his lips carefully to hers. 

No one heard the car door open and close outside. 

As soon as he was sure no one was going to come looking, Henrik was back in the car, buckling his seatbelt and scrubbing both hands over his face.

"Where are we going, _monsieur_? Back to the airstrip? I do not know that your plane will still be there."

"No, uh, de Gaulle. Take me to the airport, please."

He raised both eyebrows behind his sunglasses, but didn't comment otherwise, simply shrugging and putting the car into drive to turn around and leave down the gravel driveway, back out to the main road. 

"You did not say goodbye, _monsieur._"

Henrik didn't even hear him, too tangled up in the jagged barbs of the agony that he was finally letting consume him. 

It didn't matter if it was an accident or if he didn't remember it.   
No one else had been there - it was him.   
He'd literally squeezed the life out of me.   
He distinctly remembered locking the door, not wanting anyone to intrude on the few minutes of time that he could steal me away for.   
His heart was glad that I was accepting of everyone, and that I loved them the way they loved me, but gods alone time was hard to come by.   
He'd only wanted a couple of minutes. 

Henrik closed his eyes and shuddered violently at the memory of running his hands all over my skin as he watched the entire erotic scene reflected in the mirror - two people whose bodies burned in perfect sync for each other. The unending want, the unquenchable need. He watched someone that looked so much like him pushing my jeans down my legs, listening to me teasing him, purring at him as I was backed into the wall, exactly where he wanted me.

_What are you thinking of doing Henrik._

His eyes opened as his resolve hardened and he knew what had to be done.   
There was simply no other acceptable atonement for his sins.

_Lots of things I shouldn't. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, really, I do promise that this whole thing isn't gonna be this depressing forever...


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE RECENTLY PASSED A THOUSAND READS ON THIS THANGGGG!
> 
> this chapter was a fucking beast to write, and I had to jot down at least outline parts of the other chapters to figure out what was even happening. 
> 
> Spoiler alert - this gets twisty, so have a little faith, yah?

I knew as soon as she opened her mouth and spoke exactly who she was, and my stomach turned again, threatening to revolt against me as I tried to take in a shaky breath, but wound up gasping for air like a landed fish instead.

Gods, if I was going to be trapped as a ghost with her, this definitely _was_ hell.

I opened my eyes and was on the very precipice of saying something rather uncouth, but all that came out of my mouth in its place was an anguished cry - a shriek that seemed to take all the air from my lungs as it simultaneously took the angry wind from my sails.

I wasn't wrong - I was near the river, and I could smell the water and feel the breeze. But I shouldn't have been able to. Not here. Not in Her temple, where the limestone blocks had always built a safe enclosure full of devoted existence and sacred offering.

But it was just ruins now.

I was too stunned to speak as I stood slowly and turned in a circle, staring at the rubble, still fresh, the dust hardly having settled. The images of my goddess that remained standing were defaced in a literal way, Her perfect features hacked at with chisels until they were unrecognizable, the ruined stone chips gathered around the bases.

My feet stumbled over each other and I fell into the dust as I ran for the street, tearing out into the sun, the sobs choking me, running until I hit the banks of the river.

"Sekhmet!" I screamed at the sky, uncaring that I was hysterical, uncaring that I was thousands of years away from my boys, my loves, those mortals who held my very heart in their hands.

I bellowed my anguish again and again, shaking my fists and shouting wordless cries in every direction until I couldn't do it anymore, and sank down onto the bank of the river, listening to its endless waters.

_Iteru_. The giver of life around which our entire civilization had revolved.

The historians liked to point tritely at the times of famine as the causes of civil unrest, straightening their bow ties and the lapels of their tweed jackets with the elbow patches.

But they never understood.   
Not truly. 

They could never comprehend the panic of the last piece of the last sand-gritted loaf disappearing into the last mouth that wasn't really satisfied. The last drops of beer from the last jar, not even serving to quench the thirst of the drinker.   
And knowing there was no more.

And the river's inundation never came.   
The Nile never rose - the silty, nutrient-rich flood never kissed the arable land. 

This was such a year. 

I would know. I'd been here before. 

The river was low, the bank cracked and dry, the water dark and thick-looking.

I watched the waters pass as my reality sank in. 

Maybe Henrik had experienced some kind of fit and had temporarily gone insane. 

But it hardly mattered now. 

I was here.  
_Kemet_. The black land.  
I was left to rot for who knew how long without my goddess, in the ruins of Her temple, with the one who had betrayed us both.

"My goddess, you should have murdered them all as the enemies of your father," I wept into my hands, rising and wading out into the warm water up to my knees and collapsing back down into the muddy shallows.

Gods, my heart was as broken as it was still, but I was so relieved to feel the water on my skin again, like it was giving me the rejuvenation it had denied our fields.

"Mother," I whispered, my tears dropping into the current to join its slow progression downstream, heading North for the delta, "where are you? Please don't leave me here alone."

A hand touched my shoulder, just the tips of her fingers, and I couldn't help but lean into her, wrapping my arms childishly around her knees. She was all I had now, even if she had tried to take away the man I loved. Even if she had threatened the others, and even if she had intended to kill me. 

My fear of being alone trumped my hatred of her.

"Oh my darling," she said, her voice choking on a sob, "I wish that you weren't here. You're here because of me..."

"Henrik wouldn't ever hurt me," I repeated mechanically, giving voice to the thought that had been penetrating my brain over and over again, "this isn't supposed to happen. I should be with Her..."

Na'eemah sat next to me in the water, her tears dropping unheeded down her beautiful cheeks too, joining mine in the timeless flow of the river. 

Finally she looked over to me, my arms huddled around my knees as Ra in his great solar barge started to descend towards the underworld, the sky shifting to become a masterpiece of colors in his wake.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"Why?" I asked, looking over at her, squarely meeting her gaze for the first time since I'd gotten here, "whats the point? She's forsaken me."

"You will say _nothing _of Her causing this!" Na'eemah snapped, then stared at me for several moments, doing that thing I'd known her to do for centuries. Evaluating. Reading. Knowing the thoughts in my head even as I tried to hide them from her.

"Little Masika," she pushed my hair back off my temple with a motherly touch, but I stood and shook her off, crying out for my goddess again, unwilling to let myself get comfortable and accept my fate lying down.

"Hush, child," she pulled me back down with an undignified splash and I turned to her with anger coloring my gaze, but hers only held abject sadness - a loss of the will to go on, "this was not Her, and She doesn't dwell in this place...there really is no use."

"Fuck you," I snarled, feeling all the confusion and distress from her uncharacteristic actions bubbling to the surface in one viscous miasma that had been plaguing me for months and now refused to be quelled anymore as the initial shock wore off, "I have _nothing _to say to you, murderer. If you weren't dead I would fucking kill you myself."

"Yes, but that would make you a murderer too, would it not?" she responded calmly and it only pissed me off more. 

"Stay away from me."

"If that is your wish, High Priestess," she called to my retreating back, herself still seated in the water, floating her palms on the surface, watching the dark water tint her skin a reddish brown when she submerged them. 

I turned slowly, my fists clenched at my sides as I struggled internally. 

Was I being childish to just stomp away?   
Hardly - she murdered my lifelong companion, my best friend and tried to do the same to me. She'd mentally tortured Johannes to get to me. 

_Restoration my girls._

But she was also no longer angry or experiencing whatever fit she'd been stuck in headlong the last time we'd seen each other.

"I owe you an explanation if you'll listen," she spoke in the same tone, glancing over at me like we were simply discussing what a lovely Tuesday this was turning out to be. 

"I-I'm so angry at you," I shook my head, trying not to cry, to weep like a frightened child, "and I'm angry at Her. Why would she do this to me? Why now?!"

"Shh, shh, I understand. And you should be angry at me, my darling," Na'eemah tentatively touched me, gauging if I would pull back and strike her. And to be honest, the thought crossed my mind, but nothing felt so good as tender reassurance in that moment. 

"But don't question Her devotion to you. Not now."

This was the Na'eemah I'd always known. Stern, but soft and indulgent, maternal and caring. Her fidelity to our goddess was a template for emulation - an exalted life lived in complete service to another. 

"Come on, lets go, the sun will be back up soon."

"What?" I cocked my head in confusion as I wiped the last tear tracks from my cheeks, "it literally just set."

"Night doesn't seem to really come in this place. Not for more than a few minutes anyways...just one more way for him to mock the gods," she murmured with a shake of her head.

I couldn't find any more questions and just took her for her word. And indeed, as the minutes ticked by, the world became shades of gray again, the sun rising with colors as brilliant as any I'd ever known. 

"Here. Eat," she sat on the hard stone floor and tossed me a piece of dark bread, keeping the other small half for herself before getting to her feel and setting a clay cup down in front of me as I sat back against one of our goddess' statues, looking around and marveling at how calm I felt now as she moved back to where she had been.

Gods, but the afterlife was a fucking roller coaster of emotions. 

The sand gritted between my teeth and I made a face of discomfort as I reached for the cup, drinking the bitter beer. It was a nutrient-rich meal, calorie-dense for sure, but it tasted bland and I suddenly longed for meat, though I'd long-since gone vegetarian. 

"It helps if you take a drink with the bread. It makes the sand less...noticeable and you don't really have to chew."

I nodded and took her advice, finding that my second bite was less uncomfortable than the first. And the third even less so. But that was is, really. One more bite and my piece was gone. 

"There won't be more food till mid-day, sorry," she winced slightly. 

"You're gonna have to reteach me breadmaking, I guess. I don't remember much."

"I don't make it - its just here. We eat three times a day. It seems like there's twice as much now that you're here, but I suppose starving us would do no good anyways, so he'd already considered that..."

"Why are we here Na'eemah? If She's finished with us, why send us here and not before Osiris in Duat?"

"This...darling, as I told you, this has nothing to do with our goddess. Not in that way, anyways."

Na'eemah chewed her lip as she looked down at her hands, rubbing them together, drawing lines in the dust on the floor beyond her folded legs.

"Do you remember the magicians that would come for the annual festival? I know you were so young when you came to us..." 

"I do...I was..." I furrowed my eyebrows as I stared at the floor, searching my memories, sifting through lifetimes until I found that small child, "eight? Nine?"

_I had hobbled out on my crutches to watch the festivities, my spirit mending as my body did, the childlike wonder still miraculously present somehow under all the abuse and the trauma. I giggled and clapped my hands as one of the grinning, handsome men caught my eye and he smiled fondly as he approached, bowing low and then making a confused face like I had something on my head._

_"Silly girl," he had teased, lighthearted, full of celebratory spirit, "how can you learn to diligently worship such a powerful lady with this caught up in your hair?"_

_I never knew where the hell it came from, and I'd spent literal centuries trying to figure it out, but he reached behind me a wink and kind smile, touching the hair at the back of my head, and when his hand came away, it held by the scruff a mewling kitten, its eyes barely open, its paws outstretched and squirming. _

_I shrieked with delight, grabbing for the tiny animal and snuggling it in my arms like a doll._

_It was improper and beyond his station, but the magician had placed a somewhat familiar hand on the top of my head, drawing my gaze up and away from my tiny new friend. He didn't say anything, just smiled down at me, looking back and forth between my eyes before drifting back several steps, bowing again to Na'eemah, acknowledging her status as High Priestess._

_"My lord," she smiled knowingly at the ground, inclining her head, and making him laugh. _

_I was too distracted with thinking of a name for my new pet to have heard this brief interaction, but I always remembered that laugh - rich and lush, like music. He danced away to rejoin the celebratory throng, making offerings to my goddess of jars of beer, dyed red with ocher until it resembled blood - an annual reminder and acknowledgment that they hadn't forgotten her ferocity in slaying the ungrateful subjects of her father._

Our stories said that as Ra aged, his subjects of the earth became ungrateful, disregarding their holy practices and their recognition of his divinity as creator. His daughter Sekhmet, fueled by rage and insulted by their behavior, tore through the world, slaying without discrimination, until the people were so desperate to end the carnage and repent for their ways, that they created floods of beer, dyed red to slake Her bloodlust. She drank Her fill, becoming intoxicated, and the killing stopped as She fell into a deep slumber.

Na'eemah watched my smile bloom as the memory unfolded across my face, wondering if I knew how truly blessed I had been in that first interaction, but there was more she needed to say. 

"I see that you do remember."

There had been other festivals, other magicians, but that one always appeared and always snuck me a gift. As I grew out of girlhood, they stopped being little candies or woven collars of reeds for my feline friend, and were more substantial - carved amulets, images of my goddess and her royal father etched into smooth, polished stones, bits of jewelry and fine sandals. Each was accompanied by the kind smile, the gentle touch to my hair, and that lingering laugh as he joined back in with the hordes of people, disappearing for another year.

I'd gone to Na'eemah finally when I was mature enough to understand the reason behind his attentions, even benign as they seemed, confessing bashfully that the handsome conjurer had been slipping me gifts all these years. She'd just laughed heartily, taking both my hands in her own and telling me not to fret - that I was under the watch of one of the most powerful of the _neteru_, and that surely no dishonest intentions were meant by him. 

_"Handsome, though, isn't he," she had mused, combing my hair out on the night that I was finally to meet my goddess face to face for the first time, "your magician..."_

_"He's not my magician, Eemah," I tried to stifle my smile, even as the kitten, now fully grown and wonderfully companionable, rubbed up against my leg, "he just...I think he's my friend."_

_"Of course, my pet," she smiled, reveling in the warmth and devotion and the bond that came from sharing intermingled destinies as Nedjem knelt next to my chair, laying her head across my knees and toying with Aten until he meowed in protest and batted playfully at her moving fingers before slipping into the shadows._

_"Little sister, you know what happens tonight? You understand what you're going to do?"_

_I swallowed and nodded, the blush rising to my sun-bronzed cheeks, "will it...will there be much pain?"_

_"Not if he does it right," she said softly, stroking the back of my hand until my fist unclenched in my lap, "might just find that you want to commune multiple times every day if he knows what he's doing."_

_"Nedjem," Na'eemah admonished, though the smile at her lips betrayed the hidden laugh._

_The sex I'd experienced in my brief marriage had been violent and terrifying, but I trusted the care and reassurance of both women and went with only only the briefest hesitation to meet the temple boy._

When I came to, I blinked up at her, my mind bending under the sudden duality that this was that same place. 

"Why did you kill May?" 

My question seemed to catch her off guard, and she sighed heavily before getting to her feet and sitting next to me, leaning back against the hard black granite.

"Because I was weak, Masika...Triste. Weak and angry."

She never used my name, and I chewed my lip, dreading her coming confession but knowing that without it, we'd still have to spend eternity here together and I'd hate her more everyday. 

"I suppose it wasn't even difficult for him to convince me, really...he just needed patience..."

I realized as she kept referring to this nameless 'him' and no suggestions of identity came to my mind, that I had known nothing about her this time around. I didn't have any information about her work or her family, what she did for fun, what kind of food she liked and movies she hated.

She sensed my body tensing and started from the beginning, accepting the coming rejection and frustration, judgment of her ineptitude and lack of foresight.

"Nevaeh, dear," she said softly, telling me for the first time her mortal name, "I worked as a surgeon. Tough stuff for a woman to break into even these days," she scoffed, "but I was excellent at what I did."

"You were a healer," I murmured, but she shook her head.

"No, not like Nedjem, not with gifts like hers. I had to learn the old-fashioned way like everyone else, with lots of grueling hours and debt..."

"Of course," my underlying bitterness bled through into my tone as sarcasm, "how could I forget, your gift is always control..."

"Masika," she said sharply, squeezing her eyes shut and taking a deep calming breath, "if you would please allow me to get this out, I will hear your judgment then."

I hated that her sharpness could still chasten me like I was her subordinate, but it did and I remained silent.

"I had a patient some years ago. His legal name was Egypt, if you can believe it," she snorted a mirthless laugh, having had enough time to appreciate the irony.

"Egypt had a brain tumor that was causing him to have extreme, vivid delusions. It didn't seem to be aggressive or terribly uncomfortable, but it needed to come out. So he was sent to me at Reagan."

"You lived in California?"

She looked over at me with a half-smile.

"Worked at UCLA for twenty-plus years. I was good, I told you."

"Fuck," I shook my head, feeling like I was getting to know her for the first time in a twisted way.

"The first time I crossed the threshold into his room, I was staring down at his chart, about to go through my charming 'hello sir, I'm the one who is going to cut you open, why yes I do have breasts, any more questions' kind of speech that I always had to endure with male pat--"

I held up a quick hand.

"I get it, men are...were just as nauseating in the wine industry."

The smile we exchanged healed something small - some tiny fissure that wasn't much in the grand scheme, but we both felt it.

"Anyways...I vividly remember doing a double-take when I glanced up at him. Gods, he was handsome. Not like a movie star or the men on romance-novel covers, but that wonderful, perfect, _normal _kind of handsome. Like he was someone's brother, or a friend they dragged to the bar for a blind date."

I nodded, chewing my lip to hide my laugh - Na'eemah had always had a notorious proclivity for handsome strangers, and it was something we'd laughed about together in nearly every lifetime. 

"I introduced myself and shook his hand, and there was this...thing. This--" she struggled to find the word, "--exchange, like a current of energy, and he looked me in the eye and he said '_sa-sekhem-sahu' _with a completely straight face."

"Woah..."

She pursed her lips and nodded, appreciating that my surprise reflected what her own had been.

"I of course had to pretend like I didn't understand - you see, I didn't know there were others of us at that point--"

"Hi, hello, sorry, _WHAT?!"_

"Darling," she sighed exasperatedly.

"No, stop, hang on, you don't just get to drop something like that on my head and move on. What do you mean there are 'others of us'?!"

"Other temples, other cults, dear, they...perpetuated, as we did."

"Wh--...all of them??" my voice echoed off the ruins around us.

"Some, not all."

"Holy fucking shit," I was too stunned to ask more questions and she carried on, taking advantage of my bout of silence. 

"So I played it normal, wondering if he was perhaps a Kemetic who was spouting some mantra he'd learned on the internet as part of his delusions, but I swear to you, Masika, I double and triple checked to make sure that he actually had a tumor, part of me hoping I guess that he didn't. But, the scans all showed the same thing, so I did the surgery. Got blind drunk afterwards too, sitting at home alone tearing myself apart over the fact that I may have just taken away something from him that gave him a glimpse of our gods. After so many lifetimes, I think I just found him...refreshing. I don't know."

The sunlight crept in bit by bit, heating my skin as we talked, and I tried to stay awake, but couldn't fight my fatigue - apparently dying was rather exhausting.

When my head slumped over on her shoulder, Na'eemah sighed, pausing her narration and shifting me into her lap so I'd be more comfortable. There were no blankets or pillows here. She'd just slept on the floor like a dog when the weariness set in.

_My goddess_, she prayed silently_, I know you can't hear me in this place, but give me strength and the wisdom to convey what I need to tell...Mother give me one last chance..._

As she prayed, I dreamed. 

_"Gods, there you are_," _John laughed, standing up but having to duck his head slightly to not hit the ceiling of the plane, "I thought you two were gonna spend the rest of the flight in there, you greedy motherfucker," he jabbed a good-natured finger at the man behind me._

_"Look, its not my fault she's so goddamn attractive," Henrik laughed, grabbing me and pulling me back a foot, just out of his friend's reach and playfully devouring my neck until I was shrieking with laughter, waking the others. _

_"That was the best one yet," he growled into my neck, "I can't wait to watch everyone else try to make you come like that later," he dropped his voice lower speaking into my ear so no one else could hear him, "but I don't think they'll be able to. I think you only come that way for me, don't you..."_

_My knees shook and his arms around my waist firmed a little, offering me more support as he took away my own ability to do it._

_"You guys are seriously wearing me out, don't make me rethink falling in love with all of you," I giggled, feeling the gravity of my words as four smiling faces watched me, and one more pressed his lips to my temple, shooing me off after a few moments._

_John dipped his face to lay a lingering kiss to my lips, his own just slightly pulled from the smile he couldn't seem to get rid of. _

_"Come sit with me till we land? I promise I'll be good."_

_I giggled and tipped him on the nose, reaching back up to his lips,"_ _I don't believe that for a fucking second, babes."_

_He used his grip around my waist to physically lift me off my feet as he gave me one of those kisses that acutely fit who John was - it was quick, but intense and deep enough to make my head spin._

_"Tell me you're falling in love with me again," he breathed, pressing his forehead softly against mine and keeping his eyes closed as my feet touched the floor._

_"I mean...you're okay, I guess," I murmured back, biting my lip hard to try and swallow my snort of laughter as his eyes opened and he gave me a half-annoyed look. _

_"You know, I _was _thinking about letting you sit in my lap and ride me while you watch that video of Johannes eating your pussy, but now I'm reconsidering..."_

_I shivered, my eyes going hazy for a moment at the mental image._

_"Just...hold that thought," I looked up at him with a mischievous grin when I finally composed myself, standing on my tiptoes to lick at his bottom lip and hooking an arm around his neck as the other drew mindless teasing little circles across his chest, "because I think there's a big-screen where we're going..."_

_"Holy christ," he whispered as I danced away towards the others and he collapsed back into his seat._

_Johannes pulled me into his lap, nudging his nose against mine and unable to hide his happy excitement._

_"Gods, you smell good," he whispered, wanting to hold me there forever and tell me everything he was thinking, but simply wrapping his arms around my hips and hugging me close as I leaned down into him, nestling my face into his neck._

_"Is this too much?" I asked timidly, "having everyone...you know...involved?"_

_"I wouldn't deny you anything that makes you as happy as this does," he laughed softly, "plus, you know I like to watch you..."_

_"You're a devil," I giggled._

_"Nahh, maybe not a god, but probably not so far as a devil either," he returned, butting his head softly against mine, going serious after a few moments of quiet laughter, "we're all gonna be fine. Just give me time, baby. I promise we'll figure it all out...these last few months away from you were...a lot. But I'm trying to be present and not stuck in my own head about--"_

_"Speaking of gods," Papa interrupted, tapping my shoulder gently and putting an abrupt end to our moment, "or I suppose, rather speaking of those that serve them," he dropped his voice, kneeling in the aisle next to me so I had to turn to look at him over my shoulder, "I understand that your guitar player over there was particularly fond of our Nedjem, yes?"_

_I nodded, glad for the reminder, "_ _I'm gonna tell him, I promise, just give me a second," I shifted in Johannes' lap so I could face Papa when a slight frown crossed his lovely face, "whats the matter? Whats the rush?"_

_"Nothing, pet," his eyes went too dark,"just making sure you're prepared for whats coming."_

_He lunged at me, his hand closing around my throat like a clamp, tearing me away from Johannes. _

I woke up screaming, thrashing in Na'eemah's lap and gasping for breath, crying out as my limbs beat against the hard stone, the impact painfully reverberating up through my body. 

"NO!!" I shrieked, bolting upright and looking around terrified.

"Shh shh, hush child, shh shh..." she smoothed a hand over my sweating forehead, drawing my attention back to her, calming and centering me, "just a dream...you're okay, you're okay..."

But I wasn't okay.

I was away from Johannes. And John and Henrik. and Jonas and Tim. 

I was dead.

"Please tell me this wasn't Henrik," I wept.

She clicked her tongue and quietly admonished me against such foolishness, holding me closer to her, sitting in the waning shadow of our goddess' faceless statue. She held me there until I quieted, nudging me slightly when she was finally ready to get up.

"Up, dear, let me get up."

She returned moments later with out midday meal of roasted meat and more beer - it wasn't always safe to drink the water. 

"I don't...I don't think I can eat this," I grimaced even as my stomach growled.

"Oh, stop," she rolled her eyes, "its all you get till supper."

I sniffed it then took a small, hesitant bite, the joint of fat and protein having gone somewhat cold, or as cold as it could in our present conditions.

Gods but it was heavenly - salty and rich and a taste I hadn't known in years, and I ravenously consumed my small portion, looking around afterwards like there might be more, though Na'eemah had already told me that we got what we got, and that was all. 

She offered me hers once I finished my few bites and I shook my head, clearing my throat and drinking from my cup to give me an excuse to look somewhere else. 

"Here, please, I can't really stomach this food."

"No, you need to eat. These portions are barely enough as is, I won't take yours..."

She slowly pulled her hand back, turning the small slice of beef over and looking distastefully down at it. 

"Thank you though," I added, shifting closer to her after a moment and shaking my head, "Eemah I don't understand."

She sighed and took a bite, perhaps unable to really stomach it, but obviously hungry nonetheless. It seemed we were only really given enough calories to get us through a day, leaving us at the mercy of who or whatever had orchestrated all of this madness.

She took a long drink from her cup and closed her eyes as she leaned back against the base of the statue, glancing up after a moment to look at the featureless granite. 

"You will. Understand, I mean. Gods, and I think you'll hate me even more when you do."

"I--..." I automatically started to pay lip service to the idea that I could never hate her, but the words choked me. 

"I am sorry for what I did to you. And Johannes. Oh, my dear sweet girl I am so sorry," she broke down, seeing my hesitation for what it was, "I was supposed to watch over you, and I let myself be led astray! I was so desperate, Masika, desperate for change, for a break from the monotony of life after life of _nothingness."_

I petted her softly, still warring with myself over what I was feeling - the duality of being here with her forever and reconnecting in this way, but not really having any resolution or answers to my questions. 

Time passed, second ticking by into minutes before I spoke, realizing she'd been in the middle of her story when I drifted off. 

"Gods, I just totally fell asleep in the middle of you talking," I sighed, "I'm sorry that was rude."

She remained silent for a long time, patting my knee softly once she'd composed herself. 

"Don't apologize, we've got nothing but time now."

The way she emphasized the word 'nothing' made me cringe.

"So...so Egypt had a brain tumor that made him have delusions...delusions about what? You know what, actually nevermind. So you cut open his brain and took it out and then what?"

Na'eemah stared at the remains of the opposite wall, half-standing still, her eyes tracing the tiny carved glyphs.

"Then I broke all my rules."

"There are worse things you can do than sleep with a patient," I rolled my eyes. 

"You're absolutely right. But I did those too...his recovery was amazingly quick - that kind of invasive surgery takes weeks to pull back from typically, but he was immediately upbeat and talkative, teasing the nurses about stealing them away from their husbands just as soon as he was able to get out of his hospital bed."

Her face told as much of the story as her lips did and I watched her carefully as she spoke, not hurrying or discarding details - after all, what was the rush?

"I still don't know how he found me. After his post-op care, I didn't really see him anymore, and I got caught up with other patients - I was always too busy for my own good. No one else's time mattered but mine. Typical doctor. Anyways, I went out for a drink after a shift that had capped a particularly heinous week, intending to meet a colleague, but she didn't show up..."

_"Dr. Patterson?"_

_She looked up with an exhausted sigh at the sound of someone addressing her - gods wasn't this bar far enough from the fucking hospital that she could just have a drink in peace?_

_"Yes? Oh...Mr. Kritanta, hello."_

_"For the last time, its Egypt, please," he smiled, glancing around, "I didn't meant to interrupt, I just recognized you and wanted to say hello and thank you again."_

_"Please, you're not interrupting at all," she smiled back, a genuine gesture that she felt break through the fake smile she'd had plastered on her face all week. Why did female surgeons have to always smile for people to take them seriously? _

_"I didn't realize you were still in town...are you meeting someone here?"_

_"I moved here permanently a couple weeks ago actually - seems having a brain tumor and living through it can rather change your priorities in life and make you chase the sun...or the smog I guess," he_ _ chuckled, making a mock-exasperated gesture with both hands, "but for today, I do believe I'm in the process of being stood up for a first date."_

_Gods, who stands up a man that looks like that? And just months after having fucking brain surgery..._

_"And you? If you'd prefer to be left alone, I can happily go sit at the bar and try my best not to stare at you."_

_She laughed despite herself and checked her watch, "I think I'm being stood up too, actually."_

_"Date?"_

_"Coworker."_

_"Well," he casually collapsed into the chair across from her, somehow being completely, infatuatingly charming, "then I insist that you let me buy you a drink so we can toast our mutually-beneficial misfortune."_

_Alarm bells. _

_"That is kind of you, but I have rules about casually seeing patients."_

_"But I'm not your patient anymore."_

_"Really, that's generous, but--"_

_"Come on, Naevah," he chuckled, though his eyes were completely serious, "hang the rules for a moment...you only live once, right?"_

_She sputtered a cough on her drink. _

_Once from someone with the first name Egypt had been a weird fluke deviation from the path of normalcy. _

_But twice?_

_Na'eemah watched him carefully, his own eyes traveling over her in a thorough, unhurried way. _

_Could it possibly be that there were more? Others? Her goddess had never made mention of such a detail...but..._

_"And how do you know that?" she asked, giving him a half-smirk over the rim of her martini glass and cocking one eyebrow as she settled back comfortably in her chair._

_"Oh I know all kinds of things. You may just be surprised."_

_A feeling washed over her as his gaze locked onto hers. Like if she didn't have him under her hands right that second, she might actually shrivel up and die. _

_"What are you drinking, Naevah..."_

_"Martini."_

_"Dirty?"_

_She tried to even her breathing as she stared at him._

_"Take a guess and find out for yourself, Egypt..."_

_\--_

She went quiet for several moments, obviously at war with herself over what followed. 

"Okay, so you fucked Egypt...that's not that big a deal."

"It wasn't just that, like it was a one night stand. He was like...like waking up. Like after falling into a leaden monotony of habit for centuries, I was seeing the world with fresh eyes. Coffee tasted better, sleep was more restful, food was exciting again..."

She'd fallen in love with him and didn't need to put a name to it now, because I already knew. I'd had five people that made my life change just like that.

"We were in bed one night, talking about everything and nothing," her smile was girlish, "and it had been just...a horrible day. Lost a patient on the table. And Egypt was trying to make me feel better, telling me silly stories and teasing me. And--and something happened when he looked at me. His eyes went dark, black almost, and it startled me. Scared the shit out me, really."

I went deathly still, my breath seeming to become thick and choked, the dry air around me suddenly too laden with heavy stone dust to breathe. 

"Henrik, no--"

"Shh, shh, listen to my voice, dear," she drew me away from my terrifying flashback, speaking softly to me, "you're here with me...your Henrik is a world away at least."

I shook my head as I choked on a gut-wrenching sob.

"His eyes were black. When he--when he--" I touched my throat with shaking fingers. 

Na'eemah pulled me into her side as my heart broke all over again, and she just let it happen. Powerless to stop it really, but not in a terrible rush to continue, her fingers working the tie out of my braid so she could unravel the strands and run her fingers over my scalp in a way that had always quieted me as a child when I had nightmares.

We sat that way for an hour at least before she continued, even as time seemed to move in a funny way here, and dusk started to creep in at the edge of the sky.

"So he was like us? There are really more of us?" I asked somewhat flatly. 

By rights I should have been on my feet skipping fucking circles around this place at the idea - companions that knew the enduring joy but also the growing struggle of watching the cycle of the world. Seeing it grow and explode with industry and invention, and then watching still as those very developments sent civilized societies into a downward spiral. 

"Well...yes and no, dear..."

I stayed silent and she chanced a little kiss, pressed lightly to my hair. 

"There are more of us, as I said. Other cults, other temples. But...he wasn't really like us that way. Not a priest, I mean..." the end of her sentence wandered away from her. 

_"No, no, Naevah, please don't go, I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you."_

_"Your eyes! They--they just completely changed color!"_

_She had scooted to the very far edge of the bed, holding the sheet over her body like the proverbial fig leaf._

_"Naevah, my darling, come back," he patted the empty hollow beside him, rubbing a hand over the soft surface of the fitted sheet, slightly damp with the sweat of passion._

_What was happening? She found herself crawling back anyways, torn internally between desire and fear._

_"You don't need to be afraid of me, dear," he murmured, bending his face to press a soft kiss to her worried mouth, lingering there until she responded, as she always did, kissing him back even if it was tinged with caution now. _

_He released her and sat up, kneeling with one palm flat on his thigh, the other crossing to touch his heart._

_"My Naevah...I fear I have not been entirely honest with you," he sighed deeply, a slow inhale and exhale before he spoke again, "my name is Iufenamun. I am a conjurer, a magician of sorts, servant of the old gods of Kemet. And I am four thousand and six hundred years old...give or take a decade or two," he smiled, chuckling softly but not looking even slightly perturbed at revealing such an enormous secret, "and I am at your service, mistress."_

_Mistress? Gods but it had been an age since anyone had referred to her as Mistress. _

_Surely it was just a slip of the tongue and she should think him mad._

_T_ _he delusions from the tumor.   
But I took it away from him..._

_Na'eemah stared at him for several long, quiet minutes, trying to choose. Trying to chasten the desperate pleas of her heart that begged her brain to believe him. _

_"How do I know that what you're saying is the truth?" she asked him, slowly rising to her knees herself, the lines of her body fraught with tension. _

_What was this chill running down her spine? Was she not absurdly powerful in her own right?_

_"Naevah," he whispered her name, closing his eyes as he said it like the word itself gave him pleasure, sending a wave of his effect through her, making her fingers press tightly against her thighs as her eyes closed and her face rolled to the side, her back arching slightly like she was pressing herself into a caress._

_"Watch me, darling," he said softly, meeting her eyes when they reopened, "and teach your head what your heart already knows..."_

_His hands moved gracefully, like he was creating a ball of air, circling his fingers over the space again and again, tracing the outline of a sphere until a shape began to take form within it...just a useless lump of matter at first, but he wove like it was art, humming with a deep, rich baritone voice that brought tears to Na'eemah's eyes. _

_"I've passed through so many lives, dear one," he said softly, "aimlessly wandering. Watching those who no longer know of our gods. And watching those who do..." his hands continued to work, his movements finer and more acute now - adjusting rather than creating..._

_Our gods. _

_"How do you know who I am if I've never told anyone before?"_

_"Do you remember that first night we met outside of the hospital...I told you that I know all kinds of things, and perhaps you might find yourself...surprised..." he plucked his creation from the air where it hung suspended, a delicate hair pin with fine gold teeth, studded with little polished bits of opal that contrasted with the precious metal in a subtle but perfectly-crafted way. _

_"Turn for me, darling," he spun his finger around and she sat in front of him, letting him run his hands through her hair, the light streaks of gray coming in just at her temples, "I suspected when you walked into my hospital room that perhaps you were of my kind...we have an aura about us once you know what to look for, you see..."_

_He softly gathered sections of her hair back, weaving and twisting them and using only tension and the comb he'd created to hold it all in place, pressing a soft kiss to the base of her neck when he had finished. _

_She turned back to face him and blushed despite herself, reaching a hand back to softly explore his creation, careful not to knock any strands loose._

_"I could simply watch you for the next thousand years, my dear," he spoke softly, brushing the backs of his fingers down her cheek.   
_

_"Oh, Egypt, I don't know what to say," she stammered as her eyes filled with overwhelmed tears._

_Gods, how childish, to weep at the receiving of a gift._

_But what a gift it was. _

_"Just tell me your name, darling," he whispered, lightly gripping her chin between his thumb and the knuckle of his index finger, tipping it up so he could kiss her, pressing his body close, enveloping her in his scent and his taste and the feel of his skin, the way lovers were supposed to. _

_"I...my name is Na'eemah," it felt so good to say it aloud, and she closed her eyes with a smile, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders before she looked at him again, confident in her position, in the glorified role she held, her eyes going that neon shade of green, "High Priestess of the warrior goddess Sekhmet, daughter of Ra, the eye of the sun."_

_His smile was slow, appreciative, desperate, and she was on her back before he could take the time to properly bow his head in respectful recognition of her status. _

_\--_

_In the exhausted, sated afterglow, his fingers lazily traveled up and down her arm, over the curve of her shoulder, mindless in their wandering. _

_"Ask me," he said softly, catching an echo of her thoughts as she pressed a soft kiss to his chest, running her own fingertips through the sparse patch of hair that covered the middle, "I can hear that question bouncing around between your ears."_

_She leaned up on an elbow, watching him with new eyes, seeing all the subtle things about him she'd missed before. _

_"Why tell me? What if you had been wrong and I wasn't like you? You could have ended up in a madhouse."_

_"But you are like me."_

_"Yes, I know...but--"_

_He kept surprising her with his strength, him not being much bigger than herself but in that moment easily lifting her and settling her body on top of him until her breasts were pressing against the muscles of his chest and his fingertips resumed their wandering over the slender curve of her waist, tracing each long muscle up her back and back down again in a repetitive loop._

_"Because I do believe you're what I've been missing all this time...darling you're my key."_

_She frowned down at him. Key to what? Why did that set off another alarm bell?_

_"I don't understand," she started to shift, to pull back from him, but he held her firmly, hushing and petting until she relaxed back into his embrace._

_"Did you know there are others? Servants of other gods who return from death?"_

_Na'eemah shook her head._

_"I don't presume to judge the choices of the gods, of course, but I believe you can understand some of the frustration I've felt, watching time pass with no..." he searched for the word and she waited quietly. _

_"Change?"_

_Egypt's eyes circled the room slowly like he was thinking, before he nodded after a moment, "and while I don't mean to sound, ah, ungrateful...whats the point?"_

_Another headshake from her, "m_ _y love, you're not making sense."_

_He nudged her off of him, getting to his knees and pulling her up onto hers as well, crushing her into him._

_"Why do we simply watch ignorant mortal after ignorant moral destroy society. The planet. Common peace. They have no foresight, no hindsight, they simply worship their screens and live for the glories of today...no thought of tomorrow, no thought of their children or the shards of the broken world left for them--"_

_Na'eemah stretched up and brushed his lips with her own to stop his babbling._

_"I understand. It is...disheartening to watch. But the gods--"_

_"These people are ruled by nothing...we are ruled by the _neteru_, dear heart, by the strength of the sun...the jackal kneeling before the scales...the outstretched wings of Ma'at in her divine glory!"_

_"Egypt," his name left her lips on a quiet moan, each reference a thrill in and of itself, a reminder of the days when she was powerful, exalted and recognized, happily basking in the shadow of her goddess, knowing her life held meaning. _

_"We can see it be so again, my priestess, my love," he was getting excited, his voice raising, "we can once again see our divines exalted and worshiped, offerings lining the streets, communities coming together in bonds of devotion and sacrifice! Give this world meaning once more!"_

_She was panting for air, her heart racing, threatening to jump from her chest._

_"My darling, what are you asking of me...what is it that you want?"_

_"High Priestess...Mistress...Na'eemah...what I want is Restoration..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a thought regarding Tim's pants in the new studio update vid- they're the most insane things I've ever seen and I hate them so much. 
> 
> Also, I can't not keep hearing Johannes standing in front of the fridge saying 'yes, we have been here for three weeks now' as I continue to stare at the same chapter over and over again trying to make my brain do the thing. 
> 
> Yall there are so many good bits coming. Dare I even call them spicy? Yowza. We'll get there, I promise. 
> 
> I had so many more notes I wanted to add, but my brain is officially zonked. ✌ Guhhbyee


	66. Chapter 66

Tim held onto me the entire way from the airstrip to the _château_, never letting even the quiet conversation between Papa and the driver bleed into our beautiful solitude as he quietly fell apart all over again. 

What was going to happen to him now? He'd promised he'd find Nedjem but he didn't know shit about France. How the hell was he supposed to do that?

He murmured lowly to me in Swedish - it didn't matter anymore that I didn't understand it. 

"I'll find her. We'll get to the bottom of this, sweetheart, I promise...I love you. I'll find you as soon as you come back."

The vineyards passed, row after row until he stopped seeing them anymore, his mind wandering over the surface of the earth, all the places that I could reappear.

"Tim...Tim...its time to get up, we're here."

Tim blinked slowly, shaking his head as he came out of his reverie and looked up at Papa, staring at him over the shoulder of the front seat, giving him a sympathetic look, a sad downward twist at the corner of his mouth.

"Where are we?" he asked as the driver opened the back door and Tim blinked again in the cold winter sunlight as the crisp air hit his lungs like ice.

"_Le Château Deschamps, monsieur._ Eh, you're sure she is...alright?" the driver asked cautiously, peering more closely in at my body, still clutched tight in Tim's embrace. 

"She's f--she's fine," Tim swallowed against the lump in his throat, recognizing that for the moment he needed to keep up appearances, "she woke up for a moment and went back down. Probably just gonna sleep through her hangover once she gets settled," he shrugged.

Gods he wished it were true, like he could just gently shake me and make the nightmare end. 

"Here, I'll take her in, gotta put this little fish to bed," Papa leaned into the car, wrapping his arms around me and Tim closed his eyes tight against the sudden urge to bury his face into the other's neck and just sob, shivering as his scent wrapped around him in the tight confines of the back seat and Papa's skin brushed over his when he took possession of me. 

"I felt that," Papa murmured around a little smile that walked a fine line between sexy and innocent, gone in the next second, whisking me out of the car, though having to act like he was having trouble with my weight, shifting me and making jokes about posing me for pictures that I would surely find hilarious once I woke up and spent the following week hungover in bed. 

The driver politely laughed, setting bags on the pavement and bidding them both a good day before settling back behind the steering wheel and taking off with a double-honk of his car horn. 

"Give her back," Tim immediately held out his arms and Papa shook his head.

"Tim, son, you're exhausted."

"I'm fucking fine, _give her to me."_

Papa was surprised to find his insistence so irritating, and his eyes snapped up from my face to Tim's.

"Stop barking order at me like we are equals or friends, and do _not _make the mistake of thinking she was any more your own heart's blood than she was mine."

"What do you--"

"TRISTE!!!" May tore out of the house again, moving like any time that her feet spent on the ground only delayed her too much, and she was snatching me out of Papa's arms in the next moment, sobbing as she collapsed under my dead weight onto the cold ground, "no no no, my Triste, what happened to you!"

"What the _FUCK," _Tim ran both hands back through his hair, surprised at hell at seeing May, and looking at Papa exasperatedly while he took a step back, "nice of you to share that little detail with us..."

"Tim," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep, calming breath, "it has been a long and fucking trying day all the way around, and I would _very _much thank you to show even the slightest amount of respect if its something you can fucking muster," he snapped, the effect of the deep calming breath not potent enough to outlast his sentence.

"Fuck you," Tim muttered, kneeling next to May and brushing my hair back, staying quiet for several moments as his fingers drifted up to her face, gently taking her chin and turning her face towards him. 

She looked up at him, her eyes so lovely and so distraught, familiar even as they reflected his own.

"_Allo_ Tim," she pronounced his name like he did, the 'i' in the middle more like an 'ee', but her voice was so small he could hardly hear it.

"Hi," he responded with a voice the same size, "let me help you with her."

She shook her head, her body already starting to shake in the frigid dampness that was January in Champagne country. 

"_Non_, leave me be."

"May stop, you're shivering."

"Come on, babe," Jonas knelt between her and Tim and slowly pried me from her stiff fingers, standing and adjusting my weight across his body as he carried me inside, turning to Papa, who followed right behind him, glancing over the other man's shoulder to make sure they were out of earshot.

"What are we going to do with her," Jonas murmured lowly to him when he bent his head, "probably can't keep her here for more than a few hours right? Someone has to come claim the body..."

"You follow me," May said flatly, "we can put her in the cellar. It is cold."

"Baby, we can't just keep her like this..."

"There are ways we take care of _nos morts _first_, _Jonas."

He didn't push any further against her tone of finality, but the way he fidgeted with his lip ring gave some indication of how uncomfortable he was with the idea of just dumping my body in the cellar to be subjected to some unspecified ritual.

"Just point the way and let us do this part, dear," Papa said softly, running a hand back over her hair, "gods but you do look just the same don't you...how fantastic..."

She frowned in confusion, taking his hand and rudely removing it from her hair.

"I do not know who you are, so do not touch me, please."

"You don't remember me at all?" The smile curved his full lips slowly as he waited, looking back and forth between her eyes, watching her mind working as her eyebrows furrowed, knitting together in the middle. 

"I apologize, now I am the rude one," she shook her head, tears welling in her eyes again as she sniffled, just too overwhelmed to function at this point, "but I am sorry, I don't remember you."

"Come now, pet," he wrapped her in his embrace and she let him, finding something so perfectly comforting in his scent and his warmth as he just held her there, humming softly into her ear until she recognized the melody of If You Have Ghosts, "you can call me Tobias, but your Triste was I believe rather fond of calling me Papa."

She went stiff as a board. 

"Ihy?"

"Just Papa will be okay from you, my dear," he pressed his cheek to her hair, "but you are familiar with who I am now?"

"My lord," she took a step back and dropped to her knees in deference, "I-I was terribly rude...I am sorry I did not remember you--_je suis désolé..."_

Ihy shook his head, dropping to his knees and taking both her hands in his as she chanced a surprised look up at him when he sighed deeply.

"I do remember you from all those centuries ago, little Nedjem. Delightful and curious and beautiful beyond compare standing under the sun on those happy festival days..."

She blushed deeply, averting her eyes once more. 

"For so many years you've taken such good care of her, keeping her level, keeping her safe, and for the brief while that she was under my watch, this happened. So it really is I who should be apologizing to you."

"_Non!_ No, Henrik said it was an accident! It cannot be your fault."

"Oh, shit," Johannes turned in a circle like the other might pop out from behind the curtains, then turned to Tim, who was staring and looking exhausted to the point that he might fall over if someone breathed too hard in his direction, "where _is _Henrik? Did you see him outside when you got here? He got here with us but didn't come in..."

Tim just shrugged.

"He is probably walking. There are many hectares of vines to get lost in if you want to get lost," May murmured, looking back and forth between Papa's eyes, those orbs of perfect color, a blend of the earth and the sky, the very translucence of the air wrapped up in the depth of the aether, "Papa I feel that something is..._un erreur, _something is not right. I am not without her for this long here," she tapped two fingers over her heart.

"She probably won't re-manifest in the same body like you pet, that was your goddess' gift to just you, but we will keep her here for the time being just in case while we speak with Her..."

The voiced thought reminded Tim and he sighed heavily, closing his eyes and collapsing into the corner of a couch. 

*_I promise I'm coming, I haven't forgotten*_

_*Hurry.*_

"No," May gripped Papa's face with both hands, staring straight at him, the green just starting to touch her irises, but not there fully, "focus. Feel for her. She is not there. Ihy, my Masika is not here anymore."

As the initial sense of frantic terror and the immediate attempt at correction finally passed, he settled, centering, grounding as his energy linked with that of the earth, passing through cities, tearing through fields, across oceans, a frown marring his lovely features as his eyes closed. 

_Where are you._

His eyes passed over every man in the room when they reopened - Johannes' fingers fidgeted nervously with the zipper of his coat, John was looking around at the paintings hanging on every wall, Jonas and Tim were both seated on the same couch, Jonas still cradling me to him and Tim's head leaned back with his eyes closed, his lips barely moving like he was murmuring to himself. 

"Correct me if I'm wrong, dear, but its not always immediate, yes? She perhaps is simply resting with my mother's sister for now."

"_Bah,_" May made that particularly French sound of dismissal, rising to her feet and shaking her head, now over the initial shock of being face to face with her Papa, who also happened to be part of her pantheon, "you do not believe that any more than I do."

She turned to everyone else, her mouth a flat line, not the lovely gay smile they were so used to seeing from her, giggling and wagging her wooden spoon talking about how you just _can't _live off only plants.

"There are empty bedrooms down the hall, please make yourselves at home."

Without another word, she swept out of the room, followed by Jonas, moving slower as he adjusted me in his arms again. 

Everyone else stood around for another moment, hands in their pockets, looking awkwardly at one another as the grandfather clock in the corner ticked each passing second, creating a deafening rhythm that each longed to escape from. 

"I'm gonna call Henrik," John murmured, making his exit and breathing a sigh of relief to be alone for a moment as he unlocked then stepped out the front door. 

Johannes scrubbed both hands over his face, clearing his throat, "I think maybe everyone should get some rest and then we'll talk about this..."

Tim didn't respond except to grab his bag from the pile on the floor and shuffle off down the hall, fighting the crushing exhaustion and despair. Papa watched him go with a frown before turning back to Johannes. 

"What does she mean, there are ways they take care of their dead..."

Despite the somber mood, Papa found himself laughing at the apprehension on the other's face.

"Don't worry, she's not down there being mummified amongst the bottles of vintage champagne, son."

"No, I--I didn't think--I mean--"

"Gods, champagne does sound nice, doesn't it? I could use a drink."

"What could you possibly want to toast right now--"

"When in Reims, son," Papa called, already around the corner and headed for the kitchen. There was nothing to toast for sure, but getting blind drunk on fine wine sounded like a good start to figuring out what he was going to do with five sappy heartbroken mortals and a priestess who was in much the same condition. 

It didn't need to be overly fancy - something nonvintage would be fine and he chuckled humorlessly at the irony. A finished product made from blending year after year after year of wine together. An amalgamation of history, of time. 

But I was simply not so different from the bottle he held in his hand. He'd have to remember to tell me that. 

He twisted the delicate wire until he could pull the cage off, rocking the bottle back and forth in one hand while holding the cork with the other, listening for the soft whisper of escaping air, until the loosened cork which came away free in his hand after several seconds. 

With six flutes held by the base of their stems between the fingers of one hand and the bottle in the other, he walked back out into the sitting room, surprised to find only Johannes and John there. 

"No Henrik yet?"

"Not picking up," John shook his head and Papa glanced out the window with a frown.

"This is concerning...why don't you seem concerned?"

"You don't know Henrik like we do...he'll sulk about it then come back," Johannes shook his head, no longer feeling anger towards his friend, but a deep pity and sympathy, "he just needs some time to beat himself up."

Papa shrugged as he poured and distributed glasses before settling into a chair near the others and crossing one leg over the other - they were right, he knew _of _Henrik more than he actually knew the man. Reputed to be kind and soft, shy almost to a fault, but a good guy through and through. 

The perfect target in some ways.

Everyone looked down into their glasses, watching the delicate bubbles rise in an endless procession.

"Fuck it," Papa muttered, downing his in a matter of seconds, followed quickly by the other two. 

They carried on that way, slamming glass after glass for the better part of a hour until everyone was rather drunk.

"So...what...what happens to her now?" Johannes asked, leaning heavily into the soft back of his chair and stretching his long legs out. It seemed like extensions of limb just kept going, and Papa laughed softly, marveling at humanity in general, how they were all so different. 

"Gods, how tall are you?" 

"Six four, and you didn't answer my question."

"Right, right, sorry," Papa waved a hand in dismissal, pouring them all another glass once he'd fetched a fresh bottle from the kitchen, "perhaps everyone should join us for this part. Its nothing bad, but best if we're all on the same page, hmm?"

"I'll try Henrik again," Johannes bent forward to snag his phone from the table as Papa stood, wandering down the hall and poking his head into the open rooms, intending to wake Tim once he found him. The door at the end was the only one closed and he didn't bother knocking before he opened it. 

Tim wasn't sleeping, he was pacing back and forth over the same length of carpet laid down over the hardwood floor, tearing his hands back through his hair over and over again, obviously nervous and frustrated about something as he muttered to himself. 

"Tim?"

He didn't hear him, and Papa pushed off the doorway, approaching him. 

"Son."

Tim whirled around like he'd been startled, one hand pulled back into a fist that Papa quickly covered with his own, shushing him softly and apologizing. 

Everything was so uncertain. He'd tried to call Henrik and he wouldn't pick up. I was laying fucking dead in the cellar. He was terrified at the prospect of talking to Her, of having to face Her and tell Her that he couldn't protect me. That he couldn't even make sure I got through this first task unharmed. 

Papa looked down at him sympathetically, running a hand back over his hair. 

"Whats eating at you?"

Tim shook his head, all of it swirling in a heady combination that made him feel wild and unstable, like he was just on the very edge of completely losing control, desperate for something to keep him grounded. He opened his eyes and looked at the other, something clicking there in that one second, like a light in the dark.

"Everything," he whispered, grabbing Papa by the hair at the back of his head and yanking him forward until their lips crashed together, pulling a surprised gasp from him but no other objection as he instinctively pressed forward, sinking into the other, growling lowly as he felt the cool wall at his back and still Tim kissed him harder when he couldn't back him up any further. 

The whole thing seemed to only last a second. 

"I'm sorry," he huffed, covering his mouth with his fingers and shaking his head hard back and forth as he shut his eyes tight, "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

Papa only laughed softly, knowing that it all stemmed from the confusing torrent of emotions that surrounded the experience of human loss. The need for physical affection was perfectly natural and perfectly common.

"Look at me, son."

Tim blinked, looking at the ground when his eyes opened slowly, and he backed up, realizing one hand was still flat against the wall, blocking the other in. 

"I said," Papa tipped his chin up, making the younger man meet his stare though they were nearly the same height, "look at me."

Tim chewed his lower lip, and a thumb gently pulled it from between his teeth.

"There is a proper way to do that kind of thing, if you'd like to try again," he breathed, leaning in, softly touching his lips to the other's as his eyes fluttered shut, barely a whisper of intimacy, but Tim felt his knees shaking as his lips slowly opened, letting Papa's tongue slide between them and caress his with a low moan.

He found that he fervently kissed him back, caught and perfectly torn down the middle between a yes and a no, a need to touch and be touched in return, for an assurance that everything was going to be fine, but there was a foreignness in the other's kiss, even as the hips pressing forward against him felt too much like his own to be comfortable, too familiar. 

"I--I'm not--" he stammered when he pulled himself back, finding his breath caught in his chest, "I'm not into--I'm not gay--"

"Well, coincidentally," Papa purred with his signature charm, surprised at how much he like the other's taste, but letting him go, "I'm not technically a man, so--"

"That somehow doesn't make it any better," Tim huffed a mirthless laugh, backing up another step and running his hands over his hair, kicking himself for having the exact same thoughts about Papa as Papa was currently having about him. 

Being attracted to another man. How unusual.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again.

"You don't have to be afraid of wanting someone who isn't her, Tim," Papa responded softly after a minute of silence, turning to go and leave him to untangle his thoughts, the prospect of adding more information seeming too risky at the moment. 

"Ihy...c-can I ask you something?"

His hand was on the doorknob, but he closed it and turned, resting his shoulders against the wood and nodding silently. 

Tim was obviously frustrated to the point of agitation, twitching and scratching at his skin like it was making him uncomfortable just to be in it, shaking his head every few seconds. 

As he watched the younger man pacing, Johannes' voice sounded in his head, staring sadly down at him on the plane, holding his friend up for fear that he'd fall down dead too if he let go.

_Please, just tell me what to do..._

"She...She asked me to come talk to her...or She said She needed to talk to me..." Tim's voice broke the very silence he'd created. 

"Who?"

His mouth twitched and both of Ihy's eyebrows raised at once in an unmasked look of abject shock.

"Really..."

"Uhm. Yeah...and we've met before...I mean... 'met'," he put air quotes around the word, "but it was so quick and in the middle of kind of an emergency and...and..." he huffed a frustrated sigh and shook his head, feeling stupid for having brought it up.

Of _course _he was nervous. She was divine. Extraordinarily powerful. She filled his senses every time he thought of Her, because She was inextricably linked with me.

"Its stupid, and I need to talk to Her but...I don't fucking know _how_," he looked over at Papa, who simply stared with both eyebrows raised still and his head cocked to the side.

She never spoke to humans, and it was a known fact amongst the _neteru_ that she still harbored a deep resentment against them for shunning her divine father and causing the downfall of Her temple and the slaughter of Her servants. The great god of the sun had only barely held Her in restraint as She threatened to flay the very flesh from their bones, His wrath towards Her had been swift and terrible.

And Tim certainly was a fine musician, and fond of me, yes, but those hardly seemed compelling enough reasons to request him to enter Her presence...

"Neverfuckingmind. Get out," Tim grumbled when he didn't receive any kind of answer, storming off to the bathroom and grabbing the electric trimmer from his bag before turning to face the mirror and stripping his jacket and tshirt. His reflection was angry, the stormy expression taking up residence and making his face ache with the tension of it. 

He raised the trimmer to his face, pausing for just one moment to think before carrying on.

It was time for a change. 

Ihy looked over his shoulder, doing that thing where he leaned against the doorframe in an impossibly good, but casual way, the angle of his stance accentuating the slenderness of his hips that perfectly tapered off into the thick muscles of his legs. 

"You'll need to shower first before you go to Her. She does not often take humans into her presence, so you should remember what an extraordinary honor this is."

"Yup. That's the plan."

Tim leaned over the sink as he ran the trimmer over his face again and again, doing what he'd told me he'd considered before, and running his razor under the hot water for several moments before sliding it over his skin, the scent of shaving lotion wafting through the bathroom. All the while Papa watched quietly, slightly surprised that Tim didn't look any younger without the mustache. He just still looked like Tim, but for the frustrated expression he wore. 

"And for what its worth," he broke the silence, "its not true, what they say about your face getting stuck that way. But personally I like you better without the frown."

"Why are you still here, just to make fun of me? Tim snapped, bending over the sink and splashing the hot water across his face to wash away the last of the white foam, scrubbing harder than necessary and looking up at the other in the mirror with a blistering glare that brought the playful curve at the corner of his mouth down into a hard line.

"You don't scare me, pup. I'm older than you are, I'm stronger than you are, and I'm smarter than you are. So drop the fucking self-righteous attitude and man up. What you're about to do is a big fucking deal, so at least pretend like you comprehend the gravity of it."

Tim dried his face off on the soft cotton towel, still staring but saying nothing else for several moments, trying to ignore the way Papa seemed to be deciphering his thoughts one by one, plucking them from his brain like daisies the longer their eye contact held. 

Finally his shoulders sagged and he leaned forward, laying his forearms flat along the edge of the sink basin and pressing his forehead down against them. 

"I'm sorry," he murmured, shaking his head back and forth, making his hair spill down over his arms and shoulders, "you're right, I'm being an ass. Please help me..." He seemed to slump just a little bit more with each tired breath, and Papa waited for several moments before pushing off the doorframe and going to him. 

The soft hand made Tim shiver as it passed over the skin of his back and shoulders repeatedly. 

"I do so love you humans," he chuckled finally, "you're too goddamn fragile, but at the same time so resilient. Its magnificent, truly."

Tim straightened up and didn't shake off the other's hand as it continued to softly touch his back, simply offering the reassurance he needed, not pressing for anything more. 

"Ihy, I don't understand. She's so powerful - She literally talks to me in my head, and She saved Triste's life not even a week ago. Why let her die now? Gods, I can't believe she's gone..."

Papa sighed, closing his eyes and leaving his palm pressed flat to the middle of Tim's back, enjoying the little shiver that it caused. 

"Get in the shower, and I'll tell you what I can."

"Wh--do you want to step out for a minute?"

He actually rolled his eyes, making a dramatic show of slapping his hands over them so he couldn't see. 

"Are you afraid I'm going to come in there and make a meal out of you, Tim," he purred, laughing lowly as the air stiffened and he heard the whisper of clothing hitting the floor, adding as an afterthought, "and all of us can do that, by the way."

"I'm hesitant to ask 'do what' after that comment you just made," Tim's voice sounded from inside the shower, punctuated by a deep groan at the heat from the water, pounding over exhausted, sore muscles. 

*_This...* _he added as much rasp and sex appeal as he could, almost fucking him with the very word, unable to resist playing with him just a little longer.

The bottle of shampoo slipped and clattered across the shower floor, making Papa snort a laugh as he uncovered his eyes, but kept them averted, glancing at his own reflection and pushing his hair back into place where Tim's fingers had made it messy. 

"Thats...thats..."

"My father's uncle, who is Set does it to toy with people - old bastard likes to make them think they're going insane and watch the ensuing chaos. But mostly we only do it when its necessary and all other avenues of communication are closed."

"All She said was 'come to me my son I must speak with you'."

Papa chewed his lip as he stared at his reflection, not really seeing the man, but remembering the child from centuries before, laughing and shaking his sistrum, dancing to the music and delighting his parents and his guardian. 

He scoffed coldly.

Trusted guardian. Honest adviser. Friend. Companion. Thief.

Tim interrupted his reveries, "what made Henrik do it?"

"Sorry?"

"You said, " Tim ran his fingers back through his own hair with a soft sigh, wishing they were mine, remembering how I'd loved to just weave the strands through my fingertips, reveling in the soft fullness of them, loving each reaction of gentle pleasure that showed across his face, "sorry, you said earlier that Henrik had someone else's energy--"

"Oh, yes, it--as I said, its uncommon, but possible to manifest your own energy within someone else. You cannot do it, and I cannot do it, but there are--"

"Wait, hang on," Tim opened the shower door and poked his face out, the confused look there just too damn good for Papa to be annoyed at being interrupted, "isn't that what _you _do?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're Ihy, in Tobias Forge's body right?"

"No...I...ah, I see, no, but that's an important distinction and I'm glad you brought it up. I am divine - oh I did see that, son - " he winked playfully as Tim bit his bottom lip slightly before disappearing back behind the frosted glass, "so it is required that I appear human when interacting with humans. This human's body and life was created for me - I did not take over an existence that was already independent, as someone did with Henrik. Or so I suspect."

_It is required that I appear human when interacting with humans..._

The shower walls seemed to disappear as Tim slowly ran the washcloth over his skin, remembering the frail old woman in the dimly lit shop. 

_"Kungen, I don't want to be in here, these places give me the fucking creeps," he tried to turn for the door but Jonas just laughed and barred the doorway with an outstretched arm._

_"Amuse me, new guy."_

_He'd been in the band long enough that he knew the others were teasing when they called him ridiculous nicknames or as Jonas was fond of, 'new guy', but it still got under his skin a little. He was damn good, and had perfectly picked up their sound and their aesthetic from the second he started, and using his first name didn't seem like that lofty of a request. _

_They'd known each other before, of course, running in the same circles, bumping into each other at gigs and getting blind drunk afterwards together, and something just clicked..._

_"Hello," the woman smiled pleasantly, her skin like leather, her hair covered by a silk scarf with celestial patterns woven into the fabric. The constellations seemed to move as she slightly swayed back and forth in front of them, "is there something I can help you find? Crystals? Cards? Perhaps you desire to know the secrets of your hands?" she looked up at Jonas with a cocked eyebrow and he nudged Tim a subtle step closer._

_"I think my friend here does, for sure."_

_"Dude, I--"_

_"Humor me," he grinned again, pushing him slightly to follow the elderly woman as she turned her back and started weaving a path through the displays and racks, boasting gorgeous cuts of crystals, jars of dried herbs and bundles of sage, books and statuary._

_"You're only making me do this because the secrets _your _hand holds would made fucking Satan blush_," _Tim retorted, drawing a snort of laughter from the other._

_"What, its not my fault our gigs are so far apart and you guys are all ugly."_

_"Say what you will about me and Johannes, but I don't think anyone in his entire life has ever called Henrik that."_

_Jonas laughed again, reaching behind his head to pull his dreads into a loose tail and tie a black elastic cord around them._

_Tim hesitantly followed the retreating celestial headscarf through the beaded __portière_ _and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the even dimmer light inside._

_"Please, have a seat," she gestured to the chair on the opposite side of the table from her. The table itself was draped with a silk scarf, a mandala with intricate patterns spiraling further and further outwards, to the very edge of the cloth, dotted here and there with pieces of colorful stone - crystals with sacred properties. _

_He resisted the urge to roll his eyes._

_Voodoo bullshit. _

_He sat down anyways though, and she threw her cards, humming lowly to herself as she did so, touching each one lovingly as its face greeted hers in the low lighting._

_Tim was almost acutely aware of Jonas' presence at his back, standing just behind his chair so he could see what was happening, though the cards themselves made little sense to him - strange faces and symbols, stiff two-dimensional figures with sun-bronzed skin._

_"You like?" she asked softly, glancing up and catching his gaze for a moment as she set the last card down with a decisive finger pinning it to the table, "they were made for me. Painted by hand by an old man who lives in the shadow of the Bent Pyramid..."_

_Tim exchanged a look with Jonas over his shoulder that equally received as much as it conveyed the sentiment of 'this lady is creepy as hell, lets get the fuck out'._

_"Ahem."_

_Tim glanced back over, and saw that she had cleared the cards away, apparently divining all she needed to know from them rather quickly, and she held out a hand for his, her pull almost magnetic as he found his left hand lifting from his lap._

_"Hmm, the left," she chuckled quietly, "the feminine side."_

_He moved to pull it back and replace it with his right - he was right-handed anyways - but she gently placed one finger in the center of his palm, somehow effectively freezing it in place, and he _couldn't _move it._

_"There is one general rule with divination, my son," she smiled kindly, putting a sense of ease into his bones that he swore hadn't been there a minute before, "and that is to trust your instinct. Your gut feeling. What you feel first is usually the right course."_

_She looked down at his hand with no further ceremony, taking it in hers and twisting it this way and that, straining her old eyes against the lack of lighting as she traced the lines with the tip of her little finger._

_"Hmm...a fire, no doubt."_

_"Aries."_

_She touched regions on his palm, the surface of her skin against his warm and familiar-feeling, motherly almost. _ _"Mount of Apollo," she said quietly, as much teaching as she was dictating, "happiness, success, artistic inclinations..."_

_She carried on, touching this place and that, recommending that he perhaps quit spending so much money at the bar, and cut back on the smoking while he was at it._

_"Mount of Venus," she touched the fleshy part of his hand just under this thumb with a wily smirk to herself, still staring at this palm, "sensuality, attraction, love, emotional connection..." she glanced up and seemed to do a double take._

_Tim's breath caught in his chest, his lungs unable to expand any farther._

_Fuck maybe the old broad was right about the smoking._

_"You...you you you you you..." she spoke slowly, positively sure of what she was saying like she was sure of her own name, "my child, the one you seek serves the eye of the sun..."_

_Tim and Jonas stared flabbergasted at her as the seconds ticked by in silence, and her very eyes seemed to pin Tim to his seat, keeping him where he was. _

_Gods, they almost seemed to glow in this light. He'd though out in the shop that they were blue - just something he'd casually noticed in passing - but in here, they seemed so vibrantly green, like there were electrical currents pulsing through them._

_"Uhm...got it...thanks..."_

_She blinked several times and shook her head, inhaling deeply and releasing his hand, which she'd long-since stopped looking at._

_"How much--"_

_"Nothing," she said more sharply than she'd meant to, recovering after a moment, "I apologize. Please, consider this a gift."_

_"Right...well...thank you, and uhm...Kungen its time to go right? We have that...that thing?"_

_"Yes, right, of course...the thing."_

_They booked it out of the shop and Tim only barely whirled around to catch the statue his elbow caught at the edge of the shelf before it crashed to the ground, righting the little lioness-headed figurine and not thinking twice about it. _

_"If you ever fucking do that to me again, I will suffocate you in your sleep," he shoved Jonas' shoulder as the other man started laughing hysterically, unable to control it once they were out the door and back on the street._

_"Holy shit, you should have seen your face! Eye of the sun. What the hell does that even mean? Maybe she means call that hot little ex back up and beg her forgiveness."_

_"Doubt it," Tim rolled his eyes, patting his pockets for his lighter. The snus they sold here was chemical garbage and he was almost entirely reliant on cheap cigarettes when they came stateside. _

_Also chemical garbage, but he didn't really dwell on it. _

_The servant of the eye of the sun. _

_Fucking voodoo bullshit. _

"Tim? Hello..."

Papa flipped the lever in the shower all the way to cold, having failed to get Tim's attention after calling his name several times and then resorting to wrenching open the shower door and doing it louder. 

"FUCK!" he jumped out of the freezing deluge, "what the fuck did you do that for!"

"Well obviously I was curious what you look like naked and not concerned in the least that you've gone non responsive," Papa rolled his eyes again, turning his back and tossing Tim a towel over his shoulder as the other stepped onto the bathmat, still curling in on himself with shivers from the chilly water. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to space out...what were you saying?"

"I'll tell you later. For now, son, you need to dressed and get in a good headspace. You're about to get seriously mindfucked, and She's not known for Her patience."

"Thanks for the warning," Tim grumbled, pushing past the other, only to have a hand snag his arm and pull him back, pushing him into the wall. 

"Do _not _treat this like a matter of casual convenience, Tim," Papa hissed, "She can blink you out of existence without so much as a twitch of Her little finger. Be careful, be respectful, and be smart."

He leaned in closer, until his lips were just a hair's breadth away, relishing the way Tim's eyes fluttered shut against his own will.

"And be honest...tell her what I have told you."

He laid a soft, tender kiss to the other's lips, not lingering, but pulling back after only a moment.

"How--how do I--Triste said she always had to--to uhm--"

Papa leaned in again, playfully this time, understanding after a moment the other's stammered question.

"Are you afraid that you're going to have to fuck me, Tim? Or are afraid that you might like it?"

The perfect blush that rose to his cheeks made him laugh and he pulled back a step.

"That rite is only for temple initiates. Get dressed, sit down, shut up, and concentrate. You'll be fine," and without another word he walked out, finally calling when he reached the door, "oh, and when She sends you back, come find me."

Tim stared at his reflection in the mirror for several minutes, watching the beads of water slowly drop down his skin until they evaporated in the dry air.

The nagging sense of want still burned deep in his gut, and he shook his head. 

He'd never wanted a man before.   
And he wasn't about to start now.   
My death wasn't going to be an excuse to lose himself in a haze that turned into weeks of fucking everything that moved, no matter how appealing on a primal level the thought seemed to be at the moment. 

Gods. 

No. Just one. 

"Shut up," he growled at himself, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes, "and just do it."

He dug into his duffel for jeans and a tshirt, ignoring as he got dressed the way that he couldn't stop thinking about fucking soft Papa's lips were, and ignoring further that he was half-hard at the notion. 

He breathed deep, the way I'd taught him, sitting in the middle of the floor, pushing out the walls of his torso rather than breathing just into his chest, imagining that his animating energy was like a root system, connecting him to the earth below.

_Inhale.  
Exhale._

_Inhale.  
Exhale._

_*Goddess*_

_Inhale  
Exhale_

_Inhale  
Exhale._

_*I'm ready*_

_Inhale  
_

_Exhale_

_Inhale.  
Exhale._

"My son, I am glad that you have come."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you imagine being the gal that's walking around right now knowing Jonas has your name tattooed on his ass?   
Oof.
> 
> Also, does PapaxTim scare you the way that PapaxTim scares me? Dunno if that's gonna happen, kids, its feeling a little forced to write. 
> 
> Meh.


	67. Chapter 67

"Be careful, please," May said quietly, her voice nearly a whisper, getting lost in the vast expanse of the cellar as they passed row after row of dust-laden bottles. 

"Damn, how far does this thing go?" Jonas shifted me in his arms, glancing around at his dimly-lit surroundings. 

"Some of these bottles are over one hundred years old, but many of our vineyards were bare during the second war, and my family had to replant everything after the occupation."

She continued to wind her way through the cellar, all the way to the door at the back corner, set into the wall so it was difficult to see unless you were right in front of it. 

"She will be safe here until we decide what to do."

Jonas stepped in behind her and bent down to place me on the bed in the corner, laying my head on the pillow and resisting the urge to tuck me in under the blankets. He straightened after a moment before collapsing down to sit next to me, rubbing both hands over his face, and then taking a longer look around, his elbows resting on his knees.

"What is this place?"

"Our winemaker likes to stay with the grapes from _vendange _to _dosage_. They are like _ses enfants_, so papa built him this room to sleep in while he is here."

It was a simple room, plainly furnished with the basic amenities and Jonas got the impression that the man hardly spent any time in it anyways, even when he _was _here. There were a few wine chemistry reference books on the nightstand, next to a small reading lamp with a tan canvas shade, and no pictures on the walls.

"I didn't ever know that your family were--" he gestured around.

"_Champenois_," she offered the missing word with a small smile, "there is much that you don't know about me. And that I don't know about you," she corrected when she watched the awkwardness start to cross his face, moving a step closer and kneeling between his knees, taking both his hands in her own.

"I know that we did not do much of the talking last time...but I do want to know about you."

He smiled softly at her as his fingers roamed back through her hair with a mind of their own. Gods she was even more beautiful in this lighting.

"Is it just you in this big house alone?"

"_Non_," she laid her head down on his knee, staring at the far wall as she spoke, wrapping her arms around his calf and softly stroking up and down, too tired now to go back upstairs, "_maman et papa_ live here, not me... I did, _bien sûr, _as a girl, but not anymore. They are away, visiting the other wineries who buy our grapes. Do you know what a _negociant _is?" she glanced up at him.

"No, sorry."

"Don't apologize. We do not make all our grapes into wine - we sell some to other wineries who do not have as many hectares as we do, or who have bad harvests or young vines. Every year they invite _mes parents _to come to their wineries and ehm..._en anglais_...shoot some shit?"

Jonas snorted a laugh.

"Shoot the shit."

"_Oui_, yes, shoot _the _shit. It is to show them that their winery is functioning properly and that our grapes are going into good wine before they agree to do it again for the next harvest."

The sound of his laugh made goosebumps break out across her skin, and she looked up at him again, her eyes soft, pupils wide as she brushed a hand across his face, the heat of his skin under her fingertips so familiar and wonderful.

"_Dieux_, I did miss you, Jonas..."

He turned his face into her palm, his eyes closing as the overwhelming confusion short-circuited his brain. He simply couldn't process everything right now. It was too much.

"I missed you too, baby," he whispered, standing and pulling her up by the hands until she was pressed against him, marveling at how it felt like they were picking up just where they left off, rather than having six months and two deaths inbetween.

"I am so sad," she breathed, perfect and lovely as a single tear slid down her cheek, "I am here and you are here, and she is gone now."

"She was sad too, when it was the other way around, darling. But we got you back and we'll do the same for her."

May nodded, looking at the floor but getting pulled back to him after a moment as Jonas tipped her chin up with his finger. 

"We'll figure it out, okay? We'll find a way to get her home, sweetheart. _Je te promets_." 

His accent was clumsy, but the words were good enough for her - a commitment to help get her answers, and she stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, hungrily meeting his mouth with hers like it had been a hundred years they'd been apart.

"Then show me how much you missed me," she whispered desperately, sliding her tongue between his lips and feeling all her muscles tense at the low growl she got in response.

Gods but she lived for that sound, and his hands gripped her waist hard, his fingertips sinking into her skin as he physically drew her in, devouring her mouth and tearing at the button on her jeans after only a few moments, desperate for them to be gone and out of his way. 

He was quickly losing patience and about to just tear them down the middle when her hands stayed his and in a matter of seconds, they were on the floor, kicked to the side and her feet were off the ground in the next as he picked her up and set her on the cool polished surface of the wooden dresser, sweeping away the books piled there with his forearm, sending them crashing to the floor in a flurry of pages and dust.

He wasted no time tearing her panties off and dropping to his knees to tongue at her, making her moan in a way that curled his toes as his mouth worked her and her fingers wove themselves into his hair, gripping tightly while she braced herself back on her opposite palm. 

"Fuck I missed the way you taste," he groaned into her core, spreading her open with his fingers and latching his lips around her clit, sucking urgently before sliding the flat of his tongue up and down through her folds, needing more of every sound she made for him, desperate for _something _that wasn't crushing sadness. 

The walls seemed to absorb the sound waves of her voice, keeping from him the very thing that he wanted so badly, and he redoubled his efforts, almost frustrated in the way the sound of his name didn't echo off their surroundings. 

"Come on," he said lowly to himself as two of his fingers pressed against her opening and he fought his instincts, warring against the inner voice, knowing that he could seriously hurt her if he wasn't in complete control of his emotions.

Her fingers pulled on his hair, yanking the cords taut and making him pull away from her core with a shout, his fingers still twisting and writhing, fluttering inside her and pressing so hard against her frontal wall that he was nearly lifting her hips off the wooden surface under her. 

"You cannot make me hurt more than I already do. Don't hold back," she said firmly, seeming to read his mind as the tears still streaked down her face, and he stood rapidly, wiping his mouth against the back of his hand before crushing it against hers with enough force to bruise her lips, letting the reins slip from his fingers, kissing his self-control goodbye as he consumed her.

Her fingers tore the worn leather of his belt through the buckle without trouble, and she shoved his jeans down his legs, each passing second only increasing her desperation for him as he growled at her again.

"Just fuck me," she gasped, before English as the common method of communication was totally forgotten, and he dragged her to the edge of the dresser, biting at her lips, kissing her desperately as he slicked his cock over her core, pressing forward against her opening after just one pass, desperate to be inside her.

She threw her head back and cried out as he pushed into her, stopping after just a moment, pulling back and teasing at her entrance, rocking his hips back and forth, making the ring piercing the tip of his cock feel like a thousand pounds of pressure inside her.

"You want more? Hmm? Are you dying to feel my cock inside you," he growled, filling her mouth with his tongue and moaning deeply as she wrapped her legs around the back of his hips and pulled him forward, forcing him to sink further into her until her was bottomed out, and she used the leverage of her angle to roll her hips against him.

"Always," she gasped in return, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders and burying her face in his neck, biting and sucking at his skin as his hips rolled into hers repeatedly, guiding her closer and closer until he was pulling her off the dresser altogether and fucking her in midair.

"Holy gods, you feel so good," he panted, collapsing to the floor under her, but not missing a beat as he lifted his hips up again to meet her coming down onto him, the motion pushing him as far inside her as he could go with a primal scream that made him arch off the floor. 

She was gasping for breath, losing her own control as her head rolled back against her shoulders and her neon gaze pinned him when it came back around. 

"You want more?" she purred at him, lifting her hips and swirling them as she sank back down onto him, feeling more spurred on by each gasping moan she tore from him, each time he bit his lip with pleasure, grabbing her skin in his fist, drawing her in closer.

His hands on her hips were the only things anchoring him to reality and he fucked into her with the same ruthlessness and animal passion that she had, growling and yelling until they were nothing more than a writhing tangle of limbs on the floor. 

"Come on me," he growled, desperate for her release, for her high, and his thumb rolled over her clit, back and forth, over and over again, and she threw her head back and cried out as she tightened around him, giving him no choice but to come too, pumping his release into her as he sat up and claimed her mouth again, wrapping his arm around her ass to hold her on him still. 

"Stay," he panted, licking at her bottom lip and shivering with her through the aftershocks as she clenched around him repeatedly, "I'm not finished with you yet."

"Jonas, we need to--" 

"_No_," he snarled, not meaning to sound so harsh, but unwilling to just go right back to dealing with my death. Not when he could extend this moment just a little longer. He lifted her just enough that he slid out of her with a low groan, but his fingers were instantly there, pushing inside her, uncaring that he was covering himself with his own release in the process. 

"I can't just let go of you again, no yet, please," he whispered, using his grip around her waist to move her slowly as she gasped for breath, moaning into his kiss and clutching him to her, rolling her hips forward as his thumb started working her clit again.

"Come for me again. Oh, gods, May, please just come for me," the tears were starting again, but he couldn't stop them, completely powerless to do anything but keep her going.

May wrapped her arms more firmly around him, the pain in her knees barely noticed as he stole one orgasm after another from her, keeping her coming until he was shaking with exertion and she with pleasure, and he collapsed onto his back, staring at the ceiling and humming lowly when she licked a drop of sweat away from his throat, stretching out on top of him languidly.

"Mmm," he chuckled, gathering her into his side and turning his face to kiss her when she rolled off, "you temple girls are hard to please, do you know that?"

"_Bah_," she waved a hand, "not hard to please, just hard to keep satisfied," she giggled, sighing after a moment and snuggling closer, enjoying the quiet. The minutes ticked by, one after the other, as silence filled the room. Breathing leveled, heartbeats slowed, fingers exploring skin found their idle patterns. 

"I felt it, you know," he said quietly, staring at the ceiling, "when you...left."

"Died?"

"Yeah..." he swallowed hard, "I had this dream that you woke me up from. I was really sick, so it may have all been a hallucination, but you were sitting at the edge of my bed and--"

"No, I remember," she smiled softly, and he jumped with surprise.

"Shh, shh, its okay," she calmed him, quieting down again as she thought about what to say. How strange that it was her now, revealing secrets...

"Get out of this, please," she slowly undid the buttons on his shirt, "I need to feel your skin."

She wasn't saying it from a place of lust or want - she was just overcome suddenly with the need to be wrapped up in him. His embrace, his warmth, the vibrations that moved through him when he hummed lowly to her the way he always did.

He sat up and shrugged the material back off his arms, bundling it back under his head like a pillow as she lifted her shirt off too, unhooking her bra and tossing both off to the side before immediately tangling herself up in him, weaving her legs through his and pulling his face down to a slow, but eager kiss. 

"Gods, I want you again, but I'm so tired..." he breathed into her lips with a laugh as his hand roamed down her side and over the curve of her hip.

She giggled quietly, kissing him one more time on the tip of his nose.

"This is good enough for me right now," she pressed closer, feeling the intertwining of sadness and joy - it didn't leave her somewhere in the middle, she felt both in their entirely. 

They fell into silence again. It wasn't dull or uncomfortable. It was just silence.

"_Monsieur Brodeur_, our _vigneron_, says when it is quiet like this here he can hear the bottles breathing," she said quietly, and he hummed, glancing backwards out the doorway towards the closest shelf, but didn't hear anything. 

"Why did you come to me?"

"Hmm? Oh...I..." she blushed, glancing away from his eyes and tracing the lines of his chestpiece with the tip of her finger, "do you know the word _ka? _It is our interpretation of a soul."

"Doesn't sound familiar...Tim probably knows. He read about all that stuff when we got home."

"Ah? Sudden interest?"

"Yeah he was quiet the whole flight home. I just thought he was hungover and cranky, but he went straight to his apartment and wouldn't pick up the phone for like a week. I finally just went and pounded on his door because I was convinced he was laying dead on the floor or something and he was halfway through a new bottle of whisky, just...reading. Reading and drawing and it looked like a crazy person had taken over his space. There were books everywhere and printouts and half-finished drawings all over the floor and the walls."

"Why?" she leaned up on one elbow with a confused look on her face, and Jonas sighed, glancing over at me, up on the bed, totally oblivious to everything.

"It was all because of her...I've never seen him so affected by anyone before, babe, its like his whole world got turned on its head...I'm sorry, so, I guess no, I don't really know anything about your beliefs, I'm sorry..."

"Shh," she gently shushed him, turning his face back her so she could lay a delicate kiss against his lips, "don't apologize. We were complicated and contradictory and even people who spend many many years studying do not fully understand...a _ka _is like a soul - its your life force that animates your body, like an energy, sort of. You die when your _ka _leaves your body."

He nodded his understanding as she paused.

"And when we die, people like me and Triste...we can sometimes...we..._attardons_..."

"Stop? Linger?"

"Yes, linger," she paused again, giving him a small smile, "you are practicing my language?"

"This may surprise you," he teased as his hands started tickling her sides and she giggled, "but I also can read."

"I can teach you more!" her eyes lit up with excitement as she swung her leg over his hips, bending forward to kiss him again and shivering under the touch of his hands as his cock twitched between her legs. 

"That gives me all kinds of ideas," he chuckled darkly, pulling her forward again as he lifted his hips up to slide against her.

"First word," she purred, licking a slow, delicate pattern across his chest while his fingers combed through her hair, "_la langue_."

"_La-_oh, gods-_la langue,_" he repeated, closing his eyes and breathing through parted lips.

"_Mmm, tr__ès bien."_

Her lips brushed over his nipple, tugging at the ring with her teeth the way she knew he liked, and tearing a raspy moan from his throat as his spine curved off the floor.

"_Mamelon_," she sucked it softly, laughing as he repeated her words mechanically, not learning, not listening, not doing anything more than feeling and enjoying. 

"_Les abdominaux_," she worked her way down his torso, licking at his skin, drowning in the taste of him.

"_Le bassin_..." she drew a line with her index finger across his pelvis from one of his hip bones to the other as she settled between his legs, glancing down at his cock and then back up at him with a wicked little smirk and a shrug. 

He didn't care that she didn't name it as the tip of her tongue danced up his length, and moments later he was hitting the back of her throat, the pure pleasure of the sensation almost making his whole body leave the floor. 

She hollowed her cheeks and used one hand on him while she sank the nails of the other into his thigh, remembering the way he responded to pain.

"Oh gods, don't stop," he writhed under her touches for what seemed like both a decade and also only a minute, squeezing his eyes tight even as he desperately wanted to watch her swallowing his cock, "gods I'm gonna come, don't s--FUCK_," _he exploded into her mouth, making her cry out at his taste as he drank him down until he fell back panting, the fingers of both hands curling against the smooth surface of the floor for traction it wouldn't give. 

"You--holy fuck--I--"

She giggled as she kissed her way back up his body, once again snuggling into his side and letting him taste himself on her tongue.

"I wanted to see you," she whispered between kisses, pulling back finally, "I missed you and wanted to see you before I wouldn't be able to anymore as me..."

"I was so happy you were there," he curled her hair behind her ear, still that same perfect lilac color, "I thought I was dreaming when you kissed me."

"_Non_," she sighed, giving him a soft reminder again, "sometimes we...we have a gap. Our _ka _leaves our body and our goddess finds us and brings us to Her, but while our body is still there - not decayed or cremated or anything - we can still sort of be...attached, I guess, to this world."

"Like a ghost?"

"Mmm, sort of, I guess," she giggled, "so if you want to say I was haunting you, you would not be wrong."

"I'll take you here with me, warm and happy and breathing over haunting me any day of the week," he smiled, kissing her forehead, "but thank you."

She leaned up to look down at him again as she pushed him onto his back and gently touched his face, tracing the smile lines at the corners of his eyes - she loved them like I did.

"I love you, Jonas" she said quietly, his name leaving her lips like it had the first time they'd met.

Jonas sat up slowly, barely breathing as he gathered her into his lap, leaning back against the bedframe and holding her close, loving the warmth and softness of her body, of the way she molded herself to him.

"I love you too, May like the month," he whispered into her hair, falling silent, but feeling her lips curve into a smile against his chest.

"Did you feel her go too? My Triste?"

Jonas heaved a sigh at her question several minutes later.

"No. I...not like you. Look, babe, I know its crazy, but I keep feeling like she's here, but just out of sight. Like...how do I say this...like at the very corner of my vision, but when I turn and look she isn't there. Maybe its what you were saying about your soul still lingering or whatever."

"_Non_, _bebe_, it does not take that much time for our goddess to find us. It is not more than a couple minutes usually."

"But you were with me for so much longer...I...I remember it."

She smiled sadly at him, "it was only a moment, Jonas. I woke you up and kissed you goodbye and then had to go."

May pulled back from him and got to her knees, cocking her head to the side as she looked down at him again, his words suddenly seeming peculiar to her.

"She does not feel...gone? She does not feel gone to you like she does to me?"

"Look, you know more about this than I do, so don't put too much stock into what I say."

"But she feels gone from me, Jonas...I...it does not feel normal. We have done this so many times before, and it never feels like she just..._disparaît..._I need to talk to my goddess. Please, we need to go."

They both got to their feet and righted their clothing, and Jonas stooped to press a kiss to my cold forehead before following May out the door, lacing his fingers through hers.

"Can we...can we leave the light on? It feels like she's just sleeping if we leave the light on for her," he chewed his lip, but she leaned up to kiss him, turning back to the bedside table and flicking the switch back on, bathing the room once more in a soft glow. 

"Come," she took both his hands again and led him out of the small room, pausing at the doorway and peaking her head back in, looking at me on the bed, laid out just like I was sleeping - resting from a long trip and the surprise of a lifetime. 

"I will be back soon, _oie_."

Jonas winced but made no further comment as they retraced their steps through the cellar and climbed the staircase back up to the main house, hands clasped tight, fingers interlaced. 

\--

"Gods, you know I was just about to send John to come get you."

"Fat fucking chance of that," John laughed, fairly drunk now, but going serious after a moment, "man what do we do with her? She isn't a French national, can they even take her body? Fuck, someone needs to call that kid she works with."

"I must talk to my goddess about this," May answered him, "then we will have answers. For now she is okay downstairs. The cellar is cool, and her body with keep."

"Think you may need to get in line for that, dearest," Papa chuckled, doing a double take as she whirled around to glare at him, "mmm? _Oh. _Of course you don't know, being only recently back yourself. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

She furrowed her eyebrows at him as he stepped closer, dropping his lips to her ear, "Tim is with Her now. Give him some time."

"Wh--Tim?! Why would he--" she looked wide-eyed at Jonas, staring in disbelief. 

The reading. The drawings. He'd been studying Her in hopes of feeling closer to me. 

"She requested it of him, Nedjem," Papa drew her attention back, "let him come back with what he learns and then if you are dissatisfied, we will wait for you to do the same. Does that sound okay?"

The room went dead silent for a moment before four voices all started chattering at once.

"Tim is with who?"

"Sorry, what did I miss? Since when does he talk to the _any _kind of divine?"

"Is this about the tattoo?"

"But he doesn't understand!"

"Nor do any of we," Papa snapped, silencing them all, "you all need to sit down and stop panicking. We will have our answers soon enough, and there are problems we can deal with in the mean time. Like has anyone heard from Henrik or gotten a hold of him?"

Everyone shook their heads and looked at each other with concern. Enough time had passed since their arrival that he should have been able to take a walk and clear his head and practice a little self-loathing, and make his way back. 

But it had been hours, and he was effectively MIA now. 

Jonas collapsed down into the corner of the couch, pulling May into his lap, and Papa sat in the chair he'd been in before they came up the stairs, letting the ticking of the clock create a metronome against which to organize his thoughts as he breathed deeply and closed his eyes.

Johannes had been watching him carefully all afternoon, feeling something like distrust even now, even knowing that he was part of the pantheon I'd spent thousands of years serving. He was perhaps being over-analytical and over-critical of every move Papa made. But something just seemed so off. 

It ate at him until he finally couldn't keep the question inside anymore.

"What do you know that you're not telling us?"

Papa inhaled deeply, his eyes still closed, though he knew he was the one being addressed. 

He opened his eyes after several moments of further silence, looking Johannes up and down and sighing as he rolled a finger over his lips, back and forth, back and forth, considering how much he should tell them just yet. 

"Lots..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gods, sorry its been a thousand years since anyone in this fic fucked each other, as was the original purpose 😅


	68. Chapter 68

"Wh--restoration? _THATS WHERE YOU GOT THE IDEA FROM? SOME FUCKING MAGICIAN YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH?!?_" 

I jumped to my feet and paced back and forth across the stone floor.

How could she be so fucking stupid.

How could she believe such an inherently unbelievable thing.

"I told him it was absurd at first, darling - my initial reaction was not dissimilar to yours. But...over time, he just wore me down I guess. Made me see the light of his argument - the excitement and spectacle that our lives would hold...and I think...well, I...loved him," she said quietly, the tears silently dropping down her face as she spoke with a level voice, "and I think that perhaps you understand the relief of sharing what we are with someone who understands, even if it is by some minor miracle."

"Who."

She blinked up at me confusedly as I heard Johannes' voice in my head.

_You're not a what, Triste. You're not a creature or an aberration. You're a beautiful, wonderful, caring woman, who also happens to be a--_

"We aren't a 'what', Na'eemah," I sighed, a part of me knowing it was too late for anger. There was no use in fighting her now, and I slumped back down next to her, taking her hands.

"I'm sorry I yelled. You're right, I do understand. Telling Johannes who I am was...well I didn't ever think I would, but the truth came out and it was...freeing. Terrifying," I laughed mirthlessly, "but probably the best decision I ever made. Because then Tim found out. And Henrik, and John and Jonas too and--" my throat closed, choking me on a low sob, "gods I miss them."

She only nodded, glancing out at the sun, moving through the sky, looking over at me when my head cocked to the side and I jumped slightly.

"Wh--did you hear that?" I got up and turned in a circle, seeking the source of the sound.

"That sounded like--" there it was again, a deep, guttural moan that made my fingers curl into fists at my side. 

"Oh my gods, Na'eemah, that was Jonas! I know that sound!"

"Darling..."

I turned again, still talking, still searching, desperate for him to be there, to be real, "I'm 100% positive that was him, I would know his voice anywhere!"

I didn't share with her exactly what I was hearing - that sound that made my whole body electric, arching into the fire that was the skin of his palms as his hips snapped against mine and my inner walls pulled at his cock ring. 

"Of course you would," she pinched the bridge of her nose, having heard nothing - she couldn't, it was happening near my body, not hers, "come sit down, darling. It'll go away in a moment."

"No! No I don't want it to go away! Jonas!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, again and again, tearing through the ruins of the temple, climbing over blocks of stone and through piles of rubble, "Jonas I'm here! Help me find you! Please!!"

But she was right, and after a moment, it was gone, fading like an echo.

He was gone too, and I whimpered as I collapsed into a sobbing heap, already sick of crying in this place, but feeling my heart tearing itself to pieces all over again, like he was the one who was dead, not me.

"Shh, shh, dear its going to be alright. They'll send your body away soon and you won't hear these things anymore. Its just happening near you, your _ka _still is catching...echoes of whats going on around you, if you will because you're still temporarily tethered to that plane of existence."

"Wh--wait..." I made a horrified face as I put her meaning together and told her what I'd heard.

She backtracked immediately.

"NO! Oh, darling, no no no, likely you're just in the room where he is...you know..." she chewed her lip, trying to hide the laugh that obviously wanted to escape, "he's probably not fucking your corpse, didn't strike me as a necrophiliac, that one."

"Gods, well I guess he and May are getting on like a house on fire, as usual, then," I grumbled, turning my face to the ceiling and shouting, "you guys better at least have my face covered! Rude!"

"Sorry?" her head cocked to the side in confusion at my mention of May, and I groaned, flopping flat on my back and staring up at the sky through the cutaway temple roof.

Wasn't the afterlife supposed to be relaxing and carefree? Why were we having to wade through all the muck now?

"She brought her back to the same life. Our goddess..._my _goddess," I corrected, "I didn't get a chance to ask why She had her re-manifest as May. She was someone else at first. Up in the far north of Sweden...Abisko...and while I know it does no good to say it now, I-I was prepared to go. Really. I was going to get a big coat and new boots when we got there, and we were going to have a real adventure..."

"I am sorry you didn't get to experience rebirth for us, Masika...however I imagine that being the first destination for your new position made you rather popular amongst your harem, hmm?"

My...my _harem?_

My whole head twitched once, like a nervous tick and I glared at her when I sat up. Sure it did no good to fight here, but it didn't make me any less sensitive to slut-shaming.

" You don't know what you're talking about," I said lowly.

"_Masika_," she groaned with exasperation, "darling either hate me or don't but honestly the toggle back and forth is giving me whiplash."

"OH! That's fucking rich, coming from you! You abandoned _thousands _of years of tradition - just tossed it out the window for some fucking conjurer? Are you seriously gonna lecture me about _anything _right now??"

"_STOP_," she commanded, frightening and domineering even without her powers, and we both were left glaring daggers at each other again.

"I abandoned _everything _for him. I left my job. I stopped calling my friends. My whole world was _him. _We sat in my house and talked for hours about our lives. About anything we wanted. He was like everything I ever needed, Masika, that I didn't know I was without. His very touch bent me to his will, and I...I never understood how true that was until the end, I suppose."

"Why did you kill May," I snarled, "we were willing to work with you! To help you if that's what She wanted!"

"She would never want that, you fool, don't you see?! No one ever wanted it, not even him! It was all part of his plan--"

"What plan? Na'eemah, I'm beyond confused! And I'm fucking pissed, and I'm exhausted and starving and and and--"

_And I desperately missed you._

I was overtaken by an intense wave of nausea, and covered my mouth with my hand, afraid I was going to vomit.

"Breathe, dear, look at me...watch me...thats it...good girl..."

We calmed down together, and my hands were grasping both of hers when I looked back down.

"If he didn't really want restoration, why did you push so hard for it?" 

"Because I didn't understand, my dove. He and I worked out a plan, a way to tell you and Nejdem, and the other girls. But he warned me beforehand that you would say no - that you didn't want to go back to being Temple priestesses, for shame that the public would scorn you. That your friends would cast you out, your lovers turn their backs on you..."

I fell silent while she continued her story.

"And I told him you would never - that you'd trust me and be as excited as I was about this prospect of seeing our goddess exalted again - new statues in every style, in every kind of stone, draped with fineries. But..." she sighed, crossing her legs under her, "when I spoke to you, and you were both so hesitant...I thought he had been right. Gods I was crushed when I went back to him that night."

"He came all the way from California with you?"

She nodded, offering nothing more about it.

"Everything he'd said was proving to be right. Everything I'd told him couldn't possibly be the case. He held me as I cried and said he'd had other troubles with other women - and men as well - from other cults. They never saw the light at first, but they all did eventually. He promised me you would come to your senses."

"So...so instead of trying again like a sane, rational person, you sent that guy to come find me? Afterwards when May and I went out dancing?"

She nodded, obviously still beating herself up over it. And we weren't even to the really gnarly part yet.

"And told him he could fucking rape me first, just as long as you got your face time??"

_To the Protector of the Kings..._

"_Don't you dare insinuate that it was I who spoke those words to you when you know me better," _she snapped.

"WHAT? They came out of your mouth! You stood in my fucking living room and pinned me to the wall and said very plainly that same thing!"

"Masika, you don't understand. You don't know what he can do! What power he has...he-he," she got up and started to pace, a quick five steps there and fiver steps back, running her hands back through her hair and scratching down her arms, obviously frustrated, "he can send his essence, his spirit, out of his body and into another's. Mine, yours, Henrik's. I didn't know anything about it until I was here, and it was too late."

"Wh--...what like possession? Like fucking demon shit? Na'eemah that's crazy talk."

"It is not possible for one body to contain two spirits and give them equal airtime. So when he takes you, it...you don't feel it. You don't know really until its over. Or I suppose sometimes, even then you don't know..."

"Why should I believe you? How do I know you're not lying to save yourself the guilt?"

She stared down at me with a blank face for several long, stretched-out seconds before furrowing her eyebrows and sitting down so close to me that our knees were touching.

"Goodness me...She never told you, did She? I was so certain She'd told you."

"Told me what."

"Darling, you do know what happened to your first husb--...to him. You were told that he was killed, once it happened?"

"Obviously."

She paused, waiting.

Gods but the afterlife had a fucking lot of waiting and a fucking lot of crying. 

Still she stared, waiting for me to infer the meaning in her dramatic pause.

"That was you?"

She bared her teeth, the protective lioness shielding her cub all over again, thousands of years removed, but in very much the same time.

"You were so broken when your poor mother begged me to take you in, all black and blue, bloody head to toe, and I thought for sure you'd die. I'm sorry to say it but I was going to turn you away and simply tell her to take you home and put you out of your misery kindly and tell you how much she loved you while she did it, lest you linger in pain for days. But our divine Mother told me not to do that, so I took her hands and promised her I'd do my best. And as your bones healed slowly, and your tiny little spirit proved to be a flame which couldn't be tamped down, I finally sent for her. You were in my care, and had become something of my own child, you see, and I was enraged at the state you were in. She told me of your father, his...predilection for drink and senet, and his solution for solving the resulting debt. Not a very good gambler apparently, your father..."

I stared in shock. _I _of course had known that, but I'd never realized that she knew anything of my life other than what I had told her. 

Na'eemah's smile was wicked, and cunning, and it sent a visible shiver down my spine.

"I did it gladly. It was slow. And it was horrible. And I spoke your name repeatedly as the light left his eyes, telling him who protected you now. Whose favored you had become, and he whimpered as he died under my blade, Masika. I told him there would be no mastaba built. No one who gave enough of a shit to feed and offer water for his _ka_. He would go to the scales and watch Ammit devour his wicked black heart...and I left him there. For some days, from what I understood. He stank when they found him, rotting in a pool of his own blood."

My mouth made a clicking sound as my lips snapped shut, my teeth clamping tightly together. 

I'd never learned the identity of the murderer, and after a period of time I had stopped caring. He was dead and I was perpetual - a perfect manifestation of karmic justice.

"I--I...I don't know what to say..."

"Then just listen. Please, just remember that _that _is how I love you, and let me explain myself."

I nodded and she took a deep, slow breath. 

"I told Egypt that I could at least convince Nedjem on her own. You were always slightly more unpredictable, but that girl was as sensible as the rain since birth. Always has been, every lifetime. I found her on the way to the store one night. She was surprised to see me, of course, but glad, as I was glad to see her too, and we ducked into a cafe - she said she didn't have much time, her mother was sick and she needed to go buy medicine at the market and get back to the house _tout de suite." _

_"Nedjem," she whispered, taking her hand across the table, pushing her espresso cup to the side untouched, "it is our time. There are others that want this, as I do, we will not be alone--"_

_"Bahh, Mistress you speak this foolishness again!" May hissed, pulling her hand back, "there is no reason to change history like this - it will not take and more than likely we will all be locked up as madwomen!"_

_"Are we not already living in a prison?? One of time and flesh and secrets?"_

_"Na'eemah, I am glad to see you, but I must go...please...come to the _chateau _before you go back to America and say hello to _maman _and _papa. _They would be happy to see you again...goodbye."_

_She ducked out into the night, her shoes clicking down the street as she fished in her purse for her phone, already composing the text to me in her head._

_'_Bonjour oie_, you'll never guess who I just bumped in to, spouting off her _idée folle..."

_"NEDJEM."_

_May whirled around, tucking her phone back into her bag quickly._

_"You will join me in this," she spoke through bared teeth, her face a horrible grimace, so unlike the lovely, laughing visage May remembered, teasing me about stolen panties and my new rockstar boyfriend-not-boyfriend._

_"Mistress, I will _not. _If you forbid me from consulting Her about this, and if you do not act on Her express orders then I join you in nothing! Please, my family already has enough worry right now, I do not need to--"_

Na'eemah went silent, taking another deep breath and holding it for several moments deep in her belly before releasing it. 

"I had no memory of any of it besides being in the cafe and then watching her leave...but..." she looked down at her shaking hands like the blood still covered them, "I knew that-that...I must have done it. I was the only one there with her. But gods, Masika I would never hurt her, she was, as you were, like my own daughter."

"Thats what Henrik said. Thats like _verbatim _what Henrik said - that he couldn't remember it, but would never hurt me. Oh, gods. Oh godsohgodsohgods."

She pursed her lips and it was all the answer I needed.

"Wh-but-if you didn't do it...you didn't..if you didn't kill her...HE KILLED HER??"

"He has gifts like you've never dreamed of Masika, powerful magic that even mine cannot undo...I called him in a panic after I left Nedjem. I told the police that there was a man with a knife - some kind of robbery-gone-wrong situation...and then I went straight back to my hotel. Just crawled right back to him."

"Oh, Na'eemah, no..."

"Yes. In that pivotal moment, when I could have run to Her and confessed all the hidden secrets of my heart, I went to him instead...he told me that it wasn't uncommon to black out during fits of rage, and I'd probably done the right thing by silencing her. Gods, he spoke to me like I was a child sometimes, rather than a fucking brain surgeon, but I lapped it up like it was prophecy anyways. I begged him to believe me that I would never harm her, but he just shushed me quietly and told me that it was alright, that I could admit to what I'd done within the safe secrecy of our bond - he loved me and would protect me, and of course we would never tell another soul of what I had done.

"The agitation came a few days later, and I didn't understand it at first - he wasn't the one who had just committed a murder they couldn't remember...but he chastised me all the same, saying I should have tried harder to convince her before I had snapped, now we were going to have to wait and find her all over again and waste more time, that I needed to control my temper. To listen to him and do exactly as he told me next time."

Her hand touched her cheek, in a specific and careful, but still absentminded way that made me think perhaps he'd smacked her just the once.

"I didn't really comprehend until I was here that I wasn't behaving of my own free will when I confronted her," she looked at me with a pleading look, so unfamiliar and concerning on her, "Masika, I know we've had our differences, but you know that I would never hurt her, or you for that matter. Those few minutes with her in the alley were the only bit of time I was really missing up until the end when I came to see you..."

"But...but you _did _hurt me...Na'eemah, you were taking my spirit by force. I felt it, it was like having my skin peeled back from my--"

She buried her face in her hands and wept, and I couldn't finish my thought.

"I'll never forgive myself! I should never have trusted him, he used me like a pawn."

I was having a hard time taking in all this information, all these confessions that challenged my belief of the way the world worked, assumptions I'd had since we'd started this whole thing - a mental model deeply ingrained into the very fabric of my existence, what let me live life after life without losing my sanity. 

Pawns...

"Why Johannes? Why not just come to me like you went to May. Don't you dare lie to me and tell me that was Egypt too."

She took several quiet breaths, composing herself and wiping her cheeks with her hands.

"It was a split-second decision. A bad one, but my own. After everything with Nedjem, I just spiraled...I thought...gods, I thought that I perhaps had already committed an unforgivable sin, so what did I have to lose. I couldn't give up on my dream, Masika, not when I'd done such harm in the name of it...I was drunk. Trying to loosen the chains around my memories so I could at least bring back the scene where I had killed her, so I could face what I had done and suffer duly for it. I got to talking, and said too much. Egypt didn't know anything about _insa _before then--"

"_Insa, _what is that?" I interrupted her.

"We didn't ever put a name to it back then, you and me and our goddess. And Egypt had some Arabic, so when I told him he called it _insa_ \- forgetfulness."

"...disremembrance."

"Whatever you prefer, darling."

"Gods, so you really didn't find him until August? He...he really didn't call me because--"

She stared into the distance while she answered my questions, her eyes barely blinking at all, the cloud of memories sweeping over them.

"I promised Egypt I wouldn't fail again - gods I think I was as desperate for his approval as I was to even see the damn plan realized in the first place, and I was on the first flight out to Sweden the next morning as soon as the idea dawned and we talked about it.

"I saw you two together all that week - I must admit, when I sent that young man to drug your drink and bring you to me, I hadn't really anticipated you falling in love with the one you and May had spoken so flippantly about, but when he interrupted my attempt, it later offered the opportunity all the same, and I took it. I almost chose Tim instead, but my gut steered me a different way. He seemed...I'm not sure...off."

"He's not 'off'," I said defensively, "He's in touch with Her. Tim is. His energy is different, turbulent in a way, like...I don't know. He's been that way since I met him."

"What do you mean he's in touch with Her?"

"She hears him," I shrugged, "he...he spent a lot of time after we, ahem, parted ways last summer, reading about Her, and studying Her. Some prophecy that he'd been quoted about the one he sought serving the eye of the sun or something." 

I shrugged it off like it was a detail I barely remembered enough to recount, rather than looking her in the face and telling her the truth. That our goddess, as old as time, the daughter of the most powerful god our people had ever served, had destined me to find this mortal, this one flickering light in the vast expanse of my existence. But gods, did we burn together.

_My pieces and your pieces, priestess._

His voice was so clear in my head that I found myself involuntarily looking around for him, longing for his touch, wishing I could just kiss him one last time, as my fingers touched my lips. 

Na'eemah paused, clearly surprised that She'd chosen to reveal Herself to a human in such an intimate manner, but the understanding showed on her face as she put the pieces together.

"Ah, I did wonder when I thought back on it all how She found us. Suppose that was him. Can't imagine he anticipated that."

"I...I don't think he did."

"No, not Tim, love...I am sorry. I remember rather liking his spirit when we met, though I know he was positively hateful of me."

I wiped at the tear that dropped heavily onto my hands folded in my lap, "it was just because he loved me...loves me...fucking hell just keep going or I won't get through this."

Somehow, knowing everyone was physically okay and on the other side of the whole ordeal made it easier to listen to her retelling, and I tried to keep my interruptions to a minimum.

"It was midmorning when I knocked on his door - just a couple of weeks after he'd gotten home, late Summer was turning into early Fall. I told him I was a friend of yours, and gods, I thought for a moment he was going to sweep me off my feet and hug me, he seemed so relieved. He said he couldn't contact you because--"

"Broken phone."

"Broken phone, yes," she confirmed, "he was worried that you were going to think he'd just disappeared for no reason, and once he invited me inside I handed him my phone and said he should call you, at least talk to you and hear your voice so he could tell you his reason for not calling...and-and I did it while he was waiting for the line to ring...it really only took a couple seconds."

"Na'eemah. How could you? How _did _you? I don't even remember the words now, and I'm the only one who was fucking supposed to!"

"That was powerful magic our goddess taught you to weave, dear...no sense just up and forgetting about it. It took some time to remember, but I had several hours on the plane."

"It was only intended to be used the once! My mother was desperate when she came to me about Nawwar!"

"Yes! Desperate! As was I!! Masika, I finally believed in something, I finally had a new sense of purpose - an end toward which I could strive!"

"You were fucking conned, you idiot! Everything this Egypt guy said was designed to make you trust him and you said it yourself - even when he started to get upset with you and blame you, you _still _loved him and needed his approval! He never wanted restoration."

"Do you think that I don't know that," she said coldly, "do you think that there is anything else I have been able to think about while I've sat here alone, simply waiting for the sun to come around again, abandoned alone forever, out of Her reach. No one to talk to, nothing to do, barely enough to eat. You can imagine my fucking shock at seeing you all of a sudden drop in."

I ground the heels of my hands into my eyes, fighting my frustration.

Johannes was okay. He would be sad for me. But he would be okay. Tim would be sad for me, but he would be okay. John and Jonas would be okay - Jonas had May, and I was glad for it.

But what about Henrik.

Oh gods, no. Not Henrik. Not my Henrik.

I was almost knocked back by my level of hatred for this mysterious Egypt. Iufenamun. The magician. The conjurer. The fucking murderer.

Breathe, girl, breathe.

"I shifted his memories, planting new ones, just enough to get us by really, until you came looking for him...I must admit, darling, I didn't anticipate you just running away from the pain."

I snorted, "you obviously didn't know me very well in that life."

"No, you're right, and that's my fault too. None of this would have happened had I not become so apathetic towards my responsibilities in the first place."

"Look, Eemah," I took her hands, "the point is that it _did _happen. And there's nothing to be done for that now save for talk about it. Time heals all wounds, and I think we don't have much more than that here."

I did my best to mean the words and she leaned in and kissed my cheek softly. 

"A few more weeks went by and you didn't call him, even when he did get a new phone. I think I missed something in my recitation, because I would catch him all the time, staring at his phone, scrolling though the names, confused as hell and obviously not sure why he'd picked it up."

"He...he said that he would want to call me and then immediately forget that he had."

"Seems right. I went to the studio with him, you understand I had to go with him everywhere so I would be there when you finally came, and your man with the curls nearly had an aenurysm on the spot."

"Can we skip this part," I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Of course, I'm sorry...I waited and waited and still you didn't show up. You didn't call. No one even knew how to get a hold of you apparently, which I hadn't anticipated, truth be told."

"He said he would call me...and...I didn't think about asking for his phone number in return...I had just assumed he was going to call."

"He would have, dear...I barely left him alone, I was so desperate for this whole thing to work. I called Egypt every day, telling him that no you hadn't shown up yet, but surely tomorrow you would..."

"Gods, and all the while I was desperately trying to do everything to forget about him."

She nodded with a cold, sad half-smile to match my own.

"But that last show, there you finally were. I guess I misunderstood the level of attachment that the others had to you, I wasn't aware that they had found you--"

"It was an accident. I--they literally walked right by my shop and--gods," I covered my mouth as a shaking breath seemed to collapse my lungs, "it all could have just not happened. They could have kept walking and none of us would be any more the wiser..."

"But they _didn't, _keep walking Masika. I did not keep as close an eye on them as I did on Johannes - I figured if they found you, they'd bring you to him. I knew they were all suspicious of his sudden change in behavior - which was the entire point anyways...gods, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I would be wrong if I said it didn't give me a small amount of cold joy when I watched the realization bloom across your face that night, standing in the crowd. Something you desperately wanted suddenly you couldn't have...

"I asked Egypt to let me go talk to you the following day...I thought that once you knew he was gone from you, you would accept in me in his place - throw your lot in with my plan just to feel something that wasn't heartbreak, even if you did still have the others."

"But I--why couldn't I use my gifts...I-I could at first, but, but you did something...you hid me from Her."

Na'eemah nodded again.

"Egypt taught me how to do that. I understand now that he did it to shield himself from the wrath of those gods whose servants he murdered, like he'd done to Nedjem. Useful tool for him to pick up, self-preservation and all..."

"That's why She didn't know that it was you...him...whatever, him through you who killed Nedjem?"

"Probably. He...pushed me out, in a way, I think. Use my body as the vessel for his _ka_, and there was hardly room for two, as I said, so mine was suppressed."

"How has this guy just been running around undetected all this time? That's not magic you learn without drawing _some _notice from Them..." I tore my hands back through my hair, "and he didn't--you weren't under his control when you--"

"Yes and no," she sighed, interpreting the rest of my question, "not the whole time. I'm sorry to say that that was me at first. I was so angry with you, and still angry with myself, thinking I had killed Nedjem. I just wanted your help, Masika. I was desperate, and willing to say anything to get it."

"But your incantation didn't hold."

"No...in truth, I spent a lot of time fucking fretting about how I was going to undo it once I'd convinced you to join me, and explained everything, but I supposed that was more wasted effort."

"When did he--where did you stop being you?"

"I...I remember getting to your building and taking Johannes inside. I was willing to dangle him in front like the proverbial carrot if you if that's what it took, but I assumed that the cards were all going to have to be on the table anyways, so there was no point leaving him behind...

"I didn't anticipate everyone else being there with you. That did take me a bit by surprise, and unfortunately I was going to have to improvise, but that's all that I remember. You don't feel it when he takes you, you see...it just happens, as I told you."

I remembered the split second change in Henrik and got to my feet.

"This is going to kill him...gods, Na'eemah, _I have to do something_," the hysterics were back, "he'll never be the same after this! What if he goes insane!"

"You're probably right darling," she responded sadly, "but there's nothing you can do for him here. I'm so so sorry..."

"W-w-but you said my _ka _is still tied to my body right? Still on that plane of reality??"

"Yes, dear, but only if they haven't sent you away yet. You said you were on a plane when it happened right? They'll have landed by now dear, and probably turned your body over to the police."

"No...no that sound was Jonas, and that means he's with May at the chateau...they've gotta be holding onto me, Na'eemah...maybe...maybe she has to speak with Her, or something, or maybe Ihy has a plan, but--"

"Ihy?" she said sharply, "what do you know of Ihy?"

I couldn't help but snort a laugh - gods this was all so absurd and tangled up together. 

"He's Papa...Papa Emeritus...Cirice'd me and returned my panties...I'm helplessly obsessed with him? Please at least pretend like you listened to a fucking word we said before you pitched your batshit plan."

Her eyes darted around the ruins, like she was thinking, and she reached behind her head, pulling something from her hair. 

When her palm extended outwards towards me, it contained a small hair clip, with gold teeth and small polished bits of opal.

"Why would you keep that."

Na'eemah swallowed hard against the low sob that seemed to weigh down her whole body.

"Its all I have left of him. I wore it everywhere, like I had a small bit of him with me..."

"And what am I supposed to do with it? Are you asking me to get rid of it?"

She looked at me with tears welling up again, her lovely irises standing out against the red bloodshot whites. 

"Opal is known to enhance cosmic consciousness as a stone...darling, I don't know that this will work, but I can't not offer you the chance to try."

"What are you saying."

"There is a statue that they missed, far in the back. Her face still looks down upon us Masika..."

"She. Can't. Hear. Me. I've screamed and plead and cried, and nothing has brought even the slightest response."

"No, She cannot, but maybe he can...reach for him, Masika...reach for Ihy, he is more like us than you know."

I took the small piece, the gold feeling cool in my palm as I stood and found Her statue, kneeling before it and concentrating with every fiber of my being, seeking...seeking...

_Henrik. Where are you. My love, just listen for me..._


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief reprieve from sad Henrik.
> 
> Look, sooner or later everyone has to regroup bc I literally can't keep up with this writing style.

"My son, I am glad that you have come."

Tim inhaled deeply as he immediately felt Her - Her presence, Her divinity, like something familiar and well-known, but at the same time terrifying in its immensity and sheer force, endless and depthless, like the sea. 

He remained where he sat, not daring to open his eyes and take in his surroundings, though he was filled with the overwhelming desire to look up and stare at Her face. 

"Where am I, Mistress?" his voice echoed slightly. 

"Open your eyes and see for yourself, child."

His eyes fluttered open slowly, like he was afraid of taking in too much of his surroundings at once, but his jaw dropped as he looked around, his head whipping back and forth, drinking in a place so vast and so beautiful, he wanted to cry for the sheer magnitude of the devotion it held, bathed in the sunlight. 

Black granite statues of Her likeness flanked him, one after the other to the left and the right, numbered in their dozens, masterfully carved to show just a perfect hint of a smirk curving Her feline mouth. Loaves of bread and earthen jars sat before each one, offerings of adoration and pacification. 

"Wow..."

"You are in my temple, my son, in the old land. Kemet. Can you feel my essence Tim. It flows through the very ground underneath you, through the air you breathe."

He got to his feet, still too stunned to speak, turning in slow circles, taking in every detail as he breathed Her in and She continued.

"Mortals still flock here to pay me homage, and through me they seek favor with my divine father, though this place lies in ruins now because of their very kind," She spoke the last words with a biting tone that drew his attention back and he stood with his hands at his sides, feeling his cheeks dampen with tears as he regarded Her, seated on Her throne, one leg casually crossed over the other, her skin a perfect, shining copper, like She was made of precious metal rather than flesh.

"Triste told me about this place...gods, I never imagined it was anything like this though."

The masonry was perfect, each block of stone laid one upon the other with exact precision, holding the weight of towering columns that supported a roof which seemed to touch the very sky. The walls were covered with panel after panel of art - two-dimensional figures so colorful and vibrant that they seemed to truly breathe and move, surrounded by the same blue-black glyphs he'd seen written across my skin. 

He instantly recognized them, feeling his cheeks go warm as he remembered tracing the same line down my pelvis with his tongue, telling me I was a masterpiece before pressing his mouth down against my center and making me scream for him in the middle of the living room floor, uncaring that everyone else was watching him make me his own. 

"Where is she, Tim," She spoke softly, as if Her voice was not strong enough to say the words, to admit that She did not know.

"She's dead," he covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut after he said the words, feeling them like a physical blow to his chest, "we were on the plane and-and Henrik str--...it-it was an accident..."

His face crumbled once more into a distressing mask of anguish when he looked up and there were tears in Her eyes, several dropping down and staining the fur of Her perfect face.

"My son, she is gone from me -- I cannot find her...something is hiding her from me, creating a shield that I cannot break through."

Tim started hyperventilating, dropping to his knees and clamping both hands over his mouth for fear that he might be sick. A part of him had desperately hoped that he would come to Her and She would laugh quietly at his heartache, hushing his sadness and telling him to simply be patient and wait for me to come back to him.

He'd thought that maybe our intertwined fates would be enough to hold us together through lifetimes. 

_She's never coming back. She's never coming back. She's never coming back._

"How!" he demanded, the tears in his eyes reflecting Her own. His voice was was barbed, and his insinuation rude, but he was too busy being torn apart to care, "how can she disappear from you! She belongs to you! You're supposed to protect her, how can someone just...just _take her_ from you!!"

Her answering roar was long and loud, and he barely avoided being thrown into his back against the rough sandstone floor as She rocketed up from her throne, pacing angrily back and forth, the solar disc starting to flare above her head, glowing with the colors of the sun as the cobra on the uraeus started to hiss lowly, sensing a change in Her energy, and perceiving it as a threat. 

"For thousands of years, I have nurtured Masika's spirit, watching it grow and flourish, watching her blossom in life after life, a testament to my own divine power. But..." She inhaled deeply as Her fingers balled into fists at her sides and She struggled to express such a concept, "it is as if she has vanished."

She collapsed back down onto Her throne in a way that was so intimately, perfectly human. He'd seen a hundred different people do it - simply falling back, losing hope, trusting only the solid surface underneath them and nothing more. 

"So...so--"

"I cannot give her new life if her _ka _is hidden from me, child. It is her essence, what makes her the one you know, and the one I adore. My son, I have failed her!"

Tim's mouth moved like he wanted to scream, like he needed to vent some of the erupting agony inside of him. But he instead stood and crossed to Her, falling to his knees and taking both of Her hands in his own, discarding all formality, uncaring of consequences or manners.

"No! I refuse to believe that. Not from you."

He held her hands in his, bending his face to press the backs of both to his forehead in a gesture of honest submission before staring up and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry I'm touching you without your permission," he found himself admitting every thought that passed through his mind, completely trusting Her, "I...I read everything I could find about you when that week together at the beach was over. Every book and fucking nonsense voodoo internet website--" She chuckled lowly at his words, bringing a smile to his own mouth too at the sound, "--anything I could get my hands on to feel like I would be closer to her. To Triste. But all of them may as well have been made up, because I never knew anything about you that was real until I read her book. Her journal of all her encounters over all her lifetimes..."

Another tear dropped down Her cheek and Tim wanted to cry for the beauty of her weeping face.

"You're kind, and you're wise and so goddamn fucking powerful that it scares me to think about it sometimes. But you're _good. _You're just and careful, and protective, and I don't believe for a minute that you're giving up."

She stared down at him with an expression like it had been far too long since someone said such a thing to Her. 

"My goddess. Mistress. Mother," he gazed lovingly up at Her, staring into eyes the color of the great river as he took a deep breath, settling back to sit down at her feet like a servant, like a child, "that woman is the only thing that keeps my heart beating anymore, and if she's out there somewhere, then she's trying to get back to you. So tell me what to do to find her and bring her back to both of us, and I'll do it. I'll go anywhere, I'll do anything. Just...just tell me," he whispered, a gasp punctuating the end of his thought as he finally wept too, his head dropping into her lap as her fingers stroked over his hair repetitively, soothingly, simply letting him cry.

"I do think that perhaps I underestimated you, my son," She said softly, the gentle smile in her voice perfectly evident even without his sight, "I watched her love you long before you met. I watched the music you create give her the greatest joy she'd known in this life, in times when she was desperately sad and alone...Tim," she placed a hand under his chin, lifting his face from her lap and tipping it up to look at Her, "when my temple, this place, was destroyed, I asked my lord father to give to me the lives of my priestesses who remained loyal. I asked that they be rewarded with the thing all mortals seek - immortality. To reward them with living life after life until they wish no longer to do so...Masika's spirit is under my command until I no longer have use for it, or she wishes to depart from me, but it does not pass into judgment under the eyes of Anubis until _I_ will it to be so."

Tim shivered under Her touch, under the sheer power of Her figure, of Her voice.

"So how can she just disappear? You're the most powerful being I can imagine...how can anyone just take something from you?" he leaned his hand against the floor to brace himself as he shifted against Her legs, gasping after a moment and tearing away from Her. 

"Oh my gods, she's here! I can -- I can feel her!"

She knelt next to him and took his hands before pressing Her fingertips to the floor as She held his gaze, waiting for a moment, searching desperately, frantically.

"Tim...I feel nothing of her."

"No, I swear! Its her!" he touched the floor again, huffing a half-laugh, half-sob at the feel of my energy coursing through his fingertips, "mistress, she's _here! _Triste!!" he got up and called for me, his infectious smile fading the longer he waited, until he turned back to Her once more as She stood and brushed the stone dust from her red linen wrap. 

"She is not here, Tim. Her spirit is linked to this place, as it has been for thousands of years, but she remains hidden from me," She said it again, frustrated and angry, and he dreaded to think what would happen to such a poor creature if She ever found out who dared to cross Her this way.

"But...then how is that possible when I can feel her like she's under my hands, mistress," he reached for my energy once more, whimpering as it wrapped around him once he recognized it and latched on.

Gods, it was like I was standing so close, he could almost reach out and touch me. 

She sat once more and he collapsed and laid his head back down on her knees, staring at the wall, trying desperately to understand and silently crying at the sensation of experiencing me once more, but having me remain out of his reach.

It seemed like every time there was a single glimmer of hope, it got smashed into a thousand pieces while he watched helplessly. 

The silence blanketed everything. There were no sounds of footfalls or soft voices. No wheels turning in the market place or dogs barking.

"Ihy said that someone took over Henrik's body and used him to kill her. On the plane. But it was only the seven of us - there wasn't anyone else that could have done it."

She tutted at him as Her fingers resumed stroking through his hair.

"Henrik would not hurt her, and you know so, nor is he powerful enough in any way to hide from me."

"I do know that...although, we haven't really...been able to find him since we got to the house...he disappeared and he won't answer his phone. That's probably my fault. I wasn't...I may have threatened him..."

"I can help with that, my son, worry not."

"Thank you, mistress."

He never wanted to leave Her presence or relinquish the feeling of Her divine fingers smoothing over his hair, but something kept nagging at him until She broke the perfect silence that was so quiet he could hear his heart beating.

"Speak, my son."

He chewed his lip and lifted his head finally, glancing up at Her. 

"Ihy is okay, right? He isn't...I don't know...can I trust him?"

Her laugh rumbled through the ground, the air, and he could feel it vibrate up through his bones.

"Ihy is the son of my sister, and wiser than perhaps he is credited for by many of our kind. I would recommend that you heed his advice."

Tim chewed his lip and placed his head back down, letting Her resume Her soft, motherly touches as his eyes drifted shut under the hypnotic caresses, that feeling filling his bones again where he spoke every thought unprompted.

Gods he was so tired. 

"I kissed him. I didn't mean to, but I did. I wanted to, but at the same time I didn't..."

"I am not surprised," She laughed lowly, a leonine chuffing sound that came from Her chest.

"Why? I don't think I've even looked at anyone else that way since I met Triste...I haven't felt like anyone else has even mattered besides her."

That low laugh sounded again that he couldn't help but join, the entire experience starting to feel a bit like a fever dream. 

"My son, do you understand why you are able to know me as you do? Beyond the literature and...voodoo?"

Tim smiled, his eyes still closed, acutely aware of each touch of Her hands, while somehow still feeling like he was floating away in a dream.

"Because of my tattoo?"

"No," She hummed softly, rolling Her wrist to wind his hair rhythmically around Her hand, letting it slip like strands of silk through Her palm, never pulling, never gripping, "you are unusual for a human. Rare, I suppose is a better word," She corrected when She felt him stiffen slightly.

"I...ahem, I know I can get kind of...obsessive. I'm sorry, I've always been that way, mistress, I can't help it."

"No, Tim, your care and your 'obsession', as you call it, are what make you who you are. What I speak of is your energy - compared to most other humans it is--"

"Unique?" he interrupted, lifting his head as he remembered me telling him the same thing out on the deck when he'd caught me meditating in the middle of the night.

_Your energy is very...unique. Your presence feels different from most peoples'..._

"Yes, I suppose unique fits. You absorb yet amplify, in a way, the energy of those around you, picking some of it up unintentionally. That is why through my daughter you were able to find Me here. And I would suspect that it is the same reason that you find yourself experiencing such...feelings for Ihy."

"Is that why I can feel Triste here and you can't?"

She shrugged a little, an expression that didn't seem befitting of Her. 

"Perhaps."

Tim winced, chewing his lip as he blushed with embarrassment, "and I absorbed Ihy's energy, and that's why I'm...you know..."

"Learn who he is, and you will understand, my son. For now, I've kept you too long. You must go back to your companions and my daughter Nedjem and tell them what I have said," She took his face in her hand and stared down at him, hard but not unkind, "Tim I can do nothing for her now, for I have tried everything in my power to no avail. She is beyond my reach, even as she dwells here with me. If there is anything to be done to help Masika and bring her back, it must be done by you."

She tilted his face up and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, whispering words across his face that he didn't understand immediately, as She spoke in the old language.

"Your devotion and your loyalty please me greatly, my son," Her meaning drifted through his mind like an echo, "you will come back to me soon..."

"Yes, mistress..."

He startled as he found himself seated once more on the floor in his room in the chateau, glancing around and half-expecting Her to still be with him. 

_*Go.*_

He pulled out his phone, remember Her words. 

_Learn who he is, and you will understand._

Ihy.

A quick internet search, and he read the page quickly, biting his bottom lip and squeezing his eyes shut after a moment as he scrambled to his feet, stumbling a bit while the blood flowed slowly back into his stiff limbs. 

The snow had started to fall outside, but he couldn't gauge by the light how long he'd been gone with Her. 

"IHY!" he yelled, moving down the hallway as quick as he could, still unsteady and now positively drooping with the crushing weight of loss and exhaustion. Plus he'd spent so much of last night up reading, then bending me back across the kitchen counter and giving me an experience I wouldn't ever forget...

"In here," his voice called, drawing Tim towards the living room. Everyone except Henrik was there - John, Johannes, and Ihy all sitting in their own chairs and May sitting on Jonas' lap, tucked into the corner of the couch.

"Woah, you look like shit," Johannes got up and crossed to him, putting a hand on his shoulder and making him look up to his friend's concerned gaze, "I thought you were getting some sleep, but he said--... are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Tim grumbled.

May was immediately up, shooing Johannes away and gripping Tim's face between her palms.

"What did She say. And do not think that we are not going to talk about you being able to speak with Her..."

He'd been so relaxed with Her, so calm and trusting, but now it felt like every breath he took added one more pound of pressure on top of his shoulders, and he visibly sagged.

"She doesn't know where Triste is. She can't get to her."

Ihy's head cocked to the side as he stood and put a hand on May's shoulder so she would take a step back and Tim looked accusingly at him.

"And you - take your fucking energy back."

"Oh She does ruin all the fun sometimes," Ihy chuckled, drawing himself up and stretching like a cat, "but for the record," he gave Tim his best smirk and watched him bite his lip in response, "I was going to let you play around with it for a while until you found out."

"Look, its not like I do it on purpose. Take it back, I don't want it."

Ihy took another step forward and stood right in front of him, placing one hand flat against his chest and looking at him straight in the eyes, cocking his head fractionally to the side, letting his bangs fall in his face in an almost tragically handsome way.

"Liar," he whispered, but took it back all the same, and Tim stumbled a step, grabbing the back of a chair to prevent himself from falling flat onto the floor.

John made a face sideways at Jonas, "do we want to know?"

"Probably not."

"So?" Tim turned to look at Ihy again, no longer seeing him through the lens of lust and want, and a desire that he'd convinced himself would create order out of the chaos, "whats your plan? Your aunt says we should listen to you..."

Ihy cocked his head to the side again, and it was a lot more irritating than charming.

"Me?"

"You know what? Nevermind. I'm gonna try Henrik again," Tim crossed into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, listening to the dial tone ring hollow in his ear, just wishing he could go to bed and not dream of me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry kids, TimxPapa ain't happening, they're both yelling at me for being a thirsty bitch and trying to make it happen.
> 
> In other weird news, I've pulled Selket's oracle card four times in the last three weeks? Wondering if she's supposed to make some kind of cameo in this?  
I'm drunk, who knows.  
✌
> 
> Also, that vid that the boys released of Tim doing his solo thang? WOOF.


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna feel a lot like a trust fall. 😶

Henrik laid his forehead against the cool glass of the window, watching sightlessly as the scenery passed, and his eyes eventually closed, his body shutting down into an exhausted dead sleep, simply unable to cope with anything more for the time being, just letting him dream like it was an act of mercy.

_"Ohh, Henrik," I cried out softly, speaking into his lips, intending my words just to be for him, "gods, you feel so good."_

_"I love you," he bottomed out inside me, holding me against the wall, pulling my legs tighter around his naked waist, "I never want to be away from you. Letting you go the first time was such a mistake, Triste."_

_"Don't think about that now," I pleaded, desperate for him to keep moving, "just love me where we are."_

_He did, rolling his hips every time he sheathed himself fully inside me, wanting to move his hand up from under my leg and touch my clit but worried he wouldn't be able to hold me up if he halved the support he was giving me now. _

_I caught an echo of his thoughts in his hesitation and untangled one of my hands from his perfect hair, reaching between our sweating bodies and holding on for dear life with my opposite arm crooked around his neck as he recognized my shift and doubled his efforts. _

_"Touch yourself...do this with me, baby," he breathed, hardly able to get the words out before I shattered into a thousand pieces, gushing hard across his hips and collapsing against him as he kept going, not quite to the edge himself yet._

_"Fucking hell, I love the way you squeeze my cock when you come," he growled, "so tight...so good...fuck, keep going."_

_I watched the reflected version of him fucking into me, his muscles taut and wonderful to look at, in the absolute prime of his life - past the shithead kid stage, old enough to appreciate everything for what it was, but still young and so perfect._

_I experimentally scratched my nails across his back hard, watching the red lines appearing over the tan expanse of his skin as he growled and bit down hard on my neck, sucking a dark red mark into the base where it met my shoulder._

_"God_damn _do that again," he gasped, and I indulged him, loving the way the slight sting made him move faster, fucking into me harder until he was pushing me towards the edge of another orgasm without even touching my clit. _

_It surprised me, but as soon as I recognized that I was spiraling again, he made a noise that hurtled me over the line, something between a moan and a growl that was so perfectly, deliciously feral, I couldn't help but explode at the very sound of it. _

_He stopped breathing when he came, his thrusts harder still, but shorter, keeping as much of himself inside me as possible as he saw the stars, finally gasping a panting breath as he came down. _

_"Holy Christ," he moaned, his limbs shaking from exertion as he dropped us both to the floor, guiding me into his lap,"no no no, please...just keep your legs around me," he pleaded when I moved to release him, "don't let me go yet..."_

_We stayed that way for more minutes than we knew, passing the time by softly stroking each others' hair and kissing and whispering little bits of nothingness back and forth until we had to get up and let blood flow back into our oxygen-starved limbs._

_He knelt to clean me up, bringing a slight blush to my cheeks, but he was as gentle as he was thorough._

_Of course he was. _

_He was Henrik. He was this way about everything. _

_"I love you," I wrapped him in my arms when he stood after chuckling lowly and tugging at the lace band of my panties with his teeth in a perfectly adorable, teasing little way, like he was thinking about just taking them off again before settling my jeans up around my hips._

_"You're my whole damn world, girl," he responded, pulling me back in for one more lasting, lingering kiss before I opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the plane. _

_"Gods there you are, I thought you two were gonna spend the rest of the flight in there, you greedy motherfucker..."_

"Monsieur?"

He awoke with a start, meeting the concerned gaze of the driver.

"Wh--sorry, I'm sorry, what?"

"We are here, _monsieur_..._Charles de Gaulle..._the airport?"

"Oh...right. Ahem. Ah...thanks."

He gave him all the cash he had, ignoring the automatic inner voice telling him it was a ridiculous sum for a tip.

"Sir? _Allo! _Sir, your bag!"

Henrik was halfway to the door already, unable to stop moving. 

No turning back.

"Keep it," he called over his shoulder, not bothering to take off his sunglasses before he walked through the automatic sliding glass doors. 

\--

He so rarely had to do any kind of business at the airport same-day anymore, he was slightly surprised that he could even still book a ticket in person. 

The young woman behind the counter smiled politely at him as he gave her his passport and his card. 

"No bag today, _monsieur_?"

"No...not this time."

She shrugged but didn't think anymore on it, handing him a boarding pass and wishing him a safe flight, her polite smile remaining in place as the next traveler stepped up to the counter. 

\--

He downed drink after drink while he waited near his gate.

_You're my whole damn world, girl._

The words he'd never gotten to say out loud to me rolled around in his head. He kneaded the heels of his hands into his eyes, tearing himself apart over every little detail. Why hadn't he told me how pretty he thought I looked with my hair tied back in a braid like I'd worn it today? How he loved it when I sat still and relaxed under his hands as they worked through my tresses.

The alcohol rolled across his tongue - cheap well whisky, nothing particularly wonderful as he replayed over and over again his memory from sitting on the bathroom sink, watching me stretch and meditate in the shower that morning. I moved like the words of a poem - fluid and graceful. 

He'd kissed me deeply after wrapping the hairband around the end of my braid, holding the thick silver mass in place for the day, as I had asked for, his tongue seeking entry immediately when our lips touched. I had sunk into his mouth, as I always did, from the first time he'd really kissed me, leaning across the center console of my car, and Henrik found himself being pushed back to sit on the countertop as I climbed up into his lap, tearing at his clothes, as suddenly desperate for him as he was for me, but we always were that way too. One hand braced myself against the mirror and the other tangled into his hair as my hips lifted on and off him repeatedly, taking everything he had to give.

"Fuck off, good Christ," he murmured to his own subconscious, shaking his head back and forth.

He ignored the woman who chose to sit immediately on his left at the bar, though there were at least eight other open seats. She leaned in closer after a moment, speaking in a low, husky voice like she was sharing a secret, "nervous flyer?"

Henrik didn't respond, he only tossed back his drink, settled his tab and moved towards his gate, rather intoxicated now, but still not drunk enough to forget. 

He collapsed into one of the uncomfortable seats, leaning his head back and combing both hands through his hair, again ignoring the girlish giggles and murmured comments in French about _ses beaux chexeaux _coming from the teenagers across the way.

Maybe he should cut it all off, just to really spite the world. 

He was mulling over the thought as he boarded, finally settling into his seat next to the window, watching the cold summer sun bounce off the tarmac, giving the illusion of warmth. 

This was it then. One last flight.

He'd get home and lock all the doors. Pull all the shades. Couple more stiff drinks and a few pills and go right to sleep. 

He didn't deserve to die in the sun.

I served the sun.

It would be in the dark.   
Lights off. 

Execution by his own hand.   
A murderer twice over.

He only shivered once as he accepted the plan and clicked his seatbelt over his lap, already impatient to take off.

Henrik didn't notice her at first, having tuned out his surroundings almost entirely once the wheels left the ground. The other two seats in his row were empty, and had been since takeoff, a fact that he'd been thankful for as he knew he was radiating stiffness and displeasure, staring hard out the window, willing the entire aircraft to just get him home already.

"Beautiful day out there, hmm?" she asked casually, turning towards him as she settled in the aisle seat, but she didn't buckle her seatbelt like she planned on staying.

Her voice startled him and he looked over quickly, nodding noncommittally, but he didn't respond otherwise.

Ugh. This lady again.

"I always liked flying," she added, looking past him out the window, "it makes me feel like I'm closer to the sun."

His mouth formed a thin line that was almost a grimace as he nodded again, not even bothering to look at her this time, hoping that if he was rude enough to her again she'd just go away. 

"Can't imagine why anyone would want to spend time in the dark when they could be out in the sunlight," the woman mused, smiling over at Henrik's blank face when his head slowly turned to the front, watching carefully as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, "did you know that cultures since the very beginning of time have worshiped the sun?"

He jumped when she reached over the middle seat to touch his hand, and a rude comment was on his lips as he turned to tell her off. 

But something made him take pause as he looked at her head-on and really saw her for the first time. She had the most wonderful green eyes. The color of the brand new leaves that just start to show at bud break. 

_Oh god._

She watched the realization spread across his face and spoke softly, "don't do this, Henrik."

He found that somehow it didn't surprise him that she knew his name, or the dark secret his heart held. Of course She knew. She knew everything.

"I killed her."

"Henrik..."

He huffed and looked back out the window. 

What good would it do to talk about it now.

It would be over soon enough. The guilt and the aching emptiness gone. The haunting despair and the memories gone.

"Leave me alone."

"I cannot find her Henrik...she is out of my reach, and I need you to help me...please."

"Its because she's dead. Because I killed her. Please just go."

She pursed her lips and sat silently, waiting for him to speak the last thought that was obviously on the tip of his tongue when he looked over at Her, turning away from the window one more time with heavy, silent tears dropping down his cheeks.

"If you...if you see any of them again, tell them I'm sorry."

\--

Out of habit, he glanced at his phone when it rang with Johannes' call, though he had no intention of answering it. He waited until it went to voicemail, and stared at the photo that was his background.

It was the one John had taken just days earlier, me and him tangled up in my bed fast asleep, arms and legs intertwined, drifting away under the covers like neither of us seemed to have any cares in the world so long as we were together. 

Who was that contented man with the soft smile resting at his lips?

A stranger now.

Henrik dropped his keys on the table and took off his coat, ignoring the stack of mail and bills on the counter and crossing into the kitchen.

It didn't seem fitting to kill himself drunk on good whisky, and his hand passed the bottle of aged scotch, looking for something else.

Anything to wring as much agony from his last hours as possible. 

Cheap vodka would work fine. He snatched the bottle from the back, twisting the thin aluminum cap off and carelessly dropping it to the floor.

He made a face at the feel of it going down his throat, like razor blades coated in fire, making him cough violently. 

Perfect.

Henrik headed for the bathroom, clearing out the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, not bothering to look at labels. It wasn't quite a collection, but it would do the job. Pain killers and muscle relaxers, leftovers from surgeries and accidents. Byproducts of being a man living with four other men on the road for months at a time doing what they did for a living.

Accidents happened.

He scoffed and shook his head. 

Maybe he should leave them a note. An 'I'm sorry'. Anything.

"And say what," he asked himself in the mirror, his voice sounding strange in his own ears after so many hours of remaining silent. 

There was nothing more to say. 

He flipped that light off too and sat down heavily on the edge of his bed, taking another long, horrible pull from the half-empty bottle, staring at the pills as they emptied into his palm, a kind of macabre rainbow of colors. 

There was no fear. There wasn't concern that no one would find his body for days, or that there was nothing waiting for him on the other side. 

_Good. Let me cease to exist. _

Another drink.

"What the hell are you thinking of doing with those, Henrik." 

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed, ignoring the spins and colors that swirled behind the lids. 

_Don't let her voice be the last thing I hear. Please. I can't bear it. _

"I'm sorry, Triste, please don't watch me do this," he said out loud, intending them to be his last words. 

I lunged for him and grabbed his hands when I realized he'd heard me, stilling both as he moved to take the pharmaceutical cocktail in his palm, and he nearly jumped out of his skin as his eyes snapped open.

"Henrik, no no no, please don't do this," I begged, tears streaking down my cheeks, caught between burning joy and weeping sadness at being able to touch him and feel his skin against mine again.

"You're dead, Triste," he shook his head sadly, feeling like it shouldn't overly concern him that he clearly was going mad afterall, or was drunk enough to actually start hallucinating. 

"I'm not dead, I mean I am, kind of - I'm stuck in Her temple, but I can't get back to Her, its complic--"

"Let me die alone, love. Go away," he shook me off.

"No!" I yelled, smacking the pills out of his hand and the tearing the bottle from the other, hurtling it at the wall and watching the shards explode in slow motion, flying in a million different directions.

He stared at me wide-eyed, breathing heavily, shaking. 

"Stop this. You're not here."

"Don't fucking do this," I sobbed again, all but tackling him back onto his bed, gripping him tightly, my fingers threatening to tear his hair out by the roots as I crushed him to me, savoring while I could touch, "Henrik don't do this to me, please!"

"Triste, no," he whimpered, shaking his head back and forth, trying to push me away.

Perhaps this was hell. 

Perhaps having to constantly push me away for fear of hurting me when all he wanted was to hold me close was his punishment. 

Like Sisyphus and his stone. 

"Goddamnit, you stubborn fucking man, I'll never forgive you if you do this!" I yelled, wrenching his face up, forcing him to meet my lips and feeling my heart skip a beat as he did, kissing me back with that level of desperation that was just always us. 

"No," he cried, even as he was unable to stop, not emotionally strong enough to resist me, no matter how badly it hurt, "get away from me! I don't want to hurt you again!"

"_You didn't do this Henrik!!!_" I finally shrieked, throwing him down on his back, easily overpowering him after the amount he'd had to drink.

"Didn't I? Are you fucking sure about that?" he snarled back, placing his hand over the handprint on my throat. He didn't squeeze or apply pressure, but it was enough to make his point.

Let him take responsibility for the horrible thing he'd done. 

Let him own up to it here, at the end of it all. 

His outstretched hand was a perfect match and it sent me to my feet and stumbling back several steps, the memory of the crushing force still fresh and terrifying.

"You know it wasn't you. You can't even remember it, I know you can't! It was Iufe--"

"I'm not going to argue with you about this, woman. Get the fuck out of my house."

_Just go, Triste. Just leave me here to pay for what I've done to you._

That was it? He was just going to run away and let everyone else clean up the mess?

I slapped him. Hard.

"Then fuck you, you fucking quitter! This was my only chance and I was supposed to go to Ihy but I fucking came to you instead because I _knew _you would do something like this if you thought it was your fault! You're just giving up on me when I need your help! You're being a fucking quitter, Henrik!"

He roared at me as his face rocked to the side and in the next second he got to his feet, advancing on me and snatching at my wrists, drunk and heartbroken and pissed that his brain was doing this to him. 

He could feel me. Like my skin was actually there, under his hands, but it couldn't be. I was laying dead in a house in the middle of a vineyard in France. 

Fuck.

"You're goddamn fucking right I am" he snarled, "because I came to on that bathroom floor and had to deal with the fact that I fucking killed you! I murdered you, Triste! _YOU, _who I love more than anyone on this stupid planet! I told you nothing bad would happen to you when you were with me. I fucking promised you that, Triste, and _I KILLED YOU."_

"I'll hate you forever if you do this," I said, my face crumbling as I wept bitterly, sobbing into my hands that I yanked from his grasp while the pain tore at my heart, leaving jagged edges around a gaping hole.

"Hate me for what I already did to you. Not for this...not for paying for my sins. Now go. I can't finish this with you here."

"Henrik I'm not--"

"You're a fucking delusion, Triste!" he yelled in my face and my palm itched with the urge to slap him again until he saw sense. This was my one chance. Na'eemah had told me to reach for Ihy, but I hadn't listened to her. I needed Henrik - I needed to tell him he wasn't to blame, to get him to help me, to tell him I Ioved him and wasn't angry. 

I screamed at him, a wordless expression of raw fury, venting my anger and my frustration with so much force the very walls seemed to shake. 

"Tell me I'm not fucking real now. You look at this and tell me that I'm gone forever," I growled, reaching beneath the neckline of my shirt and tearing his necklace away in my fist. I didn't care that I'd broken the delicate chain as I grabbed his hand and slapped it into his palm, closing his fingers around it before wrapping my opposite arm around his neck, yanking him down to meet my lips.

"You...you can't be...I'm drunk. This is a hallucination. Fuck am I dead already?"

"No, and I swear to the gods if you even look at one of those pills, I will fucking find you in whatever afterlife you end up in and you'll never be able to outrun me, motherfucker."

"Christ you don't even get it do you," he whispered, his cheeks streaked with tears, "thats the fucking point. I don't _want _to be where you're not. I don't _want _to live without you. _I CAN'T," _he grabbed both my hands again, pressing them to his heart, "I'm fucking hollow now, Triste, there's nothing left!"

"You don't have to do this! Henrik, please just listen to me, I don't know how much time I have with you before I go back!"

He didn't listen to me, his reactions slow, dulled with booze and getting worse by the second as his anger gave way to despair again.

"You looked so pretty today and I didn't even tell you...I love when you wear your hair back in a braid like that, pulled away from your face."

I gripped his cheeks between my hands again.

"Listen. To. Me. Henrik, I love you. I love you I love you I love you. I have from that first fucking second we met on the beach, and every time I look at you I love you more," I cried, choking on my words, trying desperately to get everything out, "you have to go back to the chateau. Don't let them get rid of my body, _please."_

"I...it was an accident, I don't remember hurting you," he whispered.

"HENRIK."

He cried out and shied from me like my skin burned him when I pressed my lips to his again, trying to get his attention.

"Triste I'm so sorry...I-I didn't mean to, I swear. But it doesn't matter now, you're gone...I did this to you," he sobbed, clutching his heart with his hand like it would come away in his fingers, broken and lifeless as it felt.

"I'm not gone. Henrik. Baby, I'm stuck," I grabbed at him again, "you have to call Ihy. Or call Tim and tell him to go get Ihy. Tell him that Na'eemah and I are stuck in Her temple, but She can't hear us. I'm-I'm...wandering -- my _ka, _my spirit is trapped in Her temple and--"

"Wh...what? Woah!" Henrik swayed on his feet, losing his balance and grabbing onto me as he tumbled to the floor.

"Christ, you didn't already take any of those did you?" I gasped, rolling on top of him to sit up and gripping his face so I could look in his eyes. His pupils were like pinpricks, lost in the vast ocean of blue as he blinked childishly up at me. 

"Uh-uh...j-just...just dr-just drunk," he slurred, his eyes welling with tears again as he reached for me, his want and his need overpowering anything his brain could tell him about the impossibility of the situation in which he found himself. 

"Gods, I love you, Katherine Triste, I'm so sorry," he whispered, sitting up to meet me, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me down closer to his hips as he hugged me tight and I sat squarely in his lap as he curled his legs under him, still unsteady.

"The last thing I remember is being inside you and telling you how good you felt," he breathed, opening his lips to capture mine in a desperate kiss, hoping that if he was about to die, it would be under my hands, feeling my fingers gripping his hair tight one last time. 

"You have to go back babe, you can't give up," I whimpered, drowning in his kiss, the thin veil of reality still separating us, but only enough that each touch felt slightly hollow. But his warmth and his tenderness were there.

"Gods, you taste horrible," I pulled back, "Henrik, get up."

"No Triste, just kiss me again...please," he begged, sliding his tongue against mine, responding with perfect timing as I cried out into his mouth, holding him anchored to me, "gods please come home. Come back to me. I-I can't--," he whimpered, burying his face in my neck and starting to sob again, clutching me tighter until I tangled my fingers into his hair and forced him to look up at me, to meet my kiss. I parted his lips with my tongue, grimacing at the way he tasted like cheap vodka, but underneath it there was that taste that was just him, and he eagerly reached up and pressed back into me. 

"I know you're not here but I want you so badly," he moaned, bringing my face back down to him before dropping his hands and cupping both my breasts through my shirt, getting desperate now, "gods if I'm dying please let it be with you on top of me," he laid back, pulling me with him, devouring my tongue and I couldn't resist as I pressed closer, moaning into his mouth, losing my concentration as he gripped my hips with both hands, rocking me back against him.

But something was starting to pull, like a thread attached to the center of my back, tugging me away, and I tore my mouth from his with a sharp gasp.

"You have to help me, call Tim and tell him to make sure Ihy and May know what I told you, they'll figure it out," I sobbed, clinging to him even as I felt myself being pulled away, like it would make a difference, "I'm still somehow attached to my body, Henrik, don't let them get rid of me! Please help me!!"

Time's up.

"Triste!! No, please don't go!! Don't leave me here alone!"

I kissed him one more time, slowly, lovingly, like it was going to be our last because I simply didn't know if it would be or not. 

"I love you so much Henrik, don't forget that..."

"Triste!!" he panted, looking around desperately, his head whipping back and forth as he searched his room for me, finally glancing down into his palm and clutching what was there, the broken chain tangled and knotted around his fingers. 

Everything hit him like a brick and he got up and dashed to the bathroom, vomiting up the alcohol, and crying drunkenly as he curled up on the tile floor. 

"Whats happening to me," he gripped his hair at the roots, never letting go of my necklace - the only small piece he had left of me. 

His phone rang again in the kitchen and he slowly got to his feet, unsteady once he was there, and gripped his way along the wall until he finally grabbed it from the counter, collapsing forward against it and laying his forehead against the cool surface.

"What."

"wh-hello-FUCKING HELL HENRIK, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU_," _Tim yelled, obivously surprised that Henrik had finally picked up. 

"H-home. I'm home, fuck," he ran to the sink and vomited again, leaving his phone at the other end of the counter.

"I heard that, are you drunk you sad fuck? What do you mean you're home? You need to be here helping us deal with this. How the fuck did you get home?"

"I'm home. At my place," he repeated, watching the kitchen spin, "took the car to the airport...ran away...couldn't deal with May...gods, Tim I think T-Triste...I think she's alive."

"She's not. She's fucking dead in the basement. The cellar. Whatever."

"Go see if she has the necklace on."

"...what?"

"Her necklace. The-the blue one I got for her...couple days ago..."

"You're wasted, I can fucking hear it."

"Yes, I fucking am," he snarled, wanting to add that he'd had a damn good reason to be, staring death in the face, "just go look."

"Fine. I'm leaving you here though, I won't have service down under the fucking ground." 

There was a sharp smack, like he'd tossed his phone onto the counter as his voice got farther away, "someone talk some sense into him."

Henrik waited, taking deep breaths, trying not to get sick again as he fished in his cabinets for anything to eat, anything to soak up some of the alcohol in his system so he could at least stop and think for a minute. 

"Henrik, are you there?"

"Hello?"

"Henrik, hi, its Tobias."

"IHY! Oh, gods, I'm glad to hear your voice."

"Likewise, my friend, we thought you were sneaking off to slit your wrists in an airport bathroom or something," he joked.

There was a long pause while Henrik stared at the floor, unsure what to say, and Ihy cleared his throat, speaking more softly, like he was walking away with the phone.

"You know, there are a lot of people that would be really _really _unhappy if you did something like that...just in the off chance that it ever crossed your mind..."

"Mmhm..."

"You need to come back, Henrik. We have to bury her."

"NO DON'T!"

"Don't bury her?"

"Don't touch her, wait for me to get there. I-I can get to the airport in a couple hours and...and...fuck, where am I going again? I slept the whole way to the airport, I'm sorry."

"Are you okay? You sound like you've had one too many."

"Try eight too many, and that was just waiting to get on the plane," he groaned, dreading the coming hangover, though at this rate it would be days before he fully sobered up. 

"Why don't you go get some rest, drink some water and we'll talk later, okay? When you're a little more clear-headed?"

"WHERE IS IT," he heard Tim's voice yelling in the background and there was a scuffling sound, like he was snatching the phone away from the other, "what the fuck is going on, Henrik. Where is it."

"I have it. Its in my hand."

"Thats not possible, she was wearing it when I was getting her dressed, and I didn't let you anywhere near her after that--"

"TIM LISTEN TO ME," he yelled, pulling the phone away from his face to scream at the glass screen while the other was still talking.

There was silence when he put it back to his ear.

"Put me on speaker."

"You already are, we can all hear you, Henrik," Jonas voice sounded nearby.

Henrik took two deep breaths, trying to force his brain to cooperate and remember.

"She just appeared in my house, Triste did. Like out of thin air when I was about to--to...nevermind. The point is, she told me to call you and tell you that she and Na'eemah are stuck in Sekhmet's temple, and that we can't get rid of her body yet. She's like...attached to it or something still."

The silence was still there when he put his own phone on speaker, setting it down on the counter so he could rub his eyes with both hands. They felt dry like sandpaper, and he still got the spins when he closed them.

"How much have you had to drink?" John piped up, "look, I know its been a rough day, and no one is blaming you for what happened. But that was a dream, Henrik. She's gone. She's not in your house, she's not in the temple...she's gone."

"Look, I'm not fucking seeing things, I know it was her. Fuck, hang on. I'll show you."

He laid the small stone out on the countertop and snapped a picture, sending it to Tim's phone and waiting while Tim spoke lowly to May.

"He might be right, when I was with Her, I could feel Triste there, but She couldn't..." 

May cocked her head to the side and simply stared, her brain furiously working to figure it all out. 

"Jesus Christ," someone groaned when the picture came through and Tim angrily tapped on the picture to enlarge it, turning to Ihy and demanding answers. 

"Henrik?" It was Ihy's voice, calm and quiet, but still obviously shocked, "can you please start from the beginning? And don't leave anything out, son, even if it seems insignificant."

"Please don't ask me to keep repeating this. I'm doing my best, but I probably am _not _going to remember any of this in five minutes."

"Wait," May snatched the phone, drifting into the other room, "hello Henrik -- yes, I know you're sorry, I understand, can you please repeat the part about her being trapped in the temple? I am not sure that I heard you correctly."

"Uhm...that was kind of all she said...just that she and Na'eemah are stuck there. She...didn't have a lot of time here." 

And we'd spent most of it arguing. He shook his head as tears stung behind his eyelids. 

A long string of French cursing came through the phone and filled his kitchen, and both of his eyebrows went up when it didn't stop after a moment. Gods, but those people got creative with their profanity, didn't they.

"May--hey, _May_, stop, I don't understand what you're saying."

"You're sure it was her Henrik? You are not having _un rêve _from the drinking?"

"Don't get me wrong, I am _trashed_," he slurred, giggling at the absurdity of it, "but I know it was her, May...I could touch her. I could kiss her and feel her and smell her..."

May's voice dropped low, and Henrik got the distinct impression she was hiding from Johannes, "and you're sure she said Na'eemah? You're positive?"

"Promise."

"_Merde._"

"Your...your goddess was on my plane, I think... And She said Triste was out of her reach. But I don't understand. I thought...I thought you always come back."

Gods that seemed like a lifetime ago that that had happened. The beautiful woman with the striking eyes.

There was a long pause, and Henrik half-smiled to himself as he could almost see her cocking her head to the side in confusion, her face twisting into an adorable frown.

"_Quoi_? You have seen Her also? She told Tim the same, that my Triste is out of Her control..."

"I'm pretty sure it was Her, but again, like I said...trashed," and as if to offer supporting evidence, his knees gave and he crashed to the floor, "ouch _fuck!_"

"Henrik, what was that? Are you okay? _Dieux, _JONAS," she yelled for him, "someone needs to go get him."

"M'fine," Henrik slurred, his phone still up on the counter so his voice sounded farther away. He touched the blood from the cut running up the length of his arm where he'd caught it on the corner of the cabinet during his descent, "I'll be there soon...just...don't get-don't touch her."

He blinked hard when She knelt in front of him after touching the red button on his phone screen to end the call. Her pursed lips were covered with the same dark lipstick, contrasting with her eyes, which were still that same electric shade of green. 

"Harming yourself doesn't bring my daughter back, Henrik," she chastised, though her touch was gentle, using a cloth to wipe up the blood pooling across his skin from the gash, which seemed deeper now than it had moments before. 

He didn't say anything, chewing his lip and staring at the floor. 

She ran the pad of her index finger slowly up the length of the cut, knitting the broken skin back together until there wasn't so much as a scratch. 

"Please don't let me anywhere near her again if she ever comes back," he sniffled, unable to hold back the tears that slid heavily down his cheeks, "I don't want to hurt her."

"Henrik," the sound of his name leaving Her mouth stirred something inside him, and he resisted the urge to reach for her like a child, "listen to me--"

"I saw her. Please I know it was her, I promise, she was here," he cried, suddenly afraid that no one would believe him, then scrambling to his knees and reaching up onto the counter, knocking his phone away in the process, and finally grasping the necklace, holding it out to her like it was crucial evidence.

"She was here! Please, you have to believe me..."

She went still, staring at the small stone, dangling from the end of the thin gold chain, ticking back and forth like a metronome, and when Her eyes met his, he found himself shrinking, trying to grind his body back into the cabinets and disappear. 

"You will tell me everything. Right now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> caught ya though, didn't I 😘


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, just me, struggling through grad school and full time work and also two grant projects and a grad assistantship?   
In other news, I'm literally insane. 
> 
> But in yet MORE news, the pieces are coming together my friends. Gods, but this is a stubborn little fic.

Na'eemah was standing right next to me when I came back, opening my eyes and staring down at the comb clutched tight in my fingers. The opals were shattered, fragmented in their holdings, and they crumbled into pieces on the floor as my fingers stopped holding them in place.

A low sob caught in my throat, choking me, preventing me from drawing breath, and I collapsed to my knees as the realization hit me like a truck. 

That may have been it.

That might have been the last time I would see him. 

I only had that once chance.

"Shh shh, you're alright dear," she murmured soothingly, petting my hair slowly and offering me my portion of the meal I'd missed, though it was really just a few bites and more bitter beer. 

I shook with each wave of silent, wracking sobs, remembering the look on his face as he'd resigned himself to death - to a horrible, solitary end, accepting that it truly might be days before anyone found his body.

"He-he was going-he was going to kill himself," I sobbed, clinging to her, trying to get my emotions under control.

But what seemed worse was that I would never know if he followed through once I'd left or not.

Here I was again.

No gods, no gifts, no friends.

Just time. 

"I doubt that, my dear, he's not so unwise. Hush, hush," she rocked me as I fell into her lap, folding myself into her comforting embrace, "tell me what Ihy said," she continued to stroke my cheek as she held me to her breast like a small child.

"Didn't see Ihy, saw Henrik," I sniffled, twisting the fabric of her dress around my fingers, and I could almost hear her eye twitching as she went stiff.

"I see..."

"He'd be dead if I had been one minute later."

"Darling, what did you tell him? And I'll only say this the once then speak no more of it, but it was horribly foolish not to go to Ihy. He could help you. Henrik is mortal and knows nothing of our world..."

"I couldn't not see him," I started to cry again, "I knew he would think it was his fault and want to die too!"

I cried myself out and laid silent finally as the sun sank low. It'd come back around soon, burning with the essence of the sunrise. 

I longed for the night. For close, heavy, silent darkness where I could just go to sleep and never wake back up. But the more my mind drifted away from Henrik and my other boys, the more clearly I was thinking, finally not tangled up in a net of despair and agony. 

Oh gods.

He'd told me everything straight at the airport.

_This feels weird...something feels off._

I'd just been so surprised by Papa's sudden appearance and him dropping a bomb on my head about cancelling our plans that I hadn't had time to consider the idea that he wasn't the only one following us. 

Na'eemah watched my face change and softly broke the silence, asking what I was thinking about.

"C-can we walk? I mean, can we wander around or are we stuck here?"

"You can walk all over dear, every direction, but only for about a mile or so."

"Christ, where the _fuck _are we? How can he just create little worlds in tiny boxes??"

She shrugged, like she'd pondered the same question since she'd gotten here.

"Like I said. You don't understand the immensity of his power. I don't understand the immensity of his power. I was...just a pawn," she cleared her throat, "and I never bothered to ask more questions."

We got up and she followed me as my feet moved mechanically towards the sound and smell of the water. She and I sat by the river in silence for most of the morning, or evening, or middle of the night, whatever time it was. The reeds along the shallows bent with the breeze and the water lulled us both into a heavy quiet. 

We appeared to be the only living creatures here at all, so I laid back against the dry earth of the bank and closed my eyes, longing to feel warmth from the sun, but knowing it would never give me what I wanted. It wasn't my sun - it wasn't the father of my most beloved goddess. It was a hollow mirage. 

"Are we ever getting out of here?" my voice cracked with thirst and Na'eemah touched my hand to rouse me as she got to her own feet and I moved to follow her.

"Stay."

She returned with the meager bits of food that had been left to make us persist just a little while longer, and sat down heavily next to me, handing me my share. 

"I don't know dear. Me, certainly not, but you--"

"Why? If Henrik calls Tim and Tim talks to Ihy, I'm sure he'll be able to figure something out. I told him you were here too - they wouldn't just leave you here if they could get me out."

She smiled sadly out at the water, refusing to look at me. 

"I have no body to go back to. And besides - my name was taken. I've--I've fallen out of existence, Masika. There's nothing for me to go back to."

I refused to believe that we were stranded here forever, but didn't say anything else. 

Gods I was so tired. 

"Rest, dear," she smiled, drawing me in, laying my head in her lap once more. The lapping of the river and the gentle stirring of the breeze mixed with that smell that was just simply home immediately lulled me to sleep. Her fingers roamed through my hair, watching the way the light caught the silver strands, making them glisten in the sun. 

"Come on, Henrik," she said to herself, "get her out of here..."

\--

Henrik could hardly speak under the withering stare of a woman so terrifyingly powerful - deadly and beautiful, like the sun. The fear and the alcohol only combined to make his lips clamp shut, sure that if he opened them he'd immediately get sick again and he simply sat, pressed back into the cabinets as far as he could go, trembling violently.

"You need not fear me, dear Henrik..."

"But--but I--she was your high priestess and I _murdered her."_

She waited for one more moment, her lips curling up in a slight snarl as she clapped her hands once, the sound like the a lightening strike and Henrik's whole body stiffened like he was being electrocuted, and when his eyes opened slowly, the room spinning around him wasn't his kitchen.

"What the fu--"

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Johannes jumped up immediately, nearly startled to death, then rushed towards Henrik, who had just appeared on the floor of the living room, sitting cross-legged and looking more than a little delirious and disoriented, "holy shit, are you okay?? How did you do that?!?"

"Hush, Johannes," She spoke harshly, stepping forth from the shadows and staring hard down at Henrik, "I will have my answers from you. Tell me what you've done."

He was taking short, shallow breaths, eyes flitting around the room as his brain tried to take it all in, the slow, silent seconds bringing about the realization that the mar of intoxication was gone, the roiling discomfort in his stomach was gone, the unsteadiness gone. 

"I--I--I don't..." he looked around at Jonas and May, John and Tim, all of whom were staring silently wearing an identical expression of shock and disbelief. It would have been undeniably comical in any other situation, "where are we? Oh, gods, oh god oh god oh god, _where is she?!_" 

He launched himself off the floor, stumbling over his feet as his mind reeled at thought of seeing me again.

_She's dead in the basement. The cellar. Whatever._

Henrik tore out of the room and raced down the first flight of stairs he came to, holding onto the banister so he wouldn't tumble down them head-first as he followed his instincts. He was drawn to me like we were magnets, and the dry, close air of the cellar didn't even bother him as he found me without so much as a single wrong turn through the labyrinth of shelves and small _caves, _each footfall echoing off the stone floor.

"Triste!" he collapsed onto his knees next to me, gripping my hand tight and bringing it to his lips, "I'm here. I promise I'm gonna fix this. You're gonna be okay, baby, I'm gonna get you out..." 

I'd long gone cold in the hours we'd been apart, the blue around my lips standing out starkly against my pale skin, somehow getting lighter the longer I laid dead, until it was almost the color of my hair, but duller. 

Henrik stayed that way, clutching my hand as his tears fell hotly down his cheeks and he experienced a peculiar combination of abject emptiness and a fire burning in his gut to save me. To remember every single little detail of what I'd said, to fix this horrible situation he'd created. 

"I'm right here with you, my love, I'm not going anywhere," he vowed, pressing kisses to my cold fingers again before leaning up to softly lay his lips against my forehead. 

\--

He didn't know it, but the familiar warmth of his kiss to my cold skin startled me awake, still laying next to the river, having slept for hours, lulled by the gurgling rush of the water.

Time just didn't move the same way here.

Na'eemah was gone when I sat up and looked around, trying to get my bearings and remind myself where I was. I touched my forehead, knowing exactly what the gentle, phantom caress had been, and half-smiled to myself, pressing a kiss to my fingertips and touching the spot again, giving my own kiss right back to him. 

He was back. He was with me, and somehow, that made me believe that everything was going to be just fine despite the gnawing cynicism in the back of my mind that told me I was never getting out of here.

But it was a step.

He was there. He was with Tim and Ihy and Johannes and John and Jonas and May. 

\--

"Henrik," She gently touched his shoulder after he'd spent over an hour simply sitting on the floor, holding onto my hand, "its time to talk, child."

He shrank from Her, scooting towards me until his legs were crossed underneath the bed and his ribs were crushed against the steel frame.

"Please, I don't want to leave her yet. Don't make me leave her."

In the time it took him to blink, we were all back upstairs and I was laying on the floor, my hand still held firmly in his, seated in the middle of the floor with everyone blinking hard yet again, shifting uncomfortably in their chairs at the sudden presence of my body.

"My patience is long, but it is not endless," She reminded, using a more gentle tone as She looked down at me and a crushing sadness ate at Her heart. 

"She...she found me. She was there, in my house... I-I don't know how, she's never been home with me before, but she was _there_. She could talk to me and hear me and touch me and-and-...Mistress, she said she and Na'eemah are trapped in your temple, but I don't know what that means. She didn't have much time," he only just resisted the urge to bash his hands against his head, settling instead for running them hard back through his hair, relishing the pain as they tore out hairs by the roots. 

"She spent her time with me convincing me to not--" he looked up at Her and she nodded, understanding the unspoken deed.

"What do you know of this," Sekhmet turned to Ihy, hands on Her hips, "no priestess of mine has ever departed from my sight in such a way, and I--" she immediately fell silent, her eyes closing, and her darkened lips snapping shut. 

No one dared to speak before She finished Her thought, but they glanced at each other warily. 

"I apologize, my lord father requires my presence, and I must go," She looked at May as she climbed out of Jonas' lap and knelt before Her, looking at the floor respectfully and murmuring to her in our old tongue.

"May your father live long to shine down upon us eternally, Mother. We are blessed by your presence, and..." her eyes closed as a single, perfect tear dropped down one cheek, "I thank you for the gifts of my life and your ever present guidance."

Soft fingers tipped her chin up, and a gaze as old as the river itself stared fondly down at her lovely face.

"You are my daughter, and I love you, as I have loved you for millennia, Nedjem."

Without another word or the faintest whisper of breath, She was gone, like She'd never been there in the first place and everyone was left exhaling a breath they didn't realize they were collectively holding.

"Okay...am I going nuts? Because this feels a lot like I'm going nuts," John scrubbed both hands over his face, exhausted and sobering up now too to boot, "I don't know that I can stay sane through another round of magical coming and going so if everyone could just stay put for a couple minutes that would be really fucking fantastic."

The mood in the room was somber at best, and everyone found themselves looking at Ihy eventually, waiting for him to break the silence as May and Henrik both sat on either side of me, clutching one of my hands, and Tim moved behind them, lifting my head into his lap. 

Still Ihy sat silently, pensively, running a finger back and forth over his lips as he stared into space.

Perhaps he should seek guidance from his divine mother. 

_But he would expect just that if he were here, wouldn't he. To see me run to her, pleading for her direction like a child, to have her simply tell me what to do..._

Finally he settled on his answer and roused himself, breathing deeply and shifting in his chair to sit more comfortably, spending several seconds looking down at my impassive face.

"I suppose I will start by telling you that I no more know where she is than any of you do."

"I already told you, she's in the temp--"

"That's quite impossible, Henrik, or someone would have found her already. And as for Na'eemah...well, she is...well, she's out of the equation now, son, so her being anywhere on this planet is, as I said, quite impossible."

"Triste said she was there with her. She didn't like...I don't know, hint at it or-or say something vague. She was very clear..." Henrik glanced at Johannes, whose knuckles were white against his knees as his fingertips pressed hard against them and he stared at the floor, trying to keep it together. 

Even the mention of her name made him break out in a cold sweat and he was nearly overcome with the desperate wish for me to be there, to tell him that everything was fine now, that we were together and no one could tear us apart, softly combing my fingers through his hair until the flashback faded.

Henrik grimaced, and looked up at Ihy, who nodded once.

"Johannes...Johannes, look at me," his voice was soft, like he was coaxing trust out of a startled horse, and the taller man's eyes slowly traveled up away from the floor to meet his, vaguely appreciating that such a beautiful color was allowed to exist in the world. 

"I do not know all the details of your...encounter with the high priestess, excuse me, _former _high priestess of my mother's sister. However, I understand that there was some deception and that you were the carrot, so to speak, used to get our dear girl here out of hiding. The goddess Sekhmet is powerful, and wise, and She chooses to divulge only as much as She deems necessary for others to know..."

"That's a gross simplification of what that bitch did," he said flatly, "but she's dead so I don't care, frankly."

"We both know that is a lie, but I suppose you're quite right, its not the point right now."

He turned back to Henrik, hanging onto his gaze when he caught it, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"The temple of She Who Created the Desert is a sacred placed of devoted pilgrims who like to think they claim us as their own deities, and those who study us in an attempt to understand what they can never hope to. _But_. It is ruins now, son. There is no place to hide and be left unfound...quite simply put - it is a site watched by the government of Egypt, closely monitored and preserved. No humans, nor gods dwell there now, and have not for centuries."

"Well...but-but I've been there. Her temple. It wasn't ruins, it was whole and functional and fucking amazing. Triste took me there once when we were--ahem. She showed it to me once."

"A field trip? Why how splendid," Ihy smirked, somehow even the gravity of the conversation and the larger situation as a whole unable to take away his sarcasm, and John was just too much fun to tease, rigid as he was.

John, perfectly on cue, went pink and the god bit his lip so he wouldn't think he was laughing at him. 

"You're being sex-shy in front of the wrong person, son," he chuckled, and May snorted a laugh and looked down at her lap, covering her mouth with her free hand as her shoulders shook.

"What! I'm not being--"

"As I was saying," Ihy cut him off, needing no further explanation and putting John's defensiveness at ease with a simple wave of his hand and a friendly wink, "I do not know where she is. So do please keep that in mind while you listen."

Jonas crooked a finger at May, beckoning her to come back and join him, and she unfolded her legs from underneath her and all but collapsed back into his lap once she was on her feet, relaxing just fractionally as his arms wrapped possessively around her and he softly laid his lips against her neck for a moment. 

"I am a god. You all know this. My royal name is Ihy, and I am a son of the lady Hathor and the divine king Horus," he seemed to sit up straighter, his shoulders more square, proud of his lineage, "my energy, my power, my...my essence, if you will, has lived in the great, voidless waters of Nun since creation began. We are not all given physical forms right away - cooks in the kitchen, and all that," he smiled softly to himself, "but eventually we all assume our roles...

"When my mother gave birth to me, she called upon a man well-known and well-respected to be my companion. To teach me and tutor me in the ways of humanity, and show me all the wonderful things humankind had learned since the time of Osiris and Isis," his head bowed fractionally as he said their names, a deeply ingrained habit, "and he was my friend for many years..."

"Why do I feel like there is a serious 'but' coming," Tim whispered to Henrik, who made a face in response like he'd known it too.

"But, it would seem that my friendship was misplaced in him. He...took. Took what did not belong to him. It was slow and over a great deal of time, but still."

Everyone waited as Ihy drowned in the memories. In the hate.

"Ahem...sorry, what exactly are we talking about?" Jonas grimaced. 

"Does it not strike you as odd that I live as a mortal, young Jonas?"

"I mean...no? Yes? This seems like a trick question."

May leaned back slightly, pressing a finger to his lips. 

"Please, continue, my lord," she said softly, chancing a smile and receiving one in return that set her heart on fire as he held her eyes, training her gaze on his own.

"You know, it was only because our dear Johannes asked me to deliver a certain something to Triste that I did not choose you to have under my hands that night, my dear..."

She blushed deeply and looked at the floor, going a particularly wonderful shade of crimson as he murmured, "perhaps we should remedy that in private, delicious little one."

Jonas leaned in and spoke lowly into the nape of her neck, feeling the way she shivered under the sound waves of his voice, "don't you think for a second that you're going anywhere but my bed tonight, girl."

"Anyways..." he finally tore his stare from her and looked around at the others, "this man...Iufenamun...I have sought him for some time, but have never been successful in finding him. He has outrun me for centuries, and now somehow he has taken the one who I have watched so closely..."

"Wh--okay, elaborate..." Tim cocked his head to the side. He was clearly talking about me, but how could he have been...

"Son, please, if you wouldn't mind, I am trying to," he raised a half-annoyed eyebrow down at the other.

"Sorry..."

"I walk as a human, because I have very few powers as a god. They were stripped when I was still rather young. Well, perhaps, drained away is a better term. He took them, you see, slowly, and cunningly, and I never knew it was him. None of us did. But when he died finally, as all mortals do, the great, wise god Thoth expressed in alarm that he never passed into judgement. He never entered the halls of Osiris, kneeling before the golden scales..."

"Wait, so...you're not a god?"

Ihy's head swiveled slowly back down towards Tim, who was looking up at him with a bewildered expression as his fingers roamed through my hair.

"Now, I didn't say that, did I..." he sent a wave of his power through Tim. Just a small one, but still the other's pupil's exploded and his mouth went slightly slack as he stared up at Ihy like he wanted to devour him where he sat.

"Ohh, you try that look on me on your own, and we can tango, pup."

It faded after a moment, the potency shallow and not lasting, and Tim blinked hard, coming back to himself.

"That's fucking dangerously close to sexual assault."

Ihy blew a raspberry at him, dismissing his comment as nothing, and turned his stare to Henrik.

"When we found you with her, you had a tinge about you, an extra, lingering hint of energy that didn't belong to you...so you see Henrik, somehow, in some way, he manifested within you. Its a rare magic that I've not really seen done before, but it is possible."

"She...she said she knew it wasn't me. How would she know that?? She didn't say anything about anyone else--"

"Perhaps she's spent precisely one single moment with you, Henrik. That's basically all it takes to learn that you're a marshmallow of a human."

"I am _not _a mar--"

"ENOUGH."

May rocketed up off Jonas' lap, pacing back and forth across the room as she silenced everyone with her sharp outburst.

"So this...this Iufenamun, _qui est-il_? What is he? A mortal you said, _mais_ he knows how to sap the power of _un dieu et...et_..."

She turned to Johannes, too frazzled to continue in English, and spoke directly to him in French, relying on his aptitude to fill in the gaps. He translated as she spoke, putting his hands up when she started speaking too quickly.

"Why Henrik? And how Henr--May, slow down--okay, why Henrik, how Henrik, and if Triste really manifested with him somehow, how can this person hide her from the eyes of the gods?" He looked back at May, "_c'est ce que vous vouliez dire bébé?"_

She nodded gratefully, crossing to him and leaning down to wrap her arms around his shoulders, still feeling overwhelmed.

"_Je suis _désolé_, Johannes..._you love her like I do, and you did not turn her away when she trusted you..."

"I..." he pressed his forehead to hers, the tears making his eyes sting as he closed them, "I just got her back...please just tell me where she is. I need her, May, she's all I have left."

Her fingers softly touched his cheek as she straightened, feeling an abject sorrow for the pitiful state of this man who loved me so dearly. 

"We ask the cards, them, hmm?"

"What cards?"

"_Silencieux..."_

May turned and looked at Ihy.

"Do you know where my Triste is?"

"No, dear."

"Then answer what questions you can, I will be back shortly."

She floated off, down the hall, and everyone watched her go, like she was made of fine mist, hovering over the floorboards rather than touching them. 

"Henrik, tell me--"

"Gods, it wasn't you, was it, then? Following us?" he pressed a hand to his forehead, "she knew from the second we were inside the doors. She said that she could feel someone following us, and then she disappeared to the bathroom and then you were there and..."

"Tell me everything that happened from that second, Henrik, tell me right now," he went deadly serious.

"We were just waiting in line! Nothing happened!"

"No, thats not true!" Jonas interjected, "that guy dropped his passport and you picked it up and handed it back to him, remember??"

"Wh--but--"

"What did he look like? Did he touch you? ANSWER ME!" Ihy thundered, the walls seeming to shake with the force of his tone.

"I don't remember!! I mean, maybe?? He just took it and said thank you and that was it!"

"Christ, thats all it took, probably," Ihy grumbled, shrinking back into his chair.

Just then, May appeared once more, clutching a scarf and paraphernalia in her arms, moving into the center of the room, next to my body. She didn't speak or acknowledge anyone as she laid everything out.

The silk was lovely, a deep, dark black, almost absorbent of the light so it looked depthless, peppered with tiny golden glyphs. She spread it out across the floor, placing objects into each corner.

"What is this?" Henrik asked, moving to her side on his knees.

"Fire," she lit the candle in one corner with a snap of her fingers, "reminiscent of Ra, the divine father of my goddess...

"Water," she placed an empty glass at the opposite top corner, an elegant thing made of fine crystal, and looked at Ihy, repeating again, "water..."

His lips twitched and the glass filled halfway.

"Thank you, my lord. Water, reminiscent of my lords Khnum and Sobek, and their predecessor Min..."

"Oh my pet, be careful how you invoke someone such as Himself," Ihy growled, loving that she respected the ritual, loving that he was in the presence of someone who respected and revered the old gods.

She gave him a coy half-smirk, a well-seasoned look that had sent many a man to his knees, and proved to work no differently on the god who walked as one.

"Earth," she placed a small clay pot full of dried flower petals on the bottom left corner.

"And, as I cannot summon currents of air, nor am I a servant of my lord Shu," she placed a small knife in the last empty corner, "the hardness of air, reflecting also the sharpness and smoothness of its currents..." 

Another growl sounded low in Ihy's throat, something like a predatory animal.

The noise rippled through May, the sound waves making her shudder with arousal and the desperate, fervent devotion she'd felt to her pantheon for ages. 

The feel of the room, the aura, felt natural to her as she slid the deck of cards from their satin drawstring bag and pressed them to her breast, letting the thin slips of paper read her heartbeat, touch her energy to understand where she was.

"Where is my Triste?" she asked quietly, "tell me how to bring her back to me..."

She sat quietly, eyes closed, taking one deep breath after another, and letting them go with a slow, deflating exhale.

As soon as John's mouth opened to question what she was doing, Ihy's hand flew up, silencing him, his eyes never leaving the beautiful woman seated on the floor, practicing her religion with the last vestiges of devotion that existed in the modern world. 

Her fingers shuffled the cards, her eyes remaining closed, her eyebrows slightly furrowed as she waited for it - that slight intuition of her left hand, the feminine side, the half that practiced divination. 

When she felt it, she dealt her cards, one after the other, in a row of six, face down. 

After a moment, she pressed her lips to the remaining thickness of the deck and placed them away to the side, opening her eyes and staring intently as she turned each card over one at a time. 

"Do you understand what all these mean?" Jonas asked softly, never lifting his eyes from the cards as her delicate fingers touched each surface, and he slipped from the couch, around my body, sitting at her side

"By now, yes, mostly," she responded in a soft tone, her lips forming that delicate smile that he felt he could stare at for hours, "but no one does at first. It is like...meeting a new friend, _un ami,_ and getting to know them, each time you get a new deck. At first the way that they behave or the way they see the world may not make sense, but..._après le temps_..." she shrugged, "you understand."

She glanced up at Ihy, who was studying her intently, encouraging her narration with a slight inclination of his head and a murmured, "please, my dear..."

"Mmm, you see this?" she gestured to the spread before her, looking at Johannes, who only stared blankly.

They didn't look like much to him, but she explained as she interpreted.

"My goddess, _bien sûr, _but She always appears to me," she touched the card fondly, studying the others silently, and furrowing her eyebrows a little, tilting her head to the side as she mouthed words silently, talking to herself, then looking at Henrik.

"These, _pots canopes_, they come in four," she held up fingers as she counted, pointing to the card and then touching the corresponding part on her person.

"Horus has four _fils_, four sons for the ritual of preservation, and each watch a part of you for your journey into the afterlife, _oui_?" she looked over at him to check if he was understanding and Henrik shrugged as Tim nodded.

She smiled at him softly, lingeringly, knowing he understood. Jonas had told her so. 

"_Bien,_" May touched the image of the jackal-headed jar, "Duamutef. Stomach," she touched her own, "Hapi," she moved one hand over to the card showing the baboon-headed jar, and the other to her chest, "lungs."

Last, she placed the tip of her index finger against the jar with a hawk's head, "Qebesenuef...inside, ehm..._intestins_."

"Okay..." Jonas nodded, following what she was saying, but missing the larger implications, "but you said four, right?"

"Always four _cher_, four seasons, four cardinal directions, four sons of Horus."

"But there are only three here..."

She nodded in acknowledgement, glancing up at Ihy briefly, but missing his gaze as his eyes remained trained on the colored images. They were so simple, but doubtless the illustrator had no idea of the magnitude their image evoked.

Henrik chewed his lip as he looked at one of the next cards, studying the painted figure, laid out flat on his back, his skin green, but not green like Osiris, who he had seen in my book. He winced a little at the memory, glancing down to his right like I might just be there again, seated comfortably between Tim's knees, letting him play with my hair while I explained the idea of the weighing of the heart, pointing at different figures.

He glanced back at the card as he picked it up without May's permission and held in the flat of his palm, trying to steer back to his train of thought. The being laying across the bottom was green, not sickly, but verdant - earthy and lush. 

The other card, the last of them was his opposite, a woman whose fingers and toes touched the earth, but her body arched up, stretched across the sky, draped in a midnight blue, covered in stars.

"Nut, _le ciel_," May said softly, having watching his silent contemplation as his fingers traced the curve of her back, landing at the tender look on her face, staring at the man below who instead rested in his palm.

"She's pretty," Henrik murmured, unaware that he'd responded as he found himself subconsciously trying to count the stars across her bowed body.

"And Geb, _la terre_," she touched the image of the man lying on his back.

He repeated their names back to her.

"Siblings, spouses, the earth and the heavens."

"Weird..." he still didn't look away from the card, enraptured in the balance of the two deities, so different, perfectly opposite, but perfect nonetheless.

"Tsk," she tutted softly at him, "strange to you only because it is not your culture, Henrik."

She had both gotten used to the stigma by now.

Siblings growing up together weren't supposed to ever be more than that, but in our time it had simply just been different. Common people didn't often practice intra-family marriage, but blood lines weren't our biggest concerns.

"What?" he blinked and looked up at her, reading the slight annoyance on her lovely face, "oh. No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I meant its weird that your earth is masculine. Not weird like wrong...just...I guess unconventional. Mother Earth and all that, right?"

She hummed in agreement, leaning sideways and resting her head on his shoulder as his arm automatically wrapped around her, drawing her near.

"They are always separate, Geb and Nut. Since the beginning of time their sacrifice for us has been to always be touching, but never in the way they truly wish to be.

"Why? I thought you said they're married...what exists between the earth and the sky?" he asked confusedly, "wouldn't they always be...you know...touching?"

"The air. Shu, their father, resides between. He is the son of Atum, the creator."

"Oh..."

"They cannot touch now that we are here. It would--" she pressed the flats of her palms together, eliminating the space between, "make us go away."

"What do you mean make us go away?"

She held a hand up as she turned back to the remaining cards, staring at them intently.

After several minutes of long, hard silence, she glanced at me, then up to Ihy, 

"Papa," she said softly, something like a whisper that drew his gaze immediately to hers, "who is missing?"

"A cryptic question, my sweet..."

"Of the sons of Horus."

He glanced back down for less than a second.

"Imsety."

"_Oui..."_

They stared at each other, the tension ramping up with each passing moment.

"Oh my, but I do forget how clever you little girls are..."

She blushed faintly, but held his gaze, "and tell everyone, what does Imsety do, Papa?"

His smirk was slow, sexy, that kind of look that burned itself into your memory no matter how many faces you saw in your life, or lifetimes.

"Oh, my dear, he revivifies the dead, doesn't he..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO MORE SAD HENRIK ✌  
Although May and Papa? Lets make that shit happen, ayeeee.  
Also, I watched the Queen of Blades vid earlier and WHEN is Henrik gonna go back to blonde. Yall, its killing me. Bring back the unadulterated curls, bb.  
Okay, my brain is made of cottage cheese now, goodnight children 💖
> 
> P.S. - got my Egyptian tarot deck finally and immediately pulled the Tower card, so if this fic becomes some weird orphan thing, its because the planet doesn't want me anymore. Guhhbyeeee


	72. Chapter 72

They seemed to stare at each other for the rest of time, breaths quick and heartbeats flying, but still perfectly in sync.

"So..." Henrik awkwardly cleared his throat, "sorry what epiphany did we just have? For those of us that, you know, aren't a thousand years old?" he found himself holding my hand tighter, that faint glimmer of hope starting to burn perhaps a little brighter.

Still May and Ihy continued to watch each other with tiny half-smiles, completely unaware of everyone else, until they both stood at the same time and he swooped over, sliding one arm under my shoulders and the other behind my knees, wordlessly stealing me from under Henrik and Tim's hands. 

She didn't have to tell him to follow her, he automatically fell into step, turning after a moment and giving everyone else a firm 'stay put' look.

"Don't get your fucking hopes up," Tim grumbled when Johannes looked at him like maybe he was starting to believe I was coming back.

Without another word, he stormed off down the hall, shutting the door behind him perhaps a little harder than he'd meant to, but finding that he wanted to do it again and again until the slamming drowned out the thoughts swirling in his head.

_She's fucking gone, man, don't do this to yourself. _

He was so tired, and wanted to lay down and sleep for a hundred years, but as soon as he was horizontal, his feet longed to move again, and he got up with a groan to resume his pacing. 

\--

Ihy wordlessly followed May through the house to the back bedroom, probably the one belonging to her parents, he thought, and laid me out on the countertop, lifting my head so she could place a folded towel underneath it like a pillow. 

As soon as I was settled he turned to her and grabbed her face between his palms, laying a hot, lingering kiss to her lips that made her knees shake as he backed her hard into the wall, her shoulders hitting it with a thump.

"I do not know if this will work," he breathed against her mouth.

"We have to try," she said firmly, only just managing to keep the tremors out of her voice as her body flushed with heat under his touch, "what do we have to lose?"

"Hmm...indeed," he smiled softly at her, using just the tip of his index finger to tuck a loose curl behind her ear.

"Tell me what you need, my lord."

He shivered, but turned his mind back to me.

"Turn off the lights, close the blinds, turn up the heat. Light as many candles as you can find."

She dutifully followed each instruction, returning after leaving the room for a moment with a gauzy white dress draped over her arms.

"Her clothes...they will feel like death and she will not want to keep them."

"Truly a detail only a kind woman would think of. Thank you, Nedjem. Please run a bath of hot water as well and then undress her down to her underthings."

He turned back to the countertop, staring at his own reflection hovering over me, silently praying to his divine father to guide him through a ritual of such uncertainty. 

_Let her live by my hand...not for my own glorification or for revenge against this foul one I seek...just let her live..._

The rushing of water from the tap roused him from his own internal thoughts, and his eyes opened to watch May moving soundlessly about the bathtub, dropping in dried flower petals, salts, and oils, filling the entire room with a thick fragrant steam. She stood looking down at it for a moment, hands on her hips as she frowned, then dug through the basket of jars and vials next to one of the clawed feet, and came back up with a glass container of dried lavender buds. 

He smiled lowly as she distributed them through the water with care, then shut off the faucet, standing and smoothing her hands over her shirt, waiting as she watched the flickering candle light dance over the surface of the water.

"Please," he gestured, stepping back from the countertop so she could attend to me - the final step before they possibly sealed my fate or reversed it. 

It was only a matter of minutes before I was ready, my bra and panties remaining on for the sake of propriety and consent, and Ihy and May stood shoulder to shoulder looking down at me, the sound of their own breathing somehow too loud. Her hand slipped through his, giving it a tentative squeeze.

"I have none of the traditional oils or tools, my lord, I apologize."

"I feel, as our intended goal is the opposite of traditional, that perhaps that is okay, dear," he chuckled, squeezing her fingers back before letting go, "besides, you know that magic is in the spoken word, not a lump of metal, Nedjem."

She watched as the candlelight flickered off his features, his bangs falling in his face until he absentmindedly brushed them away, the shadows playing with the fullness of his lips, making everything about him visually striking. 

How strange that she hadn't known right from the start what he was...surely the devotion and adoration and want that she had felt for him the first time she heard his voice coming through her car speakers matched that which she had felt for her own deities all along...

Their gazes met in the mirror as they took an identical deep breath, watching each others' eyes change, the same electric green bleeding in to take over their natural color. 

"Are you ready, my dear?"

"I am," she squared her shoulders, understanding the question hiding underneath, "whenever you are...my lord."

He closed his eyes, opening his palms towards the ceiling, centering. His voice seemed to pass through the tiled floor under her feet as he spoke in the old tongue, changing from the pleasant baritone he normally spoke with, and the feel of the room was suddenly intoxicating, the air heavy and too thick to breathe, the walls glistening with condensation from the steam. The combination of smell and visual sensation and the feel of Ihy's power electrifying it all made her feel high, like it all might be a hallucination, liable to disappear if she blinked.

"I invoke the name of Imsety, protected by the eternal queen, Auset. Isis. Wife and mourner. Mother goddess. I invoke the name of Ra, the father of the great lady this woman has served for three thousand years. I invoke the name of Osiris, who presides over the judgement of those who depart from this realm..."

He searched his brain for the words, the ritual spell, and adjusted as best he could, calling me back, rather than sending me forth as the divine energy that created him surged through the room, swirling around himself and May like it was fabric. Her fingers tentatively spread out from her sides, longing to touch it.

"Masika...listen to my voice...come towards my voice, High Priestess...

"Your mouth is opened by Ptah.  
Your mouth's bonds are loosed by your city-god..."

He touched his fingertip to my lips, brushing the pads of them across the softest part of my skin, gently pressing them open. 

"Thoth has come fully equipped with spells.  
He looses the bonds of Set from your mouth.

"Atum has given you hands.  
They are placed as guardians.

"Your mouth is given to you.  
Your mouth is opened by Ptah.  
With that chisel of metal  
With which he opened the mouth of the gods.

"I call you back, Masika, Servant of Sekhmet, the Eye of Ra  
I command your return from the half world in which you dwell.

"Your _ka_ desires to hear my voice.  
Your feet long to move towards its sound.

"Your mouth is open, my child.  
Come...

Ihy remained hovering over me, watching with eyes like a hawk's, seeking any tiny hint of movement, any suggestion that I was returning to the sound of his voice, as he had commanded.

But nothing happened.

May took a step forward as overwhelmed tears streamed down her cheeks. It had been so much time. So many centuries, and lifetimes since she'd witnessed a proper ritual, burial or otherwise. And watching him perform such deep magic, witnessing the wonder of the gods up close, first hand...it was too much to comprehend. 

"My lord, give her time, she is far away," she whispered, effortlessly remembering each word it had been centuries she'd uttered, reaching out a shaking hand to touch him, but withdrawing when it was just shy of the surface of his skin, fearing that she would perish if her fingertips made contact with him. Surely the enormity of his power would surge through her like an electric shock and leave her dead on the floor...

He stared down, willing me to move a finger, to flutter my eyelids, anything... 

"Why do you fear to touch me now, child," he murmured, his eyes still unblinking, trained on me as he spoke to her. 

"Because you are powerful, my lord," she whispered, the trembling in her voice returning as he slowly turned to her and she shrank under his gaze.

"I. Am." he growled slowly, and in the next second her back was to the wall again, her mouth crushed under his as she whimpered into his kiss, threading her fingers back into his hair, no longer filled with solely awe, but the feeling mixed with something more desperate, more potent. 

His lips were perfection - lush and full and the kind just made for passionate kisses, and they expertly pulled and nipped as his tongue dominated hers, his entire being electric with his own essence, the thrill of calling upon his own divinity, the brief reminder, so badly needed, that he was capable, powerful, still leagues beyond the best humanity had to offer, even in the meager state he'd been left in.

"Bare yourself to me," he snarled, pulling his tongue from her mouth with a low sound and staring her down, his eyes electric in the candlelight like they were made of flame too.

The seconds it took for her clothes to drop to the floor felt like an age, and he tore at the fastenings of his own pants as he whirled her around, crushing her breasts against the wall, slick with condensation from the bath, and pulling both arms behind her back, bent at the elbows. 

He crooked one forearm through them as he pulled her hips back and pushing her knees apart impatiently with one of his own, each movement getting more desperate. 

"Breathe," he warned, and her answer was lost into a garbled, guttural cry as he shoved his cock home, burying himself to the hilt in one smooth thrust, snarling as her inner walls closed around him, gripping him tight, stretched by his a thickness she hadn't been anticipating. 

The way he held her arms behind her with one arm and latched his opposite hand onto her hip left her largely immobile, only able to stand and receive, without the leverage to push back against him and tilt her hips to take him further. 

"How does it feel, Nedjem," he growled, relishing the sound of her name dripping from his lips like honey as his thrusts became frenzied, each uttered rhetorical question growled in a feral tone as he crushed her against the wall harder, slamming his hips against her ass with a punishing force that made her cry out. 

"Gods, don't stop," she gasped, "_dieux_, _IHY, don't stop!!"_

"Just. One. Actually," he said through gritted teeth, tilting his hips up with one last thrust and a roar that shattered her, sending her over the edge of bliss, to whatever lay beyond as he sucked a dark, angry bruise into the fair skin just where her shoulder met her neck, filling her with his seed as he marked her. 

They both were left panting and spent, sweating from the pent up body heat and abundance of candles lining every surface of the bathroom. May trembled, still leaning against the wall, gasping for breath and willing her legs to hold as she felt him dripping down the insides of her thighs, having filled her beyond her limits to begin with.

"Did I hurt you, dear," he said softly, pulling out of her and releasing her arms, rubbing her shoulders with his thumbs to ease her cramped muscles before turning her gently to face him, taking a long look at her body, slowly up and down, watching his seed leak from her. 

"Mmm, but you are a whole nother sight when you've been fucked silly, aren't you," he purred with all the sex appeal and charm she was used to from her Papa.

She stepped forward, pushing off the wall and leaning in to kiss him slowly, deeply, pulling a deep groan from his throat as his cock twitched again and she quirked a teasing, impressed eyebrow as she licked at his bottom lip and wrapped her arms around his neck, loving the heat from his palms as they settled against her waist, slowly traveling over her skin, exploring her.

"Keep that up and perhaps you will find out," she whispered, letting him kiss her again, opening her lips as he sought to taste her mouth immediately and gripped the back of her leg hard, throwing it up over his arm as he placed his palm flat against the wall and slicked over her core again, taking his time this round, teasing, feeling, relishing... 

\--

She watched me fidgeting, twitching like I was anxious, uncomfortable, chewing the inside of my lip even as I told myself not to.

"He'll figure out a way, dear...you must be patient with him."

"I know, I know," I combed both hands back through my hair, watching the sun come back around, still seated by the bank of the river. I was hesitant to leave it now, and was in no big rush to go back to the ruins of my temple. 

There was nothing there for me. 

I finally sighed and flopped back down on my back, staring up at the cloudless expanse of sky, painted a mystifying palate of colors that were just so close to the real thing, but slightly too dull.

"Can you tell me more? About him, I mean...Iufenamun."

She sighed deeply, wrapping her arms around her knees, "I don't know what more there is to tell you, darling...I don't know what was the truth, and what was lies...and what was my own blindness."

"You have to stop blaming yourself at some point, Na'eemah," I said softly, reaching over a hand to lay it against her arm, "Nedjem is okay. Our goddess gave her her life back, and I'm...well I'm here. For better or for worse, or whatever, I'm here. You didn't do this to us. Not really, anyways."

She placed a hand over mine and gave it a gentle, grateful squeeze before looking back out at the water, watching the current take debris and vegetation downstream, up towards the mouth of the delta.

She shied away from the subject of _him _though. Gods, she'd spent enough time here pining and hating and longing and screaming in frustration over him. 

Enough was enough.

"I don't want to talk about Egypt anymore. It makes me feel like a fool...and it seems I've done a majority of the talking since you got here. Tell me about you. Gods, I'm sorry, I feel that I know nothing about your life, dear."

She shook her head forlornly, "you are far more deserving of the title of High Priestess than I, Masika."

"That's fucking bullshit, but okay," I rolled my eyes, getting slightly fed up with the constant pity parties. 

She only shook her head again, not to be baited by me this time. 

"I..." I sighed, "everything seems like it should have been so boring now when I look back. Like it was all just a dream and meeting Johannes was like...waking up. Like seeing the sun for the first time and feeling its warmth."

I realized that as much as it hurt me to do so, and obviously made her uncomfortable, I longed to talk about him. I wanted to quietly say his name a thousand times until my mouth lost the ability to pronounce anything else. 

"But Tim seems rather fond of you, too," she smiled softly sideways, setting aside her own discomfort for the moment and basking in my happiness. I missed them, of course, but there was a difference in my tone, in my face, my posture, when I spoke about them. 

"Tim is different. He's like...gods he's like an atomic bomb of a human. I've never met anyone like him before, and we clicked the second we met..."

_Destiny._

"Being away from them must have been agonizing, dear, I'm sorry."

"Its okay...it all turned out okay. I didn't - ahem - I tried not to think about them when we were, you know. Apart."

I looked over at her, laying my cheek on my forearms as they rested folded over my knees.

"Why Henrik? Why not John or Jonas? Or Johannes for that matter?"

"I don't know dear. It could have been just by chance, or--"

"Or what," I grimaced. I hated the thought that anyone would purposefully pick on Henrik for anything, and my temper immediately flared, all kinds of images flashing before my eyes of what I would do to that motherfucker when I finally found him. 

"Or perhaps it is that Henrik is quite possibly one of the most trusting, naive people I've ever met, in all my lifetimes."

"He is not!"

"Masika," she gave me an expression like I knew she was telling the truth and there was no saving face about it at this point. 

"He's--he's not naive, he's just _good_, Na'eemah. Gods, HES JUST GOOD," I yelled it into out to the empty air, getting to my feet and turning circles, beating my fists towards the sky as I vented my frustration, "he's kind and sweet and protective and good, and I swear to the gods if I ever get out of this fucking hellhole, I'm gonna find that motherfucker and he's going to understand exactly how much of a mistake he made picking one of my boys to do this me!!"

My ears started to ring with a low humming, like the residual sound of a struck gong, and I looked down at Na'eemah, still seated on the bank, staring wide-eyed at me. 

"What is that!" I yelled, pressing both my hands to my ears as Papa's voice started thundering between them. It seemed to rattle my brains, and make my very bones vibrate, and I pressed my hands down harder, trying to soften the tone, but it only made it louder.

"Whats happening!" I screamed at her, but she obviously didn't hear a thing, and was still staring, open-mouthed, torn evenly down the middle between terror at being here alone once more and joy that it had all worked.

It seemed Henrik had managed to figure it all out after all. 

The panic set in as my skin started to fade, the color draining away like it was being diluted with water. 

"Go, child," she whispered, tears dropping heavily down her cheeks, one after the other, and she pressed kisses to her fingertips and extended them to me, even as I dropped to my knees then fell sideways onto the riverbank, screaming and writhing in the dust, tearing at my hair, trying to make the noise stop. 

My skin continued to get lighter and lighter until it was translucent and then see-through, and I faded into nothingness altogether, the last look on my face one of abject terror. 

"Goodbye, my darling," she whispered. Her last words to me. 

They weren't begging me to ask my goddess for intercession on her behalf. They weren't another I'm sorry. They were a resignation to a lonely eternity, but a thankfulness that it meant I wasn't fated to the same end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🙃


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanna know what tickles me to death?  
That Henrik and John and Jonas and Tim all go get their hair did together like girlfriends.

Ihy was on his knees, eating himself from May's core as her fingers tangled through his hair, her head thrashing back and forth across the wall in pleasure, each gasping breath not bringing nearly enough oxygen into her lungs as his tongue lashed over her with dexterous strokes and she rolled her hips to keep the rhythm up.

The sound was so slight that she missed it the first time, drowning as she was in the haze of sex and lust that seemed to be intertwined with who he was. But when one of my hands twitched almost imperceptibly against the marble counter top, her fingers tapped the side of his head hard and she froze.

"Don't hold back, darling, come for me again," he urged, redoubling his efforts and pushing two of his fingers inside her, twisting and turning them, seeking that soft, fleshy spot as he moaned loudly into her skin, the bottom half of his face covered in the both of them. 

"I-Ihy, oh, gods, Ihy, s-stop!"

He pulled back and made a confused face up at her as he licked his lips, drinking in the image of her panting, staring down at him, needing to express something but too oversexed and overstimulated to remember how to speak. 

He slowly wiped his mouth against the back of his hand, making a show out of running his tongue over it afterwards, and was about to open his mouth to say something sexy and teasing when he heard it, his eyes going wide.

The thought registered in May's brain as he instantly got to his feet and dragged her to the countertop - the one small detail that had escaped the both of them when they were trying to bring me back. 

I had died by suffocation, and still had the handprint to prove it.

Her hand was on my throat as my lungs tried and failed to expand, mending the tiny. fragile hyoid bone, allowing me to finally inhale the stuttering, shallow gasps I took that could hardly be called breath as my life began to return, bleeding in slowly. 

I couldn't move in any real way, my limbs twitching and jerking uselessly as I tried to open my eyes, but couldn't, and attempted to speak but found the same. 

"Shh shh, my Triste, you are okay," May cooed before disappearing for a moment to dress herself as Papa bent over me, petting my hair and murmuring softly as he did his own pants back up. 

My consciousness swirled in the darkness, fluttering aimlessly about like a moth, looking for some light or some sound to latch onto in the emptiness. My fingers moved through the dark like phantoms, hazy and half-full of energy, pressing against the cool damp surface that gave no traction. 

"Ohh, there she is...come now, my darling," cooed the soft, slightly high pitched voice, "I'm here...I'm watching over you..."

I knew that voice, the one that echoed around me. It had joined me in the darkest, most lonely moments of the night, permeating the essence of my dreams to become their very fabric.

As much as my heart belonged to all five of my boys, and my being, my very existence belonged to my goddess, there was a part of me in this life that neither could touch - a lingering piece with rough edges and dark spots that had found refuge in song, a yearned-for mythology after centuries of rigid monotheism. A deeply-needed companionship that always felt two-sided, even as I sat alone, immersed in the comforting wrap of his voice. 

That voice that hummed softly to me now as his arms lifted me off the countertop, holding me close, like I still may shatter. 

"Go tell Johannes," he spoke softly to May as she brushed her fingers over my hair, "but give us some time. She won't be able to speak to him just yet."

I made a noise in my throat that I'd meant to sound like thank you, but it was a sad substitute. Papa understood though.

Papa always understood. 

The water he settled down into was warm - not burning or hot enough to raise my temperature, but almost embryonic, like I was gestating all over again, my life returning to my body rather than manifesting anew in virgin cells. 

I shifted closer as best I could, the stars behind my eyelids creating a magnificent display that I longed to weep for, but couldn't. I had neither complex motor functions, nor fine muscle control yet, so I simply let myself be cuddled closer, held against his body as the minutes passed. 

He kept us submerged up to the shoulders in the fragrant waters and resumed his humming, kissing my forehead every few minutes softly, gauging my reaction, where I was in my reanimation as my eyelids fluttered but remained closed, my lashes fanning out darkly across my cheeks.

"Don't rush, dear one, take the time it requires for Imsety to complete his work."

My eyelids finally lifted and opened slowly, my eyes blinking again and again under the sudden light, my pupils shrinking.

"A servant of the flame, reborn from the water," he mused, his voice echoing slightly off the tile walls as he touched one finger to my cheek, feeling the warmth return to my skin as my color did also, "welcome home, child."

I still couldn't say anything, and my throat worked uselessly, trying to swallow, trying to talk, to tell him all that I knew now, but he just pressed one finger down over my lips.

"You must have patience, Masika. l won't go anywhere. Gods know I've already been here all along, where could I possibly go now," he laughed, and my few muscles that worked well enough to do so froze. 

_That laugh._

I blinked up rapidly at him and he gave me a tender smile, leaning down to brush his lips against mine.

"Oops. Busted," he chuckled. 

It had been him. 

All the years of the festivals, the little gifts he'd press into my hand always followed by the soft touch to my hair and that same laugh that reverberated more strongly off the walls now.

I pressed closer, seeking his mouth again, and he gave it to me, gently kissing, not wanting to overload my newly regained consciousness. 

"My little blue lotus," he breathed, laying his forehead against mine as he lifted me closer to his chest, the shirt he wore now soaked through and rough against my bare skin. 

He dropped his lips to my ear, barely brushing just the shell of it as he whispered poetry to me in the language of the gods, using up the time we were given, patiently waiting. He told me stories of magic and devastating choices, woven through with morality and lessons to lighten the heart. Of old crones and sage men who performed incredible, inhuman works for the delight of the kings.

"Papa," I whispered, my voice cracked and small, and the arms that held me crushed me tighter.

"Hello there," he smiled, nuzzling his nose into my hair, not pushing for more words, but reaching out to his mother with a silent prayer of gratitude. 

_*Take her to the halls of my sister.*_

Ihy continued to hum softly to me, the vibrato moving through the water like ripples, making my whole body buzz with the same low frequency until I was aware of every inch of myself, able to move my fingers and my toes, to stretch my legs and roll my shoulders. 

"Why didn't you tell me," I croaked, tugging clumsily at the top button of his shirt until it came undone and I could slip my hand underneath to rest over top of his heart, beating strongly up against my palm. 

"What was that dear? Oh, you're welcome for the fucking Lazarus thing, by the way, it was my pleasure, don't mention it!" he rolled his eyes, his sarcastic comments made in good fun, and he tugged me in closer to let me know so, laying another soft kiss to my hair as his lips curled up at the corners.

Gods but he'd missed teasing me. 

"You knew who I was that first night we met," my voice still sounded thick in my own ears, "you made me look like an ass."

"Guilty...although I remember being rather fond of your ass that night," he chuckled, then went serious.

"I always know you, Masika. I've known you when you were Marianna, Jouri, Isabella, Diya, Amelia...shall I go on? I can if you wish, I remember them all..."

"How have I not met you before?" I asked in a small voice, totally stunned by this revelation as he laid out my lifetimes like they were simply shuffled cards in a deck.

"Because I have _watched _you forever, dear. Since the moment your mother begged the mercy of my mother's sister and her high priestess."

"Wh--but I--"

He touched a finger to my lips again to silence me.

"Who do you think it was who told Na'eemah where to find the wicked husband who broke your bones? Hmm? Who do you think shielded her from detection as she slipped through the night into his home and stole his life?"

I reached up, the smallest movements still taking so much effort, and tugged his face down to me until his mouth could settle against mine, and my body tightened at the sound that left his lips, a pleasured groan.

"Its always given me great pleasure to witness your life, Masika," he said lowly into my lips, unable to stop himself from kissing me again, sliding his tongue over mine and marveling how death hadn't changed my taste. I was still sweet and floral, that same flavor that had been burned into his senses for months. 

He softly rubbed his cheek against my forehead, glad that I knew now, glad that he'd been the first one there with me when I came back, an intimate memory we could share for eternity. 

"How am I here?" my throat felt too dry, my voice too unused, "I-I couldn't find Her."

A low chuckle rumbled through him, a fire igniting in his gut at the reminder, "you found Henrik, and he found me. I am of the _neteru_, Masika. Give me some time and the right information and I can do things the likes of which you've never dreamed..."

I shivered in response, vaguely aware that the door had opened, and struggling to get up as I was reminded briefly by a wandering train of thought that all my boys were here. That May was here, and Johannes, and John and Tim and Jonas and--

"Henrik! Where's Henrik!" I flailed, trying to move and only making a mess, sloshing water over the high sides of the tub, the water level dangerously high now with two bodies in the space intended for one.

"He's sleeping," a voice said from the doorway and I desperately tried to get up and go to him, feeling suddenly like if I wasn't smothered in his embrace, I was going to die all over again. 

Johannes stood in the doorway where May had left him before going to check on everyone else, shaking his head in abject disbelief as his eyes blurred with tears.

"Come in, son," Ihy called over his shoulder, rolling over so I was propped against the back of the tub and pointing a 'stay' finger at me before lifting himself to his knees, picking soaked flower petals from his clothes and dropping them back into the water to swirl around me. After a moment when Johannes remained rooted where he was, Ihy looked up and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Well?"

"H-how...how...what happened??"

"She's going to be fine, Johannes," he said softly, climbing out of the tub and dripping water across the floor as he moved towards the doorway, not caring that we could both plainly see that he was hard, and placing a hand on the other's arm soothingly, dropping his voice lower, "don't do this right now...go to her."

He disappeared outside, closing the bathroom door behind him, and Johannes moved like he was in a dream, never dropping my gaze until he was standing at the edge of the bathtub and I held my arms out to him like a child, begging to be touched and held, to confirm that I was really here, and he was really here too, and we were together again. 

"Oh my god," he stepped over the edge and collapsed down into the tub, not bothering to get out of his clothes. He grabbed me forward and his fingers spread across the back of my head, cupping it hard as I buried my face in his shoulder, sobbing as well as I could and clinging to him.

He exhaled sharply, the sound punctuated with shivers like he was deflating as he wept too, completely overloaded and overwhelmed with the last twelve hours. 

"I love you," he gasped, his tears mingling with the bathwater, "I love you I love you I love you. Fuck, I thought I'd lost you again, Triste! You were gone!"

His arms crushed me tighter, making it difficult for me to breathe, but I didn't care. We still weren't close enough for my own desperation and I stretched up to kiss him as he dropped his mouth down to meet mine. 

"I missed you so much," I cried, unable to keep kissing him as my face crumbled into relieved, overwhelmed sobs, "I'm so sorry I w-went away."

"Shut up," he said quickly, pulling me back up for another kiss as he shifted us so I was laying against his body, held between his legs, which were far too long for a bathtub this size. He was hard already, and I could feel him involuntarily rolling his hips into me, making my own need flare up in response as he kissed me still, plunging his tongue between my lips with each gasping breath, unable to stop his own tears anymore than I could. 

"I'm sorry, I don't need anything but you right here," he whispered when he realized I felt him, "I-I just can't help it."

He brushed his mouth against my eyelids, my cheeks, the tip of my nose as he held me there, finally settling at my lips once more and kissing me deeply, endlessly as the candles burned down lower and the darkness settled outside, casting our own shadows longer against each other.

"I missed you so much," I whispered again once we were both calm and he was simply holding onto me, keeping me close, applying the slightest hint of pressure with his fingertips every few seconds like he needed to double, triple check that I was really there. 

"I was so sure that you were gone for real this time...gods I told you I was never letting you out of my sight, and I fucking let H--"

I leaned back and put a hand against his mouth.

"It wasn't him."

He sighed heavily, taking my hand in his own and removing it from across his lips.

"I know that, love. He wouldn't ever...we all know that, but it still doesn't leave much in the way of answers."

"I need to talk to him and then I'll explain, I promise," I whispered, reaching back to kiss him and shivering as his lips opened slowly, his tongue unhurried in its exploration of my mouth as his hands started to work my panties down my legs. 

"Please tell me to stop if you don't--"

"Shut up," I tangled a hand back through his hair, gripping his neck to keep him where he was as his hips rolled into my ass again, more firmly this time, purposefully seeking friction now. 

His arm locked around my middle, refusing to let me do any of the work as he got us both out of the soaked fabric, though admittedly, mine gave a lot less resistance. 

"Goddamnit, stupid fucking jeans," he murmured, letting me go and ignoring me as I clapped a hand over my lips to stop my giggles and lifted off of him slightly so he could send them over the side of the tub to land of the tile floor with a sharp wet slap.

"Get back here," he pulled me flush against him once more, my back to his front, as his fingers slid over my core, his touches far more gentle than the raggedness of his breathing as he spread me wide open and traced my opening with the tip of one finger.

"You smell so good," he whispered, shifting me slightly then moving me back down so that his cock was resting heavily against my pussy, each movement of our bodies making it slide over my clit, the feeling itself like fireworks and explosions in the sky, with my nerve endings as raw as they were. 

He bent his head to kiss me again as the ends of his hair trailed through the water around us and stuck to my skin as his arm locked around me again.

"I'm so glad you're home," he moaned, barely breathing as he pressed the head of his cock into me, my own shiver passing through my limbs to join his, rippling through the bath.

"Johannes," I breathed, gasping as he slowly pushed farther, stretching me before pausing again, halfway inside me.

"Oh, gods, please say my name that way again," he pressed his temple to mine, watching the candlelight dance off our intertwined bodies under the water, patches of light skin and deceptive shadows creating a mesmerizing display of desperate need and wandering fingertips.

"Joh--_gods_\--Johannes," my voice was barely audible as he slid farther into me still until he was bottomed out, filling me and stretching me, still holding me locked against his body, the water having long-since gone room temperature. 

"Christ, I'm sorry," he gasped, already on the edge of coming as I repeatedly clenched down around him, trying to hold back and desperately rubbing circles over my clit, a part of his brain yelling at him to be gentle, the other part snarling at him like an animal, telling him to fuck me until I broke into a hundred pieces that all belonged to him. 

I didn't get any warning before my orgasm hit me, the long muscles down my back going stiff as my body raised off of his and I gasped for air, crying out and wondering if I was back in that dark, damp place with the smooth walls and the haze energy trails. 

He was murmuring into my ear in Swedish as I came back down from the clouds slowly, vaguely aware that he was still softening inside me as he turned my face to kiss me deeply again, his arm that had been holding me tightly against him moving up to slip his hand under the cup of my bra, softly palming my breast and just touching me everywhere he could manage. 

"What did you just say?" 

"Remember the poems about the pretty girl by the sea?"

I nodded dreamily and he didn't say anything else. 

How strange that I should have two very different men whispering poems to me in two very different languages, each from the opposite end of the spectrum of my life...

The air outside our watery haven was chilly, the huge frosted window starting to let in the winter cold, and he turned me over when he felt me shiver, brushing my hair back from my face and looking over my features, making sure everything was still the same. 

"Are you okay? I'm sorry if I was too rough."

I shook my head, reaching up to brush my lips over his, wondering how I ever had managed to stop kissing him in the first place, "I'm fine, just..tired."

"Have you seen Her yet? You need to talk to Her, Tim said She was freaking out."

I got up onto my knees, testing the strength of my muscles and letting my surprise show on my face.

Everything seemed to work like it had before and I carefully got to my feet, listening to the hollow dropping sound of the water dripping back into the bathtub, followed by the whooshing sound of Johannes getting to his feet too, his shirt soaked and heavy, clinging to his thin frame.

"He saw Her?"

Johannes nodded, searching around for a towel and wrapping me in the thick cotton as I started to shiver when we stepped out onto the chilly floor.

"W-where is everyone else?"

"Resting probably. Ihy and May didn't exactly share what they were doing in here...and its been a long day all around, sweetheart."

"Tell me about it," I huffed a laugh, looking at him and chewing my lip, "did...did Henrik tell you that--"

"He did...but I think for now, you should go say hello to the five other people who missed you like hell. We can talk--...we can talk about her later," he swallowed hard and I knew he never wanted to talk about her again as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, trying to rid himself of the drenched material.

I stripped my wet bra and shimmied into the underthings and dress May had left for me, smiling softly as I looked at myself in the mirror.

_Always sheer. Always white._

Johannes wrapped a towel around his waist and couldn't stop himself from swooping up behind me and hugging me close, staring at my reflection again before turning me and lifting me to sit up on the countertop, using both hands to sweep my hair back from my face.

"How are you feeling?" he murmured into my lips as I wrapped my feet around the backs of his calves. 

"Good, glad to be home," I answered honestly, "happy to be back with you...just a little...shaken, I guess."

He nodded - that was more along the lines of what he'd expected.

After all, I had died. 

"I need to see Henrik," I slid off the countertop, but Johannes shook his head.

"I think you should let him sleep, babe. I've never seen him lose it like that before, and...and you know he'll be falling over himself apologizing if you wake him up now. He'll be mad as hell at me later for saying this, but just give his brain a chance to shut off for a couple minutes, yeah?"

I sighed heavily, knotting my fingers in my dress as I stared at the shadows dancing across the floor, "you're right. Is everyone asleep?"

"Little one, don't pretend like you didn't know the answer to that question before you asked it," he smiled softly, laying one more kiss to my lips before leading me out of the bathroom by the hand and nudging me off in the opposite direction as he went to get dried off and changed.

"He's down the hall."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's down the hall?
> 
> Like you don't already know 🙃
> 
> (Look everyone)
> 
> (its TIIIIIIIIIIM)


	74. Chapter 74

My feet started off in that direction, drawn by the magnetic pull, until a hand gripping my own suddenly stopped me, making me turn back around.

"Hey," he said softly, looking down at me with my favorite expression that I was never able to get enough of, a coy half-smirk, half honest smile, "I love you, babygirl."

"I love you too," I stood on my toes to kiss him once before moving down the hall, touching each doorknob and somehow knowing who slept soundly behind each one.

\--

His door wasn't shut all the way, left cracked so that a strip of dim lamplight illuminated a strip of the long hallway runner.

I silently pushed it open further and stood in the doorway of his room.

I wanted to run to him, to tackled him to the floor and kiss him until the world stopped turning, and tell him that I was so happy to see him again, but for a reason that escaped me, I didn't do any of those thing, rather just standing and watching him.

He was seated in a big armchair with his back to me, staring at the wall, though I was sure he was just spacing out. I watched him change the song on his phone then toss it face down onto the table with a clattering sound and look back down at something in his lap, leaning his head against his hand after rubbing it over his face in a way I knew meant he was exhausted.

Johannes wasn't wrong - I'd known before I asked him if everyone was asleep exactly who wouldn't be. My poor Tim - the surliest but most sensitive of my boys in some ways. He just felt things differently than they did. 

Tim didn't hear me padding across the cool hardwood floor in my bare feet, and still didn't acknowledge me even when I was standing right behind him, looking down over his shoulder at his pen moving across the page. 

"Wow, oh love, that's amazing," I breathed, leaning down over his shoulder to get a better look. 

His attestation to Her divinity was pictoral, rather than verbal, and I pressed a hand to my mouth as Her perfect face stared serenely up at me from the page, seated on Her stone dais in Her temple, body relaxed and elegant. He'd captured her exactly, down to the coy smirk that always curved up one side of her feline mouth, and my heart swelled like it always did in Her presence.

"Hey priestess," he pulled his headphones off and smiled softly though didn't look up from his art, still making careful adjustments to Her image, chewing on the end of his pen between strokes in a habitual motion so innocent and so normal that my heart started beating faster still.

"Hey baby...you don't seem surprised that I'm here," I crossed around to his front so he could see me as I furrowed my eyebrows and only just resisted propping my hands on my hips like a stern mother. 

He shrugged and looked back down after glancing up at me quickly, but I watched a hard tremor run through him from head to toe as he huffed a sharp breath out through his mouth. 

It was strange to see him clean-shaven, but I found I liked him just as much without the mustache as I had with it, and I ached to press kisses all over his smooth skin, to whisper to him how impossibly handsome I thought he was while I ran my fingers through his hair, watching his eyes close with soft pleasure they way they always did when I played with his hair. 

But in that moment, I equally ached to punch him in his stupid careless face for not being totally bonkers excited about the fact that I had just undergone a literal resurrection on par with the Almighty.

He broke the silence that descended awkwardly and slumped into the plush back of his chair, laying his head against the fabric and looking up at me with soft eyes as he set the journal on the table off to the side, closing it over his pen to hold the page.

"I...I didn't think I'd be able to actually see you."

I was about to ask a rudely-phrased question seeking clarification, but he carried on, his voice sounding exhausted and defeated - a tone I was so unused to from him. He was a fighter, passionate about everything that he dared to care deeply about, and seeing him so resigned to sadness and despair made my stomach turn as I frowned at him.

"I'm just...gods I'm so fucking tired," he rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes hard, "but I can't sleep, and I figured at some point after everything that's happened my sanity would just snap and I'd start hallucinating that you were here with me as some kind of coping thing...not that I'm complaining, its lonely being crazy by yourself right?" he huffed a humorless laugh, "I figured I'd just hear you in my head, but here you are...I'm happy to see you though."

I stared at him silently for a long time. Minutes. What was I supposed to say to rebut that kind of statement without damaging the grasp on reality that he'd already admitted was tenuous?

"I guess a party of one isn't a party..."

His gentle smile set me on fire, just that little upward curve of his lips that made his eyes narrow slightly at the corners as he exhaled a soundless laugh.

"Well? What do you think?" I twirled around, making the gauzy white fabric swirl around my legs, "you like?"

"Very nice," he said softly, looking past me out the window after a moment, watching the snow come down over the gray, dormant vineyards.

"Where are you, priestess?" he asked, nothing about his tone hurried or rushed, like he wasn't concerned that I was going anywhere. He just assumed that I'd stay with him, since I was his own delusion in the first place, "She can't find you, but I could feel you in Her temple. I know you're out there somewhere..."

"Wrong, I'm right here," I touched his shirt, knowing exactly where the small tattoo on his chest was without being able to see it, loving the surprise on his face that instantly showed as I stepped forward and settled in his lap facing him, pressing my hand flat over the spot, "where I belong, remember?"

The tears that welled in his eyes spilled down his cheeks, but still he stared at me, and I could feel his heart thundering underneath my palm.

"W-whats happening," he whispered, his hands shaking as they settled on my legs, tracing the line of my body up to my waist and gasping as he found that he could touch me in return. The warmth of them made me shiver, the only thing separating us the thin gauzy material of my dress. 

"I'm back. I'm home, baby," I breathed, unable to stop my own tears as we stared at each other, looking back and forth between the others' eyes until I bent forward and pressed my temple to his, inhaling the wonderful, familiar scent of him, unable to stifle my shaky sigh of relief as my arms wrapped around his neck and I simply held onto him for minute after minute. 

"I like you clean shaven," I smiled, kissing the back corner of his jaw, letting my lips linger.

"Oh, Triste," he whimpered, sitting up straight and tilting his face up, cupping my cheek and drawing me down to his lips slowly to kiss me, like he wasn't sure if his mouth would touch my own or simply thin air. 

But it did meet mine, and our reactions were immediate as he cried out against me, his opposite arm locking around my waist when he realized that it really _was _me and I was somehow here, and not a painfully, but wonderfully vivid ghost. 

Neither of us could stop crying as we kissed, and a deep, shuddering moan drifted from his mouth into mine as his tongue slid between my lips and he tasted me, and I pushed my tongue back over his. 

The simple action seemed to flip a switch, as it always did with us. 

"Holy shit, how are you here??"

I blinked hard, cocking my head to the side.

"Okay...mental note to smack that cocky bastard upside the head later - don't let me forget. They really didn't tell anyone what they were doing to me?!?"

"No, I mean...kind of. But I--I didn't think Imsety worked on this side," he chewed his lip, "I thought that stuff only made your...afterlife or whatever...made it so that you could live like a normal person."

"Double smacks for the both of them, then," I narrowed my eyes.

"Holy gods woman will you just stop talking and kiss me," he begged, grabbing me forward and tearing his hands through my hair until we there was no room left between us. 

I missed the part where our clothes disappeared, lost in my own thoughts and the swirl of sensations that threatened to overwhelm my fragile sanity, but I was brought rocketing back to the present as his hands gripped my waist hard and he tilted his hips up to slide his cock over me. 

"Bed. Right now," he gasped, picking me up and carrying me over, laying me down on the soft coverlet and never letting up on the assault his mouth was delivering to mine, his tongue stroking expertly against me, filling me with sound and taste and making me arch up into his body. 

Finally he pulled back and dropped his face to my breasts, licking and suckling both of my nipples as he shifted to line up at my entrance, but held himself there for a moment.

"I-I have so many questions, but right now I just need to be inside you," he groaned, cutting off my response with one smooth push until he was all the way inside me, shouting his pleasure into my hair as he collapsed onto his forearms and devoured me again, snarling and making every sound that I loved.

"Holy fuck, oh gods Tim please move," I moaned, grinding my hips into him and snaking a hand between our bodies to rub my clit.

"Christ you're still just as impatient, I see," he growled, snatching my fingers away and bending his lips to my ear, as he pinned my hand above my head, "I'm getting there, needy girl..."

I writhed under his weight as he rocked his hips into me, kissing my neck and biting at my skin, marking me again as his own as I cried out at the sharp but delicious pain.

"You know what, nevermind, fuck it," he only thought on it for a moment, wanting to make me scream and beg, but just as strongly needing to feel me come around him right that second. 

He pulled almost all the way out then snapped his hips forward into me, tearing a startled gasp from my throat as I clung to him for dear life, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he fucked me savagely.

"Fucking come for me, priestess," he rutted into me like an animal, kissing me so hard that I tasted blood and wasn't sure if it was mine or his, but didn't really care either. 

"Gods, fuck, _FUCK_," I screamed, arching sharply off the bed and throwing him off balance so he all but tumbled off me, but took me with him, rolling onto his back and grabbing my hips so I was on top of him, adjusting to the different angle as he watched and panted.

"You look so good riding my cock," he encouraged in a stuttered voice, his toes curling as I closed my eyes and threw my head back, my orgasm seeming endless, my pleasure like an ocean I could just sail away on. 

I collapsed forward to kiss him, biting his bottom lip hard and drinking down his cries of pleasure as he planted his feet and pressed my hips down hard at the same time he slammed his cock into me one last time and came undone, his head beating back against the mattress as he emptied himself completely, overfilling me and making me gush as he pressed against my clit with his thumb and smacked my ass hard with the other hand.

Our bodies shivered and trembled as we calmed down, and it felt like an impossible feat when I finally pulled my mouth from him, receiving a little noise of protest. 

"No, please don't stop--"

"Johannes said you saw Her," I blurted. It wasn't what I'd been intending to say, but its what came out anyways, and he paused as his brain caught up.

"What? Who? Oh...yeah, She was in my head...on the plane when we were...on the plane."

I lifted off of him, moaning softly as I felt him dripping from my pussy, covering his hips with a combination of us both until I collapsed next to him and he dragged me closer, crushing me against his body as he rolled onto his side and kissed me hard again.

"I can't believe She--" I started, but the air got sucked out of the room before I could finish and I gasped as we suddenly weren't on the bed anymore, but laying side by side on the stone floor before Her. 

"MASIKA!"

She jumped to Her feet and dropped to the ground next to me and clutched me to Her in an undignified, but perfect way, holding me to Her breast as I got my bearings and my head finally stopped spinning long enough to understand where we were. 

A shriek left my lips as I wrapped my arms desperately around Her neck and clung to Her, the warmth and safety and overwhelming adoration stealing my breath away.

"My goddess!!!" I cried, instantly dissolving into wracking sobs.

"My child, what happened to you? You were hidden from my sight, from my reach," She touched my hair like a mother, "I was so fearful that you were gone from me forever."

She didn't push me once the question was hanging in the air, letting me take all the time I needed to get control over myself until I could answer her without hiccuping and weeping, all the while stroking Her divine fingers over my hair, calming me down and hushing me softly. 

"I-I was trapped, Mother. In a different place. A-a different Temple, just like this one but after...ahem. After the fall..."

She shook Her head in confusion and finally let me go, handing me back to Tim who immediately wrapped me in his arms again, never having wanted to let go of me in the first place, even if it was for Her.

"I don't understand...if you were in the old land I would have been able to find you, it is well within my reach..."

"Mistress," I looked up at Her, needing to tell Her so much, and needing to go find my other boys, and Ihy and May. Everything felt so urgent and I rubbed both hands over my face to quell the bubbling stress that rose up in my throat.

"I don't know, Mama. We were there, and it was _just _like the temple. Exactly the same. The- the statues, the carvings...everything was destroyed."

She remained silent, waiting for me to elaborate.

"Na'eemah was there. She-she told me about Iufenamun...that's his name. The one who did this to me," I chewed my lip, wincing as I found the cut Tim had opened accidentally in the throes of passion, "to both of us..."

She went so still, I was reminded of the black granite carvings of Her I'd seen smashed to pieces.

"I know the one of whom you speak."

_Of course you do, she was...wait._

Not her.

"You know who he is?!?"

I rocketed to my feet, losing my balance under the head rush and stumbling, but Tim was half a second behind me, holding me up until the dizziness passed.

"Easy, kid, you were fucking dead a minute ago, remember? Take it easy..."

She held a hand up to him as She stepped away from us and took Her seat once more, "what do you know of this man, Masika..."

I blurted everything out in one long run on sentence - about how the sun never really set, and how I could hear bits and pieces of what was happening near my body. Everything Na'eemah had told me about Egypt and how he'd used her hands to kill May just like he'd used Henrik's to do the same to me. 

"He wants us gone, Mistress. I don't know why its us, but that's all I can think of. He lured her in with talk of Restoration and...and...why do you not look surprised?"

"Na'eemah is beyond my help now."

Her response surprised me. 

"But mistress, she didn't--"

"Leave her," Tim snarled, his face a mask of undiluted resentment at the mere mention of her and he looked like he wanted to spit, "she was probably lying right to your face Triste, she's a snake."

"Don't you talk about her like that," I rounded on him, "you don't even know her!"

"I know everything I need to know about her, and I don't fucking care about the rest," he retorted and I was instantly annoyed that we were arguing after being back together for less than an hour. 

"Mistress," I turned back Her, begging at this point for the life of my companion, "she's all alone there...please...there has to be something we can do!"

Her face remained firm, Her whiskers twitching briefly as She breathed in a deep, slow breath, and in the next second, we were back in the _chateau._

"Fuck!" Tim rolled onto his back and scrubbed both hands back through his hair, grumbling, "I'm never gonna get used to that. I swear, its like fucking whiplash. A little warning would be nice."

I sat up and scowled down at him, and he gave me one right back.

"You're wrong about her," I snapped, getting off the bed and searching for my dress," we were all wrong about her."

"No I'm fucking not. She's a liar and a manipulator and fuck her, let her rot where she is."

"You're a heartless asshole," I yelled, balling my dress in my fists and throwing it at him so my hand wouldn't grab something significantly more weighty that would hurt a lot more.

His exhaustion and his frustration overpowered his reason and he shook his head at me, staring me down with anger in his gaze. 

"Triste...goddamnit you fucking stubborn woman," he shook his head again, grabbing the pillow off the bed and launching it at me when I turned my back on him. It hit me square in the shoulders and bounced off harmlessly, but I rocketed around, my eyes shifting to green as I bared my teeth.

"Whats your fucking problem!"

"My fucking problem," he snarled, advancing on me until he was right in my face, mad as hell, "is that she took you from me. You can tell me all fucking day long that it wasn't her, that it was this other guy, whatever his name is, I don't give a fuck, but you're fucking wrong. She took you from me the first time and then when I finally got you back and you were mine, she took you again. And I didn't even get to say goodbye!" he yelled, the tears starting to spill unheeded down his cheeks.

"_Tim_," Ihy said his name sharply from the doorway, glancing away from my naked form when I rounded on him, breathing hard.

"NO, you know what? I'm sick of this shit, you're both fucking insane if you think that bitch didn't have a hand in this," he snarled, turning and stalking to the bathroom, slamming the door hard enough behind him to make the pictures hanging on the wall jump.

"Fuck you, motherfucker!" I yelled, sobbing and scooping up my panties and bra before running from the room.

"May is--"

"I fucking know where she is," I shouted, not bothering to even turn and say it to his face as I ran for her room and wrenched open the door, startling her. She was staring out the window, rubbing her hands over her arms like she was cold, and turned to face with me shock etched into her lovely face. 

She'd known I was back, of course, and had witnessed it firsthand, but she didn't expect me to be such a wreck when I finally came to find her.

"Triste??"

She lifted me off my feet as her arms closed around me and I collapsed to the floor crying, too angry and overwhelmed to do anything but.

Why wouldn't he just listen to me.

"Shh shh, my Triste,_chut bébé_, you're okay..."

"He's so fucking stupid and senseless and it wasn't her fault!" I wept, clutching her arms as she rocked me gently on the floor.

"Come here, lovedy," she cooed, pulling me up to my feet and dressing me in fresh clothes like a doll as I shivered and rubbed my eyes. She ushered me off to her bed, climbing in behind me and pulling me in closer, laying a soft kiss to my lips as I sniffled. 

"Where were you? I couldn't feel you anymore, you went away from me, _oie_."

I was too tired and cried out to say anything, and was asleep as soon as she wrapped her arms around me, my mind shutting down into a sleep only filled with the last, desperately sad look on Na'eemah's face as she bade me goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall I asked the universe to give us back blonde Tim with a full beard, and just you wait.


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keebie? BREATHE, MY DOVE.
> 
> All the rest of you? Okay, well also, breathe. 
> 
> When is Jonas gonna come back to social media and post more pictures of his own ass?

She didn't wake me for hours, but stayed up, barely blinking lest I should disappear from her again. It was a testament to the strength of our bond, the perfect need and desire we both had to always be together, even after lifetimes of companionship.

After all, what was eternity if you had to endure it without the other half of your soul?

The slight movement caught her sharp eyes and she was instantly on her feet, the motion quick and smooth so that she wouldn't disturb me as she made to advance on the shadow in the doorway, gathering her energy into her palms to strike.

"Easy baby, its just me," Jonas said softly, holding both hands out to convince her that he meant no harm as he moved into her bedroom, his bare feet not making a sound as he crossed to her and touched her cheeks, "sorry, I just love watching you...shit that sounded creepy I didn't mean it to--" he glanced at the bed as he spoke, doing a double take when he realized it was me sleeping under the covers.

All the goosebumps across his bare chest raised, sharp and immediate, adding texture to the dark chest piece that covered the space between his shoulders as she ran her hands over his skin, her turn for soothing touches. 

"Holy christ...how is she--..."

"My gods are powerful, Jonas," she reminded him, the 'J' coming out as a "zh" like it always did when she spoke his name, "it is up to them which of us lives and dies..."

"H-how...what...holy fuck," he whispered, unable to even look at her for fear that if he tore his eyes from me I would stop taking the deep, steady rhythmic breaths that softly lifted my breasts now. I'd been so still, so dead the last time he touched me.

"Come to bed, _cher,_" she smiled softly, "she has had some time to rest and will be happy to see you."

He snatched her hand back, holding it tight as a look of uncertainty crossed his face.

"Is she...still her? Is she okay?"

May stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and gently touching her lips to his once, "she is fine, _mon amour. _It will probably take some days to feel like herself again, but she is still my--our Triste," she smiled softly. 

He didn't need to be told again, and moved to my side, gently lifting the covers up and sliding into bed next to me, almost afraid to touch my skin as he reached out one hand, worried it would be cold and clammy like before. 

Oh, gods, but it wasn't.

"Mmm," I stirred, waking from my fitful rest disoriented, not fully remembering everything that had happened right away, but as a shaking hand with feverish warmth under the skin brushed my bangs back from my face, my eyes bolted open with a gasp. 

I didn't even have a chance to see his face as mine was immediately crushed against his shoulder and his fingertips tangled into my hair, holding me firmly against him as he wove his legs through mine to hold me closer and I melted under him warmth.

"Don't you ever fucking do that to me again," he scolded, though the relief in his voice was obvious, "don't you ever leave me like that again, Triste..."

"Didn't do it on purpose," I groaned, the sound muffled against his shoulder as he refused to let me up for air. I was happy enough though, and stayed put as May got into bed on the other side and pressed against my back, molding herself against me and wrapping her arms over us both until I was suffocating under the body heat.

"Jonas," I finally whispered, forcing him to let me up until I could look at him, "good gods I missed you."

"I knew you weren't gone," he whispered back, running his fingertips along the skin just behind my ear until I was practically purring, pressing closer to him.

"No I...I was, though..." I turned over, shifting out from under the legs pinning me on my side until I could face May, my tears making her face blurry even as I tried to blink them back, "you saved me. You found me..."

"You were so far from me, my Triste," her voice quivered with tears as she whispered to me and I moved over until I could kiss her, overwhelmed with my need to be close to her and confirm that this wasn't all a terrible dream.

"I love you. Oh gods I love you so much," I whimpered, clinging to her thin frame as she kissed me back with equal desperation, knowing there was more to say but it would just have to wait.

I drowned in the loveliness of her lips, in the familiar soft wonder of kissing a woman. Men could be so pushy and brutish but she never was with me, nor I with her. She kissed me slowly, gently running her tongue across the seam of my lips, asking for entry that she knew she would get as we pressed closer and got lost in the sensation of each other.

"_Déshabillez-vous, maintenant,_" she gasped, sinking her hands under my borrowed clothes and pushing them away from my body, longing to have me in a way we'd had each other so many times before in other lives, other times, other worlds it seemed. 

I arched into the warmth of her palm as one cupped my breast and her tongue filled my mouth, her taste just as good as it always was, just as perfect and consuming.

She tore my shirt off over my upstretched arms as I rolled on top of her and grabbed at her clothes too until we were skin on skin from the waist up and I tangled my fingers back into her lilac curls, holding her close to me as her hands roamed over my body, down my back, my legs, over my ass. 

"_Ma soeur adoré_," she moaned, dropping her mouth to my nipples as I arched into her caresses, only remembering Jonas was there when I caught sight of him watching silently with wide eyes, panting through parted lips, sporting an obvious erection that I longed to run my fingers over.

"Ohh, Jonas touch me..._please_...I need you both..."

He was on his knees and kneeling behind me in the next second, pressing his cock against my ass through my thin shorts as he held my torso back against him, and reaching around to grip May's hair, pressing her harder into my breasts as my head fell back against his shoulder, overwhelmed with heat and pleasure.

"You don't know how many times I've imagined this," he growled into my ear, watching May's tongue slide between my lips, the both of us spurred on by his added presence as we fervently kissed each other. 

"Little sister," she purred, pulling back only enough so that her lips still brushed mine when she spoke, "what do you think our Jonas did while he thought of these things, hmm? Do you think he touched himself, _ma petite gâterie..._mmm I think he did...I think he made himself come thinking about me kissing you..."

"Why don't you tell us," I pressed my ass teasingly against him, "my king..."

His hand snaked down over my waist as he devoured my neck, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses that echoed in the darkness to every patch of skin he could reach, sweeping my hair down around my opposite shoulder while my fingers tangled back into his dreads and May laid back into the pillows, settling under our combined sets of legs.

"You two should have let me do this at the beach," he slipped his hands under the waistband of my shorts, beneath my panties to slide his fingers through my folds, "because then neither of you would have gone anywhere but home with me and straight to my bed...good christ I missed that sound," he growled, redoubling the efforts of his mouth against my neck as I cried out, pulling my earlobe between his teeth the way he'd watched John do.

"You both need to be naked right fucking now," May gasped sitting up and tearing both layers of fabric down my legs as Jonas lifted me up onto my feet, his desperation making his adrenaline pump through his veins wildly, lifting one of my feet then the other so she could remove and throw the useless garments across the room before looking at him teasingly, biting her lip as she gripped the back of his neck and pulled his face around my hip so she could kiss him, their bodies both pressed against my legs to hold me up.

He snarled into her lips, reaching beneath my thighs to palm her breast hard as she moaned encouragingly, his thumb teasing her nipple with maddening little strokes.

"Are you watching carefully then, _petit roi_," she purred, pulling back but holding his beautiful blue gaze as she slid her fingers over me, through my folds, making my legs shake as she pulled them back, slowly wiping them over her bottom lip so he could see it glisten before she licked it off, closing her eyes and humming lowly as he took her hand, clamping his fingers around her wrist and bringing it to his mouth so he could taste me too.

"I am, _petite allumeuse,_" he said lowly when he finished licking me from her digits and gave her the use of her hand back.

"Ohh, very good," she indulged, encouraging his use of her language as she held his gaze, tracing the line of her top lip with the tip of her tongue before leaning forward and swiping it through my folds, drinking me down and wrapping her hands around my ass to pull me closer to her lips as her eyes closed and she suckled my clit between her lips.

"Jesus, fuck," Jonas growled, shifting to get rid of sleep pants that were starting to feel horribly restrictive now, and wrapping a hand around his cock, pumping himself with hard, slow strokes and listening to the obscene sounds that echoed through the room as she ate at me. 

"Fuck!" my knees gave and she moved back as I collapsed, taking the opportunity to shimmy out of her own shorts while Jonas gathered me back against his body, his fiery skin enveloping me perfectly and raising goosebumps across mine as both arms wrapped diagonally down across my body.

"I was lost without you," he whispered into my neck, "I shouldn't have let you go. I should have made you stay with me..."

"Don't," I murmured into his mouth, loving the way his lip piercing felt so different compared to the soft tenderness of his lips as I tilted my face back to taste his kiss. His tongue was slick and hot, and sent flashes of lightning down my spine as it fluttered across mine.

"Please just fuck me, I need you inside me," I gasped as it pushed deeper into my mouth and his left arm moved slowly up my body to gently press the pads of his fingers to my throat, encouraging me to stay exactly where I was.

"Tsk tsk tsk, my Jonas, what did you do to her while I was away," May tutted softly, already dripping just from watching us together, "she has lost all her patience! Do you how long it took me to teach her to be an obedient little _fleur?_"

"You don't want to know what I did to her," he chuckled lowly, grinding harder against my ass so I could feel every inch of his erection, every bit of what I'd been missing while I was gone as he caught her gaze, picking up his thought where he'd left off, but delivering a quick, sharp slap against my clit first with his free hand that made me scream and jump. 

"Because I took her at the same time as three of the others...then fucked her on the kitchen counter and again on the floor..."

May moaned encouragingly, arching her back as her fingers slipped between her legs and Jonas mirrored every movement between my own, carefully watching her fingertips swirl over her clit.

"And then I fucked this perfect tight ass against the wall in the shower, didn't I," he growled into my ear, making my muscles tense as I ground my ass into his hips while his fingertips explored me and he rolled his hips hard at the memory of sending me spiraling straight to hell as he came hard, filling my ass with his seed, the scalding water dripping uselessly off our panting bodies.

"_Dieux_," she whispered, reaching her free hand up to his, moving it further down between my legs before applying enough pressure that he followed her lead and pushed two of them inside me, holding her gaze and making me cry out and buckle under the stimulation as he flexed and scissored them.

He whispered lowly to me, moaning as I clenched around him at the closeness of the sound.

"I made her watch me touch my cock until she was so achingly, horribly empty and dripping wet for me that she couldn't stand not having me inside her..."

The memory of Tim stretching my ass open with his fingers while we both watched Jonas pleasure himself hit me like a freight train, but it came right along with the other reminder of the more recent interaction, the both of us yelling at each other and me storming off in tears as he slammed the bathroom door. 

"Christ he's a fucking jackass," I shook my head, not realizing I'd spoken out loud until I felt the chest behind my shoulders shaking with a laugh as both hands roamed up my waist to up my breasts, his thumbs playing my with nipples, spreading my slick across one of them as May got to her knees to lick it off, but he knew who I was referring to. 

"You'll get used to it in a couple years," he chuckled, "but don't you dare think about him right now or I swear I'll bend you over and spank your beautiful ass until you can't sit for a week. You're mine right now...not Tim's, not John's or Henrik's or Johannes'..._mine._"

I paused as I considered what he'd said, once the shivers finally subsided.

A couple years.

After all, what was stopping all of us from living happily ever after or whatever normal people did? 

All seven of us, together...

Only one thing, I supposed.

May's fingers brushing up my thigh brought me back to the present as Jonas started turning me around to face him, gripping my waist with bruising pressure and looking down at me with eyes on fire once we were face to face, and I reached up to brush a tawny cord of hair off his forehead. 

"Hello," he said in a soft tone, at odds with the insistence of his body against mine.

"Hiya," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck so we were completely pressed against one another, no room left between us for air or wandering hands as he pressed his lips down over mine, sliding his tongue between them and rolling his hips into me, seeking more pressure, more friction as both hands gripped my ass.

"_Hmpff_," a huff sounded from behind us and we both looked over my shoulder so see May seated, legs tucked under her and arms crossed over her chest like she was upset, "now you're just making me feel left out in my own bed! _Comme vous ê__tes impoli..._"

I giggled, knowing that she was teasing, but Jonas was already nudging me to the side, moving towards her and gently taking one of her arms in each hand to uncross them from her chest. I loved the way the low lighting coming in from the snow-covered world outside cast long shadows down his back, and my teeth sank into my lip as he moved from tender to hard and dominant in less than a second, throwing her down and using his body to pin her on her back as his hands held hers immobilized up above her head. 

"Did you just call me rude?" he breathed into her panting mouth, licking across her bottom lip as her legs moved apart to settle on both sides of his hips, trying to draw him down to her. 

"_Peut être_..."

"Was I being rude to you, my darling? Was I ignoring you too much?" he said softly, nudging her nose with his before laying a gently, loving kiss to her mouth.

She narrowed her eyes at him slightly, knowing that he was toying with her, and not wanting to look the fool.

"Its harder than you think, splitting my attention between two such beautiful women," he settled his weight a little more on her, pressing her further into the bed, but still in perfect control of each movement of every muscle, as he released her hands, "tell me how I can make it up to you for being so thoughtless," he said lowly around a wicked little smirk, dipping his hips ever so slightly until the tip of his cock nudged over her clit repeatedly, making her shiver hard with need.

"Tsk tsk tsk," he tutted softly at her when she didn't respond, "guess we'll have to just do trial and error..." 

Her face betrayed that she knew she'd gotten herself in trouble as he suddenly shoved his cock home, filling her with one powerful thrust and snarling his pleasure against her as he lifted on the heels of his hands to bottom out completely inside her, making her arch sharply off the bed, wanting so much more of him but remaining physically stretched to her limit. 

I'd seen them be intimate before, and I of course had witnessed him almost get turned inside out with the force of his pleasure when we came together, but this was different. Watching this closely, knowing I was free to join if I wished...

My fingers wandered between my legs as I listened to their sounds, the wet slide of him taking her more slowly, heeding every involuntary command her body made of him, the gasping, growling breaths they both took as their hands gripped and scratched, desperate for more contact like him being inside her wasn't physically enough to quench the fire or sate the need. 

Something that sounded rather like 'don't stop' tumbled from her lips once, before her entire body left the bed for a moment, her orgasm sending ripples of motion through her lithe frame, making her muscles stretch and elongate as it wracked her with pleasure, but leaving her whimpering and twitching with the aftershocks as her body closed around him and they both went still. 

"That's it, easy now," he praised, laying kiss after soft kiss to her mouth, once again seamlessly switching gears without so much as a stutter, and pulling out of her when it started to feel like too much, like he was getting too close. He wanted it to last as long as possible, to explore and drown in the pleasure that the three of us were capable of creating together. 

I longed to crawl over to him and lick the drop of sweat that slowly rolled down his back between his shoulderblades as it caught the low light.

With one last deep, passionate kiss, Jonas lifted off May and turned, crooking one long index finger at me as he settled at the head of her bed, seated back at an angle against the pillows, the entire posture delicious and familiar as one leg crooked comfortably to the side.

"Come here. Come to me, my good girls," he purred, shaking his hair down over his shoulders and beckoning us both to him, needing to feel our hands everywhere. 

Gods and weren't we just like fucking moths, instantly there, trading off between kissing his mouth and gliding our tongues over his bare chest, eagerly drinking down every noise he made as we worked him together until finally we were both moving down his body, kissing and nipping at the thin skin of his hips. 

He growled something unintelligible as he watched us with a heated stare, her tongue licking up the length of his cock and mine swirling over the head, flicking his piercing with the tip of my tongue. 

"You did so good, love," I said softly to her when we both released him, and she pushed her fingers back into my silver tresses, drawing me closer so she could kiss me, tasting like a perfect combination of Jonas and herself. 

I could almost hear his pulse racing as his cock jumped between us, but we ignored him for a moment, taking the time to reconnect, to reaffirm that we were here and okay and I loved her and she loved me. It was different than the way we loved Jonas, infinitely stronger, outlasting anything we'd ever feel for a man, though we were both obviously insane about him. 

"Don't leave me anymore," she moaned softly into my lips when Jonas combed his fingers back through both our hair, "_je suis vide_ when you are away from me, _oie_."

"I'm not going anywhere," I looked back and forth between hers and Jonas' eyes, "I promise..."

He stopped fussing with his lip ring long enough to smile tenderly down at me, laying his fingertips up under my chin and never dropping my gaze as he drew me in like a magnet, bringing May up too, watching us kiss one another before turning to us one at a time to slip his tongue between our lips, loving the way we all tasted like each other now. 

Jonas pressed one hand to my waist, guiding me to move until I was on top of him, straddling his hips as he kissed me almost violently, giving up growls and guttural moans into my lips as I pushed my knees apart to slick over his length and both his hands moved to my ass, squeezing me and forcing me to move faster over him. 

"Fucking hell I missed you," he groaned, leaning his face over as May snaked underneath his arm, curling up against his shoulder and pulling him in for a kiss. 

I was overheated and over aroused and felt like I might literally explode if I didn't get more. 

"Gods yes," she whispered as his whole body shivered between us when I started teasing him against my entrance, stretching the tight ring of muscle over his cock, crying out as his piercing added another layer of perfect sensation.

"Doesn't she feel good, Jonas," May purred, toying with his nipple ring with her finger as she pressed rough, open-mouth kisses down the side of his neck, across his chest, biting his skin hard enough to leave impressions of her teeth and he yelled with pleasure.

But somehow at the same time he and I could hardly breathe, and the fingers of his hand not tangled into her hair wove through the tips of mine, holding onto me to help me balance, but also just to touch me, to feel my electricity passing from my fingertips into his. 

"Ohh, baby don't stop, gods you feel so good," he cried out as I settled down onto his length, drawing him further inside me when I collapsed forward to kiss him, losing my posture and whimpering into his lips at the intense stretch. 

But he went slower with me than Tim had, gently threading his finger back into my hair and keeping me where I was for the moment, slowly rolling his hips into me to help me adjust.

I didn't realize it was me crying at first, vaguely aware of sniffles and hot tears glistening across his skin but after a moment he stopped us, brushing is lips down across one cheek while May did the same down the other, both of them holding me closer, reassuring me that I was okay. 

"Shh shh, we're here, babygirl, don't cry," he whispered softly to me, smiling into my lips, "its okay, we're here together now...everything's okay my little one..."

Their comfort and heat swirled around me, enveloping me like a blanket, and I let Jonas slowly start to move my hips again, gasping little moans each time he tilted upwards and his piercing pressed against that soft, fleshy part of my frontal wall that created lightshows behind my eyes. 

"Watch," he turned his face to May, kissing her slowly, deeply, as I sat up, bracing my hands against his abdomen as his settled at my waist, "if you move her...just...right..." he adjusted me subtly as he whispered to her, a perfect crooked smile crossing his face as his thumb started pressing circles over my clit, that hand gripping my thigh as the other tightened further around my hip. 

"That's right," he snarled when I screamed with the sudden change, the sharp, intense wave of pleasure like a bucket of water being dumped over my head, "don't hold back, Triste, don't be quiet. Scream for me."

He picked up his pace, planting his feet and slamming his hips up into me until I squirted hard, my fluids gushing across his hips, flooding over the three of us as we writhed together like one being with so many legs and arms. 

"Fuck yes, that's my good girl," he kept me going, sitting up for a moment to suck on both of my nipples and kiss my panting mouth, "I fucking love when you soak me like that, do it again."

He collapsed back down as May draped herself overtop of him, devouring his mouth, thrusting her tongue between his lips, trying to make him understand how much she liked watching him push me until I came undone. 

"You both feel so fucking good," he stuttered, his muscles flexing and relaxing as he was driven to the edge, tangling a hand in May's hair as she pulled his nipple ring between her teeth and I drew him all the way inside me until it was almost painful, swirling my hips and making him shout.

I closed my eyes and threw my head back, flying through the air, soaring with the birds, watching myself and Jonas and May all tangled together, getting reacquainted, and finally opening them when I sensed another presence. 

"_Henrik_," his name was only a whisper as I reached a hand out desperately for him, nothing more important in that moment than feeling his fingertips against mine, making sure he was as whole and okay as me, as us. 

But his face, bathed in gentle blue light standing in the doorway, went from flabbergasted surprise to something else, his chest suddenly moving with rapid shallow breaths as he started panting in a terrifying way, his face splitting into a mad, open-mouthed grin as his eyes went dark.

Too dark. 

My sounds fading from pleasure to confusion, and his friend's hesitance to join when I was so clearly beckoning to him made Jonas take pause too. 

I stopped moving altogether, staring at him standing in the doorway still as he started to laugh, finally coming closer to the bed until I could almost touch him if I wanted to. It was his laugh, but it wasn't at the same time, a stranger's laugh tinged with mania and madness.

"Henrik?" I whispered, the darkness in his eyes sending waves of _deja vu _over me. 

_Little whore._

He stepped closer still, cocking his head at me, still doing that thing where he was taking those rapid shallow breaths like he was impossibly excited.

"Well well well, so you're back," he licked his lips, and reached for me, that frightening grin so unlike my Henrik sending a bolt of terror through me, and I found myself immediately pulled off of Jonas as Ihy physically tore me off the bed, gripping me hard and throwing me behind him, and Jonas did the same for May, the two of us stumbling but held up by the hands gripping our skin. 

"Henrik, what are you doing," Jonas demanded, keeping himself between May and his friend as the other took a teasing step in his direction, cocking an eyebrow at May over his shoulder.

"This is not Henrik," Ihy scowled, and not-Henrik looked over at him slowly, his eyes almost completely black, the laughing having subsided into a perfect smirk. 

Henrik's mouth was made to wear a smirk and I loved when he looked at me like that, but this was different. It was calculated and dark, not the friendly, teasing one I was used to that almost always preceded an eyeroll. 

"Nice to see you again, my child."

"I've been looking for you."

"I know," he sneered.

Memories of the moments before my death started to flood back to me all at once, and I gripped Ihy tight to hold me up, one of his arms stretched out behind him in response, holding back onto my naked waist to shield me. I didn't miss that his thumb slowly played with and spread the drop of my own essence that still covered my skin from the earth-shattering orgasm I still hadn't fully come down from yet. 

But the longer they glared at each other, the more I could feel Ihy's nature surfacing, rising to the surface of his skin, and the angrier I got. 

It was so immediate and so intense that it was almost nauseating, and I didn't know that the feral growl filling the room was coming from my own bared teeth until I caught May's surprised glance, both eyebrows raised in my direction, and I stepped out from behind Ihy.

"Masika, don't--" he started, but I batted him away, addressing him that was standing in front of us.

"Give me Henrik back," I snarled.

"Easy, priestess, my fight isn't with him. His body remains unharmed."

My voice dropped lower, my energy gathering in a way that felt stronger than it ever had before, my palms starting to glow with flames, red like blood, like Her color. 

"Iufenamun...."

He gave me a surprised look that was gone as quickly as it surfaced.

"Oh, that's right, I know all about you."

His head moved to the side, like he was cocking it in confusion, but it was so slow that the whole motion was undeniably creepy. 

"Uh oh," he said in a sing-song voice that sent a chill down my spine, Henrik's soft vibrato bleeding through, "gods but she's been chattering in the afterlife too, hmm? How's she doing? Trapped alone with her conscience..."

"Get the fuck away from him," I snarled, taking a step so he could very clearly see my eyes change, "_coward_."

"Coward? My dear, I have endured many names, but I fear that hasn't been one of them...ohh, I do like you," he gently lifted a lock of hair from my face to curl it behind my ear. I wanted to strike him, but knew that I'd only end up hurting Henrik, so I swallowed my rage and just scowled as he spoke, "and I think perhaps, if we were to meet, you would like me too..."

"If we ever meet, you should be ready to make your peace, conjuror," I spat, the fire flaring up again as he looked at me like I was just too adorable, spouting silly love poems rather than threatening his life.

He got right in my face, until I could feel his breath, having to work absurdly hard to quell the urge to kiss him because he was Henrik. But he wasn't, I kept reminding myself. 

"I have no peace left to make, High Priestess," he hissed lowly, "so indeed, now I look forward to making your acquaintance..."

"HENRIK," I desperately tried to make him surface.

Ihy pulled me back with an iron grip on my arm once more, snarling at the other.

"If you set foot in her presence again, you will meet me at her side."

Henrik's face changed one more, shifting to a mocking expression of feigned fear.

"And you'll do what? Do not forget, I know your secret, weakling..."

"Leave the human alone."

"Very well...for now..."

Henrik's eyes closed and his whole body relaxed slightly, until I thought he was about to collapse forward, but he opened his eyes and blinked several times, obviously surprised to be staring at Ihy face to face. 

"Uhm..."

His eyes widened as they slowly traveled over to Jonas, silently asking what was going on. 

"What the fuck was that," was all Jonas said, still holding May back behind him in the same position, like he'd forgotten about her. 

"Henrik?" I whispered, only just able to keep myself from collapsing into gutwrenching sobs as I stepped out of Ihy's clutches again, moving around him to get to Henrik.

"Triste?" his eyes went impossibly wide, having spent the last hours sleeping and completely unaware of my resurrection, "no, sweetheart, stay away from me," he backed up several steps, stumbling over his feet in his haste to put distance between us as I advanced towards him.

"Shut the fuck up," I gasped, colliding with him and breaking down into an overwhelmed fit as his arms closed tightly around my waist, lifting me off the floor because he couldn't help himself. 

"Please, you have to stay away from me," he choked out, even as his fingers threaded through my hair, "I hurt you. And I don't know how I got here! I-I heard you and then I was standing here, and-and I'm losing time, Triste!!"

"Jesus Christ, is what happened to me happening to him now?!" Johannes raked his hands back through his hair, the commotion having drawn his attention from down the hall. John was standing right behind him, looking surprised as hell.

I shook my head frantically. 

No one else knew about disremembrance now that Na'eemah was dead, and Henrik obviously recognized me in the moments where he was himself. 

Ihy sighed and put a hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me back from Henrik, who only drew me in closer, like a reflex, turning to shield my naked body from the other and keep me to himself for a quiet moment.

"While I don't believe he'll make another attempt on you now that he's announced he's apparently coming, I do believe caution is wise," he warned, but Henrik and I weren't even listening anyways.

"Oh gods I missed you so much," he whispered into my hair, hot tears falling down his cheeks, "baby I'm so sorry, you have to believe me, I didn't know anything was even happening. I would never hurt you."

"Shh shh, I know my love. I know," I hushed him, pulling back after a moment and cupping both of his cheeks, "but don't you ever think about hurting yourself ever again, either. Promise me. Because if you do I will fucking kill you first."

He nuzzled his nose against mine, pausing before he slowly tipped my chin up with one finger, chancing a kiss. 

We exhaled like we were part of the same organism, a sigh of relief, of recognition, something familiar and safe as his tongue tentatively whispered over the seam of my lips, a gentle request for permission that I readily acquiesced to.

"We're going to fix this. Promise," I vowed and he nodded sadly like he didn't really believe me but wanted me to think he did.

"For now though, maybe he's right...just..." he looked like he was in physical pain as he swallowed hard, "just don't be in a room alone with me."

It felt like a knife between my ribs.

I'd loved and trusted him from the second we met. He'd been protective of me, and I of him, and he'd been the first one of them apart from Johannes that I had been truly intimate with.

"I'm not going to give up," I whispered, "he's after me. After us," I looked to May so she could hear me as she peeked at me over Jonas' shoulder, "but I won't let him destroy you in the process..."

"I don't deserve you, woman," he grabbed me in for another kiss, hoping like hell that Ihy was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly I make myself so mad that I created this mf (kind of? He was a real life priest of Amun tho [durr]... HISTORY✌) and he's picking on Henrik!!! Leave my Henrik alone you snake!  
Also, as we've made it a new tradition to address the new studio vids that the boys release, let me just say again, I have DOUBTS about John's tiny red stache.  
Don't do this to us, babes.


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a brief thank you for hanging in there with me and coming along on this crazy journey, yall are the dang best ❤

I refused to let go of him, even as the soft murmurs of conversation started to bleed into our little bubble, and more unanswered questions were left hanging heavily in the air. 

_What was that?_

Who_ was that?_

_Is he possessed?_

_Why does he want her dead?_

"Masika, darling, I think its time we all sat down together and got some of this mess straight, wouldn't you agree?" Papa gently touched my bare shoulder lightly and Henrik glared at him, like how dare he even approach me when we finally had a single moment together. 

"Easy, son, I'm not here to take her away," he put up a gentle hand, but left the comment as it was before disappearing from the room, leaving Henrik and I clutching one another like we were content to just waste away right there until the end of time, food and rest be damned.

After a quiet moment where hardly anyone dared to breath, his arms squeezed me a little tighter, giving me a gentle shake to get my attention.

"There's someone here to see you, love," he smiled into my hair.

"Triste?" John's voice was soft, low, like he wasn't sure the word was gonna make it past his lips, and a relieved huff of a sigh left his chest when I turned in Henrik's arms to look at him, my eyes heavy and sad but still so happy to see his face.

"Hey babes," I whispered, holding out my arms to him and wrapping them around his neck when he crushed to his body and lifted me off the floor, snaring both forearms around my waist to keep me as close to him as physically possible. 

"How is this happening? None of us thought that you would come back in your own body," he murmured into my neck, still holding me several inches off the ground.

"Its complicated," I kissed him once, but he chased me for more, setting me down so he could grip my hair down to the roots as he kissed me with far more passion that I was used to from him in front of so many people, humming lowly at the way I arched into him involuntarily as my lips opened to him.

"I missed you, babes," I sniffled when he finally pulled back, rubbing my hands up and down his upper arms, making sure he was just as I remembered, "I had a dream about you when I was gone."

"No more going away, no more dreaming. Just stay right here, promise," he whispered, grabbing me up again, smothering me to his chest and dropping a thousand kisses against my hair before taking a step back to look at me.

"Are you okay? Are you hungry? How long have you been back? Have you eaten?"

I hadn't really gotten the chance to even think about food in the tumultuous few hours I'd been awake since coming back, but I nodded eagerly, finding that once the thought hit, I was actually famished, not having eaten since before we left for the airport. 

Did that even count?

"Starving, actually," I nodded.

"Come on, lets go to the kitchen and see what we can find you, then," he smiled softly, holding my hand and lacing my fingers through his, pulling me gently along towards the doorway and frowning at my hesitance. 

"Whats wrong?"

"Uhm, nothing, that sounds nice, but... can I get dressed first?"

He paused, going wide-eyed for a second before snorting a laugh, "are you asking me for permission? Because if so, you're not gonna get it," he teased, laughing at my surprised yelp when he pinched my ass, then pulling me in for another long, slow kiss that had me standing on my tip toes to reach more of him as my arms locked around his neck.

"That was so nice," I whispered, stretching up again, licking at his bottom lip, "one more please."

"Food," he reminded, though his fingertips traveled up and down my exposed back, before anchoring into the hair at the nape of my neck and pulling, forcing my head back a couple degrees, "or I'm just gonna eat you and call it dinner," he breathed lowly into the base of my throat, "and that would be very bad for you."

I giggled as he pressed his lips against my pulse point there.

"That's not what you told me you were gonna do in my dream."

"Mmm," he chuckled, letting go of my hair so I could look up at him through my lashes the way he liked, "were you having dirty dreams about me in the afterlife?"

I leaned up to whisper into his ear, relaying what his idea on the plane had been in my dream, and his hands clamped around my waist as he exhaled sharply.

"You shouldn't have told me that, little one," he growled, "because now I have all kinds of ideas..."

"Food," I reminded, giggling and reaching up for another kiss, "then kinky ideas."

"You drive a hard bargain, woman," he smiled, butting my forehead with his before laying a kiss to my hair, whispering, "but I'm so happy you're home."

"Ditto, babes."

"Her bags in the living room still I think, I'll grab it," Johannes called as Henrik grabbed me back. He wasn't one to be selfish about or overly possessive of my affection, but right now he gave himself that permission, just holding onto me and relishing the feel of me doing the same, shutting everyone else out for a time. 

"Come on, lets go get you dressed," he picked me up and I buried my face in his hair as he started down the hall to his bedroom, keeping my legs wrapped tightly around his waist and my arms around his neck, allowing myself to be toted around like a handbag because he seemed happy to do it.

"What'd I miss?" Tim stepped out into the hallway rubbing a hand over his face and yawning like he was waking up, but I didn't look at him, rather just tensing and turning my face back into Henrik's hair, hiding for all intents and purposes. 

"Triste...oh, come on babe talk to me..."

Henrik nudged the door open with his foot, both of us ignoring Tim now, and crossing into the room. Rather than put me down, he surprised me by moving over to the window and shifting me so I was against his hip, holding me like a toddler, but I wrapped my arms around him all the same and pressed my cheek to his as we watched the snow come quietly down. 

"Its pretty isn't it," I finally broke the silence, turning to nuzzle my nose softly against his cheek as my legs squeezed his hips to get his attention. 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah it is. Kind of sad though too...just...empty."

"Yeah, but not dead," I smiled, "bud break will come in a few months and then all the clusters will grow like normal. They're just dormant now."

He nodded his head, watching our reflections in the glass and never wanting to let me go again.

But he set me on my feet after a couple more minutes, immediately kissing me when he did, making my head spin a little with the passion behind it as his tongue filled my mouth, tasting like desperation and apologies.

"I love you so much," he moaned quietly, hardly able to pull his lips from mine long enough to do so, but he shook his head when I started pulling at his clothes.

"No, baby," he reached for both of my hands and slid them out from underneath his shirt, shivering as my fingertips brushed over his bare skin, pressing into the soft flesh.

"Why not?" I frowned. He'd never just flat out denied my advances before, and I had to be honest with myself in admitting that it stung a little. Everyone else had been so immediately enraptured in the act of physical reconnection, trusting that the emotions were tied so closely to it that they would just naturally follow. 

"Not until we figure out what this...whatever this thing is...its obviously still inside me, Triste, and I..." he took a deep, steadying breath as he tried not to choke on the tears silently coursing down his cheeks and I reached both thumbs up to wipe them away, "I can't hurt you again. You-you saw what a wreck I was the first time...I refuse to take that risk. Not with you. You're too important."

"But Henrik--"

"Sorry to interrupt, love. We're down the hall whenever you guys are ready, okay?"

"Thank you," I smiled and nodded.

"No, stay, please," Henrik called over his shoulder when Johannes leaned around the doorframe and dropped my bag inside the door, intending to let us have some alone time before we all had to sit and talk together and face the ugliness of the situation at hand. 

He looked questioningly at me, and I nodded again, wrapping my arms back around Henrik's waist and letting him pet my hair while I listened to his heartbeat, strong and rhythmic, creating soft music under my ear that I thought I could happily listen to forever. 

Maybe we didn't need to talk about it. Maybe if we just stood here forever while the world burned, it would be fine.

Johannes picked up my bag and set it down next to us before leaning in to kiss my hair then disappearing off to sit in a chair near the wall. He didn't want us to feel like he was intruding, but also understood Henrik's hesitance to be alone with me - once certainly had been enough for them all. So he just sat quietly in the shadows, crossing one leg over the other and watching me with a soft smile, endlessly happy that I had come back to him. 

"Come on, baby, lets get you dressed," Henrik murmured softly into my ear, pulling my hair back away from it and around my opposite shoulder, but I shook my head. 

"Shower, please," I whispered.

He indulged me when my feet didn't move and picked me up again, nodding his head towards the bathroom for Johannes to follow. 

"Okay, in we go," he said quietly, speaking softly to me like I was a tiny broken thing that might break further if he spoke too loudly. The water pattered over the tile floor of the shower and I turned to him with shaking hands, tugging tentatively at the bottom hem of his tshirt, silently asking if he'd let me. 

Henrik closed his eyes with a sigh, but lifted his arms anyways, letting me slide the material up off his skin, and groaning as my hands splayed across his bare chest, our skin nearly the same temperature, like our bodies were perfectly in sync with one another as he pulled me forward and I buried my nose into his neck, inhaling his scent, filling my lungs with him.

"Go on, get in before I lose my self control all together," he scrubbed both hands over his face hard, leaving the skin slightly red. It made me sad, but I didn't want to make it any harder on him than it already was, no matter how desperately I needed him, so I let go and wrapped my arms around myself, stepping towards the shower. 

"Hey, wait," Johannes called, having spent the last several minutes propped on the sink, staring down at his phone and largely tuning us out, "come here."

He pulled me in slowly when I took his outstretched hand, and laid a delicate kiss to my lips, like a tiny work of art, "I'm here if you need anything okay? Promise. Don't wrap yourself up like that, just give him time," he nudged his nose against mine, aware that he was being a little bossy, but also having seen more of Henrik's self-destruction than I had. 

Johannes wrapped me in his embrace, bowing his head to press a gentle kiss to my neck as we waited for Henrik to get out of the rest of his clothes and get in the shower. 

"Promise you won't go anywhere?" I asked in a small voice, my fingertips fussing with his hair, laying soft and straight down his back as I chewed the inside of my lip. 

"I can feel you doing that, Triste," he quickly tipped my chin up as he furrowed his eyebrows at me and pulled back an inch or two, dropping his voice to a whisper, "are you afraid of him now?"

"No! I...I could never be...but just...last time I couldn't use...my gifts didn't work, and the door was locked and--."

"WHAT?" Henrik's head appeared around the shower door, his hair already soaked and hanging longer down over his shoulder because of it, "_no_, we are absolutely not doing this then. This is a horrible idea," only one foot hit the bathmat before I was there, pushing him back under the steaming spray, and slamming the door behind me.

"Stop it," I snarled, backing him up hard against the cold tile.

"You're fucking insane woman, I swear to god, its like you enjoy being in danger," he turned us around so I was pinned, pressing one hand to my hip, the other to the wall as he kissed me roughly, all the frustration and hurt and fear manifesting in it. 

He was rock hard, rolling his hips into mine as we kissed for what felt like forever, never pressing close enough, never tasting enough of the other to really satisfy either of us, but each deep shuddering moan that sent shivers through his whole body worked like a lit match on me. 

"I want you so badly," he panted, kissing me hard again as my hands roamed over his body.

"Just take me, please it'll be fine, Johannes is right out there just in case, you won't hurt me," I whined.

But while his self control may have been slipping, it wasn't slipping that much.

"Hold onto me," he growled, dropping to his knees and wasting no time before he spread me open and pressed his face to my core, unable to tease me and draw it out anymore than the others had been able to. His mouth was hot and his tongue slick and smooth, each stroke of the dexterous muscle shooting lightning through my veins as my fingers tangled into his drenched hair and I arched off the tile.

The sound of his name reverberated off the walls as his lips latched around my clit, and I could feel his tongue rubbing perfect little circles around it as he worked me open with two fingers, feeling them disappear as they sank into me, his other hand immediately dropping down to his cock. 

"Fucking hell you taste so damn good," he moaned loudly, shivering as my fingers threaded harder into his hair, pulling and gripping it tightly and my knees started to shake as I pressed harder into his mouth, down onto his questing fingers. 

It didn't escape Henrik's attention and he snarled into my pussy, redoubling his efforts, letting his tongue slither from between his lips to flick rapidly over my clit as he glanced up at me wearing that perfect toothy smirk that instantly dropped an orgasmic bomb on my head the way he knew it would. 

My pussy clenched around his fingers as he twisted and turned them, trying to feel as much of me as possible as he pumped himself hard with his opposite hand, getting so close watching me come for him. 

"God...damn...fuck..." he groaned, pressing his forehead hard to my pelvis as he pleasured himself, slipping the fingers that had been inside me into his mouth. 

"S-stand up. Henrik, stand up," I gasped, falling my own knees, and pushing him back against the wall as he got to his feet.

"No," he snarled, panting for breath now like he'd been running as I leaned in to press my mouth against him, to taste him, "just...stay there...oh, gods, fuck..." my fingernails sank into his thighs and he howled his pleasure, snapping his hips forward and coming across my face, over my hair as I stayed perfectly still and closed my eyes, marveling at how warm it all felt as he painted my skin his color. 

Henrik collapsed back against the wall, breathing through parted lips but unable to look away from me, covered in him, kneeling with my hands twisted together in my lap now, just letting him have the time that he needed. 

He took a shaking breath, memorizing every detail of the way I looked in that moment and gently tipping my chin up before taking the shower head from its mooring and kneeling in front of me as he softened, flipping the water on to a warmer setting and rinsing me off. 

"I'm sorry, I should have asked you before I did that," he murmured as the blush crept up his throat and he looked slightly embarrassed, washing himself out of my hair, off my cheeks and my breasts, "but...christ you do look good all covered like this."

"Its okay," I smiled, hearing the tone of his voice and biting my lip so I wouldn't laugh as I kept my eyes shut, "I actually read somewhere once that its good for your skin."

The silence was almost deafening as he paused, leaving the spray flooding over the floor tiles. 

"...really?"

"Mmhm."

"That's...kind of disgusting."

I snorted a laugh, opening my eyes and lunging forward to hug him close, wrapping my arms around his neck and finally breaking down into something that was half sobs and half laughter. 

"This feels good. Normal," I nuzzled into his skin, hugging him tighter as his arms wrapped back around me. 

"Please just be so so careful around me, babygirl, I don't have enough willpower to stay away from you," he sighed, snuggling me closer though, "I'm so stupid fucking upsidedown in love with you that I can't handle you not being in my arms all the time."

We stayed that way for more time than either of us were aware of as he settled on the floor back against the wall and pulled me back between his legs, softly kissing the shell of my ear every few seconds until Johannes cleared his throat like he was giving us a time warning.

"Come on girl, up we go. Everyone's waiting for us," he sighed, gently pulling me to my feet and kissing me slowly, obviously not in a rush though he was paying lipservice to the idea that we probably should have been. 

He rubbed shampoo through my hair as the silence wrapped around us, the little pings and electronic sounds coming from Johannes' phone the only things breaking the quiet. 

"So do you want to tell me why you're mad at Tim this time?" he finally asked, running his fingers through my hair to wash away the conditioner minutes later, sighing lowly at the silky texture and pressing against my back.

"How do you do that? How do you know stuff like that?"

"Because you two turn into a couple of teenagers when you fight, and you're giving him the silent treatment."

I chewed my lip, glancing at the dark-haired shape on the other side of the glass. He sensed my stare and glanced up from his phone for a moment. 

"He...there's something really important that he won't believe me about...and I know he has his reasons but..." I involuntarily wrapped my arms around myself as I remembered the thunderous look on his face as he yelled at me. 

_No. You know what? I'm sick of this shit._

Oh.

I hadn't really even thought about what he'd said before then.

"And I uhm," my muscles tensed further until I was almost folding myself in half, "I'm not super sure that he's uhm...that he's staying..."

"Staying where? Here?"

"No...staying, period," I murmured, "he kind of said something like-like he was thinking about leaving."

"What are you talking about?" Henrik turned me by the shoulders, physically prying my hands away from my arms, "come on, stop that, you're undoing everything we just did, love," he said softly, digging his thumbs until my muscles until they relaxed then drawing me into him. 

"Christ it makes me nuts that he can do this to you just by saying something careless," he shook his head, pressing a kiss to my hair as I simply stood still.

"S'okay...everyone has a limit, I guess, on how much they're willing to take. This has all been a lot..."

"My sweet love," he cooed softly into my ear, "you and I both know that none of us would leave you, but especially that he would be the last..."

"But he said--"

Henrik pressed one finger against my lips, leaning in to kiss the corner of my mouth around it. 

"You didn't see him when you were gone, babe. He barely let you out of his sight and She asked him to go talk to her, and he literally threatened to kill me for--"

My head bolted upright, nearly knocking him in the face.

"What did you just say?"

"Triste, don't dwell on--"

"Too late," I pulled out of his reach and wrenched open the shower door, snatching the towel off the sink to wrap around my body as I stormed towards the hall, only to meet Papa in the doorway, who wrapped a quick arm around my waist and turned me around. 

"Easy...easy, precious, whats got your panties in a knot? Oh, actually, I do apologize. That seems an unfitting expression to use at the moment as it seems you're not wearing any," he chuckled, herding me back towards the two other men wearing identical annoyed looks near the bathroom door, Henrik dripping wet with a towel around his waist and Johannes with his phone in his hand, whatever game he was playing still pinging at him impatiently. 

"Gods, do you ever stop thinking about sex?" I asked exasperatedly, crossing my arms over my chest like a child as I pulled out of his grasp.

"No. Now, is there a problem here? I was under the impression that we perhaps have bigger fish to fry than your little lovers' quarrel, and I don't intend to wait around all night."

"All n--what time is it?"

"Its 4AM, darling, and we're all rather tired, so if we can get on with it," he grumbled, but was silenced as May gave him a stern look, prying me from his grasp and making a tutting sound at him. 

"Do not be so hard on her, she just got back...find something else to fill your time, she will be ready when she is ready," she frowned at him, taking me by the shoulders.

"You know where to find me if you're volunteering again, my dear," he narrowed his eyes around a heavenly smirk and then disappeared out the door as she pulled me over towards where my bag was laying in the middle of the floor. 

"You two," she nodded at Johannes and Henrik, "out."

"Can they stay please?" I touched her hands, chewing my lip and very obviously not wanting to be away from either of them anymore than I wanted to be away from her. 

"_Bah_, very well," she sighed, "but you need to get dressed and talk to Tim, because he is packing his bag."

"_He's what?!?_" the three of us asked in unison, but I tore out of the room before she had a chance to elaborate, rocketing down the hall in a near-exact reversal of my path just hours earlier. 

When I pushed open his door, Ihy had him pinned to the wall, one forearm pressed menacingly across his throat, his face so close that their lips were almost touching as he spoke lowly, the lamp in the corner flickering dangerously under the pressure of the energy currents.

"You may speak disrespectfully to me until you're blue in the face, son," he said coolly, "but if you hurt that girl I swear on the divine existence that gives me fucking breath, I will redefine the darkness for you...you'll never sleep because I'll be there, watching you...you'll constantly look over your shoulder and find me just at the edge of your vision...peace will be nonexistent, Tim, because I will forever be there, reminding you that you brought harm to my beloved..."

My head threatened to do a 360 on my shoulders, but as I opened my mouth to intervene, Tim snarled his own response. 

"She doesn't want me here, she won't even talk to me!"

"You're a goddamn fool, Tim John Alexander...oh _yes_, growl at me again about calling you by name, it turns me on when tiny mortals try to posture."

"Knock it off, Papa," I finally called, adjusting my towel when two sets of surprised glances slipped south of my eyes. 

"Let him be, he'll answer to me about this."

Ihy stayed where he was for a moment, holding his arm over Tim's throat still before relieving the pressure, pinning him with a dangerous look before he turned to look at me, inclining his head downwards in a way that was horribly inappropriate for someone of his station, a literal god among men.

"As you wish, my lady."

"Knock it off and call me by my name."

He swooped up to me with all the charm I was used to from Papa, and I found myself biting my lip as he snaked his arms around my waist, holding me firmly against him as he whispered in a low, sexy voice, "only if you call me by mine, kitten."

I tried to keep my composure as best I could while all the blood in my body seemed to pool into my cheeks. 

"Tsk," he tutted softly at me, the very sound causing the waterworks to start full-force between my legs, "patience, precious, and the cat won't be the only one whose got your tongue."

"Good god, fuck, WHAT," I pulled back, raking my hands through my hair, "how do you even do that!"

"Ohh, darling should we call it a gift? Lets call it a gift, it sounds so nice that way," he smirked, pumping a hard wave of his effect through me. It wasn't as strong as it once had been, before he'd been so cruelly deprived, but it was enough to make my toes curl and a low moan escape from between my lips as my knees threatened to give.

"You're a fucking bastard," I managed to gasp, gripping his biceps tight as I once again found his arms around my waist, turning me so the cool wood of the doorframe was pressed between my shoulders as he backed me up slowly, eyes on my lips, parting and panting, his hips pressing to mine in that same delicious way as he held them off the doorway. 

His head cocked to the side, catching Tim's murderous stare and giving him a smirk with everything in the world behind it. 

"Watch carefully, pup, learn how its done..."

It felt like a thousand seconds had passed when he finally looked back at me, his green eyes hooded and narrow, his perfect, full lips begging for the softness of mine.

"Taste me, child," he whispered, leaning in and sinking into me, taking my mouth in an impossible, mouth-watering kiss that was sweet and dominating and needy at the same time. 

It may have been five seconds, or it may have been a lifetime before he pulled back, gently running his tongue over the curve of my bottom lip and humming lowly, inhaling my breath like it would keep him alive.

"Mmm, but you are delicious, my girl, aren't you," he rasped, ignoring Tim as he glared daggers still pressed back into the wall, and staring down at me intently.

I tried to breathe, but my head was turning around the wrong way, spinning backwards, and he breathed a low laugh and leaned in again, speaking lowly against my lips.

"There will come a time soon enough perhaps where that look will get you exactly what you want, my darling..."

"Please," I breathed, still drowning in the heady lust, like I was in a cloud of just him, nothing else in the world able to get in or interrupt our connection. 

"Not yet," he kissed me one more time, softly, briefly, then tipped my chin up, a hint of a curve teasing the corner of his mouth, "now for the last time, we will all be meeting in the living room in ten minutes, and if I come back and find you two doing anything but politely working through this bullshit, it will be spankings for the both of you."

"Stop it," I shivered, the threat sounding impossibly good, and he cocked an eyebrow at me, looking like he might be reconsidering leaving after all. 

"Ah? Good to know..." he whispered lowly, then was gone. 

He had that way of exiting a room that felt like he took the air with him, and you wondered at the same time if he'd ever been there in the first place, or if he'd just been some wonderful dream. 

I stared at the far wall, watching the pendulum of the clock swing back and forth before I remembered why I was left here, and gasped as I turned, taking off and running at him. 

I hit him so hard that I took him off his feet and we both tumbled to the floor, my towel getting yanked away in the process as we clung to each other, fingers grabbing as he hugged me close. 

"Please don't go!! Please don't go, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!" I begged, crushing him against me like he wasn't going to get a choice in the matter. 

"Fuck. No, I'm sorry, I was such an asshole, I'm so sorry," he whispered, and I could feel the hot tears dropping down onto my skin as he hauled me to my feet and hugged me close, burying his face into my neck.

"I'm sorry," he said again, "I'm rude and I'm terse and I'm an asshole and I would understand if...if you wanted me to go..."

"I don't want you to go, I want you to stay with me forever," I clung to him harder, knowing his brain was stalling on the last word like mine was.

But it was so true.

"Please don't leave me, Tim, please don't go, I c-can't do this without you," I cried, grinding my temple into his as I sobbed through each breath.

"Shh shh, I'm right here, priestess," he said, his own voice shaking with relief and mingled tears, "as long as you want me for. I'll be right here with you."

We held each other close as the seconds ticked past and we calmed down together, finally chancing a glance at each other that turned into a tender, slow kiss. 

"I know you have your reasons, and I'm not saying they're wrong--" I whispered.

"Mm-hmm," he murmured, pulling my face back to his to kiss me again, swirling his tongue across mine and smiling into my lips as I started to buckle and he pulled back, "I was wrong to yell at you though and storm off."

"Henrik thinks we fight like teenagers," I giggled despite myself, and kissed him again softly as he laughed too. 

"One more thing to work on, I guess. That's okay," he tipped my chin up so my eyes met his, our gazes locking together so I could watch the blues and greens swirl together in a bottomless pool, "we have time."

"As much time as you want."

"Forever, then," he whispered, cupping my cheeks with both hands and taking my mouth in a passionate, insistent kiss that left him pressing his hips hard into mine and moaning softly with need. 

"Gods, baby I just want everything to go back to the way it was," I sniffled, "remember when were at the beach all laying out in the sun and swimming? I want that back."

I knew it sounded childish, but at the same time, I felt that fire get reignited inside me again. 

He'd taken it from me. On his own or through Na'eemah, he'd taken away that happy innocence and helpless swirl of infatuation. Things were no less good now, but they were infinitely more complicated. Messier and harder to resolve.

_This ends,_ my inner voice snarled and I couldn't help but heartily agree.

This picking on my friends, on the people I love the most for some unknown reason.

Using other people to get to me.

It ends. 

I didn't know how, and I didn't know when, but this conjurer, this magician was coming.

I knew it, and Ihy knew it. 

And when he got here, I'd kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUT CAN WE TAKE A SECOND AND TALK ABOUT PAPA IV?!?!?!?!  
tell me everything that you think about him, because I have A LOT of thoughts and I think most of them are very very unpopular.


	77. Chapter 77

Tim's fingers combed through my hair as I snarled internally to myself, getting lost in wave after wave of my own thoughts, sinking into an ocean of hatred and anger, almost longing to meet the fucker face to face. 

I remembered how smitten Na'eemah had been with him still, even after she'd known that he had done, what he has used her to do, and I got lost wandering through my tangled thoughts, wondering what he looked like. Would I know him when I saw him from his energy? My stomach turned for a moment as I considered the thought that I might even recognize him. Perhaps, like Ihy, he'd simply been waiting in the wings, watching me...

"Come back...come back to me, priestess," Tim whispered, swaying us slightly like we were dancing until I took a step and stumbled a little, though didn't go anywhere as his arms closed around me, holding me firmly against him, "where are you going in there?"

"Sorry, I'm just getting all tangled up in my head," I murmured, kissing his cheek and taking a step back from him. I was itching to get back to Henrik, not liking having him out of my sight after everything that had happened, and I glanced towards the doorway.

"I should go get dressed..."

Tim held out one hand to me, "can I walk with you? Maybe help with some untangling along the way?"

I nodded, lacing my fingers through his and giving his hand a reassuring squeeze as I smiled. 

Gods, it was so good to be back with him, and I wondered how my heart was ever going to handle how much I honestly loved all five of them. 

"I'm sorry that we argued, Tim," I chewed my lip, "please don't ever think that I want you to go away...I love you too much to be away from you, and I just...after everything that's happened in the last few days, I hope you know that baby. I hope you know that I need you..."

We hit the doorway and he stopped, pulling on my hand slightly so I turned around, only to find him right there and desperately kissing me again as soon as my lips were within his reach, tearing his fingers through my hair and moaning like he was experiencing honest, abject pleasure as he put me in the exact same place Ihy had minutes earlier. 

"I need you too, but it makes me crazy watching him kiss you, Triste," he groaned, "I can't fucking stand him, and I know that's not fair, but...christ I don't want him anywhere near you."

He tore his shirt off over his head and was grinding me so hard into the doorframe, crushing his bare chest into my breasts, that my spine was starting to hurt, but his hands went to the button on his pants as he finished his thought, and before I could really gather my own wits well enough to respond, he grabbed the backs of both my legs, growling at me to hold on as my hands seemed to automatically grip the wood behind my head to lift myself up.

"Oh, I fucking love you like this," he said lowly as he rolled his hips at the just right angle so his cock started pressing into me, knowing that I'd be ready for him, as I always was. 

The sudden intense stretch made my back do some kind of bend that by rights should have been a work of art on its own that put me in a fucking museum, and he growled his appreciation again as he held me there, shifting his feet to compensate for the double weight, and holding my nipple between his teeth so he could flick his tongue over the very tip of it.

"You all...are gonna -_fuck_\- gonna kill me again if you don't quit playing rough, I fucking swear..."

He snarled, pulling halfway out before filling and stretching me again, knowing exactly how to move to make my entire body sing for him as he reached up to kiss me, delving his tongue into my mouth and groaning, stealing my breath, accepting that slow wasn't really in our wheelhouse.

"He doesn't make you come like I do though, does he," he said lowly, biting down hard on my throat as I writhed to make me stay still, his tone vibrating across the surface of my skin as my arms locked around his neck and I started gushing across his hips before I'd even come yet, dripping down his legs, turned on to the point of insanity by such a show of territoriality, though I knew it meant an uncomfortable conversation later.

"He doesn't tear apart this pussy like I do," his voice was stuttered with each hard thrust that diminished any space left between my skin and the doorframe to nothing, "you don't scream his name like you scream mine, do you, priestess..."

A low chuckle sounded between his ears.

_*Growl some more, Tim, I told you it turns me on when you posture...*_

I gripped him hard, just holding on for dear life at this point, but Tim barely noticed, consumed with fire and lust and jealously and just _want, _trying to ignore the other's voice in his head, unsure if it was real or a cruel device of his own obsession.

"Tell me you love me," he begged, driving me into the doorframe, pushing my legs wider apart so he could be further inside me, letting some of my weight drop so that gravity added an extra layer of stimulation, "holy fuck, please don't ever leave me again, I can't--I can't..."

"Gods, of-of course I fucking love you, you insane...perfect...oh god, don't stop," I gasped, scratching my fingernails hard enough across his back that I broke the skin, and he shouted with the acute, stinging pain, driving into me still.

*_Mmm, what does your blood taste like, I wonder...has she tasted of it? Would I taste it if I tasted her?*_

"Please, please please please," I was begging for something that twenty seconds earlier I hadn't even anticipated, rolling my hips as best I could, desperate for just that tiny bit more to push me over the edge.

"Come on, priestess," he snarled impatiently, pinning me to the wall, bottomed out inside me and adjusting so his fingers could reach my clit, sending me straight into the sun as my orgasm broke. 

"Oh fuck that's so good," he groaned, relishing the feeling of my walls closing around him as he buried his face into my neck, every clenching aftershock that rolled through me somehow better than the last as I dragged him closer to the edge, shuddering and crying out while I writhed in his arms, uncaring that the doorframe at this point was causing me physical pain as his grip tightened further on me.

*_That's it, son...* _

Tim felt fingers brushing gently back through his hair and shivered, but knew they weren't mine, since both my hands were currently grabbing his skin roughly like it would keep me anchored to the earth, and he moaned my name and shivered at the sensation, gentle and familiar in a way...

_*Oh, you like that, do you...then come for me, pup...* _the voice purred, giving a sharp tug on his hair that pulled his head back. 

"No! No no no no FUCK!!!" he screamed as he tried not to, but came so hard his muscles buckled under the blinding wave of pleasure, and we crashed to the floor together, unable to stop kissing and panting, gripping each others' skin as his hips continued to roll into me, driving me into the floorboards until I gasped for relief. 

We laid quietly for several moments, coming down from our highs together, trying and failing to catch our breath.

"That...was awesome," I laughed breathlessly, rolling onto my back when he pulled out of me finally, and gingerly stretching my cramped legs, feeling him dripping from me, "gods, I don't think I've ever felt you come that hard before. We really need to fight a lot more often."

I was surprised to see his cheeks turn pink when I leaned my face to the side to grin at him and he looked away from me.

"Tim? Babe what is it? Whats wrong? I'm sorry, I was just teasing..."

"Nothing, nothing. It's not you, you're perfect. Come on, lets get you cleaned up and dressed, I'm sure Henriks literally on the verge of tearing his own hair out being away from you this long..."

"I don't have clothes in here, they're all in Henrik's room. Where's my towel? And why are you being so grumpy all of a sudden?" I frowned, taking the hand offered down to help me get to my feet, and trying to remember what we'd been talking about before he'd tugged on the strings of my sanity for fun.

Oh.

"Oh...is this about Papa? Because not that its any of your business, but I only met him a couple months ago and obviously nothing has happened between us. He's just toying with you because he gets off on it."

He gave me a look as he led me into the bathroom and settled me against the counter that more or less told me I had no idea how loaded what I'd just said actually was, but when I opened my mouth to demand that he spill all the secrets he was obviously guarding with the full force of his wounded pride, he put one finger against my lips and shook his hair back off his shoulders. 

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Huh-uh," I snatched the washcloth from him, as he flipped on the hot water, leaning intimately into my body to reach around me for the bar of soap, "not unless you answer me..."

"I just said I didn't want to talk about it anymore, I already feel like an ass," he gave me an annoyed look that only made me want to smother him in kisses.

"Babe," I settled for cupping his cheek tenderly, "you and I are probably always going to just be that couple that growls at each other. Its just the way we are. You're an Aries and I serve the sun - we're both fires. And while it _does _make for bomb makeup sex every time-" he snorted a laugh that made me smile, "-it also means that we need to be really careful about talking things over, okay? Come on," I leaned in to kiss him softly before gently brushing my lips over the soft, smooth skin of his face, "trust me enough to let me in."

He took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh as he chewed his lip and reached up out of habit to fuss with the end of his mustache that wasn't there anymore.

"Look at me, love..." 

He did after a moment of fussing with a spot on my skin where I'd gotten dirty rolling across the floor, and I smiled encouragingly at him, "remember when we were laying in bed that first morning after you and Henrik came home with me?"

His lips curved up despite his brooding and he nodded his head, the look spreading across his features until they were soft with the memories of teasing me and finally holding me close, right where he'd desperately wanted me for all those months before...

"I thought I would never see you again...christ how the hell did I let you just walk away from me the first time," he whispered, leaning in to place a gentle, lingering kiss against my lips.

"That's exactly my point, love. We were meant to be brought back together. It wasn't the right time at the beach. We weren't in the right place to feel like we do now for each other...but I didn't shy away when you told me about meeting Her in the shop, did I?"

He cocked his head to the side as a surprised look crossed his face, "how did you know it was Her?"

"I don't for sure, but I just trust that it was, Tim. Because this," I touched his heart then touched mine, speaking softly, "this is too good to not be divinely orchestrated."

He exhaled slowly then nodded.

"I didn't shy away from you then, and nothing you can say now would make me. So just let me in, babe. I'm not going anywhere. Why is he affecting you so much?"

He stared at me for several quiet seconds then closed his eyes with a sigh, knowing I meant what I'd said and trusting me.

"He just...he says these things about you that are just so unsettling. About you being," he squirmed even as he remembered them, "his beloved, and his heart's blood, and shit...it, its just weird for someone who doesn't know you very well..."

I relinquished the washcloth as his reward, smiling a little at the almost innocence of his demeanor as he looked shyly away from me and set about cleaning us both up, reveling in his work. 

"Maybe we don't know each other very well, but Ihy has been around me for a long time, babe," I sighed, leaning my head back and closing my eyes as his fingers gently ran over my skin, touching everywhere the washcloth wasn't because he hadn't gotten the time to do so earlier. 

"I thought you said you only just met."

"We did...he's...I didn't know it, but he's been there forever. My whole life. Well, all of them, really. Just...watching me I guess," I chewed my lip, knowing how crazy it sounded.

The washcloth froze between my legs and I cracked open one eye to glance down at him, his expression unmistakable, and I gently pressed my thumb between his furrowed eyebrows to make them relax as he stared up at me from his knees,

"Didn't your mom ever tell you that your face will get stuck that way?"

"All of them?! That's stalking. You know that's stalking right? What a fucking creep," he muttered under his breath as he resumed his gentle ministrations, running the cloth over me repeatedly. 

"Hey, uh uh," I pulled him up, hugging him close as he dropped the washcloth in the sink, and burying my face into his hair, loving the scent and the soft texture, "he's part of my world, Tim, and he's done more for me that I probably even know about..."

He didn't respond and I knew I should tell him, but was hesitant to bring her up again, ultimately knowing that I needed to take my own advice, though.

"I still don't like him," Tim grumbled, hoping the voice in his head could hear it and die mad.

When we pulled apart he gingerly touched the elemental tattoo under my left breast, not saying anything, but wincing a little. 

I was marked for him, like I was marked for Her. 

Like he was marked for me. 

"I'm sorry," he scrubbed both hands over his face, stepping out of my reach, "fucking hell, I feel like I'm just screwing everything up. Every chance I get, it feels like I'm just making things worse."

"Stop that," I pulled at his hands, tugging them from his face and shifting them so they were open between us, palms facing up. I pressed tender kisses to the center of each, humming at the way it made his fingertips brush up my throat, "I hate that you're so hard on yourself, Tim."

I gripped his chin between my thumb and forefinger when I let go of his hands, forcing him to look at me, "I love you. And I'm head over heels in love with you. And I love everything about you. And everything about you also makes me crazy. And I don't ever want to be away from you...isn't that good enough? Do I need to tattoo your name on my forehead for you to believe me?"

He breathed a shaky sigh and a tear dropped down his cheek as he stared at the floor and tried to get a grip on himself. 

"Goddamnit you're the only thing in the world that even matters, Triste," he grabbed me forward until we collided, cupping the back of my head hard as my arms wrapped around him and we gave the comfort of touch the time it was due, murmuring softly the same words over and over again. 

"Why does he watch you?"

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it. But he brought me back Tim. I could hear his voice when I was...trapped. When I was there with--...with her. He's the reason I'm right here with you now, love."

I could almost hear the hardness of the line that his lips formed, but he didn't say anything.

"Do you remember why I told you I was brought to the Temple?"

"Raining," he murmured, nuzzling softly into my neck, inhaling the smell of the conditioner Henrik had used on my hair, mixed with that familiar florality that was just me, "it was raining."

"Good memory," I smiled, kissing the skin just below his ear and falling in love with the tiny shiver that I got in response. It was followed by him sucking in a sharp breath as my fingers drifted over the raised scratch marks across his shoulders and shifted out from his grasp so I could circle behind him and look at them.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, these look like they hurt."

"They do," he chuckled, shaking his head, "but holy hell it felt good when you did it."

I giggled, and reached for a clean washcloth, reaching around him to wet it and gently cleaning the marks, washing away the blood that had welled to the surface of his skin and dried there. 

"You remember that my mother brought me to the temple because--"

"He hurt you. Your...he hurt you," he interrupted, glancing up and meeting my stare over his shoulder in the mirror. 

"That's right."

I smiled as I remembered the two of us sitting happy as a couple of clams on the floor of my shower, discussing death and rebirth like it was flavors of ice cream.

"But he got killed...Na'eemah killed him...your goddess said so."

I spoke softly, "yes she did. But it was hard to get to his home from the Temple. They weren't close together...it would have meant death if she was caught..."

"Okay..."

"I wasn't coherent enough to tell her where he was, Tim, and my mother was gone as soon as they accepted me...someone helped her find him, and helped her get there without being discovered."

He furrowed his eyebrows at my reflection's intent stare. 

"What did he do..."

"I don't know. But he intended to see him dead, and it happened..."

"Are you sure thats the truth?"

"I know it is," I said truthfully, snaking my arms under his to wrap around his front as I kissed the back of his shoulder softly, remembering the way Na'eemah had teased me so long ago about how handsome my magician was. Gods but she had to have known.

"We had an annual festival for my goddess. All the people around the temple would make offerings and bake bread and brew beer that they dyed red--"

I paused as he smiled and nodded.

"You know this part," I guessed, unable to stop from nuzzling my face into his skin when he nodded. He'd learned so much for being honestly unsure of the prospect that we'd ever meet again.

"We had one of them when I was still new. I was still re-learning how to walk, but my legs were healing and the rest of my bones were mended. Even with everything I'd learned in those few months, it was still unlike anything I'd ever seen before, babe."

I told him about the man with the gifts and the soft touches and watched his face slowly change in the mirror as he put it all together. 

He came off as playful and nonchalant with strangers, but underneath, he was thoughtful and he was sharp, and I filled him in with the bits and pieces I remembered of what Ihy had told me when I was resurfacing, neck deep in warm, fragrant bathwater.

"Are you sure it was him?"

"I'm positive - I would know that laugh anywhere, Tim. It was stuck in my brain forever. I can't believe it took me so long to realize it, to be honest, and I'm sure if I thought back on it hard enough, I'd find him there all along, every time."

"But...why?"

"Because my world is exponentially brighter with her in it, same as you," a voice from the doorway said after spending several moments watching us care tenderly care for each other. 

Tim glared at him out of habit, bolting upright and shifting us so my body was hidden from his view. 

Papa only sighed and shook his head, stepping into the already small room, which was starting to feel slightly overcrowded. 

Tim flinched as his hand gently pressed to his cheek, but he didn't move his face away, rather almost sinking into the warmth once it was there.

"I have no intention of taking her from you, son...as I had none of taking you from her..."

I furrowed my eyebrows, but they only continued to stare at each other until Ihy sighed again, glancing over at me as his hand dropped back to his side.

"High Priestess, we cannot put it off any longer. I don't know when he will come, and I don't know his face in this time, but he's made his intent clear. For now, as the lad said so himself before, do not put yourself in a situation alone with Henrik, because if the foul energy resurfaces...dear I cannot protect you if I cannot see you."

"Wait, _what?"_ Tim's jaw dropped, "what are you talking about?"

"You missed a bit while you were asleep--" Papa started, but in an instant, Tim had his hand around his throat, slamming him so hard and so suddenly against the bathroom wall that the picture hanging there crashed to the floor in a flurry of broken glass.

"Is she in danger still?? What the _fuck _is going on, you answer me right fucking now!"

Ihy snarled at him around a dark grin, wrapping his hand around Tim's wrist and pulling slowly, but with an inhuman strength until he was forced to let go, ignoring the pain of his bones grinding together as he gritted his teeth and the voice sounded between his ears.

*_Do you like when I play with force, Tim, does it give your deeply ingrained need for dominance a brief reprieve...*_

Then out loud, "that is unwise, and I'll give you but the one warning, human. I've tried to be patient with you, bu--"

"No!" Tim interrupted again, "you're being vague and evasive and someone _tell me what the hell is going on!!!"_

"Shh shh, easy baby," I grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to turn towards me and meet my gaze, breathing slowly in and out until he mimicked me, the tension from his shoulders relaxing bit by bit as we both ignored Ihy's curious stare, turning surprised as I spoke.

"Iufenamun. You remember I named him when we were with Her. He's somehow holding onto Henrik, still able to--...you were sleeping I guess, but I was with Jonas and May and Henrik came in and was himself, and then the next second..." I swallowed hard, taking a deep breath to calm my flare of rage, "he wasn't. Na'eemah told me about how he can basically throw his energy, his _ka, _into other people. As humans, we can't hold two at once, and his is stronger, so the person he manifests in...kind of dips below the surface. He controls them."

"Good christ, and neither of you thought this might be important enough to share?!"

"Tim, stop!" I yelled, not meaning to make my voice so loud, but he grabbed his hands back from mine with a gasp as my palms went hot.

"What the fuck was that?? Did you just try to fucking burn me?!"

"What??"

Papa started laughing, an unsettling but indulgent sound that made me cock my head to the side as I glared at him.

"So you know of him...my darling, even now you still manage to surprise me."

I glanced down at my palms and stared flabbergasted at the smoldering red embers there, like my skin was on fire, but I felt no pain. 

"Holy shit," I turned them away from me, checking the backs of my hands, but they were normal, "this...whats happening? I've never been able to do this."

"Gods but it seems you two have tempers to match, don't you," he chuckled, pushing himself off the wall and straightening his clothes. I tried to ignore how much I loved watching him casually fix his hair in the mirror as his eyes suddenly met mine, "remember who you serve, little one...perhaps She thinks you need a little...extra right now."

_*Listen to the son of my sister, child...and tell Tim that--actually...*_

Tim stared at me as he heard Her voice in his head, picking up where She'd left off in mine.

_*Do you doubt me, Tim...after all that I have revealed to you of my divine self...my daughter Masika feels more strongly for you than she is able to profess with the spoken word. Do not let your jealousy cloud your vision. My nephew is stronger and more powerful than you will ever hope to be, but his bond with her is different...do not make me say so again..."_

He stared at me as Her words unfurled in his head, like the meaning of a beautiful poem making itself known through careful contemplation.

_*I'm sorry...I just...I can't lose her again.*_

_*Nor shall you. See the power I have given her, my son. Reminiscent of my own...*_

He shook with the breath he took, his eyes closing as his head involuntarily bowed towards the floor in submission.

Ihy cocked an eyebrow at me as he heard Her voice in his head as well.

_*Stop your nonsense. I like this human, he is favored of me, do not toy with him for pleasure," _there was a beat of silence as She revised, _*do be careful with him, I command it. His love of her and jealousy because of it would be his undoing if you push him. I have known your fondness for her for many years...you have my permission, but tread carefully, Ihy...*_

"Mmm_,_" he half-hummed, half-moaned, the sound making both my head and Tim's snap up like they were on a spring, and he cocked an amused eye at the both of us, "it is always so nice to hear from Her, is it not? Puts a whole nother meaning to the talk about that voice in your head...wouldn't you agree, Tim?" his lips curved up with a smirk and Tim scowled, though shuffled his feet like he was self-conscious.

"Tsk tsk tsk. As I said before," Ihy came back to himself, heeding the words of his mother's divine sister, "I have no intention of taking her away from you. The bond you share is...refreshing. Its thrilling, in a word, to witness...I would not see it undone for any reason."

"But you--"

"_TIM,_" he cut him off sharply, snapping his eyes over, "you do not know what I've done for this girl, out of the love I bear for her, so as I said before, do not make that mistake..."

"I don't understand," Tim almost whined, "why don't any of you people speak clearly!"

Papa threw his head back with a deep laugh, like the comment gave him endless amusement.

"If you seek clarity, then listen up," he went serious, gesturing to me, "this lovely little thing was married in the time before your lord and savior to a drunk, abusive, waste of space who was a slave to compulsion. It gave me absolute, earth-shattering pleasure to watch his life fade, to hear Anubis place his heart on the scale and declare him wicked, as we all already knew," he glanced at me and I nodded.

But Tim only scowled. He knew this part, too. 

"I know--"

"You. Do. Not." Ihy growled, setting aside his own self-imposed time crunch to make sure his point was well and truly understood as he gripped mine and Tim's wrists in each hand.

"My lord, don't!"

But it was too late.

We stood together in the halls of my goddess, the darkness of night so different than what Tim was used to - the only light coming from lit torches, casting warm, but limited ranges of illumination.

Firelight never touched the sky in this time and I longed to run outside, as I had at the beach and marvel at the endless painted canvas of stars.

"You motherf--"

"Silence yourself, and listen," Ihy snapped, out of patience once more with Tim's pushiness when it came to me. 

A figure swept up the hall, kneeling before the black granite figure of Sekhmet, dropping their head low until it nearly touched the floor.

"Who goes there?"

Our heads all turned as one, regarding the dark-skinned woman with black hair, her skin like the night itself, deep and rich.

"Forgive me, mistress, I seek to bow before the Lady of Slaughter," he called, getting to his feet, keeping his face hidden.

"It is late in the night, traveler, surely your prayers can wait until morning," she said carefully, watching his handsome face revealed as he pulled back the hood, keeping his eyes averted, as was respectful in the presence of someone of her station. 

"I am aware of the lateness, and the Lady herself is well known to me, so I find comfort in Her presence at all hours of the night," he glanced up with a neon green stare and I caught my breath, casting a quick glance over at Ihy, who only reached to take my hand, holding onto it as Tim absentmindedly took the other, having no idea of our interaction, as enraptured as he was in the scene before him. 

"My lord, forgive me," she dropped to one knee, the ebony skin of her thigh glistening in the low torchlight as her hair spilled down her shoulders, let loose from the customary braid she wore in the daytime. I myself had spent many mornings weaving it into her hair, the texture so unlike mine but still so thick and lovely. 

"I appreciate the formality, Mistress," he rose, "but I assure you there is no need...I know of what plagues your mind and it is for this reason that I have come."

Her head rose slowly, like she wouldn't dare assume that the darkest secret of her heart would be known to anyone but herself.

"Who are you?"

"I am Ihy," he answered plainly, "son of Horus, son of Hathor."

"I am blessed by your presence," she bowed her head again with a gasp. He was a minor god, but still, a visit from such as himself was indeed a blessing, not to be taken lightly. 

"In more ways than one," he spoke more cryptically, and she chanced a glance up at him.

"My lord?"

His fingers gently pulled her chin further up, indicating to her that she should rise, and she did. She was a sturdy woman, built with strong, broad shoulders and thick hips that would have borne her many children if she herself had been born into a different life. 

"Are you willing to do what needs to be done, if I give you his life..."

My breath seemed to refuse to give me any oxygen.

Na'eemah stared at him for a long time, her dark brown gaze holding his confidently now that she understood that he did in fact know her harbored desire.

"I would see such an animal take no more breaths of her air."

"Then we are of a mind..."

The sound from the scene faded as he bent close to her and gave her what she needed to know, assuring her of his cloak of protection, though she felt no fear of detection anyways, so severe was her protectiveness of me already.

What ultimately broke the silence was my sob, a sound coming from my very core, wracking and heart wrenching. Ihy pulled me away from Tim until I was standing in front of him, looking up into his eyes with tears streaming down my cheeks. 

"Dear heart, we are not done."

The air shifted as he turned me once more to stand between himself and Tim, the latter taking my hand like a reflex again, still too overwhelmed to speak.

I'd told him that Ihy had given her his protection, but there had been that stubborn part of him that refused to believe it...

The girl on the bed was sleeping, fitfully it seemed, but still out, tossing and turning until the cat resting at her feet lept off the bed with a disgruntled meow.

"Hello, Aten," Papa whispered, smiling softly as the the creature pranced unknowingly by our trio. 

Tim's hand closed around mine with a painful, vice-like grip as a figure darkened the doorway to our right, staring in at the sleeping figure with a gentle look. 

"Holy fuck," Tim whispered, looking at the figure he knew from the last memory to be Ihy, then glancing back to the bed, realizing who we were looking at, "oh gods, you were so small," his voice was choked with the tears that streamed down his face. Even in this light, he could see the scars on my arms and legs reflecting the glow of the torches. 

I looked at him sadly, giving his hand a squeeze before reaching over to kiss his cheek, tasting the saltiness of his tears. 

"We were smaller people then, love," I reminded gently, still a victim to my own surprise too. It wasn't often that one got to witness the happenings around them while they were asleep.

"Masika," the voice whispered, the sound like the texture of silk and cream and flower petals, and all the softest things in the world I could imagine. He sat gingerly at the edge of my bed, bending to whisper into my ear, to speak the words to me that would give me the same protection he'd offered Na'eemah. 

To steal a life in a different way. To seal a fate we considered forfeit. 

Tim and Ihy both glanced towards me to gaugue my reaction as the figure on the bed pressed a soft touch to my hair, clicking his tongue for the cat to rejoin me. Aten curled up next to my head, nuzzling into my hair and drifting away with me into the dream world...

My knees gave out when he sent us back to the chateau, and two sets of hands immediately gripped my arms, refusing to let me fall down. 

"She--she--she was--she was going to be--just like me--get killed just like me--" I gasped, sobbing though I couldn't rightly figure out why. I'd told Johannes about Nawwar, but no one else, and I turned to cling to Ihy, the only one who understood what I couldn't seem to make my mouth say out loud. 

"Its over now, darling," he said soothingly, his hand rubbing up and down my back, uncaring that I was naked as he looked over at Tim, who appeared to be beyond lost. 

"I-I don't...I don't understand," he shook his head, wanting to reach for me, to pull me back against him where I had taken equal amounts of comfort as I was finding now, but hesitating. 

"My dear, you've been keeping secrets from your boyfriends," Ihy gently admonished into my hair with half a laugh, sweeping it back off my forehead when I looked at him. 

"No-I--I told them. About disremembrance. What happened to Johannes...I told them..."

"You didn't say why," Tim reminded, honestly not having even felt concern over it until that very moment when he realized that I _hadn't _fully looped them in. It wasn't my fault - Johannes had stormed off and...

I took a shaky breath in, turning to look at him and wrapping my arms around myself. 

"My baby sister's name was Nawwar. And...she was...he...our father was going to do the same thing to her, except her intended was worse."

"Oh, babe..."

I shook my head, rounding on Ihy and looking up at him with shock.

"I didn't get caught because of you? I don't remember you coming to me..."

"Can't imagine you would. Maybe you didn't notice, but thirteen year old girls sleep like fucking rocks, hmm?" he chuckled.

"Why? Why did you help me?" I shook my head, still somehow not understanding. 

"Because," he sighed, tilting his head back and rolling his shoulders as he dropped his human form. He was still a man, or rather he still looked like one, but he was more similar to the figure in the memories - striking and tall and sun-bronzed with strong, straight facial features, "because, Masika, your spirit draws me in every time, and I find that you add...color to life. Immortality quickly turns to shades of gray, my dear, without something to pine for..."

"I don't know what to say," I blushed. From a god, it was a complement deserving of a fucking genuflection, but from Papa, I found somehow that it meant more, "thank you, I guess..."

"Good enough for me," he kissed the tip of my nose, then my cheek, speaking quickly into my ear, low enough that only I heard him, "for now..."

I clenched so hard I was worried one or both of them would be able to hear the workings of my exhausted, oversexed body that didn't seem to be in the mood to relent.

"Now, there is a very distraught man with a head full of curls that even _I _would like to sink my fingers into who I think will be very glad to have you back in his sight, my sweet, so shall we move this show along?"

"Wait!" Tim stopped us when Ihy started ushering me out of the bathroom, both of us turning to cast curious glances at him as he looked at Ihy, both eyes brimming with ears. 

"You did that for her? Whatever that just was. You only did it for her?"

Ihy, now back to the form we were both used to seeing him in, nodded once. 

"Then...then I owe you an apology...or a hundred," he went slightly pink as he fussed with a spot on his pants, "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you. I don't..." he looked up honestly at the other, setting aside his pride for a moment, "I don't know what would happen to me if she went away for good. But she didn't, because of you. So...thank you. And I'm sorry," he extended his hand, leaving it like a proverbial olive branch. 

Ihy looked down, then up at Tim, slowly extending his hand to take the others, settling whatever this difference was between them for the moment. 

"I admire your capacity to care, Tim...always keep that."

And then he was gone once more, pulling me from the room by the hand and stooping to pick up my towel without stopping his feet, tossing it back to me as guided me down the hall and back to Henrik. 

"Hi," he immediately snatched me up, running his hands all over me again, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," I kissed him softly then butted my forehead against his, not unraveling my arms from around his neck, "I'm sorry we got interrupted."

"Its fine, but gods woman you need to put clothes on right now, or I'm gonna shut that door and show you how overrated I'm feeling like self control is right now..."

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS YOU INSATIABLE PEOPLE. LIVING ROOM. NOW." Ihy yelled from the hallway and we both snickered as Henrik dug into my duffel bag, finding clean clothes for me to wear, and I didn't have a single complaint as he dressed me like a doll. 


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all this shit is coming so damn slow.  
I know what needs to go in, but I'm writing and re-writing the dialogue ten times?!  
Fear not, there is a WICKED good John chapter coming your way. Weirdly enough, I actually dreamed about it? Yes, hello, mustache or no, that dude can HAVE IT.
> 
> Also, I would just like to throw out a humongous HAVE WE TAKEN A MOMENT TODAY IN THESE DARK TIMES TO APPRECIATE BLONDE TIM WITH THAT FULL BEARD AGAIN. Dunno what your plans are babe, but I'm here for it. Wicked bummed that the travel restrictions may affect their tour for the new album (nothing announced, but festivals are being cancelled and shit) and I'm that girl about to get the ram's head tattooed on my thigh. 
> 
> Whatever, eventually the universe will bring us together and he'll find out.

He slid two of his fingers down the back of my calf, applying pressure like one would with a horse to make it give you its hoof. It worked the same on me and I lightly rested a hand on his head to balance myself as he slid the pair of panties he picked out over one foot then the other, working them slowly up my legs in a way that so intimate, I found that sex wasn't even crossing my mind. We'd gone beyond primal satisfaction and physical need into the realm of something more spiritual, something that was just me and Henrik.

"I love the way you look in red," he murmured, pressing a slow, lasting kiss to my hip as he settled the lacy band the color of blood at my waist, pressing his forehead to my thigh and inhaling me afterwards, his hands on my hips just holding me still in the moment.

John stood silently in the shadows next to the doorway, making sure we weren't alone, even as the thought itself unsettled him. Like he was the quiet observer, a sitter ensuring the children didn't misbehave. He wanted Henrik to have a moment to himself with me, but last time...no, best just stay put.

"Red is Her color," I smiled, my eyes closed, hypnotized by the slow rhythm of Henrik's hands as they drifted over my skin, raising goosebumps. Even when he wasn't trying, everything he did was like music. 

"I know. Her lipstick was red like this...but its yours too, its perfect on y--...woah...guess you two are gonna be okay afterall, huh," he chuckled, running his fingertips over the matching dark marks on both of my inner thighs, left from Tim's hips when he was grinding me into the doorframe, grinning up at me when I sucked in a sharp breath at the stinging contact.

"Oh, you know...we had a nice little chat," I giggled, helpless to do anything but drop to my knees and kiss him when he joined me and laughed too, threading my fingers back through his curls because I could, running them down through the ends repeatedly until his eyes fluttered shut.

He'd known we'd be fine. Tim and I had a different way of communicating and working through problems than the rest of them, but we were obviously too insane about each other to ever part ways. The marks left across my skin over the last week from him were a testament to the fierceness of our bond and the raw passion that kept it going.

"I would just like to take this opportunity to say I told you so," he chuckled, tipping me on the nose, "Tim wouldn't have anywhere to go without you now, love...none of us would."

"Gods I love you," I reminded him as I nodded, feeling rather like my situation was the same in regards to them, "and we're gonna figure all of this out, okay? I promise. I'm right here with you," I touched his heart, "his entire thing is happening because of me and my kind. My kind? That feels weird to say, but you know what I mean."

He winced, but I wouldn't let him drop my gaze, lifting my hand to take his chin between my thumb and pointer finger when he tried to glance away. 

"Henrik, you and I are as real as me and Tim are. As real as me and John or Johannes or Jonas...we're different, but no less real. You believe that, don't you?"

He nodded slowly, like he wasn't quite sure, and I frowned.

"Everything will be different now, Triste, I--"

"When I was in the temple with Na'eemah and I was so desperate to get back, she told me to reach for Ihy--" I interrupted him

"But how did you do that? How come you couldn't get home?" he interrupted me back and I paused for a moment, wondering how much he already knew.

"Its twisty and ironic actually, but she had this hair comb that goes right here," I touched his hair in the place where such an ornament would sit, "and I guess that Iufenamun made it for her--"

"Who?"

"Shh," I pressed a finger to his lips, ignoring the way he was tempted to take it into his mouth just to torture me, "the one who is doing this to you, Henrik. His name is Iufenamun and--"

"Will you say my name again, High Priestess," his eyes went dark, and I snarled in response, throwing up a hand to keep John where he was when he made to advance into the room.

We stared at each other for several seconds, unblinking, neither of us making a move.

"Your name is Iufenamun," I repeated, and he smirked at me. 

"Very good."

"Be gone. You and I will deal face to face as you've already said, you're obsolete to me in his body."

"Are you sure? Are you ready to face me? Will you even know me, child?" his hands closed more firmly around my waist and I growled lowly, mad as hell that he felt like he could toy with me this way, like I was a pawn to be moved across the board at his whim.

Did he not know the one I served.

I pulled out of his grasp and he let me go, still kneeling and looking up at me through Henrik's eyes as I got to my feet and glared at him, still basically naked, but uncaring that his eyes roamed over me.

"Perhaps you've gotten your way with others. Maybe you've deceived and lied your way into their trust, but I see you for what you are, snake. I don't know your face, as you've refused to show it to me, but do not think that I don't know who you are, or know what you've done," my voice changed as I channeled from deep within myself, something stronger and more fierce than anything I had ever manifested before as all of Na'eemah's words seared through my memories, blinding me with rage on her behalf as I confronted the one who'd broken her.

My entire body became swirling flame, blinding in its intensity as I glared down at him, my gaze settling into a penetrating acid green as I burned.

"I am the chosen High Priestess of the ancient warrior goddess Sekhmet. I am the child of the Eye of the Sun. So you now have the choice. Either you leave this world and be gone for good," my smile was vicious, inviting in the most dangerous way, "or you fucking try to come and get me. And I would recommend that you think long and hard on the choice, conjurer, because if you touch my Henrik again, you'll find no mercy with me."

He laughed through Henrik, the sound chilling and so dark I couldn't imagine Henrik ever making the sound of his own free will, and he watched my fire burn hotter still, consuming my entire body, a physical response to his flippant attitude.

"How thrilling. I quake with anticipation..." and with that he was gone, leaving Henrik blinking slowly, then scrambling back several feet as he beheld me, literally on fire, my power filling the room until the air was cramped and thick, and the glass panes in the windows threatened to crack.

"What happened!" Ihy was instantly in the doorway, having felt the shift in my temperament from rooms away, rounding on John and about to give him a severe tongue-lashing when he caught sight of me, his jaw nearly dropping. 

I turned to him, mindlessly withdrawing my flame like it was something I'd known how to control my entire life. 

No...lives. 

Like it had been a part of me for centuries.

Dozens of them. 

Power. 

Heat.

"What the fuck!" Henrik yelled, tearing at his hair again and crossing to the other side of the room, as far away from me as he could get as he realized he'd lost more time, "somebody get this fucking thing out of me!!!"

"_Stop_," Ihy and I both said together, using the same tone, the same force, glancing at each other, and his eyes dropped down to my waist, roaming over the deep-colored lace.

"A fitting shade for you it seems," he murmured, inclining his head with a curve at the corner of his lips before his gaze lifted and his eyes seared into mine, "living room. Now. I won't say it again."

"My lord," I inclined my head likewise, and he disappeared.

"No. Stop, get away from me, Triste!!" Henrik scrambled back another foot on his knees as I advanced on him, dropping to mine and snatching his wrists as he tried to make me go away.

"Henrik STOP!" I yelled, grabbing him forward to kiss him, thrusting my tongue between his lips, my whole body still buzzing with energy, making the surface of my skin almost seem to vibrate.

"I told you before that you have to stay away from me and now you see why," he moaned, while simultaneously yanking me closer with one arm and gripping my breast with his opposite hand, squeezing it and scraping his thumb over my nipple as he devoured my mouth with a passion I'd never experienced from him, his teeth sinking into my lip, tearing at it with an animal snarl, and to both of our surprise he instantly tore an orgasm out of me in the process. 

"Woah...did you just--" he went wide-eyed.

I stared at him as I shivered and panted, my legs shaking.

"Do not. Ever. Try to make me. Stay away from you." I gasped for air, still clutching him, "because I can't fucking do it, Henrik. I _won't._"

He shook his head back and forth, still unable to speak, and I pressed my forehead to his, holding it there and grinding our skulls together, too frustrated to say anything else for several long minutes.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, my love. I know you only caught the tail end of that so maybe you didn't realize," I tipped his chin up towards me, letting my eyes change, the green swirling into the gray, "but I am beyond fucking powerful now...and no one...not Na'eemah, not Ihy, and especially not some bullshit fucking conjurer on a murder mission...no one gets to hurt you. Not while you're mine."

He shivered hard, a combination of arousal and awe.

"Good gods woman how the hell are you settling for someone like me," he whispered before kissing me again, a thing full of passion and want and all the unspeakable emotions that were coursing out of one of us and into the other like a closed circuit.

"Its not settling. Its getting everything I could ever imagine wanting in another person, Henrik...plus, you're cute, and I like your hair," I stifled a snort of laughter with my hand.

John pulled me to my feet once it was clear that our badly-needed moment of privacy was over, holding me up on stiff legs and chewing his lip when I met his stare.

"What?"

"Oh nothing. Just that you were literally on fire a second ago and then came basically without being touched...you know, the usual."

"Sass me again, and I'll hex you, Alfredsson!" I giggled wagging a finger at him and he put his hands up defensively with a loud laugh.

"Just calling it like I see it, sweetheart."

"Triste," Henrik called from the other side of the room, digging back through my duffel and motioning me over with one outstretched hand without looking at me. 

He finished dressing me in cotton sleep pants and a tanktop, shaking his head slowly with a wicked grin when I propped my hands on my hips and asked if he was going to give me a bra as well. 

"Hell no, not after what just happened two minutes ago," he laughed, his cheeks going red with a perfect blush as he recalled it.

"You know that's why he called you insatiable, right," I giggled, wrapping my arms around his neck when he picked me up and spun us around once, staring deeply into my eyes afterwards. 

"Sweet little girl, as soon as this whole ordeal is over and I'm back to normal, I swear to god I will teach you the real meaning of that word."

I was so unused to things like that coming from Henrik that my jaw dropped and my eyes glazed over, but he didn't let up, murmuring into my ear.

"Because I'm gonna take you home with me, and we're going to tell everyone else to fuck off, and then its just going to be you and me on every surface of my apartment...and don't think that I don't already have a running list going...got it?"

I swallowed hard, nodding like a reflex and he kissed me on the tip of my nose.

"Good. But for now, your Papa wants us in the other room asafp, remember?"

"You can call him Ihy if it makes you feel better. Or...well...oh shit," I started giggling again, "do you know that I have literally no idea what his human name is? Oh, fuck me."

"Think he'd like to have, if he hadn't gotten to May first," Henrik chuckled beneath his breath, lacing his fingers through mine and starting towards the doorway. 

His progress was immediately interrupted as I reached over and gripped his face in my hand, turning it to meet my wide-eyed stare, eyebrows raised and everything.

"Repeat that again. Exactly what you just said. Repeat it again. Slowly."

He leaned forward and bit my thumb playfully, growling low in his throat, and snickering, "I can demonstrate, if you're curious. Your girls so vocal, she basically gave the whole house a play-by-play."

"Henrik!"

"He's not wrong, Triste," John snorted a laugh near the door, "that shit sounded wild as hell."

"Wh--what...she..."

"Yes. Shush. First things first, because I already can't keep up with our current agenda of reality-rearranging," John crossed over and scooped me up, shifting me until my legs were wrapped around the front of his waist and I was hanging on around his shoulders on his back.

I tensed as he took a step forward and he paused, looking over his shoulder at me, feeling the shift in my temperament as much as he felt it in my muscles. 

"Comfy?"

I swallowed and settled for a nod when my voice proved to fail me.

"Come on, babygirl," Henrik said soothingly, touching his fingertips to my shoulder, knowing the reason behind my sudden hesitance, "we can't figure out what to do if we don't all know whats happening. Ihy's right... Ugh," he made a face, "gods that tasted awful to say."

I laughed softly, nodding again and taking a deep breath. 

"You all should give him a chance, he's really not so bad."

"Swaying hips and lewd insinuations don't work on all of us that way, love," he chuckled, smiling reassuringly at me, "come on. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner you get to crawl into bed in my arms and we all get to rest easier."

I nodded again, giving John's shoulders a subtle squeeze with my arms and laying my cheek against the back of his head, letting him carry me into the living room and loosing my grip around his waist as he bent to set me down. 

He settled heavily into a spot on the couch and laid his head down against the back, watching me with that soft contented curve at the corner of his mouth as I sat on the floor between Henrik's knees, giving into a deeply-ingrained need to be lower than someone, sheltered somehow from what was coming. 

Ihy watched me carefully, seeing all my little movements for what they were. The way I chewed at the inside of my cheek and fussed with the ends of my hair, the slight tremble in my fingers.

But of course that could be from hunger as well. 

He looked at May and before the words left his lips, she was up off Jonas' lap, whirling away to the kitchen in a cloud of flowery perfume and lilac hair. 

Still he watched me, staring at the dark fireplace, lost in my thoughts, still chewing and fussing, like I was agitated, frowning to myself every so often as my internal monologue raged out of control. 

"_Café ou champagne?_" May called, startling me out of my reveries. 

"Coffee," I murmured, at the same time that Johannes yelled "bubbles!" and I was overruled. 

"Open," May handed me a bottle of _Deschamps_ _Cuvee de la Santé _and I looked up at her surprised. 

"Wrong bottle," I handed it back, and she shook her head, distributing glasses to everyone.

"What better time than now, _oie_, we have not toasted your...succession."

"Hey," I got up, sensing the bite in her tone and pulling her out of Jonas' hands, making her look me in the eye as I furrowed my eyebrows at her. 

"What was that about?" I frowned.

"Nothing, _je suis fatigue_, I'm sorry."

"You're not tired. I know your tired sass from your upset sass by now."

Her mouth formed a hard line as she thought for a moment before looking away and staring down at the floor. 

"Why are you angry with me?" I asked softly, "I didn't ask for this, _bébé_."

The early morning light caught the tear dropping down her cheek as she still stared at the floor, shivering and wrapping her arms around herself.

I snapped my fingers without thinking about it, bringing the fireplace to roaring life, making everyone jump.

"That's new," Johannes murmured to Tim who nodded with a little frown.

"Nedjem, look at me," I tipped her chin up, distressed by her reaction.

"I apologize, High Priestess, I did not mean disrespect."

"No," I whimpered, my tears starting too, "no I'm still me! Please don't do this."

"_Je n'ai pas de réponses," _she cried, "nothing makes sense! Na'eemah would not do that to me!"

"Shh, shh," I wrapped my arms around her shoulders as she wept, "she didn't, honey, there is so much more going on than I think you know."

"She would not let it rest, _oie_, she followed me out of the café and then...and then..."

"I know, love, I know...she told me what happened. Or what parts she remembered...but it wasn't her."

"It was, Triste, her face was the last thing I saw! And now she is gone and you are in her place, and I am so confused, I cannot tell the sky from the ground."

"Then it would seem that Henrik is not the first vessel he has used, is he," Ihy said, his voice breaking into our bubble, and we both blinked and looked at him. 

"No," I sighed. 

I felt like I needed to reassure May and explain everything to her, and I could feel Johannes' tension like a humming string too, and I needed to tell him not to be afraid of the memories, that they weren't all what they seemed, and Henrik and Tim and John and Jonas all looked beyond confused...

My breaths felt too shallow as I was pulled in seven different directions, and the black spots started to dance at the corners of my vision, my consciousness threatening to just revolt and shut down completely if I didn't make a choice. 

But Ihy chose for me, up on his feet and holding onto me in a flash, quicker than normal humans could move. 

"Masika, darling, look at me...shh shh can you hear me? Its your Papa, listen to my voice, dear."

My breathing slowed and I found myself clinging to him again as he pushed a gentle wave of his effect through me, watching my pupils expand as my fingers tightened against his arms. 

"Hey, woah, uh uh," Tim interjected, getting to his feet as he recognized what was happening, but Ihy's voice sounded in his head.

*_Do you still think I care so little about her to take advantage, my pup. Relax*_

_*I am _not_ your--*_

"That's it...that's a good girl," he said quietly, tuning Tim out and keeping his grip on me until I was steady, holding me close but not letting me push for more, as my body insisted me to, "just recognize the calm, and embrace it dear, ignore the rest. You're here, with me. You're okay."

"I'm okay," I repeated, seeing him through hazy vision filled with unquenchable want. 

"Take a breath...mmhm...another...that's it...that's it..." he coaxed me through the last shimmering waves until I breathed out a sharp, shuddering cry. 

"Papa what if they don't work!"

He paused, not having expected me to calm down and suddenly ask cryptic questions of him. 

"Elaborate or rephrase, dear, I do not understand."

"My gifts. _Our _gifts," I looked at May with a pleading look, "he knows how to silence them."

It was his turn to look shocked - flabbergasted, and dare one say even speechless.

"That...that is not possible, for a mortal to dampen divine power."

"Papa, I couldn't make Henrik stop," I whispered, pressing both hands to his cheeks, and watching every muscle twitch of uncertainty unfold, accompanied by a look of...was it fear?

I could feel Henrik tensing the way Johannes had moments earlier, trying to disappear into the fabric of his armchair. 

But it paled in comparison to the look on Papa's face. 

"Tell me what you remember. You were with Jonas and Henrik and then you went off to go clean yourself up--"

"Papa! You were supposed to be asleep like everyone else!"

"Nonsense, child, do you really think that by now, after all this time, I do not feel each emotion or wave of pleasure that courses through you."

He said it matter of factly, and I saw the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth like a reflex as I shivered.

But I shook my head, intent on answering him, even as my stupid lizard brain was replaying the way he'd looked to me sixty seconds earlier.

Fuck the forbidden fruit, he'd seemed like the whole damn tree.

"Everything was normal. Please, you have to believe me, everything was fine at first! Henrik wouldn't ever hurt me," I whimpered," and he cupped my cheek hard, forcefully.

"Do not believe for an instant that I would see him bring harm to you, Masika, so _talk."_

"I...we were having sex and then he just...changed. He got too rough and wouldn't listen to me and--Henrik, please, babe, just listen to me, I know it wasn't you!"

The tears coursed down his cheeks as he gasped with regret that he couldn't remember.

"I used my safe word and he ignored me and I tried to push him off and use my energy, and tried to make anything appear that would get him to stop, but nothing happened, they--it was like they were completely gone," I finished on a whisper.

Papa stared at me for several long seconds before composing himself and turning to May.

"Dear, get her something to eat, please. Protein if its an option, bread if it is not."

"I don't eat meat--"

"I know, darling," he said without looking at me, "whatever you have."

May nodded, shuffling back towards the kitchen, but he grabbed her wrist, forcing her to turn and meet his gaze, penetrating and hard like iron.

"Ignore that inner thought of doubt, sweet child, for you've known her as long as I, and better in some ways..."

She sniffled sharply, turning back to me with fresh tears and whimpering cries, almost taking me off my feet with the force of her collision into me. 

"I'm sorry!! I'm so sorry, you know that I have never felt you were anything but my own little sister," she whispered into my hair, clutching me, "please forgive me."

"I love you so much," I whimpered, "there is so much uncertainty, and I promise I'll tell you everything I know, okay? I didn't ask for this, but She's given it to me and I'm grateful. Honored."

"As you should be, I was wrong to question either of you."

"Can I please help you in the kitchen," I combed my fingers through her hair and she nodded, lacing her fingers through mine and pulling me into the other room where we could be alone and talk in relative peace. 

Jonas watched us go, still trying to process the minimal information that he'd learned in the last few minutes. 

"Someone needs to start talking or I'm going to lose it," he growled, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes before scrubbing them hard over his face.

"Iufenamun. Is it a name that you know..." Papa asked. 

\--

"Sit," May propped me on a stool, securing me with a little kiss to my cheek before she turned and started digging in the fridge. 

I'd grabbed the bottle from the floor before she swept us away, and I slowly started unwinding the wire on the cage as I watched her throwing bits and pieces onto the counter, pulling her mother's big wooden cutting board towards her once she'd grabbed a platter. 

The cork came away soundlessly in my hand after rocking the bottle back and forth gently.

"I can't believe we're finally drinking this," I murmured, inhaling the aroma wafting up from the neck once the residual CO2 had finished drifting out. 

"My _papa _told me it was mine to drink on any special occasion."

"Its your birth year bottle, baby," I looked at her again, and she paused, meeting my stare after a few moments. 

"Triste, why is this happening. Our goddess took me back, as She always did, but She held onto me. She did not let me go into a new body...and then I came back and I was here. I was...they told me I had been sick, but I know that I was dead."

"What do you mean they told you that you were sick?"

"Do you see why I tell you that I do not have _les réponses?"_

"Oh my gods, they..._maman et papa _don't know you were dead?"

"I don't think I was, _oie_, not for them...I think that She may have...changed their _mémoires_. For them, I was in the hospital after an attack for many months."

"But Jonas remembers you! I mean, he remembers feeling you die, and remembers you coming to him..."

"_Oui_, he told me so...my Triste, you are happy with him, yes? He is happy with you, I see it."

"Yes, but we're not the same, May. He and I won't ever be what you and him are."

"I am not jealous," she chuckled, "I just...he feels very..."

"Deeply. I know. More than you'd see just on the surface," I filled in her thought for her, and she nodded. 

"He is good," the knife in her hand slid through the comté like it was butter.

"I love him, May."

"And I am happy for that," she looked at me and there was no jealousy or uncertainty in her gaze, only trust and a knowledge that we could love him together.

"I didn't...I hope you know I didn't plan it. Or anticipate it, really..."

"My Triste," she fed me the soft, silky bite with her fingertips as she smiled at me, "I did. You did not see the way that they watched you all the time..._tous de les._"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so desperately hope you're all safe and home and not having to go out and about.  
We're living in scary times.
> 
> I was literally thinking about making a Slack channel to chatter at each other on? I need to talk to people about things that aren't school, the ineptitude of our president, or this motherfucking VIRUS.  
I'm currently wrapping up quarantine day 6, and I'm about to climb the fucking walls. 
> 
> You guys.  
Help me.  
Please.


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is taking so long, my lovelies. Each day is kind of blending into the next, and a lot of this honestly got written at 4AM because my sleep schedule is fucked 🙃 and also, my brain is 100% swamp goo.
> 
> And honestly CAN TIM JUST COME BACK TO SOCIAL MEDIA ALREADY. COME ON. JUST GET DRUNK AND GET ON LIVE AND RAMBLE LIKE THE REST OF US ABOUT THE FUCKED UP STATE OF AFFAIRS WE CALL REALITY RIGHT NOW.
> 
> I hope you're all safe and snug at home, and tbfh we're all we've got in times like this. watch out for each other.

May carefully arranged bits of cheese and olives onto a plate surrounded by slices of baguette and turned back to me as I handed the bottle to her. 

"First sips yours."

"_Salut_," she toasted me, tipping the bottle up with one hand around the neck and one under the base, her fingers dipping up into the punt. It was a magnum, plenty enough for eight of us, and she purred with delight as the foamy bubbles passed her lips, then handed it over to me.

"_À ta santé_," I toasted her back, knowing it looked absurd with such a large bottle in my hands. 

Papa's voice drifting in from the other room made my ears prick up, and she chuckled at me as the bottle froze halfway to my lips for a moment before continuing.

"I never would have guessed...about Papa....but it does make sense," she moved towards me when I took a sip and hummed too as I listened, "this...this thing that we feel for him..._c'est familier, non?_"

"I think they call that blind, unadulterated devotion these days. Or fangirling," I giggled, taking another sip of champagne and mentally thanking Johannes for overruling my request for coffee. 

It was a vintage _blanc de blancs_, just the one bottle made with grapes _papa _had set aside from the harvest coinciding with May's birth,and after resting in the cellar for all the years since then it was divine, a texture like creamy silk and a deep, heady scent.

May watched the indulgent smile bloom across my face as I held the space for such a pleasure to exist. Recognizing the simple, natural offerings that their fruit of the earth produced with a little human supervision and a lot of natural ingenuity. A little sugar, and little yeast was really all it took, and the plants provided both. 

"Your _papa _is a genius," I smiled, taking another sip and letting the bubbles roll over my tongue, "are you _sure _he won't adopt me? Have you double checked?"

"_Ma cherie, _he is still not sure that I am not going to marry you someday and do it for him," she giggled helplessly, touching the small gold crucifix she always wore. Not her god, but one important enough to him that she never took it off. 

"Is he okay? And _maman?_"

"They are happy that I am home now..." a far-off look crossed her face as she chewed her bottom lip, her knife idle and forgotten in her hand. 

"I think that I am going to stay. For right now. _Papa _is getting older and needs help in the vineyards, and Monsieur Brodeur thinks I am a natural..."

"I think thats a great idea, honey," I smiled, truly adoring the thought of my wonderful purple-haired urban May turning back to her roots in a literal way, troping across the chalky soil through rows of woody stalks and bending low to check that the clusters weren't being too shaded by their own foliage as they ripened, "and I think _papa _will be happy to have you home too."

"_Maman _too," she made a face that broke us down into fits of girlish laughter, "gods but _elle glousse! _It is like living with _une poule_," she covered her mouth with her hands to stop her hysterical giggles. 

"Your mama is a lovely woman, but I have zero doubts that she just woke up from a dead sleep wherever she is, and she knows exactly what you just said," I chortled. 

May rolled her eyes and threw her hands up towards the ceiling in resignation. 

"I am sorry that I doubted you, my Triste," she murmured when our eyes met, stepping between my knees where I still sat perched on my stool and cupping my cheeks as I took another sip and set the bottle down on the counter. 

Her kiss was like the springtime - soft and lush, full of assurances that she was with me, a promise to follow me to whatever end, the same vow I'd always made to her. She tasted the champagne in my mouth when her tongue gently parted my lips and she pushed closer, running her thumbs over my cheekbones as my arms wrapped around her waist. 

The chilled wine, rich with hints of blanched almonds and soft bread dough, mingled between us as we kissed, pulling each other closer, sinking into the familiarity, the bond that we knew to be timeless, outlasting everything we felt for the men in the other room. 

Well. Perhaps, save for one.

Right on cue, his voice broke through our bubble as our kiss took as turn for the passionate.

"Ladies, I can feel what you're doing in there, so unless you plan on disappearing together and dealing with the consequences at my hand later, please come join us..." he called.

"Gods he's bossy," I giggled, kissing her one more time and tucking her hair back behind her ears with both hands, "how bad would the consequences be?" I whispered, grinning mischievously and she shook her head. 

"My precious _fleur_, you and I would not be able to handle them, I promise."

She chewed her lip and I narrowed my eyes up at her, fighting my bout of schoolgirl laughter with a heroic effort as my lips trembled.

"Oh, gods May tell me he's good," I whispered, "tell me he's everything we thought he would be."

She exhaled sharply, but I watched her pupils explode as she involuntarily leaned her hips against mine, and finally met my gaze wearing that look like even the memories were overwhelming, "I cannot even think of the words, _oie_."

"That would be because they do not exist," he smirked from the doorway, nodding his head back over his shoulder in an indication that she should go back to join everyone else in the living room. 

"Sorry Papa," she smiled shyly at him, a pink blush coloring her cheeks like he'd caught her in some lewd act, and she squeezed past the narrow space between his cocked hip and the opposite side of the doorframe when he stayed put, daring her to touch him again.

I heard a muffled squeal and high pitched laugh that I assumed meant Jonas was taking over where I'd left off. 

"My dearest, it would seem that you distract everyone you meet, don't you," Ihy chuckled, moving to the countertop next to me as I took another swig from the bottle of champagne and he looked down at me with a grin, "are we foregoing glassware?"

"Its a special bottle," I shrugged, returning his smile and handing it to him, "it feels better when you drink it straight."

He lifted it to his lips and nodded with agreement when he tasted it, watching my eyes roam around the kitchen, looking at all the bits and pieces of pottery and stoneware and paintings of vineyards that _maman _had used to decorate the kitchen over the years, building her domain one piece at a time. 

My gaze finally settled on a group photo - it was my favorite of them, May and her family. They'd been planning to have a formal portrait taken, something to put on a website that it seemed was necessary for all Champagne houses to have these days, but they'd all spent the morning outside, basking in the first real warm spring day, and had overindulged together.

"Good _vigneron_, that man," Papa murmured softly, following my stare as he watched the smile linger at my lips. 

"They're good people," I sighed, looking from one rosy-cheeked laughing face to the next. They were all clinging to each other with one hand and gripping a delicate piece of stemware in the other, and I thought that no formal, stern-faced portrait could ever capture theDeschamps family so perfectly as that single candid shot had. 

"I think she's gonna stay. Take over for _papa _when he finally retires..."

"Have you two worked through your differences then?" he asked softly, pulling the plate of food towards me and motioning for me to eat as I nodded.

"She's just confused. And I...I don't blame her. Na'eemah has been with us forever. She was basically our mother. And for her to..."

The piece of bread I took didn't get eaten so much as it got kneaded between my fingers, knotting themselves around each other while I looked down at the floor, the reality of everything creeping back in. 

May and I had a way of shielding ourselves and hiding away from the scariest parts of life when we were together. 

"I don't think after all these years together that anything could tear us apart, We're too drawn to each other for that," I murmured, nodding to myself.

"I would be inclined to agree, child. And that is good. Everyone should be so lucky to have such a bond with another being..."

I chewed over his remark, thinking back on the interaction we'd had with Iufenamun through Henrik in Jonas' room. In the moment, I had been so stunned and still riddled with endorphins, but now as I parced it out, I felt my questions start to surface.

_I've been looking for you.  
I know._

_Everyone should be so lucky to have such a bond._

"How do you know him, Papa," I asked quietly, glancing up at him, "why were you looking for that man."

He paused and looked over at me after several moments of contemplative silence, reaching to take the ruined bread from my fingers and tossing it back onto the plate. 

"Because as much as you are a constant part of my thoughts," he tipped my chin up and looked down at me, willing me to read between the lines of his words, "he is as well. Though admittedly for a far different reason."

"Be straight with me, please," I sighed, "I can't take any more beating around the bush."

He exhaled sharply and clenched his jaw, and I was so unsettled by it when I noticed that I stood and immediately hugged him to me, fretting over the fact that anything could be so disturbing to someone like him.

"Whats going on, Papa?" I whispered, inhaling his scent and sinking into his embrace, "who is he to you?"

I felt his subtle headshake before his fingers wove through my hair and he pulled my face up with his grip there, staring down at me and breathing heavier as his pupils expanded rapidly, his eyes roaming over my face, down to my lips that seemed to automatically part in anticipation of his kiss that didn't come.

"I have hunted him for centuries because he holds a piece of me, of my divinty, Masika, something he took from me when I was young," he fought for his self control and looked down at me.

Kissing me in the bath, consumed with relief at my return, and then again to make a point in front of Tim had been one thing. 

But now that we were alone, even for the brief few moments...

It could be more than I was prepared for.

"And...and I am afraid, child. Afraid because I do not understand his desire or his hatred. I don't understand why he has come for you. Why, as I suspect was the case, he came for Nedjem through your High Priestess..."

His admission of fear did something strange to me - it doubled my own but also intensified my anger, my hatred of this creature who sought only to hurt the people who meant the most to me, who was turning my Papa inside out with gnawing frustration and tension. His visceral reaction to the man was so like Na'eemah's...

"Tell me what that means, Ihy...I--I don't understand how he could take your divinity from you," I whispered, still clutching him, trying to keep my mind on what he was saying and not the way his hips were now pinning me against the cool edge of the countertop at my back. 

We stared at each other for several seconds, neither of us saying anything further as I waited for him to answer me.

"Come, dear. You need to eat," he huffed a breath finally, letting go of my hair and reaching behind me to pick up the plate on the counter before turning and walking back towards the other room. He paused in the doorway, looking at me with his walls down, giving me glimpse of what was underneath the sex and the swagger, and I squeezed his outstretched hand with mine when I met him there, giving him a silent promise that I wouldn't judge him or think him weak for anything more he chose to reveal.

How could I.

Didn't he know what I thought of him by now?

Couldn't he see himself through my eyes?

I was briefly reminded of the dozens, maybe hundreds of nights I'd laid in my bed back home, thinking about him, wondering what drove such a man to make art like he did. What ignited the fire that created the very same wondrous music that consumed me, the harmonies that penetrated my soul and filled my mind. 

My Papa...

"Henrik, I think we best start with you," he interrupted my reveries, leading us back to everyone else and depositing me on the floor securely between Henrik's knees once more, setting the plate in my lap and wagging a finger at me. 

"No talking until this is gone, do you understand me?" 

The brief moment of vulnerability was over, it seemed. 

I narrowed my eyes but stayed silent, nodding my head and letting him control the conversation. I had a burning need for answers now, too, but it seemed that perhaps mine paled in comparison now that I knew what little information I did. 

Henrik didn't say anything at first, reaching down to speak lowly to me, turning my face with one finger until I was looking up at him over my shoulder. 

"You okay?"

"I'm okay," I confirmed, stretching back to receive his gentle upsidedown kiss. 

"Mmm you taste like..._mandlar_," he whispered, kissing me softly again as someone offered 'almonds' quietly as a translation and my lips curved into a smile underneath his. 

"Answer his questions, baby. I'm right here, okay? Promise I'm not going anywhere."

He let me go and reached down around my shoulder to grab an olive off my plate. 

"Uh uh! Mine!" I swatted at his hand playfully and he pulled back with a tiny 'ouch!', rustling my hair with his opposite hand until I giggled and reached back up to feed him the little salty bite, smiling as his lips closed around my fingers and his tongue pulled the olive away from between them. 

While he chewed it thoughtfully he glanced over at Ihy, who was waiting patiently for him to answer, not about to be distracted by our playfulness, however precious he found it.

"Henrik, please," he reminded, "I am sorry, son, but a lot of this does rest with you. I know you are typically the quiet one, but--"

"Look I already told you what happened," Henrik interrupted, "the guy at the airport dropped his passport and I picked it up and handed it back to him."

"What guy?" My question was ignored, save for Ihy squinting sideways at me for the briefest moment.

"And did you touch him?" he asked, turning his attention back to Henrik. 

"Only for a second. Less. I just tapped him on the shoulder, I swear."

"And what did he say? What did he look like? Was there anything unsettling about him? Please try to remember."

"No! He was just a normal dude, and he made a joke about losing everything that wasn't physically attached to him, and took his passport back and that was it..."

Ihy and I exchanged a quick glance at the phrase 'everything that wasn't attached to him'.

"_Think_, Henrik, you must be missing something. I know you are watchful. Was there anyone else behaving strangely? Making you uncomfortable?"

"What, you mean other than you?!" Henrik snapped, glaring at the other man, frustrated by his insistent probing.

"Hey knock it off, he's okay," Tim piped up, shifting his eyes to Henrik and drawing his gaze, "he's not trying to pry for no reason dude...just answer his questions...he's okay..."

Tim and Henrik stared at each other for a moment, and I could almost feel Henrik's head tilting to the side in confusion as he remembered the way Tim had positively bristled at the other's presence at the airport, especially when he'd indicated a familiarity with me...

Ihy cocked his head to the side too, giving Tim a look that was somewhat bewildered, but equally thankful. 

"He's just trying to help you..." Tim clarified.

"Indeed, I am, thank you, son."

"You have _got _to stop calling me that, seriously, its creepy as hell now that you've been in my head when--...its creepy," he cleared his throat, looking anywhere else that wasn't at him and staring away hard into the fire. 

I raised both eyebrows at Ihy and he gave me a slow wink when his eyes traveled back down to mine.

_Hang on a second._

"What did you do, Ihy..." I started to ask, but he pretended like he didn't hear me. 

"I did not intend to make such an entrance, dear Henrik," he continued with his reassurances, completely blowing off Tim's near admission like it was nothing and chuckling lowly, "it was simply too good an opportunity to resist. My dear, you make easy prey," he smiled indulgently down at me and I launched a piece of bread at him in response. 

"You're a sneaky motherfucker, and I could have seriously hurt you if you startled me!"

"Wait, sorry, what happened at the airport?" May asked, frowning and totally lost.

"Oh, my child, I would relish the opportunity to see you try," he grinned, smoothly catching the little piece of bread I threw and popping it into his mouth as I scowled before turning his attention over to May, "Triste and I had a terrific little reunion--"

"You don't want to know--" John started at the same time.

"No...I...there was no one else," Henrik said, interrupting them both and shaking his head, having been too deeply buried in his thoughts to really notice what we'd all said anyways.

"Okay then what about in the days before? You were with our dear Triste, I assume, but were you ever alone? Walking on the street, perhaps getting some air...were you ever approached by anyone? Did you come into contact with any strangers? Even for just a moment, Henrik, that's perhaps all it took!"

Henrik's blush was instant and dark, and his heavy pause almost dripped with awkwardness.

"I mean, how many days before are we talking? Like four or five? Or...I mean, we...ah...we didn't..." he looked around for aid and received only four mouths chewing lips looking anywhere but at him as they tried to hide their unhelpful snorts of mirth, "I mean none of us really...we were in her apartment for...Triste, gods, I can _feel_ you laughing, you know!" he reached down and pulled my hair hard.

I clapped both hands over my mouth and snorted the laugh that I'd been valiantly holding onto, too afraid to look back up at his face because I knew it would only make me roll on the floor until I was crying.

"Henrik, I swear to the gods, you're just so fucking precious sometimes!" I giggled into my hands before regaining my composure and looking up at Papa, "what he is delicately telling you is that we all spent the better part of the last week shacked up in my apartment and decidedly _not _having pleasant conversation for most of that time. Does that answer your question?" 

I raised both eyebrows, perfectly reading the look on his face, like he was going to probe Henrik further for the fun of it, just to watch him squirm. 

Henrik wasn't wrong. We'd spent days on end barely remembering to eat, we were so wrapped up in each other emotionally and literally, and I shivered hard as the memory of Tim eating at my clit while Henrik fucked me forced itself through my hard-won concentration.

I'd been in the kitchen intending to throw something together for dinner, but Henrik found me before I got a chance to make any real progress, reaching over my shoulder to turn off the knob that ignited the eye on the stove, and subsequently burying his face in my neck as he swept my hair down around my opposite shoulder...

_"Henrik, babe, we've gotta eat actual food, you guys are seriously burning through all my energy!" I giggled, tangling my fingers back into his luxurious hair to pull his face away from my skin. _

_"I don't want food, I want you," he purred lowly into my ear, smoothing his hands down over my hips, pressing them hard into my skin and moaning lowly in that perfect way he knew I could never resist in a billion years, "are you saying no? Because I'm already hard for you...but all...you have to do...is...just...tell me...no..." he worked my shorts down off my hips a couple inches with each murmured series of words, until his fingers were under my panties, immediately seeking my clit and pulling me back to grind my ass into his hips. _

_"Gods, how do you do that to me," I gasped, pressing on the backs of his fingers until they were reaching further down and pushing inside me, gently stretching the ring of muscle there and letting my inner muscles pull him in further._

_"Oh, what, this?" he chuckled innocently as he pulled his digits from my core, now slick with me, and pressed them to my lips as his opposite hand took over the same ministrations._

_I sighed around his fingertips as they pushed farther into my mouth and he whispered lowly into my ear as my own flavor ignited all my senses, making my eyes close._

_"Gods I love watching you lick yourself off me...but honestly, älskling, I know that you burn for me the exact same way that I constantly burn for you...the way I've burned for you since the beginning, although I don't know that I fully understood it until you kissed me...but I can't touch you for long enough, Triste, or hold you close enough...every taste of you only makes me want a hundred times more...and its always gonna be that way."_

_"Henrik--" _

_"Just tell me no if you really want me to stop, and I will, my darling."_

_"I don't think she even knows what that word means, brother," another voice added from a foot away as Tim's hands wandered over the waistband of my panties that Henrik's fingers were still slowly moving beneath, and my eyes snapped open. _

_Uh oh._

_"And just so you know, priestess," Tim leaned in to kiss me as the other's mouth started working my neck, dropping searing, open-mouth kisses up and down the side of it, exhaling deeply against the base until I could feel the warmth between my breasts, "what he said goes for all of us. I know its a lot, and probably is overwhelming, but good christ woman I can't stand not having you under my hands for even a second..."_

_As he talked slowly he worked my panties down my legs, kicking them to the side when I stepped out of them so they landed somewhere near my shorts. _

_My breath got quicker still as Henrik turned my face with one hand to kiss him over my shoulder and Tim's tongue started swirling little patterns over my hips as he sank to his knees, stopping for only a moment to interrupt on a low laugh as he tried to move Henrik's fingers away from my pussy, but they stayed put, delving inside me again._

_"I would suggest moving those if you don't want them licked."_

_"Fine," Henrik sighed dramatically, barely pulling his lips back from mine enough to do so, "I have a better idea anyways..." he slipped his fingers into his mouth and _ _fisted the other hand into my hair as he suddenly bent me forward so I had to slam my hands down against the edge of my stove to prevent myself from falling down to the floor._

_"Oh hell yeah, that's way better. You know, I'm not sure why you never get credit as the smart one," Tim chuckled, shifting to sit lower so he could tilt his head back and tease the tip of his tongue against my clit, my hips smothering his face._

_"What?! Who says I'm not the smart one!" Henrik's defensiveness made us both laugh, but it quickly turned into a sharp gasp from me as the head of his cock pressed against my entrance. _

_"Oh, not so funny anymore is it," he growled, pushing further inside me, snarling at the way I immediately squeezed him tight as my fingers curled like claws against the metallic stovetop and his name fell from my lips like an exhale._

_As Henrik bottomed out and held me down on him, I threaded a hand below me into Tim's hair, trying to move his mouth back up to my clit, and he growled and pulled back, sucking on my folds hard and making my knees almost buckle. _

_"I'm sorry, why are you under the impression that I can't do this by myself?" he looked questioningly up at me, and I tried to ignore the way he licked me off his lips. _

_"Uhm...s-sorry, oh, gods--" my thought was cut short as Henrik pulled his hips back and slammed into me again, forcing my body forward towards Tim, who wrapped both hands around my ass and drew me against his smirking mouth. _

_"Sorry, did you want it like this?" he asked teasingly, running his tongue in a line just off to the side of my clit, drinking down the frustrated whine that he got in response as my fingers twitched against the stovetop again, threatening to just move him where I needed him, whether he wanted me to or not. _

_"I don't think she likes that. Maybe you should just go," Henrik chortled over my shoulder, gripping it with his hand and pulling me down to get more leverage as he rolled his hips into me once more, "christ on a cross you're fucking tight..."_

_"Ah, you're probably right," Tim sighed with mock resignation._

_"Again, who thinks I'm not the smart one?" _

_I could hear the grin in his voice and I almost shrieked as Tim got to his feet, bending backwards slightly and bracing himself against the oven so that he could kiss my panting mouth as his friend continued to pull out to the tip and then roughly thrust back into me. _

_"I don't think you like it, do you, priestess."_

_"NO! I--I mean I do, I--fuck, I do! You know I do!"_

_"Mmm, I'm not sure, how do I know you're not lying?" he teased, managing to hold character impressively well as he played with my frazzled mind, kissing the corner of my mouth._

_"Tim, please," I whined, trying to kiss him again._

_"Then tell me you love it when I eat your pussy," he whispered, executing my torture further, pushing me in all the right ways that he knew he could so that when he started again I would shatter in exactly the intended pattern._

_"I l-like it when you--oh, gods, Henrik-- wh-when you eat my pussy," I could feel myself flaming red, though it was hardly the filthiest thing he'd ever said to me, and it certainly wasn't a lie, but I glanced away all the same, unable to meet his hungry stare._

_But several seconds ticked by in silence as Henrik held me down on his cock, feeling my insides pulsing around him._

_"I don't think I said like. Henrik did I say like?"_

_"Don't think so, Triste weren't you listening? You're seeming awfully...distracted," he snapped his hips into me so hard that I gasped and tumbled forward into Tim, who shifted on his feet to hold me up until he could place one of my hands back on the stovetop, moving the other down over his hip. _

_"I don't think you just like it, do you, priestess," he sought my gaze, drinking in the pleasure unfolding on my face as Henrik started to move into me again, gripping both my hips hard, "no...I think you live for it," he pushed my hand down over his cock so I could feel the heat of him through the denim. _

_"I think it was all you could think about all those months we were apart...I think the thought of my tongue inside you would wake you up in the middle of the night and make those fingers start to wander, hmm? And if I told you that I was going to spend the entire fucking day with you under my mouth, you wouldn't be able to say no, would you, sweetheart..."_

_Henrik groaned and pressed his forehead hard between my rolling shoulderblades as my inner walls squeezed him tighter with every low, uttered thought. _

_I was writhing and panting as I gripped Tim tightly, watching the muscle in his jaw tick as he started breathing faster through gritted teeth, nearly getting off on the fact alone that I couldn't say no to any of his questions without flat out lying, and we all knew it._

_His fingers started to creep down the front of my hip as he drank down every reaction._

_"I love the idea of you touching yourself thinking about me, baby," he whispered, watching me shiver and then going silent for several seconds, absorbing the heat from my skin._

_"Keep going Henrik, she's almost there," he said absently, but his fingers were knocked away by Henrik's hand as he bent forward, covering my body with his and snarling into my ear. _

_"Uh-uh, hands off, this one is mine..." the pads of his middle and ring fingers rubbed slick circles around my clit as he tilted his hips to press harder against my frontal wall, and Tim _ _pressed his hand down over mine harder so I could feel his cock twitching as he watched my orgasm blooming through my whole body, sending shuddering, wracking waves of pleasure through each muscle until I could hardly hold myself up on two feet. _

_"Thats it..." Tim praised, softly touching my hair, and finally nudging my hand away from him as Henrik slowed his pace, keeping me high but not sending me away again just yet, gritting his teeth and biting his lip to keep himself from coming. _

_"Please..." my brain searched as I slowly drifted back into the present, trying to remember what he'd just said, the words he'd wanted me to tell him, and Ieaned into his kiss desperately, devouring him as I felt the coil of heat in my belly building again. _

_Gods, the more time I spent with them the less time it took them to get me off. Sooner or later, I was convinced they were going to be able to make me come without even touching me. _

_"Say it," Tim put one finger under my chin and tipped it up until he was staring me down, needing me as badly as I needed him._

_"I-I love it when you eat my pussy," I gasped, and immediately he was gone from my lips, dropping to his knees and devouring me like I was actual sustenance, making obscene sounds of pleasure into my core as Henrik started moving faster, forcing my hips to rock forward into his face. _

_"YES, yes, yes, fuck yes," Henrik moaned heavily into my shoulder as his hands left my hips and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back off the stovetop that had been the only thing holding me upright, and firmly keeping me back against his chest as Tim moved with us and wrapped his lips around my clit, hurtling me over the edge of a perfect, consuming orgasm that left me crying my pleasure out into the kitchen and holding onto them both for dear life as Henrik gently lowered us both down onto the floor and Tim kissed me slowly, deeply, the release he'd been denied still tinging the whole thing with a seeking hunger that made me shiver as we shared my taste._

_"Good girl," he kissed my forehead, curling my hair behind my ear and chuckling softly as he murmured half to himself and half to me, "fun sometimes to eat dessert before dinner..."_

Ihy cleared his throat loudly and startled me, making me snap out of my reverie and blink rapidly up at him with blown out pupils.

"Are you here with the rest of us now?" he chuckled, watching the color creep up my throat as I glanced away and nodded. 

"Good. So if Henrik is telling the truth then we must assume that is was the man in line at the airport. Unless he has learned to throw his _ka _twice..." he shivered as he considered it.

"No, I think you're probably right," Henrik grudgingly admitted, nudging my shoulder with his knee, "you remember how I told you that it all felt really weird as we were leaving the airport? There was this like...I don't know how to say it. I was just really unsettled and uncomfortable, even physically. I couldn't shake it. I...I thought it was just from our plans getting changed so quickly, and not really knowing what was going on."

I glanced up backwards at him and frowned. He looked exhausted, and there were dark shadows under his eyes that hadn't belonged to the Henrik from my memory, that hadn't ever belonged to my Henrik before. I reached up to touch his cheek softly, wishing he had gotten to go back and remember with me.

"You should have said something else about it," I gently admonished, "you didn't have to pretend like it wasn't happening."

"He probably said more with that single statement than the foul creature ever intended him to notice in the first place," Ihy grunted, "your self-awareness, son, is--"

"Oh, good, I'm glad we're finally to the 'foul creature' part, because I have like a hundred and fifty questions at least," John sat up, but didn't continue as the god's head swiveled around slowly and gave him a look that spoke volumes. 

"As do I. And I'm not fond of being interrupted."

"Wh-I didn't mean to--"

"Hush."

"But--"

"Do I need to I gag you? Because I can gag you, John, and I assure you it would take just...the mere...flick...of a wrist..."

Indeed, with the slight motion, a ball-gag appeared in his hand as he quirked an eyebrow in a perfectly saucy way and gave it a little bounce, hanging from his index finger.

Every motion was so fine-tuned that I found myself wondering if he practiced things like that in the mirror.

"Oh leave him alone, Papa," I giggled, "you know he didn't mean to interrupt."

"Darling, its not my fault he turns such a lovely shade of pink when you bring up sex in front of him."

"Ignore him, babes, he's not going to gag you," I rolled my eyes, but the toy landed in my lap as I received a challenging look. 

"Perhaps its you who should be gagged then, as I believe you were told not to talk until your plate was clean?"

I grumbled and turned back to my food, tossing the thing over to land in Jonas' lap after a moment, and he grinned at me. 

"Is it my birthday already? Honey you shouldn't have!" 

He laughed as he turned to May with a coy half-smile, wiggling his eyebrows at her in a comical way that undid her on the spot as he held it up for her to see. 

"_Non_, I like mine better, its blue!" 

The toy dropped forgotten from his hand as his jaw dropped and his mind clearly started to wander in the unproductive direction while he stared hard at her. 

"You're an idiot," Tim laughed at him, getting up to retrieve glassware so we could all share the bottle of champagne that was slowly losing its carb the longer it sat neglected. 

He knelt next to me when he returned, giving me the first pour, and making it a big one. 

"Easy, babe, we're squarely into coffee territory by now."

"Shush and drink your fancy bubbles or we _will _gag you," he chuckled, glancing down at my now-empty plate, "are you still hungry? Do you want something else?"

"I'm fine, thank you," I leaned up to kiss him softly.

"Where did you go just now?" he murmured into my lips, "you disappeared into your own head. Everything okay?"

"We were back at home, in my kitchen."

"We? You and me?"

I glanced at him, then back at Henrik, and Tim's responding shiver told me he didn't need any more hints. 

I suspected from his blank, far off stare that he was mentally replaying the moments after Henrik had gotten up to leave us alone. 

As it always did when the two of us were left unsupervised, one thing had led to another, each kiss becoming some more, something longer, which had led to him on his feet and me on my knees, his fingers gripping my hair in a tight ponytail as mine dug into the skin of his hips. He had asked me lowly if he could drive this time, and received a smirk and nod from me before he started picking up the pace until he was fucking my throat roughly. Gods the way he shouted when he came across my tongue had made my fucking toes curl. 

"Bubbles," I reminded him, smiling and kissing his cheek to bring him back to the present. He shuddered and immediately turned his face so my lips were pressing against his as his tongue licked at the seam of them and he cupped my cheek.

"How is possible that I literally want you all the time," he murmured, seeking more of my mouth when I pulled back. 

My fingers touched his cheek again softly as I turned to kiss the heel of his hand.

"You know why."

He breathed a soft laugh, kissing me one more time before getting up to distribute glasses to everyone else, shaking his head and trying to clear it. He needed to focus, and refused to meet Ihy's seeking gaze, instead watching the foamy champagne fizz into the delicate stemware as he poured it into the other's glass.

"Care to share with the class?" he murmured, quirking a teasing eyebrow and smirking as Tim grumbled something unintelligible and shuffled off. 

He retook his seat and we all sipped without saying anything more for a moment, savoring the taste and the company.

Ihy ended the silence, staring into the fire as he started talking lowly, receiving no interruptions this time as he held our attention rapt, the seven of us watching the tip of his finger trace a repeated circle around the mouth of his champagne flute.

"Iufenamun was my caretaker when I was a boy. I believe I told some of you that much, but perhaps not you, Masika...perhaps you didn't know at all that I was a child once..."

He glanced over at me chewing my lip, and I shook my head. 

Our gods didn't age like humans did, so I had just assumed that they were all birthed from the voidless waters as adults.

"This man taught me about humanity, and told me stories. He kept me company in the absence of my parents as they fulfilled their divine duties. You understand, children, that our relationships with our families are not the same as yours. My mother and father were absent from the moment of my birth, and that was simply the way it was...but my mother chose this man from the city. He was a well-known conjurer, a magician blessed by the gods with wit and intellect beyond the average man..." his gaze met mine once more, and I was surprised to find tears welling there, though none spilled down his cheeks as he took a deep breath.

"And he was only ever kind to me for the many, many years we spent together before his death."

The air felt suddenly thick with discomfort and emotion as I glanced at Johannes, then Jonas and May and Tim. All were wearing identical expressions to my own confusion.

"Death? He's mortal? Was mortal? Is? Was?" I asked, totally bewildered.

"That's what you were saying yesterday about--gods, was that really just yesterday? It feels like it was a hundred years ago--oh, right sorry, what you were saying about him dying but whatshisname freaking out that he never showed up for judgement?"

"Thoth," Ihy and I answered John together, my voice punctuated with a question mark, his with a period as he looked down at me and nodded.

"Very good, dear."

"Look, I know I'm old, but my memory isn't _that _bad, I still remember who is who," I rolled my eyes, "can we get back to the part about him dying and somehow skipping out on the weighing? Thats not possible unless you're like us," I gestured to me and May, "and its not something we can even control."

Normal humans didn't have the ability in our world to avoid facing the ultimate, unchangeable end of their own mortality. We were completely subject to the will of the gods, and when you died, you always faced them. It was simply the way of the world. 

"He was born mortal, a man as I said - blessed, to be certain, but still a mortal man, fated to die eventually like the rest of them...I seem to remember him living for an awfully long time though," he started murmuring to himself as he searched his memories, staring away into the fire while his eyebrows knitted together, "he was so sick and then...he wasn't..."

"Papa..." I picked up my glass and crawled away from Henrik to go sit in front of him, resting my hand lightly on his knee to get his attention when he didn't acknowledge me at first. 

"Hmm? I apologize, child," he shook his head and blinked away the cobwebs of memory, "my mind does tend to wander."

"You told me he took your power. In the kitchen, you said he holds a piece of your divinity...why does he have it?"

He nodded stiffly, like it embarrassed him to admit it, and glanced away from me. 

"And also how?" Johannes added, shaking his head too with confusion as his eyebrows wrinkled in the center, "gifted or not, a human taking powers from a god seems...impossible...I-I mean, not that I've met a lot of gods, its really only been the one...well, two..."

"I do not know how," the others shoulders seemed to deflate as he answered, and I squeezed his knee comfortingly before laying my chin on it so he could still see me as he answered. It distressed me to see him like this after having grown somewhat accustomed to his unrelenting sarcasm and the slight amount of distance he put between himself and everyone else. 

But not me. That shouldn't have included me. 

"Tell me about when you knew him, Papa," I said softly, drawing his attention as I settled more comfortable against his knee. 

Ihy's fingers petted my hair softly, stroking over my cheek, and his face softened more and more the longer he looked down at me. 

"He was my only true friend, Masika. Child gods are exceedingly rare, you see, so I had no other companions. And my relationship with him was, I thought, unbreakable, unending," he still looked down at me like we were having a one-on-one conversation, his fingers daring to brush over my lips softly until I opened them and gently teethed at the pads, each motion subconscious, thoughtless, just tuning my overthinking mind out for once as he talked to me. 

"Gentle, dear," he smiled as I released him and kissed his fingertips, "Iufenamun promised he would never leave me. He was older than I, of course, though in some ways I am endless and knew existence before his kind ever walked. But he was good to me and treated me like his own child. It was he who first took me to the festivals of your goddess, many many years before you were born, dear...we worshiped with the hordes together, and he spent every waking moment with me, never forgetting what I was, but never letting it affect his treatment of me. He loved me as a son, and I in turn loved him as a parent."

"And you feel sad because you miss him," a tear slid down from the corner of my eye. I'd imagined that their past, once the story was revealed and the details laid bare, would be full of struggle and violence, the missing threads of Ihy's essence taken by force, but it seemed the longer he talked that the reality of it was rather different.

"Desperately so," he nodded, but his eyes went hard in the moment after, "but I do pray, child, that you never hold such a consuming hatred like that which I very much also feel for him..."

"So," May slid off Jonas' lap and laced her fingers together over his other knee, until we were both sitting at his feet like small children, trying to figure out what to do, "he was powerful on his own? This magician?"

"It would seem more so than I thought, dear. But I never knew his magic to be dark - it didn't harm or bring about revenge...he wove gifts and gave of them freely, and practiced medicine and always made sure the people who came to him in need left with what he could spare."

I shuddered as my mind bent under the duality, the tears refusing to be silenced anymore as I thought about Na'eemah's gold hair comb with the opals. Even after everything, it had obviously hurt her to part with it.

Did we even stand a fucking chance against this man?

"What happened," I shook my head as my attempts to focus became more and more frazzled, Ihy's face blurring beyond my eyes as I sniffed, "w-why is he doing this now?"

"Oh, no, no none of that, child," he bent forward and swept both thumbs over my cheeks as his scent wrapped around me. It was warm, like baking spices and vanilla, and I involuntarily leaned into his touch, breathing a shuddering breath against his palm.

"I c-can't help it. I can't...I can't..." my panic began to creep back in, and the more I tried to banish the thought the more it seem to root itself in my consciousness.

We're all going to die.

"One more time today then, dear, but no more," he said softly as he pumped a shallow wave of his effect through his hands into my cheeks when he recognized that my calm wasn't going to come on its own.

I suddenly had to fight like hell not to get to my knees and devour his mouth, as my mind suddenly screamed at me to do like it was my only choice, and my hands gripped his wrists tight.

"What is this," I breathed through the wave of intense need, feeling the calm coming from the very centers of my bones in its wake and remembering it from before, "what are you doing to me?"

"I cannot handle you in tears, darling, it quite frankly breaks my heart. Feel the calm and let it cloak you..."

"Whats that other part that's happening," I murmured, not looking at him because I knew I would give in. I remembered the fiery passion of our kiss from before, of him telling Tim to watch closely and learn how it was done. 

What was that supposed to mean?

Why kiss me to taunt him like he couldn't have me any time he wanted to?

I couldn't hold onto any thoughts - they slipped through my fingers like phantoms, always coming back around to the memory of his tongue sliding over mine as he held me tightly against him, enveloping me in his touch and his scent. I'd never tasted anything like him before, and--

"Triste? Hey, sweet girl, look at me, right here...hi," Johannes smiled from my other side, having watched my face frowning then relaxing, my eyebrows furrowing then going soft as my eyes stayed closed until he got up and wound his way over crossed legs and around the coffee table in the center of the floor until he could sit at my opposite side from May. 

I blinked sleepily at him when my eyes opened, the smile curving my lips as I lifted my arms to him and let myself be pulled into his lap and held.

"What is that thing that you do? You can just make people relax or something?" he asked the other as his fingers softly worked through my hair, holding my head cradled into his shoulder and relieved that I was right where he'd needed me.

Ihy's responding smirk was like something from a movie - slow and teasing and wonderfully crooked. 

"Don't you dare," my voice sounded, slightly muffled by the fabric of Johannes' zip up as I sensed the mischief in the way he paused, "he's _my _boyfriend, you can't have him, Papa."

"Okay...confused...but also sufficiently weirded out enough to drop it," Johannes verbally retreated, shaking his head at Ihy, "you could just answer questions like a normal person, you know."

"Oh, son, but I am the farthest thing from a normal person that I dare say you'll ever meet."

"_Dieux..._" May and I both murmured at the exact same time, bringing a single beat of perfect silence before everyone erupted into helpless laughter. 

"Are you okay?" Johannes tipped my chin up, pulling me out of the comfortable crook of his shoulder so he could look me in the eye when I nodded, the residual calm from whatever Ihy had done still lasting, though far less potent. 

It was enough to make me get a grip on myself. 

He nuzzled his nose against mine and I reached up to kiss him, holding him against my lips.

"Don't be afraid little one," he murmured, "I'm here. I won't go anywhere."

I knew he wouldn't, and knew now too that he hadn't wanted to go away the first time. I promised myself as he gazed down at me that I would tell him everything. That I would be patient and understanding, and let him blow up if he needed to. 

"I love you, Johannes," I kissed him again as he sat me up and guided me off his lap, "and...and when you're ready to talk about her, I'll listen."

He grimaced slightly, and Henrik bent forward to put a hand on his shoulder. 

"Nothing is as it seems right now, have some faith," he said reassuringly, "I told you that first night that you were back that we wouldn't abandon you through this shit, remember?"

Johannes flushed red but nodded.

"And we won't now. And if you're not tossing me out on my ass for what I did, then I can't imagine that we'd ever change our minds about you, okay?"

The taller man looked back gratefully at his friend, reaching up to grip his hand tight, still resting on his shoulder. 

Ihy watched appreciatively. He hadn't been lying to Tim earlier - he did love humans. After living so many lives as one, he had a particular appreciation for their stupidity and their reactivity. But especially witnessing things like this. Watching bonds strengthened year after year prove to weather even the most horrific scenarios... 

"Triste," he said absentmindedly, and Johannes gathered me back against him, looking for something to lean against that wasn't the corner of Henrik's chair. 

"Its okay," Henrik nudged his shoulder with his knee, "scoot back."

"Yes Papa?" I let myself be gathered back between Johannes' legs as he leaned back against the front of Henrik's chair, the other having propped one leg to rest overtop of the other to make room.

"I am sorry if this is indelicate, but can you please try to remember what exactly happened in the moments before Henrik changed the first time? I'm afraid details are required."

I took a deep breath, feeling comforted by the arms around me, and knowing the hand that reached to touch my hair belonged to Henrik.

"Can I just show you? I don't...I don't want to rehash it..."

Ihy rubbed a finger over his lips thoughtfully as he looked down at me.

"Are you sure? You will have to see it once more..."

"I know. I...I can close my eyes."

"Take me too."

"Henrik, no fucking way," I rocketed up from Johannes' lap and rounded on him, shaking my head.

"Triste, I need to know. I get that it wasn't me and that this motherfucker can just...take over my body or whatever, but I need to know."

"Make your choice, High Priestess, time is not a luxury we have."

I huffed a sigh, scrubbing both hands back and forth over my face and looking at him sadly over my fingers. 

"Come here then."

I scooted a few feet back into an empty space on the floor, and John was there in the next second, wrapping his arms around my waist loosely. 

"Just...I'm here if you need me okay?" he murmured into my ear, not encroaching, but making sure I knew that he'd be holding onto me the whole time. 

"Thanks babes," I leaned back to press my temple to his for a moment before holding out one hand to Henrik and one to Ihy. They joined me on the floor, one grasping each hand, and I looked back and forth between them with a sigh.

\--

The bathroom felt cramped with all of us, but they watched the scene unfolding.

"Fuck, this is so weird...is that really what my hair looks like from--"

"Shut up, Henrik," Ihy said lowly, eyes trained on our forms, intertwined and crying out softly into one another as he rocked me into the wall.

I turned to Henrik and gripped his face between my palms. 

"I love you. Forever. Always. Nothing can change that, okay?"

He wasn't breathing, staring as his own voice called me a whore, told me that I was never satisfied, the sound of my head thumping painfully back against the wall punctuating each uttered slur.

"NO!" Henrik screamed, trying to wrestle out of my grip, but I held him tight, having been prepared for this since he voiced a desire to see it all happen.

"Shh, shh, hush, honey, hush," I overpowered him, burying my face into his neck as I tried to calm him down, eventually starting to hum softly to drown out the sounds. 

"Speed bonnie boat, like a bird on the wing, onward the sailors cry, carry the lad that's born to be king, over the sea to Skye..." I sang softly, clutching him to me as his body heaved with each gasping sob, watching himself squeeze the life from me. He'd murmured softly to me one night that he loved that song, and it was the only thing I could think of on the fly.

Ihy stared with a combination of fear and disturbance, reaching back into his own memory, searching for any twitch or spark of intuition, anything that had told him in the moment what was happening to me. 

But there was nothing. 

Henrik's hand squeezed my throat and the two men fought through the dry gags they felt rising as they watched me struggle and die.

"I've seen enough," he snarled after a moment, but Henrik and I stayed frozen in place, me still humming and singing verses from memory, trying to calm him down as he frantically apologized and wept against my shoulder. 

But I was rudely yanked away from him as Ihy forced me to turn back towards him, meeting his look of abject shock before looking down, where I was sitting on the ground, shaking my head and groaning, asking aloud what the hell had just happened as the Henrik of my memory started to shriek...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have yall been watching Johannes and Paky's livestreams? Because honestly the way he constantly shades the rest of the band cracks me up, esp because when he says ANYTHING about Henrik, people hop to and defend him 😂
> 
> Also, Paky interrupts literally everything he says because he's so goddamn long-winded. 
> 
> Whatever, Big Bird, leave our marshmallow alone. 
> 
> But really guys, stay home.


	80. Chapter 80

My jaw dropped as I watched myself get my bearings, glancing around, blinking under the sudden light, and nearly jumping out of my skin when Henrik started screaming. I thought for a moment as I whirled back around that perhaps the other was thinking about joining him, his face a perfect expression of abject shock, mouth and eyes open wide.

He'd known what he'd done of course, and knew equally that he needed to see it with his own two eyes if he was ever going to forgive himself for it. But actually witnessing the life fading from my jerking limbs, watching his own fingers check my stilled pulse points as his lips whispered an unfeeling, insincere goodbye...it was more than he could handle, and he instantly knew asking to come had been a mistake. 

"Hey, shh shh, you're okay, baby, you're okay," I gripped his cheeks hard, making him look at me as the tears coursed down his face and his mouth contorted into a grimace as he gasped for breath, his body threatening to shut down again, "this part was you, but nothing before was. You know that. We've told you that."

"No more. Please no more, I-I remember everything from here," he sobbed, burying his face into my hair as he held onto me with a vice-like grip, shying away from the version of me from the memory as I tried and failed to unlock the bathroom door in an attempt to get Johannes in and figure out what the fucking hell was happening. 

"Lets go, this was a b--", my response that we were going home and that it wasn't negotiable was cut short as the door flew open and five shocked faces took in the scene, nothing like what they had expected to find when Tim knocked on the door asking if we were okay after everyone heard the ominous thud.

"What happened," Ihy barked, and I was about to give him a rude answer when I remembered that it wasn't the one who had come with me that had spoken. 

My own image answered him and I realized with a shiver that there were three of me in the room, All identical, save for the one having no clothes on, and the other two of us being dressed in different sets. 

Well, that and the handprints...

I gingerly touched my throat, though I knew I hadn't resurfaced with the bruise thanks to May. She would never let me live with such an ever-present reminder.

"I don't know, he just...we were...you know, and he just got too rough, and and, and he wouldn't listen to me...Papa he completely ignored my safe word, somethings not right!"

Ihy turned to look at me wearing an expression that was disturbingly close to Henrik's.

"You...you spoke to me?"

The memory played on and the other me tried and failed to get Papa's attention by gripping his face, and I shifted uncomfortably, remembering the peculiar feeling of only air under my fingertips where his skin should have been. 

"I...you couldn't--..."

"Out, get out!" Ihy snarled at me and Henrik, shoving us past the others out into the plane and gripping my upper arm painfully hard to turn me to him when the space allowed for more movement. 

"Why did you not tell me this! Why did you not fucking tell me you were here trying to reach me!!"

"You couldn't hear me! She couldn't hear me either!" I yelled, waving a hand at my own figure's sudden screams of Her name, beating my fists against the leather of the seatback in front of me. 

I thought for a moment that Ihy was going to explode on the spot, or that his insides were going to bubble out of his ears as the air went stiff, thick with static electricity.

"Papa..." I cautiously took a step forward, but he was stone-still, not even breathing as he continued to stare at my other self's ensuing breakdown and fearful cries.

"FUCK!!!" he screamed, raw and furious, "you should have tried again, you idiot girl! I was right here! I could have reached you and helped you! Why didn't you try again!!"

The hollow ringing of being in an airplane paled in comparison to the sound that echoed between my ears as I listened to him insult me and blame me, and Henrik jumped back with a yelp of pain when he put a hand on my arm to pull me away and the surface of my skin burned him. 

"Ouch! Triste what the fuck!"

"I. Fucking. Tried." I snarled, bringing my flames into my palms like it was second nature by now and facing him. It shouldn't have made me so angry. Comments like that should have just rolled off given the circumstances. I knew this would be hard for him and I knew it would be uncomfortable, but I hadn't ever imagined that he would just blame me for it. 

Ihy panted, his face angry and thunderous, as he watched the other version of me, weeping and for lack of a better term freaking the fuck out, trying to get Jonas' attention and Johannes', desperately trying to understand why I was still there at all and not in the secure warmth of my goddess' arms.

He didn't respond to me as Jonas darted angrily down the steps, followed by John, then Johannes, who was practically carrying Henrik. 

We were alone on the plane, and the other Ihy turned on his heel, striding back towards the closed bathroom door, and my own Ihy bristled at the sound of me desperately yelling, pleading for him to see me, to help me. As my head was thrown back in an anguished scream, his entire body seized in a violent shudder, and he looked at me with wide eyes and tear-stained cheeks before disappearing altogether. 

My image tore down the aisle and the steps off the plane as my Papa disappeared behind the bathroom door, never having known I was there in the first place, and then it was just me and Henrik.

"C-come on...home. Lets go home." I reached absently for his hand, but he hissed with pain and pulled it back, cradling it to his body.

"Henrik? Let me see that, what happened?!"

I snapped us back to May's living room, and was immediately subject to five voices, all yelling and asking where the fuck Ihy was, talking over each other that he'd just completely disappeared a moment before. John had jumped back from us when it happened, crawling around to sit in front of out huddled figures and wait, flabbergasted and wide-eyed like the rest of them. 

"STOP. Just, everyone shut the fuck up for a minute," I scrubbed both hands over my face, fighting the mingled urges to burst into tears and scream into the abyss and kick something really _really _hard. 

"Hey, hey hey hey, you're okay, shh, come here," Jonas pried my fingers away from my face, pulling me towards him as my mind reeled, and in doing so catching sight of Henrik cradling his injured hand as he obviously tried to work through the same mental gymnastics as me. 

"Whats that about?" he nodded his chin towards the hand in question.

"Accident," Henrik murmured, making a face as he gingerly opened his fingers to inspect the damage. He'd only touched me for a moment, but I'd burned him badly. 

"Let me see that," May said, getting up and moving down to where he sat, taking his hands between hers again. 

"This feels familiar, _non_?" she smiled softly, trying to be the force of calm in an otherwise frazzled situation, keeping her voice quiet and even as she began to untangle whatever had just happened. 

"Triste? Triste, look at me _oie_."

Jonas shifted me so that I could still see her and cling to him at the same time. 

"Where is Papa?"

"He bailed."

" 'Bailed'," she repeated the word with a frown, looking at Jonas for clarification.

"Left without a warning."

"Ah. Yes, well, he did not say anything before leaving here either. Why did he...bail?"

"He was freaking out that he couldn't hear me after I...afterwards."

By rights, I should have cracked up with giddy laughter at the way all of their heads cocked to the side in unison, but I only heaved a sigh and leaned against Jonas' shoulder, wishing I could just go to bed.

"After I died, I was still sort of there. Lingering, kind of. Which is normal for a few minutes," I put up both hands to stop the questions. Usually I was happy to indulge my boys with answers to everything they could think of, but right now, I just needed to talk uninterrupted, and I turned my face to look up at Jonas as he shifted me to sit in his lap, "thats why you could see May when she came to visit you right after she died."

He nodded his understanding but stayed quiet otherwise, and I assumed that meant they'd found the time to discuss it. 

"But when I came to, I couldn't talk to anyone. I mean I _could_, but no one could hear me..."

I looked everywhere that wasn't Tim, because I knew I would only burst into tears if I caught a glimpse of the expression on his face. I'd run like hell before I had a chance to see him having a breakdown, clutching my body like he could wake me up if he tried hard enough.

"And...and...Ihy...wasn't happy that he couldn't hear me."

" 'Wasn't happy'? Is that what you just said?! Triste, I thought he was about to smack you!" Henrik interjected, filling in the details I'd purposefully glossed over, and the arms around me stiffened fractionally as I sat up. 

"Very bad things would happen to him if he tried that," I said lowly, slapping a hand to my forehead as my overtired brain finally caught up, "christ, hows your hand? I did that, didn't I? Honey I'm so sorry..."

"He is fine. Correct as rain."

"Right as rain," Henrik and I corrected her together, and she stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation before getting to her knees and leaning down to press a soft kiss to his cheek. 

"Right as rain," she repeated, cupping his face in one hand and staring intently down into his eyes for several moments.

"You are okay? You understand now that you did not hurt my Triste?"

He looked away but nodded, like he wasn't fully convinced, and she firmed her grip on him, giving him a stern look but saying nothing more. 

We switched places and I grabbed Henrik's hand to make sure there were no scars or damage left. His skin was flawless, like nothing had happened in the first place, but I felt a pang of guilt anyways as I touched the callouses on his fingertips.

"I didn't mean to," I whispered, my eyes blurring with tears for what felt like the billionth time since we'd all sat down, "I'm so sorry."

The small curve at the corner of his mouth took me by surprise.

"Please trust that I of all people understand that," he murmured, leaning in slowly to kiss me, intending to make it short, something to fill in the rest of his thought that he couldn't put into words, but lingering instead, drawing me into his lap and keeping me there.

"I love you, Triste," he murmured, hugging me close as he ignored his inner voice telling him to be cautious, holding my face with both hands as my lips opened to him automatically, letting him taste my tears and my sadness. 

The longer Henrik slowly rocked me in his lap the more those few moments on the plane tore me apart, watching them all fall to pieces, tearing at their hair and scrubbing hands over their faces, trying desperately to wake up from the nightmare unfolding around them.

I shifted in his lap until we were facing each other and I looked at him sadly, hooking my legs around the back of his hips and tracing the lines around his mouth with one finger as I frowned and sniffled.

"Don't look at me like that _älskling_, I can't take it," he captured my hand in his own and pressed it to his cheek as he watched it haunt me, the incessant replay of the memory of him scrambling back and trying to disappear into the corner, to get as far away from me as possible, screaming bloody murder...

I drew his face towards mine with the one hand gently cupping his cheek, until our lips were touching, "this is only happening to you because of me," I whispered, my tears splashing down my cheeks, "and--and I promise I'll fix it, okay? I'll think of something..."

His responding kiss was gentle, but lasting and insistent again. He didn't feel strange about kissing me in front of everyone else like he had in front of Ihy, who was still disturbingly absent.

"My precious love," he moaned softly into my lips, threading his fingers back into my hair as our tongues slid over each other, gifting the other with a promise of spending our little piece of eternity together if we could just get past this one horrible thing.

"Oh, but thats still a no though," he closed his eyes tightly and shook his head back and forth when I made to pull at his clothes, too overcome by our moment of solace and connection to care if anyone else watched us fucking in the middle of the living room floor.

"Please, Henrik," I half-whined.

"_No,_" his refusal was more insistent this time, "not until I know for certain that he wont hurt you again. I can't control when he comes and goes, and I"m _not _taking that risk..."

Once the words were in the air, we both winced together, knowing the real possibility existed that we'd never be able to find him. That even if this creature showed his face, as he'd said he would, we may not ever really know if Henrik was okay. 

That he may just have been coming to taunt us, or worse...

My anger flared again and I took a deep breath as my skin started to feel hot, flushed and feverish.

"Please," he cuddled me close again, "don't be angry with me, Triste...I'm just trying to protect you. And I know I've done a shit job of it so far but--"

"I'm gonna fix this, Henrik," I promised again, "everything will be back to normal. Ihy will come back eventually and we'll figure all of this out. Then it'll be just you and me again, okay? And...and we'll be just like normal people."

"Well, I think we're kinda beyond the bounds of normal now, little one," he smiled into my hair before tipping my chin up with one finger so he could look down at me, "but thats okay, because I want you any way I can have you. Christ I spent so many months just thinking about you, wondering what you were doing or thinking right at that moment. I would wake up and look at the sky and wonder if you could see the stars too..." his fingertips brushed over my cheek, "I never imagined that being with you would be anything like this," one touched my lips as I made to interrupt him with an apology.

"But I would quite literally not trade a minute of time with you for anything in the world, my darling, so stop apologizing and just trust me that I'm with you no matter what, okay?"

He dipped his head and kissed me again, a thing full of unspoken promise and devotion as he hugged me closer to his body and rolled his hips into me, unable to stop himself as I moaned quietly, always seeking more simply because I could never get enough of him, tangling my fingers back into his perfect hair and pulling slightly as I arched into him.

"That doesn't work on me like it works on Tim," he chuckled, giving me that heavenly smirk as he shook his head at me hopelessly, freeing his hair from my grasping fingers. 

I raised both eyebrows and glanced quickly down between us, finding evidence to the contrary, "are you sure?"

"Ignore that, he's not a very good listener," he laughed into my lips, drinking down my giggles as he delved his tongue into my mouth again and gave into the fiery passion for one more moment, "gods I fucking want you though, and don't think for a minute that I ever won't," he pressed his forehead against mine hard, squeezing his eyes shut and taking deep breaths as his arms crushed me to him. 

"Thats okay," I whispered, knowing that Henrik was too good to ever break his own rules, and that he'd only feel like hell if I pushed him further and he had to tell me no a third time, "I'm happy right here...are you sure your hand is okay?"

He opened it and flexed his fingers, showing me the front and back so I could double check for myself.

"Correct as rain," he teased, taking deep, slow breaths until he softened, then tipping my chin up for a gentle kiss, "come on, up you go. I want you in my lap but this floors hard as hell and its making my ass hurt," he laughed. 

I giggled with him, feeling okay for now and prolonging everything for one more moment by wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him hard, nuzzling into his hair and inhaling the scent of the shampoo I'd lathered through it in the shower earlier.

"Definitely too good for this world," I sighed, kissing the shell of his ear as my opposite hand pulled his hair back away from it. 

"You're lucky you didn't know me in my twenties," he growled, playfully biting my shoulder before ushering me up and off his lap and accepting both my offered hands to get to his own feet afterwards.

"Just so you know, I happen to be rather fond of you in your thirties either way," I grinned, leaning down to kiss him on the nose, and jumping slightly at the sound of my phone pinging from the other room. 

"Stop it. You don't hear that."

"I do though..."

He sighed as I trotted off to fetch it, wondering who the hell would be calling me at such an obscenely early hour wherever they were. The only people who I knew that needed to reach me would be at least six hours earlier.

It hadn't rang since I was back, but I pulled it out of my bag's side pocket and made a face at Jonas as I shuffled back to the living room.

"Whats up?"

"Its Mike."

"...let it go to voicemail?"

"Facetime," I corrected.

"Shit."

"Hey," I answered and blinked as I caught sight of my own face, eyes puffy and my cheeks obviously tearstained. I swiped my hair back off my face, running my fingers back through it, trying for casual.

"Hey--oh, woah, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, dear, is everything alright?" 

I glanced at the timestamp on my phone and subtracted six hours. It was practically the middle of the night there.

"Yeah, I ah...I..."

"Mike what is it?"

"I just had a dream about you and got a weird feeling and...I'm sorry if this is super weird that I'm calling you, but I got the feeling like I needed to check in..."

"She's fine!" Jonas yelled from the other side of the room, and I watched Mike's eyes go wide momentarily with the recognition of his voice. 

"Behave yourself," I giggled, wagging a finger and shaking my head at him with a laugh.

"So...everything is okay? You're okay?"

"I'm okay," I confirmed, wondering what had unsettled him to the point of calling.

"Good...ehm...h-how's vacation?"

"Interrupted," Tim appeared behind me, settling his chin on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my waist, cocking an eyebrow at Mike's expression on the screen.

"Its fine, all good," I knocked my head into Tim's until he pulled back from me with a hard pinch to my ass and he pressed his lips to my ear, whispering lowly that I'd pay for that later. 

It quickly became a game of fucking with my only employee, and forcing me to do damage control rather than prevention. 

"Gods, do you finally have clothes on? I thought you'd never get dressed," John yelled, grinning.

"Ignore that, he's just kidd--"

"Come back into the shower, Triste, I'm cold in here all alone!" Johannes called from where he was sitting, winking at me quickly as he laughed.

"Ah, am I interrupting?" I could almost hear him awkwardly shuffling his feet, though I could tell by the backdrop that he was sitting on my couch.

"Mike, don't--"

"Darling, I thought it was _my_ turn with you now, don't go back to Johannes!" Henrik added, unable to not laugh through his dramatic whine.

"He's being ridiculous--"

"Give him here, Triste," Jonas chuckled, nodding at me when he caught my attention, and whispering afterwards with an eyeroll, "promise I'll be nice."

I looked back at the screen.

"I'm really sorry for whatever is about to happen to you. Just tell me my boys are okay first."

"Wait, whats happening to me? Oh...they're fine. Miss you like hell, but I fucking swear the little one tries to talk to me. He follows me around and just meows incessantly until I put him on my shoulders," he chuckled as the chatty little thing in question popped up in the corner of the screen and I waved one finger at him in greeting. 

"They're eating okay? Nothing weird? And thank you for staying to take care of them. I feel better knowing someone is there."

"They're fine, bosslady," he laughed, "gods you've only been gone a day and you're already worrying!" 

It felt like a punch to the gut when he said it.

_You've only been gone a day._

How could that be? How could yesterday really have been the same day that I got on the plane and drifted off to a peaceful sleep between Jonas and Henrik?

"...ehm, well, thats all, I just wanted to check in...sorry, I didn't mean to bother you. I'll let you get back to, ah... whatever you were doing..."

"Thanks for checking in, hon. I'll bring you back some fancy champagne," I laughed. 

"Champagne? I thought you were going to Sweden. Did I make that up?"

"Oh...ah..."

"Ooh, this is him? This is Mike?" May swept up with perfect timing and snatched the phone from my hand, dropping into her signature purr that she only used when she was toying with men for the hell of it and sauntering off to sit back next to Jonas. 

John pulled me into his lap and started letting his lips roam over my neck in a maddeningly distracting way once he confirmed that I was okay and not going to fall to pieces again. 

"John I...I need to make sure they're not...not..."

"Not what," he breathed, smirking against my skin as he sucked a little mark just below my hairline.

"Ohh, I know you're doing this on purpose, you know...you guys are totally in on this together," I laughed breathlessly, eyes closed and face turned towards the ceiling as he sucked on my earlobe softly, massaging his hands over my body.

"We're in on everything together. Or do you need another reminder of that," he whispered, and I could hear the wicked grin in his voice as he remembered Jonas kneeling and gripping my hips tight as he fucked up into me while John held me by the hair, hitting the back of my throat repeatedly, standing on his feet and making me grip his thighs tight to stay in place on my knees.

He felt my shiver as I remembered it too. 

"Come on, you know you want to moan my name," he growled into my neck, his fingers suddenly working under my pants, teasing over my mound, "and I know for damn sure I want to hear it..."

"John!" I gasped softly, "I don't...oh..." he kept us slow, not pushing me or even really moving me anywhere, just exploring my body slowly, teasing me as Jonas' eyes seared into mine, May still seated next to him chattering at Mike, who I was sure was over the moon about it.

"Are you sure you mean don't?" he breathed, "because it feels like you want more...maybe even want both of us again..."

I turned my face and kissed him hard, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck as he pulled me closer. 

"Come to bed with me when we're done?" he asked in a soft voice, at odds with the way he was gripping my body, "I know you're tired, I just need you in my arms."

I nodded and kissed him one more time, unable to stop myself from touching the happy smile that spread over his mouth with my fingertips, letting them travel down over his facial hair, wondering absently if he'd ever just up and shave it like Tim had. 

Speaking of...

I turned to look at Tim, holding out a hand. 

He touched his fingertips to mine and smiled softly. 

"You okay priestess?"

"M'okay," I yawned rubbing my eyes and rolling my shoulders as I tuned back into Jonas, who was now sternly looking at the camera.

"Michael," he said in a deep voice, dropping into his lower register that he used for their absurd promotional videos, "this is your king speaking."

"Its Mikkael, and give me my phone back, your royal highness," I giggled, forcing a grin to his face that interrupted his surly expression as he looked up at me, then back at the camera, letting up on the teasing.

"Do you trust me to look after your boss?"

"What? I...I mean...I don't..."

"Good. Goodnight."

He promptly ended the call and tossed my phone onto the table, wagging a finger at me. 

"No more work."

"Yes sir," I rolled my eyes, "and that wasn't work! He was just checking in!"

"Either way. You're exhausted, and overworked as it is before you add in any supernatural...stuff..." the mention made him glance around, like maybe he was going to find Ihy lurking in the shadows evesdropping. 

My stomach dropped as I realized I'd forgotten about him. The few minutes of teasing and normalcy had completely walled off that fact from my consciousness. 

We were on our own now.

I whined and collapsed sideways to lay my head in Henrik's lap. 

"I don't know what to do," I said frustratedly, "and I feel like there's nothing I _can _do until this motherfucker shows up!"

"Which motherfucker are we referring to?" Tim asked, for once actually serious. 

"Shh shh, its okay, love. We'll figure something out okay? Why don't you close your eyes for a minute and rest. You'll think more clearly if you're not exhausted..." Henrik tucked a pillow under my head like it was non-negotiable.

"Wake me up in twenty, okay?" I slurred, already halfway gone, "just...just need twenty minutes..."

"Of course."

The minutes ticked by and he petted my hair repeatedly as the silence filled the void and he stared away into the fire, trying to reason, trying to think. 

He stiffened when the idea hit him, glancing around to see if he could pull May away for a moment and run it by her.

"Have we considered the possibility that Ihys not coming back?" Johannes sighed, leaning heavily into the back of his chair, obviously as wiped out as the rest of us. 

"He'll be back," Tim shook his head, "its is his mess in the first place. And he wouldn't leave her by herself through something like this anyways."

"Okay what the hell is going on with you two?" Jonas finally asked, voicing the question everyone had been wondering since they all got to the house, "you're being weird and tense around him."

"What? I...nothing," Tim said defensively, looking away, "I just don't like how possessive he is of her..."

The deafening silence that followed only made him bristle more. 

"I get that thats hypocritical, okay?! Christ, lay off..."

The sun was up now in its full morning glory, but our days and nights were all backwards, and the heavy living room curtains blocked out most of its light as he tried to gauge what time it was. 

"I think perhaps some sleep would do us all good, _non?_" May announced as she got to her feet, still avoiding Henrik's stare because she simply couldn't handle anything else right then. She crossed to where I was sound asleep, and bend to drop a soft kiss to my cheek. 

"_Fais de beaux rêves, oie."_

"I can carry her, she shouldn't sleep out here," Henrik said, moving to shift and get up with me.

"I'll do it...come on tired girl," John whispered, dropping a tender kiss to my forehead and waiting for me to stir, cocking an eyebrow at me when I remained dead asleep.

"Triste?"

No response. 

Apparently when I'd said I only needed twenty minutes, I'd been fibbing.

"Suit yourself," he breathed a soft laugh, kissing the corner of my mouth to test just how dead to the world I was and receiving precisely no response.

Henrik gently shifted me, moving the pillow under my head before getting up and stretching, rolling one ankle then the other as the blood started flowing back into his cramped legs and John stayed where he was, softly petting me and staring down at my face as everyone else shuffled off for a few hours of sleep.

"Be gentle, she's had a long day...night...whatever," Henrik reminded the other, who gave him an exasperated look and an eye roll.

"Yes sir."

"Ass," Henrik muttered, turning off the lamp before shuffling down the hall to his room, eager to finally get some rest.

A sudden idea sparked through John's brain as he considered just curling up next to me and drifting off, and he pulled his phone from his pocket, propping it up on the table and starting a new video recording, knowing I wouldn't object simply because I trusted him not to abuse the privilege. 

The fireplace crackled, casting a flickering orange glow over us, and John watched the shadows dance across my skin as I took even, deep breaths, wrapped in the arms of comforting sleep while he gently worked my sleep pants off.

"Hmm," he hummed, "good taste as always, brother..." he admired the deep scarlet lace standing in stark contrast against the creamy skin of my hips and legs, brushing his fingertips over it, thinking of taking them off before he was moved by a different flicker of inspiration.

I remained fast asleep as he gently slid my legs apart and dropped to his knees on the floor to lean in and inhale me, breathing in my scent and shuddering with arousal as his tongue slipped out of his mouth to quickly taste. But it turned into something longer, deeper, more driven by want and clawing need.

He took his time though, kissing me through the material, licking and exploring, glancing up every so often when I stirred, moaning softly and taking deep breaths.

"So good," he murmured to himself, staying gentle as Henrik had reminded him, running the flat of his tongue over me and eliciting a sleepy little moan from my lips, but still not bringing me to the point of awareness.

His lips found my clit and he groaned softly as he could taste me through the now-soaked material, loving that I responded that way to him even as I slept, and he let his thoughts wander about what I was dreaming of as he worked me, never dipping beneath my panties, loving the sensation and the texture against his tongue.

My muscles tensed and arched as my breathing got fractionally faster.

"Thats it, babygirl, keep going," he whispered, not loud enough to wake me, his voice barely rising above the crackling of the fireplace.

I gasped and cried out softly, wordlessly, as I came, and his entire mouth covered me, licking and gently sucking, giving me his warmth and drawing out every second of pleasure like he could feel it too, before lifting his head and pressing a soft kiss to my thigh, licking my essence off when it transferred from his lips to my skin.

He chuckled as I shivered in my sleep, then reached for his phone to stop the video.

"I promise I'll always take care of you, Triste..." he watched me sink back further away form the surface of consciousness, my mouth curved into a gentle smile, my whole body relaxed into his touch as he ran his palms over my skin.

He watched me as he softened, taking deep breaths matching mine, committing to memory how I looked with the firelight glowing across the surface of my skin, like I myself was made of the flame rather than being a canvas for its light. 

But then again, I was the very essence of flame now, wasn't I...

"Shh shh, none of that," he murmured, kissing me softly as my face settled into his shoulder when he picked me up and I muttered that I could walk by myself.

"I was having such a nice dream about you, babes," I sighed, already halfway back to sleep, lulled by his even gait as he carried me down the hall and to his bedroom, closing the door behind us. I was tired, and he knew it, but even if it meant just holding me while I slept, he craved the alone time with me that everyone else had already gotten.

"I bet you were," he chuckled to himself, kicking the covers back with his foot before gently laying me down and pulling them back up. He groaned as he took his hair down and stripped his shirt, padding to the bathroom to brush his teeth and find his own pajamas before crawling into bed behind me and molding himself against my body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall, Johan is starting work on new Avatar vids!   
So much excitement!


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internet shit the bed and deleted this the first time, so lets try again yes?
> 
> What the hell is John's wife like? Like not that I'm begrudging any of them being married (hallo have you seen Henrik's wife, she's cute af and makes adorable babies and it takes a special kind of queen to support your man while he does what the boys do for a living).
> 
> I think she's a dark and mysterious woods witch.  
Just saying.
> 
> Hope yall are safe and inside. ❤

I was already sound asleep once more, dead to the world, to awareness of even his skin pressing against mine, but he cuddled me closer anyways, curling an arm overtop of my head and laying on his side against my back. He absently rubbed a lock of my hair between his fingers as the seconds ticked by into minutes. He was tired, but couldn't sleep, not being on my east coast time. For him it was morning and time to be up and facing the day. 

"I remember the first time I saw you," he said quietly, breaking the silence of our monotonous breathing, "everyone else saw you from stage except for Tim. Henrik wasn't wrong, Johannes talked about you all day, so you weren't hard to pick out...but I never see people when we're on. Jonas teases me that I go completely blind, but I just tune everyone and everything out. Its what makes me so good at what I do I think...not that I'm bragging, please don't think I'm bragging..."

He went quiet as he remembered that first morning that Johannes had met me and wandered back inside, not bothering trying to sneak past everyone...

_He slid open the glass door that led inside from the deck, humming to himself, obviously in a perfectly fine mood as he reached back to tie his hair out of the way._

_Tim and Jonas, almost in perfect unison, froze, their mugs halfway to their waiting, far too un-caffeinated lips as they watched him float by._

_"Awfully chipper for being out all night..." Jonas murmured as the taller man passed them both, clapping them on the back and commenting on what a beautiful morning it was out, urging them to go outside and sit in the sun._

_"Oh, fucking finally! Jesus Christ, I didn't think you were ever going to get laid again, No offense, but honestly, you've been a straight up nun," Tim started laughing, knowing his guess was correct as soon as Johannes rounded on him, not even bothering to deny it, only blushing furiously._

_"Ah?" John caught the tail end of the interaction as he walked in, a towel wrapped around his hips, and his hair hanging straight and wet down around one shoulder as he air dried, "is that where you were all night?"_

_"You fucking bet he was, pay up asshole," Tim held out his hand with a grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes._

_"Look, kidnapped and sold to a human trafficking ring was a perfectly fair guess!" John laughed, patting the sides of his towel with both hands like they were pockets._

_"Remind me why I'm friends with you all again," Johannes grumbled, heading off for his room, longing for a hot shower almost as much as he was longing to run back out the door and bang his fist on my bedroom window until I let him in and begged him not to go away again._

_"Because we know whats good for you," Henrik blocked his way down the hall with a cocked eyebrow, "come on, fess up, whats her name?"_

_Johannes took a deep breath, wanting to talk endlessly about me, to share every detail and minute observation that he'd had all night to make, but also knowing that he was neck-deep in infatuation and it was going to come out smushy at best. _

_"Look, it was an accident..."_

_"Tripped and fell cock-first, eh?" John teased, "its okay it happens to the best of us."_

_"No! God, you're an idiot," he rolled his eyes when the other laughed and gave him the finger, "I couldn't sleep and was just...up. Outside listening to the ocean just thinking. And then there she was. I looked up and she was just there, mediating or something, I don't know. But we started talking and--"_

_"Wait what do you mean she was just there? Johannes," Henrik frowned, glancing out towards the deck and knowing the stairs led down to the public beach where anyone could just climb them whenever they wanted, "we have rules about that. You know we don't--"_

_"No, she's not a crazy fangirl stalker, I swear! She's staying nextdoor."_

_Four sets of doubtful eyes stared back at him and his defensiveness started to rise to the surface._

_"Look, I didn't ask for it okay? It just...she just happened. And--"_

_"What's her name?" Henrik asked again, more kindly, seeing that his friend was starting to feel more attacked than teased now._

_"Triste..." Johannes found that once he said it, image after image rolled through his mind of watching me pleasure him, watching me come undone, hearing his own mouth pronounce the word, six letters tacked together that felt like music when he said them._

_It was like my name was designed to be said in the throes of passion, like saying it any other time didn't do it justice, no matter how wonderful it was. _

_Triste._

_"Johannes..."_

_Triste..._

_"Johannes?"_

_Gods he was already dying to see me again._

_"Hello..."_

_"JOHANNES."_

_"WHAT-what? Sorry, what did you say?"_

_John smirked at him, but didn't say anything as he left the kitchen to go get dressed, followed in short order by Jonas and Tim, arguing about the conclusion of the movie they'd watched on the ride out yesterday._

_Henrik snickered at how obviously stricken Johannes was as he opened the cupboard to pull down a coffee mug, grabbing a second one after a moment's thought, "she's that good, huh? This Triste?"_

_Johannes collapsed down onto one of the bar stools, running both hands over his face as he propped his elbows on the countertop, experiencing a dizzying combination of exhaustion and rejuvenation._

_"She's amazing, Henrik," he answered honestly, "witty and clever and beautiful..."_

_Henrik watched his friend carefully over the rim of his coffee mug. Johannes had never been the kind to indulge in casual sex, let alone casual sex with a complete stranger, and was acting far too attached already._

_"Are you going to see her again?"_

_"Gods I hope so," he murmured into his hands and Henrik couldn't help the smile that bloomed across his lips as he took another sip, still watching. _

_"Look at you, this girls got you all out of sorts already doesn't she..."_

_Johannes huffed a mirthless laugh, throwing his hands up in resignation. _

_He wasn't wrong. _

_"Are you gonna be able to make it through today?" Henrik chuckled, turning and refilling his mug and sliding the second one over the countertop towards Johannes._

_He watched the steam rising off the black liquid, dancing away from the surface._

_"I'm fine, I just can't get her out of my head."_

_"Thats normal, its been like a hundred years since you've gotten laid, brother," he laughed in response, "give it an hour or two, go get a shower, and you'll be fine."_

_"I dunno," Johannes traced the rim of his coffee mug with one finger, "nothing about her seems normal..."_

"After that last afternoon show, we all went home and felt like we could finally relax for a couple of days. No more big festivals, no more running around all day long. Don't get me wrong, we love it, but it makes you so tired, ya know?" John started shaking with silent laughter at the memory, "gods you should have seen Henrik when he came back inside babe. Flustered as hell and all bothered by you...he probably fell in love with you right that second."

John's lips pressed into my hair, inhaling the scent of flowers and grasses - sweet and heady. The power roiling just beneath the surface of my skin was like the molten fire at the center of the earth, but the surface itself was gentle and soft. 

"I was about to just go and see you for myself after how shaken he seemed, but you ran straight into me, remember?" he kissed the ridge of my shoulder, "gotta watch where you're going little one...

"And from that second, everything was different, but it didn't feel like an abrupt change, you know? Like a sudden 180. I just was happier every time you walked into the room, and sometimes I felt like I could watch you and know what you were thinking. I know thats crazy, and I don't have powers like you do, but I just...I dunno I guess I would catch echoes of your thoughts maybe. There was just something about you..."

He continued to talk to me as sleep evaded him, simply emptying his head of all the things that had been floating around, swimming inside his brain for the last six months. He wasn't a gifted writer or a poet like Johannes, and he couldn't create a melody or draw me a picture like Tim could, so he just talked. 

"Your skin was so warm and you smelled so good, I almost just held onto you instead of tossing you in the pool," he chuckled, "but then we were there and you were teasing me and I wanted so badly for you to just give in and kiss me back... I was dying to taste you even though I knew you were with Johannes...gods you dont know what I had to think about to keep myself from getting hard when you were wrapping your legs around me," he laughed quietly, the smile curving his broad mouth.

My hair slid through his fingers, and the longer he talked and remembered, the more that nagging, burning need started to resurface and part of him wished I would just wake up and roll over and touch him, but I remained asleep, and he couldn't bring himself to wake me. 

After a few minutes he couldn't stop himself and rolled over to his side of the bed, grabbing his phone and kicking out of his pants. He pulled up the video he'd taken of us before and stifled a groan as he wrapped a hand around himself, staying slow, relishing his own touch since he couldnt have mine, trying not to move too much as his hips rolled.

John ticked the volume up one notch, watching his face between my thighs, getting to see my reaction from another point of view, the way I involuntarily shifted closer to him, seeking more of his mouth even as I was in an entirely different world of dreams. 

He moaned softly, freezing when I woke and rolled over, blinking sleepily at him, a slow smile curving my lips as I leaned in to kiss him, breathing a quiet moan as he met me needily, his taste and his warmth making me shiver as much as his tongue.

"Don't stop babes, I want to watch you," I whispered, catching sight of what was on his phone and smirking, "hmm not a dream then..."

"Or, the best dream ever," he chuckled, staying slow as his hand moved over his cock again and I leaned my face against his shoulder to watch, completely enraptured in the way he touched himself, meeting every need as soon as it surfaced, reacting to exactly what felt best to him. 

"Get on top of me," he gasped, teasing himself closer to release and tossing his phone away.

I stripped my tanktop but left my panties on, straddling his thighs down near his knees and drinking in the way his mouth opened and closed wordlessly as he breathed one gasping moan after another, his eyes roaming over my body as I played with myself too to intensify his high, running my fingertips over one of my nipples. 

I knew his kink was watching, and really more so being watched by extension, but I'd never imagined how intimate it would be, to watch him receive pleasure without me touching him. My fingers slipped underneath the lace band of my panties and I ran two of them through my folds, exploring my own wetness, taking the time to lavish all my sensitive spots with attention just like he was. 

"Ahh," I whispered, tilting my head back and closing my eyes as I rubbed unhurried circles around my clit.

"Fucking hell," he groaned as my hips bucked into my featherlight touch and he watched the lace covering my fingers reveal the movement underneath, "oh, don't stop, I'm gonna come, please look at me."

I opened my eyes to watch him shatter, his head rolling to the side as his own eyes closed, his back arching slightly as he gripped himself harder, wave after wave of his release covering his stomach and his chest as he moaned louder and panted with parted lips until it was over. 

We'd had each other a dozen times or more of course since he'd come to find me with everyone else after the show that night, but watching him fall apart without being in the distracting haze of my own orgasm was impossibly beautiful. His teeth sank into his lip and his eyes closed softly, not squeezed tight or rolled back. His narrow chest rapidly moved up and down with each gasped breath, and I could see his pulse hammering in the base of his throat. 

Slowly, as the whole encounter had been, he caught his breath, releasing his cock as he softened before opening his eyes and looking up at me, not fearing judgment or feeling any uncertainty at all. 

"Oh, John that was so wonderful," I breathed, pulling my fingers from my core with a shiver and pressing them to his lips as he smiled dreamily at me, suckling each finger until they were clean. 

"I haven't--...I mean most of my partners haven't really been into--..."

I leaned forward and silenced him with a kiss, uncaring that his release was covering us both as I reassured him before rolled off him and burrowed under his arm.

"Thats a shame, because everything about that was so perfect," I whispered, lifting my face to kiss him again deeply, hardly able to stand not having his lips on mine, and appreciating everything about him in that second. I valiantly choked back the tears that welled up as I realized how much he trusted me to be comfortable doing something like that. 

"I love you so much, babes," I smiled into his lips, nudging my nose against his and fiddling with the shell of his ear until he was laughing and shying away from my ticklish caress.

"I love you too. I'll be right back, okay? Don't go anywhere, you're mine for right now," he whispered, getting up to go clean off and shutting the bathroom door behind him.

I didn't go anywhere, rather rolling over and stretching in the warm hollow he'd left in the sheets and burrowing under the covers, slipping my fingers between my legs as the sink started up. 

I hummed and moaned quietly, biting my lip and closing my eyes for a moment before they rocketed open and I remembered the video on his phone. 

"You kinky bastard," I giggled, reaching over and snatching it up so I could restart it from the beginning. 

Good gods. 

I was reminded of how intense and purposeful everything John did was as I watched the light crackle over my skin, the fire just audible in the background, popping and hissing every so often, but not loud enough to drown out the sounds of John's mouth as he licked me through the lace my fingers were currently slipping underneath again. 

We were like a living work of art. 

My body in the video shifted and tensed every so often, and I would catch echoes of my dream, where he'd been doing the exact same thing in a far different setting. 

"How did I know it was you, babes," I murmured on a soft gasp, watching him glance up at me and knowing from the way his eyes crinkled just overtop of my thigh that he was smiling at something I'd done in the depths of my sleep pleasure. The expression on him made me gush and exhale a sharp breath.

"Because by now, if you don't know what my tongue feels like on your pussy, I can't help you, sweetheart," he chuckled, laughing again as I dropped his phone like it was on fire and yanked my fingers from between my legs as if I'd been caught.

"You're right, I am a kinky bastard," he purred slowly, dropping the towel in his hand and pulling the covers off me, watching my nipples harden further as my body was exposed to the chilly air, "but maybe," he knelt between my legs, running one finger slowly, teasingly, down the length of the soaked lace, "just maybe," his eyes flicked up to mine and seared me with their intensity, "so are you..."

"Why don't you come down here and find out," I said lowly, crooking one finger at him and holding his gaze as I slipped it between my lips, making a show out of sucking myself off of it.

"Give me your hands," he was reaching for me before he'd finished voicing his thought, already breathing heavier just from watching me. He took my hands in his and used both sets to slide my panties down my legs and off over my feet, taking the material and pressing it to his nose, inhaling deeply as I watching his cock get hard again.

Gods, even sleep-deprived, we were really all so insatiable, desperate for each other all the time.

John leaned down over top of me, dipping his hips enough to slide his cock over my drenched core, covering himself in my essence and breathing a soft moan at the way I writhed under him. 

He unclenched my fingers from the sheets and kissed the pad of each, still going slow, still taking his time, working me the way he wanted to, running his tongue over the tips of each digit before sliding them into his mouth one at a time, each after the other, humming with satisfaction at what it did to me as I watched.

"Wrap your hand around me, Triste," he said lowly, staring down at me, and once more in perfect control of everything he was doing, the light peaking through the curtains casting a dapple pattern across his skin, cutting in through his hair where it hung down over one of the shaved sides of his head.

"Can you feel how wet you are when you touch me? Hmm? How you soak me? I know you get off watching yourself get pleasured, little one...and I think you're gonna want to watch that video again with me later, aren't you...when its the just the two of us again, nowhere to go, no places we need to be..."

I nodded my head.

_Hell fucking yes I am._

Gods, now that he knew I was happy to indulge in his kinks and that I enjoyed it almost as much as he did, I could hardly imagine what he had in store for us, but I shivered with anticipation all the same. 

"You know what else I think?" he asked softly, breathing against my lips, just barely kissing the bottom one as I panted, "I think you want to feel my cock when I come inside you," he said on a low growl, receiving another fervent nod of agreement from me. 

He leaned down just the extra half inch to kiss me as my fingertips explored the surface of his skin, like velvet, before wrapping around his shaft and stroking him slowly, spurred on by each deep groan that passed from his mouth into mine as his tongue played games with me, filling my mouth and then forcing me to chase him for what I wanted.

I tugged him gently until he followed my lead, pressing his hips forward fractionally until the head of his cock was barely stretching my entrance, teasing but never pushing for more than I wanted or wordlessly asked for from one moment to the next.

"That feels good," he encouraged, and I couldn't disagree. Being immediately filled and fucked within an inch of consciousness was great, but with John, going slow and enjoying each individual sensation was like a world unto itself. 

He dipped further into me, still letting me take it slow and control all of his movements as he kissed me deeply, consumingly, giving me all of his taste and groaning as my pussy clenched around the head of his cock.

"You're so tight," he breathed, almost whimpering as he fought for control. He wanted me to do this, and mentally chastised himself into submission. 

"More, babes," I whispered, leaving my hand wrapped around him as he followed my instructions so that each time he pushed his hips forward he was fucking both my fist and my pussy. 

"I think thats my favorite word from you, my darling," he praised, chuckling lowly.

I was too overloaded to do anything except kiss him back, threading my free hand into his hair before he shifted slightly, bringing my left leg up and over the crook of his elbow before laying back overtop of me, cursing as my tightness intensified with the angle, even as it opened me up more to him.

My hand gripped him tighter as he held his weight on one palm and moved the other between my legs, running his fingertips over my clit as we stared unblinkingly at each other. 

The tip of his cock repeatedly pulled at and stretched the tight ring of muscle at my opening every time he pulled out, leaving me moaning for more, and he matched my pitch, teasing me and wordlessly pushing me to my limits, though somehow I was still in control of the whole thing.

Or, rather, for the most part I was.

"Harder," he demanded, getting what he asked for immediately as he pushed his hips into my hand, squeezing and caressing him more firmly, and his fingers moved faster around my clit before spreading me open so he could tease the pure nerve endings with just the tip of his middle finger, sending tremors through me that should by rights have registered on the Richter scale. 

His responding laugh was low and dark and filled the room in a way that made me tremble as he did it again, making me shriek and clench hard around him, pushing him to a place where he couldn't help but roll his hips into me, sliding through my palm and pulling almost all the way back out before doing it again. 

"Holy fuck thats so good, oh my god, babe thats so good," he dropped his face to my neck, kissing and biting my skin, tugging my ear between his teeth and living for every shuddering reaction he got from me as he panted against my body.

I didn't give him any warning before I came, but he knew I was there, strumming his fingers back and forth across my clit to send me into the sky, and gritting his teeth as my walls closed around his cock and I cried out, removing my hand to grab at the sheets, but he snatched it back as I came down, wrapping his own overtop until we were working him together, him guiding me, showing me exactly what he liked as he kept moving in perfect time.

"Make me come, Triste, take what you want from me..."

"Please," I whispered, feeling like begging was all I could do, but my fingers tightened around him as John rolled his hips in time with each of my strokes, pushing his cock farther inside me.

"Ohh god yes," he moaned back, on the verge of begging me now and panting as I took him closer to the edge, not teasing or trying to draw it out, but becoming as increasingly desperate for his release as he was.

He hovered over me and licked slowly across my bottom lip again as we shared oxygen and he froze as he stood just gasping for breath, on the very precipice of a knockout orgasm, until I reached up and sank my teeth into the base of his neck just where it met his shoulder and he snarled and yelled into my ear as he exploded, slamming his hips forcefully into my hand as I squeezed him tighter, pumping him with each stroke.

I could feel every second of it under my fingertips when he came, and the part of me not drowning in primal animal lust as I listened to his noises marveled at the sensation, how I could literally feel his release pumping through him, his body responding to my touch, until I finally pulled my hand away and he pushed forward and bottomed out, filling me with his cock to the point of pain as the last shuddering waves of his orgasm rolled through him and he emptied himself inside me.

"Oh, my darling, my wonderful precious girl," he cried, rolling onto his side and taking me with him until he could wrap both his arms and legs around me, "you have no idea how scared I was that I'd lost you...you were there and we were all fine, and suddenly you were just gone..."

We clung to each other through the moment of raw vulnerability, letting the minutes tick past in silence as our breaths slowed and our heartbeats synced. 

"_Dieux," _a voice broke our quiet solace, and I felt John go tense, though my back was facing the door and my body was largely shielding his from view, tangled up as we were together, "you know, she cannot stop herself around you all. Please tell me that you at least let her get _some _sleep and did not keep her up all--"

"Oi! 'She' is right here, and can here you, you fucking kettle!" I said defensively over my shoulder, throwing my leg over John's hips as I rolled onto my back, "and don't think we haven't both been able to hear _you_ this whole time!"

"Its _my _house," she countered, giggling and wagging a finger at me, and I noticed that to bolster my point, she was wearing Jonas' shirt over nothing but a pair of panties. 

"You're all fucking trainwreck, and can't keep your hands to yourselves if you ask me," another voice called from behind her, and I only just stopped myself from rocketing up to my feet with relief. 

But as another second passed my eye twitched as I remembered our last moments before he'd left without a word. He was a god, and didn't by any means owe me a 'by your leave' but the abruptness of his departure still stung.

"Nice of you to join us," I said coldly, turning back to John and thoroughly ignoring Ihy. 

"I am not in the mood for your lip. So I suggest you keep your comments to yourself unless you would like to find out what I do with sassy mouths like yours, Masika. I am out of patience, and we are very nearly out of time, and you need to be something other than horizontal for a change."

That did it. 

I rocketed to my feet and stormed towards him, getting right in his face, the urge to slap his stupid smug expression off his lovely face almost overwhelming. 

*_Raise that hand and find out what will happen to you, High Priestess, because I promise you won't like it...*_

"Don't you dare fucking slut shame me."

"My dear, I am _not--" _he started, thorough exasperation coloring his tone.

"Not what! Hmm? Not helping? Not contributing? Not bothering to bring anyone into the loop?! Get out."

"YOU WILL REMEMBER WHO I AM WHEN YOU SPEAK TO ME_," _he thundered, glaring at me with an intensity I returned, "I am not a pet to be merely dismissed!"

"YOU FU--"

"TRISTE," May grabbed me by the shoulders and shook her head at me with an angry frown as my mouth snapped shut, "he is right, you are being _maladroitement_! Think of who you are addressing!" she hissed.

"Wh--I am--he just--"

"Apologies, my lord," May inclined her head gracefully and respectfully, averting her eyes as she unceremoniously yanked me behind her, "she is not thinking clearly."

He sniffed, turning her chin up with one knuckle and staring down at her, looking back and forth between her eyes, but saying nothing. 

Without another word or glance in my direction he spun on his heel and disappeared from the room. 

"What was that!" she yelled, rounding on me, "Triste, you do _not _get to speak to him that way just because he is Papa. He is still a god, and you are still a servant!" 

"May, he...he..." I shook my head, completely baffled, "you heard what he said..."

"_Oui_ and it is not okay, but you need to control your temper," she wagged a finger at me before sighing and pulling me in for a hug. 

"I am sorry I snapped, I will talk to him."

"No, don't...its okay, just leave him be. I'll apologize later."

"Good...and mean it, _pluie._"

I grumbled as she let me go and I shuffled back to John, awkwardly running a hand back over my hair as I mulled over the unexpected rough start to my day.

"Does he seem tense to you?" 

"Tense? Are we going for understatements? Dudes got a fucking board up his ass sideways."

"Agreed," I frowned some more to myself as he pulled me into the bathroom, cleaning the both of us up with quick, efficient strokes.

"Do you want to shower?" his voice was muffled until his head emerged through the neck of his tshirt.

"No, I showered with Henrik last night, I'm okay," I chewed my lip, fussing with my hair as I turned towards the mirror once I was dressed in borrowed clothes.

"Hey, stop that," he reached around and gently touched my face, "I know that I don't understand as much about your world as Tim or Johannes do, but I think I know enough now to tell you that you're in for a long couple of days sweetheart. Don't spend your last minutes here with me worrying..."

I huffed a sigh that deflated my shoulders.

"You're right babes, I'm sorry," I turned and stepped into his embrace, relishing the warmth of his limbs around me as I looked up at him honestly, "thank you for trusting me enough to play that way," I stood on my toes and kissed him, "I want to know all your ideas, and want to try everything you think will be fun, okay?"

He chuckled lowly, his mouth splitting into that broad grin that made my heart melt as his eyes twinkled, "you may regret that before all is said and done," he leaned down to kiss me heartily.

"Never," I kissed him back. 

The thought reminded him.

"Do you maybe want to pick a different safe word?"

"Do I wa--oh..."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up, forget I said anything," he backtracked.

"No, you're right...I..."

"Precious little girl," he drew me back in until there was no space left between us and I had to tilt my head up to look at him, "I know you well enough by now to know that you used it with Henrik, didn't you."

_Cupcake.  
No thanks, I'm not hungry..._

I nodded wordlessly. 

"Then pick a new one. We'll leave cupcake behind, hmm? Start fresh."

"I don't know what to pick. Like red, yellow, green?" I made a face. They were impersonal and didn't feel like they belonged in the bedroom with the six of us. 

"Anything you want, love. Actually, just don't pick antidisestablishmentarianism, okay?" he teased, trying to lighten the mood, "because when I'm inside you, I basically don't speak English."

"You were doing just fine a minute ago," I giggled, "I think you're lying to me now."

"Care to test that?" he growled playfully, gripping my waist hard and pushing his tongue between my lips as he crushed me against his body, moaning as my arms wrapped around underneath his, my fingertips spreading across his back. 

"Mmm, maybe sunset? Whats sunset in Swedish?"

"_Solnedgång_."

"Okay, definitely not that one," I laughed, knowing that maybe his brain had a hard time with a second language in the throes of passion, but I would literally never remember that word even stone cold sober in a room by myself, "how do you even spell that?"

"What about flower," he whispered as my scent wrapped around him and he kissed me softly again, "_blomma_."

I wrapped my arms up around his neck as I smiled, remembering Henrik calling me that when he first found me in the middle of my shop. It was perfect - trading my old safe word that he'd taken away unknowingly with something he'd unwittingly given me. 

"Blomma is it, babes," I agreed, letting go of time for a moment as we sealed it with a kiss that felt like it lasted a thousand years. 

"Lets go then, High Priestess," he chuckled, patting my ass to get me moving out of the bathroom, "I need caffeine."

"And I need to get dressed," I agreed.

"I dunno, I think you look pretty good in my shorts," he shrugged.

"John, they're like capris on me," I giggled, lacing my fingers through his as we made our way to the door, and parted ways with one last kiss. 

"There you are, I was wondering where you ended up last night," Jonas smiled, kissing me on the cheek as he passed me in the hall, on my way to Henrik's room to find my bag and get clothes of my own.

"Oh, like you were fretting about me and didn't have your hands full with Miss Thing," I giggled, letting him turn me in a circle like we were dancing, "I know all your dirtly little secrets, my king."

"You know," he chuckled, "its never gonna not turn me on when you say that."

"Good," I kissed him on the nose before ducking into Henrik's room, glad to find that it was empty. 

I loved being back with my boys, but I needed a moment alone to regroup before whatever today was bringing, especially after starting my day with such an aggressive shouting match. 

I dug into my duffel, placed against the far wall where Henrik had moved it before he went to bed alone, and pulled out black skinny jeans and a fitted tshirt, grabbing a bra for good measure and a sweater. 

My reflection's gaze in the mirror met mine finally as I stood up straight, trying to piece together the events of the last day, piling my hair on top of my head in a messy bun and touching the lapis lazuli studs in my ears with my fingertips. 

I knew Henrik was just in the other room, but I couldn't stand to be away from him, no matter how perfect and renewed my relationship with John felt now. 

It was all going to be so complicated. Being involved and head over heels in love with five different men was going to at some point require more than just going with the flow, as I'd initially imagined. 

I gazed at my reflection again, looking at myself head to toe, wondering if I should change. Did I need to constantly look put together now that I was who I was? 

Nah.

This was as good as the world was going to get me today.

"Deep breaths," I reminded myself, closing my eyes and whispering Her mantra. 

_Sa sekhem sahu. Sa sekhem sahu. Sa sekhem sahu. _

"Just one more thing, my sweet."

He'd been perched on a chair in the corner sitting so still I'd completely overlooked him, like he was part of the scenery, and his sudden voice made me jump as I whirled around.

"Papa? Gods, you can't keep sneaking up on me, I--hang on did you just watch me change?!"

"I closed my eyes," he rolled them both so hard they threatened to detach before he turned me by the shoulders towards the mirror and pulled something from his pocket, lifting it over my head and smiling at my soft gasp as our eyes met in the reflection.

"A familiar feeling even after these many years, is it not," he said quietly, looking away from my reflection's stare to latch the clasp around my neck.

It was the little lapis lazuli pendant Henrik had given me - the one I'd torn from my neck and forced him to receive to understand that I was real and there with him, even as I wasn't. 

"I thought I broke it," I murmured, watching it drop and settle against my skin above the scooped neckline of my shirt, touching it with my fingertips.

"You did. Snapped the chain clean in half...your man was clutching it like the holy grail when She brought him here from his home. Too pretty not to fix up though," he stepped back away from me after settling his hands on my shoulders for a moment. 

"Papa," I turned, reaching for his hands when I caught his gaze quickly looking away from mine in the mirror, "whats the matter? I'm sorry I snapped at you like that this morning. It was horrible and rude of me, and I forgot myself. And...and you're obviously upset--"

"I am nothing of the kind, darling," he said, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear and looking down at me with an expression that made my insides turn to jelly.

"You're lying to me."

He narrowed his eyes and didn't say anything for several moments, chewing over his response. 

"I am...I am experiencing a human emotion that I find...perturbing."

I chewed my lip but waited patiently for him to elaborate.

"Masika, my dear, this is inappropriate, and I apologize--" he made to dismiss our conversation, but I grabbed him back towards me, reaching up to kiss him before I even truly realized what I was doing and how forward and presumptuous of me it was.

His responding gasp of surprise lasted only a fraction of a second before his fingers immediately wove through the roots of my hair like a reflex and he drew me in, sighing against my cheek and giving into the warm comfort of my touch, into the need to have me close enough to feel.

"Tell me whats wrong Ihy," I said quietly, keeping my eyes closed and my hands on his cheeks, "is this because I yelled at you? Because I'm sorry for that, and I just lost my head because it already makes me self-consc--"

"Masika, my darling," he cut me off, making me stop, but he did too, taking another lengthy pause, "...it it because I love you. It is wrong because of who I am and who you are, and it is complicated, but I'm afraid it has been that way for centuries"

My knees threatened to stop supporting me.

"I...I see you everywhere that you go. I have watched you triumph and I have watched you fail, and have seen you trip and fall head over heels madly in love and get nothing but sorrow in return... But the fact remains. You are my very heartbeat, child, and I would see no one hurt you further. Especially not him. Not this one who was so close to me once."

"I...Papa I don't know what to say," I whispered, clinging to him as fear swirled into the unfailing adoration that I'd felt for him since the first moment I'd heard his voice, "but we're going to be alright. You're here and I'm here, and we're going to figure this out together, okay? I promise you."

I tried to reassure him, standing on my tip toes as I wrapped my arms around his neck, doing my best to quell the giddy waves of shrieking girlish excitement.

"Of course," he smiled politely, "I did not mean to place all this upon you, my dear, I'm sorry."

I pursed my lips at him with a little scowl as my high came crashing to an abrupt halt.

"Talk to me like a person, not a supplicant, please."

He paused, glancing at his reflection and taking the beat of silence to consider my request before unleashing the full force of his stare on me. 

"Very well." 

He snapped his fingers and we were suddenly standing in the temple of Hathor. I knew it from the reliefs across the walls, picturing her in all her divinity with the uraeus and the cobra nestled between her bovine horns, signifying her as a royal daughter of Ra, a sister of my own divine Mistress.

"I can hardly imagine that Tim would take kindly to me kidnapping you like this, but here we are," he chuckled, turning his attention back to me and speaking plainly, stealing my power of speech with each uttered word that resonated in the centers of my bones like they echoed off the walls around us.

"My very existence persists for you, Masika. You've given me purpose, from the moment I saw you broken and dying on the temple steps. My thoughts are of nothing but you. My essence longs only to know you, to watch you. My reason for being, darling, my very purpose, is to be near you - to love you and protect you. Not in the way your humans do...something different, shirking the bounds of time, the constraints of humanity," he pulled me into his arms and stared so far into my eyes I thought he was searching my soul, "my love you came back from your eternal wandering because _I_ called for you...because your spirit knows mine like a blossom knows the sun. It knows my call, Masika, it recognized my need, because it reflects your own..."

He held me up when my knees finally gave, dipping his head to kiss me passionately like he'd been waiting a thousand years to do so, rather than mere moments, and we stood tangled together that way for more time than either of us realized, his tongue rolling over mine, drinking down every sound of want and pleasure I made as my toes curled against the limestone floor.

"I am bound to you, for as long as you should care to have me be so, Masika."

He threaded his fingers through my hair underneath my messy bun and pulled my face up to look at him. And as we stared at each other, I finally saw him. 

I saw the landlord who had reduced my rent to practically nothing when my husband died in the Great War and kept it that way when my son died in the next one, leaving me alone and old, a heartbroken widow.

I saw the man from my village, nestled in the foothills of the mountains, who came to me for medicine for his wife, leaving the bouquet of flowers he'd picked along the way in lieu of the payment I always refused to take from him because he was simply so kind.

He was the teacher from university who spent long afternoons helping me explore what I was passionate about, bending the rules to get me access to the resources I needed, but couldn't get on my own as a mere student.

I saw the stranger on the street that I always seemed to bump into when I most needed a kind smile.

My Papa, shining on stage and caressing the sprig of lavender pinned to the lapel of his suit, matching those breaking up the sheer black mass of fragrant roses he'd left as a gift. 

"Do you remember me now, darling," he said quietly, sending us back to Henrik's room, clutching each other anew right where we'd been standing all along. 

I nodded, completely starstruck, speechless, blinking up at him.

"Good. Do not doubt that I value your human bonds," he nodded vaguely towards the other rooms, "and I would see nothing but happiness for you with them. Perturbed or not, your safety and sense of contentment are what matter to me the most..."

I waited for the 'but' that didn't come after a moment. 

"That's it? No but?" I finally asked, my head still reeling.

"Hmm...just this," he kissed me softly, moving his lips over mine like a dream, murmuring so softly, it was hardly a breath, "and the promise of being mine in another lifetime, because you are my destiny, dear little one..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! In case you missed it, my other Avatar fan fic has experienced a miraculous Easter resurrection!  
MIRACULOUS  
THRILLING  
MORE TIM.  
yow. 
> 
> 💋🤞💋


	82. Chapter 82

We stood there for several more minutes, him just holding me close, spreading his fingers out over the back of my head to keep me nestled against him as my arms locked around his narrow waist and we breathed like we were part of the same creature. 

Expanding then relaxing.

An inhale followed in mirrored time by an exhale.

"I wish you had just told me who you were that first night, Ihy," I murmured, "you didn't have to keep all this to yourself...you could have...I don't know...things could have been different."

I mentally high-fived myself for my bravery as I took a deep breath of that scent that was just him - the one tinged with spice at the edges.

He hummed something that I realized was a laugh as his thin frame shook underneath my cheek, and I was tempted to pull back and smack him as he laughed at me.

"And what, dearest, hmm? You would take the six of us to bed at once? Take turns wearing out our energy? Tsk, my darling, you should know better by now," he cooed, and I could hear the teasing smile in his tone as he addressed me further, slowly stroking his opposite hand up and down my back, "besides, after all the centuries and the slow ticking of time," he tipped my chin up, "I wouldn't dare rush now...plus, I am a god, Masika - I am selfish by nature."

His eyes burned into mine with a temperature that seemed hot enough to melt metal as his thumb brushed my bottom lip slowly, passing back against it the opposite way before gently slipping into my mouth as he purred, "my energy doesn't get depleted like your humans, and besides, I am not known for being one to share...and I don't know with any certainty that you would go back to your companions once you've experienced--...well. I suppose we won't give any spoilers," one side of his mouth crooked up a little higher than the other with that look that almost undressed me.

I kissed the pad of his thumb when he pulled it from between my lips, knowing if we didn't put an immediate cessation on our conversation, we'd be seriously late for breakfast and I would have five very angry boyfriends. 

Breakfast? It had to be way after noon by now...lunch, then.

"Besides," he drew my wandering attention back to him as I glanced out the window at the sun, running away with my internal wonderings about what time it was, "I would not insult you by asking you to have me as I am now."

" 'As you are now'," I snorted, like he was some kind of inferior species, a shell undeserving of my physical attention rather than a literal god in human form. 

"Yes."

Our eyes met again when it dawned on me that he wasn't kidding, and I frowned.

"Oh...but you...you're...gods, but Ihy you're _perfection. _You're--"

"The entirety of the time you've existed, I have been this way. What you see as... _perfection_," he snorted a mirthless laugh at the word like it tasted bitter, "is half of myself, a shadow of my own glory," he ground his teeth together and I instinctually tried to take a step back, finding that I was being held too tightly to do so as his hands moved to my biceps, gripping tightly.

But he wouldn't drop my gaze any more than he'd let me back out of his embrace, and his face softened even as his eyes somehow burned hotter into mine when he saw the uncertainty on my face, wondering if he was suddenly angry with me. 

"No. One day my darling, the way that you see your goddess, shining like the face of the sun...that is the way you will find me when it is finally time. When I have back what I've been without for so long...then you will see me as I am, and then..." that wry smirk played with the corner of his mouth, making his lips almost irresistible as he leaned in close, hovering over me with the threat of a kiss, "then, my dear, you had best brace yourself. Because I've been waiting a _long_ time."

"I am _too_ mortal and _too_ impatient for you to say things like that to me," I shuddered hard, reaching up to try and kiss him only to have him pull back and shake his head at me once.

"And I am too lacking in self-control to taste that sweet mouth again, dear, so lets not push it."

"That's good, because that sweet mouth has five other people waiting on it," Tim said flatly from the door, the muscle in his jaw twitching in the way I knew meant he was doing his best to bite back something truly impolite, though the rest of him appeared casual and relaxed against the doorframe. 

Gods. 

Mental note.

No more doorframes.

I rolled my shoulders a little at the memory, feeling the ache between them from where the wooden corner had dug into my scapula, and I glanced back and forth between the two men, wondering what I was missing as they stared unblinkingly at each other with eyes that were unmistakably narrowed.

I was about to ask when Ihy shook himself once, and the wall of polite formality went right back up as he turned and gently pecked me on the cheek.

"Best get yourself together, my sweet, they'll be here soon."

"Who?"

He turned on his heel, stopping in the doorway when he and Tim were shoulder to shoulder as the other refused to move, and turning his head just enough to murmur lowly into his ear.

"This is going to happen, son, whether in this life or another..."

Tim turned to face him, a retort on his lips behind the displeased snarl, but he thought better after a moment, knowing that Ihy was just toying with him because he got off on it like I'd told him, and knowing that he could just as easily deny him the satisfaction if he just used his fucking head for a second. 

He huffed a laugh, looking the other straight it the eye. 

"And yet, somehow, my beds the one she'll be in tonight..."

"You both need to just whip them out and measure already or something, because this shits stressing me out," I scolded them both, hands on my hips, and Ihy gave me an indulgent grin and wiggled both eyebrows, perfectly at ease with Tim's comment because he knew it to be the truth.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours, pup," he grinned widely, and Tim couldn't help but snort a laugh. He knew that Ihy had been with me, around me, watching me for centuries, and there was still a lingering sense of unease that he felt every time he caught him looking at me, but he had to admit equally that he was a good time, and that on the whole he was okay, and good to me.

"Very good," I nodded encouragingly, offering one more bit of correction as I plastered a polite smile on my face and turned to Ihy, "but I am _not_ a token to get passed around. The five of them don't just hand me off to one another at will. We talk and have rules and understanding, and we know each other...so...so stop doing that...that thing..."

"Which thing is that, dear, please be more specific," he smiled politely, his eyes only just concealing his mockery. 

I had meant for him to stop doing the thing where he goaded my boyfriends into snapping and getting jealous over what had really amounted to nothing more than proximity for at least two thousand years. 

But under his stare, I found that I forgot what I meant to say entirely.

_*The thing where you look at me and suddenly can't think about anything else but having my cock inside you? The thing that makes your delicate painted toes curl just wondering what my tongue would do to that pretty little cunt?*_

"Don't make me set you on fire, because I _so _fucking will. I will totally set your ass on fire, Ihy," I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head to try and rid my mind of that silken voice.

*_Keep going, Masika, tell me what else you're going to do to me, dirty girl...*_

I blushed hard and fast, from the roots of my hair down to my toes as he kept filling my head with obscenities. 

_*Did you get hot thinking about me fucking you behind the bar with all those people watching us that night, my darling...what if I had just bent you over and slid my cock into you right there...made you scream my name while they played onstage...imagine what we could have started...*_

Tim glanced back and forth between my face and Ihy's smirk and could only assume what was passing back and forth between us.

"Hey," he said softly, tugging on my hand until my gaze snapped over to him and he looked over my face, cheeks flushed, pupils blown out, lips red from me biting them as I breathed a beat too fast to be casual, "hi, look at me...right here," he repeated, tipping my chin up with his free hand and gently laying his mouth over mine as he held my stare. 

"Oh, you're simply no fun at all, Tim," Ihy laughed, and Tim exhaled a breath against me that could have passed as a chuckle, feeling the heat of my skin as he pressed his cheek to mine. I clutched him to me, nuzzling my face against his as I looked over at Ihy with a gentle smile after a beat of silence.

"Be nice to my boys, Papa...please," I said softly. 

"Your wish, dearest," he inclined his head, turning to go. 

"Wait, who is coming? You didn't answer me."

He spun on his heel to face the room as Johannes crowded past him in the doorway and pulled me in close, almost yanking me out of Tim's embrace so he could hold onto me. 

"Good morning," he nudged his nose against mine as he righted both of us after dipping me back and making me almost fall to the floor with my sudden squealing fit of laughter, glancing down and doing a double take as he caught sight of my necklace, and then hollering something at the top of his lungs towards the door. 

I winced, "oh, gods, indoor voice babe. Indoor voice."

A thoroughly exhausted and slightly disheveled looking Henrik blinked at me sleepily from the doorway moments later, shoving past Ihy with less grace than Johannes had, until he got the memo and moved out of the entryway, knowing everyone else was bound to join us after that racket.

"You rang?" he blinked slowly up at the taller man with an unimpressed expression, stifling a yawn with his hand. He was shirtless, wearing cotton sleep pants that sat low on his hips, and his curls hung loose around his shoulders. 

Johannes said something else quickly to him, and my brain missed whether it was in Swedish or English as I was suddenly completely consumed with being pissed off that I couldn't just drag Henrik to bed with me right that second and show him just what I thought about his sleep attire. 

But he snapped me out of my trance as he turned away from me, looking wide eyed at Ihy for a minute before breaking into a broad grin and laughing happily. 

"Thank you! Gods I was going to get it fixed for her once this was all over, but I'm glad you beat me to it."

"I have only good things to say about your taste, dear Henrik, and you're very welcome," he nodded, smiling politely, though I could tell he was obviously pleased and borderline smug with the recognition.

Henrik turned back to me with that easy smile that sent a dozen memories replaying at the same time through my brain.

He had smiled down sideways at me that way out on the pier as we caught our breath and drank in the sunrise, and from the deck chair out by the pool, listening to me tease and mock all of them about their ridiculous pattered attire. He'd done it from his knees as I told him I preferred his hair down if he was going to do what he was about to do, and again when we were surrounded by the wildflowers, rocking in the breeze a million miles away from where we stood in my kitchen...

My Henrik.

I instinctively reached for him.

It was hard to describe the way Henrik smelled - warm wasn't a smell, but it was always what came to mind. Before his skin even touched mine, I could only ever think of the way that he smelled like he was soft and warm. Inviting and comforting, like a human blanket.

"I'm so happy to see this on you again," he whispered, wrapping an arm around my waist and using one finger on his opposite hand to touch the small stone, resting against my sternum at the end of its length of chain. 

"Then I'll never take it off," I smiled, taking a moment to brush my fingers through his hair, relishing the soft fullness of each dark curl, memorizing the way his eyes closed with pleasure and the familiarity of a simple caress. 

"Did you sleep okay?" I asked softly, doing it again and making a small noise as he physically leaned into my touch and moved closer to me, his wandering hands creeping around my waist reflexively and momentarily forgetting about his hiatus on _that _part of our relationship.

"No...alone...don't like sleeping alone," he murmured into my skin before his lips pressed to my pulse point and he exhaled across my wrist, sending my heart racing. His eyes snapped open to catch mine as he felt the spike in my pulse beating against his lips. 

"Please don't go where I can't find you in the middle of the night when I need you, precious girl," he whispered, drawing me closer until his lips could reach mine. His kiss was needy and hungry and both hands gripped my waist hard, keeping me firmly arched into his body as he deepened our kiss further and flicked his tongue over mine.

"Goddamn this stupid motherfucker," he murmured when he came up for breath after what could have easily been a minute or an hour, "I'll fucking kill him myself if it means getting to touch you again the way I want to...the way I'm fucking dying to."

"I think you'll have to get in line for that, Henrik," I reminded, feeling the reflexive anger flaring deep within my gut at the mention of him yet again. It was like every time we had a single, good moment to ourselves, Iufenamun's name popped up as a reminder that we weren't truly alone.

"Get in line for which part," Jonas murmured into my ear, gently prying me back the few inches until I was pressed against him as he tipped my chin back with one finger and laid his mouth over mine in a hot, possessive kiss that drew a low noise from me and sent his fingertip down to toy with the waistband of my jeans. 

"There were several of us last night, I'm sure, who woke up reaching for you, Triste..." Tim turned my face away from Jonas, physically breaking our kiss so he could taste me too and slipping one hand under my jeans so he could cup my ass. 

"Christ these things are tight, how do you move in these," he laughed, snaking his hand back out with an exaggerated effort after giving my ass a solid squeeze.

"I couldn't sleep without you either...so, maybe can we have a sleepover tonight?" Johannes teased, closing the circle around me as he turned me towards him and drew me flush against his body, looking at me seriously and pressing both hands to my cheeks, "I don't...I don't like not being able to see you or...or touch you. It makes me nervous," he chewed his lip and my heart beat heavily to think that this poor man hadn't even gotten the time to process what had happened with Na'eemah before having another force from my world to contend with. 

"I'll always be right with you then, love," I cupped both his cheeks with my hands and drew his lips down to mine as I stood on my tiptoes, still far too short on my own to kiss him. His mouth forbade me from pulling back as he kissed me passionately, all but fucking me with his tongue until his arms locked around my waist and physically lifted me off my feet. 

Gods we were _not _going to get anything done today at this pace.

"Please don't ever leave me again," he whimpered, pressing his forehead hard to mine, "I'm not me without you anymore, Triste."

"Never ever. Not for a second," I whispered, touching my lips to his and letting them linger for another second as he set me down. 

"I hate to interrupt," Ihy said off to our side in a way that we all knew meant he really didn't at all, "but I'm afraid that Ma--Triste, apologies, I will do my best to remember to work on that," he gave me a quick smile, "I am afraid that our High Priestess here will have some business to attend to for today that you all unfortunately cannot be part of."

Everyone stiffened and I frowned at his vagary. 

"Fuck. Just spit it out, who is this person that's coming? And don't say Iufenamun because we already know he's made a cryptic announcement about his arrival, and I'll fucking lose it if I have to talk about that asshole right now."

"Not person. People. Many of them."

I raised both eyebrows at him, noticing acutely that as soon as he mentioned a need for my boys to be away from me again, they had all somehow found a way to sneak a hand in to touch me. 

"Papa..."

"Your people are going to be joining us here, Triste. In a gathering truly none of you have I think even contemplated the possibility of before. Indeed, such a thing didn't even exist in the old days."

"_My _people? Who, Khata and Isiemkheb and--"

"Think bigger, dear."

"...Oh shit. No."

"Yes."

"No! What?!"

"Again, yes," he chuckled, shrugging, "it is the will of our eternal mother and father that all the servants be gathered to defeat this foe, as I am apparently unable to do it on my own."

"Wh-but that's not your fault! He can shield himself from--"

"It hardly matters, dear, whats done is done, and I suspect that they'll be here soon anyways."

"_Dieux_, where are we going to put them all, all of the rooms are full!" May ran both hands back through her hair, announcing her presence by fretting over some aspect of hosting, as usual. 

"Well...we can all sleep in one room," I offered, like the seven of us all hadn't been silently planning on that anyways. The thought of another night apart was starting to feel unbearable, especially as their hands all continue to sit hotly against me.

"Can we rewind for a second?" John cocked his head to the side with confusion, "for the dumb mortals' sake?"

Ihy barked a laugh, grinning broadly at the taller man then looking to me. 

"Would you like to tell them or should I?"

I grimaced.

"Uhm. There are others like me and May. Other cults, other gods..." I glanced back at Ihy, "how many?"

"Few these days, but still fewer now."

"That was cryptic and unhelpful."

"The place you were trapped in, the desecrated Temple? We suspect that others have vanished to the same kinds of places. He's taken them slowly, one at a time so as not to draw attention to himself, but several have gone missing."

"FUCK, he's got more people rotting in fucking alternate reality boxes?!"

"We can't be sure, dear. But several have noted that Their people have vanished from Their reach."

"Holy shit, wait, so there are other priests and priestesses like you two?!" Tim stood flabbergasted as I nodded once, and he whirled around to plead with Ihy, "oh my god you _have _to let me stay when they get here, please please please I have so many questions!!"

"Tim I'm insulted that you wouldn't think to ask me your questions first," he laughed teasingly, but shook his head after a moment, shifting his gaze back to me, "you know the rules, Triste."

"Damnit...sorry babe, you can't. You guys aren't even supposed to know about us in the first place. We don't tell mortals what we are."

"Who," Johannes reminded, always quick to do so when I referred to myself as an object unthinkingly and I turned to him with a little nod.

"Who, right. But still, I'm sorry, even the other girls don't know that you know. Telling you was..." I looked up at Johannes and breathed a sigh, "well, I told you that afternoon in the pool that I'd never told anyone before, babe."

"How many more are there that are like you?" Jonas asked with interest, obviously not ever having considered the idea before that May and I weren't the only ones left from our temple, other than Na'eemah.

"None like her, _cher_," May giggled, pulling me out of the throng of male hands and whirling me about, "because there can only be one _Grande Prêtresse_, isn't that right, _oie? _Only one who is as powerful as her and guides us."

"You're a fucking flatterer and I love you," I indulged her, giggling and turning on my toes once, taking a bow at the resulting clapping and laughter. It seemed like we were all torn between unbeatable excitement and frantic nerves about what today was about to hold in store for us, but at this point all we could do was take it as it came and relish the good while it lasted.

"She is correct, flattery or no, Triste, and you know it," Ihy smiled, hanging back a bit from our group like he didn't quiet feel invited to join, but as May started turning us in broad waltzed circles again, he continued, "and you know what has to happen when the rest of your ladies show up."

I tripped on her foot and almost landed on the floor, but May caught me at the last second. 

"_Gracieuse_," she muttered, but I was too busy chewing my lip and looking at Ihy for clarification. 

Oh, gods, not that. Please not that. 

"You are the High Priestess of the cult of Sekhmet now, Masika. Your very existence is solely to honor Her, and this is part of the job," he looked at me with narrowed eyes, "and you'll do it."

"I don't want to!" I whined.

"What does she have to do?" Johannes whispered, leaning down to May's height. 

"She doesn't have to do anything," she responded in a quick whisper, "everyone else has to make their pledge and recognize her as High Priestess now that Na'eemah is gone. We all had to do it when we joined the temple the first time."

"No one is going to remember what to say," I countered, "we don't need to make a big deal out of it..."

"Wait, are you seriously turning down the opportunity to have an entire room full of people recognize your authority?" Tim cocked his head to the side like he couldn't even begin to fathom such a thing. 

"Come on, it would be like if you all of a sudden literally owed Jonas fealty as king!"

"They fucking do," Jonas laughed, the smile lines around his eyes setting me on fire as my resolve completely melted and he looked at me with a perfect, honest smile for a moment, like he was reading my thoughts, "you know She won't let you say no anyways."

*_The little king speaks truth, my child. You are chosen by My divine hand, and no land on earth would fail to recognize you if I willed it to be so...*_

I shuddered as Her voice filled me with sound waves like electric pulses.

"Honestly, all of that shamelessly turns me the fuck on," Henrik laughed, making grabbing hands in my direction until he turned me and pulled me back hard against him, scenting up the side of my neck as he rolled his hips against my ass, "and I can't fucking wait until I get to show you exactly what I think of your new title..." 

His teeth gently pulled at my earlobe just the way he knew made me instantly wet, and I snaked a hand back between our bodies to grasp his erection, making him snarl hotly against my neck. 

"Let go."

"Manners, honey," I smirked back, giving his cock a gentle squeeze through the fleecey fabric. 

"Let go, High Priestess, before I put you over my knee and cherry this ass in front of everyone."

"Still not making me want to let go," I murmured, leaning my face back to kiss him and gasping a breathy moan as his tongue filled my mouth. His kiss was sloppy and full of want, testing how close to the line we could get without crossing over.

"Fuck, you've gotta actually let go though," he groaned, pushing my hand away as he found himself getting close to the edge just from the heat of my hand through the fabric, "good christ, woman, I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk one of these days..."

"Can we get back to the thing where there's a bunch of your people coming? Because we'll be good, I promise, no trouble, not even a word out of any of us!" Johannes pleaded with me, pulling my opposite hand out of Henrik's hair and clasping it between his own as my attention wandered back to everyone else. 

"You won't even know we're there, we'll blend in!"

"Jonas you have dreadlocks, you don't blend in anywhere!" I giggled, wishing that they could stay with me and we could just hang the rules. 

"Gents, the answer is no," Ihy put an end to the begging, holding both hands up to halt any further pleads or '_but we--' _comments, "and Masika, I will not be around either. Its inappropriate for myself to mingle with you all."

"You've literally not stopped making _mingling _offers since we got here!" Tim snarked, only half paying attention to anyone else after watching me kiss Henrik that way.

"Well, unless you're telling me you're taking one of them up, the reality is still the same. I suppose you all rather are an odd bunch, and none of us can help but break the rules for you..."

I felt Tim's shiver as I carded a hand back through his hair, recognizing the reaction for what it was and adding a tiny bit more pressure so the strands pulled between my fingers. 

"Priestess, you know exactly what is going to happen to you if you keep that up," he cocked an eyebrow at me, maintaining perfect airs of wanting me to stop even as his eyes begged me to do it again so he could use is as an excuse to take me in front of Ihy. 

"Not today, pup," I whispered teasingly, leaning in to drop a kiss to his lips that was quick, even as his opened, immediately wanting more. 

"So what, we're supposed to just hide in one of these rooms until everything is over? That fucking sucks," John frowned, but Ihy only shrugged. 

"Unless you can give me a couple prayers on the fly in ancient Egyptian, John, then yes, you're all to stay out of sight unless you're needed. And don't be so quick to dismiss your current quarters, its significantly bigger than a bus."

With that he wandered away, leaving the seven of us to figure out what the hell we were supposed to do with the impending threat of an evil magician and a house full of immortals. 


	83. Chapter 83

May stood behind me and combed her fingers through my hair as I stared at my reflection, seated in front of her vanity. My mind ran over the same repeating loop of information, trying to will myself to believe this was real and was happening, even as it continued to feel fantastical.

They were coming. 

All of them. 

I still didn't know how many, and indeed had only met a handful of temple dwellers the first time around anyways, but there was a buzzing excitement in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't be silenced. 

Maybe together we could do it. We could beat him. We could find the _ka_'s that he had snatched away from the protective hands of their divine watchers. 

We could fix my Henrik.

"It will be good to see the others again, _non?" _she hummed, sectioning my hair with careful, dexterous strokes.

"Hmm? Oh. Yes, yeah. Yes. It feels like its been forever since I've seen any of them. I guess it sort of has been, though...when was the last time we saw Khata?"

"Mmm," she pursed her lips in thought for a moment, "Rising?"

"Jesus, really?" I muttered, going red with embarrassment. Na'eemah had lamented about how none of this would have happened if she'd been closer to us in life, but apparently we were no better with each other than she'd been with us. The Rising had been closer to three hundred years earlier than two by now.

No wonder Iufenamun was able to just pick us off one by one. With enough patience, he'd simply waited for us to drift apart, and had bided his time before he could swoop in and snatch the opportunities when they arose. 

"We should not make it be so long in between visits, _cherie_. Perhaps now that you are in charge, you can call us together this way more often."

"Would you like that?" I looked up at her in the mirror as she wove a fishtail into my hair and she smiled softly and nodded as her shoulders relaxed with a sigh.

"I would. They are our family too, _oie_, and we have forgotten that. Our goddess gives us each other, and we are fortunate. But we have been selfish."

"What if--no, nevermind."

"_Quoi?_"

"No its nothing."

"It is never nothing with you, my Triste. Cough it out."

" 'Spit it out' babe," I laughed, correcting her. Sometimes I swore she did it on purpose just to make me smile. It faltered for a moment as I chewed over my question.

"What if...what if they don't recognize me as High Priestess because they think I killed Na'eemah or something? I was last to join out of all of us, and I'm worried they'll think that I...I don't know, like usurped her position out of jealousy or something."

"Usurped?"

"Stole," Johannes clarified for her benefit, appearing in the doorway of her bedroom and frowning at me in the mirror as he crossed to my side and dropped to both of his knees, untangling my hands from the knot of fingers they'd formed in my lap, "and if anyone thinks that, they can come talk to me, Triste."

"They _can't _talk to you, Johannes. They won't even know you're here."

"They can. Because who knows better than me what really happened," he said quietly, taking both my hands and pressing the palms to his cheeks as his ice blue eyes implored me to listen to him, "and if they have to find out that I know in order to make that doubt go away...then that's okay, right? I feel like I haven't done anything except get in the way since we met, but I can help with this."

I looked at him sadly, shifting on my plush vanity stool so I could wrap my legs around him and hold his head to my breast as he nuzzled against my skin, leaning close to envelop me. May had insisted that I couldn't wear my standard fair to greet our guests, but she wasn't sure what to stuff me into, so I sat in my tanktop and panties while she mulled it over, fixing my hair and otherwise primping me to her satisfaction like a doll.

"Is that what you think? That you're in the way?"

"I didn't mean that in a self-pitying way, I just mean that...I guess that maybe something good can come from what happened--"

"Lets just see what happens honey, okay?" I petted his hair, pulling it out of the ponytail at the nape of his neck and combing my fingers across his scalp, moving them slowly down to the ends.

"Your hairs getting long. I can't reach the ends," I murmured into the crown of his head as he pressed his nose to my skin. 

"Gotta cut it soon...gods you smell so nice," he whispered, and May drifted back a step to give us space, eventually wandering into the other room to dig through my duffel and investigate what other clothing options I had brought. 

"When this is all over, we'll go somewhere, just you and me, okay? We haven't really gotten any time together since--since her."

He nodded as best he could, relaxing further into my touch and breathing an exhausted sigh. 

"I would like that."

"Me too. I--I feel like I hardly know you."

"You know me better than anyone in a lot of ways, Triste..."

We dropped into a quiet rhythm of petting and breathing for several minutes, just taking the time to reconnect while we could. 

"You should wear flowers in your hair."

I paused for a moment, shifting so his words wouldn't be muffled into my chest when I asked him to repeat what he'd just murmured.

"I said," he lifted his head and tilted mine down at the same time so he could kiss me gently, "you should wear flowers in your hair. Today when everyone comes. I had a dream about you with flowers in your hair. I couldn't remember it when I woke up but when she went away for good and everything came back, I remembered," he spoke softly, evenly, childlike in a way in his innocence as he gently touched my cheek.

I bit my bottom lip, chewing at my cheek as I sank to the floor and into his arms, willing that one second of time to extend indefinitely as he laid one gentle kiss after another against my forehead.

"I love you so much, Triste," he whispered, clutching me tighter to his body, "sometimes I feel like I'm going to just explode from it."

I nodded my understanding - I felt that way him too, and about all of them, really. Like sometimes I would catch a glimpse of one of them doing something mundane - brushing their teeth or reading a book, and it would send my world up in flames as I realized that they were mine and I was theirs. 

"Help me pick," I said softly, nudging him back so we were both seated, and he pulled me into his lap and back against him as I slightly cupped both hands in front of me, creating a presentation surface. 

"Can we use mine?"

I leaned back to kiss the hinge of his jaw as he wrapped his arms around in front of me and held them cupped a little like mine had been. 

"Are you going to freak out like the last time I did this?"

"John already told us you completely can light yourself on fire, so I don't think you can possibly spook me anymore, babe."

"If that was a challenge, then I accept," I giggled, nuzzling into his neck for one brief second before turning my attention back to his hands as his chin rested on my shoulder, watching intently.

"Hmm...not that one, too big," he shook his head at the little pink Dahlia that appeared in his hands. 

"Smaller then?"

He nodded, and I picked up the flower and flung it in a lazy arc across the room towards May's bed.

"Hmm..."

He nixed the Jasmine, and the Moonflowers, saying that the Impatiens were too dainty, and they all ended up the way of the Dahlia, strewn in a path across the floor.

I imagined the soft yellow petals of the flower I couldn't think of the name of that Henrik had told me he loved, but he shook his head at that one too. 

"No, not something for anyone else, something that's just you, _min blomma."_

Our lips met in a kiss as delicate as the petals that were filling the room with a divine, heady fragrance. 

"What about this one?" I imagined a rich, fully blossomed lotus, its petals outstretched and reaching for us like we together were the sun. He could feel them tickling against his palms as the flower took shape, and laughed into my lips with the sensation before breaking away to take a peek over my shoulder.

"I like it," he nuzzled behind my ear gently, thumbing at the elongated petals, "can you make it smaller?"

It took more concentration, but I eventually piled his cupped hands high with the little blue flowers, leaning down to press my face into the bouquet. 

"I used to weave these for Her," I smiled, "I'd take reeds from the shallows and wrap them around the stems and leave them in front of Her statues..." I giggled at the followup memory, "useful little things..."

"I thought lotuses were toxic," he let the flowers fall through his fingers and into my lap, relishing every caress of each petal like it was a divine sensation.

"Some are. Wanna know a fun fact?"

He chuckled and kissed the curve of my shoulder, opening his lips just to breathe over my skin afterwards. 

"Always."

"There's this thing in blue lotuses called Aporphine, and its can help with ED. Mildly psychoactive, but also helps you get it up!"

He paused for a minute before letting out a sound that could only be really called a guffaw.

"Good to know," he snorted, "remind me of that when I'm an old man and you're about to leave me for your younger boyfriend."

"You _are _my younger boyfriend," I giggled, turning in his lap until we were face to face and giving into the urge I always had to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. 

He immediately dove into it, the scent of the flowers and of me just too much to resist, and I whimpered under his intensity as his tongue worked its way into my mouth, his lips coaxing mine open with each perfect, masterful kiss. His taste was always just as thrilling and wonderful as it had been that first night that he'd kissed me, and the memory made me press closer, tilting my hips into his.

"Coming anywhere near me without pants on is a dangerous choice on your part," he half-teased as his hand shifted between us and maneuvered my panties to the side before dragging the tips of his middle and ring fingers up my slit. 

"Technically, I was here first," I giggled, exhaling a sharp moan as he played with my entrance, spreading my slick and kissing me earnestly, using his size for everything it was worth as he pulled me in and smothered me with his body. 

"Fuck I love the way your pussy gets soaked for me," he breathed lowly, rolling his hips involuntarily, "uh-huh, that's right little one, moan my name..."

I did as he started pressing just the tips of his fingers into me, stretching the ring of muscle at my opening before suddenly shoving them forward down to the last knuckle, holding my body as it tensed and my arms anchored around his neck as my legs jerked around his waist. 

"I can't fucking wait to fill you with my cock later," he purred, thrusting his fingers in and out of me, not bothering to touch my clit yet because he wasn't done playing with me just for the fun of it, "I want everyone to watch us. Just you and me. No one else fucking you but me. I want you on top of me so they can all hear the way you scream for me. Just like you did that first night I had you. Remember?" 

He kept up his narration as his fingers became slightly more careful, his thumb starting to rotate in slow circles over my clit as he kept his middle and ring fingers inside me, pressing hard against my frontal wall and fluttering them slightly, exploring the texture of me.

"J-Johannes," I moaned, "please..." 

"Ohh, don't be nervous, Triste," he purred, mimicking the words to me that he'd murmured that first night out on the deck underneath the sky when I had stuttered the same way. The more his brain swirled with the memories, the more frantic his touches became, quickly departing from the slow, careful ministrations he'd settled into for a moment into something quicker, more forceful, designed to intertwine my pleasure with a little bit of a sting.

_Is this a brand?_

_Ohh, gods, lay back._

_You look so good like this._

_Almost too pretty to take off...almost._

_"_Come for me, Triste. I-I need...I--you have to--..." he couldn't stop slamming his fingers into me, working his index finger in alongside the other two until I was seeing stars as I managed to untangle one hand from his luxurious mane and swipe at my clit. 

"_TRISTE_," he cried out, feeling me clench around his fingers as I soared into the clouds, and immediately wrapping both of his arms around me and yanking me flush to grind my pussy against his erection through his pants, his orgasm tearing through him after barely more than a moment of contact as I pushed my hips forward when I felt his warmth.

I trusted him to hold us up as my body twitched and he righted my soaked panties between my legs, shuddering through his own aftershocks and holding me close. 

"Promise you'll come find me as soon as you're done with everyone today? Please?"

"I promise," I whispered, "Johannes, nothing will ever keep me from you..." I pulled his face up to look into his eyes, "nothing, and no one..."

"That's good enough for me," he smiled softly, picking up a lotus blossom off the floor and tucking it into my hair with a happy little noise. 

He maneuvered me back onto the vanity stool and stooped to kiss my forehead once before glancing down at himself and making a face. 

"Gross. I'm gonna go shower. See you later, babygirl. Go wow the world and then come back to me."

"Soon as I can, love," I nodded, pulling my braid over my shoulder as I turned back to the mirror and worked another flower into the tucked mass of silver strands. 

May appeared on cue several moments after Johannes disappeared, holding up the dress someone had apparently snuck into my packed bag when I wasn't looking.

"Skimpy for those parts of Sweden, _non?_" she grinned.

"Apparently not the parts I brought with me," I giggled, surrendering to her resumed clucking about my appearance, as she touched the blossom in my hair. 

"_Très agréable_," she nodded with a smile, bending to kiss the top of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this sappy shit was brought to you by a drawing of Johannes with a flower crown and an entire bottle of 2014 Batasiolo single vineyard Barbera ✌


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to play this game where I obsessively post for 3 days and then disappear for two weeks. Not sure which phase of that we're in right now, but I apologize in advance if I drop off the face of the planet.

May and I stood hand in hand waiting in the foyer for the doorbell to ring, aware that we may have looked slightly insane in doing so, but valuing the grounding connection more than anything else.

"Patience, children," Ihy murmured from behind us, looking approvingly over our dresses, hers a flowy long-sleeve shirtdress and mine a tighter knit sweaterdress that I'd dug out of the back of her closet in my insistent fit that I was _not _wearing the stowaway one that someone had packed in my duffel with no-doubt an entirely different motive in mind. 

"I thought you weren't staying," I frowned as he touched both our hands, taking them and bringing them to his lips together. 

"I am not, but I am, ah...I am trying not to disappear without a notice anymore, as you got rather upset the last time."

"Bail!" May chimed in, repeating her new word. 

"Yes, dear," he smiled indulgently, unable to help himself as he bit his bottom lip and then gifted her with a kiss on the mouth that put the name of her Smudge-Proof lipstick to the test.

"Oh, Papa," she purred, instantly leaning into his caress like it was sustenance and pressing her fingertips into his chest, exploring the fabric of his shirt. 

He turned them so slightly that she didn't even notice when her back was to me and his eyes opened, gazing at me over the crest of her lilac curls as his mouth opened again to seek her tongue.

*_Oops, I did see that shiver, dear.*_

"Can we focus please?" I grumbled when I realized I was completely enraptured, turning away and checking my hair in the mirror to ensure all my flowers were still tucked in place, "or can you two get a room if you can't?"

"Ohh, she's a grumpy little thing today isn't she, my peach," Papa chuckled, tipping May on the nose once and drinking in the way her pupils were like saucers hanging in the whites of her eyes before casting a glance over in my direction and then releasing her to cross to me. 

"Don't fret so much," he reminded softly, placing his hands on my shoulders and leaning over one so his cheek was laid against mine.

"What if he comes, Ihy," I asked his reflection, "I feel completely unprepared."

"As you should, and as is best. If we've learned anything the last few days, its that he is full of surprises, and I know you well enough now to know that you always overthink when you have the chance, but also that you think quick on your feet when you don't-- ah ah ah, _don't _tell me I'm wrong," he reached around to touch my lips with one finger, his face turning just slightly against mine in a way that made all my nerve endings light up, "just remember who you are. And whose you are."

It felt like a slightly loaded statement as I couldn't quite tell if he was talking about himself or my goddess, but I sighed and nodded anyways.

"So now--"

The knock at the door interrupted whatever he was about to say, but he turned me and put both hands back on my shoulders, looking back and forth between my eyes. 

"Now, give me a kiss and say 'yes Papa', and I'll be on my way."

"You could stay," I whispered, clutching his wrists suddenly, terrified that the time had come. It was no longer a 'they're coming', it was now 'they're here'."

"No, lovely."

I huffed a sigh that was borderline pouty and he gave me a probing look before pushing a wave of his effect through me that wasn't exactly potent, but it made my toes curl and my knees give just a little. 

"Say it," he breathed, "and gods you had best mean it, because I need to leave."

"Yes, Papa," I obeyed, leaning in and touching my lips to his in what was meant to be a tiny goodbye kiss, but turned into me gripping his face hard with both hands and whimpering as I pushed my tongue past his lips and his flavor lit up my brain like neon fireworks laced with hallucinogens. He reciprocated equally before breaking away from me, and showering me with a sudden, confusing display of gentle kisses all over my eyelids and my cheeks, laying one final, lasting one to my forehead.

"You have to trust me, my love. Trust that I would never do anything to hurt you without knowing how to make it better, okay?"

"Ihy...what--what?"

"Trust me..." 

It was a breath against my lips and then he was gone and May was frowning at me, as confused at the bipolarity of the moment as I was. 

She jumped again at the knock on the door that broke us both from our internal musings. 

"Ready, _oie?" _she took a deep, steadying breath once, twice, and smiled reassuringly at me, patting down the material of her dress.

"No..." I groaned.

One perfect snort of laughter later, she opened the big wooden front door to greet the smiling face of our first guest. 

\--

They rolled in slowly, one or two at a time every few minutes. I hadn't really considered that they wouldn't all materialize at once on our front doorstep like some kind of absurd singing valentine group, and it left us to make awkward bits of conversation inbetween loud knocks that pulled us away.

Soon the front living room was full with both men and women of all ages, ethnicites and cultures. 

Someone curtly cleared their throat behind me and I turned with that same smile plastered onto my face, thinking I would need Scotch tape to keep it there before the end of this fucking thing. 

"Hello, welcome to-- oh...oh, gods, Khata?!"

"There once was a girl who was reborn from the rain," she laughed gaily, forgoing the polite handshake we'd exchanged with everyone else and swooping in to hug me, nearly cracking my spine with the force of her arms closing around my back. She was older than I was, her hair completely gray, though I suspected she was mid-50s at the latest, but I gave in and hugged her back, knowing it was silly to cry but shedding a tear anyways.

"I'm sorry its been so long since I've seen you!! I didn't...I never knew where to find anyone until--I'm sorry!"

"Shh, shh, none of that now dearie," she said with soft lilt, and I wondered briefly if she'd been a Scot this entire time, "gods be blessed look at you, so young and bright," she pulled me back to admire my face, touching my cheek softly, "where are the others? Isiemkheb and Na'eemah, and I dare say Nedjem isn't far if you're here," she chuckled.

"Khata!" 

True to form, May was only a step behind me and swooped in to embrace the other woman. They clucked over each other like hens getting reacquainted and I slipped away to take a breath before I got sucked into telling her that Na'eemah was no longer with us.

Honestly, I was dreading having to tell anyone, though I knew it was coming. It was inevitable, and I would have to tell them all before they made their vows.

The chatter around me sounded like a hundred bees humming in my ears, and I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes and trying to drown out the sound of all the voices, speaking a handful of languages, but all laughing with the same joy of reunion and expansion of our numbers. 

The truth of the matter was that immortality got lonely. 

My mind wandered to the comment Ihy had made right before he'd left. 

_Trust me._

Of course I trusted him. Why would I not? He was better known to me than the others, but still was part of the same pantheon I'd served for my entire existence. 

His tone, like he was trying to both remind and convince me, unsettled me though. 

"Why are you never clear, you tiny frustrating man," I lamented quietly, shaking my head and hoping that wherever he was he'd heard me. 

A blast of cold air from the open door pulled me from my internal somersaults, and I blinked twice, coming back mentally to the crowded room, everyone with glasses and smiles, having already descended deep into conversation with one another. We'd eventually just left the door open so people could wander in at will and we didn't need to keep one ear open for the knocks.

But as I closed it and leaned back against to wood to survey the room, my stomach dropped into the floor when I saw him at the opposite side of the crowd.

"Oh. No. Oh hell no, you have got to be kidding me," I groaned, making a face as we caught sight of each other and he stared open-mouthed in disbelief, too after doing a fast double-take.

"What the fuck," he breathed, his head cocking to the side awkwardly as he continued to stare, but then approached me anyways, continuing when he stood in front of me, "you're one of us?!"

"Nice to see you again too, Van," I managed to say without too much disdain, my polite smile now feeling rubbery and mechanical.

"I-I wanted to ask you after I saw your tattoo at the show, but I didn't think there were any other people like us left and didn't want to sound insane," he ran a hand back through his hair and still stared at me. 

"Well that and you were too busy throwing a pity party and being a dick in general."

Van awkwardly rubbed the same hand over the back of his neck as his cheeks went pink.

"I'm sorry about that...I...I may have been...over-aggressive. I never should have said you were whoring yourself out, it was rude and uncalled for."

It was half-hearted, but it was an apology none the less, and I felt my smile soften fractionally.

At least I knew someone else here, and it was a small favor, but I was willing to take anything at that point if it meant a brief reprieve from the insanity.

"Thank you, and I apologize if I gave you the wrong impression by inviting you. I knew you liked both bands and thought it might be fun for you to come along..."

"I mean plus you're too much of a perfectionist to be fast enough behind the bar to not get swamped," he teased, chancing a more lighthearted mood and drawing an exasperated laugh from me as I rolled my eyes.

"I'll have you know, we managed just fine without you," I responded with enough of a smirk that he knew it wasn't meant to solely be a heartless jab, though it was about 60-40 if I was being truthful. 

He looked around as he moved to stand next to me and lean back against the cool wood of the front door, stuffing the hand that wasn't holding a champagne flute into his pocket. 

"May too, then?"

"Yup."

"Here, do you want this?" he offered me his mostly-full glass.

"You don't like champagne?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"I'm a cheap date, what can I say," he chuckled, "and I hate bubbles."

"Van, that somehow just doesn't surprise me," I muttered, but accepted his glass, making a point to drink from the opposite side than he had. 

I swirled the wine, staring down at the delicate golden bubbles and chewing my lip before falling back into conversation after politely saying hello to someone who passed us both. She had luscious, thick curves and I would have bet everything I had that she was a servant of Hathor. 

"So, whats your story? Who are you?" I turned back to Van.

"Nekaure," he extended a sideways hand like we were meeting for the first time, grinning, "funerary priest in the temple of Khepri, at your service."

"Temple?" my eyebrows both shot up, "temple where?"

"Some place hidden from the rest of the little sun children like you," he teased again, giving me a quick wink and I couldn't help but find happiness in it, glad that maybe we really could figure out a way to be friends.

His sense of humor made me suddenly miss Mike.

"How do you know I'm a sun child too?"

"Well its been a couple thousand years since I've had to read them, but your back tat says Sekhmet, right? So, what, Priestess? Temple scribe?"

"Oh my gods, is that what you were doing being all creepy and touchy? You were trying to read my tattoo?"

"What? OH, ah...yeah...mmhm, yes."

I regretted asking immediately when his response was clearly a lie, but I stood a little taller and gave him a polite smile, feeling the weight of my words down to my toes, though they came out lightly.

"And that would be High Priestess actually."

I relished the widening of his eyes and the way his entire posture changed to something a bit more submissive.

"Woah...no shit?"

"No shit."

"Damn..."

I winked playfully, taking another sip from my glass, "should've smote you when I had the chance, asshole."

"Are we talking smiting or being smitten?" he retorted, going serious after a moment, "look Triste, I am really sorry that I was such a dick about your fling with Johannes. It wasn't my business, and I should have just kept my mouth shut."

_Did he just say fling?_

I sighed and ran a hand back over my hair, knocking loose one of the flowers, and cursing as it came away in my fingers.

"Here, let me fix that," he opened his hand for the small blossom, admiring it for a moment and touching the petals as he cupped it in his palm, "this is pretty, where do you even find blue lotuses in the states? And little tiny ones to boot..."

"I made them," I found myself grinning at his surprise again, making another identical bloom appear in his hand next to the first as I smirked and turned so he could try to maneuver it back into my hair.

"Christ, this entire thing seems insane. I think we all thought we were the only ones that live like this..." he murmured as he gently pulled at my hair to tuck the flower in before moving everything back in place, "damn, are you really High Priestess?"

"I think we all thought that, dear. And I am," I nodded proudly as I glanced up and did a double take when I saw Johannes leaning against the far wall near the kitchen. It was almost casual save for the way his eyes were threatening to burn holes in the fabric of my dress. 

As soon as our gazes locked, he tipped the rest of his champagne back and set the flute on the table, never dropping my eyes as he prowled towards me, effortlessly weaving through the crowd, and drawing more than one interested glance.

"No fucking way," Van said over my shoulder, the flower now secured in my hair once more and his hands dropped to his sides, "him too?! Fuck I can _not _deal with this, He didn't tell us any--"

"Ah...no, not him too...not really..."

"Oh my gods, Triste did you tell--"

"Hey there," Johannes said lowly when he was standing in front of us, using his height for everything it was worth to loom in a more threatening way than he had earlier, I noticed.

I cocked one eyebrow at him finally breaking his stare with me to move and glance at Van to my right, who I sensed taking an involuntary step back despite the way he tried to draw up and make himself taller too. The door at his back ironically barred his escape.

"So you're not of us?" he asked lowly, the discomfort he felt clearly bleeding into his tone, though I was thankful to find he didn't visibly bristle because it would have only provoked Johannes.

"No, he's perfectly human, aren't you," I blinked up at Johannes, trying not to narrow my eyes, "and perfectly not allowed to be here...and perfectly aware of that fact..."

"Human. Flaws and everything," he smirked, watching the way I bit my lip, loving how obviously glad I was that he was here when he clearly wasn't supposed to be, standing far closer than was considered socially polite.

"What are you doing here, Johannes?"

"Couldn't stay away," he smirked, letting his eyes slowly travel over to Van when they shifted away from me again, "I remember you."

"Yeah...ah...hi..." he extended a hand, "Van."

Johannes took a deep breath in through his nose before he reached out and shook the other's offered hand, not bothering to give his own name, but instead locking eyes and doing his best to be terrifying, or at least intimidating.

"I know," he said somewhat flatly before withdrawing his hand and using one finger to tip my chin up and lay a delicate kiss to my lips that made the other take another step away and clear his throat uncomfortably.

Okay, so not a fling.

"Come sneak down the hall with me," he whispered, looking down at me with a begging look that was mingled with something else a little more telling and a lot more familiar, and I narrowed my own eyes at him.

"Why? I'm supposed to be charming people and mingling."

"Minor emergency," he chuckled, holding my gaze, burning me until I could feel my body responding, my skin electric, drawn to him like we were magnets as my legs pressed fractionally tighter together.

Emergency my ass.

"You're not supposed to be in here in the first place, emergency or no, are you-- oh gods, are you spying? Did Tim talk you into this?" 

"What, are you all here?!" Van almost squeaked.

Johannes ignored him and his lips dropped to my ear as his hand touched my waist, his fingertips pressing into my skin, drawing me closer.

"Let me steal you for five minutes. Promise it'll be worth your while," he cooed, taking my glass from my hand and downing the rest of the champagne.

I couldn't tell him no, even though I knew I should have, and I turned back to Van, my cheeks pink and an 'excuse me' rising to my lips.

He was all but gawking and I waved a hand in front of his face when I failed to get his attention the first time.

"Oi. Priest. Hi. I need to step out for a minute. May is around here somewhere too if you can find her," I glanced around quickly, failing to spot her lilac curls and I barely resisted snorting a laugh at the thought that she was probably sneaking off with Jonas doing the exact same thing I was.

"Yeah...I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Definitely," I smiled politely, and Johannes took my hand immediately, all but dragging me from the room, smoothly pulling me between the mass of chattering bodies until we were in the hall, swiftly moving towards our room.

But he surprised me, checking the knob on the first door we came to and whirling me inside when the wooden door swung open.

The lights inside were off, and we were cast into pitch blackness in what had been Tim's bedroom but was now empty. As he kicked the door shut his hands were already otherwise engaged - it could have been a broom closet or the Hall of Mirrors for all we could tell from the darkness, but he didn't seem to take much time to think about it.

His tongue immediately filled my mouth as he backed me into the wall with a low moan, his hands already working the hem of my dress up as he kissed me.

"What has gotten into you?" I gasped, threading my fingers through his hair and already starting to roll my hips into him. He had that way of instantly making me want him regardless of where we were or what situation we found ourselves in, or that fact that it had only been a matter of hours since we'd had each other. 

"I'm a jealous asshole is whats gotten into me," he growled, thrusting his tongue between my lips again, kissing me roughly, devouringly, until we were grabbing and scratching and biting, desperate for more, "fuck I'm sorry, I'm trying to not mess up your hair," he groaned, moving his fingers out of it and gripping both my breasts instead over my dress.

"Didn't we talk about this exact thing like six months ago?" I gasped, crying his name out as he moved one hand down the line of my waist and shoved it under my panties, immediately sinking his middle and ring fingers into me.

"I needed a refresher," was all he said to my pleasured gasp, silencing me with a searing kiss and pulling my bottom lip between his teeth, pumping his fingers in and out of me, moaning lowly as he felt me clench over and over again, my slick coating his digits.

"You're so wet. So fucking wet for me, Triste," he whispered, trying to quell the overwhelming urge to rip my dress away from my body and fuck me senseless. But he knew I had to go back out still, the night wasn't over.

But gods his need so nearly overpowered his reason, and his fingers started moving faster, his arm muscles taut as he slammed his hand against me over and over again, the heel of it slapping against my clit each time until I was convinced I was going to be covered in bruises.

"Stop, stop stop stop, just take me," I pleaded, catching an echo of his thoughts again, knowing that this was about fulfilling an emotional need, rather than a physical one, "Johannes I'm yours, I promise."

My dress went up further and my panties disappeared down my legs before I was rapidly turned to face the wall, my hips pulled back roughly by both his hands once his pants were shoved halfway down his legs, and he growled at my warmth as he ran his cock forward through my folds.

"I want you to think about the way I fuck you when you talk to him," he snarled lowly into my ear, making my back bow with the closeness of his voice, "how my cock splits you open and makes you scream..."

He only played the tease for a couple of seconds because he couldn't stand to wait any longer, and pushed forward, only going slow enough that it wouldn't hurt me, but giving into the need to posses, to have all of me for just a few minutes even.

Johannes fucked me hard, and I pressed both hands against the wall on either side of me to keep from having my face ground into the wallpaper as he repeatedly stroked over that one particular spot that felt like a hundred pounds of pressure inside me, making my knees buckle and my breasts arch into the wall. His fingers alternated between slapping my clit and rubbing rough circles over it as he panted down the back of my neck.

"Please come," he begged, so close to the edge himself, "Triste, I need you to come."

Each breath took effort, and I pressed back harder against him, grinding my ass into his hips, biting my lip to stifle my sounds, but ultimately slowing down to feel him when he couldn't hold back anymore and came inside me, filling me with his warmth, and breathing shuddering moans down the length of my spine that made my toes curl inside my shoes.

"I'm sorry," he finally said when he caught his breath, his voice sounding small and shy as he backed away from me.

I peeled myself off the wall and turned, leaning my shoulders back against it as he bent down and worked my panties back up my legs.

"That's okay, love," I smiled reassuringly up at him in the dark, settling my dress back down to its intended length and smoothing my hands over it, "I have a sneaking suspicion that that wasn't really about me."

His silence was heavy and telling, and my heart dropped when he didn't answer me. 

The months we'd spent apart seemed to all be manifesting in the most unexpected ways. Some days it seemed like we'd been together forever, and our souls lived perfectly in sync, and on others, he surprised me with shows of desperate need and clawing anxiety if I left him alone for even a minute.

"I love you, Johannes," I whispered, reaching out my hands to find him, and pulling him to me when they did, "come here..."

"I'm an asshole," he murmured, "I'm sorry."

"You're not," I corrected, "this entire situation is complicated and abnormal, and I happen to be really impressed with how you've handled it. You're allowed to need things from me, babe, thats okay, thats part of being in a relationship..."

He took pause and I could feel his eyes searching for me.

"He's like you then? Van?" the other man's name sounded sharp and bitten leaving his mouth.

"He is. I didn't know though, honestly."

"Tim told me what he said right before he left, about...about you whoring yourself out to me," one of his hands left mine and I got the distinct impression that he was pinching the bridge of his nose when I heard him take a deep, shuddering breath.

"He apologized for that. And I think he understands now that you and I weren't just a..." I searched for the word he'd used, "a fling."

Johannes paused for a moment.

"A fling?"

"Yeah...you know...a fling. A one night stand. A hookup...come on you know what a fling is, don't go all ESL on me right now to get out of this."

He moved in towards me and my feet stepped backwards one at a time until the wall stopped my progression and his toes touched mine.

"Triste. My whole life is different now because of meeting you by accident. You're not a fling. You never were. From the second we met, you were my breath. My heartbeat. You're what keeps me moving from day to day. The best part of every second is knowing that you're there and knowing that you're mine."

My tears welled up in my eyes and I swiped at them, lest they drop mascara down my cheeks.

"A fling...gods, no...you're everything good and worthwhile in the entire world for me."

"Johannes, I--"

"Marry me, Triste..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOME👏BOY👏SAID👏WHAAAAAAT👏
> 
> YALL I'M SO MF HYPED FOR THE NEW ALBUM. I LITERALLY CAN NOOOOOOT.


	85. Chapter 85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently we're still in the obsessive posting phase. 
> 
> Neato!

My ears started to ring as my hands shook and I stared at him in the dark, unable to see any part of him, but somehow knowing right where he was.

"What did you just say?"

He pressed up against me, cupping both my cheeks and kissing me passionately, gliding his tongue against mine and filling my mouth with sound as he melted against me as if we were made of the same fabric. 

"I said," he whispered, wrapping one arm lower around my waist and pulling me off the wall towards his body, "marry me. Spend forever with me."

His lips brushed both of my cheeks, gently kissing away my tears that fell anyways despite my best efforts to hold them back.

"D-do you really mean that?"

"With every," he kissed me, "single," and kissed me again, "fiber," and again,"of my being."

My breaths came in short, sharp gasps and when he tried to pull back I jumped into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding on tight as he spun us around once, lifting my feet off the floor.

"You don't have to answer right now. Just promise you'll think about it at least."

"I don't have to. I can't imagine any other way to spend forever, Johannes," I whispered, earnestly crying now, tasting the saltiness of what I realized were both our tears when he kissed me again, his tongue parting my lips and devouring me, his arms locked around my waist as he pulled me closer, lifting me off my feet again as he stood up straight.

"It doesn't have to be an official thing," he started to backtrack as he suddenly realized the position it put me in, "I-I know that makes things different with everyone else and-and I don't want to take you away from anyone, that's not what--"

The more he talked, the more an idea started to blossom in my head.

Oh gods, but it was perfect.

"I just...that's twice now that I've lost you, and I refuse to let you go again. I won't. I want you with me forever."

"That's what I want too," I whispered, nodding my head and doing my best not to just float away on an absurd pink puffy cloud of happiness and rainbows and unicorns, "so yes...yes."

"Really?"

"Yes," I laughed again.

"I...I'm sorry, I didn't plan this...when we get out of here, I'll buy you a ring. A real one. Something big and way too expensive."

"Babe, if I wanted you to pay for something big and way too expensive, I would ask you to pay my heat bill," I giggled, wrapping both arms around his waist, "all I need is to know that you'll be there with me when I go to bed and when I wake up."

"And every second inbetween," he promised with a beautiful kiss that sealed our decision. 

"And for now, we can just use this," I smiled , weaving strands of sweetgrass and braiding them together until they formed a thick cord that I wound around his wrist, fusing the ends together with a tiny bit of heat that made them sappy and sticky for a moment. 

I started to make a second one for myself, but he stopped me, "no, make a ring. I don't want you to have a bracelet, I want you to have a ring so everyone knows..."

"Is this about Van?" I slightly grimaced, thankful that he couldn't see my face in the dark. 

"No babygirl, this is about me being the luckiest guy alive and wanting everyone in the fucking world to be jealous of me."

It was good enough for me, and I would have been lying if I said it didn't thrill me the same way to think of the look on his face when my and my fling announced we were getting hitched. 

But what about everyone else?

"Do you...do think they'll be angry with me?" I asked sheepishly. 

"I think...I think maybe you could...like..." he shuffled his feet a little, "maybe ask them if they wanted to...you know..."

"Get married to us?"

"Well not to me," he snorted, "gods _don't _legally bind me to any of them please."

I giggled helplessly as my fingers worked in the dark, sightlessly weaving my own piece of jewelry with finer blades of grass, mimicking the same braided pattern of the one I'd given Johannes. 

"Let me, please," he held out his hand when I held it up in the dark with a 'ta-da!' and I gingerly dropped it into his palm. 

"Marry me, Katherine Triste," he whispered, drawing me in and tilting my face up with one finger so I could breathe a 'yes' into his lips, giving it straight from my heart to his. He slid the tiny braid of grasses onto my ring finger as we embraced, too caught up in our own moment to even think about stopping as he dropped to his knees and pushed my dress up again, sliding my panties down my legs and taking all the time he wanted to run his palms over the skin of my legs, each one suddenly feeling almost sinfully smooth and inviting.

He dropped kisses across my pelvis, breathing evenly, not panting, not gasping, just soft steady breaths, one after the other. 

"You don't have to, babe, not after you--" I murmured, my words drifting off as my eyes closed to shut out the rest of the world, focusing all my energy on each brush his lips left across my body. I imagined that they left lingering neon lip-prints, fading after a few moments only to reappear in another place.

"I like the way we taste together," he murmured back, settling more firmly on the floor as he pressed his face to his core and suckled me gently between his lips, only spurred on by my whimpers until his hands traced the backs of my thighs up to my ass and he pulled me forward.

He kissed me and licked me like my pussy was my mouth and we descended into an unthinking rhythm, my fingers tangled into his hair, the only sensations I was aware of being his mouth on my cunt and his woven bracelet brushing over the skin of my thigh. 

Johannes eased me into my orgasm, rather than ratcheting up the intensity when he felt me start to spiral, my pussy spasming and clenching around his tongue. He slipped two of his fingers inside me and pressed against my g-spot so he could use his mouth to alternately suck my clit and murmur little words of praise to me. 

With one final, shuddering cry, I dissolved, losing my composure, my posture, and my balance all at once, but he was already up off the floor, keeping his fingers inside me and cupping me with his hand, rubbing slow circles around my clit to extend my high and bring me down slowly as his free arm wrapped snugly around my waist. 

"I'll never get tired of that. Not in a hundred years. Not in a thousand."

"Then I think that makes _me _the luckiest girl in the world," I giggled breathlessly, my limbs filled with a glowing euphoria as I stood on my toes to taste the both of us on his lips. 

"I should let you get back," he mumbled between kisses, moaning softly as I pressed closer, "but I also want you to come to bed with me. I miss the feel of your skin on mine."

"I know...and I should go back...but maybe..." I could feel his eyes light up, "maybe lets go talk to everyone first, okay?"

Johannes tucked the flyaway strands of my hair behind my ears before cupping my cheeks, and I could almost see the glow of his glacial blue eyes cutting through the darkness. 

"They won't say no...you know that right? That they're all as insanely in love with you as I am?"

My heart fluttered but I nodded. 

They'd all conveyed that in their own ways. 

"Good. So nothing legal then, unless we're going to _that _part of--"

"Oh gods, please don't finish that sentence," I giggled, the thing turning into a helpless laugh as some of my true heartfelt happiness escaped from my lips. 

"Is May gonna be pissed that you're stealing Jonas from her?"

"Wh- okay first of all we can _totally _share him, and second--"

"I expect he would literally never be the one to object to that," Johannes chuckled, drawing me closer after a moment though with a firmer, hotter grip, "although I'm told I missed something between you girls that I would have liked to have seen..."

I licked at his bottom lip as the low growl rumbled through his chest.

"Maybe you can not object to it sometime then, too..."

"Bedroom. Now," he growled again, hands closing around my waist as his cock twitched again under his jeans.

"Fuck, I don't think I'll ever get enough of you," I gasped as I wrapped both arms around his neck and he lifted me off the ground, devouring my mouth with an animal passion and making all my favorite sounds.

"I hope you never do," he finally moaned, setting me down and clapping one of my hands over his erection, not so I could do anything about it, but just so I could feel the way our passion ignited him...

\--

We snuck down the hall and into our back bedroom, clasping hands like lovestruck teenagers and giggling the whole way until the door shut behind us. 

"That was fast, I expected you to be gone for the rest of the night," John raised both eyebrows from his chair, setting his laptop on the floor and crossing over to us, "no sign of him then?"

"Who? Oh. OH. Ah. No..."

In truth I'd forgotten about Iufenamun, having gotten caught up in the commotion and then caught up in Johannes. 

Henrik was standing by the window and gave me a half smile over his shoulder, but kept his distance in an unnerving way. He was too caught up in thinking about his conversation with Ihy to really devote all his attention to me before getting himself more firmly under wraps, so he let the others swoop in and shower me with affection before wandering over behind them a few moments later. 

He cut in and kissed me softly, keeping it brief but taking both my hands and lacing our fingers together. I knew he was still apprehensive about touching me while the other's energy was still somewhere inside him, and I didn't push it for once, only reaching back up to kiss his lips again when he pulled back, wondering what was going on inside his mind that had held him back from me for that brief couple of moments. 

"Whats this?" he asked, looking down and lightly rotating the ring on my left hand with the thumb and pointer finger of his right.

"Oh--"

"I asked Triste to marry me," Johannes answered, the happiness in his voice unable to be masked as his hand snaked around the front of my waist and he pressed a grinning kiss to the back of my hair.

"No shit, seriously?" John laughed, clapping his friend on the back, grinning from ear to ear, but it didn't quite hit his eyes right. 

"Seriously!"

"Well, its a shame she said no because she likes me better, sorry brother," Jonas teased, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek and taking my hand to more closely examine the ring, "what is this, a weed? Did you propose to our girl with a weed, you ass?" he laughed, the sound slightly forced, and I noticed that the smile lines at the corners of his eyes suddenly looked tired.

"They're grasses, and hey, I made this, thank you very much!" I giggled, flicking his ear gently.

"Then in that case its perfect, just like you," he whispered, leaning in like he was going to kiss my lips, then thinking twice and butting his forehead against mine instead, "and congratulations, love."

Johannes turned me away from the four of them, putting a hand under my chin to keep me from burying my face in his chest and hiding. 

"Just tell them, sweetheart."

Jonas, Henrik, and John crowded around us when he turned me back, hugging me and kissing my cheeks, wrapping us in a blanket of love and happiness, even as I could tell that they weren't all quite there, unsure if this change would take me away from them. 

"Hang on, where's Tim?" I squirmed in their holds, standing on my toes to look around the room, catching sight of the open door, "I uhm, I had an idea I wanted to run by all of you together."

They all glanced around the room, seeking their friend who had just been with us a moment before. 

Fuck. 

This was what I'd been worried about.

"I think he needed some air...maybe give him a couple minutes, love, you know he's gonna take this...differently," Henrik murmured, chewing his lip as he winced at me, unable to completely mask his own emotions as well as everyone else, though he was doing his best. 

I frowned, but he put a finger to my lips when I opened them to say something about how unhappy he looked and ask him what he'd been thinking about before I came back in.

"I'm all good, sweetheart," he lied with a tiny smile, "just happy that you're happy."

"But that wasn't--"

"Let it be, Triste," John dropped a quick kiss to my cheek from behind me and it almost shattered me in the way it felt so polite, as if he were emotionally distancing himself from me, like his touch was only slightly more personal than a handshake now, the two of us once again just acquainted strangers.

"No! Henrik, we talked about this!"

"Triste, I'm not saying anything one way or another," he held his hands up defensively, taking a step back.

"Its not...I mean...I was thinking maybe..." my voice went quiet as the awkwardness started to creep in. 

What if Johannes was wrong and they said no?

What if they wanted to keep their options open?

Maybe we should wait...

"She still wants all five of us," Johannes stepped in for me again, his voice shaking with the laughter he was trying so hard to control, "because she's greedy or we're worrisome or something."

We were met with three confused stares.

"But how can you two get married if--oh..._OH."_

"I don' think thats legal here."

"Or anywhere?"

"It isnt," I answered them all, "but, I also wasn't really thinking about anything...legal," I made a face as I realized how my offer sounded.

Nice job, Triste. Very romantic.

John took me by both hands and sat me firmly in his lap as he settled into one of the armchairs. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, but if I don't have to stop holding onto you, then I dont want to," he whispered, laying a lingering kiss just underneath my jaw that made me shiver, "plus I'm going to try and sneak my hand under your dress while you're talking. Pretend you don't notice."

We both snorted a laugh and I shook my head at him, "I'll do my best, babes."

His hands didn't wander as it turned out, they simple held onto me, pulling at me every so often like he was hugging me closer. 

"I don't want you to feel like you have to agree to anything because I promise this really only just crossed my mind, its not something I've been planning."

"Well we can hardly say yes or no if we don't know what the hell you're talking about, Triste," Jonas chuckled, and I glanced back at the door, hoping that Tim was standing there eavesdropping. 

He wasnt.

"It-its best if I tell you all together. Uhm..."

"Go," John nudged me, "kick his ass and bring him back and we'll deal with him."

"No one's ass is getting kicked," I frowned, shifting in his lap, "oh gods, John what if he really goes this time."

"Run, my darling," he whispered, leaning in to kiss me and slide his tongue between my lips with a low moan for one quick moment before urging me off his lap, "you know where to find us...and we'll all be here." 

I tried to ignore the way his eyes flitted over towards Henrik for the briefest second. 

Telling.

\--

I wandered through the house, getting sidetracked and pulled into two conversations before I could manage to slip out the front door and into the crisp winter air. The snow had passed, leaving a coating of white across the earth, but the only footprints were the comings and goings up the front path of all the guests still in the house.

I closed my eyes and tried to feel for him. That unique, turbulent energy, barely contained in his wiry frame. It was faint, but it was there, that magnetic pull. 

I followed it like a reflex.

"Tim?" I called his name softly as I wandered around the back of the _ch__â__teau _and caught sight of him sitting on the low retaining wall facing the vineyards, thinking I would startle him, but he kept his back turned, pulling his hair down around one shoulder.

"Thought I would try and sneak up on you," I teased when I sat stood next to him, trying to get him to chance a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes, just remaining a stiff curve at the corners of his mouth for the brief moment he looked at me.

"Don't think you can do that anymore, priestess, I feel you everywhere you go."

I chewed my lip, trying not to cry at the despair his voice held, even though I knew he was trying to hide it and stay level, aloof even.

"Maybe it'll be better this way," he cleared his throat, moving to get up and go back inside, "less complicated with just you and him. Too many moving parts with the rest of us involved."

"Gods. You know, I'm really frustrated that you guys are just making a lot of assumptions about this without even asking. Its like you think I don't care about any of you."

He glanced over at me, surprised, "I beg your pardon?" 

There was a bite to his tone and my temper flared reflexively. 

"No one even bothered to ask if it was supposed to just be the two of us. You all just fucking assume, like you always do, that you know everything and have all the answers. News flash: you don't."

It wasn't really fair to bring everyone else into it, and they'd done their best to be happy and congratulatory before Johannes had spilled the fucking beans. 

"Its marriage Triste," he rolled his eyes, "its not that fucking complicated and its definitely _not _a group activity."

"Are you still really not going to listen to me?!"

"Look, _I'm _not the one who brought this shit up. You could have just left me alone for a second to get my shit together and we would have been fine."

"I didn't ask for this, Tim! I didn't ask him!" I was starting to yell, but I couldn't help it, "stop behaving like I did this to fucking spite you!"

"And how could I think anything else??" he yelled, getting in my face, "after everything thats happened between us, after all the fucking time we've spent connecting over the things that none of the rest of them understand! After this!" he roughly pulled his neck of his shirt down to show his tattoo, "why him and not me, Triste? Weren't we supposed to fucking find each other? Out of the billions of people on this planet, didn't She design this stupid fucking..._thing _that we're in?"

"Because you didn't ask, Tim!" I yelled back, "and its not a stupid thing!" I wanted to shove him and run away, and I kicked my shoes off like I was seriously thinking about it as I swiped angrily at the tears leaking down my cheeks.

"Don't you fucking run from me, Katherine Triste," he snarled, grabbing my hand to make me stay, "don't run away from shit like you always do, because you know I'll find you," he yanked me to him roughly, his hand closing around my wrist as he kissed me roughly, passionately, forcing his tongue into my mouth and gripping me tighter as I angrily reciprocated before he pulled back, rasping, "you can't hide from me, priestess. We're finishing this. Now."

"You want me to finish this?" I challenged, still yelling and making him step away from me, "is that what you want Tim? Because you already had one foot out the door last time, and I'm sure it wouldn't be anything more than a fucking reflex at this point to pack your again bag and cut me off."

A hard tremor went through him, but his face remained a mask of anger and frustration as we both tried to breathe. 

"I want you to have everything in the world that you want thats good, you fucking batshit crazy woman," he finally said softly, with a hint of resignation, looking away from me and stuffing his hands in his pockets, his head hanging lower as he moved further away, "and if thats Johannes...fine."

"Then marry me."

Tim's face lifted after a moment and he stared at me like I had five heads as I closed the space between us, crowding into him.

"You can't marry two people at the same time," he looked away, rolling his eyes.

"Yes I can."

"Triste, you fucking can't and you know it. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better but--"

I threaded my fingers back through his hair, roughly tearing it out of the ponytail he wore at the nape of his neck, and slamming my mouth against his.

"Marry me, Tim," I said again, "don't ever make me wake up without you. Don't ever make me shower by myself or go to bed alone. It was never just about Johannes."

He moaned lowly into my lips, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me into his arms, fighting the lump in his throat as tears pricked behind his eyelids. But still, he relished every second that I pressed closer, a part of him terrified that each one would be the last. Not by any accident this time though. Something more painful and lasting. By choice. 

"What...what about everyone else," he murmured, unable to stop kissing me long enough to really speak, and I gave him everything he wanted, pressing closer, standing on my toes as he snared both arms around my waist, holding me flush against his body.

I pulled back despite his noise of protest and stared at him, waiting for him to piece it together. 

"What about them?"

"They...oh my god what fucking planet are you living on? Triste, you can't marry five people any more than you can marry two!"

"Says who?"

"Like most, if not the entire Western world," he yelled, gesturing towards the dormant vineyards like they represented the hemisphere in question.

"But I don't belong to the western world," I reminded him, "not truly, Tim."

He paused for several moments, searching my eyes, my face, his lips doing that thing where they slowly curved up at one corner then the other as he realized that this was real.

"Then ask me again, priestess."

"Marry me, Tim. I don't care about polite society, and I don't care about social constructs that frown on situations like ours. What I care about is that I love you more every time I look at you, and that I can't live without you - I can't even make it through a fucking life or death event," I laughed, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands, "without feeling like I'm missing a piece of myself without you...its all of you. All five of you just complete me. You're my whole life."

He stepped forward swiftly and crushed me into another passionate kiss that left us both desperate and panting as his hands began to wander and I stayed their movement as they started thinking about slipping under my dress.

"Get your ass back to the room right now so I can tear you out of this thing...wife."

I froze in place, hardly breathing as I stared at him with a smile that threatened to crack my face in half. 

"Again."

He kissed me tenderly this time, slipping his tongue between my lips and touching it to mine, caressing me and humming lowly.

"Wife," he whispered again as his forehead pressed to mine, re-solidifying our bond, our connection, "gods, woman, you really are going to be the fucking death of me someday."

"Maybe, but for right now I don't think I can make it all the way back," I whispered, taking both of his hands and pulling him out down one of the garden paths, towards my hiding spot.

I'd spent hours there after May's death, getting drunk on warm champagne and writing disgustingly sad poems of despair and emptiness. It was tucked away, bare of all the flowers now, only lit by the moon, which was at its zenith in the nighttime sky, Khonsu displaying his full glory like he was offering us his congratulations.

"Where are you taking me, priestess," he asked quietly, enamored in the way I moved, familiar by now but also exhilarating and new.

I touched one finger to his lips, drawing him still further away until we stood no chance of being discovered, and I closed my eyes, channeling deep within myself, opening them once again to stare at him with eyes so bright, I could nearly see the green reflecting off his skin.

He blinked slowly as he watched the woody tangle of dormant vines bring forth fresh foliage and perfect, lush peonies, forming a tiny hut that one had to get on hands and knees to get into.

"What is this?"

"Its my hiding place."

"Are we hiding?"

"Just for a minute, " I breathed, ducking to crawl inside and inhaling the deep floral aroma that perfumed the air within. The moon shone through the gaps just enough that I could see the way his pupils exploded when he came in after me, kneeling in front of me in the grass, reaching out slowly as I made the entrance close over, the low creaking sounds of branches weaving together the only thing breaking our silence. 

The air inside was warmer, more comfortable and laden with the scent of the petals. 

His hands didn't shake as he pulled the flowers from my hair, one by one, laying them on the ground beside us, then slowly tugging the zipper of my dress down the length of my back until the two halves separated and he pulled them around the front of my body, watching the goosebumps raise on my skin in the frigid January air as the material slid down off my arms and he laid it to the side also. 

Tim gathered me forward, each tender kiss a masterpiece in its own right as he stole my power of speech and my very breath, but never pushed or urged me to move faster than the slow pace we settled into as I slipped each button on his shirt one at a time, pushing the material back off his arms in a perfect opposite to the way he'd pulled my dress down the front of mine. 

His skin was soft and smooth, raised with little goosebumps from the chilly air, but I suspected the shivers that passed through him weren't from the cold as my fingers explored the surface of him, brushing through his hair, over his shoulders, down his arms, tracing lines over both the hands that I loved so much. 

His scent wrapped around me as much as the perfume from the flowers as he laid me gently back into the grass, touching my hair while he looked down at me with a tender smile that made tears sting my eyes.

"No more crying," he whispered, brushing his thumb over my cheek as one slid into my hair, "don't cry anymore, my love..."

"Please don't ever imagine any world where I don't want to be right where I am, Tim," I pleaded, my tears still falling, beyond my control now to stop, "you and Henrik and Jonas and John and Johannes...you're everything to me..."

His lips felt like a dream moving over mine when he kissed me, his hands working my panties lower and lower down my hips until he could slide them down my legs, kissing his way down my body as he did so, leaving fiery heat all over my skin that made the surrounding air feel like ice.

"Love me always," he breathed, "and I promise I'll make you happy..."

Tim traced a tiny pattern with his tongue up my side as he worked his way back up after shedding his own pants, settling between my legs so we were skin on skin, our centers sliding together as he pushed the cups of my bra down and kissed both my nipples, drawing soft moans from me. 

"I've loved you since before we even met, Tim," I breathed, arching into his body as he gave me the heat of his skin and slid over my core again, drawing me into his rhythm, taking his time, "everything about you. Your passion, your drive...you."

We didn't say anything else as we kissed in the grass, the tendrils dancing over our skin like the caresses of fingertips, and Tim breathed a shuddering moan into my lips as he started working me open, slowly, carefully, sheathing himself inside me inch by inch.

His tongue explored my mouth, tasting the passion and the relief in my kiss, and giving me the same, all the while starting to rock his hips into me, making all my favorite sounds and biting his lip to stifle his cries of pleasure at being completely enveloped within me again.

Neither of us had to use words to convey how close we were to the edge already, and he lifted on his arms to watch my face as my orgasm broke, washing over me with wave after wave of chemical, almost narcotic pleasure and I closed my eyes and breathed through it with parted lips, needing him closer, needing him to smother me and hold me and promise me that he'd never leave.

He forgot all the English he'd known his whole life as he watched, his brain barely functioning as it was, as the most intense pleasure he'd ever known consumed him, making him burn, filling his body with flame as his hips pressed further into mine, spreading my legs further apart.

"Oh, gods I'm gonna come," he moaned, dropping down to lay against me, breathing every sound directly into my lips, feeling his seed dripping out of me as his hips pushed even further forward, burying his cock to the hilt.

We didn't move from that place as he lifted himself only enough to look down at me, his face hidden in shadow. 

"I'll never leave you. Ever. I won't. I can't."

"Don't," I brushed his hair away from his high forehead, "She doesn't want you to, or She never would have made us find each other."

"You were so angry and so beautiful the first time I saw you," he whispered into my neck, "I couldn't help but come closer. I always have to be near you Triste. Its where I'm meant to be, right by your side..."

"Tim," I moaned softly, feeling him start to stiffen inside me against and kissing him fully on the mouth to encourage it, gliding my tongue back over his as soon as his lips opened to me.

He started moving slowly, pulling almost all the way out before pressing forward, emptying then filling me, giving our combined sounds up like a gift to the night.

My nails raked down his back, having had enough of the soft and slow. 

That wasn't us. 

Not truly. 

"Fuck me, priestess," he growled, rolling us until he was on his back and my fingers were splayed across his chest, my hips grinding into his as I straddled him, my hair starting to come loose from the braid. He sat up quickly and pulled the hairband off the end, letting the woven locks untangle naturally with the movement of our bodies. 

"Holy fuck, I don't ever want you anywhere else but right here," his hands gripped my waist hard, moving me with him, filling me with each thrust that made his hips meet my own. Each second saw our union get a little rougher, until he sat up again, locking an arm around my waist. It tracked my movement, rather than stilling or controlling it, following each time I lifted off and then sank back down onto him. 

"You feel so good," I moaned, tilting my head back as the smooth skin of his face explored my neck, uncaring if he marked me up or marred me. What did he care anyways, I was his and had promised I always would me. 

"Promise that you really want to do this. You really want to marry me," he whispered, stuttering with pleasure. 

"I promise. Oh, gods, Tim I swear."

With that, he snuck a hand between our bodies, rubbing hard circles over my clit in that one particular way that he knew would get him the desired result as his other arm started pulling me down harder every time I began to take him back inside me. 

"I want to be covered in you, Katherine Triste. I want my skin to smell like you. I want you to taste yourself when you kiss me. I'm yours. Always. I belong to you. Only yours... only...gods, fuck fuck fuck..."

He didn't coax the orgasm out of me the way Johannes had. Rather he demanded it, like a payment for forgiven sins, tearing it from my body with rougher and rougher strokes. 

"I want you marked up and bruised from me," he snarled lowly, building his own arousal to the tipping point as he watched me respond to his words, "I want everyone to fucking know that you belong to me. And I to you. Because She wants it to be that way..."

"TIM."

"It was always gonna fucking be this way, priestess, you were always going to end up in my arms, screaming my name. _Always._" 

He got his wish, and I covered him with a flood when I came, soaking us both with a seemingly endless current as he pulled me impossibly closer and my body thrashed in his arms.

"That's my good girl, fuck yes!" he yelled, "keep going."

My fingernails scratched across his shoulders as my hips refused to relent, slamming down against his until he collapsed backwards, taking me with him, our bodies sliding against each other effortlessly, covered in me. 

"Come for me," I whispered breathlessly as he planted his feet and started slamming his cock into me, the obscene noises of our passionate intertwining filling our tiny hiding place. I bent my lips to his ear, biting it hard before dropping them to his neck. 

"Ahh! Ohh, fuck. Fuck. Mark me, Triste, fucking bite me or something," he groaned, turning his face to the side. 

I thought on it for just the quickest moment before I dropped my head and pressed my lips to his chest, just next to his tattoo, igniting them with enough heat to burn his skin. 

It probably hurt like hell, but it catapulted him over the edge, sending him into the open arms of a fucking knockout orgasm with a savage shout as his spilled inside me again, his hips bones hitting the insides of my legs hard enough to bruise me. 

His mouth was wide open as he panted, gasping for air and trying to make the world stop turning, gazing up at me with my wild hair and bright green eyes. 

"I'm gonna fucking marry you just to get you to do that again," he laughed breathlessly, weaving his fingers into my tresses and closing his eyes as his head dropped back into the grass. 

I glanced down at my handiwork, touching the edge of the burn mark before making a confused sound and running a finger over it. It was totally healed, a bright scar in the shape of my kiss, reflecting the moonlight peaking through the tangled vines of our safehaven. 

"Wicked," he murmured, touching to too and then grinning up at me as I shivered.

"Cold?"

"Ah...not really..."

"Fuck, give me like 15 minutes, I think my hearts still skipping beats," he laughed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this written already months ago. Obviously. 
> 
> Yall that guys gonna give me a heart attack one of these days. 
> 
> Woof.


	86. Chapter 86

He was laying overtop of me, dropping lazy, unhurried kisses over my cheeks and down the side of my neck when a curt, feminine 'ah ahem' from outside our flower hut interrupted us. 

"Was that--"

"Oops, I think we've been discovered," I giggled, as May pulled on the vines just enough to indicate that playtime was over and it was time to come back outside and join the real world. 

"Fuck. Gotta go, babe," I sighed touching my forehead to his and taking another breath of his scent, tinged with passion and sweat now, "I'll meet you guys back in the room when we're all done. I...wanted to talk to everyone at the same time about it."

He nodded, then growled lowly as he suddenly threw me back and pinned both arms to the ground by my wrists, dropping his lips to my ear, "or, we could pretend we don't hear her and you could let me eat your pussy until you come so many times that you pass out and I have to carry you back inside so we can start all over again..."

"That is...oh, gods thats really fucking tempting," I groaned, but May took it upon herself to be let in and pried the vines apart, knocking peony petals everywhere in the process until she was squeezed inside with us. 

"You--oh...hi Tim," she blushed slightly as she glanced as his erection when he moved off of me.

He didn't care, there was basically nothing he was shy about anymore, and he laughed again, shaking his head as she stared for a moment too long.

"You both being in here is _not _good for me," he moved to grab his clothes as he continued to laugh, struggling into his pants as I tried to do the same with my dress, both of us doing our best as I turned so he could zip the back of it up. All my flowers had gotten rolled on or otherwise crushed, and I reached up to run my hands through my hair, loose now and tangled as hell.

"Gods, hows my hair? Wrecked?" I turned to May, trying to tear my fingers through a damp snarl, and she cocked her head to the side as she reached for my hand slowly, taking it between us and twirling the grassy ring just the same way that Henrik had. 

"_Qu'est-ce que c'est?_" she asked softly. 

"Oh. _Il m'a demandé de l'épouser..."_

_"Lui?_ " she nodded faintly in Tim's direction. 

"_Non_..._eh bien, oui, en quelque sorte..."_

She raised both eyebrows faintly, but the smile started pulling at the corner of her lips, even as she chewed them to try and hide it, glancing at Tim with that knowing smile after a moment. 

"Oh, like you didn't know this was gonna happen from that first night when she walked inside and I almost dropped dead," Tim laughed, reaching over to pinch May's ear fondly as she finally dissolved into giggles, "I know you see everything, _lilla du_."

"Oh, Tim," she smiled, "I knew even before then. When you looked at her from the stage."

He sighed and smiled tenderly at her, feeling reassured and overwhelmed and strangely calm, even as she reached to touch the little tattoo on his chest, and the scar next to it. 

"Hmm...and what does Henrik have to say about this?"

"I'm...I'm not sure yet," I answered, "he was being weird when I saw him."

"You feel weird too after spending any time by yourself with Ihy, _pluie_."

"_Pluie_," Tim repeated the unfamiliar word. 

"Rain," we both said together, and I knew he didn't need any other hints as he smiled broadly. 

"Masika. Pluie. Clever."

"Hold on, why was Henrik talking to Ihy alone?"

"_Je ne sais pas_, but when I went to look for a dress for you they were talking together."

"That...that gives me a weird feeling," I frowned, "should I have a weird feeling about that?"

She shrugged, having no further details to give me. They'd immediately stopped talking when she swooped into the room, murmuring an apology before diving into my bad and sifting through my clothes. 

I tucked my hair behind my ears, searching my wrists for a hairband and cursing when I couldn't find it. Surely it was somewhere on the ground around us, having been yanked off the end of my braid then forgotten about.

"Here," Tim reached behind his head once he shrugged back into his shirt and pulled the tie from his hair, making the strands cascade alluringly down over one shoulder, "you can take mine, I have no clue what I did with yours, sorry," he chuckled. 

"Gods, what a perk!" I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek as I giggled and he breathed a soft happy sound, taking a second to nuzzle his face against mine gently.

"Don't always count on me to have one, Henrik brings a hundred everywhere we go because we all lose them constantly," he shook his head with a grin, "so I'll also need that back later."

"Babe if I had hair like yours, I would never stop flipping it all over the place so everyone noticed. You should wear it down. All the time. For the rest of forever."

"Its a pain in the ass," he grumbled, running his fingers through it and doing a quick double take when he caught me chewing my lip and staring at his hands as they brushed down through the ends. He experimentally did it again, running them slower through this time as he watched my pupils get a little wider and my teeth sink in a little harder.

"Is this seriously turning you on right now? Sweetheart, you are without a doubt the strangest woman I've ever met," he chuckled, shaking his head and doing a dramatic flip of his locks over his shoulder for my benefit. 

"Wh-hey! I'm not _that _strange! And you're the one who likes having your hair pulled!"

"Do you really?" May asked with sudden interest, and I swore Tim's cheeks almost went pink as she cocked her head to the side and zeroed in on him.

Neither of us knew about the memory that flitted through his mind, of phantom fingers weaving through his hair, pulling the strands taut before tugging on them hard, forcing him into a shattering end.

"Maybe you don't know everything after all, do you," he smirked coyly once he recovered.

"Tsk tsk, oh c_her_," she purred crawling towards him in a way that made him shiver and made me bite my lip to control my snort of laughter. 

Gods she was so fucking French sometimes. She ate men like Tim for breakfast and washed them down with a violently bitter espresso.

She got right in his face as he sat down hard, leaning back on his palms until the wall of vines stopped him from going any further.

"I could tell you things that would make you--well..." she glanced down between them with a saucy little grin, "you come and find me if you ever want to know _le secrets de l'univers..."_

His mouth moved without making a sound and she leaned in further, eyes trained on his lips, pushing him to the absolute limit. 

"And just so you know," one finger toyed with his bottom lip, "I like having my hair pulled too..."

"Holy Christ I have _got _to get out of here or neither of you are leaving for the rest of the night," he whispered, his heart racing.

I couldn't help it, and crawled next to her, leaning in close too and brushing my nose up the side of her cheek, just in front of her ear. 

"You should tell him about the leather thing," I whispered loud enough for him to hear. 

"_Non_, _bébé_ that is only for the grownups," she turned her face towards me, letting her lips hover just a centimetre away as we both paused, listening to him pant. 

"But maybe he can know about _les couteaux_..."

That made my ears perk up and I broke character for a moment, "_ah?_ _Est-ce Jonas connaît des ils?"_

"Not yet," she whispered with a wink.

If I was kinky, then May was on a whole nother planet, and I knew for a fact that there was a chest of fun things in her apartment in Paris. 

"Ooh, what did you bring with you?" I asked with sudden interest. 

"Oh, just this and that," she looked away casually, checking her nails in the dim lighting spilling in through the entrance, thought I knew it was only half for my benefit, "some oils, toys, clamps, cuffs, scarves, you know," she smiled wickedly at Tim, "_jeu d'enfant..."_

"Wh--...why did I just get the overwhelming feeling that you would fuck me and then immediately kill me afterwards just so you could bathe in my blood?"

She bit her bottom lip between her teeth, letting the neon green swirl into her irises like dangerous poison as she leaned in and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his lips, moaning softly at the way he stiffened and hesitated, before groaning deeply. 

"Because I would, little boy."

"Get out of here, both of you," I giggled when they pulled apart, yanking Tim over so I could kiss him too, and shivering at the way he immediately sank into my lips. 

I teasingly tipped him on the nose before urging them both out of our little flower hut.

"I'm gonna go check on Henrik."

"No you are not," May's hand clamped down on mine so I whirled around to face her, "I know that you are putting it off, and you can not any longer. Khata and Isiemkheb are here, and there are none of us left, you know that. It is time."

"Oh, shit, I didn't miss it! Yes!"

"Tim," May shook her head, holding the 'i' in the middle a second longer than usual as a warning, "you heard Ihy, you are not allowed. Johannes already got her in enough trouble and I had to beg Van to keep his mouth shut--"

"WHAT?"

I grimaced and tensed as he turned away from her and glared at me, waiting for me to elaborate.

"He apologized."

"I don't care...him being here is already bad enough."

"Look. I didn't know who he was!"

"Triste, that doesn't--"

"Hey! Triste, someone is looking for--oh...hey..."

"Oh my good gods, you literally can't help it, can you," I groaned as the frustrating individual in question loped down the path towards us and then stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of my companion.

"I'll meet you back in the room, Tim," I said with a no-more-backtalk tone, giving him a look that equally demanded and asked nicely that he behave himself. 

He touched the mark on his chest over his shirt as he looked at me for several seconds, then huffed off, stopping just in front of Van and giving him a blistering glare.

"I'm watching you," he warned, then was off, heading back up to the house to disappear, hopefully back into our bedroom to behave himself for the rest of the night. 

"Wow, okay..." he turned to me with a confused, slightly pissed off look, opening his mouth to say more.

"Don't," I held up a hand, "I need everyone to play nice for like ten minutes, okay?"

"Why do all your boyfriends hate me?" he fell into step next to me when we all started heading up the path together, "oh, and there's a Scottish lady with really big tits looking for you."

"I want you to replay what you just said again in your head slowly, and then answer your own question," I muttered, shaking my head and leaving him behind. 

"You've got fucking grass in your hair, High Priestess," he called snarkily, and I whirled around, descending rapidly back towards him, ignoring May's warning look.

"Do you want to know why? Just ask, Nekaure - don't play games with me, because I'll run fucking circles around you."

A faint light started flickering under his skin as his brow furrowed into a scowl.

"No? Then games it is, priest," I purred, igniting my palms effortlessly and bringing one up to my face so I could glide my tongue over the ball of flame, holding his stare, "but you'll lose every time."

"You didn't even give me a chance - you never did," he retorted, stepping in closer, crowding into my space, "you just went straight for him. Johannes. And apparently he's not the only one, is he..."

I should have been angry, but I wasn't, I only pushed more of my power over him, assaulting him with waves of it, until he was almost buckling under the pressure. 

"No. He's not."

He scoffed with dismissal as I let up, "I could take him, you know that right? He's a good guitarist, but he's scrappy, and I could have him on the floor in a second. I'm older and stronger and more powerful. Then what would you do, hmm? I'd go through all five of them without a fucking problem."

I got right in his face at that comment. He was taller than I was, but he still cowered just slightly under my stare as both our eyes lit up, his a glowing gold, mine green.

"And what if he was favored by the one who breathed the very desert into being?"

"Fucking you doesn't buy him favor with the divine," he snarled. 

_*You will remember who you address, insolent child. The beetle would not dare challenge the lion if it knew its own size...*_

Van went visibly stiff as Her voice echoed in his head, and stiffer still in the next moment.

_*Well, I suppose that makes three of us watching you now, son,_* another voice followed, silky and eerily familiar,_*and I assure you, you know nothing of the things I will do to you if the girls leave anything for me to play with...*_

"What the f--" he glanced around, not fully recognizing with the male voice that had followed in the wake of my goddesses. 

I cocked an unimpressed eyebrow at him, waiting. 

"Who the fuck are you," he cast a wary glance in my direction, looking halfway like he wanted to run and half like he wanted to keep fighting.

"My name is Masika. I am the High Priestess of the warrior goddess Sekhmet. The Lady of a Thousand Names. The Protector of the Pharaohs. I have been broken. And I have been beaten. And I have come back from places you can't fucking fathom. And perhaps you've known me fleetingly in this life, Nekaure," I snarled, "but you know nothing. So you will acknowledge me, or you will stay the _fuck _ away."

I glanced over his shoulder and saw Tim watching us from the back terrace, his eyes alight, his mouth split into a savage grin that so nearly made my feet start running for him. 

But my stare shifted back at Van, willing him to choose. 

He did, after several moments of silence.

"Apologies, Mistress, please forgive my disrespect, it has been many years and I forgot my place."

Another glance at Tim, as Van nearly genuflected in front of me, and I could almost hear the obscenity of his thoughts. 

I licked my lips at him and watched his whole body stiffen before he shot me a smirk and bowed his head in submission too, then disappeared inside. 

My pity was suddenly struck as Van shied away from me when he stood and I stepped closer and pressed both my hands against his biceps, looking at him honestly. 

"I'm stupid powerful, Van. And they all know exactly who I am, and who She is. And Tim is favored of Her. So do you have any questions, comments, or objections about that?"

He stuttered a few incoherent syllables, but otherwise shook his head. 

"Good boy. Now, in we go. I have a ceremony to hold."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> child's play 😏


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sheesh sorry this is taking so long. 
> 
> There's a fucking solid Jonas chap in the very near future though to reward your patience.
> 
> Speaking of, I'm weirdly into him in the sea captain hat? Who cares if he can't English?
> 
> Look, that guy has hips you could serve coffee off of and he knows it. HALLO.

We discreetly pulled Khata and Isiemkheb aside into one of the spare rooms, murmuring polite excuse mes to everyone until the four of us were alone. 

"Something yeh need to share, dearie?" Khata raised both eyebrows as the door closed, indicating that no one else would be joining, "where is Na'eemah? You," she wagged an accusatory finger at May, "have been avoiding that question all night," she turned to me, "and I couldn't ask _you _because you disappeared with that tall lad, and forgive me for saying it but I do reckon you have more important things to do with your mouth."

"Hey!" I snapped, knowing she was half-teasing about the mouth comment, but getting insulted by it anyways, "I'll have you know that that _tall lad _is my fiancé! And...and we had something important to discuss," I held up my left hand so she could see my ring. 

"Ah, quite official then, is it?" she cocked a generally unimpressed eyebrow, eyeing the woven grasses around my finger in place of anything finer. 

"Where. Is. Na'eemah." she repeated harshly, looking back and forth between me and May.

"She's dead, Khata," I snapped.

The two ladies both went stone-still for a moment then nodded, and I saw Isiemkheb's shoulders relax just fractionally as she misunderstood me, thinking that our High Priestess was simply in-between lives, as we'd all been dozens of times before. 

Khata made that particularly Scottish noise in her throat, "why would you not just say so earlier, you little goose?" she stepped up to me again and cupped both my cheeks, "I'm sorry I barked at yeh, lass, we're all a bit frazzled just getting called together like this, but its not an excuse."

She touched her lips to mine softly, a friendly gesture that we'd exchanged hundreds of times before, and I pressed my forehead to hers as both our eyes closed and we reconnected, breathing in that soft familiarity that came with finding a soul we'd known for thousands of years. 

Isiemkheb crowded into my space too, cuddling the both of us and nuzzling her cheek to mine when Khata let me go. It had been even longer since I'd seen her, and a single tear escaped as I realized that really no time had passed at all.

Or at least it felt that way. 

"Hello little sister," she embraced me, rubbing hers fingertips over my scalp in a way that was maddeningly relaxing as I melted into her, "it has been too long." 

"I know the sound of your accent...where are you from?" I asked quietly, inhaling her perfume, "you're right, its been so long since I've seen you."

"Tanzania," she smiled, "I am Iraqw."

"Ngorongoro!" I bit my smiling lips, touching the features of her lovely face, "I had...friends there. A long time ago."

My heart beat heavily as I remembered my pride that I'd visited with Henrik, lounging under the scrubby trees, my cub Xweera, who had grown bigger than the rest, his mane glorious and dark like the night I'd named him for. 

"And you? You are a rich American girl, hmm?"

"Woah, okay, watch how you throw the 'R' word around, _mi reina_!"

I knew for a fact that she'd been a Spanish queen once and would take my joke as it had been meant. 

She chuckled deeply as she gripped me tighter, "it does not matter. I have missed you, little sister."

"We both have," Khata embraced me on the other side, holding a hand out to May, who couldn't help but be drawn in too, engaging in the fierce reunion of our closest but in some ways most distant sisters. 

"He's handsome, your man," Khata smiled, pulling back but turning me again to place her hands on my cheeks, "a might too tall for yeh, I suppose, but nothing to be helped for it. And not that I suppose it needs sayin', but I know yeh didn't have that thing," she gestured towards my left hand gripping her right against my face, "on your finger before, so I suppose congratulations are in order."

"And drinks," Isiemkheb laughed, turning to May with a teasingly scolding tone, "Nedjem are you not some grand Champagne fortune heiress now? Where are your hospitality skills, _cherie?_"

"_Oui_," she turned in a sweeping circle, gesturing with her arms, "as you can see we are..._comment dis-tu, oie? _'Laying in it?' "

"Rolling in it," I giggled.

"Yes, we are _rolling in it!" _she turned again with a broad grin, laughing too.

"Ah, gods, but I do wish the High Priestess were here to share in our mirth," Khata intoned lowly into my hair, hugging me close against what Van had accurately noticed earlier as her voluptuous bosom, "but I suppose our Highest Lady will tell her of what she's missed."

"That..." I pulled back and cleared my throat uncomfortably, "that's, ah, not really gonna happen...She didn't tell you?"

Everyone turned back towards me for a moment.

"Tell us what?"

"She's..." I cleared my throat, "Na'eemah is gone."

"Well...yes dear, but you know that--"

"No, I mean _gone_ gone...she's gone."

Khata blinked slowly at me, "what?"

I turned to grimace at May. We hadn't gotten enough of a warning to really suss out all the details about who was coming, and what they knew, and why they were even really going to be here at all in the first place. 

"Then you must tell them," she nodded.

"Maybe you should..."

"_I _am not in charge here," she sternly shook her head at me.

"Yeah, but you're the one who got murdered."

"What?!" Isiemkheb frowned but we didn't hear her.

May visibly bristled, and I suddenly realized that she knew apparently as little as the others. To be sure, she'd gleaned some information from our conversation all together the night before, but it was hardly enough to change her mind that Na'eemah had gone bad and turned on us.

"Your memory is short, _oie_," she reminded me in a clipped tone and I bristled also, realizing I'd forgotten.

Shit. I'd been murdered too.

I was exhausted and frustrated and still deeply annoyed at Van, and turned to the others to give them the abridged version. 

"There's this guy, Iufenamun. He lived before us I think and was close to one of our gods Ihy -- no I know you don't know him that's okay he's kind of minor -- but uhm..." I sighed, moving over to the bed so I could sit down, and kicked out of both shoes as May sat beside me and the other two pulled up chairs. 

"Please, continue," Isiemkheb nodded.

"He somehow sapped some of Ihy's power, his divine essence, without him knowing and he's been using it to reanimate. I wish I knew more, but I don't, and for some reason he's basically hunting us. One by one, I guess, but he's started using us against each other. That's where Na'eemah comes in. He made her think he was like us and...ensnared her."

"Seduced, probably," Khata muttered under her breath, and I nodded.

There was no point in lying.

"He convinced her that he wanted Restoration, and I think kind of talked her into wanting it too--"

"Restoration?" they both asked in unison with matching sets of raised eyebrows, and May put a hand up, asking them silently to let me finish. 

"Yeah. Which obviously is fucking nutty, but she bought into it. You both probably know this as well as I do, but after so many lifetimes of just watching our culture and our ways drift futher and further into the past and into obscurity, she just felt kind of lost. Pointless, in a way..."

"But surely our goddess would have told her that it was folly, no?" Khata's head was cocked to the side as she tried to understand how the woman we'd all been nearly as devoted to as our goddess could be led so far astray.

"I don't think she talked to Her about it. Or maybe she tried to and couldn't, I don't know. He can create a shield around you, kind of, that stops your gifts from manifesting, and the gods can't hear you."

Gods, but we were _really _going for the shock factor now. Isiemkheb's jaw dropped and Khata started to go pale.

"That cannot be. Our lady has been with us in both our heads and our hearts since the fall...She has never not heard my prayers..."

"I know sister, but...but I'm telling you, he can silence us when he chooses to. I don't know how. He's...gods, he's really _really _powerful."

"How on earth would you know all this? Did She tell you? Why would She not tell the lot of us?"

I chewed my bottom lip, trying to shy around telling her something that would come out as 'oh, you see, my boyfriend may be tainted and also may have murdered me on accident, but kind of on purpose, oh no not the tall one, my _other_ boyfriend...'

"I...I don't know what our Lady knows of him...Ihy, as I said, is far more familiar--"

"A son of Hathor, no?"

"Yeah. We kind of met on accident too..."

"No, _oie_, I won't allow that talk. It was on purpose and you know so."

I did know so.

The Cirice'ing, the moment of finding me that night in the club.

It was all part of him watching me.

"Are you conversant with other gods now, my sweet?" Khata's dark eyebrows shot up again.

"Just this one! He's...he sings for a band I like--"

_Love. _

"Ah? A musician god then?"

_Oh, plus lust! Don't forget to tell them ab--mmmmffff!!!_

I silently throttled my inner voice as she threatened to thwart my very _very _fragile sense of concentration. 

I already had three marriage proposals hanging out unanswered in the wind, and the last thing I needed was to start thinking dirty thoughts about Papa. 

"So Ihy told you about this man? You mentioned that he was close to him? How did he not know what was happening? Is he--" Isi looked around the room like he might be lurking in the shadows, "--have you seen him recently?"

"I...I know he's been hunting this motherfucker --_okay, what, its deserved!_\-- for a long time, but I don't think he knew that he was like...targeting us...but I more or less sort of met him? Kind of? Not face to face really."

"Who?" Khata frowned with confusion, "we're using too many 'he's."

"I met Ihy--" _gods did we ever _"--I haven't met Iufenamun. Not yet."

"Not yet?"

"Well, kind of yes and no...this guy can somehow throw his _ka _at will and manifest in other people. Again, he's using divine magic so its leagues beyond our stuff, even if we could use it which, again, we can't if he doesn't want us to."

Fuck.

"And he did this to Na'eemah?" Khata was fuming now, enraged by the prospect of her oldest, dearest companion being used like a disposable vessel, "she's gone now because of this man??"

"Ugh, fuck, again yes and no," I reached out a hand to May who was crying silently, staring down at her hands, "its okay baby. We both met him through her, but didn't know him or who he was or that is was anyone but her."

"Dearie, surely you knew our Na'eemah wouldn't believe such nonsense as Restoration..."

May and I clasped hands and sighed together, turning to our sisters and filling in as much detail as we could without being too overwhelming. 

I listened as she recounted her side of the story that Na'eemah had told me in the ruins of the temple - the seemingly serendipitous meeting outside the coffee shop, the hushed talk of the impossible, her storming out and remembering Na'eemah's face contorting into a mask of rage...

I told them the rest. 

About him having some kind of hook in Henrik so that he could manifest at will, or at least it seemed that way.   
About getting killed and being dead, but not the kind of dead we were used to.   
About meeting Na'eemah and holding her while she sobbed her seemingly endless apologies. 

About being called back. 

By him.  
By that voice like threads of silk.  
I could still hear it in my head. His laugh. Resounding though his perfect, full lips that still kissed mine with something stronger than a memory...

"Why would you marry a man who has put his hands on you that way!" Isiemkheb cried, rocketing up from her chair and starting to pace. She was tall and lithe, dressed in a simple but gorgeous hunter green dress with a heavy shawl around her shoulders, and she crossed back and forth from one side of the room to the other as I chewed on my response. 

"Intentional or no, Isi _stop_ you're making me dizzy," Khata groaned, turning back to me from looking at the other over her shoulder, "intentional or no, dearie, it does seem an odd response to such an...episode."

Oh gods. Now I _had _to tell them. 

"Well...uhm that's Henrik...but he's not the tall one from earlier...I might be...I might be kind of seeing multiple people..."

Isiemkheb's foot froze as it hit the floor and she pivoted to look at me slowly but didn't say anything. 

"Look I'm not the fucking whore of Babylon, don't look at me that way," I snapped again, running both hands back through my hair before twirling at my ring nervously, "they all know each other because they're in the same band and don't mind--"

"Wh-- excuse me, '_they all_'? How many are we talking, little sister?"

"Five! Okay?! FIVE."

There was a heavy beat of silence, and I finally understood the term 'pregnant pause' as we all looked at each other back and forth, waiting for someone who wasn't me to say something.

I didn't expect them to start laughing, but it was really more of a cackle as Khata threw herself into the back of her chair and stamped her booted feet on the floor, and Isiemkheb collapsed against the back of it, fondly touching the other's hair as they giggled like schoolgirls. 

"Gods, oh dearie I am terribly sorry, its...its not...not that funny," Khata chortled and I felt my cheeks go pink even as the smiled bloomed across my face too. 

"I didn't ask for it, honestly, and really it was just Johannes at first--"

"Johannes? I thought he was called Henrik."

"No, Johannes is the tall one. Well," I backtracked, "he's the tallest, but Johns tall too. Henrik is...gods, you'll know Henrik if you see him," I giggled and May dramatically pressed the back of her hand to her forehead.

"_Ses cheveux bouclent_!" she flopped down on her back on the bed like she'd fainted, drawing chuckles from the rest of us as I poked her hard in the ribs and she shrieked a laugh. 

"And they're all okay with you marrying the big lad?"

"There's a possibility that they might be...joining us."

There was another one of those pauses and I held up both hands.

"No no no, I am _not _doing this again, explaining this three times in one night is going to do me in, so can we just save it for later? Please?"

They both nodded, still grinning, and we all took a moment to breathe, hanging desperately onto the threads of happiness and camaraderie.

"Yeh don't know when he'll be there to look us in the face then, this magician?" Khata finally broke the silence.

My head shook back and forth as I looked down at my hands, "he only said that he would be coming. And...I don't know. He might be here now..."

Oh gods. I hadn't really considered it.

I pulled my flame into my palms to check, but it came readily enough, strong and bright and hot. 

"Ah? You have fire now?"

"Yes. As of...well, as of yesterday..."

Isiemkheb and Khata both looked at me differently as they pieced it all together.

"Our Lady...has chosen you then?"

I nodded, still looking at the floor and they both inclined their heads in acknowledgement and recognition.

I took a deep, steeling breath, and looked up at them with the green bleeding into the gray; theirs mimicked mine after a moment as I got to my feet.

"I won't let this fucker hurt anyone else," my hands flamed again, "not me, not Nedjem...not any of you...and I'm fucking terrified at the idea of meeting him face to face, but I'm mad as hell too--"

"Fear makes you stronger, daughter," She said lowly, stepping forth from nothing and towering over the rest of us, even more so as we all dropped to our knees with a collective gasp out of a deeply ingrained reverence. 

She paused, taking in our prostrated forms, chuffing lowly in her chest before moving forward and pulling me to my feet. 

My goddess looked deeply into my eyes, Her own laden with the timeless wisdom and knowledge of a woman, but also the wildness of a lion. 

"I see the doubt in you, Masika," She rumbled.

"Mistress, no--"

"_Yes_. Deny nothing before me, for I see the deepest secrets of your heart...but I also see that these festering seeds of doubt stem not from disbelief, but from a lack of courage."

I shrank under Her gaze and Her touch, but had nothing to offer in my own defense. 

She wasn't wrong. 

"I am full of fear, my goddess," I answered honestly, looking at the floor as was respectful when speaking to the divine, "though I know you've made me strong. I have gone back and have seen how hes silenced me...I know the ways he's hurt and is still hurting those that I love the most..."

Her snarl wasn't meant to make me shake, but I quaked with fear all the same until She took my chin between her thumb and forefinger. 

"Na'eemah is beyond my reach now. I know that your heart weeps for her. But she made her choice in refusing Me."

"No!" 

Her eyebrows both raised at my insolent response, but She firmly pressed one finger to my lips to silence me. 

"Have I not given you the control over the light of the sun... Have I not chosen you to be the divine High Priestess of my flock...Masika you doubt when you should rejoice."

"Mistress, I _do _rejoice! I am the very essence of flame, in Your divine image! But--"

"_Then let that be enough_," She growled, "let the heat of your power and your hatred consume you, my child. Let them rule your intentions and snuff out this darkness who dares to taunt the might of the _neteru..."_

I wanted to scream that She simply didn't understand. That I had been there. I had watched my Henrik fade from his own body before snuffing the life out of mine. 

But suddenly it hit me. 

Oh gods, but of course. 

If he could shield me from their view, why should I not also think that he couldn't shield himself. 

They had no clue who he was.   
Because who would listen to Ihy?   
A god who had gotten his own strength sapped by a mortal?

Perhaps they knew his name but they had no idea who he truly was, or his capabilities.

_FUCK._

"_Masika..._" She called me strongly by the name She had given me, "I called you this when you were brought to My temple. You were dying, laid bare and shattered on the rain-soaked steps as your mother plead for your life. She wished you simply to live, but it was _I_ who gave you more. Who desired to watch you thrive and bloom, like the beautiful aspects of the natural world of which I have given you command..."

_"YES goddess_," I fell to my knees again, feeling Her essence flooding all my systems, flowing through my veins, pulsing through all my glands until I could see Her and smell Her and taste Her.

"It is through _My _divine power that you were given the wisdom of the ages. That you were offered the answers to questions that no mortals yet think to ask. You _belong _to Me. You embody My spirit, my will, and I would see the children of My divine brothers and sisters cower before the High Priestess of the Lady of a Thousand Names..."

I was openly weeping now, joined shamelessly by Khata and Isiemkheb and Nedjem.

"Divine Lady, keep us forever in Your sight," Isi cried, daring to look up at Her perfect face, "for nothing else matters but You. You are the eye of the sun, my goddess, the life force that breathes meaning into my every moment!"

"Indeed I _am."_

We cowered before our powerful mistress together, as we had countless times in Her temple.

"And now,_" _She turned my chin up, pulling me to my feet once more, "you will embrace your power before them. You will accept this mantle of responsibility, for you are My chosen shepherd, Masika..."

I fell forward into Her grasp, clutching Her like She was my mother and my friend and my confidant as I whispered to Her in the old language.

"Surely, my goddess, I will do anything you ask of me."

"Good."

I slowly composed myself and pulled away from Her, feeling overwhelmed with love and adoration and devotion with a capital fucking D.

"I will do these things gladly, Mistress, for the fulfillment of Your divine will...."

"I would see no less, and it is for this reason and the foe that you face that I have chosen to gift you with the fire of my divine father, _ankh wedja seneb..."_

_Life. Prosperity. Health._

"May His glorious rays shine on us eternal," I bowed my head in submission.

That low chuffing sound filled the room again, and I chanced a glance up at Her, steeling myself for what was to come. 

"Mother, is there anything you can do for my Henrik? Please, its tearing him apart to be this way. He's afraid...I...I will gladly make any sacrifice required of me to see him well and whole again..."

"I cannot," She answered me honestly, no longer terrifyingly powerful in Her intensity, "for to me, it seems that there is nothing wrong with him, daughter. Ihy has spent a very long time searching for the taste of his own energy, and is able to perhaps see through some of the shield that this man creates to hide from us. _Insect_," She spat, like if he were anything lower, She'd be denied the satisfaction of crushing the life out of him. 

It only further reinforced my belief that though the _neteru _were all-powerful, they perhaps did not stoop low enough to understand this man.

"Go now. I will join you shortly, my children," Her hands motioned towards the door but we all stayed for a moment as She kissed Nedjem, Isiemkheb and Khata like we were of Her own body.

"You're...apologies, goddess, but are you...joining?"

"Did you think I would not attend to you in this? It is after all _my _ritual," She reminded.

"Of course, Mistress," I bowed lowly, my heart filled with a fierce pride that everyone else I had awkwardly greeted earlier would see me ordained in this way. 

"Go," She smiled indulgently at me, "I know you feel him, my child and are aware of his presence, but I would speak with him alone for a moment..."

"I know him everywhere he goes," I smiled with an inclination of my head, smoothing my dress before following the others out of the room. 

As the silence closed in, Her head swiveled towards the closed bathroom door at the back of the room and a wry smile curved Her lips, now those of a woman as She stepped closer, smoothing Her own red linen wrap. 

"You may join me, my son, they have gone..."

There was a long moment of silence before the bathroom door opened and Tim sheepishly stepped out like a child who had been caught sneaking dessert before dinner.

"I...look I know I'm not supposed to be here...I'm sorry...kind of...shit, no not really."

Her laugh bounced off the walls and filled him from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair with a wonderful sense of warmth and familiarity.

"Child, I am not angry with you. Come, you will join us," She held out a hand and he took pause again.

"Wait, seriously? For the--for the real thing?? But Ihy said I couldn't watch! Not that I take orders from him," he grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets and muttering an added couple of words regarding just what he thought of the other's incessant bossiness. 

"He is fond of you, Tim, even when he seems to be hard and unforgiving."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize fucking with my head and my sex life were signs of fondness," he rolled his eyes but still stared at the floor. 

"And yet you were the one who tasted him first, were you not," She cocked an eyebrow and drew his stare as his cheeks flamed red.

"Look, I thought she was gone and I was sad--"

"You do not have to explain your own desires to me, my son, because frankly, I don't care. We do not share your human insecurities about bodily want."

"Right, no, of course not," he shuffled his feet across the hardwoods awkwardly. 

She was infinite, like the bounds of time and the universe. Of course She wouldn't trouble Herself with such trivialities...but he kept pressing.

"I just--I don't want her to think that I really want anyone besides her...she's my whole world, and everything in it...You know that..."

"What I know is that she has claimed you, and what I know is that she has marked you. And I know that the son of my sister has watched her for a longer time than you can fathom. And I know her intentions towards you both, my son."

"Look, I tried to tell her that you can't marry two people anymore than you c--"

"Chapel bells and a billowing white dress were hardly what she had in mind," She scoffed, dismissing his comment, but grinning with all the good nature everyone forgot She had, "so, are you coming? Will you look upon your woman as she assumes the highest honor that I deign to bestow upon mortals?"

"...if I say yes, am I going to be seriously fucked up after I watch whatever is about to happen?"

"Yes," Her smile was a tad bit menacing but made his feet start moving anyways and he reached for Her without a second thought.

"Then what the hell are we waiting for?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool, also, LETS TALK ABOUT TIMMY AND THE BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BLONDE MF SPECTACLE THAT IS HIM WITH THAT NATURAL ASS HAIR COLOR IN SILENCE???  
My psyche honestly cannot handle it. 
> 
> But also, they're gonna fucking ROAST in those vegan leather (its basically plastic made of seaweed right?!) outfits if festival season happens. Except Jonas who thought ahead and gave us full view of those gorgeous sleeves. 
> 
> Third also - John in those gloves? Is this the climax of the 2020 weirdness? Stay far far far away from John in red gloves my children, he has NO good intentions.


	88. Chapter 88

I was flanked on one side by Khata and on the other by Isiemkheb as Nedjem brought up the rear, preventing me from bolting, should the thought suddenly strike my fancy and drive me to slip away again. 

I had to admit though, my fear and sense of dread had been entirely replaced by a fierce pride and desire to have my power recognized, and I swept into the living room, willing every set of eyes to land on me and know who I was. 

The whole room went eerily quiet as we stood shoulder to shoulder, looking out at our brothers and sisters, knowing that their fates were uncertain, as were ours, but also knowing we faced this thing together, for better or worse.

We were in it now.

That was why They had brought us all here. 

Because They didn't know this foe or understand him. 

But They knew us.

They understood us. And trusted us. To whatever end. 

"Gather around, children," Her voice rumbled and the crowd automatically parted for Her like the Sea as She slowly processed forward, eyes flitting around the room. She was back to Her natural anthropomorphic form now, and I shivered as Her teeth caught the lights, "many of you know not why you are here. Nor, I suppose, that you had sibling at all. But We felt that it was time for you all to know one another and come together in strength."

I glanced around as I felt the shimmer of his presence once more, trying to spot long dark hair with blonde roots and a clean-shaven face, but the sea of neon eyes that reflected my own were all I could see, and he didn't appear to be among them.

"I'm always with you, priestess" he whispered, right behind me, "but I don't think anyone else can see me."

I smiled and touched my lips to stifle it, lest I get caught ruining the solemnity of Her speech.

But of course.

She would never let him miss something like this, even though She knew too that he wasn't allowed to be here. Mortals weren't supposed to know who we were. And even She could only bend the rules so far. 

"I love you," there was the ghost of a caress just behind my ear and then he was gone, knowing that this was far too serious of an occasion to play grabass. 

She started speaking lowly, intoning deep in Her chest like the words were coming from the earth, speaking in the language of the gods, a tongue of creation and magic. 

The flames emanated from Her feminine palms like lengths of ribbon, floating through the air in the same manner, snaking towards me as I stood ready, my hands outstretched and waiting to receive. 

I hissed as the flame coiled around my body, starting at the ends of each limb and working inward as Her voice echoed in my mind, igniting me just as the fire did.

_*You have not failed me yet. Nor do I believe you will. I am made proud by you, and I am filled with adoration for you. You are chosen, Masika, you are eternal under my divine power. Burn, my daughter. Feel this power I have given you. Let it steel you. Let it consume you...*_

I threw my head back and shrieked as I saw a hundred thousand images at once with sightless eyes.

It was that moment on the beach with Tim all over again, but it was lucid and real, and rather than floating through the cool night air, kissed by the ocean's salinity, I burned and writhed, hanging in a similar position, my feet off the floor, my head thrown back, arms spread away from my body like my physical form couldn't quite contain what I was going through.

The knowledge of the ages seemed within my grasp. 

The faces of the ancient kings who had died long before I was born were known to me. 

The secret ritual words spoken in hushed tones by the embalmers in their red tents.

The very chemistry of the sun. 

I burned brighter for just one more moment as my head rolled on my shoulders, feeling the seams of my sanity expand to accommodate what I knew now, and then my feet touched the floor, and I called the flame into myself so it was just under my skin, sending flickers of glowing light zinging back and forth.

Her flame inside me made me feel high. Euphoric. Like every second was the world's most intense acid trip. Colors were brighter, the air felt closer, like I could feel each molecule kissing my skin. My awareness was heightened. 

Johannes, Henrik, John and Jonas were all standing at the edge of the hallway, drawn by my screams, staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at me. 

To be fair, none of them really had known that this was going to be part of it and so they couldn't have been prepared for seeing me that way. 

I myself hadn't even known until it was happening.

Curious, neon-eyed glances were cast their way, assessing these newcomers who didn't seem to be giving the ritual its proper respect. 

I stared too, and found myself struggling for just a moment to place them. I knew their faces, but they were just four amongst billions in my mind now, and I stared down at them not unkindly, but not as indulgently as usual either. 

But there it was again. 

That gentle brush of a fingertip down the curve of my neck.

"You know who they are. Think priestess," he whispered.

_My boys. _

"Fucking hell, you guys are _not _supposed to be in here...come on, you're just making yourselves more noticeable now," Van grimaced and tried to get them to move out of entryway once he'd pushed through the throng of people and stood closely enough to murmur to them.

The four men followed mechanically, eyes still trained on me as I watched their progress through the crowd. It sent ripples of motion through the others. A step forward, and then a step back to close the space. They moved like water for a moment and then it was over. 

I blinked twice as I settled back into my body and realized that She was gone, having slipped away without a word. 

*_Very well done, my daughter. I am watching.*_

Her part in the ritual was over, and now it was my turn. 

The room descended into silence once more at the sound of my voice.

"Nedjem."

"Yes, Mistress."

"You will kneel."

"As you command, Mistress," she obeyed and my hand found her hair, pressing my fingertips against her scalp, speaking to her in our most native tongue, our language since birth.

The words tasted divine on my lips, almost sensual in a way, each murmured consonant and breathy vowel exercising parts of my voice that I didn't get to use by speaking English. I closed my eyes and let the pleasure of it wrap around me, somehow able now to stretch each sensation into a lifetime while only pausing for a second. 

"I am the chosen leader of our pride. I am the speaker of the child of the sun. I am tasked with protection and guidance. Will you acknowledge me."

"I will, Mistress," she touched her forehead to the floor briefly, before getting back onto her knees and waiting to be acknowledged once more.

"What do you offer as evidence of the sincerity of your vow?"

Gods, but all these words seemed to just be coming naturally now. I'd heard them a few times before, once when I was initiated into the temple, and only a handful after that when we took novices. 

Back then, before the fall, we were mortal and knew nothing different, so we'd offered gifts - tokens, bits of pottery or pieces of precious stone. Anything valuable that we hated to part with, as proof that we were committed and devoted, and trusted Na'eemah to care for our most precious possessions. 

"What are they saying?" Jonas leaned closer and asked, completely unaware of who Van was. He'd gotten used to being recognized now, and had just assumed that's what drew the other man over. That and the obvious looks of shock on their faces that made them stick out like sore thumbs and mortals. 

"She's ascending. All the other priestesses of her temple have to acknowledge her one by one - its not enough for her to receive just power and wisdom, she has to have the willing submission and recognition from the others," he murmured, casting a cautious glance back at Johannes and receiving a hard scowl.

"Look, I'm sorry," he hissed defensively on a low whisper, "I can't fucking help that I want her too, but I get that you're a..." he gestured vaguely with his hands, "a _thing_, or whatever."

"Nicely put, definitely don't forget to invite him to the wedding," Henrik snorted at Johannes, apologizing automatically when someone behind them shushed him sharply. 

"The _what?_" Van paled.

"You. Shut up and stop spreading that around," Jonas shook his head at Henrik, "and you," he glared at Johannes, "she already picked you, so stop being an insecure asshole. Not everyone in the world exists to come between you two."

"And you," he made Van turn back to him, "translate."

"Are they seriously getting married?!"

"_Translate_," he said again, narrowing his eyes. 

Nedjem chewed her lip for a moment as she thought about what would be valuable enough to offer as a token of her dedication and her trust, but chanced a tiny smile up at me as it dawned on her. 

"My most precious gift," she cupped her hands in front of her and they filled slowly with a faint purple light, nothing that could quite be called a shape or a solid form, but matter that swirled like fine mist. 

Energy. 

It was only a taste of what she possessed, but that was really the whole point, and I let my hand hover over hers until her light licked upwards, seeping into my palm, filling me with a brimming, coursing feeling of internal activity, more than my body could handle and my head dropped back as I breathed a soft sound that really came out as more of a moan. 

"Triste..." his voice whispered into my ear, low and thick with want, reminding me that he was still there and watching too. He didn't say anything else or touch me, somehow instinctively knowing it wasn't allowed.

"So that was May giving some of her energy to-..." Van caught one glimpse of the look on Jonas' face and shut up, since he clearly wasn't listening, all his attention bent on the two of us at the front of the room. One of his lovers offering the very essence of herself to the other. 

Van shuffled his feel awkwardly, all too familiar with the look on the other man's face. 

Gods, was I fucking marrying one of them and sleeping with the rest? Did they all know? 

He turned his attention back to the front as I drew May up to her feet, cupping her cheeks and kissing her softly on the lips, sealing my promise to protect and guide her as much as I was accepting her promise to follow. 

"Christ," Jonas murmured, shifting with a sudden tension deep in his gut, "do they all have--...wait do you know May?" he blinked twice and turned as it registered that Van had used her human name a minute before. 

"Uhm...yeah...I mean kind of. I know her through Triste, obviously."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't know you knew Triste either. We do too, I'm Jonas," he extended his hand, and there was something so reminiscent of Mike in the way Van's hand hesitated a second before grasping his. 

"Van."

"Van? Oh, shit, are you him? _You're_ the fucking guy from the festival? What are you doing here?"

"Can we maybe not do this here?" John interjected, noticing the stares being drawn to the relative commotion as Jonas and Van hissed back and forth at each other. 

"I belong here, obviously," Van retorted.

"You and I are gonna have a talk later about the way you speak to women, you should fucking know better," Jonas snapped, then disregarded Van entirely, assuming he didn't need a second round of translation for the same thing with the other two ladies standing up front with me. 

Henrik shrugged when Van looked over at him, feeling relatively indifferent. He knew what Tim had told him about the rude comments, but he also knew that I was a big girl and was hardly even bothered by petulant children like him anymore. He didn't need to come to my defense or get riled up on my behalf like the rest of them. 

"I think you picked the wrong lady to fuck with," he leaned across John and Jonas to say on a low laugh.

"Tell me something I don't know," Van rubbed a hand over his face as he groaned.

Henrik felt eyes on him and looked around subtly, glancing around the room, seeking the source and finally meeting Isiemkheb's piercing green stare. Her eyes lighted over him, taking in his sharp features, his tired eyes, and her lips formed his name. 

He nodded his head fractionally, feeling his cheeks start to go pink, and she cast him a generous, knowing smile with a tiny inclination of her head. 

She went next, answering the same questions and making the same declarations as Nedjem, and offering me a bit of her light as well. It was darker and more like a gray stormcloud nestled within her palms, but it filled me with an indescribable strength, like my limbs were suddenly fortified with bright steel. 

I pulled her to her feet, kissing her on the lips and doing my best to stay serious when she whispered to me, "gods, hair like that, I'd marry him too, little sister..."

"You're a witch," I shook my head at her. 

"There have been those in my lifetimes who have called me such, Mistress," she inclined her head respectfully with an indulgent smirk and backed away to her original position, still eyeing Henrik with interest until he was shifting back and forth on his feet uncomfortably, trying to get out of the path of her gaze. 

"The tall one won't stop staring at me," he grumbled under his breath, "fuck, Jo stand in front of me or something."

Johannes bit his lips and snickered into the back of his hand, taking a pronounced step away from Henrik, who only gave him an annoyed look and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

He understood somehow that she knew and was trying to find the darkness inside of him. Seeking answers that he didn't have, nor did he know how to find. 

Khata was the last of them, offering me a light so bright and green, it made me feel the whisper of meadow grass against my feet. 

"Yeh make Her proud, lass," she kissed me on the cheek, unable to help herself, "and me. And I'll follow yeh to the end, come what may."

"I'll never let him hurt you. No one hurts any of us, Khata. Not anymore."

I kissed her lips and her forehead once she was on her feet, and with that, concluded our ritual.

A heavy silence descended on the room as we all started to snap out of the haze, coming back to the present, remembering with a jolt who we were and where we were. And when we were. 

And why. 

But I considered for a moment that maybe they all didn't know. Maybe as Khata and Isi had said of our Lady, their own divines had been sparse with the details, only commanding that they come here to this place without asking questions.

I shifted back a step, reeling with a slight sense of disorientation as the foreign energy in my body flitted around, trying to find its place, but a warm presence crowded into my space, still unseen.

"You're okay, I've got you. Lean back on me."

I did, wanting nothing more than to turn and find his lips too, but someone finally spoke and my eyes snapped open.

"So...is that it? Wad that why we all came here? No offense, Mistress!"

"Should you tell them, High Priestess, or shall I?" 

I knew Henrik's voice now like I knew the back of my hand, but it wasn't quite him, and when my eyes sought his in the densely-packed room, I knew exactly what they were going to find. 

Darkness. 

A snarl sounded in my ear and unseen hands closed around my waist, trying to pull me behind him instinctively, knowing this creature that looked so much like his friend was danger. 

"No, Tim," I shook him off, speaking lowly, only for him as I turned my face, looking back and forth at the empty spaces that I knew were his eyes, "or did you not just witness the immensity of my power..."

"Babe, don't--"

I turned back to Iufenamun, addressing him loudly.

"I told you before that if you touched Henrik again, you would find no mercy with me."

"Was I to find mercy anyways," he wandered slowly towards me, unhurried, and the bodies stepped out of his path, fleeing with that most basic animal instinct of self-preservation, shying away from a creature they intuited as more powerful than them. I noted with some degree of smug satisfaction that they moved out of my way too just as quickly.

"I am tired of waiting on you," I stepped right up to him, "you continue to appear and then shrink away into the shadows like a rat, dropping hints that you'll be here, and that you're coming, and that maybe its today or maybe its tomorrow, who the hell knows, but you're not fucking scaring anybody."

He took a moment to glance around the room, making those his eyes settled on shrink back another step.

"Are you sure? I thought we made rather a frightening team for a moment there, dear."

"I do _not _fear you," I said again, louder, crowding into his space. Henrik was taller than me by a few inches, but I got right up into his face just to make sure we understood each other perfectly.

Hours before I was terrified that he was coming, worried for my safety and the safety of everyone around me.

But now that I had Her energy, her fire filling my veins with rushing pulses of adrenaline, I longed to meet him, to look him in the eye. To watch him tremble when he beheld the breadth of my power, a gift given by the one I served, from who he had tried to steal me away. 

"You are outnumbered and outmatched," I shook my head

Powers or no, when he turned up, he would still have the lot of us to contend with. And he could clearly die a mortal death like the rest of us. 

Fuck but then he'd just come right back, popping up somewhere else on the globe if his reanimation worked anything like ours. 

I needed to put an end to this insane spectacle. For myself, and Ihy, and Henrik

"Is that so...well, until tomorrow, then, High Priestess," he inclined his head, mocking the way my sisters had shown me respect. I couldn't help it and grabbed him by the throat, forcing him to meet my eyes as they burned, yanking him closer to me. 

I pulled my flame into the palm of my free hand and held it up close to his face, careful not to burn him. It struck me as odd for a moment that I should still be able to wield my gifts, and I saw the momentary questioning of its legitimacy reflected in his own eyes. 

"This surprises you too, doesn't it," I held it closer, still careful not to burn Henrik, but illuminating his face.

Gods but his eyes were like gemstones in the firelight.

"The fact remains that you are still on your own."

Right on cue, a panicked voice rose from the back of the room, someone desperately crying out for their divine as they realized they were cut off from Them. 

We all were, and I felt that cotton ball feeling in my ears that only served as further confirmation.

His face did that thing that made my insides melt when it was just Henrik, the corner of his mouth turning up with a perfect teasing slowness until he was showing teeth. 

But on this iteration of him, it sent a cold sweat creeping down my spine, and I launched him up five feet in the air, suspended over us and hanging there, held by currents of my energy like physical bonds. 

"Fuck you! Leave him alone. Now."

"Your lover is my insurance policy, Masika," he snapped, apparently totally unworried about the fact that he was literally suspended in midair, "and I am not fool enough to hurt him, unless you force me to."

I paled for a moment, searching my mind, wracking my brain for anything. Any small loophole or kink in his plan that would let me force him out of Henrik. 

_Come on come on COME ON._

"I will make you leave," I snarled up at him.

That laugh that was _almost _Henrik filled the room, making us shiver rather than grin, "do not think to deceive me, High Priestess," he looked right at me, almost through me his stare was so piercing, "I know that you cannot do that. And _you_ know that you cannot. And I would venture a guess that our dear Henrik knows that you cannot as well."

The amount of self control it took not to just send him flying into a crumpled heap against the wall was immense, but I'd promised Henrik I wouldn't ever hurt him. 

"Henrik--"

"Oh, he's knocking around in here somewhere."

I could feel the color fading further from my cheeks, and I tried a different tactic, recalling my flame and lowering him gently down to his feet as I took a step back.

"Look. I don't know why you're after us, why you want to keep us away from our masters. But Henrik's human. He doesn't know anything about our world, so don't hurt him...please."

"Child, it is not him that I'm after..."

He gave me one more lingering, probing look before blinking hard and disappearing, letting my Henrik resurface. 

"Woah," he jumped back from me, doing his best to fight the panic that bubbled to the surface as he slowly pieced together what had happened, realizing that he wasn't still standing where he last remembered that he'd been, "shit are you okay? Did he hurt you?!"

The rest of the room shied from him, almost stumbling over each other to move away until the walls started to feel like a cage. 

"Henrik, I'm so sorry," I crushed him to me, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as tightly as I could, thinking for a moment that maybe if I squeezed him hard enough the evil would just drift away into the air, "we're gonna fix this okay? I--I don't know how, but I'm gonna make sure he never bothers you again."

_I know that you cannot. And you know that you cannot._

My heart shattered and the jagged shards dropped into the pit of my stomach. 

I'd promised him I'd take care of him. That first night he was with me back home, I'd placed my wards around him and told him that he'd be okay...

And now he was tainted by this darkness that neither of us could control, and I had no way to make it stop.

A tear dropped down his cheek as his mouth moved soundlessly, watching me fall apart internally, watching the fear cross faces around us that before had only looked at him with mild curiosity. Watching all the good things he'd finally gotten his hands on just slipping away.

"Triste. Look at me."

"I can't," I whispered, staring at the floor. 

"Look. At me." he put his knuckle under my chin and lifted my head up so I had to meet his eyes. His hair was up, piled high at the pack of his head in a way he almost never wore it, but I reached to touch the sharp hairline at his forehead, tracing it with the tip of my middle finger. 

"We're gonna be okay."

I nodded noncommittally, glancing away at Johannes who was watching us with a frown. 

"Yeah, I kn--"

He silenced me with his lips, pressing them softly against mine at first, sinking back in each time I tried to pull away, aware that we were being watched, even as my hands wrapped around the back of his neck.

"Henrik," I murmured, trying to get him to behave as I took a step back.

"Its gonna be fine, babygirl. I promise. I can fix this, okay?"

"What do you mean, 'you can fix this'?"

He didn't answer, only smiled down at me - an honest smile, not something plastered to his mouth to mask the roiling fear and distress beneath. 

"Gods have I told you today how madly in love with you I am? And how beautiful you are? When this is all said and done," his breath stuttered for a moment, "we'll make it official...or whatever you had in mind. I honestly don't care about how it happens, I just want you to be mine forever, Triste."

Henrik bent his face and kissed me again while his arm hooked low around my waist, really leaning into it just as the little frown was starting to furrow my eyebrows. He knew if he did it right, I'd forget everything but him and my own name, and his tongue teased at the seam of my lips, coaxing them open so he could intoxicate me. 

"Mmm," he hummed lowly, pulling me closer as his opposite hand traced up and down the line of my waist, "I love the way your tongue feels against mine..."

"Henrik!" my face went beet red, but he nudged his nose playfully against mine. 

"There she is. We're gonna be okay, my love, I promise," he reassured.

Just then, Isiemkheb swept up and pulled him away, intent on asking all the questions that had been forming inside her mind since the second she laid eyes on him during the ritual. 

I stood and watched them talk with a frown, feeling an acute sense of whiplash at the complete change in attitude he'd undergone. From not wanting to be anywhere near me because this monstrous terrifying presence inside him could surface at will to basically devouring me in front of an entire room full of people. 

My eye twitched as I wondered what part Ihy had in all this. Surely he was up to something.

That motherfucker. 

*_I need to talk to you...* _I tried to reach out to him, but it didn't work that way. One could not speak to the other gods without being spoken to first, it seemed.

I knew the fucker was listening though. 

"Did you drug him?" I asked John half-seriously as he stood next to me and slipped his hand through mine. 

"No, but I'm glad you found that as weird as I did."

Out of all of my boys, Henrik was the most even-keeled. He didn't fly off the handle or overreact, and his mood almost never shifted like this. He didn't go from 0 to 100 the way Tim or Jonas did, he was cautious and thoughtful. 

This was so unlike him.

It was just one more thing to unpack. To untangle. To unfuck. 

Gods. 

The room started to disappear, the chattering noise of all the voices fading into a dull throbbing hum in the background as I stared at a knot in one of the hardwood planks and experienced something that wasn't so much doubt as it was a sense of feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed all of a sudden. 

Like the realization was hitting me as an actual ton of bricks, resting on my shoulders until the weight of the responsibility almost crushed me and my knees started to buckle. 

They were mine to protect now.  
Isi and Khata and Nedjem.   
In addition to Jonas and John and Johannes and Tim and Henrik. 

And everyone else. 

My gifts had worked when theirs hadn't. I had my fire and maybe the others too now, I wasn't sure. But everything was up to me. 

I whimpered and whined, grinding the heels of my hands against my eyes as I tried to keep it together, leaning my face against John's chest as his arms wrapped around my body, his lips making soft shushing sounds into my hair that didn't help nearly as much as I wanted them too. 

"Whats happening up here, little one," he rocked me back and forth, feeling the tension in my body, "tell me what you're thinking."

"John, I'm--I'm--I feel like I'm about to fucking lose my mind," I whimpered, pressing closer, trying to hide for just one more second.

"Kungen," he called, drawing the other over and murmuring to him lowly in Swedish as his fingers continued to pet repetitively over my hair and I warred with myself inside my head.

Jonas looked me over once, reading the way I was wound tight like a screw before looking up at his friend, "you sure?"

"Think she needs it," John nodded, handing me over to the shorter man after a second with a soft kiss planted on top of my head. 

"Hey, precious," he murmured, kissing the shell of my ear and moving both of us until I followed the gentle swaying of his body, "that was a hell of a ritual, I've never seen anything like it before."

"You weren't ever supposed to. You guys all broke the rules, babe."

"I know," he said sheepishly, but I could feel the little smile curving his mouth, "I'm not sorry about it though."

"There's a shocker," I muttered, drawing a full laugh from him that even the most fervent stoic couldn't have helped but join. 

He pressed a kiss to my temple, "I know you're worried about him. I am too. But we're gonna work something out, babe. He'll be back to normal before you know it."

"I can't help it. I feel like all I do is worry."

"That's because all you do _is _worry...so maybe its time to stop worrying for a little while, hmm?"

"Yeah you let me know when they come up with a magic button for that, okay?" I rolled my eyes, more irritated than I should have been at the suggestion that I could simply turn it off. 

Jonas used both hands to tuck my hair behind my ears, "you come find me when you're done here and we'll see what we can do about that, okay? And make sure you eat something."

"I'm not really hungry," I grumbled, staring at the floor.

He put one firm finger under my chin, pressing up not-quite-gently until he could feel my muscles move when I swallowed under the intensity of his stare. 

"That wasn't a request."

"Masika," Khata called, pausing and looking Jonas over for a moment as she materialized off to our sides. For a relatively stout woman, she moved like smoke sometimes, "apologies for interrupting lass, but we'll need to be filling them in on that little...incident."

Jonas brushed his lips over my knuckles as his head inclined just a little and his eyes sparkled at me. 

"Mistress," he breathed, then was gone, catching May around the waist and murmuring something lowly into her ear as he pulled her off to the side. 

I didn't see the devilish grin she shot my way as she nodded her head, herding him and the others back down the hallway and out of sight, leaving the room to us timeless beings. 

"Gods, that ones got some swagger, eh?" Khata chortled, rubbing her thumbs into the fronts of my shoulders absentmindedly at first, but then with a little more intention, "Christ lass, gonna give yourself a stroke with these knots."

I groaned under her ministrations, but it didn't help that much. 

Magic button. 

Idiot. 

The others gathered around again, falling into a heavy, awkward silence until I started talking, and after a few minutes, May slipped up next to me, touching my elbow so I'd know she was there.

Together we filled them in on what details we had, as we'd done with Isi and Khata. 

We told them about Na'eemah, about our deaths, and what we could squeeze in about Ihy without totally blowing his cover. 

It seemed to take less time than it had with the others, and after the onslaught of questions ended, I heard Jonas' voice reminding me to eat.

I still had no appetite, but I shuffled off to the kitchen as May started showing everyone to their sleeping quarters. The house was gonna be packed to the gills, but everyone would have a bed or at least a blanket on the floor.

An olive rolled off my plate and under my stool, and when I stood from picking it up Nekaure was there. 

"Woah, Jesus, Van!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Gods you move quietly, how did you do that?"

"Its...nevermind. I'm sorry again, about before and...you know...threatening your uhm, your boyfriends...fuck, I feel like I've spent the entire night apologizing," he groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.

"I know, they're starting to get kind of muffled by that big foot in your mouth," I chuckled, and some of the tension in his shoulders relaxed a little as he realized I wasn't angry at him. 

He gave me a long once-over in response, chewing at the inside of his bottom lip.

"So this is really never gonna happen? You and me?"

"Not in a literal million years, dude."

"Damn...well I had to ask, I guess. Can we maybe figure out a way to be friends then without you lighting me on fire every time you see me?"

"We can try," I knocked away his extended hand and reached up to hug him, "but you're gonna have to make nice with my boyfriend."

"Fiance was what I heard. And he _doesn't _want to make nice with me, I promise. Seriously are you dating all of them?"

"A lady does _not _kiss and tell, Ivan."

"Wh--how do you know my name! Everyone assumes its Evan!"

"I know all kindsa stuff now," I tilted my head with a silly smile.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, like that temple of yours down in the--"

He leaned in and clapped a hand over my lips as he shook his head with a laugh. 

"Forget I asked, my lord wants it to remain hidden so no blabbing."

"No blabbing. Got it."

"You're impossible," he chuckled, putting a hand on my shoulder as he sobered, "but that was really something back there, huh? Its been forever since I've seen an ascension like that. Wicked cool."

"Makes you pretty tired afterwards though," I yawned, rinsing my now-empty plate in the sink before settling it onto the drying rack. 

He moved towards me and frowned a little as he looked over my face, back and forth between my eyes. 

"We'll figure it out, okay? He can't take all of us together."

I sighed and nodded, glancing away at the clock. 

It was getting late. 

"Get some sleep tonight, kid," he gave my hand a gentle squeeze and headed out of the kitchen, disappearing around the corner and down the hall to find May and figure out where he was supposed to crash for the night. 


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL BEST BUCKLE THE FUCK UP.
> 
> I SAID BUCKLE.

My feet finally started wandering towards the back of the house, longing to be smothered by my boys, and looking forward to collapsing into their warm embraces and just shutting down for a few hours. 

There were a few people lingering in the hallway, saying their goodnights, bidding their newfound friends a night of rest well-earned.

We were all going to miraculously squeeze into the bedroom at the end of the hall, and my tired feet shuffled soundlessly over the runner until the cool brass doorknob turned under my fingertips. 

The five of them were ready when I got in, closing the door with a tired sigh behind me and leaning back against the wood to close my eyes for a second and shake off the yoke of formality. One gray eye cracked open after several silent moments when no one crowded into my space and smothered me, or said anything at all as a matter of fact. 

I lifted my head and stared at them all, still rooted exactly where they'd been a second before. 

"Is everything okay?" I tried to quell the gnawing discomfort in my gut caused by their purposeful distancing, but no one responded and they all stared blankly, some with hands on their hips, sending my panic to the surface, my mind immediately jumping the gun and freaking out about Henrik.

"Babe? Are you okay? What happened?"

But he just stared at me like the rest of them, only shaking his head, saying nothing, 

"Whats going on, boys? You're scaring me."

"Come here, Triste," Jonas said, with a tone like I didn't have a choice as he crooked one finger towards himself.

I warily crossed over to him, reaching to brush a cord of hair out of his face, but he caught my wrist in midair without ever dropping my gaze and shook his head with a stern frown.

"I did not say that you could touch me."

"What? Why? Whats wr--"

His eyes lit up at my perceived insolence.

"Five spanks for that then, to start. Every word of backtalk adds another five, do you understand."

I was still exhausted and confused, and found myself shrinking from the threat of physical harm as my brain struggled to catch up. He'd never been overly rough with me before, but the look he was wearing told me he was probably going to enjoy this spanking _a lot _more than I was.

"I-I think I'm just gonna go to bed, babe," I murmured, shying away from him when he stepped closer and stared me down, evaluating me and intuiting what I was thinking the way he simply could now, knowing I would only go toss and turn for another hour before maybe falling into a fitful sleep.

"We just talked about this, love. The worrying. You need to turn your brain off, and not be in charge and responsible for everything. Give me an hour, then I'll let you go to bed if you still want to." 

Everyone else was watching us, still wearing their own carefully-blank expressions, but John nodded his head fractionally once when I glanced over at him and his mouth broke its hard line to curl up at the corner for the briefest second.

"Okay...but uhm...I think I just need reassurance for a second before--"

His arms closed around me like a steel trap, one around my waist and the other around the back of my neck so he could tangle his fingers into my hair and clutch me flush against his body, keeping my face pressed to his shoulder and propping me up as I melted while he spoke lowly into the side of my neck.

"Is this better? Do you need to hear me to tell you how much I love you?"

I sniffled a little but nodded.

"I love you. I love you I love you I love you."

_Kiss._

"And I always will."

_Kiss._

"Every second of every day."

_Kiss._

"Until the end of time."

_Kiss._

I trembled and whispered his name, each press of his lips igniting my insides and making my skin flush with hot bloodflow. 

"Thats it, sweetheart...I don't want you trembling with fear...no, _tsk tsk_ we can't have that..." his lips brushed over the skin just under my ear as he carefully turned my face with his hand under my jaw so he could whisper to me, "I want you shaking because you're so hot and wet for me that you feel like you're going to die if I don't touch you..."

_"Jonas..."_

"If I don't fuck you..."

"Please..."

"If I don't take you to the floor right that second and make you mine..."

His name started playing on a slow loop in my mind, every few seconds it registered as my hands roamed over him, loving the hardness of his body before I even got to his cock.

"You smell so fucking good...fuck, I can't wait to get my tongue between your legs and taste how badly you want me when I'm done with you," he breathed, tilting my head back and brushing his fingertips sensually down the length of my throat as I moaned, filled with heat from just his voice.

"Do you remember your word?"

"Wh--my what?"

"Your safeword, darling."

"Yes...oh, wait," I remembered our conversation from earlier as I watched John take a step forward and shake his head, worried that I'd forgotten in the wake of everything that had happened since, "I-I had to change it, I'm sorry I should have remembered to tell you."

"No more apologies, Triste."

"Sor--ahem."

Jonas raised an eyebrow faintly and toyed with his septum piercing, bending his ear to my lips as I whispered my reason for the change, just not having the heart to say it out loud in front of Henrik. 

"Ah. So be it. Do not forget, because I will not accept 'flower'. Perhaps its time you start learning our language as well." 

He was back in his element now, instantly changing our dynamic whether I was ready or not, and he turned me by the shoulders to face everyone and started moving in slow, prowling circles around me, watching, evaluating, getting me accustomed to him.

"Tell everyone else your new safe word so they know as well, Triste."

"Jonas, I don't--"

"You are up to fifteen now, young lady, and I can go all night. I make my living with my hands and they are _very _good at what they do so by all means please keep it up."

"Fifteen?! What got me to ten!"

"Twenty," he snarled, eyes burning with electricity, "now, you're going to tell them or this turns into a cunt spanking instead. Henrik is a grown man like the rest of us and can deal with the consequences of his own actions."

John had already warned Henrik ahead of time so he wouldn't freak out, and in fact they all already knew, but it was simply an exercise in obedience. 

"M-my safeword isn't 'cupcake' anymore. I changed it to _blomma,_" I looked down at the floor, half-expecting Henrik to storm out in a moment of frustration and helplessness, but he remained where he stood, wearing the same stoic expression as everyone else. I peaked up at him when nothing happened and he gave me a tiny nod, barely even a twitch.

"Very well," Jonas resumed, "I know that you have had a long day, so I will give you a choice. You may have ten spanks by my hand now and ten when we are finished, the same way. Or, you may have all twenty at once with a different implement of my choosing. You may not change your mind or stop halfway through if you choose all twenty."

I thought for a moment, weighing my options and wondering exactly what May had brought with her from her box of goodies. She hadn't mentioned anything too sinister when she was slowly dismembering Tim verbally out in our little flower hut...but what if Jonas had something particularly painful in mind? 

He stopped circling once he was in front of me again and stared me down. Even though I knew he'd never really hurt me, and I had a safeword, I still found myself slightly cowering under his intensity. 

"I see you in there, grasping for control still," he tapped my forehead hard once with the tip of his index finger, "desperate to know how things are going to go and have a hand in their outcome."

He swooped up to me and glared down into my eyes until I looked away and swallowed hard, asking for all twenty at once with a voice that was hardly more than a whisper and physically leaning back and away as he crowded my space, forcing me to work around him. 

"No. Because you refuse to trust me, you will get ten now and ten later."

"Wh-but--"

"DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT?" he snapped, rounding on me a moment after he'd turned to step away when he heard me start to talk back.

I glanced away, blinking back the tears that always reflexively surfaced anytime someone raised their voice at me. 

He moved closer once more, seeing my eyes blurring, and asked again in a quieter, but still sharp tone, "I said, 'do you have anything to say'?"

"N-no, sir...I--I mean, no my king," I added quickly as I remembered what he'd asked for last time we did something like this. 

The air felt thick, too close to me, and I shifted back and forth on my feet, uncomfortable in my skin, in my clothes, everything starting to feel too constricting, like I was suffocating. 

He toyed with his lip piercing, looking me over as I looked at the floor, staring me down before bending his lips to my ear quickly, his beard brushing against my skin, "it makes my cock hard when you call me sir...perhaps we should keep that, just for tonight, hmm?"

I shivered hard with need, forcing myself to stare more closely at the fibers of the rug under my shoes because I knew if I looked up and caught his stare after he'd just dropped something like that little tidbit, I'd tackle him to the floor and have a sore ass for it later.

"You are not in control right now. Say it."

"I-I am not in control right now."

"Do you feel like you're in control, Triste?"

"No, sir."

It sounded hollow at best, and I chewed at my bottom lip as a sense of dread started to creep through my veins. What if I couldn't do it? Couldn't just give up and let go and let him do this?

But dread? Why? He hadn't wanted me to feel dread, he'd said so himself... 

Why did I feel so uneasy about giving up control? 

_Because he's not here yet, and because it got you killed last time..._

"Blindfold her," he said to someone over his shoulder before flicking his steely blue gaze back to mine, pulling my chin up roughly with his thumb and forefinger so I had to look at him, "if you will not willingly cede control, then it will be taken from you one sense at a time. And if you lie to me again, the spanks go higher than you can count," he snarled.

Right on cue, Tim stepped around to my front and slipped a silk scarf over my eyes. It was folded over on itself, but still wide enough that no light got in at all, sending my entire world into darkness. My ears and my sense of touch immediately became more alert to compensate as he knotted it behind my head, but it hardly mattered because he didn't say anything or touch me at all once the blindfold was in place.

My fingers reached out as his scent wrapped around me and my subconscious recognized him as someone it knew was good, was solid and safe and okay.

He pushed them away as they brushed against his shirt, "no, priestess."

"Triste, you may not speak and you may not touch unless I tell you to. Consider this your only warning. Next time it ups your count."

I swallowed hard, but stayed silent and nodded my head, trying to remember whether the last time we'd done this if thanking him outside of a direct question had counted as unpermitted speech or not. 

"John, Henrik," Jonas said, indicating that they should continue where Tim had left off. 

Fingers started mechanically removing my clothes, pulling the zipper down the back of my dress and lightly touching the back of each leg once so they could remove my heels. They didn't spend any more time with me than Tim had, stepping back once my dress was set aside and I was knotting my fingers into a ball in front of me, pulling at my knuckles and shifting back and forth on my feet. 

The last of them moved behind me as Jonas continued to watch and supervise, his mind already three steps ahead. The clasp of my bra snapped and parted, and his fingers plucked at the straps to send them sliding down my arms and onto the floor in front of me. He took only fractionally more care with my panties, being extremely careful not to spend too much time touching me, tapping each foot with the tip of his finger once so I would lift one then the other to step out of the material, and then he too was gone. 

Nothing happened for several minutes as they watched me start to squirm, and the darkness began to disorient me. 

The silence was so deafening, I thought for a moment that I could hear the others in the room adjacent to ours, though I knew the walls in this house were basically soundproof, they had so much insulation in them to combat the cold damp winter months.

"No, not yet," Jonas startled me when he answered some wordless suggestion from one of the others, "she knows what she's supposed to do after each one, and she can't with that thing in the way."

I felt his body heat before he said anything as he closed the distance between us and looked me up and down appraisingly, making me take a step back, my hands still clasped together in front of me. 

He touched the tip of one finger to the anxious ball of knotted joints. 

"Stop doing this."

I forced myself to unclench my fingers, leaving my hands hanging at my sides, fingertips still twitching nervously against my legs as he looked me over more slowly.

"Very nice," he rumbled, "are we still feeling mouthy?"

"No, sir," I flushed red, and heard his breathy smirk as he got his answer, giving me one more chance to misbehave.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then you will take your first ten now. Follow."

His voice got slightly further away and I stiffened with discomfort as I took a step, suddenly blanking on the layout of the room. 

The more I searched for it mentally, the further it flitted away. 

_Think, think! Where the hell is the chair? Is he on the bed or does he want me somewhere else? What if they moved everything around and I didn't notice??_

"_Follow_," he said again, in a harsher tone, and I took another tenuous step, placing my foot gingerly on the floor like the rug might suddenly disappear out from underneath me, my hands held slightly away from my sides to keep my balance.

I didn't expect the shakes when they came, but my whole body trembled as I reached my hands out in front of me, worried I was going to bump into something or trip and go flying face-first into the floorboards. But as I took a third step and a fourth and nothing bad happened to me, my discomfort settled fractionally.

_He wouldn't purposefully send you on a collision course fucking blindfolded, idiot._

"Triste," he called again, his voice no softer as he read the struggles written on my face, my unintentional refusal to just trust him.

I turned at the last call from him and stopped a foot away, waiting to be told what was next. 

He read the forced obedience in my posture and the way my hands hung again at my sides but wanted to tangle into anxious knots as they had before, and spent another several seconds waiting.

I stood and waited too, listening to the steady even tone of his breathing, and the rapid shallow pace of mine as my heartbeat thundered between my ears.

The bed made a creaking sound as he sat down on the edge, situating himself to support both of us.

"Over my lap."

I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I reached both trembling hands out to try and find how he was seated. They brushed across his bare shoulders, learning that he'd lost his shirt somewhere along the way, and traced down his arms lightly.

"I will help you just this once, because I know those hands have a tendency to wander south when they're unsupervised," he said with a hint of amusement. I absorbed as much familiarity and comfort from his touch as I could for the few moments his hands were on me, situating me across his lap until I was exposed to his liking. 

He was seated with one leg crooked sideways under me for elevation and the other hanging off the edge of the bed, so that I was relatively comfortable, laying against the soft fabric, acutely aware of the texture against my fingertips as they explored the stitches with little circles. 

"Are you perhaps feeling a bit more trusting," he asked quietly, breaking his hard approach for just a moment after watching me, overcome with a quiet sense of appreciation. Even laid out this way in forced submission, I still radiated power. 

"Yes, sir." 

"Good. Ten now and ten later. You do not have to count, but you would be wise to remember what I need after each strike."

_The rules of this game are very simple, Triste. I tell you to do something, and you do it and then say thank you...got it?_

I nodded again.

"Tell me your word that makes me stop."

"_Blomma_."

"Good." _Smack. _

I wasn't expecting the first one to come so soon, having anticipated that he would ask me rhetorical questions designed to make me backtalk until I remembered that he was the one calling the shots, not me. 

I could hardly forget it now though, doubly from the sting across my skin and his cock pressing insistently against my hip through his pants each time I shifted subtly. 

Oh. But there I went, thinking again. Trying to read and predict.

"Ouch! Th-thank you, sir," my voice was muffled into the comforter, but he accepted my delayed answer, admiring and rubbing his hand over the red handprint soothingly until I was almost purring, completely relaxed against him, even as I knew there was more pain coming. I shifted closer to him subconsciously, desiring more of the feeling of his hardness pressing into my hip.

"Stop moving." _Smack._

"Ahh! Thank you, sir."

The sting was vicious but his gentle touches after made it more bearable. He kept us slow, coaxing me into the submission I'd tried to force, guiding me into that place of mindless trust, of giving him what he wanted so he could give me what I needed. 

As soon as he saw the tension leave the long muscles of my back, he delivered the next strike.

_Smack._

I whimpered and shifted again in his lap as my clit started to throb and got quick double smacks for my misbehavior in both moving and forgetting to thank him.

"Do I need to go back to the beginning?"

"NO! I-I mean no, no sir..."

His breaths were getting raspier the longer he spent rubbing his hand over my ass, admiring his own work, and I found myself slipping into nothingness, mechanically thanking him for pushing me further and further with each of the final five strikes until the pain was just a fiery warmth, an electrifying of my nerve endings like cold water on hot skin, but not an unpleasant experience any longer.

After the tenth, I remained still, pliant, malleable, waiting for instruction without worrying that it wouldn't come, listening to the music in my head that was his name on that same slow repeat.

_Jonas._

_Jonas._

_Jonas._

"Very good," he praised quietly, rubbing both hands over my reddened cheeks softly, listening for my sharper inhales so he knew where to be gentlest once he'd concluded my punishment.

"Thank you, sir," I sighed, going even more lax as his hands slid down the backs of my thighs, kissing my control goodbye as I completely surrendered to whatever he asked me to do next. The last vestige of my resistance melted away under his careful strokes, the rhythmic, hypnotizing movement of his hot palms back and forth.

"How do you feel?"

"Good," I smiled faintly, turning my face towards him as he leaned down sideways on his elbow to look at me, my face soft and relaxed under the blindfold.

"Good girl."

"Kiss me, please, Jonas," I murmured quietly, not thinking at all that I was breaking a rule. Now that I had let go, I trusted him to give me what I needed, and knew I always had. 

I couldn't always find a way to give into the feeling of giving up control - the worry had a tendency to creep in at the edges and remind me of all the possibilities of things that could go wrong. 

But here I was, neck deep in it now and all but melting into him. 

He didn't want to interrupt my hard-won blissfully quiet mental state, and sat back up, denying my request with silence and motioning to one of the others to come towards us. 

Hands that weren't his pulled me up off his lap. It was a different touch - still warm, but not as feverishly hot. 

They eased me onto the bed on my knees, then shifted me further towards the center of the mattress and I sighed with sweet relief, thinking that now I would finally get some of the contact I so badly craved, having taken my punishment to his liking.

But there I went, yet again, and Jonas knew it as soon as he was up on his feet, watching me again.

"Now, you get to practice what you've learned," he breathed lowly, and the hands guided me until I was kneeling, sitting back on my heels, starting to twitch with anticipation once more as my calm faded with the returning looming uncertainty that accompanied change.

"Bring those over now," he directed someone, who obeyed quickly enough, and I heard the telltale chatter of metal chains that made me clench with both fear and anticipation.

"Jonas c-can I take off my blindfold now?"

"That depends, do you want to make the next ten into thirty" he got so close to my face when he responded, his breath made goosebumps raise over my skin.

My ass was already sore and tingling from the first ten, and I quickly shook my head.

"Then I would suggest, you leave it and stop breaking the rules."

The heat around me increased as the other four crowded us on the bed, until I was swamped with almost-sensation. Their breaths drifted over my skin and I could hear the whisper of material as they shed their clothes, all eyes still trained on me, waiting and obedient if not the slightest bit fidgety. 

"What are you thinking about, Triste," Jonas asked in one ear, making me shudder again with the closeness of his voice as I heard the whisper of his leather belt slipping through the metal buckle.

I bit my lip and he watched as he slowed his movements, getting closer, right in my face, watching me shiver at the sensual sound of the leather slipping through one loop at a time.

"Answer me."

_Fuck, what had he just asked?_

"N-nothing, sir."

"Mmhm, and did you enjoy your punishment?"

A nod from me. 

"Speak."

"Yes, sir."

"Are you ready for the next part?"

I swallowed hard but answered affirmatively again, trusting that they wouldn't be doing any of this if it weren't designed to help me in some way. 

But honestly, all I could think about now was the insistent throbbing between my legs as they pressed together more tightly.

"Triste, you're here with us. Safe. Alone," Tim reminded.

"Let go, Triste," Henrik added.

"Let go," Johannes echoed. 

"Let go," John said the same. 

"Let go," Jonas leaned in again, breathing into my lips, "let me make you fly, little bird," he whispered quietly as they all took their positions around, drawing whimpers from me as I finally felt their hands on my skin. 

I searched for that feeling of blissful mental emptiness I'd found solace in minutes earlier, of surrendering and letting go, of trusting that Jonas knew by now what I needed, sometimes even before I did, and wouldn't hold it back from me. 

Surrender.

_Jonas._

Trust.

_Jonas._

There.

My blindfold made the world around me dark, but not blank like this. This was different - an enveloping, heady, comforting darkness that I willingly slipped towards, letting it wrap its arms around me, urging me to listen and obey.

Jonas watched it happen, keeping a wary eye out for anyone going too far, including me. The others had rarely played this way with their partners, but he knew all the signs from experience, having both caused someone to go too distantly into the recesses of their mind, and having gone there himself before.

I stopped without seeming to go too far into the void however, and he hummed lowly with satisfaction at my quiet obedience, knowing I was there, in the place where I would let him do this.

Four set of eyes waited for his nod to continue, and he gave it one more beat of silence to ensure my submission was genuine before giving them a silent okay, setting the next part of what they'd talked about into motion.

Tim nudged me out of the position I'd settled into, seated back on my feet, my hands placed onto both knees to keep my balance, no longer grasping or twitching, but just waiting patiently.

He eased me up with both hands on my waist and his bare chest pressed to my shoulders as someone else took my right hand, slipping something on over my fingers and up around my wrist before tightening what felt like a buckle. The same happened on my left, and I sank into each sensation, exploring the feeling of the padding on the cuffs as they kissed the sensitive skin inside both my wrists. 

Someone's hair brushed against me as they leaned down to wrap a thicker strap of the same kind around each of my thighs, the metal rings that would eventually attach both pieces to my wrists jangling with the movement and sounding like music.

"You don't know how long I've waited to see you like this," Tim whispered hotly into my ear before dancing the tip of his tongue up my neck, receiving a hard frown from Jonas, who had already told them all before that it was important that they not talk once we got here. 

I was to tune into his voice only, and any outside comments would disrupt my concentration.

Tim rolled his eyes and flipped him off, but stayed quiet otherwise. 

The straps wrapped around my inner thighs snugly, but not so much as to cut off my circulation, and the ends were tucked through their respective loops.

My left index finger slipped briefly into someone's mouth, and another's fingertip traced a featherlight trail up my thigh, stopping just short of where I desperately needed it, and a hard shudder wracked my body. 

In my darkness, I could feel my arousal so potently that I could almost see it, a burning thing with faint blue wings, like a delicate flame with the potential to grow into a raging inferno.

The hands and mouths and gentle caresses disappeared and I was left in the dark.

But I didn't twitch or fidget. I didn't shift out the position I was in to be more comfortable. I explored the inside of my mind, of my body, listening to my breathing, a sound like the wind or the whooshing of the ocean. I could see my muscles working to stabilize me and keep me upright on the soft, plushy surface of the bed. 

It was all impossibly erotic, like I was exploring myself the way they saw me all the time, and my body responded accordingly. 

"You're dripping, just the way I like you," Jonas breathed into my ear on the other side from Tim.

I nodded, my hands moving of their own accord, reaching for him, for both of them, instinctively knowing that being pressed between their bodies was only good for me. 

"Whoopsies--" Johannes' voice sounded for the briefest moment before he grimaced and mouthed a silent 'sorry' to Jonas as he reached around my body, taking the quickest second to clip my right wrist cuff to my thigh, then nip at my mound quickly after he'd done the other. My hips bucked involuntarily as I gasped with surprise, but his mouth was already gone. 

_Jonas._

More delicate chains chattered somewhere off to the side and I shrank back into Tim at the foreign sound. His hands wrapped around me, running up and down the lines of my body obsessively until he was pressing his hips hard against my ass, waging an internal war with himself to not start whispering every debauched thought passing through his mind down into my ear. 

I pressed harder back against him, everything more intense, every feeling more erotic without my sight, even as his hands left my skin, reaching out to take something handed to him from John.

_Jonas._

"Open your mouth," he whispered before taking my ear between his teeth and suckling on it gently. 

Surrender. Trust. 

_Jonas._

But my darkness shook its head at me.   
Tim wasn't who I was supposed to listen to. 

I shook my head and my lips remained closed. 

_Jonas._

"Very good," Jonas praised quietly, rewarding me for remembering the rules in the midst of so much stimulation, even gentle as it was. He leaned in and took my chin between his thumb and pointer finger, turning my face just slightly so he could give me what I'd asked for so nicely before. 

His kiss was brief, gentle, just a brush of his wonderful lips against mine, the ghost of it making my skin start to tingle when he pulled away. 

_Jonas._

"Thank you," I whispered, breathing a tiny perfect smile like I was a schoolgirl receiving my first kiss. 

"You're welcome. Open," he applied more pressure on my chin so my mouth opened and my lips closed on either side the of the ball gag as Tim pulled both sides of the strap back behind my head, adjusting it so that it wouldn't hurt my face or my mouth.

The panting sounds he made into my ear as he watched me remain quiet and obedient sent flames licking through each limb, and my hips squirmed as the rest of them growled too, watching him reach down around my body to tighten each little clamp over my nipples. He looked at Jonas, asking wordlessly if he could speak. 

Jonas shook his head, but intuited the unasked question.

_Jonas._

"Nows your chance to object if they're too tight."

I shook my head and received no more instruction as Tim attached the clips to the gag's O-Rings that sat against my cheeks. 

_Jonas._

He moaned quietly at the sight of me once I was sufficiently restrained, unable to help himself, and the sounds of hands starting to wander added to the echo of my heartbeat pulsing in my ears. 

Whoosh.

Whoosh. 

Waves rolling in, then receding in the darkness. 

The gag was breathable, offering me the slightest bit of relief, but not nearly enough as the cool air of the bedroom made the wetness between my legs even more uncomfortable, exposed and now totally helpless as I was without three of my senses.

"Triste, are you still listening to me," Jonas' voice came from straight in front of me as his hands smoothed over my waist and his lips dropped to brush against my jaw when I nodded, unable to talk, "stay still..."

He pressed a series of agonizingly slow and hot, open-mouthed kisses against my neck, willing me not to move and humming lowly as I shook with the effort, my hands gripping my thighs as my breathing started to border on a pant with each echo of his kiss breaking. 

He wanted to make sure I had a chance to test the limitations of my movement now before I pulled too hard and hurt myself, and knew that I wouldn't stay still anyways. 

"You've been such a good girl for me," he praised, taking the delicate chain between his teeth and pulling so it tugged lightly on my nipple and I moaned loudly, buckling under the pleasure of the sensation, feeling like the opposite end of the same nerve was nestled somewhere between my legs, "but I know too that this needy little pussy is threatening to make you forget everything you just learned..."

"Huh-uh!" I shook my head as best I could, terrified that he was about to leave me here tied up like this and then do something horrible like just go to bed.

"That is _enough_," he snarled, knotting his fingers into the back of my hair and pulling my head back so the chains were pulled taut and I yelped, struggling not to lose my balance.

"Are you afraid you're going to fall? Do you think I would let you fall? Hush, now..."

My face was angled towards the ceiling, and he released his grip just enough so that the chains weren't pulled quite as tight as his fingertips pressed against my lower belly, giving me a few seconds to gain awareness of his touch before they started sliding lower. At the same time, he shifted forward and teased just the tip of his cock against my fingertips, making them stretch out and pull at my restraints. 

"Slowly or you get nothing."

He held me that way until I relaxed and my frantic breathing started to slow, rewarding me by pushing his hips a tiny bit further so I could toy with his piercing without straining as his fingers slid down through my folds, exploring my readiness and what his control did to me as I sighed with relief.

"This is why I do this, Triste," he moaned softly into my throat before loosing his grip on my hair and nudging his nose against mine, sliding the pads of his fingers back and forth slowly over my clit then through my folds, giving me contact and stimulation, but nothing too rough, "because you like submitting to me. You like giving up all the hard responsibility and control sometimes...I know you do, because I know you..." he ran two of his drenched fingers in parallel lines down my chest, making my slick glisten in the low lighting, "...better than I know myself some days."

_Jonas._

He breathed a shuddered moan into me as the very tip of my finger toyed with his piercing and he momentarily lost his control, "christ I want you, but if I fuck you like this I'm worried I'm gonna hurt you..."

I probably should have been touched for his concern, but frankly his comment only made me clench hard and whimper. 

_Jonas._

"Oh, you know what? Gods I might actually have a solution for that," Henrik murmured after a moment, and the bed creaked as John, Tim, and Johannes backed off or got up - it was hard to tell. He finished his thought in Swedish so I wouldn't know what was coming, but I wasn't really listening anyways, too aware of the body right next to me, blanketing me with his warmth as his hand repeatedly brushed my hair back, and I tried to turn and nuzzle closer, needing his touch. 

"Did you really? Good man..." Jonas responded interestedly, dropping his dom tone for a moment as he conversed with his friend and continued to pet me absentmindedly.

_Jonas._

"Again, I really want to know who thinks I'm not the smart one," Henrik snorted, turning his attention back to me before thinking twice and making one more comment to Jonas in Swedish.

"She needs to listen to me right now, and all of us if we're gonna do this. She's still waiting on you..."

Jonas was right back with me in the next second, picking up where he'd left off, half aware that I'd completely ignored Henrik during their exchange just then and that it was unlike me. 

"Triste."

My face turned towards him automatically.

_Jonas._

He scooted closer and dropped his voice lower, so only I could hear the offered praises and little thoughts. The sound wrapped around me as everyone else backed off one more step and Jonas' arms eased me out of my kneeling position and down onto my back, where he tucked a pillow under my head. He watched me carefully, seeing the way I absorbed the sound of his voice, rather than truly heard it.

"You're getting too far away, Triste, come back a little..."

The awareness registered on my face and my blindfold moved as my eyes blinked though they remained closed. 

_Jonas._

"Thats it. Do you know where you are, sweetheart?"

I nodded after a moment, wanting to go back to the place where all the sensations were ten times more potent and everyone was just telling me what to do and when to do it. 

"Huh uh, no no, you stay here with me," he touched one of my hands with his and pressed his forehead down against mine, "tell me your word."

I mumbled it around the gag as best as I could. It didn't come out like much, but he'd needed to know the sound of it, to know what to listen for if it became too much and I used my safe word.

Jonas walked the fine line carefully but flawlessly, the same way he did everything. He kept me obedient but aware, rewarding good behavior with pleasuring touches as the minutes ticked by and he murmured lowly to me, ignoring the others watching somewhat impatiently.

"I want you to listen to him. To Henrik."

_Jonas._

I swallowed hard with a sense of apprehension that I never would have had any other day, but nodded, shifting my hips and breathing slowly as his fingers slid gently down my body and through my folds as my reward, the tip of his middle one playing teasing games against my entrance.

_Jonas._

I shifted closer unthinkingly, feeling a deeper bond with him now than we'd had ever before, even on our best day. Something more secure and protective woven into our relationship now.

_Jonas. _

_Not Henrik._

_Jonas._

"Hmm, I saw that unsure thing you just felt, Triste...if you feel uncertain about anything, you still defer to me. Find me, and I'll tell you what to do. I know you thought you couldn't before, but you can. Even without your sight, or your touch, you always know right where I am."

It was true - after being so deep in submission to him, hanging on and obeying his every word and falling in love with the sensation of it all, I was nearly as attuned to his bodily energy as I was to Tim's, and I was fairly sure I'd be able to find him anywhere in the house if he went away.

_Jonas._

Now that I was there, right where he wanted me without being too far inside my own head, he loosened his approach, speaking to me as a lover, rather than a master.

"You're so beautiful, my love... I wish you could see yourself right now. Quiet, peaceful, trusting..."

I remained silent and listened to our breathing sync as he stayed slow and gentle with me and I scooted closer until my arm was touching his knees, inhaling his scent and trying to move with his body, though he was still kneeling next to me.

_Jonas._

"You're breaking the rules, my dear."

I froze and he chuckled softly, putting me at ease as his fingers never stopped dancing over my skin.

"If I let you get away with it, perhaps you'll take the rest of your spankings quietly when we're finished with you."

Fuck.

I'd forgotten about those, and he knew it. 

My pussy clenched hard, sending another wave of slick against his fingers and making him hum a low laugh as I scooted away an inch.

"We shall see, I suppose. But for now, do you think you deserve a reward for being such a good girl?" he purred softly, laying near me on his side and letting the fingers of my left hand toy with his cock again, without really being able to touch him fully.

_Jonas._

I nodded my head, whimpering a little as the pad of his middle finger teased at my entrance with a little more pressure than before and my hips bucked.

"I think so, too."

Jonas worked me smoothly, slowly, making me move in ways that pulled on my nipple clamps, but not in a jerking or painful fashion as the pads of his ring, middle, and index fingers slid up and down repeatedly, playing with my clit then moving down to my entrance, creating a consistent rhythm with varying pressures that I willingly sank into as he gently thrusted his hips in time, letting the tips of my fingers play with him too. 

It felt strangely like time both sped up and slowed down as he led me closer and closer to the edge, my whole mind bent on following the careful movement of his divine fingers until I stood at the precipice, my nerve endings ignited and the surface of my skin covered in a sheen of sweat. 

_Jonas._

He groaned into my ear, and I was so perfectly in sync with him that I immediately intuited his meaning and pulled my fingertips away from him as I arched off the bed and two of his fingers pushed inside me together in one smooth motion, sending me over the edge as the pad of his thumb pressed against my clit.

_Jonas._

I cried out around the gag and it quickly turned into gasping moans as I finally tasted the release he'd been working me up to for the better part of an hour at this point. It wasn't an explosion of fireworks in the sky, but something more subtle, each sensation perfectly flowing into the next, connected with a delicately woven lace of Jonas' design.

He kept his fingers inside me as I quieted down, shivering, and Jonas closed his eyes to relish the sensation of my pussy clenching around him repeatedly. After several seconds, he pushed his hips forward again, letting me wrap my fingers fully around him, but I didn't squeeze or pull, only touched and mumbled a muffled thank you.

"Can you feel that, Triste?" he whispered.

_Jonas._

I whimpered something affirmative, and he pulled away as it started to feel like too much, slipping his fingers out of me and cleaning them off with his tongue with just enough sound that I knew what he was doing and started to squirm again.

_Jonas._

"I'll be close by, watching you the whole time," he reminded, pressing a kiss to my sweating forehead before sitting up and rising off the bed. 

"You know I wanted that one," Henrik grumbled to him as they all stood together and watched me appreciatively for a moment longer.

"Well maybe next time you ca--do _not_ close those legs," Jonas barked as my knees pressed together for a moment before instantly reopening at his command.

"She's all yours, brother," he patted Henrik's face with wet fingers and a cheeky smirk, making him roll his eyes. 

"We're gonna find you a different nickname."

"You can always call me sir, too," Jonas retorted over his shoulder as he moved to the other side of the bed, "but you've been forewarned that I like it more than you will."

That drew various snorts of laughter as Jonas dragged a chair over and took a seat near the bed, staying close to me, as he'd promised. As if in recognition, I turned my face towards him, seeking, searching for him sightlessly as my fingertips reached out in his direction before my attention got drawn away when Henrik took his place on my other side. 

_Jonas._

"Hey baby," he said softly, brushing his fingers over my hair, letting me get acquainted with his touch and his scent again before starting to explore more of me.

"This isn't about torturing you," he kissed slowly all over my skin and moaned softly at having this kind of contact with me again, at the taste of me. He felt fractionally safer knowing everyone had their eyes trained on us both, and knew they'd stop him if he slipped up and went too far, "its about getting you used to the feeling of not having responsibility over everything and everyone. You don't have to take care of us, my darling."

_Jonas._

"We want to do that for you."

_Jonas._

"To spoil you and love you."

_Jonas._

As he talked, he continued to touch me, just soft passes of his fingertips all over my exposed flesh.

"I know that you have a lot more to do and think about with your new role, but when you're here, you can let go. You don't have to be in charge all the time with us, you can just let us take care of you..._min blomma_..."

I leaned up to touch my forehead to his when he gently nuzzled his nose against mine, my mind and my heart knowing he needed it.

"I know thats why you picked it. John told me."

I nodded silently, making the chains that attached the clamps to my gag jingle slightly. 

"But tonight, this is also about making you come so many times that you fucking pass out and maybe get some real sleep," he chuckled darkly as our moment of tenderness passed and I squeaked and tensed, my muscles going rigid under his fingertips as I shied away.

_Jonas._

"Ah ah ah, I know that you're aware that May has got a matching set of cuffs for your ankles. Don't make me go find her and ask for them," he toyed with me just as Jonas had, shifting so my fingertips could feel his cock as they strained against the restriction of my cuffs, "because I'm really _really _hard right now."

The gag made his name come out of my mouth garbled, but he got the basic idea.

"Mmhm, you remember how good that tastes to say, okay?" he dropped a kiss to my forehead, calling over his shoulder in Swedish to someone else. The bed kicked a tiny bit when his arm shot out as he reached to catch something tossed over by one of the others.

Henrik snorted a laugh at a wordless suggestion from Johannes, who held up a tiny bottle of lubricant, "you wanna come over here to take a closer look and tell me if we really need that?"

Johannes snickered, making a resigned 'have at' motion with both hands. 

I could hear my favorite wicked smirk in the tone of Henrik's voice, and once again clenched hard, starting to whine as the attention drifted away from me. 

_Jonas._

"Hush, Triste," Jonas called from his chair, effectively shutting me up, but making me turn and reach for him again as my brain recognized its master.

_Jonas._

I squealed around the gag and shifted away sharply as Henrik started rubbing...something? through my folds, exploring how drenched I was and groaning at the sound. It wasn't exactly cold, but it wasn't the warm softness of skin and my legs tried to close against the feel of the foreign object.

_Jonas._

"Jonas was right about one thing though," Henrik hummed, gently pulling my legs open again, shifting and turning the toy until it was slick with me and wouldn't hurt or pull at my sensitive skin, "we could so easily lose control fucking you like this...with you all bound and helpless...then where would we be, hmm?"

_Jonas. No...Henrik. This is Henrik. We know Henrik._

"So instead, you're going to let me play with you, Triste," he purred, leaning in so his lips were just on the other side of the gag, licking across my bottom lip and moaning encouragingly as he started pressing the toy slowly into me, taking the time to work me open since I hadn't had more than Jonas' fingers.

_Jonas. _

_Where is Jonas._

"I'm here, love," he answered, taking pause after he spoke as he realized I hadn't actually asked where he was. 

But he'd heard it so clearly.

My back arched sharply, making the clamps around my nipples pull harder, and I involuntarily bucked my hips into whatever the hell kind of thing Henrik had gotten a hold of.

"I think we've all spent a lot of time thinking about what you looked like fucking yourself with this thing...at home, alone in your own bed...did you think of me, Triste? Did you use this on yourself when you got home from the beach and imagine that it was me sinking my cock into you? Fucking you in the sand?"

I froze as I suddenly realized exactly what was in his hand and my eyebrows shot up underneath my blindfold.

_Does it bite?  
No, but it buzzes._

My brain exploded in five different directions as I realized that not only had he somehow snuck my own toy into his duffel bag, but he was now using it to get me off.

"Henrik asked you a question, answer him," Jonas called again off to my right, nearly drowned out by the low moans and hungry growls that filled the room as Henrik pressed the neon pink toy further into my pussy, until the two little rubber prongs were toying with my clit. 

_Jonas._

I frantically nodded, bowing my back and moaning loudly as he pressed it all the way inside me and twisted the knob at the end to turn it onto the lowest setting. My fingers balled up the sheets, unable to really do anything else as I repeatedly pulled at my restraints.

Henrik hummed, pleased already with my response as his other hand drifted down to his cock, palming himself slowly in time with the movement of my hips.

"Did you go fast?"

I shook my head, breathing hard and stretching out my fingers to see if I could touch him, but he was too far out of my limited reach. 

"Slow then? You always knew I would be slow and gentle with you, didn't you, Triste," he whispered, "that I would make you glow, not burn. Not all marked up and bruised like they do...no..."

_They. Others. Not him. _

_Jonas._

He wasn't wrong - I _had _always known that. And as much as he sometimes surprised me with sudden displays of dominance and territoriality, at his core Henrik was careful and gentle in everything he did. 

_Jonas._

My body sank into his rhythm as he kicked the intensity up one level at a time, slowly, panting as he worked me, teasing his cock against my fingertips every so often before pulling away, but my mind felt perfectly halved - one side needing more of him, my soft, wonderful Henrik, who I knew, but the other was filled with a clawing, desperate need to be closer to the one who was just feet away, watching with an electric stare.

_Jonas._

He listened for my word but Henrik still felt like he needed to check anyways when I didn't use it.

Worrywart.

"Tell me if its too much, I haven't ever used one of these on anyone before."

My face remained turned towards where Jonas was sitting, unable to fathom looking anywhere else, though I couldn't see him. 

"Triste," Jonas reminded with a warning tone when I didn't acknowledge Henrik's request. My face turned farther towards him, making my nipple clamps pull.

I nodded inbetween thrusts of my hips to meet the movements of his hand. He knew by now all the signs that I was close to shattering and leaned down so his lips were right at my ear.

"And just incase you forgot, because I know youre a forgetful little girl who needs reminders, Tim isn't the only one who can make you do this..."

I blanked on his meaning, but he kicked the intensity dial up to the highest setting with his thumb before he started roughly thrusting the toy into me, forcing it all the way inside my pussy until I was shrieking as his other hand whipped back and forth over my clit, shuddering at the sensation every time the vibrating prongs touched his fingers. 

I thrashed against the bed, each motion sending torrents of pain through my nipples and I hoped that maybe the clamps would just come loose and give me some relief.

But of course they didn't. 

Because who had put them there in the first place?

_Jonas. _

No, not Jonas. Tim...and he never did anything halfway. 

Motherfucker.

I suddenly realized what he also did that Henrik had been referring to as the latter positively slammed the toy inside me for a beat and smacked my clit savagely with a resounding _crack _just once before resuming his work, and I squirted hard, my ab muscles contracting and making my body curl in on itself as his lips were once again at my ear, his pace slowing down bit by bit as my orgasm wracked my body with intense waves of pleasure.

"Don't you ever fucking forget that you come for me like this too. I know you think I'm soft and sweet and gentle, but the next time you get fucked until you can't see straight, _don't _think it won't be me on top of you..."

_JONAS._

Breathing was harder with the gag, and it forced me to take super deep breaths through my nose as I tried to comprehend his words. But they remained thick and garbled inside my head, not really carrying any meaning as my brain swirled with a chemical euphoria, still focused on that name that played on repeat between my ears. 

_Jonas.  
Jonas.  
Jonas._

"_Gul_, Henrik," Jonas warned as he watched my brain scramble for guidance, as finely attuned to me as I was to him, and my face rocketed to the side once more as I fell down into the depths of my darkness, my arm jerking at the cuff violently as I tried to reach him, my whole mind now bent on getting to wherever he was, drawn to the sound of his voice as my fingers strained towards him.

_JONAS. Jonas Jonas Jonas. _

"Easy, little one, I'm still right here," he said quietly, but didn't rise from his chair. 

He continued to sit and watch me with aroused interest as he pulled at his septum piercing absentmindedly with one hand, his elbow propped against the arm of the chair. He slowly stroked himself slowly with the other, giving into what felt best and getting off on his own sense of control as he watched me still dive into my willingness to obey him. 

There was that dark part of him that reveled in it. That took joy in me fractionally doubting the other, who I'd had and known and trusted even before him, and looking to him for permission...

_Jonas._

"You know what we talked about. Listen to Henrik..."

_Jonas._

Henrik panted, still rock hard and not having experienced his own release, immediately frustrated that it had been his idea in the first place to use the toy on me rather than practicing a little fucking self control. 

Oh. 

But of course.

He couldn't, could he? 

Gods, but he'd been so concerned for and intent on watching me since the second I got through the door that he'd actually forgotten. 

"Goddamnit," he muttered, about to get off the bed and live with the consequences, and feeling a little uneasy about the way I was gravitating towards Jonas, wondering if this should have been happening at all.

Jonas watched me remain one hundred percent trained on him as I all but forgot about Henrik when he moved to go suffer in silence while someone else took their turn with me.

"That is not the way we treat our lovers, Triste," Jonas reminded, giving Henrik a single nod that it was okay when he paused and looked back. 

_Jonas._

I froze, trying to make my thoughts work, trying to suppress the urge to scream and throw myself against Jonas and beg him to never go away from me or stop touching me ever again.

Henrik waited with a slight frown as Jonas continued to watch carefully, holding a hand up to silence everyone and waiting for the single moment where he felt our connection, when that last cog shifted into place and we could communicate without words or sight. 

Wait for it.

Wait for it. 

Wait. 

There.

_JONAS._

I opened up to him a different way. Physically, yes, but he focused on a single thought, willing me to know, to hear him, to trust in the darkness in which he was holding me adrift.

_Let our Henrik make you into a living work of art, Triste..._

It wasn't quiet like I heard his voice in my head. He was mortal, and couldn't speak to me that way like Ihy or my goddess could. 

_JONAS._

But I understood him so clearly, like maybe his thought was actually my own, and I didn't think twice when I turned back to Henrik and made a murmured sound around the gag to get his attention.

He paused, waiting for me to repeat myself when he didn't understand me the first time. 

I shook my tousled hair out of my face and nodded twice, hoping that he understood as my fingers reached out to gently brush his knee.

The air went thick for a second, and it became clear that he intuited my meaning when I pushed my body towards him, offering him my skin as his canvas.

_Ohh, very good, my darling_, Jonas praised, and my back arched with the sensation of reward.

Jonas leaned into the back of his chair with a dark smirk, a little floored that his thought had somehow manifested in my own action, but not daring to spend too much time thinking about it right now. 

"Christ, you're just full of fucking surprises today aren't you," Henrik chuckled, smiling down at me and wrapping a hand around his cock, pumping himself hard and moaning as my own hips started to squirm at the sound. 

_Jonas._

"Do you want to be covered with me again?"

_Jonas._

I nodded.

"You liked the way it felt to have my cum dripping down your face, hmm? You want them all to see what you look like when you're mine?"

Another nod, and all eyes watched our display with extreme arousal, but arousal tinged with appreciation nonetheless.

"Ohh, gods, Triste hold still, _fuck yes_," he moaned, throwing his head back and remembering the way I'd screamed for him before as he cried out and shifted forward, shooting his release over my breasts, drawing obscene snarls from the rest of the spectators as he painted me.

The warmth of his seed covering my flushed skin made me shiver and I shifted on the bed, my mind unsure whether it wanted to move me closer to Henrik or closer to the other.

_Jonas._

"He asked you to stay still Triste," Jonas instructed, his own cock straining in his hand at the sight of me covered.

I received a soft, lingering kiss to my forehead as Henrik took a moment to admire his own work before he caught his breath and touched my hair fondly. He wished that I wasn't gagged so he could kiss me that way only he ever did that made me press closer and explore his body with my fingertips, but it would simply have to wait.

"Good girl," he praised, then he was gone. 

_Jonas._

No one immediately took his place and the silence made me start to twitch as I felt the drops of my own release and his drying across my skin, my face turned back towards Jonas, trying to wrap my energy around him and draw him closer.

I threw Nedjem's energy too, and he felt it, suddenly swirled by that warmth and sultriness that he knew as her as his head leaned against the back of his chair, his mouth open and panting for her too, like he could feel our touches intertwined, reaching for him.

Several quiet moments passed and he lifted his head to watch me carefully, eyes flitting back and forth between my face and my breasts, glistening with the release that dripped across them, and he tried to figure out if he even had enough self control to take me carefully and without losing himself once everyone else had had their fill. 

Tim moved silently next to the bed after watching me too, carefully leaning over to pick up the forgotten toy from between my legs without me noticing. 

He startled me a little as I felt him lay next to me and I jumped with a gasp, scooting away.

"Easy, priestess, just me," he put a gentle hand on my abdomen to calm me, but I jumped again, his voice sounding strange and thick in my ears and suddenly not at all like what I needed.

_Jonas._

Why? He was always what I needed. 

Any day of the week.

_Jonas.   
_ _Jonas Jonas Jonas._

Again I instinctively reached for the other, turning and trying to move towards him, needing more reassurance that he was still there, more of the iron security that I felt in his shadow now as my attempts to get closer to where I knew he was became almost frantic.

"Katherine Triste, you will stay still or I will come over there and attach those wrist cuffs to the headboard instead and let them have you," Jonas snapped.

Tim realized my hesitance though and voiced his concern.

"Kungen, she's too far in, call it off."

That familiar voice broke through my haze, and I froze again as the sound of him echoed in my mind.

But still I held back, needing...what, permission? An okay to go back to him?   
Of course it was okay, but...

_Jonas._

But what?

_Jonas._

Jonas read me like a book, falling in love as much as I had with the perfect synchronicity of our beings now, and he found himself slowly rising from his seat as he recognized my deep need for him, drawing him physically closer to me. 

But he caught himself as he took a step, blinking and shaking his head before collapsing back down into his chair, lest he interrupt my time with Tim. He mouthed a silent apology.

The sound of the chair legs scooting back an inch over the hardwoods as he slumped back down made me gasp and scramble towards him, terrified that it was him getting up and leaving, going further away from me.

"Huh-uh!!" I shrieked around the gag, shaking my head violently, completely disregarding the pain it caused from the clamps. 

"Triste, I'm still right here. Right where I promised you I would be, I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart..." he was leaning forward from the very edge of his chair, trying to make me quiet down, to reassure me that he was still next to me.

I desperately cried his name, the gag stifling it into only audible vowels, and Tim looked at him with an angry snarl.

"Call this shit off, _now!"_

Jonas' stare drifted back down to me with a deeper level of concern. He'd been watching carefully, and knew that I wasn't so far gone that I wouldn't come back...but maybe having so many others involved when he was doing this with me had been a mistake. 

With a resigned sigh, he stood again and drifted over to the bed, kneeling next to me as Tim backed off and running his fingers over my forehead then back over my hair, instantly recognizing the way that it filled a need within himself too.

I turned into his touch like an addict, breathing hard around the gag.

I'd had alone time with all of them except him, and maybe I'd slipped too far into obedience, trying to compensate subconsciously, to connect on that deeper level that I'd craved with them all since I'd come back. 

"My darling, can you hear me? Are you listening carefully?" he asked softly, laying next to me, ignoring that I was still covered with Henrik's release. 

I moaned quietly, turning over onto my side and shifting to press my body against his, trying to bury myself in his embrace.

"I think you've maybe had enough for one night, hmm?"

I didn't respond, only quieted down once he ran his hand soothingly over my opposite arm, giving me the physical touch I'd been begging for. 

But gods, it soothed him almost as much as it did for me, and he cuddled me closer, gently separating the two cuffs from each other on both sides and rubbing my hands to get the blood flowing back into my fingertips.

"Hold onto me, sweetheart," he whispered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he got to his knees and snaked both of his hands underneath my legs and shoulders, then stood. I pressed closer, leaning my face into the crook of his neck and taking a deep breath of his scent as he moved towards the bathroom, shooting everyone else an apologetic look. 

Tim stepped into his path, the parallel lines furrowing between his eyebrows betraying how pissed off he was. He didn't want to upset me, and knew I still had basically none of their language, so he switched.

"She didn't fucking know who I was a minute ago, Jonas."

"Move," Jonas responded lowly with a scowl of his own.

Tim considered not stepping aside for a moment as Jonas shifted me in his arms and I wrapped my wrists tighter around his neck, crushing my body against his.

"You don't get to control her and take her away from us like that."

"Why do you see this as something so different from the connection you've made with her that none of the rest of us can either touch or understand, Tim?"

"Wh--no, thats not the same thing!"

"Why not? Her goddess doesn't talk to us. She didn't prophesy that any of the rest of us were looking for her years ago -- no _don't_ interrupt me when I'm talking! I fucking remember that as well as you do because I was there. I remember that old woman in that shop. I remember the way she looked at you, like someone else was talking through her. You fucking know that was Her as well as I do."

"But I didn't even think twice about that! I didn't know who she was, Jonas..."

"None of us did, you thickheaded fucker. Not until She brought us all together at the beach. I refuse to believe that that was an accident. And I'm sure she told you earlier once she found you after you ran away like a fucking child, but now, because of those few days and whats happened since, this wonderful, thoughtful, amazing fucking woman wants to spend whatever rest of this life we all have together. With _you. _And Johannes, and John and Henrik, and me. So it may piss you off that she submits to me and not to you, but don't you dare make the fucking mistake of thinking you don't have a bond with her that we wouldn't all kill to have any goddamn day of the week. Get out of the way."

Tim's mouth moved soundlessly as Jonas all but shoved past him, angry at himself, and angry at Tim and angry at the situation that had forced me to the point where my mind had needed to seek such deep refuge in the first place. 

He kicked the bathroom door shut in their faces and forced himself to breathe. 

One in.   
One out. 

Another in.   
Another out. 

I stirred against him, roused by the expansion of his chest against me, and nuzzled my face into his skin. 

"Hello," he said softly, feeling the anger and frustration melt away slowly as he glanced down at me cradled in his arms, trusting and clutching and needing him beyond anything that spoken words could convey.

"Can you stand?"

I nodded groggily and he bent to set my feet on the floor, keeping his hands on me until he was sure I could stay up on my own.

"You're okay, its just you and me now, no one else," he touched both of my hands with his, just the tips of his fingers ghosting against the backs of mine, up to my wrists.

"Lets get you out of these and into the bath, sweetheart."

"Mmhm."

His voice wasn't what Johannes' or Henrik's, or even Tim's was, but he hummed to me softly as his deft fingers unbuckled my restraints, setting them out of the way on the bathroom counter before touching my face gently.

I didn't spook this time at the feeling that I didn't see coming, but rather pressed closer, letting my fingers dance over the hard muscle of his torso in response.

"Thats right, you know me, you know my touch...I'm going to undo the clamps now, okay? Stay still for me."

I nodded fractionally, trying not to pull any harder on my already-sore nipples.

"Thats it, there we go," he murmured as I buckled and shrank away from the receding coated prongs as he gently turned each screw counter-clockwise, one after the other until they fell away from my breasts and I moaned with relief.

"Sorry, did he make them too tight then?"

I couldn't answer, and collapsed forward, pressing against him and seeking his embrace like water sought its own level.

"Oh my darling I'm so sorry," he said softly as he unbuckled the ball gag, pulling the straps gently from behind my head, careful not to pull my hair, "I should have realized that you and I hadn't gotten the proper time together to reconnect and that this was going to make you go too far in..."

He nudged me forward off his body reluctantly so my mouth would release the gag, but as soon as he set it down on the sink next to the other pieces, my arms were around his waist against and I was crushing myself into his embrace, turning my face into him and sniffling as the tears started in earnest. 

"I love you, Jonas, I'm so in love with you that I'm afraid of it sometimes," I whispered, the first words he'd heard me speak clearly in almost an hour.

They worked like sorcery on him and he turned my face up and kissed me passionately, slowly, sinking his tongue into my mouth and pulling at me with both hands until there was no space left between our flushed bodies for doubt or wonder.

My blindfold was still in place, but my eyes fluttered underneath the folded material like they were closing for him anyways as I melted, pressing my breasts against his chest, but hissing as my sore nipples grazed over his skin.

"I can't quite put into words what it does for me to have you like that. To know that you trust me to make you fly...my precious little bird..._liten fågel."_

"Liten..."

"_Fågel_," he said it more slowly, letting me repeat it and taste the pronunciation. 

"Bird?"

"Bird."

"I like that," I smiled, nuzzling into him, and relishing the way I fit into his arms as I quieted down, completely unaware of the shuffling sounds just on the other side of the door. 

_-"Tim, knock it off and calm the fuck down, you know she's fucking fine with him."  
__-"That was _not _okay, Henrik! She always knows me! She knows me even when she can't fucking see me!"  
__-"Just give them a second. God you're so fucking self-centered sometimes. Have you even stopped for one second to think what she's going through??"_

_Jonas._

"Little bird," I repeated again, unaware, nuzzling into his skin and pressing a kiss to the hard bone in his shoulder, "do you know why thats funny?"

"No, tell me why thats funny," he smiled into my hair, taking all the time in the world with me, schedules and the rest of the others be damned. 

They could wait.

"Nedjem calls me 'goose'. All the time, no matter where we are. _Gås, ganso, liba, oie_..."

"Because you're delicate like a bird?" he offered with a hint of a laugh, cupping the back of my head near the base of my skull with his hand, stretching his fingers out to feel more of my hair.

"Because I'm silly, like a goose," I giggled, instinctively leaning up again, seeking his mouth, his kiss, his tongue. 

_Jonas._

My fingers wove into his hair, relishing the softness of each cord even more without my sight, and I drank down the moans that came from the very center of his body as his tongue pressed against mine. 

"We shouldn't," he whispered, the sound shaky, "not after what just happened."

_Jonas. Jonas. Jonas._

"Jonas," I whispered back, finding his lips once more and breathing his name over and over again, finally verbalizing it and putting an end to the broken record's repetitive spin in my mind that had been replaying for over an hour. 

His responding kiss was deep, savage and passionate, the kind that made all his fingers tangle back into my hair until it pulled.

"Bath," he rasped, but I reached back up to kiss him, hesitant to go anywhere but where we were, not when I was finally getting what I needed. 

"Huh-uh," I shook my head, anchoring my arms around his neck.

"No seriously, we need to wash off. I'm not nearly as into being covered in Henrik as you are," he chuckled, then checked himself, "christ not that you would know that because you still can't fucking see. Sorry, sweetheart," he reached to undo the knot at the back of my head.

"Leave it," I stopped his fingers with mine, "I like this. I don't want to come back yet."

"Darling, if I didn't know you so well by now, I might even be offended that you don't want to see my face," he chuckled, running his hand along my hip as he moved around me like I was a horse, trying no to spook me as he moved towards the bath and ran the hot water tap and a bit of the cold one, staring down at the swirling water, wondering what to do.

"I...I do...but I just experience you differently like this..." I murmured, feeling the blush creep into my cheeks, "I trust you differently."

"As you should."

"And...well, if you don't know by now that I think you're crazy hot then I don't know what to tell you," I smiled a little, rubbing my hands over my wrists and glancing away from him when I felt his stare again as he paused, seated on the flat edge of the bathtub, eyeing me with a rekindled interest.

"Is that so..."

It was basically an invitation.

No, not basically.

Shit, that _was _an invitation.

I moved towards him, perfectly aware of where he was now even without my sight. 

I could have found him anywhere.

"But maybe you _don't_ know, my king..."

"Maybe I don't," he reached for my hands, pulling me towards him and then dropping his hands to my waist, guiding me down so I could swing one leg over the side of the tub and straddle his lap.

"I'm...gods I'm enamored by you, Jonas," I whispered, shifting closer, feeling his soft groan straight up my core as my left foot sank into the hot water of the bath and my right remained on the cool tile floor, "everything you do draws me in like a magnet and makes me want you even more..."

As we both fell silent he started to kiss and lick a trail of pure fire up and down my throat that made my hips start to squirm against his leg as each parting of his lips from my skin echoed off the tiles around us.

"Huh-uh, oh bring that shit closer, little one," he growled, snaring an arm around my waist and shifting me when I started grinding my pussy against his thigh, forcing me to keep up the same motion against his erection as he leaned his shoulders back against the wall to balance us both. 

"I fucking love your cock," I moaned quietly, letting my head fall back so the ends of my hair drifted across his fingertips, pressed into my lower back. 

This was familiar.

I knew this. 

The cradling, clinging vestiges of my darkness pushed me into a slightly stronger stream of consciousness.

"I loved watching you get this pretty little cunt fucked until you squirted," he intoned lowly into the base of my throat, his hands working my hips over his cock as he pressed up against me with a hum after glancing down at the mess I was making of us both, "still dripping wet for me, just the way I like you...mmhm, you like giving me control, Triste, don't you...you like it when I don't give you a choice but to listen to me and do what I say because it fucking pleases me..."

I was grinding against him in earnest now, easily sliding over his cock, drenching us both as I held onto his hair to keep me upright. 

"That--that you like to have control, that you make me do what you say..."

I was slipping right back into our dynamic seamlessly, repeating his own words back to him. 

"And if I told you to ride my cock right now, right this fucking second," he growled into me, forcing my hips to stop moving until the air around us felt stiff and thick, "what would you have to say about that?"

I bent forward to devour his mouth, savoring the desperation on his tongue, the need for the release he hadn't tasted yet.

"Yes, sir," I whispered as I shifted just enough that he started pushing into me. 

"Good gods, fuck," he snarled, grabbing my ass with both hands and letting his self-control slip as he shoved me down the rest of the way onto his length until he was bottomed out, pushing his shoulders off the wall so I had something to hold onto as I screamed and gasped for breath, feeling so I full I was afraid I'd be split in half. 

"Fuck yes, scream my name, Triste, tell me how fucking good my cock feels inside you."

I was still gasping for air and my pussy spasmed around him, clenching repeatedly and making him snarl. 

"So...good...more," I whimpered, starting to rock my hips into him even as there was pain because I simply couldn't fucking help it.

"Thats enough," he growled, using that tone that he reserved only when we played, and my movement instantly stopped in response, though I couldn't do anything about my inner walls gripping him tighter to compensate. 

"Good girl," he praised before tilting his face up to kiss me, panting himself as he held me there, his cock bottomed out inside me, twitching with arousal and searing need as his tongue tasted every part of my mouth.

After a moment, the rising water level and heat against his calf registered and he blindly reached over to flip off both taps.

"Legs around me," he ordered, shuddering at the hot water that dripped off my left ankle down the back of his waist as I immediately did what he asked, wrapping my arms around his neck too so he could stand and lift us both, keeping his cock bottomed out inside me. 

Gravity pulled me down a little once he was upright, making his piercing press tantalizingly against my frontal wall and I bit at his earlobe, right behind his earrings as I started grinding into him again, whining at the potent sensation.

"Stop," he growled, "or I will set you right back down and you will watch me touch myself and not get anything for the rest of the fucking night."

I froze my movements, but clenched hard at the mental image of him with his cock in his hand. 

He chuckled darkly as he lifted his opposite leg over the side of the bathtub and slowly dropped into the steaming water with me, first onto his knees then seated down fully, "you know that I felt that, dirty girl..."

He sank his tongue into my mouth as I panted, surprising me for just the quickest second before I eagerly reciprocated, slipping back towards that dark, sightless place of obedience, of submission, knowing the feel and the familiarity of it now and trusting it wholeheartedly as his hands gripped my waist hard, controlling my movement when he broke our kiss and watched me slip beneath the surface again.

"I love this tight fucking pussy," he snarled, one hand splashing just enough water over me to wash away Henrik's release so he could drop down and tongue at my nipples, a part of his brain reminding him to be extra gentle. 

He pulled back after barely a second, knowing extra gentle was _not _in his playbook at the moment. 

Jonas didn't let me pull off his cock or really move at all on my own, but when both hands moved in a slow, heated line down my waist to grab my ass, I hissed and pressed eagerly back into his grip despite the soreness, sinking my nails into his shoulders and making him growl. 

"Such a sweet little distraction, you little sneak...Up," he commanded, lifting me off his lap and giving me a moment to get my knees under me, ignoring the faint whine that left my lips at feeling so empty all of a sudden.

"Over the edge of the tub. Now."

He bent me over until my ass was out of the water, subjected to the comparatively freezing air of the bathroom. 

*_Smack*_

"Count them," he snarled into my ear, wrenching my head up by my hair and pinning my legs against the side of the tub with one of his thighs, "you count these ten and you fucking thank me for each one."

_*Smack*_

"Ohh, gods, fuck, one, or...two...two?"

"Back to the beginning," he smacked the soaked flat of his palm against my ass once more with a resounding crack that echoed off the walls around us.

"_ONE. Thank you,_" I gasped. 

He didn't administer soothing touches inbetween strikes, despite the fact that these stung like hell.

_*Smack*_

"TWO. Thank you!"

"Thats fucking right, Triste."

_*Smack*_

_"Three. _Fuck, th-thank you."

"You're never going into a dangerous situation again without me by your side."

_*Smack* "Ever."_

_"Four! I won't_, gods, I won't. Thank you."

_*Smack_*

"Five...oh gods, Jonas. Jonas, please, pleasepleaseplease," I whined, completely forgetting to thank him or even ask him what was rolling around in my head.

He snarled like an animal and kicked my knees apart, knowing my thoughts the same way I'd known his earlier and positioning himself behind me, shoving his cock all the way into my pussy in perfect time with the next slap. 

"SIX. Oh good christ, FUCK!"

"How about a little gratitude, my little bird," he breathed into the nape of my neck as he pulled me up and back against him by the hair, tangling the powerful fingers of one hand into the roots of it to hold me there. 

"Thank y--ahh!! Seven! Thank you!!" he delivered the next strike against my breast, sending a searing, stinging pain through my already-sore nipple, but I pressed my ass harder back into him, needing him deeper inside me as my back arched off of his body and he gripped my hair tighter until I was sure it was about to come loose from my head. 

He groaned as I clenched hard and pulled out of me with a snarl as his other hand reached between my legs and cupped me hard until my hips pushed forward and crushed his hand against the side of the bathtub, taking the friction that I desperately needed but didn't have permission to experience. 

"Back the fuck up," he snapped, forcing my hips back and thrusting two of his fingers all the way inside me, "this is _my_ fucking pussy. When you're sightless and speechless and can't fucking tell whose cock is whose, this pussy belongs to me. _Say it_."

"Oh, gods, fuck, m-my pussy belongs to you," I gasped, nearly screaming with the pleasure of my reward as his thumb started working my clit hard.

"You don't do this for anyone else, do you fucking hear me? You only sub for me, little bird."

I nodded frantically, panting heavily and moaning every time the pad of his thumb twisted over my clit. 

"Where were we? Ah, yes."

His hand disappeared and both of mine slapped against the tile floor as he shoved me forward again.

*_Smack*_

"_Eight_, thank you! Ahh!!"

*_Smack*_

_"Nine! Nine nine nine nine, thank you," _I gasped, biting my lip so hard I tasted blood.

"Beg me for your last one, Triste," he panted into my ear, holding my hips back against him and grinding his cock against my ass, "tell me you want more."

"More! Please please please please please," I cried, "_Jonas, please!_" 

I was babbling, knowing that I only had one more before he would tell me I was a good girl and had obeyed him just right. 

_*Smack* _It was the hardest one yet and stung like a motherfucker. 

_"TEN!! Th--"_

One hand left my waist midway through my profession of gratitude and the blindfold got roughly yanked off my face a second later, letting in the dim lighting of the bathroom, but it may as well have been the sun for how harsh it felt to my squinting eyes.

Time did that thing again that it had done with us before, where it sped up and slowed down and stopped as he grabbed me by both hips and turned me around so he could shove me down into the end of the bathtub, forcing me flush against the high back. His hands gripped the edge behind my head and he used the leverage to shift his knees underneath my legs until my calves were digging into his sides. He pushed them up until I was completely open and exposed under the water, able to feel every inch of him as my ass touched his thighs.

"Good girl," he managed to say before shoving his cock home with a shout that made my fucking toes curl. 

He rutted into me like an animal, making me look at him as he took me, forcing my eyes to stare into his as we both panted and I started to whine as I got closer and closer, still so deeply interconnected with him that it was difficult to figure out where my body ended and his began. 

"_Flyga, min liten fågel_," he whispered before taking my mouth in a kiss that was a thousand degrees Fahrenheit and reaching down to flutter his middle and pointer fingers rapidly back and forth over my clit, sending me soaring beyond the clouds until I was floating in space, looking down at us and watching his back muscles flex as he buried himself as far inside me as he could go and filled me with his seed.

My legs latched around his waist, pulling him righter against me with each slow, deep thrust of his hips, until we collapsed and took shaky, panting breaths, unable to stop kissing or petting each other, too engrossed in having the other there to even notice that we'd basically flooded the bathroom floor and our tub was only half full anymore. 

As we quieted down and he softened and slipped out of me, he shifted out from between my legs, turning us so that his shoulders were leaned back against the high foot of the bath.

"Come to me, little one," he whispered, holding out his arms and drawing me closer until I was secured between his legs, under his arms, my forehead resting against his chin as my eyes closed and I leaned trustingly into his embrace.

"I needed that, thank you," I tilted my chin back to kiss him and he deepened it, slipping his tongue into my mouth and swirling it over mine. 

"I let you go too far earlier, and I'm sorry."

I shook my head, and gave credence to the thought that he'd voiced right after we'd come into the bathroom.

"I should have thought of it too, its not your fault. I woke up and you were there with May, and we didn't get any time alone to talk or anything...and plus...I think you're right, I--...I like..." I flushed darkly and he felt the skin of my face go hot. 

"I know, you don't have to say it," he chuckled, "I know what you like."

I turned the hot water tap back on and we drifted into a comfortable silence as he enveloped me, running has hands over my body up and down until my eyes closed with soft pleasure.

"You make me very happy, do you know that?" he hummed, kissing the shell of my ear and gently rubbing the tips of his fingers over my sore nipples as I nodded, "and I'll always love you and I'll always take care of you, and...I know we haven't talked about it all together yet, but its a yes from me at least."

My eyes opened and I flipped over, leaning forward again into his arms as they automatically shifted to accommodate me. 

"Really?"

"You're insane if you think I'd say anything different after what we just did," he laughed softly, the sound rippling through the bathroom as he stretched one leg out to turn off the tap with his foot when the tub started to get too full, "I know you heard me up here," he tapped the side of my head with one wet finger, "because you did exactly what I asked you to, And I heard you first, I think."

Somehow him bringing up the existence of anything beyond the tiny confines of our bathtub made everything that had happened before start to register like a distant memory, and I frowned slightly at him. 

"What? What did I say?" he looked confused.

"Were you arguing with Tim?"

That caught him off guard and he paused, trying to figure out his answer as he stared at me.

"Kind of. He wasn't happy that you were...more attuned to me than to him for a little while. I don't think he's very used to feeling that with you."

"Wait what do you mean?"

The concern started to spread over his face but I leaned in and kissed him reassuringly.

"No, not that, I remember everything, it just kind of feels now like I was watching it happen from outside my body, you know?"

"I...yeah," he sighed, "I do know. And I shouldn't have let you go to that place, I'm sorry."

"I know you were watching, babe. I was okay. I just needed you."

"I'm right here," he whispered, kissing me more deeply this time, rolling his hips as he held my body down against him, "physically, emotionally, mentally."

"I meant," I spoke quietly into his lips, trying to get my thought out before it disappeared forever into the taste of his mouth, "what do you mean that Tim isn't used to me being more attuned to you than to him."

Jonas pulled away from me with palpable reluctance, pressing his forehead to mine hard and groaning as he got himself under control once more then looked at me. 

His eyes were heavy, the electricity in them fading into something more liquid, like mercury, reflective and soft.

"Oh, baby you don't even know that you do it, do you?" 

"Do what?" 

"Drop everything the minute he looks at you."

I paused.   
Hard. 

My only lasting trait had been independence. It was the only true gift given to me by that first wasted, miserable man. I belonged to my goddess, but then I was my own woman. Beholden to no one else other than my absent High Priestess. Letting truly no one else all the way in. 

Not there.

Not near my secrets. 

But they'd managed to break down that wall. 

He had. 

With some serious divine help, granted, but there he was, all the same...

Jonas hadn't meant it as a criticism, and pulled me forward when he felt me go stiff, recognizing that I was taking it harder than he'd meant. 

"I'm not saying you're wrong, love, don't go thinking that," he corrected, chuckling softly after a moment, "gods I wouldn't even know how to start picking apart something like what you both have. Its...Triste its been phenomenal to witness, really."

"Does it hurt your feelings Jonas? That I...I drop whatever I'm doing for him?"

I felt him taking pause, surprised again by my question. 

"No, not really. We can't all expect, and don't in fact, to have the exact same kind of connection with you as each other. Tim is learning that still, sweetheart. He's...he's overwhelmed by you in every way, I think. You don't know this but before he met you, he was casual with women to the point of being insulting. Like...like nobody really could get close enough to matter to him, and he hurt a lot of people because of that."

I felt tears stinging as my heart beat heavily. 

"But he's different because of you...we all are. And in our own ways, which is good. Especially if you want this," he touched my ring, the thing wet and glossy now, reflecting the low lighting from over the sink.

"We can't all expect to be exactly the same as each other with you, and it would be boring if we were...thats why you do this with me," he touched the blindfold laid over the edge of the tub, "and why you go places a million miles away with Henrik. And why you drop everything for Tim. Because you love us differently, because we're different men. And thats okay, babe."

I pressed my face against his neck, feeling like I was falling in love with him so hard all over again that I was spiraling down into a black hole, and his arms tightened as he caught an echo of my thoughts once more.

"That was something else though, wasn't it? Being able to hear each other like that?"

I nodded my agreement, letting my lips drift over his neck, kissing and breathing him in.

"I was okay, babe, I promise..."

"I know you were, sweetheart. But sometimes that dark place can be too inviting, and maybe Tim was partially right."

I blinked once and glanced up at him, never having considered that maybe he'd--...

"How do you know about that place? Have...have you done that before?"

"A long time ago," he petted me until I laid back down against his chest, shifting me so he could rub his palms soothingly over my sore backside, "I didn't know what I was agreeing to, and didn't even have a safeword. I honestly didn't think I needed one...too young and stupid to think anything that happened in the bedroom would ever make me want to say no."

He chuckled but there was no mirth in it. 

"What happened?"

"Nothing at first, it was fine. Good, even. But it stopped being about the both of us. The lashes started hurting more and the word 'stop' didn't make a difference."

"Fuck," I shuddered, trying to imagine Jonas being submissive to anyone and completely failing, "what did you do?"

"I retreated, up here," he touched my head again with his index finger, using it to curl my hair behind my ear, "and there was this...this dark place I guess, and I remember running towards it because I knew there wouldn't be any pain there."

"Couldn't you just get up and leave?" I looked up at him.

"Tied up," he shook his head, "well, tied down I guess would be more accurate."

"Its not so bad...that place, I...I kind of liked it."

"I know, and you get to, thats the beauty of having a dom who cares about you, sweetheart, I'm supposed to understand you inside and out so I can do the thinking for you. You don't just give up control partly, its about complete surrender and extreme vulnerability so you can enjoy every sensation fully without worrying about anything else."

I knew it was inappropriate, but I shivered with need anyways, bringing a wry smile to his lips as they pressed against my hair and he took a deep breath of my scent. 

"I highly doubt that she meant to really hurt me, and we'd actually gotten on pretty well up to that point. She just lost her head as much as I did, I think, didn't know what she was doing and got carried away, and the harder she went the more I blanked."

"Didn't she make you come back when it was over? Like you did for me?"

I could hear his teeth clicking against his lip ring the way they did when he fussed with it nervously.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to pry--"

"I woke up on my own, hours afterwards. She'd undone all the ropes and buckles, but I was still laying face-down right where she'd left me. I don't know what happened, we didn't ever cross paths again, so I never got the chance to ask, but...when you're there and in that place and no one is there to bring you back, it owns you for a while, because you can't figure out what to do. No one is there to tell you that you've had too much of it...took a couple days for me to get back to normal. "

I grimaced and sat up, my eyebrows furrowing with those two lines that couldn't help but remind him of Tim as he pressed his thumb there to make them unfurrow with a hidden smile.

"Wait she just left you there? By yourself?"

"Chapped ass and all," he chuckled, bringing me and my frown back down towards his body and wrapping both arms back over me, "she probably just panicked, and I don't blame her. Neither of us started that situation the right way."

"Sounds like you were more than just chapped," I grumbled, playing with his nipple ring and hating this total stranger that I was literally never going to get to do anything about. It didn't stop me from giving her a good solid talking-to in my head. 

"No, I was pretty beat the fuck up," he conceded, "but it made me careful and also made me realize that I'm nota sub. Both god lessons learned."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," I nuzzled my nose against his, "I haven't felt like that ever before," he shifted lower in the water so I was laying more squarely on top of him, still weightless, "like I was flying but at the same time so grounded...and I knew that you wouldn't hurt me. It was like--I don't know how to say it, like my whole brain was just _you_, Jonas_._"

"I wasn't going to let you go any deeper, but then you minorly freaked out with Tim, and," he shrugged, but looked at me seriously, "I won't ever let you go all the way there and stay. I promise. Even though it may not seem like it, I will _always _be watching you closely. Thinking for you so you don't have to. Choosing for you so you don't have to..."

"And what about right now," I whispered quietly, pressing closer, "what do you choose for me now..."

He leaned in slowly, perfectly, like we were two strangers in a movie about to experience our first kiss, and his lips pressed against mine, closed but lingering. 

"I chose last time. And the time before that. Its your turn."

"Eat me," I breathed, kissing him hard and already clenching at the thought of his tongue swirling over my core as he flicked it against my bottom lip teasingly.

"I did mention that earlier, didn't I," he chuckled, moving me more slowly than the last time, careful not to slosh water everywhere as he repositioned us, guiding me back against the high foot of the tub where he'd just been.

"Can you get up there and balance okay?"

I maneuvered myself up and onto the flat ledge so I could lean my shoulders back against the wall, and hooked my legs over each side of the bathtub to hold me there, nodding down towards him when I was situated.

"Thats good," he praised, slipping through the water up towards me and giving me a searing look as he pressed the pads of his fingers to my inner thighs and applied gentle pressure, spreading my legs further apart as I bit my lip and let him.

"You thought he'd keep this little fact to himself, didn't you," he grinned darkly as my legs spread open all the way into a split to expose me completely to him.

"Fuck, look at you," he whispered, laying his cheek against my inner thigh and inhaling me. Several seconds passed and my clit throbbed needily under his stare as he started gently running his fingertips over me, up and down the length of one thigh before brushing over my core. 

I breathed his name softly, drifting away with the sensation of his touch, not begging or pushing my hips forward, but happy to let him take his time because he knew how to be good to me.

"Ohh, babe," he moaned, leaning in to press a hot kiss to my clit and staying there, letting his tongue glide over me as his eyes fluttered shut and he drank me down. We were still perfectly attuned to each other, and he recognized every pleasured sigh and twitch for what they were as the tip of his tongue circled my entrance, and he groaned into me, tasting my need for him, still mixed with a little of himself. 

His kisses and licks became more earnest as I gripped the edge of the bathtub for dear life, the sound of his lips sucking at me and then breaking away making me clench over and over again. 

"You're so goddamn beautiful," he whispered on a stuttered sigh, coming up for breath, his face wet with me as his fingers started to play with my entrance, so feather-light that it almost tickled. 

Two fingers on the opposite hand spread me open so he could give my clit more attention as the others started working me open, then he pushed his middle finger all the way inside me, until the backs of his other knuckles were grinding into my skin.

"Triste," he moaned loudly, giving me everything I wanted as his lips sucked at my clit and his tongue worked in circles around it, lapping me up every chance he got. 

The moans and gasps leaving my lips started to get faster and higher-pitched as he twitched the pad of his finger against that one spot inside me that always sent me reeling, and I grabbed a fistful of his hair to keep me grounded as the lights danced behind my eyes and I flew again.

"Thats it," he encouraged, slowing down his attentions until the movement of his finger was a slow pulsing, and his lips on my clit were soft, soothing, open-mouthed kisses, guiding me through each aftershock that made my whole body shake until I was metaphorically feet-on-the-ground.

"Ohh...gods...that feels so good," I mumbled dreamily, barely remembering to hang onto the fucking bathtub so I wouldn't melt into oblivion as he continued to gently tongue at my clit, being careful not to overstimulate me but loving the way the sensitive bundle of nerves pulsed under his continued attentions.

He'd never been gentle like this with me before. In the way that Henrik and I were best when we took things slowly, relishing each sensation for all the pleasure it held from start to finish, Jonas and I tended towards the animal end of the spectrum. 

He'd fucked me hard on the kitchen floor, over the arm of my couch until both of us and all the cushions had wound up scattered five feet away on the floor, and against the wall of my shower with the most primal snarls I could ever remember hearing come from a man, plus and additional it seemed like dozen other places in my apartment, but he had never given me the slow, seductive side of himself before. 

I was instantly hooked. 

"You did so good for me, little one," he kept his finger inside me, but otherwise pulled back so he could get up onto his feet and look me in the eyes, his lips shiny and his beard and mustache wet with me, "I love seeing you spread open like that, just for me...come here...kiss me...don't you want to know how good I taste when I'm covered in you?"

His tongue pushed slowly past my lips and into my mouth as his free hand found my breast, kneading the soft flesh but staying careful with my sore nipple, even as I moaned again and my hips bucked forward, devouring everything he gave me. I tried to pull him down closer to me, but he tensed and I let go, using more effort than it should have taken to stop rolling my hips into the incessant pressure of his finger. 

When he moved back a little, my eyes were drawn to his cock like a magnet, hard and flushed, jutting out from his slender hips and still dripping with bathwater.

"Hmm...I told you this needy little pussy was gonna get you in trouble," he braced his opposite hand against the wall, and kissed me passionately, letting his finger shift and explore me from inside, running the pad of it against my walls, mapping their texture and their warmth. 

"I want to touch you," I whispered, "please..."

"No. Not before you give me another one," he growled, biting my bottom lip when I squeaked. He toned the intensity down, giving long, slow movements of his finger in and out of my pussy, pressing his thumb over my clit when he entered me again.

"I'm obsessed with the way your body reacts to me...help me this time," he whispered, dropping a tender, lasting kiss to my swollen lips, "I want you to feel what I feel when you come undone for me...because of me..."

He sank back down to his knees slowly, following the path of my hand with his lips as it slithered down my torso, stopping at my breasts to massage and caress my nipples. The tip of my finger slipped into his mouth and he moaned lowly, sending vibrations up my arm as I mimicked the sound.

I used my legs to grip the sides of the tub harder so I could free my other hand, brushing it down the side of his face, finding him more handsome in that moment than I ever had before.

Oh gods.

He wanted to do it. What I'd asked.

He wanted at least this part his forever with me. With all of us. 

"I love you, Jonas," I reminded him quickly, smoothing my fingers over one tawny eyebrow.

"_Min drottning_," he smiled softly, slipping down further, moaning perfectly as he watched my middle and ring fingers toy slowly with my clit, feeling the resulting tightening around his own finger inside me.

"Further down," he encouraged, until my middle finger was stretching my entrance to push in alongside his.

He twisted his digit to intertwine with mine.

"Oh, god you feel like heaven," he whispered, reaching up to meet my mouth as I leaned down to kiss him.

"_Jonas_, oh please, I just need you, please please please..."

"Give me your other hand," he murmured, guiding it to his lips so he could take my pointer and middle fingers into his mouth, moaning deeply and closing his eyes, mimicking the way my pussy clenched around the both of us as his thumb worked my clit with slow, indulgent circles. He'd watched me react almost violently to John doing it earlier when I was blindfolded, and then with himself just a moment ago...

"Mmm," he hummed around my fingers, opening his eyes when he felt me edging closer, my own finger moving in and out of my pussy faster, forcing his to quicken too.

"You know what I want," he growled, releasing my fingers so they could replace his thumb and work my clit at a better angle, pushing me farther and farther with each second.

"I...oh...gods...I don't--" 

"_Listen_," he snarled, drawing my stare and keeping up the same pace as it happened again. That moment where all the cogs clicked into place.

_Soak me. Cover me. I want to feel you in the most intense depths of your pleasure..._

The sound and feeling of him inside my head hurtled me to the edge, until I was standing on the precipice, staring down at him, my own hips rocking forward into our combined sets of hands.

"Do it," he ordered lowly, picking up the pace and shoving another finger inside me to compensate when I pulled mine out so I could use that hand to balance myself and my hips lifted completely off the edge. He pressed his face forward, swirling his tongue alongside my fingers around my clit so that I was surrounded by sensation as my high pitched moans became cries of pleasure as his fingers slammed into me and tore the orgasm from my body with jagged strokes, forcing my fluid to splash from me until it covered him, as he wished.

He refused to let up, though, extending my high, drowning in my own pleasure as he completely forgot that he needed release too. 

"Oh fuck," he moaned, lapping at my clit mercilessly as both of my hands gripped the edge of the bathtub, but I could feel myself already starting to spiral again.

"Jonas... I begged. 

Not like I needed to, I knew he wouldn't stop. 

"I fucking love when you beg me," he growled, "I love that you know who fucking makes you come, and who makes you scream..."

"_You do,_" I gasped, grabbing his hair hard and forcing him back into my pussy, grinding my hips into his mouth until there was nothing left for either one of us to give each other, and he sucked my clit hard, forcing me squirt again as my entire pelvis lifted off the edge and my muscles tensed as my mind threatened to shut down from the intensity of the pleasure. 

My ass missed the edge as I drifted back down, making me splash into the water with a shriek as my head dunked under the surface. 

Jonas pulled me up, grinning ear to ear, dripping with a combination of me and the bathwater as he chuckled at my sputtering response.

"This water is _not _warm anymore," I gasped, wiping both hands over my face, wicking away the moisture. 

"We'll get out now," he nuzzled into me softly, propping my exhausted body back against the high end of the tub when I threatened to sink down again, and making sure I was okay before smothering me with praise and attention.

"Whose my good girl," he praised quietly into my lips, dropping gentle reassuring kisses to my panting mouth.

"Thats...me...me..." I sighed, trying to catch my breath.

"You're goddamn right. Almost broke my fucking fingers with that last one," he laughed lowly, nuzzling into my neck and making me giggle too as my arms flopped lazily around his neck, pulling him down to my mouth, "but you did so good for me, little bird."

"Mmm," I hummed, taking a moment to run my tongue lightly over his skin, tasting myself there and instantly loving the flavor of the two of us together. It made him buckle into me with a low moan, his own need having been left unattended to while he'd torn multiple earthshattering orgasms out of my body.

I whispered his name, wrapping my fingers into his hair as he started kissing me with more heat, more want, giving into the burning lust that was only heightened by the way I'd obeyed him.

"It sounds so good when you say my name," he murmured, his lips starting to work my neck. 

"Oh...Jonas...please just take me again..." 

I was exhausted and nearing my limit, but gods I wanted him. 

Always. 

"You want my cock? Hmm? Are you gonna beg me to fuck you?" he breathed lowly into my throat, biting my skin hard enough to make me gasp.

I frantically nodded, my breaths rapid and shallow as he raised his head and teased his tongue against the line of my bottom lip.

"Then ask me the way my good girl asks...just one more time...please..."

"Oh, gods, please Jonas," I whispered, saying his name the way I knew would make him break, crossing all his lines and risking the consequences as I reached down to grip him hard, drawing a delicious choked moan from his throat as he bucked into my hand. 

Our resulting kiss was vicious, all tongue and teeth and grasping hands as the explosive need I felt for him surfaced once more. 

"Your hard fucking cock, please I want it," I whined, feeling myself clench just from the weight of him against my palm. 

"Get your ass out and lay down on the floor, right now," he snapped, "and you better fucking know that the only reason I'm not putting you over my knee again for that little display is because I need to fuck your cunt like I need to breathe and I am out of self control for tonight."

Jonas lifted me to my feet and ushered me out onto the bathmat, only having the presence of mind to throw a towel down on the soaked floor before attacking me. 

He didn't wait or take it slow, but instantly positioned himself between my legs, tapping the head of his cock hard against my clit just enough times to make me squirm before shifting himself lower, knowing me by feel now. 

His cock filled me to the hilt with one smooth push of his hips, and he lost his posture, dropping down against me at the same time that I arched sharply off the floor, our cries filling the space around us, bouncing off the tile walls to come back and cloak us with echoes of our own pleasure. 

He punctuated his grunted obscenities with sharp thrusts that made me see the ends of the universe as our still-slick bodies slid perfectly against each other. 

"Oh fuck yes, oh Jonas don't stop," I gasped, sinking my nails into his ass to make him go harder, remembering how he liked a little sting, "please I'm gonna come don't fucking stop!"

"Never," he snarled and flicked his tongue over one of my nipples, tilting his hips and shifting his weight on his palms so that his piercing started assaulting my frontal wall, instantly forcing me into the arms of a shattering orgasm as he rolled his hips hard once he was bottomed out inside me again.

My walls closed around him and he came too, roaring his pleasure into the thickness of the air around us as he filled me, his skin now starting to glisten with sweat as his hips collided into mine one last time before my arms and legs wrapped around him, forcing him to quiet and calm down with me. 

We stayed that way for what might have been a hundred years or a few minutes. Time didn't seem to exist with us all the time. 

I groaned when he didnt lift his weight off me and it started to hurt, him just laying with his eyes closed and his face against my breast.

"Babe? Up, up up up."

I shook him with no response.

"_Jonas?_"

He grumbled something unintelligible, but eventually lifted his face to smile softly at me, the whole thing turning into a bark of laughter as I huffed an exasperated sound and shoved him off me onto the cold tile floor. 

"Don't tease me like that, you jerk, I thought I had hurt you!" I stuck my tongue out at him as I cleaned myself up with a damp washcloth, attending also to the bits and pieces of playware scattered over the sink as well after a second of admiring them. 

May was savagely kinky, but she always treated her toys well.

"You may have, ask me tomorrow if I'm sore and I guess you'll find out," he chuckled deep in his chest, wrapping his hands around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, looking at my reflection in the ornately-framed mirror as he smiled honestly...happily.

"Yeah well, join the club," I pressed my ass teasingly back against him as a reminder as I giggled too, "and I think you're doing something wrong if you give out twenty and I don't have a sore backside in the morning."

"Maybe. All I'm saying is don't be surprised if I wake you up in an hour to do that again," he laughed, growling playfully as he devoured my neck until I was shrieking with laughter and begging for mercy as his hands started tickling my waist. 

He went serious for a moment, seeking my reflection's gaze.

"Do you still trust me little bird?"

"Of course I do," I frowned a little, but he shook his head to dissuade it. 

"I just want to make sure we're okay before I ask if we can try that again sometime. Properly, with everyone else involved. Or we can just keep it between you and me."

I shivered at the mention of them, and he caught me, lifting my hair off my neck so he could run his nose up the side of it slowly as his voice dropped into its lower register.

"But if you trust me..." _kiss _"and obey my rules..." _kiss _"and come for everyone else like a good girl..." he pulled my ear between his teeth as his hand ran an exploring line down my waist, filling me with his body heat before he pressed his forehead hard against my temple, closing his eyes, "I'll do things to that pretty little clit that you didn't even think were possible..."

My knees gave out but he was quick to pull me back up, turning me so I was face to face with that wicked smirk. 

"How does that sound," he grinned, dropping a slow, sweet kiss to my lips as my pupils finally came back to their normal size. 

"Uhm g--that--that sounds uhm, that sounds good."

"God I like making you stutter," he growled, leaning in for a deeper kiss. 

"Johannes says I stutter when I'm nervous," I challenged.

"I say you stutter when you're too hot and bothered to think of anything to say," he challenged back, making me snicker with laughter.

"Whatever you say, my king," I snarked, grinning at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing the length of my body teasingly against his. 

"Careful with that mouth, or it'll be 'daddy' instead of 'sir' next time."

I clenched hard and flared red but stared at him all the same as the corner of one of my eyes twitched.

"I'm actually regretting that you speak English right now...its never happening...Jonas, 'daddy' is _not _happening! I will safeword your shit to the fucking moon!"

He shrugged nonchalantly, refusing to give in yet, "your ass, little bird, not mine."

I opened my lips to say something else, but found his tongue filling my mouth as he turned and pushed me hard into the wall, unable to go again yet, but still not totally having had his fill of me, "didn't we _just_ have the discussion about me doing the thinking for you? Ah ah ah," he smushed a finger against my lips, "now out we go, there's an apology waiting for me on the other side of that door that I'm rather looking forward to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goddamn how many words is this chapter?
> 
> Proof that I love yall to death. 
> 
> I can't look at Jonas in that new outfit and not think weird kinky space lord. 
> 
> Oh god I hate that I just typed those words.


	90. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYYYYYYYY.   
Happy Friday my children!   
Have a delightful, delicious, divine weekend and 👏wear👏your👏fucking👏masks👏
> 
> 💕
> 
> (seriously tho.)

I padded out groggily into the bedroom, relaxed and heavy-eyed from the bath to the point that I was almost gelatinous. Jonas pulled me close, wrapping an arm around my waist to basically hold me up, biting his lip to stifle his wolfish grin at my current state that he knew was more than a little bit his fault. 

He dropped his lips to my ear, kissing the shell of it and taking one more moment alone with me before I inevitably got pulled away into someone else's arms, "I love you, my precious little bird," he whispered, "forever."

I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him closer and smiling as his hands traced my waistline up and down, "are you sure you mean what you said earlier? Even after what you saw out there, before? I'm still me, but I'm a little different now, Jonas. I know...not exactly everything, but I know a piece of everything."

"You're beyond a once in a lifetime kind of woman, Triste. I'm a fool to even let you out of my sight...and if you know a piece of everything then you should know that I mean it with every single fiber of my being when I say that I love you, my ridiculous little girl," he chuckled, kissing me one more time in that deep consuming way that made me taste the truth on his tongue, pulling away with a low hum when Tim awkwardly rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and cleared his throat as he got up from his chair by the window and approached us.

"Kungen, can I talk to you for a second?"

Jonas winked at me and I only had the briefest second to roll my eyes before John and Johannes and Henrik pulled me away to let them talk in peace. 

"Hey baby, you okay?" Johannes pushed my hair back off my face with both hands, examining me closely as his thumbs brushed over my cheeks, "you were scaring me a little bit before. What happened?"

"I...that was my fault. Jonas and I didn't...we didn't really get a chance to--readjust? When I came back, I mean. And I think I just subconsciously dove into that need. But everything is okay. Well, better than okay, I think," I smiled, leaning up to kiss him reassuringly, loving the way he instantly sank into my lips now even for the briefest caress, "what about you? Are you okay? I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you since--...well, since you guys snuck into that thing that we explicitly talked about you not being allowed to sneak into...what do you have to say for yourself?" I looked up at him with my best stern frown, but he saw right through it.

"I was really gonna stay put and out of the way back here, I promise! But then we could hear you screaming and were out the door and it was just like a reflex I guess. And then there we were...but can I also just say that I didn't think it was possible to be more in love with you than I was, but I think you proved me wrong. That was just so unbelievable, and you're so powerful and don't think for a second that that doesn't turn me the hell on, and I refuse to apologize for it. Plus your...ah, _friend_...explained some of what was happening."

I took a deep breath in through my nose.

Van.

Ugh.

"He's harmless, Johannes, we talked about this. I think he might even be a little bit sorry!"

"Maybe so, but it doesn't chap my ass any less because I know what he wants. Just let me grumble and be territorial over you, okay? I thought that's what husbands were for."

A thrilling spark of electricity shot straight up my spine at the word, and I curved my lips up at the corner, giving him a teasing little smirk.

"Maybe so. But he can't have me anyways, can he?"

"Hell no," he snared an arm around my waist, drawing me flush again him, "because you're mine."

"Think you mean 'ours'," Henrik corrected with an eyeroll, "as she did technically ask for all of us."

"Isn't that what I said?" Johannes looked at me with a silly expression, bending to kiss me softly, "I could have sworn that that's what I said."

"You didn't," I giggled just as he shifted, pressing his lips down against my ear and making me shiver as his voice vibrated through my bones and my hands gripped his arms.

"But if you ever want to tell them to just fuck off, I'll give you a good reminder of how much you like it being just you and me."

"Johannes you greedy man! Don't make me tell Henrik on you!" I wagged a finger at him playfully when he pulled back.

"Wh-oh _I'm _the greedy one?! That's it, I've had enough of your sass, woman," he bent quickly and threw me over his shoulder before I had so much as a single second to object, and I howled in protest as he carried me over to the pile of blankets on the floor and ungracefully flopped us both down.

They had stripped the bed in my absence, and had piled every sheet and blanket and pillow in sight on the floor so we could all be close to each other for the night, sleeping in a tangled mass together, as we liked best now. 

I looked up at Henrik, pleading loudly in between bouts of giggling laughter for him to save me from the cruel intentions of his friend as my head sank into the plush feather pillow. 

He and John traded comments loudly enough for me to hear, debating the merits of saving me from Johannes or just letting me learn my lesson, until Henrik finally caved and shoved Johannes out of the way playfully, making the other fall dramatically onto his side, crying out loudly about his wounded pride, and I giggled further at their antics. 

This was the part I loved best about being involved with all of them - it was easy to love them all together, because they obviously loved each other, no matter that. 

Henrik shifted up until he hung over me, his hands on both sides of my shoulders as he watched my face crumple with laughter at Johannes' continued howling in two languages, his own lips curving into a smile as he gave the taller man a territorial bark tinged with a happy playfulness.

"What am I gonna do with you ridiculous rule-breaker boys," I touched his face, running my fingers over his high cheekbone, the skin like satin under my fingertips.

"You already know what you want," he nipped at my fingers, grinning down at me, "because you know you love me. And you want to marry me. "

I grinned back up at him, forgetting everything else, "don't expect a giant white dress."

"Nah, too hard to get you out of," he growled, biting my finger and snorting a laugh at my responding yelp.

I pulled him down by the back of the neck until I could kiss him deeply, passionately, giving into the sensation of his weight pressing me into the floor before I pulled up short and looked back and forth between his eyes.

He pulled back as he bit his bottom lip, one eye twitching just a little, knowing I was about to bring up his comment from earlier and equally knowing he couldn't tell me anything more.

Ihy had been adamant about that part.

"I'm just glad you're feeling better," he smiled, speaking before I could and lowering himself to nuzzle his nose against mine as I opened my mouth to make a retort, "because you seemed a little not yourself there for a minute. I'm sorry if any of that was my fault."

"Look, next time, I'm going to surprise attack you with one of _your_ toys and see how you feel!"

"Oh, you say that, but you don't even know what toys I have, do you," he breathed into my lips, "not yet anyways..."

I shivered hard as he leaned in slowly again with a smirk and kissed me with all that intimate, sensual passion that was uniquely Henrik before he continued speaking softly into my lips, "and you can tell me over and over again how much you didn't enjoy that, but I can still smell you all over me, little fire girl..."

"Yeah, well..." I squirmed and gasped as he pressed his hips into me hard for a moment then rolled off me with a wolfish grin when I had nothing else to offer in my own defense other than grumbled agreements and a wide yawn.

"Come to bed, babes," I yawned again, beckoning to John who was watching with a contented curve of his broad mouth.

"Don't have to tell me twice. Move over," he jostled Henrik, trying to get him to move and receiving no response. 

They bickered like brothers over who got to be on which side of me as I sank down into the blankets, letting them just have their boyish tiff and closing my eyes, holding out my arms so whoever the victors were could snuggle up close to me once they covered me up.

Henrik wound up under one arm, Johannes under the other, and John pushed my legs apart, shifting under the covers so he could lay between them against my abdomen, grumbling at the others as they tried to intertwine their legs with mine and wound up digging their knees into his ribs. 

I sighed happily, whispering my prayers to my goddess once we all settled in, words of thanks and adoration, of eternal promises and endless devotion. 

"Tell me what you're saying," John pressed a soft kiss to my skin, tracing tiny patterns with his fingers as he watched my lips move.

"I'll make you a deal, babes," I smiled, eyes still closed, "you teach me your language and I'll teach you mine."

"Done," he whispered, nipping at my hip, "but only if you accept my counter-offer of getting to spank you if you get something wrong."

"There will be _no_ spankings in my near future, mister," I bucked my hips hard up into him, jostling him purposefully until he was covering his mouth with his hand to stifle his laughter, "and besides, I'm a quick learner. And double besides, Jonas says I'm not allowed to do that with anyone else."

"Guess we'll see about that," he murmured, settling back down against me and wrapping his long arms back underneath my body, before raising his head and calling over his shoulder, "hey when you two are done kissing and making up, turn the light off, will you?"

Neither Tim nor Jonas acknowledged him, but their voices dropped down to quiet whispers as they figured everything out together, moving towards the chairs near the window.

"_Allo_?" May's voice broke the relative silence that descended in the minutes afterwards as she finally stole away from the horde of our companions that she felt the need to see basically tucked into their beds, and peeked her head into the doorway

"There you are, _venez ici_," Johannes called quietly, rolling over and holding a hand out to her, "I was gonna get up and come find you if you were out much longer."

She paused, glancing at Tim and Jonas, both seated now under the lamp in the corner, talking lowly.

"Ehm, sorry, I had to make sure everyone had a place to sleep. Do you need anything?"

"No, come to bed, _äls__kling_," Henrik mumbled with his eyes closed, sensing the reason for her hesitance and holding out a hand too for a moment before letting it flop sleepily across my body, "they'll probably be at that for a while."

She sighed with relief and shed most of her clothes, leaving her bra and underwear as Johannes scooted back to make room for her, and she tucked under the blankets next to me where he had been. 

"Yikes, you're freezing," he commented as he curled into her, the entire thing feeling natural and comfortable. She pressed back into him, absorbing his body heat gratefully as he wrapped one arm around her.

"Mmm but you are not though. I think you should stay here with me, Johannes," she laughed softly, turning to brush her fingers through his hair when he leaned up on one elbow to look down at her tenderly, "don't go back to Sweden, it is so cold there."

"Its cold here too," he kissed the corner of her smiling mouth softly, "_je__ vais où elle va_, you know that."

"Then you will watch over her for me when I cannot be there," she turned her head further and smiled back at him, leaning up to kiss him more fully on the mouth, "_et je t'aime parce qu'elle t'aime_."

His fingers left her waist to tuck into her hair, not pulling or tugging, but exploring the texture, the perfect synchronous softness of her tresses and her lips as they both found themselves consumed in that one moment, taking the tender passion offered in the others kiss as much as they gave it themselves. 

"Mmm I forgot how nice you taste," he whispered, nudging her nose with his before shifting them around so she was snuggled into my side and he was molded against her back, tucking his long legs underneath as one of hers slid over John's back, "and ditto on that last part you mysterious little creature," he chuckled, loving the feeling of her shaking with silent laughter back against him. 

He kissed her hair and drifted away with thoughts of sublime happiness, of an inability to reckon the horrid thing we would face tomorrow with the consuming sense of contentment that seemed to come from the center of his very bones. 

But sleep didn't come, even as all of our breaths synced in time like a collective heartbeat.

Johannes watched Henrik fight the exhaustion that was pulling at him, blinking hard and snapping his eyes open every time they started to get heavy and close of their own accord.

"Hey, get some sleep, brother," Johannes said quietly in their own language, "I'll stay up till they figure shit out and come down."

Henrik made a noncommittal sound and rubbed his eyes with the hand that wasn't interlaced with May's, resting just under my breasts.

"Yeah, maybe in a minute."

"Why n--oh. Henrik I don't think he's coming back through you. Not if he's coming here anyways tomorrow. Get some rest, I'll be up just incase."

Henrik looked at him for several seconds, wondering if he knew just what tomorrow was going to bring, then shot him a wordless but grateful smile and buried his face in my hair, drawing me closer until our heat was the same, and finally slipping into his dreams, full of soft hands cupping foreign entities of light and voices speaking poetry in strange tongues. 

Johannes curled his body further into May, watching Jonas and Tim converse off in the corner, their voices still quiet so as not to disturb the rest of us. He caught snippets of their conversation, a reckoning of two friends who had been so close for so long that they were practically blood. 

_"She's my whole world, Kungen, everything good that I feel is from her now."_

_"That's not true. You have us, and our music and a life back home. Don't get too caught up and forget everything that you've_ _ put in the work to have. Its okay to love things outside of her, Tim, she doesn't expect you not to. She wants to be a part of your life, not the entire thing."_

_"I know that but I can't help it. Its like...it feels like we're the same person. Like what she wants is what I want and I need what she needs..."_

_"Hey, breathe, brother."_

_"I can't. I can't without her," _his hands started scrubbing back and forth over his hair as his breaths got quicker and more shallow. 

_"Tim, listen to me. You're intertwined...your destinies, you existences are intertwined. Her goddess wanted it that way, and has probably told you that face to face, I don't know what all She's said to you since that day in the shop...but what I do know for sure is that you were there earlier, in the room with all of us. I don't know how and I don't know where the hell you snuck off to before, but please don't forget that I knew you a long time before that wonderful girl over there did, and I'm just as accustomed to you...don't forget about us," _Jonas pressed his forehead down against Tim's cupping the back of his head fondly, _"you're my family, and I love you, so listen to me. She doesn't want a slave or a servant, she wants a companion. Be that for her. Be you. Not a mirror image of her..."_

Johannes closed his eyes as soft sniffles sounded from the other man, seeing the truth in his friend's words, but still unable to tell up from down. He settled closer into the warmth of our bodies, inhaling the soft perfume of both of us, letting his legs rest down against John's torso, all the heat and skin and familiarity in one place feeling second nature now.

He'd told Henrik that he would stay up, but the combination of scent and satiation and the way my fingers found a way to reach out and touch his skin even in the depths of my sleep made him start to fade until the voices of his friends were nothing more than a dull hum, then nothing.

None of us woke as Tim and Jonas wrapped up their reckonings, hugging fiercely and reconnecting for a moment before drifting back over towards the rest of us, shedding their daytime clothes and nudging inbetween our bodies until we were all linked with arms and legs and intertwined fingers, bathed in the soft glow of the corner lamp they'd forgotten to turn off. 

The night was quiet and the moon shone brightly through the window, casting us all in a palette of blue light and gray shadow. 

\--

_Henriiiiiiiik..._

_Henrik..._

_Wake now, gentle one..._

His eyes fluttered at the sound of someone softly calling his name, and he turned his face and pressed his nose into my hair, thinking it was me that had spoken to him. 

"I'm right here," he mumbled on a sleepy exhale, shifting me closer. 

We'd all moved in our sleep; John's face was nuzzled into May's ribs as Jonas smothered her from behind, having slipped inbetween her and Johannes when he finally came to bed. I was pressed flush against Henrik, always seeking his embrace, even subconsciously. Tim was behind him, his forehead pressed between his friend's shoulders as his arm reached over both of us to around to drape over my waist. 

Henrik inhaled again and held me tighter against him though there was that gnawing worry in the back of his mind that resurfaced in conjunction with his consciousness settling more fully, "you okay, babe?"

I didn't respond, still dead asleep and lost to my dreams.

A quiet whistle made his eyes snap all the way open and he tensed, hooking one arm under Tim's and the other beneath me, pulling us both closer as he sensed that this person didn't belong. 

Not to us. 

Not to our tiny family.

When no one made any further sound he slowly lifted his head, seeking the source of the intrusion and finally catching a glimpse of her. 

"Hello there," she smiled at him tenderly, holding out one hand as the other rested at her side. The gold bracelets around her wrists jangled quietly when she moved.

He stared, wide-eyed but remained frozen and speechless.

"Come to me, dear Henrik," she called again as his mind balked at the possibility of another person breaking into the safe, soft pile of bodies that we'd all formed in the depths of our rest, "we must talk."

He exhaled sharply and shifted so that he could sit up slowly without waking us, scooting back out of the covers and taking a moment to move me closer to Tim, needing to know that I was safe and secure, and watching as I automatically buried into his embrace, as he did with me. 

Henrik looked up at her again, frowning and glancing down as Jonas moved and blinked like he was going to wake up as the lamp's light continue to spill over them all.

"Apologies," she made motion with her fingers like she was snuffing a candle wick, and the lamp went out, leaving Henrik sightless for a few moments until his eyes adjusted to the moonlight. The snow reflected some light back into the room, bathing us all in that same blue glow.

He frowned again as he got to his feet and moved around us, trying to place her but failing to remember. She seemed familiar in a way, but he couldn't think whether or not she'd been part of the horde of curious faces watching him speak with another's voice earlier.

He knew it had only been a few hours ago, but it felt as though it had happened in a different lifetime and he shook his head to rid himself of the distraction, looking at her more closely as he stepped around our sleeping bodies, out into the open sitting area of the vast room, where he'd stood just a matter of hours earlier watching his friend bend me to his will. 

The linen wrap that covered her body from her breasts down to her ankles was a crimson red, like the one worn by my goddess, though the two women hardly looked similar. This one wasn't made of hard, lean muscle, but something softer and more welcoming. Her long black hair hung down in tight, glossy dark ringlets, punctuated with delicately-fashioned scorpion beads made of gold, and her eyes were darkly lined to accentuate irises the color of liquid bronze, visible even in the dark.

"Dear child," her lips curved into a smile that revealed a perfect set of gleaming teeth, an expression that he thought should have been captured in a painting by some long-gone Renaissance Master.

"Hello...who are you? You know my name."

"I know much more about you than your name," she still smiled softly, the thing itself something hard and old, but timeless and serene. Full of a depthless power in the same way that the ocean was, but calm too, like its glassy surface.

"Who are you?" he repeated again, approaching her cautiously, wondering vaguely if he was dreaming. But he hardly believed he would dream about someone like her. Surely his mind would never conjure up such an image.

"I am Selket. The Mother of Scorpions. The Protector of Travelers. Guide of the Lost. I have been called by many different names, Henrik...Selcis. She Who Gives Breath. Serket. You may address me as you wish."

"Selket?" the name tasted powerful in his mouth and he said it again more quietly to himself, searching his memories for anything I'd said of Her, for clearly She belonged to my world. 

She inclined her head in recognition but didn't say anything, watching him with a patient gaze, waiting for him to shift back and forth on his feet uncomfortably as the realization settled on him, but receiving no such response. 

Henrik only stared back at her with a confused frown that She found impossibly endearing.

"You may speak, dear," she finally uttered.

"I'm sorry, you seem familiar but I don't know why...can--can I ask why you're here?"

"You may."

"Okay...uhm...why are you here?"

"I am here, Henrik, because, as I said, I know more about you than just your name."

"...Oh..." he touched the tips of his fingers to his chest, like they could connect to the dark thing hiding in the depths of his being, unknown, unseen, lurking.

"Indeed."

"Oh gods, then are you here to fix me? Or--or exorcise me? I literally do not care at this point, I just fucking hate having this..._thing _inside me_. _Tell me what you need me to do, I swear I'll do anything..."

Her lips curved up at the corner, though the slight smile didn't reach her eyes as she beckoned to him and turned to walk closer to the window, staring out at the barren vineyards, resting and waiting for the sun's rejuvenating rays to warm them from their slumber. Henrik followed wordlessly, wondering how her skin seemed to glow even in the darkness of the bedroom. 

She should have been covered in goosebumps from the chill, but she seemed completely unfazed by it, even as her breath condensed on the cold windowpanes.

He stayed several feet away and watched her face, faintly reflected in the glass until she turned back to him and spoke once more, her English tinged with an accent he didn't recognize.

"Do you know what a sand viper is, Henrik?"

"What? I...I don't kn--maybe?" her question caught him off guard and he blinked with confusion. 

Gods but this was some kind of way to be awakened in the middle of the night, drawn away from sleeping peacefully with me to talk about a depthless evil, only to have the cryptic conversation switch to...snakes?

"It is a creature that buries itself in the sand, in the deserts of my home. Did you know that the deserts were not always there, Henrik?" she smiled wistfully, turning back to the window, "no, the land once was fertile. Waters and grasses and beautiful lush vegetation teeming with life. The face of the land has changed though, and my creatures have taken up residence. Scorpions and serpents. Things that are feared for their venom. But I love them dearly," she smiled at the length of land beyond the window before turning back to face him. 

He wasn't terribly tall, though he stood several inches above her; he couldn't help but feel like she was towering over him though, looking down to meet his confused gaze.

"This viper is a creature that waits for the perfect moment to strike, watching carefully, for hours or days at a time for its prey to come close, completely unseen to all who pass by or look for it if they are not what the serpent seeks..."

"I don't think I like this metaphor."

"Nor should you, for I know what you carry and it is foul to the ends of the earth. A plague and a clever trickster, toying with those he perceives as weaker than himself. Truly the only serpent that I have found myself to feel disdain for."

Henrik sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and propping the opposite hand against his hip, trying for calm but only achieving something like a more mild sense of the same frustration.

"Can you do anything about it?"

"I cannot take him out of you, no. You see, Henrik, this...creature--"

"Iufenamun."

"Do _not _speak his name!"

"Why not?? He already made me murder the woman I love, he has complete control over my body when he wants it, why the fuck _not _use his name! Is he not powerful too!"

Her likeness seemed to expand and fill the space around him, consuming the air and making the very molecules of her being touch his skin, vibrating with a seething anger.

"_Because you have no comprehension of the force which takes hold of you. You speak his name and you speak of death, of eternal wandering and tormented banishment from the sight of the gods," _her voice was a serpentine hiss.

"They're not my gods!" he yelled back, knowing it was ill-advised at best, but unable to stop the anger that consumed him to the core, the result of days of feeling like a puppet, waiting limply at the end of the string for the unseen master to pull it taut, "I watched him MURDER my--my...my whatever! Triste! The one person who I care about more than literally anything in the world including my own life! She took me back and showed me and I watched him choke the fucking life out of her with my own hands!!"

He held them out to her like she'd be able to see the murder they had committed like a lingering stain.

He was shouting now, waking everyone else, and as we started to stir, she waved a hand in our direction, sending us all back into a deep, dreamless slumber without breaking her gaze away from Henrik.

"I have killed far greater than you for less of an offense. Think carefully before you speak to me in such a way again."

"Aghh!" he stormed off, raking his hands through his hair, pacing now and trying to calm down. But that nagging sense of frustration wouldn't leave. His usually calm and collected temper refused to surface. But he turned back to her, his eyes alight with the feeling, disregarding her advice. 

"You know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't fully understand who he is or why he wants to fucking kill the people who have served you. No, actually you're _completely _right. I can't even imagine why someone who was a fucking caretaker for a god would suddenly turn bad like this, but I don't fucking care. So tell me why you're here or let me go back to sleep and enjoy the time I have left with her."

"AH--" She snapped, silencing him with a sharp glare, "you see, willful child, that is _precisely _why I am here."

He quieted, breathing hard. 

"I know your plans. I know the clever thought you reaped from the divination cast by the daughter of my divine friend."

Henrik's eye twitched as he stared at her, a challenging gaze.

_She can't know._

"You don't know my thoughts. The gods don't hear me the way they hear Tim and Triste."

Her lips quirked into an ageless smirk as she stared at him silently, but her voice may as well have sounded out loud.

_*Do you think you stand isolated, Henrik. Do you think you do not occupy the mortal world which I saw birthed and of which I am a ribbon of the very essence.*_

Henrik swallowed hard, but wouldn't back down.

These gods and their bluffs.

She watched him stand defiantly against even the intrusion into his mind, and changed tactics.

"Dear Henrik," she stepped closer, now looking up at him, trying for a more gentle approach, "you are brave. A kind of mortal I am unused to. I am powerful beyond even the likes of which you know. I have snuffed out the life from mortals for less offenses than you have unwillingly caused, yet I hope that you will not only fear, but trust me. Because I am here to help you."

"Help? You just said that you can't."

"Not in the way that you wish, but help comes in many forms Henrik."

As Selket spoke, a scorpion scuttled down over her open palm and she looked down at it, turning her hand over to let the creature continue its exploration.

"I'm sorry," he finally huffed, rubbing both hands over his face, "I...I told Ihy that in confidence. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone. He didn't even know if it would work..."

"The first thing you need to know about our dear Ihy," she kissed the scorpion, which seemed to shudder against her lips, like a cat purring its pleasure, "is that he has a mouth like a river current. It flows whether you ask it to or not."

Henrik sighed and rolled his eyes.

"And I would say, dear child, that if you seek the assistance of the gods, perhaps you should speak plainly to those of us who appear to you."

"I'm sorry," he apologized again, but she stepped closer and touched a finger to his lips.

"But now you need say nothing more. Ihy knows that what you proposed would work, without a doubt, I am sure he was only trying to dissuade you. But as don't seem...less persuaded, I will tell you that I am not the only one that he has spoken to of this."

"It was just...just a plan b kind of thing...but I don't--you're making it sound like I want to, and I...I don't want to do this."

"Henrik," she sighed, placing both hands on his shoulders, "but you would. You would do this thing for the good of a world which, as you said, is not your own."

"She's my world."

"You love your priestess. And I understand that your desire to be free of this plague is as much for her as it is for yourself."

He shuffled his feet and looked at the ground for several moments.

"So you're saying it would work then? As a last resort?"

Selket smiled indulgently, a full toothy expression that made his heart skip a beat.

"With the proper precautions."

"Uhm...what precautions?"

"Me."

"...okay?"

"I belong to the pantheon your woman serves, Henrik. Is that enough for you? Will you trust me in this?"

He nodded immediately, swallowing hard.

"There goes that resistance. That anger. You are much truer to yourself like this, sweet child."

"Please just tell me what to do," he sighed, "I'm sorry I was so rude to you before. I haven't slept well in days and I'm just..."

"Afraid?"

"...apprehensive. I don't remember anything from when he surfaces and everyone talks around me rather than to me and...and I just want him out of our lives," he was in tears by the time he sucked in a shaky breath, "I can't watch him hurt her again. She's everything to me. I didn't ever mean for any of this to happen..."

"Oh precious little one," she swept up to him, cupping his cheeks with both hands before running her fingers back through his hair, taking in the texture and the thickness, "you should never have been involved in this, none of it is your fault..."

Henrik wrapped one hand around her wrist, rubbing his fingertips over the skin on the inner side, staring down at her and wondering what on earth had possessed him to ever do more than fall to her feet and worship her very presence.

"I do not know if your woman's magic will be enough. It has been many many ages since I've felt this for a human, so I will be straight forward with you. He who has spoken of his arrival tomorrow is clever. He is cunning enough to outwit the gods. Myself included. And while the lady Sekhmet has seen it fit to give some of Her light to Her High Priestess, I do not know truthfully whether that will be enough to defeat him..."

"But...but you said that...that what I talked to Ihy about would work?"

"I believe it will, dear Henrik. So if the time comes, as it very well may," she leaned up, cupping his cheek with one hand and breathing against his lips before pressing forward and kissing him slowly, leaving him no choice but to sink in until she pulled away, "you will call on me. You are kind and brave and selfless. And for these reasons I will protect you from the forces you seek to employ. They are at your call too, Henrik, thought you must choose to most opportune moment. The earth and the sky wait for no man, but they will come. And I will be there too."

"How do I find you," he whispered, gazing down at her softly, finding his own fingers tracing her high cheekbone, the blossom of her feminine blush coloring the swell of it.

"Hmm. You will know. Go now, my child. Make love to your priestess and rest, for everything changes when the sun comes up."

"Oh..." he pulled back shyly, "I...I can't," he looked at the floor, feeling his cheeks burn hotter, "I mean I-I want to, of course, but...I don't have any control over him when he shows up, and...and last time..." he swallowed hard, "it ended badly, like I said."

It wasn't as much of a shock anymore, and in fact the more times he said it, the more he accepted that it hadn't been him who had hurt me. But the fact was still the same. 

He couldn't. 

"I don't feel like she's safe with me. Not that way. Not alone."

"Oh Henrik," she touched his cheek softly, looking back and forth between his eyes that seemed like depthless pools of pure rain in the bare light.

His blush impossibly darkened.

"Hold out your hand."

He followed her instruction without thinking twice.

She turned it over so his palm was facing up, and pressed her own underneath, supporting the slight weight of it.

"This shield will last only a few hours, then you must face what is coming."

"Wh--..." his heart started pounding as she produced another scorpion, holding it by its stinger-less tail and lowering it into his palm before laying hers gently over top.

He made a sound that was somewhere between pleasure and discomfort, looking down at his palm when she finally released him. 

The lines were faint, and blurry, like the ones in cave drawings, he thought. A blue scorpion mark in the center of his palm where the creature itself had just been, like it had melted into his skin.

"If the time comes, call on me, and I will find you where you are," she leaned in and gently brushed her lips over his, and he sank forward unthinkingly again, having no doubt that he was supposed to in that moment. 

"But take your time now, dear Henrik, and do not be afraid. Your lover's goddess is powerful, _but I was there at the beginning of the world._.." she whispered.

When he opened his eyes she was gone, and he blinked, staring at the empty space and glancing around the room as he stayed there for several quiet minutes.

But as always, his eyes eventually found me.

Henrik stared down at me, sleeping peacefully, unmolested by phantoms or the strange demon creatures that seemed to fill his every waking thought now. I took deep, even breaths, completely unaware of the entire exchange that had just happened. 

He looked down at the mark on his palm, rubbing over the scorpion with his opposite thumb before closing his hand in a tight fist and taking a deep steadying breath, making the choice, as Ihy had urged earlier, to just trust the gods. 

Henrik moved silently, carefully, shedding his clothes and slipping down into the blankets behind me, gently prying me away from Tim and back towards himself until the lengths of our bodies were flush against one another. 

"Triste," he breathed, the pent up need and desire coloring his tone as he inhaled my scent, pressing soft kisses all over my skin as his curls danced along the exposed line of my shoulder.

"Mmm," I hummed, not quite awake yet, even as my fingers reached back to thread into his hair, "everything okay?"

"Kiss me and find out," he whispered, turning my face over my shoulder with one finger until he could take my lips under his, dipping his tongue into my mouth and tasting me slowly, deliberately, savoring every moment of every sensation.

I shifted closer automatically and hooked my arm back around his neck -- even in the middle of the night awakened from a dead sleep my need and want for him were powerful. 

He surprised me with his insistence though, pressing harder against me, cupping my face with his hand and giving me arguably one of the most passionate kisses I'd experienced in at least the last hundred years. 

"Ohh, god please," he whispered, pulling up to breathe in a stuttered gasp as my ass pressed harder back into his hips. 

"I don't want to push you, love," I shook my head, "I understand your reasons--"

"Fuck my reasons," he crushed my mouth under his again, holding me there as his hand worked down my body, taking in the texture of my skin until it was pushing between my legs, exploring the way my body reacted to his kiss, drawing whimpers and tiny gasps from me as he danced the pads of his fingers over my clit, spreading my slick up and down over my core until we were both a mess. 

"Henrik," I melted, trying to turn over and face him, but he held me where I was, grinding his cock harder against my ass as his fingers kept up their delicate torture. 

"No, I want you like this," he breathed into my neck, pressing hot, panting kisses to the back corner of my jaw and groaning as my hand worked back between our bodies and started exploring him too, tracing up the hard line of his cock.

"I've missed you," I whispered, "gods I feel like I can't not want you as soon as I look at you."

"I'm right here, little one," he slowed his frantic pace, cupping my pussy with his hand, absorbing my warmth and my texture as he kissed me again, deeply, consumingly, that way that he'd been desperate to earlier. 

"Please I want you inside me," I chased his kiss, rubbing my opposite hand that wasn't gripping him over the taut muscles of his forearm, tracing the line of it down to his fingers, working my flesh slowly, carefully, applying just enough pressure that I could feel his intent.

"Oh, god, please say that again," he moaned, kissing me harder, filling my mouth with his tongue until I was squirming with arousal, my body sending wave after wave of slick against his exploring fingers. 

"Henrik, please," I half-whined, the desperation evident in my voice. I'd been too deep in my connection to Jonas earlier to truly relish the way he'd touched me, but now I felt like I was going to perish if he stopped, "please, just take me. I need you, _please Henrik_."

His fingers left my pussy and he reached down farther to grab the back of my leg, hooking it up and over his forearm to expose me to him as he crushed his chest against my shoulders, breathing hotly over my skin as he panted and smothered me.

"Stay like this," he guided my hand to replace his so both of his own could be full of me as he angled me back against him slightly more and tilted his hips forward, rubbing the head of his cock between my folds, soaking himself in my essence, making me shiver with each pass over my clit. 

"You're so wet," he whispered, shuddering with each slow inhale, forcing himself to stop thinking and just trust the mysterious woman with the dangerous pets. 

The strangest thing happened to me in that same second - a sensation like blacking out, though I was still aware, still able to feel and touch and experience him, but I wasn't thinking. There wasn't that wheel in the back of my mind slowly churning out worrisome thoughts. It wasn't the darkness I knew with Jonas, but a blissful mental emptiness that gave me permission to let go in the same way.

We lapsed into a steady rhythm, a sensual dance of taste and sound and sensation, each others bodies feeling like nothing more than a natural extension of our own, like a surface we knew as well as we knew the features of our hands or the sound of our names. 

He'd tried to explain it to me once, what it felt like being inside me. We had found ourselves with a rare moment of alone time, not bothering to use glasses for the bottle of wine we shared as we stole away from everyone, tucked into the dark corner of my deck, wrapped in blankets and hiding from the wind.

He'd tried to explain the slight resistance, the way I tensed and my muscles pushed back involuntarily every time he entered me. It wasn't that I didn't want him, it was just my natural physiological reaction. He had kissed me then, carefully letting the wine spill from his mouth down into mine before pulling me back into his arms, savoring the taste of me and the feel of my skin, pressed longingly against his.

Now we found ourselves just as connected, but at the opposite end of the spectrum. There were no analytics, no careful explanations -- just the two of us, completely unthinking but still just as enraptured with each other. He knew what I was going to do before I did it, as did I, and both of his arms wrapped possessively around my body as he started pushing into me, letting me tilt my hips back welcomingly to take him.

There was no tensing or no tightening of my muscles against his entry, rather my whole body bloomed under his touch, under each brush of his lips and shuddered moan that filled my whole world with sound. It gave me everything I needed and wanted and I eagerly asked for more.

His brain went haywire, hardly able to comprehend the level of pleasure, let alone process it as he gave into the impulses of his body, letting everything else take a back seat to the consuming need that filled him with fire, the need for release, but also the one to feel me shattering into a thousand pieces in his arms because of him.

My inner walls drew him in smoothly, mirroring the way he pulled me closer until he was smothering me once more, buried as far inside me as he could go and panting into my lips, refusing to stop kissing me even long enough to draw a breath. 

Henrik's arm hooked under my leg, pulling it up to bend at a sharper angle so he could grope my breast with his hand, pulling me down harder onto him as he shifted further up, stretching and filling me, drinking down every sharp gasp and cry that he pulled from my lips. 

"Oh, gods, baby just stay like this for a second," he gasped, "just breathe like this with me." 

Neither of us moved any further, tangled up in passionate kisses that seemed to last a lifetime each, drowning in the taste and the feel of each other. It had really only been a few days since that morning on my bathroom counter, but we clung to each other like it had been ages, too many years to keep track of. 

My hand gripped the back of his hip, winding around his body and Henrik shivered against me, his fingertips spreading the beads of sweat that started forming on my skin under the heat of the blanket before throwing if off of both of us, letting our bodies glow in the moonlight still lingering across the floor, though it would be gone soon as Ra began a new path of travel across the daytime sky.

He kissed the back corner of my jaw as my fingers moved up to thread into his curls, adoring the soft fullness of each one as he started rolling his hips into me, slowly, deliberately, seeking that one particular spot inside me that always sent me to the stars. 

"My perfect girl," he whispered, kissing me tenderly, whimpering and groaning as he slid out of me then started pushing back inside, working my body, playing me like an instrument, needing so much more of everything, "I would do anything for you. I hope you know that."

My reply was a sharp gasp as he bottomed out and rolled his hips into me again, breathing hard but otherwise taking it slow, trying to stop the coming of the day any way he could so we could stay like this forever. I reached down to where we were joined, letting his cock slide against my fingers each time he pulled his hips back. 

Henrik shifted us again, moving his hand back under my knee and using his grip there to pull my body back into him as he leaned back so I was halfway on top of him, trusting him to hold me up and move for us both as he kissed me again so passionately that my world started turning backwards and I cried out his name as he filled me again.

Tim woke with a start, catching sight of me splayed back against Henrik, basically boneless and pliant. He had seen the hesitance to be left alone and the danger that came from Henrik being anywhere near me, and thought about saying something, but I didn't seem to be in any immediate danger, and Henrik was being gentle enough. So he laid his head back down, watching quietly, a smile curving his lips as he watched me gasp for breath, being emptied and repeatedly filled. 

I could feel his eyes roaming over me and broke my kiss with Henrik, turning my face back towards the other, locking eyes as Henrik's mouth moved down my neck and over my shoulder, licking and biting at my skin. 

Tim didn't say anything, only reached one finger out to touch my bottom lip, brushing across the swell of it before tucking that hand back under his pillow and resuming his watching. He loved the way that my body molded into Henrik's, how I bent, quite literally, to his every whim, knowing what he wanted and what he needed by instinct rather than instruction now. 

Henrik's breathing became faster, matching the tempo of his hips which were starting to move quicker against me, hitting me harder, filling me deeper. 

"Oh, gods Triste, fuck I need you to come, please...please please please..."

He cried out my name over and over again, pulling me closer, letting go of my leg so he could reach his hand down and tangle his fingers with mine, using both sets to rub quick circles around my clit that made my breath hitch in my chest. 

I gasped some version of his name mingled with 'yes' and 'don't stop' and his thrusts changed pace, moving from quick and frenzied to something slower, deeper and harder, hitting every erogenous spot inside me that I never knew existed until I went flying, my body bending and contorting in his arms as I was enslaved to each wracking, pleasureful wave of my orgasm, awash with relief at having him this way again, though I still didn't understand his sudden change. 

"Oh, fuck, _TRISTE_," he cried out, pulling my face back to kiss me hotly as he exploded, his muscles going taut as he buried himself inside me, joining me somewhere in the clouds as he pumped waves of his release into me, filling me beyond what my body could take so he spilled out against my opposite thigh he wasn't holding.

"My precious love," he panted, whispering on a low hiss, "I'll always protect you. I know that doesn't seem like its the truth, but I would do _anything _to keep you safe and happy..."

"Henrik," I finally wriggled loose so that I could turn over, tangling my fingers into his hair and pulling his mouth down to mine, "god I fucking love you."

"Just like that," he pulled my hips closer, making me grind my pussy against his thigh as he pressed it between my legs, "I want to smell like you all fucking day."

He stayed that way, kissing me deeply, consumingly, pulling my body flush into his and laying me back against the pillows. 

"_Du är min hjärtslag,_" he declared quietly. 

"I don't understand," I whispered, shaking my head, "John promised to teach me but I don't know what you're saying."

"He means," Tim shifted forward, unable to hold back any longer, "that you're his heartbeat. His pulse. Like you're mine. The reason to get out of bed in the morning, and to come down at night," he pulled my face forward and pressed his lips against mine, scooting his body closer so I was pressed between the two of them, "you're all the good in the world, girl."

"Stay right here with us," I whispered, leaning in to kiss him again, tasting the desperation in the way that he grabbed my face, pulling at my hair to make me come closer, sinking his tongue into my mouth and laving it over mine. He made all the sounds I loved, moaning lowly into my mouth, all but telling me his every thought. 

"Christ," Henrik murmured, grinding his half-hard cock into me, watching me get devoured, but eagerly reciprocate each touch, his friend's insistence pushing my body back harder against him.

"Remember that thing you told me about your sex drive when we were laying out on the sand, watching the stars?" Tim panted when he pulled back, looking back and forth between my eyes with blown out pupils, his voice a low rasp in his chest now. 

I swallowed hard and nodded, unsure where the hell he was going with this.

"Show me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I *HAVE* to talk about Tim's playlist.   
WHAT THE HELL. ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S MYSTERIOUS AND THOUGHTFUL AND MIGHT SECRETLY BE A HOPELESS ROMANTIC?!?  
DAMNIT TIMMY.  
I love him.  
Obviously. 
> 
> In other news, that solo in Hell? Yow. Guess that's not really other news, but still. Once more? YOW.
> 
> Things around here are about to get festive, and we may even get a look at this fuckface in the next few chaps.


	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****WARNING****  
There is some blood in this chap. Its not violent or gory, but just be aware if you're squeamish about blood, skip a few paragraphs when you get to that part.

It shouldn't have been possible for Tim to kiss me harder than he just had, but he found a way to, delivering a searing, bruising intensity that was really just a product of who he was, tearing me roughly out of Henrik's arms and rolling onto his back so that I was fully on top of him, our lips still locked and moving noisily against each other.

His hands left my waist to tear his pants off just enough to free his cock and my hips worked of their own accord, dropping down to slick over his length, knowing every inch of him by feel now like he was my missing puzzle piece. Neither one of us cared that Henrik's release was still dripping out of me, we just moved feverishly against each other, consumed with the immediate need to be physically connected. 

"Take me," I gasped, shifting so that he started sinking into me as soon as he moved again. I took him to the hilt with a hoarse cry that he drank straight down, his tongue plundering my mouth as his fingers tore at my hair and he held me down on him.

I had told him that night all those month ago somewhere underneath a fierce crimson blush that I had to be careful with partners who I was intimate with because once I was triggered, I had a higher sex-drive than was typical for women, or men for that matter.

I'd been beyond careful with Johannes, and once the rest of them got involved, that was still true. There was a fair amount of monitoring going on in the back of my mind every time, a temperature check as it were, making sure I wasn't about to knock them out or seriously hurt them. 

But now Tim kept pushing, getting rougher, lifting my hips before shoving me back down onto him and pinching my skin hard, urging me to give in, needing to experience every part of me.

"Do it. Fucking use me," he grunted, hands gripping my hips hard enough that it hurt, forcing me to keep moving on and off him. 

"I can't," I shook my head, crying out as he tilted his hips and his cock scraped against my frontal wall painfully hard as he sat up, biting one of my nipples savagely until I was yelping with pain. 

"I want it," he said again, smacking my already sore ass hard, pushing me closer to the edge of my patience, looking up at me with snarling lips and that challenging stare that he knew always cut through my resolve like butter, "show me, Triste."

I slammed both hands against his chest, throwing him down onto his back hard enough that it probably hurt a bit, but he didn't seem overly worried as his hands flew to my hips, holding on for whatever was about to happen to him.

"Is this what you wanted," I snarled, riding him hard, swirling my hips to make him shout as his fingers curled like claws against my skin, "do you want to taste my power, Tim, do you want to know what it feels like to have the lineage of the sun coursing through you."

I loved the way he looked under me, gasping for breath, forgetting how to speak while he watched Triste slip beneath the surface, my true nature, something more wild and exotic, emerging with eyes bright enough to burn in her wake. They seemed to cast an actual glow over him, tinging his skin a faint green in the gray light of dawn.

I clamped my inner walls around him hard and everyone else woke with a start at his pleasured yells, but neither of us noticed - we were stuck in that spiral that we always got sucked into when it was just the two of us, like no amount of the other person's body touching ours was enough. We couldn't feel or taste or hear enough of each other. 

"Those two are gonna wear each other out one of these day," Jonas murmured into May's hair, as he cracked open one eye and pulled her closer to his body, only half paying attention to us now. The rest of his focus was getting sucked into the way she was starting to squirm back against him. 

"Oh, hell yeah, god fucking _damn_, priestess," Tim laughed wildly, giving into his rougher side too that no partner he'd been with had ever matched and sitting up again to bite my breast hard, sinking his teeth into my flesh until the skin broke.

I screamed with the searing pain, like a hundred papercuts and bee stings all in one place, but nothing on earth could have made me stop him.

He moaned deep in his throat and lapped at the blood that welled to the surface, getting it all over his lips and his chin and sucking hard at my skin until more rose to the surface as his name fell repeatedly from my lips. I was grinding my hips into him, cupping his head with both hands, scrunching my fingers through his hair and immediately shoving my tongue in his mouth when he lifted his head in response. 

"I love the way your blood tastes," he moaned into my lips, gasping sharply as I deliberately clenched my walls around him hard again when I pulled back. 

"I love the way you look covered in it..." I rocked my hips forward against him suggestively, biting at my bottom lip before licking the corner of his mouth, laughing breathlessly at his responding shiver.

"Then fucking bleed on me, priestess," he pulled me further into his lap with a rough grip, anchoring both hands around my waist to make me fuck him harder as I lifted off his cock and sank back down, "lick it off my skin."

Our kiss was savage, the animal sides of us both taking over until I pulled back with a gasp, rolling my hips into him, vaguely aware now that everyone else was watching, touching themselves and groaning at our display.

"Dirty boy," I whispered around a practiced smirk. 

Gods but letting this side loose felt good. Like stretching a muscle that hadn't been used in far too long. 

He watched as I brought the pad of my thumb to his lips, pushing it into his mouth and letting him suck on it to bring the blood to the surface.

"Do it," I breathed, watching without apprehension, relishing the pain to come.

He bit down again hard until he tasted blood, breaking the thick skin without ever dropping my stare. 

I could almost hear Henrik frowning, but Tim watched without interrupting as I pulled my thumb from his mouth, electrically aware of the way his hands were roaming over the surface of my body until his fingers were toying with my clit, delivering little teasing passes over it, nothing too intense or distracting. 

I licked my lips, showing him my bleeding thumb, his own work.

"Fragile little human...do you want to taste what its like to burn," I whispered softly, and he nodded, opening his lips again when I pressed the digit back into his mouth so his tongue could sweep over the glistening drops, shining black in the dim room.

He breathed hard but didn't look away as I smeared it over his bottom lip, then in a straight line down over his chin and his neck as he finally closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting me press my lips to the same places.

I loved the way I could feel his groan vibrating through his throat as he swallowed hard.

"Oh Triste," he whispered, wrapping his hands around my waist and hanging on as I licked my own blood from his skin, kissing and sucking marks up and down his neck and holding my thumb against the tiny cartouche on his chest in a silent offering to Her, "gods I love you."

"You're mine, Tim," I looked at him with barely-restrained need when he finally lifted his head, his mouth hanging open and panting for air as his cock strained inside me. His lips were still stained a faint pink.

"You should know by now that I have been since the beginning of time."

"Tell me you want me."

"I fucking do."

"Say it."

"Triste, I fucking want you. _I need you_."

I could feel his heartbeat pounding through his entire body like a drumbeat as I leaned in to kiss him slowly, letting him taste and savor the blood on my lips and my tongue, and we didn't say anything else for several minutes. 

The soft sounds that left his mouth drifted into mine as his hands caressed me - they weren't grabbing or pulling anymore, just drinking in the texture, mapping the surface of me, though it was hardly necessary as he knew my body almost better than I did at this point. 

Tim gasped a soft moan as I dropped my head back, gently holding onto his hair with both hands again as his lips worked slowly down my neck, licking and kissing, applying just enough pressure that the sound of each one breaking sent fresh shivers down my spine. 

He swirled the tips of his middle and ring fingers through the blood that pooled to the surface of my skin where he'd bitten me as his opposite hand splayed flat across my back, holding me close, needing me there.

"Hold still..." he stopped breathing as he spread the dark blood over one of my nipples before bending his head and taking it between his lips, sucking and licking over the tip of it, his brain begging for more as it registered the taste of iron and saline.

The feeling of his tongue twirling over the very tips of my nerves was like the purest expression of euphoria. 

Of Nirvana. 

Enlightenment. 

This was it. It had to be. 

I could hear the people prostrated before me, begging for my mercy, repenting for the way they had strayed from their faith. I sat on my high dais of black granite and looked at them with bloodstained lips, shaking my great head, smirking at them with jaws full of terrifyingly sharp teeth. 

_You know not of pain and suffering, wicked children...  
_ _Sa Sekhem Sahu._

Tim saw it too. For the briefest moment behind his eyelids he watched their faces, contorted with desperation and repentance as they stared up at him, fear of his power, of his terrible wrath written plainly across their faces. He sneered unforgivingly at them with eyes the color of _iteru _as his whiskers twitched with the unslaked bloodlust.

_Sa Sekhem Sahu._

He continued to lick and suck at my nipples, dousing them with my blood each time he switched back and forth from one to the other, moaning deeply as he felt my pussy tightening around him the longer he went. 

We were both impossibly full of sensation, and he knew I was there even before I did, spreading the fingers of both hands wide across my back to pull me closer to him, using several of them to trace my raised tattoo. He didn't move my hips or touch my clit, just held me close and continued that same pattern of licking and biting and sucking, taking his time like we had all of it in the world. 

_Mercy!_

_T_ _errible Lady, spare us, please, and show forgiveness! _

_We know now the endless goodness of your Father! _

_We repent!_

My breathless cry was high-pitched when I came, though it seemed equally to vibrate from the foundations of the world - the earth itself speaking Tim's name over and over again, calling out its passion and its pleasure at this mortal's hand. My walls clamped down around him, though I didn't move in his lap, and my fingers tightened their grip in his hair as my cries floated towards the ceiling, every nerve ending in my body alight as he flicked his tongue over my nipple one last time before releasing it.

Tim's lips were pink and my blood was smeared across his chin when he lifted his face to look up at me, and I glanced down to meet his stare. 

"We slaughtered them all," he whispered lowly, a dark grin curving the corner of his mouth. 

"Down to the last," I breathed, "they forfeited the life given by our divine father when they turned from Him. They knew not of His teachings."

For several more seconds we were joined, physically, mentally, spiritually. We heard the wailing cries as one. Tasted the blood of the wicked as one. Watched the city streets flood with it, driven by the depthlessness of our wrath. 

"More...oh gods I need--I don't know, just fuck me, priestess, _please..._"

We moved as one too, going from perfect and still and staring at one another to a feverish movement, lifting and rocking and gripping, connecting in a way we never had before - a thing that went back to the time of the ancients, before then even, to the day of the begetting of the world. 

Each touch and caress and kiss was of his design, perfectly orchestrated to extend my pleasure as I lifted off him and sank back down again, filling myself as both of his hands worked my ass, keeping my rhythm, watching the blood drop down over my breast from the bite that didn't want to heal, though the surface should have dried by now. A part of his mind registered that the deep crimson color was exactly that of the linen wrap She wore.

She took as much pleasure in the sight and taste of my blood this way as he did, and let the glistening drops continue to slide down over my skin, painting us both Her color as it smearing across his too when I crushed my breasts to his chest and slammed my hips into his harder, stuttering moans and gasps straight into his seeking mouth.

"Triste," he moaned, surrendering to me and holding on tighter as I stared at him with a smoldering gaze, my eyes like the terrible magnitude of a forest fire as I pushed him down hard onto his back. It was only by happy chance that his head hit a pillow and not the blanket-covered hardness of the wood floor. 

"You look so good fucking yourself on me," he encouraged in a stuttered voice, hardly able to withstand the pleasure of the sight and the sensation and the taste still lingering in his mouth, "stretching that fucking tight pussy over my cock. Gods _FUCK._"

I pushed my hips forward, my pace increasing, desperately chasing my pleasure now, knowing he held it like an offered gift if I could but follow. 

I felt wild, unhinged, like I could take on the world if I wanted to, and nothing was out of my reach. No force was too far to conquer, no person was so strong as to overcome me. But there was something else there too, a reminder from my primal pleasure-seeking brain that his own release, his own gratification and satisfaction, intensified my own. It was selfish really, but the moment the thought surfaced it consumed me and my eyes flicked back to his. 

Tim caught an echo of my thoughts, watching my panting lips curve into a smirk as I slowed my movements but clenched deliberately around him again and again, seeing the realization bloom across his face.

"Don't you fucking do it, priestess, no no no I don't want to come yet, fuck!"

I pulled off him at the last second, snatching his wrists and pinning them above his head to the floor, kissing him with all the pent-up need and passion and desire for this kind of release that I'd been hanging on to for centuries. 

"_I _fucking want it," I spoke lowly to him, watching him squirm and pant, balling his fists up so he wouldn't wrench his hands out of my grip and make himself come all over me, "I want to watch your face when you do it. I want to see you touching yourself in the way that makes you scream until I can feel you all over me..."

"Good Christ woman," he moaned, squirming underneath me, coming back from the very precipice now, but so turned on he could hardly think, "keep talking to me like that and you're gonna find yourself not able to walk straight when that sun comes up."

"But I'm stronger than you, Timmy," I teased, squeezing his wrists a little harder and biting his bottom lip, breathing against his panting mouth, "you _can't_ get the better of me."

"Maybe not, but I know what this fucking pussy likes," he snarled, lifting his hips to press himself hard against me until I buckled against his body, laid flat out on his back on the floor, "I know how to fucking finger you and lick you and tear you apart until it doesn't matter that you could overpower me a hundred times, because you would do anything I say right then if it meant I would make you fucking come."

He wasn't wrong. 

I was about to tell him something far snarkier though, when a hand in my hair wrenched my head up and pulled me to my knees, forcing me to let go of Tim's wrists.

"I can't just fucking watch anymore," Henrik shoved his tongue into my mouth and worked my pussy with his fingers, running them through my folds, playing with pressure and teasing little pinches, "besides...he did say he didn't want to come...but maybe I do."

"Hey, I wasn't done with her yet," Tim huffed, frowning up at the other.

"Its amazing that after watching you suffer like a fucking hermit for six months you think I would ever believe that you _could be _done with her. But consequently," he shot back with a wicked smirk, talking to Tim, but speaking lowly into my ear until his voice sent fresh shivers down my spine, "I wasn't done with her either..."

He scented up the side of my neck, breathing hotly against the nape of it as he positioned himself behind me, tucking his knees just on the inside of mine until we were both straddling Tim.

Without any further discussion of the matter, Henrik pushed two of his fingers inside me, twisting them and finding his angle. 

"All this talk about him knowing what you like," he crooned softly into my ear, "but I think he's forgetting that you know what undoes him too, don't you sweet girl..."

I twisted my head to meet his lips over my shoulder, moaning for more as he kissed me passionately, tapping into some wilder, more unrestrained side of himself, spurred on by watching me do the same.

Plus, right now he could. She'd said so. 

*_Trust the gods, dear Henrik...I'll be watching...*_

He was thinking that he heard a low chuckle at the end of Her thought, but couldn't be sure, Her voice lingering in his ears like a faint echo.

It disappeared though as I reached back up and reclaimed his attention, curving my body into his. 

"You taste so sweet," he murmured, diving back in after a moment and starting to press the pads of his fingers against my frontal wall, "like flowers."

"Eat a lot of flowers, do you," Tim rolled his eyes, shutting up when Henrik's flashed down to him. 

"I'd say thank you, if I were you, this is half for your benefit."

"What is..."

That toothy smirk played with his lips as he let my hair loose from his other hand and wrapped it around my front, enveloping me in the feeling of his body and playing with my clit while his opposite fingers twisted and writhed inside me. 

He worked me this way until I was crying out, moving my hips like we were dancing, trying to meet every stroke of his talented fingers, but he kept switching his pattern and his rhythm up on me until he was thrusting his fingers in and out of me hard, smacking the flat of his palm against my pussy. 

"Thats right, Triste," he breathed, barely able to keep the wavering out of his voice as he felt waves of my power coursing through him, completely uncontained now as they filled the room, "you know exactly what he likes, don't you...what we all like..."

"Holy fuck," Tim half-laughed, half-gasped, shifting further down between our legs when he realized what his friend was doing, watching me sink my nails back into his thighs as my orgasm battered me like a hurricane. Henrik pinched my clit with his middle finger and thumb and rubbed the pad of his index finger over the tip of it, making me crumble with the extreme potency of the sensation. But his other arm held me up, keeping me pressed against him as he continued to slam his fingers in and out of my pussy, forcing my fluids to splash from me all over Tim. 

"YES, yes yes yes, fuck yes," Tim groaned, acutely aware of each drop of my essence that rolled across the surface of his skin. He moved further down between our legs, trying to push Henrik's hands away so he could cover me with his mouth. 

"Fucking move," he snapped, but Henrik had other plans, pushing me roughly down until my hands smacked against the floor, and pulling my ass back flush with his hips, out of reach of Tim's eager lips. 

"Oh, and here I thought we'd be friendly and share her," he chuckled, giving my ass a sharp slap. 

"No," I gasped at the stinging pain, shaking my head, "I want you both."

"You're about to get us both, priestess," Tim turned enough that he was looking up and back and me with a slightly confused expression, and I couldn't help but appreciate the way his hair pooled against the blankets under his head. 

"No," I said again, reiterating my thought, "I want. You both."

Henrik pulled me up gently this time when he understood my meaning, searching my face with that frown that I was starting to think was just part of his features now. 

"I don't want to hurt you or...or wear you out or anything--" he wanted to remind me that there was nothing short of chaos in store for us all with the coming sunrise, but he couldn't bring himself to voice such a thought in the midst of something so private as this.

"Oh Henrik," I purred, leaning back against him, grinding my ass back against his cock and running my fingers through his hair twice before looking at him again, "you _can't _wear me out."

His eyebrows shot up so fast, I thought for a moment they were about to leave his face, and I turned to face him fully, pressing teasingly against the length of his body as I traced one finger over the head of his cock. Tim took the opportunity to scoot back up until his head was resting on the pillow, and he let his hands wander over my body appreciatively as I looked up at Henrik through my eyelashes. 

"I am a sexual creature by nature, darling, its the way She makes me because its how I know Her," I drew patterns absently across the expanse of his chest with my opposite hand, "and so my capacity for communing with my goddess is, in a word," I flicked my orange stare up to his, tapping back into that fire inside me that made my skin tingle and giving him my best smile, "_endless."_

His cock twitched almost violently under my feather-light touches as his pupils exploded, leaving dark holes hanging in the whites of his eyes.

_"_Hands and knees. _Now._"

He shifted me back around and Tim moved me so I was comfortable and they both could reach me, taking my mouth in a deep, passionate kiss, but keeping it slow while Henrik worked me open with two fingers. 

I moaned encouragingly, and he muttered something profane as my walls closed around him, my sensitivity heightened in every way, making my hips roll back into him as he pressed in a third finger. 

"If its too much--"

I shook my head, thinking to myself that no amount of any of them would every be enough for me. 

Not on a normal day and certainly not like this. 

"You'll have to hold still, priestess," Tim chuckled, pressing soft, slow kisses over my skin, moving his hands soothingly up and down my sides and smiling up at me like we were contented lovers rather than two people, three moreso, about to engage in something mind-bendingly, almost obscenely pleasurable. 

"Gods I love the way your skin feels," he whispered, "thats it, just relax into me..."

"Then never stop -- oh, gods -- never stop touching me," I pleaded in the same tone, leaning into his lips and sinking into the feel of both of these men touching me. Tim let his head fall back into the pillow and I followed, refusing to let go of his lips, feeling like I needed a hundred times more to satisfy this itching, nagging need that surfaced with giving into this side of myself. 

"I'm afraid this is going to hurt you," Tim gently tucked one lock of hair behind my ear, cupping my cheek tenderly with his palm as the moment of animal passion subsided into something more human. 

"You don't understand baby," I shook my head, chasing his touch and his kiss, "I _can't _have enough of you. Or Henrik. Or John or Johannes or Jonas. Please, Tim, I want you so badly...I need you..."

He continued to look at me, breathing deeply, evenly to try and bring his heartbeat down to something less erratic as he watched my eyes swirl with fire, everything I was feeling exposed and raw and right there for him to see.

I leaned down further, pressing the length of my body against his, dragging my breasts over his chest as I pushed my fingers back into his hair and kissed him. 

"I need you," I whispered again, pressing my forehead hard down against his.

His resolve snapped and as soon as Henrik pulled his fingers from my core, Tim shifted his hips and slid smoothly inside me, responding to my soft whimper with one of his own as he drew me in closer to his body, wrapping me in a possessive tight grip for a moment as he devoured my mouth, grasping the nape of my neck hard with one hand and my ass with the other. 

"Christ I always think I can't possibly want you more than I already do, and then you get me to do something like this," he chuckled lowly, kissing me again and coaxing me into a hypnotic calm with smoothing passes of his hands over my skin. 

"You have to stay still, Triste," he reminded more firmly so I would listen to him this time, and I nodded, not breaking our slow kiss.

Henrik sat back on his knees and watched patiently, reading the lines of my body, waiting for me to relax. 

I tensed anew as he started pressing one finger against where Tim and I were joined, and he murmured softly to me, placing a soothing hand on my lower back and applying more pressure.

"Doing so good for us," he whispered, moaning at the tight pressure as he slid his finger farther inside me, gently pulling and moving it to make more room for a second and adding that one after several quiet minutes.

I cried out his name and buckled, pressing harder back onto his wandering digits and feeling already impossibly full, but sinfully good at the same time. 

Henrik muttered something under his breath, stretching and moving his fingers more easily inside me now as my body accommodated the extra width, but the impatience started to creep in at the edges of his consciousness, making him move a little quicker, pressing his digits a little harder against all the solid surfaces inside me.

Tim tensed and made a high-pitched sound underneath me, and Henrik froze. I knew his cheeks would be going that perfect rosy shade of pink that always made me giggle.

"Fuck, sorry that just feels really good..."

I shook with restrained laughter as Tim went pink too, suddenly embarrassed that he should be getting pleasure from one of his oldest friends. 

"Wait till you feel his cock," I giggled, making both men groan as it tightened everything inside me, "its even better."

"Triste, do _not _make me regret saying yes to this," Tim butted his forehead hard against mine before kissing me again, claiming my wandering attention once more, "fuck, not that I can really ever tell you no in anything..."

It felt like a hundred years before Henrik reached the point that he was satisfied he wouldn't hurt me, twisting and turning his fingers, barely breathing as he pulled them from me and shifted forward, gripping his cock hard and giving himself a few slow, purposeful strokes. 

"Last chance, girl," he rasped.

I glanced over my shoulder, meeting his smoldering stare with mine, knowing he wanted is as much as I did, though he'd never admit it. 

These boys and their embarrassments. 

"Fuck me, Henrik," I whispered.

No amount of working me open with his hands could have prepared me for the sinful, stinging pleasure that I felt as he started pushing into me, working past the tight ring of muscle at my opening and getting smoothly drawn in from there. He paused several times, trying to hold back, trying to think and resist just shoving his hips forward.

"Holy fuck," he gasped, all but collapsing on top of me as the three of us panted and groaned and moved to adjust to each other once he was fully seated inside me. 

It was impossible, the fullness, the stretch, the little world of sensation and love and need that wove itself around the three of us as our hands sought to touch and reaffirm with one another.

"Y-y-fuck, are you okay?" Tim panted, seeking my eyes, pulling my face up with both hands. It was all I could do in return to nod my head, my lips parted and gasping for air. 

They were heavenly together inside me, better and more delicious than I had ever dared to imagine.

Tim tangled his fingers into my hair and pressed his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and breathing with me until I relaxed as Henrik ground his forehead between my shoulderblades, whimpering and clutching my waist with both hands to keep my ass flush with his hips. 

"Fuck, I have to move," he groaned, "I feel like I'm suffocating."

I cried out as Henrik shifted slowly, barely able to withstand the intense pressure inside me, and Tim's hand shot out to grab his hip and stay his movement, meeting his wild eyes with a gaze that was only fractionally more calm. 

"Together, we--fucking hell-- we have to move together."

They lapsed into Swedish, too overwhelmed and swamped with sensation to remember anything else as Henrik gripped Tim's wrist hard, hanging on for the end of the world as we knew it. 

It didn't matter what language they spoke, because I wasn't listening. 

As my pussy adjusted to the intensity and the level of searing pleasure, my brain began to function again, making me aware of my surroundings once more outside of just the two men with me. 

I laid my cheek against Tim's sweating chest, listening to the rasp of his breathing, feeling two sets of hands gripping and squeezing my skin, trying to get to the place where I already was.

Jonas watched me intently over the ridge of May's hip, having shifted and turned them once their own amorous encounters started so that they could both watch the intertwined tangle of limbs that was me and Henrik and Tim. 

But now, as his eyes bored holes into mine, I guessed that him being able to see me was really only half the reason. 

Because he wanted me to see him too. He needed it.

He gave long, slow, languorous laps over her core, growling and putting on a show as best he could for the both of us once he had my attention while one of her hands stroked over his dreads. 

His eyes all but forbade me from looking away as he ran the flat of his tongue over her pussy repeatedly, eating her in earnest now and making sure I watched and remembered exactly what it felt like.

"Mmm, you like this?" he rasped, and it was impossible to know if he was asking me or her, but we both nodded.

"_Cher_, _bouge avec moi_," May tried to shift closer to us, her own eyes glued to the two men holding me in suspension between them. Jonas impatiently lifted her by the hips and dropped her next to us, resuming his work between her legs as her hand found mine and gripped it tightly.

Henrik fell forward and braced one hand against the floor next to Tim's head, running the other over my hip as I whimpered and pressed back against them both, seeking some sort of movement or friction, anything to release some of the pent up pressure.

"Now," Tim gasped.

They moved together, pulling halfway out, Tim's hand still on Henrik's hip to feel his shift as he naturally led, being on top. 

"Oh my god, ohmygodohmygodohmygod," Henrik moaned, squeezing his eyes shut, "fuck Triste please tell me you're okay because I don't think I can stop."

Jonas cocked an eyebrow at me when I didn't answer, lifting his face to give me a quick smirk as I watched, panting for breath.

"Don't be rude, my little bird," he reminded with his most enticing smile.

"I--oh, gods, I'm okay," I managed. 

"Keep going, babygirl, you're doing so good," John encouraged, off to my other side now, touching my hair, and stroking himself slowly, relishing the sights and the sounds and the smell of all of us sweating and moving together as his hand moved down to my shoulder, spreading the sheen of sweat that had broken out over my skin.

My body contorted and writhed as they pushed back in, finding their rhythm and getting used to each other they way they were used to me now, finally just accepting that they were getting as much pleasure from the intense pressure of each other as I was.

"Ahh yes, so fucking tight," Tim rolled his hips into me, using his free hand to push me down harder onto both of them and forcing me to cry out. The pain heightened my awareness like a splash of cold water, and I pushed back against them, urging them to move again. 

Jonas moved onto his side and started stroking himself with his free hand, keeping an iron grip around May with the other, spurring me on with each slow lick and moan that came from deep in his throat. Watching me and tasting her was almost too much for him to handle. 

Almost.

She cried out his name, pressing harder against the questing muscle until he showed her mercy and moved up an inch to suckle her clit between his lips, working it with his tongue until she was snapping her hips against his face, crying out and thrashing her head back and forth. 

Johannes pushed himself to his knees next to her, leaning down and swallowing her sounds, too aroused to think after watching both his friends take me together. Her fingers not clutching Jonas tangled into his hair and I clenched hard as I watched them kiss, all tongue and teeth.

There was so much stimulation, so much to watch, I felt like I couldn't take it all in. 

It was natural of course - she tuned into my spike in energy just like they did.

"Come for me, my darling," Jonas urged, pressing two fingers into her and finding that one spot that always made her shatter.

"Do it," Johannes whispered, stroking himself slowly, biting at her lips and groping one of her breasts with his long-fingered hand.

"_Dieux_," she whispered, dissolving into whimpers and cries, clutching Jonas' hair with a death grip as she fell apart and they both encouraged her with obscene praises about the way she contorted and bent. 

Jonas didn't let up though flicking his eyes back and forth between me and her, sliding his tongue over her slit and gathering her fluids as he lifted his glistening fingers to my mouth, pressing them between my lips and groaning into her core as I cleaned them of her and he watched.

Henrik and Tim moved in and out of me again, quicker this time, having found a rhythm with each other that was quickly driving us all into the clouds as they smoothly moved together. 

"My Triste," May moaned, turning her head to face me, panting and staring with her acid green eyes swirling like dangerous poison.

I reached for her and pulled her closer, pushing my tongue into her mouth when our lips met, feeling overwhelmed but also like I couldn't get enough of any of them.

"Fuck, I can't last like this," Tim watched with a laser focus as our passionate kiss extended, pulling on Henrik's hip with his hand to make him move faster, "Christ this is too much."

May arched her back as Jonas pulled away from her core, moving up her body and biting at her nipples hard until she was whimpering. 

"I need to fuck you. Now."

"Wait," Tim gasped, reaching for May' face and pulled her towards his lips, "I want to know. You said--oh gods _fuck,_ you said--"

"Hush _petit fils." _

She dove into his kiss with a passion that made her shake, tasting his need, his desire - that thing that had drawn me to him from the moment I knew his music.

I wanted to die, watching their mouths moving passionately against each other, watching him kiss her the way he kissed me, getting to see it from a third person perspective. 

She lifted her face, drawing a sound of protest from Tim as he drowned in the feel of us both while I kissed down the side of his neck, biting roughly at his skin, tasting the sweat that covered his body.

"Ohh leave some of this one for me, _oie_," she whispered around a cheeky smirk, kissing me once when I came up for air and then yelping as Jonas smacked her ass hard, barking at her to listen.

Tim looked up at me like I might have been about to scold him, but I leaned in and shoved my tongue between his lips instead.

"Do you want her too," I teased, whispering and groaning when he pushed inside me again, tilting his hips in a way that made Henrik shout. 

"I don't even know, I feel like I can't breathe...I want everything..."

"Then everything you shall have, my love..."

We all moved and watched and touched like we were crazed, like the more we did it the stronger our bonds were and the safer we'd be with the events coming with the day that none of us could find within ourselves to be concerned about any longer. 

Henrik and Tim pulled out to the tip and pushed back into me more roughly, knowing I would stretch to accommodate them and no longer worried about tearing or hurting me. Tim let go of Henrik's hip, reaching instead to cup both of my breasts instead.

Jonas flipped onto his back just inches away from us and pulled May on top of him so her shoulderblades were pressing into his chest and she hooked her legs around his, turning her face up to taste herself on his tongue and moaning at the sensation as he slid over her core repeatedly.

Johannes shifted between their legs, watching as Jonas slid deeply into her, appreciating the way she stretched around him, clinging wetly to his length and moaning his name. 

I was already spiraling, my pussy squeezing and restricting both men inside me until Tim snarled into my ear. 

"I can feel you about to fucking come, priestess. Take me with you."

"Me too," Henrik gasped, gripping both my hips hard and moving faster, pushing me harder down into Tim's prone body, trying to remember who he was and where the hell we all were, but nothing would register. He was simply afloat in a sea of pleasure.

"Fuck, oh gods, fuck fuck fuck..." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.

Two soft fingers touched my face and I was standing at the edge of something that was about to rock my fucking world when John gently tipped my chin up to look at him, that heavenly smirk toying with the corner of his lips as they quirked down at me, watching me crest closer and closer to oblivion. 

He didn't speak, only smiled down at me, his teeth working his bottom lip as he made himself come, staring down at me the whole time. 

The sight and sound of him pleasuring himself combined with Tim and Henrik pounding into me now sent me soaring over the cliff until we were nothing more than a tangle of sweating, heaving limbs, and my pussy suffocated them both, drawing a cacophony of strangled voices screaming my name as both of their bodies contorted and they filled me together, gushing out of me as my body received more than it could take. 

It set off a chain reaction and Jonas shouted as May's body closed around him, forcing him into the waiting arms of his own climax as she convulsed on top of him, watching Johannes as he stroked himself harder. 

She licked her lips and gave him her best wry smile and he was done for, throwing his head back and howling his pleasure and joining the rest of our sounds in a sensual, carnal melody.

Henrik and Tim finally bottomed out together, holding themselves there, forcing a sense of self control that had been absent up until the very last second.

"Wait, don't--don't move yet," Tim gasped for breath, the rising and falling of his chest moving me too, "I wanna see..."

"You and me both brother," Henrik laughed breathlessly, pressing his forehead between my shoulders again as my body spasmed, "dont think I _can_ move yet though."

"Come here, girl," John chuckled, seeing that the other two were completely helpless and lifting me slowly off of Tim as Henrik got his knees under him. 

I flopped bonelessly onto my back as Tim got up and the three of them shifted between my legs, groaning and watching their seed flow from me as I stared at the ceiling, listening to chants and prayers a thousand miles away that they couldn't hear. 

"Fucking hell," Henrik moaned, leaning sideways against Tim who rested his head on the other's shoulder.

"I knew you were good for something all these years," Tim chuckled, mesmerized by the movement and twitches of my body.

Everyone remained silent for several minutes, just breathing and listening and we all shifted to touch each other, piling in and murmuring apologies as hair got pulled and skin got pinched too hard. 

I prayed to just stay that way, but the sunrise coming in the window was starting to make Johannes' hair look like raven winds, the purple undertones in the dye showing through in the morning brilliance. 

"We're with you today, girls, all of us," Tim kissed me first, then turned his head to kiss May too, accepting that she was just a part of his relationship with me now. The others followed suit, all kissing us softly and reminding us that they'd be there, come what may. 

Henrik was last, pulling me into his arms and looking back and forth between my eyes, wishing that somehow I could just know without him telling me. 

But he wouldn't.

If I knew, I'd never let him go anywhere near Iufemamun if he even showed up.

"I love you," he said solemnly, almost gravely, and I brushed his damp hair off his forehead. 

"You're everything I need, Henrik. All the time. Every day. I love you too. I won't let him hurt you."

"Don't you worry about me, love. I'll be right there with you to the end."

The end. 

Whose end.

John hauled me up and swept me into his arms as we all moved towards the bathroom to clean ourselves up. He teased me and made little jokes until I was glowing with laughter, forgetting how unsettled I'd felt moments earlier at the fleeting hint of sadness across Henrik's face. 

Johannes tossed washcloths to everyone, and they all took the time to clean up slowly, touching and murmuring and extending each moment as long as possible, holding each other in a glowing suspension of love and friendship and connection that went deeper than any bond of blood. 

May ran the warm cotton over Henrik's hip, speaking quietly so that only he heard her, having to bend his head slightly even at that.

"What was She like?"

"Who?"

Her gaze flicked up to his for the briefest second, but she didn't answer at first, choosing instead to glance down with a soft smile at Jonas as he knelt next to her and rubbed the washcloth between her legs, pressing gentle kisses against the outside of her thigh. 

"It is said that She is a great protector, Henrik...even our eternal queen Isis had need of Her to protect her son in the marshes."

"She...I don't think I know the right words in English," he blinked slowly, touching a patch on her neck where hungry lips had reddened her fair skin, and she took his hand in her own, closing his fingers over the palm. 

They spoke in hushed tones and no one seemed to give them any mind, as absorbed in each other as they all were. 

"The words to talk of the gods don't exist in any language but ours, _cher_," she squeezed his hand, "this will be as familiar to others as it is to myself...and if she sees it, you know she will not let the matter rest until you tell her why it is on you."

"It doesn't matter, I know what I have to do, May. If something happens and she can't stop him, then I...I can keep her safe. And you. And everyone else. May, I can do this."

"These things are beyond what I am meant to know, and I do not keep secrets from my Triste. So trust the gods, Henrik."

The way she always dropped the 'H' at the beginning of his name made a soft smile cross his face and he brushed his thumb over her bottom lip tenderly. 

Trust the gods.

They'd all be okay.

It would only take a second and they'd all be okay.

She reached up on her toes to kiss him gently, slowly, still holding his fingers closed to conceal the scorpion mark on his palm with one hand, and petting over his curls with the other. 

"You are better than we deserve, sweet Henrik. Whatever this thing is that She has given to you, She had a very good reason...so thank you."

"Don't mention it," he said, grinning at her after a moment, "like literally."

"Mention what," she gave him a perfect expression of innocence, and they both smiled towards the sounds coming from the shower and I giggled helplessly under John's hands and his insistence that he really wasn't trying to tickle me, it was just an accident. 

They all wandered out into the bedroom, finding clothes and doing their best to shake the heavy sense of discomfort and gnawing anxiety that was getting stronger with the rising sun. 

"_Tsk_," May tutted at Johannes, reaching to undo the buttons of his shirt that he'd gotten crooked, "_tu est tordu."_

"Oh _now_ you want to undress me."

"_Silencieux_," she chuckled quietly, her deft fingers slipping each button through its correct hole and casting a wary glance up at his face. He looked tired in the morning light, like his skin was just a shade too pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. 

"You saw what she did yesterday, _cher,_ you saw that she still had _son__ fou _in his presence. She is a pure reflection of our goddess now, and shares a taste of Her power."

Johannes nodded, "is it gonna be enough?"

May sighed and wrapped her arms around his narrow waist, laying her head against his chest and breathing his scent in. 

"_Je ne sais pas..."mais j'espere__ bien..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Henriks being a shady motherfucker. Just trust me okay?
> 
> Speaking of, what do you think about his playlist? And John's? I loved Johns, Henrik's gave me whiplash (in the best way possible)  
But also, I learned that I don't love cattle decapitation. Does Henrik just sit on that couch all day long completely stone faced listening to extremely graphic heavy metal? I think he does.


	92. Chapter 92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Settle in.   
Grab a bevvie.  
Find a pillow with tassels that you can anxiously knot your fingers into. 
> 
> Hold on tight.

They filed out behind me, somehow instinctively knowing I needed to go first, fighting the urge to shelter me with themselves against this thing that we didn't even know the whereabouts of yet. 

But he'd been pretty clear.

He was coming today. 

I chewed my lip as the thought settled on me that I still didn't really know what he wanted. My life, obviously, or all of our lives in general. But beyond that, I had no inkling at all about what drove this man.

There were others scattered here and there in the house, but most of our guests were still asleep, and we moved silently into the kitchen.

Van was perched on a stool at the kitchen island, nursing a lukewarm cup of coffee.

"Morning," he nodded at May, "sorry, I took the liberty of raiding your coffee stuff."

She picked up the espresso pot on the stove and glanced inside at the empty chamber, then cocked an eyebrow at his mostly-full cup.

"Van you will have the chitters if you drink all of that."

"The what?"

"Jitters, darling, 'j'," Jonas corrected, kissing her on the cheek as he moved behind her towards the sink after taking the now-empty carafe from her hands.

Van glanced down into his cup and the dark surface reflected his grimace right back up at him. 

"Maybe you should water it down for him, May, so its a little more his speed," Johannes said with a little bit of a smirk and a lot of pride as he settled back against one of the counters and crossed both arms over his chest.

"Hey, no one even asked you--"

"Okay, you," I turned Van's head with both hands and smushed a finger against his lips, "no, huh-uh, you drink it straight or you let this nice lady make you an americano. No bickering. I haven't slept enough for bickering."

Henrik caught my gaze and gave me a perfect wink, and for a moment I started to re-evaluate my plans for the day as he silently mouthed a cheeky "sorry" at me. 

May already had the kettle on to boil, and I dumped half of Van's coffee cup into mine after grinning back at Henrik and shaking my head.

"Shut up," I cut Van off when he made to protest, "you can't drink this stuff like ours or you're gonna give yourself a coronary."

My boys all made a point of proving me wrong by taking their coffee black and straight and strong enough to promote spontaneous hair growth, but they all sipped it with a straight face, taking turns glaring at Van. 

I shook my head and slid off my stool, clutching my mug between my hands once May topped it off with hot water.

Tim grabbed me around the waist and pressed a lingering kiss to my temple, inhaling deeply and nudging his nose against my cheek. 

"I happen to know that you're not particularly enjoying that," I raised both eyebrows at him and glanced down at his espresso cup after tasting the bitterness on his lips.

"Worth it," he half-shrugged, earning an eye roll from me. 

"Fuck, I can still smell you on me, priestess," he purred, pressing his lips to my hair again, "why can't I ever get enough of you? You make me so hot." 

His free hand started holding me closer to his body, pulling harder into him.

I shivered but stepped out of his grasp, kissing my finger and pressing it to his lips before slipping out of the kitchen and sinking into the couch deeply, looking for just one moment of alone time to get my head on straight. 

I wouldn't have wished that my day begin any other way, but I was already feeling the tugging pull of exhaustion that ran deeper than just being insufficiently rested, and was starting to suspect that I might need the contents of my cup to be administered intravenously. 

"Long night?" someone asked, settling on the edge of the coffee table in front of me.

"You could say that," I huffed a forced laugh, wishing that I could have made it more sincere and shaking my head as I opened my eyes and smiled politely back up at the man seated in front of me. 

I didn't recognize him, but didn't think much of it. There were more people here than I'd ever expected, and I was sure I hadn't gotten a chance to meet everyone or learn who they represented among our gathering. After the ritual and the little display with Henrik, I hadn't exactly been paying close attention to names and faces. 

"Hard to sleep in such a full house," I tried for a more light-hearted tone as I sat up straight, satisfied that I managed to bury the weariness in my voice, "I'm sorry, I don't think we got a chance to meet last night," I extended my hand, still warm from clutching my mug, "Triste."

"Lovely to meet you, dear," he took my hand and held it in his own, not squeezing or clutching, but more holding, feeling, tasting the grip. A part of my mind registered that he held it for a beat too long, but I didn't pull it back. My weariness threatened to surface and I took a deep breath to stifle my yawn. 

Gods. How was I even supposed to get through this day.

I felt dead on my feet. And that was with me seated.

He pressed his lips to the top of my hand in a brief age-old gesture of reverence that I assumed was a recognition of the position I held amongst our group now, and I inclined my head politely once more as he shot me a grin.

"I think its a lovely morning out," he glanced back over his shoulder out the window, still holding my hand in his, "perhaps you'd like to join me for a walk through the vineyards? Get the blood flowing? Its been an age since I've been in this part of the world...ah, but my apologies, High Priestess, I've forgotten myself."

He let my hand go and made to get up and move away from me, but I stopped him.

He had a kind face, with eyes that seemed to smile all by themselves, and I instantly found my curiosity piqued by him.

"No, thats okay, and you're probably right. A walk sounds great, just let me get my coat."

"I think its that one by the door, no?"

I looked over his shoulder and found that he was correct. But I could have sworn that my jacket had been in Henrik's room before. 

I shrugged internally. Who knew? I'd been dead when I got here. 

"Besides, I don't intend to be out long. The chill creeps in differently these days, I'm not as young as I used to be," he winked companionably and I found my lips curving into a smile as I laughed.

"Gods, how long have you been waiting to use that one?"

"Couple hundred years at least," he chuckled, rising and offering me his arm, "I am old fashioned, I'm afraid," he said by way of explanation when I stood and glanced at the offered appendage.

But I shook my head and smiled anyways, tucking my hand into the crook of his elbow and grabbing my coat as he unbolted the door and let in the winter chill for a moment.

None of my boys had emerged from the kitchen and I assumed they were still terrorizing Van for sport based on the way I could hear them calling taunts to each other. Playing with food sounded basically the same in all languages and I snorted a brief laugh as I thought of Van helplessly trying to defend himself in English.

All thoughts were banished though when we stepped outside under the clear sky. It was a cold steely blue, marbled with wisps of cloud, but such a brilliant shade that I stood staring in awe for a moment. 

"All these years, and she still marvels at the sky," he chuckled, speaking like he was reciting a line from a poem. 

"Sorry, after the last few days I guess I just don't see anything exactly the same way as I did before."

"Hmm," he hummed, strolling off down the drive with my hand still tucked into his elbow, "if I may be so forward, I believe that you apologize too much, dear."

"Sorry?"

He looked slowly over at me with a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. 

"Shit. I mean, what?"

He chewed on his smiled and I let out a snort of laughter, shaking my head. 

"You are exalted now, Triste, holding a position of honor and power. You should not feel that you have to apologize for yourself."

I nodded silently, looking at our surroundings and catching sight of something in one of the wires that pulled me off the walking path. 

His voice had a pleasant ring as he quoted Dom Perignon.

"Come quickly, I am drinking the stars," he smiled, taking a deep breath of the frigid winter air as he toed at the chalky soil of the row of vines we walked through now as he followed me. 

"I could happily do this forever, I think," I mused, touching the gnarled woody stalk of one of the centenarian vines, "stay here and trudge through the vineyards."

"Ah, but your destiny is bigger it would seem," he patted my shoulder fondly before watching me further inspect the kink in one of the trellising wires that had caught my attention in the first place. 

"Lets get through today before we talk about destiny," I half-smiled, pulling the collar of my coat up closer to my ears.

"Yes, forgive my endless questions, but I am...curious...about what you intend to do with him? Kill him on the spot once he shows up?"

I straightened and looked over at him. Just a man standing amongst the vines. Made of the same elements as the woody stalks and the chalky soil. 

"I don't use my gifts to take life."

"Yes, but he's hurt your human. Henry?"

"Henrik," I corrected, chewing over his comment for a moment, "and...its more complicated than that."

That seemed to spark his interest and he looked at me differently in the next moment, eyebrows raised. 

"Surely you think not of mercy, High Priestess?"

"I don't know! I don't know. He...he's just a fucking mystery, excuse my language. He wants me dead, and frankly you probably too, sorry to say, but I don't understand why! I wish...fuck, I wish he would just fucking show up and _tell me. _Just explain this insanity. Because it is insane. I mean...I don't have a choice but to stop him, but it feels...incomplete."

He looked sympathetically at me, watching the confusion and frustration wash across my tired face. 

"No doubt you are full of kindness and patience, Mistress, and perhaps would even listen to one such as him. Come dear, lets get back to the house. Doubtless they'll think I've stolen you away."

"I'm sure at least two of them will," I chuckled with a headshake, taking his offered arm again and heading up the path towards the chateau. 

"Can I...can I ask what you think I should do?" I inquired after several minutes that were quiet, save for our boots crunching over the gravel, "I realize its informal and inappropriate kind of. But I would welcome your opinion..."

"Perhaps you should listen to him and use your judgement, my dear."

He turned to me once we were at the front door.

"I will feel something like regret for it, you know."

"For what, --? Shit, I'm so sorry, I've already forgotten your name! I'm sorry."

It didn't register in my mind that he'd skirted the question the first time. 

He chuckled and opened the door, ushering me inside into the front room that was now relatively crowded. 

"Think nothing of it, child. I am called Misr, but I think in your tongue people call that Egypt..."

The sound of shattering ceramic interrupted my equally shocked response and I quickly glanced over to where Henrik was standing, visibly shaking with eyes like saucers where he'd just come in from the kitchen and caught sight of my companion. 

"Triste, no! Get away from him!"

"Ah, hello again, Henrik," Egypt smiled, speaking like the other was a polite acquaintance not seen in some time. 

Henrik grabbed my arm with an iron grip and wrenched me behind him, snarling at the other and baring his teeth. 

"You get the fuck away from her!"

"Tsk, come now, be reasonable. If I was in a rush to kill her again, she'd already be dead."

"STOP," I yelled, gracelessly shoving Henrik aside and summoning my flame as I faced him. 

This man.   
The trickster.  
Deceiver. 

Murderer. 

"You killed Nedjem and Na'eemah," I snarled, "I know it was you, she told me everything!"

"Ah, not exactly, dearest. It was your goddess, I believe, who took Na'eemah's name from her, was it not? I simply...re-routed her. Nedjem was a..." he glanced over towards her, and Jonas stepped in, scowling like he could dismember the other with a look, "she was done in a sloppy way."

A series of obscene and frankly unbelievable curses left May's lips, spat at him like venom and even Jonas glanced over his shoulder with a look of surprise.

Iufenamun disregarded her and half-smiled at me, and part of my brain registered that it wasn't a sneer. It wasn't wicked or damning or discomforting, it was like he was honestly explaining something to me that I didn't understand. 

I pulled more power from my core, feeling the hot lava of the sun's fire coursing through my veins.

"I'm done with you."

He glanced down at my hands with a raised eyebrow.

"If I recall correctly, you did say you would listen. Your memory is short, High Priestess."

"You should try my patience then," I said through gritted teeth, aware now that everyone was crowded into the room. Johannes, as always, stood a head above everyone else, but I didn't' dare look away from the man in front of me to glance at him. 

Iufenamun took a deep breath. 

"What now then, dear? Hmm? Setting me ablaze?"

"Sounds good to me," I growled, launching my fire at him, full force, giving him everything I had in one burst, uncaring that it might burn the house down around our ears. 

But something peculiar happened, and the world dropped into slow motion, like we were somehow now the only two beings moving amongst the crowd gathered around us. 

My energy hit him, but it didn't hurt. Rather the opposite, it seemed to invigorate him, to give him strength and his head dipped back with a harsh sound of satisfaction as the current passed straight from my hands into his chest until Tim recognized what was happening and jumped inbetween us, breaking the connection and risking his own safety.

"Stop, its not working, priestess," he grabbed me by both shoulders, shaking me slightly until my eyes focused on him, still burning, and I recognized the tears in his eyes, his own irises too bright, charged with my fire, which should have killed him easily but didn't. 

"Its not working," he whispered again, each breath shaking as his body vibrated with the extra energy. 

"You fucking idiot, I could have killed you!" I yelled, clutching him forward and crushing him to me, needing something more than I naturally had, desperately reaching out for more comfort, more safety, anything to stifle the wound of realization, "please tell me you're okay."

"I'm fine. But he knows. You can't hurt him with that, Triste," Tim murmured lowly to me, holding me against him and trying his best to smother me, "oh my love I think you showed him too soon."

"Correct," a voice uttered from behind Tim, making him whirl around, his hands both reaching back to grip my waist and keep me firmly behind him, "'through pride we are always deceiving ourselves'," he quoted, spreading his hands non-threateningly in front of him, "and now you have nothing but your hubris, Masika."

He address me over Tim's shoulder. 

"You're gonna have to go through me to get to her, motherfucker," he snarled, voice low and body postured defensively. 

"I see, and just whom do you serve, mortal? Ra? Khnum? Ptah himself perhaps? None so great as to give you more power than her."

"The one who is gonna tear you the fuck apart," he grinned savagely, challengingly, "and you fucking know Her by name."

The magician looked at me, ignoring Tim's threats like meaningless puffs of air. 

"The game is up, High Priestess. Your companion here is correct, and you were foolish to show me your hand so soon."

Iufenamun stepped towards us, but Tim held his ground, pushing me a foot back but staying where he was. 

The older man looked down at him with a cryptic expression, before smiling softly. Again, it wasn't threatening or menacing, and it caused Tim to take pause. 

"I am not so far removed from my humanity to forget what it is to feel love for a beautiful woman, but my quarrel is not with you, son, step aside."

"Do _not _call me son. Why do you all fucking do that! I've had it with being fucking infantalized!"

An almost comical expression crossed the other's face as he paused, and then it dawned on him. 

Of course.

"Mmm. He has always had a taste for the beautiful things in life, you know. You should consider it an honor, to be desired by a god."

Tim's shoulders went tense, "we aren't talking about that."

My head physically cocking to the side drew Iufenamun's attention, and it was enough of a distraction for Henrik to step in front of Tim, shoving him out of the way as he barked something in Swedish that made the other stop short.

"Thats enough," Henrik growled, standing so he was blocking me from view again, "this is done. No more taunting, no more games."

"As a matter of fact, dear Henrik, it _isn't _done."

"Yes. It is. You know me. You've been in my head, in my heart. You know I'll never stop guarding her until I'm dead."

Iufenamun sighed, looking around the room at everyone, spending the time it took to meet everyone's eyes.

"Your death is not my desire...gods but aren't you even the slightest bit curious why this is the way of things, dear Henrik? Where is your sense of curiosity? Of wonder?"

"_WONDER? _Are you fucking joking?"

"Yes, _wonder_," the other snapped, "you're involved with a woman whose power you can't even begin to fathom, who has been both a crowned head of state and a healer living in a grass hut at the edge of the forest. She's learned and she's prayed, and she's been rewarded with the very heat of the sun itself, Henrik."

"I'm aware of that," he bristled, though he did manage to shoot me a look like maybe I should have told him about the crowned head of state thing. 

Oops. 

"And here is one before you who yet knows more. Who has more power. Who has lived longer. I have walked with the great giants of history, Henrik, and could tell you the very secrets of the universe, yet you care not."

"Call me dull, but frankly I _don't_ care why you are the way you are. You're a fucking murderer."

Iufenamun carried like Henrik had shown fervent interest rather than dismissal.

"But you know, I wasn't so different from you in my first life. Beautiful, well-liked, honest, a man who could make a good living for himself and the people in my village knew they could come to me for help and they would never be turned away...I was a man of many trades, Henrik. A potter, a baker, good with numbers. Truly given a blessed life by the generosity of the gods. I never hungered for bread, or wished for beer when there was none. I had a simple home, but it was my own..."

The room seemed to suddenly comfortably accommodate everyone. It had been crowded last night and today with everyone squeezing in, but now all of a sudden we all had space.

Magic.

Tim noticed it too and took a step towards me, remembering what I'd told him about magic always being the solution to any unsolvable problem. We'd been fond of maths and sciences, and had used both to leave an eternal cultural legacy in stone, but we _loved _magic. It brought us impossible cures, and answers to questions that had none. It gave children to widows and protection to the meek. 

Magic. 

I suddenly longed to be home as a peculiar sense of calm started to creep through me, filling me without my notice until I was swaying on my feet. 

The air was thick with something that hadn't been there a minute before. It was intoxicating and heady, a sensation that sparked arousal but also forced an unshakable iron sense of calm.

It tasted familiar in my mind, but I didn't dwell on it. My thoughts moved one into the next, connected with neatly-dotted lines. 

Why hadn't I just listened it him? He was right. He could have killed me out in the vineyards and buried my body in the limestone soil, but he didn't. 

_I will feel some regret for it you know._

Na'eemah had spoken so endlessly about how happy she was with him mostly. 

Perhaps he just needed to--

"Henrik...wait..." I stepped towards him, my eyes wide like a doe's, blinking senselessly in a way that positively unnerved him, "he didn't want to hurt me...he...he could have but chose not to..."

I turned to Iufenamun, looking at him with the same expression as I felt another wave of calm. 

"Please tell me why you're doing this."

"My dear, perhaps you've made me realize that after all this time, I simply need to speak my tale..." he paced easily around the room then, seemingly addressing us all as he spoke, looking around, learning our faces, enjoying the experience of having an audience once more.

"Sir, tell us you who you are," a voice piped up, coming from a small girl with loose blonde curls tied back into a ponytail and topped with a coral-colored bow.

"As you wish child. I am Iufenamun. You all were aware of my impending arrival, no doubt," he chuckled.

Bodies started collapsing into chairs, onto the couch, against the walls and into the corners, wherever they could get comfortable, and the sense of threat seemed to evaporate. 

Here no longer was there a man intending to separate us from our masters, like we'd initially thought. He was a being far older than most of us, with countless stories to tell, tales of grandeur and heroism, and most of the people who had gathered to face him as a foe suddenly found themselves settling under waves of this effect, finding places on the floor to settle in and listen. 

"I was born many thousands of years ago, and was a young man still when the king Snefru died and his son Khnum-Khufu took the throne."

None of us it seemed from a brief glance around the room were from anywhere near that time. The Fourth Dynasty had given our people the great monuments that still to this day evoked a sense of awe and wonder, but most people never realized just how early those kings had come. 

"Now there was a man who was a real ruler. The Greeks called him a tyrant later you know, so he's gone down in the annals of history with an unfair reputation, but I was there, and what a king he was - powerful, but just. Never childish in his wants or unfair in his requests, a truly divine ruler...our living Horus."

I found myself drifting away with his words, his voice so pleasant and hypnotic that I had to remind myself that this wasn't an appropriate situation for simply sitting down and listening like a child.

Henrik was right. He was a murderer, a trickster in human form who had made a game out of picking us off one by one.

But he seemed so non-threatening. 

Even now, when a piece of me knew my gods couldn't hear me, and couldn't see me. I was sure he'd cloaked us, and when I looked for the cotton ball feeling, it was there, confirming my suspicions. 

He'd used Na'eemah to kill May and had let her tear herself apart over it. He'd used her to try and kill me once, and had done the job the second time by using one of the closest lovers I'd ever had across my lifetimes. 

And he was here for all of us now, surely. 

But the longer he spoke, the less threatened I felt. The confusion swirled like smoke in my brain, choking my reason and stifling the logic that tried to claw its way to the surface. Instead, I sank into the calm, the sensation he blanketed the room with.

"Khufu..." Henrik murmured, searching his brain, remembering what I'd told him about our canine friend's namesake, giggling under the midday sun just beyond the crashing waves, curled up in his embrace like we were best friends sharing secrets.

_"Gods, Henrik, you've never seen anything like the Great Pyramid. I don't care where you've been, and I don't care what natural wonders you've seen. Well, okay, I mean I do," I leaned my face down to kiss his cheek just below the frame of his sunglasses, loving the soft smile that I knew meant his eyes were closed underneath and he was drifting off, "but it all pales in comparison. No picture does it justice. Did you know you can see it from space? All three of them on the plateau...its less splendid now - the limestone casing stones all got stripped away, but gods babe, it shone like a fucking jewel..." I collapsed down into his arms, thoroughly lost in my memories, barely noticing the way they tightened around me, drawing me closer as he whispered my name._

"Khufu..." he repeated, "the Great Pyramid...how is requiring backbreaking labor for self-glorification a sign of a just king?"

Iufenamun looked appraisingly at Henrik before he answered, with patience, like he was a teacher explaining a problem to his pupil.

"It was a different time, Henrik. The king was the apex of the state, chosen by the gods to watch over our people in an unbreakable line. King after King. Queens too sometimes," he chuckled, "but it was through his transition into death and the virility of his funeral cult that the king lived on. Sailing through the sky with Ra into the West, continuing to watch us all below..."

Tim wrapped both arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder and I nuzzled my cheek sideways into him, absorbing the calm as we both contentedly listened and he whispered little things into my ear. Comments about how much he loved me, and how happy he felt that he didn't have to be content anymore just watching me sit in Johannes' lap out on the deck under the stars, that he could hold me and kiss me and tell me he wanted me until the end of time, too.

Nothing seemed out of place about it for either of us, and it seemed like the violent scene minutes before had been from another lifetime, with other actors. Surely we weren't there. 

"Slave labor is still slave labor, regardless of the reason," Henrik countered, interrupting our murmured exchanges as more people settled on the floor to listen and Johannes and John drifted over towards me, "and I can hardly imagine that they were too pleased about working their entire lives on something like that for a king that they didn't even recognize at their ruler..."

"Oh but Henrik you've been reading your Bible too much," the magician laughed, winking companionably at him, and I found myself truly liking the man, even as my brain still tried to keep a grasp on the reminder that he was the whole reason Henrik had hurt me. That May had died and Na'eemah was gone from us. Trapped in that horrible parallel place. 

But that notion seemed to get more and more faint the longer he spoke, and he took a non-threatening step towards Henrik, hands open, palms exposed, showing him he had nothing there.

"Everyone recognized our king, my son. He was the most powerful lord on the continent. Perhaps in the world at that time. Yes, we had slaves, captured from the nomadic tribes that agitated the borders, but they were a mere fraction of our workforce - a tiny portion of our growing population."

Iufenamun drew himself up, speaking with pride and authority, and my heart beat with the same, wishing desperately for those few moments that I could forsake everything and be back in the time of my goddess, the time of the exultation of the gods. When people looked up at the sun and knew it was Ra in his great solar barge, sailing through the vast openness of the sky, defeating the evil serpent Apophis in the underworld, doing great battle so he could rise again in the East the following day.

"All of Kemet worked to build this shrine for our king. Gangs of our strongest men working for six months at a stretch. You've never seen anything like it Henrik. Hordes of men, thousands upon thousands of them sweating under the heat of the African sun, pushing their muscles to the limits, all working for a common goal, living together and forming a camaraderie that simply doesn't exist anymore..."

I inhaled a shaking breath as a single tear dropped down my cheek, glancing over at May to see very much the same reaction. The time he spoke of was before our own, but we'd belonged to the same people. The same heartbeat and the same blood had coursed through us.

"And I'll tell you a secret while we're here. One that your people seem to be desperate to understand, but are still overlooking. Do you know how the pyramids were built, Henrik? How such massive cuts of stone were moved into place? Perfection within a centimetre, my boy. Absolute devotion to an absolute monarch enshrined in a timeless absolute monument of sheer rock..."

I turned to Tim, giggling into his ear as he lowered his head, his hands spreading over my hips, pulling me back flush against his body as one hand slid hotly up my torso and his fingers pressed up into the bottom of my breast. I teasingly pushed my ass back harder into his hips, tasting that heady arousal again that accompanied the tranquility.

"Aliens," I whispered, hardly able to contain myself when he shook his head with an indulgent smile, my favorite on him, and tilted my face back to kiss me slowly, pushing his tongue between my open lips right away before his even settled against them, and vibrating with a low laugh as I reached for more, arching off him slightly.

"Silly girl," he teased, the whole thing somehow so irresistible, and I tried to turn and face him, wanting more, the abnormality of the entire situation not registering in my brain in the slightest. He kept me where I was, fractionally grinding his hips forward into me until I could tell that he was half hard.

"Kiss me again baby," I whispered, but he playfully knocked his forehead against mine before turning my face back around towards the others, his hands continuing to touch me, pulling me back still so I could feel his cock pressing harder against me.

He shifted on his feet and wished he could just drag me back to bed and make me scream, but he found that he wanted to listen to the rest of the story equally as much.

How strange.

He settled instead for letting his fingertips explore me while I was clothed. He knew my body naked like he knew the back of his own hand - every curve and ridge and imperfection. But clothed...that was something new, something fun...

"Kiss you where, priestess," he murmured into my neck, doing that thing with his voice that he knew sent tremors down my spine, and lifting my hair to run his tongue up the nape of it when he felt me shiver for him.

"Everywhere," I whispered back, and he moaned softly into my ear, running his nose up just the shell of it, everything about me in that moment turning him on.

"Suit yourself, but I'm going to remind you later that you said that when you're on your hands and knees letting me eat your ass," he breathed on a laugh, rolling his hips into me again and making me squirm as I was suddenly drenched and impossibly ready for him.

The whole room was almost intoxicated, everyone touching and smiling, happily listening to this storyteller, though his tale had hardly begun.

We both tried to turn our attention back to the speaker, but Tim didn't stop holding me closer still, like we were wrapped up in his story together, even as John took one of my hands from Tim's hair, and Johannes took the other, lacing our fingers together like they simply belonged that way and bringing them to his lips, gently drawing his tongue up the back of one under the guise of a kiss as his gaze seared mine.

Iufenamun had paused dramatically, seemingly waiting for Henrik to guess, before he smiled fondly at the other, holding his hands up, bringing everyone's wandering attention back to him.

"Ramps," he smiled simply, almost shrugging his shoulders with the simplicity of it.

May clapped a hand over her mouth as she snorted a laugh, turning and burying her face into Jonas' shoulder when it proved not to make her giggles subside.

I loved the way that he automatically pulled her closer now, savoring every second, and I watched his index finger push her lilac waves out of the way as he murmured into her ear, drawing his lips in a slow line up her neck and breathing hotly against her until she was pressing harder into him, snaking her arms around his neck.

The man before Henrik looked around the room, his audience already wrapped up in what he was saying, hanging on his words.

"The great architect Hemiunu came to me one day with a grand plan, a schematic of a structure so massive, it would surely immortalize the king for endless generations, surpassing the divinity of his forebears. He told me that he had learned of my gift with numbers, of my ability to perform magic, that with my help, he could take the great work of his predecessor Nefermaat and improve upon it to make perfect angles and stable chambers above to take the weight. A feat which would allow the king's rest to be elevated, closer to the canopy of heavenly stars..."

John made a confused face over at me as he tugged on my hand to get my attention and Tim briefly let me go as I stood up on my toes to murmur to him, acutely aware of the way his hand spread over my back to hold me there.

Gods but we all seemed a single second away from taking each other.

"Khufu's pyramid is the only one that we know of where the burial chamber is up inside the structure, instead of down below, dug into the bedrock," I whispered, "its kind of a marvel of architecture."

He nodded, understanding the magician's cryptic statement now, and dropped his lips down to my ear as his fingers roamed through my hair.

"I love how smart you are...gods, Triste, I want you," he whispered, drawing me closer, "I'm trying to pay attention but all I can think about is throwing you against the shower wall and fucking you senseless until you squirt all over me...I want to be covered in you..."

"John," I moaned softly, feeling myself getting wetter still. I stood on my tip toes as his arm locked around my waist and lifted me off the floor, up to his waiting lips.

The sound of Iufenamun's voice broke our kiss that was pure fire, and John met my gaze for only a moment, his irises glowing, burning with need, looking like he wasn't going to be able to wait.

As semi-supernatural creatures, May and I seemed to have a higher tolerance for powers like this, but apparently it hit purely mortal humans like a truck. 

"Our work was perfect, and the Egyptian people created a monument worthy of our king and the gods we served..."

Murmurs of excitement and soft sounds filled the air, as we all tightened the circle around Iufenamun and Henrik, my own eyes roaming over the latter, appreciating every detail of his body and the way he stood up straight, like he wasn't even bothered by the other.

"The gods were well pleased by such a perfect structure and learned of my skills as a magician, so that when the goddess Hathor bore a son, a child so cheery and musical, his very laugh seemed to make the people weep for the joy of it, the great god Horus, his divine father, asked me to use my magic and create an instrument for the boy. Something he could play and further gain the love of the people."

A few bodies started to slowly sway back and forth, like they could hear the music of which he spoke.

"Do you know what a sistrum is, Henrik?"

Henrik shook his head, realizing he too was turning to keep Iufenamun in his sight as he wandered around the room.

"Its like a rattle," John interjected over my shoulder, remembering the word from a book he'd read on the history of percussion instruments, "its like a u-shaped loop coming out of a handle, with little bars running through it..."

As he spoke, Iufenamun's hands wove from thin air, adjusting as John corrected himself, until he held it out to Henrik, who firmly shook his head, wary of having any kind of contact with him.

I turned back to John, hooking my arm around his neck to bring his face down, letting our lips crash together, his mouth devouring mine like I was sustenance he desperately needed.

"I love how smart you are," I giggled, parroting his own words back to him and licking at his bottom lip playfully, loving the way his broad mouth curved into a soft smile, "you know what else I love?"

"Tell me," he shook his head with that same gentle look, which quickly shifted to a blank, open-mouthed distant stare as I started murmuring lowly into his ear about the finer points of his physique that I particularly appreciated.

"The sistrum I made for the boy was ivory and gold, adorned with gems from the furthest corners of the earth, and the finest pieces of lapis lazuli."

Henrik's eyes drifted over to me, now leaning back against John, but staring at him as I clutched my necklace, and a tiny smile crossed his face as he remembered the way I looked wearing nothing but that and the matching earrings, stretched out in bed, perfectly naked, perfectly comfortable, reaching for him...

He found that once the thought was there, he had a hard time shaking it, his already fragile sense of focus seeming to take a turn for the worse.

Gods but I was perfect naked, looking pleadingly up at him, my gaze imploring him to fill me, to consume me and burn with me.

The way I cried out his name and wove my fingers through his curls when he was driving me towards the edge...his hips snapping against me...so close...so close...

"Only one place you could get it, really, back in those days," the other continued, drawing Henrik's gaze once more after watching our wordless exchange, "but I spared no effort in pleasing the gods, for they had been kind to me in my life and given me many gifts...

"The son, Ihy, was overjoyed with his gift, this small token of my faith, and the gods continued to show their divine generosity towards me, bestowing on me the responsibility of being his guardian while he was still in boyhood.

"The honor well pleased me, for Ihy loved magic, and I watched him grow up into a young man who worshiped at the altar of pleasure. Lust and sex, music, drink - Ihy loved it all, but had finer tastes than to indulge to excess."

A hand next to me snaked through mine, the thumb rubbing slowly back and forth, up and down the length of mine. Gods, even in a situation like this, he had that way of immediately making me want to jump him.

"His divine parents and the rest of the neteru called on me often, asking me to perform magic, to amuse them with tales and tricks, and I did so each time they summoned me, until one day, I came with a heavy heart.

" 'What ails you, master magician', the lady Hathor spoke to me, 'you come to us with such sadness today', and I replied to her that I was riddled with sickness. Surely it was nothing for the gods to feel concern over - I was mortal and would die eventually. They had to have known that when they called upon me the first time."

Despite the acts I knew he had committed, I couldn't help but feel sympathy for this man, and I found myself becoming even further enraptured in his story.

Doubtless he spoke the truth about the gods calling on him for entertainment. He painted a picture so vivid with his words, that I felt I was watching a film, and didn't realize the hands that were holding onto me were doing so until I was pulled down into Johannes' lap as he sat on the floor, his back leaned comfortably against the door and his long legs criss-crossed in front of him.

I nestled back closer, losing myself in the saga of the tale. Everyone else around us seemed to do the same, sitting and making themselves comfortable, drawing each other closer, hands wandering to touch and gently explore.

My fingers threaded into John's and Tim's hair as they laid both their heads in my lap and turned their attention back to Iufenamun.

" 'My lord father will surely grant you good health', She spoke to me, 'it is by His will that the sun shines on us each day, it is well within his power to grant you anything you wish.'

"Oh, my children, my heart did soar at Her words. They gave me hope that perhaps I would have more time with my beloved Ihy before I passed on to be judged before the scales under the just watch of Osiris."

Johannes' lips started roaming over my neck and each time he shifted me in his lap, I could feel how hard he was.

"The lord of the sun, the very god who sprung forth from the lotus created by the waters of Nun, summoned me that evening."

Everyone froze, their attention rapt.

Fuck. I knew he'd been connected with Ihy, but I'd never imagined that he'd held such a position as to be called on by the actual head of our pantheon.

" 'My beloved daughter tells me that you are ailing', he said to me, and I found that in his presence I could barely speak for the magnificence of his divinity."

" 'Yes, lord Ra', I finally said to him, prostrating myself upon the ground, still warm from the very rays he commanded."

" 'What do you wish for in order to be healed, master magician', he asked to me."

" 'My lord, I wish to dwell in the sun with you, I wish to join the neteru, where I may forever serve your magnificent majesty, and perform my magic and tell my tales for my beloved Ihy for all time', I begged him, kneeling like a servant."

I didn't miss the way he seemed to recall the moment with some distaste and I put my hands over Johannes' to stop their slow exploration, something clicking inside my brain that all my attention needed to be focused on the man with Henrik.

Tim lifted his face for a moment and pressed a kiss to my knee before turning back too.

"But alas, I was turned away so the great god could ponder my request. For one hundred days and one hundred nights, I ailed in my bed as he thought about what I had asked of him..."

I was sure it was a trick of the lights, but the man himself seemed to almost be wasting away before my eyes - it was as if one moment his clothes were limp and starting to look too roomy for his frail body, and the next he was the tall, striking man he'd been since the moment he arrived. No wonder Na'eemah had broken the rules for him - he was handsome as hell.

"One hundred days later, I was called back to the presence of the god, the glory of the noonday sun, Ra - _ankh wedja seneb_ -" he repeated the mantra like it was still a deeply ingrained habit. Life, prosperity, health. A constant wish of goodwill for the king and the gods and those who so often didn't need it like the rest of us, "and their faces were sad to see me in such a state, for you see, I was being cared for by the people whose lives I had bettered with my kindness, but no witchcraft or sacrifice to the gods could stop the sickness that seeped into my bones."

I watched Henrik's shoulders sag slightly, like he was exhaling a depressive sigh at the news.

" 'I have consorted with many', the great god spoke to me, 'and to you, I give this gift'."

Jonas and I exchanged a slightly uneasy glance - we had finally arrived at some beginnings of an explanation, and I tried to redouble my efforts to focus.

Gods but everything was so distracting. The way Johannes was grinding his forehead into my shoulder, trying to release some of the tension and get himself under control. The way John and Tim had subtly started kissing and nipping at my leggings every few moments, turning their faces towards my core and inhaling deeply like they could smell my arousal and my burning need for them.

"We-- boys we have to f-focus," I swallowed hard, shivering against the three of them, even as the whole surface of my body was flushed with hot bloodflow.

"I can't think about anything right now but having you on your knees in front of me swallowing my cock," Johannes whispered down the back of my neck as his hands resumed their heated exploration and Tim and John exchanged a glance like if I wasn't willing to have them right now, they may just settle for each other.

"Boys," I drew each of their faces up to look at me as we all shifted so we could lean back together, their heads on my breasts, and me leaning back against Johannes still, but seated flat on the ground now between his legs, "we have to focus. Listen to what he's telling Henrik."

Tim lifted his face and kissed me deeply, roughly, wanting to ignore everything I was saying and pull me down into his arms, the fabric of his jeans now feeling restrictive and irritating.

"Whats happening," he finally murmured, some of his common sense fighting its way through the haze of lust and consuming need, his limbs all full of lead.

"Fight it," I whispered back, having reached the same conclusion. It felt so natural, and like no force in the universe could keep our hands off each other, but the more I desperately wanted to give in, the more I understood that this feeling was out of place.

Why couldn't I stop it?

And why did it feel so familiar?

*_Goddess, please help me_*, I reached out mentally, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to hold on to my focus, but John's long, perfect fingers had worked their way under the material of my leggings while I kissed Tim and his middle finger was lightly rubbing circles over my clit.

"Holy fuck, you're so wet," he moaned quietly, his entire body threatening to crumble forward into my lap with the overwhelming feeling of arousal.

It sent lightning up my spine. Like every touch had the pleasure of an actual orgasm.

What was I doing?

He reached up and kissed me on a deep, lingering moan that I felt down to the tips of my toes as Tim's hand joined his, their fingers moving together, the touch of each other feeling as good in the moment as having me under their hands.

"John, oh, John stop, stop stop stop," I gasped desperately, just a second away from losing the tenuous grasp on everything I had just realized as my hips rolled into them, seeking more.

His tongue filled my mouth in response, moaning lowly again, each vibration from his voice its own feast of sensation as his hand moved down further and started teasing against my entrance and his tongue pushed further into my mouth, exploring my taste.

"Christ, you're dripping wet, Triste...lets go...lets leave right now, little one. Come back to bed with me for the rest of the day," he breathed lowly, "gods why do I feel like I'm about to come just from touching you..."

His words elicited a sharp gasp from me.

"I can feel your clit pulsing against my fingers, priestess, I know you need this too...let all of us take you to bed and have you together again...I'm dying to fuck your mouth and watch you swallow me," Tim murmured in my ear, his opposite hand not currently working me searching for my hand and pressing it down over his erection, "gods, I just need you to touch me..."

I was so close to the edge - just one more pass of Tim's fingers over my clit and I was about to be a goner.

No! No no no!

I popped the flats of my palms sharply against both their cheeks, bringing startled little yelps that were somewhat drowned out by the moans that lifted from the rest of the bodies around us who weren't as keen on holding back.

They both blinked hard and yanked their fingers from my core as they realized that we were more or less in the middle of a crowded room and looked up at me bashfully.

"Hi," John looked back and forth between my eyes and my panting lips, "sorry, what did you just say?"

"You have...to listen..." I gasped, squirming at both the wetness between my legs and the agitation of being so close to an earth-shattering, knockout orgasm and having to give it up.

"Fuck. Goddamnit. But I'm so hard," Tim groaned dejectedly into my neck, receiving another sharp pop from me, his responding sound slightly muffled as he sucked me off his fingers, but didn't press further.

Iufenamun had fallen silent, watching everyone give in to the overwhelming desire.

Henrik scrubbed both hands over his face, trying to ignore everything happening around him, and the sound of his voice seemed to draw our attention back. Lips still roamed over exposed skin, exploiting sensitivity and drawing hushed little sounds, but our attention was once again focused on the two men in the middle of the room.

"What gift did he give you?"

"Health, dear Henrik...the great god of the sun restored to me my health...and nothing more."

The room fell completely silent.

"I suppose that I had just assumed that he granted my request when my bones became stronger. I could walk without pain, and stand up once more with a straight back. My lungs breathed easily of the harsh, heated air..."

Iufenamun blinked, straightening his shirt sleeves as he continued.

"And he was just as well allowing me to think that, for he had extended my life. I lived twice as long as the men of my village, and I continued to use my gifts of magic and storytelling for the entertainment of the divines."

"So what happened?" called Van, leaning back against a man who I assumed was of his temple, whose fingers were running relaxingly back through his hair, combing across his scalp as they both listened.

"I of course thought myself their companion now, but never their equal, and continued to make offerings to them with great regularity as a display of my gratitude. I was slaughtering an ox, with which to make a temple offering to the goddess Sekhmet, proud daughter of He who had gifted me my salvation."

Tim's low growl vibrated against me, and the sound made me writhe as he looked at me and licked his lips dangerously, like he was hunting me, his irises swirling blue and green like turbulent water.

"Focus baby," I managed to say, feeling the intense polarity of what I was saying versus what my pussy was practically screaming at me to do.

"I am," he didn't look away from me, sending my pulse through the ceiling as one of his fingers brushed my bottom lip, "focusing very intently, priestess..."

The magician continued.

"I spoke soothingly to the beast, assuring it that its sacrifice was to the Mistress of Dread, She who breathed the desert into being, the fierce lioness, the eye of the sun."

Tim panted for breath, rolling his hips into nothing.

"I need my cock to be inside you right fucking now," he growled, pulling me roughly out of Johannes' arms and into his, thrusting his tongue between my lips, "gods it makes me so hard to hear Her talked about like that," he rolled me under him, grinding his cock against me, pressing hard against my center as I arched off the floor, and his hand was instantly underneath my leggings again, shoving three fingers inside me and making me cry out sharply into his lips as I clenched so hard it was almost painful for him, the tiny bones of his fingers grinding against each other.

"Stop, stop stop," I gasped again, rolling my hips against his palm once before struggling out of his grasp until he let me sit up and I looked him squarely in the eye, "somethings wrong with this...can't you feel it?"

"Triste," he moaned, reaching for me again, pulling me into a searing kiss, "nothing about having you naked under my hands is ever wrong..." he licked me off his fingers, one at a time, savoring my taste and humming lowly.

"No, Tim, fucking listen to me," I hissed, meeting his gaze and fighting for the self control that I already didn't seem to have around him on a good day, and I _really_ didn't have watching his finger disappear between his lips again, "we are in the middle of a very crowded room. There are people here who know your music, who know exactly who you are and are watching us!"

"So? Do you care? Let them watch, priestess, we both know you like an audience..."

"So...gods," I took a deep breath, feeling a tiny bit of clarity return with it, and taking another, "please, just trust me and try to focus right now."

I shifted a few feet away so none of them could reach me as I tuned back in to what Iufenamun was saying, sinking my fingernails into my knees so that I wouldn't slip my hand between my legs and finish what he'd started. The room wasn't nearly this big, and I knew that, but he and Henrik both seemed to be standing in the middle of a vast arena of space, and he paced as he spoke. 

"The ox laid down for me, lifting its head to bare its throat, and I spoke magical words over my blade so that it would cause the animal no pain as it slid cleanly over its flesh."

Fingers worked through my hair and I turned to shoo Tim away.

"Shh shh, just me babygirl," Johannes murmured, "I have to be near you now, I'm sorry..." he didn't push for anything more, and largely kept his hands to himself, save for running his fingers through my tresses slowly, over and over again, creating a hypnotic rhythm that seemed to overpower the consuming need that gnawed at me, telling me to turn around and throw him down on his back and climb on top of him.

"As I butchered the animal, saying prayers to the goddess, recounting the tale of her unslakeable bloodlust aloud, my knife slipped and slid across my palm, opening a deep cut that bled for many days."

I exhaled sharply and shook my head, prompting a murmured question into my ear from Johannes.

"The gods don't bleed - its too human," I whispered back to him, reaching up to his lips because I couldn't not. They felt like the softest things on earth as he skimmed his fingertips delicately up my throat, opening his mouth so I could slide my tongue along his.

"Gods you taste good," I sighed, "I love you."

"I love you back, wife," he smiled, tugging on me until I scooted back to our original spot, holding my arms out to Tim and John until they were both snuggled comfortably against me, my fingers drifting up and down their arms as their hands found each other in my lap, simply lacing their fingers together and sighing contentedly, like they were closing the circuit we all formed.

"I watched the blood dripping from my hand," he looked down at his palm like he was watching it and narrating the events in real time, and Henrik looked down at his palm too, "knowing that I had been deceived. Ra had restored to me my health, but he intended no more. I was only a human, to be allowed to pass on, as all other humans do...my worship to them meant nothing. My years of devotion were nothing," he spat, dropping some of the charm that had cloaked his words from the beginning.

"Then why are you here?" a girl across the room piped up, her body so lush and curvaceous, that I was willing to put real money down on a bet that she served Hathor, "how are you here?"

The magician paused, seemingly considering his next words carefully.

"I am here, standing before you, healthy and whole, because I took what was denied to me, my child."

Tim glanced up at me with furrowed eyebrows, conveying his confusion, and I only shook my head, telling him I didn't understand either. Not totally. This part was about Ihy, but neither of us knew to what extent.

"I watched my darling Ihy, a child so familiar to me that he was nearly my own son, grow and develop. He changed from the boy with the sistrum to the young man, supremely beautiful, able to charm the most devout little girls into sneaking off with him almost effortlessly...disguising himself as a human to join the festivals."

He looked so penetratingly straight at me when he said it that I froze, going stiff against Johannes as all my muscles tensed.

"Easy baby," he murmured into my ear, glaring at Iufenamun with searing hatred, and in the next second our eye contact was broken.

"But with each passing day, with each moment he spent listening to my tales and laughing gaily at my tricks, confiding in me and seeking my advice, more of what was his became mine. It was like drinking from the sea, the vastness of the power. Even for such a young god, with no true cosmic authority."

He laughed like someone had made a half-amusing joke, a huffed sound, glancing around as he turned in a circle to address all of us, watching the hands wander, the lips caress.

"Each day, I took more of his divinity, knowing he would never suspect that it was I who had stolen it. After all, I was his teacher, his mentor, his friend...and look at the power that I exhibit now...can you feel it Henrik?" he turned him by the shoulders, so he could watch me fighting the urges that rolled through me as he sent another wave of his effect through the room. I knew it now to be the same sensation that Ihy had created. I'd tasted just small, carefully controlled ripples of it, but now, this creature was unleashing the tides.

"Watch, son...does it make your mouth water to see your priestess so beholden to the impulses of her body? Powerless to stop the desperate need to be satisfied?"

"Oh, Triste," Henrik whispered, his hand lifting slightly from his side, his fingers reaching out as he felt himself getting hard and he took a step towards me

"Henrik, focus!" I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head hard back and forth, drowning as another wave of pulses washed over the room, trying to push John and Tim away while at the same time trying to devour both as they both slid their hands under my shirt and started teasing my nipples.

"I need you under me," Johannes growled in my ear, biting down hard right in the spot that he knew always undid me.

I panted for breath, losing every thought as soon as it entered my brain, and I barely caught May's glance when I looked to the side over John's head again as his lips replaced his fingers and his tongue danced circles over the bite mark on the swell my breast.

Jonas had stopped listening all together, shifting around so he faced the back wall, and May was straddling his lap as the fingers of one hand worked underneath her dress, pushing inside her and growling at the way her slick immediately covered him as she clenched hard repeatedly, coming after only an instant it seemed as she wrapped both arms around his neck to stay upright, subtly lifting her hips on and off his hand.

Her eyes were desperate when they met mine and we both moved at the same time, the last functional corners of our brains knowing instinctively that we had to be together to make it through this.

We crawled across the floor, covering the few feet of distance and collapsing into each others' arms, holding on tight.

"Whats happening," I gasped, trying so hard to think, but it seemed like every thought was gone as soon as it manifested.

"Don't touch..._ecoutez_," she groaned, grinding her temple into mine, fighting the desperate, clawing need to throw herself back into Jonas' arms, "_dieux_, we have to listen, but I cant!"

"Come back here," Jonas whispered, beckoning to her with glistening fingers and I yelled at him to shut up.

We clung to each other and breathed that way until we could move and think with slightly more clarity. Maybe it was one minute, maybe it was ten, but when I finally looked up, Henrik was staring at me like he could make my clothes disappear with a look if he tried hard enough, biting his lip and reaching back absentmindedly to take his hair down after a moment so it fanned over his shoulders because he knew I liked it that way.

"Breathe," I mouthed at him, unable to not stare at his erection.

He shook his head back and forth slowly, his hand wandering up and down the side of his leg like if he didn't expend some of the pent up energy, he would wind up watching me and just touching himself.

I held his gaze and mimed taking a deep breath as Iufenamun wandered the room, softly touching heads and fondly petting cheeks that looked up at him like he was our parent.

Henrik breathed with me, matching my rhythm as I got to my knees and squarely faced him, aware that my shirt buttons were half undone and that my eyes were flicking back and forth between his face and his cock.

But I was doing the best I could.

He blinked like some of the clouds were clearing, and touched his heart with his fingertips, looking at me differently now.

"I love you," he mouthed, clearly having more of a grip on himself now than I did as I was helplessly submerged in delicious, debauched thoughts of precisely what I would do if he walked that happy ass over here and picked me up off the floor.

"So you see, Henrik," he spoke, drawing the attention back to himself as May and I clasped each others' hands, knowing that if we let go we would never gain our focus back, "the reward for living a life subservient to the gods was nothing. More days than others had, yes, but ultimately, they were going to let me perish. The disease began to return, gnawing at my joints, my bones. And all the while, they never knew. They never suspected that it was I who was draining away the power of their favored son."

"But Ihy's still a god..." Henrik stammered, shaking his beautiful head back and forth in confusion and drawing several confused looks from the crowd as well at the admission of familiarity with the divine.

"He manifests as a human because he is weak as a god. I don't doubt that they would have cast him out for good, had his mother not intervened in his behalf."

" 'My son Ihy is of the body of Horus, the great king, the protector of those chosen to rule his lands', she cried, 'cast him not from your sight, great father, but rather look deeper for a cause. My son has been robbed of his divine gifts, of his very essence! I demand that the earth be searched to a man for the culprit of such a deed!'

"Stupid cow," Iufenamun chuckled, and I watched the girl across the room frown as her consciousness surfaced briefly, "but search we did. High and low. Across the wadis and the great desert, south across the grasses and the plains, to the very tops of the Mountains of the Moon."

Jonas appeared behind us, slipping his hands around my waist and May's and gathering us both back into him as he leaned back against the wall, one of us under each arm, dropping lingering kisses to both our lips, murmuring that we were his good girls. 

"I thought you said those were a myth, the mountains of the moon," he whispered to me, his septum piercing drawing a line up the shell of my ear.

"They are," I shifted so I could look up at him slyly, pressing one finger to my lips with a little wink.

"Ohh, do that again, I promise that you'll like what happens to you afterwards," he growled, biting down hard on the tip of my ear and drawing a gasped moan from me as he turned my face up for a sloppy, passionate kiss that left me gripping his erection through his jeans, almost desperate to feel him come.

Henrik was immediately drawn to the sound of my cry like a magnet, and his hair whipped over his shoulder as he turned to face me, his pupils exploding as Jonas released me, panting for breath and moaning deeply as May's hand replaced mine and he laid his head back against the wall and closed his eyes as he panted for air. 

Henrik and I stared for a lifetime it seemed, before he held a hand out to me, drawing my focus before pressing it to the middle of his chest and taking a deep breath, reminding me to breathe.

_You have to remember to breathe, little one_.

I mimicked his inhales and exhales again, the tiny thought fighting its way up from the depths of conscious brain.

Scorpion.

What?

Scorpion.

Hand.

"Henrik," I whispered, almost a whimper, reaching out for him. I was surprised when I saw a momentary flash of pain cross his face, and he turned away.

"And still I took more of Ihy, storing away his powers in a vessel that I had hidden inside of my home. And still I wasted further away, until I was but a shell, having to be carried to and from places like a sack of grain," Iufenamun shook his head, "but my will was still strong, and my magic stronger yet. I knew my life was coming to a close, that soon I would be in Duat, holding out my heart to Anubis, kneeling before the scale to weigh my fate..."

May and I sat up together, hands grasping each other tight, knowing that what was about to come out of his mouth sounded like a serious 'but'.

"Are you a god too, then?" Henrik asked.

"Very nearly," he responded with the hint of a smirk, "very nearly...I stayed up for days, shut away in my home, preparing for what was to come. I refused to see my friends or my neighbors, every fiber of my concentration bent on planning."

John and Tim and Johannes all slowly drifted towards us, gathering in a semi-circle around me and May, watching the magician tell his tale.

"I finally went one last time to my Ihy...to my most beloved son, who I had treated like one of my own body, and I bade him goodbye."

" 'Do not go away from me, my most cherished friend', he plead with me, trying to find any way to make me live. But I simply kissed him once and told him that this was the will of the great god of the sun - that I had asked for His divine favor and He chose not to bestow it upon me. That I was to die the way all mortals must.

"My death came just as I finished my preparations, weaving my magic to integrate his power with my own, and my body expired, but still, Thoth has never written my name in his book. Do you know why Henrik?"

"I don't care why."

Now, we'd come back to the beginning.

"It is because I am a god in the form of human. Ihy and I are equals now. He walks as a human because he is weak as a god. I walk as a god because I am strong as a human. Ra denied me eternal life, so I created my own. I can shield myself from their gaze, cloak myself so they do not hear my words. And now, one by one, I have taken the ones who serve them. Admittedly, that was not my intention initially. I desired only to live and know that I had bested the most divine cosmic power...

"But then their servants, mere temple dwellers, were rewarded with perpetuity, and yet I," he gestured to himself with both hands pressed to his chest, "had been snubbed. Forsaken. Cast out to die among the meaningless hordes! So now I have made it the sole purpose of my eternal existence to seek out those who were given what should have been mine, and destroy them. I take their spirits, just as they near the Hall of Righteousness, and cast them away, into a realm where they are forever separated from their divine masters, as I was intended to be."

Henrik shook his head, feeling more pity for this creature than hatred at this point.

Life after life spent hunting, searching, only to mislead, to con, to kill.

"It was all because of jealousy?" he asked quietly.

"No, my son, not jealousy. Pride."

"Then...then just...can't you just choose to stop? Now that we all know? I-I've met Her - Sekhmet...She's insanely powerful, I'm sure if you asked--"

"No," Iufenamun shook his head, not even considering Henrik's thought, "I have come too far to stop now."

He turned in a slow circle, pushing another, stronger wave over us as we started to shift and gain awareness that something wasn't right.

"And consequently, you're all here together...in the same room. I could hardly have dreamed that the sheep would flock so willingly to the wolf but--"

As he spoke, Henrik swallowed hard, looking over at me and waiting just a moment until our eyes met.

"I'll love you forever, my darling," he said softly, and there was the peculiar sensation of time stopping and starting again. He'd meant it to be quick but still we continued to stare, caught in another of those moments like we'd experienced so many times before.

When he looked at me for the first time on the beach, like he was slightly startled by me up close.

When he stared down at me, blood smeared across his face, telling me that my eyes were like the sea in a storm. 

When he smirked up at me from his knees, tying his hair back out of his way before leaning in to devour me.

When he looked at me like I was a ghost. A phantom, a mirage. An impossibility, yet still he experienced me.

"No fear," Henrik gave me one last, lingering smile, my favorite expression on him, where his eyes softened at the corners and his mouth turned up, not a toothy grin by any stretch, but an honest smile.

I got to my feet and stepped forward, drawn to the warmth and consumed by the need I always had to touch his perfect skin, but he turned from me, back to Iufenamun.

"I'm ready."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" the magician was polite, even as he spoke of slaughtering us all, "poor Henrik, there is nothing you can do. My quarrel is not with you, not with your companions, and I'll not stop you from leaving. This goes so much farther than the limits of your human brain can fathom, son. It spans hundreds of lifetimes. More than even your priestess over there has seen."

Henrik only shook his head sadly once more, and found himself glancing up towards the ceiling. How strange to find himself instinctively seeking their presence above him, when they in fact surrounded him. All of them. Dwelling both under his feet and far above the reaches of the atmosphere.

He pressed the pad of his thumb against the blue mark in the center of his palm, thinking as hard as he could about Her face. Remembering the smiling sincerity, the way She was so sure that She could protect him if he could but take this one leap.

_*Ihy I swear to god if this doesn't work and he hurts her again you won't be able to fucking outrun me.*_

"Do it now, please" he whispered again as a quiet peace filled him. It was like being wrapped in delicate, soft cotton, warm from the sun, fragrant with grasses and flowering plants, and every muscle in his lithe frame relaxed as Her voice sounded in his mind.

_*The gods of all time watch you now, brave child. Your glory shall be eternal.*_

_*Keep it, I just want her to be safe.*_

_*Don't forget to breathe, my darling, I'll see you very soon.*_

Henrik felt Her presence consume him, that same feeling from the previous night, like he wanted to just fall to his knees and yell for the rest of forever that She was divine and perfect, and the only thing in the world worth gazing upon.

But that thought and the deep consuming sense of devotion were interrupted as two new figures joined him and Iufenamun.

Nothing about Geb's image on the card from May's oracle deck did Him justice in real life. In person he was massive, but somehow still delicate, a personification of the balanced resilience of the world he composed. His skin was tinged green, but it was verdant, not sickly, like at any moment he may start sprouting lush thickets of emerald foliage.

Geb appeared on one side of the two men, and Nut on the other, but He was mortal clay compared to Her. She was mysterious and dark, ethereal in a way that made Henrik forget momentarily about everything else, and he couldn't help but think of looking at the vastness of the stars when he saw Her, though she didn't gaze down at him, or anywhere really but straight ahead.

"You summon powerful gods, son, but you forget that they cannot sense my presence. My shield is perfect, and to them it appears that it is only you here, and they are too late to find me..."

"They're not here for just you."

That seemed to catch Iufenamun off guard in a way almost nothing ever did, or had for hundreds of years and his brow furrowed as his head cocked slightly to the side.

"Embrace me, my husband," Nut's voice was like the sound of rich, fragrant smoke, like if incense could be heard, and she reached around the two for Geb, who stepped closer.

"My wife, how I have longed for you so, since the very begetting of time..." the words trembled through Henrik's feet and reverberated up his spine, like the core of the Earth was expressing its thoughts.

Iufenamun didn't have time to react once he realized what was happening.

Their lips met and the air simply stopped existing, snuffing out the very matter that composed the most basic of cells between them. 

When it happened, my knees gave out as my breath left my lungs.

I felt it, as Johannes, John, Jonas and Tim did - a piece of my heart just vanishing. Not dying or decaying, It was just gone.

And in the next moment, They were too. There was no Henrik. No Iufenamun. No Geb or Nut. We were all suddenly alone, crammed into the front room of the chateau, half-dressed and thoroughly confused. 

"Henrik?" I whispered, my body hardly able to make the word come out, but the room was so quiet that it immediately drew everyone's attention towards me. Van's chest was moving rapidly like he was trying to catch his breath too as he bolted to his feet, and Johannes gave him a sharp glare that very clearly warned him about taking any step closer to me.

I started to hyperventilate, turning in circles with wide eyes, searching every face in the room for his.

"HENRIK???"

Hands on my shoulders stopped my frantic searching and I was face to face with Ihy again.

"Shh shh, easy, my pet," he took both my hands in one of his and forced me to look at him with the other gripping my chin.

I whimpered, completely overwhelmed and unable to understand what was happening, "Ihy, where's Henrik....WHERE IS HE."

"Masika," his voice was different now, still the same rich, rounded sound, but lower, broader, like it filled more airspace, "the thousands of years you have spent faithfully keeping your promises and serving the gods have not been looked upon with passivity. Listen to my words and trust them. Your gods looks favorably upon Henrik because of his association with you, not to mention his absurd, almost foolish bravery," he huffed a laugh and I wanted to slap him for it.

"Is he dead?" my throat closed around the last word and I wondered if this was how they had felt when the roles were reversed, but my rage flared up in response, "you. fucking. son of a BITCH," I screamed, throwing my fist as hard as I could towards his stupid smug face.

He caught it in his hand and it was like hitting an unwavering brick wall, making me scream more with frustration and pain as he turned his glare on me.

"Fuck you," I spat, pulling my flame into both hands and feeling the heat licking up my forearms as my rage spilled over, "I don't fucking care if you're a god, you're fucking weak and always have been, and I'll fucking kill you for this."

Curious glances were cast in his direction as I outed him, but his temper flared in response.

"Your sense of respect is found wanting, Masika."

"Don't patronize me you fucking snake! You convinced Henrik to offer himself up like a fucking sacrificial lamb just so you could finally get back what he stole from you a thousand fucking years ago!

He kept his cool, but I could see the corner of one of his eyes twitching like he was on the verge of snapping. I wanted nothing more than a balls to the wall fight right now, even if it meant getting my ass handed to me.

"Does it bother you, being weak?" I sneered, "Henrik was twice the man you'll ever be, no matter how many fucking lives you follow me around for!"

That seemed to do it, but rather than throwing me back into the wooden door, I found that my feet were slowly sliding backwards against my will, moved by an iron, unwavering force that dwarfed any power that I had been given.

"Do you feel better now? Venting some of that bottomless frustration? Hmm? Three thousand years old and still she doesn't know how to listen and not throw temper tantrums."

My back pressed flat against the wooden front door until my shoulderblades were digging into the wood, held there by him.

None of my boys dared to intervene - they knew Ihy wouldn't ever hurt me, and were still too stunned and shocked by their friend's sudden disappearance into thin air to be in their right minds anyways.

"My lord," another voice said just over his shoulder after several moments, a soft, long-fingered hand with perfectly manicured nails settling delicately on his arm, "forgive me, but there are many eyes watching who profess your goodness and would think something different now..."

Her English was rarely so smooth, but Ihy turned slowly, looking at May with a perplexed gaze, like he was trying to place just where he knew her from.

"Ah. Nedjem."

"My lord," she inclined her head respectfully, shooting me a look that more or less told me to keep my fucking mouth shut or else. She stepped closer, daring to speak to him intimately, privately, drawing murmurs from the onlookers, "she is hurting, my Triste, and does not understand the divine daughter of Neith's role in this..."

He stood back and looked at her slowly, that tempting smile curving his perfect full lips in that way that made her mouth water.

"Clever girl."

"I see more than most believe I do," she inclined her head once more in acknowledgement, unable to stifle her smirk.

"What punishment would you see done to her then for such insolence?" he nodded his head in my direction, not bothering to look at me.

I opened my mouth to let him know just what kind of insolence I was capable of, and he cut me a weathering look out of the corner of his eye.

"You're being rude, dear, and as a result no one is talking to you right now."

An unseen hand clapped over my lips, silencing me.

_*You're a rude fucking troll.*_

I saw his shoulders shake with a silent laugh as my unspoken comment registered.

He was always listening, even if he didn't respond.

"I would not see her punished, my lord. Please," May said softly, giving him a gentle smile, "you have known her nearly as long as I. You know she just needs to understand."

He looked at her for several quiet moments, considering her request. 

Technically, my life was forfeit now after that little display moments earlier. Challenging the gods just wasn't done.

"My darling girl," he softly cupped her cheek, laying his lips against her forehead, "you are quite a treasure."

"Do not forget it," she giggled and he tipped her chin up to look at him, smiling happily.

"I hardly believe I could."

He turned to me then, shooing away Johannes and John and Tim and Jonas who had all gathered around me instinctively. 

"Now then."

My yelled curses were muffled again as I struggled against the door. 

"Is this strictly necessary?" Tim asked, "and where is Henrik?"

"Didn't we talk about the coming and going from thin air thing being a little bit too much for my sanity?" John scrubbed both hands over his face. 

Ihy ignored them both, stepping right up to me. I was surprised to find that there was pain in his expression, a deep sadness in his lovely eyes, and the wall went up higher than I could see.

"Do you believe even now that I would take something from you which brings you joy, Masika? Do you think me so cruel? After all these years? Perhaps you truly believe that I love you so little."

I blinked hard, trying to force my tears to clear from my eyes, shaking my head back and forth as the sobs started to make my whole body shake. 

"Where is he," I cried, not sure I was going to be able to make it through another round of him risking his life. 

"Our Lady of the Seven Scorpions watches over him, Masika. He's fine. And for the record," his gaze went hard, no tenderness or fondness for me left there, "it was not I who thought up such a plan. It was his idea. You may thank me, though, for calling in every favor I had to ask Her to protect him."

"Ihy..."

He ignored me and turned to address the room. 

"Children," everyone made some sort of sign acknowledging the blessing of his presence, "you have shown great courage and great faith to your masters. We are grateful, and cherish your devotion. The deceiver Iufenamun is dead. Sent to the scales to finally be judged for a may lifetimes full of wickedness."

"Thats it? Its over?"

"Yes, it is finished."

Van turned to the other man from his temple, murmuring lowly, "that was kind of anti-climactic wasn't it...? He just vanished?"

"Are you fucking serious? You just witnessed the unmaking of matter, what the hell does it take to entertain you?!"

That drew a snorted laugh from the others, and gradually they began to whisper and murmur amongst themselves, and Ihy turned back to me, watching me awkwardly rub at an invisible spot on the back of my hand as I sniffled. 

Selket. Scorpion. 

My brain felt like mush, but I couldn't stop replaying that moment from the night before, when he'd looked at me with such confidence, sure that he could fix this fucked up situation that he never should have been part of in the first place. 

"Where is he, Papa," I whispered, shaking my head as my lips trembled again and John and Johannes each took one of my hands. 

"You have overstepped this time, Masika," he said coldly.

He stormed out without saying anything else, angry at himself. Angry at me. At everything.

Perhaps he'd come too close. Watching me from a distance didn't ever hurt, not like this. But he'd just had to do it, hadn't he. Tell me who he was. Tell me where he'd been. Tell me that he loved me.

He was becoming too human.

Fucking hubris. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking.HUBRIS.
> 
> Whew, sorry it took a hundred years to get this up.
> 
> Catch yall at the Tim+Jonas livestream today 🤙 (extreme, ear-shattering levels of fangirl squealing)
> 
> Also, if its of any interest to you, the History of Egypt Podcast by Dominic Perry is on Spotify and its the best. I seem to remember things better when they're taught to me by a Kiwi.


End file.
